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Search for Meaning with Reza Farahan · Search for Meaning with Rabbi Yoshi

• 0:00
  I've gone through a lot of hardships, but my belief is that there's a gift somewhere.
• 0:05
  I may not get the gift that day while I'm going through the hardships, but the gift is coming my way.
• 0:29
  I've gotten to know him over the last few years, and I'm so delighted that he is joining me today.
• 0:35
  He's going to be talking about the book, Memoirs of a Gay Shah.
• 0:39
  Reza Farahan, thank you so much for being with me.
• 0:42
  Thank you for having me, Rabbi Yoshi.
• 0:44
  I'm so happy to be here with you today.
• 0:46
  Well, the title is awesome and provocative and makes you want to dive into the book.
• 0:51
  And I'm so glad that I did.
• 0:53
  I've really enjoyed reading the book.
• 0:55
  But I want to look at that specific choice that you made memoirs of a gay shaw.
• 0:59
  It's bold and it immediately says so much.
• 1:02
  But I'd like to look at that word shaw, because when I grew up, um, I grew up in Omaha, Nebraska.
• 1:08
  And I remember I was about nine, 10 years old when the revolution happened in Iran.
• 1:13
  And so I heard that word and I tried to understand what it was all about.
• 1:17
  Tell me about that word for you.
• 1:19
  What's the resonance of it and why did you choose it for your book?
• 1:23
  So growing up as a little Persian kid, my mom would ask me, What do you want to be growing up in the household of a family that were royalists, that believed in the monarchy, that believed in the Shah, that had generations going back in Iran.
• 1:42
  And as a little Persian kid, my mom would say, What do you want to be when you grow up?
• 1:46
  And I would say, I want to be the Shah of Iran.
• 1:49
  And then, like you said, that word meant something to you.
• 1:53
  And for me, I watched the destruction of the monarchy, the dynasty went down, and it just stuck with me.
• 2:04
  It was someone that I looked up to, and I always wanted to be the king of Iran.
• 2:10
  And it was ironic that I manifested a reality show that was called Shazam Satz.
• 2:16
  And even though there was no monarchy and I had no chance of ever being a Shah, I manifested my own special way of being a Shah.
• 2:24
  And so the play on the words, I loved memoirs of a geisha.
• 2:28
  It just, I don't know.
• 2:30
  As soon as I thought of writing a book, it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
• 2:35
  And I thought that's going to be the name of my book.
• 2:37
  It is a great title.
• 2:39
  And with all the resonance that you just shared, including what that word means and geisha, geisha, it's it's really powerful.
• 2:46
  I want to go back now in time to your journey to the United States.
• 2:51
  A four-year-old boy making this uh pilgrimage, obviously, not of his own volition.
• 2:56
  It wasn't something you chose.
• 2:58
  At what age did you really start to understand that this journey was a one-way journey, that you were not going to be going back to Iran?
• 3:07
  It was very early on.
• 3:09
  We came, like you said, on a vacation, and we were helping my aunt, her husband, and my cousin get settled in LA.
• 3:18
  And my parents would communicate with the relatives back home, and there started to be some rumblings.
• 3:25
  The trash wasn't being picked up and piling up on the streets, the bankers, the tellers, they'd gone on strike, the prime minister kept changing.
• 3:35
  And so a lot of things were happening in Iran, and it was very hot.
• 3:40
  If you know anything about the Middle East, people that live in the Middle East for the summer months, they escape.
• 3:46
  Kind of like Floridians during like August and stuff.
• 3:50
  They, you know, try and escape that humidity.
• 3:53
  People in the Middle East who have money leave the Middle East to get away from that sweltering heat.
• 4:00
  And so we thought we would just wait out the heat, and then we were gonna wait out the little rumblings, the trash not being picked up in Iran, but quickly that turned into a full-blown revolution, and it was immediate.
• 4:14
  They were literally hanging people from cranes in the town square.
• 4:19
  And so realizing that we weren't going back, flipped into my parents talking to the relatives back home, and they're saying, Well, when are you coming back now?
• 4:30
  Because you know, you've been gone for a really long time.
• 4:33
  And I'm thinking, what are you talking about?
• 4:35
  Come back.
• 4:36
  They're hanging people from cranes in the town square.
• 4:39
  We're good here.
• 4:40
  Like, we're I don't want to go back.
• 4:42
  We will not be heading back.
• 4:44
  That is not exactly what I'm looking at for my own uh well-being.
• 4:48
  I want to ask a little bit about your identity.
• 4:51
  Uh, your mom, Muslim, your dad, Jewish.
• 4:55
  And so, for people who understand a little bit about how religious identity is traditionally passed down in both of those faiths, in some ways it means you're neither.
• 5:05
  And who's gonna claim you and what does that mean?
• 5:08
  So, when did you first start to experience that as a child?
• 5:12
  And tell us a little bit about how you've navigated between those worlds.
• 5:16
  There were definitely two factions.
• 5:18
  There was the Jewish side and the Muslim side, and still to this day, Rabbi, you know this.
• 5:24
  Muslims that are Persian and Jews that are Persian might as well be from like China and Uganda.
• 5:30
  It's like they they're segregated completely.
• 5:35
  So there was definitely factions and warring sides, and I heard disrespectful things from both sides of the family that weren't meant for my ears.
• 5:47
  But as like a nosy little kid that wanted to know everything, I was all up in the mix trying to figure out like, how did this happen?
• 5:56
  Because it's still taboo to this day in LA in 2026 for Persian Muslims and for Persian Jews to marry.
• 6:04
  So imagine like 60 plus years ago in Iran, my dad was so audacious to think that he was gonna go into this Muslim family and you know find a bride, but he did it.
• 6:19
  And the decisions that he made cost him a lot.
• 6:22
  His family turned his back on him, he turned his back on his family.
• 6:28
  And it like I knew that there were all these Jews that were out there that were my family, but I had a hard time like connecting with them.
• 6:39
  There wasn't the internet, they didn't want to have anything to do with us.
• 6:42
  I had a grandmother that lived very close to us that I didn't interact with.
• 6:48
  So I felt like I was part of a group and I was really proud, but the group also didn't really want to include me.
• 6:57
  So it was this yearning to be a part of this thing that wasn't, I didn't have a ticket.
• 7:04
  Like I would show up to the concert and no one would let me in.
• 7:07
  It was really complicated.
• 7:09
  And as far as the Muslims were concerned, they were secular Muslims, they were the type of Muslims that would talk about like we're Muslim because Iran were conquered by Arabs who introduced Islam, but we were really Zoroastrian.
• 7:25
  So I was wanting religion.
• 7:28
  I grew up in Beverly Hills where so many Persian Jewish kids, I had so many friends, and they were all Jews, and I wanted to be one of them.
• 7:37
  And technically, I kind of was, but I just was on an island all by myself.
• 7:44
  And then on top of that, you add the layer of understanding in terms of your own sexuality.
• 7:50
  I'm gay and Persian and Muslim and Jewish just to make my life a little more complicated and a little more difficult.
• 7:58
  Yes.
• 7:59
  And not to not to in any way make light of it, because you've shared with me that you had friends in high school who took their own lives rather than come out of the closet.
• 8:09
  So this is not a trivial thing.
• 8:11
  Tell us a little bit about that time in your life when you became aware of the fact that you were a gay shaw, and this is a huge part of your identity.
• 8:22
  How did you come to that realization and tell us a little bit about coming out?
• 8:26
  I really thought I was the only one on planet Earth that was like this.
• 8:30
  I felt like when I was coming through the proverbial conveyor belt of life, like God would like got a phone call, or someone came by and like he stepped away and forgot to press a button, and somehow I was this anomaly and I came out gay, and there was no one else like me.
• 8:48
  And I felt like I had to keep this secret and that I was just gonna go on with my life and pretend like I was straight.
• 8:56
  Then when I realized, wait a minute, there's like other gay people out there, I was like, okay, so I really have to keep this secret because now that I'm hearing what the Middle Eastern community and specifically Persians, how they feel about it, there's no way my family's gonna accept me.
• 9:16
  I remember being like 16 years old, and I had just come home and like family was at my house, and my uncle, who was visiting from Madrid, had driven down Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood and seen a billboard for a gay cruise and had seen two men with their arms around each other, and he was sitting around the table telling the rest of the relatives how they should all be rounded up and put on an island somewhere.
• 9:46
  And I was like, oh my god, like I'm so I felt even more isolated.
• 9:52
  So by the time I realized I was gay, I was like, Oh my god, I'm literally on an island all by myself, and so I just I felt very, very, very alone.
• 10:04
  I'm wondering, along the way, did you find some mentors or allies or people who helped you navigate this?
• 10:11
  Or in some ways, were you really on that island by yourself?
• 10:15
  No, I wasn't seeking mentors, I was so scared of anyone knowing that I was gay.
• 10:22
  I like had a suicide plan if people found out.
• 10:27
  And then, like, as I realized, you know, potentially, because it was during the tail end of the AIDS epidemic, I was like, God forbid, if I end up contracting HIV and getting AIDS, I'm gonna have to like commit suicide to not put my family through the shame of not only finding out that I'm gay, but that I have HIV and I'm gonna die, and that stigma is gonna stay with them.
• 10:52
  And so I had a plan that I would drive off of a cliff on Mulhulland and it would be plausible because like I drive fast, I love cars, I had a sports car, so I had a whole plan of God forbid what I would do if that ever came out.
• 11:09
  And unfortunately, the people that you're talking about that took their own lives, I didn't even have the courage of being their friends.
• 11:15
  I just knew who they were, and I was so scared to like be friends with them because I didn't want to be associated with them because people knew.
• 11:25
  And so if I was friends with them, then people would think that maybe I'm gay.
• 11:30
  And so I watched them from afar and what their families did to them, and I felt so guilty that I was one of them, but never said anything, and maybe I could have helped because it turns out I had everything in me that I needed from nature and nurture to deal with all of it because there got to a point where I realized I'm gonna live my own life and I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna live an authentic life.
• 11:57
  And anyone who doesn't accept me is gonna get written off.
• 12:02
  And I wrote FU letters to everyone that I was gonna come out to because I knew I would be emotional at the time, and I wouldn't have my bearings, and I wouldn't be able to articulate all the things I wanted to say to them, especially the shady things that they had done.
• 12:19
  I wrote it all down.
• 12:21
  Any money they had stolen, dirty things they had done, everything was in this letter.
• 12:26
  Like you're not accepting me, but this is who you are, and I see you.
• 12:30
  And I wrote a dozen of those letters, Rabbi.
• 12:33
  Never had to give out a single letter.
• 12:37
  It's heart-wrenching to try to imagine myself in your shoes, and I'm sure for people listening, the same thing that you're trying to be your authentic self and so concerned about how people you love and people who you care about are going to receive that truth of who you really are, that you prepared not only if I have to kill myself, here's how I'm gonna do it, God forbid, but also if they reject me, here's what I'm gonna say to them about that rejection.
• 13:08
  So just amazingly painful to hear that.
• 13:11
  How old were you approximately when this happened?
• 13:14
  Between 18 and 20.
• 13:16
  So, you know, you'd you'd uh you'd lived a little and you'd seen a little.
• 13:21
  So that's really heartbreaking to hear.
• 13:23
  But thank you for sharing that.
• 13:25
  And I hope that others today could find strength from that story.
• 13:29
  And hopefully, fewer and fewer people experience that, but we know that it's a real thing.
• 13:35
  I'm so curious, and I've loved having the opportunity to get to know you and to study Judaism with you and to study Torah with you.
• 13:42
  A certain point in your life, you made a deliberate choice to embrace Judaism fully as your own.
• 13:48
  Yeah.
• 13:49
  And I'm always inspired by people who make that choice, especially at this moment where there's rising anti-Semitism, there's tremendous anti-Israel sentiment out there.
• 13:58
  And so to have someone say, I want to embrace this part of myself, I could embrace a different part of myself because it's available to me.
• 14:06
  So I'm interested in what drew you toward that path and what's it been like for you to fully claim your Jewish identity?
• 14:14
  I think it was around the time of uh dating my husband, and we were discussing having kids, and he said, you know, if we have kids, how are we gonna raise these kids?
• 14:28
  What religion are they gonna be?
• 14:30
  Because it was not a good idea being on two different pages as far as religion is concerned, especially when the two faiths don't really see eye to eye.
• 14:45
  So he was like, We need to get on the same page.
• 14:48
  And I was like, you know what?
• 14:49
  He you're right, we do need to get on the same page.
• 14:52
  And so he was like, I'm gonna convert to Judaism.
• 14:56
  And I thought that was like the most amazing thing.
• 14:59
  I came to your office, we spoke, and there was this part of me that was like, I understand that the religion may say to me, like, listen, your dad is this, your mom is that, so you are this, and I had a real problem with that.
• 15:17
  But then October 7th happened, and something in me really kind of shifted that I was doing a disservice by not embracing my Judaism wholeheartedly, expressing my Zionism, expressing all of the things that had lived within me for a very long time, but were mine privately.
• 15:45
  I wasn't sharing it with anyone on the outside, but I I think October 7th really changed something for me and the aftermath of October 7th, not just October 7th, which obviously in and of itself was so horrific, but watching the aftermath and knowing I grew up watching my parents watch Walter Cronkite count down the 444 days the hostages were in captivity, and there was just something very familiar for me in the worst way when we were talking about the hostages, and it just was like going back to a hellacious home that you had grew up in, like you knew this place, the smells, the sound, everything about it was so familiar to me, and I remember thinking, who can survive 444 days?
• 16:50
  Who do you have to be?
• 16:52
  What does and then not understanding that there was the option of one-upping the number of days that 444 would seem like nothing compared to what they had to endure, and then listening to the stories and watching people tear down the posters of the Bebas children and just the encampments and everything about it just drove me to want to take some action and take a stand.
• 17:28
  I've heard from a lot of people post-October 7th, whom I've worked with who've chosen Judaism, who've said similar kinds of things.
• 17:37
  With you having a father who's Jewish and having that as a part of who you are and who you were throughout your entire life, you know, there's something special about that.
• 17:47
  But I've also had people who didn't have any connection to Judaism in any personal way say that the experience of October 7th and its aftermath, just as you said, really inspired them to make that commitment.
• 18:01
  And I just think it's uh for me, it's inspiring.
• 18:04
  And I know that it's the case for a lot of my colleagues and others when they see people at a moment like this say, you know what, I could pass as non-Jewish, I could be Muslim, I could be Christian, I could be something else, but I'm gonna jump in with my whole self and embrace this.
• 18:21
  What's been something?
• 18:22
  Because I know you grew up that was a part of who you were, but what's been something now as an adult and with your husband Adam, or anything in the Jewish community that you're a part of?
• 18:33
  What's been especially meaningful about Jewish practices or Jewish study?
• 18:38
  What's something that really inspires you and captures you?
• 18:41
  So this year I've been, you know, working with you, I've been doing my classes, I've been studying the Torah, and I just I've felt way more connected.
• 18:54
  And so eating the haroset meant something, you know, those were my people, you know, feeling more connected to like my family and my husband who converted, and it's just it's been wonderful.
• 19:10
  I I've I always thought like there were these amazing people over here doing this thing, and like I just I was always a little removed from them, and this was the first time I felt like I'm kind of part of them as well.
• 19:29
  That image of someone sitting at a Passover Seder and really feeling like, well, that symbol is mine.
• 19:34
  It's not just a symbol that's powerful, but it's my symbol.
• 19:39
  I own it.
• 19:40
  That's part of my story, and I'm continuing that story, and I get to be part of writing that story.
• 19:46
  And the last thing I'll say about that is what's special about the moment that we're in is your grandfather or your great grandfather, the idea that their grandson or great grandson would write a book called Memoirs of a Gay Shah, like that was too much for them.
• 20:03
  They wouldn't have been able to assimilate that fully, probably in their brain, right?
• 20:07
  It's like, whoa.
• 20:08
  But knowing that we're living in a moment where increasingly in the Persian Jewish community, there's an openness and a willingness to say, hey, you know what?
• 20:20
  We've often seen this in a certain way, and now we're going to be more expansive and be more embracing.
• 20:27
  But what happened just I've seen in the last five years several examples of members of the Persian Jewish community who've come out, who've gotten married, and the family has celebrated it with a big, with a big wedding, a big celebration.
• 20:41
  And to me, that is just so beautiful to see that evolution in my own lifetime to see that happen.
• 20:49
  Have you seen that?
• 20:50
  Do you feel like things have changed?
• 20:52
  I mean, the things that we have overcome in such a short amount of time is unbelievable to me.
• 20:59
  The fact that I have friends who have kids now that are gay and they're cool with it when they weren't cool when we were in school is huge to me.
• 21:11
  And it's important not to gloss over that or fail to take a moment to just say, yeah, that's exciting.
• 21:21
  Something changed in the world from my perspective.
• 21:24
  And I'm I know you join me, and I hope uh my listeners do as well.
• 21:28
  From my perspective, this is an example of transformation for the good.
• 21:32
  Like we're moving in the right direction in this regard.
• 21:35
  But it's pretty amazing to witness that in our own lifetimes.
• 21:39
  Uh, I want to turn to some of the work that you've done in television and some of the things that many of our listeners might know you for.
• 21:49
  You joined the show Shaws of Sunset, and you've said, I read somewhere that part of the uh motivation for you was to put a positive face both on gay people and Middle Easterners, Persian, in this case, you know, a Persian Jew.
• 22:04
  And I was just wondering what that experience was like coming into the public space and becoming a public figure.
• 22:12
  Because I can imagine that there's some excitement and some wonderful things that come with that.
• 22:17
  And also some real headaches and challenges and changes, maybe not for the best.
• 22:22
  So tell us about the decision to put yourself out there on a reality TV show in such a personal and revealing way.
• 22:30
  And what's that been like for you?
• 22:32
  It was very exciting because I thought to myself, like, I've been here this whole time.
• 22:37
  And the only people, Persians, that I've ever seen on TV were either the terrorists, you know, maybe the king, but usually it was a negative stereotype of things that people assume about Middle Easterners.
• 22:52
  And I thought, if I have an opportunity to show not Middle Easterners, but to show everyone else, like, oh my God, we're so much more similar to other cultures that you're more familiar with than you think, I'm gonna blow your mind.
• 23:09
  And so I really set out to talk about and just be exist and show people that Middle Easterners, specifically Persians and Persian Jews, are about family, community, food, education, music, togetherness.
• 23:29
  And instantly people were reaching out to me like, I'm Greek, we're just like you.
• 23:34
  I'm Italian, we're just like you, I'm Latin, we're just like you.
• 23:38
  It was building bridges so fast.
• 23:41
  I had no idea.
• 23:44
  But I do recall doing an episode of a CNN show moderated by Soledad O'Brien, and she was asking me and pointing out some of the stereotypes that we were perpetuating on Shots of Sunset initially about, you know, Persian mansions with gold columns and marble and Rolexes and Mercedes, to which I quickly replied, I would rather perpetuate stereotypes of columns, marble, Mercedes, and Rolexes than bombs 9-11 and things that people assume about Iranians, that's not true.
• 24:22
  If you look at historical footage from 9-11 from Iran, what Iranians were doing inside of Iran on 9-11, they were mourning with the Americans in tears in disbelief.
• 24:36
  If you look at that same footage of other Middle Easterners like in Gaza, they were celebrating.
• 24:47
  Like, yes, these are the things I embrace about these stereotypes, no problem.
• 24:53
  But don't think for one minute that I don't respect and appreciate this country more than someone that was some people that were born here.
• 25:02
  I take my citizenship so seriously.
• 25:06
  I grew up with the fear that I would be deported back to Iran because I learned in history social studies class that if you commit a felony, you could get deported back to your birth country.
• 25:20
  And when your birth country is Iran, the last thing you want to think about is deportation as a gay Middle Eastern half-Jew.
• 25:28
  Yeah, I can only imagine what that would be like.
• 25:32
  I had growing up these nightmares every now and then.
• 25:35
  We I think we talked about this the other day at the JQ brunch, but I used to have these nightmares as a kid that I was in the Holocaust, that somehow I, you know, was transported back in time, or it was all happening over again today.
• 25:50
  And what a horrible and heavy thing for a nine, 10, 11, 12-year-old boy to carry.
• 25:55
  And I remember waking up, you know, out of breath, scared, relieved that it wasn't actually happening.
• 26:02
  But also when you think about, you know, what they call epigenetic trauma, like the trauma of your ancestors you carry with you somehow in your DNA almost, but how awful.
• 26:12
  And so that image of a young man thinking, they're gonna send me back to Iran, I'm going to be uh oppressed because I'm half Jewish and because I'm gay, that's horrifying.
• 26:24
  I wanted to pivot to this moment where the country of your choice, or I guess of your of your parents' choice, but then your choice, the United States, is at war with the country of your birth, Iran.
• 26:39
  And then you add the layer of Israel as someone who's embracing fully his Judaism and who supports the Jewish people's right to return to their ancestral homeland.
• 26:50
  And so how are you navigating this moment where you're imagining maybe the end of the regime, maybe uh a new Shah, perhaps not you, but um a new Shah that would actually come back, or some other kind of government that would allow the Iranian people to live in dignity and hopefully not in an aggressive and hostile posture to Israel and America and other parts of the world.
• 27:16
  Tell us a little bit about this war between Iran and America and your own identity and the way you think about it.
• 27:24
  I would probably upset a lot of people.
• 27:27
  I wouldn't call it a war.
• 27:30
  I would call it a liberation movement.
• 27:33
  And I never thought in my lifetime, kind of like marriage equality, that there'd be a liberation of the Iranian people and protection for the US, Israel, and the Western way of life, the way that I've been watching it play out.
• 27:53
  I have allowed myself to just think about the prospect of a liberated Iran.
• 28:01
  I don't let myself go there because I don't want to get my hopes up and be let down, but I I think about it a little bit, and it makes me so happy to think of those young gay people.
• 28:15
  It makes me want to cry.
• 28:17
  So I'm so happy that there is an intervention.
• 28:22
  I don't want any US soldiers to die, I don't want any IDF to die, I don't want any Iranian civilians to die.
• 28:31
  But do I want regime change?
• 28:33
  Yes.
• 28:33
  Do I want the terrorists to be not active and not able to harm my people in Iran or anyone outside of Iran?
• 28:44
  Absolutely.
• 28:45
  And I think a liberated Iran is good for the world because there's 90 million people in Iran who want to live a secular, free life.
• 28:56
  And they'll be an example to other Middle Easterners.
• 28:59
  Like they just want to live.
• 29:01
  But the country uses the resources to fund terrorism as opposed to taking care of their people.
• 29:08
  And I think there'll be a global shift if Iran is free.
• 29:11
  People talk about Iran, like, look at what happened to Iraq, look at what happened to Afghanistan.
• 29:16
  Iranians are not Iraqis, they're not Afghanis.
• 29:20
  They think differently, they're educated in a different way, they were raised in a different way, and culturally they're different.
• 29:27
  They want to be free.
• 29:28
  And I literally, I've been joking online, like people will comment on a photo or whatever, and I'll say, if Iran is liberated, I'm gonna go back and open a gay bar there.
• 29:39
  Um, I want to ask another question just about the book.
• 29:42
  But uh somewhere I read that you said you were excited and a little terrified for people to read the book.
• 29:48
  Yeah, and now that it's out there and people have read it and commented on it and connected with you on it.
• 29:55
  What has that response felt like?
• 29:58
  And maybe you could share an anecdote, something that has been particularly delightful for you or surprising about the reaction you've gotten from the book.
• 30:06
  So many people have reached out to me, DM'd me, sent me messages, and come up to me and told me that they felt like I was speaking for them.
• 30:18
  And I feel so humbled that my little story has made something heal inside of them.
• 30:28
  That was just not anything I ever expected to participate in with the readers and some of the people that listened on audiobook.
• 30:40
  But that to me has has filled my cup.
• 30:45
  Like with all of the things, Rabbi, that we've talked about, how alone I felt.
• 30:51
  I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.
• 30:55
  I feel like everything happened for me to be who I am and where I am in life.
• 31:02
  I'm 10 times blessed.
• 31:04
  I've gotten to do go and be the person that I wanted to be.
• 31:09
  The things I've been able to do, I feel like I'm the richest human being on planet earth.
• 31:16
  Not just because my family had some money, there were people way wealthier than we were, but I wanted for nothing in my life, and I'm so blessed.
• 31:26
  And I didn't want people to think that I was complaining or whining, or and I'm very lucky that it didn't come across that way.
• 31:37
  I was very afraid that people would read the book and feel like I I was complaining, but I feel like I've had the greatest life, and all of the hardships that I've gone through have led to me having the life that I have today, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
• 31:54
  Whenever I hear someone say words like that, I'm always so, first of all, happy for them.
• 32:00
  You know, as someone who has spent some time getting to know you and getting to know Adam a little bit.
• 32:04
  When you hear someone say, I wouldn't trade my life, the things I went through were all part of a process of growth.
• 32:12
  I'm grateful, my cup is full.
• 32:14
  I mean, all the things you just shared.
• 32:16
  It's beautiful.
• 32:17
  You want to hear that from your friends, from people you care about.
• 32:20
  And I think it's also really inspiring for others to hear that too, because they think, wow, look at some of the things that Rez has been through that are objectively challenging.
• 32:29
  And yet the way he sees it at this point in his life is actually, no, it's a net positive in a really powerful way.
• 32:38
  And that can be a reminder to each of us when we're going through a difficult time, when we're struggling with something, when we have our own obstacles, that what if I try to find a way to reframe this and think about, okay, what is this experience here to teach me?
• 32:51
  And how can I get on the other side of that and feel like it happened for a reason?
• 32:56
  I want to conclude by asking you to think a little bit about what really drives you.
• 33:02
  And you've touched on this in the conversation, but I love to end with this question.
• 33:07
  You know, you've spent your whole life being told in one way or another that you didn't fully belong, you know, because you're gay, because you're Persian, because you're half Muslim, because you're half Jewish, all these other kinds of things.
• 33:20
  And yet you kept going and building and showing up unapologetically.
• 33:26
  And so I guess the question underneath it is really what drives you?
• 33:30
  You know, not the hustle or the TV career or the book, but what's driving all of that at your core?
• 33:38
  What gives Reza's life meaning?
• 33:40
  What gets you out of bed in the morning and makes all of it feel worth it?
• 33:45
  Rabbi, I really think that everything I've wanted in my life, I've gotten.
• 33:50
  I'm a manifestor of epic proportions.
• 33:54
  I've gone through a lot of hardships, but my belief is that there's a gift somewhere.
• 33:59
  I may not get the gift that day while I'm going through the hardships, but the gift is coming my way if I'm just present.
• 34:07
  If I get out of my own way, I'm not complaining or victimizing myself, but that I stay present and I'm open.
• 34:16
  You know, I wanted to run a marathon.
• 34:18
  So I woke up one day in my 20s and I ran a marathon in three hours, 22 minutes, 22 seconds.
• 34:26
  I had a TV career that people would say to me, like, you're a gay Middle Eastern man in America.
• 34:31
  Americans don't even like Middle Easterners.
• 34:34
  How did you accomplish the things that you accomplished?
• 34:38
  Like, who thought that I would be married for 10 years in a country where people were not so kind to gay people not that long ago?
• 34:48
  But I am a believer that you can have whatever life you want to have as long as you believe it.
• 34:55
  If the music, that elevator music in your own brain, is telling you you are great, you're gonna do it, this is gonna happen for you no matter what you want, as long as you stay the course, you're gonna get what you want.
• 35:11
  Those things are gonna happen.
• 35:13
  Something about me, Rabbi, I don't know what it was, if it was just nature, if it was just nurture, but I was like, you know what?
• 35:22
  Let me see what this proverbial race car does, if I make myself into a race car, what this race car can do.
• 35:30
  If I don't get it on the track, put the pedal to the metal and try, I'm never gonna know.
• 35:36
  So might as well.
• 35:37
  I may not win, I may not come in first, but I would rather give it my all and see what I can do.
• 35:45
  And I'll tell you the story how I gave it my all.
• 35:48
  I may have come in third, seventh, 114, but at least I did my best and I'm proud of it, and this is what I accomplished.
• 35:59
  And I look at every day, whether I'm writing a book, trying to sell a house, I'm on a TV show, or I'm in my garden planting something new that I have never planted or worked with.
• 36:11
  I always approach everything from that angle.
• 36:16
  Like I want to do really well, I want to try really hard, and I want to hope for the best.
• 36:22
  And in my heart, I believe that if you do it with that intention, that the outcome is going to be a net positive in the end.
• 36:31
  Well, it's inspiring and it's beautiful.
• 36:33
  Reza, I want to thank you so much for your time.
• 36:35
  Thank you so much for being part of our learning community and showing up.
• 36:40
  Everybody, you should get a copy of Reza's book, Memoirs of a Geisha.
• 36:44
  Reza, thank you so much.
• 36:46
  Thank you, Rabbi.
• 36:47
  Well, that's our episode.
• 36:48
  Thanks for listening to Search for Meaning.
• 36:50
  If you enjoyed today's conversation, please like, subscribe, and leave a review.
• 36:55
  It really helps others discover the podcast.
• 36:58
  And consider sharing Search for Meaning with a friend.
• 37:01
  They might appreciate the insights and inspiration found here.
• 37:04
  Special thanks to our producer Amy Shelby, our editor Josh Sterling, and our production coordinator Raz Husseini.
• 37:12
  Our theme song was composed by Maestro David Cates and myself, produced by Kenley Mattis, and features a vocal by cantor Josh Goldberg.
• 37:21
  Stay healthy, stay hopeful, and stay tuned.