Latest / Career Skills with Fexingo: Hard Skills, Soft Skills, and Future-Proofing Your Career / How to Turn Feedback into Career Growth
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, you know that feeling when you leave a performance review and you're not quite sure what was said? You know, you heard words, but they kind of wash over you. Luna: Oh, absolutely. It's like, "Great job, but maybe be more proactive." And I'm just sitting there thinking, what does that even mean? Lucas: Exactly. That's what I want to dig into today. We talk a lot about building skills, stacking them, making them visible. But there's this underrated element that actually fuels all of that, and that's how we process feedback. The average professional gets feedback maybe a few times a year, but most of us are terrible at actually using it. Luna: So what's the disconnect? Why is it so hard to take feedback on board? Lucas: There's actually some research on this. Psychologists have found that our brains treat social threats, like criticism, very similarly to physical threats. So your heart rate spikes, your defenses go up, and your ability to process complex information drops. That's why a vague comment like 'be more proactive' just bounces off. You're in fight or flight mode. Luna: So it's not just that the feedback is vague, it's that we're literally not in a state to hear it. Lucas: Right. And once you know that, you can start to do something about it. The first trick is to physically signal calm to your brain. Simple stuff: slow your breathing, sit back, uncross your arms. It sounds trivial, but it changes how you receive the information. Luna: Okay, but even with a calm body, if the feedback is still 'be more proactive', how do you turn that into something useful? Lucas: That's where the second trick comes in. You need to translate vague feedback into specific questions. So if your manager says, 'Be more proactive,' you don't just nod. You say, 'Can you give me an example of a time recently when I wasn't proactive in a way you expected?' Luna: That's so good. Because it flips it from a personality critique to a behavior. Lucas: Exactly. And once you get that example, you can start to build a skill. Maybe it's about speaking up in meetings, or volunteering for a certain type of project. Suddenly you have a concrete target. Luna: So what about the feedback that's hard to hear? The stuff that feels like a personal attack, even when it's not meant that way. Lucas: That's the third and perhaps most important piece. There's a concept called 'feedback receptivity'. The research suggests that the more you practice receiving feedback in low-stakes situations, the better you get at handling the high-stakes ones. So you can create mini feedback loops with peers, or even a mentor, where you ask for specific input on a small thing. You build that muscle. Luna: So it's like training for the big review. Lucas: Exactly. And I read about a really interesting case, actually. A software engineer at a large tech company started asking one question in every one-on-one: 'What's one thing I could do differently next week?' She did that for six months, and by the end, her manager told her that she was one of the few people who actually acted on feedback. She had turned a vague annual process into a weekly skill-building habit. Luna: That's such a simple, practical example. It's not about waiting for the formal review; it's about creating your own ongoing feedback loop. Lucas: Precisely. And that ties back to what we've been saying all season about skills. Feedback is the raw material for skill development. Without it, you're just practicing the same habits, maybe getting better at things you're already good at, but you're not discovering the gaps. Luna: So, what about the feedback you get from a peer or a direct report? Does it count differently? Lucas: It does. Research shows that upward feedback, feedback from your team, is often more honest and more actionable than top-down feedback. Because peers and direct reports see your day-to-day behavior, not just your final results. But it's also harder to get, because people are afraid of retribution. That's why anonymous 360-degree feedback can be so valuable. Luna: But for the average person who doesn't have a formal 360 process, how do you get that kind of feedback? Lucas: You ask for it. And you make it safe. You might say to a colleague, 'I'm trying to improve my presentation skills. If you were in my last team meeting, what's one thing you would have done differently?' You're asking for their expertise, not their judgment. That lowers the stakes. Luna: That's a great way to frame it. It's about being curious, not defensive. Lucas: And there's another piece to this that I think is often missed. After you receive feedback, you have to close the loop. That means following up later to show what you did with it. It could be an email to your manager: 'Hey, you mentioned I could be more proactive. I volunteered to lead the next client meeting.' That does two things: it shows you're coachable, and it gives your manager a concrete example of the skill they wanted to see. Luna: That makes you memorable in a good way. You're not just someone who talks about growth, you're someone who demonstrates it. Lucas: Right. And I think that's the real shift. Instead of seeing feedback as a judgment, see it as a gift of information. And you get to decide what to do with that information. You don't have to accept every piece of feedback, but you should always understand it. Luna: So what about the times when feedback feels completely off-base? Like, they're telling you to change something that you think is a strength? Lucas: That's a great question. And that's where you need to dig deeper. Instead of rejecting it outright, ask for more specifics: 'What would you like me to do differently? What's the outcome you're hoping for?' Sometimes the feedback is really about a mismatch in expectations, not a flaw in you. Understanding that can actually help you align better with your team. Luna: And it shows emotional maturity, too. You're not getting defensive; you're trying to understand. Lucas: Exactly. And that's a skill in itself. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is often cited as the most important skill for career advancement. And being good at receiving feedback is a big part of that. In fact, a study from Harvard Business Review found that managers who regularly seek feedback are rated as more effective by their teams. Luna: So it's not just about personal growth, it's about leadership potential. Lucas: Absolutely. And this is something we could all practice, regardless of our role. So, to wrap this up, I think there are three key takeaways: Create a feedback loop with small, frequent asks. Translate vague feedback into specific questions. And close the loop by showing what you did with the information. Luna: And the final piece is to see feedback as a skill in itself, one you can get better at over time. Lucas: Exactly. And you know, this whole conversation reminds me of something we often talk about on this show: building your skill stack. Feedback is the data that tells you which skills to add or sharpen. Without it, you're guessing. And I think that's a really powerful analogy. Luna: Yeah, it's like your own personal analytics. And before we let people go, if this conversation has helped you think about how to use feedback, we'd love for you to support the show. It's what keeps us ad-free and independent. You can do that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Even a small contribution makes a big difference. Lucas: That's right. And we're not just saying that. Listener support is genuinely what keeps this podcast going. And now, going back to the feedback loop, I think one of the most underrated ways to get better feedback is to ask for it in writing. If you send a colleague a quick request like, 'Can you give me two things I did well and one thing to improve on that project?' you give them time to think, and you get more thoughtful responses. Luna: That's a smart tip. And it also creates a record you can look back on. Lucas: Definitely. And looking back is crucial. If you keep those little notes, after six months you can see patterns you'd never notice in the moment. You might realize, 'Oh, I've gotten consistent feedback about my writing, or my follow-through.' That's your hidden skill gap. Luna: So you're turning feedback into a long-term development tool, not just a one-time fix. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the future-proofing part. The people who actively seek and use feedback are the ones who stay relevant as industries change. They're the ones who can say, 'I've been working on X, and here's proof.' That's what makes you uncopyable, to use a phrase from an earlier episode. Luna: So, to bring it all together, the next time you get feedback, even if it's vague or uncomfortable, remember: your brain might be in survival mode, but you have the tools to calm it down, ask the right questions, and turn that feedback into your next skill. Lucas: And that's a skill in itself. I think we can all get better at that. Thanks for listening, and here's to your next review being a little less daunting.