Latest / The Psychic Explorer / Doubt to Confidence: "I'm Good At This!" 🔮

Transcript

Doubt to Confidence: "I'm Good At This!" 🔮 · The Psychic Explorer

0:01
Hey guys, it's Matt here. Just a quick one before
0:05
the episode starts I just wanted to let you know
0:07
that at the beginning of this episode and my
0:11
vocals are really quiet and I'll explain why
0:14
once the episode gets started But rest assured
0:17
my voice does get louder as the episode progresses
0:21
You won't need to turn your volume up all the
0:24
way for the whole episode So yeah, I just wanted
0:26
to let you know. I hope you enjoy this episode
0:29
guys and without further ado Here we go. Hello,
0:42
I'm Matt and I think I'm a psychic medium. I've
0:49
always been interested in the paranormal and
0:51
the spooky and although I've been open to it,
0:53
I've also tried to err on the skeptical side.
0:57
After all, I didn't think I had had any experiences
1:00
and I certainly never thought it would have any
1:02
impact on my life. But that was then. Now I want
1:14
to explore where this gift will take me. In my
1:17
podcast, I'll be exploring the challenges of
1:19
discovering a spiritual gift, the long path of
1:22
development and... how this new page of my life
1:25
is affecting relationships with friends, family
1:28
and myself. So I invite you to join me as I explore
1:33
my psychic and spiritual journey as my inner
1:36
sceptic and inner medium go head to head in The
1:40
Psychic Explorer. If I'm a bit quiet it's because
1:52
it's... five in the morning and I'm in the back
1:56
bedroom where the half is sound asleep in the
1:59
front bedroom and I'm trying not to wake him
2:02
up but I felt like I needed to record just a
2:06
quick episode just to just to reflect on what
2:10
has happened this weekend if you've listened
2:14
to the previous three episodes you will have
2:17
gathered that I think my biggest battle with
2:21
this whole journey and this whole path is my
2:24
own self -doubt. I wouldn't say I've been played
2:28
with low confidence because if that was the case
2:31
there's no way I would return to this week after
2:36
week but there is that worry and that concern
2:41
and actually since I've been recording this podcast
2:44
I've been reflecting on the reasons why I am
2:48
so uncertain of my abilities of putting myself
2:55
out there of coming out yet again and it's because
3:02
I'm worried about what people will think of me
3:05
you know I've never been someone who worries
3:07
about that I came out I came out to my school
3:12
friends when I was 13 years old I've never had
3:16
to come out as such, I never had to sit down
3:19
with people and say, by the way, I'm gay, or
3:23
it's just been known, it's just been there. I've
3:28
never had to have that conversation with many
3:30
people at all. So I've been really lucky in my
3:34
life because I've not experienced that awkwardness,
3:39
that worry, that fear, because I've always held
3:42
the belief that... if people love you then they
3:45
will love you for who and what you are it doesn't
3:47
matter who you love but with this it's different
3:52
because i've had 40 years of being me and now
3:56
i'm having to no i'm not having to now that's
4:00
wrong i'm i'm choosing to let people know what
4:06
i'm doing and it's scary because with this comes
4:11
a whole load of baggage, stereotypes, concerns,
4:19
worries from people, people that think you're
4:22
just being a bit weird and I don't like the idea
4:26
of people judging me but when I do my readings
4:31
I am putting myself out there to be judged every
4:33
single time and I've really battled with that
4:37
the idea that friends or family who've known
4:40
me for years would now see me in a different
4:44
light is really terrifying. So I want to reflect
4:48
just briefly on what has happened this weekend
4:51
that has been absolutely incredible and has filled
4:57
me with the confidence that I think I've desperately
5:00
needed. The confidence in myself, the confidence
5:04
that I can do this, the confidence that I can
5:09
help people and what this is is not about me
5:14
or egotism or of seeking grandeur it's about
5:20
the love and about the connections that we have
5:23
with our loved ones so this weekend was remembrance
5:28
weekend and on Sunday I was invited to go to
5:32
a service the woman that runs my circle she asked
5:37
if I wanted to come along she invited me and
5:41
a lady from her other circle that she runs and
5:45
I was terrified and I've done this twice now
5:49
and I've not spoken about it yet on the podcast
5:51
but I've gone to two services and I've stood
5:56
up in front of people and I've walked through
5:59
loved ones and it's so terrifying when you stand
6:02
up in front of a room full of strangers the whole
6:06
day I had butterflies I was convinced that I
6:10
was not going to be able to bring anyone through
6:14
when I eventually got up there and I was worried
6:20
I was going to freeze I was worried that nobody
6:23
was going to be able to take any of the messages
6:26
that I was feeling and this terror that I was
6:31
feeling was Numbing, absolutely numbing. Like
6:36
I say, I had convinced myself that nothing was
6:39
going to happen and that I was going to make
6:42
a fool of myself. I was picked up by Nicola,
6:47
the lady that runs my circle, and I was talking
6:51
to her about it in a car on the way there and
6:54
she was telling me that... even 30 years after
6:58
starting doing this herself she still gets those
7:01
same butterflies she still gets those same worries
7:04
and concerns and i was really feeling this pressure
7:09
i have started this podcast and i'm talking about
7:12
the things i can do and yet i'm driving to this
7:15
service where i am expected to stand up in front
7:19
of 30 plus people of people i've never met before
7:24
and I'm convincing myself that I can't do it
7:27
I'm sure that when I get up there I'm going to
7:31
freeze that nothing's going to come through and
7:34
what are these people going to think of me and
7:36
again there is the crux of it what do people
7:39
think of me so we park up and we walk into the
7:45
hall and I recognize one or two faces from circle
7:51
So that's nice because there are some friendly
7:53
faces in the audience but everyone else I've
7:55
never seen in my life before I haven't got a
7:58
clue who they are and I'm sat at the front with
8:02
Nicola on one side and the other lady on the
8:05
other side and I feel like I'm a lamb being taken
8:10
to the slaughter because I think oh this is absolutely
8:13
terrifying and I am terrified like there's no
8:16
other word just terrifying one by one more people
8:20
come into the hall and they take their seats
8:22
and they look at you and I'm sure I'm just projecting
8:26
this but the way that I felt they were looking
8:28
at me was go on then do it go on prove yourself
8:34
and I know that's in my head but that is how
8:38
I felt so I'm sat there and I'm trying to just
8:43
calm my mind and prepare for the unknown for
8:48
what is about to happen and I'm almost praying
8:52
that Nicola's address and Nicola's messages are
8:56
going to go on forever and ever and ever so that
8:59
I don't have to get up and do it myself but the
9:04
server starts and she begins and the first message
9:09
comes through it's not long before she looks
9:13
at me and says are you ready Matt? and I I just
9:17
can autopilot. I don't know what happens. I just
9:20
I stand up and I've been thinking about something
9:24
I want to say as I stand up and I Just talk I
9:30
try and put people at ease. I try and make myself
9:32
I try and put myself at ease by being humorous
9:37
with what I'm saying, but also serious too And
9:42
I thank everyone for being there and thank everyone
9:44
for supporting me and us and I close my eyes
9:48
and I just hope and pray that something's gonna
9:52
come through and before I stand up, I do feel
9:58
energies coming through and I get in my own head
10:02
and I think, is that real? Is that just my mind?
10:05
Is that wishful thinking? But these energies
10:08
come through again and I just gotta go with it
10:12
and it's like you are the top. of a diving board
10:16
a really high diving board and you hope that
10:21
when you dive off of that diving board your entry
10:25
into the water below is not going to be a painful
10:27
one that you can perform that you will be able
10:31
to deliver and I close my eyes and I begin to
10:35
sway and I say what I feel and I begin to describe
10:43
this person can feel I begin to describe their
10:48
personality and straight away I look at an individual
10:51
in the audience and I know that I'm with them
10:54
and I say to them I think I'm with you and she
10:59
looks at me and says yes I think you are too
11:02
I talk about her mother and I talk about her
11:06
personality I talk about how her mother was with
11:10
her when she was alive how she treated her how
11:14
she spoke with her, how she gave her advice.
11:17
And not just in a motherly way, but in the way
11:21
that she gave her advice that made this mother
11:23
unique to other people. And as I'm talking, as
11:28
I'm getting confirmation, I feel another energy
11:32
coming through. It's a gentleman, and I feel
11:35
it's her dad. And the difference between the
11:38
two is incredible. So when I start talking about
11:44
this father, this lady in the audience, she starts
11:47
to visibly tear up. For me as a medium, that
11:52
is a really strange experience because I'm taken
11:57
back to when I did my first reading outside a
12:00
circle with Sarah and her daughter. I don't want
12:03
to upset people. It's not in my nature to upset
12:07
people. It's in my nature to try and make people
12:09
smile, to put people at ease. But I know that
12:14
this message is coming through and that this
12:16
lady would not be here if she didn't want to
12:20
hear from a loved one and I have to trust that
12:25
what I am getting through and what I am saying,
12:28
what I am interpreting is correct and is for
12:33
her and let me tell you that when someone is
12:36
crying in front of you and you know that what
12:40
you are saying is causing those tears the hardest
12:45
thing to do is to carry on and it seems cruel
12:48
in my mind it's awful to put that person through
12:52
that but i was saying to her are you okay if
12:55
i continue and she was like yes please do i have
13:00
to remind myself that when you get this right
13:02
it is a wonderful thing because it proves that
13:05
these people are still around us i was able to
13:09
talk to this lady about how she cared for her
13:13
father in his later years and his personality
13:16
and how he wasn't able to open up and thank her
13:21
and talk to her because that wasn't in his nature
13:23
but now he can reflect on that this all chimed
13:27
with her this all made sense to her I delivered
13:33
that message and that was the first one and the
13:36
first connection is always the hardest because
13:39
there is that self -doubt there is that concern
13:41
that worry that nothing's going to come through
13:43
but I had done it I had jumped off of the diving
13:49
board and so far I was landing okay in fact I
13:55
was more than okay I landed really well and now
13:58
it was time to get out of the pool to walk back
14:01
around walk up the ladder and then all my toes
14:06
over the edge of this Huge dive in board and
14:10
prepare to jump into the abyss again I hope that
14:13
this wouldn't be a belly flop rather than a perfect
14:17
dive And I looked at Nicola and she was like,
14:21
yep, okay great do another one, please We'd agreed
14:26
that we would do two messages each So again,
14:30
I closed my eyes. I am I Tried to see what came
14:34
through and straight away there was another mother
14:36
coming through and I knew exactly where I was
14:40
so I began to describe this mother figure and
14:45
sat in the audience to who I was drawn to was
14:49
a woman and her daughter who I presumed would
14:53
be her daughter and as I described their mother
14:57
and grandmother and I have to admit this was
15:00
not lovey -dovey this person that was coming
15:02
through was not full of love and full of pride
15:07
and all the usual suspects she in life she was
15:12
quite a hard lady and that was her message her
15:16
message to her daughter and her granddaughter
15:19
were yeah i'm gone but now you've got to get
15:22
on with it now you've got to pick up the pieces
15:24
and you've got to move on i felt so awkward for
15:27
saying that because that's not the type of person
15:31
i am i wouldn't want to i wouldn't want to receive
15:34
a message like that but i had to trust that They
15:38
were used to their mother and their grandmother.
15:41
They were used to her personality being like
15:43
this. And it wasn't meant with malice. It came
15:48
from a place of love because she wanted them
15:50
to carry on with life and continue. And as I
15:55
said this, the granddaughter burst into tears.
15:59
And I could see Nicola behind me. She... snuck
16:03
around with a box of tissues and she saw gingerly
16:06
gave the box of tissues to this granddaughter
16:08
who was so affected by what I said and like the
16:15
lady beforehand I paused and I said are you okay
16:19
if I continue I felt like am I okay if I continue
16:22
are you all right and she said yes please do
16:26
this is Definitely my grandmother. This is definitely
16:30
her personality. And I bought through how I felt
16:35
that she passed. I bought through their concerns,
16:40
their worries about Christmas this year. And
16:45
I gave them a suggestion. I felt that the message
16:48
I was getting from their loved one was this message
16:53
of make new traditions. make you ceremonies to
17:00
include this lady that had passed very recently
17:04
to remind them that she was there and that is
17:08
what they needed to hear she came up to me afterwards
17:13
and said honestly that's exactly what I needed
17:17
that was all I needed to hear that was so spot
17:22
-on with her personality I gave them a big hug
17:27
because I just felt like I needed to. In that
17:29
moment, I just wanted to go over and wrap my
17:32
arms around them. I sat down and I was so full
17:38
of relief that I was able to do it and I reflected
17:42
on the times that I had done it before, got up
17:47
on platform, got up in front of a group of people
17:49
I've never seen before, a room full of people,
17:53
and I exposed my soul. Because when you get up
17:57
you don't know what's going to come through you
18:00
are Trusting that when you stand up and when
18:03
you start talking you are going to start feeling
18:06
something and It was phenomenal. It was amazing.
18:10
It had happened again and Not only had it happened
18:13
again but I was getting things right and the
18:19
family members in the audience were able to take
18:22
it and Not only were they able to take it But
18:26
what I was saying was clearly affecting them
18:30
and clearly touching them in a way that was beautiful.
18:36
It was not harmful. It was not painful. It was
18:42
joyful. And it came away from that experience
18:46
elated, absolutely elated. Not only that I had
18:50
done it and it was now over, but... that my nerves
18:55
had proved unfounded. I was able to get up there
19:00
and stand up and bring these energies, these
19:03
people through and they were recognized. So that
19:09
was Sunday night. But that wasn't the end. Hey
19:23
guys, it's Matt here, the usual admin. Hope you're
19:27
enjoying this episode and it wasn't too quiet
19:30
for you at the beginning. Just a reminder that
19:32
if you wanted to reach out to me, I'd love to
19:35
hear from you. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram
19:39
and threads at the .psychic .explorer. I'd love
19:44
to know who's out there listening. So feel free
19:47
to pop me a message and say hi and to let me
19:49
know what you think. Right, that's that all done.
20:17
Let's get back to doing some public readings.
20:23
On Monday night, Nicola also invited me to participate
20:27
in an online service. Now I've only ever participated
20:31
in two of these psychicky things online. The
20:35
first one was way back last year and it was okay.
20:42
And the lady on the other end was telling me
20:44
I was doing okay, but I didn't believe it. How
20:46
could I give this woman who was sitting in her
20:50
front room in Australia information about her
20:53
loved one when I was all the way over here in
20:58
surely old England at that time that didn't compute
21:01
and the only other time I've done this is the
21:05
other week when I went on to an online circle
21:08
run by Matthew Tao and Dana Willie and it was
21:13
interesting because we weren't asked to do readings
21:16
per se we were just asked to Say what we saw
21:20
and for me that's really difficult because I
21:24
Feel a lot when I do this I get the feeling was
21:28
and to Only give what you see For me, I found
21:33
quite challenging and it wasn't smooth. It was
21:36
a bit rough. It wasn't what I was used to Although
21:39
I was getting things right There were a lot more
21:43
nose than I was used to which scared me which
21:46
put me off. I like to be right I like to know
21:49
that what I'm saying is correct. So it put me
21:53
out of my comfort zone, which as I said before,
21:55
is something I need to do. I need to put myself
21:57
out of my comfort zone. And to be fair, standing
22:02
up in front of 30 people and then going on to
22:07
an online service full of people that are not
22:10
even in the same room with just little boxes
22:13
on a screen, it's pretty much putting myself
22:16
out of my comfort zone. So I think you can agree
22:20
that I've done that and that I'm getting comfortable
22:24
with being uncomfortable. So on Monday, this
22:30
will be last night, it's now coming up to half
22:33
five in the morning on Tuesday morning. So this
22:36
was last night. Nicola Rast invited me to come
22:39
along to join this online group. Bright Angel
22:45
spiritual group based down in Essex I joined
22:50
and I was terrified that my my visual and audio
22:53
equipment wouldn't work I'm afraid I'm not a
22:56
big Apple fan. I am definitely Android But I
23:00
wanted my pictures be crisp so we do have an
23:02
iPad in the house and I did use that But because
23:04
I'm not used to using Apple products it It freaked
23:09
me a bit because I was like, ah, this isn't working
23:11
as I want. I don't know how it works. I don't
23:13
know how it works. But I got on and it was all
23:16
fine. And Nicola started her address and she
23:19
started her message. And I know she won't mind
23:23
me saying, but the message that she got through,
23:26
it couldn't be placed. And if I'm honest, that
23:29
made me feel so much better. Sorry Nicolette,
23:34
but it did. It really made me feel much better
23:36
because I thought, okay, if this can happen to
23:38
Nicolette, then it's fine. The pressure is nowhere
23:43
near as much as it was. So she gave her address
23:48
and she gave her message. Unfortunately, nobody
23:50
could take that message. So she handed it over
23:53
to me and... Again, I set a little piece just
23:58
to warm myself up and just to introduce myself
24:01
to the group, try and add a bit of humor, soften
24:05
them up a little bit, I suppose you could say.
24:08
And before I had joined the Zoom group, I had
24:12
meditated and I could feel this woman coming
24:15
through and I knew exactly. What she wanted to
24:20
say I could feel who she was and the impression
24:23
I got from her I could see her in my mind's eye
24:26
quite clearly I'd asked her just to step back
24:29
because it wasn't her time yet But when I started
24:33
she'd be more than welcome to come through and
24:37
as soon as I started this woman bounded through
24:40
again, and I started to describe this lady I
24:43
wasn't looking at the screen on purpose so I
24:45
couldn't see who was had the hands of a who was
24:48
nodding i was relying on the moderator of the
24:52
of the group to tell me when someone could take
24:55
what i was saying apparently the lady who was
25:01
taking this message the first thing i was saying
25:04
she was nodding her head and she was saying yes
25:06
i can take that but i couldn't see her so i was
25:09
just carrying on i was describing this lady her
25:12
personality what she would have been like as
25:14
a mother But again, it wasn't the stereotypical
25:17
lovey -dovey mother. It was a relationship which
25:20
would have been completely alien to the relationship
25:24
that I have with my mother or that I had with
25:26
my mother. Had, have, not sure which way we go
25:31
there. But it was very different to the relationship
25:35
that I was used to with my mother. There you
25:38
go. We'll say that, that I was used to with my
25:40
mother. And I felt awkward for saying that. but
25:44
for her it was true and she could take it and
25:50
I sat there and I was conscious that I was being
25:53
quiet but I had to also just go with my process
25:58
and go with how I felt it should come through
26:01
and I was quietly amazed at the accuracy that
26:06
I was getting the information through and how
26:10
it touched the sitter, the person on the other
26:13
side of the screen. So the first one was done
26:16
and we had agreed that I would try to deliver
26:19
two messages. So I sat and I got the impression
26:23
of a father and I described this person. And
26:29
like last time, the hand went up and the sitter
26:32
was nodding to everything I was saying. all the
26:36
feelings, all the impressions, all the visualisations
26:39
I was getting were fitting and it was so lovely
26:44
to have that confirmation because this was online
26:50
these people weren't a million miles from me
26:53
they weren't in Australia they were in the same
26:56
country at least and even just a few counties
26:58
down but this was happening online I was sat
27:02
in my back bedroom where half an hour before
27:05
I had taken all the laundry out that was drying
27:08
because I didn't want that in the background
27:11
and I was able to relate messages to people's
27:14
children daughters who missed their parents daughters
27:20
who needed the guidance of their parents or needed
27:25
confirmation that the parents knew that they
27:29
could have done a better job and what a beautiful
27:32
gift what a beautiful thing to be able to give
27:36
to people that relief, that knowing. But when
27:40
I came to the end of the second message, I knew
27:43
exactly what Nicola was going to say. And she
27:45
said, really well done, Matt. Want to try again?
27:50
For God's sake. But I did it. And just to caveat,
27:54
she did say that she wasn't trying to get out
27:57
of it, but she just wanted to push me. And I
27:58
really appreciate it because She knows that I
28:02
need this confirmation. She knows that I need
28:04
the validation. And I was doing well. I was on
28:07
a bit of a roll. So I thought, okay, well, third
28:11
time's lucky. Third time's a charm. Let's try.
28:14
Let's see what happens. I bought through a third
28:17
person. And each personality that I had bought
28:21
through last night were completely different
28:24
from one another. They had very different messages.
28:28
They had very different feelings. but each one
28:31
touched the receiver in a beautiful way and the
28:36
citizen's reactions gave me confirmation that
28:40
what I was saying was right and that I needed
28:44
to have self -confidence in myself that this
28:46
was something I can do this was something that
28:50
I enjoy doing this is something that I'm good
28:53
at and I'm sat here and as I say those words
28:57
to you I have to really stop myself and think
29:00
because I don't think I've really ever said that
29:03
before about anything. I am someone who has fallen
29:09
from one job to another. I've been successful
29:13
in what I've done and what I've created in my
29:16
life, but I've never really had a purpose. I've
29:22
never really had a goal. I've When I was a child,
29:25
I knew I wanted to be an architect. That was
29:28
my guiding light when I was younger. And then
29:32
I found out that I had to do a seven -year university
29:35
course and that put an end to that one because
29:37
there was no way I was going to spend seven years
29:40
at university. I was not, at that time, academically
29:44
gifted enough. So I have fallen from one job
29:48
to another. And that's not a bad thing. I've
29:52
always enjoyed what I've done. ethos has always
29:55
been if I don't enjoy it it's time to give it
29:58
up and try something new and that is exactly
30:01
what I've done which is why I have done such
30:04
a variety of different jobs I'm quite literally
30:07
an explorer of life not only do I love traveling
30:11
and explore the world but I explore life I I
30:14
try different things I guess to be a psychic
30:18
explorer is the next step for my journey it's
30:22
not something i ever thought would happen but
30:26
here we are i wanted to record this just because
30:30
i've been laying in bed for the past couple of
30:33
hours just awake wide -eyed and i needed to get
30:38
it off my chest i needed to analyze what has
30:42
just happened i needed to confirm to myself that
30:46
this is a new path for me and I'm not gonna go
30:50
all woo woo, I'm not gonna go all...unrelatable
30:53
because I think actually for me that is what
30:57
makes me unique and what makes me different I
31:00
still live in a physical world but what this
31:03
weekend has proved to me is that there's also
31:06
a non -physical world and I can communicate with
31:10
it and I'm good at it and that's not me being
31:13
cocky I just wanted to get that out there because...
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It's a real -time revelation to me. And of all
31:21
the podcasts I've listened to from other psychics
31:24
and other mediums, I've never had that. They
31:28
don't tend to talk about themselves. They don't
31:30
tend to talk about what their light bulb moment
31:33
was. You hear about the catalyst, but you don't
31:36
hear about the doubt. And I want to show people
31:39
that apparently that is a very normal process.
31:42
Certainly normal for me, at least, that process
31:45
of questioning and doubting. I wanted to record
31:49
live the moment when actually I shifted from
31:52
that self -doubt to self -belief. And I'm proud
31:56
that I put myself out there and that I brought
31:59
healing to people. So on that note folks, I will
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love you and leave you and I will try and get
32:05
another hour's sleep before my alarm goes off.
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So guys... Have a good rest of your morning,
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day, evening, whatever time it is when you're
32:15
listening to this and I will speak to you soon.
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Take care guys, bye.