Latest / For the Love of Hormones- Miscarriage, Hormone Balance, Progesterone, TTC, Cycle Tracking, Conception, Holistic Health / 195 | Trying to Conceive? 3 Ways Husbands Can Help Their Wives Feel Loved
Transcript
- Bekah: Megan, thank you so much for your review. What a blessing to have journeyed with you in getting to know about your body and God's design for it. I also wanted to take a quick minute and read a review that my dear friend Katie left on the podcast. She said, Healing and empowering for the love of hormones by Becca Yan has been such a comfort to me, especially while trying to conceive and navigating loss. The episodes are not only educational, but also deeply validating. I've learned so much about my cycle and feel less alone in the process. It's a beautiful mix of science and heart. Katie, thank you so much for your sweet review. ⁓ what a gift to journey with you, my friend. And I just appreciate your words of encouragement. If you have not left a review, please do so. It encourages me to keep going. It helps others to find the show and get the same encouragement that I pray you are receiving. Before we get into today's awesome episode, if have not taken my hormone quiz ⁓ and if you are in this season of trying conceive, trying to get pregnant, maybe you have had a miscarriage. ⁓ Good golly, especially if you've had a miscarriage. It doesn't whichever you are in the same boat. Okay. If your ultimate goal is a healthy full-term pregnancy and you are On your way towards that, preparing to get pregnant or trying to, please go and take my hormone quiz, beccayawn.com slash quiz. This will give you like a feeler or an indicator for if maybe it is your hormones that are off, which ones might it be. And that's a wonderful place to start. So if you've not done that yet, go and take that quiz and see what your results are. It takes like two minutes. Beccayawn.com slash quiz. All right, so let's get into today's episode trying to conceive three ways husbands can help their wives feel loved. So I don't know if I'm gonna stick with the husband theme for this whole month of July, but we certainly have been hitting hard on it. It's just something that the Lord has set on my heart because golly, we're almost at 200 episodes on the podcast, and we have not had very many episodes about your dear and sweet husband or speaking to him. And I just feel so strongly about that because you are not doing this alone. You are doing this with him. And of you are fearfully and wonderfully made and uniquely in the male design and in the female design. And it is a whole this is such an entirely new season that you guys walking through that maybe you never imagined. ⁓ that you would be walking through when you guys said your vows, when you said your marriage vows, you know, for better or for worse, ⁓ that was in there. in sickness and in health, it ⁓ it's to fathom and imagine what your future will look like when you ⁓ said your to your husband. ⁓ And this season is a hard one. It's a very, very hard one. Even if you wondered if you might be able to get pregnant one day not. ⁓ it's so much different living it than wondering if that might be a thing for you. So I have a lot of sensitivity towards this. And I just I see you and your spouse and I see the difficulties that this brings with communication, with physical touch, with intimacy. so today I'm talking all by myself. I know we've had some amazing husbands on the last few episodes to share and to give perspective and Now I'm talking from the girls' perspective to give ⁓ the husbands maybe some encouragement for ways that they can help you, my dear sister, to feel loved in this hard season. So I hope you share this episode with your husband. and let's dive in. So you know, the verse that I'm gonna gonna call on today is Ephesians 425. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved church and gave himself up for her. I'm not here to preach to the choir, okay? Like, husbands, you guys do an incredible job. And you are, you are your wife's rock. You are, you know, as a doula, I I call you, you're the guardian. And in this trying to conceive journey, you are you are kind of like her the guardian her, of her heart and her soul in this trying time intercede for her, to love her, to serve her, to give your life up for her. and this is a holy. and trying and sacred time that you two are walking in together to become more sanctified like christ and dear husband this is ⁓ an to love your wife in a way that is hard to understand a sacrificial love ⁓ but it's it's ⁓ it's to help you in your ⁓ calling of how you are to lead your wife and to love her ⁓ as Christ loves the church and himself up for the church. And so I want to share three tips from just a girl's perspective, ⁓ a lady's perspective, for ⁓ sweet husband, like this would be ⁓ wonderful if you this for your wife and it would help her feel so loved. And sometimes it's kind of nice hearing it from someone else. Because, you know, maybe your wife doesn't want to feel like she's nagging you or bugging you or pestering you. And sometimes it's just these kind of longings in our soul that we're like, ⁓ man, I wish my husband would do this, or that would feel nice. Or sometimes we don't even know how to put it into words. So here to do that for you today, to put into words what is very likely going to make your wife feel so loved. So let's let's dive into this today. number one. ⁓ When she wants to discuss this topic with you. we talked a little bit about this ⁓ week in our interview with sweet Nick and Haley, about setting up a time when is a good time to talk about this, these things, when it comes to ⁓ the discussions of to conceive and her fertility and her tracking and her hormones and her healthcare providers, ⁓ her doctor's appointments, like. or just the desire, or maybe it's the emotional ⁓ of just feeling tired and and and feeling like this forever and and maybe, maybe a little bit hopeless. wherever she's at, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, and when you guys have set up this time to talk about her, when she wants to this topic with you, give her everything. She wants ⁓ your undivided attention because this topic to her. ⁓ This topic to her is so deeply woven into the depths of her soul. So it's not just tell me about your day kind of topic. It's a, this is it, it is spiritually connected to her. It's it goes that deep. It goes past how it affects her physically. It goes past how it affects her emotionally. It is affecting is so deeply woven into the depths of her soul. So it's not just tell me about your day kind of topic. It's a, this is it, it is spiritually connected to her. It's it goes that deep. It goes past how it affects her physically. It goes past how it affects her emotionally. It is affecting her sh on a spiritual level. So when she wants to talk about this fertility subject with you. sh on a spiritual level. Like sit down, stop what you're doing, look her in the eyes. I know eye contact for guys is like kind of weird. I know you guys really like to do things shoulder to shoulder. Us girls, we are all about the eye contact. And we feel so connected and so served and loved when you stop what you're doing and you make that eye contact with her. You give her your full attention, your shoulders are turned towards her. You're holding her hands, or maybe your hand is on her back or her shoulders. That alone, you guys, you don't have to say anything. If you do just that, she is going to feel an outpouring of love from you in such a very, very strong way. So if you, if you don't get anything else out of this episode, I'm like, dang, like if you stop and do that when she wants to discuss this topic with you, you you are doing so well. well. Okay, let's go into the second tip here. So, this tip is to continue to date her. So, however long you guys have been married, maybe it's been one year or two years or five years or 10 years or 15, she wants to still feel pursued she wants to still feel wooed and loved. When it comes to this season that you are in, your intimacy is a huge part of it. And can become trying or it can become feeling like Having it having sex is an obligation. It's something maybe to that she wants to do to please you and make sure she's fulfilling her duties or however she feels about that. but if she is not feeling loved by you, then this really is going to feel like a checkbox to her, which dear husband, I know on your end, that hurts. Like she doesn't I know you don't want this to feel like a checkbox. I know you want to serve her and you want to honor her and cherish her and love her. To the moon and back. And so one of the things that can be helpful in these stretching seasons is to remember to when you were dating or courting or however you guys were were along and getting to know each other. Man, you were pursuing her hardcore. You were so pursuing her with all of your might. You were trying to pull out all the stops to woo her and to her over. I like to share the story of when my husband and I were had just been getting to know each other. We had just met ⁓ were starting to flirt about a little bit ⁓ we were spending a little bit of time together. He he ran about a mile or so. It was about a mile to Chick-fil-A for when were on our college campus and there was a game and I was hungry. I was working a desk shift at The dormitory hall. ⁓ and so I couldn't leave. I hadn't planned well and I was hungry and Chick-fil-A sounded great. And he was like, I'll go get you some. And he literally ran to Chick-fil-A. He ran a mile. He crossed this really dangerous highway, like a six-lane highway. he me Chick-fil-A. He got me Chick-fil-A and he ran back. And when he came back, like he was sweating, his hair was sweaty, his shirt was sweaty. He was like kind of out of breath and he was flushed. But he had the biggest smile on his face. I was like, Did you just, did you just run to Chick-fil-A for me? And he said, Yes, I did. And I was like, my gosh, ⁓ this the guy. So that a hardcore example of what ⁓ my then pursuer to woo me. and you know, as we're married and as the years go on and on, you don't feel like you have to pursue her or win her over anymore because you got her, right? Like you you married her. She married you. And you guys are in this beautiful covenantal relationship. So of course your love is going to look different. Of course, you know, it's going to look different. But what a fresh and beautiful reminder man, if you did something like what Adam did for me when we we weren't even dating yet and he did that for me. If Adam did that for me, and I know he's listening. So hey honey, I love I still love Chick-fil-A. know, if he did that for me, ⁓ would I would or something like that. would just fall in love with him all over again. It doesn't matter that we've been married for 10 years. I would still feel so ⁓ loved and certainly would feel very wooed. So it, you know, here's a little practical thing that you could do is you could take just a few minutes and think back of when you guys were dating or when you were pursuing her. What were some of those really special things that you did for her? And write them down. And maybe you could even have this conversation with your wife. Maybe you guys could listen after and be like, hey, what were some of the things that I did when we were dating or getting to know each other that just knocked your socks off? make a list and redo it or reinvent it or do something like it in this season when it can just feel hard. Like you still get to win and pursue and love your wife sacrificially. In this season. And when you do that, she will feel so drawn to you and she will still feel so loved by you. And when we think about intimacy and praying for a child and having sex and having sex within the fertile window, don't we want that to be an outpouring of our love rather than an obligation? And I know my dear sister who is listening to this. ⁓ Sometimes it can be kind of hard to feel like, ⁓ my goodness, I know when I'm fertile now. And if you don't know when you're fertile, you need to come into my program, Fertility Framework. I will teach you that. That's extremely important when it comes to trying to conceive. but knowing when you're fertile, the wife is like, ⁓ it's time, it's time. Maybe the husband knows, maybe the husband doesn't know, but he'll probably get the gist of it from the wife by how she maybe pursues him. But if if The intimacy comes from an outpouring of love, love from the husband, respect from the wife to the husband. That is where intimacy comes. That is where the renewal of your marriage comes. And such a more beautiful way to have sex ⁓ than do it to check the box, to try to get pregnant, especially when you're doing this month after month after month and maybe even year after year after year. So that's my Tip number two. Okay, we go into my final tip for you guys, tip number three is to her. the female body design are just so drastically different than the male design. And until you go a formal education process with your wife, you are not going to understand what that design is. I always like to highlight these crazy differences between the Catholic Church and the Protestant Church. The Catholic Church requires couples when they are engaged to go through marriage prep. And part of marriage prep is learning a natural family planning method. So I teach one of those methods. You can learn these methods and you can use these methods to get pregnant or to avoid pregnancy. This is required within the Catholic Church. The Protestant Church, the other hand, oftentimes there is some kind of engagement or marriage counseling preparation done. But there is no formal or through line of family planning. So oftentimes ⁓ the advice that you might it it really just depends on the experience of whoever is counseling you. So this may have been similar to your experience with a sweet couple who counseled us and they counseled us in the best that they they had with their experience and knowledge and they were absolutely wonderful. But the the advice we were given for planning out our family and spacing out our kids for how we wanted to was just be very careful with the type of birth control we chose, because some forms of birth control are abort efficient. They can abort babies. ⁓ unknowingly by the couple. And that was the advice that we were given. Whereas now, knowing what I know about fertility awareness methods, it really truly makes me angry and frustrated that we were not given that further education about God's design of the female and the male body and when we're fertile, when we're not fertile, how to conceive, how to avoid conception if we're in a season of spacing out children. And so ⁓ This should have been a part your preparation in marriage and it wasn't. So it's time to do it now. ⁓ yes, most time most of the time, even even if you were in a Catholic you would have paid someone, ⁓ you still would have paid a fertility awareness educator to teach you because it's it's their job, it's their work, right? So that part of what I do inside of framework is you learn one of these fertility awareness methods. And we go even deeper than just the method itself because your goal and your desire is to have a child and to have a full-term pregnancy. And so we do a higher level of tracking than just a basic level. And I'm also talking about this tip of supporting her, your wife wants to learn this. And she you to learn it with her because it will bless your marriage. She wants to feel known. and seen and understood by you. And honestly, when you take this type of course, will know your wife better, you will see your wife better, and you will understand her better physically, emotionally, and spiritually when you learn about design for her body when it comes to her cycles and her hormones and any root issues that might be impacting her conception health And she wants you to learn this with her. And all of these things will truly bless your marriage, not just for the sake of having a child, but for the sake of knowing your wife. so yeah, okay, I I have to give you a little bonus tip here. you know, for couples who come into my program fertility framework, you learn that fertility awareness method. And on top of that, learn to understand what might be going ⁓ on is ⁓ not working right with her cycle. And how can I support her in any changes that are recommended for her to get healthy and for her cycle to be working in the way that God designed it up optimally. And ⁓ favorite when the husbands join not only learn with her, but they are also willing to say, maybe I want make some changes too. And I know that might feel like a a brusque wall to you. But the fact of the matter is when the Lord gives you guys a baby, half of the genetic code is from the wife, and half of the genetic code is from the husband. So, dear husband, you are half of this child and genetics and your DNA matter. You can turn on and off certain genes just by your lifestyle choices. So when wives are encouraged to make lifestyle changes, I always encourage: hey, if your husband is willing, And ⁓ my land husbands, will she feel loved by you if you are at least willing to make some of these lifestyle changes with her that would impact positively the genetic code and DNA of your child? Like that is an incredible way to sacrificially love not just your wife, but your future child. ⁓ I always say it takes two to tango, y'all. This is not just her journey. This is y'all's journey together. so. That is my hotbox. Thank you for listening. if you guys are wanting more information or deeper support, ⁓ please come and join me at beccayawn.com slash course. Get started in fertility framework and learn all these answers. Get this support from me, and ⁓ would just be honored to journey with you guys in this. So again, that's beccayawn.com slash course. let me take a moment to pray over you guys. Father God, we come before you. And I thank you for this couple who is listening. I thank you for their marriage. I thank you for how it so beautifully reflects you, how it reflects how Christ loves the church and how the church is reverent to you, Jesus Christ. And so, Lord, we just pray that you would be glorified in their marriage. I pray that the dear husband would take hold of these tips ⁓ and Joyfully begin to and woo his wife over and over again, and that he would give her his undivided attention when she wants to discuss this deeply spiritual desire to have more children. I pray that he would support her in learning about your design of her body and and his design and your design of. ⁓ The way that you give life, God. It is, it is amazing. And I pray that He would be supportive learning with her and in journeying with her in this process. I pray that you would bless them immensely, God. I pray you would bring answers to them. I pray that you would give both of them a sacrificial love and and respect towards one another. And I pray, Lord, for healing and restoration, and that in your time and in your way, you would bless them with a healthy full-term baby. We pray all of these things in the holy, mighty, powerful name of Jesus. Amen.