Latest / Unstoppable You / Stop Standing in Your Own Way

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Stop Standing in Your Own Way · Unstoppable You

• Kiley Ewing (00:00):  I realized also that there was so much of it that was coming from me just wanting to fit in. Part of the reason I was drinking on the weekends was to fit in socially. And once I stopped, I realized like, man, I cared way too much about what people thought of me. Bree Katulak (00:18): Hey, I'm Bree and this is Unstoppable You, the podcast for women ready to stop choosing between their dreams family and personal growth. Hey there. Welcome back to Unstoppable You. Today I'm so excited. I'm talking with an old friend, Kylie Ewing, who is a dynamic leader and builder. Someone who has not only scaled her own business but now shapes culture and people strategy at an executive level. She brings this rare combination of grit, discipline, and emotional intelligence to her work. Kylie and I met while going to the same CrossFit gym pre- COVID and we didn't just work out together. We really truly pushed each other. I still remember one of my best memories of us together is the day that we signed up to do Murph on a brutally hot day. For those of you that don't know, Murph is a signature CrossFit workout for a fallen soldier and if you're doing it prescribed, you have a 20 pound weighted vest on. (01:25): You run one mile, you do a hundred pull-ups, 200 pushups, 300 squats, and then you run another mile. So I decided to go all in. I was going to do it with the 20 pound weighted vest and by the time I hit that final mile, I was completely spent. And then next thing I know, Kylie comes running out of the gym. She had already finished her workout, but she came back to run that last mile with me in the heat step for step. That was who we were in that season. We were driven, gritty and pushing limits together. Life for us looks really different now. More kids, bigger roles, more responsibility and less time. And while we don't see each other like we used to, that moment has always stuck with me because it represents something bigger, not just who we were but the foundation of who we've become. (02:28): This episode is about what happens when life changes, not because anything went wrong, but because you're growing and we're talking about evolving identities, shifting friendships, redefining strength and what it looks like to build a career and a life in different seasons. Thank you again for doing this. I'm like, I'm really excited about this conversation. So before we get started, what does having it all really mean to you? Kiley Ewing (03:02): I think a lot of times the only limitations we actually have in life are self-imposed. I think having it all is more so around having a mindset that allows the world's abundance to come to you. I love that. Otherwise, you're gatekeeping your own success. Bree Katulak (03:24): Yeah, absolutely. Do you feel like you've ever withheld having it all from yourself and what have you learned from that over the years? Kiley Ewing (03:32): Oh yeah. I mean, there's plenty of times where I told myself I'm never going to get promoted or I'm never going to get X amount of money or it's going to take me forever to make six figures or whatever lie I've told myself or I couldn't do that. Or there's somebody there who's doing something incredible, but that's because they can do it or they're special, not me. I very distinctly remember, and it's funny because you and I met at a CrossFit gym, but I remember when I was doing CrossFit, I was in the shower one time and I was just like, it was around the open time. So of course we were all doing the open workouts and by no means was I crushing it or at a competitive level at any point in time. But I remember thinking in my head like, "Man, I could never get to the CrossFit games." And then I was thinking in my head, "But why not? (04:32): " The only thing separating me from the people who are actually competing in the CrossFit games is they committed to doing it and just made the choices that got them there. So if it were something that I really, really wanted, I mean, I really could do it if I wanted to. And then I decided I really didn't want to. So that dream was squelched as quick as it came. But just knowing that you don't have to be some sort of superhuman or born in a specific family or to a specific place in the world, anybody can achieve anything as long as they believe they can. So I think it all starts with belief first and it's in yourself. Bree Katulak (05:19): I don't know who said the quote, but that quote, maybe it was Henry Ford, that doesn't really matter, but whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're right. I mean, I totally agree with that. Totally agree with that. So what was building your company like then and did you ever have self-doubts doing that or ... Kiley Ewing (05:39): Yeah, Bree Katulak (05:40): Tell me about that story. Kiley Ewing (05:41): Well, I didn't even know I was building a company when I was building a company. I found myself off on my own. I had no job. I left unexpectedly from my previous employer and I didn't have a plan. Again, I left for integrity reasons and made that choice for myself, which felt a little empowering to stand up to something that didn't feel good or right. But I had clients coming back to me saying, "We can still work with you, right?" And I was like, "Yeah." So I had clients before I even had a way to invoice them or had an LLC. So I had to very quickly figure out what am I doing? What am I doing? How do I send an invoice? And I mean, man, I just made mistake after mistake after mistake throughout the beginning, lots of things. I wish there was starting a business for Dummy's book. (06:46): There probably is. I didn't read it. Bree Katulak (06:49): Wait one then if there's not. Kiley Ewing (06:51): There you go. Yeah, someone please. But I found myself just kind of floundering around and every day I woke up saying, "Okay, what's the one thing I can get done today? Or what's the one thing I know I need to do? " And that's going to move things forward. And every day I just kept focusing on the one thing that I knew would help me advance or whether it be bring in more money or solve an operational issue I'm having or serve a client. It was just like, what's my one thing that I can do today that I have control over because everything was brand new to me so nothing felt like I was standing on stable ground. Bree Katulak (07:31): Right. I mean, when did you realize that you were actually starting a company and you were like, "Okay, I'm all in. I'm going to double down on this because this is working." Kiley Ewing (07:41): A couple weeks after I was officially unemployed and clients were coming to me, I truly did not set an intention to start a business. I was kind of just like, "You know what? I had a really packed calendar for a lot of years and this is the first time I'm coming up for air." I mean, ever. I've had a job since before I could even drive. So for me to be fun employed is what I called it. I was like, "You know what? I'm just going to embrace this and enjoy having an empty calendar for once." And I think because I wasn't trying so hard, it kind of just fell in line. Every day I was just grateful that things were happening and I wasn't floundering as bad as I could have been. I mean, yeah, I was running up against problems constantly, but they weren't insurmountable and everything was figure outable in my mind. (08:43): So I was just solving problems every day. And at one point my mom was like, "Well, you're still going to apply to jobs and update your resume, right?" And I was like, "I don't think I am." No, I think I'm not. And honestly, I think the safest thing I can do is bet on myself because throughout life I know I'm the one person I can count on. Bree Katulak (09:08): Right. You're in the driver's seat. Kiley Ewing (09:10): So why not? I mean, it was about a couple weeks in and clients started coming back to me and I was like, "You know what? Maybe I can do this thing." Bree Katulak (09:19): Yeah, that's amazing. I absolutely love that story and I love the phrase figure outable, figure it outable. What do you think that you've learned the most from starting your own business that you don't think you could have learned in corporate America? Because you've been in corporate America a lot and are even back there. Kiley Ewing (09:38): I think if anything, the one thing that I got just from that experience is just a deeper understanding and empathy for every business owner out there because I think it's very easy to be an employee and go to your job every day where nothing's on you. There's no liability on your back, but when the business is yours and you're responsible for people's paychecks and their livelihoods and their families, I mean, that's a lot of pressure to be carrying for typically one person, the CEO. And I think if anything, I have adopted a much more empathetic mindset towards the people leading companies because it's a lot of responsibility and especially if you've got more employees. I had a couple people working with me contract base and I still felt like I've got to be able to make enough money to be able to pay my vendors and to pay my bills and to pay for all my subscriptions. (10:50): You start to, you get an email address, you get a Canva account, I mean, you get an invoicing system. All of that ends up really stacking up quickly and you start to build your overhead and you feel a lot of pressure to consistently be able to maintain that income and it's truly feast or famine. So it's not for the faint of heart. I mean, there's times where you're going to be like, "Shit, I just lost my largest client and now I have to go hunting." And so that's the nature of the beast and you have to be okay with a level of risk and a level of uncertainty and just know and have confidence in your own self to be able to figure that out. Again, everything is figure outable, but it's like, how long do you want to be in the position where you're the one having to figure out all the problems? Bree Katulak (11:45): No, I completely agree. Were you able to have a support system then to help you through that or did you truly feel like you were on an island and you were alone? Kiley Ewing (11:54): I had a coach at the time that I had started working with before I went off on my own and I didn't realize that at the time when I hired her, what I thought I was hiring her for was help with time management and what I ended up having was a business coach who helped me start a business. And so it quickly became a little bit of a pivot. But yeah, I've had, I mean, nobody is self-made, right? Let's be honest, you can't be self-made because you need clients, you need people around you to help you get to where you're going. So yes, I had a support system. I mean, honestly, my dog was probably the biggest support system because he had to listen to me talk all day long on Teams calls and Zoom for client coaching calls. But no, I had resources. I mean, I had a business coach and then eventually I felt like I had things under control and I no longer needed that official support. (12:54): But having a husband now at the time, boyfriend who was supportive of the business also is really important. I mean, he said, "I'm never going to judge you or come down on you for working weird hours or working late or having to respond to an email after hours." So it was just understood that the buck stops with me if I'm in my own business and so I have to be the one responsible for all the things and sometimes all the things doesn't stick to a nine to five schedule. I think that's the biggest thing is understanding you have to have a lifestyle that supports running a business because you can't do whatever you want whenever you want because you have obligations and priorities and if you drop the ball, no one's there to pick it up. Bree Katulak (13:47): Totally agree. So going back to having it all though too and what you just said about it's not a nine to five and you can't just pick up and do whatever you want whenever you want, do you feel like that ever makes you feel like you don't have it all or no, because this is literally what having it all means to you because you want it? Kiley Ewing (14:07): One of the challenges I had to overcome was embracing discipline. Discipline in my mind was boring for a good while. People who were, I don't know, just it seemed like people who weren't living their life were just boring and it's like I've completely done a 180 on that and discipline to me is what gives me freedom and flexibility. And so the more I can stick to a regimented schedule most of the time and I'm saying I get up at the same time even on the weekends. I don't really deviate. My body clock is just used to it now at this point. And so it makes Monday a heck of a lot easier if I didn't sleep in over the weekend and now I'm dragging when Monday rolls around. So I think once you embrace discipline as your greatest ally in the journey to high performance, if your goal is high performance, right? (15:09): I think everybody has a different kind of end game. Mine to me was I want to achieve the most I can in this lifetime. So for me, in order to do that, I have to be as efficient as possible with my time, my energy, my intention. All of my effort has to be moving in the same direction if I'm going to get the most out of life. So I think discipline was the greatest tool and also big mental shift for me because Lord knows I loved just flying by the seat of my pants and doing whatever on the weekends. Bree Katulak (15:46): When you talk about discipline on the weekends, what does that look like for you? Because I mean, what time do you wake up? I have to ask this question now. Kiley Ewing (15:53): About 5:30 most days. Yeah. 5:30. Sometimes I'll snooze to like 5:45, 6:00, but most often I want to wake up early so I can just have a chill morning and ease into the day. Bree Katulak (16:05): Yeah, I completely agree. So do you work a lot on the weekends too then? Kiley Ewing (16:10): Sometimes it just depends. So currently in my role now, I have a lot of infrastructure building that I'm doing. So a lot of my deadline driven work is projects. And so sometimes yes, I do have to work a half day or so on the weekend, but I make it enjoyable. I go post up at a coffee, my favorite coffee shop, shout out to indie coffee roasters, work for four hours and just focus because nobody needs anything from me on a Saturday or a Sunday, which is really, really nice. So I can just crank it out. But there's also plenty of weekends where I'm not working or I'll take off early on Friday afternoon to offset the focus time I know I'm going to be putting in on Saturday or Sunday. It's all about integration. It's really, there is no balance when it comes to work and life. (17:06): So I think it's a complete farce to believe that there is such a thing as work-life balance and there's equal parts of both. There's not. And there's going to be seasons of life where life happens and there's seasons of life where you need to be dialed into work, whether it's you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your peak career years, grind it out while we have the stamina because we're not going to probably have the stamina to work as hard as we currently are throughout the entire duration of our career. We're going to at some point want to wind down. Well, I'm nowhere near wind down mode, so let's just go pedal to the metal. Bree Katulak (17:45): I love that about you so much, so much. What do you think the biggest shift has been? Because I mean, you touched on it a little bit with your role now, you're chief people officer. So what's been the biggest shift from running your own organization to now being in an organization and overseeing the entire culture and engagement of that firm? Kiley Ewing (18:05): I mean, something shifted but some things didn't. So why I took this role was, one, I love the team. So my team at McGuire Sponsor's fantastic. Leadership's great. Our entire team of people, they're just super smart individuals. So I love the people I get to work with and I was already working with a handful of them and in my mind I was like, this would give me the opportunity to work with all of them, which is really exciting. So to me, I'm doing a lot of the same work just in a different container. So in this new container, few things that are different. One, I'm not in control of everything. So for a type A individual, that's a little bit of an adjustment. I Bree Katulak (18:50): Can understand that completely. Kiley Ewing (18:52): I would say that's probably the most challenging part is that when something doesn't go the way I anticipated it, I can't just make a decision and fix it. I have to involve usually multiple other people. So I would say that probably is the biggest adjustment I've had to make is in my own business I controlled everything. I had a grasp on the structure. I had a grasp on the processes and how things got done and the way in which they got done. And now I am really testing my collaboration skills and I tell my team regularly like, "Hey, I'm used to doing this on my own. So forgive me if I'm a bad teammate on this at first. We're going to probably experience some bumps in the road, but we'll get through it. We'll figure it out. I'm sure it'll be great." But heads up, I'm used to being a single solopreneur who just gets it done. (20:01): So I think that's probably the biggest adjustment is learning to lean on my teammates and involving the right people throughout the process when things change. Bree Katulak (20:12): That makes complete sense. And I love your vulnerability there going into the conversation being like, "Hey, this is where I'm at in life. This is what I'm used to doing." It might not go as perfectly as we want it to, but I'm here for it. Let's learn together. I'm sure your team has responded very positively to that for sure. Kiley Ewing (20:31): Yeah, I hope so. I mean, I know I can be a strong personality to deal with. So I'm sure they're all ... I mean, I know everybody's doing their very best and I remind everybody on the team because we have all sorts of stress when it comes to work. There's three specific types I talk to the team about regularly. One is relational stress, which is just beefing with people you work with. It's inevitable. We're all learning how to get along and how to work together. I mean, you think about it throughout your life, you've probably had roommates that you've lived with, whether it be in college or after college, but you've probably lived with people and it wasn't sunshine and rainbows from the jump. You probably had to figure out how we stay in our own lanes and not interfere with each other's life or lifestyle and how we make that work successfully. (21:28): As you know, there's some living situations that never end up working out. So same thing in the workplace, right? That relational stress is the stress that comes from just people interacting with people. And then there's operational stress where if you've got a tough job and there are parts of your job that no matter what are going to be challenging. So a lot of our consultants travel quite a bit. So travel in general can be very demanding and very exhausting. So that's the operational stress of the position and what that involves. And the third is organizational stress and that's the kind of stress that I hope to impact and make better for everybody. But that's just the system itself, the organization itself has some broken systems or processes, or we don't have the right tools or technology in place. And so processes are clunky or inefficient. (22:24): And that's the kind of stress that on top of traveling, if then you have to come back and do some paperwork manually or there's redundant processes, that on top of it becomes compounding. And so it's things that you feel like you can't control, but ultimately we are in control. And so I think that's what we're all getting used to and figuring out is how do we identify the relational stress and learn how to work more cohesively together? How do we figure out ways to become more resilient with operational stress of just having different and difficult aspects of our job and then the organizational stress? In my role as chief people officer and then in partnership with our COO, how can we work on the people and the processes of the firm so that we have the most efficient systems and workflows possible so that we're minimizing that organizational stress that people feel? Bree Katulak (23:25): Absolutely. I love that so much. And starting with the problems and figuring out how to streamline those has always been my approach and it's life-changing because you start to really build those systems and just everything starts to click and then you start to really see the growth and scalability for sure. That's one of my favorite things to do. So over your career, I know that you've learned a lot about yourself. What do you think the biggest takeaway or what is the deepest thing that you've learned about yourself over the span of your career? Kiley Ewing (23:58): I think one of the things that has been most helpful in my personal development has been learning about emotional intelligence. It was during COVID I had taken, I think it was pre- COVID actually. I'd taken an assessment and it was an EQ assessment and it came back and it said I had low empathy and I was flabbergasted because I'm a female. I thought that all females naturally just had empathy. As it turns out, no, I think that was a gender bias I was just walking around with because I tested with very low empathy. And so I tell this story quite a bit because it's what set me on this whole EQ evolution journey where I was like, okay, clearly I need to work on my empathy. I tested low. I don't think the assessment's broken. I probably just have some work to do. So I got certified in emotional intelligence and now I can test other people with it, but I couldn't just test other people for emotional intelligence without becoming better at it myself. (25:09): I think what's been most impactful is understanding how emotions come into play. And also for me, I think redefining what empathy is in my mind has been very helpful as well. So in case anybody wants to go down this rabbit hole, empathy to me, we all have a point of view, right? We all have an opinion and my own definition of empathy is understanding that everybody is entitled to their point of view and their perspective and their opinion. Doesn't necessarily mean it's right or I have to agree with it, but I can understand that it's being shaped by their beliefs, their upbringing, their values, their religion, their experiences. Everything in life up to this point has shaped the lens in which we look at life through. So my definition of empathy is just understanding that that bias is what it is, right? Our brain is collecting all this data and making connections for us and trying to shortcut how we interpret information just so we can be most efficient because our brain is wired for efficiency, not excellence. (26:33): So our brain is trying to take in as much data and is trying to make assumptions about the world around us as quickly as it possibly can. Well, a lot of times our brains can get it wrong. And so I think just having empathy, on my definition of empathy has helped me tremendously because then I don't have to take things personally. I can just respectfully understand that if I don't agree with something that somebody has said, it's not because they're wrong and I'm right, it's because they're looking through a different lens and my job is to gain more understanding of what their lens truly is and what it's been shaped by so that I can understand why they're interpreting the world in a different way than I am. And then only then once they feel like I understand them, are they even going to give a crap about my lens and have empathy for my differing opinion? (27:35): The whole EQ rabbit hole has been extremely helpful and beneficial in working with other people and understanding that we all are just seeing the world in a different view and there's not one that's better than another. It's all very helpful to understand and to take in other people's point of view because you might learn something, right? Bree Katulak (28:04): More than that. Yeah. And I feel like given where the world is at today, this is such an important topic and so many people need to be well versed on Kylie's definition of empathy, like honestly, emotional intelligence, et cetera. I mean- Kiley Ewing (28:21): Oh my gosh. It's crazy. And here's the thing that most people don't understand is if you go into an argument thinking like, I'm going to win this, okay, especially consider it being your spouse, right? I'm sure nobody who is listening to this argues with their spouse ever, but for your friends that do, the people that argue with their spouse, you have to think if I'm going into an argument to win, there's got to be a loser. Do you really want to be married to a loser because- Bree Katulak (28:54): I like the way you framed that Kiley Ewing (28:56): Because that's what you're asking the other person to do is to lose. And so what does that say about you? Bree Katulak (29:01): Right. Not working together as a team. Kiley Ewing (29:05): Every time I'm dealing with conflict inside of the organization, it's like, okay, guys, we're all on the same team here. We have to remind ourselves actively that we're all on the same team here and it's not about winning and losing. It's about understanding each other so that we can come to a win-win at the end of it. Bree Katulak (29:27): Yeah, I absolutely love that so much. Okay. So let's talk about being unstoppable for a second. What does it mean for you personally and also in the workplace? Kiley Ewing (29:40): One thing that I believe wholeheartedly is that life is not meant to be a grind. I don't think it has to be hard. I don't think that we need to embrace this mindset of I could do hard things and being unstoppable means I have to have Like maximum willpower, David Goggins mode. No. Well, one, I think David Goggins is a little bit crazy. He ran an ultra marathon on two broken feet. So Bree Katulak (30:14): That seems insane. Kiley Ewing (30:16): It's not smart. Just first off. Second off, I don't think we need to do that. I don't think that that's what life is all about. I think being unstoppable means being in alignment. And when I think about when I feel the most unstoppable is when I'm most aligned. It's when I have a vision I feel passionate about, meaning I know where I'm going in life. I might not have all the details on how exactly I'm getting there, but I know roughly where I'm headed and what I want my life to look like in the next five, 10, 15 years. However far out your vision goes and it might be like the blurry RCA TV. It doesn't have to be HD, but I've got some kind of vision of what I want my life to look like 10 years from now. And then I have a grasp on my personal core values and how I want to live my life to get there. (31:18): Integrity I've mentioned before, that's one of my core values. So if I feel like something is out of integrity, I'm not going to continue doing it. That's my indicator to me that like, hey, we've got to make a decision here and do something different because I'm out of alignment if my integrity alarm bells are going off. So your values are there to help keep you in line and establish the boundaries that you want to have in your pursuit of your vision. And then goals obviously matter, but if you don't know what your vision is, your goals just are arbitrary kind of like next steps. I know if I'm a manager now, the next step is senior manager because that's the next step in the progression, but why do you want it? So I think having a grasp on why we're doing things are purpose. I fee passionately that my purpose is to help people unlock their potential and I can do that either at McGuire Sponsor in my own business. (32:21): Like I said, I'm doing the same work and fulfilling my purpose just in a different container. So I know I'm working in alignment because that purpose is still being fulfilled. And then your habits are all in line with the things that you say you want. I think one thing we've talked about before is I realized very quickly that when I was drinking on the weekends, it was preventing me from knocking things off my to- do list and then I'd go into Monday feeling behind. And it's like, ma, I have these goals and it doesn't seem like this habit of mine is helping me get to my goal. And that was kind of like my aha moment for me to, hey, change your habits because you're not in alignment with what you say you want and where you want to go in life. And so changes were made, but then you have to look for progress at the end of it. (33:13): So it's continuously looking for the progress in your efforts. A lot of times I think it's too easy to go down the trap of what's not working and then you end up quitting because you don't see progress. And so the key to all of it is I have to start looking for the progress. You only see what you're looking for. So if you're not looking for progress, you're always going to feel like, "Well, I'm not at my goal yet." Yeah, but have you taken steps to get closer? Bree Katulak (33:39): Exactly. And it's so important to celebrate the mini wins. If you are moving the needle, even just 1% every single day, you are getting there. It may seem small, but celebrate those wins because ultimately a year from now, you're going to look back and be like, "Holy shit, I just came that far." But in the moment you don't notice it. And I love how you talk about even, I'm going to say that you're unstoppable because of that decision you made to stop drinking. It was like five years ago or so is Kiley Ewing (34:10): That- Five. Almost five years ago. That's Bree Katulak (34:13): Amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. And I mean, it is a huge step and it can just drive clarity, productivity, so much better health, sleep, et cetera, to really propel you forward for sure. Kiley Ewing (34:28): Well, and I realized also that there was so much of it that was coming from me just wanting to fit in. It's socially acceptable to drink because the majority of adult Americans drink alcohol. And so part of the reason I was drinking on the weekends was to fit in socially. And once I stopped, I realized, man, I cared way too much about what people thought of me. Way too much. Bree Katulak (34:53): I've never struggled from that at all. Never. Kiley Ewing (34:56): Who hasn't? I mean, who hasn't? But the funny thing is none of us are anything like anyone else. Yeah, we have things in common, but we were uniquely made and born and exist for all sorts of different purposes. No two people were created the same for a reason, yet here we are trying to be like everybody else. And why? So I think another thing that makes you unstoppable is just embracing ... We're all weird. Let's just get on board with being weird and liking it and appreciating each other's weirdness. Bree Katulak (35:33): I completely agree with that. Did you lose any friends or have any struggles from going alcohol free? Kiley Ewing (35:39): Oh yeah. Lots. Did you? Yeah. Oh. Blows my Bree Katulak (35:42): Mind. Kiley Ewing (35:43): There were quite a few people that just I fell out of touch with because if the only time we ever hung out was at the bars, it's like, okay, well, I'll go to the bar if there's live music or something other than people just pounding shots and getting hammered because I like the social atmosphere, but I also I'm not going there to drink anymore. So I'm going there for the conversation and if you can't hold a conversation, I really have no incentive to be in your presence. And that was kind of just like, okay, I could stay in and do something that I enjoy doing, like reading a book or taking my dog on a walk or hanging out with my husband now, or I could go meet you at a bar and watch you drink. I don't know. There's people that just we just don't align from a values perspective anymore because having fun and getting drunk is not a priority for me anymore. (36:42): So we just fell out of touch or out of sorts and I was okay with that because it felt like a natural progression in the right direction. But I think the other thing that I didn't realize was there was going to be a lot of sugar cravings. I've never had a sweet tooth of any kind. I was not prepared for that. I just wanted all the chocolate I could and I was like, "What is going on? " Apparently I was getting so much sugar from alcohol that I was consuming sweets. I just didn't realize it. And so I had a lot of sugar cravings in the first six months and that was a weird one. Then I think just the social anxiety I got after the first couple, well, I would say the first six months there was a lot of social anxiety that I experienced just because I went to a concert for the first time without drinking. (37:47): I went to a wedding for the first time without drinking. And these might seem like simple things to some, but Bree Katulak (37:55): Now when it centers around Kiley Ewing (37:57): Alcohol Bree Katulak (37:58): And the culture. Kiley Ewing (37:59): These were social events that most people are having a glass of champagne at or it's a special occasion or whatever. And so a lot of these things I was experiencing for the first time without alcohol, so that was a big change for me. And I had to realize, okay, no one is actually paying attention to you, Kylie. You're not that important. No one cares that you're not drinking. It's just your head. You are Bree Katulak (38:27): Important, but yes, we aren't watching every move that we make. Kiley Ewing (38:31): Right. And I just thought, "Man, I'm not going to fit in. People aren't going to want to hang out with me. I'm not going to be fun anymore." And so I had to get all over all of those things. I would say the first six months were the most challenging, but after that, I'd pretty much gotten through all my firsts. I remember my first birthday not drinking and I had a birthday party at a bar, but I didn't drink. So it was fine. And I think with each one, my confidence grew and I felt more and more empowered each time and that actually this is doable. I can do this. And then after a while, I just didn't have any cravings for alcohol and it's no longer a thing I think about. Bree Katulak (39:17): Do you feel like there was a smoking gun for you with getting over that or you really just had to attend all the firsts and inch towards that confidence like you were talking about? Kiley Ewing (39:29): Well, so after I went a whole year with not a drop of alcohol, I got to the year and I said, "You know what? I'm going to have a margarita and I'm going to see if I can just be a very seldom social drinker." I took a drink and I'm like, "Oh, this tastes disgusting." I don't know if it was just because my friend Joe made it and he's not good at making margaritas. I don't know. So then I made another one myself, obviously let me take over because Type A is here. She'll handle this herself, dusted off my bartending skills and nope, didn't like my own either. I didn't like it. And I honestly think because I gave myself the chance to try it again and to make the decision myself if I wanted alcohol in my life, that gave me the confidence to know I've actually rewired my brain. Bree Katulak (40:27): That's amazing. I absolutely love that story. Thank you for sharing it. I feel like you've given us a ton of nuggets of advice, but if you had to pinpoint one thing that you would want to give advice to other women on how to be unstoppable or how to have it all from their perspective, what would you give? Kiley Ewing (40:48): I would say the thing that I see plaguing so many women is just worry. I think we all are living in the future mentally and it creates unnecessary anxiety because your brain doesn't know what's real and what you imagine. So the problem is that when you think about all of the things that could go wrong, your body is actually experiencing it like it's happening. So all of the cortisol from that experience is still coming into your body as if you're going through the most stressful, possible imagined event that you are concocting in your brain. And so we don't realize, but that has serious health ramifications. There's a lot of autoimmune disorders, there's a lot of anxiety, there's a lot of just heart health issues and people I know have suffered from strokes and mini strokes from stress. So it's not something that you can brush off and say, "Oh, it's fine. (42:00): I'm fine." Yeah, I know it's funny to joke and say, "I'm fine. Everything's fine when things are not fine and we're holding it together, but barely we're not really. " I think you have to just take a step back and ask yourself to just take ownership of your brain and your thoughts. Stop letting your brain run wild with worst case scenarios. And secondarily, if you are going to let your brain think of the worst case scenario, you also owe it to your brain to think of the best case scenario. Bree Katulak (42:38): I could not agree more because then you can relishing all back, Lori, put it out there into the universe and it might just happen. Kiley Ewing (42:46): Absolutely. I mean, it was funny because my husband has been dealing with a nagging elbow injury and doesn't know what it was. Finally went to the doctor. This guy is anti-doctor, but finally went to the doctor and he was convinced he was going to have to have surgery, a full-on reconstructive surgery. And I'm like, "Well, why don't you stop panicking about worst case scenario because what if it's just 10 selbow and you just have to take a few weeks off and just rehab it and let it rest?" And he's like, "I think it's much worse, much worse." Goes to the doctor, comes back and says it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, some fancy medical term. And I'm like, "Okay, I don't know what that means, but sounds crazy." And he's got this fancy little band he wears around his arm. And then in conversation he's like, "Yeah, it's just tennis elbow." And I'm like, "Wait, what? (43:46): " Bree Katulak (43:47): Hold on. Kiley Ewing (43:48): I'm like, okay. So best case scenario was actually what happened here. So why don't we just tell the brain to chill out next time around and go for best case scenario and give yourself some time to think about what could go right instead of what could go wrong all the time. Our brain is naturally hardwired to look out for us and keep us safe, but sometimes, especially in today's world, we don't have a ton of threats. Bree Katulak (44:20): No, we really don't. So we have to create them ourselves. I think that's a huge problem with women in particular, but probably everyone for sure. Going back to something that you said previously though in this specific tennis elbow injury conversation was a part of you like, "I am right, but I'm not married to a loser, so I'm not going to say it. Kiley Ewing (44:42): " I said, "I'm so glad my manifestations your powers are stronger than yours." Bree Katulak (44:48): Sorry, I just had to recap that one. Kiley Ewing (44:50): I know, right? Full circle. Bree Katulak (44:52): Full circle. I love it. Well, thank you. Is there anything else that you would like to tell everyone about your journey and your story? Kiley Ewing (45:01): I don't think so. I mean, I don't feel like I have anything unique or anything- Bree Katulak (45:08): Well, that's not true. Watching your career from the sidelines, because I know we were really, really close and friends and then I had two more kids and we kind of lost touch and now we're getting back in touch, but I have loved watching your journey and I felt like once I started this podcast, I was like, she is literally the definition of unstoppable and I need to have her on here. And it was a great reason to reconnect and have dinner and catch up. Kiley Ewing (45:39): Yes. Okay. I do think I'm special. I think everybody's special in that sense, but I don't think that my mindset is special. It's just been very intentionally conditioned. So I think that if you are not happy with where your life's at today or an aspect of where your life is at, on responsibility is your guide to taking ownership and changing your outcomes if that's what you want. If you want something different, you are more than capable of making a change and attaining anything you want in life. And I know we were told as kids, you can do anything you set your mind to. It's true. It really is true. And at some point we were introduced to worry and anxiety and problems of the adult nature. And so I think it's easy to lose touch with your childlike self of wonder and what if and imagination, but I think we all need a little bit more permission to dream and to think bigger and to not sell ourselves short because truly no one else is putting a cap on your capabilities other than you. Bree Katulak (47:01): Could not agree more. Well, thank you so much, Kylie. It's been so fun talking to you. I really, really appreciate it. Kiley Ewing (47:07): Of course. I'm super excited for this. Bree Katulak (47:10): Lately, I've been thinking a lot about persistence and consistency, not just in big career moments, but in everyday life too. A really simple example for me right now in this moment is that I've been trying to get back to that CrossFit body those days. This is when I was lean, toned, feeling strong and just in my own skin. And for the past eight weeks, I've really been locked in. I've been eating very specific macros, which are how many fat, carb, and protein grams you're eating and what ratio you're eating them in per day, getting to the gym at least three to five times a week and staying disciplined even when life is so full with kids, work, everything. And here's the truth I have made progres. The scale is down, but I'm not quite where I want to be yet. And it's really, really tempting because eight weeks is a long time to stay that consistent without fully seeing the results that you had in your mind. (48:15): But I do know this. If I stop now, I'm not going to stay here. I know I will end up going backwards. So instead of quitting, I am committing to another four weeks, not because it's easy, but because I know what happens if I don't. And what's different this time is my perspective. The first time I had too fewer kids, I had a less demanding job and I was working out twice a day. I don't have time for that now. Life isn't the same, but the principle still is persistence and consistency are what bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. So this week I want you to think about one thing in your life that you've been working toward. Maybe you're not quite seeing the results yet, or maybe you're seeing some progress, but you're not as close as you thought you'd be to the end goal. (49:16): So instead of asking, "Is this working? Should I keep going? " I want you to ask yourself, "Have I given it enough time?" Because most people don't fail. They just stop too soon. So stay in it a little longer and just see what happens. This is your life. Define it, live it, become unstoppable. (49:42): Thank you for listening to Unstoppable You. If this episode was helpful, I'd love to know. Connect with me on LinkedIn at BreeCadillac. That's K-A-T-U-L-A-K on LinkedIn and shoot me a message. This show is for you. Be unstoppable. I'll see you next time.