Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 52 - 5 Books That Will Change Your Parenting & Homeschool Game

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Ep. 52 - 5 Books That Will Change Your Parenting & Homeschool Game · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: These five books changed my parenting and homeschooling game, and I think they might change yours too. Before we dive into this episode, hi, I'm Christy Faith, author of Homeschool Rising, speaker, and creator of Thrive Homeschool Community. If you enjoy this show, make sure you like this video and subscribe so you don't miss out on any future episodes. Let's dive into our first book, which is Simplicity Parenting by Kim Jong Paine. If you're looking to live more intentionally with your children, this book is a game changer.
• 0:38
  I cannot recommend it enough. I even quote it in my own book, Homeschool Rising. Pain emphasizes the importance of simplifying schedules. Is your child juggling sports, music lessons, and multiple co ops? It can be a lot.
• 0:52
  This book could open you up to a schedule refresh because many kids today are overscheduled and they need space to relax, reflect, and connect. Pain also talks about creating rhythms in your home. For example, is breakfast at the same time every day? Do you sit down for family dinners? While every family's circumstances are unique, you might be a single parent, a working parent, maybe you're a parent with different varying shifts, or even managing a tough situation right now.
• 1:20
  No matter what, setting consistent moments to connect with your child is incredibly grounding for them. Research supports this idea too as children thrive on a sense of predictability. Payne emphasizes this in his book and studies back it up. 0tothrive.org has a post called the importance of routines in kids. Let me read you something from there.
• 1:40
  Information developed by doctor Erica Bocknack found that consistent routines helped children with emotional and social development. The University of Albany found that predictable routines also positively impacts cognitive development. The study suggested that early exposure to structured routines can have long term benefits for cognitive skills, such as individuals were less likely to experience time management or attention problems in adulthood. And headstart.gov did a post on the importance of schedules and routines, which highlights how children benefit from clear and simple routines and schedules and that it helps them feel more in control of their environment. Clearly, creating a rhythm in your home is essential.
• 2:20
  As a homeschooling parent, there is so much you can apply from this research. You can sit down after breakfast and read aloud. You could close their school day with a walk or a reflective conversation. These consistent checkpoints could help your days run smoothly and reduce stress because everybody knows what they are supposed to be doing and when. Personally, I've built different checkpoints in my homeschool day and in my kids' schedules so they know exactly what they should be doing and when.
• 2:46
  Overall, establishing predictable development and is incredibly effective in a homeschool. And then there's environment. Raise your hand if you need to declutter. My hand's up right now. Hi.
• 3:01
  It's me. Pain is all about fewer, less stimulating toys and clearing out overall physical clutter in your home. For homeschooling moms, that might mean it's time to part ways with some curriculum that wasn't a great fit, but you've kept just in case. Trust me. I get it.
• 3:18
  I have a curriculum dungeon down in my basement. If you've been on social media at all in the past four ish months, you've probably seen the rising trend of under consumption core. It's meant to showcase the lifestyle choice focused on reducing material possessions and prioritizing experiences, relationships, and personal fulfillment over stuff. The low spend trend mindset feels very similar to this. And who remembers when the whole minimalism movement got big in the early twenty tens?
• 3:50
  The US is kinda known for overconsumption. Influencers showcase try on hauls, grocery store hauls, you name it. I think there are hauls for everything at this point. There's even Swedish candy hauls, which actually, I was influenced by that, and I am glad I was. The Swedish candy is like when a gummy meets a marshmallow and they have a baby and it's absolute perfection.
• 4:11
  I wonder if we should put a link in the show notes. Now, I'm not saying there's anything anything wrong with getting what you need for your kids. I do think, though, that this hall mentality might be negatively affecting homeschooling families. How many of us have bought curriculum based on FOMO? Or this really pretty curriculum looks amazing and works wonders for this person on Instagram, but you've bought it, and now it's sitting in a closet gathering dust because it's not a right fit for your family.
• 4:37
  I'm guilty of this too, by the way. I really want families to purchase what they need and avoid the curriculum buying mishaps because it can wreak havoc on your mentality and space. It's why in Thrive, I've made the homeschool success framework. Step three is knowing what curriculum to buy. I teach you an entire process for how to choose curriculum.
• 4:56
  It's also why in office hours, we dedicate time to help you with your curriculum buying decisions. Anyway, psychology today has a blog post called decluttering your classroom where Jenny Grant Rankin, PhD, discussed how a cluttered environment can make individuals less productive and more irritable. I think that checks for homeschoolers too. Let's move on to technology. If you've been online at all, you've likely heard about the anxious generation or similar books addressing the impact of tech on our kids.
• 5:27
  By now, it's clear that the overuse of technology is contributing to higher rates of anxiety, decreased attention spans, and struggles with emotional regulation. Pain emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries around tech. With homeschooling, there are so many online resources and tools at our fingertips. It's easy to use screens for entertainment, breaks, etcetera, but too much screen time can erode the very connections and creativity that homeschooling is supposed to foster. That's why it's important as parents to design an educational experience that prioritizes balance and intention.
• 6:01
  Book number two is coming right up, but first, a word from our sponsors. As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to the Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal.
• 6:27
  But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option. And though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BJU Press homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age, family together on the couch learning style.
• 7:02
  They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. Homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. On to book number two, Hold Onto Your Kids by doctor Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. This book pulls back the curtain on the vital role of attachment in parenting. Neufeld and Mate's research underscores how strong parent child connections are the foundation for healthy development.
• 7:37
  For homeschooling parents, it's a powerful validation of why we do what we do because prioritizing strong parental relationships builds trust, resilience, and lasting bonds in our children, which is a big part of our why for homeschooling. One of the most impactful ideas in this book is the concept of peer orientation versus parent orientation. Peer orientation is referring to a child primarily looking to their peers for guidance, values, validation, and social cues. Parent orientation or healthy attachment is referring to a child looking to their caregiver, their safe caregiver for those very things. Consider a typical day for many children in the public school setting.
• 8:19
  Seven plus hours, five days a week, surrounded by peers. In this scenario, who becomes the primary influence? And this naturally raises the question of a lot of homeschooling parents or homeschool curious parents who ask, is this environment healthy? Can I offer something better? This is where homeschooling offers yet another advantage.
• 8:40
  You get to actively engage with your children for those seven plus hours. You are setting clear expectations and fostering open communication. You are encouraging strong family values. You are guiding, supporting, and exercising that moral compass each and every day. I'm not saying that sending your children to public school will not allow you to do these things, but I will say that homeschooling just makes it easier.
• 9:05
  Every generation faces new unique parenting challenges. Our modern day culture is no different. Social media has opened a Pandora's box to comparison, bullying, contributing to poor physical and mental health due to children staying up late scrolling, and distracting them from people and things that they care most about. Homeschooling offers a way to provide a safe and nurturing space where the parent child connection can flourish. Another key takeaway from this book, our children's need for connection doesn't disappear once they can read or solve math problems.
• 9:38
  It actually grows. Homeschooling gives us a unique opportunity to nurture those bonds daily. A related topic worth touching on is gentle parenting. If you've been on the parent talk at all, you've likely seen gentle parenting influencers or heard of the term gentle parenting. When I really sought to understand the gentle parenting movement, I realized it was really more synonymous with authoritative parenting.
• 10:01
  I don't love the term, and I think social media might have skewed it a bit. Authoritative is one of the three known parenting styles. It's balanced with clear expectations, empathy, and boundaries. And no, it's not the kid running the show. Authoritarian is another style.
• 10:16
  It is strict with little warmth or flexibility. It's very much unquestionable obedience. And then there is permissive parenting, which is without boundaries or structure. Matei and Neufeld address this balance in chapter 16 of their book, discipline that does not divide. Their approach aligns with the authoritative style.
• 10:36
  When done correctly, it encourages communication and mutual respect. Overall, the book, hold on to your kids, is an invaluable resource for parents and homeschooling families. It's a reminder that our relationships are top priority and that we need to focus on guiding our children toward healthy development. On to book number three, The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and doctor Benjamin Hardy. How often do we, as homeschooling parents, find ourselves comparing our progress to an impossible standard?
• 11:03
  Perhaps it's because we set lofty goals at the beginning of the school year that start to feel out of reach or just comparing ourselves to another homeschooler that we've seen somewhere. In the gap in the game, Sullivan and Hardy introduced a powerful mindset shift. Instead of focusing on what's lacking, meaning the gap, they encourage celebrating incremental growth, the gain. Mind blown. Their research shows that this perspective fosters greater satisfaction and motivation for both parents and children.
• 11:32
  If you're a homeschool parent who is scrolling through social media, you have probably seen those beautiful and elaborate feeds that showcase a picture perfect homeschool. And just to be clear, this is not shade. Those pictures are swoon worthy. They're just not relatable to me. That's not how my homeschooling looks.
• 11:50
  In the gain mindset, I focus on what I'm bringing to the table, not what another parent is bringing to their table. That's their table. It looks different than mine because it's different. Also, as parents, we are sometimes guilty of comparing our children to others or even comparing siblings. The reality is every child has their own unique learning journey, and focusing on the gains helps us to appreciate and honor our children's individuality.
• 12:16
  One strategy that I recommend is keeping a small portfolio for each of your children, even if your state doesn't require it. This could include samples of their work, photos of their completed projects, or you journaling milestones and accomplishments. This could be a powerful reminder to you as the parent of how far your child has come, but it also gives you a tangible way to see their progress. The gap in the gain is a reminder that your growth doesn't have to be perfect to be worth celebrating and that the goalposts don't have to be moved. I see you overachievers.
• 12:48
  If you know, you know. Recognize and honor the progress, however big or small. We'll be right back. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures.
• 13:08
  As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order. Until one day, I tried CTC math. CTC math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to, and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently. With CTC math, your child is getting a top notch education, and you just made your homeschool life easier.
• 13:37
  Visit ctcmath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes. Alright. I'll admit it. Homeschooling isn't always calm and serene. That is truly shocking.
• 13:49
  I mean, the kids aren't exactly sitting like cherubs, joyfully completing their schoolwork with radiant smiles all day. I know. Brace your emotional energy of parenting through tough moments quite like the explosive child by doctor Ross w Green, which is book number four. Doctor Green introduces a collaborative problem solving approach to managing challenging behavior, emphasizing coregulation and shifting from power struggles to deeper understanding. It's a shift from the authoritarian style, the because I said so style, to the authoritative style.
• 14:29
  Let's work together. You are working with your kids to find solutions and address both their needs and yours. That's really important. Parents' needs are important, too. You are the parent.
• 14:40
  You're the ringleader. You are with your child for long periods of time. Your emotions and self regulation have to be in check in order to keep a peaceful household. Let's say your child is having a complete meltdown when it's time to start copy work or math. Instead of losing your mind and letting them do whatever they want, you use tools from this book to turn moments of conflict into connection.
• 15:03
  When parents come to us with these problems in Thrive Homeschool Community, we like to dig deep with the problem solving. We see it as an onion with layers to peel back to really get to the root of what's going on with you and your kiddo. We know that when your child feels heard, they're more likely to work collaboratively with you. And when we approach our children's behavior with curiosity instead of judgment, we reduce our stress as parents too. For homeschooling parents navigating emotional outbursts, the explosive child is a lifeline.
• 15:34
  It provides practical tools to turn conflict into connection, helping you work with your child to create solutions that meet both of your needs. This reminds me, we use similar principles found in the book explosive child when we're coaching parents in thrive homeschool communities who have kiddos who struggle in particular areas. Sometimes we need to gather up a team of specialists or medical professionals to help create a successful homeschooling environment for our kiddo. Just last week, someone shared how a doctor's judgmental comments during a medical visit left her frightened. Instead of focusing on the medical issue, the doctor remarked, Well, I hope your daughter is getting a good education, which crossed the line.
• 16:15
  This happens too often. Professionals misuse their authority, making homeschooling families feel judged and stressed. This is why I created Christy Faiths List, a resource to connect you with service providers who truly support and understand homeschooling. Your providers should empower your homeschooling journey, not undermine it and make you feel scared. So if you're ever nervous about visiting a doctor or other service provider, Christy Fatihs List is here to help.
• 16:41
  It's a free directory to homeschooling families, connecting you with professionals who truly support and understand your choices. It's easy to use and available for free to you now.
• 16:52
  And finally, book number five, Atomic Habits by James Clear. Now I know you have seen this book everywhere. It's been on the bestseller list since it came out and for good reason.
• 17:04
  Homeschooling can often feel like you're juggling a thousand little things. You have lesson planning, maybe, household tasks, extracurriculars, and relationship work. Sometimes kids don't get along so well, but James Clear offers a refreshing view. It's not the big changes, but the small, consistent habits that truly shape our lives. His exploration of habit formation rooted in behavioral psychology shows that even 1% improvements can lead to monumental transformation over time.
• 17:37
  For homeschooling parents, this book is a gold mine. Struggling to create a morning routine, overwhelmed by getting it all done? Clear introduces the power of habit stacking, which is pairing new habits with ones already in place. Imagine starting each homeschool day with a shared moment of gratitude or reflection. It may seem small, but over time, the impact is huge.
• 17:59
  And James Clear discusses designing your environment to support your habits. Remember the other book, Simplicity Parenting by Payne, also talking about a decluttered and simplified environment? If your day is feeling chaotic, it might be time to simplify your home. This might look like each child's curriculum is in a basket that they can easily access. It might look like placing the library book basket by the couch so before bed you can easily get to the books.
• 18:25
  It could also look like electronics being away in a closet that you only get out on the weekends. Atomic Habits also emphasizes identity based habits. Instead of thinking, I wish I was an organized parent, you might think, I am the type of parent who is organized and efficient. And you show yourself that you are that parent through your small wins. You reset your homeschool lessons on Fridays and prepare your lessons for the next week.
• 18:50
  After each school day, maybe you're gonna reset your kids' baskets. And this doesn't just apply to you. It can also work for your kids. I had my teenager read Atomic Habits, and honestly, the transformation was pretty cool to watch. Instead of saying, you need to work on being a reader, you can encourage them by saying, you're the kind of kid who loves to learn through stories.
• 19:10
  It's a pretty cool mindset shift. I love Atomic Habits. Overall, Atomic Habits is a framework for building and the life that you love and that aligns with your values and vision. Whether it's creating a peaceful evening routine, building a solid exercise habit with your family, or simply trying to get the kids to brush their teeth after breakfast, atomic habits offers wisdom to help you get there. Something I want you to take away from this episode is that homeschooling doesn't happen in a vacuum.
• 19:41
  It's shaped by the relationships we build, the habits we cultivate, and the growth we choose to embrace. These five books provide practical strategies, research backed insights, and heartfelt wisdom to help you not just survive but to truly thrive. And speaking of Thrive, again, if you're a homeschooler or considering homeschooling, please check out Thrive Homeschool Community. We are your insurance plan to make sure your homeschool is successful. We help you get set up.
• 20:11
  We help you problem solve. We keep you growing, and we also make space for true, deeply connected community. And I know what you're thinking. How's that possible when you're a nationwide online platform? Well, you're just gonna have to join to find out.
• 20:25
  I am so stinking proud of Thrive Homeschool community and what we have going on in there. It's the community I wish I had when I was first starting out my homeschooling journey. So make sure to click the link in the show notes to spy on everything we have going on in there. At the end of the day, homeschooling isn't just about academics. It's about creating a life together.
• 20:45
  And as these authors remind us, the most valuable lesson of all is living a connected, intentional life. You have my heart.