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Bayard from Bengal - F. Anstey · Classic Comedy Library

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  Speaker 1: Chapter one of A Byard from Bengal by f Anstey.
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  Speaker 1: This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
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  Speaker 1: the public domain. For more information or to find out
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  Speaker 1: how you can volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. A
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  Speaker 1: Byard from Bengal being some account of the magnificent and
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  Speaker 1: spanking career of chunder Bindebunn Bosch esquire b A Cambridge
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  Speaker 1: by hurry Bungshow jabberjee b a, Calcutta University author of
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  Speaker 1: Jottings and Tittlings, et cetera, et cetera, to which is
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  Speaker 1: appended the parables and proverbs of Pill Josh freely translated
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  Speaker 1: from the original Stiptick by another hand, with introduction notes
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  Speaker 1: and appendix by the above hurry Bungshow jabberjee b A.
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  Speaker 1: The whole edited and revised by f Anstey. Preliminary. I
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  Speaker 1: have the honor humbly to inform my readers that, after
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  Speaker 1: prolonged consumption of midnight oil, I succeeded in completing this
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  Speaker 1: imposing society novel, which is now by the indulgence of
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  Speaker 1: my friends and kind fathers. The honorable publishers laid at
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  Speaker 1: their feet my inducement to this enterprise was the spectacle
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  Speaker 1: of very inferior rubbish palmed off by so called popular
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  Speaker 1: novelists such as Honorable s Kipling, Joshua Berry, Anthony Weyman,
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  Speaker 1: Stanley Hope, and the collaborative but feminine authoresses of the
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  Speaker 1: Red Thumb in the Pottage, all of whom profess very
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  Speaker 1: very incorrectly to give accurate, reliable descriptions of Indian English
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  Speaker 1: or Scotch episodes. The pity of it that a magnificent
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  Speaker 1: and gullible British public should be suckled like a babe
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  Speaker 1: on such spoon meat and small beer. Would no one
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  Speaker 1: arise inflamed by the pure enthusiasm of his Cacothi's scremende
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  Speaker 1: and write a romance which shall secure the pluriphery of British, American,
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  Speaker 1: Anglo Indian, colonial and continental readers by dint of its
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  Speaker 1: imaginary power and slavish fidelity to nature. And since Echo
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  Speaker 1: answered that no one replied to this invitation, I, like
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  Speaker 1: a fool, as some will say, rushed in where angels
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  Speaker 1: were apprehensive of being too bulky to be born, Being
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  Speaker 1: naturally acquainted with gentlemen of my own nationality and education,
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  Speaker 1: and also of course knowing London and suburban society. Ab
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  Speaker 1: ovo uske admala, or from the new laid egg to
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  Speaker 1: the stage when it is beginning to go bad. I
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  Speaker 1: decided to take as my theme the adventures of a
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  Speaker 1: typically splendid representative of young India on British soil, and
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  Speaker 1: I am in earnest hopes to avoid the shocking solecisms
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  Speaker 1: and exaggerations indulged in by ordinary English novelists. I have
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  Speaker 1: been compelled to take to penmanship of this sort owing
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  Speaker 1: to pressure of res angusta Domi, the immoderate increase of
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  Speaker 1: hostages of fortune and proportionate falling off of emoluments from
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  Speaker 1: my profession as barrister at law. Therefore, I hope that
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  Speaker 1: all concern will smile favorably upon my new departure, and
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  Speaker 1: will please kindly understand that if my English literary style
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  Speaker 1: has suffered any deterioration, it is solely due to my
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  Speaker 1: being out of practice, and such spots on the sun
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  Speaker 1: must be excused as mere flies in ointment. After forming
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  Speaker 1: my resolution of writing a large novel, I confided it
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  Speaker 1: to my crony mister ram Ashushtosh Law, who warmly recommended
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  Speaker 1: me to persevere in such a magnum opus. So I
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  Speaker 1: became divinely inflated, periodically every evening from eight to twelve
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  Speaker 1: p m. Disregarding all entreaties from feminine relatives to stop,
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  Speaker 1: and indulge in a blowout on ordinary eatables like Archimedes
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  Speaker 1: when Troy was captured, who was so engrossed in writing
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  Speaker 1: prepositions on the sand that he was totally unaware that
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  Speaker 1: he was being barbarously slaughtered. And at length my colossal
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  Speaker 1: effusion was completed, and I had written myself out, after
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  Speaker 1: which I had the indescribable joy and felicity to read
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  Speaker 1: my composition to my mother's in law and wives and
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  Speaker 1: their respective progenies and offspring, Whereupon, although they were not
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  Speaker 1: acquainted with a word of English, they were overcome by
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  Speaker 1: such severe admiration for my fecundity and native eloquence that
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  Speaker 1: they swooned with rapture. I am not as superstitious, but
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  Speaker 1: I took the trouble to consult a soothsayer as to
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  Speaker 1: the probable fortunes of my undertaking, and he at once
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  Speaker 1: confidently predicted that my novel was to render all readers
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  Speaker 1: dumb as fishes with sheer amazement and prove a very
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  Speaker 1: fine feather in my cap. For abably above reasons, I
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  Speaker 1: am modestly confident that it will be generally recognized as
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  Speaker 1: a masterpiece, especially when it is remembered that it is
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  Speaker 1: the work of a native Indian whose prentice hand is
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  Speaker 1: still a novice in wielding the currente calamo of fiction.
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  Speaker 1: I cannot conclude without some allusion to the drawings which
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  Speaker 1: are I believe to adorn my work, but which I
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  Speaker 1: have not yet been enabled to inspect. Owing to the
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  Speaker 1: fact that having fish of more importance to fry at
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  Speaker 1: the time, I commissioned a certain young English friend, the
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  Speaker 1: same who furnished sundry poetic headings for chapters, to engage
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  Speaker 1: a designer for the pictorial department. Needless to say, I
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  Speaker 1: intended that he was to award the apple only to
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  Speaker 1: some royal academician of distinguished talents. Yet at the eleventh hour,
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  Speaker 1: when too late to make other arrangements, I am informed
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  Speaker 1: that the job has been entrusted to a certain Bernadir Patrici,
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  Speaker 1: whose name, though probably incorrectly transcribed, certainly denotes a draftsman
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  Speaker 1: of native Indian origin. Whether he is fully competent for
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  Speaker 1: such attack, I cannot at present say, but unless he
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  Speaker 1: is qualified, like myself by actual residents in Great Britain,
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  Speaker 1: I fear that he may not possess sufficient familiarity with
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  Speaker 1: the customs and solecisms of English society to avoid at
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  Speaker 1: least a few ludicrous and even lamentable mistakes. To guard
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  Speaker 1: against such contingencies, I shall insert a note or comment
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  Speaker 1: opposite each picture as it is submitted to me, pointing
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  Speaker 1: out in what respects if any the artist has failed
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  Speaker 1: to represent the author's intentions. I sincerely hope that I
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  Speaker 1: may now and then be able to pat the aforesaid
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  Speaker 1: mister p on the back, instead of acting as a
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  Speaker 1: rhadamanthus to wrap his knuckles. Chapter one, From Calcutta to
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  Speaker 1: Cambridge over Sea route. At sea, the stoutest stomach jerks
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  Speaker 1: far far away from native soil when ocean's heaving waterworks
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  Speaker 1: burst out in Brobdingnagian boil stands are written at sea
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  Speaker 1: by A. H. B. J unpublished. The waves of Neptune
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  Speaker 1: erected their seething and angry crests to incredible altitudes overhead
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  Speaker 1: in folgs inous storm clouds, the thunder rumbled its terrific bellows,
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  Speaker 1: and from time to time the ghastly flare of lightning
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  Speaker 1: eliminated the entire neighborhood. The tempest howled like a lost
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  Speaker 1: dog through the cordage of the good ship Rohocund Captain
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  Speaker 1: O Williams, which lurched through the vasty deep, as though
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  Speaker 1: overtaken by the drop too much. At one moment, her
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  Speaker 1: poop was pointed towards celestial regions. At another it aimed
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  Speaker 1: itself at the recesses of Davy Jones's locker. And such
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  Speaker 1: was the fury of the gale that only a paucity
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  Speaker 1: of the ship's passengers remained perpendicular. And mister chunder bindebun
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  Speaker 1: Bosch was recumbent on his beam end, prostrated by severe sickishness,
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  Speaker 1: and hourly expecting to become initiated in the great secret.
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  Speaker 1: Bitterly did he lament his hard lines and venturing upon
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  Speaker 1: the blackwater, to be snipped off in the flower of
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  Speaker 1: his adolescence, and never again to behold the beloved visages
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  Speaker 1: of his relations. So heart rending were his tears and
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  Speaker 1: groans that they moved all on board. And honorable mister
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  Speaker 1: Commissioner Copsey, who was returning on leave, kindly came to
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  Speaker 1: inquire the cause of such vociferous lachrymation. What is the
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  Speaker 1: martyr Babu? Began the Commissioner in paternal tones, Why are
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  Speaker 1: you kicking up the shindy of such a deuce's own hullaballoo?
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  Speaker 1: Because anabas Sir responded, mister Bosh, I am in lively
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  Speaker 1: expectation that waters will rush in and extinguish my vital spark. Pooh,
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  Speaker 1: said mister Commissioner, genially, this is only the moiety of
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  Speaker 1: a gale, and there is not the slightest danger. Having
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  Speaker 1: received this assurance, mister Bosch's natural courage revived, and coming
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  Speaker 1: up on deck, he braved the tempest with the cool
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  Speaker 1: composure of a cucumber, admonishing all his fellow passengers that
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  Speaker 1: they were not to get way to panic, seeing that
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  Speaker 1: death was the commonweight of all, and though everyone must
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  Speaker 1: die once, it was an experience that could not be
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  Speaker 1: repeated with much philosophy of a similar kind, which astonished
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  Speaker 1: many who had falsely supposed him to be pusillanimous. The
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  Speaker 1: remainder of the voyage was uneventful, and soon after setting
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  Speaker 1: his feet on British territory, mister Bosh became an alumnus
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  Speaker 1: and undergraduate of the alma mater of Cambridge. I shall
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  Speaker 1: not attempt to relate at any great length the history
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  Speaker 1: of his collegiate career, because, being myself a graduate of
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  Speaker 1: Calcutta University, I am not, of course proficient in the
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  Speaker 1: customs and etiquettes of any rival seminaries, and should probably
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  Speaker 1: make one or two trivial slips which would instantly be
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  Speaker 1: pounced upon and held up for derision by carping critics.
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  Speaker 1: So I shall content myself with mentioning a few leading
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  Speaker 1: facts and incidents. Mister Bosh very soon wormed himself up
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  Speaker 1: into the good graces of his fellow college boys, and
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  Speaker 1: his principal friend and fidus, Achates, was a young, high
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  Speaker 1: spirited aristocrat entitled Lord Jack Jolly, the only son of
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  Speaker 1: an earl who had lately been promoted to the dignity
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  Speaker 1: of a baronetcy. Lord Jolly and mister Bosh were soon
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  Speaker 1: as inseparable as a demon and pythoness, and though no
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  Speaker 1: na bob to wallow and filthy lucre, mister Bosch gave
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  Speaker 1: frequent entertainments to his friends, who were hugely delighted by
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  Speaker 1: the elegance of his hospitality in the garrility of his conversation. Unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: the fame of these barmecide feasts soon penetrated the ears
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  Speaker 1: of the college gurus, and mister Bosch's Mulevie sent for
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  Speaker 1: him and severely reprimanded him for neglecting to study his
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  Speaker 1: little god degree and squandering his immense abilities and talents
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  Speaker 1: on mere guzzling. Whereupon mister Bosch shed tears of contrition,
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  Speaker 1: embracing the feet of his senile tutor, and promising that
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  Speaker 1: if only he was restored to favor, he would become
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  Speaker 1: more diligent in future. And honorably did he fulfill his
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  Speaker 1: nadum pactum, for he became a most exemplary bookworm, burning
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  Speaker 1: his midnight candle at both ends in the endeavor to
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  Speaker 1: cram his mind with belesletris. But he was assailed by
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  Speaker 1: a temptation which I cannot forbear to chronicle. One evening,
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  Speaker 1: as he was pouring over his learned tomes, who should
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  Speaker 1: arrive but a deputation of prominent Cambridge boatmen and athletics
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  Speaker 1: to entreat him to accept a stroke ore of the
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  Speaker 1: University eight in the forthcoming race with Oxford College. This,
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  Speaker 1: as all aquatics will agree, was no small compliment, particularly
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  Speaker 1: to one who was so totally unburst in wielding the
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  Speaker 1: flashing oar. But the authorities had beheld him propelling a
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  Speaker 1: punt boat with marvelous dexterity by dint of a paddle
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  Speaker 1: and taking the length of his foot. On that occasion
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  Speaker 1: they had divined a Hercules and ardently desired him as
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  Speaker 1: a can confederate. Mister Bosch was profoundly moved college misters
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  Speaker 1: and friends. He said, I welcome this invitation with a
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  Speaker 1: joyful and thankful height, as an honor not to this
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  Speaker 1: poor self, but to young India. Nevertheless, I am compelled
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  Speaker 1: by Dir Naksstas to return the polite negative gladly. I
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  Speaker 1: would help you to inflict crushing defeat upon our presumptuous foe.
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  Speaker 1: But I see a hand you cannot see that beckons
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  Speaker 1: me away. I hear a voice you cannot hear that
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  Speaker 1: wheezes not today. In other words, gentlemen, I am now
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  Speaker 1: actively engaged in the Titanic struggle to floor Lilgo. It
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  Speaker 1: is glorious to obtain a victory over Oxonian rivals. But misters,
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  Speaker 1: there is an enemy, it is still more glorious to pulverize,
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  Speaker 1: and that enemy is oneself. The deputation then withdrew with
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  Speaker 1: falling crests, though unable to refrain from admiring the firmness
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  Speaker 1: and fortitude which a mere native student had known, an
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  Speaker 1: invitation which to most European youths would have proved an
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  Speaker 1: irresistible attraction. Nor did they cherish any resentment against mister Bosch,
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  Speaker 1: even when, in the famous intercollegiate race of that year
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  Speaker 1: from Hammersmith to Putney, Cambridge was ingloriously bumped and Oxford
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  Speaker 1: won in a common canter. End of chapter one read
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  Speaker 1: by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggy Bark
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  Speaker 1: dot blogspot dot com. Chapter two of a buy Ard
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  Speaker 1: from Bengal by fanste This LibriVox recording is in the
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  Speaker 1: public domain recording by Don W. Jenkins. Chapter two, How
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  Speaker 1: mister Bosch delivered a damsel from a demented cow o
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  Speaker 1: cow in hours of mental ease, thou chewest cuds beneath
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  Speaker 1: the trees, but ah, when madness rocks thy brow an
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  Speaker 1: awkward customer art thou nature poem furnished to order by
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  Speaker 1: young English friend. Mister Bosch's dill leance that his books
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  Speaker 1: was rewarded by getting through his little go with such
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  Speaker 1: a claw, that he was admitted to become a baccalaureate,
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  Speaker 1: and further presented with the greatest distinction the Vice Chancellor
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  Speaker 1: could bestow upon him. That is the title of a
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  Speaker 1: wooden spoon. But here I must not omit to narrate
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  Speaker 1: a some mut startling catastrophe in which mister Bosch figured
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  Speaker 1: as the god out of machinery. It was an afternoon
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  Speaker 1: before he went up to pass his little go exam,
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  Speaker 1: and since all work and no play is apt to
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  Speaker 1: render any jack a dull, he was recreating himself by
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  Speaker 1: a solitary promenade in some fields in the vicinity of Cambridge,
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  Speaker 1: when suddenly his startled ears were dumbfounded to perceive the
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  Speaker 1: blood curdling sound of loud female vociferations. On looking up
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  Speaker 1: from his reverie, he was horrified by the spectacle of
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  Speaker 1: a young and beauteous maiden being vehemently pursued by an
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  Speaker 1: irate cow whose reasoning faculties were too obviously in the
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  Speaker 1: words of Ophelia, like sweet bells bangled, or in other words,
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  Speaker 1: non compassmentus and having rats in her upper story. The
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  Speaker 1: young lady, possessing the start and also the advantage of
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  Speaker 1: superior juvenility, had the precedence of the cow by several yards,
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  Speaker 1: and attained the umbrageous shelter of a tree stem, behind
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  Speaker 1: which she tremulously awaited the arrival of her bloodthirsty antagonist.
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  Speaker 1: As he noted her jewel like eyes, profuse hair, and
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  Speaker 1: panting bosom. Mister Bosch's triangle of flesh footnote videlicit his heart,
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  Speaker 1: and a footnote was instantaneously ignited by love at first sight.
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  Speaker 1: The intelligent reader will please understand that the foregoing refers
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  Speaker 1: to the maiden and not at all to the cow,
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  Speaker 1: which was of no excessive pulkratude. But I am not
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  Speaker 1: to be responsible for the ambiguities of the English language.
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  Speaker 1: There was not a moment to be squandered. Mister Bosch
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  Speaker 1: had just time to recommend her earnestly to remain in
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  Speaker 1: statu quo before setting off to run ventra attera in
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  Speaker 1: the direction whence he had come. The distracted animal, abandoning
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  Speaker 1: the female in distress, immediately commenced to hew and cry
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  Speaker 1: after our hero, who was compelled to cast behind him
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  Speaker 1: his collegiate cap, like tubbed to a whale. The savage
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  Speaker 1: cow ruthlessly impaled the cap on one of its horns,
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  Speaker 1: and then resumed the chase. Mister Bosch scampered for his
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  Speaker 1: full value, but with all his incredible activity, he had
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  Speaker 1: the misery of feeling his alternate heels scorched by the
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  Speaker 1: fiery snorts of the maniacal quadruped. Then he stripped from
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  Speaker 1: his shoulders his students robe, relinquishing it to the tender
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  Speaker 1: mercies of his ruthless prosecutress. While he nimbly surmounted a gate,
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  Speaker 1: the cow only delayed sufficiently to rend the garment into
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  Speaker 1: innumerable fragments, after which it cleared the gate with a
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  Speaker 1: single hop and renewed the chase after mister Bosch's stern
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  Speaker 1: till he was forced to discard his ivory headed umbrella
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  Speaker 1: to the animal's destroying fury. This enabled him to gain
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  Speaker 1: the walls of the town and reach the bazaar, where
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  Speaker 1: the whole population was in consternation at witnessing such a
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  Speaker 1: shuddering race for life, and made themselves conspicuous by their
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  Speaker 1: absence in back streets mister Bosch, however, ran on undauntedly
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  Speaker 1: until perceiving that the delirious creature was irrevocably bent on
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  Speaker 1: running him to earth. He took the flying leap into
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  Speaker 1: the shop of a cheese merchant, where he cleverly entrenched
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  Speaker 1: himself behind the receipt of custom. With the headlong impetuosity
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  Speaker 1: of a distraught the cow followed and charged the barrier
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  Speaker 1: with such insensate fury that her horns and appertaining head
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  Speaker 1: were inextricably embedded in a large tub of margarine butter.
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  Speaker 1: At this our hero, judging that the wings of his
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  Speaker 1: formidable foe were at last clipped, sallied boldly forth, and,
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  Speaker 1: summoning a police officer, gave the animal into custody as
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  Speaker 1: a disturber of the peace. By such coolness and savoir
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  Speaker 1: faire in a distressing emergency, he acquired great kudos in
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  Speaker 1: the eyes of all his fellow students, who regarded him
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  Speaker 1: as the conquering hero Alas and Alack. When he repaired
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  Speaker 1: to the field to receive the thanks and praises of
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  Speaker 1: the maiden he had so fortunately delivered, he had the
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  Speaker 1: mortification to discover that she had vanished and left not
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  Speaker 1: a wreck behind her, nor with all his endeavors could
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  Speaker 1: he so much as learn her name, condition or whereabouts.
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  Speaker 1: But the remembrance of her manifold charms rendered him moon
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  Speaker 1: struck with the tender passion, And notwithstanding his success in
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  Speaker 1: florring the most difficult exams, his Bosom's lord sat tightly
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  Speaker 1: on its throne and was not too jump until he should, again,
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  Speaker 1: if ever, confront his mysterious fascinator. Having emerged from the
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  Speaker 1: shell of his statute pupillari under the fostering warmth of
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  Speaker 1: his alma mater, mister Bosh next proceeded as a full
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  Speaker 1: fledged b a to the metropolis and became a candidate
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  Speaker 1: for forensic honors at one of the legal temples, lodging
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  Speaker 1: under the elegant roof of a matron who regarded him
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  Speaker 1: as her beloved son for twenty one rupees per week,
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  Speaker 1: and attending lectures with such assiduity that he soon acquired
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  Speaker 1: a nodding acquaintance with every branch of jurisprudence. And when
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  Speaker 1: he went up for bar exam, he displayed his phenomenal
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  Speaker 1: proficiency to such an extent that the Lord Chancellor begged
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  Speaker 1: him to accept one of the best seats on the
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  Speaker 1: judge's bench, an honor which, to the best of his
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  Speaker 1: deponent's knowledge and belief, has seldom before been offered to
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  Speaker 1: a raw tyro, and never certainly to a young Indian student. However,
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  Speaker 1: with rare modesty, mister Bosch declined the offer, not considering
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  Speaker 1: himself sufficiently ripe as yet to lay down laws, and
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  Speaker 1: also desirous of gathering roses while he might, and mixing
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  Speaker 1: himself in first class English societies. I am painfully aware
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  Speaker 1: that such incident, says the above, will seem very mediocre
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  Speaker 1: and humdrum to most readers. But I shall request them
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  Speaker 1: to remember that no hero can achieve anything very striking
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  Speaker 1: while he is still a hobbardyhoy, and that I cannot,
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  Speaker 1: like some popular novelists, insult their intelligence by concocting cock
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  Speaker 1: and bult occurrences which the smallest exercise of ordinary common
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  Speaker 1: sense must show to be totally incredible. By and by,
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  Speaker 1: when I come to deal with mister Bosch's experiences in
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  Speaker 1: the upper tenth of London society, with which I may
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  Speaker 1: claim to have rather a profound familiarity, I will boldly
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: undertake that there shall be no lack of excitement. Therefore,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: have a little patience indulgent misters. End of chapter two
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggybark
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: dot blogspot dot com. Chapter three of a Buyerd from
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Bengal by f An's This LibriVox recording is in the
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins, Chapter three, The
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: involuntary Fascinator. Please do not pester me with unwelcome attentions,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: since to respond, I have no intentions. Your charms are
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: deserving of honorable mentions, but previous attachment compels these abstentions
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: an unwilling wood to his wooer original unpublished poem by H. B. J.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Mister Bosch was very soon enabled to make his debut
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: as a pleader for the Muktars sent him briefs as
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: thick as an autumn leaf in Volombrosa, and having on
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: one occasion to prosecute a youth who had embezzled an
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: elderly matron, Mister Bosch's eloquence and pathos melted the jury
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: into a flood of tears, which procured the triumphant acquittal
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: of the prisoner. But the bau of Achilles, which, as
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: poet Homer informs us, was his only vulnerable point, must
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: be untied occasionally, and accordingly, mister Bosh occasionally figured as
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: the gay dog in upper class societies, and was not
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: long in winning a reputation in smart circles as a
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: champion bounder, for he did greet those he met with
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: a pleasant, obsequious affability and familiarity, which easily endeared him
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: to all hearts. In his appearance he would, but for
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: a somewhat mediocre stature and tendency to a precocious obesity,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: have strikingly resembled the well known statuary of the Apollo
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: bell View. And he was, in consequence inordinately admired by
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: aristocratic feminines, who were enthralled by the fluency of his
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: small talk, and competed desperately for the honor of his
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: company at their afternoon at home teas. It was at
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: one of these exclusive festivities that he first met the
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Duchess Dickinson, and as we shall see hereafter, that meeting
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: took place in an evil ominous hour for our As
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: it happened, the honorable high born hostess proposed a certain
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: card game known as penny Napkin and fate decreed that
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch should sit contiguous to the Duchess's grace, who,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: by lucky speculations, was the winner of incalculable riches. But
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: hoity toity, what were his dismay and horror when he
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: detected that by her ledger domain in double dealings, she
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: habitually contrived to assign herself five pictured cards of leading importance.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: How to act in such an unprecedented dilemma As a
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: chivalrous it was repugnant to him to accuse a duchess
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: of sharping at cards, and yet at the same time
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: he could not stake his fortune against such a foregone conclusion.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: So he very tactfully contrived, by engaging the Duchess's attention,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: to substitute his card hand for hers and thus affect
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the exchange, which is no robbery. And she, finally, observing
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: his finesse, and struck by the delicacy with which he
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: had so unostentatiously rebuked her duplicity, earnestly desired his further acquaintance.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: For a time. Mister Bosh, doubtless obeying one of those
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: supernatural and presentimental monitions which were undreamed of in the
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Horatian philosophy, resisted all her advances, but alas the hour
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: arrived in which he became as Samson with Delilah. It
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: was at the very summit of the season, during a
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: brilliantly fashionable ball at the Ladbroke Hall, Archer Street, Bayswater,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: whither all the elites of tip top London society had congregated.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Mister Bosch was present, but standing apart, overcome with his
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: bashfulness at the paucity of upper feminine apparel, and designing
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: to take his premature hook, when the beauteous Duchess in passing,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: surreptitiously flung over him a dainty nose handkerchief deliciously perfumed
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: with extract of cherry blossoms with native penetration into feminine
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: cocote trees. He interpreted this as an intimation that she
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: desired to dance with him, and, though not proficient in
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: such exercises, he made one or two revolutions round the
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: room with her co operation, after which they retired to
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: an alcove and ate raspberry ices and drank lemonade. Mister
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Bosch's sparkling tittle tattle completely achieved the Duchess's conquest, for
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: he possessed that magical gift of the gab which inspired
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: the tender passion, without any connivance on his own part.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And though the Duchess was no longer the chicken, having
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: attained her thirtieth luster, she was splendidly well preserved, with
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: huge flashing eyes like searchlights, in a face resembling the
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: full moon, of tall stature and proportionate plumpness. Most young
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: men would have been puffed out by pride at obtaining
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: such a tip top admirer. Not so our hero, whose
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: manly heart was totally monopolized by the image of the
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: fair unknown whom he had rescued at Cambridge from the
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: savage clutches of a horn cow. And although after receiving
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: from the Duchess a musk scented postal card requesting his
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: company on a certain evening, he decided to keep the
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: appointed tryst. It was only against his will, and after
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: heaving many sighs on reaching the Duchess's palace, which was
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: situated in Pembridge Square, Bayswater, he had the mortification to
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: perceive that he was, by no means the only guests
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: since the reception halls were thickly populated by gilded worldlings,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: but the Duchess advanced to greet him in a very kind,
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: effusive manner, and, intimating that it was impossible to converse
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: with comfort in such a crowd, she led him to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: a small side room, where she seated him on a
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: couch by her side and invited him to discourse. Mister
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Bosch discoursed accordingly, paying her several high flown compliments by
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: which she appeared immoderately pleased, and discoursed in her turn
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: of instinctive sympathies until our hero was wriggling like an
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: eel with embarrassment at what she was to say. And
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: at this point Duke Dickinson suddenly entered and reminded his
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: spouse in rather abrupt fashion that she was neglecting her
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: remaining guests. After the Duchess's departure, mister Bosch, with the
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: feelings of an innate gentleman, felt constrained to make his
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: sincere apologies to his ducal entertainer for having so engrossed
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: his better half, frankly explaining that she had exhibited such
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: a marked preference for his society that he had been
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: deprived of all option in the matter, further assuring his
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: dukeship that he, by no means reciprocated the lady's sentiments,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: and delicately recommending that he was to keep a rather
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: more lynx like eye in future upon her proceedings, to
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: which the Duke greatly agitated, replied that he was unspeakably
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: obliged for the caution, and requested mister Bosch to depart
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: at once and remain an absentee for the future, which
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: our friend cheerfully undertook to perform, and, in taking leave
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: of the Duchess exhorted her with an eloquence that moved
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: all present to abandon her from avalities and levities and
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: adopt a deportment more becoming her matronly exterior. The reader
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: would naturally imagine that she would have been grateful for
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: so friendly and well meant a hint, But oh dear,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: it was quite the reverse, for from a loving friend,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: she was transformed into a bitter and most unscrupulous enemy,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: as we shall find in forthcoming chapters. Truly, it is
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: not possible to fathom the perversities of the feminine disposition.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: End of chapter three read by Don W. Jenkins Rancho,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: San Diego, California, Shaggy Bark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: four of A Bird from Bengal by F. N St.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Don W. Jenkins, Chapter four, A Kick from a Friendly Foot.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: She is a radiant damsel with features fair and fine,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: but since betrothed to Bosom's friend, she never can be mine.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Original poem by H. B. J unpublished mister Bosch's bosom friend,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the Lord Jack Jolly, had kindly undertaken to officiate as
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: his pollinaris and steer him safely from the scylla to
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: the charybdis of the London season. And one day Lord
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Jolly arrived at our hero's apartments as the bearer of
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: an invite from his honorable parent, the Baronet, to partake
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: of tiffin at their ancestral abode in Chepstow Villa's, which
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Bindabunn gratefully accepted. Arrived at the Jolly's sumptuous interior, a
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: numerous retinue of pampered menials and gilded flunkeys divested mister
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Bosh of his hat and umbrella and ushered him into
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: the Hall of audience. Wash, My dear old pal, said,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Lord Jack, I have news for you. I am engaged
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: as a benedict and am shortly to celebrate Metromon with
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: a young, good looking female, the Princess Petunia Jones. My
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: lord replied, mister Bosh, suffer me to hang around your
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: patrician neck, the floral garland of my humble congratulations. Why,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: dear Bosh, responded the youthful peer of the realm. I
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: regard you as more than a brother, and am confident
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: that when my betrothed beholds her countenance, she will conceive
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: for you a similar lively affection. But hush, here she
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: comes to answer for herself. Princess, permit me to present
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: to you the best and finest friend I possess, mister
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Bindabun Bosh. Mister Bosh modestly lowered his optics as he
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: salaamed with inimitable grace, and it was not until he
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: had resumed his perpendicular that he recognized in the Princess Jones,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: the charming unknown whom he had last beheld engaged in
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: repelling the assault of a distracted cow. Their eyes were
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: no sooner cross than he knew that she regarded him
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: as her deliverer, and was consumed by the most ardent
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: affection for him. But mister Bosh repressed himself with heroic magnanimity,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: for he reflected that she was the affianced of his
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: dearest friend, and that it was contrary to bon pon
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: to poach another's jam. So he merely said, how do
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: you do? It is a very fine day. I am
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: delighted to make your acquaintance, and turning on his heels
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: with a profound courtesy, he left her flabbergasted with mortification.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: But those only who have compressed their soles in the
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: shoe of self sacrifice know how devilishly it pinches. And
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch's grief was so acute that he rolled incessantly
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: on his couch while the radiant image of his divinity
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: danced tantalizingly before his bloodshot vision. Eventually he became calmer,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and after plunging his fervid body into a foot bath,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: he showed himself once more in society, assuming an air
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: of meretricious waggishness to conceal the worm that was busily
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: cankering his internals. So successful was he that Lord Jack
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: was entirely deceived by his beasts Comika, and invited him
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: to spend the autumn up the country with his respectable parents.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Mister Bosch accepted, but when he knew that Princess Petunia
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: was also to be one of the Amis de la Maissan,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: he was greatly concerned at the prospect of infallibly reviving
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: her love by his propinquity, and thereby inflicting the cup
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: of calamity on his best friend. Willingly, would he have
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: imparted the whole truth to his lordship and counseled him
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: to postpone the princess's visit until he himself should have departed.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: But awe me with all his virtue, he was not
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: a Roman palladium that he should resist the delight of
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: philandery with the radiant queen of his soul. So he
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: kept his tongue in his cheek. However, when they met
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: in the ancient and rural castle, he constrained himself in
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: conversing with her to enlarge enthusiastically upon the excellences of
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Lord Jack. What a good ripping, gentlemanly fell he was,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: and how certain to make a best quality husband. Princess
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Jones listened to these encomiums with tender sighing, while her soft,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: large orbs rested on mister Bosh with ever increasing admiration.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: No one noticed how, after these elephantine efforts at self denial,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: he would silently slip away and weep salt and bitter
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: tears as he weltered dolefully on a door mat. Nor
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: was it perceived that the Princess herself was become thin
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: as a weasel with disappointed love. Being the ardent sportsman,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch sought to drown his sorrow with pleasures of
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: the chase. He would sally forth alone with no other
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: armament than a breech loading rifle, and endeavor to slay
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: the wild rabbits which infested the Baronet's domains, And sometimes
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: he had the good fortune to slaughter one or two.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Or he would take a rod in hooks and a
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: few worms and angle for salmons. Or else he would
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: stock partridges, And once he even assisted in a fox hunt,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: when he easily outstripped all the dogs in single confronted
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Master Reynard, who had turned to bay savagely at his nose,
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: but Bindabann undauntedly descended from his horse and drawing his
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: hunting dagger, so dismayed the beast by his determined and
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: ferocious aspect that it turned its tail and fled into
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: some other part of the country, which earned him the
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: heartfelt thanks from his fellow nimrods. Naturally, such feats of
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: arms as these only served to inflame the ardor of
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: the princess, to whom it was a constant wonderment that
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch did never, even in the most roundabout style,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: allude the fact that he had saved her life from
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: perishing miserably on the pointed horn of an enraged cow.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: She could not understand that the native temperament is too
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: sheepishly modest to flaunt its deeds of heroism. Those who
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: are affe in knowledge of the world are aware that
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: when there are combustibles concealed in any domestic interior, there
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: is always a person, sooner or later who will contrive
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: to blow them off. And here too the serpent of
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: mischief waiting to step in with cloven hoof and play
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: the very deuce. It so happened that the duchess occupied
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: the adjacent bungalow to that of Baronet Jolly and his
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: lady with whom she was hail fellow, well met. And
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: this perfidious female set herself to ensnare the confidence of
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: the young and innocent princess by discreetly lauding the praises
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: of mister Bosh, What an admirable Indian criton how many
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: rabbits and salmons had he laid low that week? Truly,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: she regarded him as a favorite son, and marveled that
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: any youthful feminine could prefer an ordinary peer like Lord
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Jolly to a native Paragon who was not only a
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: university b a, but had successfully passed bar exam, and
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: so forth and so on. The princess readily fell into
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: this insidious booby trap, and confessed the violence of her attachment,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: and how she had striven to acquaint mister Bosh with
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: her sentiments, but was rendered inarticulate by maidenly bashfulness. Could
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: you not then slip a love letter into his hand?
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Inquired the duchess. Qui bono, responded the Princess, sadly, seeing
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: that he never approaches near enough to me to receive
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: such a missive, and I dare not entrust it to
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: one of my maidens, Why not to me? Said the Duchess.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: He will not refuse it coming from myself. Moreover, I
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: have influence over him and will soften his heart towards thee. Accordingly,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: the Princess indicted a rather impassioned love letter in which
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: she assured mister Bosch that she had divined his secret
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: passion and fully reciprocated it, also that she was the
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: total indifferent to Lord Jack, with much other similar matters.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Having obtained possession of this litera scripta, what does the
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: inscrupulous duchess next but deliver it impromptu into the hands
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: of Lord Jack, who, after perusing it, was overcome by
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: uncontrollable wrath and instantaneously summoned our hero to his presence.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Here was the pretty kettle of fish. But I must
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: reserve the sequel for the next chapter and of chapter
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggybart
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: dot blogspot dot com. Chapter five of A Buyer from
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Bengal by Fansti. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Recording by Don W. Jenkins, Chapter five, The Duel to
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: the Death. The ordinary valor only works at those rare
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: intervals when peril lurks. There is a courage, scarcer, far
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: and stranger, which nothing can intimidate but danger original Stanza
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: b hb J. No sooner had mister Bosch obeyed the
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: summons of Lord Jack than the latter not only violently
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: reproached him for having embezzled the heart of his chosen bride,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: but inflicted upon him Sunrey severe kicks from behind, barbarously
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: threatening to encore the preceding and less chunder instantaneously agreed
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to meet him in a mortal combat. Our hero, though
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: grievously hurt, did not abandon his presence of mind in
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: his tight fix, seating himself upon a divan so as
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: to obviate any repetition of such treatment. He thus addressed
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: his former friend, my dear Jack. Plato observes that anger
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: is an abbreviated form of insanity. Do not let us
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: fall out about so mere a trifle. Since one friend
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: is the equivalent of many females. Is it my fault
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: that feminines overwhelmed me with unsought affections? Let us both
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: remember that we are men of the world, and if
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: you on your side, will overlook the fact that I
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: have unwittingly fascinated your fiancee, I on mine am ready
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: to forget my unmerciful kickings. But Lord Jolly violently rejected
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: such give and take compromise, and again declared that if
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch declined to fight, he was to receive further kicks.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Upon this, under demanded time for reflection. He was no bellicose,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: but he reasoned thus with his soul, it is not
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: certain that a bullet will hit, whereas it is impossible
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: for a kick to miss its mark. So, weeping to
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: find himself between a deep sea and the devil of
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: a kicking, he accepted the challenge, feeling like Imperial Caesar
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: when he found himself compelled to climb up a rubicon
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: after having burnt his boots. Being naturally reluctant to kick
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: his brimming bucket of life while still a lusty juvenile,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch was occupied in lamenting the injudiciousness of providence,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: when he was most unexpectedly relieved by the entrance of
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: his ladylove, the Princess Jones, who, having heard that her
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: letter had fallen into Lord Jack's hands and that a
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: sanguinary encounter would shortly transpire, had cast off every rag
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: of maidenly propriety and soda. Clandestine interview, she brought Bindebunn
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: the gratifying intelligence that she was a persona grata with
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: his Lordship's seconder, mister Bodgers, who was to load the
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: deadly weapons, and who, at her request, had promised to
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: do so with cartridges from which the bullets had previously
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: been bereft. Such such a piece of good news so
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: enlivened mister Bosh that he immediately recovered his usual serenity
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: and astounded all by his perfect nonchalance. It was arranged
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: that the tragical affair should come off in the back
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: garden of Baronet Jolly's castle immediately after breakfast, in the
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: presence of a few select friends and neighbors, among whom,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: needless to say, was Princess Petunia, whose lamp like optics
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: beamed encouragement at her Indian champion, and the Duchess of Dickinson,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: who was now the freehold tenement of those fiendish Siamese
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: twins malice and jealousy. At breakfast, mister Bosch partook freely
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: of all the dishes and rallied his antagonist for declining
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: another fowl eg rather wittily suggesting that he was becoming
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: a chicken hearted. The company then adjourned to the garden,
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: and all who were non combatants took up positions as
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: far outside the zone of fire as possible. Mister Bosh
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: was rejoiced to receive from the above mentioned mister Bodgers
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: a secret intimation that it was the up put up
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: job and a little piece of all right, which emboldened
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: him to make the rather spirited proposal to his lordship
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: that they were to fire not at a distance of
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: one hundred paces, as originally suggested, but across the more
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: restricted space of a nose kerchief. This dare devilish proposal
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: occasioned a universal outcry of horror and admiration. Mister Bosh's seconder,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: a young, poor hearted chap entreated him to renounce his
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: plan of campaign. While Lord Jack and mister Bodgers protested
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: that it was downright. Tom Fowley Chunder, however, remained game
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: to his backbone. If he ironically said, my honorable friend
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: prefers to admit that he is inferior in physical courage
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: to a native Indian who is commonly accredited with a
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: funky heart, let him apologize otherwise as a challenged I
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: am the master of the ceremonies. I do not insist
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: upon the exchange of more than one shoot. But it
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: is the sine Kwannon that such shoot is to take
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: place across a nose wipe, upon which the Lordship became
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: green as grass with apprehensiveness, being unaware that the cartridges
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: had been carefully sterilized, but gluing his courage to the
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: sticky point, he said, but so, you bloodthirsty little beggar,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: and may your gore be on your own knob. It
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: is always possible, retorted mister Bosch, that we may both
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: miss the target. And he made a secret motion to
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: mister Bodgers with his superior eyes shutter, intimating that he
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: was to remember to omit the bullets. But lack a daisy,
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: As poet Burns sings, the best laid schemes, both of
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: men and in the mouse department, are liable to gang aft,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: And so it was in the present instance for Duchess
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Dickinson intercepted chunder Bindebunn's wink, and with the diabolical intuition
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: of a female, divined the presence of a rather suspicious rat. Accordingly,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: on the diaphanous pretext that mister Bodgers was looking faintish
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: and cattle She insisted on applying a very large smelling
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: jar to his nasal organ. Whether the vessel was charged
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: with salts of superhuman potency or some narcotic drug, I
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: am not to inquire, But the result was that, after
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: a period of prolonged sternutation, mister Bodgers became imprecipient on
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: a bed of geraniums. Thereupon, Chunder, perceiving that he had
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: lost his friend in court, magnanimously said, I cannot fight
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: an antagonist who is unprovided with a seconder, and will
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: wait until mister Bodgers is recuperated. But the honorable and
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: diabolical Duchess nipped this arrangement in the bud. It would
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: be a pity, said she, if mister Bosch's fiery ardor
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: should be cooled by delay. I am capable to load
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: a firearm and will act as Lord Jolly's seconder. Our
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: hero took the objection that, as a feminine was not
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: legally qualified to act as seconder in mortal combats, the
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: duel would be rendered nullenvoid, and appealed to his own
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: seconder to confirm this obittered dictum. Unluckily, the latter was
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: a poor beadlehead who was in excessive fear of offending
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: the Duchess, and gave it as his opinion that sex
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: was no disqualification, and that the Duchess of Dickinson was
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: fully competent to load the lethal weapons, provided that she
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: knew how. Whereupon, she, regarding mister Bosh with the malignant
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: simper of a fiend, did not only deliberately fill each
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: pistol barrel with a bullet from her own reticule bag,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: but also had the additional diablerie to extract a miniature
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: laced boucheois exquisitely perfumed with cherry blossoms, and to say,
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: please fire across this. I am confident that it would
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: bring you good luck. And mister Bosh recognized, with emotions
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: that baffled the scription, the very counterpart of the nose
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: handkerchief which she had flung at him months previously at
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: the aforesaid fashionable bayswater Ball. Now was our poor miserable
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: hero indeed up the tree of embarrassment, and there I
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: must leave him till the next chapter. End of chapter
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: five read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Shaggy Bark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter six of A
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: Bird from Bengal by f anste This LibriVox recording is
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: in the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins, Chapter six.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Lord Jolly is satisfied. Ah, Why should two who once
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: were Bosom's friends present at one another pistols ends till
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: one pops offt to dwell in Death's abode, all on
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: account of honors so called code thoughts on dueling by H. B. J. Many,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: a more hackneyed duellist than our unfortunate friend. Bosh might
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: well have been frightened from his propriety at the prospect
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: of fighting with genuine bullets across so undersized a nose
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: kerchief as that which the Duchess had furnished for the fray.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: But mister Bosch preserved his head in perfect coolness. It
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: is indisputably true he said that I propose to shoot
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: across a pocket kerchief. But I am not an effeminate
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: female that I should employ such a lace like and
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: flimsy concern. As this as a challenged I claim my
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: constitutional right under Magna Carta to provide my own nosewipe,
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: and as even my Lord Jack admitted that this was
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: legally correct, mister Bosh produced a very large, handsome nosekerchief
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: in part of colored silks. This he tore into narrow strips,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: the ends of which he tied together in such a
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: manner that the whole was elongated to an incredible length. Then,
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: tossing one extremity to his Lordship and retaining the other
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: in his own hand, he said, we will fight if
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: you please across this or not at all, which caused
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: a working majority of the company and even Lord Jack
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Jolly himself to burst into enthusiastic plaudits of the ingenuity
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: and dexterity with which mister Bosch had contrived to extricate
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: himself from the prongs of his caudine fork. The Duchess, however,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: was knitting her brows into the bailful pattern of a scowl,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: for she knew, as well as Chunderbindemann himself, that no
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: human pistol was capable to achieved such a distance. The
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: duel commenced his Lordship and mister Boshe to removed their
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: upper clothings, bared their arms, and taking up a weapon
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: awaited the momentous command to fire. It was pronounced, and
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Lord Jolly's pistol was the first to ring the ambient
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: welkin with its horrid bang. The deadly missile, whistling as
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: it went for want of thought, entered the door of
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: a neighboring pigeon's house and fluttered the dovecote. Confoundedly, Mister
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Bosh reserved his fire for the duration of two or
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: three harrowing seconds. Then he too pulled off his trigger,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: and after the explosion there was a loud cry of dismay.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: The bullet had perforated a large circular orifice in Honorable
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Bodger's hat, who by this time had returned to self consciousness.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: I could not bring myself to snuff the candle of
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: your honorable Lordship's existence, said mister Bosh, bowing, But I
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: wished to convince all present that I am not incompetent
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: to hit a mark. And he proceeded to assure mister
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Bodger that he was to receive full compensation for any
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: moral and in intellectual damage done to his said hat.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: As for his lordship, he was so overcome by mister
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Bosh's unprecedented magnanimity that he shed copious tears, and, warmly,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: embracing his former friend, entreated his forgiveness, vowing that in
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: future their affection should never again be endangered by so
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: paltry and trivial a cause as the ficulty of a
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: feminine Moreover, he bestowed upon Bendemann the blushing hand of
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Princess Jones, and very heartily wished him joy of her.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Now the princess was the solitary brat of a very
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: wealthy merchant, Prince, Honorable Sir Monarch Jones, whose proud and
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: palatial storehouses were situated at the most fashionable part of
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Camden Town. Sir Jones, in spite of Lord Jack's resignation,
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: did not at first regard mister Bosh with the paternal
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: eye of approval, but rather advanced the objection that the
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: color of his money was practically invisible. My daughter, he said, haughtily,
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: as to have a lack of rupees on her nuptials,
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: have you a lock of rupees? Bendebunn was tempted to
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: make the rather facetious reply that he had indeed a
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: lack of rupees at the present moment. Sir Monarch However,
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: like too many English gentlemen, was totally incapable of comprehending
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: the simplest Indian jius de Mott and merely replied, a
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: lesser can show me your lock of rupees. You cannot
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: become my beloved son in law. So as mister Bosch
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: was a confirmed and pecunius, he departed in severe despondency. However,
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: fortune favored him as always, for he made the acquaintance
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: of a certain Jewish Scotch, whose cognomen was Alexander Wallace MacAlpine,
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: who kindly undertook to lend him a lock of rupees
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: for two days at interest, which was the mere bite
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: of a flea. Having thus acquired the root of all evil,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Bendemann took it in a four wheeled cab and triumphantly
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: exhibited his hard cash to Sir Jones, who, being unaware
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: that it was borrowed plumage, readily consented that he should
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: marry his daughter, after which mister Bosch honorably restored the
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: locke to the accommodating Scotch, minus the interest which he
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: found it inconvenient to pay. Just then, I am under
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: great apprehensions that my gentle readers, on reading thus far
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: and no farther will remark oho than we are already
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: at the finny, Seeing that when a hero and heroine
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: are once booked for connubial bliss, their further proceedings are
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: of very mediocre interest. Let me venture upon the respectful
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: caution that every cup possesses a proverbial slippery lip, and
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: that they are by no means to take it as
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: granted that mister Bosch is so soon married and done for,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: remember that he still possesses a rather formidable enemy in
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Duchess Dickinson, who is irrevocably determined to insert a spike
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: in his wheel of fortune. For a woman is so
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: constituted that she can never forgive an individual who has
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: once treated her advances with contempt, no matter how good
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: humored such contempt may have been. No, misters, if you
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: offend a feminine, you must look out for her squalis.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: Readers are humbly requested not to toss this fine story
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: aside under the impression that they have exhausted the cream
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: in its coco nut. There are many many incidents to
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: come of highly startling and sensational character. End of chapter
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: six read by Don W. Jenkins Rancho, San Diego, California,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: Shaggy Bark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter seven of a
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Bird from Bengal by Fansti. This LibriVox recording is in
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: the public domain recording by Don W. Jenkins, Chapter seven,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: The Adventure of the Unwieldy Gift Horse. When dormant lightning
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: is pent in the polished hoofs of a colt and
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: his neck is clothed with thunder, then horsemen beware of
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: the bolt from the Persian by H. P. J In
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: accordance with English usages. Mister Bosch, being now officially engaged
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: to the fair Princess Jones, did dance daily attendants in
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: her company, and she, being passionately fond of equitation, he
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: was compelled himself to become the centaur and act as
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: her cavalier servant on a nag which was furnished throughout
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: by a west End livery jobber. Fortunately, he displayed such
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: marvelous dexterity and skill as an equestrian that he did
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: not once sustain a single reverse. Truly, it was a
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: glorious and noble sight to behold Bindabunn clinging with imperturbable calmness.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: To the saddle of his steed as it ambled and
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: gamboled in so spirited a manner that all the fashionables
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: made sure that he was inevitably to slide over its
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: tail quarters. But invariably he returned having suffered no further
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: inconvenience than the bereavement of his tall hat. And the
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: heart of Princess Petunia was uplifted with pride when she
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: saw that her betrothed, in addition to being a ba
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: and barrister at law, was also such a rough writerer.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: It is derigue in all civilized societies to encourage matrimony
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: by bestowing rewards upon those who were about to come
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: up to the scratch of such holy estate. And consequently
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: splendid gifts of carriage, time pieces, tea caddies, slices of fish, jewels,
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: blater cases, biscuit cases, cigar lights, and pincushions were poured
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: forth upon mister Bosch and his partner, as if from
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: the inexhaustibly bountiful horn of a pharmacopeia. Last, but not least,
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: one morning appeared a sace leading an unwieldy steed of
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: the complexion of a chestnut, and bearing an anonymously signed
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: paper stating that sedhorse was a connubial gift to mister
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: Bosh from a perfervid admirer. Our friend Bindeban was like
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: to throw his bonnet over the mills with excessive joy,
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: and could not be persuaded to rest until he had
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: made a trial trip of upon his gifted horse, while
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: the amiable princess readily consented to become his companion. So
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: on a balmy and luscious afternoon in spring, when the
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: mollifluous blackbirds, sparrows, and other fowls of that ilk were
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: engaged in billing and cooing on the foliage of innumerable
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: trees and bushes, and the blooming flowers were blowing proudly
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: over their polychromatic beds, mister Bosch made the ascension of
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: his gift horse and tittuped by the side of his
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: betrothed into the row they observed of all the observing
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: masculine and feminine smarties, but hoity toity, he had not
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: tit uped very many yards. When the unwieldy steed came
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: prematurely to a halt and adopted an unruly deportment, mister
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: Bosch inflicted corporal punishment upon its loins with a golden
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: headed whip, at which the rebellious beast erected itself upon
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: its hinder legs, until it was practically a biped findevenn
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: although at the extremity of his wits to preserve his
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: saddle by his firm hold on the bridle, rein undauntedly
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: aimed a swishing blow at the head in front of
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: the offending animal, which instantaneously returned its forelegs to terra firma,
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: but elevated its latter end to such a degree that
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: our hero very narrowly escaped, sliding over its neck by
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: cleverly clutching the saddle back. Next, the cantankerous steed executed
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: a leap with astounding agility, arching its back like a
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: bow and propelling our poor friend into the air like
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: the arrow, though by providential luck and management on his part,
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: he descended safely into his seat. After every repetition of
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: this dangerous maneuver. All things, however, must come to an
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: end at some time, and the unwieldy quadruped at last
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: became weary of leaping and securing the complete control of
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: his bit, did a bolt from the blue Willie nilly
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: was mister Bosch compelled to accompany it upon its mad
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: bridled career. While all witnesses freely haphazarded the conjecture that
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: his abduction would be rather speedily terminated by his being
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: left behind, And I will presume to maintain that a
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: less practical horseman would long before have become an ordinary pedestrian.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: But Bindaban, although both stirrup holes were untenanted, and he
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: was compelled to hold on to his steed's mane by
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: his teeth and nails, nevertheless remained triumphantly in the ascendant.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: On and on he rushed, making the entire circumference of
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: the park in his wild, delirious canter. And when the
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: galloping horse once more reappeared and mister Bosh was perceived
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: to be still snug on his saddle, the spectators were
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: unable to refrain from heartfelt joy. A second time, the
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: incorrigible courser careered round the park on his thundering great hoofs,
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: and still our heroic friend preserved his equilibrium. But high ho,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: I have to sorrowfully relate that on his third circuit
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: it was the different pair of shoes for the headstrong
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: animal abstaining from motion in a rather too abrupt manner,
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: propelled mister Bosh over its head with excessivevelocity into the
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: elegant interior of a Victoria carriage. He alighted upon a
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: great dame, who had maliciously been enjoying the spectacle of
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: his predicament, but who now was forced to experience the
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: crushing repartee of his too, for such a forcible collision
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: with his person caused her not only two blackened optics,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: but irremediable damage to the leather of her nose. The
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: pristine beauty of her features was irrecoverably dismantled, while mister Bosch,
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: thanks to his landing on such soft and yielding material,
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: remained intact and able to return to his domicile in
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: a four wheeled cab. Beloved reader, however susceptible, thou mayst
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: be thou wilt infallibly admire with me the inscrutable workings
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: of Nemesis when thou learnest that the aforesaid great lady
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: was no other than the Duchess of Dickinson. And what
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: is still more wonderful, that it was she who had
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: insidiously presented him with such a fearful gift of the
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: dnadies as an obstreperous and unwieldy steed. Truly, as poet
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Shakespeare sagaciously observes, there is a divinity that rough hues
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: our ends. However we may endeavor to preserve their shapeliness.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: End of chapter seven read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho,
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: San Diego, California, Shaggybark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter eight
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: of A Bird from Bengal by f Anstey. This LibriVox
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Chapter eight A write about Facer for mister Bosch. Hello,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: how to sudden your love warfare has changed? Your dress
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: is changed, your address is changed, your express is changed,
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: your mistress has changed. Hello, hout a sudden your funny
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: fare is changed? A song sung by Messenger hast Bin
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: before Christinge Doctor Ramkinoo Dutt of Chittagong. Those who are
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: affe in the tortoise involutions of the feminine disposition will
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: hear without astonishment that Duchess Dickinson, so far from being
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: chastened and softened by the circumstance that the curse she
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: had launched at mister Bosch's head had returned like an
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: illuminous raven to roost upon her own nose and irreparably
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: destroy its contour. Was only the more bitterly incensed against him.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: Instead of in turning the hatchet that had flown back
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: as if it were that fabulous, volatile the boomerang, She
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: was in a greater stew than ever, and resolved to
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: leave no stone unturned to trip him up. But what
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: trick to play? Seeing that all the honors were in
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch's hands, she could not officiate as marplot to
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: discredit him in the affections of his lady love. Since
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: the princess was too severely enamored to give the loan
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: of her ear to any similations from a snake in
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: the grass. How else then to hinder his match? At
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: this she was seized with an idea worthy of Macaroni himself.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: She paid a complimentary visit to the princess, arrayed in
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: the sheepish garb of a friend, and contrived to lure
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: the conversation on to the vexed question of prying into futurity. Surely,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: she artfully suggested the princess at such a momentous epoch
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: of her existence, had, of course, not neglected the sensible
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: precaution of consulting some competent soothsayer, respecting the most propitious
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: day for her nuptials with the accomplished mister Bosch. What
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: had she omitted to pop so important a question, how
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: incredibly hair brained? Fortunately, there was yet time to do
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: the needful, and she herself would gladly volunteer to accompany
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: the princess on such an errand Princess Petunia fell a
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: ready victim into the jaw of this diabolical booby trap,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: and inquired the address and name of the cleverest necromancer
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: were It is matter of notoriety that London ladies are
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: quite as superstitious and addicted to working the oracle as
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: their native Indian sisters. The Duchess replied that the astrologer
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Royal was a facile princeps at uttering a prediction, and accordingly,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: on the very next day, she and the Princess, after
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: disguising themselves, set forth on the summit of a tramway
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: bus to the Observatory Temple of Greenwich, where, after first
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: propitiating the prophet by offerings, they were ushered into a
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: darkened inner chamber. Although they were strictly pseudo, he at
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: once informed them of their genuine cognomens, and also told
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: them much concerning their past, of which they had hitherto
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: been ignorant. And to the princess, he said, stroking the
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: long and silvery hairs of his beard, my daughter.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: I foresee many calamities which will inevitably be should stou
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: marry before the day on which the bridegroom winds a
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: certain contest called the Derby with the horse of his own.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: The gentle Petunia departed melancholy as a jibcat, since mister
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: Bosch was not the happy possessor of so much as
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: a single racing horse of any description, and it was
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: therefore not feasible that he should become entitled to wear
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: the corone bleue of the turf in his button hole
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: on his wedding day. With many sighs and tears, she
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: imparted her piece of news to the horror stricken ears
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: of our hero, who earnestly assured her that it was
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: contrary to common sense and bonos mores to attach any
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: importance to the mere ipsy dixit of so antiquated a
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: charlatan as the Astrologer Royal, who was utterly incapable, except
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: at very long intervals, to bring about even such a
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: simple affair as an eclipse which was visible from his
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: own observatory. However, the princess, being a feminine, was naturally
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: more prone to purele credulities, and very solemnly declared that
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: nothing would induce her to kneel by mister Bosch's side
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: at the torch of Hymen until he should first have
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: distinguished himself as a derby winner. Whereat, Mister Bosch, perceiving
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: that the date of his nuptial ceremony was become a
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: deis noon in a Grecian calendar, did wring his hands
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: in a bath of tears, alas he was totally unaware
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: that it was his implacable enemy, the Duchess Dickinson, who
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: had thus upset his apple cart of felicity. But so
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: it was for by a clandestine bribe she had corrupted
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: the Astrologer Royal, a poor, weak, very avaricious old chap
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: to trump out such a disastrous prediction. Some he rose
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: in this hard plight, would have thrown up the leak,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: but mister Bosch was stuffed with sterner materials. He swore
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: very long off by all the gods that he had
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: ceased to believe in that sooner or later, by hook
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: or crook, he would win the Derby Race, though entirely
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: destitute of horseflesh and very ill able to afford to
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: purchase the most mediocre quadruped. Here, some sporting readers will
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: probably object, why could he not enlist his unwieldy gift
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: horse among Derby candidates and so hoist the duchess on
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: the pinnacle of her own petard, to which I reply,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: too clever by halves, misters imprimis. The steed in question
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: was of far too ferocious a temperament, though undeniably swift footed,
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: ever to become a favorite with Derby judges. Secondly, after
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: dismounting mister Bosch, it had again taken to its heels
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: and departed into the unknown. Nor had mister Bosh troubled
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: himself to ascertain its private address. But fortune favors the brave.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: It happened that mister Bosh was one day promenading down
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: the Bayswater Road when he was passed by a white
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: horse drawing a milk chariot with unparalleled velocity, outstripping omnibuses,
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: wagons and even butcher carts in its win like progress,
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: which was unguided by any restraining hand For the milk
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: charioteer himself was pursuing on foot. His natural puissants in
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: equine affairs enabled mister Bosch to infer that the steed,
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: which could cut such a record, when handicapped with a
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: cumbrus dairy chariot, would exhibit even greater speed if in
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: purest naturalibus, and that it might even not improbably carry
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: off first prize in the Derby race.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: So as the milk charioteer ran up, overblown with anxiety
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: to learn the result of his horse's escapade, mister Bosch
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: stopped him to inquire what he would take for such
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: an animal. The dairy vender, rather foolishly taking it for
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: granted that horse and cart were gone concerns, thought he
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: was making the good stroke of business and offering the
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: lot for a twenty pound note. I have done with you,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: cried mister Bosh, sharply handing over the purchase money, which
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: he very fortunately chanced to have about him, and galloping
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: off to inspect his bargain, which was like buying a
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: pig after once poking it in the ribs in what
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: condition he found it. I must leave you to learn,
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: my dear readers, in an ensuing chapter. End of chapter
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: eight read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California,
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: shaggybart dot blogspot dot com. Chapter nine of a Bird
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: from Bengal by f Anstey. This LibriVox recording is in
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins. Chapter nine,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: The dark horse full many a mare with coat of
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: milkiest sheen is dyed in dark, unfathomed coal mine's drab
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: full many a flyers born to blush unseen and waste
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: her swiftness on a handsome cab. Lines to order by
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: a young English friend who swears they are original, but
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: I regard them as an unconscious plagiarism. From poet Young's
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: eulogy of a country cemetery HB. Jy. It is again
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: a precious Let me gain, Let me gain, O potentate
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: o potentate, the shower of thine, secret shoe dust, Oh
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: potentate o potentate. Doctor Ramkinoo Dutt of Chittagong. We left
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch in full pursuit of the runaway horse and
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: milk chariot which he had so spiritedly purchased while still
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: en route. After running a mile or two, he was
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: unspeakably rejoiced to find that the equippage had automatically come
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: to a standstill and was still in prime condition, with
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: the exception of the lacteal fluid which had made its
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: escape from the pales. Findaban, however, was not disposed to
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: wheat for long over spilt milk, and had the excessive
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: magnanimity to restore the chariot and pales to the dairy merchant,
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: who was beside himself with gratitude. Then mister Bosh, with
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: a joyful heart, having detached his purchase from the shafts,
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: conducted it in triumph to his domicile. It turned out
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: to be a mare, white as snow and of marvelous amiability,
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: and partly because of her origin and partly from her complexion,
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: he christened her by the appellation of milky Whay. Although
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: perforce a complete ignoramus in the art of educating a
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: horse to win any equin contest, mister Bosch's nude common
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: sense told him that the first step was to fatten
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: his rather two filamentous pupil with corn and similar seeds,
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: and after a prolonged course of bean feasts, he had
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: the gratification to behold his mare filling out as plump
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: as a dumplane. As he desired her to remain the
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: dark horse as long as possible, he concealed her in
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: a small tool shed at the end of the garden,
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: ministering to her wants with his own hands, and conducting
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: her for daily nocturnal constitutionals several times round the central
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: grass patch. For some time, he refrained from mounting, fain
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: would he climb, but that he feared to fall, as
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: poet Bunyan once scratched with a diamond on Queen Anne's window.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: But at length, reflecting that if nothing ventures, nothing is
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: certain to win, he purchased a padded saddle with appendages
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: and surmounted Milky Way, who, far from regarding him as
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: an interloper, appeared gratified by his arrival, and did her
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: utmost to make him feel thoroughly at home. The next
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: step was, of course, to obtain permission from the pundits
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: who rule the roast of the jockey Club that Milky
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: Way might be allowed to compete in the approaching Derby.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: Now this was a more delicately ticklish matter than might
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: be supposed, owing to the circumstance that the said pundits
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: are such warm men and so well endowed with this
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: world's riches, that they are practically non corruptible. Fortunately, mister Bosch,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: as a dabster in English composition, was a past master
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: in drawing a petition, and sitting down, he constructed the following,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: To those most worshipful big heads in control of Jockey's Club,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: be nign personages. This petition humbly showeth one that your
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: petitioner is a native Indian Cambridge b A, a barrister
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: at law, and a most loyal and devoted subject of
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: her Majesty, the Queen Empress. Two that it is of
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: excessive importance for him, for private reasons, that he should
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: win a Derby race. Three, that such a famous victory
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: would be eminently popular with all classes of Indian natives
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: and inordinately increase their affection for British rule. Four That
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: for some time past, your petitioner has been diligently training
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: a quadruped which he fondly hopes may gain a victory.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: Five that said quadruped is a member of the fair sex.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: Six That she is a female horse of very docile disposition, but,
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: being only recently extracted from shafts of a dairy chariot,
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: is a total neophyte in Derby racing. Seven That your
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: lordships may direct that she is to be kindly permitted
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: to try her luck in this world famous competition. Eight,
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: That it would greatly encourage her to exhibit topmost speed
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: if she could be allowed to start running a few
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: minutes previously to older stagers. Nine That if this is
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: unfortunately contrary to regulations, then the judge should receive secret
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: instructions to look with a favorable eye upon said female horse,
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: whose name is Milky Way, and award her first prize,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: even if, by any chance she may not prove quite
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: so fast a runner as more professional hacks and your
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: petitioner will ever prey on bended knees, that so truly
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: magnificent an institution as the epsom Derby Course may never
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: be suppressed on grounds of encouraging national vice of gambling,
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: and so forth, signed, et cetera. The wording of the
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: above proved mister Bosch's profound acquaintance with the human heart,
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: for it instantaneously attained the desired end. The honorable Stewards
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: returned a very kind answer, readily consenting to receive milky
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: Way as a candidate for Derby owners, but regretting that
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: it was ultra weire to concede her a few minutes start,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: and intimating that she must start with a scratch in
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: company with all the other horses. Bindabunn was not in
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: the least degree cast down or depressed by this refusal
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: of a start, since he had not entertained any sanguine
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: hope that it would be granted, and had only inserted
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: it to make insurance doubly sure, for he was every
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: day more confident that milky Way was to win, even
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: though obliged to step off with the rank and file.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: End of chapter nine led by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho,
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: San Diego, California, Shaggybark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter ten
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: of a buyred from Bengal by f anst. This LibriVox
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: Chapter ten. Trust her not, She is fooling thee As
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: the sun set flames most fiery when enough doubt by
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: sudden night, as the swan reserves its twitter till about
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: to hop the twig, as the cobra's head swells biggest
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: just before he does his bite, So a feminine smiles
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: her sweetest ere she gives her nastiest dig satirical stanza
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: unpublished by H. B. J. Now that our hero had
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: obtained that the name of Milky Way was to be
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: inscribed on the golden book of Derby candidates, his next
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: proceeding was to hire a practical jockey to assume supreme
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: command of her. And this was no simple matter, since
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 1: practical jockeys are usually hired many weeks beforehand and demand
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: handsome wages for taking their seats. But at last, after
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: protracted advertisements, mister Bosch had the good fortune to pitch
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: upon a perfect treasure, whose name was Cadwalader Perkin, and who,
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: for his writing in some race or other, had been
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: awarded a whole year's holiday by the stewards, who had
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: observed the paramountcy of his horsemanship. No sooner had Perkin
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: inspected Milky Way than he was quite in love with
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: his stable companion, and assured his employer that with more
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: regular out of door exercise, she would be easily competent
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: to win the Derby on her head. Whereupon mister Bosh
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: consented that she should be galloped after dark around the
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: Inner Circle of Regent's Park, which is chiefly populated at
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: such a time by male and female bicyclists. But in
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: order to pay perkins charges, and also to provide a
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: silken jockey tunic and cap of his own racing colors,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: which were cream and sky blue, mister Bosh was compelled
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: to borrow more money from mister Macalpan, who has a
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: Jewish Scotch, extracted the rather exorbitant interest of sixty per centum.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: It leaked out in some manner that Milky Way was
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: a coming derby favorite and the property of a native
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: young Indian sportsman whose entire fortunes depended on her success,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: and soon immense multitudes congregated in Regent's Park to witness
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: her trials of speed and cheered enthusiastically to behold the
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: fiery sparks scintillating from the stones as she circumvented the
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: inner circle in seven leagued boots. Mister Bosh, of course,
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: asseverated that she was a very mediocre sort of mare,
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: and that he did not at all expect that she
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: would prove a winner. But connoisseurs nevertheless butted long odds
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: upon her success, and Bindabunn himself, though not a speculative,
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: did put on the pot himself upon the golden egg
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: which he was so anxiously hatching. One evening, amongst those
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: who were gathered to view the nocturnal exercises of milky Way,
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: there appeared a feminine spectator of rather sinister aspect, in
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: a thick veil and a Victoria carriage. It was no
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: other than Duchess Dickinson, who had somehow learnt how courageously
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch was endeavoring to fulfill the astrologer Royal's prediction,
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: and who had come to ascertain whether his mayor was
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: indeed such a paragon of celerity as had been represent
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: The very first time that milky Way cantered past with
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: the gait of a streak of lightning, the Duchess realized
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: with a sinking heart that mister Bosch must indubitably succeed
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: at the Derby unless he was prevented. But how to
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: achieve this? Her womanly instinct told her that Cadwalader Perkin
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: was far too inexperienced to resist for long such mature
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: and ripened charms as hers, even though the latter were
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: unfortunately discounted by the accidental nose flattening. So, lowering her
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: veil till only her eyes were visible above, she waited
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: till he passed once more, then flung him such a
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: liquid and flashing glance from her starry and now no
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: longer discolored optics that the young jockey, who was of
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: an excessively susceptible disposition, all but fell off the saddle
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: with a motion like a very juvenile bird under serpentine observation.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: He is mine, said the unscrupulous Duchess, in turn, laughing
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: up her sleeve at such a proof of her fascinations.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: Mine mine. She had too much intelligence and mother wit, however,
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: to take any steps until mister Bosh should be safely
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: out of the way, and how to accomplish his removal.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: As an acquaintance with the above mentioned user Macalpan, she
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: was aware that he had advanced large loans to mister Bosch,
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: and so she laid her plans and bided her time.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: There soon remained only one day before the carnival of
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: all sparting saturnalians, the epsom Derby Day and Bindabunn formed
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: the prudent resolution to avoid any delays or crushings by
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: putting milky Way into a railway box and despatching her
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: to Epsen on the previous afternoon under the chaperonage of
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: Cadwalader Perkin, who was to engage suitable lodgings for her
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: in the vicinity of the course. But just as bind
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: Bunn was approaching the booking whole of Victoria Terminus to
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: take a horse ticket, lo and behold, he was wrapped
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: on the shoulder by a couple of policemen who civilly
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 1: inquired whether his name was not Bosh. He replied that
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: it was, and that he was the lucky proprietor of
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: a female horse who was infallibly destined to win the derby,
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: and that he was even now proceeding to purchase her
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: traveling ticket. But the policeman insisted that he must first
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: discharge the full amount of his debt and costs to
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: mister MacAlpin, who had commenced a law suit. It is
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: highly inconvenient to pay now, replied our hero I will
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: settle up after receiving my derby stakes. We are infernally sorry,
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: said the constables, but we have instructions to imprison you
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: until the amount is stumped up, and anything you say
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: now will be taken down and used against you at
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: your trial. Mister Bosh remained soavoche and as he was
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: being led off with GUIDs upon his wrists, like Aram
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: the usher, whom should he behold but the Duchess of Dickinson.
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: Like all truly first class heroes, he was of a generous,
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: confiding nature in his head, was not for a moment
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: entered by the suspicion that the Duchess could still cherish
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: any ill feelings towards him. I am sincerely sorry, he said,
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: with good humored gallantry, to observe that your ladyship's nose
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: leather is still in such bad repair. I was writing
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: a rather muscular steed that afternoon and could not thoroughly
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: control my movements. She suavely responded that she was proud
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: to have been the means of breaking his fall. Not
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: only my fall, but your own nose, retorted mister Bosh sympathetically,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: A sad pity. Fortunately, at your time of life. Such
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: disfigurements are of no consequence. I myself am now in
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: the pretty pickle, and he explained how he had been
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: arrested for debt at the very moment when he was
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: appointed to meet his mare and jockey and see them
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: safely off by the EPSOM train. Do not trouble about that,
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: said the duchess. Hand me your purse, and I myself
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: will meet them and do the needful on your behalf.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: I have interest with this, mister Macalpan, and will intercede
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: that you are let out immediately. Mister Boss kissed her
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: hand as he handed over his sad purse. This is
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: indeed a noble return for my cold heartedness, he said,
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: And I am even more sorry than before that I
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: should have involuntarily dilapidated so exquisite a nose pray. Do
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: not mention it, replied the duchess with the baleful simper
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 1: of a sphinx. And mister Bosch departed for his durrance,
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: vile with a mind totally free from misgivings. End of
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: chapter ten. Read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California,
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: shaggybart dot blogspot dot com. Chapter eleven of a Bird
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: from Bengal by f Anstey. This LibriVox recording is in
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: the public domain recording by Don W. Jenkins, Chapter eleven,
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: Stone walls do not make a cage. Oh, give me
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: back my arab steed. I cannot write alone or tell
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: me where my beautiful, my four legged bird has flown
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: twas here she arched her glossy back beside the fountain's brink.
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: And after that I know no more, but I came off.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: I think more so called original lines by a foresaid
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: young English friend, but I have the shrewd suspicion of
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: having read them before. Somewhere H B. J. And now, o,
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: gentle and sympathetic reader, behold our unfortunate hero, confined in
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: the darkest bowels of the old Bailey Dungeon for the
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: mere crime of being an impecunious. Yes, misters, in spite
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: of all your boasted love of liberty and fresh air,
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: imprisonment for debt is still part of the law of
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: the land. How long will you deafen your ears to
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: the pitiable cry of the bankrupt as he pleads for
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: the order of his discharge. Perhaps it has been preserved
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: for a native Indian novelist to jog the elbow of
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: so called British jurisprudence and call its attention to such
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: a shocking scandal. Mister Bosche found his prison most devilishly dull.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: Some prisoners have been known to beguile their captivity by
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: making pets or playmates out of most unpromising materials. For instance,
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: and exemptly gratia, mister Monte Cristo met an abbey in
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: his dungeon who gave him a tip top education. Mister
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: Picciola watered a flower, the prisoner of Chillon made chums
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: of his chains, while Honorable Bruce, as is well known,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: succeeded in taming a spider to climb up a thread
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: and fall down seven times in succession. But mister Bosch
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: had no spider to amuse him, and the only flowers
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: growing in his dungeon were toadstools, which do not require
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: to be watered, nor did there happen to be any
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: abbey confined in the old bailey at the time. Nevertheless,
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: he was preserved from despair by his indomitable native chirpiness.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: For was not Milky Way a dead set for the Derby,
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: and when she came out at the top of the pole,
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: would he not be the gainer of sufficient untold gold
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: to pay all his debts besides winning the hand of
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: Princess Petunia. He was waited upon by the head jailer's daughter,
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: a damsel of considerable pokratude by the name of Caroline,
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: who at first regarded him as skance as a malefactor,
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: But on learning from her parent that his sole offense
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: was insuperable pennilessness, her tender heart was softened with pity
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: to behold such a young, gentlemanly Indian captive clanking in Bilbos,
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: and soon they became thick as thieves, Like all the
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: inhabitants of Great Britain. Her thoughts were entirely engrossed in
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: the approaching Derby race, and she very innocently narrated how
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: it was matter of common knowledge that an notorious grand
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: dam to wit the fashionable Duchess of Dickinson, had backed
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: heavily that milky way was to fail like the flash
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: of a pan. Where upon mister bosh recollecting that he
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: had actually entrusted his invaluable mare with her concomitant jockey,
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: to the mercy of this self same Duchess was harrowed
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: with sudden misgivings by shrewd cross questions. He soon eliminated
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: that mister MacAlpin was a pal of the Duchess, which
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: she had herself admitted at the Victoria terminus, and thus,
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: by dint of penetrating instinct, mister Bosh easily unraveled the
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: tangled labyrinth of a hideous conspiracy, which caused him to
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: beat his head vehemently against the walls of his cell
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: at the thought of his utter impotentiality. Like all feminines
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: who were privileged to make his acquaintance, Miss Caroline was
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: transfixed with passionate adoration for Bindaben, whom she regarded as
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: a gallant and ill used innocent and resolved to assist
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: him to cut his lucky. To this end, she furnished
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: him with a file and a silken ladder of her
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: own knitting. But unfortunately mister Bosh, having never undergone incarceration,
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: was a total neophyte in affecting his escape by such
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: dangerous and antiquated procedures, which he firmly declined to employ,
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: urging her to sneak the paternal key bunch and let
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: him out at daybreak by some back entrance, and not
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 1: to crack the wind of this poor story, while rendering
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: it as short as possible. She yielded to his entreaties
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: and contrived to restore him to the priceless boon of liberty.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: The next morning, at about five a m oh the
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: unparalleled raptures of finding himself once more free as a bird.
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: It was the dawn of the Derby day, and mister
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: Bosh precipitated himself to his dwelling, intending to array himself
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: and all his best and go down to Epsom, where
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 1: he was in hopes of encountering his horse. Hey day,
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 1: What was his chagrin to see his jockey, Cadwalader Perkin
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: approaching with streaming eyes, fling himself at his master's feet
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: and implore him to be merciful? How comes it? Cadwalader
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: sternly inquired, mister, that you are not on the heath
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: of Epsom instead of wallaming like this on my shoes?
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: I do not know, was the whimpered response. And pray
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: where is my derby favorite milky way demanded bindebunn I
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: cannot tell, wailed out the lackermost juvenile. Then, after prolonged pressure,
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 1: he confessed that the Duchess had met him at the
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: station portals, and, on the plea that there was abundance
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: of spare time to book, the mare easily persuaded him
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: to accompany her to the buffet of refreshment room. There
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: she plied him with a stimulant which jockeys are proverbially
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: unable to resist, that is brandy Cherries, in such profusion
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: that he promptly became catalyptic in a corner. When he
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: returned to sobriety. Neither the Duchess nor the Mare was
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: perceptible to his naked eye, and he had been searching
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: in vain for them ever since. It was the time
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: not for words, but deeds, and mister Bosch did not
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: indulge in feudal irascibility, but sat down and composed a
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: reply wire to the clerk. Of course, Epsom couched in
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: these simple words, have you seen my derby mare? Bosh.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: After the suspense of an hour, the reply came in
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: the discouraging form of an abrupt negative, upon which mister
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: Bosh thus addressed the abashed perkin, even should I recapture
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: my mare in time? You have proved yourself unworthy of
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: writing her. Strip off your racing coat and cap, and
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: I will engage some more reliable equestrian. The lad handed
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: over the toggery, which Bendemann stuffed, being of very fine
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: silken tissue, into his coat pocket, after which he hurried
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: off to Victoria in great agitation to make inquiries. There,
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: the officials treated his modest requests in very offhanded style,
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: and he was becoming all of a twitter with anxiety
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: and humiliation. When Mirabili dick to all of a sudden,
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: his ears were regaled by the well known sound of
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: a whinnie, and he recognized the beloved voice of Milky Way.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: But whence did it proceed, he ran to and fro
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: an uncontrollable excitement, endeavoring to locate the sound, but there
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: was no trace of a horse in any of the
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: waiting rooms. But at length he discovered that his mayor
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: had been locked up in the left luggage department, and
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: summoning a porter, mister Bosch had at last the indescribable
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: felicity to embrace his kidnapped mare derby favorite Milky Way.
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: End of chapter eleven read by Don W. Jenkins. Rancho
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 1: San Diego California Shaggy Bark dot blogspot dot com. Chapter
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 1: twelve of a Bird from Bengal by f Anstey. This
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins,
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: Chapter twelve, A Race against Time. There's a certain old sprinter.
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 1: You've got to be keen if you'd beat him. Although
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: he is bald, and he carries a clock in a
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: mowing machine on the cinder path Tempus. He's called Stanza,
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 1: written to order by young English friend, but I fear
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: copied from poet Tennyson. Ah, with what perfervid affection did
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: mister Bosh caress the neck of his precious horse. How
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: carefully he searched her to make sure that she had
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: sustained no internal poisonings or other dilapidations. Thank goodness, he
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: was unable to detect any flaw within or without, the
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: probability being that the crafty duchess did not dare to
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: commit such a breach of decorum as to poison a
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 1: derby favorite, and thought to accomplish her fell design by
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: leaving the mare as lost luggage and destroying the ticket receipt.
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: But old time had already lifted the glass to his lips,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: and the contents were rapidly running down. So mister Bosh,
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 1: approaching a railway director, politely requested him to hook a
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: horse box onto the next Stepsom train. What was his
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: surprise to hear that this could not be done until
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: all Derby trains had first absented themselves. With passionate volubility,
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 1: he pleaded that if such a law of meads and
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 1: persians was to be insisted on, Milky Way would infallibly
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: arrive at Epsom several hours too late to compete in
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: the Derby race, in which she was already morally victorious,
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: until at length the official relented and agreed to do
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: the job for valuable consideration in hard cash lackadaisy. After
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: excavating all his pockets, our unhappy hero could only fork
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 1: out wherewithal enough for third class single ticket for himself,
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: and he accordingly petitioned that his mayor might travel as
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: baggage in the guards van. I am not to say
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: whether the officials at this leading terminus were all in
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 1: the pay of the Duchess, since I am naturally reluctant
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: to advance so serious a charge against such industrious and
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: talented parties. But it is nim Kong that mister Bousch's
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: very reasonable request was nieled in highly offensive and cut
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: and dried fashion, and he was curtly recommended to walk
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: himself and his horse off the platform. K fair, how
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: was it humanly possible for any horse to win the
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: derby without putting in an appearance? And how was Milky
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: Way to put in her appearance if she was not
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: allowed access to any Epsom train. A less wilful and
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: persevering individual than mister Bosch would have certainly succumbed under
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 1: so much red tapery. But it only served to arouse
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: Bindabn's monkey. How far is the distance to Epsom, he inquired?
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 1: Fourteen miles, he was answered, And what o'clock? The derby race?
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: About one p m. And it is now just the
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: middle of the day, exclaimed Bindaban. Very well, since it
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: seems Milky Way is not to ride in the railway,
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 1: she shall cover the distance on Shank's mare, for I
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: will ride her to Epsom in propria persona. So courageous
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: a determination elicited loud cheers from the bystanders, who cordially
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: advised him to put his best legs foremost, as he
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: mounted his mettlesome crack and set off with broken necked
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: speed for Epsom. I must request my indulgent readers to
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 1: excuse this humble pen from depicting the horrors of that
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 1: wild and desperate ride. Suffice it to say that the
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: road was chocked full with every description of conveyance, and
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: that mister Bosh was haunted by two terrible apprehensions, that is,
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: that he might meet with some shocking upset, and that
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 1: he should arrive the day after the fair. As he
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 1: urged on his headlong career, he was constantly inquiring of
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 1: the occupants of the various vehicles if he was still
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 1: in time for the derby, and they invariably hallooed to
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 1: him that if he desired to witness the spectacle, he
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 1: was to buck himself up. Mister Bosh bucked himself up
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 1: to such good purpose that long before the clock struck one,
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 1: his eyes were gladdened by beholding the summit of Epsom
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 1: grand Stand on the distant hilltops. Leaning himself forward, he
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: whispered in the shell like ear of milky Way, only
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: one more effort and we shall have preserved both our beacons.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: But alas he had the mortification to perceive that the
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: legs of Milky Way were already becoming tremulous from incipient grogginess.
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 1: And now, beloved reader, let me respectfully beg you to
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 1: imagine yourself on the epsom Derby course immediately prior to
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 1: the grand event. What a marvelous human farago, all classes
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 1: hobnobbing together, higgelely piggley Archbishops with acrobats, ventures with bumpkins,
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: counts with candlestick makers, dukes with druggists, and so on
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: through the entire alphabet. Some spectators and carriages, others on
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 1: terra firma flags, flying bands blowing, innumerable refreshment tents rearing
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 1: their heads proudly into the blue imperium. Policemen gazing with
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: smiling countenances on the happy multitudes, when not engaged in
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 1: running them in. Now they are conducting the formality of
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 1: weighing the horses to see if they are qualified as
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 1: competitors for the Derby Gold Cup. And each horse, as
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 1: it steps out of the balancing scales and is declared eligible,
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: commences to prance jubilantly upon the emerald green turf. N B.
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 1: The writer of above realistic description has never been actually
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 1: present at any Derby race, but has done it all
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: entirely from assiduous cramming of sporting fictions. This is surely
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 1: deserving of recognition from a generous public. Now follows a
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 1: period of dismay for Milky Way, the favorite of high
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: and low, is suddenly discovered to be still the dark horse.
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 1: The only person who exhibits gratification is the Duchess Dickinson,
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 1: who makes her entrance into the most fashionable bedding ring,
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: and accosting a leading welsher cries in exalting accents, I
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 1: will bet a million to a monkey against Milky Way.
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 1: Even the Welsher himself is appalled by the enormity of
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: such a stake, and earnestly counsels the Duchess to substitute
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 1: a more economical wager, but she wornfully rejects his well
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: meant advice, and with a trembling hand he inscribes the
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: bet in his welching book. No sooner has he done
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: so than the saddling bell breaks forth into a joyous chime,
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 1: and the crowd is convulsed by indescribable emotions. Huza, Huza,
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 1: they shout, welcome to the missing favorite, and three cheers
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 1: for Milky Way. The Duchess had turned as pale as
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 1: a witch for galloping along the course. She beholds mister Bosch,
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: bereft of his tall hat and covered with perspiration and dust,
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 1: on the very steed which she fondly hoped had been
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 1: mislaid among the left baggage. End of chapter twelve read
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggybart dot
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 1: blogspot dot com. Chapter thirteen of a Bird from Bengal
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 1: by f Anstey. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: Recording by Don W. Jenkins. Chapter thirteen A sensational derby struggle.
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 1: Is it for sordid pelf that horses race? Or can
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 1: it be the glory that they go for? Neither they
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 1: know the steed that shows best pace will get his
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 1: flogging all the sooner. Over reflection at a race course
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 1: h b J. The Duchess, seeing that her plot was
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 1: foiled by the unexpected arrival of mister Bosch, made the
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 1: frantic endeavor to hedge herself behind another bed of a
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: million sterling to a monkey that Milky Way was to
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 1: come off conqueror, but in vain, since none of the
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: Welshers would conceive such very long odds. So wrapping her
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 1: features in a veil of feminine duplicity, she advanced swimmingly
• 1:36:47
  Speaker 1: to meet mister Bosch. How lucky that you have arrived
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 1: on the nick of time, she said, and you have
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 1: ridden all the way from town. Tell me now, would
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 1: you not and your dear horse like some refreshment after
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 1: so tedious a journey, madam, said mister Bosh, bowing to
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: his saddle bow, while his optics remained fixed upon the
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 1: Duchess with a withering glare. We are not taking any
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: from your hands. This crushing sarcasm totally abashed the Duchess,
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 1: who perceived that he had penetrated her schemes, and crept
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 1: away in discomfiture. After this incident, Milky Way was subjected
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 1: to the ordeal of trying her weight, which she passed
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: with honors for very Fortunately, as it turned out, the
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 1: twenty four hours starvation which she had endured as left
• 1:37:32
  Speaker 1: luggage had reduced her to the prescribed number of mounds,
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 1: which she would otherwise have infallibly exceeded. Since mister Bosch,
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 1: being as yet a tyro in training derby cracks had
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 1: allowed her to acquire a superfluous obesity. Thus, once more
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: the machinations of the Duchess had only benefited the very
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: individual they were intended to injure. But it remained necessary
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 1: to hire a practical jockey, since Cadwalader Perkin was still
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 1: lamenting in dust and ashes at home. So mister Bosch
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: ran about from pillow to post, endeavoring to borrow a
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 1: rider for Milky Way. Owing probably to the Duchess's artifices,
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 1: he encountered nothing but refusals and pleas of previous engagement,
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 1: until at the end of the tether of his patients
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 1: he said, since my mare cannot compete in our riderless condition,
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 1: I myself will assume command and steer her to victory,
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 1: upon which gallant speech the entire air became darkened by
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 1: clouds of upthrown hats and shouts of Bravo bindabun. But
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: upon this the pertinacious Duchess lodged the objection that he
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 1: was not incorrect toggery, and that even if he still
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: retained his tall hat, it would be contrary to etiquette
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 1: to ride the Derby in a frock coat. Where are
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: his racing colors? She demanded. Here, cried mister Bosh, pulling
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: forth the cream and sky blue silken jacket and cap
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 1: from his pockets, and discarding his frock coat, he assumed
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 1: the garbage of a jockey in the twinkle of a jiffy.
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 1: I protest then, cried, the undaunted against such cruelty to
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 1: animals as racing an overblown mare so soon after she
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 1: has galloped from London. Your stretcher is just o humane
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 1: and distinguished, lady, responded the judge, who had conceived a
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 1: violent attachment to milky Way and her owner. And I
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 1: will willingly postpone the race for an hour or two
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 1: until the horse has recovered her breeze. Quite unnecessary, said Bindebunn.
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 1: My mare is not such a weakling as you imagine,
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 1: and will be as fit as a flea after she
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 1: has imbibed one or two Champagne bottles. And his prediction
• 1:39:31
  Speaker 1: was literally fulfilled, for the champagne soon tendered milky Way,
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 1: playful as a kitten. Mister Bosch ascended into his saddle.
• 1:39:39
  Speaker 1: The other horses were drawn up in single rank. The
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 1: starter brandished his flag and the curtain rose in such
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 1: a race, as has perhaps never been equalled in the
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: annals of the Derby. The rival cracks were named as follows,
• 1:39:52
  Speaker 1: Topsy Turvy, Poojaw, Brandy Pawnee, Tiffin Bell, Tripod Quibono, British Wish,
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: Jurisprudence and Rosiate Smell. The betting was even in the field.
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 1: Poojaw was a tall horse with a nude tail but
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: excessively nimbled. Tripod, on the contrary, was a small cob
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 1: of sluggish habits and needing to be constantly pricked. Tiffin
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 1: Bell was a piebald of goodly proportions, and Rosiate Smell
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 1: was of same sex as Milky Way, though more vixenish
• 1:40:26
  Speaker 1: in character. Not long after the start, mister Bosch was
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 1: chagrined to discover that he was all behindhand, and he
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 1: almost despaired of overtaking any of his forerunners. Moreover, he
• 1:40:37
  Speaker 1: was already oppressed by painful soreness due to so constantly
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 1: coming in contact with the saddle during his ride from London.
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 1: But in for a penny, in for a pound of flesh,
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 1: and he plodded on and soon had the good luck
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 1: to recapture some of his lost ground. It was the
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 1: old fabulous anecdote of the hare and the tortoise. First
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 1: of all, Topsy Turvy was tripped up by a rabbit's hole.
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 1: Then Roseate Smell leaped the barrier and joined the spectators,
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 1: while Tripod sprained his off side ankle. Gradually mister Bosh
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 1: passed Brandy Pawnee Quibono on British jurisprudence, until on arriving
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 1: at Tottenham Court Corner, only Tiffin Bell and Poojaw remained
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 1: in the running. Tiffin Bell became so discouraged by the
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 1: near approach of Milky Way that he dwindled his pace
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 1: to a paltry trot, so mister Bosh was easily enabled
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 1: to defeat him, after which, by cyclopean efforts, he urged
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 1: his mare until she and Poojaw were cheap by jowl.
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 1: For some time it was the ding dong race between
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 1: a hammer and tongs. Still, as the quadrupeds plowed their
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: way on, Poojaw churlishly refused to give plas adam, and
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 1: Milky Way began to drop to the rear, seeing that
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: she was utterly incompetent to accelerate her speed and therefore
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 1: in imminent danger of being defeated, Chunderbindemann had the happy
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: inspiration to make an appeal to the best feelings of
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 1: the rival jockey, whose name was Juggins Juggins. He wheezed
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 1: in an agonized whisper, I am a poor native Indian
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: totally unpracticed in derby riding. Show me some magnanimous action
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 1: and allow milky Way to take for prize, Juggins. But
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 1: mister Juggins responded that he earnestly desired that poojaw should
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 1: obtain said prize, and applied a rather severe whipsmack to
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 1: his wooling horse. My mare is the favorite, Juggins, pleaded
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch. By defeating her, you will land yourself in
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: the bad odor of the whip bloy. Have you considered
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 1: that Juggins Juggins's only reply was to administer more whip smacks.
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 1: But chunderbind Bun persevered, consider my hard case, Juggins. If
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 1: I am beaten, I will lose both a plas and
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 1: tuksor and the pot of money. If, on the other hand,
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 1: I come in first at the head of the winning pole,
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 1: I promise to share my entire fortune with you upon this,
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 1: the kind hearted and venio equestrian relented warmly, protesting that
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 1: he would rather be a proxima excess it and second
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 1: fiddle than deprive another human being of all his earthly felicity.
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 1: And accordingly he reigned in his impetuous courser with such
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 1: consummate skill that Milky Way forged ahead by the length
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 1: of a nose. Thus they galloped past the grand stand,
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: and as mister Bosch gazed upwards and descried the elegant
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: form of the Princess Petunia standing upon the topmost roof,
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: he was so exalted with jubilation that he elevated himself
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: in his stirrups, and waving his cap in a chivalrous salute,
• 1:43:26
  Speaker 1: cried out, Hip, Hip, Hip, I am ramping in. Then
• 1:43:30
  Speaker 1: I hear the reader exclaim it is all over and
• 1:43:33
  Speaker 1: Milky Way is victorious. Please, my honorable friend, do not
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 1: be so premature. I have not said that the race
• 1:43:40
  Speaker 1: was over. There are still some yards to the judge's bench,
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 1: and it is always on the racing cards that Poojah
• 1:43:47
  Speaker 1: may prove the winner. After all, such inquisitive curiosity shall
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: be due be satisfied in the next chapter, which is
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 1: also the last end of chapter thirteen, read by Don W.
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 1: Jenkins Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggybart dot blogspot dot com.
• 1:44:10
  Speaker 1: Chapter fourteen of A Buyerd from Bengal by Fansti. This
• 1:44:14
  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Don W. Jenkins,
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 1: Chapter fourteen, A grand finish, Happy Aurora is a happy Aurora.
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 1: Hip hip hip Hip, Hurrah Hurrah. Doctor Ramkinoo Dutt of Chittagong,
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 1: on the summit of the grand stand might have been
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: observed groups of spectators eagerly awaiting the finish. Conspicuous amongst
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 1: them were Princess Petunia, most sumptuously attired, and her parent,
• 1:44:47
  Speaker 1: Merchant Prince Jones, and close by Duke and Duchess Dickinson.
• 1:44:52
  Speaker 1: Following the classic contest through binocular glasses. Poojah will prove
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 1: to be the winner. No, it is milky, they are
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: neck or nothing. It will be a deceased heat, exclaimed
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 1: the excited populaces, and the beauteous Petunia was as if
• 1:45:09
  Speaker 1: seated upon the spike of suspense. Since mister Bosch's success
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 1: was a scenic one anon of their union suddenly came
• 1:45:17
  Speaker 1: the glad shout the favorite takes the cake with a canter,
• 1:45:21
  Speaker 1: and Duchess Dickinson became pallid with anguish, for rich as
• 1:45:25
  Speaker 1: she was, she could ill afford to become the loser
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 1: of a cool million. The shout was strictly voracious, for
• 1:45:31
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch was ruling the roast by half a head,
• 1:45:35
  Speaker 1: and Poojaw was correspondingly behind. Mak de Bertute cried Princess
• 1:45:41
  Speaker 1: Petunia in the silvery tones of a highly bred bell,
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 1: while she violently agitated her son umbrella, Oh my beloved
• 1:45:48
  Speaker 1: bendebonn do not fall behind. At eleven o'clock, and as
• 1:45:52
  Speaker 1: though in answer to this appeal, which he did not overhear,
• 1:45:56
  Speaker 1: she beheld her triumphant suitors saluting the Empress of his
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 1: soul with uplifted jockey cap alack. It was the fatal
• 1:46:04
  Speaker 1: piece of politeness, since to avoid falling off he was
• 1:46:07
  Speaker 1: compelled to moderate the speed of his racer while performing it,
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 1: and Juggins, either repenting his good nature or unable any
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 1: longer to restrain the impetuosity of Pouja, was carried first
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 1: past the winning pole, mister Bosch following on milky way
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 1: as the bad second. At this the Princess Petunia emitted
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: a doleful scream like freedom, which, as some poet informs us,
• 1:46:33
  Speaker 1: squeaked when Kokiyusko, a Japanese gentleman, fell and suspended her
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 1: animation for several minutes, while the Duchess grinned a horrible,
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 1: ghastly smile, as described by poet Milton in Paradise lost
• 1:46:47
  Speaker 1: at mister Bosch's shocking defeat and her own gain of
• 1:46:50
  Speaker 1: a million. Though all true sportsman present deeply sympathized with
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 1: our hero that he should be thus wrecked in side
• 1:46:56
  Speaker 1: of port on account of an ordinary act of courtesy
• 1:46:59
  Speaker 1: to a female, but mister Boss preserved his withers as
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 1: unwrong as though he possessed the height of a rhinoceros. Hoonderable, Sir,
• 1:47:07
  Speaker 1: said he, addressing the judge, I humbly beg permission to
• 1:47:10
  Speaker 1: claim this Derby race and lodge an objection against my
• 1:47:13
  Speaker 1: antagonist on what groans was the naturally astonished rejoinder on
• 1:47:18
  Speaker 1: the grounds deliberately replied chunder Bindemann that he surreptitiously did
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 1: pull his horse's head. Juggins was too dumbfounded to reply
• 1:47:26
  Speaker 1: to the accusation, and several spectators came forward to testify
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 1: that they had personally witnessed him curbing his steed, and
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 1: it being contrary to the leck's non scripta of turf
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: etiquette to pull at a horse's head when he is winning,
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 1: Juggins was very ignominiously plucked by the jockeys club. The
• 1:47:45
  Speaker 1: Duchess made the desperate attempt to argue that if Juggins
• 1:47:48
  Speaker 1: was a pot, mister Bosch was a kettle of equally
• 1:47:51
  Speaker 1: dark complexion, since he also had reined up before attaining
• 1:47:55
  Speaker 1: the goal. But chunder Bindebunn was able to easily show
• 1:47:58
  Speaker 1: that he had done so not with any intention to
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 1: forfeit his stakes, but merely to salute his betrothed, whereas
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 1: Juggins had pulled to prevent his horse from achieving the conquest. So,
• 1:48:09
  Speaker 1: to mister Bosch's inexpressible delight, the Derby cup full as
• 1:48:12
  Speaker 1: an egg with golden sovereigns was awarded to him, and
• 1:48:15
  Speaker 1: the notorious blue ribbon was pinned by the judge upon
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 1: his proud and heaving bosom. But as he was reverting
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 1: highly elated to the side of his beloved amidst the
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 1: acclamations of the multitude, the disreputable Juggins had the audacity
• 1:48:30
  Speaker 1: to pluck his elbow and demand the promise. Could pro
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 1: quo for what service? Inquired chunder Bendemann, in amazement, Why
• 1:48:38
  Speaker 1: did you not promise me the moiety of your fortune,
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 1: honorable sir, was the reply, if I allowed you to
• 1:48:43
  Speaker 1: be the winner. Mister Bosch was of an exceptionally mild
• 1:48:48
  Speaker 1: just disposition, but such a piece of cheeky chicanery as
• 1:48:52
  Speaker 1: this aroused his fiercest indignation and rendered him cross as
• 1:48:56
  Speaker 1: two sticks, Oh, contemptible trickster, he said, in terrific tones,
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 1: My promise, as thou knowest well, was on condition that
• 1:49:03
  Speaker 1: I was first past the winning powl, whereas, owing to
• 1:49:06
  Speaker 1: thy perfidy, I was only the bad second. Do not
• 1:49:09
  Speaker 1: attempt to hunt with the hare and run with hounds?
• 1:49:12
  Speaker 1: Depart to lower regions, and Juggins slinked into obscurity with
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 1: fallen chops. Benevolent and forbearing readers, this unassuming tale is
• 1:49:22
  Speaker 1: near its finise. Owing to his brilliant success at the derby,
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 1: mister Bosch was now rowing on cash, and as the
• 1:49:30
  Speaker 1: prediction of the astrologer Royal was fulfilled, there was no
• 1:49:34
  Speaker 1: longer any objection to his union with the Princess Jones,
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 1: with whom he accordingly contracted holy matrimony, and now lives
• 1:49:42
  Speaker 1: in great splendor at Shepherd's Bush. Since all his friends
• 1:49:45
  Speaker 1: earnestly besought him that he was not to return to India,
• 1:49:48
  Speaker 1: he therefore naturalized himself as a full blooded British, and
• 1:49:52
  Speaker 1: therefore adopted a coat of arms from the family herald,
• 1:49:55
  Speaker 1: with a splendidly lofty crest and the motto sans peur
• 1:49:59
  Speaker 1: et sans reproch, not being funky myself, I do not
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 1: reproach others with said failing free translation. But what of
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 1: the wicked Duchess? I have to record that, being unable
• 1:50:11
  Speaker 1: to pay the welsher her bet of a million pounds,
• 1:50:14
  Speaker 1: she was solemnly pronounced a bankruptus and incarcerated by a
• 1:50:19
  Speaker 1: striking instance of the tit quartette of fate in the
• 1:50:23
  Speaker 1: identical Old Bailey cell to which she had consigned chunder Bindebunn,
• 1:50:28
  Speaker 1: and in her case, the jailer's fair daughter, Miss Caroline,
• 1:50:32
  Speaker 1: did not exhibit the same soft heartedness mister Bosch and
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 1: his princess bride, being both of highly magnanimous idiosyncrasies. For
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 1: some time visited their relentless foe and her captivity, carrying
• 1:50:44
  Speaker 1: her fruit and flowers and sweets of inexpensive qualities, but
• 1:50:49
  Speaker 1: were received in such a cold, stand offish style that
• 1:50:52
  Speaker 1: they soon discontinued such thankless civilities. As for Milky Way,
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 1: she is still hail and flourishing, though if she has
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 1: never since displayed the phenomenal speed of her first and
• 1:51:03
  Speaker 1: probably her last Derby race. She may often be seen
• 1:51:06
  Speaker 1: in the vicinity of shepherd's bush, harnessed to a small
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 1: basket chaise, in which are mister and Missus Bosch and
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 1: some of their blooming progenies. Here, with the public's kind permission,
• 1:51:18
  Speaker 1: we will leave them. And although this trivial and unpretentious
• 1:51:21
  Speaker 1: romance can claim no merit except its undeviating fidelity to nature,
• 1:51:26
  Speaker 1: I shall venture to think that for sheer excitement and
• 1:51:29
  Speaker 1: brilliancy of composition, et cetera, it will be found by
• 1:51:33
  Speaker 1: all candid judges to compare rather favorably with more showy
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 1: and meretricious fictions by overrated English novelists. End of a
• 1:51:41
  Speaker 1: Buyerd from Bengal n B. I cannot conscientiously recommend the
• 1:51:46
  Speaker 1: indulgent reader to proceed any further for reasons which, should
• 1:51:49
  Speaker 1: he do so, will be obvious. HBJ. End of Chapter fourteen,
• 1:51:54
  Speaker 1: read by Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggy
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 1: Bark Bloggs dot com. The Parables of Piljosh by f Anstey.
• 1:52:10
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 1: Don W. Jenkins, The Parables of Piljosh freely rendered into
• 1:52:19
  Speaker 1: English from the original Stiptich, with introduction and notes by H. B.
• 1:52:24
  Speaker 1: Jabberjee b. A introduction, I shall begin by begging that
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 1: it may not be supposed either that I am the
• 1:52:32
  Speaker 1: author or even the translator of the appended fables. The
• 1:52:36
  Speaker 1: plain truth of the matter is that I am far
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 1: indeed from standing agog with amazement at their literary or
• 1:52:42
  Speaker 1: other excellences, and inclined rather to award them the faint
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 1: damnation of a very mediocre eulogy. But it so happens
• 1:52:50
  Speaker 1: that the actual translator is the same young English friend
• 1:52:54
  Speaker 1: who kindly furnished me with a few selected poetic extracts
• 1:52:57
  Speaker 1: from my Society novel, and has earnestly entreated me as
• 1:53:01
  Speaker 1: the quid pro quo to compose an introduction and notes
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 1: for his own effusion, alleging that it is a scene
• 1:53:09
  Speaker 1: que non nowadays for all first class classics to be
• 1:53:12
  Speaker 1: issued with introduction notes and appendix by some literary knob,
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 1: otherwise they speedily become obsolete and stillborn. Therefore, I readily
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 1: consent to oblige him, although I am no aufe in
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 1: the Styptic dialect, and cannot therefore be answerable for the
• 1:53:28
  Speaker 1: accuracy of my friend's translation, which he admits himself as
• 1:53:32
  Speaker 1: of a rather free description of the philosopher who composed
• 1:53:36
  Speaker 1: these proverbs or fables. Little is known even in his
• 1:53:40
  Speaker 1: own country, except that, as all scholarists are aware, he
• 1:53:44
  Speaker 1: was born on the first of April fourteen fifty Old style,
• 1:53:48
  Speaker 1: and for some years filled the important and responsible post
• 1:53:51
  Speaker 1: of archeman drake of Peraprostichion. He probably met with a
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 1: violent end. I shall not undertake to provide a note
• 1:54:00
  Speaker 1: to every parable, but only in cases where I think
• 1:54:03
  Speaker 1: that the parabolist is not quite as luminous as the
• 1:54:06
  Speaker 1: nose on one's face, and needs the services of an
• 1:54:09
  Speaker 1: experienced interpreter. H. B. J. The butterfly visited so many
• 1:54:14
  Speaker 1: flowers that she fell sick of a surfeit of nectar.
• 1:54:17
  Speaker 1: She called it nervous breakdown, instead of vainly lamenting over
• 1:54:22
  Speaker 1: those we have lost, said the young cuckoo severely to
• 1:54:25
  Speaker 1: the father and mother sparrow. It seems to me that
• 1:54:28
  Speaker 1: you should be rejoicing that I am still spared to you.
• 1:54:33
  Speaker 1: Note a mere plagiaristic adaptation of the trite adage concerning
• 1:54:37
  Speaker 1: the comparative values of birds in the hand and in
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 1: the bush.
• 1:54:41
  Speaker 2: H b J.
• 1:54:43
  Speaker 1: I am old enough to be thy grandfather, the egg
• 1:54:46
  Speaker 1: informed the chicken. In that case, replied the chicken, it
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 1: is high time thou bestirredst thyself. Not so, said the egg,
• 1:54:54
  Speaker 1: Since the longer I remain quiescent, the fitter I shall
• 1:54:57
  Speaker 1: be for the career that is destined. Indeed, inquired the chicken.
• 1:55:03
  Speaker 1: And what may that be politics, answered the egg with importance.
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 1: And the chicken pondered long over that, saying, note, I
• 1:55:12
  Speaker 1: must confess to following the chicken's precedent without arriving at
• 1:55:16
  Speaker 1: any solution. For logically, an egg must be the junior
• 1:55:20
  Speaker 1: of any chicken. And again, even for parabolical purposes, it
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 1: is far fetched to represent an egg as a potential
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 1: member of parliament on the whole. I am not entirely
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 1: satisfied that my young friend is so proficient an acquaintance
• 1:55:35
  Speaker 1: with cryptic as he has represented to me. H b J.
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 1: There is only one thing that irritateth a woman more
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 1: than the man who doth not understand her, and that
• 1:55:45
  Speaker 1: is the man who doth A certain artificer constructed a
• 1:55:50
  Speaker 1: mechanical serpent which was so marvelously natural that it bit
• 1:55:54
  Speaker 1: him in the back. Had I but another hour to live,
• 1:55:57
  Speaker 1: he lamented in his last agonies, I would have patented
• 1:56:01
  Speaker 1: the invention. The woman was so determined to be independent
• 1:56:05
  Speaker 1: of man that she voluntarily became the slave of a machine.
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 1: Note I do not understand the meaning of the fabulous here,
• 1:56:13
  Speaker 1: h b J. She used to be so fresh, but
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 1: she is gone off terribly since I first knew her,
• 1:56:19
  Speaker 1: said the slug of the strawberry. Note see my remark
• 1:56:23
  Speaker 1: on the last parable, h b J. Now I call
• 1:56:27
  Speaker 1: that downright plagiarism, observed the ass when he heard the
• 1:56:31
  Speaker 1: lion roar. A cheery laugh goes a long way in
• 1:56:34
  Speaker 1: this world, remarked the Hyaena. But a bright smile goes
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 1: further still, said the alligator, as he took him in note,
• 1:56:43
  Speaker 1: if the honorable philosopher is censuring here merely the assumption
• 1:56:47
  Speaker 1: of hilarity and not ordinary quiet facetiousness, I am entirely
• 1:56:51
  Speaker 1: with him, but I rather regard him as a total
• 1:56:54
  Speaker 1: deficient in humor and fanatically opposed to it in any form.
• 1:56:59
  Speaker 2: H b J.
• 1:57:00
  Speaker 1: I trust I have now made myself perfectly clear, observed
• 1:57:04
  Speaker 1: the cuttlefish. After discharging his ink. The cockney was assured
• 1:57:08
  Speaker 1: that if he placed the seashell to his ear, he
• 1:57:11
  Speaker 1: would hear the murmur of ocean. But all he caught
• 1:57:14
  Speaker 1: distinctly was the melody of negro minstrels. It is some
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 1: satisfaction to feel that we have both been sacrificed in
• 1:57:22
  Speaker 1: a thoroughly deserving cause, said the brace button complacently to
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 1: the threepenny bit, as they met in the offertory bag.
• 1:57:30
  Speaker 1: Note this must be some local illusion, for I do
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 1: not know what sort of receptacle an offertory bag may be,
• 1:57:37
  Speaker 1: or why such articles should be inserted therein H b J.
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 1: Mistrust the bridegroom who appeareth at his wedding with sticking
• 1:57:46
  Speaker 1: plaster on his chin, or without sticking plaster, et cetera.
• 1:57:50
  Speaker 1: The stiptick is capable of either interpretation translator. Note, then
• 1:57:55
  Speaker 1: I will humbly say that it must be a peculiarly
• 1:57:58
  Speaker 1: elastic tongue. But in either form the proverb is meaningless. HBJ,
• 1:58:05
  Speaker 1: what my original dead, cried the statue. Then I have
• 1:58:08
  Speaker 1: lost all chance of ever becoming celebrated. Note this is
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 1: an obvious mistranslation, since a statue was only erected when
• 1:58:15
  Speaker 1: the original is already celebrated. HBJ, what is your favorite perfume?
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 1: They asked the hog, and he answered pigwash. How vulgar
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 1: exclaimed the stoat mine is petulli, But the fox said that,
• 1:58:29
  Speaker 1: in his opinion, the less sent one used the better.
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 1: Note this merely records the well known physiological fact that
• 1:58:36
  Speaker 1: some persons are born without the old factory sense. Emperor
• 1:58:40
  Speaker 1: Vespasian was accustomed to declare erroneously that pecunia non olet HBJ.
• 1:58:48
  Speaker 1: I wonder how they allow such a cruel contrivance as
• 1:58:50
  Speaker 1: that catch em alive. Oh paper, said the spider tearfully,
• 1:58:54
  Speaker 1: as she sat in her web. Noe. From this we
• 1:58:57
  Speaker 1: learn that there may be a soft spot in the
• 1:59:00
  Speaker 1: unpromising quarters, even Alexander the Great, who spent the blood
• 1:59:04
  Speaker 1: of his troops. Like pocket Money is recorded to have
• 1:59:07
  Speaker 1: wept at a review on suddenly reflecting that all his
• 1:59:10
  Speaker 1: soldiers would probably be deceased in a hundred years. It
• 1:59:14
  Speaker 1: is barely possible that Piljosh may have been a spectator
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 1: of this incident. HBJ. A certain pheasant was pluming herself
• 1:59:22
  Speaker 1: upon having become a member of the anti sporting league. Softly,
• 1:59:27
  Speaker 1: friend said a wily old cock. For should this league
• 1:59:31
  Speaker 1: of thine succeed in its object, every man's hand would
• 1:59:34
  Speaker 1: be against us, both by day and night, whereas at
• 1:59:38
  Speaker 1: present our lives are protected all night by vigilant keepers,
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 1: and spared all day by our owner and his guests,
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 1: who are incapable of shooting for nuts. Note this is
• 1:59:48
  Speaker 1: a glaring nonsecuitur and fallacy. I myself have never shot
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 1: for nuts. But it does not necessarily follow that any
• 1:59:55
  Speaker 1: pheasant would remain intact after I discharged my rifle barrel.
• 1:59:59
  Speaker 2: HB.
• 2:00:01
  Speaker 1: It is not what we look that signifieth said the
• 2:00:04
  Speaker 1: scorpion virtuously, it is what we are Note true enough,
• 2:00:09
  Speaker 1: but the moral would have been improved by attributing the
• 2:00:12
  Speaker 1: saying to some insect of more innocuous character than a scorpion.
• 2:00:16
  Speaker 1: Perhaps this is so in the original Stiptich. For as
• 2:00:20
  Speaker 1: I have said, I cannot repose implicit faith in my
• 2:00:23
  Speaker 1: young friend's version, HBJ, I have composed the most pathetic
• 2:00:29
  Speaker 1: poem in the world, declared the poet. How canst thou
• 2:00:32
  Speaker 1: be sure of that? He was asked, because he replied,
• 2:00:36
  Speaker 1: I recited it to the crocodile, and she could not
• 2:00:39
  Speaker 1: refrain from shedding tears. It is gratifying to find one's
• 2:00:43
  Speaker 1: self appreciated at last, said the cabbage, when the cigar
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 1: merchant labeled him as a cabinnia. Do not talk to
• 2:00:50
  Speaker 1: me about cactus, said the ostrich contemptuously to the camel,
• 2:00:55
  Speaker 1: insipid stuff. I call it no for real flavor and delicacy.
• 2:00:59
  Speaker 1: Give me a pair of Sheffield scissors. The accommodation might
• 2:01:04
  Speaker 1: be more luxurious. It's true, remarked the philosophic mouse when
• 2:01:08
  Speaker 1: he found himself in the trap. But after all, it's
• 2:01:11
  Speaker 1: not as if I was going to stay here long.
• 2:01:15
  Speaker 1: People tell me he can shine when he chooses, said
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 1: the extinguisher of the candle. All I know is he's
• 2:01:21
  Speaker 1: positively dull whenever he's with me. There was once a
• 2:01:26
  Speaker 1: musical box, which played but one tune, to which its
• 2:01:30
  Speaker 1: owner was never weary of listening. But after a time
• 2:01:33
  Speaker 1: he desired a novelty, and could not rest until he
• 2:01:35
  Speaker 1: had exchanged the barrel for another. However, he sickened of
• 2:01:39
  Speaker 1: the second tune sooner than of the first, and so
• 2:01:42
  Speaker 1: he exchanged it for a third, which he liked not
• 2:01:45
  Speaker 1: at all. Accordingly, he commanded the box should return to
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 1: the first tune of all, and lo, this had become
• 2:01:51
  Speaker 1: an abomination unto his ears, nor could he conceive how
• 2:01:54
  Speaker 1: he had ever been able to endure it. So the
• 2:01:58
  Speaker 1: musical box was laid upon the shelf, and the owner
• 2:02:00
  Speaker 1: procured for himself a cheap mouth organ, which could play
• 2:02:03
  Speaker 1: any air that was suggested to it, and thus became
• 2:02:06
  Speaker 1: an established favorite. Note this is apparently designed to illustrate
• 2:02:12
  Speaker 1: the faculty of the musical character. HB J. Do come
• 2:02:17
  Speaker 1: in snapped the severed shark's head to the ship's cat.
• 2:02:21
  Speaker 1: As you perceive, I am carrying on business as usual.
• 2:02:24
  Speaker 1: During the alterations, the bull bull had no sooner finished
• 2:02:29
  Speaker 1: her song than the bull frog began to make profuse
• 2:02:32
  Speaker 1: apologies for having left his music at home to a
• 2:02:36
  Speaker 1: butterscotch machine, the penny and the tin disc are alike.
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 1: Note surely not if an official is looking on HB. J.
• 2:02:46
  Speaker 1: My DearS, said the converted cannibal reverently to his wife
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 1: and family as they sat down to their baked missionary,
• 2:02:52
  Speaker 1: do not let us obmit to ask a blessing. There
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 1: is but one singer whom it is futile to encore,
• 2:02:59
  Speaker 1: and that is a dying swan. I am doing a
• 2:03:03
  Speaker 1: series of notable nests for Sylvan society, said the insinuating serpent,
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 1: on finding the ring dove at home. And I should
• 2:03:11
  Speaker 1: so much like to include you. You are very kind,
• 2:03:15
  Speaker 1: said the ring dove in a flutter. But I can
• 2:03:17
  Speaker 1: assure you that there is no more in my poor
• 2:03:20
  Speaker 1: little eggs than in any other birds that may be
• 2:03:24
  Speaker 1: replied the serpent. But I must live somehow. No outsiders there,
• 2:03:30
  Speaker 1: only just their own particular set, said the cock sparrow,
• 2:03:33
  Speaker 1: when he came home after having been to tea with
• 2:03:36
  Speaker 1: the birds of Paradise. The elephant was dying of starvation,
• 2:03:41
  Speaker 1: and a kind hearted person presented him with an ascidulated drop.
• 2:03:45
  Speaker 1: Note it is well nigh incredible that any philosopher should
• 2:03:48
  Speaker 1: be so ignorant of natural history, as to imagine that
• 2:03:51
  Speaker 1: any elephant would accept an acid drop even if it
• 2:03:54
  Speaker 1: was on its last legs for want of nutrition. The
• 2:03:58
  Speaker 1: conclusion of this anecdote would see to be either lost
• 2:04:01
  Speaker 1: or unfit for publication. H. B. J. There was once
• 2:04:06
  Speaker 1: a famous violinist who serenaded his mistress every evening, performing
• 2:04:10
  Speaker 1: the most divine melodies upon his instrument. But all the
• 2:04:14
  Speaker 1: while she was straining her ears to listen to a
• 2:04:17
  Speaker 1: piano organ round the corner, which was playing good Bye
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 1: Dolly Gray. The performing lioness kisses her trainer on the mouth,
• 2:04:27
  Speaker 1: but only in public. The candle complained bitterly of the
• 2:04:32
  Speaker 1: unpleasantness of seeing so many scorched moths in her vicinity.
• 2:04:37
  Speaker 1: I have taken such a fancy to thee, said the
• 2:04:39
  Speaker 1: hawk genially to the field mouse, that I am going
• 2:04:42
  Speaker 1: to put thee into a really good thing, and he
• 2:04:45
  Speaker 1: opened his beak. There are persons who have no sense
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 1: of the fitness of things, like the grasshopper who insisted
• 2:04:53
  Speaker 1: on putting the snail up for the skipping club. The
• 2:04:58
  Speaker 1: cat scratched the dog's nose out of your playfulness, but
• 2:05:01
  Speaker 1: she had no time to explain, after all, it is
• 2:05:05
  Speaker 1: pleasant to be at home again, said the eagle's feathers
• 2:05:08
  Speaker 1: on the shaft that pierced him. But the eagle's reply
• 2:05:11
  Speaker 1: is not recorded. Note poet Byron also mentions this incident,
• 2:05:16
  Speaker 1: h b J. A certain painter set himself to depict
• 2:05:20
  Speaker 1: a lovely landscape. See, he cried as he exhibited his
• 2:05:24
  Speaker 1: canvas to a passing stranger. Doth not this my picture
• 2:05:28
  Speaker 1: resemble the scene with exactitude? Since thou desirest to know?
• 2:05:33
  Speaker 1: Was the reply. Thou seemest to me to have portrayed
• 2:05:35
  Speaker 1: nothing but a manure heap. Am I to blame? Exclaimed
• 2:05:40
  Speaker 1: the indignant painter. If a manure heap chanced to be
• 2:05:43
  Speaker 1: immediately in front of me. Before a man marrieth a woman,
• 2:05:48
  Speaker 1: he delighteth to describe unto her all his doings, even
• 2:05:51
  Speaker 1: the most unimportant. But after marriage he considers that such
• 2:05:55
  Speaker 1: talk may savor too much of egotism. Note this is very,
• 2:06:00
  Speaker 1: very shallow. I have never experienced any such compunctuousness in
• 2:06:04
  Speaker 1: my own wives, h b J. I shouldn't have minded
• 2:06:09
  Speaker 1: so much, said the bee with some bitterness, just before
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 1: breathing his last in the honey pot. Only it happens
• 2:06:15
  Speaker 1: to be my own. Make is the white rabbit beautiful?
• 2:06:20
  Speaker 1: Some one inquired of the albino rat. She may be
• 2:06:23
  Speaker 1: passable enough, replied the rat, but for one most distressing deformity.
• 2:06:28
  Speaker 1: She has pink eyes. When the ass was asked about
• 2:06:32
  Speaker 1: his cousin, the zebra, he said, do not speak about him,
• 2:06:35
  Speaker 1: for he has disgraced us all. Never before has there
• 2:06:38
  Speaker 1: been any eccentricity in our family. The full blown sausage
• 2:06:44
  Speaker 1: professeth to have forgotten the days of his puppyhood. Will
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 1: you allow me to pass, said the courteous garden roller
• 2:06:52
  Speaker 1: to the snail. Had any one met the red herring
• 2:06:56
  Speaker 1: in the sea and foretold that he would one day
• 2:06:58
  Speaker 1: be pursued by hounds across a difficult country, the herring
• 2:07:02
  Speaker 1: would have accounted him but a vain babbler. Yet so
• 2:07:06
  Speaker 1: it fell out. Note I shrewdly suspect that my young
• 2:07:10
  Speaker 1: friend has made the rather natural mistake of substituting the
• 2:07:13
  Speaker 1: word red herring for flying fish. It is not absolutely
• 2:07:17
  Speaker 1: incredible that one of the latter departments should fly inland
• 2:07:20
  Speaker 1: to be chased by dogs, But even Piljosh should be
• 2:07:23
  Speaker 1: aware that no herring could pop off in such a way.
• 2:07:27
  Speaker 1: HBJ an officious, busy body perceiving a phoenix well alike,
• 2:07:32
  Speaker 1: promptly extinguished her by means of a convenient watering pot.
• 2:07:36
  Speaker 1: Had you refrained from this uncalled for interference, said the
• 2:07:40
  Speaker 1: justly irate bird, I should by this time be rising
• 2:07:44
  Speaker 1: gloriously from my ashes, instead of presenting the ridiculous appearance
• 2:07:48
  Speaker 1: of a partially roasted fowl. Note I can offer no
• 2:07:52
  Speaker 1: explanation of this allegory, except to remind the reader that
• 2:07:55
  Speaker 1: the phoenix is the notorious symbol for a fire insurance.
• 2:07:59
  Speaker 1: Hvj Alas sighed the learned pig, while expiring from inflammation
• 2:08:05
  Speaker 1: of the brain brought on by a laborious endeavor to
• 2:08:08
  Speaker 1: ascertain the sum of two and two? Why why was
• 2:08:12
  Speaker 1: I cursed with intellect? I shall know better? Another time,
• 2:08:16
  Speaker 1: gasped the fish, as he lay in the landing net.
• 2:08:20
  Speaker 1: A certain merchant sold the child a sharp sword. Thou
• 2:08:24
  Speaker 1: hast done wrong in this, remonstrated a sage. Since the
• 2:08:28
  Speaker 1: child will assuredly wound either himself or some other, I
• 2:08:32
  Speaker 1: shall not be responsible, cried the merchant, for in selling
• 2:08:35
  Speaker 1: the sword, I did recommend the child to protect the
• 2:08:38
  Speaker 1: point with a cork. A certain grain of millet fell
• 2:08:42
  Speaker 1: out of a sack in which it was being carried
• 2:08:45
  Speaker 1: into the city, and was soon trampled in the dust.
• 2:08:49
  Speaker 1: I am lost, cried the millet seed. Yet I do
• 2:08:51
  Speaker 1: not repine so much for myself as for those countless
• 2:08:54
  Speaker 1: multitudes who deprived of me are now doomed to perish
• 2:08:57
  Speaker 1: miserably of starvation. I have given up dancing, said the tongs,
• 2:09:04
  Speaker 1: for they no longer dance with the elegance and grace
• 2:09:06
  Speaker 1: that were universal in my young days. But for the
• 2:09:11
  Speaker 1: mercy of providence, said the fox piously to the goose,
• 2:09:14
  Speaker 1: whom he found in a trap that had been set
• 2:09:16
  Speaker 1: for himself. Our respective situations might now be reversed. She
• 2:09:22
  Speaker 1: really sang, quite nicely, remarked the cuckoo, after she had
• 2:09:25
  Speaker 1: been to hear the nightingale one evening. But it's a
• 2:09:28
  Speaker 1: pity her range is so sadly limited. The mendicant insisted
• 2:09:34
  Speaker 1: on making his will. But what hast thou to leave
• 2:09:37
  Speaker 1: when thou diest, cried the scribe, as much as the richest,
• 2:09:41
  Speaker 1: he replied, for when I die, I leave the entire world.
• 2:09:46
  Speaker 1: Note this is, if not incorrectly translated a grotesque and
• 2:09:50
  Speaker 1: puerile allegation. The veriest tyro is aware that when a
• 2:09:55
  Speaker 1: millionaire hops the twig of his existence, he leaves more
• 2:09:58
  Speaker 1: behind than a mere mendicant h b J. Forgive me,
• 2:10:03
  Speaker 1: said the toad to the swallow. But although you may
• 2:10:06
  Speaker 1: not be aware of it, you are flying on totally
• 2:10:09
  Speaker 1: false pretenses. Am i, said the swallow meekly. I'm so sorry.
• 2:10:14
  Speaker 1: Do you mind showing me how you do it? I
• 2:10:17
  Speaker 1: don't fly myself, said the toad, with an air of superiority.
• 2:10:21
  Speaker 1: I've other things to do, but I have thoroughly mastered
• 2:10:24
  Speaker 1: the theory of the art. Then teach me the theory,
• 2:10:27
  Speaker 1: said the swallow. Willingly, said the toad. My fee to
• 2:10:31
  Speaker 1: you will be two worms a lesson. I can't bear
• 2:10:35
  Speaker 1: to think that no one will weep for me when
• 2:10:37
  Speaker 1: I am gone, said the sentimental fly, as he flew
• 2:10:40
  Speaker 1: into the eye of a money lender note c. F.
• 2:10:43
  Speaker 1: Poet Byron. Tis sweet to know there is an I
• 2:10:47
  Speaker 1: will mark our coming and look brighter when we come.
• 2:10:50
  Speaker 1: H b J. A certain Cockatris, feeling sociably inclined, entered
• 2:10:57
  Speaker 1: a mother's meeting, bent upon making himself agreeable, but was
• 2:11:01
  Speaker 1: greatly mortified to find himself, but coldly received. Women are
• 2:11:06
  Speaker 1: so particular about trifles, he reflected bitterly. I know I
• 2:11:10
  Speaker 1: said good afternoon with my mouthful, but as I explained,
• 2:11:14
  Speaker 1: I had just been lunching at the infant school. I
• 2:11:18
  Speaker 1: want to be useful, said the silkworm, as she sat
• 2:11:21
  Speaker 1: down and set a sock for a decayed centipede. A
• 2:11:26
  Speaker 1: traveler demanded hospitality from fourteen Kurds who were occupying one
• 2:11:31
  Speaker 1: small tent. Enter freely, said the Kurds. But we must
• 2:11:35
  Speaker 1: warn thee that thou wilt find the atmosphere exceeding the unpleasant,
• 2:11:39
  Speaker 1: for by some inadvertence we have greased our boots from
• 2:11:42
  Speaker 1: a jar of atar of roses. Note once more, I
• 2:11:47
  Speaker 1: do not entirely fathom the fabuloust's meaning, unless it is
• 2:11:50
  Speaker 1: that such a valuable cosmetic as atar of roses may
• 2:11:54
  Speaker 1: become so deteriorated as to offend even the nostril organ
• 2:11:58
  Speaker 1: of a kurd h p J. A certain Vasilisk, having
• 2:12:03
  Speaker 1: attained great success in petrifying all who came under his
• 2:12:06
  Speaker 1: personal observation, there was a scheme set afoot to present
• 2:12:11
  Speaker 1: him some token of popular esteem and regard. If we
• 2:12:15
  Speaker 1: give him anything said the fox, who was consulted as
• 2:12:19
  Speaker 1: to the form of the proposed testimonial, I would suggest
• 2:12:23
  Speaker 1: that it should take the shape of a pair of
• 2:12:25
  Speaker 1: smoked spectacles. Note the satire here at least is obvious enough.
• 2:12:31
  Speaker 1: Smoked spectacles are a very inexpensive gift hbj. How truly
• 2:12:38
  Speaker 1: the poet sang that we may rise on stepping stones
• 2:12:41
  Speaker 1: of our dead selves to higher things. Remarked the chickens
• 2:12:45
  Speaker 1: merry thought when it found itself apotheosized into a penwiper.
• 2:12:51
  Speaker 1: Note A young lady that shall be nameless, once presented
• 2:12:54
  Speaker 1: me with a very similar penwipe, which represented a Church
• 2:12:57
  Speaker 1: of England ecclesiastic and surpling us, and a mortar cap
• 2:13:02
  Speaker 1: hb J. I shall not have perished in vain, gasped
• 2:13:06
  Speaker 1: an altruistic cockroach immediately before expiring from an overdose of
• 2:13:11
  Speaker 1: insect powder. For after this fatality, the owners of the
• 2:13:15
  Speaker 1: house will doubtless be more careful how they leave such
• 2:13:18
  Speaker 1: stuff about. Note. British cockroaches, however, resemble Emperor Mithridates in
• 2:13:24
  Speaker 1: being totally impervious to beetle poison. The sheep was so
• 2:13:30
  Speaker 1: exceedingly tough and old that the wolf had thoughts of
• 2:13:33
  Speaker 1: becoming a vegetarian. Note, when we see some person attaining
• 2:13:37
  Speaker 1: centenarian longevity, we are foolishly inclined to fancy that by
• 2:13:42
  Speaker 1: adopting their diet we also are to become methusalums hb J.
• 2:13:48
  Speaker 1: A certain aunt that had lost its all owing to
• 2:13:51
  Speaker 1: a sudden collapse of the bank in which its savings
• 2:13:54
  Speaker 1: were invested, applied to a grasshopper for a small temporary advance.
• 2:14:00
  Speaker 1: I am sorry, dear boy, chirpily replied the grasshopper that
• 2:14:04
  Speaker 1: although I am playing to big business every evening, I
• 2:14:06
  Speaker 1: have not put by a single grain. However, I will
• 2:14:10
  Speaker 1: get up a matinee for your benefit. This he did
• 2:14:13
  Speaker 1: with such success that next winter the ant was once
• 2:14:15
  Speaker 1: more sufficiently prosperous to discharge his obligation by offering the
• 2:14:20
  Speaker 1: grasshopper a letter to the charity organization Society. Note the
• 2:14:25
  Speaker 1: application of this is that a kind action is never
• 2:14:28
  Speaker 1: really thrown away. H.
• 2:14:30
  Speaker 2: P J.
• 2:14:31
  Speaker 1: I never feel quite myself till I've had a good bath,
• 2:14:34
  Speaker 1: said the bird, whom an elderly lady had purchased from
• 2:14:37
  Speaker 1: a street boy as a goldfinch. And behold, when the
• 2:14:41
  Speaker 1: bird came out of its saucer of water. It was
• 2:14:43
  Speaker 1: a sparrow. Note Like many philosophers, pill Josh would seem
• 2:14:48
  Speaker 1: to have had no great liking for ablutions. But water
• 2:14:51
  Speaker 1: which could transform a goldfinch into a sparrow, must previously
• 2:14:55
  Speaker 1: have been enchanted by some magician, so that our parabolists
• 2:14:59
  Speaker 1: shaft miss fire in this instance, as indeed in many others. Possibly, however,
• 2:15:05
  Speaker 1: his translator has once more proved a traitor, HBJ. Pride
• 2:15:11
  Speaker 1: not yourself upon your luster and symmetry, said the jet,
• 2:15:14
  Speaker 1: ear ring austereily to the pearl, For after all, you
• 2:15:18
  Speaker 1: owe your beauty to nothing but the morbid secretions of
• 2:15:21
  Speaker 1: a diseased oyster. I am sorry to spoil your moral
• 2:15:25
  Speaker 1: retorted the pearl, with much suavity. But like yourself, I
• 2:15:29
  Speaker 1: happen to be artificial. Note, inhabitants of glassy mansion should
• 2:15:34
  Speaker 1: not indulge in lapidation, HBJ. Come, said the peacock's feather
• 2:15:40
  Speaker 1: proudly to the fly flapper and the tin squeaker, as
• 2:15:44
  Speaker 1: the final illumination flickered out, and they lay in the
• 2:15:46
  Speaker 1: gutter together, limp and exhausted with their exertions in tickling
• 2:15:51
  Speaker 1: and generally exasperating inoffensive strangers. They may say what they please,
• 2:15:57
  Speaker 1: but at least we have shown them that a spirit
• 2:15:59
  Speaker 1: of patriotism is not yet extinct. Note this must refer
• 2:16:04
  Speaker 1: to some cryptic customs prevalent in the parabolist's time. But
• 2:16:08
  Speaker 1: I do not clearly apprehend what connection either tickling, fly
• 2:16:12
  Speaker 1: flapping or squeaking can have with patriotism. HBJ last words
• 2:16:19
  Speaker 1: here conclude the parables of Piljosh together with the present volume,
• 2:16:23
  Speaker 1: that the former can possibly obtain honorable mention when compared
• 2:16:27
  Speaker 1: with the apologues of Plato, esop Cordyrius, Nepos, or even Confucius,
• 2:16:34
  Speaker 1: I cannot for a moment anticipate, and none can be
• 2:16:37
  Speaker 1: more sensible than my humble self, how very poor a
• 2:16:41
  Speaker 1: figure they cut in proximity to the production of my
• 2:16:44
  Speaker 1: own pen. However, indulgent critics will please not saddle my
• 2:16:49
  Speaker 1: unoffending head with the responsibility, the fact being that I
• 2:16:53
  Speaker 1: was vehemently advised that without some meretricious padding of this sort,
• 2:16:58
  Speaker 1: my romance would not be of sufficient robustness to produce
• 2:17:01
  Speaker 1: a boom. But should a byard from Bengal unfortunately fail
• 2:17:06
  Speaker 1: to render the Thames combustible, I should rather attribute the
• 2:17:09
  Speaker 1: cause to its having been unwisely deluded with such milk
• 2:17:13
  Speaker 1: and watery material as the parables of Piljosh. So, leaving
• 2:17:17
  Speaker 1: the decision to the impartial and unanimous verdict of popular approval,
• 2:17:22
  Speaker 1: I subscribe myself the reader's very obsequious and palpitating servant,
• 2:17:27
  Speaker 1: Henry Bung showed jabberjee b A, et cetera, et cetera,
• 2:17:31
  Speaker 1: et cetera. And of a Bird from Bengal read by
• 2:17:36
  Speaker 1: Don W. Jenkins, Rancho, San Diego, California, Shaggybart dot blogspot
• 2:17:42
  Speaker 1: dot com,