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575. Ghosting (Rerun) · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the daily influence where our mission is to deliver a daily dose of positive influence that can uplift you personally or be shared within your sphere of influence.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: While not every episode may directly apply to your unique circumstances, we strive to provide insights and inspiration relevant to most people's daily, weekly, and monthly lives.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you are tuning in during the morning, noon or night, the daily influence is here for you.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen, share, and embrace the power of influence in your life.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey everybody, Brian Smith here with the IM team series and the daily influence.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've been talking about distraction and communication organization and our focus right now is about communication.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here at IAA and the IM team series, we believe in smart communication.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't remember if you are just joining us for the first time.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Smart is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not all of those aspects applies to every conversation, but if we're remembered to be smart, we will always remember to be specific in specifics, includes context context is one of the most important things you could have in any communication.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: context with self-context, with other people entering or exiting the conversation, documented a conversation.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we have proper context, we will always be moving at least in the right direction.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It might not be the exact direction, but you'll be moving forward.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today's topic is about ghosting, and here is one of my biggest pet peeves.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: ghosting is probably one of the weakest acts that a human could have in communication.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And ghosting is communication.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a lack of communication.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It communicates quite clearly.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: To me, it communicates that you're weak.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: To me that it communicates that you don't have what it takes to close the loop on whatever that conversation was.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not talking about somebody who
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: called you and left you a message that you've never had a conversation with before.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Somebody who sends you these blind emails like on the LinkedIn or Facebook who isn't in your area of influence and just blindly reaching out and you just choose to hit delete.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not ghosting.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ghosting is when you have some kind of relationship.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: some kind of communication organization, some kind of responsibility that you have had either in the past or currently, a person reaches out to you and you don't return that communication.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just ignore them, that's weak.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look, if there are people in your life that you just don't want to have relationships with,
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then end, tell that person, this business relationship, this personal relationship, this whatever relationship is done.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not talking to get about the exceptions where you've done these things.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you stop communicating.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Talking about the people, those people, who regularly employ ghosting as a way of communicating,
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's arrogance on top of weakness.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's I'm so important I don't have to give this person closure.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's irresponsible influence.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It leaves people, other humans wondering, maybe in some circumstances, people need to know why they're being ghosted, why they're being disconnected from.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is it that led to that?
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it something simple?
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it something personal?
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it a professional inconsistency?
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it something that if you shared it with them,
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: might help them be better.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not necessarily repairing the relationship between YouTube, but helping somebody to be a better person for others in the future.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it doesn't happen again and again and again.
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: How hard is it to share with people that they don't communicate well, that they don't follow through, that they are inconsistent, that they lack context when they are doing something or speaking, that they're ignorant or even that they're stupid.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are positive, objective,
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: ways to help people improve even people who are in their own way and yes I understand that there are people who don't react well to being shared negative information about themselves and this is one of the reasons why people ghost they just
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: don't want to deal with that response.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to deal with whatever fallout might come with that last communication.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's where the weakness comes.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are so many different ways to communicate.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are so many different ways to relay the information that will help bring closure, text messaging, verbal, emails, other people.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not ghosted if you feel you can't have a conversation with somebody because it's too difficult.
• 5:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you don't trust yourself.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you find yourself giving in to that person when you speak to them because they're manipulative.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're persuasive.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're very influential in your life.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: So as a buffer you have to use a third person.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find a way.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is one of the things we've
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: use somebody else to be the distraction to handle the final delivery.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do this for clients, by the way, all the time.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a lot of clients in our portfolio of companies that we do work for, who just can't do certain things.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: They can't terminate.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: They can't discipline.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They can't improve people in their organization, who have behavior issues, tactical issues, or strategic issues.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: to carry that heavy load.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of ghosting the problem, ghosting the person, they outsource to us and allow us to help them to overcome their deficiency or inability to be able to have difficult conversations.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And ultimately, everybody wins.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: We try to work on that also with those clients to maybe improve whatever it is that gets in the way
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're one of those people who finds yourself turning away from problems, putting them away, not addressing them and ghosting issues and people, look in the mirror and ask yourself why.
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about who in your area of influence can help you to deal with that, to deliver those messages, to deliver the context and overcome the problems that are causing you to feel like you must ghost.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: and help you to move past it without ghosting, bringing closure for yourself and for them, and having healthy communication, and a healthy responsible area of influence for yourself and for them too.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember our third book is coming out, responsible influence, build the eye and team.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you haven't read individual influence, find the eye and team or positive influence be the eye and team, go to Amazon and pick them up.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Follow us on social, the eye and team series.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: We look forward to talking to you again tomorrow.