Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Doing our Family Road Trip - Season 1 (Pt. 2) | Ep. 71

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Doing our Family Road Trip - Season 1 (Pt. 2) | Ep. 71 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:08
  Well, hello and welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:13
  I'm your host, Cheryl Lang.
• 0:15
  So in today's episode, we continue this exploration through the beginning portion of our family Road trip.
• 0:25
  Ages zero to five-ish of all the seasons.
• 0:30
  I think this one is the greatest equalizer because by definition, all of us, however you became apparent, are brand new drivers.
• 0:42
  Our team, Christie, Ellen, and myself, get very practical, but also dive into some of the challenges.
• 0:50
  Now we also introduce a new concept called Z P D.
• 0:57
  So listen in because this is a top tier teaching tool that you can easily incorporate into your parenting whatever season you're in.
• 1:16
  Cheryl: If like we were trip advisors mm-hmm.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: for this particular people getting ready to start this family road trip mm-hmm.
• 1:24
  Cheryl: that they're going on, what would you say
• 1:27
  Christie: So we're talking like zero to about age five.
• 1:30
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:31
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:32
  Christie: Those early newborn toddler.
• 1:35
  Christie: preschool years.
• 1:36
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:37
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:37
  Christie: there are little sponges that pick up every single thing That's true.
• 1:40
  Christie: And they're looking to us.
• 1:41
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:41
  Christie: And older siblings.
• 1:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:42
  Christie: For everything.
• 1:44
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:44
  Christie: how should I feel about this?
• 1:45
  Christie: Is this scary?
• 1:46
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 1:46
  Christie: is this person okay.
• 1:47
  Christie: To trust?
• 1:48
  Christie: And man, I mean they are fun, but they're also so hard and draining and Yeah.
• 1:55
  Cheryl: we've used the term before, that these are the imprinting years.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:59
  Christie: Wait, imprinting, tell me again what that Is Okay, so
• 2:01
  Cheryl: it's if you like little baby ducklings.
• 2:04
  Cheryl: Oh, okay.
• 2:04
  Cheryl: That after they are
• 2:05
  Hatched.
• 2:06
  Cheryl: yes, they will imprint.
• 2:08
  Cheryl: And follow whatever's in front of them.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 2:10
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: So if a dog comes in or the farmer, they will imprint and start following them rather than the mom.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: So that's what this is that we're imprinting on them.
• 2:20
  Cheryl: Not just that you use your fork or that you have to buckle up or whatever it is, right?
• 2:27
  Cheryl: How to use a crayon, right?
• 2:29
  Cheryl: But what you're talking about, the character qualities we want.
• 2:33
  Cheryl: So we talk all the time about, you know, think about your priorities, and I would say more than anything, not achievement, but what character traits, yeah.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: Do you want to instill in your children, right?
• 2:45
  Cheryl: And then focus on that in the midst of all that you're trying to do to bring in the character that you're trying to build, to imprint.
• 2:55
  Ellen: yeah.
• 2:55
  Ellen: POSITIVE Yeah.
• 2:56
  Cheryl: rather than making sure that they.
• 2:59
  Cheryl: eat at the right time and they, you know, quit sucking your thumb at the right time.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: and that they're putting blocks at the right time.
• 3:05
  Cheryl: that if my focus shifted to how can I be developing and working mm-hmm.
• 3:11
  Cheryl: on our character, it just changed the whole picture for me.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:15
  Ellen: I would say it was more for me.
• 3:18
  Ellen: developing character, right?
• 3:19
  Ellen: Oh yeah.
• 3:20
  Ellen: You know, I don't think that, I actively thought in my head in those early years, how am I gonna develop character?
• 3:26
  Ellen: It was always back on me.
• 3:27
  Ellen: Oh, I'm really selfish right now.
• 3:29
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 3:30
  Ellen: Oh true.
• 3:30
  Ellen: I'm really short tempered right now.
• 3:32
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 3:32
  Ellen: Oh, I'm really cranky.
• 3:34
  Ellen: Whatever.
• 3:35
  Ellen: You know, or I don't care right at this moment.
• 3:38
  Ellen: Right.
• 3:38
  Ellen: So that was for me, I think the bigger part was less worried about.
• 3:45
  Ellen: What I'm developing in my one to five year old mm-hmm.
• 3:48
  Ellen: as opposed to, oh, what needs to be developed in me
• 3:52
  Christie: mom.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Oh, that's so good.
• 3:53
  Christie: Right.
• 3:54
  Christie: And I think in this season there's, there's a lot of grace there for that because they do mostly just, Need physical needs met and love hugs and kisses and yeah.
• 4:03
  Christie: And so there's time in this space for us to work on our own character development and dying to self and giving of ourselves to our children as we are growing up in real time.
• 4:15
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:16
  Christie: Along with them.
• 4:17
  Cheryl: And Ellen, I really agree with that.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: That was the hidden agenda.
• 4:20
  Cheryl: I didn't know that was on the road trip.
• 4:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Cheryl: Particularly.
• 4:24
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:25
  Cheryl: When we were in these early years.
• 4:26
  Cheryl: Or going into it, I thought it was all about the children, right?
• 4:29
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: And what we were gonna give to our children and all of that sort of stuff.
• 4:32
  Cheryl: Blown away.
• 4:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:34
  Cheryl: At the transformation and work.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: on me.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 4:38
  Cheryl: And my character.
• 4:39
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:39
  Cheryl: I mean, I'm so thankful for my children.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: but Wow.
• 4:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:44
  Cheryl: how I have been changed because of my children.
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Right.
• 4:48
  Christie: Well, and this ongoing change in us is how we get to the end of the journey, uh, not being hypocritical and trying to.
• 4:56
  Christie: You know, what does it do?
• 4:57
  Christie: As I say, not as I do, is the old saying, we don't wanna do that.
• 5:00
  Christie: We want to be developed inwardly ourselves so that we can stay with integrity at the end of the road trip.
• 5:07
  Christie: That as far as it depended on me, we fought for these traits in our family.
• 5:11
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:12
  Christie: That's good.
• 5:12
  Christie: The best way I knew how.
• 5:13
  Christie: Right.
• 5:14
  Christie: Right.
• 5:14
  Christie: Because in different seasons, different times.
• 5:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Christie: As I matured, I did that better mm-hmm.
• 5:19
  Christie: than I did at
• 5:21
  Ellen: different mm-hmm.
• 5:21
  Ellen: I mean, I still apologize to my adult kids.
• 5:24
  Ellen: Yes.
• 5:24
  Ellen: Every once in a while when something would come up and I would say, if I know what I know now, I would've done it differently.
• 5:30
  Ellen: Right.
• 5:31
  Ellen: But
• 5:31
  Cheryl: that's all I knew.
• 5:32
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:32
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:32
  Cheryl: And using the road trip analogy, I would say I had an old map, But in the, in your.
• 5:40
  Cheryl: Box, what do y'all call those?
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Yeah, glove box.
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Yeah, Uhhuh.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: In the glove box that you put in there for yourself.
• 5:47
  Cheryl: Really good apologies.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 5:49
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 5:49
  Ellen: That's really good.
• 5:50
  Ellen: Exactly.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: And so you've got that in there so you can very quickly flip it and apologize.
• 5:55
  Cheryl: Well, that's right.
• 5:56
  Cheryl: Because I think that's one of the greatest tools that we would bring, even here, the beginning of our road trip.
• 6:02
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:02
  Cheryl: that we would bring learning to apologize Well.
• 6:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:06
  Cheryl: that humility.
• 6:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:07
  Cheryl: And to have the grace of.
• 6:09
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:09
  Cheryl: No, because I didn't give myself much grace.
• 6:11
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:12
  Cheryl: If I didn't meet my expectations, I just gave myself f mm-hmm.
• 6:17
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 6:17
  Cheryl: you know, all across the board and, and I would have, in that glove box, I would have like a tube of grace.
• 6:23
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:24
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 6:24
  Cheryl: and I would squirt it on the kids in the backseat and my husband over there, some on your own head.
• 6:30
  Cheryl: And then I would squirt some on my head.
• 6:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Christie: Well, I know that God, That in you eventually, Cheryl, because I remember just.
• 6:37
  Christie: you probably don't even remember this.
• 6:38
  Christie: No, but sitting in the backseat, it may have been of your car, Ellen.
• 6:41
  Christie: We were on our way somewhere and saying, oh, I blew it with my kids this way.
• 6:46
  Christie: And what will they say of me?
• 6:48
  Christie: And you said they will say, my mama loved me because you were just encouraging me in this very thing.
• 6:55
  Christie: Is apology.
• 6:57
  Christie: To our children in humility and admitting our faults.
• 7:00
  Christie: And I've just always remembered that, that those humble apologies going by even in these ages, you know, to say, mommy should not have spoken to you with that voice.
• 7:08
  Christie: Wow.
• 7:08
  Christie: And I am so sorry.
• 7:10
  Cheryl: Well, I don't know how much I practiced, but wow, that was great List of my
• 7:14
  Christie: I'm so close.
• 7:15
  Christie: He's on the list of journalism.
• 7:18
  Christie: And in the season, you're, you're really.
• 7:21
  Christie: Introduced to fighting where your identity comes from in no other way than you've ever encountered.
• 7:27
  Ellen: More Serious Right.
• 7:28
  Christie: Because you know, people look at your children and see a reflection of who you must be as a mother.
• 7:35
  Christie: That's what they've decided, you know, and you know that very clearly in your mind that.
• 7:39
  Christie: These children, their behaviors are telling the world how good of a mother I am.
• 7:44
  Christie: Is what you're hearing in your mind,
• 7:45
  Cheryl: I mean, in these early years.
• 7:46
  Cheryl: If like I looked a maybe lot like the patient, kind, mother of the little ones?
• 7:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:53
  Cheryl: But my heart, it was all about me.
• 7:55
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 7:56
  Cheryl: Because I wanted to get.
• 7:57
  Cheryl: The feedback.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: I mean the return on the investment.
• 8:00
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:01
  Cheryl: And here I'm being the kind patient mother, and so, oh boy, it looks good.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: I feel so good about myself, Uhhuh and I totally got my identity out of it, what you're saying.
• 8:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:11
  Cheryl: so that when they started acting like teenagers individuals being real people, I felt betrayed.
• 8:17
  Christie: Right.
• 8:18
  Christie: And I felt I mean that negative side of it, I felt immediately where I was like, And, you know, my kids were joys.
• 8:24
  Christie: I'm not saying they were like horrible children, but they were just real children.
• 8:27
  Christie: They were just real children.
• 8:28
  Christie: And so I immediately felt like, what is wrong with me?
• 8:32
  Christie: What am I doing wrong here?
• 8:33
  Christie: Because they are not skipping to the breakfast table singing their prayers.
• 8:37
  Christie: You know, I'm, I'm having to parent real people.
• 8:40
  Christie: And that's something I didn't really understand for a while.
• 8:42
  Christie: A hundred
• 8:43
  Cheryl: percent me.
• 8:44
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:44
  Cheryl: that was it.
• 8:45
  Cheryl: I.
• 8:47
  Cheryl: that the role modeling and the teaching mm-hmm.
• 8:50
  Cheryl: right.
• 8:51
  Cheryl: And I just really thought that the right kind of nurturing mm-hmm.
• 8:55
  Cheryl: would change their hearts.
• 8:56
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:57
  Cheryl: It's a big picture, but the two of us lost sight of the fact, the several things when I'm seeing the two of us both did.
• 9:05
  Cheryl: we got our identity.
• 9:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:07
  Cheryl: out of something we're not supposed to.
• 9:09
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:09
  Cheryl: You know, particularly the way our children respond, that we're getting our identity out of that.
• 9:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:14
  Cheryl: And we're like the farmer that goes out in the middle of June expecting full ears of corn.
• 9:21
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: And they don't come in until September.
• 9:25
  Cheryl: and or it's green, it's not ready.
• 9:28
  Cheryl: And we were ready to harvest way too
• 9:31
  Christie: early.
• 9:31
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 9:31
  Christie: So what I'm hearing you say is that our.
• 9:35
  Christie: expectations were off and here we go.
• 9:37
  Christie: And unrealistic.
• 9:39
  Christie: There we go.
• 9:39
  Christie: And we lost sight of the purpose
• 9:41
  Cheryl: and we took it personally.
• 9:43
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 9:43
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: But the problem is that can lead to a lot discouragement.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:49
  Cheryl: And so I hear from a lot of moms, and I can rent myself too.
• 9:54
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:54
  Cheryl: You have all this optimism and.
• 9:57
  Cheryl: When the diapers and the diapers and the correcting, and the correcting and the crying and people don't appreciate you.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: this is a mom, matter of fact DM me, uh, about a week ago and she said, when I was cleaning up the kitchen for the third time today, And so that tends to deflate that optimism.
• 10:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:18
  Cheryl: you know, and to bring in discouragement.
• 10:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:21
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:21
  Cheryl: So, If the optimism.
• 10:23
  Cheryl: can wear into discouragement.
• 10:26
  Cheryl: What would we say?
• 10:28
  Cheryl: What's the cure for that?
• 10:29
  Cheryl: What do we bring to this?
• 10:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:32
  Cheryl: to help equip parents in this season?
• 10:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 10:35
  Christie: I, think just an awareness, you know, a aware of the realities.
• 10:40
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:40
  Cheryl: But I'm thinking for moms and dads that are in that season right now.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:46
  Cheryl: What it's gonna take to be able to do all of this is bandwidth.
• 10:49
  Cheryl: Right?
• 10:50
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:51
  Cheryl: So we just come back to that old drum again, that we've got to get margin.
• 10:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:56
  Cheryl: So that you can emotionally and physically and mentally have the margin to do this.
• 11:02
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: because I remember going, I don't want to have to, yeah.
• 11:08
  Cheryl: Whatever.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: I want it tidier or faster and so as my character's being developed, but yes, that realizing what we've talked about.
• 11:16
  Cheryl: Get your rest.
• 11:17
  Cheryl: Yeah, give yourself margin, whether you.
• 11:21
  Cheryl: work outside the home, or you work inside the home, whatever it is.
• 11:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:26
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:26
  Cheryl: you've just got to have that bandwidth
• 11:28
  Christie: yeah.
• 11:29
  Christie: And to encourage us when, when it is we are growing weary.
• 11:32
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:32
  Christie: In these, these years that we are giving of a lot of ourself that we can get kind of tired of giving and giving and giving.
• 11:39
  Christie: It reminds us of why we're doing it
• 11:41
  Cheryl: and I hear from so many moms in this, because you're dealing with all immaturity.
• 11:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:48
  Cheryl: We're dealing with all these little immature people.
• 11:51
  Cheryl: There's so much of the physical stuff going on,
• 11:53
  Christie: right?
• 11:53
  Christie: And you're only one person
• 11:55
  Cheryl: and you're only one person and you're having to do all of This, right?
• 11:59
  Cheryl: which
• 11:59
  Christie: is where, you know, like I said, I ended up a lot of times just in survival mode because most urgent need needed 10 to two first.
• 12:07
  Christie: And so then you overlook some of the really important
• 12:10
  Cheryl: needs.
• 12:10
  Cheryl: So would that be it, that the kind of the response to feeling overwhelmed is to simplify, yeah.
• 12:18
  Cheryl: And prioritize.
• 12:19
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 12:20
  Christie: I think so.
• 12:21
  Christie: Simplify.
• 12:21
  Christie: I mean, some days are just gonna flat out be overwhelming,
• 12:25
  Ellen: It's true
• 12:25
  Christie: but as much as we can, the things that we can prioritize and eliminate what.
• 12:33
  Christie: Really at the end of the day doesn't matter or doesn't matter as much.
• 12:38
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:39
  Cheryl: But also you have these big, optimistic, great things of what you want to do.
• 12:43
  Cheryl: That we're gonna do a play, or we're going to dress all up and do this or, and we have all these special things.
• 12:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 12:50
  Cheryl: And then when we start feeling overwhelmed to go back.
• 12:54
  Cheryl: Simplify.
• 12:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 12:55
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 12:56
  Cheryl: So what's the next thing I need to do that's important?
• 13:00
  Cheryl: Would it be that we go back to those core values?
• 13:02
  Cheryl: You know, last week we talked about try to start your road trip with your core values.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: What is the core value in this?
• 13:11
  Cheryl: you know?
• 13:12
  Christie: I think so.
• 13:12
  Christie: There's an element of sacrifice that we're having to model for our kids and, and then they might have to sacrifice some things, even that these young ages, and I think it's good to verbalize that your choices like.
• 13:24
  Christie: You know, why are we not going to do dance class anymore?
• 13:27
  Christie: Well, we're choosing family night instead, or Yeah.
• 13:30
  Christie: You know, even these young ages, I think pick up on those kinds of things.
• 13:34
  Christie: So why, why isn't mommy?
• 13:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:36
  Christie: You know, going to do this this week?
• 13:38
  Christie: Well, because I, I'm prioritizing this over it Right.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: Also, That the world does not spin around the hub.
• 13:45
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: Of a child.
• 13:47
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 13:47
  Cheryl: That they have to learn.
• 13:49
  Cheryl: No.
• 13:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:50
  Cheryl: Sure.
• 13:50
  Cheryl: And they have to learn later, or they have to learn.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: Not now.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: You have
• 13:54
  Ellen: played with that toy for 15 minutes.
• 13:55
  Ellen: Now your sister gets to play with this.
• 13:57
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:57
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:58
  Ellen: you know, just those are developing their character.
• 14:00
  Ellen: Whether we call it that or not, we're teaching them to share and to give and to go, oh, I need to give this over
• 14:07
  Christie: when the timer goes off.
• 14:08
  Christie: Right.
• 14:09
  Christie: Learning how to navigate discomfort.
• 14:10
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:11
  Christie: Even in these young.
• 14:12
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 14:13
  Cheryl: or they're not running me.
• 14:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 14:15
  Cheryl: In our world.
• 14:16
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's very true.
• 14:17
  Cheryl: True.
• 14:17
  Cheryl: We don't just spin around her, we're not satellites.
• 14:20
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:20
  Cheryl: right to that meet their every whim.
• 14:23
  Cheryl: But we're trying to develop healthy, relational, loving family.
• 14:30
  Ellen: interaction.
• 14:30
  Ellen: Well, cuz we do have other things to do besides just stare at our children.
• 14:35
  Ellen: As cute as they are, unfortunately we still have to make dinner and clean the house.
• 14:40
  Ellen: Yes.
• 14:40
  Ellen: And maybe go off to work or whatever it is.
• 14:42
  Ellen: And learning to balance all that is the big challenge, I think, especially in those early years because everything's still new.
• 14:49
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 14:49
  Christie: you know, and, and finding the, the balance somewhere in the middle of.
• 14:53
  Christie: You know, I do have to sacrifice my own desires for my children, but they don't run and rule me.
• 14:59
  Christie: So having to find that middle ground of, yeah, making everyone not happy but healthy, you know, giving a healthy environment for everyone in the home.
• 15:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 15:08
  Cheryl: Very good.
• 15:09
  Cheryl: Well, another thing that I think is important in this particular, is play.
• 15:14
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:15
  Cheryl: I am a big fan and promoter of play, and I don't mean organized team sports, I don't mean paying and going to a room somewhere to do something.
• 15:27
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:27
  Cheryl: I mean, literally.
• 15:29
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:29
  Cheryl: Giving children the space, the grace and the bandwidth to play and play and play like they say.
• 15:37
  Cheryl: Play is their work.
• 15:38
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:39
  Cheryl: and play is how they learn.
• 15:41
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:41
  Cheryl: And it's not
• 15:42
  Ellen: about how many toys they have because you can empty your cupboard with a couple of pots and pans and Oh, I know.
• 15:48
  Ellen: Some Tupperware.
• 15:49
  Ellen: And they create a whole world with that.
• 15:51
  Ellen: Yes.
• 15:52
  Ellen: So it's not about buying stuff for your kids to play with.
• 15:56
  Ellen: I agree.
• 15:57
  Christie: Okay.
• 15:57
  Cheryl: because what you just mentioned are, um, raw materials.
• 16:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:02
  Cheryl: And so that's one of the kind of the drums that I've beat Yes.
• 16:04
  Cheryl: All these years is get your kids raw materials.
• 16:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:08
  Cheryl: And then let them create.
• 16:10
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:10
  Cheryl: Also because I know.
• 16:14
  Cheryl: Mega growing them and their creativity and their minds.
• 16:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:19
  Cheryl: And listeners, I'm just telling you, look for ways to just allow your children to play,
• 16:24
  Christie: right?
• 16:25
  Christie: Well, yeah.
• 16:25
  Christie: And like in that dialogue, there's so many ways to have little lessons in there in the conversation.
• 16:32
  Christie: And if you get down on the floor with them and play.
• 16:35
  Christie: Right.
• 16:36
  Christie: Or to observe what goes on in their middle mind.
• 16:39
  Christie: that's always very telling to think true.
• 16:41
  Christie: Wow.
• 16:42
  Christie: you know, uh, Well, this wasn't necessarily playing.
• 16:44
  Christie: Yeah, but I kind of had a experience yesterday where I was thinking of all the things that come from just living life.
• 16:50
  Christie: I had my two year old niece, penny over, who's so sweet, and fun, but she had her sippy cup up on the top.
• 16:58
  Christie: Counter in the kitchen, little ledge there.
• 17:00
  Christie: And I saw her go over there and I saw her see it and she walked over and she can just barely get her fingers up to the cup And she's working at grazing her little fingertips on this cup, and it's a heavy like stainless steel cup.
• 17:13
  Christie: Wow.
• 17:14
  Christie: And so she's kind of scooting it and I was thinking she had to see that cup and she never came to me to ask for it.
• 17:20
  Christie: She had to, to.
• 17:22
  Christie: is this an option?
• 17:23
  Christie: could I get this off?
• 17:25
  Christie: And she had the determination and the grit to keep going until she got it.
• 17:29
  Christie: And then I thought she could also learn from the cup falling.
• 17:31
  Christie: Falling her head.
• 17:32
  Christie: Yes, that that wasn't a good plan.
• 17:34
  Christie: But I just thought the same thing, Cheryl, that there's so much that goes on in their little minds during play or just experiences of, can I climb up on this stool?
• 17:43
  Christie: I don't know.
• 17:44
  Christie: Let
• 17:44
  Cheryl: me try.
• 17:45
  Cheryl: Okay, so this is a passion of mine I've been.
• 17:47
  Cheryl: talking with parents and teaching about it for quite a while, and I'm gonna give you a really cool sounding word okay Z P D, the zone of proximal development.
• 17:58
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 17:58
  Cheryl: And it's one of the very best ways for children to learn.
• 18:03
  Cheryl: And what it means.
• 18:04
  Cheryl: It's exactly what you did.
• 18:05
  Cheryl: You did Z P D, you're there.
• 18:08
  Cheryl: To intervene if you need to.
• 18:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:11
  Cheryl: and to help a little bit if you need to, but you let her think, you almost saw her brain, right.
• 18:18
  Cheryl: Figuring it out.
• 18:19
  Cheryl: Her fingers having to figure it out.
• 18:21
  Cheryl: The dexterity.
• 18:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:22
  Cheryl: she's doing physics problems.
• 18:24
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:24
  Cheryl: About, haha is this, and what angle do I need to mm-hmm.
• 18:27
  Cheryl: I mean, literally that's what's going on in her brain.
• 18:30
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Cheryl: and you're there if you need to to give a little bit of help.
• 18:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:34
  Cheryl: so that's what C p D is about, is let them do it and work and create.
• 18:40
  Cheryl: But you're there just a little bit like you, like maybe they're really frustrated cuz they're building with blocks.
• 18:46
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:46
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: And their blocks are falling down.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: And you might say, you know what, if you kind of put this bigger one on the bottom, do you think that might help Just a little bit.
• 18:56
  Cheryl: See that you're on in the proximity.
• 18:59
  Cheryl: Give them a little bit.
• 19:00
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:00
  Cheryl: And then they figure
• 19:01
  Christie: that's.
• 19:02
  Christie: Well, and I love that question too.
• 19:03
  Christie: Do you think that might help?
• 19:05
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 19:05
  Christie: giving them the open-ended thought there.
• 19:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: and I made a mistake in the past.
• 19:10
  Cheryl: I've giving my children too much of the answer.
• 19:12
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 19:13
  Cheryl: Here don't you realize, you know?
• 19:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:14
  Cheryl: Instead of doing that and letting them learn Exactly.
• 19:18
  Ellen: Kind of gave'em the little key to unlock it and then they could go from there.
• 19:22
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 19:22
  Ellen: So
• 19:23
  Cheryl: next time you're doing that, that's d p d.
• 19:25
  Christie: Okay.
• 19:25
  Christie: Scientific term.
• 19:27
  Christie: I was practicing yesterday.
• 19:28
  Christie: Well, all of these things are leading back to our character based roadmap we're talking about.
• 19:34
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:34
  Christie: Because there's work ethic.
• 19:36
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 19:36
  Christie: there's endurance, grit.
• 19:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:37
  Christie: There's, you know, compassion, there's understanding there.
• 19:40
  Christie: There's all these things that are more heart issues than we realize playing out in Yeah.
• 19:46
  Christie: Just play dealing
• 19:47
  Cheryl: with frustration.
• 19:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:48
  Cheryl: learning how to share it really is, yeah.
• 19:50
  Cheryl: It's an opportunity to do it in a natural child environment.
• 19:55
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 19:56
  Christie: and they don't even know it.
• 19:57
  Christie: Yeah,
• 19:57
  Ellen: that's very true.
• 19:58
  Ellen: I know we've turned one of our extra bedrooms into the kids' playroom.
• 20:02
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:02
  Ellen: all ages so they can go back in there.
• 20:05
  Ellen: And I get a lot of meals, you know, cooked off the, the little tights.
• 20:10
  Ellen: Oh yes, the
• 20:10
  Christie: plastic card.
• 20:11
  Christie: Yeah.
• 20:11
  Ellen: A little tights type thing.
• 20:13
  Ellen: That'ss probably 30 years old., so we've had it for wow.
• 20:16
  Ellen: Years, but it's held up.
• 20:17
  Ellen: But, you know, they make these fantastic meals that they bring me and Aw, all I have to do is just tell'em how good it is and it's delicious.
• 20:25
  And,
• 20:25
  Cheryl: and you don't have to live the calories,
• 20:27
  Ellen: right?
• 20:27
  Ellen: No, I don't.
• 20:28
  Ellen: They have very trimming foods for me.
• 20:31
  Ellen: Well, you know, also I'd like to add that on, you know, if you're feeling isolated and you're feeling alone, Find some groups that you can join.
• 20:40
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:40
  Ellen: I know for me a really great group, and I probably have mentioned this before, was the League.
• 20:45
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:46
  Ellen: and that's moms that are breastfeeding, so you have moms that are new moms.
• 20:50
  Ellen: Moms that have now a couple of children and we would meet once a month, doesn't matter, but it was really encouraging to listen to other moms mm-hmm.
• 20:57
  Ellen: and their struggles.
• 20:58
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:59
  Ellen: and I could, if I needed to, I had the phone number of a More mature mom who's farther down the road and I could call her and I go, oh, I'm stuck.
• 21:06
  Ellen: What do I do?
• 21:07
  Ellen: Or he's crying and I can't get him to stop.
• 21:09
  Ellen: And
• 21:10
  Christie: those things, I love that I had the same thing.
• 21:12
  Christie: I worked at a Mother's Day out.
• 21:14
  Christie: Oh.
• 21:14
  Christie: And you know, I said that deer in the headlights look.
• 21:17
  Christie: I mean, my kids probably had fun playing there, but for me it was watching all of these moms and I was soaking it up like a sponge.
• 21:24
  Christie: All the other teachers, yeah, just how they interacted with the children or what were they were making for dinner or what they were doing that weekend with their kids.
• 21:32
  Christie: And yes, it was just a wealth of.
• 21:34
  Christie: Mentorship and support for me too,
• 21:37
  Cheryl: and see that's both of you.
• 21:38
  Cheryl: The common factor is someone older, further down on their trip, right?
• 21:43
  Cheryl: Maybe they're in Kentucky, or they might be approaching Colorado.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: wherever they are on their trip.
• 21:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 21:49
  Cheryl: To have that to put in your life.
• 21:51
  Cheryl: Because if we're all stuck on the east coast, right, we all just kind of sometimes, but I will say get
• 21:56
  Christie: stuck.
• 21:57
  Christie: Somebody in person, somebody you spend face to face time, even if it's.
• 22:02
  Christie: Maybe FaceTime might be your best option to meet formally.
• 22:05
  Christie: Oh God.
• 22:06
  Christie: But.
• 22:07
  Christie: their Instagram stories.
• 22:09
  Christie: Yes.
• 22:09
  Christie: Mentoring you, and you want someone who
• 22:10
  Ellen: knows you.
• 22:11
  Ellen: Yes.
• 22:11
  Ellen: I know the women that helped me in those early years.
• 22:14
  Ellen: They knew me.
• 22:15
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:15
  Ellen: They knew my personality and your children's personality.
• 22:18
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:18
  Ellen: We socialize together.
• 22:19
  Ellen: They could go, Ellen, relax, it's okay.
• 22:21
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:22
  Ellen: You know?
• 22:22
  Ellen: Or, no, you need to do this.
• 22:23
  Ellen: It's okay to do that.
• 22:24
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:25
  Ellen: and so I think having relationships for your.
• 22:29
  Ellen: Is probably one of the most important
• 22:31
  Kelly: things.
• 22:31
  Kelly: Relationships, yes.
• 22:33
  Kelly: Goes both ways.
• 22:34
  Kelly: Yes.
• 22:34
  Kelly: Because a blogger or an Instagram influencer.
• 22:36
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 22:37
  Kelly: That's not a relationship.
• 22:38
  Cheryl: Right.
• 22:38
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 22:40
  Cheryl: And I love what I hear you saying.
• 22:42
  Cheryl: you've felt seen and heard.
• 22:44
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 22:44
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:45
  Cheryl: you know?
• 22:45
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 22:45
  Cheryl: And instead of being generic
• 22:48
  Ellen: advice.
• 22:48
  Cheryl: Right.
• 22:49
  Cheryl: Excellent.
• 22:49
  Cheryl: Okay
• 22:50
  Oh, this has been so good.
• 22:52
  We covered a lot of territory from the practical to the personal and philosophical, trying to help our listeners as they start out on their road trip in parenting.
• 23:01
  Cheryl: we'll
• 23:02
  Christie: be here.
• 23:02
  Christie: All
• 23:02
  Ellen: right.
• 23:03
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 23:04
  Cheryl: Parents remember, hang in there.
• 23:07
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it..
• 23:17
  I was really struck by one particular thing that Christie said that we should seek to find a middle ground of not making everyone happy but healthy.
• 23:29
  I know I'm outta my active parenting years, but that's really good advice for me to chew on in all of my interactions, not just with my children, but with everybody.
• 23:40
  And with myself.
• 23:42
  Next time, we're gonna take a little detour off the road trip.
• 23:46
  And do some q and a with some of the questions that you listeners have sent in this time, addressing a subject that comes up over and over again, sibling rivalry.
• 23:58
  Don't forget to follow us on your podcasting app so you don't miss any of our episodes.
• 24:03
  If you want to get a hold of us text contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 24:09
  I'm so glad you're here today at T ppp and remember.
• 24:15
  We are here to help you flourish and to bring your heart hope.