Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Overcoming Domestic Violence w/Dr. Ashley C. Thomas

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Overcoming Domestic Violence w/Dr. Ashley C. Thomas · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Chicken and with Kiki Kicking Dippy Ki Ki.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Kicking Ki Ki for a little personality switching up the
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: story inline on God.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Were making that story.
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  Speaker 2: One day at a time.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Much problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Enjoy yourself, free your mind, Chicken Ki Ki.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Kicking and Wikiki, Life, Love and all that other ship.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I am your host, Kiki Chanel, award winning author and
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine. Today, I have a very
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: special guest and we are talking about domestic violence awareness
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: for the month of October, and she is here to
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: share her story, to tell us a little bit about
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: her journey and let you know all the things about her.
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  Speaker 2: But y'all know how I like to do. I give
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: my guess the opportunity to inter themduce themselves. So it's Ashley, Yes, Ashle, yes,
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  Speaker 2: ma'am the other people who you are and what you do?
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  Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am. Well, my name is a doctor, Ashley C. Thomas.
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  Speaker 3: I am a co pastor along with my husband and
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  Speaker 3: Words Life Ministries here in picking you in Mississippi. I
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  Speaker 3: am an author, entrepreneur, I'm a mom, I am a grandmother,
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: praise the Lord of a sweet, sweet precious for you
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  Speaker 3: old that stole my heart.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I love it.
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  Speaker 3: I am right now in the process of creating a
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  Speaker 3: program called Girl Thrive. This is for teenagers and young
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  Speaker 3: women for the ages of fifteenth through.
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  Speaker 1: Forty nine, those who have been.
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  Speaker 3: Dealing with those type of traumatic situations with domestic violence,
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  Speaker 3: dealing with trauma, dealing with spiritual neglect in the church,
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  Speaker 3: those who have been hurt in the church as well.
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  Speaker 3: So the Girl Thrive mentorship program will be catered to
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  Speaker 3: those individuals that have been in those.
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  Speaker 1: Type of situations.
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  Speaker 3: I also am the founder of Ladies of Life women
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  Speaker 3: women's ministry here in Pickay in Mississippi with my husband
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  Speaker 3: and I. This helps empower women through this. We have
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  Speaker 3: we have retreats for the women, We have conferences, we
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  Speaker 3: have girl night you know, women night outs, to just
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  Speaker 3: to help build up the women. That's my passion to
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  Speaker 3: help women to redefine themselves after the trauma after whatever
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  Speaker 3: I have been. This is my second marriage, I've been divorced,
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  Speaker 3: and just to help those women that came out of
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  Speaker 3: abusive relationships. Because my first marriage was domestic violence. You know,
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  Speaker 3: I went through a period of that I went through
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  Speaker 3: physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse in that marriage, and
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  Speaker 3: so yes, So, Ladies of Life, if you know you can,
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  Speaker 3: you can find us on social media. Girl Thrive. I'm
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  Speaker 3: getting ready to launch that. I haven't really launched it
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  Speaker 3: yet to the public. I have launched it to the
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  Speaker 3: women in the congregation, but not to the public right now.
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  Speaker 3: But I'm getting ready to launch that. I'm working on
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  Speaker 3: a website for it, so I'm getting ready to launch it.
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  Speaker 3: Hopefully at the beginning of November. It will be out
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  Speaker 3: there for the women to be a part of Girl
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  Speaker 3: Thrive mentorship program.
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  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Listen, we got an
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: exclusive here kicking with Kiki about Girl Thrives.
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  Speaker 1: So I love it.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, So thank you for being here, thank you for
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: coming to kick it with me. And you said something
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  Speaker 2: that I just cannot let go of, and we're just
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  Speaker 2: gonna dive right into it.
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  Speaker 1: Come on this, ma'am.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Neglect yes, because when people think about domestic violence and
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Trump and things like that, they never equate the spiritual
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  Speaker 2: side of it. Because my sister, she loves God, but
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: she has been around some ungodly people over the course
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: of her ministry, and she is almost coming up into
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: twenty seven years of ministry. But she has experienced that
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  Speaker 2: spiritual neglect by serving and giving and doing, but just
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: being hurt church. Yes, so talk a little bit about
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  Speaker 2: that before we get into all the things domestic violence
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  Speaker 2: and all of that, let's talk about the spiritual neglect
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  Speaker 2: side of it. I think that a lot of comers
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  Speaker 2: are people that's going through their traumatic experiences. They stay
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  Speaker 2: away from the church because of being judged or you know,
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  Speaker 2: you know, people called being a hypocrite and this stuff
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  Speaker 2: like that. So talk about that the spiritual reflect.
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  Speaker 1: See, I too been in ministry.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: October thirty first will be twenty one years that I've
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  Speaker 3: been saved sanctified field with the Holy Ghost.
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  Speaker 1: But this journey you.
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  Speaker 2: Just gave me chills because that's her anniversary too, and
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  Speaker 2: it'll make twenty seven years for her, the one that
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  Speaker 2: was at the event with me. Okay, wow, yes, wow, Okay.
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  Speaker 3: This journey has not been easy. How I end up
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  Speaker 3: in the marriage with my husband. I went through something
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  Speaker 3: in the church. I love God, you know, and I
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  Speaker 3: would serve, I would do whatever, you know that it
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  Speaker 3: was needed of me in the ministry. And I went
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  Speaker 3: to this particular ministry, and you know, I was serving.
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  Speaker 1: My eleg later I was her I'm a bear.
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  Speaker 3: But her husband, you know, was kind of attracted to me,
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  Speaker 3: and so he used to say certain things to me,
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  Speaker 3: you know that was inappropriate, and so I guess he
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  Speaker 3: thought that I was going to go and share this
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  Speaker 3: with her. So he began to lie on me and
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  Speaker 3: saying that I was coming after him, that I wanted him,
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  Speaker 3: and so all that played a part of you know that, And.
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  Speaker 1: So I began to After that, it was like.
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  Speaker 3: The pastor wife began to change on me, and I
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  Speaker 3: didn't know the reason why she was changing, and was
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  Speaker 3: saying that I had a Jezebel's spirit and what God
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  Speaker 3: had gave me a vision that I'm telling you God
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  Speaker 3: would give his people a vision. He gave me a
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  Speaker 3: vision what was going on and what happened, and that
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  Speaker 3: she was going to she was going to say that
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  Speaker 3: I had a Jezebel's spirit, And so it was a
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  Speaker 3: prophet that I used to talk to in my home church.
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  Speaker 3: This wasn't the church, my home church that I was
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  Speaker 3: going to when all this happened, and it was a prophet.
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  Speaker 3: She said, I see you in that church, and I
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  Speaker 3: need you to get out of church because I see
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  Speaker 3: you're fighting in that church. And I was like, okay, God,
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to leave this ministry. But I was lied on,
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  Speaker 3: I was talked about in the pool pit. I was scandalized,
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  Speaker 3: and I'm like, God, if she listened, if you, if
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  Speaker 3: the Lord told you I was your Amabar, you should
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  Speaker 3: know my spirit. So I think that was the thing
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  Speaker 3: that broke me the most, because you shouldn't know my spirit.
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  Speaker 3: You know that I'm not out to get your husband.
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  Speaker 3: You should know my spirit. You should know my character.
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  Speaker 3: And so it kind of down from me and it
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  Speaker 3: pushed me out. I was like, God, I'm done with church.
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  Speaker 3: I'm through with people in church. I'm not going back
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  Speaker 3: to church, you know. And I stayed out for a
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  Speaker 3: period of time. When God began to deal with me,
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  Speaker 3: he said, I did not hurt you, it was the people.
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  Speaker 1: So he began to minister to my heart.
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  Speaker 3: But during that time, I was still kind of like
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: in my rebellious stage.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going back to church. I
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  Speaker 1: don't care. I don't want to deal with fake, phony people.
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  Speaker 3: And I ended up marrying, you know, someone who God
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  Speaker 3: didn't tell me to marry because of course I didn't
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  Speaker 3: want to be in sin. You know, I was like,
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to be in sin, and I ended
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  Speaker 3: up marrying a drug dealer and so my life went
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  Speaker 3: kind of like a down spiral. But I thank God
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  Speaker 3: for his saving grace that he saved me out of
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  Speaker 3: all that that I thought I wasn't gonna be able
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  Speaker 3: to come back from a low place.
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  Speaker 1: I was really in a dark place.
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  Speaker 3: But God really put his hands on me and brought
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  Speaker 3: me out of that place. And I'm able to sit
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  Speaker 3: here today to say now I'm a pastor's wife, you know,
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  Speaker 3: going on five years that God has blessed us.
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  Speaker 1: You know, if God.
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  Speaker 3: Can do it for me, listen, he can do it
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  Speaker 3: for anybody. You know, he can do it for anybody.
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  Speaker 3: He can do it for anybody.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. And it's amazing how you have
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  Speaker 2: to go through certain things. God allows his people that
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  Speaker 2: he's called and chose to go through certain things to
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  Speaker 2: equip you with that armor, that thick skin. Because I'm
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  Speaker 2: not in the ministry, but I have. I've been there
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  Speaker 2: with my sister along the way, and it's hard. People
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  Speaker 2: they don't it's hard. So I commend y'all.
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  Speaker 1: It's hard. It is.
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  Speaker 3: It's hard, and you have to still love the people.
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  Speaker 3: And I thank God for the maturity that he had
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  Speaker 3: brought me to because at one point I'm not praying
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  Speaker 3: for them. They hurt me, Like God, you know, I'm
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  Speaker 3: not doing no. But it's a peace in it when
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  Speaker 3: you begin to pray for your enemies. He tell us
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  Speaker 3: to pray for those that you know despitefully use you,
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  Speaker 3: abuse you, and you know, so it's actually a peace
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  Speaker 3: and it pleases God.
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  Speaker 1: At the end of the day. And that's all my
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  Speaker 1: eye want to do. You know what my life is
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  Speaker 1: to please the Father absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: And so Ladies of Life, let's talk about that. What
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  Speaker 2: prompted you to start that organization? Because more organizations that
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  Speaker 2: are catered around those types of experiences and redefining ourselves
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  Speaker 2: after trauma, because I think we've all been through some
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  Speaker 2: type of trauma at some point in time. We just
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: don't have like a safe space to go and find
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  Speaker 2: the healing through that trauma. So what prompted you to
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  Speaker 2: start that organization?
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  Speaker 3: I know when I came to me and my husband
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  Speaker 3: we got married, it didn't really have a women's ministry
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  Speaker 3: and I was looking at some of the ladies out
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  Speaker 3: and out there, and it was like, they need something more,
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  Speaker 3: you know, than just church services. They need something more
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  Speaker 3: like an intimate setting. And so I went into prayer
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  Speaker 3: and God began He gave me the name for the
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  Speaker 3: Women's Ministry. So it was through birth, through prayer that
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  Speaker 3: God gave me Latest of Life. We shortened it for lol.
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  Speaker 3: We say lol. It says for Ladiest of Life. And
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  Speaker 3: he gave me that just to help, you know, the
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  Speaker 3: hurting women. That's that's that's what I like to cater
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  Speaker 3: to hurting women, broken women, abuse women, those that just
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  Speaker 3: need a hand up, not a hand out, you know,
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  Speaker 3: sometimes you just need a hand up. Somebody just push
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  Speaker 3: you in your back and tell you, girl, you got this.
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  Speaker 3: You know, you can make it. It's not what it
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  Speaker 3: looked like.
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  Speaker 1: I know, maybe rough right now, but you got this,
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  Speaker 1: you know.
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  Speaker 3: And I always say, because I didn't have that any ministry,
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  Speaker 3: I really didn't have nobody to pour into me like that.
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  Speaker 3: So I want to be that person that I loan for.
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  Speaker 3: When I was coming up in ministry, I wanted somebody
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  Speaker 3: to pour into me and to encourage me and pat
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  Speaker 3: me on my back and tell me you know you
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  Speaker 3: got this, or to adjust my crown if it's tilt
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  Speaker 3: to the right or to the left. And I want
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  Speaker 3: to be the individual to help to do this, you know,
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  Speaker 3: to do that for these women.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love that. I love that, and I wish
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  Speaker 2: I wish nothing but continued success for that. And I
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  Speaker 2: want to dive into you said that, you you know,
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  Speaker 2: went through domestic viallence with your first relationship, your first marriage.
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  Speaker 2: How has that experienced shaped your view on domestic violence
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  Speaker 2: and advocacy. What makes you want to be an advocate
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  Speaker 2: for domestic viallence to help other people overcome it.
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  Speaker 3: Because in the midst of all that, it's like your
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  Speaker 3: voice be stolen. Your voice is silent, like you don't
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  Speaker 3: have a voice, you don't have nothing to It's like
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  Speaker 3: the enemy robs you of your identity, your self worth.
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  Speaker 3: It's so much in that area. So I want to
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: be able to help women to rediscover their voices. You
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: know that, let them know that you have a voice.
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  Speaker 3: I don't care what happened. Your voice is needed and
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  Speaker 3: your voice is necessary. Your story is needed, and your
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  Speaker 3: story is necessary. So I want to be the advocate
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  Speaker 3: for women to let you know, you know, you don't
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  Speaker 3: have to shut down, you don't have to shrink back,
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: you don't have to be in feared, you know, just
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  Speaker 3: to help them rediscover, you know, their identity after domestic violence,
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  Speaker 3: because the domestic violence don't define It's just a part
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  Speaker 3: of your journey, but it don't define you. It's a
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  Speaker 3: part of what God has for you, but it don't
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  Speaker 3: define who you are. So I want to be able
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  Speaker 3: to help them to get through their part to the
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  Speaker 3: light of the tunnel.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I guess you went through this.
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  Speaker 3: You just went through this for somebody else. You know,
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  Speaker 3: you went through this to be a testimony that how
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  Speaker 3: God can bring you out of a domestic situation.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, So how do you maintain that positivity? You know,
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  Speaker 2: because I know it was probably a dark time that
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: you went through and sometimes you probably go back to
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: those places and did you Let's let me ask you this,
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  Speaker 2: did you as ever question God? Why me? Why am
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I going through this? Yes?
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  Speaker 1: On many occasions I'm like God, why me?
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  Speaker 3: And even I can say even in this particular marriage,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: you know, at the beginning, and I know he would
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  Speaker 3: mind me sharing this. At the beginning of this marriage,
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: we went through some and I'm like, God, this can't
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: be you. You know, I don't understand why I'm going
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  Speaker 3: through this and why I'm dealing with And I had
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: to catch myself because I'm like, it seemed like it
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: was a pattern from my old marriage I see in
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  Speaker 3: the beginning of this marriage, and so I'm like, you know,
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: questioning God, asking God why. But it was some things
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: that God had to show me and to make sure
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: to get some things out of me, you know, to
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: read direct my perspective about marriage and to really see
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: who this man is.
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  Speaker 1: That he's not my ex you know, he's not that man.
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  Speaker 1: He is his own man. You know.
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  Speaker 3: So God had to reshape my perspective, you know, on
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: this thing, and I just couldn't listen.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: That's a hold up topic.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So in the midst of it all, like
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: fast forward to now, how do you maintain your mental
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: and emotional health every day? Like, what is something that
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: you do to stay in a good headspace mentally and emotioning.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I like to journal, I really do.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: I like to journal, and prayer and worship is my
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: therapy as well, but I.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Like to journal. I have to journal, you know.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes I have to journal some things down that is
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: my way I think I stay positive and also just
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: to pour into I do a wellness Wednesday with Ladies
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: of Life. I give them a quote, I give them
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: life applications and they have to apply this to their life.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: So that's something that helps me to stay mental mentally,
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: you know, saying per se. You know, that helped me
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: to stay you know, on top of things.
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  Speaker 1: And don't get me.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Wrong, I have to catch myself sometimes and the Bible
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: tells us that we have to renew our minds daily
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: and we have to pass down imagination. So I also
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: put that into play in my life, like casting down
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: these negative thoughts or whatever try to come up and
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  Speaker 3: attack me, you know, just casting stuff down and putting
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: the word of God into play in my life, my
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: everyday life, you know, actually applying the word of God.
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  Speaker 3: But I love to journal, I love prayer and worship.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Those three gets me, you know, through it. And also
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: when I hear lick for your old voice, Yeah, it
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: for your old voice that call me my mom, listen,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: and my day could be going horrible was I get
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: on the phone with her. It just brightens up my days.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: So and I thank God for giving.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Me her because she if you know where more more needed.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I love it, and I think
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: we all need something that can help us overcome like
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: the adversities that we face, whether it's you know, just
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: having a bad day at work or experiencing trauma and
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: things like that, broken relationships and stuff like that. So
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I journal. I teach journal to my clients. For someone
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: who may not want to journal, is there something else
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: that you can like give to them to do? On
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: this podcast journey, I realized that a lot of people
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: don't have a prayer life. A lot of people's faith
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: is not where ours may be. And a lot of
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: people don't understand what they don't understand, so they may
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: not understand the power of words writing things down. So
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: what is something that you would suggest if they don't
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: want a journal?
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  Speaker 3: If they want don't want a journal, I would say
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: they will have to find a safe person, someone that
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: they may can trust to be able, they can share
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: their vulnerability with, someone who that can be vulnerable with.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: That's for those that don't really like to journal, sometimes
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: just talking it out. You know, if you can't write it,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: talk it out, you got to release it some type
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: of way. If you can't, you know, do it with writing,
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: talk it out with somebody.
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  Speaker 2: I love that person, y'all.
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: If y'all love listening, she giving y'all some nuggets today.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: Doctor Ashley has spoken, find that safe person. You know,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: at least one person in your life that makes you
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: feel safe enough to come and share things where you
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: don't feel judged or you know, just listening and not
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: paying attention to actually what you're saying.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: So find that safe person. It could be that little
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: four year old that comes into your life that brings
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: your joy. They ain't gonna say nothing, momo, You all right, okay,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: and you talking and they just making you smile and
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. I love that safe space and I
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: love the safe person where you just talk things out
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: because holding anything inside can be detrimental to your health
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: and bring about more things because stress is a silent killer.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Let's just be honest about that. We just want to
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: make sure that we are being healthy mind, body, and
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: spirit as much as we can can, because going through
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: certain things can break us. I've been there where I
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: didn't love myself and I went through a lot of things.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: It wasn't physical, but it was mental, it was emotional,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: It was financial, yes, and I don't wish that on
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: anybody to go through the things that I didn't even
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: realize that I was going through it until I was
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: actually looking at myself in the mirror one day and
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: didn't recognize who I was, and I'm like, wow, Yes,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: but I thank God for the one relationship that I've
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: never not had. I've always had a relationship with God,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: and even when I didn't think that he was there,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: he has always been. There has been a constant. So
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: to anyone who is listening, if you don't have a
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: relationship with God, have some type of relationship with somebody
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: that you trust, who can talk, that you can talk to,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: who will listen and not judge, listen and be silent
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: because sometimes you need to talk and they just need
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to listen. Yes, you know, let's talk about how friends
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: and family can best support someone who has experienced or
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: is experienced some type of trauma or domestic violence, because violence,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: because I know, I've had friends to tell me. I
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: didn't share this because I felt like I was gonna
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: be judged, Like you know, I nobody was gonna be
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: able to understand or help because people say stuff because
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: it sounds good. Well, while you're there while you're staying out.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: If it was me, If it was me, you don't
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: know what you're gonna do until you in a situation.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: To you in that situation, yes.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: So how do you feel that family and friends can
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: best support someone that's experiencing some type of abuse. Let's
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: just not talk about the violence abuse period of our trauma.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: My thing.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: I would, you know, for family members that are dealing
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: with individuals that are going through certain things, I would
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: say you have to be the listening ear and not
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: be judgmental because being judgmental can damage the situation worse
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: than what it is. Don't tell me what you would do,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: and you never been in that situation. So just being
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: listening ear and asking God to give you wisdom on
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: how to deal with individuals or your family members or
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: friends or whoever it may be that are dealing with
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: this situation. Because sometimes you can say the wrong words
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: at the wrong time as well, and it can cause damage.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: So you want to be, you know, very wise with
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: your words. When you're dealing with people that are broken,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: they're fragile, you want to be very wise and just
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: you know, you don't want to add the gasoline to
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: the fire. You know if they would say, you don't
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: want to do that. You want to appease the situation
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: and make them feel, you know, like they they're in
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: a good space. You know that you are there, that
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: you really care for them. You know that you there
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: for them, you showing them the empathy, the empathy and
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: you know and all that. So I would say, definitely
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: use wisdom. You know, as a family member, a loved one,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: you know that they can come to to be able
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: to share that moment that they're having. You know, I
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: didn't have that person during that time, but I thank
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: God now that he sent me someone that's in the
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: church I can share, I can be vulnerable with as
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: a pastor, wife and just to be you know, just
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: to share those moments, you know, without the judgment and
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: it feels good. You know, you don't have nobody judging you.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Oh you're supposed to be a first lady and you
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: think like that. You know what I'm saying, Just to
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: have that individual to say, girl, I understand, you know,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: you know, just listening and not casting judgment is one
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: of the most.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: That's number one in my book.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: You know, being that good listener, not casting judgment, Asking
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: God for wisdom and how to deal with individuals that
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: are going through that situation.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I totally agree. I totally agree, because it's a
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: small window, yes, when you're dealing with someone that is
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: going through some type of trauma or domestic violence or
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: any type of abuse, because if they feel in one
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: second that they appeared too much or you're not listening
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: to understand, they'll never open up again and you will
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: never understand what they're really going through because they're not
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: going to say anything.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: So we have to lead with that empathy and compassion
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: and not being judgmental yes, and acting like you have
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: always had it together. I don't understand. And that's one
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: thing about the spiritual neglect. People don't understand that I
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: haven't always been on this walk. Yes, you have experienced life,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: and you may not want to share what you went through,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: but you have gone through some things that you probably
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: could share to help somebody else overcome what they're dealing
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: with or not feel alone when they're going through it.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's what there's one of the reasons why
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: I'm not so quick to judge because especially the children
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: that are teenagers that are coming up now, because I
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: always put myself.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: In their shoes. Like I was a teenager once before.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I used to do exactly what they was doing.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I used to sneak out my mama house. Come, I
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: used to smoke marijuana. Come, I used to do these things.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: So I don't cast judgment now, you know, I try to,
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: you know, when I talk to them. I'm a substitute
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: teacher as well, and so when I'm at the school,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: God allowed me to you know, share my story with
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: these individuals and to you know, to try to help them. Listen,
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: you don't have to go down that path. I went
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: down that path. But I understand where you ad. You know,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: I think understand, you know, not casting judgment, I definitely understand,
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: and so it just you know, just not judging. I
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: can't judge nobody because I've been there. I've been wrong,
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: I've been the Bible said we all have sin. So
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: you know, I can't point the finger them on anybody
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: because they say, when you point this, when you got
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: three points.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Back at you.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, so I can't point the finger at
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: nobody because I done did some crazy stuff in my life.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I have did some crazy and nothing.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: But the grace of God have brought me out of
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: these crazy decisions that I made.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: You know, in life, absolutely absolutely, And I'm glad that
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: you say that because someone has listening and they may
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: feel like that you're not alone. Your vibe will attract
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: your tribe. And if you're looking for someone to talk to,
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: you know, just just whisper or prayer and say, God,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: give me somebody to send somebody whisper them in my
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: spirit so I can know, just have them call me
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: out of the blue. I talk to people on a
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: daily basis, and I listen to so many people's stories
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, what we didn't You ain't even calling
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: about this? What are you talking about? But I found
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: myself giving them that compassion because some people don't have
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: family and friends that they can talk to. Some people
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: don't talk to people unless they have to have a call,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: make a phone call. So we have to have that
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: that empathy for one another. And I want to ask
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: this question, and it's a question that where we all
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: as a community can come together because it takes a
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: village to help other people overcome their journeys. Has there
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: been any particular resources or communities that have been invaluable
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: to you, like since going through your first marriage and
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: then becoming your first you know, becoming the first lady
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: in your second marriage. Did they have like the resources
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: when you were going through it before that you didn't
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: know about or couldn't get to get out or did
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: you even seek those types of resources when you were
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: going through it the first time?
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: I didn't seek the resources, and they probably had them
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: out there, but I did not seek the resources. You know,
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure they probably did, you know, but I
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: did not seek those sad to say, I probably should.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Have, but I didn't. Yeah, I did not.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: I did not, Okay, I mean, and that's that's real,
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: because you know, I've had other you know, overcomings over
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: on the show and they said that sometimes they went
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: to the resources and the resources where they didn't have
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: anything for them.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: So it's like I'm coming to a place that says
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: come to me when you need help, but yet I
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: can't get the help because you don't have the resources
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: for me. Although you say you the resources center, where
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: are the resources? So I think a lot of a
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: lot of women and men stay in situations because the
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: resources are supposed to be there when they go seek them.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: They're not, so they're just at what am I gonna do? Now?
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Am I gonna stay?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Because if I leave and they find me, it's gonna
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: be worse. Yes, yes, yeah, yes. What were some of
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: the biggest challenges that you faced when you decided to
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: leave the abusive relationship.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: Well, when I left, he was in jail, and I
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: think kind of some of the backlash from family members,
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: even including some of mines, you know, would say, well,
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: why would you leave him? He's in jail, you know,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah, And I'm like, that was God's open
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: door for me to get out of this situation. You know,
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: there was an open door for me to get out
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: of this situation. So you left him while he was
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: at his other No, I helped him while he was
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: in there. But I knew that it was my opportunity
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: to get away, you know, from this situation, because I
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: knew God had greater for my life.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: This is this wasn't life, and I know God had greater.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: So I did receive.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: Some backlash from family members for this, so I had
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: to overcome, you know, and plus we had a child together,
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: my baby child, so I had to overcome the backlash
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: of family members minds, including his you know, and some
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: certain stuff. Yeah, that was one of the toughest you
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: know things, cause I'm like, y'all supposed.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: To be on my side, you know, like my family.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I can understand his family, but my family, y'all supposed
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: to understand y'all have seen everything i'd have went through.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: What this man that put me through X y Z
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: y'all supposed to be you know what I'm saying.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: But it wasn't like that. It was like, oh, you
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have left him because he was in jail. You
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: did him down bad.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: And no, this was my open opportunity, see my open
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: door to get out of this situation.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I don't blame you forget that, because you
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: when God speak, you gotta listen because God can give
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: us everything that we need and you just like still asking,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: but he looking like it's right there.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Yes, you gotta pay attention.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: So reflecting back, what advice would you give your younger self?
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Wait on God?
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, I would tell my youngest self listen,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: don't try to take matters in your own hand.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: Wait on God.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes we feel like God is just he's
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: not moving fast enough for us. I would tell myself, girl,
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: wait on God, wait on God, be patient, because if
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: we can do some things and rushing listen could have been.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: We're gonna need a whole nother session for this one.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Right absolutely. But I love that God, because if you
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: wait on God and you don't really open yourself up
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: to things that you really shouldn't have to go through,
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: sometimes it don't be God. It's us putting ourselves in
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: certain situations. And you know, we we try to blame
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: things on the devil and God it sometimes and we
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: just have to take ownership and say no, it was
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: neither one of them. It was me.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, yes, definitely.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Wait good, this is good?
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: So you said that you are an author as well,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: so tell people about your book, our books. I'm not
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: sure how they support our purchase and where and all
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: the things. Go ahead and tell them.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I got my first journal.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: My first book that I wrote is a journal, third
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: to one day empowerment journal. It's called The Jesus My
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Jesus Experience Journal. You can find that on Amazon. It's
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: on Amazon as well, and I think I have when
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I'm getting ready to relaunch my website. So it's going
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: to be on my website as well, and the website
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: is Ashley C. Thomas Enterprise dot com and they'll be
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: able to purchase that book. I also have I written
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: my first e book, Crownded in Prayer, a wife Intercession
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: for her husband. That book would be on that website
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: as well. And I also have a children's book I did.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: It's something like a pre K you know those that's
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: going into pre K likely learning book you can write.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: They learn how to write their name and trace the
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: alphabets and all that stuff. So it's that type of
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: book for the children. But I am also working on
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: another book that's getting ready to come about, and I'm
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: gonna I'm not gonna share the name just yet. It's
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and share the
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: name with y'all. Y'all gonna get the name of this book.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: It's called Pain from the Pulpit and it's going to
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: have a lot of these things that we were talking
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: about on this podcast on today is going to be
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: in that book.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: So be looking forward for that book. Hopefully at the
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: end of this year, I will be.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: Launching that book, Pain from the pool Pit. Pain from
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: the Pool pit. That one right there is.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: That one right there had me in tears.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Listen, I'm over here like, oh.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: Yes, so, and I hope y'all you know support when
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: that book drops, hopefully at the end of this year,
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: it will be dropping Pain from the Pool Pit. So
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: and then also be on the website Ashley C. Thomas
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Enterprise dot com.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I will be connected with her so we can make
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: sure that we support her when the book drops. Yes,
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Pain from the Pool Pit. Yes, I can't wait for
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: We're gonna bring you back and we're gonna have a
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: book discussion, yes, ma'am, Yes, absolutely so. Is there any
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: closing remarks, words of encouragement, empowerment or all the things
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: for the listeners who are tuning in with us today.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, listen, I want to let you all know your
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: pain doesn't define who you are.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: It only shapens who you are. But it doesn't.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: Define who you are. Your trials doesn't define who you are.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: It just comes to make you better on a better
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: version of you. So whatever you're dealing with, whatever you
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: have gone through, knowing that God would use whatever pain
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: for your purpose, for your destiny. So whatever you have
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: to deal with, know that you're not by yourself, that
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: there's somebody else that's going through it worse than you're
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: going through it. And the Father is always with you
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: no matter what you're dealing with, he said, I will
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: never leave you, nor for sake. You know that God
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: is there even when you can't feel him, even when
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: you can't trace him, he is there. And I always
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: was told that the teacher is always stiled doing testing time.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: And it may be a season of testing and he's
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: just silent right now, but he's watching.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: He's watching over you.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: He's watching to see you know how you're going to
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: overcome this situation. So listen, be strong in the Lord,
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: be courageous, and know that you are powerful, that you
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: are somebody. You are created in the image of the Father,
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: and you know it's just it's a.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Beautiful thing that you are creating his image.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: You got the power in your mouth to decree and
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: declare your atmosphere. You got the power to create to
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: change whatever you're dealing with, and that God has given
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: us that power on the inside. But just know that
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: you are not alone, and your story is for somebody else.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love, love, love that the teacher is often
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: silent during testing time. Yes, I love it. I love it,
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: and thank you for coming to Kicking with Me today.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: This has been amazing and amazing conversation. Amazing conversation. Yes,
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: so tell the people one last time how they can
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: connect with you on social media? How they can I
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: got the website. All of that would be in the
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: show notes, guy, But if you want to like to
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: connect with doctor Ashley on social media, she's getting ready
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: to give her handles now.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, you can follow me on Facebook.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: It is Ashley C. Thomas on Facebook. On Instagram you
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: can find me. It's Underscore, Lady Underscore. I'm Ashley Underscore
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Thomas an Underscore. And I also on Instagram.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I have Girl Thrive.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: I want to say it's Girl Thrive forty one. So
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: Girl Thrive forty one on Instagram. So you can connect
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: with me like on those three platforms.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: That I have.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: All right again, guys, all this will be in the
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: show notes and I want to thank you for being here,
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Thank you for coming me. It has been amazing. Thank
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: you guys for tuning in to another episode of Kicking
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: with Kiki, Life, love and all that other shit. I
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: am your host and I am back on Thursday. With
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: another episode, make sure that you tune in on your
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: favorite podcast streaming platform. You can also watch us on YouTube,
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: at Kicking and Wikiki Media. Until next time, Purple Hugs later,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: chick in It with Ki