Latest / Drawn of History / David Spade _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _580(M4A_128K)
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Right here, we've got some new, new tour dates to
- 0:03Speaker 1: tell you about. I'll be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on July
- 0:07Speaker 1: the 9th. Rochester, New York on July the 10th. And Detroit,
- 0:12Speaker 1: Michigan on July 11th and 12th at the Fox Theater.
- 0:18Speaker 1: As well, we have shows upcoming in Miami, Cedar Rapids, St. Paul, Fargo,
- 0:24Speaker 1: Rapid City, Winnipeg, and Calgary. You can get all your
- 0:31Speaker 1: tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Thank you so much for
- 0:36Speaker 1: the support. Today's guest is a legendary comedian and actor.
- 0:41Speaker 1: He's a friend of mine, probably my closest friend in Hollywood.
- 0:43Speaker 1: I'll say that. We're out of that area, you know.
- 0:50Speaker 1: I just feel blessed to know him. He's got a
- 0:54Speaker 1: new special, Dandelion, streaming now on Prime Video. You know
- 1:00Speaker 1: his classic movies, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Joe Dirt. This
- 1:06Speaker 1: guy's got a big heart, I'll tell you that, and
- 1:10Speaker 1: one of the biggest senses of humor that exists. I'm
- 1:12Speaker 1: happy to welcome back today's guest, Mr. David Spade.
- 1:20Speaker 2: Shine on me, and I will find.
- 1:35Speaker 1: All right, we ready?
- 1:36Speaker 3: We ready? Waiting, waiting. This is a fucking waiting game.
- 1:42Speaker 1: Waiting for Gal Gadot. Have you seen that movie, that play?
- 1:45Speaker 3: Waiting for Gal Gadot. Yeah, I like Gal Gadot.
- 1:48Speaker 1: Waiting for Gal Gadot. It's like a new, it's a
- 1:51Speaker 1: female take on. No, it's not. You haven't seen that?
- 1:56Speaker 3: Waiting on Gal Gadot. Oh, I would wait on her.
- 1:59Speaker 1: No, it's a....
- 2:02Speaker 3: Waiting on Godot, that one?
- 2:04Speaker 1: It's a book that her assistant wrote.
- 2:07Speaker 3: There's one called Waiting on... Is that true? That's a
- 2:09Speaker 3: good one, if it is. You know what's a good one?
- 2:12Speaker 3: Waiting on.
- 2:12Speaker 1: Sorry, Waiting on who?
- 2:15Speaker 3: Rachel Zegler. Oh, Waiting on.
- 2:17Speaker 1: That's what her... Oh, yeah.
- 2:18Speaker 3: That's what the head of Disney wrote. That book.
- 2:21Speaker 1: Waiting on Rachel Zegler. Dude, well, what happened? They didn't put...
- 2:25Speaker 1: What happened with that whole thing? They didn't put... little
- 2:30Speaker 1: people in it, right, first? Is that what happened?
- 2:32Speaker 3: Oh, in Snow White?
- 2:33Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 2:34Speaker 3: Snow White, I think the problem was, there was, I
- 2:38Speaker 3: don't think there's any problem with casting her. Gal Gadot
- 2:41Speaker 3: is gorgeous. She's a good wicked queen. I think they
- 2:45Speaker 3: started with the dwarfs and they made them, I don't
- 2:50Speaker 3: know what happened. Dwarfs should, I think the idea was
- 2:53Speaker 3: they should work.
- 2:54Speaker 1: Like if Right, little people should have the ability.
- 2:58Speaker 3: There's seven jobs out of the 10 a year. So
- 3:01Speaker 3: let's give them these seven. And then I don't think,
- 3:04Speaker 3: I would leave it up to them. Do you guys
- 3:06Speaker 3: want to work? I sound like it's so horrible. You guys,
- 3:10Speaker 3: I mean, listen, there's a lot that work. People say
- 3:12Speaker 3: Peter Dinklage, but they can't name 10 more that work
- 3:17Speaker 3: a lot. So hell, leave it up to them.
- 3:20Speaker 1: Well, yeah. Well, I think they also, I think it
- 3:22Speaker 1: got pretty DEI here too. Which is fine, but it's like,
- 3:27Speaker 1: if they were white, like.
- 3:30Speaker 3: Is the first one, is that, that's not.
- 3:32Speaker 1: These are the origins.
- 3:32Speaker 2: Dave Grohl.
- 3:33Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 3:34Speaker 3: Is that his first guy?
- 3:35Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I think his wife left him. He
- 3:37Speaker 1: hasn't been doing well.
- 3:38Speaker 3: He's standing all, yeah. His wife kicked him out. It's rude.
- 3:42Speaker 1: And first of all, that's Friar Tuck, who they obviously
- 3:44Speaker 1: just repurposed from Robin Hood. So that's not cool.
- 3:48Speaker 2: Oh, right.
- 3:48Speaker 3: And, and so they just, this is their new version.
- 3:51Speaker 3: It's exact.
- 3:52Speaker 1: And who is that? That's like 49ers quarterback.
- 3:54Speaker 3: That's. Yeah.
- 3:55Speaker 1: Throes of Parks, that guy, what's his name?
- 3:58Speaker 3: JJ Walker is close to the back. David, can you
- 4:02Speaker 3: pull your mic up closer? Closer than this? That's what
- 4:06Speaker 3: guys say when they put their wiener in my face.
- 4:08Speaker 3: Can you go a little closer?
- 4:09Speaker 1: I go, why?
- 4:10Speaker 3: What are we doing? This isn't a blowjob. They go, no, no, no.
- 4:13Speaker 3: Just try to touch the back of your throat with it.
- 4:14Speaker 3: I go, but that sounds like it's heading towards a beach. Oh,
- 4:18Speaker 3: is he talking about Kaepernick?
- 4:19Speaker 1: Yeah, there's your boy right there. And who's the last
- 4:22Speaker 1: guy at the end of the line? That is.
- 4:26Speaker 3: That guy?
- 4:26Speaker 1: No.
- 4:27Speaker 3: That's Grohl. Yeah, that's Grohl. There's a guy in the back.
- 4:29Speaker 1: Yeah, the guy in the back.
- 4:31Speaker 3: That's a woman. No, that isn't.
- 4:33Speaker 1: It could be.
- 4:34Speaker 3: That guy's just a homeless dude that walked on the set.
- 4:37Speaker 1: He's just like, temporary layout.
- 4:40Speaker 3: They really got effed on Snow White, though. It did
- 4:43Speaker 3: not work in any way, shape.
- 4:45Speaker 1: Or form. It's not cool, and I guess people didn't
- 4:46Speaker 1: like it.
- 4:47Speaker 3: Then Minecraft came along and beat the fucking shit out
- 4:50Speaker 3: of it.
- 4:50Speaker 1: Also, Snow White, it should be about the fentanyl problem, huh?
- 4:54Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
- 4:55Speaker 3: I think China White was. I was around for China
- 5:00Speaker 3: White when I was a kid. I was so lucky
- 5:04Speaker 3: because you used to do a little sniffy jiffy. It
- 5:07Speaker 3: is fun. There are negatives, but we always start with
- 5:12Speaker 3: the positives, especially about that. If I could afford more
- 5:16Speaker 3: when I was parking cars and being a busboy, I
- 5:19Speaker 3: would have definitely gone crazy. I could not, thank God.
- 5:23Speaker 3: I could do a quarter gram in a weekend. Then
- 5:25Speaker 3: I just, I could only afford 25 bucks. That was it.
- 5:27Speaker 3: And even that wasn't money well spent, but don't get
- 5:31Speaker 3: all excited. You're getting a boner. It is exciting. I mean,
- 5:34Speaker 3: talking about it, doing it, it was fun. It was
- 5:36Speaker 3: hard to just quit it, but it's just, I just
- 5:39Speaker 3: watch and you go, no way to have a career.
- 5:41Speaker 3: There's no way to have anything good with all this
- 5:43Speaker 3: pressure and shit you got to do. And people like
- 5:45Speaker 3: to rat you out and people like to say, this guy,
- 5:48Speaker 3: you know, he's a little.
- 5:49Speaker 1: Oh, fucking dish, dish. Yeah.
- 5:51Speaker 3: A little power flower now and then. So if they
- 5:54Speaker 3: start getting that word out there, I luckily never got
- 5:56Speaker 3: that word. I didn't do any of the whole SNL.
- 5:58Speaker 3: And that's the funniest part is that I did dabble
- 6:01Speaker 3: a little bit before that just because I was in
- 6:03Speaker 3: fucking showbiz.
- 6:04Speaker 1: And you're from Arizona. You're from Scottsdale. Yeah.
- 6:07Speaker 3: It's not still. Yeah. Well, it doesn't mean it wasn't
- 6:10Speaker 3: really the cocaine capital of the world, but you know,
- 6:12Speaker 3: I was in the comedy biz and a couple of
- 6:14Speaker 3: guys had it and I was like, if I can,
- 6:17Speaker 3: I would partake just for fun. And, uh, obviously. And then, yeah, brother.
- 6:21Speaker 3: But one time I did a lot and I was like, yeah,
- 6:24Speaker 3: you're like, I should go to the hospital, you know?
- 6:29Speaker 1: And you'll walk over there. That's the craziest is.
- 6:31Speaker 3: No, I'm fucking sprinted. No, because the funny thing is
- 6:35Speaker 3: you just turn into JonBenet one bump. And I'm like, Oh,
- 6:38Speaker 3: my Yankee doodle dandy. And I'm feeling great. And then I, I, I,
- 6:43Speaker 3: I made my friend drive me and I got there
- 6:46Speaker 3: and he's like, And it was freezing and I was
- 6:48Speaker 3: shaking and tight. And he goes, you got to go
- 6:52Speaker 3: in there. And he goes, but they're going to ask.
- 6:53Speaker 3: Because I didn't stand up for about a year. Right.
- 6:56Speaker 3: And they go, they're going to ask. And they're going
- 6:58Speaker 3: to have to call the police.
- 6:59Speaker 1: I go, no, no, no.
- 7:01Speaker 3: Extra scared. And he cranks the heater on in the car.
- 7:03Speaker 3: And I'm starting to fucking sweat. But this is a
- 7:06Speaker 3: good friend because he was there with me for three hours.
- 7:08Speaker 3: He goes, I'll let you. You should go in there
- 7:10Speaker 3: in a second. But just tell me more. And I
- 7:12Speaker 3: was calming down. This was the trick. I didn't know this.
- 7:15Speaker 3: And my heart was going from like 3,000 over 2,000
- 7:17Speaker 3: until I started to get back to normal. And then
- 7:22Speaker 3: it got light out. And then I go, let's go home.
- 7:27Speaker 3: So gross. And then I go, I'll never do it again.
- 7:30Speaker 3: Four days later, hey, dude, I'm fucking jinking. What a
- 7:37Speaker 3: great guy. There's me. And they make me jump.
- 7:41Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Jon Van Nye, brother.
- 7:46Speaker 3: Dude, it's funny. Beautiful. In those days, first of all,
- 7:49Speaker 3: because it reminded me of my old car because this
- 7:51Speaker 3: place is out in the middle of nowhere next to
- 7:53Speaker 3: some junkyard where we're shooting. This is a nice area.
- 7:56Speaker 3: I mean, it's a nice area if you have no money.
- 7:59Speaker 3: So I used to go to this junkyard and go
- 8:02Speaker 3: to pick a part. You know what that is? Where
- 8:03Speaker 3: they have all the cars out there.
- 8:05Speaker 1: And you're looking for what you need.
- 8:06Speaker 3: And you get a part for your own car. No
- 8:07Speaker 3: one thinks this ultra pussy did that. I'd go out
- 8:10Speaker 3: there when they got him a socket wrench. looking for
- 8:13Speaker 3: a Subaru brat handling, you know, they go, go out there.
- 8:17Speaker 3: And that's all that Joe dirt stuff started. Cause I'm like,
- 8:21Speaker 3: I did that, get an alternator, put it in my Volvo,
- 8:24Speaker 3: put it in wrong, uh, and just live that gross life.
- 8:29Speaker 3: And it's 110 degrees out there and you're burning your hands.
- 8:32Speaker 3: I remember my old Volvo was a 62 and I, I, um,
- 8:36Speaker 3: it looked like a planter. I should have shaved the
- 8:39Speaker 3: top off, filled it with dirt. And I would take,
- 8:43Speaker 3: If I ever had a date, which was rare, it
- 8:45Speaker 3: was leaking a quart of oil a day. So for
- 8:47Speaker 3: those of you at home that don't know, that's a lot.
- 8:50Speaker 3: And I had to buy a quart, I mean, like
- 8:52Speaker 3: a box of Pennzoil. And then every day at some
- 8:55Speaker 3: point I had to put a quart in. And if
- 8:57Speaker 3: you ever had a date, it was so embarrassing because
- 9:01Speaker 3: at some point I had to have them put a
- 9:03Speaker 3: quart in, you know, and I had to explain how
- 9:06Speaker 3: to do it. And I had to sit in the
- 9:08Speaker 3: front seat and go, No, you got to poke the hole,
- 9:10Speaker 3: and then you got to poke one of the other side.
- 9:12Speaker 1: Well, that was like the original Viagra, I think, was
- 9:14Speaker 1: like you'd have to pull your carver and put a
- 9:16Speaker 1: quart of oil in it, you know?
- 9:18Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 9:18Speaker 1: But the rev of the engine would keep everybody possible.
- 9:20Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
- 9:21Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe. It would keep you sexually possible, you know?
- 9:24Speaker 1: But then now it's like, dude, you have people literally
- 9:28Speaker 1: drinking oil and blue chews or whatever. It's like it's
- 9:31Speaker 1: all on the responsibility of the man.
- 9:33Speaker 3: I think there's a new problem where it's like, I
- 9:37Speaker 3: don't want this guy screaming at me again. The microphone's
- 9:39Speaker 3: too far away from my mug. So there's a new
- 9:42Speaker 3: problem with a lot of people on medication. And when
- 9:46Speaker 3: I grew up, I don't think anyone was. Now, did
- 9:49Speaker 3: we have autism? Did we have ADD? It just, people
- 9:52Speaker 3: thought you're weird. That's all, you know. So, or just different.
- 9:56Speaker 3: And then now people are on uppers, downers. So there's
- 10:00Speaker 3: that and some boners go away. That's what I'm hearing.
- 10:03Speaker 3: So that's why blue chew and boner pills are everywhere.
- 10:07Speaker 3: And I feel like when I go to the gas
- 10:10Speaker 3: station and they always have like, those sort of fake
- 10:14Speaker 3: ones right there. Oh yeah.
- 10:16Speaker 1: Like rhinoceros.
- 10:17Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 10:17Speaker 1: Two billion, huh?
- 10:19Speaker 3: Impulse buy. And I go, I don't know. And I'm
- 10:22Speaker 3: getting my stuff. Here's my pretzels. And they're like, Hey,
- 10:24Speaker 3: Rod for the road. I'm like, why not? Let me,
- 10:27Speaker 3: I'm going to Irvine. It's a long drive. Who wants
- 10:29Speaker 3: a boner to drive around? Anyway, I don't know if
- 10:32Speaker 3: that's what they're for. Yeah.
- 10:34Speaker 1: I don't get them. I don't get a lot of
- 10:35Speaker 1: like man-made boners or whatever they're called anymore. I get mine.
- 10:39Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 10:39Speaker 1: There's some powers in, uh, Vicious pussy serpent.
- 10:44Speaker 3: Extreme rod.
- 10:46Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, this is kind of merged with like the
- 10:51Speaker 1: fireworks circuit. I think these things and fireworks are so
- 10:54Speaker 1: close to being just compatible.
- 10:56Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 10:57Speaker 1: Dude, I heard a story that we just had a
- 11:01Speaker 1: bus driver when we were doing touring for stand-up. Yeah.
- 11:04Speaker 1: And he, either he or his brother had driven you.
- 11:09Speaker 1: And one time you stopped at a firework stand and
- 11:12Speaker 1: went in and did your Joe Dirt bit. Is that true?
- 11:15Speaker 3: Well, I think we had the same driver because I
- 11:17Speaker 3: think he texted me and said, I got Theo now.
- 11:21Speaker 3: But I was, I don't do a lot of bus
- 11:23Speaker 3: tours and we were, I think in Kentucky, it was
- 11:25Speaker 3: perfecto for Joe Dirt. And so, so many people were saying,
- 11:30Speaker 3: were knowing me from Joe Dirt that I said, fuck,
- 11:32Speaker 3: there are firework stands here. Like there were in Arizona
- 11:35Speaker 3: when I grew up. And so, I said, let's, Let's
- 11:39Speaker 3: find one and pull over. I just want to go
- 11:41Speaker 3: in and see what they have, you know?
- 11:42Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 11:43Speaker 3: See the new stuff. You got the good stuff? I
- 11:45Speaker 3: did ask them if they got the good stuff. So
- 11:48Speaker 3: the funny part was we went in and it was
- 11:50Speaker 3: sort of an older woman and two young guys. And
- 11:54Speaker 3: they knew me right away. But I did have a
- 11:55Speaker 3: hat on and shades, but they knew it right away.
- 11:57Speaker 3: And then they took me around and showed me all
- 11:59Speaker 3: their ones. The Godfather. This one, you know, it's basically just,
- 12:04Speaker 3: basically you get to a point where what North Korea has.
- 12:07Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 12:07Speaker 3: It's really, it gets very extreme. We, when I grew up,
- 12:11Speaker 3: Black Cats, The Basics, M80s, Roman Candles were a hit.
- 12:16Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 12:17Speaker 3: And then Whistling Pussy Chasers. That's what we called them
- 12:22Speaker 3: in the movie. Then we had to switch it to
- 12:23Speaker 3: Kitty Chaser.
- 12:25Speaker 1: Oh, really? Is that true?
- 12:26Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Whistling Bungle. Yeah. And now- Spleens, flitters. Yeah,
- 12:30Speaker 3: me and Fred Wolf just made these up. Some sound real.
- 12:33Speaker 1: And whisker biscuits. Those honky lighters are for sure.
- 12:36Speaker 3: Yeah, cherry bombs is real. Kicking, whistling bungholes is fake.
- 12:42Speaker 3: But we had quarter sticks, M80s. We'd go to Mexico
- 12:46Speaker 3: and get quarter sticks and half sticks of dynamite.
- 12:49Speaker 1: Really?
- 12:50Speaker 3: No supervision at all, yeah.
- 12:52Speaker 1: Yeah, when they have real dynamite, that's not fireworks anymore.
- 12:56Speaker 3: No, it gets in a different area.
- 12:57Speaker 1: Yeah, like you should join a labor union.
- 12:59Speaker 3: They're like, oh, they open your trunk, they go... I go,
- 13:02Speaker 3: I've got fireworks. They're like, this is an AR-15. I go,
- 13:06Speaker 3: I know, fire comes out the front. It's very murky,
- 13:09Speaker 3: what you can describe as fireworks these days.
- 13:12Speaker 1: Yeah, we had, I'm trying to think, the craziest were
- 13:14Speaker 1: fire don't works, like the ones where you'd light them
- 13:17Speaker 1: and it would just come out the other side. Or
- 13:19Speaker 1: you would light them and then your stepdad would call
- 13:22Speaker 1: your mom a whore and just drive off. You're like,
- 13:24Speaker 1: how is this even connected?
- 13:24Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah.
- 13:25Speaker 1: Oh, is this a? Fireworks at Coachella misfires and hits
- 13:29Speaker 1: area near a crowd of people and sets tree on fire. Oh,
- 13:33Speaker 1: I think this was part of MGK's outfit.
- 13:34Speaker 3: This part of his outfit? Look at that shit. Dude,
- 13:38Speaker 3: how bad did you fucking miss? You're just aiming for
- 13:40Speaker 3: the air.
- 13:46Speaker 1: Oh, they should make the fireworks when you light them
- 13:48Speaker 1: and they only hit a pedophile when they take off. Yeah,
- 13:50Speaker 1: that would.
- 13:51Speaker 3: Pedophile chasers.
- 13:52Speaker 1: Yeah, and just light them up in D.C.
- 13:54Speaker 3: This looks like the inside of the Minecraft movie when
- 13:56Speaker 3: they bring the chicken jockey out. Have you seen that?
- 13:58Speaker 3: People light fireworks in there now. There's a part of
- 14:01Speaker 3: the movie that something happens. Everyone used to throw popcorn
- 14:04Speaker 3: at the screen, and now they've gone. Now they get
- 14:06Speaker 3: in fights, and they light up firecrackers, and it goes bananas.
- 14:10Speaker 3: So they have to stop the movie now.
- 14:12Speaker 1: Is it kind of like Rocky Horror Pictures?
- 14:14Speaker 3: A little bit worse because they were contained in there. Okay,
- 14:19Speaker 3: something's going to go wrong. Is this Terry?
- 14:21Speaker 1: This is like a.
- 14:22Speaker 3: Is this Back It Up Terry? Let's see it. Are
- 14:24Speaker 3: we allowed to show this?
- 14:26Speaker 1: It's the darker side of fireworks here.
- 14:28Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. I don't know if this is the guy
- 14:32Speaker 3: that should be lighting him and running. He should sort
- 14:35Speaker 3: of be kicking back about 100 feet away.
- 14:37Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is crazy, dude.
- 14:40Speaker 3: These guys do not look like professionals for sure. They
- 14:42Speaker 3: don't even know where to light it. This guy's... Make-A-Wish
- 14:49Speaker 3: founders don't want to light fireworks. Get out of there, Terry.
- 14:58Speaker 3: No one helps him.
- 14:59Speaker 1: Help him.
- 15:02Speaker 3: I'm like, what are you doing, Terry? Help fucking Terry.
- 15:07Speaker 3: He's blinded. He can't see the goddamn control panel.
- 15:12Speaker 1: God. They don't do that. They're not capable.
- 15:16Speaker 3: It's so funny. I cannot stand to watch people that
- 15:19Speaker 3: just film things and never get involved. They laugh their
- 15:22Speaker 3: fucking ass off no matter what.
- 15:24Speaker 1: Did you see the guy who fell in the water
- 15:26Speaker 1: the other day?
- 15:27Speaker 3: No.
- 15:28Speaker 1: Bring up that guy who they paid– they earned him
- 15:30Speaker 1: like $ 300 or $ 400 to get into the water of
- 15:32Speaker 1: like a flash flood basically.
- 15:35Speaker 3: I'm sure he's dead.
- 15:36Speaker 1: It was a beautiful young man. I don't know how
- 15:38Speaker 1: he's doing. Yeah. See if you can find that, dude.
- 15:42Speaker 3: Yeah, while we're doing that.
- 15:43Speaker 1: The craziest was, like, the saddest was we had a
- 15:45Speaker 1: guy by us, a dad, and he was, like, just, like,
- 15:49Speaker 1: barely a dad. He was, like, kind of like a
- 15:51Speaker 1: whimsical kind of dad. Like, wish he'd never probably been
- 15:55Speaker 1: married to a, and I'm going to say this fast
- 15:58Speaker 1: so I don't sound, like, sexist or anything, woman, you know?
- 16:02Speaker 1: And he would only get his kids smoke bombs. So
- 16:04Speaker 1: they would light, like, a million smoke bombs.
- 16:06Speaker 3: I like smoke bombs.
- 16:07Speaker 1: But they were cool. But they would have nothing– And
- 16:10Speaker 1: they would do so many– it would look like that
- 16:12Speaker 1: Indian holiday or whatever. You know the one where like
- 16:14Speaker 1: suddenly you see this bunch of Indian people crossing the
- 16:16Speaker 1: street who look like they got attacked by like an
- 16:18Speaker 1: Easter– Right. Like an Easter chalkboard or something, you know?
- 16:23Speaker 1: Like you don't talk about.
- 16:24Speaker 3: Like they clap.
- 16:24Speaker 1: Yes. Like somebody just emptied– Or LeBron at the Laker game.
- 16:28Speaker 3: It was like that.
- 16:29Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like it was Easter Sunday and
- 16:31Speaker 1: LeBron was just firing off right in front of them.
- 16:33Speaker 3: Yeah, smoke bombs aren't as fun as they sound. You
- 16:37Speaker 3: need more shit going on. Is this it? Oh yeah,
- 16:40Speaker 3: there's firecrafts in the Minecraft, see?
- 16:42Speaker 1: In the movie theater?
- 16:43Speaker 3: Look at my fucking story checks out.
- 16:45Speaker 1: Wow. Oh my God. And who did this, Israel?
- 16:50Speaker 3: Yeah, this is Gaza.
- 16:52Speaker 1: This is crazy.
- 16:54Speaker 3: Like we say Gaza, we laugh. It's so fucking uncool.
- 16:58Speaker 1: It's so sad.
- 16:58Speaker 3: It's a comedy show. It's hard.
- 17:02Speaker 1: Sometimes you got, hey, you know what a police officer
- 17:04Speaker 1: told me one time? He said that they'll show up
- 17:06Speaker 1: in a place with a bunch of murderers And you'll
- 17:08Speaker 1: see police officers stand outside laughing because it's a thing
- 17:11Speaker 1: that happens to people when stuff's painful.
- 17:13Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so serious.
- 17:14Speaker 1: He says they do it.
- 17:15Speaker 3: Well, that's what comedians do. It's too heavy duty.
- 17:19Speaker 1: Dude, well, the reason we brought you here is because
- 17:20Speaker 1: you have a comedy special coming out, man.
- 17:22Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that's right.
- 17:23Speaker 1: First of all, thank you for coming, dude.
- 17:25Speaker 3: No, of course.
- 17:26Speaker 1: You look great, dude.
- 17:27Speaker 3: I love seeing you. Thank you, dude.
- 17:28Speaker 1: You've been drinking tomato juice or something? Remember when V8
- 17:31Speaker 1: was the only healthy thing?
- 17:33Speaker 3: I don't think there's one tomato in V8. I don't
- 17:35Speaker 3: know what's in it. They were like, this is a
- 17:37Speaker 3: fucking shit when you were growing up.
- 17:39Speaker 1: Oh, dude, yeah. And rich guys would pour it in
- 17:41Speaker 1: their engine or whatever as well.
- 17:43Speaker 3: And some people would pour it in their butt.
- 17:45Speaker 1: Yeah, some like really rich guys would pour it in
- 17:48Speaker 1: their butt.
- 17:49Speaker 3: I'd be it. It was never, I never liked it.
- 17:51Speaker 3: It was tomato juice and I think vegetable juice.
- 17:56Speaker 1: But like who drank it? I think like a mom
- 17:59Speaker 1: would drink it if they were healthy or they were
- 18:00Speaker 1: trying to make a baby or whatever.
- 18:02Speaker 3: It didn't get around my squad, but I know that
- 18:04Speaker 3: I heard about it and I was grossed out by it. Uh,
- 18:07Speaker 3: you know, what's funny is I was just in Las Vegas. Oh,
- 18:11Speaker 3: you know, we went to a fight. I was going
- 18:13Speaker 3: to tell you this. We went to a UFC fight, right?
- 18:16Speaker 3: Theo and I went to a fight, you know, about
- 18:18Speaker 3: a year or so ago. And you know what? I
- 18:20Speaker 3: called you to go to this fight. I thought it
- 18:22Speaker 3: was in Vegas and it was in Florida. Oh, and I,
- 18:25Speaker 3: and then you had a gig that night.
- 18:26Speaker 1: Anyway, but I was a great card. You, me, and
- 18:29Speaker 1: also your, um, Jody, Jody, and also the comedian. Famous comedian.
- 18:37Speaker 3: Oh, Dennis.
- 18:38Speaker 1: And Dennis Miller all at one time. That was hilarious.
- 18:41Speaker 3: So do you remember this story? Did I already tell
- 18:42Speaker 3: you this? You know it, obviously. So this time, I
- 18:45Speaker 3: just did a corporate yesterday at Vegas. So I'm staying
- 18:48Speaker 3: at the ARIA, ARIA, short for, named after Ariana Grande.
- 18:52Speaker 1: Nuh-uh. I don't know.
- 18:54Speaker 3: And so I'm over there, and it's connected to the
- 18:57Speaker 3: hotel we were at. Yeah. And the day we went
- 18:59Speaker 3: to the show, you like to go early to the fights,
- 19:02Speaker 3: as we know, because you go help set up the
- 19:04Speaker 3: chairs and armor all the ropes. And you go in
- 19:08Speaker 3: because the fight started like fucking one. I'm like, we
- 19:11Speaker 3: just landed. And you're like, you want to go there?
- 19:13Speaker 3: You want to go to the hotel first? I'm like, well,
- 19:15Speaker 3: I think it's at seven. And you're like, and you're
- 19:17Speaker 3: being so nice going, oh, you want to go, you
- 19:19Speaker 3: want to wait till seven? And I'm like, yeah, because
- 19:22Speaker 3: that's the good ones start. They're on TV and it's
- 19:24Speaker 3: still three hours. And for Spade to sit for three
- 19:27Speaker 3: hours is fucking rough with these brittle fucking bones. So
- 19:31Speaker 3: you're like, cool, cool. We'll go at seven. And I
- 19:33Speaker 3: didn't know that you wanted to go really bad earlier.
- 19:35Speaker 3: So we're eating and I'm like, this spaghetti is good.
- 19:37Speaker 3: You're like, let's fucking go. So I have a car
- 19:41Speaker 3: taking us. It's like a black Suburban, right? So we
- 19:45Speaker 3: go out front. He's not there. It's so weird because
- 19:48Speaker 3: they always get there early. And you're like, well, we
- 19:50Speaker 3: got to go. It's quarter to seven and we got
- 19:51Speaker 3: to be there at seven. And we're next to the arena.
- 19:54Speaker 3: And I'm like, fuck, where's this guy? And then he
- 19:55Speaker 3: hits me up and goes, hey, dude. You go, let's
- 19:58Speaker 3: get an Uber. And I go, well, give him a second.
- 19:59Speaker 3: And then I go, he goes, oh, I spaced. I'm
- 20:03Speaker 3: sending another car. It'll be there in a second. I go,
- 20:05Speaker 3: we're in a hurry. He goes, it's very close. So
- 20:07Speaker 3: this is not good. And I see you're janking. First
- 20:10Speaker 3: I've seen you kind of get mad.
- 20:11Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 20:11Speaker 3: Because I was getting mad too because I'm like, fuck,
- 20:13Speaker 3: where is this guy? And plus we're stressed. So the
- 20:17Speaker 3: Suburban pulls up. We jump in. And the guy goes, okay,
- 20:21Speaker 3: where are you going to? And he goes, you deal?
- 20:23Speaker 1: And you're like, yeah.
- 20:24Speaker 3: And I'm like, hmm. And then I go, this is
- 20:27Speaker 3: my driver. And then I look down and we start.
- 20:29Speaker 1: It was international fight week.
- 20:30Speaker 3: Yeah, it was.
- 20:31Speaker 1: This is good.
- 20:31Speaker 3: This is how he sounds. This actually sounds like him.
- 20:33Speaker 3: It's not nothing better.
- 20:35Speaker 1: So.
- 20:36Speaker 3: Then the driver texts me and goes, Hey, did you
- 20:38Speaker 3: just pull out? I just saw you. And I go, wait,
- 20:40Speaker 3: is this not the car? And I go, Theo, what
- 20:42Speaker 3: is this? And you go, I called an Uber, dude.
- 20:43Speaker 3: It's taking too long.
- 20:44Speaker 1: I go, okay.
- 20:45Speaker 3: So we go. And now I go. And the funny
- 20:49Speaker 3: part was I go, Hey dude. All right. If, if
- 20:52Speaker 3: you're going to this T-Mobile, we got to go in
- 20:54Speaker 3: the loading dock. That's where we have to get our
- 20:56Speaker 3: tickets and enter. And he goes, Oh, no, that's only
- 20:58Speaker 3: for VIP special. And I go, right.
- 21:01Speaker 1: And then he goes, you want VIP special?
- 21:03Speaker 3: Yeah, and we go, no. And he goes, oh, you
- 21:05Speaker 3: have to be special. And I go, oh, we're special.
- 21:09Speaker 3: And he goes, no, no, that's for special people. And
- 21:12Speaker 3: I'm like, I get it. And then Theo goes, no,
- 21:14Speaker 3: he's special. He does movies and stuff. And he looks
- 21:18Speaker 3: back and he goes, no, he no special. Why do
- 21:22Speaker 3: you know I'm no special, you fuck?
- 21:24Speaker 1: So.
- 21:25Speaker 3: He wouldn't take us. So then you just go, let's
- 21:28Speaker 3: just get out. Yeah. So we just got out in
- 21:30Speaker 3: the street and we saw a door. And then they go, oh, you.
- 21:36Speaker 1: Wrong door.
- 21:36Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to go to loading.
- 21:37Speaker 1: This is for animals and like lighting.
- 21:39Speaker 3: For all of Noah's Ark's animals. And so they go,
- 21:43Speaker 3: so we're trying to get a hold of everyone. And
- 21:44Speaker 3: they go, you're not at the special door.
- 21:46Speaker 1: We go, I know.
- 21:47Speaker 3: This fucking guy wouldn't believe it. So we had to
- 21:50Speaker 3: find a way to get either all the way to
- 21:52Speaker 3: the other side or cut through it. They finally sent
- 21:54Speaker 3: someone to get us. Yeah. But it was quite humiliating.
- 21:57Speaker 3: The guy didn't believe for a second we were special.
- 21:59Speaker 1: Not at all. I even showed him a video of
- 22:01Speaker 1: yours from one of your movies.
- 22:02Speaker 3: And he laughed.
- 22:04Speaker 1: That's funny. And he's like, oh, it kind of looked
- 22:06Speaker 1: like him, but not him. UFC 315 will be on
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- 26:22Speaker 3: You know what's funny is I wish we could show
- 26:25Speaker 3: that little clip that you have of the movie.
- 26:28Speaker 1: We could if we want.
- 26:29Speaker 3: I don't think we can because– can we air it
- 26:32Speaker 3: because of the music or not? I don't know.
- 26:34Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good point.
- 26:36Speaker 3: I don't know. Ask those fucking clowns in there. Did
- 26:40Speaker 3: they take off?
- 26:41Speaker 1: We could show it on silent if we want. It's
- 26:44Speaker 1: good with a song.
- 26:45Speaker 3: Anyway, that's all. Because you show that clip in your show, right?
- 26:48Speaker 1: Yeah, we showed it during the halftime or, like, towards the, like,
- 26:50Speaker 1: end of the show.
- 26:51Speaker 3: Yeah, my friend was in Tallahassee. They hit me up.
- 26:53Speaker 3: They go, oh, my God, this fucking clip just played.
- 26:55Speaker 3: It's great.
- 26:55Speaker 1: Did they really? They were excited. Oh, that's awesome.
- 26:57Speaker 3: They write your show.
- 26:58Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool. It's been well-received by people, you know?
- 27:01Speaker 1: Just people getting to see the– It's a good little
- 27:04Speaker 1: window into it. See the trailer for Busboys.
- 27:06Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 27:06Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to think. What do you think is
- 27:08Speaker 1: the toughest part now having, like, kind of put a
- 27:10Speaker 1: movie together from the beginning? What do you think is
- 27:12Speaker 1: kind of one of the toughest parts?
- 27:15Speaker 3: I mean, it's, it's all, it's tough all the way
- 27:19Speaker 3: along the way because we're just doing it alone. Usually
- 27:22Speaker 3: we work for a boss, Paramount, Sony, Netflix, you know,
- 27:25Speaker 3: they tell us what to do and we kind of just,
- 27:28Speaker 3: we're on our own, but we also know there's someone
- 27:30Speaker 3: else calling some shots, the bigger shots, budgetary things, this
- 27:34Speaker 3: and that, casting, we have to agree on. So I rarely,
- 27:38Speaker 3: I've never gone into it like this where it's just
- 27:40Speaker 3: me and you and that's good. There's some, some tough
- 27:44Speaker 3: part about it, but it's, overall the best because we
- 27:47Speaker 3: put it up, we're going in. It's such a complicated process.
- 27:50Speaker 3: So it's almost too much because usually there's someone to
- 27:53Speaker 3: cover this and you can kind of oversee it, but
- 27:55Speaker 3: to get into everything about pre-production and budget and casting
- 28:00Speaker 3: and locations and all the union stuff, we got to
- 28:02Speaker 3: know that's where it gets hard. And now we've gotten
- 28:05Speaker 3: through the hard part. We got it. We shot it
- 28:08Speaker 3: through the fires, through all the stuff. Very tough, very
- 28:11Speaker 3: tough to get through a movie.
- 28:12Speaker 1: And then, There were so many things that were tough.
- 28:15Speaker 3: I always say after a movie, I'm not doing this again.
- 28:17Speaker 3: It's too hard and everyone thinks I'm a huge pussy.
- 28:19Speaker 3: But it's more– it's mentally tough. It's hard. You got
- 28:22Speaker 3: to memorize stuff. You're driving all day. You're getting out
- 28:24Speaker 3: there dark and it's such a luxury to do a
- 28:28Speaker 3: movie that you can't complain to anyone. I can complain
- 28:31Speaker 3: to you. But we're in it together. So we get it.
- 28:35Speaker 3: But– and you can tell other people in movies. But
- 28:38Speaker 3: regular people go– you know, they, they actually bust their ass.
- 28:43Speaker 1: Right.
- 28:44Speaker 3: So we're, we're like pretending to be people that work hard.
- 28:47Speaker 3: That's our, that's us in a movie. So we're bus boys.
- 28:50Speaker 3: So anyway, you.
- 28:51Speaker 1: Have to give you just long enough to polish the
- 28:53Speaker 1: gun that you have in your trailer. And then before
- 28:55Speaker 1: you can use it on yourself, you're like, Hey, we
- 28:57Speaker 1: need you back on set.
- 28:58Speaker 3: It's always like, where are they? I'm walking with number
- 29:01Speaker 3: two or here's number one. I go for a walk.
- 29:03Speaker 3: They just follow me. You know, they walk out of
- 29:05Speaker 3: your set, you know, you walk around the trailer and
- 29:07Speaker 3: you're like, And you're always miked and you're always, it's all,
- 29:10Speaker 3: you know, and it's fucking freezing. I thought it'd be
- 29:12Speaker 3: too hot. It's freezing. So anyway, we finish it and
- 29:15Speaker 3: now it's rough cutted. And now the hard part is
- 29:20Speaker 3: just getting it to a point where we think it's
- 29:23Speaker 3: good and you're not wasting jokes. Yeah. Like a lot
- 29:26Speaker 3: of things we did had like, Theo was very good
- 29:28Speaker 3: on the set of, we're actually good together because I
- 29:32Speaker 3: think you're great. And if we have a scene and
- 29:34Speaker 3: we do it, then we just start goofing around a
- 29:36Speaker 3: couple before we leave. Get a few extra jokes in.
- 29:39Speaker 1: So.
- 29:40Speaker 3: one of those do we use it's very hard to
- 29:42Speaker 3: this is funny for one reason this is funny for
- 29:43Speaker 3: another and the rest of your life people will remember
- 29:46Speaker 3: one joke and they'll never see the other three and
- 29:49Speaker 3: you go fuck do we pick the right one for
- 29:50Speaker 3: that that for someone who's indecisive like me and you
- 29:54Speaker 3: are kind of too that it's hard to do and
- 29:57Speaker 3: then yeah You just got to pick one, lock it down,
- 29:59Speaker 3: and then we'll probably, I think our next step, we'll
- 30:01Speaker 3: show it to like 20, 30 people. Because you really
- 30:05Speaker 3: get a feel for where there's a dead spot, where
- 30:08Speaker 3: there's something that works.
- 30:09Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to have honest friends look at it.
- 30:11Speaker 3: Yeah, and I have friends, and friends are always going
- 30:13Speaker 3: to start by saying they like it, but I haven't
- 30:16Speaker 3: had fucking one person look at it yet.
- 30:18Speaker 4: Same.
- 30:18Speaker 3: I'm too scared. The director of all these movies, Pete Siegel,
- 30:23Speaker 3: who's a great guy, he came by the set one day,
- 30:26Speaker 3: and he did anger management, and The Longest Yard and
- 30:28Speaker 3: 50 First Dates and Tommy Boy and all these movies.
- 30:32Speaker 3: So he, I said, I might have you take a
- 30:34Speaker 3: look at it because I just want you as an observer, objectively,
- 30:39Speaker 3: where are we with this? And that's the only guy.
- 30:41Speaker 3: But I do want at some point when you get
- 30:44Speaker 3: your fixes in and we get something we kind of
- 30:47Speaker 3: like and then we show it. Yeah. And then that'll
- 30:50Speaker 3: tell us a lot. We'll be like, oh my God,
- 30:51Speaker 3: this is way funnier than we thought. They're laughing at
- 30:54Speaker 3: this stuff instead of that laugh. I didn't see that
- 30:56Speaker 3: coming like a cutaway. And then they go, oh, this
- 30:58Speaker 3: feels flat. And some people might be confused. At the end,
- 31:02Speaker 3: we go, where did you understand what this is? People
- 31:05Speaker 3: are like, were you guys playing fucking Busboys? We're like, oh, boy,
- 31:09Speaker 3: we're way off. Okay, you didn't get that part? Because,
- 31:12Speaker 3: you know, people don't know. They just watch it.
- 31:15Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
- 31:15Speaker 1: I mean, that's the scariest part, I feel like, is
- 31:17Speaker 1: trying to just, like, see before you show it, somebody
- 31:20Speaker 1: is like, through is what I think makes sense here
- 31:23Speaker 1: makes sense to other people. Right.
- 31:24Speaker 3: Cause we know it. We're too close to it.
- 31:26Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 31:26Speaker 3: You have no, I think it gets even jokes where
- 31:28Speaker 3: people go, I see one clip and they go, Oh,
- 31:31Speaker 3: that's great. I go, Oh, it is because I've seen
- 31:33Speaker 3: it 10 times. I don't know what's funny anymore. Yeah.
- 31:35Speaker 3: You know? So it does take objectively, but it's so
- 31:39Speaker 3: fucking stressful.
- 31:41Speaker 1: Um, what do you feel like was one of the
- 31:43Speaker 1: funnest days that we had?
- 31:45Speaker 3: Uh, that's a good question. It's funny. Cause every day
- 31:48Speaker 3: has an, underlying stress level of knowing your lines, getting
- 31:53Speaker 3: things done, losing the light. We got to get this.
- 31:55Speaker 3: Is it right? Do we know what we're doing? Is
- 31:59Speaker 3: it set up, blocking, all that shit? But I'm giving
- 32:03Speaker 3: long answers that are boring. I thought it was fun
- 32:09Speaker 3: when we were in the layer with the drugs.
- 32:11Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 32:12Speaker 3: That was kind of fun because there's a lot of people.
- 32:13Speaker 3: When there's a lot of people, it's fun. Yeah.
- 32:15Speaker 1: When there's a lot of people, it's fun. We kept
- 32:16Speaker 1: having to go up and down that ladder like Ninja Turtles.
- 32:18Speaker 1: Remember that?
- 32:19Speaker 3: That was in like a condemned building that I go,
- 32:24Speaker 3: I guarantee you they should shut this down.
- 32:26Speaker 1: Yeah. There was like asbestos like art on the walls
- 32:30Speaker 1: and everything.
- 32:30Speaker 3: We had to write asbestos into the script because there
- 32:32Speaker 3: was so much. It was like co-starring. Yeah. And, yeah,
- 32:35Speaker 3: there was– we were underneath like a Sears building in
- 32:38Speaker 3: downtown and– Remember.
- 32:39Speaker 1: The alarm went off or the– Oh, yeah. The old
- 32:41Speaker 1: heater went off in there and it just like– I
- 32:44Speaker 1: think it.
- 32:44Speaker 3: Was an old nuclear reactor or something or it was
- 32:47Speaker 3: a Amber Alert.
- 32:49Speaker 1: It made McMuffins. I know that.
- 32:50Speaker 3: Yeah. I go, oh, it's lunch. They cleared us all
- 32:54Speaker 3: out from the– we shouldn't even tell them this. But anyway,
- 32:56Speaker 3: I like that. We were on the desert a lot.
- 32:59Speaker 3: It was kind of fun. being out. Um, and then
- 33:03Speaker 3: we were in there doing bus boy shit with Tim Dillon.
- 33:05Speaker 3: I thought it was funny.
- 33:05Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
- 33:06Speaker 4: He's fun.
- 33:07Speaker 1: Yeah. That was great. Just getting to see him. He
- 33:08Speaker 1: has a new special that just came out too.
- 33:10Speaker 3: Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's great.
- 33:12Speaker 1: You just have a, you have a comedy special.
- 33:14Speaker 3: Oh yeah. My, I'm sorry.
- 33:15Speaker 1: Coming up.
- 33:15Speaker 3: Can you guys hear him?
- 33:16Speaker 1: Okay. Sorry.
- 33:18Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great.
- 33:18Speaker 1: Okay.
- 33:19Speaker 3: You have, you have a, David, David, could you put
- 33:21Speaker 3: the mic behind you now? Would that help?
- 33:24Speaker 1: Um, you have a comedy special coming out.
- 33:25Speaker 3: I do. I did a, um, A comedy special for
- 33:29Speaker 3: Amazon and we did it in Denver and it's interesting,
- 33:34Speaker 3: you know, putting together a comedy special. You're on the
- 33:35Speaker 3: road and sometimes you want new stuff in there that's
- 33:39Speaker 3: a little undercooked because it's new and different and you
- 33:42Speaker 3: just started doing it. And then sometimes you want to–
- 33:45Speaker 3: and then you want– and then most of the stuff
- 33:48Speaker 3: is polished and buff. So you got to– I did
- 33:50Speaker 3: it probably an hour ago. 20 and cut it down
- 33:52Speaker 3: to just under an hour.
- 33:53Speaker 1: Dang, big gunner, huh?
- 33:54Speaker 3: Is this a clip or is that a photo?
- 33:56Speaker 1: A little overshot. Play that clip a little.
- 33:58Speaker 3: Is there a clip?
- 33:59Speaker 1: I just want to see it.
- 33:59Speaker 3: Let's see if there's anything clippable here. Oh, this is
- 34:04Speaker 3: fucking funny. I feel it already. I was eight years old.
- 34:09Speaker 3: I almost got kidnapped. I'll make it funny. I came
- 34:12Speaker 3: out weird. Blonde hair. Looked like exactly Macaulay Culkin. And
- 34:17Speaker 3: I was kind of tan. I was like shorts. I mean,
- 34:20Speaker 3: it was almost entrapment. I'm a bit of a dandelion.
- 34:24Speaker 3: I don't know if you can tell. I look tough
- 34:26Speaker 3: on TV, but these quads are deceiving. Yeah, you're some guy, yo. Yeah,
- 34:33Speaker 3: look at that action shot. Dandelion is because I'm such
- 34:36Speaker 3: a fucking puss. And I couldn't think of a good name.
- 34:38Speaker 1: Oh, no, you're great, dude. It looks great. You look
- 34:43Speaker 1: very healthy. It reminds me of David Duchovny a little bit.
- 34:48Speaker 1: And the guy from....
- 34:51Speaker 3: Who?
- 34:51Speaker 1: That guy from, that guy, his partner on the TV show.
- 34:58Speaker 1: What am I talking about? Shrek?
- 35:01Speaker 3: No.
- 35:01Speaker 1: Go ahead. Who am I talking about? It's like, the
- 35:06Speaker 1: guy who's got all the kids. Tim, Tim the Toolman Taylor.
- 35:09Speaker 1: That's him.
- 35:10Speaker 4: You were looking for Al Borland?
- 35:11Speaker 1: Al Borland.
- 35:12Speaker 3: That's who I look like with that fucking shirt on.
- 35:16Speaker 1: You look like Galbor, like the dude that gets the gals.
- 35:19Speaker 3: Shit, that's hysterical. That was not exactly what I was
- 35:22Speaker 3: going for, and thank you for that insulting insult. But no,
- 35:27Speaker 3: he seems like a good dude. I just don't. Actually,
- 35:29Speaker 3: he looks better than me. Fuck, what am I saying?
- 35:30Speaker 1: What the fuck, dude? Yeah, screw him.
- 35:33Speaker 3: What's that, Playgirl magazine? Look at him. He's naked from
- 35:36Speaker 3: the waist down with his dong out.
- 35:38Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't get to see that anymore.
- 35:40Speaker 3: You know, like when they tell you what to wear,
- 35:42Speaker 3: I mean, they don't tell you, but they go, what
- 35:44Speaker 3: are you going to wear? And of course, I'm not
- 35:45Speaker 3: like a full girl going to the Oscars. So I go,
- 35:48Speaker 3: I don't know. So it gets closer and they're like,
- 35:51Speaker 3: show it so we can hold it up with the backdrop.
- 35:53Speaker 3: I go, I don't give a shit, dude. So I
- 35:55Speaker 3: get there and I have two outfits. I have this,
- 35:58Speaker 3: outfits is already bad enough. I just said outfits. So
- 36:02Speaker 3: I walk into the rack like Elton John. Like, hey.
- 36:04Speaker 1: A Nordstrom rack?
- 36:05Speaker 3: No, just a rack of clothes. Oh, yeah. From Nordstrom, yeah.
- 36:09Speaker 3: So I go in there and I go, what about this?
- 36:11Speaker 3: Then I go out there that day and they're like,
- 36:12Speaker 3: do you still not know? And I go, I don't know.
- 36:14Speaker 3: And then I wear the shirt. And then I go,
- 36:17Speaker 3: I'm going to put– so I just wore a shirt
- 36:20Speaker 3: and a coat that I wasn't supposed to wear. Because,
- 36:22Speaker 3: you know, and they go, you need a copy of
- 36:25Speaker 3: that in case– you think I'm going to ruin this
- 36:28Speaker 3: between shows? And they're like, yeah. So I fell for
- 36:31Speaker 3: that last time. And then Nikki Glaser goes, oh, I
- 36:34Speaker 3: have some dress from like 1930. And I go. well,
- 36:37Speaker 3: don't you have to have a double? She goes, fuck that.
- 36:39Speaker 3: I'm not going to. And I go, yeah, what am
- 36:41Speaker 3: I doing? Why am I taking fucking orders?
- 36:43Speaker 1: Wasting money on extra clothes too. Yeah.
- 36:45Speaker 3: And all of mine are like one of a kind.
- 36:48Speaker 1: Oh, you can tell that's authentic.
- 36:49Speaker 3: One of a kind flannel shirt that you can have
- 36:52Speaker 3: in any Google search in two seconds. But it was
- 36:56Speaker 3: fun to do. I'm glad it's out. It's fun. You know,
- 36:59Speaker 3: some of the jokes I still do because they're longer now.
- 37:02Speaker 3: That's the funny thing is you do a joke and
- 37:04Speaker 3: then it's a minute of your act and then, Now
- 37:07Speaker 3: it's five minute chunk. I'm like, oh, but I did
- 37:09Speaker 3: the beginning, but now it's so much longer. But I
- 37:11Speaker 3: don't really care. I like a couple of things I've
- 37:13Speaker 3: done before because they really work. And then I put
- 37:16Speaker 3: in new stuff and then it's just always in rotation of,
- 37:20Speaker 3: I'll pull something from the old bag and then I'll
- 37:23Speaker 3: have all this new shit. So whatever. Yeah.
- 37:25Speaker 1: That's kind of how I feel about it too.
- 37:26Speaker 3: Is that what you do? What do you do? Yeah.
- 37:27Speaker 1: It's like, there's some bits I do because I know
- 37:29Speaker 1: people want to hear them and there's some people's favorites
- 37:31Speaker 1: and it's like, well, I want to make sure I
- 37:33Speaker 1: get that in for a couple minutes.
- 37:35Speaker 3: 100%.
- 37:35Speaker 1: If it's a big show.
- 37:36Speaker 3: Because, you know, it's never like you do some bit
- 37:40Speaker 3: that works and it doesn't work. Like if it bombed
- 37:44Speaker 3: and people are like, boo, like you did that before.
- 37:46Speaker 3: It's not like that. They still work. Yeah.
- 37:49Speaker 1: Yeah, they want to see the new stuff too.
- 37:51Speaker 3: And sometimes when I go to people, if I saw you,
- 37:54Speaker 3: I'd be like– I remember the first time I saw
- 37:56Speaker 3: you and stuff you were doing. I'd be like, oh,
- 37:58Speaker 3: I hope he does this and this and this because
- 38:00Speaker 3: those are like my fun ones. I want to tell
- 38:02Speaker 3: someone and have them watch them. Yeah. And then sometimes
- 38:05Speaker 3: I do that with comics and they don't do it
- 38:07Speaker 3: and I go, I go, because sometimes, you know, by
- 38:11Speaker 3: the fifth special these people do, it's just too watered down.
- 38:14Speaker 3: It's too hard to be that good in one year.
- 38:16Speaker 3: It's too hard. You don't buff them out. You need
- 38:18Speaker 3: to really work on it.
- 38:19Speaker 1: Dude, that's, I don't think you have to, I mean,
- 38:21Speaker 1: it's like, I have no special, I'm thinking four years now.
- 38:23Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't need it.
- 38:24Speaker 1: If we do it this year, it'll be four years.
- 38:26Speaker 1: But also, I've been on the same tour for years,
- 38:27Speaker 1: but it's like, there's so many places you can go.
- 38:29Speaker 1: It's like, I don't mind going to a town that
- 38:32Speaker 1: has 30,000 people in it. You know, it's like, You
- 38:35Speaker 1: cannot do it and probably have a family and stuff
- 38:37Speaker 1: like that and have pets you own. Yeah. Or semi-owned.
- 38:40Speaker 1: God owns them.
- 38:41Speaker 3: As long as they have a 30,000 seat theater, then
- 38:42Speaker 3: you can.
- 38:42Speaker 1: But it's like, but if we can go over there,
- 38:46Speaker 1: I think I'd rather do it.
- 38:47Speaker 3: Yeah. You're printing money. Oh, David, that is not true.
- 38:50Speaker 3: If I had your money, I'd throw mine away.
- 38:52Speaker 1: Oh, dude, get out of here. You just bought a
- 38:55Speaker 1: new car, didn't you?
- 39:00Speaker 3: You bought a car lot. Yeah, dude. I got a car.
- 39:03Speaker 3: Fuck yeah. You see me buzzing around.
- 39:05Speaker 1: Did you just buy the original Joe Dirt car or no?
- 39:08Speaker 3: I did not. It was 330 grand. I didn't know
- 39:10Speaker 3: it would be that much.
- 39:11Speaker 1: Was it really?
- 39:12Speaker 3: Yeah, I went to an auction.
- 39:13Speaker 1: Did you even look at, were you there on the auction?
- 39:15Speaker 3: No, but the guy DMed me and he said, hey,
- 39:17Speaker 3: do you want to buy the old Joe Dirt? I go,
- 39:21Speaker 3: is it the fucking real one? Because I do like
- 39:22Speaker 3: cars and I don't have enough room for them, but
- 39:26Speaker 3: I'm into it. I'm like, I'm not going to drive
- 39:28Speaker 3: the thing around. I'd like to have it just to
- 39:29Speaker 3: have it. The director of Tommy Boy has a Tommy
- 39:32Speaker 3: Boy car. And I'm like, those are fun to have.
- 39:34Speaker 3: So I said, how much? And he goes, I'm deciding
- 39:38Speaker 3: between three and 500 grand. I go, I'm sorry, what?
- 39:42Speaker 3: The fucking shitty one at the beginning of Joe Dirt.
- 39:44Speaker 3: It didn't even have a Hemi in it. It was
- 39:45Speaker 3: a fake. Pretend it was like an old, you know, Vega.
- 39:48Speaker 3: And we just put like, yeah, this thing.
- 39:51Speaker 1: Joe Dirt 69, Charger Daytona.
- 39:53Speaker 3: It's fucking cool though. Is he selling it for $ 450?
- 39:58Speaker 1: In 1969, Daytona presented here, starred in the $ 60 million
- 40:02Speaker 1: grossing hit comedy, The Adventures of Joe Dirt.
- 40:05Speaker 3: Fuck yeah. What does that say up there?
- 40:06Speaker 1: $ 450? Um.
- 40:08Speaker 3: Can you read?
- 40:09Speaker 1: Yeah, one of the funniest scenes depicts the impound lot
- 40:11Speaker 1: financially unstable to retrieve his Mint 67 Plymouth Hemi GTX convertible.
- 40:15Speaker 1: He's buying the Charger Daytona instead. You bought it for
- 40:18Speaker 1: $ 450 in the movie, apparently. Oh, $ 450? In the movie, yeah.
- 40:22Speaker 3: Oh, I didn't see the movie.
- 40:23Speaker 1: Do we know the closing price on that?
- 40:25Speaker 3: Yeah, he hit me up for three to 500 grand.
- 40:27Speaker 3: I go....
- 40:29Speaker 1: Can you live in it? I was like, yeah.
- 40:32Speaker 3: Is this an RV?
- 40:32Speaker 1: How many square feet is it?
- 40:34Speaker 3: Is it in a good neighborhood? No, I just said...
- 40:38Speaker 3: I said, I think I said something to the effect
- 40:40Speaker 3: of get fucked. No, I was like, hey, man, I
- 40:42Speaker 3: didn't know it would be like that. I don't know why. Because,
- 40:45Speaker 3: you know, in the real world, you got to make
- 40:48Speaker 3: a million to clear 350. So I'm like, I don't
- 40:50Speaker 3: know if I'm making a million this week. So I
- 40:53Speaker 3: just said no. Even though I said I'd really like it,
- 40:55Speaker 3: I just, a little too rich for my blood right now.
- 40:58Speaker 3: Because I thought, what am I doing? I just got
- 41:00Speaker 3: to park it. I can't really drive. It's fun to have.
- 41:03Speaker 3: I'd really honestly have it in my fucking living room.
- 41:04Speaker 3: What a cool thing to have, just walk in. Hey,
- 41:06Speaker 3: this is the car from the movie. And so I
- 41:09Speaker 3: didn't think he'd get close to that. It sold for 330.
- 41:12Speaker 1: God.
- 41:12Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 41:13Speaker 1: To who? Probably an Asian guy?
- 41:14Speaker 3: No, the guy had a Joder tattoo on his chest. Oh.
- 41:17Speaker 3: And he was a full fucking fan. So he hit
- 41:20Speaker 3: me up, the guy that bought it. And so now
- 41:22Speaker 3: I've talked to him.
- 41:24Speaker 1: And what do you guys talk about?
- 41:25Speaker 3: I like these guys. We just talk about pop music.
- 41:27Speaker 1: You're like, hey, go sit in and just turn it
- 41:29Speaker 1: on for me. I want to hear it.
- 41:29Speaker 3: No, I just go, I miss her, man. I miss her.
- 41:32Speaker 3: Just put her on the phone.
- 41:33Speaker 1: He's like, mail me some semen. And you're like, oh,
- 41:35Speaker 1: I don't miss her that much.
- 41:37Speaker 3: No, I do that.
- 41:37Speaker 1: I'll do that.
- 41:38Speaker 3: I'll do that once.
- 41:39Speaker 1: Do you think– would you guys ever have done a
- 41:42Speaker 1: Tommy Boy 2? Do you think you and Farley ever
- 41:44Speaker 1: would have done it?
- 41:46Speaker 3: I mean Black Sheep was sort of the next summer
- 41:49Speaker 3: and it was sort of the same type of movie.
- 41:54Speaker 3: We should have just kept it Pete Siegel and just
- 41:57Speaker 3: done it again. He couldn't– he wasn't available. It just
- 42:00Speaker 3: would have kept track of like kind of how it was.
- 42:02Speaker 3: But I did like Black Sheep. We had another movie.
- 42:06Speaker 3: That we were talking about at the very end and
- 42:09Speaker 3: would have been great. Yeah, I mean, would I have
- 42:12Speaker 3: liked to have like a run and gun buddy to
- 42:14Speaker 3: goof around? He would have been all over the place.
- 42:17Speaker 3: He would have been working with everybody. I mean, even
- 42:19Speaker 3: at that point toward the end, because, you know, he's
- 42:21Speaker 3: almost more famous now because everyone looks back. But when
- 42:24Speaker 3: you're in it and he's just getting famous, but still
- 42:28Speaker 3: all the big hosts that would come in would like
- 42:30Speaker 3: go right to him. uh so he could have worked
- 42:33Speaker 3: with anybody big directors you get more drama uh he
- 42:38Speaker 3: would have done a lot of stuff with adam i
- 42:39Speaker 3: mean he loved adam and always thought he was great
- 42:43Speaker 3: so uh sandler yeah yeah he was very tight with
- 42:45Speaker 3: adam and i was just lucky to be in a
- 42:48Speaker 3: couple with him but he would have been out there
- 42:50Speaker 3: doing everything i remember when he was in coneheads we
- 42:53Speaker 3: all were in cone even adam was in coneheads and
- 42:55Speaker 3: lauren it was sort of a an assignment you know
- 42:58Speaker 3: we all He was just like, you're going to play this.
- 43:00Speaker 3: And he just had plucked everyone. There's probably 15 people
- 43:04Speaker 3: in Massanel on it. And somehow still didn't work that well.
- 43:08Speaker 3: But I loved being in it. And he was in it.
- 43:11Speaker 3: He had a pretty big part. And he was funny.
- 43:12Speaker 3: Look at him. There he is.
- 43:13Speaker 1: Oh, he looks so handsome. Did you get to keep
- 43:15Speaker 1: the cone from that?
- 43:17Speaker 4: No.
- 43:17Speaker 3: But you know what? That will barely fit up your butt.
- 43:22Speaker 3: If you– she's really pretty, by the way. That was
- 43:26Speaker 3: Michelle Burke.
- 43:27Speaker 1: Is it?
- 43:28Speaker 3: This is after they took a photo of Farley and
- 43:30Speaker 3: they take it so strong that it blows his hair
- 43:32Speaker 3: back or something. Yeah, it's funny as shit. But Akron, yeah,
- 43:36Speaker 3: so that was a blast. So I would say the
- 43:38Speaker 3: answer is would have loved to keep doing stuff and
- 43:42Speaker 3: just have him around to hang out with.
- 43:43Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, obviously to have him be alive. But do
- 43:46Speaker 1: you think that you would have been able to do
- 43:48Speaker 1: a Tommy Boy?
- 43:49Speaker 3: Yes, in all these scenarios, he's alive. You're like, it'd
- 43:53Speaker 3: be great. No, if he's alive. You have to add
- 43:55Speaker 3: that caveat.
- 43:57Speaker 1: If you had to do Tommy Boy 2, what would
- 43:58Speaker 1: the plot even have gone into, you think?
- 44:00Speaker 3: Tommy Boy 2, Electric Boogaloo. You know, I was pitched
- 44:04Speaker 3: a Tommy Boy 2, which was our kids are together.
- 44:08Speaker 3: And our kids are. But this is, I was pitched
- 44:10Speaker 3: it two years ago. And I'm like, I just can't
- 44:15Speaker 3: find a scenario with no Farley. It's not, he was
- 44:18Speaker 3: the whole movie. Even if it has a good title,
- 44:21Speaker 3: Tommy Boy's in the title. but it would be too
- 44:23Speaker 3: much of a sellout. I can't imagine. I mean, no
- 44:27Speaker 3: one could do that.
- 44:27Speaker 1: Were they going to do it with CGR? Use one
- 44:29Speaker 1: of his brothers to do it, you think?
- 44:30Speaker 3: No, it was just like, it was his, it was
- 44:32Speaker 3: our kids and it was about them. And then I
- 44:35Speaker 3: was going to come help them on the road or something.
- 44:36Speaker 3: But I go, if, listen, there's the magic in the
- 44:40Speaker 3: bottle was, was Chris. And so, uh, I had a
- 44:44Speaker 3: good part. I had a lot of fun in it,
- 44:46Speaker 3: but it was about Christopher. And so, you know, yeah.
- 44:52Speaker 1: Mm.
- 44:52Speaker 3: If we did another one back then, it would have
- 44:54Speaker 3: been a blast. Yeah. Yeah.
- 44:55Speaker 1: I wonder what it could have been about too. Wow,
- 44:57Speaker 1: that's interesting.
- 44:57Speaker 3: I don't know. I never even thought that far. Break
- 45:00Speaker 3: pads are so funny. There's endless jokes about them. I
- 45:04Speaker 3: mean that movie, that's what I always say is that
- 45:06Speaker 3: if we pitched the Tommy Boy movie just like two
- 45:09Speaker 3: guys selling break pads, it's just not enough to sell
- 45:13Speaker 3: a movie.
- 45:14Speaker 1: People wouldn't listen now.
- 45:15Speaker 4: No.
- 45:15Speaker 3: It's just not funny.
- 45:16Speaker 1: Maybe menstrual pads you could have gone to.
- 45:19Speaker 3: That's not a bad idea, yeah. That we go sell them.
- 45:22Speaker 1: Stop the flow. Yeah, it's like things are getting out
- 45:24Speaker 1: of hand. Maybe women's lib was getting crazy.
- 45:25Speaker 3: Yeah, and then he dresses like one in a parking lot.
- 45:28Speaker 1: He's like, okay, I'm on the craziest.
- 45:30Speaker 3: And some big woman comes. He goes, let me try
- 45:32Speaker 3: it out.
- 45:33Speaker 1: He's like, I've been having my period for 11 months straight.
- 45:37Speaker 3: These are trailer moments.
- 45:38Speaker 1: That actually would have been hilarious.
- 45:43Speaker 3: These are cut scenes from a possible movie.
- 45:47Speaker 1: Did you ever do a Farley impersonation or no?
- 45:52Speaker 3: He did this a lot, you know? Which is funny.
- 45:54Speaker 3: You get nervous, David. Then he goes like this. Pulls
- 45:58Speaker 3: on his hair when he's nervous. Like in the meeting
- 46:01Speaker 3: with the host, he'd pull on the carpet. And everyone's
- 46:04Speaker 3: just like... Even like the host is like some Michael
- 46:07Speaker 3: Keaton going, is this fucking dude okay? Because they didn't
- 46:10Speaker 3: really know him yet. And he was so nervous about shit.
- 46:13Speaker 3: And always funny. But he would always try to make
- 46:17Speaker 3: you laugh. Always... Try to do anything, fall down at work,
- 46:22Speaker 3: do anything. Oh, fall on the piano. Just anything to
- 46:25Speaker 3: get everyone to laugh. Because also he was taken care of.
- 46:27Speaker 3: He wasn't writing sketches. So he just was tra-la-la around
- 46:31Speaker 3: the office. There's no stress because he's going to be
- 46:33Speaker 3: in 18 things. Everyone's going to write him in.
- 46:35Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good point.
- 46:36Speaker 3: And if you write him in, like that's the big
- 46:38Speaker 3: trick at SNL is you got to get someone to
- 46:39Speaker 3: write for you. And I would get mad. I'd go,
- 46:42Speaker 3: you don't write for me enough. They're like, what do
- 46:43Speaker 3: you do? And I'm like, you're right. You just think
- 46:46Speaker 3: I'm great. And then they go, wow. And I go,
- 46:49Speaker 3: there's no proof. And I'm like, yeah. So you have
- 46:51Speaker 3: to kind of do a joke on the officer. It's
- 46:53Speaker 3: sort of thirsty, but do an impression or something. And
- 46:56Speaker 3: someone goes, you should do something with that. And then
- 46:58Speaker 3: where they go, oh, you can do that. Oh, we
- 47:01Speaker 3: might put you in this because we need someone like that.
- 47:03Speaker 3: But mostly I was like smart-alecky stupid shit because that's
- 47:07Speaker 3: the only thing they saw. And I wrote that Hollywood
- 47:10Speaker 3: Minute where I was making fun of everybody. And that
- 47:13Speaker 3: kind of was a good hook for me. But it wasn't.
- 47:16Speaker 3: Enough to be like super characters. That really wasn't my thing.
- 47:20Speaker 1: I went with his brother to SNL. Remember that?
- 47:22Speaker 3: Oh, that's right. You hit me.
- 47:23Speaker 1: I think you connected us.
- 47:24Speaker 3: I was like. John.
- 47:26Speaker 4: Yeah, John.
- 47:27Speaker 3: John, yeah. Johnny Farley. And I was like.
- 47:28Speaker 1: And he hadn't been back, dude, since. He hadn't been
- 47:32Speaker 1: back since Chris was there.
- 47:33Speaker 3: Did he hit you up to go there? Or did
- 47:35Speaker 3: I tell you guys to go? Or were you just
- 47:36Speaker 3: in New York?
- 47:37Speaker 1: He took advantage of us, I think. But whatever.
- 47:40Speaker 4: Oh, no.
- 47:40Speaker 1: I think you said to me, hey, he's going to
- 47:43Speaker 1: be there.
- 47:44Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, I did.
- 47:45Speaker 1: So tell him hello. But he hit you up to
- 47:47Speaker 1: get him in there.
- 47:48Speaker 3: Can you make a call, Davey? Yeah. Don't tell Jen.
- 47:54Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 47:55Speaker 3: He was in The Wrong Miss. We put him in that.
- 47:57Speaker 3: He was in Benchwarmers. He's funny in that. Was it
- 48:01Speaker 3: fun there for you? You'd never been there, right?
- 48:03Speaker 1: I'd never been.
- 48:05Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 48:05Speaker 1: What was it like? It was interesting to see the
- 48:07Speaker 1: place you guys had all been at and what kind
- 48:09Speaker 1: of like.
- 48:09Speaker 3: There's photos everywhere. Yeah.
- 48:11Speaker 1: Just what it was like, like. I think I pictured
- 48:13Speaker 1: it more of like an old school type of dormitory vibe.
- 48:17Speaker 1: But our offices were up higher. Oh, then maybe it
- 48:21Speaker 1: was up there.
- 48:22Speaker 3: We'd be there all week and then we'd just come
- 48:23Speaker 3: down to the show. But you might have to host
- 48:25Speaker 3: it one day.
- 48:26Speaker 1: It was pretty interesting there.
- 48:28Speaker 3: Would you be able to handle it?
- 48:29Speaker 1: I don't know. It depends on who the musical guest is,
- 48:32Speaker 1: I guess.
- 48:32Speaker 3: Is that the whole thing? Yeah. What if it's fucking
- 48:36Speaker 3: Jelly Pop, your buddy or whatever? Remember he– Oh, yeah,
- 48:39Speaker 3: Jelly Roll? Yeah, he came over to us at Koi
- 48:41Speaker 3: one time and said hi. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that?
- 48:45Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to think of it.
- 48:46Speaker 3: I said, hey, the bouncer's coming over. He wants to
- 48:48Speaker 3: talk to you.
- 48:49Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 48:49Speaker 3: He walks over. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- 48:52Speaker 1: I was like, what motorcycle did this guy ride? This guy.
- 48:55Speaker 3: Oh, did we park in front of you? He was nice, dude.
- 48:59Speaker 3: He knew you from.
- 48:59Speaker 1: Yeah, him and Bunny came over. I remember that. That
- 49:02Speaker 1: was cool. Dude, that was awesome. That was like, I
- 49:05Speaker 1: think he was, he'd come out here to do Jimmy
- 49:07Speaker 1: Kimmel or something. It was like one of his first
- 49:08Speaker 1: times being out here.
- 49:09Speaker 3: Right, right, right. And then we saw Luke Bryan at dinner.
- 49:11Speaker 3: We see all your little goat roper buddies.
- 49:13Speaker 1: Yeah. Dude, that was fun.
- 49:15Speaker 3: Yeah. He came over.
- 49:16Speaker 1: That's when we used to have a good time, man.
- 49:18Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 49:18Speaker 3: What happened?
- 49:19Speaker 1: Now we're just.
- 49:20Speaker 3: Grinding on the movie every day going, oh.
- 49:22Speaker 1: I know. Now we're just like, how do we fuck?
- 49:24Speaker 3: Tra la la.
- 49:26Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. That was fun, huh?
- 49:28Speaker 3: I remember that. I was excited.
- 49:29Speaker 1: Luke frickin' Bryan. Remember that?
- 49:31Speaker 3: We took a picture with him.
- 49:32Speaker 1: He sat down with us.
- 49:33Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 49:33Speaker 3: It was fun.
- 49:33Speaker 1: We're like, dude, we're supposed to come sit with you. Yeah.
- 49:35Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 49:36Speaker 1: He had two bites of somebody's potatoes out.
- 49:38Speaker 3: No, we have fun. We go to UFC and everyone knows.
- 49:40Speaker 3: I remember before you even blew up, so many people
- 49:44Speaker 3: knew you at UFC. I was like, holy shit, man.
- 49:46Speaker 3: These people know this clown.
- 49:47Speaker 1: I don't know about that. There we are right there.
- 49:50Speaker 3: Look, my hair is quite puffy that day.
- 49:52Speaker 1: God, look how good. You look definitely like one of
- 49:54Speaker 1: those rich people's dogs. I do. For sure, dude. Now
- 50:01Speaker 1: I see why your mom makes you come home a lot.
- 50:03Speaker 1: She's like, I need this little cute puff right here
- 50:05Speaker 1: in my lap. Dude.
- 50:08Speaker 3: Look at that. My fucking sweater pops. Don't even try
- 50:11Speaker 3: to argue that.
- 50:12Speaker 1: Solid choice. And there's Luke. Looks like he just.
- 50:15Speaker 3: Fucking Luke. That does look like me. I'm a bit
- 50:19Speaker 3: of a lap dog.
- 50:21Speaker 1: Yeah, you look like you spent time at NYU a
- 50:22Speaker 1: little bit.
- 50:23Speaker 3: I'll fucking gnaw on a snossage. Shit, look at you, dirt.
- 50:30Speaker 1: Oh, you're just dumb. Just like, how did I even
- 50:33Speaker 1: get here?
- 50:33Speaker 3: What are we eating, fucking oysters or something?
- 50:35Speaker 1: Oh my God.
- 50:36Speaker 3: Jeez, what a bunch of idiots.
- 50:38Speaker 1: Somebody ordered that little, when they put those little, the shrimp,
- 50:40Speaker 1: they put them upstairs like they're about to commit suicide
- 50:42Speaker 1: or whatever. That little, it's like a little. shrimp rack
- 50:47Speaker 1: or whatever yeah like the second story shrimp they hide
- 50:50Speaker 1: them all on the edge of like they're trying to
- 50:51Speaker 1: hide from it's like bitch we see you they're all
- 50:53Speaker 1: naked though.
- 50:53Speaker 3: Look at those fucking shrimps they charge you by the
- 50:56Speaker 3: shrimps you know it's unreal in some places it's six
- 50:59Speaker 3: that is the that is the most expensive place because
- 51:01Speaker 3: I won't say the name but the steak sauce was
- 51:04Speaker 3: seven bucks each you get a little thing like this
- 51:06Speaker 3: of a1 and it's like dish dish dish seven seven
- 51:09Speaker 3: seven and then the bread was 15 I had filet
- 51:13Speaker 3: I had filet of sole right I go you had filet.
- 51:15Speaker 1: Of what and.
- 51:18Speaker 3: Dude, don't you watch fishing shows?
- 51:20Speaker 1: You get filet of?
- 51:21Speaker 3: Sole.
- 51:22Speaker 1: Sole? Oh, how rich.
- 51:24Speaker 3: Can we pull it up, see if it's real?
- 51:26Speaker 1: You're eating human spirit in there?
- 51:28Speaker 3: No, filet of, yeah.
- 51:30Speaker 1: That's rich.
- 51:31Speaker 4: Oh, shocking.
- 51:32Speaker 3: It checks out as a fish. Yeah, that's what it
- 51:34Speaker 3: looks like. Anyway, it's kind of like carp. No, I
- 51:37Speaker 3: don't know what it's like. So I get this and
- 51:40Speaker 3: they go, do you want the catch of the day?
- 51:41Speaker 3: And I know it's a rich place. I go, don't
- 51:43Speaker 3: try to rat fuck me, dudes. I'm going to take
- 51:45Speaker 3: this dog shit off the menu. It says market price,
- 51:49Speaker 3: but I go, fine. I get it. It's like leather.
- 51:52Speaker 3: It's kind of gross, you know, but fine. 150 bucks.
- 51:56Speaker 3: I go, I have never heard about fish being 150.
- 51:58Speaker 1: $ 150?
- 51:59Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 51:59Speaker 1: And you get the head and the tail or they
- 52:02Speaker 1: just give you the middle part?
- 52:03Speaker 3: No, you should. That's crazy. But you come to my
- 52:05Speaker 3: house and fucking clean my car. Yeah.
- 52:07Speaker 1: Dude, that's crazy. 150 bucks for one piece of fish? Unreal. Yeah.
- 52:13Speaker 1: That would never fly in the Bible, dude.
- 52:15Speaker 3: No.
- 52:15Speaker 1: No.
- 52:16Speaker 3: No. What you do is they have the fish with
- 52:18Speaker 3: their mouth, I guess.
- 52:19Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 52:20Speaker 3: And something like this. Oh, you're going to go to
- 52:22Speaker 3: work for that 150. And the fish is like. Fish
- 52:25Speaker 3: is like, I got teeth. No, you do not. Nice try. Yeah.
- 52:29Speaker 1: Somebody's getting a little bit of tartar sauce on the inside.
- 52:32Speaker 1: Gobble that goo. Yeah.
- 52:34Speaker 3: It's not in the Bible either.
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- 53:40Speaker 1: And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. This
- 53:44Speaker 1: episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mental health is, it's our
- 53:50Speaker 1: new Vietnam, guys, really. It's right in front of us
- 53:54Speaker 1: every day. It's just making sure you're okay. We're locked in.
- 53:57Speaker 1: We're in a unique time where we're, I don't know
- 54:00Speaker 1: if we're transitioning from humans to computers. I don't know
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- 54:05Speaker 1: the main frame that God gave you, your brain. 26%
- 54:09Speaker 1: of Americans who participated in a recent study say they
- 54:12Speaker 1: have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. Man, look,
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- 54:47Speaker 1: slash T-H-E-O to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp,
- 54:53Speaker 1: H-E-L-P dot com slash Theo. When you, um, whenever you
- 54:59Speaker 1: pass away.
- 54:59Speaker 3: How do you remember to ask questions? I always watch
- 55:02Speaker 3: this thing and I'm like, I can't remember shit to
- 55:04Speaker 3: talk to people about.
- 55:05Speaker 1: Dude, first of all, I'm a BLM advocate. So I
- 55:08Speaker 1: get a lot of my stuff.
- 55:09Speaker 3: Oh, there's you on us now.
- 55:10Speaker 1: Who is that?
- 55:11Speaker 3: They're like, ladies and gentlemen, BLM. And they're like, oh,
- 55:14Speaker 3: is that the musical group? Is that you all happy?
- 55:19Speaker 3: When were you that happy?
- 55:20Speaker 1: Never.
- 55:20Speaker 3: Fucking shit. Is that AI?
- 55:22Speaker 1: Is that Tom Brady's teeth?
- 55:23Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I'll rent out advertising space on those
- 55:28Speaker 3: fucking chompers. Are those your teeth?
- 55:30Speaker 1: No, AI.
- 55:30Speaker 3: Ah, ha, ha.
- 55:32Speaker 1: That's G-A-I, dude. That's horrible, bro. That's G-A-Y, yeah. The
- 55:38Speaker 1: forearms are nice, though.
- 55:40Speaker 3: I was about to say, your forearms look good, and
- 55:41Speaker 3: they shaved you a little bit.
- 55:42Speaker 1: God.
- 55:43Speaker 3: Your whole body's shaved.
- 55:45Speaker 1: Well, it's going to be as soon as I get
- 55:48Speaker 1: in shape.
- 55:48Speaker 3: No, you look good there.
- 55:49Speaker 1: Well.
- 55:50Speaker 3: Why can't you look more like A.I.? Well. Well.
- 55:53Speaker 1: Do you think, whenever you die, where do you want
- 55:55Speaker 1: your body, where do you want your ashes spread, do
- 55:57Speaker 1: you think?
- 55:58Speaker 3: Oh, I was just talking about this.
- 56:01Speaker 1: No, I wasn't. What are you going to do with them?
- 56:02Speaker 3: No, what do I do? You're kind of a trickster. No,
- 56:05Speaker 3: I'm not going to do any tricks.
- 56:06Speaker 1: Really?
- 56:07Speaker 3: I don't want any weird stuff, yeah.
- 56:09Speaker 1: Let me get a couple grams of it.
- 56:11Speaker 3: You want a little bit? Oh, if anybody needs money,
- 56:14Speaker 3: I would let them sell them, you know, for whatever.
- 56:16Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool.
- 56:17Speaker 3: You could sell them here, part of your merch, if
- 56:19Speaker 3: you want. I could have Harper. She could take them.
- 56:23Speaker 3: But I don't know.
- 56:23Speaker 1: It's too morbid.
- 56:24Speaker 3: I can't even think about this stuff. I get scared. Okay.
- 56:28Speaker 1: What if they had like spade shades and we put
- 56:31Speaker 1: them into some beautiful, beautiful sunglasses? Okay.
- 56:35Speaker 3: I'm pretty agreeable to everything, yeah. Or like spades shades.
- 56:39Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. Or in their interior shades too, actually.
- 56:42Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Okay. Well, now we're getting somewhere.
- 56:44Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 56:45Speaker 3: And was there a story about something?
- 56:48Speaker 1: Ash's dog.
- 56:49Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
- 56:49Speaker 1: Shot into a fucking schoolyard full of children.
- 56:53Speaker 3: No, you should put it in a t-shirt gun.
- 56:55Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 56:55Speaker 3: And take it to some bayou horse shit, you know.
- 56:58Speaker 1: Rodeo.
- 56:59Speaker 3: Louisiana rodeo, yeah.
- 57:00Speaker 1: Snake rodeo.
- 57:02Speaker 3: Yeah. Snake rodeo. Is that like an orgy? That's what
- 57:06Speaker 3: you call an orgy? No, wasn't there a story about
- 57:08Speaker 3: some dog that ate someone's ashes or something?
- 57:11Speaker 1: Was there anything else? There was some in the news
- 57:12Speaker 1: that's happened about it, some eating ashes. We got that?
- 57:14Speaker 3: Did you hear that bullshit?
- 57:17Speaker 1: Look at this. Shit.
- 57:19Speaker 3: Wait. Oh, my God. It's a Rolex. Anyway. Is that real? No,
- 57:24Speaker 3: the joke is like. I act like it's late. I go,
- 57:27Speaker 3: oh shit, it's a Rolex. And I go like this.
- 57:32Speaker 1: What time is it? Oh, wealth.
- 57:34Speaker 3: Yeah. No, this is a real one, but it's the
- 57:36Speaker 3: only one good thing I have. I did get robbed
- 57:38Speaker 3: at my house. You shouldn't be flashing around. Me toddler
- 57:41Speaker 3: ate me ashes.
- 57:43Speaker 1: UK mom walked into an unthinkable situation when she found
- 57:45Speaker 1: her one-year-old consuming her father's cremated remains. And she even
- 57:49Speaker 1: has video of the mortifying situation.
- 57:52Speaker 2: Aren't they?
- 57:55Speaker 3: They're not good. They cannot taste good.
- 57:58Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess if you mix them with something. Volume.
- 58:00Speaker 1: My God.
- 58:01Speaker 3: When your son eats your dad. Of course she films him.
- 58:04Speaker 2: His ashes.
- 58:06Speaker 3: My son has eaten my dad's ashes.
- 58:09Speaker 1: He didn't have a lot.
- 58:10Speaker 3: That's the whole fucking story.
- 58:12Speaker 1: Dude, he only had a little bit.
- 58:14Speaker 3: He only had like the forearm and... Yeah, dude. That's
- 58:20Speaker 3: so grody.
- 58:21Speaker 1: That lady's complaining. Also, the kid is a ginger, too.
- 58:26Speaker 3: Trouble. Yeah.
- 58:26Speaker 1: So something that you got to see coming. Something that's
- 58:29Speaker 1: on you.
- 58:30Speaker 3: Also, the lady immediately sold it to TMZ.
- 58:34Speaker 1: That's a great point, huh?
- 58:34Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 58:36Speaker 1: She probably served them up. Everything's for sale nowadays, it
- 58:38Speaker 1: seems like. What other news stories we got, guys? Anything
- 58:40Speaker 1: popping off?
- 58:41Speaker 3: Yeah, give us some shit before Spade fucking has to boogie.
- 58:44Speaker 3: Spade looks pretty cool today.
- 58:45Speaker 1: Spade looks healthy today. Let me get one of these here.
- 58:49Speaker 3: Is there a hair?
- 58:49Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay. Here, give it to me.
- 58:51Speaker 3: Save it. No, you know what I do? Is if
- 58:54Speaker 3: you weren't here, I fucking light it on fire in
- 58:57Speaker 3: front of the other ones. And I say, this is
- 58:59Speaker 3: what happens when you try to fucking make a break
- 59:01Speaker 3: for it. Jump ship on me, motherfucker. And then it
- 59:03Speaker 3: burns and it floats down. They all go, what the fuck?
- 59:06Speaker 3: And I go, yeah. yeah might want to stick around yeah.
- 59:09Speaker 1: You might want to see the final act yeah because
- 59:11Speaker 1: they've it's hard to keep hair no no it's ridiculous
- 59:15Speaker 1: and it's fucked up and our bodies can only hold
- 59:17Speaker 1: so much.
- 59:17Speaker 3: Hair tiffany you have raging boners what i'm sorry.
- 59:21Speaker 1: The guy brian johnson who's trying to live forever he
- 59:24Speaker 1: says that women also get their version of Morning Wood. Okay.
- 59:28Speaker 3: Who's Brian Johnson? Let's take a look at him first.
- 59:30Speaker 3: Is he the guy that tries to live forever? He's
- 59:33Speaker 3: trying to be really old.
- 59:34Speaker 1: Is that him? I'm not sure.
- 59:36Speaker 3: He also sings for ACDC. That's Brian Johnson too. That's
- 59:39Speaker 3: a different.
- 59:39Speaker 1: Lying in bed. Just like Brian Johnson did. There he is. Um, Oh,
- 59:47Speaker 1: there he is. First of all, I thought this was
- 59:49Speaker 1: Matt Reif.
- 59:50Speaker 3: Is that his new special?
- 59:52Speaker 1: It's his new cologne.
- 59:54Speaker 3: Called fucking pig blood. What is this guy injecting in
- 59:58Speaker 3: his wiener this week?
- 59:59Speaker 1: I know that's the only thing. This guy takes a
- 1:00:02Speaker 1: lot of pills straight up the wee-wee.
- 1:00:04Speaker 3: Listen, I'm all for doing minimum two million worth of
- 1:00:08Speaker 3: surgery on my face. But just to do a light
- 1:00:11Speaker 3: dusting and cleanup, this guy's like every day. It's too much.
- 1:00:15Speaker 3: And girls find that out. They don't want a dude
- 1:00:18Speaker 3: that's spending their whole life to look six years younger.
- 1:00:20Speaker 3: It's crazy. Yeah.
- 1:00:22Speaker 1: You don't want somebody who's in there sandblasting their fucking
- 1:00:24Speaker 1: clavicles in the morning. You can't even get any extra sleep.
- 1:00:28Speaker 3: Fucking sanding their nuts so there's no wrinkles in them.
- 1:00:30Speaker 3: Just fucking mew, mew. You got your wiener out in
- 1:00:36Speaker 3: a belt sander.
- 1:00:37Speaker 2: Mew, mew.
- 1:00:40Speaker 3: This guy's- No rinks.
- 1:00:41Speaker 1: Yes. He wrinkled.
- 1:00:43Speaker 3: I mean, I get it. He wants to look. We
- 1:00:45Speaker 3: all do. I'm falling apart. Someone put on my comments
- 1:00:48Speaker 3: the other day, you got old fast, dude. Oh, thanks,
- 1:00:51Speaker 3: you fuck.
- 1:00:52Speaker 2: Oh, thanks.
- 1:00:53Speaker 3: Fly to your house and beat you with a fucking
- 1:00:55Speaker 3: rock dick.
- 1:00:56Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
- 1:00:57Speaker 3: I get really offended by the comments. I'm like this.
- 1:01:00Speaker 3: It's just comments. These people are losers. So I tell myself,
- 1:01:04Speaker 3: the guy goes, no way. I'm a winner. And I go, fuck,
- 1:01:07Speaker 3: he's a winner and.
- 1:01:07Speaker 2: He's doing this?
- 1:01:09Speaker 3: Look at Spade.
- 1:01:11Speaker 1: That's a tough part. Whoa.
- 1:01:12Speaker 3: That's me when I get all the surgery and you go, Spade.
- 1:01:15Speaker 1: Is that you? JonBenet Pico-Gramsey, huh?
- 1:01:18Speaker 3: Fucking, look at those pecs though, dude.
- 1:01:21Speaker 1: Dude, what the fuck? You better spend that money, David. Yeah.
- 1:01:25Speaker 3: Why has he got band-aids on his finger? What's wrong
- 1:01:27Speaker 3: with this dude?
- 1:01:28Speaker 1: And why has he got a half ounce of raspberry
- 1:01:30Speaker 1: kum on him?
- 1:01:31Speaker 2: Splurge.
- 1:01:33Speaker 1: God, how many times you got to jerk off to
- 1:01:35Speaker 1: get that?
- 1:01:35Speaker 3: Yeah, and can you wear the cheapest chain you got,
- 1:01:38Speaker 3: fucking dude? Spending your money on the wrong shit.
- 1:01:41Speaker 1: Wow, is that a Neuralink necklace around his dick?
- 1:01:44Speaker 3: Shave your chest, you fruitcake.
- 1:01:46Speaker 1: God, that guy's been eating his own nipples off, I bet.
- 1:01:49Speaker 3: Hey, you want some cherry fucking pie melted down? Hey, nips.
- 1:01:54Speaker 3: Why would you push in on that?
- 1:01:55Speaker 1: God, those bitches are hard boiled.
- 1:01:57Speaker 3: Those fucking window cutters. Tic-tac-toe.
- 1:02:06Speaker 1: Dude, that's crazy. I don't know. How long would you
- 1:02:09Speaker 1: want to be alive, you think?
- 1:02:11Speaker 3: I don't.
- 1:02:11Speaker 4: Be honest.
- 1:02:14Speaker 3: I mean, I like it now. I'm a little beat
- 1:02:17Speaker 3: up around the edges. I had a rough upbringing.
- 1:02:20Speaker 1: But if you get in a sauna for two days,
- 1:02:22Speaker 1: you'll be balanced right back. You think so? 100%.
- 1:02:24Speaker 3: A sauna?
- 1:02:25Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 1:02:26Speaker 3: You would not let me in your sauna.
- 1:02:28Speaker 1: Oh, it is a good point. You didn't want to
- 1:02:31Speaker 1: get into it. They had the ice bath too.
- 1:02:33Speaker 4: I know.
- 1:02:34Speaker 3: Okay, now here's this guy fighting that.
- 1:02:35Speaker 1: That thing kept me going though.
- 1:02:37Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, on the movie?
- 1:02:38Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 1:02:38Speaker 3: No, honestly, whatever it takes. I was telling you beforehand,
- 1:02:43Speaker 3: you're tougher than me, but movies are fucking tough. They're
- 1:02:45Speaker 3: tough mentally. They're tough physically, and it's just a fucking grind.
- 1:02:48Speaker 3: You have no life. You get up at dark. You
- 1:02:51Speaker 3: go in. every day is a problem. Like we don't
- 1:02:53Speaker 3: have this, this car doesn't work. Remember the cars weren't starting.
- 1:02:56Speaker 1: We're like, the cars, we had to push the cars
- 1:02:59Speaker 1: into every car we had.
- 1:03:00Speaker 3: We're like, did you want it to start? I go, yeah,
- 1:03:03Speaker 3: you have to drive it into the scene.
- 1:03:05Speaker 1: Okay.
- 1:03:05Speaker 3: They got it. You got to tell us this upfront guys.
- 1:03:07Speaker 3: I go, I have to tell you a car should start. Well,
- 1:03:11Speaker 3: it was low budge, but it's still, I mean, we
- 1:03:14Speaker 3: make everything look as good as we can. Listen, Napoleon
- 1:03:16Speaker 3: Dynamite was low budget. It's hilarious. So it's just about
- 1:03:19Speaker 3: where you use the money. It's really just about me
- 1:03:22Speaker 3: and you and just about being funny. So you don't
- 1:03:24Speaker 3: need too much in the background.
- 1:03:26Speaker 1: But it was like, we got two brothers right here
- 1:03:27Speaker 1: that'll push it for like 80 bucks. And we're like, what?
- 1:03:30Speaker 3: We're like 60. Okay.
- 1:03:32Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:03:32Speaker 1: I was like, I don't care if they're related or not.
- 1:03:34Speaker 1: I'm like, we have two guys that aren't related. That'll
- 1:03:38Speaker 1: do it for 120.
- 1:03:38Speaker 3: And I'm like, no, no, bring the brothers. Yeah.
- 1:03:40Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:03:41Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. That's how it was like pushing cars into scenes.
- 1:03:44Speaker 3: And then, uh, I, but I thought it overall super fun.
- 1:03:49Speaker 3: Glad to do it and excited for the final product.
- 1:03:52Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for doing it, man.
- 1:03:54Speaker 3: For sure.
- 1:03:54Speaker 1: It was definitely really interesting to get to do. I
- 1:03:57Speaker 1: can't even, it just, yeah, you learn so much stuff.
- 1:03:59Speaker 1: You're like, Jesus.
- 1:04:00Speaker 3: Well, I haven't really done a comedy team movie since
- 1:04:02Speaker 3: I think Black Sheep and that because it's like growing
- 1:04:06Speaker 3: up since five of us, Wrong Missy was me and
- 1:04:10Speaker 3: Lauren and she was great. It wasn't even really a comedy.
- 1:04:12Speaker 3: She was like all the jokes. I was just reacting,
- 1:04:14Speaker 3: which is important, but it was sort of her thing.
- 1:04:18Speaker 3: So it was fun to go back and forth and
- 1:04:20Speaker 3: on the set when thinking of jokes and stuff. That's
- 1:04:23Speaker 3: the fun part. Those are the fun parts of movies.
- 1:04:24Speaker 3: Once we're in it and we're doing the scenes and laughing,
- 1:04:28Speaker 3: then it's fun. The rest of it's tough. Yeah. God,
- 1:04:31Speaker 3: could we cry? Could I cry? I'm not crying about
- 1:04:33Speaker 3: the movie. It's fun.
- 1:04:35Speaker 4: No.
- 1:04:36Speaker 3: I cry about everything. I cry about the driving.
- 1:04:38Speaker 2: I'm like, ugh.
- 1:04:39Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 1:04:40Speaker 1: We have to give a soft spot in your heart
- 1:04:42Speaker 1: for everything.
- 1:04:44Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:04:45Speaker 1: For having to do stuff.
- 1:04:46Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 1:04:47Speaker 1: It's just definitely, man. It's life. We're being alive. No, dude,
- 1:04:50Speaker 1: we're just talking about it. It's fucking life. Yeah, life.
- 1:04:52Speaker 1: Everything isn't like– I think people don't think that everything
- 1:04:55Speaker 1: is just complete magic or whatever. Right, right.
- 1:04:58Speaker 3: I mean the bottom line is it's funny when you
- 1:05:00Speaker 3: watch a movie. Any movie you see, you go– you
- 1:05:03Speaker 3: don't think about how long, how much shit it took.
- 1:05:05Speaker 3: You just go funny or not.
- 1:05:06Speaker 1: That's all. Especially when you start watching a movie and
- 1:05:08Speaker 1: you're like, this movie fucking sucks. And then they're like–
- 1:05:11Speaker 1: and then– You don't even think. You're like, these fucking
- 1:05:14Speaker 1: idiots got together every day and made it.
- 1:05:16Speaker 3: That even blows your fucking mind. Oh, they made it.
- 1:05:18Speaker 3: They worked hard. This is some rewrite they loved. Fucking bomb. Yeah.
- 1:05:22Speaker 3: When I go to movies, I used to sit through
- 1:05:23Speaker 3: everything because I love comedy. I love movies. And then
- 1:05:26Speaker 3: about five years ago, I started to walk out of movies.
- 1:05:28Speaker 3: It's very hard. I think attention span and everything where
- 1:05:31Speaker 3: I'm like, or I kind of know where it's going.
- 1:05:34Speaker 3: And I'm like, if there's not enough tricks here, I
- 1:05:38Speaker 3: got to go.
- 1:05:38Speaker 1: Yeah. If there's not a good bit of fucking in them,
- 1:05:41Speaker 1: I'm out.
- 1:05:42Speaker 3: If nothing else, someone start fucking someone.
- 1:05:45Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:05:46Speaker 1: Or I'm fucking out. At the very least, dude, yeah.
- 1:05:48Speaker 3: Minimum.
- 1:05:48Speaker 1: Even if it's animals, I'll watch that.
- 1:05:51Speaker 3: Listen, how am I watching that when I know I
- 1:05:53Speaker 3: have stepbrother porn on my phone if I need it?
- 1:05:55Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. I don't need a DNA test to watch that.
- 1:06:00Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
- 1:06:01Speaker 3: You know, in stepbrother porn, I'll tell you, and then
- 1:06:03Speaker 3: I got to get out of here.
- 1:06:03Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me about one of your favorite things about it. Oh,
- 1:06:05Speaker 1: is this a thing?
- 1:06:06Speaker 3: Oh, sperm racing. That's not, is that true?
- 1:06:09Speaker 1: Sperm racing, a new sport. That's KTLA 5, yeah. Sperm raising,
- 1:06:12Speaker 1: a new sport is coming to Los Angeles. You read
- 1:06:14Speaker 1: that right. A startup recently announced the launch of the
- 1:06:16Speaker 1: world's first live sperm race. You'll be able to watch
- 1:06:19Speaker 1: its inaugural edition.
- 1:06:20Speaker 3: Wait, does everyone get a microscope?
- 1:06:22Speaker 1: Right here in Los Angeles. I don't know. Let me see.
- 1:06:26Speaker 1: The startup known simply as Sperm Raising raised a million
- 1:06:28Speaker 1: dollars in support of their efforts to put on the
- 1:06:30Speaker 1: world's first sperm race.
- 1:06:31Speaker 3: I like that you read it so fast. I'm not
- 1:06:32Speaker 3: even understanding.
- 1:06:33Speaker 1: Male fertility is declining. Now you might be wondering how
- 1:06:38Speaker 1: exactly a sperm race works. Well, the founders laid it out. First,
- 1:06:41Speaker 1: a microscopic racetrack for the two sperm samples to compete
- 1:06:44Speaker 1: on will be constructed. The course mimics reproductive system and
- 1:06:47Speaker 1: includes chemical signals, fluid dynamics, and synchronized starts.
- 1:06:51Speaker 3: Is this for the next Olympics? What are we doing?
- 1:06:53Speaker 1: Thank God, dude. I don't know because I'm tired of
- 1:06:55Speaker 1: just jerking off and nobody wins.
- 1:06:57Speaker 3: How about this? I'll get the fucking high jump and
- 1:06:59Speaker 3: that's about it.
- 1:07:00Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 1:07:00Speaker 3: Good dish.
- 1:07:02Speaker 1: Okay.
- 1:07:04Speaker 3: Flop it over.
- 1:07:05Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I don't even want to go. Mine's more like,
- 1:07:07Speaker 1: it looks like a couple... Guys just rolling out of
- 1:07:10Speaker 1: a sleeping bag these days.
- 1:07:12Speaker 3: I like the last scene of some dude in this scene.
- 1:07:16Speaker 3: He goes, yeah, and then it's like, bloop, one CC
- 1:07:20Speaker 3: like this. The guy's like, oh, yeah, you missed a
- 1:07:22Speaker 3: good batch.
- 1:07:24Speaker 1: Oh, I'm working with an eyedropper these days, that's for sure.
- 1:07:29Speaker 3: And the girl's like this, ah, and they're like, oh,
- 1:07:32Speaker 3: there it is.
- 1:07:33Speaker 2: Got it.
- 1:07:34Speaker 3: No, sperm races. Yeah, let's look forward to that in 2028,
- 1:07:37Speaker 3: Gavin Newsom, Olympics.
- 1:07:39Speaker 1: First sperm to cross the finish line wins. That's pretty
- 1:07:42Speaker 1: much it. One more news topic before you go, David.
- 1:07:44Speaker 3: Yeah, the two guys that play lose.
- 1:07:48Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that's true. The two guys that play it.
- 1:07:50Speaker 3: I like on the side. What do you think? Last one,
- 1:07:53Speaker 3: no opinion. Okay, GA, Georgia?
- 1:07:56Speaker 1: Yeah, Georgia 9-11 caller here is dispatcher ordering McGriddle during
- 1:08:00Speaker 1: emergency call. Oh, I hate this kind of stuff. I
- 1:08:04Speaker 1: just hate it when the lines get crossed or whatever.
- 1:08:06Speaker 1: You ever do that?
- 1:08:06Speaker 3: What do you mean? Oh, like a party line?
- 1:08:09Speaker 1: Oh, when I was a kid. Yeah, like when I
- 1:08:10Speaker 1: was a kid or whatever.
- 1:08:11Speaker 3: Party lines, yeah.
- 1:08:11Speaker 1: You'd be talking to your friend, and then it would
- 1:08:14Speaker 1: cross over, and you'd just have some big guy's voice.
- 1:08:16Speaker 1: He's like, these f * * ks are going to die.
- 1:08:18Speaker 1: You're like, who was that?
- 1:08:19Speaker 3: Who was that? Yeah, yeah.
- 1:08:21Speaker 4: Just a line.
- 1:08:21Speaker 1: You've never even heard the voice before. Like the line
- 1:08:23Speaker 1: would get crossed.
- 1:08:24Speaker 3: And then it's your stepdad.
- 1:08:25Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 1:08:26Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I want to hear more about the McGriddle.
- 1:08:30Speaker 3: What about on Instagram when they show cars doing donuts
- 1:08:33Speaker 3: and they always hit somebody?
- 1:08:35Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
- 1:08:35Speaker 3: They go, street takeover. And everyone's like, yeah. I'm like, God,
- 1:08:39Speaker 3: everyone gets hit. You guys get at this point? These
- 1:08:41Speaker 3: aren't professionals.
- 1:08:42Speaker 1: Get out the way.
- 1:08:43Speaker 3: Yeah, get out the way.
- 1:08:44Speaker 1: A 911 caller in Chatham County, Georgia, had a very
- 1:08:47Speaker 1: hard time getting through to dispatchers when he thought someone was.
- 1:08:50Speaker 3: Breaking into his home. Classic Chatham County problem.
- 1:08:52Speaker 1: Just some good old breakfast. When he finally did get through,
- 1:08:55Speaker 1: he said the dispatcher was ordering breakfast. My wife called me.
- 1:09:01Speaker 3: Oh, we got a live report. Go ahead.
- 1:09:02Speaker 1: Let's see it.
- 1:09:05Speaker 4: One call from earlier this year after the dispatcher was
- 1:09:09Speaker 4: ordering breakfast.
- 1:09:09Speaker 3: Look at that statement, Nicholas.
- 1:09:11Speaker 2: Wait.
- 1:09:11Speaker 3: So the person getting the call. It was in February.
- 1:09:19Speaker 3: Here we go.
- 1:09:21Speaker 1: I want to hear more from this horse. He was
- 1:09:22Speaker 1: concerned about.
- 1:09:23Speaker 4: Someone snooping around his home in the Savannah area. He
- 1:09:25Speaker 4: called the non-emergency line first and then called 911 three times.
- 1:09:30Speaker 4: After finally getting an answer, he was shocked by what
- 1:09:33Speaker 4: he heard during the call. If it didn't happen to me,
- 1:09:36Speaker 4: I wouldn't believe that that happened to someone else.
- 1:09:38Speaker 3: That's how unbelievable it really is. This is the bottom
- 1:09:40Speaker 3: Theo Vaughn fan.
- 1:09:41Speaker 4: Once the report on that call is complete, the findings
- 1:09:43Speaker 4: will then be given.
- 1:09:45Speaker 1: That lady looks like your mom a little spade.
- 1:09:47Speaker 3: She looks like a reptilian.
- 1:09:48Speaker 1: Yeah, never mind. Your mom looks sweet.
- 1:09:50Speaker 3: No, my mom's hot. My mom got her knee replaced.
- 1:09:53Speaker 1: Did she?
- 1:09:54Speaker 3: Yeah, you haven't said shit about it. She might want
- 1:09:57Speaker 3: you to call her.
- 1:09:58Speaker 1: Oh, definitely, dude.
- 1:10:00Speaker 3: She's so excited. Oh, where's the movie?
- 1:10:02Speaker 1: That's what she said?
- 1:10:03Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:10:04Speaker 3: Oh, is it fun? It's going to be funny, I
- 1:10:05Speaker 3: can tell. It just sounds fun. She's very positive. Yeah,
- 1:10:09Speaker 3: she's very positive.
- 1:10:10Speaker 1: She is?
- 1:10:11Speaker 3: Busboy sounds fun, yeah.
- 1:10:13Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Dude, I was a busboy for, how long
- 1:10:15Speaker 1: were you a busboy for?
- 1:10:16Speaker 3: Probably two years. I was the worst.
- 1:10:18Speaker 1: That's it? Dude, you told me you were a busboy
- 1:10:21Speaker 1: for a long time.
- 1:10:22Speaker 3: I was a dishwasher for a year. Then busboy, then busboy,
- 1:10:25Speaker 3: then valet parker. No, I would be longer except I
- 1:10:28Speaker 3: got fired over and over.
- 1:10:30Speaker 1: Dude, she does look like the lady. Dude, your mom
- 1:10:33Speaker 1: likes jade. So does my mom. Oh, jade?
- 1:10:35Speaker 3: Oh, that's turquoise. But she wears a lot of jade
- 1:10:37Speaker 3: and she wears a lot of turquoise.
- 1:10:38Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, turquoise, dude. Desert jade.
- 1:10:40Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:10:41Speaker 3: No, she loves it.
- 1:10:41Speaker 1: That sand jade, they call it, you know, in some circles.
- 1:10:44Speaker 3: Look at me with makeup on. God.
- 1:10:48Speaker 1: Does your mom have a good sense of humor?
- 1:10:49Speaker 3: She's the best. Yeah, she's hysterical.
- 1:10:51Speaker 1: My mom looks like Willie Nelson bringing up Pitch Rubber.
- 1:10:55Speaker 3: Bring up real Willie.
- 1:10:55Speaker 1: But she's awesome too. Absolutely.
- 1:10:57Speaker 3: Does your mom like me?
- 1:10:59Speaker 1: She loves you.
- 1:10:59Speaker 3: Does she really?
- 1:11:00Speaker 1: She would way rather have you.
- 1:11:03Speaker 3: Look at cute. Is that you in a bandana?
- 1:11:05Speaker 1: There's my mom right there.
- 1:11:06Speaker 3: Oh, where were you guys? Maybe I would have.
- 1:11:10Speaker 1: Loved you. Maybe I didn't love you.
- 1:11:13Speaker 3: What if she took off a mask and it was
- 1:11:14Speaker 3: Bobby Lee the whole time?
- 1:11:16Speaker 1: You are always.
- 1:11:17Speaker 3: You're always on my mind. I love Elvis and Willie's great.
- 1:11:22Speaker 3: My mom's favorite person is Willie, favorite performer.
- 1:11:24Speaker 1: You're lying.
- 1:11:25Speaker 3: I swear to God.
- 1:11:25Speaker 1: That's my mom's favorite, dude. Look at him. Look at
- 1:11:28Speaker 1: him and look at my mom.
- 1:11:29Speaker 3: She goes, oh, he's sexy. I don't care about the wrinkles.
- 1:11:31Speaker 3: He is sexy. He's so good.
- 1:11:32Speaker 1: Yeah. Talent. Oh, my mom says I'd like to climb
- 1:11:35Speaker 1: up those braids and get into them.
- 1:11:36Speaker 3: Your mom's got a side pony going.
- 1:11:38Speaker 1: Yeah, she rocks it.
- 1:11:39Speaker 3: Where are you guys? Which Waffle House is that?
- 1:11:42Speaker 1: Uh, that's one of the, actually, that was ranked one
- 1:11:44Speaker 1: of the top 600 Waffle Houses.
- 1:11:45Speaker 3: She's like, you're so rich, where are you taking me?
- 1:11:48Speaker 3: You're like, oh, pulling a Waffle House. Oh, you want
- 1:11:50Speaker 3: to go somewhere else? Beep, beep. She's like, no, we
- 1:11:53Speaker 3: can have the Buck 99 special. You're like, mom, I
- 1:11:56Speaker 3: just feel like you're most comfortable here.
- 1:11:59Speaker 1: Dude, she likes it ever since RFK Jr. cleaned up
- 1:12:02Speaker 1: some of their feeding patterns over there.
- 1:12:04Speaker 3: Do you have syrup?
- 1:12:07Speaker 1: That was overheard. We're going to start using it. I
- 1:12:11Speaker 1: will piss.
- 1:12:12Speaker 3: Yeah. Did you hear about the guy that tried to
- 1:12:14Speaker 3: piss in his pool or something?
- 1:12:16Speaker 1: No, some guy was leaving piss somewhere and they hit
- 1:12:18Speaker 1: him with a hammer. What was that article I saw
- 1:12:19Speaker 1: with that hammer, dude? I don't know if that's the
- 1:12:21Speaker 1: whole story. What was that article I saw with the hammer, dude?
- 1:12:23Speaker 3: Oh, my God. This is the last one.
- 1:12:25Speaker 4: Ready?
- 1:12:26Speaker 3: Lot of pee. Man has no idea who's putting gallons
- 1:12:29Speaker 3: of urine in.
- 1:12:30Speaker 1: His recycling bin.
- 1:12:31Speaker 3: We should have started with this one. I like this one.
- 1:12:33Speaker 1: Or why? It's a lot of pee. A man has
- 1:12:35Speaker 1: no idea who's putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin.
- 1:12:37Speaker 1: Or why?
- 1:12:38Speaker 3: Oy, me gosh, me god, me godly.
- 1:12:40Speaker 1: Dude, it's Kappa Sig. That's who's doing it.
- 1:12:42Speaker 3: Dude, I'll tell you. This guy also is on Instagram
- 1:12:45Speaker 3: trying to fill his pool with piss himself. And it's
- 1:12:50Speaker 3: been a year and it's not that much. And I
- 1:12:52Speaker 3: can tell you it's going to take him longer. I
- 1:12:54Speaker 3: figured out, Dane and I on our podcast figured out
- 1:12:58Speaker 3: if you try to piss to fill up the Grand Canyon,
- 1:13:01Speaker 3: if every person did it once a day, it would
- 1:13:03Speaker 3: take 800 years. Isn't that crazy?
- 1:13:05Speaker 1: It's not that long.
- 1:13:07Speaker 3: That sounds like a lot, but that. It isn't that long,
- 1:13:09Speaker 3: but the Grand Canyon is bigger than you think.
- 1:13:11Speaker 1: Dude, remember when your parents left you at the Grand Canyon?
- 1:13:13Speaker 3: No, I don't even bring that up. It's such a
- 1:13:15Speaker 3: sore sub.
- 1:13:18Speaker 1: Just glad to see when your mom happy again.
- 1:13:19Speaker 3: By the way, you don't know maybe Joder's parents. They
- 1:13:24Speaker 3: were maybe doing it as a favor for some reason.
- 1:13:28Speaker 3: We haven't thought of that.
- 1:13:30Speaker 1: TBD, dude.
- 1:13:30Speaker 3: It's a little late to be thinking about the plot.
- 1:13:34Speaker 1: Dude, the best thing was that we got to sing
- 1:13:36Speaker 1: the Beatles. That was the best thing, I think.
- 1:13:38Speaker 3: Where was that?
- 1:13:40Speaker 1: Probably on Busboys, on the movie.
- 1:13:42Speaker 3: We did?
- 1:13:42Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 1:13:43Speaker 3: What did we sing?
- 1:13:44Speaker 1: Anytime. We got to sing it, remember?
- 1:13:45Speaker 3: Oh, we'd sing.
- 1:13:48Speaker 1: Abbey Road.
- 1:13:48Speaker 3: Off camera.
- 1:13:49Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 1:13:50Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 1:13:51Speaker 3: I fucking love the Beatles. Oh, I love the Beatles. McCartney,
- 1:13:55Speaker 3: the Beatles. I love it all, man.
- 1:13:56Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
- 1:13:57Speaker 3: All right. Well, I got to let you go.
- 1:13:59Speaker 1: All right.
- 1:14:01Speaker 3: I'm going to stick around for a little bit, but
- 1:14:02Speaker 3: I'm going to let you take off. No, but thanks
- 1:14:05Speaker 3: for having me. Miss you.
- 1:14:07Speaker 1: Dandelion out now. Dandelion out. We're coming out in the
- 1:14:10Speaker 1: next day or two. Check it out.
- 1:14:12Speaker 3: Yep. May 6th. Amazon. And check it out. Smash that button.
- 1:14:18Speaker 3: Whatever you're supposed to do. I don't know.
- 1:14:19Speaker 1: Hit that like and subscribe button.
- 1:14:20Speaker 3: Yeah, whatever it is.
- 1:14:21Speaker 1: You guys, one of the greats.
- 1:14:24Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 1:14:24Speaker 1: One of the funniest people I've ever met, man. I
- 1:14:26Speaker 1: feel lucky to be able to know you, and I
- 1:14:28Speaker 1: really feel lucky that you came over today, man. Just
- 1:14:30Speaker 1: thanks for making us laugh, dude.
- 1:14:31Speaker 3: I love it, dude. You always crack me up. All right, guys.
- 1:14:35Speaker 3: See you out there.
- 1:14:36Speaker 2: Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel
- 1:14:39Speaker 2: I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh,
- 1:14:47Speaker 2: but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace
- 1:14:51Speaker 2: of mind I found I can feel it in my
- 1:14:55Speaker 2: bones