Latest / Heartwise / HW 2026-08-06 Almost Addicted - Charles Mills

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HW 2026-08-06 Almost Addicted - Charles Mills · Heartwise

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Speaker 1: This is Heartwise, offering practical tips and time proven guidelines
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Speaker 1: to make your life healthier, happier, and more fulfilling. Today
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Speaker 1: you'll learn simple, Bible based principles for building and maintaining
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Speaker 1: optimum mental and physical health, all while deepening your relationship
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Speaker 1: with your creator. Hello everyone, this is Charles Mills, health
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Speaker 1: reporter for Heartwise Ministries. Most people who abuse illegal drugs
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Speaker 1: don't fit into the image of the dysfunctional, creepy atticts
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Speaker 1: stalking around the edges of society. Between the estimated ten
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Speaker 1: percent of the population who are true addicts and those
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Speaker 1: who don't use drugs at all falls a group of
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Speaker 1: regular drug users who more often than not don't realize
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Speaker 1: how much their use is affecting their lives. Our guest
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Speaker 1: today has written a book aimed at that group of individuals.
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Speaker 1: It's called Almost Addicted, with the subtitle is My or
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Speaker 1: My loved One's drug Use A Problem? Jay Wesley Boyd
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Speaker 1: is on the faculty in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
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Speaker 1: and is a staff psychiatrist at Boston's Children's Hospital and
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Speaker 1: at Cambridge Health Alliance. Doctor Boyd, welcome to her wives, Well.
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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me I appreciate you
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Speaker 2: having me on.
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Speaker 1: The show absolutely. Now, right at the beginning, I'll ask
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Speaker 1: you a question that I'm sure a lot of people
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Speaker 1: want to ask. If I'm not addicted, what's the problem?
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Speaker 1: My drug use must be under control?
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Speaker 2: Right, Well, not necessarily and definitely not exactly. I mean,
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Speaker 2: if someone is addicted to a drug, essentially their life
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Speaker 2: revolves around that drug. They have physical dependence to the drug,
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Speaker 2: They develop tolerance, meaning if they don't have the drug
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Speaker 2: in their system, they might go into withdrawal. They need
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Speaker 2: to use more and more amounts of a drug just
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Speaker 2: to keep going. And that's what it means to be addicted.
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Speaker 2: There are lots of people who don't fit into that category,
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Speaker 2: whose drug use nonetheless can be problematic, and that's why
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Speaker 2: we've written the book to address and help people whose
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Speaker 2: drug use doesn't rise to the level of addiction or
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Speaker 2: even substance abuse, which is a formal diagnosis, but where
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Speaker 2: they might be having trouble as a result of drug
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Speaker 2: use anyway.
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Speaker 1: Now, you have, of course in here the drug abuse
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Speaker 1: screening test. The questions that are involved with that about
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Speaker 1: have you abused prescription drugs? Do you abuse more than
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Speaker 1: one drug at a time. There are twenty questions on that,
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Speaker 1: and these will be the questions that someone would ask
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Speaker 1: to find out if you are abusing drugs, Have you
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Speaker 1: had trouble at work because of it? Have you lost
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Speaker 1: a job? Those are sort of we would understand that.
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Speaker 1: But then you add on page thirty three of your
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Speaker 1: book you add some other quest questions, and I want
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Speaker 1: to go over those very quickly and let you expand
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Speaker 1: on them. One of the questions you ask after filling
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Speaker 1: out the test, you say, while out with friends, do
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Speaker 1: you frequently use more drugs than you planned? Now, drug
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Speaker 1: use is planned. What are you talking about here?
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Speaker 2: Well, there are occasions when people go to parties or
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Speaker 2: two bars or get togethers otherwise where they more or
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Speaker 2: less assume they're going to be using some intoxicating substance.
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Speaker 2: And if someone uses an illicit drug once in a
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Speaker 2: while and they never get into trouble as a result
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Speaker 2: of that, they don't lose friends, they don't do things
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Speaker 2: they regret the next day, etc. You know, I guess
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Speaker 2: that is, although it's presumably illegal, wouldn't rise to the
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Speaker 2: level of someone using drugs in a problematic way.
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Speaker 1: It sounds like they're using drugs even more than they
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Speaker 1: think they are, In other words, more than you planned.
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Speaker 1: They surprise themselves at the amount of drugs.
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Speaker 2: They're using, yes, or they use drugs in a way
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Speaker 2: where the next day people are coming up to them
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Speaker 2: and saying, hey, what was going on there? You know,
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Speaker 2: you really maybe you're doing a little more of this
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Speaker 2: or that drug than you really should be.
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Speaker 1: Okay, all right? And other questions you asked you prefer
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Speaker 1: smoking marijuana socializing with friends who don't smoke, And also
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Speaker 1: does your drug use isolate you from others? How does
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Speaker 1: drug use isolate one person?
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Speaker 2: For a lot of people in certain social circumstances, they
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Speaker 2: don't want to let on or have other people realize
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Speaker 2: that they're using any kind of illicit drugs at all. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: And you know, I know several people whose drug use,
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Speaker 2: whose illicit drug use causes them to feel shame and embarrassment,
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Speaker 2: and they prefer, you know, on evenings when they're going
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Speaker 2: to be using drugs, to stay at home alone rather
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Speaker 2: than go out and socialize.
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Speaker 1: Other things you mentioned here. You have signed a contract
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Speaker 1: that you wouldn't otherwise agree to, and you wake up
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Speaker 1: with someone who you don't know who this person is,
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Speaker 1: and you don't remember bringing that person into your house.
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Speaker 1: These are all signs that your drug use is out
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Speaker 1: of control, even though you think it's in control.
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Speaker 3: Is that right?
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Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean these might be very isolated incidents, but
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Speaker 2: if they're happening, it certainly could mean that you need
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Speaker 2: to take stock of your drug use and think about
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Speaker 2: what role those drugs or that drug has in your
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Speaker 2: life and try to begin to effect some change.
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Speaker 1: All right. There are more questions here, and I'll let
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Speaker 1: the people who enjoy the book to understand them. But
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Speaker 1: what I'm seeing through these questions is that you are
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Speaker 1: doing things that you would not normally plan on doing.
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Speaker 1: You are surprising yourself by what you're doing. This should
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Speaker 1: be an indication to you that there's a problem, or
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Speaker 1: maybe an indication to your family members that you have
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Speaker 1: a problem or that a family member has a problem.
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Speaker 1: You recognize that you are taking more risks than usual.
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Speaker 1: You are failing to attend to your appearance as you
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Speaker 1: were in the past. These are all signs that's happening.
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Speaker 1: Why do people do this? Why do people when they
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Speaker 1: have a normal life to live and they have normal
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Speaker 1: friends all around them. What have you found, doctor, Boyd
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Speaker 1: in your studies, Why do people insist on going off
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Speaker 1: on these wild tangents that include the use of drugs
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Speaker 1: at this level.
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Speaker 2: Well, drug use is very appealing to people who are
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Speaker 2: potentially vulnerable to drugs. You know, there are many people
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Speaker 2: I've met, people I've known in my personal life and
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Speaker 2: certainly professionally, who have been able to use a drug
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Speaker 2: like marijuana or cocaine, use it once or twice and
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Speaker 2: sort of say, you know, it felt okay, but it's
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Speaker 2: really not for me. There are other people who are
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Speaker 2: vulnerable to drugs such that you know, a single use
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Speaker 2: of a certain drug, you know, I'm thinking of heroin
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Speaker 2: or certain opiates, or even methamphetamine for example. Yeah, the
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Speaker 2: first time someone uses that drug, they just get completely
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Speaker 2: hooked on it almost instantly, be because they have some
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Speaker 2: particular vulnerability to a particular drug. And so if that
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Speaker 2: happens to be you, you can start using substances in
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Speaker 2: ways that are detrimental to you in all kinds of
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Speaker 2: realms of your life.
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Speaker 1: Is this genetic? Is this something that's passed from generation
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Speaker 1: to generation.
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Speaker 2: Well, there certainly is a genetic vulnerability to using drugs
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Speaker 2: in a problematic way. They have done twin studies, for example,
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Speaker 2: where you take kids who are born to substance dependence,
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Speaker 2: or you could say addicted parents, take those twins, adopt
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Speaker 2: them into a family where there's no drug use or
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Speaker 2: alcohol use whatsoever, and those kids will develop substance use
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Speaker 2: disorders at the very same rate they would have had
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Speaker 2: they stayed in their original family. So what that means
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Speaker 2: is there is definitely a genetic vulnerability, and in a
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Speaker 2: lot of cases, you don't even know you're vulnerable until
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Speaker 2: you're your first exposure to a drug.
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Speaker 1: I see, okay, all right. Well, now on page one
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Speaker 1: hundred and twenty four of your book Almost Addicted, Doctor Boyd,
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Speaker 1: you have a list of four items factors that can
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Speaker 1: make almost addiction invisible to families. And I know this
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Speaker 1: is I mean, I copied and pasted some of these
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Speaker 1: paragraphs to some people. I know, because there are definitely
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Speaker 1: signs that there is addiction happening in families, and I
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Speaker 1: want to just go over these really quickly with you.
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Speaker 1: The first is help with money. An addicted person tends
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Speaker 1: to need help with money.
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Speaker 2: Why is that, Well, if someone is addicted, their life
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Speaker 2: is often ruled by the need to continue using drugs,
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Speaker 2: and if someone is fabulously wealthy, you know they're probably
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Speaker 2: not going to get into this predicament. But for the
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Speaker 2: rest of us, if you start using illicit drugs in
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Speaker 2: a consistent, regular basis, that can be exceedingly expensive. And
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Speaker 2: I've certainly seen my share of people have had substance
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Speaker 2: use disorders where they're constantly in need of money and borrowing,
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Speaker 2: begging and unfortunately stealing and wrecking lives in the process sometimes.
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Speaker 1: Now, of course, denial is the second one, and we
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Speaker 1: can understand that a person who is involved with this
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Speaker 1: will say I don't have a problem, so they basically
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Speaker 1: deny that. Then there comes silence. What did you mean
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Speaker 1: by silence? How is that a factor?
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Speaker 2: Well, this goes a little bit hand in hand with denial,
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Speaker 2: but there's just an overwhelming silence about saying or discussing
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Speaker 2: anything pertaining to the drug use. And I mean one
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Speaker 2: of the hallmarks of problematic drug use is that people
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Speaker 2: are in denial quite frequently and they will refuse to
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Speaker 2: disc gots it get angry if people bring it up
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Speaker 2: and so on.
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Speaker 1: Okay, and then finally other drug use in the family.
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Speaker 1: Are you saying that if other members are involved with it.
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Speaker 1: It's a pretty good indication that it's going to spread
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Speaker 1: throughout the family.
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Speaker 2: It's by no means a given, but if there is
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Speaker 2: one person in a family who's using or abusing substances,
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Speaker 2: it certainly creates easier access for the other members in
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Speaker 2: the family. And again, if someone is vulnerable, that much
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Speaker 2: more likely to go ahead and start using substances.
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Speaker 1: All right, we're talking with doctor Wesley Boyd. He is
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Speaker 1: at Harvard Medical School, a psychiatrist there, and his book
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Speaker 1: is almost addicted. And we'll take a short break. When
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Speaker 1: we come back. I want to talk about confronting a
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Speaker 1: loved one who has a problem. This is a eggshell time,
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Speaker 1: but maybe it's time to break some eggshells. Let's find
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Speaker 1: out from doctor Boyd on a return. So we'll stay
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Speaker 1: right where you are.
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Speaker 3: What are you doing?
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Speaker 4: I'm building a tower. What's it look like I'm doing?
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Speaker 3: It looks like you're heading for that drug store across
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Speaker 3: the street. Yes, that's what I do every day after school.
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Speaker 4: You should know that. But you always buy a candy
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Speaker 4: bar there, that's right? Why because I like candy bars,
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Speaker 4: especially the ones with nuts.
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Speaker 3: But those aren't good for you. They have lots of
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Speaker 3: calories and nothing to keep you from getting sick. Want one, Sam,
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Speaker 3: I'm trying to make a point here. By going to
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Speaker 3: that drug store every day after school, you have formed
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Speaker 3: an unhealthy habit.
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Speaker 4: Hmm, I do want to be healthy?
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Speaker 3: Well, going there isn't going to help you very much,
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Speaker 3: is it. What should I do? Make a new habit?
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Speaker 2: Like?
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Speaker 3: What? Well? Do you see mister Hebby's fruit market over
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Speaker 3: there by the bank.
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Speaker 4: Mister Beebe is a great guy. He can whistle two
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Speaker 4: notes at the same time.
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Speaker 3: How about after school you go there instead of the drugstore.
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Speaker 4: Sir bee doesn't sell candy bares, but.
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Speaker 3: He does sell apples, hares and mangoes. They're sweet, delicious
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Speaker 3: and filled with things that will make you healthy. That way,
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Speaker 3: you can still buy an after school snack, but your
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Speaker 3: new habit won't rot your teeth and make you as
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Speaker 3: fat as my uncle Sidney. What if I get hungry
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Speaker 3: for a candy bar then you eat an apple instead?
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Speaker 3: Pretty soon your band will think I'm hungry I want
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Speaker 3: an apple.
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Speaker 4: Okay, let's go see mister Habib. He's from Lebanon. You know,
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Speaker 4: do you think all people from Lebanon can whistle two notes.
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Speaker 4: At the same time, we can ask him.
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Speaker 1: God has given us everything we need to be healthy
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Speaker 1: inside and out. During Creation Week, he established a health
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Speaker 1: plan for every creature on earth. To learn more about
12:53
Speaker 1: healthy living and about the God who created us, all
12:56
Speaker 1: go to Kidsbibleinfo dot com. That's Kid's Bible Info. This
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Speaker 1: program was drought to you by the Children's Ministries Department
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Speaker 1: of the General Conference of Seventh day Evanists. Welcome back
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Speaker 1: to the program. I'm your host, Charles Mills. You're here
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Speaker 1: with doctor Wesley Boyd. He is the author of Almost Addicted,
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Speaker 1: a book for me or my loved ones. It says,
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Speaker 1: is my or my loved one's drug use a problem?
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Speaker 1: That's the subtitle of this book of Almost Addicted. And
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Speaker 1: for those of you who are wondering, what do you do?
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Speaker 1: What can you say? How should you proceed? Let's ask
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Speaker 1: doctor Boyd that question. Doctor Boyd, if we believe there
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Speaker 1: is a problem, if we see there's a problem, if
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Speaker 1: we know there's a problem, how do we confront a
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Speaker 1: loved one who has this problem? What do we do?
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Speaker 2: Well? You proceed cautiously, tenderly, gingerly. It's a vital question.
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Speaker 2: It affects some many people and families all over the world. Really,
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Speaker 2: the first thing that I would recommend for families is
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Speaker 2: to not enable the behavior, in other words, not cover
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Speaker 2: up in subtle ways even assist the person to continue
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Speaker 2: using I think the starting point should be to try
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Speaker 2: to open a dialogue with your loved one. Sometimes it's
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Speaker 2: completely full flat because again people are in denial. They'll
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Speaker 2: you know, remain silent, say I don't know what you're
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Speaker 2: talking about. But to really if you do open a dialogue,
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Speaker 2: my advice is to really stick with the facts and
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Speaker 2: try to avoid interpretations. So the facts would be things like,
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Speaker 2: you know, twenty five dollars was missing from my wallet,
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Speaker 2: or when you came home last night, you smelled like
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Speaker 2: marijuana smoke and so on. Those are facts as opposed
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Speaker 2: to you know, it's ruining my life, or I think
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Speaker 2: you're already addicted, or you know something like that. Again,
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Speaker 2: often people who are using drugs are going to push
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Speaker 2: back and get angry or you know, stomp out of
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Speaker 2: the room and so on. In that case, I also
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Speaker 2: encourage people to discuss the drug use in the family
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Speaker 2: at large, to try to enlist other people to get
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Speaker 2: on board. Other people in the family to get on board,
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Speaker 2: to try to help the person realize there's a problem
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Speaker 2: and hopefully then, you know, perhaps even think that maybe
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Speaker 2: they should start to change their behaviors. And sometimes you
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Speaker 2: have to bring in a professional that could be a
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Speaker 2: primary care physician, a physician, otherwise a clergy person if
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Speaker 2: the individual is religious or religiously inclined, anyone who might
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Speaker 2: be able to subtly or not so subtly cajole the
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Speaker 2: person to change their behaviors.
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Speaker 1: And doctor Boyd, you say, approach this tenderly and with love.
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Speaker 1: Most individuals out there, and I think I can speak
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Speaker 1: for most of them, have not been treated tenderly and
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Speaker 1: lovingly by the person who's on the drugs who has
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Speaker 1: the problem. That person has been abusive. That person may
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Speaker 1: have even been physically abusive. That person has been anything
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Speaker 1: but tender and loving in his or her use of
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Speaker 1: the drugs. And you're saying we're supposed to come to
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Speaker 1: that person in love when we have been really battered
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Speaker 1: by that person. How do we overcome our need for
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Speaker 1: revenge or our need to say, hey, you treated me bad,
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Speaker 1: stop doing this, I'm mad at you.
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Speaker 2: Well, your question is great, and perhaps as of being
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Speaker 2: a bit glib. As a psychiatrist who works in a
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Speaker 2: substance abuse clinic, and I've spent roughly half of my
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Speaker 2: practice over the years working in addictions and substance abuse,
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Speaker 2: I've seen my share of family members that were beyond outraged,
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Speaker 2: and often for completely legitimate reasons. Yea, you know, the
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Speaker 2: family members have had things stolen from them to support
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Speaker 2: drug use. They've been lied to more or less continuously,
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Speaker 2: often for years. So I fully understand how angry and
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Speaker 2: resentful families can be. If it's gotten to that point.
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Speaker 2: At times, the family then needs to simply employ whatever
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Speaker 2: leverage they have to try to get the drug using
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Speaker 2: individual to change his or her behaviors. For example, in
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Speaker 2: the adolescent substance abuse clinic I work in, we talk
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Speaker 2: about using the seven c's of leverage. I think I
17:32
Speaker 2: mentioned them in a book. Actually those would be cash,
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Speaker 2: credit card, curfew, computer, cell phone. I'm sure I'm missing one.
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Speaker 2: But you know, any kind of leverage you have that
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Speaker 2: you could wield to try to force and it might
17:49
Speaker 2: be forced a person to change his behavior. But I
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Speaker 2: fully understand your question, and I'm highly sympathetic to the
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Speaker 2: pain and the havoc that a drug using family member
17:59
Speaker 2: can cause.
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Speaker 1: Now the words you're saying that either reduce or take
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Speaker 1: away these privileges if the drug abuse continues.
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Speaker 2: That what you're saying, if that's what it takes, yeah,
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Speaker 2: I mean, if you're a source of cash and then
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Speaker 2: you know, dry it up immediately. If you have the
18:17
Speaker 2: keys to a car, or you control the internet at home,
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Speaker 2: or the computer use and so on, and the person
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Speaker 2: really likes to drive or use a computer, hold that
18:25
Speaker 2: out as leverage. And again, bringing in other people often
18:30
Speaker 2: can help diffuse some of the tension because you know,
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Speaker 2: often others outside the family have not been harmed the
18:37
Speaker 2: way immediate family members have been, and they can perhaps
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Speaker 2: help navigate toward health a little easier.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes a family member will look at that family member
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Speaker 1: who is having the struggles with drug abuse and realize
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Speaker 1: that if you don't give them food, they will not eat.
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Speaker 1: If you do not give them shelter, they will be
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Speaker 1: out on the cold and can't help themselves. Is this
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Speaker 1: true or is this something that that person who is
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Speaker 1: addicted is trying to make you believe? If you withdraw everything,
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Speaker 1: if you take everything away from them, they're they're living
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Speaker 1: in your basement. Off of your pension. If you take
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Speaker 1: all that away, will that person die or will that
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Speaker 1: person find a ways of surviving.
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Speaker 2: It's a really good question. I've certainly seen my share
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Speaker 2: of individuals who have said, you know, if you deprive
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Speaker 2: me of these things, I'm just going to roll up
19:26
Speaker 2: in a corner and die, or I'm going to go
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Speaker 2: kill myself, and then you know, my death will be
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Speaker 2: on your hand. In those instances, I think getting professional assistance,
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Speaker 2: bringing the person to an emergency room. If there are
19:37
Speaker 2: any threats of suicide, I would definitely bring someone in
19:42
Speaker 2: or into an emergency room for an evaluation or call
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Speaker 2: nine point one. And certainly, conversely, because you had raised
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Speaker 2: this earlier, if there is ever any direct threat against
19:52
Speaker 2: a family member by someone who's using drugs, I absolutely
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Speaker 2: would get the police involved, take steps to protect myself physically,
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Speaker 2: and if it came to any kind of legal charges,
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Speaker 2: I actually would encourage families not to try to shield
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Speaker 2: the person from the legal consequences. You know, often the
20:11
Speaker 2: only times I've seen people get clean and sober is
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Speaker 2: when they're on probation and remaining clean and sober as
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Speaker 2: mandated as part of probation.
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Speaker 1: This is serious stuff I hear you saying, is this
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Speaker 1: is not a game. We're talking about serious life stuff here, right, yeah.
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Speaker 2: And mostly right now. What we've been talking about is
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Speaker 2: usually this would usually be individuals who have gone beyond
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Speaker 2: the almost addicted stage, who have very defined substance use
20:41
Speaker 2: disorders or you know, even flat out addiction.
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Speaker 1: Then how do you pull back? In the last couple
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Speaker 1: of minutes we have in the program, how do you
20:47
Speaker 1: if you know you are almost addicted or loved ones
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Speaker 1: almost could, how do you bring them back on? How
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Speaker 1: do you bring yourself back from the brink?
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Speaker 2: Well, you know, one of the reasons I wrote the
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Speaker 2: book was to help people who were using drugs in
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Speaker 2: this almost addicted fashion, both in the moment because they're
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Speaker 2: causing problems in their lives through their drug use in
21:12
Speaker 2: the present moment, but also because unchecked, this kind of
21:17
Speaker 2: drug use can certainly progress to substance abuse or you know,
21:22
Speaker 2: full on addiction. The ways you pull back, you you know,
21:26
Speaker 2: take an honest, hard look at yourself and your relationship
21:30
Speaker 2: to the drug and if it's just a little too
21:33
Speaker 2: pleasing and or if it's caused you, you know, more
21:36
Speaker 2: than a little bit of pain, discomfort, along the lines
21:39
Speaker 2: we've been talking about here. That's the time when you
21:42
Speaker 2: probably need to take steps to effect change.
21:46
Speaker 1: And you have seen that happen. In other words, it's possible.
21:49
Speaker 1: Some people say it's impossible. I can't live without this stuff.
21:52
Speaker 1: It has gotten me so tightly in his grip, I
21:55
Speaker 1: can't live with on it. You've seen it happen.
21:57
Speaker 2: Oh, I've absolutely seen it happen. It is exceedingly rare
22:02
Speaker 2: for me to give up hope, first of all, and
22:05
Speaker 2: second of all, I've seen over the course of twenty
22:08
Speaker 2: years since I finished medical school, so many people who've
22:11
Speaker 2: been in the throes of drug addiction, you know, full
22:14
Speaker 2: on addiction, absolutely get healthy, lead to clean and sober lives,
22:21
Speaker 2: and repair relationships. Often, if relationships have been damaged from
22:27
Speaker 2: drug use, it takes a lot to repair them, and
22:29
Speaker 2: often it just takes a lot of time for the
22:32
Speaker 2: others around the person to say and see that in fact,
22:35
Speaker 2: the change is real.
22:37
Speaker 1: You know, when I first saw this almost addicted title,
22:39
Speaker 1: I thought, well, how can you be almost addictive? It's
22:41
Speaker 1: like being almost pregnant. Either you are or you're not,
22:44
Speaker 1: but you're identifying an area there where it could go
22:47
Speaker 1: either way. Apparently at that time.
22:50
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, and it is a little different from pregnancy.
22:53
Speaker 2: I think that's a great statement. But yes, absolutely, there's
22:58
Speaker 2: a huge wath of people who in between those who
23:02
Speaker 2: use no drugs whatsoever and those who are fully addicted,
23:05
Speaker 2: there's a huge lot of people who are in a
23:09
Speaker 2: gray zone, potentially in a danger zone, and who probably
23:13
Speaker 2: if not definitely, would be better off just kurktailing or
23:17
Speaker 2: stopping the drug use ault together.
23:19
Speaker 1: All right, very good, Doctor Jay Wesley Boyd. He is
23:22
Speaker 1: the author of Almost Addicted is My or My loved
23:25
Speaker 1: One's Drug Use Up Problem? Doctor Boyd, thank you so
23:28
Speaker 1: much for being here today.
23:30
Speaker 2: This has been really great. I appreciate your time, your
23:32
Speaker 2: questions are excellent, and I hope we help some of
23:34
Speaker 2: your listeners.
23:35
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Thank you so much for that, Doctor Boyd, and
23:38
Speaker 1: listener until next time. This is Charles Mills along with
23:41
Speaker 1: doctor j. Wesley Boyd, inviting you to remain heart wise.
23:46
Speaker 1: Goodbye everyone. Thank you for joining us today on Heartwise.
24:02
Speaker 1: If you'd like more information on how to build and
24:05
Speaker 1: maintain optimum physical, mental, and spiritual health, log onto Heartwisemanistries
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