Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #545 Holiday Highlight - Susan Engel

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#545 Holiday Highlight - Susan Engel · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers Now. School holidays they must be just the
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  Speaker 2: most fun time. I hope you're enjoying your school holidays.
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  Speaker 2: This doctor Justin Coulson, I'm the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 2: dot com dot you and dad to six kids recently
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  Speaker 2: had some great conversations on the Happy Families podcast. Want
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  Speaker 2: to share some highlights from the podcast with you now
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  Speaker 2: now and then I get to talk with an absolute
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  Speaker 2: giant when it comes to research, knowledge and understanding. Susan
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  Speaker 2: Engel is one of those giants. She wrote one of
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  Speaker 2: my favorite books. It's called The Hungry Mind. It's not
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  Speaker 2: a light read. It's an academically oriented treatise on why
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  Speaker 2: our kids are not curious in the classroom and what
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  Speaker 2: we can do to help them to be more curious.
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  Speaker 2: The Hungry Mind and also the author of the Intellectual
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  Speaker 2: Lives of Children. So in episode two hundred and eleven,
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  Speaker 2: Kylie and I talked with Susan about how we can
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  Speaker 2: help our children to become more curious. Talk about curiosity,
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  Speaker 2: I mean, how do we help our children become more curious?
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  Speaker 1: You know, one of the things I talk about in
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  Speaker 1: the book is this idea that at birth children begins
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  Speaker 1: seeking patterns and familiar and they know the difference between
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  Speaker 1: what's familiar and unfamiliar. So right away they show signs
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  Speaker 1: of knowing the difference between, say, their mother's voice or
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  Speaker 1: their father's voice. But often at birth it's their biological
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  Speaker 1: mother's voice that they're familiar with because we think they
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  Speaker 1: heard it in utero, so and very quickly they know
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  Speaker 1: the difference between the people that they see a lot
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  Speaker 1: and the people they don't. And then quickly that extends
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  Speaker 1: to other things they're familiar with and their ability to
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  Speaker 1: respond differently or they do respond differently when they're shown
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  Speaker 1: something different. And that's what I call in both that
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  Speaker 1: book and the new book a novelty detector. It's one
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  Speaker 1: of the most powerful tools that babies are born with.
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  Speaker 1: And the second piece of that is that they have
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  Speaker 1: a great urge to become comfortable with they're familiar with
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  Speaker 1: whatever isn't familiar to them, So they want to incorporate
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  Speaker 1: what's new into what they know. And when you think
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  Speaker 1: about it, none of us could survive if everything was
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  Speaker 1: constantly surprising to us. We depend on the fact that
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  Speaker 1: many things become familiar and routine, whether it's the people
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  Speaker 1: you see every day, or the routines of breakfast or
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  Speaker 1: putting your shoes on, or what's around the corner from
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  Speaker 1: your house. This is not unique to humans. Rats have
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  Speaker 1: this characteristic too. They seek to sort of obtain the
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  Speaker 1: unknown what is so interesting, So part of it is
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  Speaker 1: an urge to make the unfamiliar familiar, and that's there
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  Speaker 1: at birth. One of the things that makes humans so
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  Speaker 1: cool is they had this particular kind of curiosity, which
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  Speaker 1: is called epistemic curiosity, the eagerness to find out more
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  Speaker 1: about why things are the way they are, how things happened.
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  Speaker 1: You clearly had a lot of that because faced with
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  Speaker 1: a sense that you weren't doing well as a dad,
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  Speaker 1: or that your kids weren't doing what you wanted them to,
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  Speaker 1: you could have done a million different things. You could
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  Speaker 1: have stuck with it and been angry and just kept
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  Speaker 1: trying the same old approach, but you didn't. You not
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  Speaker 1: only changed your approach, you wanted to understand more about
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  Speaker 1: what under what was going on, the whys and the
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  Speaker 1: house and the whats of it all. And that's a
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  Speaker 1: fundamental human characteristic and a very powerful one. I could
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  Speaker 1: go on and on about all that it explains in
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  Speaker 1: human in the best of human behavior. What's interesting about
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  Speaker 1: little kids is they very quickly become very familiar with
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  Speaker 1: the every day. So, you know, the bottle of juice
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  Speaker 1: instead of milk is no longer a surprise to them,
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  Speaker 1: and the dog walking in the door isn't a surprise.
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  Speaker 1: And the grandmother or babysitter or a neighbor who comes
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  Speaker 1: in they get familiar with, and they start to be
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  Speaker 1: interested in a slightly what will I say, a subtler
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  Speaker 1: level of surprise. They begin looking for surprise in more
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  Speaker 1: fine grain ways. So suddenly it's which toy is different
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  Speaker 1: from the others, or which animal that they haven't seen before.
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  Speaker 1: They almost are looking for surprises in the things that
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  Speaker 1: interest them. So go back to the dinosaur expert, the
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  Speaker 1: five year old dinosaur expert. Very quickly they know everything
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  Speaker 1: there is to know about me. They know about everything
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  Speaker 1: about t rex and whatever else the other dinosaurs are,
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  Speaker 1: and they begin the real little young five year old
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  Speaker 1: experts begin to be surprised about subtler things, which things
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  Speaker 1: that t rex can and can't fight, whether the t
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  Speaker 1: rex can or can't stand the cold. I mean, I'm
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  Speaker 1: making this up. I know nothing about dinosaurs, but so
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  Speaker 1: part of the task for grown ups is to give
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  Speaker 1: their children enough experiences, whether it's books or things, or stories,
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  Speaker 1: or walks, different ways to go to school, or noticing
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  Speaker 1: things in the grocery store. It doesn't have to be fancy,
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  Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a museum, but giving them
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  Speaker 1: enough thing so they can be surprised because the same
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  Speaker 1: old things will no longer be surprising to them.
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  Speaker 2: That's Professor Susan Engel, the author of the books The
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  Speaker 2: Hungry Mind and The Intellectual Lives of Children. To hear
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  Speaker 2: more of that conversation, visit episode two hundred and eleven
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  Speaker 2: of the Happy Families podcast. Neurodiverse children up beautiful, but
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  Speaker 2: they also bring unique challenges for parents and educators. The
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  Speaker 2: world does not always accommodate them easily or well. Communication, affection, behavior, learning,
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  Speaker 2: and almost every other aspect of life can be challenging
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  Speaker 2: for the child and their families. The webinar A Parent's
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  Speaker 2: Guide to Autism by leading autism expert Michelle Garnett can
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  Speaker 2: help parents and educators strengthen the bond with their autistic
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  Speaker 2: children for better outcomes for children and families. A parent's
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  Speaker 2: Guide to Autism is available at Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 2: dot au. Well, that just about wraps up the Happy
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  Speaker 2: Families podcast for today, But just before we finish things off,
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  Speaker 2: I need to let you know about the books that
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  Speaker 2: I've written that can make such a difference in your
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  Speaker 2: family's life. There's twenty one Days to a Happier Family,
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  Speaker 2: which is online wherever you buy your books, or in
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  Speaker 2: bookstores as well. Twenty one Days to a Happier Family
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  Speaker 2: is about how you can create habits to make your
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  Speaker 2: family happier. One of the best selling books on resilience
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  Speaker 2: over the last handful of years has been Nine Ways
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  Speaker 2: to a Resilient Child. Nine Ways to a Resilient Child
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  Speaker 2: is a book that I wrote that's designed to help
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  Speaker 2: you to understand all of the things that we might
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  Speaker 2: be doing that undermine our kids' resilience and find ways
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  Speaker 2: that we can boost their resilience. Right back up, the
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  Speaker 2: book that I think is my parenting bible, the one
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  Speaker 2: that I recommend to everyone if you've got a young family,
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  Speaker 2: is Ten Things Every Parent Needs to Know. In that book,
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  Speaker 2: you will discover what to do about getting on the
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  Speaker 2: same page as your partner, How you can discipline your
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  Speaker 2: children effectively, what to do about screen time, How you
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  Speaker 2: can manage sibling rivalry. The list goes on and on
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  Speaker 2: and on, and the one that I'm most proud of
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  Speaker 2: of all is Misconnection. Misconnection Way your teenage daughter hate you,
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  Speaker 2: expects the world and needs to talk. If you've got
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  Speaker 2: tween or teen girls, this is the book that considers
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  Speaker 2: all of the big issues when it comes to raising
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  Speaker 2: tween and teen girls. I'd love for you to check
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  Speaker 2: those books out and more. They're all available at Happy
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  Speaker 2: families dot com, dot au or wherever you buy your books.
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  Speaker 2: Twenty one Days to a Happier Family, Nine Ways to
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  Speaker 2: a Resilient Child, miss Connection, and ten Things every Parent
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  Speaker 2: needs to Know. Oh and my seventh book is coming
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  Speaker 2: out soon. More details in the next few weeks. On
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  Speaker 2: that one. It's especially for dad's expecting that can't wait
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  Speaker 2: for you to discover more about that soon. The Happy
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  Speaker 2: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
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  Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if you'd like
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  Speaker 2: more and fo about making your family happier, check out
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  Speaker 2: those book books Happy families dot Com. Dot You or
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  Speaker 2: just visit the website, have a look at the articles,
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  Speaker 2: the blogs, and keep on listening to the Happy Families
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  Speaker 2: podcast