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Transcript

The Untouchabugs · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  okay we got to start the breaking update yeah thank you
• 0:19
  newsroom francis has been completely vindicated and also i have to say this really it makes my
• 0:29
  brain feel a lot better too knowing the the uh the truth francis this is regards to the expendables
• 0:37
  too and and the fact that that did not come out when francis came out way after he was 10 years
• 0:43
  old right and so it has been it has been mind-boggling to me every time i think about how
• 0:49
  you made that mistake and or like what or your own concept of your own age but francis figured
• 0:55
  it out. He figured out what it was.
• 0:58
  Yes. I want to restore
• 0:59
  my credibility, which has been torn two shreds.
• 1:02
  No, no, no. It'll be
• 1:03
  fully restored. I was on my way here, and I
• 1:05
  was doing positive visualizations in the car
• 1:08
  because you can't meditate
• 1:09
  while you're driving, and
• 1:11
  it just hit me.
• 1:14
  The untouchables.
• 1:16
  That's what it was.
• 1:17
  It wasn't the expendables.
• 1:20
  It was the untouchables.
• 1:22
  And I even googled it
• 1:23
  using voice, and I said I wanted to
• 1:25
  come out. So I was like, cause I knew if I was going to bring it up, I had to check.
• 1:29
  Cause what if this was another hallucination? Yeah. And it was like 1987. I was like, I'm
• 1:35
  good. Yep. I'm good. Uh, I'm just imagining how funny this would have been if you were
• 1:40
  like an Uber driver and there was someone in the back of your car and it was just like
• 1:44
  silent the whole time while you guys were in traffic. And then you were just like, and
• 1:49
  the passengers were like, yes, let's keep it that way.
• 1:52
  did I ever tell you my, my story about the untouchables from my youth?
• 2:01
  I don't think so. So, and by youth Jenna means 2010. Yeah. I was 10 years old. The year was 2012.
• 2:08
  Um, no. So I probably was seven years old and something like seven, seven, eight,
• 2:18
  somewhere in there. And then I had just seen the untouchables. My parents were okay with
• 2:24
  their small children seeing violent movies, just no sex. Um, so, uh, well, there's a scene in that,
• 2:32
  I, uh, in that movie where, um, uh, there's like an elevator, like the elevator doors open and
• 2:39
  there were guys in there that die. I forget who it might've been cops. I don't know. Or maybe a
• 2:45
  rival Al Capone gang. I'm not a hundred percent sure who was killed, but anyway, the elevator
• 2:51
  door is open and then written in their blood of the dead people in the elevator just says touchable.
• 2:57
  Right. So this clearly made an impression on me. There was one time when I was a kid, like eight,
• 3:08
  maybe. And, um, it was dinner. My grandparents were over. Um, and we were, so it was like a
• 3:14
  family dinner kind of situation. And, um, I got a nosebleed and so like, I went to go take care of
• 3:23
  it. And then, uh, I went into my brother's bathroom and I thought it would be really funny
• 3:28
  if I wrote touchable in blood on his sink. And I did, and I ran out of blood and I had to like
• 3:34
  make my nose bleed again, finish the word touchable. It's a pretty long word. Yeah. Yeah.
• 3:39
  Yeah. And I thought it was hilarious. My parents were mildly amused, although they were a little worried that how deranged that was. And my grandparents were horrified. They did not get the joke at all.
• 3:53
  Even after being explained?
• 3:56
  Yeah. They just, I think they thought that it was like, look, psycho little eight-year-old's girl, like keep an eye on her.
• 4:02
  You know, it's funny you say that because one time I had a really bad nosebleed and instead of cleaning, I was in the bathroom and instead of cleaning it up, I was like, oh my God, it looks like I'm in a horror movie.
• 4:10
  And I just like let it go everywhere.
• 4:11
  And I was like acting in the mirror like I was dying.
• 4:14
  And then my dad heard me and like burst into the room and I like turned to look at him.
• 4:21
  I'm like covering him.
• 4:21
  He's like, oh my God, you're hemorrhaging.
• 4:24
  And I'm like, what does that mean?
• 4:27
  It's called acting.
• 4:28
  Is it a new acting technique?
• 4:29
  I method.
• 4:32
  welcome to very fine friends where friends talk about their psychotic past and have their
• 4:40
  crimes cleared yes so i i don't know about you listeners but i that was like this makes way more
• 4:46
  sense i now trust francis's sense of time uh i am not concerned that he's constantly stuck at the
• 4:53
  age of 10 in his mind yeah well he might that concern actually does still stand but unrelated
• 4:59
  to this. Yeah. I'm young
• 5:01
  at heart.
• 5:03
  Speaking of movies, can we
• 5:05
  get into what there was a listener
• 5:07
  submitted question. It's not really
• 5:09
  big enough to be a big question. Oh,
• 5:11
  interesting. But a small
• 5:13
  question, kind of a small question.
• 5:15
  And he even said this is a small
• 5:17
  question. So
• 5:19
  yeah, okay. Not quite big enough to
• 5:21
  be a big question. It's a little wordy.
• 5:23
  Oh, but it relates to movies. So
• 5:25
  I thought we could get a great
• 5:27
  segue. Okay. Vundabar.
• 5:29
  All right. Here's a small medium question. Let's say you've enjoyed comedy movies throughout your
• 5:36
  life. And now let's say, let's say, and now let's say you have three 14 year old daughters and want
• 5:43
  to show them some funny movies, which movies have been made in their lifetime that have a good chance
• 5:49
  of them, of them finding funny and which other pre 2012 comedy movies would a set of 14 year olds
• 5:55
  find funny. I happen to know someone like this in real life. And he and I have realized that there
• 6:01
  has been a dearth of comedies in recent years compared to the slate available to us when we
• 6:05
  were 14. Yeah. Basically, I think he's trying to say, do they make comedies anymore? Like what
• 6:12
  would a kid, like how would a kid out a 14 year old, what is informing their sense of humor?
• 6:18
  I think, okay. My opinion, and I don't know if this is just me being an old fart,
• 6:24
  that a lot of the comedies I'm seeing today are they're like recycling plots and like there's a
• 6:31
  lot of remakes or like even if it's not quote unquote a remake I'm watching I'm like I've seen
• 6:36
  this movie before yeah it's just not an original idea so I see a lot of that as far as like specific
• 6:43
  so like post 2012 um when it bridesmaids come out because that's like the one comedy I think of as
• 6:48
  like, but we, this was before 2012. I'm pretty sure my, yeah. Cause I think they just had the
• 6:54
  15, I think it's 2011. Yeah. Damn. So close. I know. Um, but, but that even still like,
• 6:59
  but you wouldn't show that to a kid. I wouldn't show it to a kid. Oh, like how old? That's
• 7:05
  14, 14. Yeah. I still, I wouldn't have my 14 year old watch bridesmaids. Oh, that that's
• 7:10
  I would, I don't think so. No, that's like at like 16 at the earliest I would say. Yeah.
• 7:17
  Well, I mean, it's pretty graphic.
• 7:19
  It's pretty graphic.
• 7:20
  And it also like, like I, it is hilarious, but it's pretty graphic.
• 7:24
  Like for a kid.
• 7:25
  I'm just going to say it.
• 7:26
  I think it's totally appropriate.
• 7:29
  Well, child protective services.
• 7:31
  If you're listening, we know you are.
• 7:35
  Now I would show a kid game night.
• 7:38
  I thought game night was really funny.
• 7:41
  That's the only one that's coming.
• 7:42
  I don't, they don't really.
• 7:43
  That was like 2018.
• 7:44
  I want to say.
• 7:45
  Yeah, that sounds about right.
• 7:46
  What about that one with Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne and she's a
• 7:50
  Bridesmaids.
• 7:54
  I feel like we keep coming back to Bridesmaids.
• 7:56
  No, she was a, she worked for the CIA and.
• 7:58
  Yeah.
• 7:59
  Spy.
• 7:59
  Yeah.
• 7:59
  Yeah.
• 8:00
  Was it called just spy?
• 8:01
  Yeah.
• 8:01
  Like I feel like like 20, 2015 to 2018 was the,
• 8:06
  like the years of like the Melissa McCarthy and someone else comedy.
• 8:10
  That should be the name of the next movie.
• 8:13
  Melissa McCarthy and someone else.
• 8:14
  Yeah.
• 8:14
  I mean, that was, that's fine for a 14 year old, right?
• 8:18
  Yeah, probably.
• 8:19
  But is that like a comedy comedy?
• 8:22
  I haven't seen it.
• 8:23
  Yeah.
• 8:24
  I think it's actually pretty funny.
• 8:25
  Okay.
• 8:26
  Yeah.
• 8:26
  They're entertaining.
• 8:27
  I wouldn't say like they're high comedy.
• 8:29
  Like they're not like particularly intelligent, but they're very like slapsticky and fun.
• 8:34
  Like they're entertaining.
• 8:36
  Like I enjoy them.
• 8:37
  Yeah.
• 8:39
  Um, yeah.
• 8:40
  Cause it's like, I feel like, I feel like you can't just start a kid at 14 and be like,
• 8:45
  here's comedy, right?
• 8:47
  Like you got to start them young with comedy.
• 8:49
  They got to kind of develop a sense of humor because otherwise like what, what, what is
• 8:53
  developing kids these days?
• 8:55
  What, what is the thing that's developing their sense of humor?
• 8:58
  Is it just idiotic?
• 8:59
  I think it's reality TV too, which I think is a huge problem.
• 9:02
  Yeah.
• 9:02
  That's, that's depressing.
• 9:04
  Like you gotta, your kids can't think comedy is just a stupid dance on Tik TOK.
• 9:10
  bad moms
• 9:12
  bad moms is also very graphic
• 9:15
  no I think it's good for kids
• 9:17
  well this is your bridesmaids
• 9:18
  no it's not isn't there like a whole
• 9:20
  thing about
• 9:22
  do you think I'm being serious Jenna
• 9:23
  yes I did a little bit
• 9:25
  you oversold it
• 9:28
  yeah
• 9:30
  there's a lot of like
• 9:32
  dick talk
• 9:35
  in that I think
• 9:36
  dick talk the new podcast
• 9:38
  yeah
• 9:38
  please
• 9:40
  Dick Tock was my father
• 9:42
  but it's like
• 9:43
  you couldn't
• 9:43
  you couldn't
• 9:44
  you couldn't show
• 9:49
  a 14 year old girl
• 9:50
  Tommy boy
• 9:51
  if she's never seen
• 9:52
  any comedy really
• 9:53
  before in her life
• 9:54
  or if the only comedy
• 9:56
  was like the gentle comedy
• 9:57
  that came in
• 9:58
  in Disney movies
• 9:59
  or whatever right
• 10:00
  she's not gonna find it funny
• 10:01
  I don't think
• 10:02
  you don't think
• 10:02
  I would
• 10:03
  I don't know
• 10:05
  I would hope
• 10:05
  so but like
• 10:07
  you know
• 10:08
  when I was a kid, we, we watched stuff like we watched SNL, we watched Tommy boy. I watched
• 10:15
  Ace Ventura. Like those were hilarious to me. Yeah. Like I remember seeing Ace Ventura for
• 10:20
  the first time and just dying laughing at certain parts. However old I was when that
• 10:26
  let's go with 10. That's a nice, yeah. It might actually be 10. That might actually be accurate.
• 10:32
  But yeah, just, I don't know.
• 10:37
  There's not enough good, pure comedy for the youth.
• 10:41
  I guess that's the point.
• 10:42
  So sorry, listener.
• 10:43
  We didn't really answer your question.
• 10:45
  We did in our hearts.
• 10:46
  Yeah, some, some how or other.
• 10:50
  Quick interruption.
• 10:52
  Every week on the podcast,
• 10:54
  we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 11:01
  throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our
• 11:07
  conversation without the other person noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret
• 11:12
  word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize,
• 11:21
  whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 11:28
  jenna's secret word is dicking jenna's decoy word is philosophical francis's secret word is
• 11:37
  reincarnated francis's decoy word is colonization back to the pod i feel like when we were growing
• 11:46
  up the um a lot of the comedy was um very like sarcastic in nature at least that's what i
• 11:53
  remember oh you really yeah why you think that you know like and i think that like in the inspired
• 12:00
  like a lot of the like my humor is just that sort of thing you know yeah i don't know yeah
• 12:09
  sarcastic's good well we had the perfect whatever we went through whatever we watched it it uh
• 12:14
  shaped us perfectly yep now this wine is a is a beautiful vintage yeah yeah so we should just
• 12:22
  write down what we watched and when we watched it and then parents just get give your kids that
• 12:29
  exact same regimen yeah it's a good that's a it's a good little side business we can sell we can
• 12:38
  sell our prescription for comedy yeah yeah i like that we're doing that all right well
• 12:44
  enough dicking around talking about movies richarding around
• 12:48
  it's time for something much more important the invention of the week
• 12:59
  inventions
• 13:02
  hit me hit me with it she asked for it we'll bleep his name out um
• 13:12
  do you want a bedtime invention or do you want a food invention it depends is the bedtime
• 13:23
  invention just for sleeping or is it yeah i would like the bedtime invention oh boy
• 13:31
  Oh, okay. The invention. I got lost in the labyrinth of my mind.
• 13:43
  Um you know how sometimes you sleep on a pillow when you when you wake up you feel like your posture is all dicked around Yeah Yeah that sucks Say it It sucks It does suck Pillows be dicking us around
• 14:00
  I've said it before.
• 14:01
  I'll say it again.
• 14:05
  Well, not anymore.
• 14:07
  Great.
• 14:08
  I've come up with a perfect solution.
• 14:10
  And guess what the solution isn't?
• 14:12
  Not having a pillow.
• 14:13
  You gotta have a pillow.
• 14:14
  You gotta have a pillow.
• 14:15
  And you want the pillow you want.
• 14:17
  You can't just have some little pancake of a pillow.
• 14:20
  You need whatever you like.
• 14:22
  That's what you're going to have.
• 14:23
  Yes.
• 14:23
  Or you can't get like too thick of a pillow just because it's like some people don't want
• 14:28
  their neck up that high.
• 14:29
  Agreed.
• 14:30
  Yeah.
• 14:31
  Well, you're going to love this.
• 14:33
  Great.
• 14:34
  I have invented a mattress where the head has a strip that goes along the entire header
• 14:47
  That is lower than the rest of the mattress.
• 14:51
  So you put your pillow into the built-in crevice that goes along the entire mattress.
• 14:57
  So when you put your head back, you're on your pillow and you're not raised high.
• 15:02
  But you still get the nice, comforting, padded sensation of the pillow.
• 15:08
  But it doesn't angle your head forward.
• 15:10
  so
• 15:15
  is this adjustable what do you mean so you can have a
• 15:21
  what do you mean this this mattress can you like the divot that's behind the mattress
• 15:29
  yeah can it be raised up so that if you only want to have like a little you yeah okay so
• 15:36
  okay yeah absolutely
• 15:39
  so there's like a crank on the side or something
• 15:44
  honey we're going low tonight um it can actually you know how like the sleep number bed like it's
• 15:50
  like basically like kind of like a glorified ear mattress don't sue me um it is yeah you basically
• 15:55
  you can control with the remote i have from i guess that makes sense i never once thought about
• 16:00
  how a sleep number bed works.
• 16:04
  It's just my opinion.
• 16:05
  That's not science.
• 16:06
  If that's not the truth, I'm sorry.
• 16:07
  Anyway, that part of the bed,
• 16:10
  that can be the technology in it.
• 16:12
  It's kind of like you have the ability
• 16:13
  to increase or decrease the height of the dent.
• 16:19
  Ooh, the height of the dent.
• 16:22
  What if you want to go higher?
• 16:24
  You have a thin pillow,
• 16:25
  but you actually want to go higher.
• 16:26
  Well, go above the mattress.
• 16:28
  You can raise it so that you can...
• 16:30
  to 20% above the mattress.
• 16:32
  Okay.
• 16:33
  That seems like an arbitrary number.
• 16:34
  Well, anymore, it might explode.
• 16:36
  Okay.
• 16:37
  All right.
• 16:37
  Well, sorry.
• 16:38
  I didn't realize there was science behind the 20% number.
• 16:40
  There's science behind every week's invention.
• 16:43
  Right.
• 16:43
  I know.
• 16:44
  Yeah.
• 16:44
  Yeah.
• 16:44
  Yeah.
• 16:45
  Yeah.
• 16:45
  I, it's just fresh from the lab.
• 16:47
  That was the first question I asked.
• 16:49
  Uh, the boys in R and D cooked it up.
• 16:51
  Oh yeah.
• 16:51
  There's girls know too.
• 16:52
  Oh, I didn't approve that.
• 16:56
  We didn't know until they were hired.
• 16:58
  Ah, one of those.
• 16:59
  tricky. Why do we do those
• 17:01
  blind hiring things
• 17:03
  like the orchestra does?
• 17:06
  I don't know.
• 17:07
  We gotta stop.
• 17:09
  How are we supposed to discriminate
• 17:11
  that way? We'll figure out a way.
• 17:13
  Good, thank you.
• 17:15
  That's next week's invention.
• 17:17
  It's called playoffs.
• 17:20
  How to discriminate
• 17:21
  when someone's standing behind a screen.
• 17:26
  Turn sideways and jump.
• 17:29
  Okay, now hold your boobs up.
• 17:31
  That was a trick question.
• 17:33
  Simon didn't.
• 17:35
  Okay, back to my award-winning Pulitzer-winning mattress.
• 17:39
  Okay, now here's...
• 17:41
  Pillowitzer winning.
• 17:44
  Nice.
• 17:49
  Here's my first thought.
• 17:52
  Those times when you wake up,
• 17:55
  when you don't feel like you're like,
• 17:57
  eh, it's like a, it's a one-off and it's already too late. The damage has been done.
• 18:06
  What do you, well, like I sleep on my pillow every night and, uh, just every three months
• 18:15
  or whatever it is, I'll wake up one random day and it's, that's the day that the pillow
• 18:20
  betrayed me somehow or, or I slept in a weird way and like, but, but it had nothing to do,
• 18:26
  Like it's like, but the other 89 days, it was totally fine being on the mattress as is.
• 18:37
  Hmm.
• 18:38
  No.
• 18:40
  Oh, what if, let me, I'm just, I'm just asking.
• 18:44
  What if it wasn't?
• 18:45
  And you just think it was because maybe it was, it's a cumulative pain.
• 18:49
  And then after the 80s, eighth day, you wake up.
• 18:54
  but it was all because of everything that came before.
• 18:59
  Uh,
• 19:03
  maybe this will help.
• 19:07
  Isn't one out of 89 days,
• 19:09
  one too many.
• 19:11
  I agree with you.
• 19:12
  It sucks.
• 19:12
  Cause then your neck is wrenched for their whole day.
• 19:14
  Yeah.
• 19:14
  It just feels like sore and like you need like a massage.
• 19:18
  Um,
• 19:20
  but I'm not sure that this is the fix that you think,
• 19:24
  that it is. Why?
• 19:27
  You're going to shred my
• 19:28
  thesis. Let me hear why.
• 19:31
  Because I think
• 19:31
  most of the
• 19:34
  time the people have the pillows
• 19:36
  that they want based on their
• 19:38
  mattress. There's
• 19:39
  you made a face
• 19:42
  like that. I didn't make any connect when I bought my
• 19:44
  pillows because it was cooling. I didn't think
• 19:46
  it's cooling and it goes with my mattress.
• 19:50
  Well, I mean,
• 19:51
  it's based
• 19:54
  on people don't buy pillows based on them being farther down or they do now okay you're gonna like
• 20:02
  it people are too far forward that's that's just tech neck this mattress helps with tech neck
• 20:09
  it'll help re-establish your alignment okay from a chiropractic point of view
• 20:14
  okay all right the mattress have like little hands that come out and actually pull you down
• 20:20
  that help you with tech neck that much maybe they could be little miser hands
• 20:25
  um if it makes jenna like it yes the boys in r&d are not gonna like this you know what it
• 20:34
  can actually have it can actually have you so you put on your wall this like little like
• 20:40
  laser like radar system and when you lay down it tells you when you're perfectly aligned so you
• 20:47
  know exactly the perfect height for your body and you can align it differently on both sides so if
• 20:54
  you have two people on the bed they can have different levels of alignment okay yes here's
• 20:59
  another thing i just thought of i hate it uh i sleep on my side exclusively oh that's so interesting
• 21:10
  I do not sleep on my stomach or my back ever.
• 21:15
  You need to have a certain amount of cushion.
• 21:17
  Otherwise, like I couldn't sleep on my side without having the pillow propped up, propping
• 21:23
  up my head.
• 21:25
  So what about side sleepers?
• 21:31
  Sorry.
• 21:32
  No, no.
• 21:32
  Sorry.
• 21:32
  We are mighty.
• 21:33
  We are legion.
• 21:35
  Yes.
• 21:35
  Yes.
• 21:36
  Yes.
• 21:36
  you just raise it to the height you want.
• 21:41
  You know that it goes up to mattress height and 20% higher.
• 21:45
  We've established that whatever you need, we can do.
• 21:51
  But right now, what I need is I don't need a divot.
• 21:57
  Well, what about the other person in your bed?
• 21:59
  What do they do?
• 22:01
  I think it a different pill.
• 22:04
  I don't know.
• 22:04
  that's the why there are different kinds of pillows and different kinds of
• 22:09
  people in her bed.
• 22:10
  I mean,
• 22:10
  have you seen the way this one rips through town?
• 22:12
  I wasn't going to say anything.
• 22:13
  Well,
• 22:15
  okay.
• 22:16
  A little alert.
• 22:17
  Sorry about that.
• 22:17
  I've always thought it was our first purchase.
• 22:20
  Go on.
• 22:21
  I sleep on my stomach and I've often thought,
• 22:23
  what if I had a,
• 22:27
  like a head hole,
• 22:28
  like a massage.
• 22:29
  Yes.
• 22:29
  I've heard,
• 22:30
  I've heard people want that where you're,
• 22:33
  So your head is just hanging.
• 22:35
  Yeah.
• 22:35
  This comes with that.
• 22:37
  Oh, okay.
• 22:37
  That's lucky.
• 22:39
  It's lucky that you already invented that.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:41
  No, it just made sense.
• 22:42
  You are always able to just like pivot on a dime.
• 22:45
  And I respect that so much about you as an entrepreneur and as an inventor.
• 22:49
  Yeah.
• 22:49
  Well, I hear what the people want and I give it to them.
• 22:52
  Exactly.
• 22:56
  Don't lock your door later.
• 23:00
  Okay.
• 23:01
  So you really love it?
• 23:02
  yeah yeah i just feel like basically the fact that pillows different they come in different
• 23:11
  shapes and sizes is the thing that this problem is already trying to address what pillows coming
• 23:19
  in different sizes yeah like thickness sizes and also sometimes length but girth of your
• 23:27
  pillows. Yeah. Um, you've got a really girthy pillow. Listen, we don't know what we don't know
• 23:33
  when I bought my pillow five years ago. Maybe it was perfect for me. Maybe it's not now.
• 23:39
  I don't want to buy another pillow. Maybe I want to buy another mattress that makes my pillow
• 23:44
  obsolete. Wait, it doesn't make your pillow obsolete. Cause your pillow still goes in the
• 23:51
  hole, right?
• 23:53
  Yeah.
• 23:54
  Yeah.
• 23:55
  Yeah.
• 23:55
  Yeah.
• 23:56
  Although in theory, sorry, pillow industry, sorry, big pillow.
• 24:02
  Maybe you don't need one.
• 24:03
  You just adjust the divot to the perfect height for you and it's pillow like.
• 24:12
  Yeah.
• 24:13
  Pillow like is a good name.
• 24:15
  Pillow like.
• 24:17
  Okay.
• 24:17
  I'll write it down.
• 24:19
  Yeah.
• 24:20
  Pillow like.
• 24:21
  pillow like
• 24:23
  pillow likey
• 24:25
  totes
• 24:26
  I really hope your words not pillow
• 24:30
  otherwise I am
• 24:31
  effed I'd be smiling by now
• 24:34
  out of joy of not losing anymore
• 24:36
  so you're good or are you
• 24:38
  hmm
• 24:38
  what's that thing we've been talking about
• 24:42
  um okay
• 24:47
  all right well
• 24:50
  So you'd rather buy a whole new mattress than another pillow?
• 24:53
  No, you're going to need one eventually.
• 24:54
  They're only good for eight to ten years.
• 24:57
  Pillows last forever.
• 24:59
  Sometimes you take the case off your pillow
• 25:01
  and you realize you're way overdue.
• 25:03
  I don't know if I should be even admitting this on Pod.
• 25:07
  You know, my pillow?
• 25:09
  I've had it.
• 25:10
  Since the Untouchables came out?
• 25:12
  Basically.
• 25:13
  I've had that bad boy for 20 years.
• 25:16
  I really probably should have replaced it.
• 25:20
  Wow.
• 25:21
  Yep.
• 25:22
  How often do you wash your pillowcase?
• 25:24
  Oh, I mean, often.
• 25:26
  You're fine.
• 25:27
  Every few weeks we need to do the sheets.
• 25:30
  Yeah, and audience, her skin is so nice.
• 25:31
  We would know if there was a problem.
• 25:32
  Yeah, thank you.
• 25:33
  Or maybe I would have a whole different face.
• 25:36
  Maybe this is the...
• 25:38
  Old pillow face?
• 25:39
  Yeah, old pillow face.
• 25:40
  Horrible nickname.
• 25:42
  Take our online quiz to find out if your pillow's the one that's changed,
• 25:45
  or maybe it's you.
• 25:46
  Yeah.
• 25:47
  Dun, dun, dun.
• 25:50
  Yeah. Okay. Well, Pilla likes one name potentially. What else?
• 25:57
  Better head.
• 26:01
  Okay. Better head.
• 26:04
  Neck up.
• 26:09
  Isn't that what you're trying to avoid?
• 26:11
  Neck down.
• 26:15
  Rack tech neck.
• 26:16
  Oh, wreck the tech.
• 26:19
  Tech wreck.
• 26:20
  You know what you said?
• 26:21
  Well,
• 26:21
  that's enough.
• 26:22
  In a way.
• 26:23
  Wreck the Technic.
• 26:26
  It sounds like a villain in Bob the Builder.
• 26:30
  I'm okay with it.
• 26:31
  Children,
• 26:31
  if you're listening and we know you are,
• 26:33
  let us know if Wreck the Technic is a villain in Bob the Builder.
• 26:38
  And don't watch Bridesmaids,
• 26:39
  apparently.
• 26:43
  But do watch The Untouchables.
• 26:44
  And Bad Moms.
• 26:46
  Any other names that's jumping out at y'all?
• 26:50
  Pivot to the divot?
• 26:53
  That's a slogan, I feel like.
• 26:54
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 26:55
  But it's a good one.
• 26:56
  It's a good one, yeah.
• 26:59
  Pivot to the divot.
• 27:01
  Yeah.
• 27:02
  Maybe something with a trench?
• 27:04
  Because it's like a trench.
• 27:10
  Entrenched?
• 27:10
  Trench warfare?
• 27:12
  Matt Trench.
• 27:13
  Matt Trench?
• 27:15
  Yeah, and then I think we're good.
• 27:18
  I think we nailed it.
• 27:20
  Mattron.
• 27:21
  You know what I just realized?
• 27:22
  What?
• 27:22
  This is like the reincarnated version of the first mattress we invented.
• 27:26
  Shark toes.
• 27:28
  No, nothing beats shark toes.
• 27:31
  Why don't we do a version with both?
• 27:32
  Oh, yeah.
• 27:34
  Act now.
• 27:35
  You can get a set of shark toes along with your Mattron.
• 27:40
  Yeah.
• 27:41
  So your head and your toes Yeah Yeah and we cut No returns because we will cut the feet holes when you tell us where to put them But that for stomach sleepers
• 27:51
  I think the shark toes was originally also for back sleepers
• 27:55
  to cut into the comforters.
• 27:56
  I recall.
• 27:57
  When they're going to be made out of ice so that they're single use.
• 28:01
  They melt after they've been used once.
• 28:03
  And we'll know if you try to quickly take them off your feet
• 28:08
  and put them on somebody else's.
• 28:10
  Yeah, you'll go to jail and hell.
• 28:11
  And you're
• 28:13
  being rejected to
• 28:15
  80KMJ.
• 28:17
  Yeah.
• 28:19
  I'm happy.
• 28:21
  All right. Great.
• 28:24
  Well, if you act now,
• 28:25
  you can bundle the Matt Trench
• 28:27
  and the Shark Toes
• 28:28
  together. Go to veryfinefriends.com.
• 28:32
  Pick them up.
• 28:33
  The boys in R&D have already got
• 28:35
  prototypes made.
• 28:37
  So by the time this airs,
• 28:38
  the girls have been let go.
• 28:39
  yes so don't worry about
• 28:41
  you don't have to worry about the quality
• 28:43
  the women have been let go
• 28:45
  so it'll be all high high
• 28:47
  quality stuff
• 28:49
  so yeah if you were worried
• 28:53
  don't worry no more
• 28:54
  don't worry no more
• 28:55
  don't worry no more
• 28:57
  Matt Trench and Shark Toes sounds like a knockoff
• 29:00
  superhero buddy movie
• 29:02
  you're totally right
• 29:03
  and also sharks do swim in trenches
• 29:07
  like the Mariana's Trench
• 29:09
  And mattresses do have toes.
• 29:12
  Audience, we all look like shocked with awe.
• 29:15
  Oh my God.
• 29:16
  Sharked with toes.
• 29:19
  That's like you have long pointy toes.
• 29:21
  Sharked with toes.
• 29:24
  Sharked toes.
• 29:27
  Great, great.
• 29:28
  Great, great.
• 29:29
  Great, great.
• 29:30
  Another successful invention.
• 29:35
  Okay, now we can stop dicking around with inventions
• 29:38
  and move on to our next segment.
• 29:41
  I eat hair.
• 29:45
  Hey, boys.
• 29:46
  I'm Chelsea, 30 years old and single,
• 29:50
  and I eat hair.
• 29:53
  So interesting.
• 29:55
  Francis, would you like to explain this segment?
• 29:57
  Yeah, show do, show do.
• 29:58
  Okay.
• 29:59
  I eat hair is a segment
• 30:03
  where one of us reveals to the other
• 30:06
  a horrific admission
• 30:09
  and tries to maintain the relationship.
• 30:15
  Jenna.
• 30:16
  Yeah.
• 30:17
  Who do you want to be in this life?
• 30:21
  I'll be the friend that tries to cope.
• 30:26
  Okay.
• 30:34
  You look like you had something on your mind.
• 30:36
  Yeah, Lynette, I do.
• 30:39
  Well.
• 30:39
  This is really tough.
• 30:40
  Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 30:43
  I just so want you to be my friend after this.
• 30:46
  Hey, it's Lynette.
• 30:48
  Look at me.
• 30:50
  Look at me.
• 30:51
  It's Lynette.
• 30:51
  Yeah, hi.
• 30:53
  Hi, hi, hey.
• 30:55
  We survived that plane crash together.
• 30:59
  I know.
• 30:59
  Nothing could ever break us apart.
• 31:02
  All right.
• 31:03
  So nothing you could say, toots.
• 31:06
  Would make me think any less of you.
• 31:09
  You mean it?
• 31:10
  Oh.
• 31:11
  Oh, I mean it.
• 31:13
  Okay.
• 31:13
  I've never told anyone this before.
• 31:16
  Oh, ooh, I'm the first.
• 31:17
  I don't even tell my therapist.
• 31:20
  She said, you have anything weird going on?
• 31:22
  And I'm like, nope.
• 31:24
  Good God.
• 31:27
  Look, Grover, you can tell me whatever you want.
• 31:30
  I'm glad that you trust me more than your therapist.
• 31:33
  Yeah.
• 31:34
  Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it.
• 31:36
  you know how there's bugs i do know that yeah they're all over oh they are they love me yeah
• 31:47
  and they don't love me oh they don't no i had this really lucky interesting compulsion where um
• 31:56
  i ripped their legs off and i let them crawl around for a while and then i glue them back on
• 32:05
  what
• 32:08
  you need to hear it again
• 32:11
  yeah
• 32:13
  yeah I want to hear it again
• 32:14
  well whenever there's a bug
• 32:16
  and I see it
• 32:18
  I just feel this
• 32:20
  overwhelming compulsion to
• 32:22
  amputate its limbs
• 32:24
  watch it scramble about
• 32:27
  and then when I'm bored
• 32:29
  I glue the legs back on
• 32:31
  why would you do such a thing i think it's because of the plane crash
• 32:42
  so many people lost their limbs and from high up we all just look like bugs
• 32:50
  yeah but he wouldn't doesn't taking their legs off kill him no but they wish it did
• 33:01
  See, they can't get very far.
• 33:03
  So you glue them back on and do the legs work after you glue them back on?
• 33:09
  Not like before.
• 33:12
  Then I go to work and when I come home, I see how far they got.
• 33:16
  And then it starts over again.
• 33:18
  You take the legs back off?
• 33:20
  No, I rip them off.
• 33:21
  Oh, I'm sorry.
• 33:24
  You rip them off?
• 33:25
  Yeah.
• 33:26
  Hey, you want to get lunch?
• 33:28
  Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
• 33:31
  What kind of bugs are we talking about here?
• 33:34
  Any bugs.
• 33:35
  Big ones.
• 33:36
  How big?
• 33:37
  What kinds?
• 33:38
  You ever watch Fear Factor?
• 33:40
  Yeah, all the time.
• 33:41
  Huge bugs.
• 33:43
  Like those kind of bugs?
• 33:46
  The Fear Factor bugs?
• 33:47
  Fear Factor bugs, yeah.
• 33:49
  And squirrels.
• 33:50
  Wait.
• 33:51
  Oh my God, you've graduated to mammals?
• 33:55
  Just little ones and medium-sized ones.
• 33:57
  And turtles.
• 33:58
  So the squirrels are just...
• 34:01
  Wait, did you say and turtles?
• 34:03
  Yeah.
• 34:04
  Yeah.
• 34:05
  Thought they were slow before.
• 34:08
  You rip off turtles legs and you glue them back on again?
• 34:11
  Yeah, after work.
• 34:14
  I bring the legs with me to work.
• 34:17
  I think back on what I've done.
• 34:19
  Kind of get aroused.
• 34:21
  Sometimes, sometimes.
• 34:22
  Go home.
• 34:24
  Find the turtle.
• 34:27
  And put him back on.
• 34:29
  Oh, this felt good.
• 34:31
  It's felt real good.
• 34:33
  Hang on, hang on.
• 34:33
  I feel so free.
• 34:33
  I feel like this, oh, this is,
• 34:37
  this has got some kind of sociopathic underpinnings to it.
• 34:42
  No.
• 34:43
  Grover.
• 34:44
  No.
• 34:45
  No, Lynn, it doesn't.
• 34:47
  It doesn't?
• 34:48
  No, I don't take malice in it.
• 34:50
  I just enjoy it.
• 34:51
  You said you get, well, no, I know,
• 34:53
  but like serial killers enjoy doing these things.
• 34:58
  I've never killed anyone.
• 35:01
  Well, it sounds like you probably killed some animals.
• 35:06
  Not everyone made it, sure.
• 35:09
  Sure.
• 35:10
  But that's any operation.
• 35:12
  So you're saying there's an acceptable amount of losses?
• 35:17
  I'm saying that I don't think about that when I'm doing it.
• 35:21
  Hey, we're going to be late for our spin class.
• 35:24
  Hey, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 35:25
  I'm not, I got to bring it back here.
• 35:27
  I got to bring it back here.
• 35:28
  I'm not trying to be all like philosophical about this or anything, but are you, you said you enjoy this more than anything else in the whole world.
• 35:42
  When my child was born, I didn't care.
• 35:49
  When that cat's legs came off, I cried.
• 35:56
  It cried.
• 35:56
  we all cried
• 35:58
  I'm going to ask you
• 36:00
  I'm going to ask you a question
• 36:02
  and I need you to be honest
• 36:03
  in that plane crash
• 36:07
  did those people's limbs come off naturally
• 36:12
  or was that you
• 36:13
  because there was like some smoke some fire
• 36:16
  I thought I saw a bunch of people running around
• 36:18
  and then suddenly no one was running anymore
• 36:20
  was the crash
• 36:26
  loosened the limbs
• 36:27
  and I started out
• 36:32
  trying to save them
• 36:33
  but when I
• 36:35
  I was pulling a leg
• 36:37
  and they were going
• 36:37
  the other way
• 36:38
  after that first pop
• 36:39
  so then
• 36:42
  and then you felt
• 36:43
  your true calling
• 36:44
  oh yeah
• 36:45
  yeah
• 36:46
  yeah
• 36:47
  it's
• 36:50
  oh no
• 36:50
  oh no no
• 36:52
  it's okay
• 36:52
  it's okay
• 36:54
  God is good.
• 36:59
  Well, I told you I wouldn't reject you.
• 37:05
  Yeah.
• 37:07
  I guess we can still be friends.
• 37:12
  Well, yeah, of course.
• 37:13
  You accept me.
• 37:15
  I trust you more than my therapist.
• 37:17
  Remember?
• 37:18
  Yeah, I know, I know.
• 37:19
  I guess I take a lot of pride in that trust.
• 37:25
  And I think I'll, you know what?
• 37:28
  I can try and reciprocate.
• 37:30
  I'm going to tell you something about me.
• 37:32
  Oh.
• 37:33
  One of my weird little things.
• 37:35
  Hey, lay it on me.
• 37:37
  I've also never told anyone this.
• 37:40
  I actually wasn't planning on it.
• 37:42
  I don't have a therapist.
• 37:42
  See, do you see what truth can do?
• 37:44
  Yeah, you're right.
• 37:45
  You're right.
• 37:46
  You're right.
• 37:46
  It's opening doors.
• 37:47
  By the way, do you have any legs on you right now?
• 37:50
  You said you take the limbs to work with you.
• 37:52
  Oh, yeah.
• 37:53
  Okay.
• 37:54
  You think I just carry a crossbody bag with nothing in it?
• 37:59
  Okay.
• 38:00
  What am I, a metrosexual?
• 38:03
  There's legs in here for sure.
• 38:05
  All right.
• 38:09
  Well, just checking.
• 38:10
  I just thought I'd check.
• 38:11
  Yeah.
• 38:13
  Go ahead.
• 38:14
  Spit it out.
• 38:15
  You know how I like to volunteer at the hospital?
• 38:20
  Yeah, I always thought that was interesting.
• 38:21
  The maternity ward.
• 38:24
  Frankly, that would cut into my leg grip in time,
• 38:26
  but it's what you like.
• 38:29
  Well, I have a little secret.
• 38:34
  A little secret?
• 38:34
  A little secret from the maternity ward.
• 38:38
  Ooh, baby secret.
• 38:40
  Yeah.
• 38:41
  Oh, this is exciting.
• 38:42
  you know that that area where all the babies go to sleep and you can go like oh let's go look at
• 38:48
  our baby the nursery but they're all in their little like they're all in their little their
• 38:53
  little bassinets yeah yeah the acrylic ones yeah exactly and they have no name tags little names
• 38:59
  and everything like that little legs no day this is your story that's why we wrap them like a
• 39:05
  burrito yeah i know i've been in there yeah yeah it takes too long to get them out come on
• 39:10
  I switch all the babies to different things and I don't tell people so that people take home the
• 39:24
  wrong babies all the time. There's not a single kid in this town that's with its rights parents,
• 39:30
  including yours, Grover. Maybe that's why I didn't cry. Wait a minute, you swap babies?
• 39:40
  yep i keep the names there and then i shuffle them around when no one's looking
• 39:45
  what the hell is wrong with you i'm sorry i thought it's you're a disgusting monster beast
• 39:54
  i just i think it's wouldn't oh hey you perverted the nuclear unit
• 39:59
  you would i'm gonna rip your fucking legs off hey hey hey you keep your hands off my legs no
• 40:08
  Oh,
• 40:08
  you're just like a grasshopper.
• 40:15
  This is the moment I live for.
• 40:20
  God,
• 40:20
  I gotta crawl my way to the maternity ward.
• 40:23
  Now I'm going to work.
• 40:25
  I'm taking this with me.
• 40:33
  Got to a turtle walking by,
• 40:35
  buddy you got any spare glue you got any spare glue turtle noises
• 40:42
  okay well that was beautiful well well we both got some things off our chest just so we're clear
• 40:50
  i don't do that uh yeah neither do i wink that's right
• 40:58
  all babies are with their right parents i know that if i did tell you something like that you
• 41:05
  would still be my friend yeah because we're just that close yep that's true i'd really want to know
• 41:11
  who your glue guy is that's the real question yeah yeah because not everything works on legs
• 41:18
  yeah i know and on the all different kinds of animal legs yeah yeah no you really gotta have
• 41:24
  a versatile glue.
• 41:25
  Uh-huh.
• 41:27
  All right.
• 41:28
  Well, that's
• 41:29
  wraps up.
• 41:32
  I eat hair.
• 41:35
  Oh Chelsea you are so beautiful I could eat your hair all night Wish I had hair
• 41:45
  It's time for our next segment.
• 41:49
  Our last segment.
• 41:52
  The big question.
• 41:55
  The question is very big.
• 41:58
  We have another listener submitted question.
• 42:03
  Ooh.
• 42:03
  Yeah.
• 42:04
  But this time it's actually big.
• 42:06
  This time it's personal.
• 42:10
  All right.
• 42:12
  So if you would like to submit a big question, by the way,
• 42:16
  you may do so by emailing us at veryfinefriendsatgmail.com.
• 42:26
  All right.
• 42:29
  Here's the big question.
• 42:30
  If you owned a racehorse, A, what would its name be?
• 42:38
  And B, what is the jockey's background story?
• 42:43
  Signed, me.
• 42:45
  That's how the listener signed it.
• 42:48
  Name of horse.
• 42:49
  I'm writing this down.
• 42:51
  Yep.
• 42:51
  And the jockey's background story.
• 43:00
  I can I tell you just a story about the first horse that I ever bet on you've been on a horse
• 43:11
  no well yes actually first horse I ever been on no the first horse I ever bet on
• 43:18
  it was so I bait based my pick on the name of the horse of course right that's why they have
• 43:30
  name, the name of the horse. Of course, of course.
• 43:32
  Name.
• 43:34
  It had the best name to this day.
• 43:36
  I don't know if I can top this with making up
• 43:38
  my own name even.
• 43:41
  The
• 43:42
  horse was named Eric the Grape.
• 43:45
  Like G-R-A-P-E.
• 43:46
  I don't know what that means.
• 43:48
  I like that it had a human first
• 43:50
  name and not the
• 43:52
  great, the grape.
• 43:54
  That's funny. And that horse came in
• 43:55
  dead last. Oh, no.
• 43:57
  Not even a little bit close.
• 44:00
  It's like the other horses were like looking at their watch waiting for like,
• 44:03
  can we finish this?
• 44:04
  Like that had to be funny though.
• 44:05
  Yeah,
• 44:05
  it was.
• 44:06
  Yeah.
• 44:06
  When was this?
• 44:07
  How old are you?
• 44:07
  About 10?
• 44:08
  Yeah,
• 44:09
  about 10.
• 44:10
  No,
• 44:10
  I want to say 2021 somewhere in there.
• 44:16
  Yeah.
• 44:18
  Wow.
• 44:19
  That's not that,
• 44:19
  that's kind of recent.
• 44:21
  I mean,
• 44:21
  so the Santa Anita racetrack.
• 44:24
  No,
• 44:24
  no,
• 44:25
  no,
• 44:25
  not at Santa Anita.
• 44:27
  Way before that was when I was in college.
• 44:30
  at some point in time.
• 44:32
  I think you just said 2021.
• 44:34
  No, I said I was 20 or 21.
• 44:37
  Oh, I see how I said.
• 44:40
  So pretty recent.
• 44:41
  Yeah.
• 44:42
  You thought Francis was just buttering.
• 44:43
  I thought you were just being nice and pretending like I was young.
• 44:47
  No, I was the age 20 or 21.
• 44:50
  Oh, okay.
• 44:51
  Okay.
• 44:51
  Okay.
• 44:51
  Yeah.
• 44:51
  So this was, okay.
• 44:52
  I got it.
• 44:53
  Yeah.
• 44:54
  That's a great name.
• 44:55
  Eric, the grape guy.
• 44:56
  I don't solid.
• 44:57
  Can't beat it.
• 44:57
  so what would your horse's name be
• 45:01
  I don't know yet
• 45:03
  we'll come back to that
• 45:04
  better question
• 45:05
  based on the name Eric the Grape
• 45:08
  what do you imagine
• 45:10
  the little man that's riding that beast
• 45:13
  what do you imagine his life has been like
• 45:15
  up to that point
• 45:15
  well
• 45:22
  based on the name Eric the Grape
• 45:25
  what is the jockey's life been or what's my jockey's life store his backstory his back
• 45:32
  story his backy story um well
• 45:37
  he was
• 45:42
  at one time
• 45:45
  his name, okay. His name is, his real name is Ronaldo and he was an international art thief.
• 45:57
  And he, he pulled off probably the greatest, uh, heist in all of heisting history.
• 46:13
  he stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and replaced it with a Mona Lisa that he
• 46:25
  that he himself painted exactly quite talented Ronaldo is wow and so but the problem is he
• 46:37
  he made his dumb mistake he made a dumb mistake and he knew that he shouldn't have done it
• 46:41
  but he,
• 46:42
  he met a woman and classic,
• 46:47
  I know,
• 46:47
  and fell in love and he let her in on the secret.
• 46:53
  No.
• 46:54
  Yeah.
• 46:54
  She was part of his plan.
• 46:56
  She,
• 46:56
  she just was like,
• 46:57
  uh,
• 46:58
  I want to,
• 47:00
  she's like,
• 47:00
  I want to get to know you.
• 47:00
  And he kind of like admitted,
• 47:02
  and then he was trying to impress her and he was like,
• 47:04
  this is my great.
• 47:05
  And he's like,
• 47:05
  well,
• 47:06
  come back to my place.
• 47:07
  I want to show you something.
• 47:08
  And he shows her that the real Mona Lisa.
• 47:10
  Why didn't he just tell her?
• 47:11
  he did it if he's so good no because it's because he he is that good he i mean he is good enough he
• 47:18
  created a replica that it's still hanging in the louvre to this day they still haven't figured it
• 47:23
  out but he but he that's to him the talent of the painting is incidental it's just a tool in his
• 47:36
  heisting toolbox. It's, it's the heist. That's what gets him. It's the thrill. Uh, it's that,
• 47:45
  that old switcheroonie that he loves. Right. So I hope that's the name of the movie they've
• 47:51
  inevitably come up with. That's my horse's name. The old switcheroonie, old switcheroonie. Um,
• 47:59
  And anyway, so he made this mistake.
• 48:02
  He fell in love, but then he admitted this to this woman
• 48:07
  and then this woman broke his heart.
• 48:10
  And he, so she, she said, you know, she didn't,
• 48:14
  she's never going to say anything.
• 48:16
  But you know how women are.
• 48:17
  They're fickle.
• 48:18
  That's why we don't keep them in R&D.
• 48:20
  Well, I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch.
• 48:21
  Yeah.
• 48:23
  And he's still so terrified that he's not going to get away with this.
• 48:26
  So I know Ronaldo is, uh, it, but he still loves her and that's the terrible thing.
• 48:34
  Oh, is he, is he gay now?
• 48:36
  No, he's not gay now.
• 48:38
  He still loves her.
• 48:39
  Did he try gay stuff?
• 48:40
  Of course.
• 48:41
  Yeah.
• 48:41
  Yeah.
• 48:42
  Of course he did.
• 48:43
  Yeah.
• 48:43
  With the horse.
• 48:45
  Obviously.
• 48:46
  But what's funny is Ronaldo is actually, he was actually quite a tall man.
• 48:52
  Um, yeah.
• 48:53
  uh he had a very distinctive he would be very distinctive he was six five wait um and we just
• 49:01
  had to get this job as a jockey hang on i'm getting to that okay so he's taking how big
• 49:06
  is old switcheroo yeah it's actually a tiny little he's a mini pony it's a shetland uh no so uh he
• 49:16
  he's like well okay i can't live in this fear that i'm going to be discovered at any moment
• 49:24
  and then she knows uh how she knows me she knows my distinctive height uh she knows about that
• 49:31
  that little mole on my backside time i was with the horse she knows it all he's yeah he's got a
• 49:37
  birthmark uh on his on his backside uh that it's um it's shaped exactly like big bird so very
• 49:47
  distinctive um so he he went to turkey and he got how ironic uh why because a big bird yeah yeah i
• 49:57
  know yeah i know he's like i'll blend in over here ronaldo the irony was not lost on ronaldo um
• 50:07
  luckily he just was thinking on his very big feet and he got a leg shortening
• 50:14
  surgery that it's illegal elsewhere, but in Turkey they do it.
• 50:19
  Um, and he also got, uh,
• 50:23
  a tattoo right over his birthmark to cover it so that that wouldn't of big
• 50:30
  bird.
• 50:30
  Of big bird.
• 50:31
  Yes, exactly.
• 50:32
  It was really easy.
• 50:33
  It made the real easy for the tattoo artist.
• 50:36
  Um,
• 50:36
  yeah but so he's now is he he made himself just significantly shorter so he he dropped two feet
• 50:45
  um but now he had so it's like because no one would suspect i mean two whole feet she even if
• 50:53
  you know even if veruca ever did decide to turn on him
• 50:59
  so now he's four or five now he's four or five is that is that jockey um that is suitable that's
• 51:07
  actually prime jockey height okay um and he's still pistol pistol whip thin so that's also i've
• 51:16
  never heard that term pistol whip them yeah i feel like that's a thing well ronaldo says it all the
• 51:22
  time and I trust Ronaldo. Uh, that's why I trust him with my horse. Um,
• 51:28
  wow. Old switcheroo. And now, so he doesn't go by Ronaldo anymore. Obviously,
• 51:34
  and you would be foolish to change all that other stuff and not change. Oh no,
• 51:37
  no. He's also pistol with smart, not just thin. He's smart. Okay. Um, he,
• 51:44
  yeah, he goes, he goes just by,
• 51:48
  he goes by Jeff now
• 51:52
  which is boring
• 51:52
  and he doesn't get to really flex his
• 51:56
  swarthy Spanish ancestry
• 51:58
  no he doesn't
• 52:00
  but he's
• 52:01
  I know women ruin everything
• 52:04
  Veruca if you're out there listening
• 52:07
  just die already
• 52:09
  so he can go back to his
• 52:10
  new bitch
• 52:11
  he can go back to heisting which is what he loves
• 52:13
  anyway
• 52:16
  that's that's the story of my jockey who rides old switcheroo it's beautiful beautiful it's
• 52:23
  beautiful thank you yeah what about you francis my horse is called grape the eric
• 52:30
  oh wow it's so creative yeah and um the middle name is jude
• 52:36
  does it come before or after the the it's um grape the jude eric or grape okay yeah yeah
• 52:45
  yeah people love it um he comes in dead first wow it's his slogan dead first damn yeah yeah he's
• 52:57
  fast as a pistol that's a whip oh shit i hope that's not here anyway um his backstory is um
• 53:07
  one of unfortunate American racism.
• 53:18
  Oh no.
• 53:19
  Yeah.
• 53:19
  We're talking full blown old antebellum colonization.
• 53:24
  Oh no.
• 53:25
  Yeah.
• 53:25
  Yeah.
• 53:26
  Unfortunately,
• 53:28
  he started bad,
• 53:32
  really bad and like super bad.
• 53:36
  But then he met a horse, a horse named Grape.
• 53:42
  And the horse saw him being bad and said, you're very short.
• 53:51
  There's only one job you can do.
• 53:53
  And after the Civil War, there's only one horse left, and it's me.
• 53:58
  Wait, so Grape's a talking horse?
• 54:01
  You buried the lead there.
• 54:02
  well i don't know if you know this but jockeys and horses the connection is so deep i see
• 54:09
  but all those not a real jockey which is why he can't talk to his right right yeah yeah old
• 54:15
  twitcheroo and he they they have a great rapport yeah but there's no actual talking yeah yeah uh
• 54:22
  so this this was this conversation was happening if you walked by you wouldn't hurt it it's a
• 54:28
  sacred bond.
• 54:30
  Yep.
• 54:31
  Anyhow,
• 54:32
  uh,
• 54:33
  he's like,
• 54:34
  I watched you being bad and I don't like it.
• 54:40
  And yes,
• 54:41
  I want to win,
• 54:42
  but I have morals and my guy who I haven't told you his name yet.
• 54:52
  Oh,
• 54:52
  I was going to ask.
• 54:53
  Yeah.
• 54:54
  It's Melon.
• 54:57
  Melon.
• 54:58
  Yeah.
• 54:58
  Malone was like, oh God, what have I done?
• 55:01
  Who have I been?
• 55:02
  You know why?
• 55:03
  It's because my father made me this way.
• 55:04
  And the horse was like, you can't, that's not an excuse.
• 55:09
  Yeah.
• 55:10
  My father was bad.
• 55:13
  Now he's glue.
• 55:15
  Yeah.
• 55:16
  And Malone was like, wow, you're right.
• 55:22
  If I stop being bad today, and the horse was like, well, how are you going to stop being
• 55:27
  bad?
• 55:28
  He said, I'll give everything away.
• 55:30
  He said, okay, do it right now.
• 55:33
  So we did give it all away to the people he was bad to.
• 55:38
  Wow.
• 55:38
  Yeah.
• 55:39
  So the horse knew.
• 55:40
  The horse was like, this guy's fucking serious.
• 55:42
  Also, the horse had never been in a race and was like kind of just talking big because he
• 55:48
  wanted to have like the moral, you know, over this guy.
• 55:52
  So when this guy was like, I'm ready to ride you.
• 55:55
  He wanted to be on his high horse.
• 55:57
  Oh, oh, you.
• 55:59
  Yes, Joe.
• 56:00
  um
• 56:03
  sorry about the delay yeah totally worth it though worth the wait cut that out
• 56:09
  never cut leave it cut the pause keep it long uh you're not getting
• 56:13
  knee shortening surgery for that anyway um so the horse was like oh god i gotta
• 56:19
  quit smoking now the horse was a smoker oh yeah the war just
• 56:23
  happened everyone smoked oh that's true yeah but the girls were safer back then
• 56:27
  way see there was no cancer yeah it was just that was basically it was basically just tobacco
• 56:31
  yeah yeah it was healthy even yeah but it's still you know hard to run yeah so he quit that as soon
• 56:38
  as he saw what me long did this horse was like this guy's an inspiration to me he quits that day
• 56:46
  there was a rocky montage which they didn't even thought was yet yeah but it happened that was
• 56:50
  actually the very first one first montage ever yeah it was called eye of the horse
• 56:54
  and um it was called horse of the tiger so melong is on of course there's no other horses i've
• 57:03
  established at this point yeah so they're running and running and running winning by default which
• 57:09
  boosts melons like yeah and um anyway the horse is like hey i have an idea why don't i swim us
• 57:19
  over to Europe where they still have horses and we could see what's up.
• 57:25
  Now, if you've been watching them race, they weren't very fast.
• 57:29
  They didn't know this because there was no other horses and jockeys.
• 57:31
  Yeah.
• 57:32
  But when grape the Jude, Eric paddled all the way to Europe, he got buff.
• 57:43
  Yeah, that'll do it.
• 57:44
  Yeah, that will do it.
• 57:46
  Cross Atlantic swim.
• 57:47
  Yes.
• 57:48
  That's a rough one.
• 57:49
  Yeah, when he got out of the water, he looked like he was on roids, which they didn't know about yet.
• 57:54
  Yeah.
• 57:54
  Entered the first horse contest they could find, won by a mile.
• 58:00
  Horse contests are what they call them, too.
• 58:02
  Back then.
• 58:03
  Yeah Yeah things have changed Yeah Things have changed We used to be a proper country Yeah With giving back things Yeah Mind you this is all happening in Europe but Yeah
• 58:13
  Well, when they get drunk after the races, they talk about America.
• 58:16
  Yeah.
• 58:16
  Anyway, they never lost a race.
• 58:19
  Wow.
• 58:19
  Yeah.
• 58:20
  Until.
• 58:23
  Grape the Jude Eric.
• 58:25
  Started smoking again.
• 58:27
  But now tobacco was bad.
• 58:29
  Oh, no.
• 58:30
  Yeah.
• 58:31
  So he got emphazine.
• 58:33
  started losing in Malone and him parted ways.
• 58:39
  Wow.
• 58:40
  That's a dramatic story.
• 58:41
  I like how it was,
• 58:45
  it had a very like philosophical bent to it,
• 58:49
  but it was both Malone was inspired by the horse.
• 58:55
  He was.
• 58:56
  And then the horse got to be philosophical and,
• 59:02
  Or Malone got to be philosophical with the horse and inspire him.
• 59:07
  It's really like a La La Land kind of story.
• 59:09
  A Malone-a-land.
• 59:12
  Yeah, that's fun to say.
• 59:13
  It's fun to hear you say.
• 59:15
  Yeah, now you guys all know.
• 59:17
  I'm surprised you didn't know before.
• 59:19
  Well, it's one of those things.
• 59:22
  It's got to be, it's a story that's handed down generation to generation.
• 59:27
  It's the oral tradition, though.
• 59:29
  Preferably by a fire.
• 59:31
  Yeah.
• 59:31
  Oh, yeah.
• 59:31
  Oh, I'm thinking, I'm like, how does fire
• 59:34
  share tradition?
• 59:37
  By a fire, yeah.
• 59:38
  It's not like burning down your house and being like,
• 59:40
  and then!
• 59:41
  But I get it now.
• 59:43
  In 20 or 21.
• 59:45
  Yeah.
• 59:46
  Well, we both have
• 59:48
  some rich history with our horses
• 59:50
  and our jockeys.
• 59:53
  Yeah.
• 59:54
  I think
• 59:55
  that wraps up
• 59:59
  the big question.
• 1:00:01
  And thank you to the question asker.
• 1:00:03
  Yes.
• 1:00:04
  Me.
• 1:00:05
  Yes, just signed me.
• 1:00:08
  Well, one final bit of business.
• 1:00:13
  Secret word time.
• 1:00:14
  Yeah.
• 1:00:15
  You were throwing me.
• 1:00:17
  Throwing you some bones?
• 1:00:18
  You were throwing me some looks.
• 1:00:21
  Like you feel like you got it.
• 1:00:23
  No, I don't know if that's the case.
• 1:00:24
  No, it's not that.
• 1:00:25
  It's just, you know how you do these tricks?
• 1:00:27
  I know you throw me off.
• 1:00:29
  and I see you were doing it tonight,
• 1:00:32
  and I don't know.
• 1:00:34
  I'm going to make some guesses.
• 1:00:36
  Okay.
• 1:00:39
  Heisting Nope But it was a lot of fun watching you look at me every single time i said that so you did that on purpose heist no i not getting away on the technicality i be pierced
• 1:00:54
  grape no that was literally the horse's name eric the grape okay the louvre the louvre no
• 1:01:04
  I thought you were trying to say
• 1:01:08
  Aleve but with an ooh sound
• 1:01:10
  I thought you were saying Aleve and I was like
• 1:01:12
  I don't even remember saying that no it's not Aleve
• 1:01:14
  Regimen?
• 1:01:16
  Nope
• 1:01:17
  Massage?
• 1:01:20
  No
• 1:01:21
  God
• 1:01:26
  Do I guess the word you said
• 1:01:32
  five times?
• 1:01:34
  that you wanted me to hear five times?
• 1:01:37
  I don't know.
• 1:01:39
  I don't know what word that is.
• 1:01:42
  Because why would you have done such a thing?
• 1:01:44
  This is my question.
• 1:01:45
  The first time you said it,
• 1:01:48
  fuck it.
• 1:01:49
  Is it philosophical?
• 1:01:50
  That's my decoy word.
• 1:01:55
  Oh, good.
• 1:01:55
  I'm so glad I repeated it
• 1:01:56
  because I didn't think you clocked it the first time.
• 1:01:58
  No, the first time,
• 1:02:00
  I thought you saw that I thought it was weird.
• 1:02:02
  and so I thought you were trying to lay down
• 1:02:04
  some cover for it
• 1:02:07
  no
• 1:02:07
  well do you want to keep guessing
• 1:02:09
  yeah keep guessing
• 1:02:11
  no that was the last one I had
• 1:02:13
  oh no that was your final guess
• 1:02:16
  all right yeah philosophical was my decoy
• 1:02:19
  my
• 1:02:21
  my real word was
• 1:02:24
  dicking
• 1:02:25
  which you also said multiple times
• 1:02:28
  yeah did I say it
• 1:02:29
  you said dicked I think
• 1:02:31
  So I think you're good.
• 1:02:33
  I feel like I started that.
• 1:02:36
  I said enough dicking around with all this movie talk.
• 1:02:40
  I don't think you ever said dicking.
• 1:02:41
  I think you just said dick or good.
• 1:02:43
  I think you said yes.
• 1:02:46
  So you're safe.
• 1:02:48
  Okay, but there's still a chance that I could guess your decoy.
• 1:02:53
  So let me get to my guesses.
• 1:02:57
  is your word
• 1:03:01
  Pulitzer
• 1:03:05
  no
• 1:03:06
  is it cumulative
• 1:03:09
  no I feel like we guessed that one a lot
• 1:03:12
  it not pillow is it no I wish that would have ruined me Can it be pillow too Industry
• 1:03:24
  No.
• 1:03:26
  Compulsion?
• 1:03:27
  No.
• 1:03:30
  Malice?
• 1:03:31
  No.
• 1:03:33
  Nuclear?
• 1:03:34
  No.
• 1:03:36
  Racism?
• 1:03:38
  No.
• 1:03:39
  My last guess, antebellum?
• 1:03:42
  no that was your last guess that's my last guess oh i thought for sure you had one more
• 1:03:48
  no same what why why would you be for sure it worked out for me for sure that i had one more
• 1:03:57
  because i thought i saw your pen around the time i said it oh interesting in there oh no i was
• 1:04:03
  probably writing down racism and antebellum oh yeah because okay yeah because it was around the
• 1:04:08
  same time yeah if only you had written the word that came like three words after that well and i'm
• 1:04:14
  out of no no i'm done i'm done with my guesses all right so what were your words my word which
• 1:04:19
  was reincarnated great i said the mattress was reincarnated from shark toes oh whoa okay
• 1:04:28
  and then my decoy word was colonization oh
• 1:04:33
  so great
• 1:04:36
  yeah
• 1:04:37
  now I'm in the trench again
• 1:04:40
  it's just one extra point
• 1:04:43
  sorry
• 1:04:46
  it's okay
• 1:04:46
  I am still leading
• 1:04:48
  I have a
• 1:04:51
  I think a five point lead
• 1:04:53
  yeah you do
• 1:04:54
  good for you
• 1:04:56
  hey
• 1:04:56
  good for you
• 1:04:59
  the fiberglass thing that gave me so many points
• 1:05:02
  you said that word four times when,
• 1:05:04
  which is how I got the lead.
• 1:05:06
  So that same thing had happened to you.
• 1:05:08
  It could happen.
• 1:05:09
  Like just the being like having someone say the other words is like,
• 1:05:12
  that's such a,
• 1:05:13
  if you,
• 1:05:13
  you get it,
• 1:05:14
  that's a,
• 1:05:15
  yeah.
• 1:05:15
  So many easy points.
• 1:05:16
  Yeah.
• 1:05:17
  That's a real dicking.
• 1:05:18
  Yeah.
• 1:05:18
  And it's a real dicking.
• 1:05:21
  Well,
• 1:05:21
  well,
• 1:05:21
  Hey,
• 1:05:22
  could be worse.
• 1:05:22
  Could be better.
• 1:05:23
  Yep.
• 1:05:24
  But one thing's for sure.
• 1:05:27
  We love you listeners.
• 1:05:28
  Oh yes.
• 1:05:29
  You are Malone.
• 1:05:31
  Malone.
• 1:05:32
  No dicking around with you.
• 1:05:34
  Yeah.
• 1:05:35
  Or maybe extra dicking.
• 1:05:37
  Yes, or extra.
• 1:05:38
  Whatever you want.
• 1:05:40
  Bye.
• 1:05:41
  Until next time.
• 1:05:41
  Bye.