Latest / The Hypnotist / When a Parent Uses God to Control You - How to Break Free From Religious Fear and Emotional AbuseWhen a Parent Uses God to Control You - How to Break Free From Religious Fear and Emotional Abuse

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When a Parent Uses God to Control You - How to Break Free From Religious Fear and Emotional AbuseWhen a Parent Uses God to Control You - How to Break Free From Religious Fear and Emotional Abuse · The Hypnotist

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  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing.
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  Genuine issues. Brought to you by The
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  Hypnotherapist, Demanded by celebrities, CEOs and even
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  royalty, Adam Cox. These recordings took place live
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  from Adam Smith in London's world famous Harley Street.
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  So get yourself comfortable and enjoy today's episode of The
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  Hypnotist. Hi, it's Adam here.
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  And this is quite a, an emotive session because it deals with
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  something that I'm seeing more and more often.
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  And it's the emotional abuse that can come from religion.
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  And I think even though I'm an atheist, I think lots of
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  religions are wonderful things that if they support empowering
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  belief systems, kindness, respect and love, then they're
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  wonderful. And that could be a very good
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  thing. Unfortunately, lots of these
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  things like religions can be corrupted based on the agenda of
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  individuals and you see that with politics sometimes.
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  Wars are justified. Based on religion, certainly.
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  You know, the Crusades in the Middle Ages and lots of things,
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  horrible things that were done in kind of Africa and Ireland
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  and all different parts of the Americas in the name of
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  Christianity and Catholicism, horrible.
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  But some of the underlying belief systems can be very
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  positive. But it can be corrupted.
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  It can be utilized with an agenda.
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  And this particular client had a Muslim upbringing and their
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  mother was unfortunately quite ignorant, not that well
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  educated, but they used the the good essence of the religion and
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  they used it for malicious purposes and that is to control,
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  coerce, to strike fear in their child.
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  So a lot of this is about breaking free from the emotional
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  trauma and the emotional abuse where God and religion was used
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  not as something positive to inspire, but as a weapon to hurt
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  and abuse. So if you can resonate with the
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  idea of religious abuse and you might still have belief systems
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  that 'cause you shame or guilt or fear and anxiety connected to
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  some of the religious teachings, then you might benefit from
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  hypnotherapy. This client certainly did.
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  Now, their situation might not be your situation.
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  So if you like the idea of something a bit more bespoke for
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  you, I would encourage you to do one of two things.
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  There is a. Suitability test, and there's
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  also a webinar where I describe how I work and how hypnosis can
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  help. They're both in the description,
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  so check them out if they are of interest.
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  For now though, you might get some value from this.
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  Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted or
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  disturbed. Relax and enjoy.
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  The session. Take a deep breath in and as you
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  breathe in, breathe in that feeling of calm.
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  And as you exhale, just allow your eyelids to feel heavy
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  close. And as they close, just listen
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  to the sound of my voice. Breathing in a feeling of calm,
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  relaxation and exhaling tension. And if you need to position your
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  body in a way that facilitates even more calm and comfort,
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  allow yourself to do that now. That's it.
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  Breathing and relaxation and exhaling tension.
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  And I want you to think of the journey you've made to be here,
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  and not just today, and not just physically, but across many
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  years, countries, languages, losses and achievements that
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  most people would never be able to navigate.
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  And yet you are here. And just give a moment to
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  connect to a feeling of pride at how remarkable it is that you've
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  been able to do as much as you have breathing in, a feeling of
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  calm relaxation as you allow the breath to calm and go without
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  interference. Of course your body knows how to
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  breathe. It's been breathing through
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  everything, through the storms outside but also the storms
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  inside, through the years of difficulty and the years of
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  building something real and valuable from very little.
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  And somewhere beneath all of that, beneath the history, in
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  the accumulated weight of things carried for too long, there is a
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  part. A part within you that has been
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  watching quietly, steadily, that has observed everything that has
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  happened and has remained intact, present, unmoved at its
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  centre, even when everything around it was in motion.
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  And this is the part of you I'm speaking to today.
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  The observer, the witness, The part that is older and wiser
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  than any story that has ever been told about you, either by
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  others or by yourself. I'm going to countdown from
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  12:50 and I want you to imagine being at the stop of the
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  staircase and walking down. And as I countdown from 12:50,
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  just imagine walking down the staircase.
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  Each step represents a feeling of going deeper and deeper
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  within. And maybe it's a wooden
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  staircase, a marble staircase, or something else. 10 Taking
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  that first step 9. Just allow the body to become
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  heavier and more at rest with each number 8.
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  One more step down, feel a release of emotion seven.
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  Another step down, and as you go down the staircase, it almost
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  feels like the surface concerns of the day start to recede 6.
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  Another step down 5. Halfway down now, four arms and
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  legs getting heavier, 4 more feeling your internal organs
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  start to relax. Lungs, heart, stomach going
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  deeper into that. Still watching centre 3 nearly
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  the bottom of the staircase now and two and one.
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  Feel a ripple of relaxation from your toes to the top of your
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  head, back down to your fingertips.
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  The staircase has taken you to a place we can call your centre, a
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  centre of stillness. And here you are at this still
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  centre where the real work can happen, with a part of you that
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  has always known the truth is present and listening.
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  You already know that you he was a soul, he was an entity, he was
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  a human and not the story. And there is a distinction at a
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  level deeper than words, a distinction between the story
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  and the storyteller, between the content of a life and the one
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  who has been watching that content unfold.
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  And you've been given many stories about yourself, stories
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  that began before you were old enough to evaluate them, stories
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  that were delivered with authority and fear, and the
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  particular power that a parent holds over a child who hasn't
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  learned yet that parents can and often are, be wrong.
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  Maybe you heard words, stories, when you were young.
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  You were bad. You were causing this under
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  storms, lightning, wind is God's warning and it's all because of
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  you. And you will never be enough.
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  Others are better than you. Your achievements mean nothing.
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  But you know they weren't truths.
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  They were tools, instruments of control, used by someone who was
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  afraid of losing power over you. Someone who, in the grip of
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  their own limitations and unhappiness, reach for the most
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  powerful lever available, which was the child who loved her and
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  wanted to please her, and believed, as many children
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  believe, that what a mother says must be true.
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  And maybe for years, deep down, you believed, or at least hoped,
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  that your mother wanted the best for you.
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  She wanted you to do well. And sometimes we only know later
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  that those things we were hoping were never true, never real,
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  Your own deepest experience confirms.
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  That you are. Not, and never were those
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  stories. You have never been those
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  stories. You were the one who has been
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  experiencing those stories, watching them, surviving them,
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  and in time, questioning them. I want you to use the power of
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  your imagination to think of it in an unusual way.
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  You are the sky and those stories are clouds.
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  They moved through you and some of them were very dark and very
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  heavy and some of them stayed for a long time and seemed like
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  they would never pass. But they were always just the
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  weather passing through the sky and the sky itself.
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  The awareness that watched them come and go was never the
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  clouds. You are not the stories told
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  about you. You are the one that's been
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  watching those stories. And you are more capable, more
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  powerful than any words, any stories.
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  Think back all the way back when you first arrived, but the
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  language you were still learning, how quickly you
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  adapted, met real people, connected your desire to study,
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  improve yourself, even though you were carrying the weight of
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  a family's disapproval. The very people that should have
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  been encouraging and congratulating you, we're
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  criticizing, diminishing all of that hard work and effort.
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  You were always good, always loyal, tried, tried to make a
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  mother proud. And perhaps it's only recently
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  realized that Void could never have been filled.
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  You were someone growing consistently, making
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  connections, friends, becoming wiser in spite of all of those
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  attempts to crush you, diminish you, stop you and the observer
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  self. The sky that held all of that
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  has been there the entire time, watching, patient intact.
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  And it is from that observer position that we're speaking
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  now. It's from that position that the
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  work of real liberation begins, because some people are trapped
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  in chains, some people are trapped in buildings, but some
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  people are trapped because of emotions, fears, and sometimes
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  those fears are more powerful than chains and brick walls.
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  And that old story, The boy in the village who cried wolf and
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  there was no wolf, not once but many times, got away with it
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  until the village learned that the boy could not be trusted.
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  If it was anyone else other than your mother, two or three times
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  would have been enough for you not to believe the stories.
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  A child who was told not once or twice, but repeatedly, before
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  storms, during storms, after the storms.
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  Storms were God's punishment. Lightning was anger.
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  You were to blame. A boy who cried wolf.
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  Stories that were never true. You now know it was never true,
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  but because it came with authority, the emotional
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  intensity of a parent who had their own reasons for needing
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  the child afraid, and that child's nervous system which is
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  hard wired to trust attachment figures like parents above all
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  other sources of information, believed it.
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  But look now at that belief with the eyes of the observer self,
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  the one who has been watching all of this time.
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  Because you know what Thunder, wind, and lightning really are?
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  Just nature. Thunder is the sound of
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  electrical discharge in the atmosphere, a rapid expansion of
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  air super heated by lightning, producing a pressure wave that
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  travels as sound. And it's been doing it on Earth
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  for four and a half billion years.
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  Thunder and lightning existed before any human could even
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  assign it a meaning. It has no opinion about you.
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  The Vikings thought it was an angry God.
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  Ignorant people that didn't know better often thought storms with
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  the wrath of God. The end of day is an apocalypse,
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  but not once. Was it ever true?
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  Just nature, just physics? So the meaning that was placed
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  on it was not the storm's meaning, it was just the meaning
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  of a frightened, controlling woman hijacking a religion to
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  control. There are many people across the
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  planet that aren't religious, don't believe in God, but they
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  use religion for power, for manipulation, for coercion, as
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  justification for horrible things.
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  These are not true believers. They're opportunists looking to
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  take a belief and exploit it for their own benefit.
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  This woman cried a wolf not once, but across decades.
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  Not just storms, lots of other things too.
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  And each time the wolf was never there.
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  The punishment was not sent. The divine anger was her own
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  anger and frustration at the life she was living, her own
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  insecurities, her own shame projected onto others.
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  All of these stories about your inadequacies just a way of
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  deflecting from her own. So now your unconscious can
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  begin to hear Thunder differently under is weather.
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  It's always been weather. Wind is just air pressure moving
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  to different lower pressure. In the same way that if you have
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  a warm room and a cold room and you open the door, the warm room
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  moves to the cold room. That's all Wind is the movement
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  of different temperatures following different pressure in
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  different environments. So let's separate wind from the
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  meaning, Thunder from the meaning.
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  Even if you see storm clouds on the horizon, it's just nature.
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  You're not anticipating judgement, punishment, an
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  apocalypse. It's just a sign that weather is
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  on its way. When the clouds gather, when the
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  sky darkens, when you notice the change in the air or the wind
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  rising, allow your nervous system to interpret this as a
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  different message. It's not danger, not punishment,
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  not your fault. Observe it with interest,
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  curiosity, fascination. Any old emotions come up, say to
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  yourself, oh, this is interesting.
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  An echo, an echo of a false story I was told, is still
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  temporarily having an effect in your body, and the more you
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  greet those sensations with curiosity, intrigue, then the
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  more it dilutes and diminishes. You separate the sound of
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  Thunder and the sensation of wind from the meaning that you
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  were forced to attach to it. There is a woman who gave you
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  life and who then, across the years that followed, abused and
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  used the power that gift gave her in ways that caused you
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  genuine harm. And it may have been not her
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  explicit intention. It could be a person, the grip
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  of their own fear, their own need for control, acting out,
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  sometimes deliberately, sometimes maliciously.
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  It doesn't matter their intention, it matters their
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  impact. You now know that she was not
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  happy. Happiness does not need to reach
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  for control the way she did. Contentment does not require
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  another person's fear to sustain itself and everything she was
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  doing, the comparisons, the religious threats, the refusal
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  to acknowledge her achievements, interference and opinions in
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  your relationships was the behaviour of someone who
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  themselves was insecure, hurt, ignorant or a combination of all
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  this does not excuse it. Understanding A cause does not
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  mean accepting an effect. And I want you to feel proud.
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  Of that earlier. Version of you that made that
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  decision with moral courage and religious clarity.
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  That you needed a boundary to protect you and your life.
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  Accepting that someone will not change means empowering yourself
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  to change you in your proximity to that person.
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  It was an act of self preservation.
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  You don't need to forgive or cannot yet be forgiven.
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  Maybe you can notice what you are doing when you carry the
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  attachment to this past those thoughts about what she said,
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  what she did, what she prevented, what she cost you.
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  If that continues to occupy space in your present, there's
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  still an attachment, and you can choose to break and let go of
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  that attachment. Imagine you are carrying a very
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  heavy bag, and the bag contains every painful thing she said and
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  did, every comparison that diminished you, every storm she
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  weaponized, every opportunity that was narrowed by her
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  control, and every year that passed under the weight of her
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  narrative about who you were, Any humiliation, embarrassment,
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  mocking and laughter. And you've been carrying this
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  bag for a very long time. And for a while that was out of
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  loyalty. And now it might be from
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  resentment, anger, frustration, or just pain.
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  But putting the bag down does not mean any of it was
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  justified. It just means that you're
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  finally ready to move on. Putting the bag down says this
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  was real. It was heavy, It did cost you
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  relationships, opportunities, experiences.
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  It caused real, genuine damage. But if you keep holding onto the
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  bag, it hinders your future, because your future does not
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  belong to her, it belongs to you.
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  And if your unconscious is ready, ready to place that bag
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  down so you can free up the time, the energy, the space to
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  move forward to that future that's been waiting for you all
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  this time, let me know about nodding your head.
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  That's it. So your unconscious can allow
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  that bag to be placed gently on the ground, not thrown down in
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  anger, not abandoned in denial, placed with full acknowledgement
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  of what it contains, and then stepped away from The bag
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  represents so much more than a bag.
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  Moving on is you claiming your independence, your ability to
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  choose the life you want, the partner you want, the
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  opportunities you want? She had her opportunity.
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  She wasted it. She exploited it.
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  She does not need to have a seat in the next chapter of your
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  life. What does have a seat is the
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  part of you that survived her. The boy that learned a new
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  language, The man who studied hard, made connections, got
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  wise, developed skills. You've put the down the bag of
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  what she did and what she said. You've acknowledged its weight
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  and you step forward without it. And you step towards that
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  future. And maybe there's a thought that
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  caused your pain, a sense that a train left without you.
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  An idea, perhaps it was the last train, the symbolic
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  representation, the one that got away, the life you could have
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  had partnership, family, a different kind of life.
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  That ship has sailed, and your unconscious can examine this
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  thought, the clear eyes of that part within you, with all of
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  your wisdom. The thought that your last train
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  has gone, that the ship has sailed, that you've been left
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  behind on the shelf, is a thought that was produced by a
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  mine still operating under that old story.
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  The story that says you were behind where you should be.
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  It keeps you in the mode of a victim.
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  It keeps you still attached to the bag.
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  But you're different now. You've accomplished so much.
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  And rather than feel continued to be punished, continued to
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  feel the consequences of the words or choices or actions.
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  What if, now? What if now you're at the train
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  station and you can catch any train that you choose.
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  You're at the dock and there is boat after boat, and you get to
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  be discerning as to which train you catch.
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  Boat you catch because you know with irrefutable evidence you
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  can attract, you can connect. That was never the last train.
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  Nothing was missed. You're now liberated, and
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  whether a train or a boat represents an opportunity, a
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  business, a relationship, a family, the very thing holding
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  you back in the past is no longer impeding your present and
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  your future. Rather than feeling weighed down
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  by your past, you can feel liberated by your present and
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  your future. You already know.
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  You already know how to find something.
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  You value the qualities you admire.
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  And what if before that heavy bag weighed you down and made
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  you miss that last train and you realize you're not carrying that
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  bag anymore? And I want you to imagine the
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  future. You with a partner, perhaps
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  young children outside. And I want you to imagine
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  feeling the wind pick up, see Gray clouds on the horizon.
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  And I want you to imagine telling those young children
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  thunderstorms are fascinating. Let's wait for the storm.
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  The storm is a gift. The storm is nature.
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  Let's watch it together. Maybe you can imagine being in a
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  car or under some shelter and rather than the anticipation of
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  dread, you can feel the excitement of sharing that
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  thunderstorm with the future you desire.
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  But you are different from your mother.
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  You are telling those children under storms is a gift from God.
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  It's nature. It's a wonder knowing that your
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  children will see your fascination with storms and feel
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  that way for themselves. Hurt people.
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  Hurt people. Healed people heal people.
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  You are not a victim, you are a survivor.
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  You are not broken. You are resilient, you are not
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  damaged, you are healed. And what if the very best thing
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  you can do is to live a life on your terms?
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  To show someone that always doubted you that they were
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  always wrong? As you breathe in and breathe
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  out, it's time to return to the present.
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  But you return knowing that that big heavy bag has been placed
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  down and left in your past, and you are now free to pursue a
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  future without it. Starting to count 123.
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  Starting to wake 456. More alert 7-8.
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  Open your eyes. Open your eyes, 910.
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  Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake.
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  Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode.
• 40:01
  Of the hypnotist. If you've enjoyed this.
• 40:04
  Episode or got some value from it?
• 40:07
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  particular episode. In which case, share the
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  episode. With them so they can also get
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  the benefit too. And if you would like to.
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  hypnosis, so no. Intro No outro, no explanation.
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  Just the. Hypnosis and completely ad free.
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  Thank you again for being a regular listener of The
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  Hypnotist and I'll see you again soon for more.