Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 249. Building Healthy Relationships Through Self-Discovery

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249. Building Healthy Relationships Through Self-Discovery · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Rochelle Christiane Podcast, formerly the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'm Rochelle, your host.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm here to help you come back to your body, take charge of your emotions and live life on your terms.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: This podcast is a space for raw, real conversations about what it means to trust yourself, lean into your power and create a life that feels aligned and alive.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: We'll explore human design, astrology and other tools to help you understand your unique energy.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: More importantly, though, we're going to talk about what it means to actually live and embody these aspects.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: So each week, I'm going to share stories, lessons, guidance to help you navigate life's challenges and really own your magic.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: So if you're ready to step up, take control and show up as the most authentic version of you, let's begin.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: This episode is really great.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: We talk a lot about manifestation.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: We talk a lot about relationships.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I've been having a lot of conversations around relationship lately, and it's always been a lesson of my life, and I think this conversation is so beautiful around boundaries, values, really understanding yourself, your attachment, style we do talk about so much, and this conversation was with Tanaz Hosenpour, who is a relationship coach.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: So Tanaz is dedicated to creating safe spaces where people feel seen, heard and valued, helping them cultivate healthy and secure relationships.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: As a relationship coach, breathwork guide and therapist in training, tanaz combines science-backed relational tools with holistic wellness practices to empower her clients to recognize and break unhealthy patterns and develop relational skills that foster deep self-connection and inner peace.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Her work supports individuals and couples in enhancing their relationships with themselves and all areas of their lives, as well as their co-workers, friends, family members and romantic partners.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I participated in one of her groups this past I think it was in March and it was Manifesting Love, but it was more centered around self-love.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: It was a five-week program five or six actually, I can't remember.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I think it was a five-week program and it was so powerful.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So Tanej just has this beautiful way of holding space and container and she partnered with Arzu who I'll also tag as well down below and combined.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Arzu really brought in the somatic work.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: She's a yoga facilitator, yoga teacher, and there was a lot of somatic practices because we went really deep right, we really went into the work.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We uncovered limiting beliefs.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've been in the work for a while and there were still things that came up that I was that kind of had me pause and I had some aha moments and I had a lot of realizations and when I say, like the delivery, they're over delivery, almost like they are.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: The sessions were so deep, they were about two hours long but just like, so deep, so beautiful, so profound, so supportive just the energy that these two like created together in this container was phenomenal.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: And having a community of women moving through, you know, different experiences, like different life experiences, but sort of the same place in life, was just really, really, really beautiful.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I highly recommend once you follow Tanaz and follow her on Instagram and all the things.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: If they do launch another, which I'm sure they're going to be launching another manifesting love program, like.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I highly recommend it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like relationship has been a conversation that's been coming up a lot lately and of course, I'm always doing my own work around it and dating and all of the things.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: And you know she really there was one specific point that she made sort of like in passing, but really like kind of hit home for me was that I think a lot of times in relationships we want to run it by like our emotions, but really it's also this piece of like okay, I may feel a certain way, but like do our values aligned right, like can I set boundaries with this person?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: And it sounds so simple.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: But you know, if you've been here for a while, you know emotions have been a really a struggle for a long, a lot of my life.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: They've literally run the show for so long.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: And really getting to know yourself and getting in tune with yourself and understanding your patterns and your cycles and how you show up and how you do things, and every person I date, I become more self-aware, I become more confident, maybe, I guess, in myself.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And there is always a point too where I cycle through this little chaotic moment.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: And there was a recent situation where there's only been two times in I want to say like all of my life there's been more than two times that I've like known upon meeting somebody that was going to be something.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: But there was only two times in my life where I was like wow, like I, literally after like date one, I was like this, I like I'm in, I'm in, and neither of those worked out for whatever reason, whether I self sabotage, whether it just wasn't the right time, you know, but very like deep lessons were also held within those.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: So I you know the ego gets wrapped up sometimes in material things and 3d things and looks or you know, whatever it is, and it can be really challenging to sort of like have the ego let go of those.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: But the more that I do this work right, the more that you can kind of like cycle through that and just really trust and have faith that what is like have, I guess, trust that the right one will come, that there is someone out there, I guess more switching the mindset from, you know, being fear-based to like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be single forever.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I'm never gonna find a relationship to like just knowing, to having certainty and not settling, and I think the more that I date, the more people I experience, the more that I go through, the more I value myself and I think that's huge.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: It's like in the past I've definitely settled because I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be with someone and not sacrificing the things that I'm looking for.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Just to be with someone is really important and something that I'm definitely learning more and getting again, just having more self-worth and value in myself, and so that's sort of kind of what we were talking a little bit about this, but like just manifesting right, like manifesting relationships, manifesting it's all together right Because, whether it's a relationship to money, a relationship to ourselves, a relationship to another human being, right, we're in relationship with life and so this was a really beautiful conversation.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: You can find Tanez on Instagram at minutes on growth.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: She has a new book coming out soon, so you can follow her for that.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: For more information on that, you can follow me on Instagram at minutes on growth.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: She has a new book coming out soon, so you can follow her for that.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: For more information on that, you can follow me on Instagram at Rochelle that, christian.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: That's R O C H E L L E dot, c H R I S T I A N?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: E.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Websites the same tech talk is the same.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Youtube the same everywhere is Rochelle Christian.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Rochelle, christian.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Again, everything you need to know is down the show notes, so I won't take up too much of your time here.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening and I will catch you soon.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Have you ever felt like you're doing everything right but you still feel stuck, exhausted, burnt out, like something's missing, like, no matter how much you push, plan or try and control, things just don't flow the way they should.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: You feel like you follow the rules.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: You've checked the boxes, you've done the work, but really, deep down, you just know that there's something more more ease, more alignment, more purpose, and instead you find yourself overthinking every decision, doubting your next steps and constantly questioning whether you're on the right path.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: You really really crave something deeper, something that finally makes sense, but your logical mind just keeps pulling you back into old patterns.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: This is where human design changes everything.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: It isn't about adding more to your plate.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: It's about removing what was never meant for you in the first place.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: And inside the Holistic Human Design Academy, you'll finally understand why you operate the way that you do, why certain things drain you and others light you up, and really how to trust yourself in a way you never have before.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: You'll learn how to work with your energy, not against it, so that life starts to feel effortless instead of exhausting.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: When you align with your design, everything changes.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Decisions become easier, opportunities begin to flow in, you stop second-guessing yourself and start living in full trust.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: This is about coming home to yourself, remembering who you are, breaking free from your conditioning and stepping into the life that was meant for you.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So if you're ready to really finally understand yourself in a deeper level and start living in alignment.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Holistic Human Design Academy is for you.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: It is open now, and this is your invitation to step into more ease, more clarity and more well just you.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So click the link in the show notes or send me a DM on Instagram for more details.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Now let's dive into the episode Today.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I have Tanaz here with me, and she is a relationship and manifestation coach with a podcast as well, called Minutes on Growth.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I'm really excited to have you here and to have this conversation with you.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I think that relationships and manifestation is something that so many people are fascinated with, are dreaming of, have goals of, so I think it's really a great conversation to have.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to pass you the floor and just to introduce yourself and kind of tell your story as much or as little as you'd like and any pivotal moments that along the way, that kind of got you to where you're at today.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, rochelle, for creating this space for this conversation.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: So my background actually was in dispute resolution law and then I went into family mediation.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I had an extremely avoidant attachment style.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, my career was literally around like divorce and separation.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: And as soon as I finished studying and I, you know, kind of got into the workforce, I was like I don't like how this feels on the inside of you know, people fighting over who gets a cup and you know who gets this, and it's like it can't be like.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: How can we start off as like so in love, and you know the honeymoon phase and there's just these butterflies.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: And then now we're, you know, at this place where there's like resentment and sometimes even like contemptful behavior, like disgust in the parties.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: So it was like something I was like this doesn't feel aligned with what I want to do with my life, it doesn't feel fulfilling.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And so had, you know, had a little bit of that dark night, that awakening of the soul, and someone at the book club that I was running suggested why don't we go into coaching?
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I was like I didn't even know what that was at that time.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: That was like 2016, 17.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I was like I have no idea what that is, but studied it, liked it and then kind of niched down into relationships and then decided to take it a step further and go, you know, get my third master's degree in counseling, psychotherapy, to kind of have more tools to be able to help clients cultivate and entertain, I would say, healthier relationships, so that you know dynamics that feel safe and secure versus and how can we maintain that?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Versus getting to a point where you know there's no return from it.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was gonna be.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: One of my questions was how you kind of got into like the relationship realm, because, you know, I think so many of us coaches have gone through something that's traumatic or, like you said, dark night of the soul.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: We're kind of like figuring things out and then we discover it for ourselves, you know, and then we're like, oh, let's share it with everybody.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And relationships I mean I, as far as like manifestation right, like relationships and money are kind of like the same energetics.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: So every time I feel like I'm out of alignment with one or the other, I'm like wait, what's what's going on?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: What do I need to face?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: What do I need to look at?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Do you find that to be true?
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean definitely.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's a relationship that we have with money.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: It's a relationship we have with ourself, with our homes, with our friends, with our family, with our coworkers.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: It's kind of that same energy that we're taking into place.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: It's like sometimes people are like I, you can go on the vacation, but if you take the same energetic frequency with you and the same mindset, nothing is really going to change.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: So it's like when we do as cliche as it sounds, but you know, doing the inner work works.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: So when you do that work, when you go within, when you remove the blockages that you have, that, alongside learning certain relational tools and skills that, unfortunately, we weren't taught in school.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: And you know, yeah, we know algebra and geometry, but do we know how to have a healthy communication style?
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Do we know how to navigate conflict?
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: You know most of us weren't taught this and weren't.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: You know we're raised in homes where it wasn't modeled to us.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: So learning the tools and the skills and doing the inner work together is, you know, how we're able to manifest these healthier dynamics for ourselves.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Were you?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: You said you were avoidant.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, Were you able to heal that, or was that?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Is it something that still comes up for you?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: No, definitely I was able to heal that.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I think it just took years and years of therapy.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: But I want to say why it took years and years.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: It's because I also experienced really bad therapists, and I think a really bad therapist is worse than not having a therapist, because it kind of just takes you back so many different steps and I actually shared this a couple of days ago on my social media of like I used to have a therapist when I was 18 and he would keep saying, like, and how does that make you feel?
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: And he would bring all these emotions and feelings to the surface without giving me the tools to process them, which then would get me even deeper into my negative coping skills.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: For me it was overspending, it was partying, it was drinking, and so it took a while until I found someone that was, you know, felt safe for me to go within, to look, but also gave me the tools to process that and, you know, build a secure relationship that I have now with you know, with my partner.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I went to therapy for years and I felt like there was two reasons why I kind of stopped, but one of them was, yeah, I just felt like I would be okay during the week, or I felt like I made some progress, and then I'd go into therapy and just would be back into all the trauma and then for days it would take me to recover from that.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if that was her line of questioning or just where I was at in life, but that was definitely hard to continue to go back to when you're trying to move forward and just continually brought back to the past.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can definitely imagine.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and definitely, like you know, therapy is previously.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Therapy is always about, you know, let's talk about your childhood, let's go in the past.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: And now we're seeing the shift towards okay, how can we, you know, take what has happened, learn from it and move forward?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: And that's where, like coaching, usually, you know, plays a more instrumental role.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: But we are seeing that shift in therapy as well as also letting the client be the expert.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Before it was like the therapist was like the expert I know best, and now we're seeing a shift of no, the client's experience, let the client be the expert of their experience of no, the client's experience, let the client be the expert of their experience and kind of just be there as the rear view mirror, kind of giving them the support, the empowerment to move forward and to create a new story for themselves.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So I'm excited for this new era of therapy but, yeah, many have had similar experiences.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and it definitely does seem like it's changing, just from things I've witnessed and heard.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And you know I focus on human design and astrology, and even you know therapists or clinicians that are sort of like integrating that within their practice is actually really cool to see, because I think there's so much held within that as well, and that sort of you know, like the manifestation of being able to call in your future rather than just, like you know, I think the subconscious work is a big part of it, but to be able to sort of look forward to instead of just being caught in that loop.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, and it gives us hope, right, if we don't have that vision?
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: You know, part of the work that I do with my clients is have such an empowering vision that the vision pulls you, you're not pushing towards it.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: And ultimately, that I think that's the goal of any of the work that we do is, how can we have such a powerful energetic force pull us towards it, instead of us kind of fighting against the current?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: instead of us kind of fighting against the current.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: How do you like?
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: What are some practices to pull in that?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Energy or be pulled by that energy, I guess.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I'd start with the body, and a lot of people like to start with the mind.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: But I've noticed that, you know, when the mind is really racing and it's in that dysregulated state, the easiest way perhaps is through the body.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: It's kind of releasing some of that tension that is building up, whether it's through shaking that's what animals do when they're feeling stressed out.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: So I just literally love to shake, shaking, you know, going for a walk in nature, kind of really engaging the body.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, breathwork is one of my absolute favorites.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I think I had my biggest aha moments when I went into breathwork coaching and I kind of got my certificate.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow, this is a portal to so many different experiences and I can wake up and I can go to sleep with the way I breathe, and so breath work can be really profound.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: And then, once you know we have the body feeling grounded and the body feeling safe, then let's bring in meditation, let's bring in some of the more soul oriented practices.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: So I would say, start with the body, yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So you recommend breath work before you even like kind of dip into the world of meditation.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I think it's just like the breath is simple, it's easier.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes we're like I can't, I can't meditate without, like I can't sit down and have these thoughts.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And of course, the goal of meditation is not to not have any thoughts, but to kind of let them witness, as Deepak Chopra says, to arise and subside without judgment.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: The easiest way to do that is to bring the focus back to the breath, like focus on the sound of your breath, the speed of your breath.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: So it's actually a tool that can help you build a better foundation for meditation.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I feel like for quite a while I avoided breathwork because I think I jumped right into that really intense like 30 minute style of breathwork and although it's so profound like I've had so many incredible realizations through it, it is really challenging on the body to like cause.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: You're fighting your ego the whole time.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Your mind is like stop, when is it over?
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Can we stop?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: And then you're just like no, keep going and it feels like it drags on forever.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, that's next level, breath work.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: When I mention breath work, I'm talking about slow deep inhales, slow deep exhales.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I know the breath work that you're talking about is super profound.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: But again, the client needs to have that capacity to process that because there's no use if we bring all of that to the surface and they don't have again the capacity and the openness and the willingness and the space and all of that and even the nervous system to process it.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: It actually ends up backfiring right and it becomes scary and they don't want to do the work anymore.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense, and maybe that's why I kind of avoided it after that first time, because I say, I was sobbing.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: There was so much they came up and I wasn't.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I don't think I was prepared for that sort of intensity.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that nervous system regulation what I found with a lot, I mean we have to understand that we're safe, I think, right In order to do this work.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: So I like that, you know, having these sort of like coming into your body, which a lot of people avoid, you know, for a lot of reasons because, like you said, like a lot of things will come up.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: So, besides, like that breath work and, I guess, like nature, how can we like come into our body if we're having an experience right, um, I don't know if it's like kind of the same answers as you just gave, but if we're, if we're sort of avoiding that you know what our body is telling us, is there a way to sort of safely come into it?
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, if we keep avoiding it, it shows up in different ways.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Right, it shows up sometimes in chronic illness.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: It can show up in, you know, insomnia and kind of losing sleep and losing your appetite.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: So eventually we have to listen to it.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: But you know, the question is, what's the easiest way for me to listen to it?
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: What do I feel comfortable?
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: How do I feel comfortable?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: And you know, taking the path of least resistance.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: So sometimes it's as simple as rubbing ice cubes on your wrist, or taking a shower, or splashing cold water on your face or, you know, screaming into your pillow.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Whatever it's like.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: The goal of a mental health professional is to provide you with a toolbox filled with a plethora of tools that you get to test out and see what feels safe for you.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Because you know if, for example, you know, for some, yes, rubbing ice cubes on your wrist is great, but if there's a traumatic experience with cold water involved in your childhood, that's not going to work for you.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: So, even though science is backing it up, your experience is going to be different.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: So, really creating that toolbox for yourself and experimenting with it and seeing what feels the easiest for me right now and then, as you build on that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, you're going to expand on your toolbox because your window of tolerance becomes bigger and bigger and bigger, but start small.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I would say that to everyone Just start small.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: You don't need to do everything overnight.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: You don't need to be like, especially New Year's resolutions, we're like, oh, this year I'm going to do.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: X, Y.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I'm going to meditate for 30 minutes.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do this.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Start small.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You know, I think about that a lot with like fitness, like my daughter's been struck.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: She's 14.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: So she's kind of going through some mental health things and I've given her some practices like journaling or going outside for a walk, and when she's feeling really stressed out I'll ask her I'm like you know, are you doing any of those?
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: You know the practices.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: And she's like, well, they just don't work.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, how often are you doing them?
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: She's like I don't know.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I did it like once.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, we can't go to the gym once a month and then expect to have a six pack.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: You know, like we have to continually do it.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: And I think that practice of like starting small makes that definitely more manageable than like trying to eat the whole cake at once.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, definitely I agree with you and, you know, becoming proactive with it.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I think that's another thing.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: You know, oftentimes we're very reactive with our tools of you know, the challenge comes up, the trigger comes up, and then we do it.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: But it's like how can I build a sustainable self-care routine?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: And self-care is very different than self-pampering.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes I say self-care and you know people think I mean like taking a bath or like putting on a mask and all of these things are great but they fall under self-pampering.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Self-care is what can I do to kind of really build internal resilience for myself?
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: And so if I wake up in the morning and instead of, you know, social media is like you need a one hour morning routine Okay, ultimate goal but can I start with like 10 seconds of breath work, starting my day with like slow, slow, deep breaths and kind of building on that and being proactive with it, so that when a challenge comes, it's like my cup is already full and the challenge kind of like takes a little sip from the water, but it's not.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: My cup is already full and the challenge kind of like takes a little sip from the water, but it's not an empty water, so my body doesn't feel the shock as much as if it was, you know, a fuller water I love that.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what does your routine look like, like during the day?
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Just that you've built to be able to work with it.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's very simple, very, very simple.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I just wake up in the morning, just some slow, deep breaths.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I love to start with a prayer of you know, universe, tell me where to go, what to say and who to say it to, and kind of just surrendering of whatever comes.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Then you know brushing my teeth and I have some affirmations with like lip liner on my mirror, so I just look them over.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Some days I'll say them out, but other days that I'm not in the best mood I'll just read them.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: And just reading it puts a smile, because I wrote, one of my affirmations is smile, it looks good on you.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: So I just naturally end up smiling, just having a glass of water just throughout the day, pausing and breath again, going back to breath, slow, deep breaths, pausing and just saying, okay, what needs to flow through me right now and stop trying to push so much.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean being not putting in the effort, because when I'm especially when I'm teaching manifestation, I always say there is no attraction without the word action.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: It's literally in it.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: You cannot attract anything that you do not take inspired action towards.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So showing up to the best of your ability, whatever that looks like and it's gonna look different, especially for us women with our hormones.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: So it's gonna look different.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: But you know, at the end of the night you can't really lie to yourself going to bed and saying what did I do my best today, if not fine, extend grace, extend compassion.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow I'll be better, I'll do better.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: So very simple, just in the morning and at night, just asking myself did I show up to the best of my?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: ability.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I think that's a piece a lot of people miss in manifestation is the action, because that took me a long while to realize.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm doing everything except taking action, because that's the hardest part, but it like brings the results like so much more quickly.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: It's like pulls it in yeah, definitely.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: I remember when I first learned about manifestation, I was in grade like 11 and I read the secret and I was like, okay, so I was, you know, sit down, think all these positive thoughts and visualize, and I'm like something is like am I not doing it right?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: And then I went and I studied actually what the authors were saying and of course, the book and the movie was a small version of it and they talk a lot about actions as well.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, so this is the missing part and I guess it's not commercialized to talk about.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: But you know really, you know our experience of reality, michael B Beckwith says, is based on our thoughts or opinions or beliefs and our perceptions.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: First step, working on that and then coming and saying, okay, what actions are in alignment with these new beliefs, thoughts, perceptions and going from there.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have like a little evening, like daily check, and I do before I sleep and one of the prompts or one of the questions that I always answer is like did I take aligned action today, just to see?
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't, you know.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And then, and that's okay, and some days I do and I'm like, oh yeah, but I really try.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes maybe, like as we're starting the process, the like intention is a little bit harder to always set.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: If that makes sense, like to wake up and be like I'm going to be intentional today, you know, I think, probably because we're coming from a more reactionary, survival based place where it's just like I'm just trying to get through the day.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: And I think the longer that we do it and instill those beliefs, then we can be more intentional and then when there's a part of us that needs to react or take action, then we can run it through our values and all those things.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: But I mean, it is a process, I think, to get there, and some people get there a little bit faster and maybe it's because they're more willing to take that action early on, I would imagine.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: But yeah, sometimes it takes a while and I think, yeah, having grace throughout that process, too, is important yeah definitely, and I think it's also important to realize that.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: You know, a lot of us rely on motivation, and motivation ebbs and flows based on our emotions, based on our feelings.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Discipline, however, on the other hand, is, you know, it's really what enables us to show up as our higher selves but not discipline in army sense discipline.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I love this concept that I'm actually writing a book on soft discipline.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: You know, discipline with grace, discipline with compassion, discipline with how you'd act and show up with your best friend and kind of taking that energy and bringing it to the self of how can you know?
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm not in the mood right now to wake up, you know, five minutes earlier than my alarm clock.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: But what would I tell my best friend?
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, like, let's try together, like, let's do this, let's put a glass of water, or let's change our ringtone, our alarm, to.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: You know, a soothing sound of our favorite sound, whether it's like the ocean or birds chirping, taking these small steps with grace, with softness, the yin and the yang.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: You know, the feminine and the masculine energy, balancing them both so that I can be more intentional with my day to day.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to do I can't remember what his name was, it was oh my gosh, I forgot what it's called Prana Keeling and I used to do like these meditations.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: But I remember one time during that he was saying that you know, meditation in itself is a practice and a discipline, because it's so easy to sit there and be like, oh well, I hear the dog outside, or I got to go answer the door, I got to switch the laundry over, right, and I think that it does take a practice of like not forcing but, yeah, disciplining your body to sit there, and I like that soft discipline where it's not so harsh Like you have to sit here, you have to do this, but it's also bringing in that feminine energy because, you know, it is that balance of them.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: But I feel like for myself, when I learned, or like when that concept kind of came up, then it changed my relationship with meditation a little bit, where it was like, okay, I can feel the like pull and the want to move and things like that, but I'm going to sit here just for five more minutes, you know.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: So it sort of shows me that my body has more control, or my mind, I don't know either way, but it's like you have control over it, you know, and it's not just like the ego, that's always like pulling you out of it.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's such an empowering statement, as you just said, right, that I get to choose.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I get to choose how how I'm responding to life and how I'm showing up to life, and it's not.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: I have to do it, but I get to do it.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: And that itself, just you know, reinforces our free will, reinforces the power of choice.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: No-transcript attract so many different kinds of people into our life.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: But who we entertain has a lot to do with our relational beliefs and our patterns.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: So the partner that you have in your life at this point, at some level, is similar to you.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Now some people take that and they're like, oh my God, especially if their partner is triggering for them.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: But you cannot notice something in someone else if it doesn't exist within you.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: You cannot notice chocolate, you can't know what chocolate tastes like unless you've had chocolate.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: So recognizing that, okay, this partner that's in my life right now at some energetic level is, you know, in similar frequencies.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Or if I am entertaining this partner, there's, you know, and we're not alike.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Then there's something in my past patterns, in my past stories, my conditioning, what was modeled to me, that has normalized this for me, even though it's unhealthy, right.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: So we don't, we sometimes we don't leave unhealthy dynamics because they're familiar, but familiar doesn't always mean healthy or safe or secure.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: So just kind of being aware of where you're standing, how this dynamic is serving you or not serving you, and then when you start to do the work usually when we start doing the work, we're like, oh my God, I learned something new.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I want to share it with you.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: And you know, we we kind of go into that teacher mode with our partner.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: And similar to how kids don't like, don't really listen to what you say, they listen to what you do.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Right, they model your behavior.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: It's similar to it's.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: The same concept applies in relationships.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: How can I start to model that which I'm learning and create the energetic shift through my behavior?
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Right, so now I'm learning about boundaries, instead of telling my partner you know this, like this is what you should be doing.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Why don't I model that?
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: You know those boundaries?
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, when we start to model that behavior, our partner might notice that shift and be like something feels different, like we're fighting less.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: Everything you know is like the energy is more uplifting, we're understanding each other better, we're connecting at a deeper level, there's more curiosity, there's more respect and they become curious and they join you on that.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Curious and they join you on that.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Or you start to take it to the next level of consciousness and you learn these tools and you realize, okay, this person does not want to change.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Can I accept them as they are.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's a yes, maybe it's a no, but I would say modeling that behavior, that change that lesson first and then seeing if that will elevate the relationship together or it will just kind of grow you guys apart.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think sometimes when we're setting boundaries which is why often I think we avoid doing it is because there is a lot of resistance and that can cause friction, right Cause then it's you're showing up as a different person, and I know there's even certain people in my family in my life that even to this day I really struggle setting boundaries with, because it's always been seen as something that you don't do, it's cold, it's harsh, like you're uncaring, you're selfish, and so it really takes a long time to like rewrite those narratives and then, like now, I feel like I'm aware of them.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: So it's more like energetic boundaries than verbal ones where I just don't entertain, I just don't enter the situation.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: But I know that you know in relationship dynamics like romantic, you know partnerships that can be challenging when we're beginning to like set those boundaries and it kind of changes who we are with each other.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Definitely.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: But you know I also want to share that it's difficult at the beginning and sometimes you know it's difficult but it's it can serve the relationship.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: For example, as someone who was avoidant in my relationships when there was conflict I would walk out right, and so I would have in the past partners that would respond differently to that.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Until you know, I met someone who would be like, listen, if you're going to walk out, then X Y, z, right, I want to have this conversation.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I don't appreciate you walking out Person setting a boundary with me.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, that was so difficult.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be like what?
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: You can't tell me what to do.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: I am going to walk out if I wanted that.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: But sometimes when people set boundaries, especially our partners, when they set boundaries with us, it really like it's like a light bulb of something needs to change within me and it kind of creates that space for us to be like, okay, how can I grow from this?
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: And you know, in a relationship everyone has their own set of strengths and so one person's strengths can kind of help you grow and vice versa.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: So for me it was like, okay, that person setting a boundary with me around walking out helped me learn not to walk out, which helped the relationship.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's going back to that action piece, right, we're stepping up and we're taking the action and I think that, yeah, that's the hardest part is to actually do it.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: And then I think we realized afterwards that it the hardest part is to actually do it.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: And then I think we realized afterwards that it shows us it's safe to do it, it shows us it's okay to do it.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been divorced twice.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Before I kind of, I would say, woke up or before I started doing the work and I, you know, in hindsight, looking back, I was very unaware I was pulling people in that were mirroring my low self-worth and since then it's been easier, I think, in the beginning to just sort of set that precedent, showing up, I guess the way that I want to show up, which makes it easier then to take action or set boundaries when you're kind of like immediately showing up in that dynamic, as opposed to being with somebody for maybe eight years before you start and then all of a sudden trying to do that.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: But either way, I still think that action and doing it, having the conversation you know, really helps kind of keep that momentum going when you're doing the work?
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I saw this quote online and I love that.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: It's like you know, being in a relationship is like kind of grieving different versions of your partner over and over again, because we're going to keep changing and if we can be curious, I think curiosity is such an underrated superpower that we don't talk often about is.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Can I be curious with who you are today and date this version of you and, you know, be married to this version of you, not yesterday's version.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: And can I show curiosity towards your internal state, what is happening on the inside?
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: And so you know, I'm getting to know this version and I'm getting to grieve yesterday's version, if we can do that.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: It's, you know, of course, easier said than done, but it really is such a powerful element in relationships.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I like that reframe too, of like that almost makes it exciting, right Cause I think sometimes we're, we get married and we're like, oh my gosh, the same person for the rest of our life, but it's like, no, I get to continue to relearn this person every year, every month, you know, cause we're always constantly changing, and I think that that's such a beautiful way to like perceive it, you know, and also grieving what we've met, but then being able to look forward to the future and just kind of continue to meet each other in these new spaces, yeah, definitely.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: I love that and that's, and that, I think, is what they mean when they say always date your partner.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: It's like always be in that state of excitement, curiosity and just openness and to learn from them.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: And you know again, it's not I have to be married, it's I get to be married.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: I don't have to be dating, I get to be dating.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: And so if it's my choice, and you know it's, it's their choice, and how can we honor each other's choice and not take each other for granted?
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it can really help.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: When you met your current partner, were you starting this work?
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Were you already in the work?
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Like, how was that navigating that kind of in this space?
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: So actually, my fiance was my best friend of 15 years, so he was with me throughout all of my relationships.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: He'd met all of my previous partners.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: You know my relationships.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: He'd met all of my previous partners and I think when we decided to get together, I was at a place where I was like, okay, I know what baggage I bring into the relationship.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: I know, because everyone has baggage, right, it's just who's.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: It's like whose strength?
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Choose a partner whose strengths you can admire and whose weaknesses you can tolerate.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: And so you know, knowing him I had known him for so long and I think the timing was just we reached the point where we're like, okay, we are at a place where we have the capacity for each other's weaknesses and we also have the capacity to for each other's weaknesses and we also have the capacity to celebrate each other's strengths.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: And so I also had this understanding of what I wanted in a relationship, in a safe relationship, in a secure relation.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: My previous relationship was also safe and secure, but it's like, I guess you either grow together or you grow apart.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: It's like I guess you know you either grow together or you grow apart.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: And so this new version of me had different desires than the previous version and I guess these desires were so aligned with, you know, my current fiance's desires as well.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: The work has been going on since, I would say, started spirituality in 07, but started coaching in 2016, 17, but he's been around since 2010.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I think that the foundation of like friendship is underrated in relationships, because just being able to be with somebody and, you know, enjoying their presence regardless of what happens or the expectation, is beautiful.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Was there always like sort of a spark between you guys, or was that something that you just sort of evolved into?
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: No, but to be like the funny part is, when we got together, everyone's like, oh my God, we knew it.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: It's like we knew one day this is going to happen and we're like no, like I, I didn't feel that, I don't know if he felt it, but on my end I didn't feel it.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: He was really my best friend, like best friend and like you know the sense of you know, when you're kids and you go and you play out in the like in the streets and you play like football together, that was really like our sense, like we would play PlayStation and I would be like one of the boys for them, and so it wasn't like that until I think we were traveling as a group and it just happened.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: It really just happened and I think it was the universe's timing, because and the funny part is and I love because the story of manifestation is like timing also it's like when the soul is ready.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Two years prior to us getting together, we had gone, it was his birthday and it was this voice inside of me of like you know, maybe try to see if there's something there.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: I was, you know, recently, single.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, let me try it out.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: We went to dinner and you know we had a bottle of wine and we came out and we're like, oh, should we go like hang out with our friends?
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: And I was like, and you know there's like, oh, we go like hang out with our friends.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: And I was like, and you know there's like, no, I'm like, oh, we're gonna kiss tonight.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Like this feeling is there and and the cops pull us over, like two minutes into driving, they pull us over, they tow the car because he was speeding and I was just like the universe's sign is it's not.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it said no and so that was two years?
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: yeah, had you, like in your process, made a manifestation list of like your partner?
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: uh, yes and no.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: So I had a list for my previous relationship and after that I realized that sometimes the soul doesn't even know.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: Like the soul knows, the mind doesn't know what it wants right.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: So sometimes the things that we write on the list are things that we've been conditioned to think we want, based on what our family thinks we want you know they want for us.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Based on what we see on social media, which right now is really like you know, so many people are like oh, I want a partner who gives me extravagant gifts, you know, takes me around the world all these things that we're seeing on social media which again.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with them.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: But the list is a very tends to be a very intellectual list and you know the soul.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: A soul level relationship is quite different.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: So when it came after my last relationship ended, I really was like you know relationship, and that I really was like you know universe guide me, I trust, like I trust that you know, your vision for me is much bigger.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: But also being conscious of like you know, if I was going on a date and I noticed, you know, someone's values were misaligned, I was at that place in my life, was like I'm not Bob the Builder, I'm not going to fix people right, I'm just going to accept them as they are.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: And if our values don't align on the first date, they're not going to align on the third.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: And so it was a little bit more strict with myself.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so powerful.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time I made a list I called somebody in, I think like within the month that checked everything off of that list but then I realized how many things weren't on that list that I actually really valued.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I can't live without those things.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: You might be all of this, but there's so much more that I need.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: And he was very dismissive, avoidant and I'm fearful avoidant attachment style.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: So when I'm with somebody that's dismissive I become super anxious and chaotic.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: But the most recent person that I dated I remember this is to the second point that you said.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: I remember very early on in our relationship he was very safe, communication was great, but like value wise, we just didn't align.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: There were a lot of things like, not that anything was wrong.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: I just didn't align with what he valued in life and the direction he wanted to go.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: I have two kids.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: He wants many kids, I don't want any more.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: So it was kind of like early on and I remember bringing that up to him and he's like, no, like you know, we'll, we'll just.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: We'll always like talk about things and this, that, and it was something that always stuck with me and I always like kind of came back to us like, but our values don't align, like everything else is great, but how can we build a life where we don't align on those core pieces of who we are?
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's really important.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we might get a lot of what we're looking for, but if that piece isn't there, then it's really how can you build on that, you know?
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: Right, and thank you so much for sharing that.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: You know, that was exactly my situation.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: My previous relationship was a partner who, again, we were also friends and we were.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: We knew each other so well and he was, you know, so caring, so compassionate.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: But when it came to kids, I wanted kids and he didn't.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: And so, you know it was, I kept being like, okay, you know he'll change his mind, like he'll come around and this and that, and and no people.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: We have to accept people at where they are.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: And if they're saying, no, this is not what I want for my life, and you do.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: And so there was a part of me that, for some period of time, was like, okay, maybe I don't want kids, right, but then you can't really lie to yourself.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: It's like you have to be honest with yourself at the end of the night.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: And so finally I was like, no, this is not in alignment with the vision I have for my future.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: So I like to say that emotional maturity is acting on our values, not on our feelings.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: So you know, putting the feelings aside and saying, okay, do we have aligned values?
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: Aligned, not even, I'm not even going to say identical, but aligned.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: And if not, then, you know, entertaining someone who does have those values.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that can be really hard to do sometimes I know, especially like in the beginning, there's like so much that's good and so much that we or the that sort of like spark is still there, right, and you want to meet the other person where they're at.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that that is really important.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: And I found, over the last year, for me specifically, I've really gotten specific on my values, because before it's not not that I didn't know, but I guess I just wasn't like as clear about them as like.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: So now, like moving forward, I feel like I have like a really good idea like what those are and to be able to end things earlier when they're not aligned.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Because, like you said, you know, I think that obviously it's really really important and if you don't have the same values, you can't really build on it.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: But yeah, but I definitely agree it's.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: It's not easy, especially when, exactly as you said, when everything else is going good, right and you're like, okay, maybe I can sacrifice, and you know a relationship always will have compromise, yeah, but a compromise doesn't feel like a sacrifice.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: Sacrifice is you win, I lose.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: Compromise is we both win to some extent.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: So you've got to just ask yourself is this a compromise, or does this feel like a betrayal of self, or like I'm kind of walking away from me towards you and I'm not walking towards we?
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: We're not both walking towards we?
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: That we language can really be powerful and I think you really need to have aligned values to be able to build that language.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you have like a specific manifestation process that like you go through, or your teacher clients to go through?
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: Actually, I have a book coming out on that this year.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: It's going to be called Shifting Realities the Five Steps to Conscious Manifestation.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: I haven't talked about it to anyone, so you'll be the first one.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: So it's five steps.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: And you know, the first step is really kind of getting clarity on what it is that you even want.
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: And then the second step is asking, so ask and you shall receive.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: And so when we say prayer, and so it is, so it means that when you have that vision in a parallel timeline, you already have that.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: So it's like it's already yours in the metaphysical world.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: It just kind of needs to come to the physical realm.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: And then the third step is so, you know, we gain clarity, we ask.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: The third step is surrender, and so you trust in the process.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: The how is never up to us, the when is never up to us.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: That's, we're co-creating with the universe.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: And that's the exciting part.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: If you know how it's going to happen, then there's no excitement.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: It's like you read the last page of the book, you know the ending of the movie, so you kind of want to keep that spark alive.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: And that's the surrender part.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: The fourth part is the fourth, and the fifth part are all about taking inspired action.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: So you take inspired action and then you have the community to the embodiment.
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: So taking inspired action is all about like meditating, it's all about showing up, doing the work.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: And, lastly, step five is embodiment.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: So embodiment is the version of me that already has it.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: How does she wake up?
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: How does she talk?
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: So, if the vert and I'll give an example based on relationships if I'm, you know, craving and yearning for a secure and healthy relationship, I'm not going to sit with my girlfriends and talk about how all men cheat or how you know, shitty men are, because that version of me is going to be so happy in that relationship that's not going to be her reality.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: So the words that I'm speaking have to be in alignment with that version that has already achieved it.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: So if you want to manifest a million dollars, right, and that version of you has already manifested it, embodying her is she's going to feel much more safe and secure around receiving in this present moment.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: So if someone gives her and tells her you look so beautiful, she's going to accept that, she's going to receive that and she's going to say thank you Instead of being like, oh, this shirt, I bought it for like $2 off the thrift store, you know.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: So it's like the energy, because to be able to make a million dollars, you have to be open to receiving a million dollars.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: To be open to receiving, you should be open to receiving even a compliment.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: So, starting small, so again embodying that version, showing up as her thinking like her, talking like her.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: That would be the fifth step.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: So clarity, ask, surrender, action and then embodiment.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: And the first time that you mentioned embodiment you said the word community, and I'm imagining that's just being around the type of people that will allow you to be embodied in that.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: So what happens if we don't have that around us?
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: Like, I know, there's certain people in my life that you know I can't just kick out of my life, or I guess I could, but you know that I feel like I can't embody that version of myself with, so I try not to engage too much.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: But if we're in that situation where maybe, like in our reality, we don't have the kind of people that would help us achieve that, how do we navigate that?
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: Build it, and I know that sounds like a simple answer, but during COVID I remember that.
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: So I was in Dubai during COVID and our shutdown was really intense and I was like I had this deep yearning to talk about poetry Persian poetry and Sufi poetry with like Rumi, particularly about Rumi and I really couldn't go out and I had a book club at that time, but again, we couldn't meet up and so I was like what do I do?
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: And I just went on meetupcom.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: I created a group.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: I was like who wants to talk about like Rumi and Sufism?
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: And slowly people started to join this group and we would have weekly sessions for two years and I ended up meeting so many people that shared that same interest that we are still friends with to this day.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: So it's like you know, not a single one of my friends wanted to discuss poetry with me.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: No one wanted to.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Like you know, even my partner was like yeah, no, it's not my thing.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: Like you know, figure it out.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: So I literally had to create it.
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: And the good side of Spat social media is we really can have so many of these connections online, whether it's on Meetup, on Instagram.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: I have so many friends that I've friends now that have turned into friends of people I've like enjoyed their content, I followed, I engaged with them and now you know they are my community.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: So we can kind of outside the traditional realms of building a community and kind of using the resources that we have If you can't, if you don't have one, build one.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people speak negatively of social media, but I found the same thing.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: I've made so many incredible friendships through Instagram that even to this day, some of them I haven't met.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: But we'll hop on Zoom calls or and we just like keep each other accountable, and it really is beautiful and like powerful.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: If you're, I think, open to that kind of connection on that platform.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: Are you still in Dubai?
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: No, I'm in Toronto right now.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay, I grew up in Dubai.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: I was there for 13 years.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, dubai, I haven't been back in a while, but Wow.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I grew up there too.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: I just came back four years ago.
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay, yeah, I left in.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I think it was 2007.
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: So it's been quite a while.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: American school Dubai oh nice, yeah, okay, okay, yeah, I know it's so different.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I know, right, I just heard you say Dubai and I was like, wait, what I would love to that's like one of my goals is to get back out there.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I would love my kids to be able to experience that.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: But it's on the it's on the manifestation list.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: We're working towards it.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: You know I love that.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: And then so it is it's done Exactly, Exactly.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: So I mean, I guess in like, in sort of like wrapping up, cause I think we've we've covered a lot here how or what like, what tips or what do you wish people knew about these practices or manifestation, or just like being in relationship in general.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: Oof, okay, relationships, I would say, really invest in learning relational tools and skills.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: When you know better, you do better.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: So one of my awakenings in relationships was, you know, I looked upon all the relationships that weren't successful and I realized the only constant between them all was me.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: So, and that's, I have full control over that.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: I have full control over going within, working on my relational patterns, my beliefs, how I'm showing up, how I can be better and really doing the work, and because, you know, because a lot of research is showing that the quality of our life is heavily dependent on the quality of our relationship, so it's an investment that is, it's the best investment you can make is kind of really learning how to be a better partner.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: It's a skill.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: I really think it's a science and you can definitely master it with time and with you know, actually experience in doing it.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: So that's for relationships, with everything else, it's a lot of unlearning.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: I love to use the analogy of you're born and you're like this beautiful painting of gold, light, like radiating.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: But then over the years there's like these labels that are put on you if you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, and all these limitations.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: And so, you know, the journey within is kind of becoming aware of all these sticky notes that have blocked the light, slowly removing them and going home, because everything that we talk about in manifestation and spirituality, it's all innate wisdom that exists within everyone.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: It just needs to be reminded.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: So a good guide, teacher, mentor, coach, therapist, whatever, whoever you work with, their goal is to empower you to recognize the truth that lies already within you.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: So I would say, you know, going home within, removing those barriers.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: But when it comes to relationships, I think skills and tools, really we can't overlook them.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that first point of sort of looking and seeing that you are the common thread.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time I started dating after I got divorced.
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: The second time I spent like two and a half years, because the first time I jumped from one to the other and then the second time I was like I have to figure myself out before I even put myself into relationships.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: And the very first question that person asked me well, we were talking about our history and he was like, do you think that the common thread is you?
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: It's like absolutely.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: I have enough awareness now.
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: I know that I was a thing, but but like that coming inside and yeah, it's, it's so true to it.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: And it's hard to look at yourself and be like, wow, I've had a string of toxic relationships.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm the toxic one.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: It's so hard, like we really need to create space for this.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: If it's really hard, it's it's not easy work and if, because if it was easy work, everyone would be doing it.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, but it's like, everyone's like okay, but like can you be the good one and like you know, like so we make this work.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean honestly, I've thought about that.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like sometimes it really is like easier to be the victim and to just be in ignorance.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: And sometimes there are days where I'm so struggling to like stay in the work and with the awareness and sometimes I just want to like bang my head against the wall.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like it was so much easier when I was like 20 and I just went out and got drunk and did stupid things, you know like.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: But I know this is my journey and I value and it's such a beautiful process.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: But there are some moments where I'm like it would just be so much easier to throw all the blame on you and just walk away.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, a hundred percent.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: A hundred percent.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: Blaming is so much easier than taking accountability.
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: But I just remember one thing and I want to share this when my mom taught me many, many years ago she was, she's been sitting spirituality her whole life and she said when you point one finger to someone, you're pointing three to yourself.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: And I remember as a kid I was like, oh, like what is she saying?
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: Like it makes no sense.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: But when I grew up and I got into the work, I'm like that's what she meant of you know, you can blame someone, but ultimately it's.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I got chills.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: Has spirituality always been part of your life?
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: Then if your mom was very much in it, yeah, yeah, very much so.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: But I didn't really get into it until I had I like to call it like a life quake, where your whole life goes upside down at the age of, let's say, like 20.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: And that's when I did a deep dive in and Dr Wayne Dyer, bless his soul, was the guy that I connected with the most.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: And then we went to Deepak Chopra, dr Joe Dispenza, all of them.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: But you know you got to break open, to break through, and you know Rumi says the wound is where the light enters you.
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: So if anyone here is listening and is going through a hard time, you know, just trust that that wound that is cracking your heart open is actually what's going to allow the light to come in.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: It's a great opportunity for the light to come in and for you to rebuild and, you know, elevate the level of consciousness.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: My final question do you, are you familiar?
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: And also are you okay with sharing your human designer astrology?
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm not really good into it, like I don't know much about it, but I do know that I'm a projector okay, I was gonna say I always I I don't know what it is about you projectors just have this really like soft energy.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to explain it, but I was thinking that halfway through I was like I bet she's a projector yeah, it's beautiful.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd love to know more about it, but yeah, projectors are just like you do.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: You know the basics, no no, nothing.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: You just know, do you know anything else?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Like you're like, is it like two, four projector, emotional projector, splenic, no, just projector, yeah, so projectors are really here, like you're really here to guide and to lead people, and to do that your aura is very focused and penetrating, so like when you're with somebody you're really getting to know them.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: Right, because the goal of a projector is to so.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Generators are about 70% of the population, right, we have this defined sacral, this like life force, workforce, energy, and so the goal of a projector is to really witness and know the generator, to know what they would be best at.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: So it's very much about like you know, if you met me, you would just observe me, sort of, and ask questions or like get to know, and then you would know the things that light me up and excite me and keep my general running, generate my sacral running, because you know generators.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: There's so many of us.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: We're building the world.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: We're kind of running the world, not in that sense of like I'm running the world, but like if we're not on purpose and if we're not lit up by what we're doing, then you have a society that's burnt out, tired, frustrated, which look around.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: That's kind of accurate, right.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: And so the beautiful thing about projectors is your aura is naturally going to draw in the generators and so, energetically, you want to be recognized for what you see and what you know.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes generators can give unsolicited or not generators, sometimes projectors can give unsolicited advice and it literally is the best advice because you know.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: But sometimes there's so much resistance when it's not invited.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: If I don't ask you to share with me and you just are like, well, you should be doing this or your advice is probably spot on accurate, but I would be like no, that's not true and there'd be so much resistance, right.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: So it's like I think the practice of being a projector is really learning to like get that invitation and how you can draw it out from people, cause sometimes it's I feel like it's frustrating to hear like you have to wait for an invitation from people.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: But it's like I think there are leading ways that you can do it Right.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: Like you'll get in tune with somebody's energetics or ask leading questions Like do you want my advice today or can I?
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: Do you want to?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Like, do you want to invite me to share what I see or you know?
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Things like that, and then you'll get that invitation and then it's just like things become more seamless.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I love projectors.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: You're kind of like the um, like the managers, I guess of like the human design world right, where you're sort of like just watching and observing and then you just really get to know people and and help them, like guide their energy.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: Wow, I love that.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: Does it feel accurate?
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd love to know more.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, I I follow Jenna Zoe, I love her and she, you know, she has the human design app and I'm like I have to read her book.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: But her, she's also a projector.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: So, as you were speaking of, like her energy, I was like, oh, like I could see that Human design is such an interesting concept it really is.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where like my.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: So I started in health and fitness, but I've found that I fuse that with, like, human design.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: So it's very much about embodiment, which I think is a huge piece to it, right?
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: If we're not in tune with our body, if we're not healthy, if we're not with our body, if we're not healthy, if we're not, we just we can't understand the messages our body is telling us, right?
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: Which then empower us through manifestation or relationships, to know that we need to set a boundary.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: We're not hearing it, we're not in tune with it, right?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: So I really like that lens of like moving through human design, because it sort of gives us, like, this step-by-step process of like how would I come back to ourselves?
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: So I don't know, it's just a beautiful thing, but I love it.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: It excites me so much to talk about it and share about it, so I love that.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, of course.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing everything with the audience.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: Is there anything that you're working on that you want to share and how can they find you?
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: Anything that I'm working on.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: So I have a free ebook.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: It's not something I mean, it's already out there but it's on 11 tools for nervous system regulation.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: So I just, you know, recommend everyone to kind of download it and see which tools they resonate with and kind of put it into their toolbox.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: What I am working on is, you know, my book Shifting Reality is going to be out this year on conscious manifestation.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: It really is a compilation of all the work and the research and you know I'm a teacher archetype, so my whole goal is to simplify complex concepts.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: So that's coming out and you can find me at anywhere and everywhere on at minutes on growth, so minutes O-N growth.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: On Instagram, facebook website, podcast, everything.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: And I have tons and tons of content on social media, so on relationships and how to build healthy relationships with yourself and with the people around you.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: So definitely check out the free content.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: And I'll have everything linked in the show notes.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you.