Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Kalen Allen on Fame, Identity & Learning To Heal

Transcript

Kalen Allen on Fame, Identity & Learning To Heal · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can make a lot of money doing this job.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: But you also realize is that I am.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: So excited for this guest.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: I have been following Kaylan since since the food review videos. Okay,
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: many many years ago. Well actually not that many years ago,
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: but some years ago. I'm so excited to have you
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: here on too Personal Welcome Kaylen Allen.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Hello, thank you so much for being here.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: Of course, thank you for having me.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: You are I think the definition of post that video.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: Oh well yeah yeah, post it?
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do not be afraid.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, press posts because a video about what was it?
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: A seven up salad?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Well, the first one would have been the corn bread video.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: It was like four different corn breads being made for
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: different ways.
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: But it was a while ago. That was twenty seventeen.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's almost ten years ago, and a lot
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: has happened since then.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: A lot has happened.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: You have a great show right now, and you need
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: to go check it out. You are the host of
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Fox Reality Check. You can follow them at Reality Club Fox.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Have you seen Interstellar? We need to start there.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, so you know it's so funny. I'm so
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: that is so fay. You just asked me that this
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: past weekend, I was like, I need to watch Interstellar.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Did I do it?
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: No?
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: Still happen, still happen. Still you have to watch Intertell
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: watch it. I'm gonna watch it.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Listen.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: I don't want to sign a lot of homework to guests,
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: but the way I clutched my brother, you have what's
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: the best seller? First of all, I just like see
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: my eyes a getting a little watery.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I am not a crier.
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: Oh you cry?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I am not a crier.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: If I have to conjure the correct environments to bring
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: those equations out of me, I have pushed them.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: What's your sign?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Capricorn?
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Me?
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Do January Capricorn?
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Interesting?
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: What's yours?
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I'm Jener Capricorn seventeen fourth. Okay are you do you?
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Are you? You have access to your emotions?
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: Yes, but they don't live in me? If that makes sense?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Yes it does.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean? Like, I am not emotional. First.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: The only time I've ever really emotional is when I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: am hearing somebody else's story. Like I get emotional about
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: hearing somebody else's Like recently, I've been talking to a
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: lot of people and when they tell me their life story,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: that can make me emotional, but not in a place
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, because you went through I see
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: it more as inspirational, like I cry when it is
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: something inspirational or or like meaningful.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: So Interstellar made me cry in that it was someone
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: else's story obviously. But well, first of all, the acting
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: is incredible. You have to watch it, okay. And the
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: reason I'm bringing this up is because you guys were
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: talking about Matthew mcconnach being on Bear Grills' show said
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: as he broke it was on the show.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: I even know what bo gonna say on that show.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: It's such a solid question, because why are you climbing
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: down a mountain, Matthew? But Intertllar is so first of all,
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: I'm all over the place. But go and check out
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Gay Lynch show because this is great. But please watch Interteller.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: I do think even as a Capricorn, it will make
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: you cry. And it's and it is a crying movie.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: It's very long, but it is a beautiful movie. And
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: I believe Hans Zimmer does the the orchestrations to the orchestrations,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: so even that will just, you know, conjure some emotions.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: How are you right?
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Now. You have a lot going on, you have things
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: on the horizon. You've gone through a lot of huge
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: career changes. A lot of your story I can relate
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: to very deeply, which is why I'm excited to talk
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: to you. But how are you right now?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Your spirit?
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: There's a lot going on in the world. The business
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: is crazy, a lot of things have happened. How are you?
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: I think you know?
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I turned thirty this year, and when I turned thirty,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: it was very seismic as far as the transformation that
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I went through, and I think I have now gotten
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to the point where I'm kind of ending that cycle.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: I moved back to Los Angeles last.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: July, and I thought at that time that I was
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: coming back to LA because there was like because workhead
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: was very slow in New York, and I felt like
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I needed to be back here in order to get
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: the work going.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: And then the work started to flow in.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: But then I turned thirty, and then the world started
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: to really shake, and it seemed like every persona I
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: had ever created up until this point started to crash
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: into me.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: And I.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Got into a place of actually acknowledging what my success
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: had been built from and what my drive came from
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: and how that wasn't serving me. And I realized that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: for a long time, especially when you talk about the
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: ellen of it dolls, because I was in college when
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: that happened, you know, so I immediately just jumped into it.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: So I really never had any time to kind of
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: figure out who I was as an adult. I kind
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: of just had to figure it out in front of
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: the cameras and doing that all at the same time.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: And I think I got to a place now where
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I'm about to go back to the
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: East Coast, but now I feel so much more sure
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: of who I want to be and what I want
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: that life to look like, and what I want my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: work to be rooted in, which is a little bit
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: more of healing and joy.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Do you feel like when you first, let's say, started
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: in the business in twenty seventeen, it just your entry
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: into network television and Ellen and you know your you
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: have this correspondence job that you're I don't want to
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: say persona, but your work was not was reflective of
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: who you were at that point.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: No, yes, and no.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I think the first the food videos were an accident
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: that was nothing that was ever planned I never wanted
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: to be a digital creator. I was just like making
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: videos for fun every now and then, and so when
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: that took off. At that time, I was in school
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: for theater and film, and I actually was about to
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: go to grad school auditions at Juilliard for acting, and
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: so I kind of gave up the life of a
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: thespian to now make food videos. So I think, no,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: they were not as far as when it came to
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: my craft and the kind of work I like to do.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the hard part about this business,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: especially in today's day and age, when it is all
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: rooted in sensationalism, because it feels like you can't do
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: real work, or you can't actually do the stuff that
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: you want to talk about, or I can't I can't
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: be grounded because I always have to entertain you in
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: order to bring in the views, to bring in the followers,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: to bring in the lights, to then pay for the bills.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: And I think that's the.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Hard people that don't understan that people don't understand about it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, you can make a lot of money
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: doing this job, but you also to realize is that
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: everything is based off people liking you and entertaining you.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: It's not as simple as just showing up to work
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: and you do your job and you go home and
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: you get your paycheck. It's like it's so rooted in
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: your identity and the way that you show up in
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: the world.
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: That alone can be exhausting.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: We have a joke in our group chat because a
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: lot of us work in the business, and it's always like,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: will we ever be able to just go to work?
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: And it sounds like whiny and complaining because we have
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: these amazing lives, right Like, we have incredibly privileged lives.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: We have access to amazing things, we get to go
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: to amazing things. But with anything, there is a cost.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: There is a yin and yang to everything in life.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: And I have had this conversation with a friend who
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: really wants to be famous, and I've said to them,
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: you know, fame is like there's a million quotes for fame,
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: but it does cost you something and it can bring
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: incredible things as well. But there is nothing without a cost.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: And so there's a day when you are not feeling
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: well but you have to go and be bring people joy.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: What part of you do you tap into to do that?
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: Well?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: One I love doing the job. I just say, it's
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: a part of the job, and you're absolutely right. We
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: have a lot of privileges and it does come with
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the costs, and I've been willing to pay it, and
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with paying it because for me, my want
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: to be quote unquote famous had nothing to do with
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: money or attention. It had to do with the fact
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: that I was a queer black boy from Kansas who
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: didn't have anybody to look at to say that that's
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: what I could be. I felt like people only told
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: me of my limitations, and I just all thought that
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: that was kind of crazy, especially when I watched people
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: really support like my straight peers that were men and
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: they basketball dreams and they showed it and't go pro
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you know. So It's like, when I'm watching you really
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: lift up these people, but you're only lifting these people
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: up because they are straight, but you're telling me that
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I can't do anything because I'm gay.
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: I was like, that's some bullshit, point blank, period.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: And so a lot of my success was rooted in
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: vindicating myself, was rooted in proving people wrong. It was
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: rooted in, oh, I'm going to do everything, and you
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: will never be able to touch me, I am going
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: to go and I'm going to do the impossible and
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I will make you eat your words. So it was
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: also rooted in vengeance. But see, that doesn't age well.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: At some point that can't continue to lead you because now,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: because that is your base of it.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: That's why I'm saying all my.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Restrictions or even just my feelings about the business or
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: my specific brand is actually not rooted in like the
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: actual job or the actual Hollywood of all.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: It's more so about my identity.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: It is rooted in that, and I think now I've
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: gotten to a place of being like, well, I want
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: to still do this job because I've always wanted to
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: be an entertainer, but I want to be able to
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: do that from a place of joy and light and healing,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: and not because I need to prove somebody wrong.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: Because I READID that you.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Are wise beyond your years. Truly you are.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: It's important to recognize that shift because I can relate
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: to that very much in having a vengeance motivator. But
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: you're right, it doesn't age well, and once you reach success,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: you're like, oh, well, I need to find something else
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: to keep movating me, because honey, I want. You can see, yes,
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: the material, but now who are who? Am I proving
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: it to people? In the comments? That doesn't that conjures nothing?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: So are you proving it to yourself? Are you proving
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: it to the little boy who didn't have a dream?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: Are you proving it to other young men who have
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: a dream who see themselves in you?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: And you have to choose that absolutely, and I think
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: that's where the work is now. I think one thing
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: about me is that I've always been known for being
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: very confident. I used to always get the note that
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I was too confident. But the thing about that that
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: I think people misunderstood was that my confidence was never
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: to make people feel small.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: My confidence this was for.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: You to look at me and believe that you could
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: be confident too, so that you could see that I
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: stood in who I was and in my power and
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I knew exactly who that was. And that's what led
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: me to who I am today. And if I can
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: do that thing, you can do that too. Like I
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: don't let anybody talk themselves down. I don't like anybody
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: to know. I am very strict on I give everybody
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: their credit, regardless if I like you or not.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna give your credit because you still did it.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You know, like, I like, listen, I love j Lo,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: you know like, and people like they love to drag
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: j Lo to the ground.
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: But I'm like, there's a lot you can learn from her.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: She knows where she falls short, but she knows her
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: confidence and she does it anyway, and she lives in And.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: She said, listen homegirl can make a wrong com.
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, I don't think she got some hits.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Wedding Wedding Planner, you.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Don't think she got the Block is a hit. Get
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: right as a hit.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Get Right is a hit. I cannot dispeek get right.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: I can't speak get right Jenny from the Block.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Listen here, listen in today's day and age, when we
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: got people making AI songs and can barely move on stage,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I'll take j Lo Andy, oh of course.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: But I mean that's the bar. I mean we're not
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: She's a performer. She's a performer. List Wedding Planner.
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: Did you watch a new one Office?
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Wrong? I'm going to.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: I ain't watching chick.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I'm going to because she can. She can make a
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: rom com.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: She can't like and listen, there are not enough rom
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: coms grown that we need more rom com.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Forget rom Coms.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: Enough enough, not wildly under real life, but a very
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: watchable film that's good. Yeah, oh yes, yeah, Who told
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: you that you couldn't be great?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Ooh uh, well, I mean it would probably be majority
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: of people around me. I think it's kind of hard
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to say just one person or one specific instance. You know,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: growing up in Kansas, it's like Kansas City, Kansas City,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Kansas correct k c K but like growing up there
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the Midwest, it was kind of inevitable.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: And it was never a direct thing of being like,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: oh you can't be great or something like that, but
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: you could feel it. You could feel the doubt, you know,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: or there would be small conversations that would get back
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: to me or something like that, and then it's like, oh,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: oh you don't believe that I'm capable. But also, if
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: you ask anybody that knew me as a kid, they
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: tell you they wouldn't be surprised of who I am
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: today because I never cared what anybody said or what
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: anybody thought, you know. And that's why I say like
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: the answer like you're like, well, who told you that?
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I think you can ask any black queer individual, and
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: they'll tell you just because of the queerness, you're always
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: told what you can't do.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Were you out as a child to your.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Family, well, not necessarily out, but it wasn't no secret.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Caitlyn had always been Kaylen, I've always been this way,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: you know. It wasn't until I was sixteen that I
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: came out, like to my mother for the first time.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: And then once I was on Ellen, then I came
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: out publicly to just say it without it.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: Just because I don't Yes, I don't. First I don't
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: believe that gay.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: People need to come out, but I also felt like
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: me coming out and me telling my story would help
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: other people be able to feel like they could do
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: their too, because I think oftentimes when it comes to
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: the queer experience, especially for black people, it's only we
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: only talk about our pain and our and our trauma
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: and our struggle and how hard it is. But it's
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: or how we died or how we didn't make it,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: or how somebody got aids and and and and and
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: didn't see the other side of the rainbow.
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: And that's just not my story. I made it to
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: the other side of.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: The rainbow, and so I like to lean a little
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: bit more into that in the resiliency of the that
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: it is possible even when everybody turns it back on
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: you or says that you can't do it, or if
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: you got kicked out of your house and and nobody was.
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: There for you, that it is still possible.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Do you feel supported by your family in your queerness?
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Some but that's but that gets a little bit more complicated.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I think there is a lot of just family issues
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: and layers that the support goes a little bit, not
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: so much about my queerness. I just think the family
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: as a whole isn't very connected. Everybody kind of lives
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: in their own little bubbles, but there is no active support.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Like I can be honest, The only person that came
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: to see me on Broadway was my mother from my family.
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: But that was also when I was growing up.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: I did shows all the time, I was in community theater,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: and majority of the time my mother was the only
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: one in the audience. And I think that's also because
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people can be very selfish, and I
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: think they look at things and they're like, well, I
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: don't like musicals, or I don't like plays, or I
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: don't like theater, and so then they're like, well, I'm
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: not going to go. But that's not what it's about.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: It's about showing up for a child and supporting them
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: and showing up for them and letting them believe that
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: you see worth in the talent that they have or
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: their dreams and ambitions. But when that's not there, then
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: you just kind of exist in your own little ether.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and kind of I think that is a big
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: part of if you have a family that isn't supported
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: in building your own family and creating a supportive environment
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: and a safe environment as an adult, do you feel
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: like you've been able to cultivate that.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I think I didn't understand how to do that until now.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I think from the moment, you gotta realize. Like when
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I was on Ellen that was in his prime and
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: we live in La so like I was at the
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: top of the food chain, and it felt like everybody
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: around me just needed something from me, just wanted something
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: from me. I've had people do things hurt me because
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: they didn't like that I didn't get a pitch to Ellen,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: or that I didn't get them on the show. And
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: so when you are in this space to now everybody
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: you got something that you could offer somebody. You can
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: make somebody's dreams come true, and everybody feels like they are,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: like they're entitled to you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: That's tough.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: But what I had to start looking for was one
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: people that I actually had things in common with, and
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: not just being friends with people because of proximity. But
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: also I had to find friends that had just as
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: much to lose as me. And I also had to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: find people that had just as much ambition as I did,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: so they understood because one thing that I realized about
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: me is that I'm not just an artist and I'm
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: not just talent.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: I'm a visionary. I see the full picture.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I see the future before it has happened, and everything
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: that I do is laying the foundation of order to
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: get me there. But everybody don't look like that, especially
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: out here. I tell people, La is a city of creatives.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: New York is a city of artists. Now, I done
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: fell out with a lot of friendships in LA. I've
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: never fallen out with anybody from New York because we
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: understand each other, we speak the same language. We do
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: this like. The reason why I do this is because
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I trained to do it. I have two degrees theater
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: and film have a degree in Masters. You asked about
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: my career. I think that's been the biggest thing that
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I have struggled in my career. It's feeling like people
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: wanted me to be stupid, like people wanted me to
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: be the joke, or when people wanted me to be
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: the court jester in Your just in my presentation.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: In the persona of who they saw Kaitlin to be.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: It's like if I was never like on and making
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: people laugh at the life of the party, then something
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: may be wrong with me.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, I am a showman.
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: It is a performance. I know how to do it,
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: but that comes from trauma. That's because growing up I
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: knew if I could entertain people, they would leave me alone.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: I know how to disarm you, I know.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: How to make you feel comfortable, but that doesn't mean
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I still don't know that if something changes, you're gonna
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: turn your back on me. Like I've had many discussions
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: recently with Durand about that. I said, also realize they
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: are attaching yourself to a performance of you as well. Yeah,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: because if you look at any black queer person that
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: has made it in this industry, we've often had times
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: had to be caricatures of ourselves.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's and as a young person, and I think
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: people forget how big Ellen was, and especially now because
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: she has so gone into you know, I don't want
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: to say hiding, but.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: She's the world. She's stepped back.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that was the show, absolutely, And so to
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: bring something that people want to be rewarded for it
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: both financially with fame, with access, with a platform, and
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: all of that happening at once, you you have you
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: don't have to, but like, how do you not commit
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: to that persona that brought people in in the first place?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: And then is what is the difference?
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Because I struggle with this a lot in that you know,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I've worked in the sports business where I am not
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: the story. The story is the story, and I'm just
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: giving my opinion about this game, about this moment.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I have nothing to do with what happens now.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: At times your opinion may become part of the story,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: but that's not the intention. Whereas here I'm talking about me.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about the things that have happened to me,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: not this persona. And it's difficult for people to bridge
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: that gap. They have an idea of you because of
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: what you've done, and they have an idea of who
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: they want you to be. And I imagine that it
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: is a step further as a queer person and as
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: a black queer man, because we know, why aren't you
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: making us laugh? Why aren't you making us giggle? Why
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: aren't you saying the thing? Why aren't you being Why
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: aren't you doing the hands? That's what we came to
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: you for. But that is a it's a part of you,
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: but it's not all of you.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Well it's funny that you say that, because so on Juneteenth,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I'm releasing a video that is going to tell the
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: truth of what I was experiencing while I was at Allen,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Because while Ellen was some of the best years of
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: my life, it was also some of the worst. It
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: was some of the time that it would break me down,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Like I would go to the show and I would
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: do the performance, and then I would come home and
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: just be depressed and living in it. But honestly, that
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: is a trend for people that work in comedy. I
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: believe that some of the best people that understand comedy,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: because I think there are different sectors of comedy, but
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: those of us that kind of the comedy kind of
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: lives in our own just everyday expression. It's because sometimes
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: most of us have experienced deep pain and deep trauma,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: and I mean black people talk about it all the time.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: It is like we take some of the saddest stories
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: of our lives and we find the joke. And I
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: think the hardest part about that was having to be
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: a brand that didn't feel like it could be human,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of having to be somebody that always had the smile
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: and was there to perform. And I would always say,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: like I am very much. The show must go on.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: So it's like it don't matter if the worst thing.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: It's almost like that video of Katy Perry when she's
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Backstay and they I think it was like Russell Brand
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: had just like broke up with her and she's inconsolable backstage,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: like she is crying, she is emotional, she is erratic,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: and then she has to go do the show because
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: all those people out.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: There are waiting for her to entertain them. They've paid
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: their money.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: And that's the job.
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: That's the job.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done that many times. I've I've been.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: Inconsolable in the dressing room in the fetal position and
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: do the touch ups and get on set and do
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: the show and don't don't. The only person who's ever
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: noticed when I've been upset on air is my mother.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: She would text me and be like, were you crying today?
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: Are you a witch?
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Hm?
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: How do you know? I don't have puffy eyes? She's like,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I can tell what happened.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: You would never notice with me?
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I done. I wear my emotions on
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: my sleeve. Though I think I'm a good liar, I'm
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: a terrible liar. But you are a performer. You're trained,
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: so I can see that you have the ability to
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: compartmentalize all those things at an expert level.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: How could you not.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean I was on Broadway.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: You gotta do like eight shows a week, no, unimagine
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: and it doesn't mean one thing a day. And I'm like,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: oh right, like eight shows of a week, Like it
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: don't matter what you been through. Some people out there
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: are expecting a show and they deserve the same show
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: that the audience the day before got. That's why if
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: my voice was ever in a point where I feel
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: like it just was not going to come out, or
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: it was going to be the least.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: That I could give, I called out of the show
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm not even going to give you that.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to have you sit out here and
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: watch me struggle through this.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: And that's a professional, Yes, that is that is a professional.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of times I'd have been to shows
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: not have seen people struggle struggle through it, and I
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: wanted to go on stage to be like, stop the show, stop,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: please take them off. It's okay, let's try it's again tomorrow.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I think that's also a part of it, you know.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: But also, listen, this sounds so cliche. I learned how
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: to do this business from Beyonce.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: There's no one better to learn from.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I studied her. I told her that I've studied her.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: When I watched the concert, DVDs and videos, I was
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: never paying attention to the performance of it all. I
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: know what she could do as a performance. I watched
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: how she worked, I watched the way that she worked
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: with the team. I saw him how involved she was,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: how much she cared about the art, the craft of it.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: The Coachella documentary is one of them. If you are
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: a performer, or you're really if you're just anybody who
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: has aspirations to do anything. It doesn't have to be
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: in the media space or the entertainment space. That documentary
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: should be studied in school because what she was doing
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: after having twin children to be ready for what is,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: in my opinion, one of the best live performances of
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: all time, but certainly at.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Coachella, it's never been touched.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: The discipline, the focus, the sacrifice, the hours, that's why
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: she could do that.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: But she but it also lives in her.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Oh no, it is hers. She's not one of us.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, what I'm saying he's an alien?
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't even think that's the case. I
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: think there are I think a lot of people could
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: be Beyonce. I think that a lot of people could.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: You have to have that determination, You have to have
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: that willingness to make those sacrifices, to make those compromises,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and to give everything you have to it. And it
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: reminds me like the Cheetah girls, right, and you got
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: all the girls. Every time they wanted Galleria to be
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: the enemy, she was right. Y'all didn't want to rehearse
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: y'all in Barcelona for singing competition and y'all.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: Running around live the gagging she was right. Galleria had
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: to Beyonce her.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: You know how people be like you got that dog
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: and you some people got Beyonce in them.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: It's but that isn't a thing. I think. I think
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: you're selling yourself short, Kaitlin.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: The the thing having that thing. Yes, there's a reason
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: why you are as successful as you are, and I've
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: had the careers you've had at such a young age.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: There's a reason why the stars aligned to bring you
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: to Ellen, for you to have the success that you've
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: had since Allen, for you to recover from the industry
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: disappearing after that happened, and it I do think. You know,
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: some people say, like, you know, God doesn't play by me.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: I don't like that because like so God plays about
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: this child that has leukemia, Like right, I don't like it.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: But certain people have the thing, and you have the thing,
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: and it doesn't mean that there aren't other talented people.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: There are a lot of towns cool. I think everybody
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: has a talent.
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I believe that what everyone.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Doesn't have is the extra thing that allows you to
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: do the thing Beyonce did at Coachella that to prepare
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: for a tour like Renaissance to bring yourself to be
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: so dedicated to a craft that you have an audition
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: at Julliard. Okay, I mean Julia Stiles, I was up
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: there doing the thing.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Doing something. She was this.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: But that is an exceptionally hard thing to do and
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: it requires a special thing that you do have.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: And I also think a lot of my success is
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: God giving me back my due diligence. I think it
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: was God rewarding me and saying to me, it's going
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: to be tough, but I'm going to give you back
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: ten times anything you could have ever lost. And that's
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: why it's like, yeah, I had a rough child I
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: had a rough growing up. I mean I've said this
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: many times, like I had let us into my house
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: as the seventh greatest s ANINGA wanted to murder me
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: because I was gay, you know. And I don't cry
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: about that or think but I'm like, well, I'm living.
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: Very well.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that is the real thing to go through.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: It is, you know, I think I also had a
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: tough childhood. And I think sometimes when we talk about
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: horrible things that we've gone through, and everybody has a story,
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: but some people have more stories to their story that
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: has to go somewhere, you know, and so I do think.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Like, hmm, okay, actually I have a very I can
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: tell you exactly how it shows up in my adulthood.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: We actually met for the first time as Sun Dance, yes,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: and I remember first I am.
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: Not very friendly at first. I am very kind of
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: in my own shape. I'm like, I don't know you.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I have been told them a terrible first meet.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I am like, like, you gotta like we got
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: to warm up to it. And I am genuinely it's
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: hard for me to trust people at first. I'm like,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know you, and I'm not about to see
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: an act like I don't like all that, Oh my gosh,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: how are you? Or like when people be like I'm
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: a big fan and you actually ain't watched shit, I done,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: like I please, I don't need I don't need you
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: to make me feel better, you know. And so it
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: takes a little time for me to warm up to people.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: And I think that's a little bit because of that. Yeah,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: it's a little bit of like I'm always watching my back.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I'm always trying to see, Okay, what do you what
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: do you actually think?
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: And your life experiences will teach you to do things
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: like that. It's just it's just a way of your subconscious,
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: of your nervous system, of your trauma protecting you, teaching
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: you how to move around the world.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm the same way.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: I've literally been told myst Capcorn it might be, it
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: might be I'm not a good first meet.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: My friends have told me, like.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: You have got to get better at your introductions because
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: I will bring someone over important and you're like, Hi,
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: nice to meet you, Like you need to give them
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: some energy.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't notice this, but that's what I
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: don't know who to meet you? Thank you?
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Everybody the same it is. It is not good for
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: the space stuff because people want energy.
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not a good networker. I'm not a I'm
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: not a good network.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: I've passed my network.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: I give everyone the same energy, and some people feel
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: that they deserve more energy.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: You don't ever have to give me more energy. Give
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: me the energy you got.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: Show me who you are as a person, as a
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: human first.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I can't stand the performance I kids did I pay
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: for this.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: And one thing about me.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: The only place you get a performance from me is
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: when the camera hits record.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Other than that, I don't got it for you.
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: I don't.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: So you brought up God. What is your relationship like
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: with the church right now?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I think I've always been a little bit more spiritual
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: than I have been, like rooted in religion. Surprisingly growing
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: up in church, I never really felt othered in church.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: But we also had a very eclectic kind of church
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: when it came to like who was in the place,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Like everybody had a lot going on. Okay, So I
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: never felt othered in the church now, but because of that,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: because of how welcoming I felt, I have a hard
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: time going to other.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: Churches, Like I never want to go to a church.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: And I have in the past struggled with my relationship
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: with God. I mean, being told that God hates you,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: regardless if you believe it or not, it does still
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: start to become internalized in you. And so what I
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: really had to just lean on is the proof of
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: my life being proof that God loves me. Yeah, looking
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: around at my house, looking at the privileges of my life,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: looking at the life I've been able to build, and say, well,
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: if God didn't love me, why is this the life
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I'm living?
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: Wouldn't it not look like this?
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: And then also looking at the people who said God
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: didn't love me and looking at their life and being like, interesting,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: God loves somebody, okay.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: And h yeah, yeah, we're gonna work on that way.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: Do you feel like within the community it is a
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: conversation because I mean, I struggle. It's like one of
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: the things I talk about probably every day, because I
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: grew up heavily in church, and I have a really
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: hard time with where the church is, particularly the Black
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: church right now. I don't think it's very connected. I
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: don't think that the pillars that it stood for, particularly
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: in the civil rights movement and providing community and safe spaces,
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: is the chapter that it's in right now at a
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: time where I think we desperately need it. And I
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: hate the other ring of everyone, and I hate seeing it,
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: particularly for the queer community, because it just creates this
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: this thing that truly breeds actual hate. It is dangerous
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: and it is deadly, and it's in the name of God,
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: and it's very frustrating for me.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I think for queer people they would say it's
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: always been that way, yeah, since the beginning, and I
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: think when it comes one, I think church now, but
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: this is kind of everything across the board.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: Everything feels like it's celebrity adjacent.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Now it feels like everything has like it's all for
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: clout or for it to be seen.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: But people can argue that has always been a case.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: That's what megachurches were, you know, That's why they were
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: made because they felt more like, oh look at me,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: I've been deemed by God, and I've built this big
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: old church, and I'm driving this Bentley and this that
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: and the other, you know what I mean. So I
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: think you are absolutely right to where it doesn't feel community.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: But that's the whole world that goes beyond church. We
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: all live in our phones. It's not community related. Like,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: for instance, I threw a black party for my community.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I live in like a little gated community. It's twelve
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: town homes. We all were the only people that live there.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: And I threw a block party the other day because
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, I think it's weird that nobody talks
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: to each other. Everybody just kind of lives in their
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: own little house. Everybody got they shaded down and said
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: for mine, And we're sitting out there and there's people
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: that have lived there since twenty twenty four that are
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: introducing themselves to each other, and I said, y'all, don't
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: think that's weird that there's no connective tissue.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: And especially I especially.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Think in today's day and nations, the only thing that
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: is going to save us is each other. Yeah, it's
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: the only thing that's going to save us. So if
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: we don't connect to each other and have conversations and
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: find ways to work together, we're never going to free ourselves,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I think, and that's especially for the black community, especially
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: when it comes to queerness. I'm not asking you to
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: agree with me. You don't have to approve.
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: Of my life. I'm grown, I don't need your approval.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: But if we're working against each other while the world
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: is also working against the how we gonna win, How
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: we're gonna come out on top. But if you embraced
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: us and respected us for just who we are, then
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: we could work together. Because the difference is I'll go
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: with march in a Black Lives matter. I'll be there
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: for my black friends and family, but they're not gonna
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: show up for me if my body them being dropped
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: into the water, or if I've been killed because I
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: was queer. We've seen that all the time for the
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: trans community. You're not showing up because the love is conditional,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: because it's all rooted in your beliefs. But there's a
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: whole bunch of other people that believe that you don't
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: need to exist too, and you tell them that they're wrong.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: So how dare you go tell another group of people
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: that they're wrong? Regardless of what you believe. You don't
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: get to dictate who gets to live their life and
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: how they get to live it and how fruitful it
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: can be.
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: That's not your decision to make.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: I have nothing to add to that. I couldn't agree more.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's it's very sad to see. It's very
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: frustrating in a time for me where I feel everything
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: so much, Like I know it's my algorithm and I
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: know I'm drowning in it, but it's just like, oh,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: like everything is so horrible and people are so terrible
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: to each other, and I am like.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Damn, should I be more of an asshole?
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: Like I'm out here just trying to save somebody, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: it's like no, it seems like we're all arguing over
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: shit that was made up absolutely, And I think you know,
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: it's Pride Month and I always as soon as it
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: gets Pride month. Everyone's always talking about, you know, where's
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: hetero Month and where's God Month?
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: And it's just like just to chuck.
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: The fuck up, right, shut the fuck up. Everything is
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: not about you, right, And I feel like you were
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: raised by people who told you that and they were wrong.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: They lied to you. Pretty much nothing is about you.
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it is okay to allow other people to
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: be seen and be protected. And we're constantly at each
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: other's throats and it is it's really exhausting.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean, we live in a nation that
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: has become very divisive in a more I think it's
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: always been like this, but now it's just like you
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: can't escape it.
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: It's like in your face every single day. It is
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: drowning you.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: I do I don't know that.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: I think it's I think it was like this and
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: then there was a brief shining moment.
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: During the Obama era. Yeah, but I think that may
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: have been an illusion right before.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: But I also think it was right before technology.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: Really took RALD, you know, pandemic, social media was still
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: somewhat under control. It still wasn't accessible to everybody. Everyone
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: didn't need to be on it. Yeah, there was still
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: some sort of responsibility within the news all those things,
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: and there was like a small window where I think
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: people maybe they still had their internalized bias is and
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: things like that, but they didn't feel the need to
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: just viscerally pour evil shit into the world.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, I mean, when you're president of the United
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: States is able to do that, then why would the
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: average American not think that they can.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: I just need the cheeseburgers to do their thing. How
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: they taking so long?
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: You know, like you eat so badly.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Honey, Plenty of people eat bad if they go on
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: time life. Okay, So that don't mean that's gonna take
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: them out.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Why isn't that working? Why is it that working? What
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: is your what's your love like? Love life like? Right now?
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I don't exist, But I think that's my choice. I
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: think for me.
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: One, if I'm.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Listen, I am somebody that is completely fine being on
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: my own. I love being alone, you know, And I'm like,
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: if you're gonna come into my life, it has to
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: make it better. It has to inspire me. It has
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: to help me grow or become a better person. You
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: just can't be here. To be here, you have to
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: support me. You have to believe in my dreams. I
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: want someone that looks at me and they see how
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: insane I am, They see my mania, They see how
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: much I love my work and they know that that
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: is my magic. They see how strong that I stand
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: in the confidence that lives and breathes out of me,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: and they say, I love that about you. Because the
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: difference is and for instance, especially in this space, like
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I don't have a problem holding the coke. I don't
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: have a problem with standing in the back because I
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: know who I am. But when you're also dealing with men,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: it gets tricky.
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: Well, maybe there's some crossover from the hetero to queer
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: community here. When it comes to men, it is difficult
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: to find someone who is comfortable with your shine, yes,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: in the brightness that it existed when they fell for you.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: Because there's this thing of like this shiny, amazing old thing,
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: sparkly thing, and I've got the thing, yes, but no
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: one else to see the thing.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: This is my thing now?
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: Do you can just come out a little bit and
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: then you have to come back and don't let too much.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: Let's shine out because it's my shine now, correct, And
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: that's not how this works.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: No, No, I always say, there's like two different ranges
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: for me. It is either that person is obsessed with
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: me and like doesn't know anything about me, but it's
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: only obsessed with the character of me or the experience
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: of me, which is exhausting. Like I'm like, listen, I
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: don't it does not need to be about me, Like
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: if I say, so what you want to eat and
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: every time you like whatever you want, or it's like
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: you're catering to me.
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: Please no have agency.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: Because this is my whole. I don't want to make
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: no decisions.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want I want to make decisions, but I
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: don't want to be worshiped. Yeah, I don't need I can't.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I can't be the sun every universe.
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: I don't need that.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: You had to have a universe of your own exactly.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Or the other side of it is that they want
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: to humble me or they want to bring me down,
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: or they want to talk down on my dreams and ambitions.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, hmm, interesting.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Like I asked somebody for a long time that has
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: had a crush on me, that has wanted to, you know,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: be in a relationship, and I literally.
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: Told him, I said, that will never happen.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Because every time I have brought you any of my
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: dreams and ambitions, you've talked down on them. You haven't
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: given me full belief. You've always inserted your doubt into them.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: I would never be with someone like that. I don't
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: care how amazing or fine you are. I am protective
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: over my joy and my life. It is what keeps
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: me going, is what keeps me alive. I'm not giving
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: that up, not for just to have a man in
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: my bed.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I can't agree more.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: I've grown to really enjoy my solitude.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Right now.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: I remember I was like, there's a call back to
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: something when I said earlier, I can't have my blinds open.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a naked house.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: So o you know I can't walk around naked. I
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: don't like walking around naked. I love a robe.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: I am a robe.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: Oh I always got on the rope.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: I always have a rope. But I am like I
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: am gonna be Yeah.
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: I got like twenty ropes. This isn't my rider.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: Listen. I have so many robes too, Like ropes are incredible.
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: If I'm gonna be in the hotel, people don't have
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not staying in a hotel and this it's a
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: robe and a robe.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: And I need the slippers as well, because why are
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: my feet touched.
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: I don't like them slippers. I like them little plastic slippers.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: The space that I can get into my bags I need.
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: I need to use the hotel you're traveling with.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: It depends. Like I just did it.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: I just did a very long trip in Europe and
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: I was in Italy, I was in New York, and
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: I was in Dominican Republic. And I had one big
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: bag in the carry on bag.
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah that's not enough.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I did really well.
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you need a two bags for all that, I.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: Know, but it's just too much. These alarms.
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: I get it, you know.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I love assault.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: I love my solitude, I love my peace, and I
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: think at this point in my life my piece is
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: the most important thing, absolutely and that nothing can disrupt that.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: We'll see the problem with me in today's day and
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: age is like, you know, I'm also in a place
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: in my life where I'm like, well, I want kids,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: but the problem is I want kids more than I
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: want the man.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Well, you can't do that.
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: Oh well I know I can.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that is a that is a choice. That
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: is different, that is a different journey, that is a
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: different time. And I will say about that, while I
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: fully support and you are thirty years old, so you
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: have you have not I hate saying like you have time,
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: you have your whole life to make your.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: Dreams come true. But I do think if you want.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: To have kids, you should consider doing that on the
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: younger side of your life.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: I don't want to be old. Yeah, I can't run
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: around the park with my child if I, if I.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Got right, cannot you surely do that? Surely can? You
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: better be in great shape?
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: But what the hell they a graduation? I'm on the cane.
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, really like the graduation kane thing is fine,
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: it's the toddler years.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know how how to survive it.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you also got to realize it's like, especially
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: when I talk about kids, like I have done all
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: my dreams and aspirations like that the core of them.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Everything else is now it's just routine. Is just a
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: part of the job, you know. It's just like, okay,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: all right, we did this, Okay, well I would like
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: to do this next, let's do that. So it's like
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: it's so just now it doesn't take as much of
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: my energy as it used to because it's so cemented
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: now and I think my dreams and aspirations are more
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: so now rooted in just my legacy and what I
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: want that to look like.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: That's an amazing place to be, especially in this business.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm really happy for you that you're there. It's
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: there's so many ebbs and flows, and you've you've been
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: a part of one of the biggest I don't want
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: to see moments in entertainment television history, and that is
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: a lot to and you couldn't speak on it now.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: I'm excited that you are going to speak on it
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: and share your story, which everyone doesn't always get the
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: opportunity to do. But Yeah, to be at that point
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: at thirty years old, where you are confident now and
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: have built your career to a space where you have
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: the ability to make those choices is I want to
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: say it's a blessing, but it is a blessing, But
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: it's also a testament to how much work you've put
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: in and the seriousness that you've taken with your career
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: and your growth.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Well, I think I always said from the jump, is
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to work young because I wanted to
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: retire early. I didn't want to still be working till
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I was like sixty. I wanted to be able to
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: do the work now while I was young, so that
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: when I was actually enjoying life, I could actually enjoy it, Yeah,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: and go and do the things that I wanted to do,
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: and go to places and explore places as a grown
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: adult with the maturity of it.
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: Like I didn't go to parties and nothing like that.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that you can't be successful while
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: also doing that, just my priority these were different, Yeah, No, and.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: That that stuff will swallow you up, especially as a
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: young person, because it's very tempting and it's fun. Yeah,
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: it's And I'm not saying that you can't have some
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: balance with that too, but it is incredible to be there.
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: Because I don't think I have much balance.
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: You know, I really don't like using the word balance,
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: but it slips out sometimes because balance is very relatives change.
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: Some days, you have a lot of balance, and you've
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: put in social hours and work hours and rest hours
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: and worked out and eaten right and you've had a
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: perfectly balanced day, and the next day is utter chaos.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: Well, I think that's the reason.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: Another reason why I wanted to go back to the
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: East Coast because I felt like I was more alive
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: there than I am here. Because everywhere in LA feels
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: like it's work.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: It has become, at least for the business.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: I always like to say, like there's like Hollywood and
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: then there's the city of Los Angeles.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: Obviously two separate things.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there are two separate things. We are talking about Hollywood.
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: LA is a vibrant, beautiful place with amazing people and
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: legacy and history and real people, which is why Spencer
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: prise leaving. But Hollywood is a different story. And I
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: do I do understand that, Like it feels like if
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: you're here, you need to be working.
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well because everything you go to is an event. Yeah. Yeah,
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: it's like nobody else.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: It's like does random like stuff that isn't where there's
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: not a photographer, you.
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: Know, like in New York.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: I just be like here, you want to go grocery
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: shopping with me today? Or be like, hey you want
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: to go walk to the Central Park here? It's like,
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: oh can you come to this event? Are we doing this?
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: So I gotta get dressed up Okay, I got it.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: You know, you gotta put the face on.
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: I got it. Yeah, you know.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Or even if it doesn't feel like that, you've got
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: to be always on the ready that it could be
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: that you know, and that I don't enjoy. But I'm
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: also a person that loves seasons. The way that I
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: explain to people when it comes to la or like
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: versus in New York, I say, it's.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: A personality thing.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I am big, I am brash, I am I got
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: a lot of bravado. I walk the walk I live in.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: Who I am That's New York. That's the way New
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: York is. I love the k New York.
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: Oh. I was there two weeks ago and just walking around.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I said the joy I felt from just walking down
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: the street, I said, every day you walk out, it's
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: just a new adventure and you never know what's going
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: to happen or where you're going to end up. You
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: walk out the morning and you not back until midnight. Yeah,
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: and you're gonna stopped here and done this, and then
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: somebody tells you about this.
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: You go there, you do this, Like I love that
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: I'm alive.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: It's a very different experience. I'm always exhausted. When I
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: come back from New York, I'm like, I've got slept
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: three hours and I loved every suing.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: LA is much more plans.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you have to plan for and it takes
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: a lot longer to get places because.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: You got here tonight for dinner. Perhaps we'll go to
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: this thing afterwards. Maybe depending on how long dinner takes.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: Houses you need access, Yes, the city is also built
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: on access, and New York you don't need access.
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: You can pretty much just get in.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: I wish that LA.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: Would would bend a little on that. I do think
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: the entire it's not even just really La. It's like
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: it's so much of the business is becoming gate kept again.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: There was like a wave.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: Where it was it was like the barrier for entry,
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: Like even how you started with Ellen was like something
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: you didn't even intend to do in the in the
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: food videos, and you know, there's there's just like a
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: different world now where it does feel like to circle
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: back to your original point of having to be liked
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: and consumed and continue to provide something that people like
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: and people want to consume and that is rewarded, and
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: that becomes like this ongoing wheel, this hamster wheel of
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: what everyone is asking for, and I don't think that
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: that provides a lot of creativity.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: I think also like because even when we talk about this,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I think one thing that I think is often misunderstood
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: when people talk about the experience is that they see
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: it as complaining and it's yeah.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: People are gonna think we're complaining.
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm like, we're just telling what it's like.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've been in the business twenty years. If
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: you think I'm complaining, I don't. I would have just
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: gotten into a different what it is and what what
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: how it can be better. It's almost like what people
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: say about America. Every time, every time I say something
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: about America, they're like, well, why don't you just leave?
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: Well we see that in parents.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, anything that is like if you don't like, you
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: can like em. And I always said this, and especially
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: during the Ellen stuff, I said, I never want to
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: be a person that is above critique. Yeah, ever, you
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: can always hold me accountable. You can always do that,
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: and I will listen to it.
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: I will take it. But but I don't mean you're
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: always right.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: No, But also, who is critiquing you? Is it anyone?
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: Or is it someone that you respects.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think it has to be somebody I respect.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that is because I ain't.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: My job as an entertainer is that service of the people.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: That's every single person, regardless that they have the credentials,
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: are not They are part of the audience.
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: So while you.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: Can give me a critique, I can read that critique
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: and decide which things are true and which things are not.
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I can make that decision.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: However, I do believe that every opinion is valuable, and
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: I also understand where critiques come from.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think every opinion is valuable. I don't
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: think I think everyone is entitled to an opinion. But
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: I think when it comes to like, I can say
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: that I don't like a play that you've done. Yes,
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: but it's just my preference. I don't need to say.
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: But the keyword was just there.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't understand the difference from preference,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: right in fact, in fact and critique.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: I think opinion and critique are two different things. Everyone
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: is entitled to an opinion, That's actually how I should
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: say it. Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Everyone is not
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: entitled to critique. If I want a real feedback on
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: my work, I can get general feedback, which is just
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: general opinion, or I can take it to someone who
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: has done this at the highest level and say, what
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: do you think about this? Now, that doesn't mean not
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: have to receive that feedback or apply that feedback, but
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: I will respect that and consume it and think on
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: it and apply the things that I think are applicable.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: To me in a way that makes sense general opinion.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: I think that's sort of the problem of where we
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: are right now is that everyone thinks that their opinion
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: is valuable, and I'm like, look, Fred.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Two five four.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: Your opinion about my fucking toes is not valuable. It
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: is not important, it's not fat. It is just how
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: you feel, which you are allowed to feel, and I
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: am response also allows value. It doesn't matter what you feel.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: So I think that's that is sort of where it's lost.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: Like being a expert at something should still.
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: Matter absolutely absolutely.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: You are an expert at what you do.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: I can give you my opinion about your work, and
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: in certain spaces I might be qualified to do that,
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: but certainly not I.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: I don't do plays like.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: I would never come to you and be like, I
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: didn't like how you talked about that game.
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: I don't know about sports.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: What the hell well, I look like giving you an
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: opinion about how what you said about that game or
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: that sport.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know, right, But I similar would
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: not give you an opinion about how.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: To do a play. I don't fucking know how to
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: do that. I can tell you if I enjoyed it.
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, but giving you critiques that is not useful, It
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: is not applicable.
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this was so much fun. Thank you so much
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: for coming by. I'm so excited for what you have next.
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: Make sure that you check out so you're gonna post
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: it on social. What's happening with what happened with Ellen?
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: Where are we getting that?
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: Well, that's not about Ellen.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: That's about your life.
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: Yes, just like.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: What was transpiring in my life at the time that
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: I was at Ellen, because I think also like people
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: love to try to get my opinion about Ellen, and
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: I'm always like, y'all, I was talent, like and if
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: we're actually being honest, even when you read like a
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: lot of the stuff that was in that BuzzFeed article,
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: that stuff was before I even got there. In reality,
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: I started at Ellen at twenty eighteen, and I and
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: then the pandemic happened in twenty twenty. Yeah, so TECHNI
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: I was only there for two years, and I was talented,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: So anything that could have ever been controversial or won't
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: was kept away from me. Somebody could have I may
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: have heard it through the grapevine, but like, I don't know.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: And everybody that has something to say was from the past.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: Well you also you don't.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: It's hard to explain from like and again this is
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: not complaining. This is just I wouldn't try to explain
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: to somebody who is an electrician how to wire something.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Inside of a network show, there are sections. Yes, there
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: are roles, as a hierarchy, there's a hierarchy, and there's
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: also there's like union level separation. As a talent, you
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: do not have control or influence, certainly not you as
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: a talent Ellen maybe, but talent is not controlling. All
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: of these aspects of the show have absolutely literally nothing
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: to do with it.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: You show up, do your job, and then you go home.
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: You also have to realize is that the crew and
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: the staff there would have never brought it to me
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: or told me because they can't trust me, and that
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm not trustworthy. But at the end of
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: the day, I'm still talent.
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: You're also not in charge. So even if they brought
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: it to you, what are you to do?
• 55:42
  Speaker 4: I was also twenty one? What did you want me
• 55:44
  Speaker 4: to do?
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: Like I just got here, Like literally, even if you
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: had been there, you are not in charge, and like
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: I am not. I genuinely we have not talked privately
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: about what's going on there. I am giving you my
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: outsider's opinion about as somebody who has spent infinite hours
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: in a network studio in a network building and understands
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: implicitly how things operate there. I you are not in charge. No,
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: that is like I don't even need to say a
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: thing more. You are not able to save anyone. You
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: are not able to fire anyone. You are not able
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: to run Tell that that is not the access that
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: you have. And there is an imagination of how all
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: those things work that is just inaccurate.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a lot of misunderstanding in the general public
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: of how all this actually works.
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: Nobody actually knows it.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: It's so interesting when I see people get on the
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: comments and they like they're like, Oh, he just wants
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: to check, or he just keeping quiet because he's.
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: Scared at you know, only eating keys and stuff like that.
• 56:55
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, what are you talking about? Like what
• 57:00
  Speaker 4: some people say, it's a crazy stuff.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: Also, they are eating kids. Go get them? Who eating
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: y Go get the ones that are eating the kids?
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: Who eating the keys? Oh?
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: They eating the kids. They were eating the kids on island.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: What Yeah, eating kids?
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: It's oh, Lord, that's crazy.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: Listen, y'all had it wrong.
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: Okay, but they are really doing terrible things and they are.
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: You can go get them. Stay out of Kaylin's comments.
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: If you really worry about the children, big they're in
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: the files. Okay, they're out there walking amongst us. Go
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: get them.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: No, it's it is.
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: And it's really like, I don't know if you feel
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: this way, but things that are incredibly nuanced and without
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: actual firsthand experience that cannot be explained. It's almost it
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: almost lacks a purpose to explain it.
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, I just say I just got to the
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: point just excepting.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you want to not like me, then just
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: don't like me, because there's nothing I can do, There's
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: nothing I can say. And I also think especially when
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: you live in the public eye. People want you to
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: be a version of who they want you to be,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it feels like you got to be that
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: person in order to make people happy, and.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: You're never gonna make them happy.
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: You're never going to say anything particularly about that that's
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: going to no fix anything.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: No, And you can have your opinions about it and that,
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: and that's fine, but I also know that I can't
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: go back and change the past, and I can't go
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: in and try to uncover more.
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: And you also know your truth, and knowing your truth
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: brings you a lot of peace in a in a
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: very fucked up situation because and and that's that's really
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: how I feel. Well, I mean, if you know the truth,
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: like there's you can't go to each individual person who
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: knows about this story and be like, let me explain
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: to you how this all works and what happened with me.
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: They're going to believe what they want to believe, regardless
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: of what you say, of what you say, but you
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: may have all you could have the facts here you go.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: Right, Well, that's the hard thing about going through a
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: scandal that is real life for you, yeah, but for
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: public consumption, because the narrative is what it is, no
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: matter how much you try to come in and change
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: it or say that, well there's a little bit more nuanced,
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: so there's a little bit more you know, It's not
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: as easy as that. Like how people like there were
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: so many people that were so angry at me about
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: never saying anything.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: I'm like it was an open investigation. We legally couldn't.
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: So now you've made a decision about who I am
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: and what I care about and what I believe because
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: of the legal restraints that I have been put against.
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's silly.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: It is, but you know.
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: I have I have made peace with this as well.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: That's why I have not made peace with this, but.
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: I have accepted and I'm working on making peace with
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: the fact that if you've never been in that situation
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: or been in this business to want to have, you know,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: adjacent experiences to it.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: How how would you understand that?
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that people couldn't move differently or
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: that you couldn't make different choices or or done better
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: in that situation, But it's the fact of like when
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: other people make mistakes, it stays in their little text group.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: That's the cost of putting yourself in.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: Exactly, and that's why pay the price. You know what
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: comes with it. Listen, And that's what I'm saying. It's
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: never a complaint. I'm just saying, what is you think
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to being broke?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: I want to be so clear. We are not completing.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: We are just talking about our experiences.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: Every Right. It sounds like bitching.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: I just got back from it, Okay, I don't care.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: Fine, I will be fine.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't do anything else exactly what I want to do.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: I love it, even the good and the bad.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: I remember there was.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: Somebody on things They be like, if you're a public figure, like,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: what's one thing that you missed from the.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: I said, not a goddamn thing. What the help? People
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: calling me flying me business class? Why I'm in Delta
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: one lawn or I'm living a good life. I'm not
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: changing shit. I like this life I'm living.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: Delta one is so good, so properly hyped. That's what
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: I'm saying.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: I'm not complaining.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: But I can use the privileges that have been afforded
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: to me to help other people, to bring other people up,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: to employ other people, to give them the opportunity to
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: do it the way that you want to do exactly.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: And I can look at how other people have used
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: this business. I can see how they operate, I can
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: see how they move and make the decision that that
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: will never exist here. Yeah, that will never be a
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: case here. I won't treat people like that. That's how
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm supposed to do the work. I'm
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: also not a person that believes that all that work
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: has to be shown to the world. That I'm supposed
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: to feel myself doing the good work to prove to
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: you that I'm doing the work.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: Well, that's the confidence that you have. Yeah, and it
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: really comes from you. So I'm very I'm very happy
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: for you. I'm so excited for everything that you have
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: coming up. I want to come. Wait wait are we
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: announcing not yet? Okay, but you're okay, you should come.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: I'm going to come to the thing we are announcing
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: yet soon, very soon, very soon. Yes, So make sure
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: that you follow Kaylin at the Kaylin Allen, the Kaylin Allen.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: K A L. E.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: N Expell Everybody's and the host of Fox Reality Check,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: Reality Club Fox. I will be tuning in to see
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: if you do your homework and watch what intertellar Interstellar. Yes, Interstellar,
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 3: we have to watch and you have to let me
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: know if you cried.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: Okay, because I was.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: I was ugly crying. I'm not a cute crier.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: I says, second Space.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: You are you like a side. It's not like fantasy. Okay,
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: it's like sciencey Okay.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 4: I didn't do good on science and the Act, but
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 4: I do like science.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: Lord, I'm not a science or math person.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: I was great at math.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: No. No.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: I had to take a remedial math course in college
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: past that just so I could take the one math
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 3: course I needed.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: Math is not my thing.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: Everybody learns differently. You don't have to be good at everything.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: That was something I had to learn. It's somebody that
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: was like everything was rooted individuals. I felt like I.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: Needed to be good at everything.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I feel like everything I had to do I had
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: to excel at it, and I just kind of except it.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: Be like, I'm not.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: Good at excellence at the thing that you are excellent,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: and you hire people to.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 4: Do the rest the other things. And I love to
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 4: hire people. Trust me, I love to employ somebody.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: I'm not trying to do the other thing. This was
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: so greats follow Kaylin. He has an announcement, a personal
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: announcement on Juneteenth, and some other professional announcements coming up
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: as well. I'm so excited to support you, and I'm
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: so glad that we didn't have such a terrible meet
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 3: at Sunday.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 4: It was so quick. Yeah, Okay, let's keep going back
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 4: to the coat. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for coming of it,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: of course, Darling