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Peanut Butter Parable · The Opinion You Didn’t Ask For

0:00
You know what I love more than giving my opinion?
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Hearing how great my opinions are.
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So please feel free to leave a comment at the end of this
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episode letting me know exactly what part you loved the most.
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You guys, welcome back to the opinion you didn't ask for.
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I'm Hannah and I am 30. You guys, I am 30.
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I have been waiting 10 years to be 30.
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I have been waiting an entire decade, OK?
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I feel about being 30 the way that Khloe Kardashian felt about
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turning 40. So excited.
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This is my decade. I did not celebrate my 30th with
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denims and diamonds and Snoop Dogg performing.
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OK, that didn't happen. So we're not on the same level,
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but my excitement has been, I have been so prepped to be 30
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because in my 30s is when I get my ACT together.
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I mean, watch out world, I am going, you're not going to
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recognize me. I am going to be unstoppable,
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Kate. That has been my mentality with
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turning 30. I will say I have yet to do
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really anything that I have like told myself.
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Like I've said in my 30s I will be in the best shape of my life
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and did I low key expect to wake up on my 30th and I'm 30 lbs
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lighter in the best shape of my life?
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Absolutely. Did I?
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Absolutely not That's ridiculous.
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I mean that third baby did me dirty, OK?
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My 20s was spent sacrificing my body for children.
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Love them. They really were not respectful
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to this body of mine and it has nothing to do with the fact in
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my third pregnancy I ate Taco Bell minimum four times a week
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as early as 5:00 at night but is also as late as like 11:30 PM
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sometimes. My husband was driving to Taco
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Bell at 11:59 and it closes at midnight.
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We lived 2 minutes down the road.
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Very unhealthy. I've contemplated suing Taco
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Bell for not shutting me off like a bar tab.
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They they shut you down they tell you you're you're done you
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have drank too much Taco Bell. I needed you to say, girl, you
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will not fit in anything if you continue down this path.
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And they were right. OK, I should have been told no.
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My husband should have told me no.
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But he said pregnant me and the word no just don't go together.
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So he wanted to live. It's fine.
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So I gained a solid amount of weight in that third pregnancy
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that I am still working off, but I was like in my 30s.
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That weight is going to be gone. It's it's out the window.
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I am done with it. I am leaving that in my 20s.
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Newsflash, it's still here. We're fine.
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We're working on it. I also was like, we are going to
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be rich. I mean, filthy, stinking rich,
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right? My 30s, we're going to travel to
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all these countries I've dreamt of because in my 20s, we
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traveled nowhere. So I mean, I am ready.
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I'm ready to be the person that God wants me to be.
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And you know what, it hasn't happened yet.
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I am still in the same situation that I was a couple weeks ago
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because it's been a couple weeks.
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Hannah, what is wrong with you? Life doesn't just change in the
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flash of an eye because you, your number changed.
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That's not how this works. So I am stoked to be 30.
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I had the best birthday. I will say there was no Snoop
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Dogg, but there was no tears either.
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And for me, that's a huge win. I have cried every year on my
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birthday because of unspoken expectations.
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I have assumed something would be done, but I didn't ask for
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it. I didn't tell my husband that
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this is what I wanted or I didn't tell my parents I would
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like to do this. I just assumed they would know.
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Like you should know me well enough that you just surprise
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me, even though I hate surprises.
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I'm a control freak. I want to be in charge but maybe
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someone will randomly just do something crazy for me.
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And then at the end of the day when nothing magical has
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happened I am so disappointed and I have cried on every
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birthday. Like the song it's my party and
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I'll cry if I want to. That should be my birthday theme
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song. OK so I didn't cry this birthday
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and that is like a huge win. What a gift to everyone in my
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life that was here on my birthday.
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They're like she didn't cry. Must have been a good day.
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But it was because it was just so chill.
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There were no unmet expectations.
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I didn't need this big elaborate thing.
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I went to my son's flag football game.
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He did phenomenal. Couldn't have been prouder.
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I ate Chinese food, I had Cold stone, and I went to bed.
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I mean, it was such a good day and I realized I don't need to
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be where I want to be at 39 and right before I turn 40 today.
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I don't need to expect all these changes to happen super, super
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fast. And I just have what I want
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because I see these people who are 10 years older than me,
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they've worked so hard for what they have.
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But the world we live in, you can order anything in a moment
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and it'll be delivered to your door, gift wrapped.
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You don't really have to work as hard for certain things
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nowadays. And I think that that has ruined
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our ability to give our self grace, to appreciate where we
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have been and to have that motivation to want to work
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harder, to want to get to where we want to be.
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And then we can celebrate that. I don't think you appreciate
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things as much when they're just handed to you when you didn't
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have to work for them. You will not appreciate it as
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much. And I have found you won't take
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care of it as well because it wasn't something that you had to
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labor for, like the labor of love.
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So I know that when I get my dream body, it's because it was
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a labor of love. It's because I worked so hard
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and I didn't quit and I kept going even though it took a
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really long time and was really hard.
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I know that one day when we buy our dream house, it's going to
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be because we worked really hard to be able to afford that.
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When I am on the beach in Greece, I will That's going to
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be my I made it moment. OK, Mark my words, I'm going to
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go to Greece. It's been on my bucket list
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since I was 12. I will be in Greece one day.
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Not the movie, the country. And I can't wait.
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But that moment isn't today. And you have to be OK with you
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can't have everything everyone else has just because you want
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it. You need to be able to work for
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it. And I think that that's almost a
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lost thing because we just, we want what we want.
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And a lot of the times because things are such fast shipping
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and you can have your delivery at your door in 20 minutes.
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And we don't appreciate the wait.
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We don't appreciate that time. And I want to be able to change
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that about myself, that I enjoy the quiet, I enjoy the chill
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time, that it's not crazy hustle and bustle and moving and
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working. And because maybe one day that
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will be my life. But for right now, I want to
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appreciate the stage of life that I'm in and to not rush it.
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And it doesn't need to be perfect.
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It doesn't need to be pristine. It doesn't need to be picture
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worthy and postable. And everything just looks
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phenomenal. And everyone is envying me.
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And so I want to spend this next decade of my life being a better
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version of myself and working on myself and accomplishing goals,
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but not working so hard that I miss the moments that were
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actually worth celebrating. Because I don't want to
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accomplish a goal and then look back and be like I did not take
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time to even enjoy this. I have been, I'm going to be so
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honest, I have been ready to quit this podcast since the day
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I started. I think in episode 1 I talked
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about I'm going to be 30 in a few months because I recorded
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episode one months ago and I thought that that would be
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enough. I don't need to actually put it
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out there. I'm going to record it because I
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keep feeling like I'm supposed to.
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And then I'm not going to put it anywhere.
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It doesn't need to go anywhere. I'm going to move on from this
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ridiculous idea. And I kept telling myself that.
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And so I finally, you know, I did it.
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And I realized I'm like, people are going to be like, what in
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the world? She's now magically 30, but she
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was going to be 30 in a few months.
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But I wasn't ready, I think, to take that next step.
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I wasn't ready to put that out there.
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And now that I have, I'm ready to quit.
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I'm like, OK, well, there has been more support than I even
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expected. So now I feel anxious and now I
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feel stressed out that I have to have every episode be so perfect
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and say something so deep and meaningful.
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And I've been panicking. So I was like, I think I might
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retire. I think 2 episodes I retire.
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What a legend people are going to be like.
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She's iconic. That woman only needed two
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episodes and she's done. OK.
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That's honestly where I've been at, but I've had to remind
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myself to just chill out, that it's not the end of the world if
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I don't know, if it's not perfect, if it's not amazing,
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and that there's no right and wrong way to do this.
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I think I stress that there's there's so many people who have
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done this before me who are way more equipped.
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They have done research, they are prepared.
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They know the market, they know who they're targeting.
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I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.
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I'm just sitting on my couch recording this while my kid is
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napping because that's the stage of life I'm in right now.
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And I don't have a beautiful studio with sound equipment and
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guys that work for me. And that is not my life.
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And I think it's hard because I look at Khloe Kardashian, who I
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love by the way, and she starts a podcast and has a gazillion
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followers and her podcast is doing phenomenal.
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But she's also A 10 years older and B, she has lived a different
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life. Her experiences are going to be
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different and it's not the same. And that's okay.
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It doesn't need to be the same. It doesn't need to be perfect.
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And as as a mom, I feel like I I'm given ideas and I'm given
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instructive criticism by God in simple ways that I will
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understand it. There are people who are so
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educated that they can receive answers to things so clearly and
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in these deep, profound ways. Yeah, that's not me.
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So a few years ago, we have what our family calls, and I can't
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say my family, it's my husband and I that's it.
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We call it the peanut butter parable.
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And no, it's not biblical, but it could be like Revelations
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Part 2 kind of a thing. And it was basically God
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teaching me in the most simple, childlike way that I don't need
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to be perfect, that I don't need life to go perfectly, and that
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that's the only way it's going to be successful.
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That's the only way to find joy. So when I, I had my two kids, I
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had two under 2, which that one about did me.
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And I was fighting for my life in the depths of motherhood,
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just struggling to survive each day.
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And we sold our house in Arizona.
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We moved in with my parents, but my husband's job was being
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difficult and they were keeping him in Arizona longer than they
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were supposed to because he got a remote position.
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So the kids and I had to move in with my parents.
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He stayed in Arizona with his parents and I spent an entire
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summer being a single mom living with my parents with two small
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children. I was struggling.
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I was having the hardest time. It was a really difficult time
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in my life. Well, in that time, my son was
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not even a year and a half. He's a year, little over a year
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old at the time, and he was so adamant that he was going to
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starve to death. That boy was trying to not
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survive. I would beg him to just lick the
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chicken nugget on his plate. I'm like, please just smell it.
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Maybe it'll like go through your nose and into your stomach and
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somehow you're going to get nutrients.
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This kid refused to eat. So if you are a parent and you
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have experienced this, you get it.
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You are just happy if they put anything in their mouth that's
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not a rock. OK so one day I was making him a
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sandwich and I made it was a piece of bread, some peanut
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butter and some sugar. And yes I said sugar because
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everyone looks at me like I'm a psychopath when I say that I eat
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peanut butter and sugar sandwiches.
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That is how I grew up. I did not know that was weird
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till I went to college. OK, Didn't know that till my
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roommates were like, you're weird.
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No, I'm like, no, it's not. Try it.
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You'll like it. So he has this perfect sandwich.
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I place it in front of him. He's sitting at the table.
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He immediately opens the sandwich and just starts licking
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it. And I'm mortified.
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Like, what are you doing, kid? Is this your first time seeing a
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sandwich? I know it's not because I've
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made them a million times. What is happening?
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So I walk over there and I'm like, no, no, no.
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And I fold the sandwich back up and I put it to his mouth.
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He takes a bite and I'm like, OK, there we go.
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You just needed a quick little reminder.
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It's like riding a bike. You'll figure it out real quick.
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OK, we're good. So he's at the table.
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I'm standing in the kitchen watching him.
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And he immediately opens it back up and starts licking it again.
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And then he starts nibbling from like the inside out.
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And I'm like, what is wrong with you, you crazy kid?
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That's not how you do it. That's why I walk back over,
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fold it again and we go through the same thing.
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And I walk away and I'm like, OK, And he does it again.
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And as I'm standing there, so frustrated with him for not
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eating this sandwich like a normal person, I just have this
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thought. And it was as if God was
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standing next to me and it was, what does it matter?
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And I was like, well, it matters because he's doing it wrong.
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And the voice was like, is he doing it wrong?
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Or is he just doing it different?
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You wanted this kid to eat. He is eating.
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And now you aren't satisfied with how he's eating it because
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in your mind there's only one right way to do this.
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But that's not the reality. If it's in his mouth, he's
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chewing it and swallowing it. He is getting the nutrients from
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this sandwich. It's just not going in his mouth
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the way you think it should. And I am standing there feeling
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so humbled, also feeling like an idiot for fighting with a one
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year old on how to eat a peanut butter sandwich.
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Then I was like, wow, OK, that is that is so deep.
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I needed that right now. You'd think she learned.
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She learned this lesson and she's applied it in her life and
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everything's great, right? Wrong.
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Of course not. Because I am so hard headed,
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such a thick skull. It takes a few times.
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So a few months later, might have been a year, six months, I
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have no idea. It was me and time.
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We're not good. But a while later, my daughter
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was in the kitchen and it was lunchtime and you guessed it,
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we're making peanut butter sandwiches.
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And she goes, Mom, can I help make my sandwich?
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And if you understand that as a parent, you just want it to be
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done as fast as possible, you know how to do it.
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You can do it way easier, way less mess.
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You're thinking, why? Why do you want to help?
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But you're also supposed to be teaching them how to help and
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how to be responsible and take care of themselves.
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And you want to teach them the right ways to hold a knife.
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So it is my job at this point to let her help.
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So I say yes. And she grabs a chair and she
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has the two pieces of bread, some peanut butter.
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This time we had Jelly. Like apparently normal people,
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she puts the peanut butter on one side, she puts the Jelly on
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the other, and she looks up at me and she's beaming.
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She is so proud of herself. She's like, mom, I did it.
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I was like, good job, sis. Well, I looked down and the
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peanut butter was really kind of clumpy in the middle and it
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wasn't on the edges at all. So I take the knife and I start
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smoothing it out so that it's perfect, that it's even and
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smooth. And I do it with a Jelly and I
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look down and I'm so proud of myself.
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Like, wow, that looks really, really good.
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And I look over at her and she looks so deflated.
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And she goes, why'd you do that? And I was like, Oh, well, it
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wasn't perfect. And the minute the words came
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out of my mouth, it was the same voice that said, what does it
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matter? In that moment?
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I'm just standing there and she's just looking heartbroken.
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And she looks down at the sandwich and then looks back at
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me. And she goes, I tried really
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hard and I felt crushed because what do you mean that the
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sandwich wasn't perfect? What do you mean that you took
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the joy from this little girl? She worked so hard to accomplish
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something on her own, but because it did not look how you
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thought it should look, you took that from her to make yourself
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feel at ease with how it was. And I spiraled you guys.
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I spiraled for days on this because I realized God tried to
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teach me months ago. It took two times, but I I had
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this whole epiphany on how I look at life versus what reality
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is. And there is no right or wrong
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way to make a peanut butter sandwich.
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There are 1,000,000 different ways you could use one slice of
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bread or two. There are so many different
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types of bread. I could be here for an hour
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listing them, but usually it's, you know, wheat or white, and
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then you have crunchy peanut butter, regular peanut butter.
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There's a million different brands.
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Everyone has their favorite and then you get into the types of
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jellies and jams and honey. And yes, for those of us sugar,
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there's like 1% of us. I don't even know if there's
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that many in the world who do it.
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I'd love to know if I'm the only one at this point.
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OK, I was raised by someone who was raised by someone who worked
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at a sugar factory. So she always said that's why.
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But I'm starting to think my mom is a She loves everything sweet.
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She has a crazy sweet tooth. I'm wondering if peanut butter
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just wasn't sweet enough for her that she's like let's just douse
20:58
some sugar on this. But that is how I grew up.
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I don't know really other ways to eat it.
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But then you come into how you cut it.
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Do you cut it down the middle like me?
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I love 2 rectangles. That is the perfect way in my
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mind. My husband is a triangle guy and
21:15
then my kids love 4 triangles. Everyone is different and there
21:20
is no right or wrong way to eat a peanut butter sandwich.
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There's no right or wrong way to make it.
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You might want to throw a banana on there or some Nutella.
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The world is your oyster when it comes to peanut butter
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sandwiches. OK, you have a plethora of
21:38
options and just because that is not how I would eat it does not
21:42
mean it is not correct. And it has.
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It's honestly been a huge changing point in my life for
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how I look at everything, how I look at people who worship.
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Are they worshiping in the way I think they should or I do?
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Or is there a better way to praise God?
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I don't know. If you're on a mountain on a
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hike and you feel him there, good for you.
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If it's at a Pew in a church, that is great.
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If it's, well, listening to worship music, Hallelujah.
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Amen. There is no right or wrong way
22:15
to do that. There is no right or wrong way
22:18
to do the dishes. OK, you might like to hand wash
22:23
every single dish. You might not believe in a
22:26
dishwasher, or you might only believe in a dishwasher.
22:30
You might not consider ever scrubbing a dish with a brush
22:34
and some soap. Everyone is different.
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Everyone has their preferences and this goes for roommates in
22:41
college or spouses or if you're living with family members and
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the way that they do it is different.
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Your way is not the only way. A few months ago, my in laws
22:53
came to visit and my father-in-law loaded the
22:56
dishwasher to help out. My husband had cooked all the
23:01
food, so he was doing his part and he loaded the dishwasher and
23:05
he was like so proud of it. And he's like, don't worry
23:07
Hannah. I loaded the dishwasher and I
23:10
look in the sink and there are still a lot of dishes in the
23:13
sink. And I look in the dishwasher and
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there were like 10 dishes that were magically taking up the
23:19
entire dishwasher. You guys, I can fit 50 dishes in
23:24
a dishwasher if you give me a minute.
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It's like Jenga. My husband doesn't understand it
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but I was not about to insult my father-in-law by being like try
23:35
again. Or I unload it and reload it the
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way I like it. There is no point.
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There is no right and wrong way. There are people that can be
23:47
more efficient with loading dishwashers and there are people
23:51
who are like 3 dishes. I'm going to start this.
23:54
To each their own. However much your water bill
23:57
costs. Good for you, but it's not worth
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making someone else feel less than just to make yourself feel
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like your way is the right way. Everyone else should just jump
24:10
on board with how you do things. OK, That's not realistic.
24:15
There's a million ways to do everything.
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There's a million ways to make a bed.
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OK, a bed. Some people don't like the top
24:23
sheet. Some people don't know how to do
24:27
hospital corners. OK, Yes, Mom, I'm talking to
24:30
you. We don't don't care.
24:31
We just tuck and fold, OK? We shove it under the mattress
24:36
and just hope it doesn't come out.
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And then when we wake up and all of the sheets are in a ball on
24:41
the bed, we just remake it every day, OK?
24:44
There is no correct way to do what you're doing in your life
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as long as it's not illegal. And Kate, there are right and
24:53
wrong things in life. I'm talking about very simple
24:57
things here, people. Your way isn't the only way.
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Like the phrase my way or the highway.
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Why is that a mentality that we have?
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Why are we so obsessed with our way that we can't even
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comprehend that there may be a better way to do other things or
25:15
there may be a less stressful way?
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Like, am I stressing myself out so much on how to make a peanut
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butter sandwich that I'm missing moments with my kids and they're
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just going to grow up being like, she's the crazy lady who's
25:29
obsessed with how to make a sandwich?
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That's not important, OK? It's just not important.
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You might have done something one way your entire life, and
25:41
then someone invites you to try it a tiny bit different and it's
25:45
going to be uncomfortable. It's going to feel foreign.
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What if that new way is a better way?
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What if it's an easier way? What if it's more satisfying the
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way that someone else does something?
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But if you're just so stuck on how you do something that it has
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to be your way and it has to be perfect and it has to be right
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that you miss out on an option to try something that may change
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your life for the better. And I'm trying to have that
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mindset with this podcast. I have no idea where this will
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go. I have no idea who this will
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affect. It honestly might just be for me
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to help me find myself, my voice again, find a community of
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people who have been through this or who are going through
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this or who will one day go through this and this will be
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something they look to. And they're like, OK, I'm not
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the only person who's struggling at this phase of life.
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There is no right or wrong way. It's just different.
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And the moment we stop worrying about it being perfect, we can
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start to enjoy what is in front of us.
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So just remember, there is no right or wrong way to make a
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peanut butter sandwich. But the way you judge someone
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for how they make it says a lot about you and not about them.