Latest / Cristy M. Diaz Podcast Conversations from the Heart / Heart to Heart | The Evolution of Career Moms

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Heart to Heart | The Evolution of Career Moms · Cristy M. Diaz Podcast Conversations from the Heart

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  Heartto-Heart is where real stories meet
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  real connection. Hosted by Christy Diaz,
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  founder of Heartful Living, this podcast
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  opens the door to honest, unfiltered
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  conversations about life's most
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  meaningful and sometimes messy chapters.
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  From personal journeys of resilience and
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  healing to experiences with love, loss,
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  family, and finding purpose.
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  Heartto-Heart is a space for the stories
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  that deserve to be heard. Every episode
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  is rooted in authenticity, empathy, and
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  the belief that when we share our
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  stories, we remind each other we're not
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  alone. Join the conversation because the
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  best talks always come from the heart.
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  Hi and welcome to another episode of the
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  Heartto-Heart podcast. I'm Christy Diaz
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  and we are navigating conversations and
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  stories of authenticity and joy. And I
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  am so excited today because I have my
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  Madres, my writer dies in the studio
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  today. Magda and Melissa. Hello ladies.
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  >> Hello. Love that intro. This is super
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  overdue because you guys have the
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  craziest schedules. I think we marked
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  this in the calendar back in August. So,
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  thank you for being here.
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  >> Absolutely. Our pleasure. These are my
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  ride or dies. These are my besties.
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  These are the ones that um are my keeper
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  of secrets and the godmothers to my
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  children. And I love the fact that our
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  friendship spans over I'm not even going
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  to say how many years. Well, I am like
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  30 years.
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  So, um, thank you guys for being here
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  today. You guys are my inspiration.
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  Every story I tell is with all my
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  friends always in mind. I am so lucky
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  that I have the tribe that I have. Um,
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  and you guys amaze me every day. You
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  guys inspire me. So, you're going to get
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  emotional that introduction.
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  Let's start by you guys introducing
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  yourselves. Melissa.
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  >> Sure. So, I'm Melissa Bertier. I am a
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  mom of two teens. Um, thank you for
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  being the absolute best godmother ever.
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  >> Um, and I'm also a wife and I'm also the
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  director of marketing and communications
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  for a global destination here in South
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  Florida that is also my home.
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  And I'm Magda Rodriguez Brener. I am the
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  mom of two as well, 10 and six, boy and
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  girl. Uh, I am a healthcare partner at
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  an Amlaw 200 firm in Miami and I am also
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  a wife and longtime friend of both of
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  you and I'm really happy to be here.
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  >> I told you guys that they were badasses.
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  >> So, I want to discuss career moms and
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  their evolution today because you guys
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  make it look so easy. I don't know how
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  you guys do it.
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  >> I don't know about that, but
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  >> Well, thank you.
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  >> You know you What's that saying that
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  they say, Magda? that it's fake it till
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  you make it,
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  >> right? 100%.
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  >> Fake it till you make it. And I just so
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  happened to have Susie uh Bernell.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> In the studio the other day. I still
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  call her Susie even though she
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  professionally goes by Suzanne now. Um
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  and I go, "You make it look so easy."
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  And she said the same thing. So guys,
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  fake it till you make it.
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  >> Right.
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  >> Um but I remember way back when always
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  being in awe by you guys because you
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  guys are the product of career moms.
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  Your mom was a doctor. Your mom was a
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  doctor. And so h I want to talk about
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  how that's evolved from their generation
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  and how you are doing things
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  differently, how you guys are doing
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  things the same, what you do that is
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  like your mom, what your moms would
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  think about that today. Because in 30
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  years, the world is moving so fast. It's
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  so different and motherhood has changed.
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  It's constantly evolving based on our
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  surroundings and our community and what
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  we've learned and what we've seen. And
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  so I want to jump right in and I want to
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  start by asking you guys um to take us
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  back to your early career days before
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  you guys were moms, right? What were
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  your dreams then and how have they
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  evolved now that you are mothers of
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  teenagers and you know full-blown
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  children? Go ahead Melissa, you first.
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  >> Wow. Um
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  how far back am I taking you back?
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  >> Let's go back to Well, let's start by
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  saying you went to school in uh college.
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  I you know it's funny because we had
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  gentlemen here yesterday. We had Pepe,
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  we had Ryan, we had Danny and we touched
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  on what is so uniquely Miami. That is
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  where did you go to school?
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  >> Everybody says high school.
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  >> Exact. Thank you. Thank you.
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  >> Everybody says high school.
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  >> So let's go back to where you went to
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  college. You were in DC,
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  >> right? I went to college in DC. Um and I
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  fasttracked it. Uh I did college in two
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  and a half years. and because I wanted
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  to work I was really excited to jump
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  into the workforce. Um
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  >> so go back to that moment.
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  >> Sure. So I studied international affairs
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  and global public health. My mother was
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  very confused by what you know my career
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  was going to be um you know even to the
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  point of like are you going to be
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  stamping passports like what exactly did
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  you do with that?
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  >> Um and you know I really loved the
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  public health side of it. Um, you know,
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  I imagined myself at that time, you
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  know, 18, 19, 20 when I finally
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  graduated. Um, you know, working for the
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  Peace Corps, going, you know, around the
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  world, working with refugees, internally
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  displaced people. Um,
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  >> are we going to tell the story?
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  >> Are we going to tell the story?
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  >> Oh, I don't know what story.
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  >> You know which one. You know which one.
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  >> I know which one. You know,
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  >> Magda, go ahead. What's the story?
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  >> I'm not going to do that.
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  >> We touch on the Peace Corp.
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  this girl when she was 17 years old,
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  which in today's world I don't know that
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  I could do it. She told everybody that
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  she was going to go to Africa and she
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  did at 17. Was it the Peace Corp? It was
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  not. It was uh I was 17, but I did have
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  to fib about my my age on the
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  application. Thankfully, my mom was a
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  working mom, so I had to fill out my own
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  applications. Um but it was an
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  organization that um that brought me to
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  Tanzania and you know spent a summer
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  there and it was really just incredible
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  um to be in villages to work with people
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  um both on the education side and also
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  on the medical side.
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  >> So that's why you know I think I ended
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  up studying what I did right um but I
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  did quickly realize that it'd be really
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  hard and people do it and hats off to
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  them to be a mom and to have children
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  with that type of lifestyle.
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  So, I think I just naturally pivoted
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  um and didn't end up at the Peace Corp,
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  but I, you know, I do bring a lot of
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  public health knowledge and what I do
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  today, which is nothing to do with
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  public health. Um, and and that's still
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  very much a part of, you know, a part of
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  me.
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  >> So, you had a shift in mind saying,
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  okay, this is what I want to do, but
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  realistically, I want to be a mom and a
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  wife, and there's just not enough room
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  at the end to do it all.
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  >> There's not Exactly. That's exactly
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  right. not many hours in the day and um
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  I you know I got married very young.
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  >> Yes.
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  >> Um I think I probably was the first
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  right out of out of the bunch
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  was the first. Um
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  >> and had kids really young in my 20s and
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  thank God because I felt like I really
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  needed to have energy.
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  >> Um but I never stopped working. Um and I
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  think you know to have a career and to
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  kind of climb that corporate ladder that
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  was important.
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  >> Um and there's sacrifices that came with
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  that. Um, but I wouldn't have had it any
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  other way.
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  >> How about you, Magda?
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  Um,
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  >> take us back to graduation day where
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  you're like, "Okay, I'm going to go to
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  law school. I'm going to be an
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  attorney." Did you have that same
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  feeling in your head? I need to make
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  sure that I
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  >> Not quite.
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  >> Okay.
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  >> Um, so I I kind of decided what I wanted
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  to do even though it evolved and kind of
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  took a different direction, but I kind
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  of always assumed I would be a mom and I
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  would just kind of fold it into my life,
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  right? It just Yeah. without obviously
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  without really taking into account how
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  difficult that balance would be.
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  >> What do you remember uh most about
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  watching your mom balance career and
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  family life? Cuz your mom was a
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  professional gastroenterologist.
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  >> Yep.
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  >> Um badass also.
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  >> Yeah, very much so.
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  >> Badass first women gastronenterologist
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  in South Florida,
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  >> right?
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  >> She was in a male-dominated field. You
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  know, it was always kind of a a battle
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  for her, but she did it seamlessly. I
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  will say um what I what I do remember
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  about her the balance right is you know
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  oftentimes she would take off and she
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  would meet meet me at a recital or she
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  would go to a game or she would go
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  whatever it may have been and I kind of
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  always knew in the back of my head
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  though I never vocalized it that that
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  would require her to go back to the
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  hospital and go finish her rounds and
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  she never communicated that to me. I
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  just kind of saw it right. So, I almost
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  felt bad, but I never really asked her
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  to come.
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  >> She would just kind of show up, you
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  know, she would she would show up to
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  support, she would show up because she
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  don't want to miss it.
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  >> Um, and that was her balance at the
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  time, you know, but I knew as a as a
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  child from a children's perspective, I
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  knew that that meant she would have to
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  go back and do more work,
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  >> right?
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  >> You know, and so then I wasn't going to
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  see her really until the next morning,
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  for example.
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  >> Yeah. And you had your grandma living
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  with you. I did who did a lot of child
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  wearing, too.
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  >> Yeah. And so she so my grandmother lived
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  with us and she had her own apartment
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  but she spent a lot of time with us. She
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  would pick us up from school um and she
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  would help us with homework and my
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  grandma was a brilliant person really.
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  She was also an attorney. Um and uh I
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  just think that she was definitely the
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  support system that my mom needed at the
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  time
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  >> and she definitely assisted and allowed
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  my mother to be both mother and
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  physician.
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  >> Yeah. If it wasn't for her.
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  >> Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
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  >> We all need that kind of support.
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  >> You know, the common thread I have is
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  always it takes a village. As I always
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  tell you guys,
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  >> this is my tribe. As I always say it, I
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  had the honor and the pleasure of being
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  at the America Business Forum earlier
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  this week and the head of We Work and
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  Flo was there, Adam Newman, and him and
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  his wife, Rebecca, have six children.
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  The fact that they have six children,
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  I'm in awe to begin with. Um he said
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  that the secret sauce in Miami is
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  community.
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  >> Do you agree or disagree?
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  >> Oh, I agree 100%.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> Yeah. Do you think that that's having
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  lived you specifically in Washington,
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  Melissa, do you see that as something
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  that is very unique to Miami or do you
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  did you see it outside of Miami?
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  >> No, I think I saw it outside of Miami
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  for sure. Um I feel like in Miami and
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  especially kind of you know our friends,
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  you have that extended family. we were a
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  little different because you know my
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  parents came here in 1980 with not a
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  soul in the United States. Um so we
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  didn't have that grandparent support
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  system or the aunts. Um that's not
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  something we grew up with and we still
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  have very little family. Um but now my
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  parents have you know 10 grandkids. Um
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  and
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  >> still in shock about that
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  >> and a big reason I think that I moved um
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  is because you know I was able to be
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  near closer to my sister who has four
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  kids right. Um, so that was a huge
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  reason and I love DC. I loved our life.
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  Um, but I really just wanted to be
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  closer to family and to have a little
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  bit of that community and more of that
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  tribe. Um,
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  >> I'm so glad you did, too, because she
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  was gone too long.
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  >> I know.
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  >> I said I would never come back. So,
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  never say never.
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  >> That's true.
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  >> Um, so Melissa, your mom is still is an
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  amazing PCP, an amazing physician. What
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  do you think has changed most for
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  working moms between your mom's
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  generation and today's?
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  >> So, I think it depends on the career.
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  So, I think, you know, um there's a lot
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  of options today to do remote jobs, and
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  I'm not necessarily a fan of remote
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  jobs, especially, you know, when women
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  are getting into their career in the
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  20s. Um,
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  >> but I think for doctors, like you have
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  to be present, right? You have to go to
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  the hospital. You have to see patients.
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  Um, and I think I chose a career that
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  I'm able to balance. And I say that
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  word, you know, a little bit with a
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  chuckle because I think if you ask my
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  staff, they laugh when, you know, I'm
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  always like, "Oh, no. It's, you know, so
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  important to have balance." And they're
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  like, "Do you have balance?" Um, and I
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  feel like I do because I can do a lot of
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  my job outside of the physical office.
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  Um, but I think it depends on the career
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  choice. And I think medicine is
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  something that you do have to show up
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  for and there's a lot of jobs that you
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  have to be physically present. Um, and
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  you know that does take a toll on family
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  lives.
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  >> You know, I have here on my cards
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  actually that we were going to debunk
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  the myth of balance, right? Because it's
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  something that we're always chasing but
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  never quite catch. Do you always feel
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  like you are in that race of balance or
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  do you feel like you've achieved
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  achieved it thanks to technology today?
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  >> So
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  I think that
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  so I think it's a I think it's you're
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  not necessarily chasing it. I think as
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  an as a young mother, I thought that I
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  was, you know, I felt that struggle like
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  I was chasing it. And then you come to a
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  point in your life where you've just
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  accepted you've accepted the fact that
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  you're not always going to be able to
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  balance it. And it's very hard for
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  someone especially someone like you're
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  very type A to accept of she looks at
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  her.
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  >> You understand? Uh that's
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  >> that's for someone who is type A to
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  understand and let go of that sense of
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  control. Right? So sometimes you are
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  going to show up to work and you are
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  going to nail it and that may mean or
• 13:53
  may not necessarily mean that you give a
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  little less of yourself as a parent,
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  >> right?
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  >> Okay. Sometimes you have both of those
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  and they're going strong and sometimes
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  they just don't
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  >> and you get home and you lose your
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  temper and you feel awful.
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  um you know so so but you have to you
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  know you have to it's an acceptance
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  right and I think um once you accept
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  that you may not always be perfect at
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  either one
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  >> right
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  >> right then you have a little bit more
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  sense of inner peace as
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  >> don't you feel that comes with age
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  >> oh yeah oh absolutely it comes with age
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  it comes with I mean
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  >> the the amount of energy I used to have
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  versus amount of energy I have now the
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  way I prioritize my life is completely
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  completely different from when I was a
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  young mother, right? Even one kid to the
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  next. I think everyone can agree that
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  >> you don't necessarily raise your kids
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  exactly the same way. You know, your
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  first one maybe you're like hovering
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  over them or you're a little bit more
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  concerned with things. By the second
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  one, you've kind of realized, you've
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  prioritized or rep prioritized. You
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  realize what's important, what's not.
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  Maybe you know what was important to you
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  as a parent and what wasn't, you know,
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  necessarily that important that you
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  obsessed about in the first one. Right.
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  >> Absolutely. And I mean, you guys are all
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  the youngest in your family.
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  So I feel like you for example the
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  reason why you got on that plane at 17
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  to Africa is because you were the third
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  one and that was it. She was tired. Mon
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  was tired.
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  >> You also gave off like angel vibes and
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  no one would have ever thought that you
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  would have done something.
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  >> That is another conversation for another
• 15:27
  day folks. We not going to be recorded.
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  >> We can have a whole other conversation
• 15:33
  >> knowing someone for too long. Yeah.
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  >> Yeah, it is. That's why you guys are my
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  keeper of secrets and that's how we're
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  going to keep it.
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  >> So, no, seriously though, um that story
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  of work and motherhood colliding,
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  do you have an example in your head off
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  the top of your head of your mom where
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  motherhood and career collided that you
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  as a child saw?
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  >> Um I mean, I saw it every day, right?
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  because my mom um but it was something
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  that I'm I'm very proud of and I was
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  very proud of because
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  >> um you know she'd come home no HIPPO
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  violations but you know she would tell
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  us about about patient stories right or
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  things that happened um and I really
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  when I'd go to Delland Mall back in the
• 16:18
  day like Berdines um taking it back as
• 16:21
  were original 305
• 16:23
  >> folks um I couldn't take two steps
• 16:26
  without you know a patient of my mom
• 16:29
  right
• 16:30
  >> being like you know Dr. Booyah Dr. Booya
• 16:32
  and it was either a sales associate or
• 16:33
  somebody shopping and then you know
• 16:35
  sharing like I'm so thankful for X Y and
• 16:37
  Z. Um so I mean I saw her balance it
• 16:41
  beautifully. Um and something that she
• 16:43
  really prioritized both my parents
• 16:45
  because both my parents were working
• 16:46
  parents. Um was making sure that we were
• 16:49
  going to have fabulous dinners, you
• 16:50
  know, at night. Um and they're both
• 16:52
  incredible cooks as you both know. Yes.
• 16:54
  >> And so that was really important and
• 16:56
  something that you know that I
• 16:58
  prioritize. I'm always looking for
• 16:59
  30-inute meals. Um especially during the
• 17:01
  week when things are so crazy with the
• 17:02
  sports and the school and you know my
• 17:04
  schedule. Yeah.
• 17:05
  >> Um and I think that's that's super
• 17:07
  important. That's always advice that I
• 17:08
  give, you know, new moms to really
• 17:10
  prioritize sitting down and kind of
• 17:12
  decompressing. And when they were
• 17:14
  little, my you know, I used to say to my
• 17:15
  kids like, "Give me a report of the
• 17:17
  day." Yeah.
• 17:18
  >> And they would have to do it in in
• 17:19
  little um little journalist ways and
• 17:21
  they would say their names and you know,
• 17:23
  this was my day and it was
• 17:24
  >> it was a good kind of icebreaker. I'm so
• 17:27
  glad you're bringing this up because
• 17:29
  your parents love language to you was
• 17:32
  food and those meal times and it still
• 17:34
  is.
• 17:36
  >> I'm thinking back to that moment of my
• 17:39
  mom when we were all growing up and I'm
• 17:42
  sure you guys remember that on Mondays
• 17:44
  my mom hosted an openhouse dinner for
• 17:46
  all of our friends to come and the door
• 17:49
  was always unlocked. She would cook
• 17:52
  these extravagant
• 17:54
  like whole week load of food because she
• 17:57
  would not cook over the weekend. So she
• 17:59
  would ramp up again on Monday and people
• 18:01
  knew where to find the foldout chairs
• 18:02
  and they would just pile into the table
• 18:04
  and that was my mom's love language also
• 18:06
  to make sure that you know everybody
• 18:08
  came to the table and that's how she
• 18:10
  would check in on us. That's how she
• 18:12
  would know what was happening in our
• 18:13
  lives always. And I love that and I'm
• 18:16
  trying to recreate that with my kids
• 18:18
  too. Um, do you have off the top of your
• 18:21
  head an idea of what your mom's love
• 18:23
  language was?
• 18:26
  >> Um,
• 18:28
  I think, you know, for my mom, she'd
• 18:30
  always love traveling, right? Yes.
• 18:31
  >> And so traveling for her was an
• 18:33
  opportunity to really she would hand
• 18:36
  over her patients, they can't reach her.
• 18:39
  You know, this is, you know, back, you
• 18:40
  know, before papers.
• 18:42
  >> Yeah. Yeah. and we would go overseas and
• 18:44
  I think that that was an opportunity for
• 18:46
  her to spend uninterrupted quality time
• 18:48
  with her family.
• 18:49
  >> Absolutely. To this day.
• 18:51
  >> To this day. To this day. And so I think
• 18:54
  that, you know, she's always had a sense
• 18:55
  of adventure and I think that that
• 18:58
  coupled well with her opportunity to not
• 19:00
  only show us culture in the world, but
• 19:03
  but also um but also have uninterrupted
• 19:07
  time with us, right? You know, there was
• 19:08
  no there was no phones ringing. there
• 19:10
  was no, you know, night emergencies,
• 19:13
  things like that. So,
• 19:14
  >> so you bring up a very interesting point
• 19:16
  in that back then, the only way that a
• 19:20
  patient or a client can reach somebody
• 19:22
  was through a landline.
• 19:23
  >> Oh gosh. Yeah. I I remember even when I
• 19:25
  wanted to go to my friend's house, I
• 19:26
  would call the hospital and page her
• 19:29
  over the loudspeaker and she would
• 19:31
  answer the phone. I'm like, "Mom, can I
• 19:32
  go to Melissa's house?"
• 19:33
  >> Can you imagine?
• 19:34
  >> Can you imagine? Yeah.
• 19:36
  >> I was actually thinking about that the
• 19:37
  other day. I'm like, I can't believe I
• 19:38
  had the guts to do something like that.
• 19:40
  >> So now I think we may be working
• 19:42
  depending on your career, we be we may
• 19:44
  be working more because of these
• 19:46
  devices.
• 19:46
  >> That was my next question to you. Who
• 19:49
  had the better end of the stick? Your
• 19:51
  mom back then when there was no
• 19:53
  technology or you today that have the
• 19:56
  added advantage of having technology to
• 19:59
  access your child?
• 20:00
  >> So I think it's trade-off, right? And I
• 20:02
  think it also depends on what you do.
• 20:04
  doctors, I guess, you know, kind of in
• 20:06
  their own worlds, I think they're a lot
• 20:08
  more accessible. So, um, as an attorney,
• 20:11
  I'll say that we were I I almost want to
• 20:14
  say that the law the industry, the legal
• 20:16
  industry was a little slow in catching
• 20:19
  up to the technology.
• 20:21
  >> Um, you know, there were lots of firms
• 20:24
  who had, you know, laptops that you
• 20:26
  could take and you could work from home,
• 20:27
  but that really wasn't something people
• 20:28
  accepted
• 20:30
  >> until, you know, practically until co
• 20:32
  really, right? Like I remember right
• 20:34
  before I gave birth to my first um
• 20:37
  child, I had really high blood pressure
• 20:39
  and my doctor was begging me, please,
• 20:41
  you know, quit, you know, take start
• 20:44
  your maternity leave and I said, "No, I
• 20:45
  want as much time with my son as
• 20:46
  possible."
• 20:47
  >> So the law firm actually delivered me a
• 20:50
  laptop so I could work laying down
• 20:52
  >> and that was like the last three days
• 20:54
  before I went to the hospital.
• 20:56
  >> Yeah,
• 20:57
  >> I forgot that. So it was it was just not
• 21:00
  um not something that was you know
• 21:02
  really accepted at the time until co and
• 21:06
  so now um you know now there's remote
• 21:09
  and I I'm starting to hear see news
• 21:11
  articles of trends that they're
• 21:12
  requiring people to come back four days
• 21:14
  instead of a more of a hybrid schedule.
• 21:17
  Um so I think that technology is
• 21:21
  incredibly helpful.
• 21:23
  I think that it makes us more
• 21:25
  accessible. it has with it. Clients, at
• 21:28
  least in the legal industry, clients
• 21:29
  have a higher expectation of you. Um, I
• 21:33
  know that I work kind of strange hours.
• 21:35
  Sometimes I'll take off and then I'll
• 21:37
  log back on after my kids are sleeping.
• 21:39
  That's my tradeoff. But I have the
• 21:41
  ability to do that. But I have to
• 21:42
  remind, for example, the associates that
• 21:44
  I work with, hey, I'm sending you emails
• 21:46
  at 10 o'clock at night. I have no
• 21:47
  expectation unless I say emergency. I
• 21:50
  have zero expectation that you're
• 21:52
  responding to me tonight. Right.
• 21:54
  >> I'm totally guilty of that. Yes. Yes.
• 21:56
  And I try to like sometimes program
• 21:58
  messages because it'll be midnight and
• 21:59
  I'm like, "Okay, let me try to program
• 22:01
  this to 8 o'clock in the morning, but
• 22:03
  sometimes that's just more work." And
• 22:04
  I'm like, "Please just ignore it. Have
• 22:05
  your phones on silent. I will call you
• 22:06
  if there's an emergency." Hi, this is
• 22:08
  Briana, designer behind Briana Handmade
• 22:11
  Jewelry. I'm so grateful to share my
• 22:13
  story with the Heartful Living
• 22:15
  community. As a thank you, I'd love to
• 22:17
  gift you an exclusive code. Use heart 15
• 22:20
  at checkout for something special from
• 22:22
  my collection. from my heart to yours.
• 22:25
  Enjoy.
• 22:27
  >> Um, but there are those trade-offs,
• 22:28
  right? You're having your dinner, you're
• 22:29
  putting them to bed, um, and then you're
• 22:31
  going back, right,
• 22:32
  >> to the office.
• 22:33
  >> You're going back and and so your
• 22:34
  decision is you have to set your
• 22:36
  boundaries,
• 22:37
  >> right?
• 22:38
  >> And so, for the most part, my boundary
• 22:41
  is, you know, once I get home, and this
• 22:44
  is kind of a sad reality, but once I get
• 22:46
  home, I really only have a couple hours.
• 22:47
  My kids, they're so young. They go to
• 22:49
  sleep early. Um, and if they don't,
• 22:51
  they're very crabby in the morning. So I
• 22:54
  um I really only have like maybe two
• 22:56
  hours. So I say, "Okay, in my mind for
• 22:58
  the next two hours, my phone stays in my
• 22:59
  bag or my phone stays on my nightstand
• 23:01
  and I'm not looking at it."
• 23:02
  >> Yeah.
• 23:03
  >> And then after I'll look at it and then
• 23:04
  at some point, you know, you need to
• 23:06
  call it, you need to go to bed, right?
• 23:08
  Start all over again.
• 23:09
  >> Same thing I've heard other people, they
• 23:11
  wake up early, you know, they'll wake up
• 23:12
  at 4 in the morning, they'll start
• 23:14
  working and then that way they have, you
• 23:17
  know, we some attorneys bill hours.
• 23:19
  That's a measure of their productivity.
• 23:21
  Some attorneys are contingent, but for
• 23:23
  the most part, most of the attorneys
• 23:24
  will build hours. And so, you're putting
• 23:26
  in maybe two or three hours before the
• 23:28
  day gets started just to catch you up on
• 23:30
  what's to come.
• 23:32
  >> Right. Do you guys think true or false?
• 23:35
  Women can have it all.
• 23:38
  >> False. I mean, it it's it depends on
• 23:41
  your expectation of what all means. You
• 23:44
  have to understand that it's not
• 23:46
  perfect,
• 23:48
  >> right? So sure, I I believe you can have
• 23:50
  a career and be a excellent parent. You
• 23:53
  just need to understand your tradeoffs.
• 23:55
  You need to set your boundaries.
• 23:56
  >> How about you? What
• 23:58
  >> I agree with you. I think it's more
• 23:59
  false. Um but I think um you know what
• 24:02
  is having it all,
• 24:03
  >> right? Correct.
• 24:03
  >> What does that mean? And I think it
• 24:05
  means a little, you know, things are a
• 24:07
  little different for
• 24:08
  >> different responses. We probably have
• 24:09
  different responses. Um but you know, I
• 24:12
  think it's a balance. Uh back to that
• 24:14
  word. Um, but I think you can have and
• 24:16
  it's all about being content, having
• 24:18
  heart full of living. Um, and that's
• 24:21
  what it's about.
• 24:22
  >> Yeah.
• 24:22
  >> And I sleep really well at night. Um,
• 24:24
  >> is that the permenopause or is that that
• 24:27
  you're just tired?
• 24:28
  >> Oh my gosh. We're not there yet. Speak
• 24:30
  for yourself.
• 24:30
  >> Remember, I'm two years younger than you
• 24:32
  all.
• 24:33
  >> No.
• 24:33
  >> No. So, we're not gonna um throw Melissa
• 24:37
  under the bus, but she's managed to
• 24:39
  convince her husband that she's two
• 24:40
  years younger than all of us, despite
• 24:42
  the fact that we were all in the same
• 24:43
  grade.
• 24:44
  >> Well, the cat was out of the bag when I
• 24:46
  moved back, but he he conveniently
• 24:48
  forgotten. I just we kept it going. The
• 24:49
  joke, um I remember we'd have candles at
• 24:52
  your house. She'd
• 24:53
  >> lie about her age,
• 24:53
  >> the numbers, and you'd be like, "Well,
• 24:55
  we can't show the number."
• 24:57
  >> This girl,
• 24:58
  >> um no, we're not there. No, but I think
• 25:00
  it's because, you know, I'm so active
• 25:02
  during the day, whether it be at work
• 25:03
  with the kids. Um, that and I really
• 25:06
  prioritize sleep. I prioritize sleep for
• 25:08
  my kids. I think it's so important.
• 25:10
  >> Um, so I do fortunately sleep well. And
• 25:13
  I wish I could be one of those people
• 25:14
  that wake up at 4 in the morning. So,
• 25:16
  I'd rather be one of those people that,
• 25:17
  you know, go to sleep a little bit
• 25:18
  later, um, but can sleep in past 4:00
• 25:21
  a.m. Are you that way? Do you wake up at
• 25:24
  4:00 a.m.?
• 25:24
  >> Oh, no, I don't. I don't. But there are
• 25:26
  times where the kids come in and then
• 25:27
  you just have to call it. like you're
• 25:28
  trying to go back to bed and then if you
• 25:30
  successfully go back to bed then you're
• 25:32
  more tired when you wake up. So you just
• 25:33
  have to say, "Okay, you know what? Let
• 25:34
  me just be productive."
• 25:37
  >> Yeah. She's still in the So you get up
• 25:39
  and you're more productive. Otherwise,
• 25:40
  you go you go to sleep. You wake up and
• 25:42
  you're dragging.
• 25:43
  >> Yeah.
• 25:43
  >> So, no thank you. I just Let's get up.
• 25:45
  Let's do something. Um or I'll just sit
• 25:48
  there and but I won't try be actively
• 25:50
  trying to go back to bed. So, you guys
• 25:52
  have brought so many of your mom's best
• 25:55
  characteristics to the table in terms of
• 25:57
  your both of your parenting skills. Is
• 26:00
  there anything that you've done
• 26:01
  differently from your mom?
• 26:05
  >> Yeah, I mean I not because I'm sure she
• 26:09
  didn't want to participate, but my mom
• 26:11
  just couldn't participate in school
• 26:12
  activities as much as she would like to,
• 26:14
  right? she wasn't we call them now class
• 26:17
  coordinators or she wasn't you know on
• 26:19
  the PTA you know things like that I
• 26:22
  don't know that she wanted to be frankly
• 26:24
  right but um I kind of told myself when
• 26:27
  I had my children that I was going to
• 26:29
  try and make that a priority not the
• 26:31
  priority but a priority I wanted them to
• 26:33
  see me involved in school I wanted to be
• 26:35
  more involved in their education
• 26:37
  and so I have done that at my own pace
• 26:41
  sometimes you know allin sometimes
• 26:45
  But I did make that a priority
• 26:48
  for me.
• 26:49
  >> Well, you know, I think that you've also
• 26:52
  had the blessing and the curse of
• 26:54
  technology because you've got the
• 26:56
  WhatsApp groups today. You've got the
• 26:58
  websites. You've got a million chats
• 27:00
  going on and text messages. It's never
• 27:02
  been easier to get involved
• 27:04
  >> because it's in your face. Your mom did
• 27:06
  not have a group chat for a room parent,
• 27:10
  >> right?
• 27:10
  >> She would actually have to show up and
• 27:12
  figure it out. Think about that.
• 27:14
  >> Yeah.
• 27:15
  >> Signups were completely different back
• 27:17
  then.
• 27:18
  >> Yeah. And one of the things I oftentimes
• 27:20
  think about is, you know, we have all
• 27:22
  this technology to facilitate
• 27:23
  communication, right? To be more
• 27:25
  involved,
• 27:26
  >> but hasn't the expectation gone up more?
• 27:28
  >> 100%.
• 27:29
  >> Now that we have all these things at our
• 27:31
  fingertips, now that we have Amazon and
• 27:32
  we have this and the other,
• 27:35
  >> you know, or these mega stores that you
• 27:36
  can go and pretty much find anything,
• 27:38
  the expectation has gone up. Well, with
• 27:41
  the clothing of Party City, have you
• 27:43
  guys noticed how hard it is to find all
• 27:45
  these last minute costumes for like
• 27:46
  dress up day at school?
• 27:47
  >> Spirit week. Oh my gosh,
• 27:49
  >> it was terrible.
• 27:50
  >> I'm in a different phase with teenagers
• 27:52
  and you know, they're not shopping in
• 27:54
  the party city section unfortunately.
• 27:56
  >> Right.
• 27:58
  >> It' be easier for you if they did.
• 28:00
  >> It would be much easier and much longer
• 28:02
  I think their costumes.
• 28:04
  >> What would What are Have you done
• 28:05
  anything differently from your mom,
• 28:07
  Melissa? So, I think in the same vein as
• 28:09
  Magda is um I did say to myself, okay,
• 28:11
  I'm definitely going to be present more
• 28:12
  in the classroom, but I think it's
• 28:14
  probably because, you know, both our
• 28:15
  moms were physicians. Um and so you you
• 28:17
  know, it's a different type of career I
• 28:19
  think that we chose.
• 28:20
  >> Of course.
• 28:21
  >> Um
• 28:23
  >> so, but like similar, I don't know if
• 28:25
  you know, my mom was necessarily going
• 28:26
  to be the room, you know, wanted to be
• 28:27
  the home room mom. Um
• 28:29
  >> well, you were also the third child. I
• 28:31
  think that the first child always like
• 28:33
  you want to do it all and then by the
• 28:34
  third you're just tired,
• 28:37
  >> right? Am I right?
• 28:38
  >> Yeah, I think so.
• 28:39
  >> With my second I'm like somebody else
• 28:41
  can go read the story. Like I've read a
• 28:43
  lot of stories.
• 28:44
  >> I'll do it every once in a while but not
• 28:46
  every Friday.
• 28:46
  >> Right. And then I think the trade-off is
• 28:48
  you oftenimes compare how you were as a
• 28:50
  parent with the first one to the second
• 28:51
  one. You're like, I did it for him. I
• 28:53
  have to do it for her. Right? I did it
• 28:54
  with my first one. Now I feel like I
• 28:56
  need to do it with my second one. I
• 28:57
  can't really have them. you know, your
• 28:59
  parenting style does change, right? But
• 29:01
  you can't if I went and read, you know,
• 29:03
  every Friday or whatever your case may
• 29:05
  have been, right? And you're not doing
• 29:06
  with the second one. Doesn't it it kind
• 29:07
  of like weighs on you?
• 29:08
  >> You know what it is? For example, with
• 29:11
  Danny, he was my first, he was my first
• 29:12
  everything. So, if there was something
• 29:14
  to sign up for, I was there for it,
• 29:16
  which means I was there repetitively.
• 29:19
  I realized with Adriana that I didn't
• 29:22
  have to be there every s every single
• 29:25
  week um every single week for her to get
• 29:28
  the same feeling that Danny got.
• 29:30
  >> Mhm.
• 29:30
  >> Because it was what I put into it when I
• 29:32
  was actually there.
• 29:33
  >> Right. I think with Danny, I just
• 29:35
  thought that the presence of being there
• 29:36
  was enough. So, I would turn my head
• 29:39
  upside down figuring out crafts and
• 29:43
  projects and I have to go to Pinterest
• 29:45
  and find like the turkey that we're
• 29:47
  going to produce and I have to cut all
• 29:49
  the construction paper and then I have
• 29:51
  to do it again for December for
• 29:52
  Christmas and then I have to do it again
• 29:53
  for Valentine's Day. I realized that
• 29:55
  with Adriana all I had to do was really
• 29:58
  devote like quality good time in one
• 30:02
  event instead of just 50. Does that make
• 30:04
  sense?
• 30:04
  >> 100%.
• 30:05
  >> Yeah. So, I think it shifts with the
• 30:07
  second child.
• 30:08
  >> Well, I was never a home room mom. Um, I
• 30:12
  guess I think I didn't want to be, but I
• 30:14
  did do like our school's PTA newsletter,
• 30:16
  you know, and I made sure that I was
• 30:18
  involved in other ways.
• 30:19
  >> You contributed in ways to show your
• 30:22
  strengths.
• 30:22
  >> Right.
• 30:23
  >> Not making a turkey.
• 30:26
  >> Right. Well, this
• 30:27
  >> great turkey. This one lately has been
• 30:30
  like blowing me away with her Pinterest
• 30:32
  abilities when she does crafts at school
• 30:34
  and she does trunk or treat and I'm
• 30:35
  like, who is this person?
• 30:38
  >> Yeah, it was uh Thank you, Cricket.
• 30:41
  >> Thank you, Cricket. I didn't know you
• 30:42
  had a cricket.
• 30:43
  >> It has made me feel like I am capable of
• 30:46
  crafting. So, there you go.
• 30:48
  >> And I we also have really crafty
• 30:49
  friends, too,
• 30:51
  >> right?
• 30:52
  >> So, we have to not me.
• 30:55
  >> She's bottles. I mean, I have a lot of
• 30:57
  things that are now have been with
• 30:59
  initials of my children because
• 31:00
  >> I love to DIY.
• 31:02
  >> That's always been my favorite thing to
• 31:04
  do, but I think she's referring to
• 31:06
  >> No, but I learned all of that stuff,
• 31:07
  those DIY things from you. And then, but
• 31:11
  like just the crafting and the ideas. I,
• 31:13
  you know, when I had to do the door,
• 31:14
  sometimes I would reach out to our
• 31:15
  friend Luly and I would say, you know,
• 31:18
  hey, I'm supposed to be doing this super
• 31:20
  obscure theme, right? And she's like,
• 31:23
  well, why don't you do this? And she 2
• 31:24
  seconds she was she had laid it out like
• 31:26
  on a you know like a mockup and I'm like
• 31:29
  >> I mean but she's a professional artist.
• 31:30
  >> She is a professional. Right.
• 31:32
  >> Shout out to our dear friend.
• 31:33
  >> And I love that she shows up for the
• 31:35
  small things for us you know but
• 31:38
  >> um or I say like can I paint this type
• 31:40
  of ne what what kind of paint do I use
• 31:42
  to do this project?
• 31:44
  >> You're listening to the heartto-he heart
• 31:46
  podcast with Christy Diaz for Heartful
• 31:48
  Living where stories, connection, and
• 31:50
  intention guide everything we do.
• 31:52
  interested in partnering with us. We're
• 31:54
  always open to collaborations that align
• 31:56
  with intention, creativity, and
• 31:58
  community. If you feel your brand is a
• 32:00
  match, we'd love to connect and explore
• 32:02
  what we can create together. And now
• 32:04
  back to listening. Right. So, what do
• 32:07
  your moms when they see you guys
• 32:09
  parenting today? What do they say?
• 32:14
  Gonzala,
• 32:15
  you must be so tired. And I laugh
• 32:18
  because I'm like, that's what my
• 32:19
  grandmother used to tell my mom, you
• 32:21
  know? Um, you must be so tired. Um, you
• 32:24
  know, I feel like my mom my mom actually
• 32:27
  has um a unit in the same building um
• 32:30
  that I live in, even though they still
• 32:32
  have their home back down south. Um, so
• 32:35
  she does come probably like once a week.
• 32:37
  And it's incredible because they cook
• 32:39
  like fabulous meals, like sometimes, you
• 32:42
  know, six course meals it feels like.
• 32:44
  Um, they take my kids to school the next
• 32:45
  day and it's incredible. And she's just
• 32:48
  like, "Don't pick up anything. Go to
• 32:49
  bed. Relax." Um, and it's it's really
• 32:52
  incredible and I I wish they would move
• 32:54
  full-time to our building.
• 32:55
  >> Um, it's been 11 years since they've
• 32:57
  we've had the same unit. Um, and they
• 32:59
  keep saying they're selling the house,
• 33:01
  so hopefully sometime soon, but my girls
• 33:03
  are
• 33:03
  >> very close to graduation a few years.
• 33:05
  They'll be flying the nest. Um, but it's
• 33:08
  it's been incredible to at least have
• 33:09
  that, you know, couple days. Actually,
• 33:11
  they were here. They were they're still
• 33:13
  in my building now and going to be
• 33:14
  making adipas for my daughter this
• 33:16
  morning. So, that's very sweet of them.
• 33:18
  part of the reason why she says, you
• 33:20
  know, go to bed because she's been
• 33:21
  there.
• 33:22
  >> Exactly.
• 33:22
  >> Right. Exactly.
• 33:23
  >> And she's trying to help in any way that
• 33:24
  she can because she knows that feeling.
• 33:26
  >> Yeah.
• 33:28
  >> So, Magdie, what does um living heartful
• 33:31
  mean to you in the middle of deadlines,
• 33:33
  carpool, and chaos?
• 33:36
  >> Well, I mean, the first thing that comes
• 33:37
  to mind really is being present, right?
• 33:40
  trying to be present, trying to stay
• 33:42
  calm, trying to silo
• 33:45
  your responsibilities so that you can be
• 33:48
  present. So when you're dropping off and
• 33:51
  your kids are late, you know, you have
• 33:53
  to try not to think about, okay, you
• 33:57
  know, these are all the things that are
• 33:58
  going to pile up as a result,
• 33:59
  >> right?
• 34:00
  >> You know, because the first thing I
• 34:01
  think of is, you know, okay, we're
• 34:03
  running five minutes late, which means
• 34:04
  I'm five minutes late to the office. I'm
• 34:05
  five minutes late for this meeting. I'm,
• 34:07
  you know, and it's just a trickle down
• 34:08
  effect. And you have to just say like
• 34:10
  just it is what it is, right? You need
• 34:13
  to be present, be in the moment. You
• 34:15
  can't change what's going on at the
• 34:17
  moment. You can just roll with it. And
• 34:20
  that's one of the hardest lessons for me
• 34:23
  because I am a control freak. Right. And
• 34:27
  I've had and being becoming a parent has
• 34:30
  really taught me that I'm not
• 34:32
  >> Oh, how funny.
• 34:33
  >> Yes. Right. So like I've had to
• 34:35
  recognize these are the things I can
• 34:37
  control. These are just blew my mind
• 34:39
  with that comment because I thought I
• 34:41
  was a control freak and now I'm
• 34:43
  realizing with what you just said, maybe
• 34:44
  I'm not.
• 34:45
  >> You can't be.
• 34:46
  >> Yeah,
• 34:47
  >> you can't be. There's so many things
• 34:48
  that are just not in your control,
• 34:50
  >> right? And you have to accept it or
• 34:51
  you're going to like I told my son this
• 34:53
  week, I was talking to him about
• 34:55
  control, how you can't control your
• 34:56
  sister's behavior,
• 34:58
  >> right? So, he's, you know, she will look
• 35:00
  at him and say, "You're not my parent."
• 35:02
  because he will remind her to like,
• 35:04
  well, you can't have your hoodie up for
• 35:07
  school because it's against the school
• 35:08
  uniform policy or you can't have this or
• 35:11
  you can't have that or you can't do this
• 35:13
  and you know and I had a conversation
• 35:15
  with me with him and I said you can only
• 35:17
  control your thoughts, your actions, how
• 35:20
  you respond to situations. You cannot
• 35:24
  control your sister.
• 35:25
  >> I love that. I know that's so sweet that
• 35:27
  >> he said if you do, you're going to lose
• 35:28
  your marbles constantly,
• 35:31
  >> right? And we've all been there. We've
• 35:32
  lost our marbles because we can't
• 35:34
  control a particular situation. But if
• 35:36
  we kind of and and honestly I say this,
• 35:38
  but sometimes I don't practice it, but
• 35:40
  if we can try and stop for a second and
• 35:43
  remind ourselves that we don't have
• 35:45
  control of a situation, right? Um it
• 35:49
  allows us to be a little bit more
• 35:50
  present
• 35:52
  and maybe a little bit more sane
• 35:56
  and handle it just with a little bit
• 35:58
  more finesse. Really
• 36:01
  >> beautifully said. Would you just ditto
• 36:04
  it?
• 36:05
  >> Not after that.
• 36:07
  >> Well, I want to thank you both for
• 36:09
  coming here today and discussing
• 36:11
  motherhood and career moms and all
• 36:14
  things hurtful living. Love you guys so
• 36:16
  much.
• 36:16
  >> Love you.
• 36:17
  >> We're so proud of you, too. This is
• 36:19
  incredible.
• 36:19
  >> This was definitely not on our bingo
• 36:21
  card in high school, right?
• 36:24
  >> High school, college.
• 36:26
  >> Yeah. Yesterday, middle school. No.
• 36:29
  Well, thank you guys all. Remember to
• 36:31
  keep it heartful. Everybody have a good
• 36:33
  day. Bye-bye.