Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Twilight by Stephenie Meyer - This is the Podcast of a KILLER Bella!

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Twilight by Stephenie Meyer - This is the Podcast of a KILLER Bella! · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

• 0:00
  Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
• 0:03
  Emily. In this episode we're reading
• 0:06
  Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. We are talking about the entire
• 0:09
  book, so warning there will be spoilers.
• 0:27
  I'm Carla. Do I dazzle you?
• 0:32
  I'm Emily, I had a chinchilla and we used to use the
• 0:34
  chinchilla droppings to make rain sticks.
• 0:37
  Maybe that's weird. Anyway, that's not from the
• 0:39
  book, that is from the delete this scene from Twilight.
• 0:44
  Are you saying it's not Canon? It must be Canon because it's in
• 0:47
  the movie. Wait, who said it though?
• 0:49
  Bella, she was playing. If you look it up, fellas,
• 0:57
  playing with a rainstick in his room and he's like duh.
• 1:01
  Fuck. Ohh, really?
• 1:02
  OK. He's so confused.
• 1:04
  She's like, oh, maybe that is weird.
• 1:05
  Yeah, girl, go get rocks. Go.
• 1:09
  Before we dive into the sparkling mystery of Forks,
• 1:13
  we've got a favour to ask. If you've been loving our
• 1:15
  episodes as much as Edward loves staring at Bella, talking and
• 1:20
  farting in her sleep, take a moment to leave us a five star
• 1:23
  review on your platform of choice.
• 1:26
  This helps us reach more romanticy and smart obsessed
• 1:29
  listeners. If you've got a friend who also
• 1:32
  crave the irresistible stench of booktalk, share this podcast
• 1:36
  with them. Thank you for supporting us
• 1:40
  Trigger warnings. These are from
• 1:42
  booktriggerwarnings. Com my most clicked website
• 1:46
  2024. Yep.
• 1:48
  Attempted murder. Attempted sexual assault.
• 1:51
  Attempted suicide Mentioned from the past Blood, Child loss
• 1:56
  Mentioned from the past Depression, Gaslighting.
• 1:59
  Kidnapping. Implied murder.
• 2:01
  Supernatural creatures. Who is gaslit?
• 2:07
  What my first note is that Edward Cullen invented
• 2:11
  something. OK, trigger warning for the very
• 2:16
  festive Magpies or whatever's outside my window.
• 2:20
  I'm pretty sure it's baby Magpies because I seen them when
• 2:23
  I came in. Oh, really?
• 2:24
  Yeah, did you get swooped? No.
• 2:27
  OK, so the mum is not there. No.
• 2:31
  Oh, they sound so happy. I was.
• 2:32
  Actually gonna warn you when I. Oh, really?
• 2:34
  That's gonna be like, watch out, they're hanging around.
• 2:37
  The cars, so that's what that noise is if you're not
• 2:40
  Australian. It's a normal noise for us, so
• 2:43
  you don't really hear it. Well, imagine someone's going on
• 2:45
  their daily walk listening to this podcast and all they can
• 2:49
  hear is Magpies and they're gonna be like, so.
• 2:53
  Oh, no, no. Oh Jesus Christ.
• 2:57
  So are you going to argue with gaslighting?
• 3:00
  No and maybe. I missed it the first couple.
• 3:04
  OK let me be real. The 1st 4 chapters were a blur
• 3:09
  to me because they were really boring.
• 3:12
  I don't care about you trunk bitch.
• 3:14
  You're what I. Tried.
• 3:16
  Oh yeah, what I notice and look, I always give more allowance for
• 3:21
  books that are a bit older, yes, like they could get away with.
• 3:24
  Murder at this point. They Yeah.
• 3:26
  Because I feel like you're not out here in 2025.
• 3:29
  This was like 20 billion years ago that you wrote this 20.
• 3:33
  No one has a mobile phone. They're all using the landline.
• 3:37
  To write a book or like. No, no, in this book.
• 3:40
  In the book. Sorry.
• 3:41
  Yeah, but I mean like, you know how?
• 3:43
  Yeah, she's using the dial up to type like.
• 3:45
  Writing will be shitty by the author, but I don't really care
• 3:49
  because the book's older. And you know what though?
• 3:51
  It's not that bad. That's what I mean, I feel like
• 3:53
  people gave it way more shit for what it actually is and.
• 3:57
  I'm also like pissed. I'm a mad.
• 4:02
  I have the like the actual books, but I don't think I've
• 4:05
  ever read them. I was like, they jibbed us.
• 4:09
  They jibbed. They jibbed us with the movies.
• 4:12
  Oh, 100% of the. Characters have so much more
• 4:14
  personality. Also Edward, all he does is
• 4:17
  laugh at Bella. That's all he does.
• 4:19
  When did that ever happen in the movie?
• 4:21
  Never. You're telling me this man has
• 4:24
  so he's kind of hot. Like you bother me.
• 4:29
  Honestly, miscast movie. No, not miscast.
• 4:32
  Miswritten, miswritten. I feel like because screenplay.
• 4:36
  Yeah, because Robert Pattinson is a funny man.
• 4:38
  He looked. Really constipated in the whole
• 4:40
  movie, so I don't know if he stopped having fibre, I don't
• 4:43
  know. Just maybe, he just.
• 4:46
  Maybe he was going. Maybe he.
• 4:47
  Read the book and then he was like what is the screenplay?
• 4:50
  You know what though, I feel like he signed his contract onto
• 4:53
  the movie and then instantly regretted it because he Chris
• 4:57
  the experience I feel like. Didn't both Christian Stewart
• 5:00
  and him hate the movie at the end of it?
• 5:02
  Like yeah, they were like fuck this.
• 5:05
  Yeah, I think they were too cool and how mainstream it ended up
• 5:08
  being. They thought it was like an
• 5:09
  indie movie maybe. I don't know.
• 5:11
  No, it was. The book was so much more funny.
• 5:13
  Yeah, ignore the movie. Fuck the movie.
• 5:17
  One thing I will say about the movie before we say fuck the
• 5:21
  movie and ignore it for the rest of the podcast.
• 5:23
  Blue filter. Iconic.
• 5:25
  Iconic. I feel like it's come back
• 5:27
  around. Yeah.
• 5:28
  Like I feel like at the time everyone was like, but now it's
• 5:32
  iconic. I'm here for the blue.
• 5:35
  Depression. Yes.
• 5:36
  I love that. Also the weather before you came
• 5:40
  over today was looking a bit hoa hoa hoa the what?
• 5:44
  You know the song? No, what?
• 5:46
  You don't know the theme song? That everyone.
• 5:48
  Uses. Oh yeah, sorry.
• 5:50
  And I was just going to call it HOA to be funny and you didn't
• 5:53
  even. Sorry.
• 5:56
  Can you give me a hoa hoa hoa? Hoa, hoa, hoa.
• 6:00
  Yeah, hoa, hoa. But in the tune.
• 6:02
  I can't remember look it up. Me what's what's it even called?
• 6:07
  Because it's the same calling. Is it Edward singing?
• 6:10
  No, that's not the one that that's the weird credits 1 I
• 6:13
  think. But you know the song I'm
• 6:15
  talking about. You know what?
• 6:17
  It's the iconic. I just think maybe your
• 6:21
  description is not very helpful. OK, I'll try and do my best one,
• 6:26
  OK? Oh, this one.
• 6:39
  OK, picture this. You've got your nice full bowl
• 6:42
  of popcorn. Right.
• 6:45
  You're comfy, cosy, you've got twilight, you've just hit play
• 6:49
  the lights. Low lights are low blankie
• 6:53
  Tootsie's. Out.
• 6:55
  Yeah, it's raining outside. Beautiful, even, like a distant
• 6:58
  thunderstorm. It's snuggly.
• 7:00
  And then and then you press play on Twilight, but instead of the
• 7:05
  song, it's. Would you?
• 7:13
  Give that movie a chance, yes? I wasn't pitchy.
• 7:21
  Or choking at all? No, not at all.
• 7:23
  So smooth. You know what?
• 7:25
  You know the scary movies. An epic movie.
• 7:28
  Didn't epic movie do some like skit scenes of Twilight?
• 7:31
  There was whole, like, parody parodies.
• 7:33
  Yeah, there's parody movies. Oh.
• 7:36
  God, but anyway. That wasn't me, obviously,
• 7:41
  because I'm not meant to be a singer.
• 7:44
  Me either. I don't know, you did that kind
• 7:46
  of nice. But anyway, if it's ho ho ho ho
• 7:49
  ho ho, get ready bitch. If you've never heard our book
• 7:53
  before, now is the time to understand that we're insane, so
• 7:58
  I don't know how to help you with.
• 8:00
  That no thoughts aligned. But do you know what though?
• 8:03
  Twilight is an old book. Yes.
• 8:06
  And I guarantee nothing we say today has.
• 8:08
  Been said before about this book.
• 8:11
  I don't know all your money back, which realistically you're
• 8:14
  not paying for this so. Free SO.
• 8:16
  That's your problem. Where do we start except for you
• 8:21
  not knowing what the definition of gaslighting is?
• 8:26
  You know what, I think I was just so confused about why he
• 8:29
  was kind of hot. In the book I feel like he was
• 8:31
  gaslighting but he was like nice about it.
• 8:33
  Yeah, it's Angel, Tony spoken. The Angel tone.
• 8:40
  With the angelic. Smile.
• 8:42
  Was he a supermodel or an Angel or a fucking?
• 8:45
  What else? He was a predator, Carl.
• 8:47
  No, but like her descriptions of him were constantly.
• 8:52
  That was a Calvin Klein model, if any.
• 8:55
  What would a hot teenager be doing in this bum fuck town?
• 9:02
  Look, nothing makes sense. Well, it does because they're
• 9:05
  avoiding sun. They're not going to California.
• 9:10
  There's too much sun. There's only one place with 1
• 9:13
  blue filter and that's. All that's books.
• 9:18
  You know what? I feel like this book also was a
• 9:20
  bit of a beginning of an era. I feel like you either started
• 9:25
  reading books because of Twilight, started reading books
• 9:28
  because of Mortal Instruments, or you started reading books
• 9:32
  because of Acatar. They're three very separate
• 9:35
  areas. I started reading books because
• 9:37
  of Harry Potter 3 when I was like 10.
• 9:41
  How's that good for you? Good, I guess.
• 9:45
  OK, so here's the breakdown. I'm an elder millennial and
• 9:48
  you're a baby millennial because you're, you're not that.
• 9:52
  Much older than me. Yeah, but like.
• 9:54
  It's a very small we're. Like on different spectrums of
• 9:57
  our Gen. yes. So I was technically too old to
• 10:00
  be into this when this came out sort of thing.
• 10:02
  Well, at least the movie came out when I was 18 I think ish.
• 10:06
  So I kind of missed the book altogether I think.
• 10:10
  I don't remember what's going on at the time.
• 10:12
  I was too cool for books. OK, My sister was obsessed with
• 10:16
  this and she's the same age as you.
• 10:17
  Oh. Yeah, she was.
• 10:19
  She was crawling to that movie theatre.
• 10:21
  Oh well, you know what? You couldn't catch me dead in
• 10:24
  the library so. You were too hot at 18, that's
• 10:27
  what it was. No, this would have come out
• 10:28
  when I was like 15, which probably would have been perfect
• 10:31
  target audience actually. Yeah.
• 10:33
  I feel like if I read this when I was 1314 I would have been
• 10:37
  frothing. Yeah.
• 10:38
  Because the angst, it's just believable enough.
• 10:42
  Yeah, they're in love after three days.
• 10:44
  But I mean for teenagers the build up the tension in the
• 10:48
  science classroom. Believable enough to buy into
• 10:51
  it, but ridiculous enough with the vampire element.
• 10:55
  Not a slow burn, no. Oh, no go.
• 10:58
  Let's start at the beginning. Hey, yeah.
• 11:00
  Let's get in. Get in I.
• 11:02
  Don't remember anything. No, that's.
• 11:04
  Why? Bella's going to Forks, We do.
• 11:08
  Her mum, yeah, but her mum's an asshole.
• 11:13
  Her mum's a teenager who doesn't look after her children.
• 11:16
  And she's like, I want my mum to be happy, let me go to this bum
• 11:20
  ass town in the middle of freezing winter in the snow.
• 11:23
  In the book she's so like responsible and so her mum's
• 11:27
  like this crazy lady who just wants to, I don't know, do
• 11:30
  cocaine off, strip his titties and shit.
• 11:32
  Yeah. Live in the dream.
• 11:34
  She's fucking baseball players. She is out here shaking ass.
• 11:38
  She's a wag. She's.
• 11:40
  Literally a wag. Assigned to anything.
• 11:44
  He's like a bench warmer. He's.
• 11:47
  Not even on the bench. Is it Phil?
• 11:49
  Is that his name? Yeah, fill the bench warmer.
• 11:54
  But anyway, Mum wanted to go move around.
• 11:57
  Yes and then she felt like oh, I remember I've got a dad called
• 12:02
  Charlie and he lives in the middle of Bonefiac nowhere.
• 12:05
  So why don't we just uproot my entire life and go live out my
• 12:10
  couple years of high school there?
• 12:13
  Which beneficial because she got a truck straight away.
• 12:16
  Yeah, she wasn't mad about it. Wasn't the truck like the 1980s?
• 12:20
  It was from the 50s. Oh.
• 12:22
  And what's his name? Just reworked it?
• 12:25
  Whatever, eh? You You told me that the first
• 12:28
  few chapters were about the car, but then you didn't know
• 12:31
  anything about. The car said it was a blur.
• 12:33
  Oh, OK, true. Because of the.
• 12:35
  Car. I.
• 12:38
  Don't care about the fucking. Car.
• 12:40
  The whole chapter 1 is about this truck and probably chapter
• 12:44
  2. You know what?
• 12:46
  I know more about Bella's diet and the most minuscule
• 12:50
  information about her life than an actual plot point.
• 12:53
  She needs a lot of human minutes, eh it?
• 12:55
  Felt like we were there, though I Loki appreciated the passage
• 12:59
  of time. Compared to some of the books
• 13:01
  we've read recently where you don't know if it's been like 6
• 13:03
  months or not. Yes.
• 13:04
  So I kind of like feeling like I'm there with.
• 13:07
  Her yes, because the book. Played out kind of consistently,
• 13:11
  yeah. Like yeah, there was time jumps
• 13:13
  and stuff, but it wasn't as chaotic.
• 13:16
  Would have been like 2 months. It was a short ass amount of
• 13:20
  time. It was for what happened, yeah.
• 13:22
  Because didn't he disappear for like weeks on end anyway?
• 13:26
  You know what I don't understand?
• 13:28
  Was there ever a significance of the red apple on the cover in
• 13:33
  the book? No.
• 13:34
  None at all. None at all.
• 13:37
  Is it just a signify blonde? Is that it?
• 13:39
  Or, I don't know, maybe the food.
• 13:40
  Maybe she's a juicy tree. Yeah, like he's not allowed to
• 13:43
  eat it. Yeah, maybe.
• 13:44
  Maybe it's like that biblical shit with the fucking Adam and
• 13:47
  Eve and the apple. Maybe.
• 13:49
  Maybe we. Don't know what Stephanie's up
• 13:51
  to? Well, she's a Mormon, so.
• 13:54
  Yeah, so Bella's got her garments keeping her safe.
• 14:02
  At least the title of the book, Twilight, was mentioned a few
• 14:05
  times. It was.
• 14:06
  For it to be. She's significant.
• 14:09
  She's the OG, Chuck the title in there.
• 14:12
  It was a bit too much towards the end there.
• 14:15
  I was like, OK, now you're just, we get it.
• 14:17
  It's night time, but didn't. You make sense of the context.
• 14:21
  We're like. Day and night, day and night.
• 14:23
  Day and night. OK, let's imagine we're going to
• 14:27
  a brand new school, right? Which is already stressful.
• 14:30
  You've already moved towns. You're living with a different
• 14:32
  parent. You're the weird girl.
• 14:33
  You're the weird girl. You're like. 15 You've started a
• 14:36
  whole new school, you've managed to find all your classes, you've
• 14:39
  met all these kids, and then the one fucking thing that makes you
• 14:43
  cry when you get home is the fact that one sexy boy at school
• 14:48
  didn't crawl up your ass and pitch a tent in there on day
• 14:52
  one. To be fair, she had.
• 14:55
  Every man and his dog from that school come up to her and try
• 14:59
  ask her out in 2 minutes. But my ego would be.
• 15:02
  Hard. That wasn't day one.
• 15:04
  True. She literally went home and
• 15:06
  cried. Well, because he walked up, she
• 15:08
  could have smelled he. Yeah, well, he was sitting there
• 15:10
  gagging. He was.
• 15:12
  Gagged. And you know what?
• 15:13
  I know we didn't. We're not mentioning movies,
• 15:15
  which we probably are. But maybe Robert did that bit
• 15:19
  well 'cause he was on the floor. Literally like I cannot breathe
• 15:23
  in this bitch. Yeah, extra Constipation that
• 15:26
  day. Extra Constipation.
• 15:28
  What if Bella was just like and? Why?
• 15:33
  This all started well. She's.
• 15:35
  Described as being floral. So I'm like, what do you have
• 15:38
  against the flowers, my guy? Does that mean she's got the
• 15:41
  diabetes? She's got the sugary smelling.
• 15:45
  Blood. So what does it mean if it
• 15:48
  smells abnormal? You know how like dogs can smell
• 15:54
  certain? Diseases and stuff, yes.
• 15:56
  Also, go get Edward Cullen senior.
• 16:04
  Apparently, when you have diabetes, your periods smell
• 16:07
  very sweet. I don't know what to do with.
• 16:12
  That welcome to the club, so she's out here with a sweet,
• 16:20
  sweet coochie. She's seen crying sliding down
• 16:24
  her wall at home. Yes, because he didn't like pass
• 16:27
  a note back saying I love you long time.
• 16:30
  Oh my God, I don't know what to do.
• 16:31
  Like that was day one. The side thought side thought.
• 16:38
  I watched a video last night on TikTok and she was talking about
• 16:42
  their Schmidt. Yes, yes.
• 16:44
  I swear, she said. Charlie Schlong and.
• 16:49
  Video. Yes, it was.
• 16:51
  The last one wasn't. It Yeah.
• 16:53
  I thought she said schlong about Jacob's dad, no.
• 16:56
  But I think she said it about Jacob's dad.
• 16:59
  But she said Charlie Schlong, I think so quickly.
• 17:03
  And I was like, I had to watch it a couple of times because I
• 17:06
  was like, did you say? But yes, Jacob's dad apparently
• 17:08
  has a massive schlong. I can see it.
• 17:13
  Really getting the big Dick energy.
• 17:14
  I'm not getting big Dick energy from Edward.
• 17:17
  Not Edward. No, but Jake, he was in the
• 17:19
  video, but he was in the video that she did.
• 17:22
  And she goes. He's packing, Schmidt.
• 17:24
  Like. I reckon he's packing medium.
• 17:28
  Mediocre Schmidt. It's mid.
• 17:32
  It's. Like icy cold but mid.
• 17:35
  It's off cuts. Off cuts Jacob is.
• 17:43
  It's the bones for your dog, girl.
• 17:45
  No wonder why Jacob gets all around him.
• 17:47
  It's that Schmidt, I can't deal. You took the wrong time to take
• 17:56
  a sip, Jolly Pop. That was all on me.
• 17:59
  It stayed in though. We don't spit on this podcast.
• 18:07
  We swallowed dollar. OK, my next note is Edward
• 18:12
  Cullen invented death. Wedding.
• 18:17
  Because his entire dialogue was him gaslighting out to her to.
• 18:22
  Be fair. There's a bit at the end where I
• 18:24
  was like, go, you stupid. He's hate you.
• 18:26
  Oh. There was that many bits in the
• 18:28
  book that I was like. Go, you stupid, he hates.
• 18:30
  You are we up to the car crash yet or is there anything you
• 18:34
  want to say? I don't have any.
• 18:36
  He's just reading a blank document because I would be
• 18:41
  deceased. I don't have any notes.
• 18:45
  The car crash situation was like a level 10 in the book.
• 18:49
  I was like, damn, in the movie was like just a little Fender
• 18:53
  Bender. Put her on life support,
• 18:57
  thought. But she was like, Oh my God,
• 19:00
  Edwards in my general vicinity, don't you dare put me on a
• 19:03
  stretcher. Nobody puts Baby on a stretcher.
• 19:06
  Like I'm too hot. She's like to be intense.
• 19:10
  The second she's in the hospital, she rips off that neck
• 19:13
  brace. She's like.
• 19:15
  No, no. He's like coming around the
• 19:19
  corner and she's like, no. If fella was Australian.
• 19:25
  No, not Edward. This neck brace off me.
• 19:32
  I gotta look sexy. I'm sexy.
• 19:34
  God damn it. I'm a fresh little baby.
• 19:39
  She got a. Police escort because Neppo
• 19:42
  baby. She's the sheriff's daughter.
• 19:44
  Oop OOP OK. He's Neppo baby.
• 19:48
  Too true. The sheriff's daughter he's
• 19:52
  giving Justin. Bieber and Hayley, that's a
• 19:54
  face. The Bieber get married.
• 19:59
  I forgot original name. Haley what's face Bieber and I
• 20:08
  am for Celine or anyway. Okay, so getting back to the
• 20:12
  point. Okay, dead ass, dead ass.
• 20:15
  If this was if I was concussed by some kid, yeah who fucking
• 20:21
  rammed a van into me on purpose in the snow sleeping car park of
• 20:27
  the school, yes bitch, I would be like wrap me head to toe.
• 20:31
  Mummy me up baby. Put all the sirens on, bitch.
• 20:34
  Also I. Want a procession?
• 20:36
  If this, if I had to sit next to a man who one tried to kill me
• 20:41
  by accident and then I had to listen to him go, I'm so sorry
• 20:45
  Bella, over and over again, I would commit a crime just
• 20:49
  against myself. Exactly.
• 20:52
  I'd be like, hey Edward, I'm going to tell everyone in this
• 20:55
  fucking place that you ran over there so fast if you don't get
• 20:59
  rid of this fucking whiny ass man.
• 21:02
  Yeah, why were they even in the same section?
• 21:05
  This is for the VIP is Babe. That's my potential murderer.
• 21:09
  You should be in the watch house, babe.
• 21:11
  Learn to drive. And you're like, my daddy's
• 21:13
  coming for you in 5 minutes. Just.
• 21:15
  To lawyer up, he gets. A lawyer up, girl.
• 21:17
  Why you'll? Be.
• 21:22
  So psychotic. He can't afford it.
• 21:25
  No time. Lawyer up.
• 21:28
  Lawyer up, baby. He.
• 21:31
  Did. I'll see you in court.
• 21:33
  You understood, She's just sitting there on the pad and
• 21:36
  he's like, I'm so sorry, Bella. And she's doing the hand just so
• 21:38
  for like, I'm going to slit your throat.
• 21:41
  She's like. Watch out.
• 21:43
  OK, so this was the scenario. Bella's just.
• 21:48
  I don't know. Fucking clumsy bitch.
• 21:50
  Who knows? She's she's.
• 21:52
  Always slipping and sliding. So she's probably slipping and
• 21:55
  sliding in the car park. He's come round.
• 21:58
  I don't know, someones daddy doesn't love him enough to put
• 22:01
  on snow tire majiggy. Chains.
• 22:03
  Snow chains. Whatever chains.
• 22:05
  We're not in no snow. We don't need.
• 22:07
  No, no, we don't need. We're never.
• 22:09
  Going to be in the snow. None of that makes sense, so.
• 22:12
  He's. Careening, and then he's about
• 22:16
  to plow straight into Bella. Not the plow we need.
• 22:19
  Not the plow we need and then Edward, who's like a kilometre
• 22:23
  away. And she on the street, she.
• 22:25
  Like Even knew that he was like a kilometre away.
• 22:28
  He's down the street. In.
• 22:32
  The ice cream mall? I don't know, fucking know.
• 22:34
  And then 2 seconds before impact, he's right there.
• 22:40
  Yeah. Not only that, there's an Edward
• 22:43
  shaped Ding in old mate's car. Not only that, there's a soft
• 22:47
  caress. He's got time.
• 22:52
  He's got time to move that caraway.
• 22:54
  He's doing the hard work on one side and the soft work on the
• 22:58
  other side. Man of many talents so.
• 23:02
  She's like. I know I might be concussed, but
• 23:05
  I know I'm right as well. And he's gaslighting her.
• 23:09
  Not well to her face because. Even like he gets to a point and
• 23:14
  he's like, you're not going to let this go, try harder.
• 23:18
  You're like gaslight. Him more you want to save your
• 23:23
  family come on he. Doesn't care about that.
• 23:27
  So old mate Tyler, I think his name was, was like, I didn't see
• 23:30
  Edward at all. What do you mean he came to your
• 23:32
  rescue? I thought you were DEAD, baby.
• 23:34
  And she's just like, Oh yeah, Like he was there, I guess.
• 23:38
  He's like, I'm just busy committing a crime.
• 23:44
  Like who is working that insurance company?
• 23:47
  It's like you seem to have a 17 year old.
• 23:50
  His whole face. It.
• 23:53
  Was like when Kourtney and Kim were fighting and then she
• 23:56
  smacked her head on the wall and there's like a makeup in print.
• 24:02
  So there's. Like Edward.
• 24:03
  Clothes face Edwards like guy line on the car.
• 24:09
  And he's like, I don't know how this accident happened.
• 24:13
  That would be an interesting day to work at an insurance company.
• 24:16
  And the hospital. And the police station?
• 24:19
  How do you explain to your father you're just like, sorry,
• 24:22
  Edwards with a wet wipe? He's like, sorry, just need.
• 24:24
  To get it off. Just give me a minute.
• 24:27
  You know what is also hilarious? Because you know how she was
• 24:30
  ripping off that neck brace? She was like, I mean, discharge
• 24:34
  me immediately. What was even more hilarious was
• 24:37
  when Charlie sent a text or I don't know, he phoned her mum
• 24:41
  Renee, and was like, yeah, our child was in a near death
• 24:45
  fucking accident. And she's like, how dare your
• 24:48
  dad, How dare you? Don't you know she's plowing
• 24:50
  half the baseball team across America and she's busy?
• 24:53
  She's busy, I'm inconvenience. Like what do you mean, babe?
• 24:57
  Get your mom on that plane, Charlie is supposed.
• 24:59
  To ignore the fact that you nearly.
• 25:03
  Custody battle going on. He's.
• 25:05
  Like I can't not tell your mother they'll take you away.
• 25:08
  She's always like just tucking her hair behind the ear.
• 25:12
  Don't worry about me. Not that Debbie Ryan.
• 25:14
  OK. Not only that, the whole school
• 25:17
  is there. The whole school was waiting for
• 25:19
  her. She's like, I need it.
• 25:20
  She's like, this is embarrassing.
• 25:22
  Everyone's here. What do you mean the boy?
• 25:24
  Your minds. When she was getting wheeled
• 25:27
  out, yes to go to hospital. To go home.
• 25:30
  They were all waiting in the waiting room for her.
• 25:32
  That's awkward. She must have go home.
• 25:35
  Some coochie magic. Go home.
• 25:38
  Like what do? You go home.
• 25:40
  Watch the news people, she's busy.
• 25:45
  It's a backwards town and probably take three months to
• 25:48
  put together that new story. OK, so can we get to the
• 25:52
  concept? So we've been introduced to all
• 25:54
  of the Cullens. All of.
• 25:56
  Them. Yes, all of them all.
• 25:58
  Of them, yes. Where in this book we're not
• 26:01
  supposed to move your reference, but I'm going to do it anyway.
• 26:03
  Why in the movie A? Dollar in the swear jar.
• 26:06
  A dollar in the swear jar. I'm going to have about 10 by
• 26:08
  the time we finish. And I'm sorry, where in this
• 26:11
  book is Emma ever holding a bag of eggs?
• 26:14
  Where in this book is Emma ever holding a bag of eggs?
• 26:18
  Exactly. But in the movie he walks around
• 26:21
  with these little baggy of eggs. I think the idea was that was
• 26:25
  the only way to get protein back in the 2000s.
• 26:29
  Boiled eggs. They didn't have the
• 26:31
  sophisticated shakes of Today I. Feel like they definitely did
• 26:35
  but. They probably taste like
• 26:37
  asshole. They still taste like asshole.
• 26:40
  Yeah, but there's so much better, asshole.
• 26:43
  You got that, Schmidt. It probably used to taste like
• 26:46
  asbestos and now there's like Asshole Schmidt.
• 26:50
  Asshole sweet Fresh air Schmole Schmidt smash boils mash, boil
• 26:56
  sweet. Smash mole, The fact that he has
• 27:00
  like what it doesn't, boiled hard, hard boiled eggs or dragon
• 27:04
  medium boil. That's a hard man.
• 27:08
  Really. You know he's snacking on them
• 27:10
  in class. That's probably why Edward looks
• 27:12
  so constipated. They don't even eat.
• 27:14
  Real food. They don't have shit about those
• 27:16
  eggs, do they? Shit.
• 27:18
  No, surely not. But he's eating pizza.
• 27:23
  Can they? Eat.
• 27:25
  Exactly. He takes a bite of pizza and he
• 27:28
  swallows it. And I'm like, how are you
• 27:29
  getting that out? They must.
• 27:32
  Shit, maybe just like once a month.
• 27:34
  There's this girl on Ticked Up that deep dives into every
• 27:37
  little detail a funny. I'll find it later.
• 27:41
  So let's let's think. About the concept of this bunch
• 27:43
  of foster kids who usually if you're a foster kid, you've got
• 27:48
  block and things going on in your life and that's why you had
• 27:50
  to be fostered out to a family. Wouldn't child services be
• 27:53
  involved because the fact that all these kids are hooking up,
• 27:56
  you'd be like. What the fuck's going?
• 27:58
  On, but they're all hot, they're all well dressed, they all got
• 28:02
  millions of cars. What child services is going to
• 28:06
  walk up to him and be like, you know what, your kids are unsafe.
• 28:09
  Well, maybe not in America. Maybe not in America.
• 28:12
  I was just thinking, wouldn't that raise some eyebrows?
• 28:14
  Like, what is going on here? It's very incesty, right?
• 28:19
  Penelope Douglas would be quaking.
• 28:23
  This would be her time to shine, wouldn't it it?
• 28:25
  Would be so you know what I know I wouldn't do if I was over 100
• 28:29
  years old in a vampire? Well.
• 28:32
  Continue repeating Grade 10. I would be anywhere else.
• 28:35
  Anywhere. No one notices me on a daily
• 28:38
  basis anyway. Exactly.
• 28:39
  Imagine how much you could blend.
• 28:41
  I could live in this town for years at the same and no one
• 28:44
  would notice. I would live anywhere.
• 28:47
  Live anywhere. It's kind of hard to kill me,
• 28:49
  right? So like why would I be going to
• 28:51
  school doing the same subjects? The younger you start out, no
• 28:54
  one cares about you. Yeah.
• 28:57
  And how long do they stay in each place?
• 28:59
  Because you're pretending to be grade 10/11/12 graduate and then
• 29:04
  you'd have to move. I feel like they would get to
• 29:07
  3025 but they. Still look 17 so isn't that the
• 29:11
  problem? So they re enroll in grade 10
• 29:15
  somewhere else. That's so.
• 29:17
  That's what I mean. And it's kind of like, so you're
• 29:20
  just here to groom people. I would be so mad at Carlisle
• 29:23
  for making me be 17 in high school on repeat.
• 29:28
  And why do they have to go to school just to maintain this?
• 29:32
  We are normal people life because if you did go off grid
• 29:36
  no one would be checking. Up.
• 29:37
  I reckon it's so Carl I can work in hospitals.
• 29:40
  But he could do that with his wife.
• 29:42
  Why do the kids have to be involved?
• 29:43
  Oh, Stephanie, I don't have the answer.
• 29:46
  That's. Like the last thing I'd be
• 29:47
  doing. I wouldn't go to school.
• 29:49
  I hated school. I feel like once you're 100 plus
• 29:52
  and purposefully going to school to meet teenagers you are some
• 29:57
  kind of elite level pedo. Oh, fantasy books for you?
• 30:01
  You've just passed. You're not.
• 30:04
  It's acceptable because they're 100 to 300 years old.
• 30:08
  If it was like a 40 year old man, I'd be like.
• 30:12
  But it's OK because they're like 100 plus, yeah.
• 30:14
  I can't. I can't tell you the logic
• 30:15
  behind it. I can't tell you I don't know.
• 30:17
  I don't. I've been groomed by the.
• 30:20
  I feel like maybe it's because they're from another time and
• 30:22
  supernatural. And they look young, yes.
• 30:26
  Because if someone's 40 and you're freaking 15, they're just
• 30:30
  going to be. Like yeah, exactly.
• 30:33
  Disgusting. So the school term I guess
• 30:36
  continues. They have that weird interaction
• 30:39
  first day, then he's not at school after she sees him in the
• 30:43
  office trying to change out of biology and then he's not at
• 30:46
  school and she's freaking out and she's like, I hope he like
• 30:50
  didn't stay home because of me. She's like I must reek baby have
• 30:55
  a boss, I have a shower girl wash them clothes.
• 31:00
  But she's freaking out and then he comes back but it looks like
• 31:04
  he's had a good shit. Like it looks like he's glowing.
• 31:06
  He's glowing, his eyes are totally different colour, he is
• 31:10
  angelic model even. Yeah.
• 31:12
  He's happy and they sit next to each other and he just talks to
• 31:17
  her like a normal human being. Not only that, they do some
• 31:20
  nerdy science talk which goes straight to her cooch.
• 31:24
  Oh, 100%. She's like, I've done this
• 31:26
  before. That's what I think about if I
• 31:27
  read this when I was that age. Yes, because boys that age
• 31:30
  aren't interacting with you in cute little ways in class.
• 31:34
  No, the BAM minimum. How that's?
• 31:36
  All we wanted back then. Yes.
• 31:39
  Do I want a boy or a man to talk to me ever?
• 31:41
  No, no, But as a teenager or for a boy crush or something to turn
• 31:46
  around and look at you. And I would roll.
• 31:50
  Hands and knees. Hands and knees sliding down
• 31:53
  that. Wall sliding down that dirty
• 31:55
  biology wall. This is when they start get he
• 31:59
  has like full personality too so he's he's just taking the piss
• 32:04
  out of her every 5 minutes. It's great.
• 32:07
  It's so good. And it's great because he's
• 32:10
  nerdy. Yeah.
• 32:11
  So he's. Oh, he's.
• 32:12
  Well, he's 100, so he's. Better be smart.
• 32:14
  Yeah, exactly. I don't know.
• 32:15
  If he was dumb, he'd be like they.
• 32:17
  Actually could, because honestly.
• 32:20
  You're in all this school and you can't retain shit.
• 32:23
  It's. So low.
• 32:26
  I was like, what if he just stared at a wall all day?
• 32:29
  You know what, As well as Edward Cullen being the inventor of
• 32:33
  gaslighting, is he not also the inventor of mixed signals?
• 32:37
  Yes, because what's he going to do?
• 32:39
  He's like, stay away from me and he looked.
• 32:41
  Like he was gonna vomit day one, yes.
• 32:43
  And then he's all like. Let's be basties, Yeah Day. 4 or
• 32:47
  whatever the fuck it was like. Come eat lunch with me.
• 32:50
  Oh, the invitation to sit down at lunch.
• 32:52
  Hot. Hot he wasn't sitting with
• 32:56
  anyone else. Hot though.
• 32:57
  Hot though he's like desperately not trying to be a knife if
• 33:00
  some. Hot man, if I watched him all
• 33:03
  this time sit with his family and then he sat alone and
• 33:06
  pointed at me and was like come here.
• 33:09
  Quaking. I would probably not go there,
• 33:12
  but in my head I'd be like. That would be an 8 on the
• 33:15
  rooster scale. It would of your pussy.
• 33:17
  Yeah, it would go straight. The flutters would flutter.
• 33:22
  It would fly I. Thought all of his family
• 33:25
  weren't there at school. No, they were.
• 33:27
  Oh. He sat on the other side of the
• 33:29
  room. Purposefully went out of his
• 33:31
  way. Yeah, just sit in another tab.
• 33:34
  And then flirted with her the whole time.
• 33:38
  Quaking. Quaking the way the way that.
• 33:44
  Happened is so reward I'm. Like for 100 year old man in
• 33:51
  high school, it's doing really well, you know?
• 33:53
  You'd hope he'd have some riz after a century of being on.
• 33:57
  Earth. I mean, he has some rizz, but I
• 33:59
  feel like. At that point, you're 100 plus
• 34:02
  you should. You're not going to give it a
• 34:04
  go. Who is who?
• 34:05
  Is. Which is probably why cranky old
• 34:08
  men try and look down your top at annual machine.
• 34:10
  Oh my. God don't care about to die
• 34:13
  soon. Same energy.
• 34:14
  Same energy, same energy. She's so confused about being
• 34:18
  invited to this table. And he's like, I'm just not
• 34:20
  giving you back now. This Is Us forever.
• 34:23
  Yeah, that's a bit too far. He.
• 34:24
  Said it hot but that's why it's OK.
• 34:28
  Because you're giving insult. I was like, it was flatty, but I
• 34:32
  took yeah. What, you know what the
• 34:34
  initiative was there Because if you think about it, this is a
• 34:38
  book. He's got that grumpy mixed
• 34:41
  signals. Yes.
• 34:42
  Bad guy, good guy character, yes, but in future books that
• 34:46
  we've read a lot of. They just.
• 34:48
  Hate the fucking shit out of you.
• 34:50
  They hate every part of your Organism.
• 34:53
  But like Edward, likes you. He had a recent not only that,
• 34:57
  he disappeared for weeks. So he didn't munch on her.
• 35:01
  That's right. That's a lot of work.
• 35:04
  I mean, and then he's coming out like the hottest man alive.
• 35:09
  I mean he did block her in a car park so some guy could ask her
• 35:13
  out, but still. Yeah, he did manipulate.
• 35:17
  Could you? Imagine you're getting all these
• 35:19
  hot signals from this guy and he's like, actually I blocked
• 35:21
  you in on purpose somewhere. Yep, some weird man that's not
• 35:25
  leaving you alone because he tried to commit your murder
• 35:28
  could ask. You without you know what about
• 35:36
  the asking her out vibe Yes, they've got AI assume it's like
• 35:40
  a semi formal like a like a dance yes and then later
• 35:43
  obviously they've got prom yes, whatever the fuck, which is
• 35:46
  weird because I thought they were juniors.
• 35:48
  Anyway, everyone keeps reminding her of the dance, but she's too
• 35:51
  cool for the dance. Even her dad's bringing it up
• 35:53
  and she's like, Charlie knows nothing.
• 35:55
  Charlie the fuck up. She's like Charlie.
• 35:56
  I can't fucking dance, my guy. He's a cop.
• 35:59
  He's. Practically.
• 36:00
  Probably the only detective in town.
• 36:02
  He's Of course he's going to know when the.
• 36:03
  What school formula is he's security?
• 36:07
  Yeah, he's. Working a double shift.
• 36:08
  That day, because he knows that all the kids are going to go
• 36:10
  buck wild afterwards and she's sitting there going how does.
• 36:14
  Charlie know. Because he's been in this town
• 36:17
  for life. Charlie.
• 36:18
  Literally, he's circled on his calendar.
• 36:20
  Base He's almost a 50 year old probably man.
• 36:24
  Do you get the Charlie love? I love Charlie.
• 36:28
  Because he's like the number one that everyone froths over as a.
• 36:30
  Character what 15 to 18 year old me would be like.
• 36:34
  Oh Charlie, but here I am 30. Stop.
• 36:37
  I would fuck that man. The shit out of him or just a
• 36:40
  little bit? This is like in between.
• 36:43
  I'm not doing all the way. So, Charlie, if you're waiting.
• 36:49
  For a mid. Lane.
• 36:52
  The Midlay's test run, Emily. 'S ready for you.
• 36:54
  You do a test run and you don't do all your good stuff and then.
• 36:59
  But what if you only have one chance?
• 37:01
  Damn it, I'll do all the good. Stuff.
• 37:03
  OK, wow, OK, Charlie does nothing for me.
• 37:08
  Why did you set me up like that? No, no, I just don't like, I
• 37:11
  don't know. I just love it.
• 37:14
  I think he's got the Schmidt, he's got 100%, he's got the
• 37:17
  Schmidt, but I'm just no. But he doesn't cook his own
• 37:20
  food, which also gives me the egg.
• 37:22
  He's also giving a bit man baby, like that's why Renee left him
• 37:27
  and I'm probably more of a Renee, you know what I mean?
• 37:29
  He set me up for that. What do you mean?
• 37:33
  I feel like I didn't process all of that and then you're.
• 37:36
  Like, you know what would you hot or not?
• 37:38
  You're like all it is he's hot or not, he's hot.
• 37:41
  There we go. That's.
• 37:42
  What you're like, actually Emily, you would fuck this baby
• 37:44
  man like. No, like that's just what the
• 37:48
  book version was kind of giving. He's just a hot man.
• 37:51
  People go feral over him. Yeah, I would go feral over.
• 37:55
  What's his face, Carla? That's the one.
• 37:58
  He sounds like too pretty. That doesn't bother me.
• 38:02
  OK, you're like. Like I'm at the hospital, like
• 38:08
  applying for a new job, I'm. Injured.
• 38:11
  No, I'm applying to work there because you know how Charlie
• 38:13
  said all the nurses are frothing?
• 38:15
  Over him. Yeah, but you could do less,
• 38:17
  Bella. Literally all she did was cut
• 38:19
  her little finger. No, no.
• 38:21
  No, I want to be around that man all day.
• 38:22
  Oh, OK, he's. Serving.
• 38:24
  It's almost like. He's serving that.
• 38:26
  Country should be gay. And that's exactly my type Fair.
• 38:31
  It's valid borderline gay fruity no.
• 38:35
  Like just so groomed, no so. Groomed, he seems fruity.
• 38:39
  Oh, 100%. So a man that knows how to clean
• 38:42
  his own ass. Oh, weak at the knees, weak at
• 38:44
  the all. I want we love the scrubbed
• 38:46
  asshole all I. Want is a man with the hygiene
• 38:50
  standards of a gay man, yes, but a straight man.
• 38:53
  Maybe a bit OCD on me, Maybe that'll help.
• 38:56
  Like a. Little.
• 38:57
  Like a little. Bit of contamination OCD.
• 39:00
  Yeah, like keep it clean. Do you reckon he's got the
• 39:04
  Schmidt? Color, Yeah, yeah.
• 39:07
  I don't reckon vampires have Schmidt.
• 39:08
  I don't know why. Like maybe I'm just thinking
• 39:10
  it's cold so it's got shrinkage. No think I still do.
• 39:16
  People love that shit. Really.
• 39:18
  Cooling gel. I still do.
• 39:20
  Maybe not, I still do, but maybe stop looking at the buttons.
• 39:25
  No, I was like I was. Trying to I was like, don't you
• 39:27
  dare do a fart sound right now? Maybe it'd be icy.
• 39:31
  Maybe like cooling loop? OK, yeah, not full icicle Dick.
• 39:36
  No, not like that. Not full.
• 39:37
  Snowman, I'm tapping out, I mean.
• 39:41
  But she does say he's cold but he's warming to her.
• 39:44
  I don't. Know no Bella's de Lulu.
• 39:47
  What would you even do? OK, so 3 count them 123 boys ask
• 39:53
  her to this stupid non prom dance.
• 39:55
  Yes, she has to turn all of them down.
• 39:57
  One of which, well, kind of. Her school bestie Jessica is
• 40:00
  obsessed with Mike. Yes, and Mike can't take a hint.
• 40:02
  No. He just doesn't get it and
• 40:04
  Edward, because he can hear what everyone's he's thinking.
• 40:07
  It's funny, he's he's fucking yakking it up in the background
• 40:11
  all the time. He's like giggling all the time.
• 40:14
  He's kicking his feet in the corner.
• 40:16
  He's such a. Sassy bitch.
• 40:17
  You'd think after 100 years you wouldn't care about such
• 40:20
  trivial. Boring notion.
• 40:21
  He thinks it's funny. He's.
• 40:23
  Eating it. Off He's a little evil.
• 40:25
  There's never a moment where he's not taking the piss out of.
• 40:28
  Her You know what? If this was Gossip Girl, Edward
• 40:32
  would be Gossip Girl. Well, he like, there's a point,
• 40:35
  OK, Edward being Gossip Girl, she's like, I suck at Jim.
• 40:40
  You know, Jim, me and Jim don't go dweller.
• 40:43
  I can't run. Clumsy as shit.
• 40:44
  So what does he do? He hangs around to watch her
• 40:46
  whack herself in the head of the racket and then takes a piss out
• 40:51
  of her again. He's like, oh, I seen it.
• 40:53
  And then I seen. You whack her.
• 40:54
  For their first proper date, when they finally get to it,
• 40:57
  yeah. For a hike, yes.
• 40:59
  Just to rub it in even more yeah.
• 41:01
  When he knows he's extremely athletic, he just, I just kind.
• 41:06
  Of turned the way he was sitting outside the gym, like, yeah, I
• 41:09
  did watch you whack yourself and your friend all in one and it
• 41:12
  was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
• 41:15
  He loved it. He's a bully but like a hot 1.
• 41:19
  Bella. Gets invited to go to the beach,
• 41:22
  yes. And she she's talking to Jacob.
• 41:26
  Yes, because this is when flirting.
• 41:27
  Jacob. Jacob she was flirting her
• 41:30
  coochie off. She was bouting them eyelids.
• 41:33
  She was trying every trick in the book to find out more about
• 41:36
  Edward. Essentially grinding on his Dick
• 41:39
  at this point. It was hilarious.
• 41:41
  If she could, she would have, I think.
• 41:43
  You know what's really funny? A dollar in the sweat jar.
• 41:46
  Is that in the movie she was full tomboy like oh, I guess
• 41:50
  tell me about Edward. I suppose in the book.
• 41:53
  In the book she was like covert op seduction techniques.
• 41:56
  She was like, deep. She was, like, back.
• 41:59
  Exactly. Yeah.
• 42:00
  She's straddling the sand. Like please tell me more.
• 42:03
  Yes. That's what I.
• 42:05
  Felt sad about. It we were robbed, we were
• 42:07
  robbed in broad daylight. If they're gonna someone said
• 42:11
  they might be doing it as ATV series, you better do it but.
• 42:15
  Can. I want to see Bella flipping her
• 42:18
  hair like a crazy maniac on the sand.
• 42:21
  Little Mermaid style yes You know what though?
• 42:24
  How are you going to flesh out ATV series?
• 42:27
  Shut up. We saw everything that happened
• 42:30
  already. We.
• 42:30
  Didn't see everything that happened because none of it
• 42:33
  matches. I feel like we saw everything
• 42:35
  that we saw enough. No, they have so it could be
• 42:38
  better they. Can't need money that bad that
• 42:40
  they've got to rehash. This shit we can rehash.
• 42:42
  Leave Harry Potter. Go.
• 42:43
  Leave Twilight. Go.
• 42:45
  Leave Hunger Games. Go.
• 42:47
  I think of the CGI, it'd be bad everything.
• 42:51
  But there isn't really that good of animals or whatever in this
• 42:55
  like the wolves were done or already.
• 42:58
  That's fine. But what part of the CGI do you
• 43:01
  want to see? No, I'm just saying it would be
• 43:02
  good for Harry Potter. Oh, for Harry Potter, I thought
• 43:04
  you meant this. And I was like, well.
• 43:06
  Could you imagine though we were robbed with the movie but
• 43:10
  getting Edward taking the piss out of her, flirting with her,
• 43:15
  her being clumsy, her with Jacob even though like the car scene
• 43:21
  and the bit where he's like I'm a monster or whatever.
• 43:25
  So much better in the book and I feel like it would do better.
• 43:29
  I feel like that wouldn't play out well in a movie because it's
• 43:32
  a car conversation and it was the pivotal part of the book of
• 43:36
  him admitting to be very vampire.
• 43:38
  So how are you gonna play that out also?
• 43:39
  I'm like, what do you mean? You're driving in the car at 80
• 43:42
  because you're scared he's going too fast at 100, having a casual
• 43:46
  conversation about him being a vampire?
• 43:48
  Yeah. What the fuck?
• 43:49
  Mm hmm. He's casually there driving
• 43:52
  along like you're having tea and biscuits.
• 43:55
  Mm Hmm. And she's like, OK, you're a
• 43:57
  vampire. Shut up.
• 43:59
  Yep. Shut up.
• 44:00
  And when he's going 100, isn't that mph?
• 44:04
  So you'll be psychotic because yes.
• 44:06
  And he just knocks it. He knocks it back down to 80
• 44:09
  because it's too a hundreds too fast.
• 44:11
  I'm like. Girl.
• 44:13
  Girl, what do you mean? As I was reading the book I was
• 44:15
  like, oh, she's not as pick me as I imagined her to be.
• 44:18
  But it gradually got worse, so I was like, don't worry about it.
• 44:20
  Don't worry about it, we've got around.
• 44:21
  At first I was like, oh, she's actually got a bit of a chance
• 44:24
  in hell. And then it got worse and worse
• 44:26
  and worse and worse and worse. Apparently she's really sassy
• 44:29
  all through the books. She was only mildly sassy in
• 44:32
  this book, I feel like. She was very whingy.
• 44:35
  Towards the end when we'll get to it, they sort of just and
• 44:39
  they went on that proper date thing which was the hike and
• 44:42
  then lay down in the Meadow, blah blah.
• 44:44
  Yeah. Cute cute, but I hate in a book
• 44:48
  when they talk their way into a relationship rather than just
• 44:51
  doing things together. And it happens nicely also.
• 44:55
  This is after the car bit too immediately.
• 44:58
  So between the car and the hike, she was like, I'm in love with
• 45:02
  him. I was like, you've known him for
• 45:03
  three fucking days, literally. So now she's up on this hike.
• 45:07
  She's weird. She's a weird bitch.
• 45:09
  Let's be real. The only reason Edward's dating
• 45:11
  Bella is because she's weird enough to let him sniff her
• 45:14
  neck. If a man was sniffing my neck, I
• 45:18
  would cry. I would be traumatized.
• 45:20
  The girls at that school were very hypnotized by him, so he
• 45:23
  could have picked anyone really. Yes, I think it would have
• 45:25
  worked. It would have worked but also
• 45:28
  you need the loner girl that's not going to say shit about it.
• 45:31
  This man sniffing your entire face.
• 45:34
  And the reason he picked her is because she was a challenge.
• 45:36
  Because he can't read her thoughts.
• 45:38
  Yes, because every other girl he knows, he could have them.
• 45:41
  You could. Do no different.
• 45:43
  It's not a challenge. This girl is just, Oh yeah,
• 45:45
  obsessed. Just as easy every day.
• 45:48
  He was changing his mind about their relationship though and it
• 45:50
  was pissing me off. I'm like, just pick a lane
• 45:53
  because he's saying. It was every two minutes even.
• 45:55
  On the hike he's not safe. Like well then fucking fuck off
• 45:59
  then. Fuck, he's like they're on the
• 46:01
  hike and he's doing all this like cute things and he's like,
• 46:05
  actually, you shouldn't be with me.
• 46:07
  And that's when he throws a tree and he's like, I'm a monster you
• 46:10
  can't outrun. Me, I'm a monster with my Becca
• 46:13
  Champagne Pop highlighter all over my chest.
• 46:17
  It's like, OK, settle. Down.
• 46:19
  Edward the way. No, because right before this
• 46:22
  she's like, I'm in love with him.
• 46:23
  He's in the sun, his skin white. I'm like.
• 46:26
  Cool, it's giving James Charles. I'm like, OK, I'm imagining like
• 46:32
  really cheap Halloween costume glitter, no disco ball.
• 46:35
  Like, like imagine reading this for the movie and being the
• 46:41
  makeup person just being like. I think they did it the glitter
• 46:45
  CGI. As well.
• 46:47
  Don't stress, but I'm I am stressed.
• 46:49
  Because imagine being that glitter on your face, but you
• 46:53
  don't die. You can just walk out in the
• 46:55
  fucking sunlight like that. I put a foundation on.
• 46:59
  OK, theory? No, because they'd probably go
• 47:01
  through theory is for Twilight books is they're not actually
• 47:06
  vampires, they're fairies. Who's?
• 47:09
  Theory, it's someone's theory. Ages go on TikTok and I'm like
• 47:13
  actually a lot because they go, when you think down to it, they
• 47:16
  are more related to a fairy, say like fairy fantasy books than
• 47:20
  they are a vampire. And if you've got mythology,
• 47:24
  there's things called like unsealing shit and they drink
• 47:27
  blood of yeah. So I'm like, they're not
• 47:29
  vampires, they're fairies. But it's not really Canon
• 47:33
  because there's three things that Bella Swan is sure of, and
• 47:37
  one of those things is Edward is a vampire.
• 47:40
  I don't think they know. I don't think.
• 47:42
  They know this bitch is so happy that something's going on in her
• 47:47
  life. She's just that willing to
• 47:48
  accept that he's a vampire straight up.
• 47:50
  You know what I mean? How bored do you have?
• 47:52
  To be she doesn't care. It's kind of.
• 47:55
  A problem. She's happy about it.
• 47:57
  She's like, well, I'm the girl that got the vampire.
• 48:00
  I'm like, you are a snack. It's like go.
• 48:03
  They're not doing anything though, because every time they
• 48:05
  kiss, oh every 'cause they kiss up on this hike, every time that
• 48:09
  he kisses her and she's like, it's like kissing unresponsive
• 48:13
  Stone. You're in love with this man A.
• 48:15
  Stone cold statue. Yes.
• 48:18
  It was the most gross kiss I've ever read.
• 48:21
  Yeah, and then I don't think this girl's ever kissed someone
• 48:24
  because she latches onto him and literally fucking devours his
• 48:28
  face and he's like, oh, hold up, she's going to smother you to
• 48:32
  death. She's never even liked a boy
• 48:35
  before. Right.
• 48:36
  But imagine kissing her and then being offended that she kissed
• 48:39
  you back. What do you think that was going
• 48:42
  to happen? You're just going to sniff up
• 48:43
  and down her neck all day. It was giving like weird sibling
• 48:47
  Peck, you know what I mean? Like the way it was described, I
• 48:50
  was like, is it supposed to be unsexy for a reason?
• 48:54
  Yes, every time they kissed it was unsexy as.
• 48:57
  Soon as they kissed too it was like a switch flipped and she
• 49:00
  was like I can never let go of him now ever again and now he
• 49:04
  has to be with me forever. It's like.
• 49:05
  What, And he didn't even tell her yet that he was stalking her
• 49:09
  at that? Point like and also his timeline
• 49:12
  was up a bit further because he watches her sleep every night so
• 49:17
  meanwhile it's been 3 days for her and fucking weeks for this
• 49:21
  man. And the only reason why he
• 49:23
  decided to pursue a relationship is because she said in her sleep
• 49:27
  His name? Yeah, bitch, that's not consent,
• 49:29
  babe. Edward is the original stalker
• 49:32
  romance and you cannot tell me otherwise.
• 49:36
  Isn't he dead us in her room? Yes, because he's not even
• 49:39
  peering through a window, He's in the room.
• 49:41
  That's why she keeps waking up and she's like, oh, my window
• 49:44
  used to creak and she's like a dozen.
• 49:46
  Anymore he's up there with these spray oil spraying the hinges
• 49:50
  before she gets home the way he knew where her car keys were and
• 49:53
  shit. Yeah, because he's just staring
• 49:55
  at her at all times. Ewie.
• 49:58
  Was that like he's supposed to be detective?
• 50:02
  Why? Because.
• 50:02
  That the idea. I think he was just obsessed
• 50:05
  with it. When you think about it, it is
• 50:08
  really creepy, but she loves it. This is when I was sure tooketh
• 50:14
  at how pick me she easily became and she has the most DV mindset
• 50:20
  out of any pick me they agree to start dating.
• 50:25
  It's super problematic, but not only that, it's almost like she
• 50:28
  gets off on the fact that he could hurt me at any time, but
• 50:32
  he. Doesn't because he loves me.
• 50:34
  And it's OK because he's sexy and everyone at school thinks
• 50:37
  he's hot. Yeah, he tells her that her
• 50:40
  friend wants to know if they're secretly dating and he's like,
• 50:42
  yeah, we are dating. Didn't give her a choice, but he
• 50:46
  was like, I can't wait to hear your feelings about me.
• 50:51
  You have no privacy ever again. He's listening to every
• 50:55
  conversation anyone's having, so even though you can't hear her
• 50:58
  thoughts, he's hearing every conversation.
• 51:02
  And that's how he knows everything, because he's
• 51:03
  listening to her conversation. This.
• 51:06
  Was the most insta love Insta love I reckon.
• 51:09
  The way they were in love with each other and literally ready
• 51:12
  to die. Disgusting and.
• 51:15
  They kept saying it. At one point it was one of those
• 51:18
  things where in a book you just have There was too many times.
• 51:21
  Down the end, yeah. On.
• 51:23
  When they kept saying I love you and I was like, you've literally
• 51:26
  it's been a week. At that point, she hadn't even
• 51:29
  revealed it to Charles Molly and she had decided internally, like
• 51:32
  I love Edward, like bitch, what, what, what?
• 51:36
  But where did it come from exactly?
• 51:38
  You went on one date. He.
• 51:40
  Told you he was a vampire. You still know nothing about it.
• 51:44
  And you're worried about, oh, is he going to tell his family now?
• 51:46
  And then he got all offended at one point because she didn't
• 51:50
  tell Jessica that she was actually, in fact, meeting up
• 51:52
  with him still. Yes, because she goes, oh, he
• 51:55
  actually cancelled on me to go to Seattle.
• 51:57
  Yeah. And then Jessica's like, oh, OK.
• 51:59
  And then she told all that to Edward and he's like thinking
• 52:01
  how the fuck did you tell her we're not going out on a date.
• 52:05
  It's like, relax, Edward, why do you care what Jessica thinks?
• 52:08
  He just. From my understanding, he wanted
• 52:10
  to be held accountable. Which is worse if she died?
• 52:13
  Yeah, someone can track him down.
• 52:15
  He's like, I might not bring you home if people don't know that
• 52:17
  you're with me. You're a psychotic.
• 52:20
  But why does he not care about his entire vampire kind that
• 52:23
  much? Or his family.
• 52:26
  He's willing to risk it all. Fucks me.
• 52:29
  He doesn't give a fuck about the family being safe and keeping
• 52:32
  their secret. Well, they're hundreds of years
• 52:34
  old, but still, they could go anywhere.
• 52:37
  And they were so supportive, though.
• 52:38
  The whole family is like, yeah, I guess let's just take this
• 52:40
  little right bag in. Yeah, he hasn't had love in a
• 52:43
  long time. Which who?
• 52:45
  Cares not everyone needs to be paired up.
• 52:47
  I hate that trope in movies and stuff.
• 52:50
  Should have just let him die. Yeah, I don't know what Kimmy.
• 52:53
  I don't know what my BAE, whatever his name is, was
• 52:56
  thinking. Oh, Carl, Carlisle, Carlisle.
• 52:58
  I don't know what Carlisle was thinking.
• 53:01
  When she goes to meet his family, tell me why she thought
• 53:07
  it was a good idea to put on a long khakis.
• 53:11
  Look. And a blue sweater because he
• 53:15
  loves blue on her. The khaki.
• 53:17
  What time period do you eat? Please, Stephanie?
• 53:21
  Come on, Jackie, she had. A Lacey cami underneath.
• 53:24
  Oh my God, in the 2000s. Two, she had the double, she
• 53:28
  would have had double cami, the double cami.
• 53:30
  Oh no, the the choker, not the choker to bring attention to her
• 53:35
  delicate neckline. Oh.
• 53:36
  She probably put that highlight right down that cleavage and.
• 53:41
  Then jerking. She's got those chunky sandals
• 53:44
  from the 2000s. No, the boots, the chunky boots.
• 53:47
  That roll hockey skirt. Yes, that roll down.
• 53:50
  Do you know what I mean? Yes, Stampy.
• 53:52
  Why didn't you just put her in jeans?
• 53:54
  Put her in jeans. Jeans.
• 53:55
  In a nice top jeans in a very. Nice shop.
• 53:58
  Where? Where is wearing a car?
• 54:01
  It's wearing a khaki. It's cold.
• 54:02
  OK, it's cold khaki. She's like my only one.
• 54:06
  Nice casual skirt. Throw it in the bed.
• 54:09
  How can Stephanie was just like looking down at the outfit she
• 54:12
  was wearing that day and was like oh, it's all doing no.
• 54:18
  Stephanie. Look, she's dressing to be wife
• 54:21
  material. It's the Mormon A.
• 54:22
  Boring life. The milk maid type.
• 54:27
  Wife. Oh no, family first, you know,
• 54:31
  She's like, I was ready. To pump out them kids.
• 54:33
  She is. She's like, I'm ready to be
• 54:34
  married at 15, pumping out kids on a farm.
• 54:39
  No. I will turn the butter.
• 54:43
  Can we talk about Thunderstorm baseball?
• 54:46
  Yeah, Alice like Waltz and his room after he's tackled her
• 54:50
  hotly onto the couch and she's like, what the fucks going on?
• 54:53
  And she's like, I'm just coming by for a snack to munch on your
• 54:56
  girlfriend and. Fellas like the fucking what
• 54:59
  she's doing. About to get pounded, Whatever.
• 55:02
  She's like, I was actually here to get fucked but okay.
• 55:05
  She's like, not the way I wanted to be eaten.
• 55:08
  Yeah, she's literally like, this is not what I.
• 55:10
  But the panic. She's panking, Edwards laughing
• 55:13
  in the corner again. I was like, do you even like
• 55:15
  this girl? Because all you.
• 55:17
  Do is tortures her, it tortures her it's.
• 55:19
  Fun. It's fun.
• 55:20
  It's funny. Deserves at this point because
• 55:22
  honestly what the fuck else has she got going on with her life?
• 55:27
  She's like fuck, may as well go balls deep into this vampire
• 55:30
  bullshit. Exactly.
• 55:31
  She's like, I don't care if I come out the other end.
• 55:33
  She. Doesn't, though.
• 55:34
  That's amazing. She's so melancholy.
• 55:36
  Just about life. Yeah.
• 55:38
  Doesn't fucking. She calls her dad Charlie.
• 55:40
  Yeah, she did it to his. Face girl that does not give a
• 55:43
  fuck. Not she does not give a fuck,
• 55:46
  but she's sitting there and Alice is like, oh, you just
• 55:49
  thought you were Cher and then Ed was just like, oh, there's
• 55:51
  not enough to share. I would be like.
• 55:54
  Why is it sounding threesome? Me too, that was my ankle.
• 56:01
  But all this is happening while Jasper's constipated in the door
• 56:04
  frame. I feel like actually just Take
• 56:09
  Me Home. It's just I'm I will call my dad
• 56:12
  to come pick me up. Yeah, he's getting a bit too
• 56:14
  hot. And.
• 56:15
  Bothered over there. The little dog in him was like.
• 56:19
  Just this panting in the corner. He's like, he's like, that's
• 56:25
  what it that. Was.
• 56:27
  An exact impression. Just got like the spits just
• 56:31
  flying everywhere. Yeah, and someone was like, who
• 56:33
  let Jacob in? Oh, wait.
• 56:34
  It's Jasper. Oh wait, Jacob's not in the pot
• 56:37
  yet. He kind of was ish.
• 56:41
  He was used and abused at that point, before they even meet the
• 56:47
  family. They were talking like, this is
• 56:50
  after they went on their one fucking date.
• 56:52
  Yeah. And they were talking about
• 56:55
  like, Bella brings it up. She presses, she's like, but
• 56:58
  what do vampires do about marriage?
• 57:00
  And she was using yes Alice and Jasper or something as the
• 57:03
  example. She's like, I know we've known
• 57:05
  each other for two days, but we need to get married right now.
• 57:07
  She's. Transparent as fuck though,
• 57:09
  because Edward saw through it immediately.
• 57:10
  He's just like, and he got like a little bit of a ass clincher.
• 57:14
  I can anyway. I felt that harsh.
• 57:16
  Gosh, I felt his arse clenched. Through the through the audio
• 57:21
  book. And I'm.
• 57:22
  Like no farts for slipping. So OK, so they're having this
• 57:28
  really awkward conversation, yeah, 2 seconds into dating and
• 57:32
  then he pulls out of his arse. I'm gonna assume he.
• 57:36
  Declinches. He goes.
• 57:38
  This is the the biggest. Reach.
• 57:42
  That I've ever heard of a fake male excuse to not get married,
• 57:45
  He goes. I'm just worried, you know,
• 57:49
  because if we get married, I'm really worried about me hurting
• 57:53
  you. At any point.
• 57:54
  I could just crush your face. Like practically, I could just
• 57:57
  caress your face and crush bitch.
• 57:59
  You could do that while you're dating.
• 58:02
  Yeah, if he wanted to, he would. He's seriously acting like, And
• 58:05
  I know it was implied it was the sex part of it.
• 58:07
  Yeah, but he shut up. You could crush her face to a
• 58:10
  pulpit anytime. Don't.
• 58:12
  Act. To like, you can't put a ring on
• 58:14
  this fucking finger. She's getting crushed either the
• 58:16
  way, babe. Oh, that was the only time I
• 58:19
  believed she was a man. I was like, oh, Stephanie hit it
• 58:22
  right on the head because how like, how far left did he have
• 58:27
  to go to pull that excuse out of his asshole?
• 58:31
  If anything, that's an incentive because she loves the idea of
• 58:33
  being bashed to a pulp. Oh.
• 58:35
  Carla she. Does she does?
• 58:38
  Every time he goes like, it's dangerous for you to be with me,
• 58:43
  she's like. She's going through a whole
• 58:45
  hooked experience. She's she's like I, she's like,
• 58:55
  actually I love being choked. She's like my favorite.
• 59:00
  I can only come by shit shake you.
• 59:04
  Can't tell me she even knows she has a clue She's wearing khaki
• 59:08
  skirts. Go.
• 59:10
  She's the ones that wear the ones that wear the khaki skirts
• 59:15
  are the ones that know where it is.
• 59:16
  They're freaky under there that. Explains why I don't own 1.
• 59:26
  Do we need a diagram? Or maybe I'm sorry, US or being
• 59:32
  females, they'll finally find it now.
• 59:35
  Facts. Maybe there's hope, but have you
• 59:37
  ever told a guy to use a map? I don't think it's happening.
• 59:43
  He'll. Be like diagram.
• 59:44
  I don't need that. If anything, the stats are going
• 59:49
  to be even worse. Oh my God, I saw someone comment
• 59:55
  on that and they said well people have been saying the
• 59:57
  future is female lately. I'm like stop.
• 1:00:02
  And then did you see the in the curb?
• 1:00:04
  We all man so good. OK, so they're doing baseball.
• 1:00:10
  Yes. Tell me, what mushrooms was
• 1:00:13
  Stephanie eating when she created this random side plot?
• 1:00:18
  Of the baseball. Yeah, because they never do it
• 1:00:20
  again, right? Never again.
• 1:00:22
  Why? Would you?
• 1:00:23
  Just you need something that's kind and that never.
• 1:00:26
  Gets traumatized from the murder of nearly murder.
• 1:00:30
  What? Murder.
• 1:00:30
  Nearly murder. Oh, you know what though?
• 1:00:33
  Imagine meeting Edward's mom for the first time and going to this
• 1:00:37
  baseball thing properly, blah blah.
• 1:00:38
  And then she just turns around and like, did you know IA baby
• 1:00:42
  of mine died? I'm like nightmare if you know
• 1:00:44
  me, Mrs. Cullen. I'd be like, okay, okay.
• 1:00:50
  And she's like, you know. How I wanted to commit suicide.
• 1:00:53
  And Bella is just like Edward said, you fell off a Cliff, not
• 1:00:57
  jumped off. And she's like always the
• 1:00:59
  gentleman, always the gentleman. Looking up very Stepford but I
• 1:01:02
  was like I. Know I'd be like.
• 1:01:06
  I feel like actually we need to leave.
• 1:01:08
  She's like, I should have stayed home after the whole munching
• 1:01:12
  incident. Look, this is the only time I
• 1:01:14
  would tap out. I'd be like this lady is cooked.
• 1:01:17
  My anxiety would be going through the roof, not only from
• 1:01:20
  the parent like meeting everyone, but as soon as we got
• 1:01:24
  to the Let's Go play baseball, I'd be like, I don't do sports.
• 1:01:27
  Did she even get to ride? No, because she they're running
• 1:01:30
  out like 1000 kilometres. How embarrassing.
• 1:01:34
  What is she going to do? She can't run.
• 1:01:37
  She'd be the waterboy. She's support.
• 1:01:39
  She's on the bench. Don't you sound like a little
• 1:01:41
  argument on the way up there too?
• 1:01:43
  With who Her and Edward? I went to call him Riley.
• 1:01:47
  I'm like, what is I was like what?
• 1:01:53
  My friend showed it. I was like Riley who Edwin and
• 1:01:56
  her had an argument on the way up and then he's like going to
• 1:02:00
  the field and she's like I'm angry at you and was like
• 1:02:05
  screaming at him. Can't remember the argument
• 1:02:06
  though, so it's clearly irrelevant, sorry.
• 1:02:10
  And then she has to listen to the his mum trauma dumping on
• 1:02:13
  her. Just unexpected.
• 1:02:15
  What a rough fucking day. What a rough.
• 1:02:18
  'Cause it only gets worse. First you go on a hike at night
• 1:02:21
  time, then he's listening to you shit so you can have a human
• 1:02:25
  minute. And then he's like comes back.
• 1:02:27
  He's like, we're actually gonna go meet my parents.
• 1:02:29
  You almost get munched. You're in a khaki skirt, you
• 1:02:32
  know, in a big asshole. Like you're playing baseball
• 1:02:35
  when you're like, you can't even walk straight and then some lady
• 1:02:39
  is. Like trauma dumping on you.
• 1:02:41
  And then you find out through Alice because she starts having
• 1:02:46
  one of her seizures that three rogue vampires are on the way.
• 1:02:50
  Too sweet. They are like.
• 1:02:52
  They've got their heelies on and.
• 1:02:54
  Then she's like. They just want to play sliding
• 1:02:59
  on their heelies. They could have left though.
• 1:03:02
  Backpack out of there, get your fighting monkey back on.
• 1:03:08
  No, because they said we haven't got time Because Carlisle asks.
• 1:03:11
  Yeah, he goes do you have time? And then Alice is like, no, we
• 1:03:15
  don't, babe. No, if they were like we don't
• 1:03:18
  have time and not only that her smell, but those people have
• 1:03:22
  went back to the car and then these luck could have distracted
• 1:03:24
  on like they already were. I think they would have already
• 1:03:27
  had the whiff. They would have made it more
• 1:03:29
  SUS. So he's like, let's just play
• 1:03:31
  this out. Carlyle's ready to risk it all.
• 1:03:34
  This is what happens when you let 17 year old boys dictate.
• 1:03:37
  Where you should be. I thought it was like Carlos,
• 1:03:40
  like you kind of thing to play it out.
• 1:03:43
  So they start chatting and you know what, These three very sexy
• 1:03:48
  vampires come up, but they're very feline for whatever reason.
• 1:03:51
  They had pussy power anyway, so they come up PJ.
• 1:03:54
  Mask and all. And they were.
• 1:03:56
  They were oh, we've got so much to learn about you.
• 1:04:00
  Oh, we don't want to tread in your area.
• 1:04:02
  We're just passing through. We're gonna blah, blah blah.
• 1:04:05
  He's like come over for coffee in the morning.
• 1:04:07
  We'll talk about it over breakfast.
• 1:04:09
  Literally, I'll cook. And then Bella catches a stiff.
• 1:04:13
  Wind. Somehow that floral scent is
• 1:04:17
  they're like flowers. There's no flowers here.
• 1:04:19
  And then it's all sweet, sweet. What were you going to say?
• 1:04:25
  That's the sweet, sweet pussy. I knew it.
• 1:04:29
  Oh, you had something to do with you're either going to say pussy
• 1:04:32
  or punani. Her coochie was fluttering from
• 1:04:36
  all the sexual tension. And then all my James was like.
• 1:04:44
  His head whipped. Whipped, whipped, whipped.
• 1:04:48
  He was like, I smelled the sweet little treat you got in the
• 1:04:51
  corner. And then everyone started going.
• 1:04:53
  Everyone was. Growling.
• 1:04:55
  Everyone was growling. What?
• 1:04:57
  We're talking about growl growling.
• 1:04:58
  Everyone was, but we're talking about growling.
• 1:05:03
  There was a bit in the book earlier where Edward hisses at
• 1:05:08
  the blonde 1. Rosalie, Rosalie.
• 1:05:11
  He's like, they're in the cafeteria and he's like.
• 1:05:15
  Why are the vampires cats and the wolves are like dogs?
• 1:05:18
  They can't. Help you.
• 1:05:18
  It's an age-old question. Age-old question.
• 1:05:21
  So anyway, everyone's kicking off, everyone's digging their
• 1:05:23
  foot in and going. They're actually all on the
• 1:05:26
  ground fucking kicking kickback. They've gone full furry mode,
• 1:05:31
  they're on their quads, they're just like.
• 1:05:33
  They're ready to jump over. And then there's no more polite
• 1:05:37
  conversation. No, he's like, actually, you're
• 1:05:39
  uninvited from coffee. And then they're actually like
• 1:05:43
  like tag instead and they're all they've just gone into like
• 1:05:46
  insane mode. Yeah, where?
• 1:05:48
  They're like, we gotta protect Bella.
• 1:05:51
  I'd be like bitch this wasn't my idea, let her die.
• 1:05:53
  Yeah, let her die. Anyone but Edward.
• 1:05:55
  I'd be like, well, you fucked around and you're about to find
• 1:05:58
  out. Yeah.
• 1:05:59
  RIP them apart there and then. Why are you hunting them down?
• 1:06:05
  You're all right there right now.
• 1:06:06
  Because. He likes the chase, old mate.
• 1:06:09
  James is bored. He's like hunting is boring and
• 1:06:12
  then now he's got a challenge because Edward arced up.
• 1:06:15
  Yes and he's like nothing like another alpha male to get me
• 1:06:18
  horny. Yeah, he's actually like, I'm
• 1:06:21
  ready to hump. It's giving Joe Rogan podcast
• 1:06:27
  like it's giving quote, UN quote alpha male energy.
• 1:06:31
  They're like, you know. James is going back to pillow
• 1:06:33
  hump over this. He's like, I just need, I just.
• 1:06:36
  Need a minute to get myself ready.
• 1:06:38
  And the best part is they're transient, so they go from town
• 1:06:41
  to town. They're dirty.
• 1:06:43
  They looked up Kyle, up and down, and they wanted to use
• 1:06:46
  their shower. They didn't want to go to the
• 1:06:48
  campsite. No.
• 1:06:49
  So it's a dirty. Hump, They've got no shoes on.
• 1:06:52
  No derelict. And now he wants to dare a lick
• 1:06:58
  Bella's neck. How hungry are you, babe?
• 1:07:02
  You just said you were hunting. You just had a snack town over.
• 1:07:06
  Literally calm down, snack. Town over.
• 1:07:11
  Why does it sound like a country song?
• 1:07:13
  Do you not have like kitten? Do you have to eat every 5
• 1:07:16
  minutes? James is a fat fuck, hey.
• 1:07:20
  He's not fasting, OK? He's on a bulk.
• 1:07:24
  That man's beef. Beef with no Schmidt I was.
• 1:07:29
  About to say. He wants the Schmidt he.
• 1:07:32
  Wants those protein shakes. He's coming for Emmett's eggs.
• 1:07:36
  He's coming for it all. He's like, oh, I want to drain
• 1:07:39
  that bitch that. Sweet, sweet. 15 year old virgin
• 1:07:44
  blood, it's like. Scrumptious.
• 1:07:47
  Floral He could almost sense that there was sexual tension
• 1:07:50
  and she wouldn't be a virgin anymore.
• 1:07:51
  He's like. Got to get it.
• 1:07:54
  Got to. Get it.
• 1:07:55
  Got to get him fast. Got to get him fast before this
• 1:07:57
  old man cracks. The hymen not cracks the hymen.
• 1:08:04
  Why does it sound so crunchy? Oh my God.
• 1:08:08
  Moisturize, OH. My God.
• 1:08:14
  Anyway, you know how like they hunt?
• 1:08:17
  Do the people always die or do they sometimes like leave them
• 1:08:21
  alive? A.
• 1:08:21
  Little. Well if they bite them they turn
• 1:08:23
  into a vampire, so they would probably kill them.
• 1:08:25
  But I thought there was like a ritual as well.
• 1:08:27
  You can't just bite them to turn them into a vampire.
• 1:08:31
  Wasn't there a bit more to it you put?
• 1:08:32
  Venom into them. So just don't.
• 1:08:36
  Just don't do that. Know your weaknesses, my God.
• 1:08:41
  You don't want the whole planet out here, Vampires.
• 1:08:44
  So you've got to kill them all the way, Yes.
• 1:08:46
  So why can't these vampires? Like, This is why so many people
• 1:08:51
  go missing, right? Because all these people in real
• 1:08:54
  life right now, without the existence of vampires, go
• 1:08:57
  missing. So wouldn't that just be what
• 1:09:00
  you're doing? They're not even hungry.
• 1:09:03
  And then he's frothing up. Oh, he's drooling.
• 1:09:07
  For no reason he's. Drooling, throwing out the mouth
• 1:09:10
  'cause. You know how Bella's asking
• 1:09:11
  Edward like why does he care so much?
• 1:09:13
  Because Stephanie Mai didn't have a plot babe Because she
• 1:09:15
  didn't have anything without this other group of vampires
• 1:09:18
  trying to kill you for no reason.
• 1:09:19
  Yes, and why did the mum have to get dragged in it?
• 1:09:21
  Renee is trying to get tag teamed like she's booked and.
• 1:09:25
  Busy. She's too busy in the middle of
• 1:09:27
  an Eiffel Tower right now to. Literally literally why does she
• 1:09:30
  get well? That's why she doesn't come into
• 1:09:32
  it till later. Probably they couldn't get a
• 1:09:33
  hold of her but like why are they threatening with the mum
• 1:09:37
  and Charlie I? Think I'm confused because I
• 1:09:39
  never read listen to audio books.
• 1:09:41
  I usually just read the books. Why did it sound like Emmett was
• 1:09:45
  holding her in the seat as a seat belt?
• 1:09:48
  Why was he? Why did it sound like he was the
• 1:09:50
  seat belt? In the car, yes.
• 1:09:52
  Was he just holding I? Don't know maybe I was listening
• 1:09:55
  too fast because he they had the fall off road seat belt so maybe
• 1:10:00
  she couldn't work out the baby clip to get out.
• 1:10:03
  She's sitting there pushing the button.
• 1:10:04
  Like fuck, how embarrassing. How embarrassing.
• 1:10:07
  And of all people, why would you want it to be Emin?
• 1:10:12
  Edward was driving. I would simply pass away because
• 1:10:15
  the weight of his whole body would just be like on top of me
• 1:10:17
  and I wouldn't be able to. Breathe.
• 1:10:22
  Where's the logic in this entire car ride?
• 1:10:24
  Because they're like, we need to leave now.
• 1:10:25
  And she's like my dad. Where's the logic in the entire
• 1:10:28
  book so. Where's the logic?
• 1:10:30
  Where is the logic? But yeah, she's like my dad.
• 1:10:33
  What are we going to do about Charlie?
• 1:10:35
  She's like, does this whole plot to leave the house?
• 1:10:38
  You can't tell me that she didn't already want to do that.
• 1:10:41
  Plot. That came to her way too
• 1:10:44
  quickly. Yeah, she was like, you know
• 1:10:45
  what this is? This is the way to get me.
• 1:10:48
  This is my marriage. I want to psychologically fuck
• 1:10:52
  my dad over, she said. He was so nice, like this pole,
• 1:10:56
  however long she's lived there. Such a sweet man to her too.
• 1:10:59
  And. Then she goes there and uses the
• 1:11:01
  exact words that her mum used to leave his ass.
• 1:11:05
  Fakes a break up. Drives away in the middle of the
• 1:11:07
  night. He's practically crying as she
• 1:11:09
  drives away and he's saying just please stay one week we'll swam.
• 1:11:13
  This useless partner can't even get signed.
• 1:11:16
  He's a. Job.
• 1:11:17
  He's going back to, you guys are going back to Arizona anyway, so
• 1:11:19
  you can just move in a week. He's like it's fine this jobless
• 1:11:22
  fuck just give him some time I feel.
• 1:11:25
  So bad for Charlie. He was checking on her every
• 1:11:28
  single night and I'm not. I don't think he was checking on
• 1:11:31
  her for her sneaking out like she thinks because remember she
• 1:11:35
  was like, oh he checks to see if I'm sneaking out.
• 1:11:37
  No, I don't think he was. I think he was just literally
• 1:11:40
  checking to see if he was still there.
• 1:11:41
  Because he's not used to having a teenager and he fucking loves
• 1:11:44
  you girl. The way that she hated him for
• 1:11:47
  almost no reason. Like I get it if he was abusive
• 1:11:50
  growing up and that's why she calls him Charlie and that's why
• 1:11:52
  she fucking hates him and he abandoned her and blah blah but
• 1:11:55
  she treats him like ass for no reason.
• 1:11:57
  I don't even remember what he did for her to stop going
• 1:12:01
  because remember she was like I used to crack tantrum so he
• 1:12:04
  would started coming to me assumption.
• 1:12:07
  Because she didn't want to. Be in forks, I think, yeah.
• 1:12:10
  The town was boring to her. So not only that, he was flying
• 1:12:15
  to see you, girl. Yep.
• 1:12:17
  Justice for Charlie. I don't know about you this is
• 1:12:20
  probably mean, but if some vampire was like come girl or
• 1:12:23
  I'm going to kill your mother I'd be like kill her.
• 1:12:28
  Renee is out of here. I'm.
• 1:12:29
  Like fuck that. Bitch senior.
• 1:12:32
  I'm like, I don't care about that girl, take her.
• 1:12:35
  But also, good luck finding her just zipping around all over the
• 1:12:38
  country. I'm like, where is she?
• 1:12:40
  You know, she's not home for another week.
• 1:12:42
  What do you mean? It's exact equivalent of when
• 1:12:44
  you get one of those spam emails that says they have footage of
• 1:12:47
  you wanking on your webcam off your laptop.
• 1:12:49
  Like cool, release it. Release it, babe.
• 1:12:52
  Release it. I'm not poor.
• 1:12:53
  Anyway. You're telling me that Alice can
• 1:12:56
  see everything, but she can't see where Renee's travelling to?
• 1:13:01
  How? Fucking stupid.
• 1:13:02
  And also what would the phone calls Oh, the way that I would
• 1:13:07
  hang up immediately am I don't. Fuck about you the.
• 1:13:10
  Threatening phone calls? Remember about you.
• 1:13:13
  Say yes. If you understood, shut up.
• 1:13:15
  Also plot hole how? How are they hearing fucking?
• 1:13:21
  How is Edward hearing her on the other side of a fucking field
• 1:13:25
  but Alice can't hear what James is saying on the phone?
• 1:13:29
  Preach. You got James and James, you got
• 1:13:32
  Alice and Jasper in there and they can't hear this random man
• 1:13:35
  on the phone telling you what to say.
• 1:13:37
  You just go into the next room and they can't hear.
• 1:13:39
  Fuck off. And then the.
• 1:13:41
  Threats were so empty. I'd be like cool, like barely
• 1:13:45
  said anything. Oh, you better.
• 1:13:47
  He was like. No, but the way James was like,
• 1:13:50
  hey babe, like. It's me.
• 1:13:53
  He's that was, he said he's like, hey, babe, it's.
• 1:13:56
  Me. It's me again.
• 1:13:58
  Just repeat what I say, I'm bored as fuck.
• 1:14:01
  Come down so we can be fucking in the ballet studio.
• 1:14:04
  See, that would be even more enticing.
• 1:14:07
  I'd be like, all right. OK.
• 1:14:09
  Come right if. You want to piss my man off so
• 1:14:11
  he'll finally fuck me? Oh triangle.
• 1:14:16
  He might marry me if we do this. If you see a big red truck, I'm
• 1:14:21
  nearby. It's like I'm on.
• 1:14:23
  My way, he said. James, is like, that's too
• 1:14:24
  dangerous. I want to do it myself.
• 1:14:27
  I will pick you up in the sweet new ride I have in the back.
• 1:14:30
  The way he convinced her that easily, just for what she was,
• 1:14:33
  the most vague threat. Ever.
• 1:14:35
  Not only that, she's like your family get would go her.
• 1:14:38
  They're 300 fucking years old. They've lived life, girl, they.
• 1:14:43
  Don't give up. They're not doing anything to
• 1:14:45
  society. You've got five kids with no job
• 1:14:48
  going to school over and over and over again.
• 1:14:50
  And one Carl. That would be fine.
• 1:14:53
  He'll just make another. One exactly.
• 1:14:54
  He'll just start a whole brand new family easy.
• 1:14:57
  He'll have it done in 10 years. Oh, you've.
• 1:14:59
  Barely lived. You're 15.
• 1:15:02
  And then she's willing to risk it all.
• 1:15:04
  She goes like, no, she goes, you know what?
• 1:15:06
  I don't. Matter anyway, she doesn't know.
• 1:15:09
  Yourself esteem. Who's it gonna get her?
• 1:15:11
  No one knows. Who they are, you've got family.
• 1:15:16
  Literally you're. Again, not caring about Renee or
• 1:15:19
  Charlie, just being like she's always.
• 1:15:21
  At home you've got friends that have finally stopped disliking
• 1:15:24
  you because they thought you're a weird pick me bitch.
• 1:15:28
  You've got a whole school that actually enjoys you now instead
• 1:15:31
  of you. Like a celebrity, actual and
• 1:15:34
  you're just kind. Of killing yourself girl, it's
• 1:15:38
  finally working out for you I. Know it's hilarious how the
• 1:15:42
  whole plot became we have to send Bella away.
• 1:15:46
  We've got to like fix this problem and she's going Oh my
• 1:15:51
  God, no, Edward has to be with me all the time.
• 1:15:54
  Like he has to be here immediate.
• 1:15:56
  I can't even think of being separated with this fake plot to
• 1:15:59
  go to Phoenix blah blah. And it's.
• 1:16:00
  Like, well, you. Suggested a bitch.
• 1:16:02
  No one made you come up with that.
• 1:16:03
  Plot and like. Climb up a tree and hide up
• 1:16:06
  there for two times. I don't know.
• 1:16:08
  And they're like, they lose him. I'm like, how do you lose him?
• 1:16:13
  You knew he was at the house listening.
• 1:16:15
  Why did you not follow? Honestly, at this point I was
• 1:16:20
  like what is this beef? Because like Stephanie had to
• 1:16:23
  make something up at this point. It all happened at the end, but
• 1:16:28
  for what? You could have just flown to
• 1:16:30
  another fucking state. Exactly.
• 1:16:32
  Let them hunt him down, Tracker. How's he going to track you once
• 1:16:36
  you're off the plane? You could be anywhere by then.
• 1:16:39
  Actually, but she couldn't even catch a flight because she
• 1:16:42
  caught the feelings, you know what I mean?
• 1:16:43
  Like she was like, I can't be anywhere and.
• 1:16:45
  Then when? Edward's like it's OK like blah
• 1:16:48
  blah blah. It'll only be like 2 days and
• 1:16:50
  she's still wigging out. Nah, she's like, he's not safe,
• 1:16:53
  girl, he's 100 years old. Honestly, I don't know what we
• 1:16:57
  did as teenagers before mobile phones because kids act like
• 1:17:00
  this now and they have mobile phones.
• 1:17:03
  It's just. It's not.
• 1:17:05
  He was like, he's finally coming in on the plane, got to go.
• 1:17:08
  Just wait for you. Man, why are you trying to run
• 1:17:11
  out of airport and also how are they one you're telling me that
• 1:17:16
  also they couldn't hear you on the phone that you they thought
• 1:17:20
  that Jasper was the good one to go with you to the bathroom.
• 1:17:25
  The one that loses control. The one that can't be around
• 1:17:28
  humans. The one.
• 1:17:29
  That's literally. Fucking holding his nose,
• 1:17:31
  standing next to Bella. Like fuck I can't.
• 1:17:33
  Breathe out of all of them. Yeah, they're like, here's be
• 1:17:36
  fine, take her to Maccas, it's fine.
• 1:17:38
  And Alice is just like, oh, it's fine, just sitting there.
• 1:17:41
  And then she goes into the bathroom and disappears and no
• 1:17:43
  one fucking notices. Stephanie, I think you have
• 1:17:47
  potholes. Stephanie, it's a bit late to
• 1:17:50
  call her out. Like.
• 1:17:52
  Books been out a minute. It's been out.
• 1:17:54
  A minute I like. I just love it though because
• 1:17:57
  everyone, you know how like Blase, they all were about Bella
• 1:18:00
  being part of the family. They're like, oh that's okay.
• 1:18:02
  And we'd probably need to pet by now.
• 1:18:05
  They all lock in, they all go into this mode, and they're all
• 1:18:08
  just like, oh shit, we've got to all figure this out immediately.
• 1:18:12
  And it's like, OK. Rosalie's like, actually, I
• 1:18:15
  don't want to figure this out. I wouldn't either.
• 1:18:17
  She's like, I really want to go on vacation.
• 1:18:19
  Actually, I'm over school. This bitch is weird.
• 1:18:23
  She is. She's like, I watched her let
• 1:18:25
  him sniff her neck and that was enough for me.
• 1:18:28
  The actual conflict with the James guy is a bit that I just
• 1:18:31
  like. It was like it was very it fell
• 1:18:34
  flat. It wasn't that scary.
• 1:18:37
  He threw her and then they just showed up and then she blacked
• 1:18:39
  out. Yeah.
• 1:18:41
  What a piss take. Fade to black.
• 1:18:43
  You're kidding. Just call her Harry Potter at
• 1:18:45
  the stage because like, the way that she fainted.
• 1:18:48
  Why did we miss the action scene, babe?
• 1:18:51
  It's like she didn't want to write it.
• 1:18:52
  She's like, yeah. She could have had so much more
• 1:18:54
  with the action scene. I'm like if you're.
• 1:18:56
  Going to fatal Black at least be fucking and.
• 1:18:59
  It's also like, why did you build all that up, all that
• 1:19:03
  energy? All that energy all.
• 1:19:05
  That waiting for to see what this bad guy's going to do to
• 1:19:08
  her. I'm like, why did I have to
• 1:19:10
  listen to her whine in the hotel room?
• 1:19:11
  She's like, I'm bored, Oh my God, I can't even look out the
• 1:19:15
  window. It's so boring and.
• 1:19:16
  She's like the lamps were bolted down.
• 1:19:18
  Yeah, bitch. Exactly.
• 1:19:20
  You're in a motel. What do you want Me is that?
• 1:19:22
  People are stealing all over the place.
• 1:19:24
  It's like. Third world problems babe.
• 1:19:26
  This is the whole plot to keep you safe.
• 1:19:27
  Do you want to be safe or not? If I had a vampire boyfriend
• 1:19:31
  that was hunting someone down, that would be so hot I'd be
• 1:19:33
  laying in my hotel room. Like actually, I can't wait to
• 1:19:37
  see him. I love how I, you know what?
• 1:19:40
  I feel like she's eating it up. She's like her ego.
• 1:19:43
  She's like. Smoked I'm the only one he will
• 1:19:46
  do this. For and she's just like James is
• 1:19:50
  trying to find me. He's James is trying to fuck.
• 1:19:53
  And they're trying to hunt me down.
• 1:19:55
  Or because my blood's too tasty. Exactly.
• 1:19:59
  I would be eating it up. It's wild.
• 1:20:02
  So after the stupid faint of like bullshit.
• 1:20:05
  Yes. Tell me why she immediately uses
• 1:20:08
  the situation to like corner. Edward and just.
• 1:20:12
  Be like, you know what, Edward? Not only am I unsafe to be a
• 1:20:18
  mortal human being, I'm going to get old, Edward old.
• 1:20:23
  And she's so desperate to be turned like yesterday.
• 1:20:26
  She's like, every second I get older I'm going to look haggard.
• 1:20:30
  Edward. And she's like, why don't you
• 1:20:32
  just let him do it? And she's like, I want to be
• 1:20:35
  with you. Forever.
• 1:20:36
  And it's like, bitch, if I was Edward, even though I'm 100
• 1:20:39
  plus, I'd still be a bit like, whoa.
• 1:20:41
  No, it's crazy. He kind of was because right,
• 1:20:43
  she's laying in the bed and she's like telling your mum
• 1:20:45
  she's like, I'm going back to Forks and he's like, Are you
• 1:20:48
  sure you want to do that? And she's just like, well, if I
• 1:20:51
  go to Phoenix, you're going to have to only come over at night
• 1:20:54
  time. And he's like.
• 1:20:54
  Actually, you're a weird bitch. With some other man's venom in
• 1:20:57
  you right now a bit tainted, but you and I am not moving for you.
• 1:21:01
  He literally goes I wouldn't go anywhere.
• 1:21:04
  He's like I'm just going to be in forks girl.
• 1:21:07
  You actually had some other man's venom.
• 1:21:10
  You tainted you. You stop.
• 1:21:14
  That venom is gone, skis. Shit, that didn't stop her
• 1:21:19
  though. No, it was a stage tenor.
• 1:21:21
  She was a stage tenor and he was just like, well, I guess I'm
• 1:21:24
  dealing with it now, aren't I? Edward say no, babe, he's got.
• 1:21:28
  No backbone. The way she was so confident,
• 1:21:31
  like, ohh, how are you gonna visit me?
• 1:21:33
  And he's like, I'm. I wasn't going to.
• 1:21:36
  I actually already decided that this was it for us.
• 1:21:40
  Oh, I mean, you ran to James. You cheating on me?
• 1:21:43
  The funniest part is in all other books that has this kind
• 1:21:48
  of character of Edward would never act like this.
• 1:21:50
  Yeah, he's like, obligated. He's like, Oh my guess, like
• 1:21:53
  he's just going along with. It yeah, every time.
• 1:21:56
  I know because he is he he literally is like side eye.
• 1:21:59
  He's like fuck, I fucked up. I really fucked up.
• 1:22:02
  I should have just let her go. He should have let her go.
• 1:22:06
  Yeah, he was like, I was banging on you, leaving you and just
• 1:22:09
  getting a bit, dude. It's getting a bit intense, you
• 1:22:12
  know, even for marriage. He's not trying to.
• 1:22:14
  Settle down. He's 100 plus he's like this is
• 1:22:16
  moving too fast. He's.
• 1:22:17
  Like moving too fast. He's saying I love you, you keep
• 1:22:20
  trying to hump me. You're trying to marry me.
• 1:22:23
  You're trying to get me to bite you.
• 1:22:24
  Fucking calm down. And in calm.
• 1:22:26
  Down are. They for vampires?
• 1:22:28
  Are they even religious because they never mention a religion
• 1:22:32
  once. They do mention that Carlisle's
• 1:22:35
  dad was a priest. That's it.
• 1:22:37
  Yeah, but not of what their beliefs are.
• 1:22:41
  No, but it's like assumed that Alison, what's his name, they're
• 1:22:44
  going to get married and it's assumed.
• 1:22:46
  Rosalie and Emmett are married. And then so they're married
• 1:22:49
  already. They're married already.
• 1:22:51
  He's like in a couple of years he'll get married again.
• 1:22:53
  So they must just get remarried every like five years?
• 1:22:57
  I can't imagine anything worse. So Bellbone thought.
• 1:23:01
  Duck. So she wants and that Dick don't
• 1:23:04
  want her at this point, he's said enough.
• 1:23:07
  He's actually, he's like, this is a lot of.
• 1:23:09
  Work. He wants to pack away the
• 1:23:11
  Schmidt. Yeah, he's like, oh, the Schmidt
• 1:23:13
  be Schmidt and too hard. He's like, oh, I didn't know it
• 1:23:16
  was that Dignmatazz and. He's.
• 1:23:18
  Like that's laugh. He's like, he's like, I've got
• 1:23:20
  to roll back down and. Jealousize with that Dick dizzly
• 1:23:24
  dizz. And maybe.
• 1:23:27
  He's like he's dizzled too close to the.
• 1:23:29
  Sun. He really thought his sparkly
• 1:23:35
  skin would. Turn her off and then she.
• 1:23:36
  Just like liked him more. He was hoping she'd get the IK
• 1:23:39
  when he threw the tree and he's like fuck she's actually into
• 1:23:42
  it. Actually, if you think.
• 1:23:46
  About all his actions, maybe he was like, I wonder how many
• 1:23:49
  things I could do to turn the switch up.
• 1:23:52
  Like actually, the challenge is getting rid of her.
• 1:23:56
  How to lose a girl in 10 ways. He really struggled when she was
• 1:24:01
  saying shit about the chinchilla poop.
• 1:24:03
  Yeah, he was just like, he's like, you know how there will be
• 1:24:08
  those guys who can't say no, yes, who can't break it off with
• 1:24:12
  someone? I That's him.
• 1:24:14
  He's trying to decide how lonely he is.
• 1:24:16
  He's like he. Doesn't know he's like.
• 1:24:18
  He's like, am I this lonely like?
• 1:24:21
  Is it that important that I have a partner?
• 1:24:23
  They're getting her all dressed up.
• 1:24:25
  They're finally back in town. Is that the?
• 1:24:27
  Epilogue even. Or yeah, I don't know what
• 1:24:29
  happens after that. Yep, they're getting all dressed
• 1:24:32
  up. Alice has kept her fucking
• 1:24:33
  hostage in her bathroom. She's like, I want to live the
• 1:24:36
  human experience of giving you makeovers.
• 1:24:39
  Also Alice. Was in a asylum Go too far.
• 1:24:45
  You know what? What every Are we all skipping
• 1:24:48
  past the fact that Alice in the like, whatever 1600s or however
• 1:24:52
  old she was, was trapped in an asylum and some old man was
• 1:24:56
  obsessed with her? There's a lot of the craziest,
• 1:25:00
  those traumatic stories. I'm like.
• 1:25:01
  Where's the story about that? Because that sounds.
• 1:25:04
  Insane. No, no, thank you.
• 1:25:07
  Stephanie had more plot in that like, one page than she did in
• 1:25:10
  this entire book. Anyway, back to this.
• 1:25:12
  Exactly. I want to hear the back story
• 1:25:14
  instead. So they're at prom and which?
• 1:25:19
  How pissed was she about? Prom, but she's.
• 1:25:21
  Quote UN quote not like other girls.
• 1:25:22
  Yeah, she's like Piss. And he, he literally in some
• 1:25:25
  sort of sense was like, grow up. But wouldn't you put it
• 1:25:28
  together, you would know what the date is and Alice happens to
• 1:25:31
  want to lock you in a bathroom for five hours.
• 1:25:33
  Don't be a fucking everyone's. In a suit, Tyler is even like,
• 1:25:37
  are you busy tonight? Do you wanna come from?
• 1:25:39
  It's a whole thing. Anyway, she's pissed about going
• 1:25:42
  to prom and she's. Having mad.
• 1:25:44
  She's having like this mini tantrum and I can't even
• 1:25:47
  remember what exactly he said but he pretty much said grow the
• 1:25:50
  fuck up, we're going to prom. He was so mad at her.
• 1:25:54
  He's like, get over it, we're going to prom wedding.
• 1:25:56
  You're my chance to have a human experience, so play the part,
• 1:26:00
  bitch. He's like, what do you think
• 1:26:01
  we're fucking doing? He's like, you're in a whole ass
• 1:26:04
  dress in fucking heels. Where do you think I'm going
• 1:26:06
  with you? Yeah, in this suit.
• 1:26:08
  She fucking thought it was their wedding.
• 1:26:10
  Yeah, she's straight up Yeah, in her little Navy dress.
• 1:26:14
  She. Literally thought it was her
• 1:26:15
  combo wedding slash turning her into a vampire.
• 1:26:18
  I'm. Like I'm like.
• 1:26:19
  You are insane and even Edward pushed back.
• 1:26:22
  He was like, are you fucking you kidding me?
• 1:26:23
  He's like, what? By the way, He, like, sets her
• 1:26:26
  up to fail sometimes, too, because he was like, what did
• 1:26:29
  you think we were doing? Yeah.
• 1:26:30
  And she's like, it's embarrassing.
• 1:26:32
  And she's like, well, embarrass yourself and tell me what you
• 1:26:35
  were thinking we were doing. Even then, he's like, kiss, He's
• 1:26:39
  off in the neck. And he's like, Are you ready?
• 1:26:41
  And she's like, yes, I'm so ready, I'm so ready.
• 1:26:43
  I'm this weird teenager and I wanna be locked in a pubescent
• 1:26:47
  for life. You, you'll never understand
• 1:26:51
  that. And then he's like, you weird
• 1:26:53
  fuck, I'm not turning you. You're clingy.
• 1:26:57
  Yeah. Clingy.
• 1:26:58
  I wish she just dumped the corsage and just walked out
• 1:27:01
  because why would you follow through with taking her to the
• 1:27:04
  prom if she's going to be that much of an ungrateful like a.
• 1:27:06
  Whiny little bitch. She's got the funny bitch.
• 1:27:09
  I'm assuming he bought her dress.
• 1:27:11
  That would be relationship over for me.
• 1:27:12
  I'd be like a fucking had enough.
• 1:27:13
  Bitch had enough. All this man's gone to all this
• 1:27:16
  effort. He's beat up his sister to dress
• 1:27:19
  her up. Probably gone and picked out her
• 1:27:21
  dress, her shoes, her corsage, everything.
• 1:27:23
  Ordered a limo, kept her in the dark about it like a little.
• 1:27:28
  Ever good enough for Bella? Nothing is ever good enough.
• 1:27:30
  And she's like, actually I thought we were getting married
• 1:27:32
  after knowing each other for three weeks.
• 1:27:34
  I thought we went over this and wouldn't.
• 1:27:36
  Charlie know And wouldn't Renee know Charlie knew?
• 1:27:39
  No. I mean about if they were
• 1:27:41
  getting married, yes. Sorry, they would have.
• 1:27:43
  Given it away in some way. So yeah, don't be stupid.
• 1:27:45
  Well, she was. Even more pissed that Charlie
• 1:27:47
  knew that that's why. You're in a problem, yes.
• 1:27:50
  Do you know for a fact that Charlie's been harassing her
• 1:27:52
  about prom for weeks? He's like, you've gone prom and
• 1:27:55
  she's like, no, no, I'm actually going to get bitten by this
• 1:27:58
  random man. She has to become a vampire
• 1:28:00
  because she's almost so pick me that she thinks she's above the
• 1:28:04
  human experience. She's hashtag not like other
• 1:28:07
  girls to this next level. She's like, I have to be vampire
• 1:28:10
  because otherwise I'm not going to be.
• 1:28:12
  She's already like, I don't fit in.
• 1:28:15
  Yeah, but she. Leans into it way too much like
• 1:28:17
  she needs it, yes. We should have known from her
• 1:28:21
  trying to hump the beach for Jacob.
• 1:28:24
  Yeah. Her twisting and turning.
• 1:28:26
  She's like, oh, you need to bite me.
• 1:28:28
  And he's like loving you is enough.
• 1:28:30
  And she, she's just like, no, I'm gonna get old.
• 1:28:32
  And he's like, no, I will always love you, and I'm gonna love
• 1:28:35
  you, Haggard girl. That's what I mean.
• 1:28:37
  I think that'd be cute, yeah. Like let yourself get old girl
• 1:28:40
  and then rock up and shock everybody and like the mixed age
• 1:28:43
  couple you look like. And then not only that, let him
• 1:28:46
  pretend to be your grandson. That's what I I mean.
• 1:28:49
  And then people catch you making out later.
• 1:28:51
  And they're like, they're like, oh, I thought that was her.
• 1:28:54
  Carol, they're like, something's not right here.
• 1:28:57
  Yes. Who do we report scandal?
• 1:28:59
  It's like when you watch a movie and they're like, it's the hot
• 1:29:01
  Rama and this weird young. It's always a weird one.
• 1:29:05
  Weird young 25 year old and they're like fucking in the
• 1:29:08
  corner and you're. Like iconic though?
• 1:29:11
  Iconic. And wouldn't that be cute?
• 1:29:12
  Because when you're that old, like you're, you're actually
• 1:29:15
  like 100. It's giving up.
• 1:29:17
  Yes, you know when you're like, he's caring for you and you're
• 1:29:19
  like a little granny and then he gets to grieve you forever.
• 1:29:25
  The yearning. You get to find out how much he
• 1:29:27
  loves you when he has to wipe your ass.
• 1:29:29
  Exactly. Yes.
• 1:29:31
  You're telling me you wouldn't? Want that shit?
• 1:29:34
  Exactly you'll. Be the biggest ego boost in the
• 1:29:35
  world and she's just like, I want to look like everything.
• 1:29:38
  He's finally how to taste the love girl.
• 1:29:40
  You're not the last one. You're 1.
• 1:29:44
  You know you're the first one. Next one is Wifey.
• 1:29:48
  So you're saying hashtag take your turn, yes.
• 1:29:52
  Stay in your lane. Oh.
• 1:29:54
  I love that. What else is there to say?
• 1:29:57
  That's pretty much. It that is the end of Jesus.
• 1:30:00
  Christ, honestly, that finale was an absolute dog shit.
• 1:30:04
  The book cop out? Yeah.
• 1:30:06
  The finale of the book? Yes.
• 1:30:07
  The end bit. What's do you think we should
• 1:30:10
  write this out of? There was no funny things in the
• 1:30:14
  book. How many icy called Schmetz out
• 1:30:18
  of OH? How many schmetz?
• 1:30:21
  Yeah, how many Schmetz? I reckon it's a three.
• 1:30:24
  I liked it, but not like it's not great, do you know what I
• 1:30:28
  mean? But I didn't.
• 1:30:29
  There's nothing I hated in it, you know?
• 1:30:31
  Yeah, I gave it A2 Schmetz out of fav because it's just like it
• 1:30:36
  was, OK. Yeah.
• 1:30:37
  And it's probably just a product of its time.
• 1:30:39
  Yes, and I don't care about it. Exactly.
• 1:30:42
  It gave a general setting, yes. Everyone.
• 1:30:45
  Loves the setting. They're like, oh, I want to go
• 1:30:46
  to Forks, WA, which I think you've done a good job.
• 1:30:49
  If people want to physically go there and go to that Airbnb
• 1:30:53
  that's dressed up like a house. I feel like you've done a good
• 1:30:55
  job in setting. Yeah.
• 1:30:56
  But yeah, I think what it's missing is plot.
• 1:30:59
  That makes sense. Yes.
• 1:31:01
  There was enough original random shit that it kind of pulled off
• 1:31:05
  because you're not going to forget about the baseball and
• 1:31:07
  the sparkly skin and shit. Not too many red flags.
• 1:31:11
  Easy to follow, predictable in a way, but also not very.
• 1:31:14
  Predictable. But in saying that, is it
• 1:31:15
  predictable because we've seen the movie a million times since
• 1:31:19
  we've been 20? Yeah.
• 1:31:20
  I think if I was reading this the first time I'd be like why
• 1:31:23
  are these people kidnapping her? Yeah.
• 1:31:25
  At all. When she wrote this book, that
• 1:31:27
  was probably a really intense storyline because.
• 1:31:30
  Probably. Even 50 Shades of Grey is that
• 1:31:33
  that's a Twilight fanfic, isn't it?
• 1:31:35
  Not the plot, but apparently it was like a fanfic of Twilight.
• 1:31:39
  That's like the pivotal point for a lot of books.
• 1:31:42
  Like they're. True, the tropes were built off
• 1:31:45
  this and then they just went haywire from there.
• 1:31:47
  That's why I. Give a book a lot of leeway when
• 1:31:49
  it's a bit older because these random ones that do the most
• 1:31:53
  outlandish shit and people are having sex, like scissoring in
• 1:31:56
  the sky. And she's like, you know, look
• 1:32:00
  at where we started from, though.
• 1:32:01
  Yeah. And giving it the credit of
• 1:32:03
  being like, well, we started mild and now we're out.
• 1:32:06
  Here in it's a sweet little baby read.
• 1:32:08
  Yeah, exactly. So is that all for Twilight?
• 1:32:12
  Yeah. How iconic of us.
• 1:32:14
  I. Actually really enjoyed reading.
• 1:32:16
  It Do you want to redeem your hoa hoa hoa hoa?
• 1:32:19
  No, I didn't like that on purpose.
• 1:32:22
  That was so good. OK, that's better.
• 1:32:27
  That's better. Less gagging.
• 1:32:30
  I gagged on purpose. Gag.
• 1:32:32
  A little bit it was. So good.
• 1:32:35
  Thanks for joining us on Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily.
• 1:32:38
  Don't forget to rate US five stars and subscribe if you
• 1:32:41
  enjoyed slide into our DMS on TikTok or Instagram Lose the
• 1:32:45
  Plot podcast.