Latest / An ASMR Practice / Absence makes the fart grow

Transcript

Absence makes the fart grow · An ASMR Practice

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to myself, and what I said was,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: what came out was, absence makes the fart grow harder.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Absence makes the fart grow harder. So, this is my beef.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: This is my beef. It's like, if I'm really generalizing... There's, like,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: two kinds of guys. This is the two kinds of
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: guys I've encountered. There's, like, guys that, like, really want kids,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and they, like, cannot fathom a future without kids, and
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: they sort of, like, see women as, like, just, like,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: a means to the end of, like, having kids. You know?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: And this is not good. This is really not good.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I used to say, like... How to tell
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: if a guy is, like, good for you. Is... How would... Like,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: would you raise kids similarly? But see, the problem with
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: the modern world is... You don't have to have kids anymore. Right?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: And I guess you never did if you just didn't
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: have sex. But, see, that's, like, a whole thing. That's, like,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: a whole thing. And this is how, like, nuns and
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: monks came about, I would imagine, where it's, like, kind
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: of people who just want to live their life, like,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: un- They would say, like, unshackled by bodily... They're, like,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: unshackled by bodily desire. I think is, like, the poetic
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: way that they would probably say it. If they're trying
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: to make it, like, sound cool and, like, respectable. But
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I think the modern kind of situation is that... Most people,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: the people who don't want kids that I know of,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: they don't want kids because they can't afford it or
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: they feel like they come from a lineage of just
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: like absolute insanity. And I'm kind of, I'm kind of both,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: if I'm honest. I'm kind of both. Where it's like, yeah,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I think these, I think this, I think these genes
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: should probably step out of the gene pool. Um, you know,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: when it's our time. And also, how am I going
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: to afford a kid? You know, and I've heard people
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: talk about it. They're like, well, you just figure it
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: out because you have to. You just literally have to.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Because now you've got like an adorable, small being. And
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: you just, you instinctually, you've got to. You've got to
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: figure it out. And I've always said, I think it's, like, admirable.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: When it's deliberate and it's, like... When it's deliberate... I
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: think it's extremely admirable. And also, I guess, I mean...
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: My understanding is... There are certain cultures that are, like,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: really heavily... Imbued. I don't know if that's a good word. Imbued. With, like...
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: like a strict rule of like no birth control whatsoever.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: If you have sex, you have to have a kid.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: But see, this is weird. This is a weird ideology
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: because I feel like in the modern economic climate, like,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: so having a child then becomes a kind of punishment.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: And that's not right. that's straight up not even right.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: You know, even, and you know, I remember seeing people
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: say like having pets is the new having children and
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: having plants is the new having pets. And yeah, straight up.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, I'm like suddenly remembering I got plants
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: at home. I think they're going to be okay. I mean,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I've been in a neglectful kind of era and, I'm
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: just trying it all, and I'm just seeing what it
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: would be like to just be neglectful towards... Steph. You know, people. Because, because,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: let me tell you why. Because... Take your next slight right. Okay,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: thank you. I will do that. Um... I genuinely believe this.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: I genuinely believe. Because the resentment before was like eating
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: me alive. It was actually eating me alive. Take a
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: slight right. The directions are like feeling symbolic. In a
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: quarter mile, merge onto US 17 South. What? This is not. Okay,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: why did I do a slight right? That didn't even
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: make sense. They just wanted me to pause for a second,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I think. They were like, girl, just get over here
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: for a sec. Get off the main lane. There was
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: no other option. The slight right was straight, actually. It
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: was just staying on the main road. Oh my gosh. Oh, no.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: This is not a good situation here. Oh, boy. Okay.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I see. I see why they gave me a little signal.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: They were like, there's some fuck shit ahead. But it's
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: still just kind of going straight. What? Like, yeah, there's
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: a traffic light here, but I'm just going straight. Okay. So...
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: What was I talking about? Plants and neglectful eras. My
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: understanding is like a lot of people did not take
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: school seriously at all. And I distinctly remember this guy
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I was trying to like. involved myself with in some
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: kind of way. I don't know. Continue on US 17
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: south for 43 miles. Thank you. You know, he said
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: something that just sticks with me. It stays with me.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: He's like, I don't like smart girls. I like dumb girls.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: He's like, no. No. Be gone. Be gone, Gagra. I
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: don't like smart girls. And I get it. I literally
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: get it. I think I'm understanding it more and more. Smart,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: like when people think you're smart, they like expect you
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: to be in charge. Expect more out of you. This
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: is like abundantly clear to me. Like I've been punished
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: in the context of like school, public school. And I
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: feel like it was always like a little dramatic. I
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: was trying to start a dance club. I was literally
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: trying to start a dance club. And I like made
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: flyers and I like printed them out and I put
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: them in everyone's little locker crevice. because like my mom
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: was fucking tutoring and i was just like i want
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: to dance i think we should i was like my
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: plan was we were gonna like choreograph and like do
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: flash dances that was my plan that was my plan
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: like fucking high school musical dude i could see it
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: i could see it in my mind And I was like,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know who wants to be a part of this.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: And I remember the vice principal, who was also my
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: freaking brother's, at a different school, he was my brother's teacher.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: At something my brother was not very good at. I
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: don't recall which subject. It's not my business. But then
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: he became the vice principal and the flyer situation was, like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: heavily scrutinized. My... And then I get called to the office, right?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: And it's like... It's like, well, you're a good kid.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: And they said something to me. They were like, if
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: we had a school full of kids like you, you know,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: it would be a better place. They were like, but
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: we don't. And you gotta set the example. And I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: was like, bruh. I think at the time I understood.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, this is my mission. Okay. This
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: fucking guy. Mind you, the sons, and they're like, oh,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: your mom's a teacher. So this is like further evidence
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: for why I gotta be good. And mind you, the
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: other teachers had kids also in my grade. They were
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: like physically fighting each other. They were, like, causing brawls.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And I don't know what their punishment was, to be honest.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: And I didn't really get a punishment, I don't think.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I just had a stirred talking to. They didn't do
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: nothing crazy. Actress. Actress... Gerald. I trust him. The signs.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like trying to read the signs less. But it's hard.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: It's really hard. They're so colorful these days. It's just
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: like flyers. And So yeah, they either want kids really
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: bad or then the other kind of guy that doesn't
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: want kids. I don't know very many, but yeah, let's
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: just say there's a reason. There's a reason. Let's go, go, go, go, go, go.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: And that's kind of what life with kids is too.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: It would seem. Just go, go, go. You gotta just
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: take the kids all over Timbuktu. Take them all over.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: The village. So, I don't know. I think that's the
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: thing I love about art and making art is it's
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: just like a kind of creation. It feels like womb,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: it feels womb-origined in my body. Yeah, I think I
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: definitely kind of want to be on like hormonal birth control.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: At least try it. It is scary. To me. Fucking
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: with hormones. But it was the OG way. Also, chemically
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: shift your body to think it's already pregnant. As opposed to,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on with the copper IUD.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: My understanding is the copper IUD is beheading the sperms.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: It's beheading them. I read that somewhere. That's how they
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: sold it to me. I was like, sounds good. Sounds good.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: It kind of hurt. It kind of hurts, though, to
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: be honest. And I think I think a lot of
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: things hurt. So... Absence makes the fart grow harder. I
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: think that's the closing... That's the closing finale. I'm headed
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: to Georgia. Georgia Beach. It's a park. I'm headed to
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: a park in Savannah, Georgia. Which, Savannah... I feel like
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I knew a Savannah. Ugh. I should go through my archives.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: My archives. Chives. I remember. Oh my gosh. This adorable J1.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: It was on like the special. What would you call this?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Like if you're making a special pizza. We had like
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: a little printed list. Just simple. Simple as can be. But.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: And it said to add chives. And I just remember
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: he pointed at it and he goes, what's a chief?
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: What's a chief? What's a chief? And I had to
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: like look at it. I was like, oh, chive. Chief.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: It made me giggle. It made me giggle every time
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I read the word. I was like, chief. And then
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: it's like, a chief. What's a chief? What? What is
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: it to achieve? Yeah. And it also reminds me, in
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: my engineering class, there were these two fucking guys. There
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: was one that was just, like, a barbarian. I mean,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: they were both, like, white guys, but one was just, like,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: a fucking barbarian, and one was, like, a tech guy.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Who was, like, doing his best to, like, try to
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: do the work. And the freaking barbarian guy... He just
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: kept burping. Like, really grotesquely. And at one point, he's, like, deliberately, like,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: burping in the other guy's face. And the other guy, like,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: as calm as could possibly be. Like, is just looking
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: him dead in the eyes. And I'm kind of, like,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: behind the other guy. So I kind of got, like,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: as if I'm the cameraman. As if I'm the camera.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: And as calm as can be, he goes, I hope
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: you throw up. But the guy's like in his face,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: like actively trying to like force perms. And in my imagination,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I saw it like clearly. Just what would happen if
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: this guy, like, exorcist threw up? Just, like, project into
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: this and how the guy kind of asked for it.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: The guy kind of literally was like, I hope he
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: threw up. And I don't even remember the story I
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: told before this or how it relates, but... They both
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: just made me giggle. So then I was sitting by
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: these guys in engineering and sometimes I would just die
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: laughing because I would be picturing it over and over again.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I have a picturing faculty. They're really good at making pictures.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And I couldn't help myself. I really couldn't help myself.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: It was making me giggle. and you know I think
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: if you have like a dirty mind if your mind
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: is like a little dirty a lot of things are
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: really funny because you can just call things like related
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: things and then it's like dirty it's like literally dirty
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: And then you just can't help yourself but giggle. Because
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: it's a little dirty. And that's like the freaking cup
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I got from the business. I was just doing my job.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Going around to the businesses. I was like. Yo I
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: want this cup. And it felt like such a supreme.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Or like. Sublime gift. They were like yeah. They were like.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: They picked it up. They're like, it's dirty. You sure
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: you want this? and i was like yeah i was
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: like i we can wash it what do you mean
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: it can be washed wash you just gotta wash it
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: off you just gotta wash it off It's all a
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: little dirty and it all kind of hurts a little bit. And...
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: That's all I know. So I'm going to Georgia. Checking
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: out a park. And... I'm comparing beaches. I'm scoping out
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: different beaches along the way. I'm near the ocean, I believe. And...
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: The weather's quite good. It's 71 and sunny. It was...
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: It was spooktacular morning. Bad bitch. They got a sticker
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: that says bad bitch. I wanted stickers so bad. And
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: my partner, who I did trust financially... was like, you
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: do not need stickers. You do not need bumper stickers.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I really don't. Fundamentally, I
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: understand that I do not. But they have these new
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: ones that are magnetic. And this was appealing to me.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: And then they started selling them at the co-op. The
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: exact ones from the exact company. Because I would just
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: go on the website. like multiple times i would fill
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: up my cart and then i would just fucking i'd
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: be like no i don't need this i don't need
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: this i don't need anything is what it evolved into
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: is i don't need anything don't talk to me about
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: need don't talk to me i don't like the way
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: that people use needs And there are needs in the world.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: I think they're like just recognizable. You just try to,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: you just try when you can. Offer what you have.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I said something a little shady to my ex-friend. Towards
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: the end. Because she was like. There's this homeless person.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: That lives like at the entry to. Or that's like
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: always set up. By the entry of my neighborhood. And
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know. She said a bunch about it. And
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: was like crafting a plan. To I don't know. Provide
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: this person with something. I don't remember. And it sounded
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: like a fine plan, but I did say something pretty shady.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, well, I said it would seem
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: more altruistic if you weren't talking about it. And I
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: think that is true, and I think that also was
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: extremely shady to say. Because, yeah, I was just like,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know. You get to a point where it's like,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: this person doesn't freaking listen. And, uh, I didn't know
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: what to say, so I was being shady. Well, if
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I were you, I was being shady. I repeat. Eminem.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people relate to Eminem
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: in the United States. Or did. I did. Let me
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: tell you a story about my freaking aunt that is
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: displaced from the family. She was playing Eminem. I think
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: this was one of the first interactions after they moved here.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: They're playing Eminem. And don't get me wrong, my dad
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: played probably the same album. Huh. I don't know. Maybe not. Probably.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I want to say I can picture the art. It's
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: like very gray. It's a very gray album cover. I
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: want to say it's recovery. I don't know. And I
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: just remember thinking like this is a dirty song to
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: be blasting in the car. And then she and then
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: she like was she overheard She overheard the girlies in
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: my room, you know, speaking to each other. And we
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: were probably having like potty mouths or whatever. Potty mouths.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Like the butthole mouth story. We were having potty mouths.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And she was like, Barry, you cannot be talking like this.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, this doesn't make any sense. How are
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: you listening to this music? And then Karen... About what
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm saying in my bedroom. Like it's my bedroom though.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: This is where I sleep. This is my private time.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: You know and I. I personally believe it's okay to
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: cuss to God. Like when I'm praying. I think it's
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: important in fact. And obviously you wouldn't do it. Like
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: if you're leading prayer somewhere. You wouldn't, like, go out
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: of your way to, like, be grotesque. Like, burping, just
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: burping repetitively in the engineer's face. The engineering kids. That
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: shit was, like, pretty hard. That shit was pretty hard.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: And I did do it. I had, like, good grades
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: in that class. But it was pretty hard. And the
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: demo was pretty hard to handle. Because they didn't know
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: shit about what they were doing. I think I was
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: also like in a... Yeah, I must have been. I
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: must have been like older in like a freshman engineering class. Probably.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: but I don't know. I'm feeling good. Feeling real good.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I made a little bit of money, just a little bit.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I do think like, honestly, work is like a pretty
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: good coping mechanism for stress in a way. And like,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: obviously everybody knows this, like, Well, I don't know. Maybe
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: not everybody has this, but I feel like there's definitely
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: a type of person who, when they're stressed, they just
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: want to start cleaning and organizing. And then there's probably
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: another type. But yeah. I don't remember what I was saying. Alright, uh,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: one last thought. Um. Absence makes the fart grow harder. Bye.