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Sober Talk SA - Janet · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I have lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
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  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen hope with each other. They must solve their come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues or fees for
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  AIR membership. We are self supporting through
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  our own contributions. AIR is not allied with any SEC
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution,
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is
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  stairsleman help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  My name is Janet and I'm an alcoholic.
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  Thanks to a A I haven't had to pick up a drink of alcohol since
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  1983. By telling my story, I my hope
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  is that someone might hear something they can identify with
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  and think to themselves, OK, it's worked for her, it could
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  work for me. I hear many members at meetings
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  who share that they knew their life was getting difficult, they
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  had relationship problems, money problems, often health issues,
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  difficulties at work, that they didn't know that their
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  consumption of alcohol was behind all these difficulties.
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  They didn't know they were an alcoholic.
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  I was different. By the time I got to a A at age
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  42, I had known I was an alcoholic for several years.
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  At that stage I was married with two children, living in New
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  Zealand. But let me go back to the
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  beginning. I was born in England at the
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  beginning of the Second World War.
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  I'd had no no brothers or sisters.
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  I was an only child and I guess that made me very self centred
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  and I was the only person I had to think about.
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  I had one very good friend at school and I wanted to achieve.
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  I always wanted praise, I always wanted to be told I was doing
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  well. So I was an overachiever
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  academically, not at sports, and I ended up going to university,
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  London University. I was brought up in the country
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  and all I wanted to do was get to the bright lights at the age
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  of 18. I succeeded and off I went on my
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  new adventure and what an adventure that was.
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  I spent a lot of time socialising in the first couple
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  of years at university. It was a big college and I'd
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  gone from a school of 300 pupils to a College of 3000
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  undergraduates and 1000 graduate students, so I was really out of
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  my depth. I found the studies quite
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  difficult, but there were too many distractions anyway and I
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  ended up in a relationship after about a year with a guy who I
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  was later to marry at the age of 20.
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  We got married in those days, it was still the feeling that if
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  you weren't married by the time you were in your early 20s, you
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  were on the shelf for the rest of your life.
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  If you were a woman, of course. And so I thought I'd done the
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  right thing. But really, 220 year olds
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  getting married, we didn't know what what we were letting
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  ourselves in for. But we had a lot of fun in those
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  first years. I managed to get a degree and I
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  got a job and my husband at that stage decided he wanted to go on
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  and study further. So he was a postgraduate student
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  and we lived in London. And as I said, we we had a lot
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  of fun and we didn't have a lot of friends, but we went out for
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  walks every night and ended up at the pub for a beer.
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  I didn't drink a lot. I had been to one or two student
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  parties in my undergraduate days and had drunk so much that I was
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  really hungover and sick and I always thought, well, I'm never
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  going to do that again. Little did I know, after a
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  couple of years, my husband came home from studies one day and he
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  said, I've applied for a job in Hong Kong at the university as
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  an assistant lecturer. I'm fed up with being a student.
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  Six weeks later we were on a plane to Hong Kong.
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  We had no idea what we what we were going to.
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  It was exciting, it was fun. When we got there, there were
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  all sorts of new things to learn, new people to meet.
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  Alcohol was really cheap. The first thing we went we did
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  was bought ourselves some Le Cure glasses and a bottle of
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  Drum Buoy. That was our priority.
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  I got myself a job on a local newspaper.
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  Oh well, it was a very good newspaper.
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  In Hong Kong, it was called the South China Morning Post.
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  I got it by default. I didn't apply for a job as a
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  reporter. I applied for a job as a
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  proofreader and I ended up working at job until I was about
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  6 months pregnant with my first child.
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  At the age of 25 my baby boy was born and I was just ecstatic,
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  so, so happy and life was good. I didn't drink a lot, certainly
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  didn't drink during my pregnancy, mainly because I felt
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  so sick all the time I was pregnant.
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  We came back to, we went back to England for five months.
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  That was part of the deal that the university would send you
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  back home and for five months and I was very proud and took my
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  baby boy with me. And yeah, we had a good time
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  over there, spend a lot of time in pubs.
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  But again, I wasn't drinking that much.
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  Back to Hong Kong. I had I got pregnant again, but
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  that baby died at birth and got pregnant again a few years later
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  and my baby was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at six months.
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  I knew that she needed proper treatment that we couldn't get
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  in Hong Kong and for various other reasons.
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  My husband applied for a job in New Zealand at the University of
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  Canterbury in Christchurch and on the 4th of July 1971 we ended
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  up in Christchurch not knowing anybody.
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  Middle of winter we'd had massive rows, we didn't love
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  each other anymore and my hair was falling out in clumps
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  because I was so depressed. I found it difficult to cope
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  with life on life's terms. I didn't know that that was what
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  was wrong with me. Anyway, somebody suggested after
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  I've been in New Zealand or Christchurch for a few weeks and
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  I couldn't stop crying and my hair was falling out, that I go
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  to the doctor and get some treatment and he gave me some
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  pills which stopped the hair falling out.
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  It didn't make me feel much better and over the next few
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  years I turned to, first of all to food to make me feel better
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  and I hated putting on the weight.
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  So then I took up cigarette smoking so that I could lose the
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  weight. And then I started drinking
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  every day before my husband came home.
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  It wasn't much because I couldn't afford much, but as
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  long as I'd had a couple of glasses of wine or something
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  like that before he came home, I felt I could cope.
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  But to those of you who know anything about alcoholism or
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  addiction of any sort, it doesn't stay at that level.
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  It gets worse. And at the age of 40, I suppose
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  I was 40, I was drinking heavily at parties.
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  Sometimes I couldn't go out with my husband for a dinner party
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  because I was too drunk by the time we left because I always
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  had to have a few drinks to fortify myself before we went
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  out. And our marriage was, well, it
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  wasn't a marriage anymore. It was consisted of rowing every
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  night and I got myself a job full time, which meant that I
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  couldn't drink during the day and and that helped a bit, but
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  it didn't stop the rowing at night.
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  But it did give me alcohol, give me money and I was able to buy
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  alcohol during the day at work. And in 1981, I just didn't go
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  home from work one night and I met, I stayed with friends until
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  I could get my own flat. And of course there was no
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  responsibilities other than getting to work and seeing my
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  kids on the weekends. My drinking really took off and
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  I was drinking before in the mornings before I went to work
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  to stop the shakes and my boss had given me a final warning.
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  And one weekend when it was really bad, I rang a friend
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  who's a social worker or was a social worker at the time and
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  she came over and said Janet, you've got to go to a A and I
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  said no way. But she rang a A for me and two
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  women came round and a couple of nights later to my little flat
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  in the centre of Christchurch. And they told me their stories.
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  But they also told me that I could go to a detox place and
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  spend 3 days there and that seemed to me to be like a great
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  idea. So I ended up in the detox the
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  next day and from there I went to a rehab and I stayed there
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  for three months. I was so, so fortunate to be
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  able to do that because there I was introduced to a A I'd known
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  of a A's existence, but I always knew that in my heart that it
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  would never work for me. I had no idea what it was, what
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  they were going to ask me to do, but I just didn't want to go.
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  And but by the time I got to the rehab, I did want to take
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  advantage of this chance I'd been given because at the end of
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  my drinking, I wanted to die. I hated me, I hated everyone, I
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  hated everything, but I didn't have the courage to try and take
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  my own life. So during, during those three
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  months at the rehab, we, I was introduced to a A and we had a a
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  meetings at the rehab. And after a few weeks, we were
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  taken out in the evenings to meetings in the city.
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  And the two things that I I know that were ingrained into me at
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  that rehab was that I was not a weak person.
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  It was not weak will that forced me to drink every day.
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  I have an addiction. I have an illness.
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  And at first I thought that was just a con job and they were
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  just kidding me. But I came to believe it was
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  true, and I believe it to be true now.
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  I have a physical allergy and a mental addiction to this
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  substance, alcohol. And the second thing was that
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  they said, you don't say I will never drink again.
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  You say just for today, just for 24 hours, I won't pick up.
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  And that helped enormously too. The desire to drink did not
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  leave me straight away. I came out of that rehab and I
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  was very fortunate that the company I had been working for
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  gave me another job, a different job, much less well paid, with a
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  lot less responsibility, which was great.
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  And I went to work every day and I went to meetings in the
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  evening and alternate weekends. My daughter, the younger child
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  who has cerebral palsy, came to stay with me and I kept that up.
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  I got into a really good group of a A members who was strong
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  and we supported each other. And although I wasn't happy and
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  I didn't find it easy, it was a consistent way of life and it
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  was a disciplined way of life. And I certainly hadn't had much
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  discipline in my life for a number of years.
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  They said to me, don't get into a relationship for two years.
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  Well, I met this guy in the meetings.
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  I'd seen him and I'd heard him share.
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  And after two years we got together and I moved in with him
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  and we both went to a A and I was really happy.
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  He was happy. My daughter was at boarding
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  school at that time, but she came and stayed with us and
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  whenever she could on the weekends and for part of the
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  school holidays and it was great.
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  It was so good that we thought that we could do it without a A.
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  So after four years of going to a A meetings, I stopped going
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  and so did my the man that I had met in a A.
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  We were married by this time, so neither of us went to a A.
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  And for eight years I didn't drink and didn't go to meetings.
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  And life gradually got more and more difficult.
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  And I didn't know why it was getting more difficult, but
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  through the grace of a higher power that I come to believe in,
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  because when I came into AAI, didn't believe in God and was
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  very reluctant to use the word God or even have a faith in
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  anything. I had come to believe in a
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  higher power by this stage and through that I believe the
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  intervention of that higher power.
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  I came back to a A in October 94 and I knew as soon as I sat down
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  in that meeting that I had been short changing myself.
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  I had been missing this program which had helped me for four
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  years to live life on life's terms.
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  I had been missing the fellowship, I had been missing
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  the friendship and the caring. And even though I had a husband
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  and a family, it wasn't enough for me.
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  It isn't enough for me. I am an alcoholic and I need a A
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  and the programme of A, A and the 12 steps.
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  And so I've haven't stopped coming to meetings ever since
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  that date, October 1994. My husband, who was 13 years
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  older than me, died in 2001. He came back to AA also before
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  he died, which was great. And after a few years I went to
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  Australia on a holiday and met up with some AA friends over
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  there and met a really nice guy called Sid.
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  And few years later I moved over to be with him in Australia and
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  that was a new adventure for me. We both had left a A and come
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  back and we both had so much in common, even though he was an
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  Australian and I'm English living in New Zealand and I call
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  myself a Kiwi. But we just had a wonderful time
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  together and going away in the caravan every year up to the
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  Northern Territories to do the round UPS.
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  Made so many friends in the fellowship of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous in Australia going to the conventions.
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  We always came back to New Zealand to do the New Zealand
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  convention in January and we did the Australian convention in
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  Easter every year that we could and it was a great life.
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  And unfortunately he died in 2017 and I came back to live in
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  New Zealand to be closer to my daughter who's was needing me at
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  that time in particular. And I've lived in Christchurch
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  ever since And up until the last two years I was travelling back
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  to Australia quite frequently. I've kept in touch with my A, A
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  friends, A, A has given me a chance at a wonderful life.
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  And all I had to do was just follow a few simple suggestions.
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  They seemed really hard at the beginning, but they weren't
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  really. They're very simple.
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  Sometimes they're not easy, but it's a way of life that helps me
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  to cope with life on life's terms.
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  A A doesn't say. We will protect you from all the
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  blows of life, deaths and disappointments and illnesses
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  and whatever else happens. But it does say we will give you
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  a program so that you can deal with those things and that you
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  will not be overwhelmed. I was lucky enough to have very
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  good sponsors in a A and I still have a sponsor.
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  A sponsor is somebody that you ring up and if you've got a big
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  problem, you can run it past them.
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  Even if you've been around a few years, like I have things still,
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  I still get great ideas and I think I wonder if that's really
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  a good idea. Running it past somebody else
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  who knows you well is a much better idea than just going
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  ahead like a bull in a China shop, which is what I used to do
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  and get myself into quite a lot of difficulties.
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  Life is good. In spite of the last two years
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  of not being able to travel to Australia and also only having
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  Zoom meetings and at times and Zoom conventions, it's still a
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  great life and I wouldn't swap it for anything.
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  If you are listening to this and you wonder if you could use this
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  program to help you, I would said please give it a go.
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  Go to six meetings, see how you get on.
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  I believe that you will find the fellowship of a A to be a
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  wonderful way of life. Don't give up before the
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  miracles happen. That's what they told me and
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  they certainly did happen to me. Thank you for listening and God
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  bless you all. We have local meetings for the
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  full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
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  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
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  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
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  8:00. There's a meeting at Devon Park
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  at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
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  and many of the meetings in the area.
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  For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
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  double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
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  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
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  Anonymous on 1300 double 22222. The website isaasa.org dot AU.