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Transcript

I'm Tired of Being Gay Paris Sashay Stand Up Comedy 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get into it.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I am gay.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am gay.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: See y'all were like, she gay.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am gay, but I'm tired.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of being gay, y'all.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of being gay.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I think I'm gonna be straight.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: That was my resolution this year.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just be straight.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like people coming out the closet.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going back in.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Tired of being gay.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's it's not fun no more.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: They just letting anybody be gay.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like gay starting to feel straight, and that's not why I came here.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if y'all know, they letting women with five kids be lesbians.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's crazy.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Five kids?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Are you a lesbian?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Five kids?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Five kids, I don't think you're looking for a girlfriend.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Five kids, I think you're looking for help.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need a girlfriend, bitch.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: You need an aunt.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: They made me to be the boy because I got the haircut.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like it at all.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: They made me the boy.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you got the haircut, get the bill.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, wait a minute, bitch.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: My titties are bigger than yours.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: You the man.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: You got a chest, young man.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: You get the bill and make sure you tip, sir.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Disrespecting me.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Tina pain.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't no man hat to do this.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: This shit is expensive.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: And you're not always guaranteed pussy.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's the crazy thing about it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Being gay made me a better woman.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I realize how selfish women are.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I took this beautiful woman out on a date.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I took her out on a Thursday, first date, right?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I took her out on a Thursday because I didn't want to pay weekend prices.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Took her out on a Thursday, first date.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: The bill came out.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: The bill$475.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I said.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: $475.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when you paying, you can't complain.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta pay.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: If you complain, you look broke, she's gonna text the group chat.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to be a part of that.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: You just pay.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I did.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I slapped my card on the table, I paid.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: And when we left the restaurant, I started walking in front of her so I can get ahead, so I can call the bank.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: So dispute it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: That is not a Thursday for me.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all can check the records.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I've never did nothing like that.
• 2:38
  unknown: Thursday?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: She ain't know that though.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: She ain't know I got my money back, so I take her home, drop her off.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: No sex.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Never felt more like a man in my life.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Fellas, I get in there.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can't even say shit.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta be okay with it.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Damn, bitch, 475?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, pussy, that's crazy.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Not even a little bit.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying you got to, but 475?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Pussy don't cause 475.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I'm saying.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: This is crazy.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I couldn't even get mad.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I sat there for a second, I got high, and I was like, this is karma.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because when I was straight, I too was a selfish bitch.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I called the legs, man.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I went on a date with to apologize.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And let him know I understand.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And to also let him know I was gonna be straight this year.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I owe you some pussy, King.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: I owe it to you.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Before I hit the streets running, you paid for this five years ago.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Which your work I'm a better woman now.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of being gay.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like they tried to make it too straight.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was on TikTok two weeks ago, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it was this video.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And the video said, when you the masculine woman, you supposed to walk on the outside of the sidewalk closer to the street in case a car hit you.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So you supposed to protect this bitch and get hit.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: In case I said, first of all, why would I risk my titties for this bitch?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not your boyfriend.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing that.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even really think men should do it.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you're supposed to walk on the outside, get hit for your lady, die.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: So she can get a new boyfriend.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: And now they at your funeral.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, think look, bro, if it wasn't for you dying, this would have never been my lady.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think gay people should follow that rule.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think so.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think if you gay, y'all should walk in a straight line.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And whoever gets hit, bitch, why wasn't you paying attention?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Just want to be gay in peace.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's no peace.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's no peace.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: They're trying to make it too straight.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know if y'all know, but gay women are now having babies.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like a lot, like at an alarm.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, like at an alarming rate.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like they having babies now.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, remember back in the day, gay, you just get a dog, they'd have complete the family.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: They just get a dog.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: You'd be like, oh, they happy.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Nope, not no more.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like babies, like Carcy Strollers.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's crazy.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was dating this lady, she was 38.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, Paris, I'm getting older now.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm ready to have a baby.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, you should.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like somebody ever told you something and you trying to figure out like what they got to do with you.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like you take it in, you like, yeah, you absolutely should.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But in the back of your mind, you're like, what the fuck are you telling me this for?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: But I stayed in it.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you should.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: You go, girl, your body, your choice.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, no, Paris, I'm telling you, because if I have a baby, I want you to be the partner of my baby.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, that's crazy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, what you think about that?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I don't think about that.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't never thought about no shit like that.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: A baby?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's disgusting.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Here's I never wanted a baby with a man.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want a baby with a lady.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Two periods and papers?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lot of waste.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do that.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's my question.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: What if we break up?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Who's supposed to take care of that baby?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Not me.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I told that bitch get a poodle.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: She don't listen.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: We break up, that's your baby.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you're running.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's my thing, I know me.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I know me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving, right?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: I can see it.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm being honest.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: I can see it now.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: I would be the first dead be dike.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: I can see it.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Be on a t-shirt, throwing the baby with my titties up.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck them kids.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Just won't be gay in peace.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Ain't no peace.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard even being gay when people find out you're gay.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: No matter if they're attractive or not, they try to talk to you.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: They think because you gay, they can talk to you.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Unattractive women try to talk to me.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy to me.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all looking at me right now.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: To me?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: You ever see somebody walking up to you, but you like, they can't come over here.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And like you move your head, like, where the fuck they who behind me?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: What they looking at?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Then you look up and they right here, you're like, oh, this is this is bad.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: An unattractive woman?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not dating an unattractive woman.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna disappoint my mother twice.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Dating, my family, cool if she's beautiful.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: If she's ugly, they like that's they like they don't like gay shit.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: They homophobic.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: If she's ugly, they homophobic.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: If she's cute, they like, alright, we see why you didn't.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Love is love.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously, this won't be gay and peace.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta type.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I figured it out, right?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta type.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of women try to talk to me and they got big breasts.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's not my type.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like big titties.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: I got my own titties.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need no more titties in my life.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good on titties.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's not what I'm meant to.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if y'all ever seen two big titty women hug.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: But when they hug, they go backwards.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: All that titty pressure push you apart.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's not love, that's distance.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love my lady.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: I like small titties.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: I like like a good A-cup B cup.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's my favorite type of titty.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like a good smart titty?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: A good honorable titty.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: My favorite type of titty.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Don't bring them big dumbass titties.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Your stupid titty ass away from me.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Stupid titty.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, y'all big great.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Paris Sachet.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Have a good night.