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Why traveling with a narcissist can be tough · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about why it's so difficult to travel with
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  a narcissist if you're new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Cup.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. It can be extremely difficult to
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  travel with a narcissist or toxic person.
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  I know a lot of people can feel this.
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  I I already know a lot of people are just tune into this episode
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  and be like late. This is the video I've been
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  waiting for you to do because I've done a video like this
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  before. But as I grow, my thought
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  process changes a little bit. You know, my thoughts change, my
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  feelings change about certain situations as I become more self
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  aware about my own personality disorder and my own behaviors.
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  As to why maybe I don't like to travel and just try to give you
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  all perspective from that as well.
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  So I think home is like the home, the house, the the city,
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  the original location, whatever. Whatever.
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  A narcissistic person decides to plant their roots, so to speak.
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  I feel like that's the that becomes like the narcissist,
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  safe, But the safe, safe place. It becomes the narcissistic
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  person's safe place to to feel like they can be who they want
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  to be within their household. You know, outside of this
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  household bubble, outside of this safety zone, narcissistic
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  people tend to act different, right?
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  Like the the narcissist doesn't behave the same way in the house
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  that they do outside the house. So home is like the safe zone.
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  And I know you who who have been dealing with the narcissist,
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  even if it's your parent or your partner or your sibling or
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  whoever, you get a different version of them in home.
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  At home you'd be thinking you'd like I wish y'all could see the
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  person behind closed doors. Because behind closed doors is
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  who they really feel safe to be like when I'm behind closed
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  doors, I'd like I can take my mask off because I feel safe
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  here and they treat you differently behind closed doors.
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  So if home is the safe bubble. If home is the it's kind of like
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  home base. If this is my you know my base
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  of operation here. Why I feel the safest why I feel
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  like I can be I can be me Anytime I leave that place.
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  I feel like I have to become someone else, right?
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  I have to become someone else. Even if I'm just going to the
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  store, even if I'm just going to work.
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  I feel like I have to become someone else in order, you know,
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  to to have a chance at living a, you know, to be to feeling safe
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  within myself. So the further you get away from
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  home, the more likely you are to act out.
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  Because I'm not home. I'm not safe.
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  And I need to let you know that I don't feel safe.
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  I need to let you know, and that's why y'all we having so so
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  many bad trips with narcissistic people, you know, that's my
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  thoughts on it right there. Because home is a safe bubble,
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  right? Home is my safe place, and we're
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  getting away from my safe zone. Then I'm going into, I'm going
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  into danger. Anywhere away from the house is
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  a danger zone, especially if it's with you, you know?
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  Narcissists can travel by themselves, which is weird.
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  This is going to sound weird. Narcissists can travel by
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  themselves and it'd be OK. But when they bring the family
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  and friends or whoever they travel with, they ruin your
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  trip, you know, they've ruined the trip for you and everybody
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  around you because it just feels weird being away from the house.
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  It's just like, yeah, I wish I could describe it to you, but
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  it's like this inner feeling. It's not darkness.
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  It's not the devil. It's just like I don't feel safe
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  and comfortable when I when I like, even when I travel now, I
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  don't feel safe and comfortable. Rarely ever, you know, Even when
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  I travel right now, I don't feel safe and comfortable, but due to
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  my self-awareness and me being a therapist so long, I know how to
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  process that type of stuff. I can take a deep breath and ask
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  myself what am I really thinking, what am I really
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  afraid of? What what what, What are the
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  real actual dangers here? You know, to my safety.
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  Because the the narcissist doesn't just travel by
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  themselves, they bring their inner child with them.
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  The adult version of the narcissist probably is OK with
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  traveling. It's the inner child that
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  doesn't feel safe away from the house.
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  Just think about if you have this underdeveloped, traumatized
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  inner child within yourself that hasn't that just sits in the
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  darkness all the time when you get away from the house, they
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  feel like, OK, I'm in danger again.
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  Like I I wasn't protected as a child.
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  I wasn't nurtured as a child. I was neglected and may be
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  traumatized and assaulted and abused as a child.
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  So if I'm away from my safe zone, then that might can happen
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  again. So I act out.
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  You can't be the inner child acting out.
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  Think about it right there. It could be their deep inner
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  child. They're scared inner child
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  flowing and acting out and behaving erratically because
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  they don't feel safe and protected.
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  It reminds the inner child of the.
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  It's kind of like it's a triggering experience for the
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  inner child to get away from the house and just be like, I'm not
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  safe again. This takes me back to my
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  childhood when I wasn't feeling safe.
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  This takes me back to these places when I wasn't feeling
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  safe, when I wasn't secure. You know, this is, it's all
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  happening again. You know, it's all happening
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  right now, again. So the inner child doesn't feel
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  protected. And it starts acting out,
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  throwing a temper tantrum, giving you the silent treatment,
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  raging out on you. Because I say this in a few
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  other videos and I say this all the time, the inner child, the
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  traumatized, the inner child lives vicariously through the
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  adult. Narcissistic people tend to stop
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  growing at a certain age, you know, tend to stop growing
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  emotionally at a certain age because the inner whatever age
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  of the trauma, it's the age of the trauma in their youth,
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  right. So if I'm 12 years old and I go
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  through trauma, I'm stuck emotionally at 12 years old.
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  I can become smart. I can become, you know, a human
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  being. I can live my life to the
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  fullest extent, but I can't do it.
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  You you see what I'm saying? It's a whole different dynamic.
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  It's a whole different space to be within when you're dealing
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  with this type of mindset, when you're dealing with this type of
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  stuff. So if you're travelling with a
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  narcissist, then think about it. I'm just, there's nothing like
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  say again, y'all, you can try your best to make them feel as
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  safe and comfortable as possible but there's always like you can
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  like you can ask them, you can go to them and ask them like,
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  hey, look, how do I make this trip the best for both of us?
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  You know how do I make this trip the best for both of us?
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  How do I live my life? How, how, how do for the best
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  for all of us. How do I make you feel
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  comfortable? You know let's make sure
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  everything's you can write it down y'all and there's always
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  something's going to go wrong or there's going to be something
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  that was forgotten or they just are going to take it and just
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  say it's not enough. You know it might not it might
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  not start off that way either. So this one of the red flags
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  early in the beginning of relationship before you commit
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  to this person. If y'all travel and have a bad
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  time, just think about that you know and also like if you think
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  about it as well, it really kind of depends.
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  It doesn't happen every trip sometimes, right?
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  It could happen. It could happen with certain
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  certain locations when you're travelling to their parents
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  house or to your parents house or to somewhere that they really
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  don't want to go, they act out even more.
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  Especially if it's their parents who traumatize them as a as a
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  child or whoever. It's like the inner child is
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  going back into that danger zone again, the inner child.
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  You're taking the inner child back to the place of abuse.
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  An adult version might not be thinking about it, but the inner
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  child is kicking out, kicking and screaming, begging to be
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  heard, begging to be listening to.
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  They notice me kicking the back. It's kind of like a kid in the
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  back seat that really doesn't want to go somewhere and they're
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  kicking the back seat, you know? They're just like doing like a
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  possible kick on the back seat, on the back seat, to mess with
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  you, you know, to get into your head, to just try to, to not,
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  not necessarily assault you, but like I said, to mess with your
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  head. They show you.
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  They don't. They, they really don't want to
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  be here, you know. And it doesn't matter how
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  exotic, how expensive it is, Like if you paid for it, it's
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  even worse sometimes if you pay for the trip, if you set the
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  trip up, it's even worse sometimes because it's like you
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  forced them to go, you know, you forced me to go, you know, you
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  forced me to go against my will because I didn't really want to
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  go to the strip. You planned it out.
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  You did this, You said this, so you may it's your fault that I'm
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  here, so I'm unhappy because of you.
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  So they blame you for their unhappiness because of what's
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  going on right now. You see how that works.
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  That could be the mindset or the mentality of a lot of
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  narcissists and toxic people right there because they start
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  to act that way. They start to behave that way.
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  They They the mentality, the mental, you know, getting away
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  from the safe zone, getting away from the safety of the house,
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  getting away from the, you know, the protection that the house
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  provides, the the, the shield against vulnerability.
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  You know, I know y'all have never, never heard about the
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  inner child feeling unsafe from home.
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  I know y'all have not heard that before because I mean, it can't.
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  That's having my head. I thought about this earlier
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  because I'm literally about to take a trip from the house right
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  now. And I was thinking because I'm
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  getting those deep feelings within myself right now, I
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  really don't want to go. I really don't want to go.
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  I didn't plan this. I'm getting drugged away from
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  the house, but I know my kids. You know, my my daughter's
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  birthday. Just her birthday day.
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  I'm not going to ruin her birthday, you know.
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  She deserves to grow up better than I have.
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  It's not. So that's one thing the
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  therapist helped me understand. It's not always about me, you
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  know? I work on my I work on myself
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  because it helps me, but it also helps me better be better for my
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  my family, my friends and whoever has something around,
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  you know? That's that's the mindset.
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  Y'all, that's the mentality of it right there.
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  Because I know that's why I came down here to.
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  I wasn't even going to record the video till later.
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  But I just started thinking like, let me get this, let me go
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  and get this off right now. Because it does feel like I'm
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  when I meditate, my inner child is just like, I can feel it just
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  getting queasy. What's the anxiety building up?
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  What's this paranoia coming from?
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  It's the inner child. It could be my inner child not
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  feeling safe, my inner child just being scared and coming up
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  with coming up with these irrational fears, you know, So I
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  have to coax myself, which is like, it's going to be OK.
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  This is the stuff I have to say to myself, It's going to be OK.
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  It's going to be OK We're safe. I'm safe.
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  I know sometimes I'm talking in multiple people, but it's one
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  person, you know, but it's me of if I'm talking to my inner
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  child, I have to. It's like I have to say we,
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  although it's one and the same, I say we we're going to be safe.
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  You're going to be fine. You know, I meditate and tell
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  myself this over and over again. It's like a mantra where I have
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  to just get into my mind like I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,
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  I'm good. You know, I'm going to be OK.
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  This is going to be fun. I'm going to have fun with my
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  daughter on her birthday and my wife and my kids and whatnot.
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  It's going to be a beautiful Sunday.
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  That's the goal right here, you know, going to the circus,
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  actually going to the circus in Greensboro, NC, so going to, you
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  know, y'all see me there, say, hey, this video might be posted
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  later on after I've left, but yeah, that's what it is.
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  Y'all. I feel like the inner child is
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  kicking and screaming because he wants to be heard.
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  It doesn't feel protected. It's like you're taking me into
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  danger Danger, Danger. Will Robertson.
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  Danger Will Robertson? You say Danger Lee Hammock.
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  Danger Lee Hammock. That's where the mind goes.
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  Y'all. So if you haven't already,
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  y'all. Make sure you check out the kids
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  book on Amazon, Help your kids as kids, you know, and maybe
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  talk to your talk to your own inner child.
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  It's called Remember, it's not Your fault.
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  It's on Amazon. Check it out.
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  I also have myself Love Journal on Amazon too to help you
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  relearn to love yourself and whatnot.
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  I'm writing in another book as well.
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  Y'all. I'm writing in another book and
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  I have my first video series slash course coming out here
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  pretty soon as well. Y'all make sure you subscribe to
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  my newsletter for that. I can't subscribe mental This is
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  out piece. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:52
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:57
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:59
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon so check that
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.