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When a narcissist says "I'll Do whatever it takes" · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So today we're talking about when a narcissist says I'll do
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  whatever it takes or I'll do whatever you want me to do.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So, woo, Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Y'all, y'all y'all.
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  Seriously. Seriously.
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  Seriously. If you're in a relationship with
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  a narcissist tax person or whoever, and they start saying
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  things to you like and like, y'all going through y'all get
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  into the argument. You break up with them, the
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  relationship is over. You catch them cheating,
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  whatever, however it ends, and they're begging and pleading
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  with you 2 to give them another chance, right?
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  They're on their hands and knees begging, their army crawling
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  through the house, you know what I mean?
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  Like, like their army crawling through the house to try to get
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  you, get you to give them another chance, to try to get
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  you to feel something for them, to try to get you to feel sorry
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  for them and stuff like that. They're doing all of this stuff
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  in order to get you back, in order to try to get you back
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  here, you know? And then they say something
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  like, I'll do whatever it takes, I'll do whatever you want.
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  I'll go to therapy, I'll go to counseling.
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  I'll do this. I'll do that.
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  They actually don't want to do it.
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  Y'all. They actually.
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  And then this should go without saying, that's not something
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  that they actually want to be doing.
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  There's not something that they actually want to do.
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  They there's something that you want, you know, narcissist don't
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  ever like doing. Most, most times, especially as
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  a relationship progresses, they don't like doing the things that
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  you like to do, right? They like doing the things that
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  they want to do. They like making themselves
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  like, you know, they overall, they like making themselves
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  happy. So if they tell you I'll do
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  whatever it takes, I'll go to counselling, I'll do whatever
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  you ask me to do. I'll do whatever you want me to
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  do. That's not something they don't
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  want to do it. Y'all it's in, it's.
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  I'll do whatever I want to do. You know, they're doing what you
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  want them to do, which means they don't want to do it.
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  Which means when you tell them you need to go to counselling,
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  When you tell them you have to do this, you have to do that,
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  That's not anything that they actually want to do themselves.
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  They're only doing it because you asked them to do it.
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  That's why I said it doesn't. That doesn't work.
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  Can it can it be a temporary hold off to keep the
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  relationship together or to get back with you?
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  Yo, they'll Anybody can do anything for a short period of
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  time. Y'all.
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  Anybody can do anything for a short period of time.
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  They can. Yeah, y'all can talk.
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  Y'all can. Yeah, yeah.
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  You can go to counseling. They'll they'll take you on that
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  trip. They'll do whatever, like
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  they'll do whatever it takes. But why ask yourself this
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  question right here? Y'all, why didn't they do it
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  before it got to this point? Ask you something.
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  The question Why didn't they do it before they got to this
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  point? Like, seriously, if you've if
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  you've had a narcissistic person in your life say that to you,
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  drop in the comment section. It's like just, you know, put a
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  put, put, put the emoji where you raise your hand in the
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  comment section. If you ever had a narcissistic
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  tax person say I'll do whatever it takes, well, I'll do whatever
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  you want, drop in the comment section.
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  Y'all. Just to show people that you're
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  not alone in this. Like you're not the only person
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  that has heard this statement because me personally, you know,
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  as a diagnosed nurses have I have I said that before?
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  Yeah, I've said it before. And when I said even in my mind
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  when I said that to the person I didn't, yeah.
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  Did I mean that I would do whatever they wanted?
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  Yeah, I meant that part of it. But it didn't mean I wanted to
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  do the things that they wanted to do.
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  Because if I wanted to do those things, I would have already
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  done them, you know, And some of the stuff that you want me to
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  do, some of the stuff that you want them to do, you've already
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  asked them to do it and they just denied you.
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  They just said no, they just refused to do it because they
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  didn't want to do it. But now all of a sudden when the
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  relationship is you know, threatened the relate when the
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  relationship is about to end, all of a sudden now, now they
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  wanted to do it. Now they're open.
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  Their minds have been open to something.
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  I I wish I I didn't see this before.
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  I didn't know this before. But now I I get it.
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  I get it. I'm willing to do whatever it
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  takes. Y'all if you if they say that
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  right and you take advantage of it, if you just take it, it's
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  you know, it's it's kind of like a free trial pretty much, isn't
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  it. It's a it's like narcissistic
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  Netflix. This is your whatever.
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  It's your seven day day free trial to test this narcissistic
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  person out, isn't it? So once the pre trial ends, they
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  revert back to their old behaviors because this is not
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  something that they actually want to do.
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  Like say again? Me personally.
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  Well, even on my own therapy journey I wanted to go to
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  therapy. Yep.
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  My wife didn't even suggest that's something that I wanted
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  to do. She called me a narcissist and
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  she left. I wanted to go to therapy
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  because I looked it up and I was like, I'm going to go to
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  therapy. I didn't say I'll do whatever it
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  takes not to her in this in this situation.
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  No. I wanted to go to therapy.
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  So I went to therapy. You know, I wanted to do this.
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  So I did it on my own. Like, that's why I said mess.
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  My my journey is different. People keep asking me, what did
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  your wife do differently? She left.
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  I wanted to go to therapy. I didn't.
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  Hey, babe. Can you please come on, do
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  whatever it takes? Yeah.
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  Here's it's kind of like you're it's kind of like, you know,
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  back in the day, well, not even back in the day.
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  When you give your partner for Valentine's Day, your partner
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  gifts to you like those little love coupon books, and you could
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  like you can cash in the coupon and get them to do what you want
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  them to do. That's pretty much what the
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  narcissist give you, a little love coupon.
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  But I'll do whatever it takes. And you right now go to therapy.
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  Yeah, they go, they might go to therapy, but that's not
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  something they they actually want to be doing.
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  You see what I'm saying? They don't actually want to go
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  to therapy. So it's performative therapy.
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  It's just something that you were.
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  It's something that you requested of them.
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  It's not something that they themselves actually wanted to
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  do. They didn't actually want to
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  take you on that trip. They didn't actually want to go
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  find, go to the bar that night. They didn't actually want to go
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  to that that that basketball game or the football game,
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  whatever. They didn't actually actually
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  want to go hang out with your friends and family.
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  They didn't actually want to go to Christmas.
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  It's at at your at their in laws.
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  Who, who are you or your parents?
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  You say they didn't actually want to do that.
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  They only did it to, you know, to satisfy you.
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  And here's the flip side of y'all, Here's the kicker,
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  because they didn't want to do it and they feel like you made
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  them do it because you. They feel like you didn't think
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  that they were good enough to do it on their own or just do it or
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  whatever it is. They going to resent you for it?
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  Yeah, there's the catch 22, isn't it?
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  You damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, they're
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  going to resent you for cashing in those coupons, those little
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  love coupons. That's silly as hell, isn't it?
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  They didn't actually want to do that.
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  Y'all. That's why.
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  That's why I say at the end of the relationship you will really
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  see how manipulative and conniving a lot of narcissistic
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  people are. Y'all.
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  You absolutely will see how manipulative, conniving, just
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  sometimes just outright evil that narcissistic people can be
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  because they will start doing the stuff out the woodwork there
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  was. Sometimes you don't even have to
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  tell them to do it. They'll just start doing the
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  stuff that you've been asking them to do for a long time, you
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  know. But that should show you how
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  manipulative they are. They should show you that they
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  already had the ability to make you happy.
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  They were actively choosing not to because they feel like they
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  didn't have to put anymore. They already got you.
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  They didn't have to put in any more work to keep you.
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  That's manipulation on the whole different scale.
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  And I thought I tried to tell people like they they show you
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  who they are at the end. That's the you might, you might
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  not ever know the narcissist for real, but at the end of the
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  relationship, they show you more of who they are than they than
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  than ever before. Like they absolutely show you
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  more of who they are. They do.
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  That's what's part of it right there.
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  Y'all that's part of it right there.
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  They show you exactly who they are.
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  They show you exactly what they have going on.
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  That's the mindset. That's the dynamic.
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  Like did did they ever love me? Y'all narcissist might have
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  loved you in the beginning, might have.
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  But the love does go away. It evaporates.
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  It's kind of like water, you know.
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  Water evaporates, it leaves. If it if it put in the wrong
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  condition or if it freezes, it freezes or it boils, you know?
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  But that's how it happens though.
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  Y'all. So if you get a narcissistic
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  person that just is begging and pleading for you to give them
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  another chance. I don't care what they did to
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  you. If they if they utter the phrase
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  or phrases, I'll do whatever you want.
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  I'll do whatever it takes. That's not something that they
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  actually want to do. That's why I feel like y'all got
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  to get to get that part through your heads.
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  This is not something that they really want to be doing.
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  They themselves don't want to do it.
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  It's like you are forcing them to do it, even though they said
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  that they would do whatever it takes or whatever you wanted.
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  It's like you are forcing them to do it so they will resent you
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  for forcing them to do it. Because in the mind of a
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  narcissist, like if you want me to change who I am, I'm not good
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  enough for you, am I? Like, I'm not good enough.
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  I'm worth, I'm not worthy. I'm worthless, you know?
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  So it's this kind of compound itself within the mind of a
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  narcissist or a toxic person when this type of stuff starts
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  to happen. But, you know, I was, like I
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  said, when you're dealing with a narcissistic person, this is the
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  type of stuff that you have to deal with.
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  This is the type of stuff you have to process or process or
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  what not. You know, this is the type of
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  stuff that is going to happen to you.
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  And I know if you if you're dealing with a narcissistic
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  person that hasn't said this, it doesn't mean that they like
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  sometimes. Sometimes their pride and ego
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  are way too just too big, too strong for them to utter those
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  phrases. I ain't saying nothing.
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  I'm going to pack my bags and go.
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  They'll get extremely cold with you.
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  So some of them won't do anything.
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  Some of them won't even try to. I know y'all the word y'all be
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  using is fight for the relationship.
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  Some of them don't want to fight for the relationship.
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  They want you to just change who they want you to change who you
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  are and how you accept them and whatnot.
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  You know, that's the type of stuff that they want to be doing
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  right there. So I was just like tell people
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  all the time just to verify, like say in in the end if you
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  they say if you fall for, it's like it really is a trick,
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  Y'all. If you fall for it, they they
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  they will just do it. They will, they will do it every
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  time. I've talked to people who follow
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  for this multiple times. Yeah, I thought the people who
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  falling for it multiple times and it's like I said, I'm not,
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  this is not me trying to pick on you all, but people who fall for
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  it, they will, they will get you.
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  I'm being, I'm just being realistic with you.
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  They will get you. They will come back and get you.
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  They will mess with your head, you know, they absolutely will.
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  They will mess with your head. They will come back and get you.
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  So they will spin the block, so to speak.
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  They will keep doing the same thing over and over again.
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  I know you said let's try therapy, let's try this, let's
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  try that, let's try. We will do a trial separation.
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  But doing this trial separation, you got to be faithful to me.
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  I'm be faithful to you. If they were not faithful to you
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  in the relationship, do you think they're going to be
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  faithful you, faithful to you doing a trial separation?
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  You know? Do you think they're going to be
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  faithful to you doing a trial separation if they haven't been
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  faithful to you throughout the entirety of the relationship?
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  You know me. He's like y'all not now, y'all
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  really not together. So you think it would be
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  faithful to you now? Anyways, y'all thank y'all for
• 11:07
  tuning into another episode. If you haven't already, check
• 11:10
  out the Self Love Journal on Amazon.
• 11:12
  Lee Hammock I love me Self Love journal.
• 11:14
  Make sure you like and subscribe for more.
• 11:15
  Y'all let's get the 400 K Please, please please please.
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  I do. I do whatever it take.
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  I do whatever you want to help me if you can help me get the
• 11:22
  400. Ki was super appreciative y'all
• 11:27
  but they know this is out. Please thank you so much for
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  making it to the end of my video.
• 11:35
  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 11:37
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 11:39
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 11:42
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 11:44
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 11:47
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 11:49
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 11:51
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 11:53
  video. Peace.