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YOUR BOARD OF DIRECTORS · The Karen Kenney Show

0:01
Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm so happy to be here
0:05
with you this morning, and I am recording this sucker like
0:09
bright and early.
0:12
This might be my first time ever recording a suck a leg as soon
0:16
as I get up in the morning. So this is kind of fun. I love
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having a new experience. We're just going to dive right into
0:23
this. I'm calling this sucker like your board of directors.
0:28
And the idea came from I have a friend who runs, I don't even
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want to say a program, but she she has a lot of different
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aspects to her business, and one of them requires that she has a
0:43
board of directors. And I remember when I first met her,
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and we were talking about all the different things she does,
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and she kept saying, the Board of Directors, the board of
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directors. And I'm like, What? What do you mean? Like, you have
0:55
a board of directors. And because I've never been in like,
0:59
corporate world. I don't think I've ever worked for a nonprofit
1:03
or whatever. I'm fascinated by this idea of a board of
1:07
directors. Now, a board of directors normally, and I had to
1:12
look this up because I'm like, I don't know what I'm talking
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about when it comes to corporate but basically a board of
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directors when it comes to business and you know, all that
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stuff. What they do these people is they provide high level
1:25
oversight of a company. So they hire and evaluate the CEO, they
1:30
look out for, obviously, the shareholder interest. They
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approve, right? They have to, you have to go to them to
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approve, like, if you have strategic goals and your
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budgets, and they set policies, and they basically make sure
1:43
that the organization isn't doing anything illegal. They try
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to have financial compliance, ethical, you know, compliance,
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all those things, so they aren't involved in, like, the day to
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day, like on the ground operations, but they kind of
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like oversee. They're like an oversight board, and they
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provide guidance, and they, you know, try to make sure that the
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company is running well, and then it has its long term best
2:10
interests. It's hot, okay? So, like, that's kind of what they
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do. So their key responsibilities are things like
2:17
representing the shareholders, compliance, risk management,
2:19
financial oversight, executive leadership and strategic
2:22
direction, blah blah blah. And I was like, Okay, that's cool. I
2:25
understand how that works for a business, especially like a big
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corporation that has a wicked lot of, you know,
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employees and people that they have to answer to and blah, blah
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blah. But then I was thinking about how cool it would be to
2:42
have a personal board of directors. And I realized kind
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of how I already have a personal board of directors. Now, if
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you've ever listened to this show for any length of time, or
2:54
you follow me on social media, you've been to my events or
2:57
worked with me, blah, blah, blah, if you're in the nest, or
2:59
did you know one to one mentoring. You have heard me
3:02
talk about your spiritual team. You'll hear me say, s t o t j,
3:08
spiritual team on the job, right? I always stick my hand up
3:11
and I go, s t o t j,
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and I believe that my spiritual team has saved my ass more than
3:17
once. But when I and if you don't know what I'm talking
3:20
about with the spiritual team. You can go and, like, look up
3:23
that episode, or go to my website and get the freebie.
3:26
Like, download about, like, spiritual teams, and how to
3:29
build your spiritual team. But your spiritual team can be made
3:33
up of people, both living and dead. It can be made up of
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mythological people. It can be made up of animals. It can be
3:40
made up of your ancestors. It can be made up of fictional,
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fictional characters, like playing a role, you know, it's
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like, it's, it's a lot more kind of broad in its scope, and it's
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more, I think of it like they're my they are part of my internal
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guidance system, right? And that's fantastic, and it's
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amazing. And like I said, it has helped me all throughout my
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life, when I'm talking about a personal board of directors,
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though this involves like people who are actually alive.
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Now, remember, people can be alive and be on your spiritual
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team, but this is only made up of people who are like real in
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the world, like human you can communicate with them or
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whatever. And when I was thinking about this, I thought,
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how, how cool is it to have like people, let me just kind of like
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break it down how I think about a personal board of directors as
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opposed to an executive, like a professional, like in your
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career kind of life. So a personal board of directors is
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more like a group of people that you curate, that you choose, and
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I'll kind of break down.
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What I think is helpful to have, and like, kind of how this
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works. If this interests you, and you might realize all along,
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like that you kind of already have this kind of thing going
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on. You just might call it something different, you know
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what I mean. So it's like a curated group of, like, your
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mentors, your advises and peers who provide for you certain
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things, like they might provide provide to you like just built
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in accountability. They might provide for you guidance on
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particular things, right? They might provide for you diverse
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perspectives on a thing, but they help you to navigate your
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personal life, and, of course, that you can also enlist them to
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help you navigate your professional life. But unlike
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like a corporate board, what this is is more for like when
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you're trying to make a decision, or you're on a
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personal growth journey or a transformational like journey,
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and some of the elements, though, that are really key
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here, and I'm going to break those down in a minute.
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But we want, like I said, we want this. And if you don't like
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the word, I should say that if you don't like the term, like,
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board of directors. I also wrote down some others. I'm like, you
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could call them your board of trustees. You could call them
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your executive board. You can call them, your governing
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committee, your supervisory board, whatever you want to call
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it. Come up with a fun name. I really love naming things, so
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I'm like, come up with a name that like really works for you.
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A lot of times, the people who I would consider on my personal
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board of directors, I'll often say to them, I want to ping pong
6:41
some things with you, right? I want to, I want to brainstorm a
6:44
couple of things with you. I have this idea. This is what I'm
6:47
thinking, and I would love your perspective. And that's really
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what I'm personally looking for, is a broader perspective on a
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thing. And this is why, when you choose, and I wrote down some
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things here about what I think is really important. And you
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know, when I when I Googled this concept of like a personal board
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of directors,
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here's some of the things that I'll just tell you. The Internet
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said, right that your who should be on your personal board. They
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say things like this, this should be diversity, like you
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want to seek out people with a wide range of backgrounds. You
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want them to have diverse roles, so that they can fill different
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elements or functions within your life. And then I thought
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these were kind of cute. They said they suggested having a
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chair, right? Somebody who's who holds the chair, the chair of
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values. So this is someone who helps you to stay true to your
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ethical principles. And it's interesting, because in the
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nest, my group mentoring program like I have these kind of 12
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modules, and one of them is called your big three, and it's
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about your three big core values. And of course, you can
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have more core values, but we kind of stop with those three
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that really kind of anchor you and help you to stay true to
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like who you are and who you want to be in the world. So I
8:05
really appreciated this one. And then they said the CFO of
8:08
energy. I thought this was really interesting, a steward of
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your time, your health and your emotional energy. So you're
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starting to see how the people on your board of directors might
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fulfill different roles, right? And then you have a strategy
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director. This is someone who is a very strategic thinker, and
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they help you to define your long term goals and then stay on
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track with those suckers, right? And then there's the risk
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officer of growth. And this is someone who helps you to assess
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like potential pitfalls when you're starting a new venture or
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doing a new, big and exciting thing, or you're thinking about
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taking on, you know, risk of some kind, and then it's like
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your accountability partner, and this is a trusted peer or
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confident who holds you accountable for your actions. So
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you can see how it could look different, and it could be kind
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of fun when you're doing this. Now, you might be somebody who
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says, well, I already have that kind of built into my life. And
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I'm like, if you do that's amazing. I have this built into
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my life. I basically like my board of directors. Number one
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is me.
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I'm the head honcho, right? Call that the C I don't really relate
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to language like the CEO, but maybe that's the language you
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you like, but like, I'm I'm the head honcho, like, I'm the one
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in charge, right? Of things, and yes, I will always draw upon my
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internal teacher. Like, that's a part of me, right? That divine
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intelligence, whether you call it spirit, Holy Spirit. Some
9:41
people might call it. I call it internal teacher. In a teacher.
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Some people might also call it your intuition, your instinct,
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whatever, all of that already resides within me as the head
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honcho. You know what I mean. But then if you're going to
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build your personal board, you know, here are some of the
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things that.
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That I that I would recommend, or that I look for in my own
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experience, because, again, that's the only thing I can
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really talk about with any sort of intelligence. Or, you know,
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proof of like, real like, firsthand, Real Deal experience
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is that, like, first of all, I'm looking for people that have
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diverse experience, who have diverse talents, that they're
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just diverse in their perspectives, right? It's like,
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and this could be like all kinds of things. They come from
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different backgrounds. They come from different points of view.
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Somebody might be male, female, gay, straight, in corporate
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right, or somebody who's always just been like an employee, or
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somebody who like whatever it is, like, I like to have people
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that can come at things from a slightly different point of
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view. I kind of think of it like this Kaleidos Kaleidoscope
10:54
effect. And now, one of the key points with that, though, is
10:58
that if you're getting people who are going to give you a
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bunch of different advice, for some people that can feel a
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little overwhelming to you and your nervous system, it can feel
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like, oh, everybody's saying all these different things. So we
11:12
want to be mindful about that. When I say diverse, it doesn't
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also mean that you want to over complicate it and get
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overwhelmed. Okay, so here are the some of the things that I
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use to build I would use to build a personal board of
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directors. Number one, they're elected by you, like you choose
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these suckers, right? Because sometimes we can have people in
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our life who try to give us advice without us even asking.
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Oh, just grabbing my face. You know, people who will just offer
11:46
up what they think you should do, and you're in your brain is
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going, I don't remember even asking you, but okay, like
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whatever you know, and look, I'm sure I do it too. We just like
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to be helpful. And sometimes we hear somebody's in a conflict or
12:00
going through something, and you unsolicited advice, or you start
12:04
coaching them, and whatever, I try to be really mindful of
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that. I'm sure sometimes some, some, you know, some shit slips
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through my mouth, and I'm like, oh. And then later I realized, I
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don't think you were actually asking me for my opinion, but we
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do our best. But number one, we want them to be elected by you.
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Now, of course, they have to be willing to be on your board of
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directors, right and and you can even ask them. You can just say,
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Hey, I would love to include you, like, kind of make it
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official. I think there's something really cool about
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that. And I think even just asking them, they'll feel
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probably, I don't know if I want to say flathead, but they'll be
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feel honored. They'll be like, Oh, thank you so much. And what
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we're doing is, when we ask these people, don't ask your
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average for your knucklehead. You know what I mean? Like,
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don't ask. Like, be choosy. Like, be particular, right? So
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we want to, like, choose people where we that there's something
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about their character. There's something about their
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the qualities they possess, and there's something about their
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experience, right, their lived experience that you admire.
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That's number one. You elect them. They have to be willing to
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do it, but you're choosing them based on these qualities of
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character
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and experience, lived experience that you admire. Okay, this one,
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this next one, number two, is wicked important. First of all,
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you have to trust them. It has to be a relationship that is
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kind of like built in this place of trust in the trust is what's
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going to allow for safety. And when there's trust in safety,
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and that can look like a feeling of like all parts of you are
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welcome. All parts of you are welcome in your relationship
13:53
with them, right that you have a sense of of trust that they're
13:57
not going to try to hurt you, harm you, belittle you, you
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know, whatever, and that allows you and your nervous system to
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experience some sort of safety. Why that's important is, is
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because that allows you to show up with an open mind in with
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your dukes down, right? You don't have your defenses up. As
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soon as the defenses go up and the critical right, the critical
14:18
voice comes online because you don't feel safe, then creativity
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goes out the window, right? So we want to be able to stay in a
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place where you're open and you're creative and you're
14:30
curious, and trust and safety are a big part of that, okay?
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For me, I would also look for mutual respect, meaning, not
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only do you respect them, because it can be really easy to
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give your power away and put people up on a pedestal and be
14:45
like, Oh, they're the almighty knowing guru. Like they're
14:49
they're the like, you know, they know everything, and you just
14:51
kind of give away your power. And I never want you to do that,
14:56
because I want you to be able to retain the ability.
15:00
Kind of to, you
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know, reject advice if it's not like in alignment with you or
15:07
your values, right, and stuff like that, you don't want to.
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You want the respect to flow both ways that you respect them
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and that you're highly aware that they also respect you and
15:19
your your agency, your autonomy, your sovereignty, your
15:23
authorship, your ability to make good decisions. So we want
15:26
mutual respect. That really is a big deal, because if there's
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somebody that we respect but we feel like they don't respect us,
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then the way they talk to us, the way they treat us, in the
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long run, it could lead to it
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could lead to feelings of like shame and blame and guilt and
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all kinds of weird shit that we don't want to
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do. Okay. Number four, for me, I want there to be a foundation of
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familiarity. I want people who already really get me to the
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best of their ability, right, who understand me and who
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understand my goals, my vision, my dream, what I'm trying to
16:03
accomplish. I don't want to have to explain myself or give like
16:08
an hour of backstory every time I talk to them. I want them to
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kind of already know where I'm coming from, where I came from,
16:15
like, who I am, what matters to me, so that you know, like, for
16:21
example, let's just say I, I'm totally pulling this out of my
16:24
and making this up. But, you know, being, being a vegan for
16:28
like 25 years, like loving animals, you know, respecting
16:33
animals rights, never wanting to harm them. If somebody doesn't
16:37
know that about me, if they don't know how what a big part
16:40
of my life. Animals are or whatever, you know, they might
16:43
make some I'm again, making this up, but they might make some
16:46
recommendations. And in my brain, I would just be like, you
16:50
know, I'm not going to go to that rodeo, you know, I'm not
16:53
going to go to that pig roast to network, you know, I wouldn't go
16:56
and, like, buy this leather, X, Y, like, whatever the thing is,
17:00
right?
17:02
And so you want people to least really get the core basics of
17:07
like, who you are and what matters, you know what I mean,
17:10
so a foundation of familiarity. And like I said, that was just
17:14
like a random example, but you want them to understand you and
17:18
the way that you tend to think and the way that you tend to
17:20
process. And are you somebody who's not a risk taker? Are you
17:24
somebody who kind of does things a little fast and furious, and
17:28
you know, need to, sometimes need to be reined in, right?
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Like we want them to, kind of like, know us. So Familiarity is
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important, but familiarity without contempt, not so much
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familiarity that they've put you in a box, which can happen a lot
17:44
with family members and siblings and people you came up with,
17:48
right? They're too familiar with you, and so they're not able to
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see you as the person you have grown to become, and are still
17:56
becoming so familiarity, but without contempt. Okay, that's
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an important thing. Also genuine care. So this is number five,
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alright? So genuine care for you, you want people who
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actually want you to succeed in life. Want you to succeed in
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your relationships, in your friendships, in your business,
18:18
in your marriage. You know what I mean, in your in your craft,
18:22
whether you're a musician or a writer or a dancer or a speaker
18:25
or a whatever you do, right? You want people as a coach, right?
18:31
You want people who want you to actually succeed, that there's
18:34
not this weird competition, that there's not this like weird envy
18:39
or jealousy that kind of puts a cog in the wheel and that can
18:43
feel sometimes like, Oh, now they're starting to give me
18:46
advice. It just feels like
18:50
or just making off handed comments or backhanded
18:53
compliments or whatever, if that energy starts to get like,
18:57
weird, right, then trust and safety go like, goes out the
19:00
window and it's going to be like No, no. So you want people who
19:05
are confident enough in their own success and in who they are
19:10
that they don't get weird about seeing their friends shine or
19:14
seeing their friends grow, or seeing their friends have
19:16
success, whether it's personal or professional. We want
19:19
somebody people who genuinely care about us. We also want
19:24
number six like to understand communication styles. We want to
19:29
have people that give feedback right, that can give feedback to
19:34
us in a way that we can actually hear. We want people who know
19:38
how to give loving feedback, who know how to lead with your
19:41
strengths? Yes, there's always going to come a time when it
19:45
might be like, hey, and, you know, there's a big difference
19:48
between saying, Well, you shouldn't have done that, like
19:50
that was stupid,
19:54
versus, have you considered, you know, I was thinking about this
19:59
and I got.
20:00
Curious about this, what do you think? Or whatever? Right? Their
20:03
communication styles. Now, personally, sometimes I like, I
20:07
really love compassionate, loving feedback, and I also want
20:13
people who sometimes get to the point who are direct, and I call
20:16
it loving but firm, right? Like I can do well with loving but
20:21
firm, because there's a part of me that's like, Don't fucking
20:24
tiptoe around this, right? Like, tell me what you're thinking. I
20:26
want to know what you're thinking. Like, don't be mean.
20:29
Don't be mean. Watch a tone of voice, because for with me, it's
20:32
not always necessarily what you say, it's how you say it, right?
20:36
I know sometimes people have to say difficult or tough things to
20:40
us. But if I know that there's already trust and safety, if I
20:44
know that you respect me, if I know that you get me and my
20:47
story and my backstory and who I am and where I'm coming from,
20:50
and you genuinely care about me, then I can hear pretty much
20:53
anything. You know what I'm saying. So we want people who
20:57
have communication styles that jive with us, that work with us,
21:00
you know what I mean? And then here's another thing, and this
21:03
is kind of like on you. This is number seven. Is responsibility
21:07
and preparation. If you are going to ask people to give you
21:11
some of their precious time, you know, time is a commodity, like
21:15
time and attention is a really big deal. So for me, if I'm
21:21
going to ask somebody to hop on a zoom, like, so I can ping pong
21:24
something off of them, or I can brainstorm or to Vox something
21:28
out with me, which I often do with one of my board of
21:31
directors, right? Or somebody on who's on my board of directors,
21:35
I'm not going to waste anybody's time. Like, don't waste
21:38
anybody's fucking time today. You know what I mean? Like, show
21:40
up, prepared. Show up, prepared. And say, like, yeah, these are
21:43
the three things I want to talk about. I just want to get your
21:46
you know, your point of view, your reflection, your feedback,
21:49
your thoughts, whatever it is, like, just don't waste people's
21:52
time so it because here's what it is, if it's important enough
21:56
for you to try and use their time, it better be important
21:59
enough to you that you sat down and got your work done, that you
22:02
prepared, you know, that you showed up and like, you're ready
22:04
to go.
22:06
And so these are, like, kind of the basics. And look, I could
22:09
probably name like another five or six or whatever, but this is
22:13
kind of like the hot beat of it. And I'm going to just re say
22:15
them quickly to you. Number one, they're elected by you,
22:18
obviously, with their willingness to participate,
22:21
right? You're looking for people with characters and qualities
22:24
and experience that you admire. Number two, that this trust and
22:28
safety between the two of you, so that you and your nervous
22:31
system can fully show up in a relaxed calm. You know with
22:34
clarity, with confidence, you know with curiosity, that you're
22:38
not going into it defensive with your dukes up in fear, with that
22:42
critical voice, like, you know, talking really loud in your
22:44
head. Mutual respect. That flows both ways. I think that's a
22:48
given. A foundation of familiarity is number four,
22:52
right? So number one, elected by you. Number two, trust and
22:55
safety. Number three, mutual respect. Number four, foundation
22:57
of familiarity, they understand you. They understand your goals
23:00
and your vision and kind of what you're doing. Number five, there
23:03
is genuine care between you. There's no weird competition or
23:06
jealousy. These are people who cheerlead you, who want you to
23:10
succeed. They believe in you. You know what I mean? They think
23:13
you're the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas. Six,
23:16
communication styles. They're not going to come at you fast
23:19
and furious and make you kind of like, shrink up and go, Oh no,
23:22
right? And you can actually, like, talk about this, like, Hey
23:26
guys, just so you know, the way that I tend to receive
23:28
information, I can be a little sensitive, you know, I prefer to
23:32
hear things like this way, because I want to hear what you
23:35
have to say, but I want to hear it in a way that I can hear it.
23:38
And number seven, your own responsibility and preparation.
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If you're going to ask for people's time, don't waste their
23:44
time. Don't waste your time, right? If it matters to you,
23:47
make it matter. You know what I'm saying.
23:50
Something else to to remember is that
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you can appoint these people and you can retire these people. You
24:01
know, if you're like, it doesn't feel like a great fit anymore,
24:04
or I'm kind of moving in this direction, or maybe the
24:07
relationship kind of falls apart, or things get weird. And
24:10
then you can also reappoint them, like, let's say, later
24:12
down the road, you're like, oh yeah. Like, I want to bring them
24:14
back on board. Now, remember, they have to be willing, like,
24:17
to do this as well. So we want a good, diverse range of
24:22
experience, of talent, of perspectives, of just even human
24:27
beings, that maybe they come from different like, you know,
24:30
walks of life. And I know for myself, I don't really go
24:34
seeking a lot of advice, you know, I tend to be like, I
24:40
always say like, first, the first quote, unquote person, the
24:43
first thing I talk to, the first being I talk to is, is God, is
24:47
the universe is, you know, the highest intelligence,
24:50
intelligence that it is. And I say things like, please help me
24:53
to get out of my own way.
24:56
Please help me to hear any divine guidance that is trying
24:59
to come through me.
25:00
And I really kind of sit for me, that's the first thing, is
25:03
spiritual direction, spiritual mentorship. That's where I go
25:07
first. And then I talk to myself like, I trust myself. I trust my
25:11
inner teacher. I trust my instinct. But there are times
25:15
when I'm like, I'm not sure, because sometimes when you maybe
25:20
want something really bad, or you're really, like, focused on
25:25
a certain timeline, or whatever you're you kind of put on
25:28
blinders, right? You end up having a blind spot. And
25:31
sometimes we have a blind spot to the actual thing that we're
25:34
trying to build. But sometimes we have a blind spot to our own
25:38
bullshit and like, the ways that maybe we're not dreaming. Like,
25:41
for me, one of the things I often need help with is allowing
25:45
myself to dream bigger. Sometimes I don't dream big
25:48
enough, right? Like, sometimes I'll put a little kibosh on my
25:52
own. Not so much momentum, but like, what I think is possible,
25:56
which is really interesting, because for other people, I just
25:59
think everything is possible. Like, oh my god, you know, like,
26:03
Oh my God, there's so much capacity and potential and the
26:06
miraculous and like, anything could happen. The universe is
26:09
conspiring in our favor and then sometimes towards myself, I
26:14
shrink it down a little bit. So that's a muscle I've been trying
26:17
to grow for, like, a long time, and my board of directors really
26:21
helps me. They'll remind me when I say, Well, if this happens,
26:25
they say, not if, when, right? My best friend Katie, who's on
26:27
my board of directors, she always is saying to me, it's not
26:30
if, it's when. And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I gotta watch that
26:33
language. I gotta watch that language. You know what I mean.
26:35
So
26:37
we want people who are going to help us in the ways where we
26:43
might get in our own way, and we sometimes will, again, not think
26:49
big enough, or sometimes we're thinking way too big, and we
26:51
need somebody to say, hey, let's slow down. Let's take like,
26:55
let's plan this out. Like, let's, let's take this like,
26:58
step one, step two, step three. And, you know, and that's the
27:01
thing you want, like, really, like, maybe, like, big dreamers.
27:05
And then you want somebody who's a little more practical, and you
27:08
want somebody who's really good at looking at the numbers, and
27:11
you want somebody who's really good at looking, like, at the
27:14
your own emotional capacity, like, reminding you, like, Hey,
27:19
you have a pretty busy schedule. Is this really the month to try
27:23
and, like, do all the things right? And, like, start a new
27:26
thing, and stop a habit and start a new habit, and go back
27:30
to the gym and do all this when you've got X, Y and Z? Because
27:34
sometimes we just, you know, God bless us. Sometimes we just need
27:39
a little help.
27:42
I know this to be true, because I wouldn't be in business if
27:44
people didn't need help, right? I wouldn't be in the spiritual
27:47
mentoring and the coaching and the, you know, quote, unquote,
27:50
helping business, you know, in the service business if people
27:53
didn't need help. And I just think having this in your own
27:57
personal life could be really cool. And I think there's
28:00
something really fun about sitting down, because you know
28:03
why you get to sit down and really reflect on the people
28:06
that you're surrounding yourselves with. You get to sit
28:10
down and take a gander, take a good look around, and it allows
28:16
you to have How do I say this? Moments of appreciation, deep,
28:22
deep moments of gratitude, kind of moments of wonder and awe.
28:27
You get to look around and be like, Wow, I know some pretty
28:30
incredible human beings. I know some people with some talents
28:34
and strengths that I don't have. I have people also. You get to
28:38
see that you have people in your corner, people who believe in
28:41
you, people who love you, people who want to help you succeed.
28:45
It's a beautiful, beautiful practice, and even if you don't
28:47
take it so far as to make it official, and, you know, make it
28:52
like, oh, yeah, this is my board of directors. And do you want to
28:55
be on my board of directors? You don't like, you know, some
28:57
people might be like, that's awkward,
29:00
you know, can I just go to them for advice? I'm like, Yeah, but
29:03
this is just kind of a fun way to stop and reflect on some of
29:09
the incredible humans in your life, and even if you don't like
29:13
again, make it official, maybe what you could do is when you
29:16
recognize these beautiful human beings, these help is these
29:20
people who care for you and create trust and safety in your
29:24
life and provide a level of care and a strong foundation for you
29:29
to stand on and launch yourself from like from their love. And
29:32
that's the thing, you know, I think about the thing that Mr.
29:34
Rogers says he's like, you know, we've all had people who have
29:37
loved us. We have someone who has loved us into being. And
29:40
this is what I think about your board of directors, like as they
29:43
have, these are often people who have, throughout our life, loved
29:47
us into being. And even if you don't make them official, board
29:51
members, maybe send them a little thank you note like,
29:53
literally your own handwriting, like write out a card, send it
29:57
in the mail and let them know that they.
30:00
Had an impact on your life, and maybe you want to make it
30:03
official. Like, I kind of think of it like I did an episode a
30:07
wicked, long time ago called, like, who's at your table? And I
30:10
was talking about, you know, King Arthur and the Knights of
30:14
the Round Table, and who has a seat at your table? Like, who do
30:17
you trust? That's kind of like what the board of directors are.
30:20
And that's how I would think of it is more like the Knights of
30:23
the Round Table, like, who has a seat at my table and I get off
30:27
the top of my head, I can already tell you, like, I know
30:29
who my board of directors are. I know who my Knights of the Round
30:33
Table are. That's how I like to look at it, because I'm a little
30:36
geeky, and I love Merlin, I love magic, and I love the whole
30:40
thing.
30:41
So, like I said, you get to make it your own. Call it whatever
30:44
you want to call it. And I just, whenever I think about this, I
30:48
have deep gratitude for the people in my life who love me
30:52
and see me and get me, and I can just box them and say, Hey, I
30:55
have an idea. Can I bounce this off of you? Or, Hey, can you
30:59
ping pong this back to me, like, Am I seeing this correctly? Or
31:02
where am I? Where do I have a blind spot? Or where am I
31:05
getting in my own way? And I'm so blessed to have, you know, a
31:09
few people that I really, really, really trust, and I know
31:13
that when something good happens for me, they genuinely
31:17
celebrate, like, genuinely celebrate. They're happy for me,
31:22
you know? And that's like a that's like a rare thing, you
31:26
guys, yeah, you can often get it, not always, not always. Do
31:31
you get it from your family members, or if your parents are
31:34
still alive, right? Whatever, especially if you grew up in a
31:37
house where to shine meant that other people felt like they were
31:40
in your shadow. So they're not into that, right? You know what
31:43
I mean? A lot of times, people don't want you to get too,
31:46
quote, unquote big for your britches. They don't want you
31:48
Who do you think you are, right? They don't want to celebrate
31:51
your success. Your personal growth is a threat to them,
31:56
right? They take, they take it as almost like an affront to
31:59
them, like, they take it like, like, like you just doing well,
32:03
feels like a judgment to them. Like you stop or start doing a
32:06
thing. They take it personally. It's like, this isn't about you,
32:09
right? It's not about a commentary on you. This is about
32:12
me and what I'm trying to create. You know what I mean?
32:15
But remember, you're the head honcho, you're the CEO, you're
32:19
at the head of the table, right? Like, this is your board of
32:22
directors. So again, you can appoint you can retire, you can
32:26
reappoint people. You can change it up. And you might have people
32:30
that you go to. You might have people that you go to for just
32:34
specific things. Because you're like, this is their area of
32:37
expertise. It's like, oh yeah, this is the person
32:41
that I talk to, you know, when I know I'm getting in my own way,
32:46
when I need a little kick in the ass, you know, loving but firm.
32:49
You know what I mean? I talk about my spiritual team, and how
32:52
there's, like, a couple of what I call ass kick is on my
32:55
spiritual team. So there are certain people that you know are
32:59
going to give it to you straight now, here's the tricky part.
33:03
This is one caveat. This is something that where you really
33:06
have to know yourself. I see this a lot in groups of friends,
33:13
right? What you don't want is to have a lot of yes people, right?
33:18
Quote, unquote, yes people you don't want, people like, how do
33:23
I say this? I know people who might be doing something in
33:29
their life,
33:31
and whether it's an actual physical action or a thought
33:35
process that they're having when they're really in their victim
33:38
loop, or they're shaming and blaming other people, making it
33:42
like they are just not. This is what I call refusing to accept
33:45
responsibility for your own experience, in your own, you
33:48
know, life, in how you're responding to the world. And a
33:51
lot of times, what they'll do is they already have particular
33:55
feedback that they want to receive. They already have an
33:57
outcome in mind. And they're not actually looking for diverse
34:01
perspectives. They're not looking for any pushback, any
34:04
follow up questions, any feedback. They just want to go
34:09
to that group of people, right? I can just say this from a
34:14
perspective of
34:17
I've seen groups of women who like get together with their
34:21
wine, and this is not I'm not judging. I'm just giving an
34:24
example. It's an observation, right? They get together with
34:27
their wine and all they do is bitch and moan about their
34:29
partners, their husbands, their Sweeties, their whatever it is,
34:33
and it's just like, Yeah, you're right. He shouldn't do that.
34:36
Yeah, you're right. She was wrong to do that to you. Yes,
34:38
yes, yes, yes, you're right, you're right, you're right. I'm
34:42
not interested in that. That to me, like I always say, that's
34:44
not interesting to me. I want people who are going to help me
34:48
to actually grow, who are going to help me to like, shift my
34:52
perspective right, from fear to love, people who are going to
34:56
help me to expand my idea of what's possible. So.
35:00
To as I say, we have to be willing to own both our
35:03
brilliance and our bullshit, and I want people who can lovingly
35:07
point out to me my bullshit sometimes. So we don't want a
35:11
group of people who are just going to say, like, yes, you're
35:13
right. Yes, don't I'm like, don't agree with me. Don't agree
35:16
with me if I'm wrong, right. Don't agree with me if I'm being
35:19
a dick, don't agree with me, if I'm being selfish or short
35:22
sighted, or I'm cutting myself off at the knees, like no, I
35:25
don't want a bunch of yes people. I want people who are
35:30
confident enough in their own point of view to offer me a
35:35
different way of seeing myself, the other person or people the
35:41
situation, you know what I mean. So, yeah, I hope, I hope this
35:47
has been helpful in some way. If you do decide to create your own
35:53
little board of directors, your own little, from my point of
35:57
view, Knights of the Round Table, like, who has a seat at
35:59
your table? I would love to know, I think it's really
36:02
fantastic, and I just know for myself having the that little
36:06
handful of like, really trusted advisers, people who I think are
36:12
genuine, and people who I think are wicked smart. And I always
36:16
say when smarty pants people are saying smarty pants things, I am
36:21
smart enough to listen, and it doesn't mean that you have to do
36:27
what they tell you to do. This is more about gathering
36:30
perspective so that you can decide what the next right,
36:35
smallest step is. Sometimes it's a big step, maybe it's the next
36:39
right big step. But for me, it's about going. It's more about
36:44
like, and especially the kind of person that I am. And this
36:48
might, I'm sharing this because it might relate in resonate with
36:51
you too.
36:53
Sometimes I'm like,
36:55
I think this is what I want to do. There's like, A, and there's
36:59
B, and sometimes there's a, b, c, right? Or 123,
37:02
and I will share with somebody else, and they'll say, I think
37:08
this is what I would do if I was in your shoes, or I think this
37:11
is what you should do, right? We try not to use the word should,
37:13
but you know what I'm saying, if it were me, this is what I would
37:16
do. Or, how about this? And a lot of times them just giving me
37:20
something else, like giving me an answer back that I can
37:26
respond to helps me to make up my mind. Like, for example, I'm
37:32
the kind of person. Like, let's make it as something as simple
37:35
as what people all over the country probably go through all
37:38
the time, right? What do you want to have for dinner, right?
37:42
And when somebody asked me that, what do you want for dinner, I
37:46
have the kind of brain that goes like, like, it pans out, and
37:49
it's like, oh my god, I gotta have so many things. It's way
37:53
easier for me to say or to have somebody say to me, do you want?
37:59
Do you want pasta? Or do you want something else, right? And
38:04
do you want, like, you know, like, whatever it is. And
38:09
because in that moment, I will have a strong physical reaction.
38:14
I will have a strong, like, call it gut reaction, or whatever,
38:18
but my body will go, oh, no, you know. And I'll be like, Oh,
38:22
should I have, like, should I have ramen noodles? Or, again,
38:26
making this up, should I have, like, in there vegan? Just
38:28
assume everything I say is a vegan product. Okay, should I
38:32
have like, a chick Patty, not real chicken, a chick patty and
38:35
rice? Or, should I have pasta and a salad? And I'm like, I'm
38:40
kind of leaning towards this. And then my CD will say, well,
38:44
have that. And as soon as he says it, my body goes, No, I
38:48
think I'm going to have the other one. And he just laughs.
38:51
And I explained to him, I literally sat him down, and I
38:53
said, Look, I want you to understand it's not that I
38:56
don't, and sometimes I do choose and go with the thing that he
38:58
he, you know, suggests. But a lot of times I said, you're
39:03
doing me such a huge service by just throwing something back at
39:07
me, giving me your opinion back, because it helps me to feel in
39:12
my body what my hell yes or my hell no is right? Like, my heck
39:18
yeah, like, yeah and my hell no, right? Like, I literally have a
39:21
visceral reaction. So it's really, really helpful. And
39:25
sometimes having a board of directors helps you to get more
39:30
clarity about what you want, so you are not imprisoned by what
39:35
their suggestions. And you also have to be comfortable enough,
39:41
maybe I would add number eight,
39:44
like there has to be a level of honesty and a level of comfort
39:48
that you can say to them, thank you so much for offering your
39:53
feedback, your opinions, your whatever. This is what I've
39:56
decided to do, and it might be the total offer.
40:00
Opposite of what they offered. So this is not like the judge
40:04
and the jury that's saying. This is how it has to be again. This
40:08
is a cultivation of meaningful relationships with people who
40:15
possess qualities again and experiences that you admire, but
40:19
they are not you. They are not in your shoes, and they will not
40:23
have to pay the consequences of the decisions that you make.
40:26
Right? So you want to be able to have like, maintain your own
40:32
again, your own agency, your own autonomy, your your authorship,
40:36
right, your ability to say, like, this is what I've decided,
40:40
and not be afraid that you're going to, like, hurt their
40:43
feelings, or they're going to get mad at you, or whatever,
40:46
especially if you're a codependent kind of person, a
40:50
people pleasing kind of person, a person who doesn't like to
40:52
hurt other people's feelings. Like, upfront, there has to be
40:55
good boundaries where you're like, Hey, I'm going to gather
40:58
all of this and then at the end of the day, I'm going to just
41:01
decide like, like, what works for me, and just really be
41:05
mindful of people's time, be grateful and thank them verbally
41:10
or written, right acknowledge that they've been helpful, even
41:14
if you decide to do something different. I could probably go
41:17
on and on and on and on, but I'm going to stop it right there. I
41:20
hope this has been helpful to you in some way. If it has let
41:23
me know, like, send up a flare or whatever. If you did find it
41:27
helpful, share it with somebody else. I always say, if you found
41:30
it beneficial and you liked it and you were like, Oh, this is
41:33
interesting, or this was good, share it with somebody you love.
41:35
Like, why not spread more love in the world? You know what? I
41:38
mean? That's the whole point of this podcast, is to kind of
41:41
bring together, like, obviously, like storytelling, spirituality,
41:44
spiritual principles that we can apply in our day to day life
41:48
that helps us to have less suffering and to spread more
41:51
love in the world. That that's what's going on here. So if
41:54
you're still listening, thank you so much for being here, for
41:58
being a part of my community. I super, super, appreciate you. I
42:01
love this chance to get to communicate with you. And as
42:05
always, I just hope it was helpful in some way. Now you, as
42:09
you move forward into your day in your life, wherever you go,
42:13
please, may you leave yourself in the animals and the
42:18
environment and the other people in the planet better than how
42:21
you first found it. Wherever you go, may you your energy, your
42:25
presence, your love, your light, be a blessing. Bye.