Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 7 Challenges You Face When Leaving A Narcissist

Transcript

7 Challenges You Face When Leaving A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

0:00
What is going on in Beautiful Folks?
0:02
Today we're talking about some of the challenges that you face
0:06
when you're leaving a narcissistic or toxic
0:08
relationship. Some of the things that could
0:10
happen to you when and if you decide to bounce, some of the
0:13
things you need to be prepared for just in case.
0:17
I'm just in case, leave, right? If you're new here, my name is
0:19
Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and
0:21
welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
0:23
Let's get it. So boom, welcome back folks,
0:42
welcome back, welcome back. Yes y'all prepping to leave.
0:46
Before we prep to leave make sure you haven't already check
0:49
out the kids book on Amazon. It's called Remember it's not
0:52
your fault. It's a conversation starter
0:55
about dealing with toxic relationship.
0:57
This is what it looks like inside.
0:58
Y'all get it for your kids. Remember it's not your fault on
1:02
Amazon. Let's get it.
1:04
Oh goodness graciously. Not chair chair problems.
1:07
Something stood up, but but yes, y'all, some of the challenges
1:11
that you might face when you leave an exotic relationship.
1:15
I know a lot of people will tell you to leave, tell you to go
1:17
tell you to pack your stuff up and bounce right.
1:19
So many people will suggest that you do that without giving you
1:23
any type of direction, without telling you what to prepare for,
1:25
without telling you. Hey, this could absolutely get
1:28
messy. It could get it could get
1:30
wicked. Shout out to Zevi over there.
1:32
It could get very wicked right. So if you're dealing with a
1:35
narcissist, toxic person, abusive person, understand dead
1:39
leaving. One of the first challenges that
1:40
you get on the face right here, it's just leaving.
1:43
Deciding to leave, just in general, deciding that you've
1:46
had enough and that that the the time has come for you to bounce.
1:50
So that's the first challenge you're going to face is just OK.
1:53
Damn, making the decision to leave or to stay, whatever
1:58
decision that you make, y'all. Hey, look, I'm not here to
2:00
judge, but somebody else might, right?
2:03
You might, you might judge yourself.
2:05
You know what I mean? I'm not here to judge you.
2:07
I'm just here to try to help you, try to wake, help you wake
2:09
up, try to help you understand what you're going through and
2:11
what you might be getting ready to face if you so decide to
2:15
leave, right? Just prepare for that because
2:18
narcissistic people, toxic people, abusive people are going
2:22
to do everything in their power to try to keep you from leaving
2:25
a lot of times right now, every time.
2:26
Sometimes they might open the door for you and kick you out.
2:29
You may just get out of here. You don't want to be here and
2:31
get then get, you know, it's the old Southern draw right there
2:35
get. But that's the space that so
2:39
many of us fall into. So preparing to leave, the first
2:42
challenge you going to face is absolutely making it a decision.
2:46
The decision is not going to be easy and it shouldn't yeah, it
2:49
shouldn't be easy. If it was easy, you but you
2:51
wouldn't be watching these videos, you wouldn't be talking
2:53
to people about it. It just like that's the first
2:55
thing you have to understand that the decision that you make
2:58
is not going to be easy. That's a challenge.
2:59
It's going to be challenging. It's challenging to just say,
3:03
hey, I've had enough say, hey, it's time for me to go.
3:06
Hey, hey. I I choose better for me,
3:09
myself, my children, everybody else, right?
3:11
That's the decision that she's going to have to make this A
3:14
challenge that you're going to face is deciding that enough is
3:18
enough, right? Another challenge that you're
3:22
going to face is the danger. Yeah.
3:24
Let's get, let's get this out of the way really quick.
3:27
A lot of the time, the most dangerous time in a toxic
3:32
relationship with a narcissistic person, toxic person,
3:34
psychopath, who have you dealing with, right.
3:37
The most dangerous time is going to be when you leave, right?
3:41
Because they don't want to go. They don't want you to go.
3:43
Let's be real, let's be real. Most of the time they don't want
3:46
you to go. Some of them again will open the
3:48
door open and kick you, you know, kick you in your hiney and
3:51
you know, kick you in your hind parts until you get the hell
3:53
out, right? A lot of times some of them will
3:55
do that. Not all of them will do that,
3:57
but sometimes they will do that. They'll give you, they'll give
3:59
you the boot, right? They give you the old steel toe
4:01
boot, the old they give you the old, the old work boot until you
4:06
go and get out of here, right. But they can get very dangerous,
4:10
y'all. So you need to prepare for that.
4:12
Yeah. I one thing I don't want to hear
4:14
people say, and I just feel like I'm not trying to cause
4:17
unnecessary panic. I'm just trying to get you
4:20
prepared right for this challenge is that don't say I
4:24
don't think they would do that. I don't.
4:26
They wouldn't do that. They wouldn't hurt me.
4:27
They wouldn't harm me. Yeah, I'm not trying to be
4:29
morbid, but their graveyards full of people that thought the
4:32
same thing, right? Their tombstones with people who
4:35
who thought that same thing, beautiful people, people who
4:38
haven't reached their full potential, children, the people
4:41
that you know, they didn't deserve that.
4:43
They don't. Nobody deserves it, but like,
4:45
right. But they definitely didn't
4:47
deserve it happened to them. So I don't think they'll do
4:49
that. Don't let your guard down, you
4:51
know, don't let your guard down. Don't go, don't go have that
4:54
final conversation with them after they've done something
4:56
horrible and they're begging and crying and they're cutting
4:59
themselves or doing something like that on camera.
5:02
Don't go have that final conversation with them, right?
5:04
Do not do that. Because that right there is a
5:06
very difficult thing to decide because one of the challenges
5:09
you're going to face is escaping with your life, if you so choose
5:12
to escape, right? Escaping with your, your, the
5:16
semblance of sanity, escaping with this yo-yo, this protective
5:19
shield around yourself, escaping, escaping, escaping
5:22
just in general. Prepare for that.
5:24
There's a challenge for that you're going to face, you know
5:26
the danger. Another challenge that might not
5:29
be talked about a whole lot, y'all.
5:30
Another challenge that you're going to face right here,
5:33
another challenge that you very well may face is drum roll
5:43
isolation. That's it being by yourself in
5:49
the video, Peace with the illness is out peace now joking,
5:53
but isolation, like a lot of times y'all these relationships
5:57
come with a such a heavy cost associated with them being in
6:02
these relationships come with like it.
6:04
It cost is going to cost you a lot to be in these
6:07
relationships, right? It it just is.
6:10
It's going to cost you so much to be in a relationship.
6:12
It can cost you friends, family, your future, your children
6:15
relationship with your kids. Yeah, it can cost you so much to
6:19
be in this relationship. Are you ready to pay the toll?
6:22
The toll for the, the, the, the, the cross of the person who
6:25
wants to do that. Y'all know the old mythology?
6:28
I think it's Greek mythology. The, the, the, the boatsman, the
6:32
boatsman that takes you to cross the river after you pass away to
6:35
take your spirit. Pay the toll to the boatsman.
6:37
Are you ready to pay the toll? It's going to cost you friends,
6:41
family, some mental health, some of your physical health.
6:44
You might not be, you might look in the mirror after you leave
6:46
the relationship, like damn, who the hell am I?
6:48
What happened to me, right? You might weigh more, you might
6:52
weigh less. You might not recognize yourself
6:54
emotionally either. Physically is one thing,
6:56
emotionally just different mentally.
6:58
These are the decisions that you have to absolutely make when
7:02
you're starting this thing up, when you're trying to get,
7:04
you're trying to keep it moving and stuff like that, right?
7:07
This is stuff that you have to prepare for.
7:10
It's absolutely something you have to prepare for, right?
7:13
So I tell people all the damn time, you might have to prepare
7:17
to be isolated, be to be by yourself, to maybe not have any
7:19
help. If you have community, kudos to
7:22
you. You know, I have my support
7:23
group, the mental healers. You can find everything.
7:26
You can see the scroll across the bottom screen, everything at
7:29
mentalillness.net for my support group.
7:31
If you don't have a community around you, community online or
7:34
whatever that understands what you're going through, I do have
7:36
that available. Mental illness.net Leo, It's so
7:41
damn tough to understand all of this stuff, to deal with all of
7:44
this stuff, to make sense of everything.
7:46
This is what I'm telling you right now.
7:48
Prepare to be alone. You might have to, you have to
7:50
do by yourself. You know, there might not be
7:52
anybody in your circle that you can trust.
7:53
So one of the challenges you go to face is being alone, right?
7:57
Another challenge, y'all, what's this?
7:59
The 4th 1/4 challenge right here that you want to face is the
8:02
challenge of having discipline to say no contact, y'all, To be
8:05
to no con, no contact. I did a very long video about
8:08
discipline and what you need. But you're preparing for this,
8:11
y'all, Preparing for this person to throw, to have them the
8:14
discipline to stay away from them if you so choose, right?
8:17
This is going to be a challenge because they're going to be
8:20
begging, pleading, crime, sneeze, snot coming from their
8:23
nose, farting, throwing up, failing to harm themselves.
8:25
Prepare for the onslaught of manipulation because it's
8:30
coming. Oh, it's coming.
8:32
You have to prepare for it because they come in with it,
8:34
y'all. They and they, they come in with
8:35
it and they come in strong. They come in stronger as hell.
8:38
They want to. I'm not saying they want to ruin
8:40
your life, but they come in for you y'all.
8:42
They just are. They don't want you to be happy.
8:45
They don't want you to be smiling and cheesing.
8:47
They don't want you to experience that joy without
8:49
them. Why would they?
8:51
They want to ruin your damn life.
8:52
They want to make. They want to take you through
8:53
the ringer. They want to hurt you and harm
8:55
you, do damage to you. They want to do everything that
8:57
they possibly can to you in order to get past you in order
9:01
to hurt you in order to just put you just just to punish you.
9:05
They want to get that get tattoos on you.
9:07
They look, I got a tattoo of myself.
9:08
Had a lady send me a picture of Snapchat.
9:10
She's like this is real. Do you think he loves me?
9:12
We broke up. He put his tattoo on my arm, my
9:14
name on his arm. No, after he's done something
9:17
horrible to you, now he's getting his name tatted on you.
9:20
No, prepare for that type of stuff.
9:23
Y'all prepare for the onslaught of promising the change.
9:28
I can't live without you. I can't do this.
9:31
I can't do that. Prepare for them to try one last
9:33
heave. Ho right?
9:35
Begging for another chance, Telling you that they love you.
9:37
You're the only one. Yeah, I slept with this other
9:40
person 27 times, but it didn't mean anything to me.
9:42
Get the fuck out of here, man. Like, prepare for that, y'all?
9:46
Prepare for for them to say the dumbest shit possible and to try
9:50
to convince you that it makes sense.
9:52
Prepare for that. Prepare for them to try to use
9:54
your kids as leverage. That's another challenge.
9:56
That's the fifth challenge. If y'all have children, prepare
9:58
for them to use your children against you.
10:00
Prepare for them to threaten to abandon your children,
10:03
threatening to never talk to your kids again because you
10:06
don't talk to them, because you don't want to deal with them.
10:08
Prepare for that right there. That's a preparation that you
10:11
have to get ready for right there as well.
10:13
That's something that you have to absolutely get ready for.
10:16
That's something that you have to get prepared for.
10:18
You know what I mean? This is it right there, this is
10:21
it. This is the, this is the
10:22
mentality. This is how it goes right here.
10:24
Prepare for them to try to turn your kids against you, to try to
10:27
send messages between back and forth between your kids.
10:29
Prepare for them to damn near not show up and pick up, not
10:33
show up on time for pickups and drop offs, not show up at all to
10:37
cut off communication to abandon your children.
10:39
You have to prepare for this type of stuff, y'all, This is a
10:41
challenge you're going to face. You know what I mean?
10:43
This is a challenge you're going to face that probably allows
10:46
count on the challenges, y'all, I'm coming up with them.
10:48
I had to read now, but I just went off.
10:50
Y'all know I like the golf script.
10:52
I like the golf script improv, right?
10:53
This is improv, you know, because you this is the type of
10:56
stuff you have to have to prepare for as well.
10:59
The sixth thing right here, y'all that I will tell you
11:01
there's going to be challenge is sometimes they might not reach
11:04
out right? They might be done with you as
11:06
well when you are done with them.
11:10
Just make sure that you're done with them.
11:12
Make sure that like I know somebody, I know you read a lot
11:14
about narcissists reaching out and coming back after the
11:17
breakup or trying to Hoover you, trying to get back into your
11:19
life. I know you read a lot about
11:21
that, but that's not going to be true for everybody out.
11:23
Everybody's not going to have that experience.
11:25
Sometimes when you break up with them, they're not going to reach
11:28
out to you. They're going to be done with
11:30
you, right? They're absolutely going to be
11:32
finished with you. So this is what you need to have
11:34
into your mind and have it ready and have it ready in your head
11:38
that sometimes whether or not they reach out is not a
11:41
determination of my own worth and value.
11:44
Whether we connect, whether they, if y'all don't have kids
11:47
or anything connected to you to them, you might not ever hear
11:50
from them again, y'all. And this is the challenge
11:52
because you're going to question your own self worth.
11:55
Why? Why they are?
11:56
Why aren't they reaching out to me?
11:58
Was I not worthy of a Hoover? Why won't they do this?
12:01
Why won't they do that? Y'all know how many people out
12:02
here are praying for their abuser to leave them alone?
12:06
There are people who are praying for the exact opposite, who have
12:09
the exact opposite thoughts to you right now.
12:10
Thoughts of you right now. Why they stalking me?
12:13
Why they threatening to harm me? Why they follow me to work?
12:15
Why they popping up in my job? How can I get them to leave me
12:18
alone? I just want peace.
12:19
There are people praying for peace.
12:22
You see what I'm saying? Take it outside of yourself
12:24
sometimes because a lot of times we get into we get we get caught
12:27
up in these dynamics of letting them and what they do quite like
12:31
determine how much we're worth. They're not qualified to to
12:34
value you. They're not qualified to
12:36
determine your worth or your value.
12:38
They are not qualified to do that.
12:40
They are, they just absolutely are not qualified.
12:44
You know, they have, they only have the power that you give
12:47
them. And this is a challenge.
12:49
Just because they don't reach out, understand it, this does
12:51
not mean you're not worth anything.
12:52
Sometimes they go if you were break, if we had a break over me
12:55
when I done cheated on you 45 times, I didn't put my hands in
12:58
whatever the hell it is y'all. I know that you might you might
13:02
reject me. I ain't you know it's not Lee.
13:05
Why, why why aren't they showing up, Lee?
13:07
Why didn't they show up outside my window with a boom box and a
13:10
pizza for and playing music and begging with a tattoo across
13:13
their forehead with my name on it?
13:15
Why, why wasn't I worth enough? What if you're worth too much?
13:18
What if you had too much going on?
13:20
What if you're too? What if you too too?
13:21
What if you're too much? You said that.
13:24
What if you 2 They don't know. Yeah.
13:26
Some people don't know how to handle a damn diamond.
13:28
They just play with it. You know a diamond in the wrong
13:31
hand is just a shiny fucking rock, right?
13:35
A diamond in the wrong hands, it ain't making nobody no money.
13:39
It's a it could be a paper. It could be a paperweight,
13:41
right? A diamond like this.
13:43
A diamond could just be a paperweight.
13:45
You see what I'm saying? If it's miss Hell, if it has the
13:47
wrong person holding it and you know, in possession of it.
13:51
So this is not a question of your worth or value.
13:54
That's what I'm trying to reiterate.
13:55
It's not about you. It is not so many times, so many
13:59
people just get into their heads that, well, I'm what's wrong
14:02
with me, what's going on with me?
14:03
What if it's nothing is wrong with you?
14:05
And this is the last challenge I'm talking about #7 right here.
14:08
Maybe the last week. We're going to say I flow.
14:11
But the challenge is the challenge of loving yourself
14:14
more than you love them, right? The challenge of letting them,
14:19
letting that person go and the like, having those dreams of
14:22
this future with them. They know bury in those dreams,
14:25
having those, having those dreams go away, you know they're
14:28
going to die. Preparing for having to be
14:32
preparing for this mental funeral that you have to have in
14:35
order to process this person is not going to be in your life
14:38
anymore. Preparation is key.
14:40
It is you have to prepare for this person never to be around
14:43
again, never to talk to this person.
14:44
You never hear their voice, you never to see them again.
14:48
The future with this person is gone.
14:49
It's going to be a challenge. So you know day one is going to
14:54
feel different in day 100. It just doesn't.
14:57
I know you can't think. You shouldn't think about day
14:59
100 right now. Think about day one.
15:01
Make it just make it through today.
15:04
Just make it through today right there.
15:05
Y'all make it through today without telling you.
15:08
And I just said, like I mentioned isolation earlier, you
15:11
might lose a lot of people in these spaces right here.
15:14
You might lose, you might gain a lot of people as well.
15:16
You might be friends. You might connect the people
15:18
that you never had to connect with before.
15:21
I'll mention this one last thing about the challenge you're going
15:23
to face #8 shame. The shame of staying, the shame
15:27
of leaving, the shame of going back over and over again.
15:30
The shame of finally being able to reach out to your friends and
15:34
say, hey, look, I was wrong, you were right.
15:36
Can you help me? The shame of asking for help.
15:38
The shame of understanding what you went through.
15:40
The shame of sharing your story with other people.
15:43
The shame of telling people what you've been through.
15:44
The shame of what you might feel like you you've allowed to
15:47
happen. The shame of dealing with this
15:49
person that you know you shouldn't have been dealing
15:51
with. The shame of giving this person
15:53
everything when you you didn't get shit in return.
15:56
The shame of just the shame of ignoring the red flags.
15:58
There's so much shame that you have to deal with in process,
16:00
right? Prepare for dealing with this
16:03
challenge of shame because that's a big one right there.
16:05
That is a huge one. That is just like that's so big
16:08
and just so huge. It's one of those things that
16:10
you have to process, but you will process it and you will
16:12
heal and you will continue to move forward.
16:14
OK, anyways, y'all make sure y'all hit the subscribe button.
16:17
Y'all, we're eking closer to 500K and TikTok.
16:21
Who knows what we're going to happen in TikTok.
16:22
Hit that subscribe button. Y'all help us reach more people.
16:25
Help us, you know, help us help everybody else.
16:29
Anyways, y'all coaching courses, everything available at
16:32
mentalillness.net and as always, y'all mental illness is up for
16:35
real this time. Peace.
16:37
What's going on beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
16:39
to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
16:41
You have no idea If you haven't already hit that subscribe
16:45
button. You made it this far, you might
16:46
as well subscribe. It really does help the channel.
16:50
Y'all helps me reach more people as well.
16:52
Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
16:55
at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
16:58
Make sure you you stick around, watch another video or two.
17:01
I appreciate it. I'm up.