Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / ENCORE EPISODE: REDEFINING OUR ROLE FROM HOST TO GUEST IN MID LIFE AND BEYOND

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ENCORE EPISODE: REDEFINING OUR ROLE FROM HOST TO GUEST IN MID LIFE AND BEYOND · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 0:04
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 0:08
  you to let it go and don't look back.
• 0:11
  We've nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
• 0:14
  Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
• 0:19
  personality Eden Kendall. Welcome everyone to Uncluttered
• 0:26
  and Unfiltered, the podcast for women over 50 with me, Eden and
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  Christine Stone, who is a professional organizer, which is
• 0:31
  going to come into play probably more on personality than
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  anything else in this episode because our topic is, and we're
• 0:39
  going to get into that this shortly when the host wait, when
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  the Hostess becomes the guest. Yes.
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  Right, because that's a whole new turn of events and that is
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  actually something that is going to occur in your life.
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  Yes, I'm having a hard time with it.
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  So we are going to explore what it means when you are the
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  perpetual host and now you have been invited to be the guest,
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  whether that's Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner parties, what
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  have you. Staying overnight is usually in
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  play. So we want to really get into
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  that. So, but before we do that, there
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  is a big messy piece of drama going on in the world of The
• 1:20
  Golden Bachelor. And we're not talking about and,
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  and stick with us even if you don't watch this show, because
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  we're not talking about that haphazard attempt of a Golden
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  Bachelor season that just occurred where none of us could
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  make it through all the way because it was so awful.
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  And everyone knew none of them really wanted Mel, and Mel
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  really didn't want any of them. And he ended up with Spoiler
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  Alert 3 21 peg, and that was only because Cindy dropped out
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  at the last minute, so he really only had one left standing.
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  But I is. Is this true?
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  That he's with somebody totally different now.
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  I had not heard that, but I have no.
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  Doubt that that's true. I could have just thought, I
• 2:00
  could have just thought about that.
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  Out in my mind that that's a high possibility.
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  I'm sure that's possibly the case.
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  But no, we're talking about the very first Golden Bachelor,
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  Gary. That's spelled G.
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  Spelled like Jerry. But he's scary.
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  But he's Gary. And I didn't like him then and I
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  don't like him now. You called him a CAD at one
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  point. It was the greatest thing ever.
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  I did you just. Use the word CAD.
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  I was not a fan of him at all. So he ended up with Teresa and
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  they were married for 5 minutes and she walked away and kept it
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  classy. Yeah, I thought, and.
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  He walked away. And wrote a book and wrote a.
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  Book. So in his book, he took all
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  kinds of potshots at Teresa, who finally said, I don't think I'm
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  going to stay silent anymore. He's a CAD.
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  Yeah, yeah. Well, the one that got me the
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  most being the true crime junkie that I am.
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  Where he said? Where?
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  He said. He could cut her limbs off and
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  put her in the shed over there. I'm like.
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  What is this? Dateline.
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  I mean, that is the most bizarre thing.
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  Now here's the thing though, I was not a big Teresa fan either.
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  And and but she doesn't. Deserve that.
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  OK. But I'm I'm a little.
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  Shocked that that. She kind of has taken it the.
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  Way she has to like I. Think she should have come out?
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  Way earlier. And I think the glove should
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  have been off. Because this guy's crazy.
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  Yeah. Crazy.
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  He is sucking up his moments of fame like what they are, which
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  is a evaporating bowl of milk. He's like, I got to go quick, I
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  got to go quick. People who are losing interest.
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  And it it was very interesting to me that his book came out
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  right at the same time that there was a new fresh season.
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  Of the Bachelor like right? Really.
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  And just the whole thing was it was a terrible idea.
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  Whoever said to him this is a good idea was not somebody who
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  was doing it out of friendship. It was somebody who thought we
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  could make a quick buck here. Yeah.
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  And I don't don't know anyone who would buy that book.
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  But don't give it away as a holiday gift.
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  I can tell. You that Yeah, right now I I
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  think that. Did you watch?
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  The wedding. His wedding, No.
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  I did not. Oh, I watched.
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  You reported it on, you reported on it so well that I felt as the
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  way you did. It.
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  I I could tell the whole. Thing was fake at the wedding.
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  The whole thing I. Could tell that it was just ATV.
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  And she has said now since then she knew and was just kind of go
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  along with it, going along with it.
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  But he said that he really knew that it wasn't going to work.
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  And so she just said, well, why didn't you tell me?
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  I mean, she's poor thing over here just but then again, she
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  kind of is. Well, she's very complicit in it
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  as well. Then I think.
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  She's very complicit, I kind. Of feel like when you sign up
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  for that kind of thing, it's very difficult to have my
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  sympathies. Right.
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  But the writing of the book is just rock bottom.
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  Oh, and he's telling how he. Wishes he would have picked the.
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  Other one, you know what I mean I mean.
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  Really, I I just. Think he is a very strange.
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  Bird I just. Think that.
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  She's lucky she got out. Alive.
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  And I'm not joking when I say. No, he he was showing her the
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  lake. Right.
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  Where he he lives. And he was saying, like over
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  here, yeah, it's very, you know, there's a lot of solitude.
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  It's very quiet. I could totally cut you up and.
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  Hide your body and yeah, OK, well it's been fun and I got.
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  To go, Yeah. Put a lot of thought into this.
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  Or, I'm telling you, I hope they don't do another golden
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  bachelor. It's it's, it's unfortunate.
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  It's too fake. It's too fake.
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  It's not ever going to be real. Because I just think it was a
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  poor idea. To begin with.
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  There's a one of my favorite sitcoms on is Ghosts on CBS and
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  one of the characters happens to also be a favorite character of
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  mine just because I love the actor.
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  He he visits our city a lot because he's a huge fan of our
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  team. But his name is Asher Grodman
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  and his his character is Trevor and he's a ghost and he's
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  watching, he can only watch what's been put on TV for him.
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  So he's like complaining about the Golden bachelor.
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  He's like, I can't stand it. I'm watching all these old bags.
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  You know, it would be good if they would do the show, but put
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  younger people on it and they're like, there isn't.
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  There. Is 1.
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  There is a show like that. I don't don't like the younger
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  ones either, but I. Don't either, but nobody's
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  asking me to watch. That.
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  Yeah, no ones asking us to watch the younger one because we
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  wouldn't, but. Sky Rizzy isn't putting all
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  their marketing money in that one.
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  Right, exactly. Now we've moved on to some other
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  condition that I don't know what.
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  It is that they're advertising. Yeah.
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  Well, there's this thing for wet eye.
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  I don't know what that. Is wet.
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  Wet something? Wet something?
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  Yeah, I know. It's like, really?
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  I'm getting all of these conditions.
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  I know you are, too. Just watching the commercials,
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  right? Yeah.
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  OK, let's get into our subject, shall we?
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  Tell us about the host becoming the guest.
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  OK, so this. Is my first.
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  Year. Ever.
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  Ever. And I'm 63, not hosting
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  Christmas and the reason is because my daughter.
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  Just had a. Baby and she's not going to
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  travel with a newborn. Obviously, so I have had to
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  really sit with this. And be.
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  OK with. Not being.
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  The Hostess because. You know me.
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  That's like. Right up my.
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  Alley. OK, that's.
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  My thing and. So I have decided.
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  To embrace it and it's been a challenge.
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  OK. But I'm I'm embracing the good.
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  Parts of it. Which are.
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  Well, normally the day after Thanksgiving I start to become a
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  crazy person because I'm getting ready.
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  For everybody to. Come and I'm decorating the
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  house and blah blah blah. Well, I don't have to.
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  Do this this year because. We won't be here, you know what
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  I mean? So.
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  That's a bit. Freeing.
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  So I'm actually going to enjoy the after Thanksgiving weekend
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  and not be ripping my hair out of my head trying to get
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  everything looking, you know, perfectly.
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  Good. Next up, I'm enjoying not having
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  to cook and clean because. There will be food.
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  Some that I will cook, but mainly you know.
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  Everybody will be. Bringing something and it'll be
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  more that type. Normally I'm the one that cooks
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  everything and does everything and I think.
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  The whole. Experience.
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  Of it like. Waking up Christmas morning and
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  we have our initial Christmas mugs that everyone, it's like
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  traditions. And I think that's also
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  something I've had a real hard time grappling with.
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  That they're they're. We're trying to bring some of
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  the traditions, but it's going to be different and I really.
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  Have to. Like, you know, put a different
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  mask on and really. Say this is.
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  Going to be good and I'm going to be I'm going to be into it.
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  Because you're too. You you're not at that place
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  right now. Your kids aren't married and I
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  would have never thought. That like.
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  Even three years ago. What do you mean no one's coming
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  to my house for? Christmas, but it's.
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  Happening and here it is and. Was she nervous to tell you?
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  I think she was, yeah. I think I.
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  Think she really kept avoiding it?
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  Until she actually. Had the baby and was like, look
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  mom, she's an infant, you know she's.
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  Real, she's. Here right?
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  Right. So do you wanna fly with her?
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  Because I don't wanna fly. With right, right.
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  So I think. Yes.
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  And of course. I totally get it.
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  I've had. Kids of my own young kids and
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  it's. So hard to travel.
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  Back then versus. How crazy it?
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  Is right now. So I totally.
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  Get it. And I've had to, you know, just
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  say it's time to shift, you know, the way you think.
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  So it is a mindset, and I'm certain that we have listeners
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  right now who are saying, Yep, I went through this last year.
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  I know I'll be going through it next year or even this season
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  just like you are. So what are some of the things
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  you're going to implement? Are you going to make changes to
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  your psyche? Are you going to do meditation
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  every morning? How are you going to make this
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  go down? Well, I went on ChatGPT.
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  Oh Lord, oh. Lord and I asked, how am I
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  supposed? To behave as the guest.
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  Instead of the. Hostess.
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  At Christmas time. For.
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  A family member and I have to say.
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  I do love. ChatGPT.
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  Now will I be following all of these?
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  I'm going to try. I really am going to try but the
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  first one is. Arrive with gratitude.
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  Not expectations. Let her know how proud you are
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  that she's creating a home and hosting with your own with her
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  own style now. I agree with that.
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  It's her. Style her Christmas.
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  Her way of. Doing things.
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  So I do have to embrace. That.
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  And say this. Is how you move on as your kids.
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  Get older. And have their old own family.
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  So that's the first thing I'm going to do.
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  I'm going to. I'm going to.
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  Have gratitude. And not expectations.
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  OK, next. Let her lead.
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  That I'm grappling with. I'm going to do it, but I'm
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  grappling. So even if you you've hosted.
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  For decades. It's now her turn.
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  And I have to. Let her do it.
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  Follow her rhythm, her plans. And her way look.
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  At you. Look at me, you're so.
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  Involved. I know I'm.
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  For an old lady. Right, I'm going to be a new
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  person after this. Week offer help.
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  Don't take over another thing I'm grappling with.
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  How are you going to do that? Let's pretend you're a role
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  play. Yeah, let's roll play.
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  OK, I am washing the wine glasses.
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  I'm about to put those babies in the dishwasher.
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  Is that OK? It all depends.
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  Are they real? Are they real?
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  If not, you can put them in the dishwasher.
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  Other than that, we need to hand wash them and let them air dry.
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  How are you going to tell me? Honey.
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  Are those real? Do you think we should hand wash
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  those? I don't know, these are the ones
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  you and Dad got us for, blah blah blah.
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  Yeah, then they are real honey. So we're not.
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  OK, so I'll do it. I'll do it.
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  OK, so you offered to. Help.
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  Yeah. Ioffer, you're not telling me
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  what to do. No, I'll do it.
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  Good job. Thank you.
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  OK, compliment her. Choices.
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  Her decorating? Her cooking, her traditions and
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  show her. That you see that that the care
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  she's. Putting into it.
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  OK. I mean.
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  Make sure those are real compliments.
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  Now you can taste how hard you tried, right?
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  Right, right. I mean, listen.
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  She's. Going to be.
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  A lovely host she will, of course.
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  I I. Think it's more.
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  About. Control and letting.
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  Go of like. Everything.
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  Doing it the way you've done it for a million years, you know
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  what I mean? And letting someone else pick up
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  the baton, as they say. And I agree.
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  I mean, I think it's, I think it's time.
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  I'm. I'm not.
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  Overly thrilled. But it's time bring something
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  thoughtful. OK.
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  That's something you would do. I know that I know.
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  This not controlling. Oh, what was your example?
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  Flowers. OK, a small host to skip nothing
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  that. Suggests she should do the
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  holiday the way you used. To so I don't bring out their
• 13:44
  name plates. That I've had forever.
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  That I served. Them food on hey.
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  But wouldn't that be cute? No.
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  I don't know. I was thinking, I was thinking
• 13:53
  about it, but then I'm like, is that too?
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  Forward. To just bring their name plates
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  over and. Say we.
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  Remember when you used to eat off these and then they give me
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  this? Look like Really.
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  You brought. Them all the.
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  Way. Fine China.
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  She's. All excited, right?
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  You brought them all the way. Now you're making us eat off
• 14:10
  them, and I'm a mom with two kids.
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  That's a tough one. Is that a tough?
• 14:15
  One respect her household. Routines.
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  OK. Bedtimes, kids rules mealtimes
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  flow with the rhythm she. Well, you got a good taste of
• 14:24
  that recently, so I don't worry about you.
• 14:25
  There, Yeah, I mean also in my opinion.
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  Like I've said. Before whatever, Mama.
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  Says goes especially. When it comes.
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  To the kids. Be calm in the room.
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  Holidays can be. Stressful for the young host.
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  Your pressure can be grounding. Gentle energy she leans on.
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  OK, so. I have to learn to be the calm
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  one. Yeah, I have.
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  To be the calm one in the room. Share stories, not instructions.
• 14:56
  If she asks for advice, offer. Offer it softly.
• 14:59
  How do you offer softly advice? I mean.
• 15:01
  It's really hard to get anything by them these.
• 15:04
  Days, it's hard to. Even sounds passive aggressive
• 15:06
  if you do that, doesn't it? Well, I could.
• 15:08
  See my daughter saying you don't really.
• 15:11
  Like it you're. Just saying that or you know
• 15:13
  what I mean, like I do think they can read my facial
• 15:16
  expressions at this point and then I'll.
• 15:19
  Always say what I always. Say no.
• 15:21
  I love it. You're doing great.
• 15:24
  I love it. And then she'll No, you don't.
• 15:27
  You're just saying that so. I think we've.
• 15:29
  Been down this road before but I really am going to make a.
• 15:32
  Bigger effort to. Keep my mouth shut and just let
• 15:35
  her do things the way the way she wants to do it and just be
• 15:39
  helpful, you know, find joy in the shift.
• 15:44
  Now, after reading this, I really did think about this.
• 15:47
  Find joy in the shift. You've done the years of
• 15:49
  hosting, now you. Get to just show up.
• 15:52
  Cuddle the grandkids, sip something warm and enjoy.
• 15:56
  The day without. Coordinating the whole.
• 15:58
  Show. There you go, you can do it.
• 16:02
  I can do it. You can.
• 16:04
  Do this. I can.
• 16:05
  Do this you. Guys and I'm going to report.
• 16:07
  Back after after this. And I'm going to let you know,
• 16:12
  and I'm even going to make my daughter give me a report card
• 16:14
  on how I did. Will she do the podcast?
• 16:19
  She would call in. I think she could.
• 16:21
  I do. I think she would call.
• 16:24
  In but I am good. I am going to give a really.
• 16:28
  Big effort to just step aside. And let her.
• 16:31
  Let it be her, all right? OK.
• 16:35
  We need her on the pause. And thanks ChatGPT, because
• 16:38
  I've. Really, really learned a lot.
• 16:40
  Oh, I think we all did and we all can't wait, cannot wait.
• 16:45
  All right, if you are going through something similar, by
• 16:47
  all means let us know on our ladies only uncluttered and
• 16:49
  unfiltered Facebook page that is a private group, but we'll let
• 16:52
  you in. Just ask.
• 16:54
  And we have every other social media out there as well.
• 16:56
  So find us, share us with a friend, and no matter where
• 17:01
  you're spending your holidays, we want you to have a lovely,
• 17:04
  safe, healthy 1 and do like I said, share your stories and
• 17:08
  remember being always being the host and never being the guest.
• 17:11
  Looks like it's time for Christine to let that.
• 17:13
  Go and don't look back. That's too.