Latest / Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!! / --Oh the Frogs I Kissed Before I finally found My Prince-- Dr. Victoria
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Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. There we go. I think that's the one I like. We got it. We got it. Boom. peter: but Pete: went to doing like pre-recordings. Well, Keith, we're at the part of the interview where I'm gonna ask you those two questions. All right, Amanda Landes: that I had been kind of like since head for a while about about writing the story because Mia Mason: you are not the only one that experiences thoughts, Pete "mental Health Champ": Well, Dr. Erica, before we start wrapping up, I'm going to ask you Pete: Welcome to another exciting episode of Pete Vizzotti. Before we introduce my guest today, I'm going to give a shout out to my partner, Psych Pal. Guys, like I said, link in the description, guys. Go hit that link, try it out, get your seven day free trial. Use my code, Pete, at checkout. Why? Because you get 20 % off that discount. Why not, guys? 20 % off your first month. I know, I'm such a great guy. With that being said, my guest today is the author of, The Frog I Kissed Before I Found My Prince, the one, the only Dr. Victoria Vaughn. Thank you so much. And do you want to go ahead, Vicki, or do you want to go ahead, Dr. Victoria? I know you got it in parentheses over here. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: You can complain if you want, Vicki's fine. Pete: Okay, well Vicky, don't you tell everybody a little more about yourself? Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: that's good. I was born and raised in Texas. You know, I'm an educator. I was a college dean and administrator. I have two grown daughters and seven grandchildren. I was married for 30 years and got divorced. That's what prompted this book to be written. I did find my prince. were married. were together 13 years and he passed away. And I'm donating 10 % of the proceeds to this book to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. Pete: I love it. love it. Love it. Well, first off, I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm so happy here. I know it's been a minute since we've had Talkless. We met at a summit. It was great. Dr. Victoria pitched the book to me. I was like, you know what? Let's do this thing. This would be great. But I do love the Michael J. Fox Foundation. They do do a lot of really great things. Where I work Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Awesome. Pete: now is my day job. We do a lot of donations with them too. So I really love everything they do. They do a lot of really great things. So let's just get into the nitty grittiest thing. Okay, so the book. What got you to write a book? mean, everybody like wants, everybody has a great story, but what sets your book apart from everybody else's? Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: You know, that's a great question. I was grieving my husband. I still think about him almost every day. But after we'd settled in, I live in a multi-generational home with my older daughter and her family. And I was sitting in my little living room thinking, wow, I you were here. And then I started thinking, you know, I had to go through a lot of frogs to find you. And I started writing those stories down. And they were making me laugh and I thought, oh boy, I cannot believe I went through all this. And I was journaling whenever I was dating, because I hadn't dated in 31 years. I mean, after a 30 year marriage, you just don't date. And so I found the journals that I kept during this time whenever we were downsizing my big old house to move in here. Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: And so anyway, I typed them up, I gave them to a friend. She said, hey, this is pretty good stuff. ought to think about publishing. And I thought, I never thought about that. But that's actually how it came about. I just thought, I finally found you. But it was quite a joyful and learning event, a whole bunch of learning events. I actually wish I Pete: god, yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: had this book whenever I started, because it would have saved me a lot of time. Thank Pete: You know, I'm thinking about it too because of my dating history. Let me tell you, when I was dating before I got married and now I'm getting, I got divorced recently, it was, there's some scary stories out there, man. Like there's some really Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: absolutely. Pete: bizarre people you run into and I'm just like, people like the dating poem, like, yeah, I don't even want to talk about it. It's like somebody tainted that bull a long time ago, man. But you know what vibes I get from the book is I get, PS, I love you, Rissy, not Louie, we're the one. where the guy unfortunately Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: I guess. Pete: passed away and he left all the notes for her to go and everything ends like PS I love it kind of what it feels like, you know, which I thought was really I liked I thought it was really good interesting aspect to see what your notes were about these people ahead of time. It made me laugh a little bit. I was laughing a little bit at these I was like, God, you know, because it's always interesting to see what people think about it in a blind date, you know, I mean, because you don't really know what people are thinking at that moment, you know, you're both are kind of like, I don't know if we're feeling one on this one. You know, and you always get that situation when one person feels different than the other one does. But now we know what you were thinking during half of these situations. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Right, exactly. And you know, the dating pond is a little, when we're in high school and college, it's a huge dating pond. It's like Lake Superior. Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: But as a senior, and maybe you encountered this too, it's more like a little puddle. The Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: pond just isn't that great anymore. And Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: the frogs, there's frogs in every dating pond, but these frogs have a lot of baggage. Because we've all lived Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: our lives, you know, we have We have ex-wives or husbands. have deaths. We have mortgages. We have kids. Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: We have stuff that has made us who we are. so, Pete: Thank you. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: you know, navigating through all that and finding your perfect soulmate is the adventure, I suppose. Part of the adventure. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. Pete: Yeah, yeah. It's more like it's more like stubbing your toes sometimes, know. Sure, if you want to call it adventure. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're not wrong. I think about it like as you get as you get closer to leaving school, the pool gets very smaller because you get older and then, you know, we all know the age number thing goes on. And then when you get to the adult, you're an adult and you have to be careful there too, because. You know what you do next is very highly questionable to most people. You know, I've seen people that are in their 40s dating people in their 20s. Like I, I, I know I get to understand the age gap thing makes people upset a little bit. But I mean, as long as they're legal drinking age to me would be OK to me. It's like, all right, cool. They're an adult. They can do what they want as an adult. You know, that's what we always tell them. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: that. Pete: But then we turn around and then we give them a hard time about this. And it's like. But you just told me I can do this. But now you're saying I can't do that. I'm an adult, but I can't do it. I want to make a dull decision. So what if he's 20 years older than me? I find a connection, you know, and I think that's where people I think get muddled in a lot of things. Everybody wants to be a part of everybody's business and always has something quick to say, you know, but it's like if they're happy, then what does it matter? Leave him alone. If she's legal, he's legal. What does it matter? You know I'm saying? Like it's like everybody has too many opinions about things, and especially with the Internet now. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: my word. Pete: Yeah, it's a scary place. As you got to remember when we were in school, the internet didn't even exist. It started existing when I was in school. We just had AOL come out. MySpace was a big thing for us. And that's where the limit was. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: yeah. Pete: Now you've got like, God, I can't even think of half the apps. I'm like everything possible to get the most exposure I can. I'm on like 14 different social sites and it's hard to keep up with them all. Thank God for automated systems. I would lose track of where I'm at completely for some of these. because it's so many different ways to connect with people. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Right. Pete: You know, then you always hear, oh, it's not a dating site. Oh, it's not a dating site. Oh, I agree. Most of these aren't dating sites, but you're still going to socially interact with somebody. Doesn't mean you may not find a connection with somebody while you're on some of these apps and things like that, too. You know, it's just bound to happen. It's human nature. know, while it's an attraction, you meet a man or woman, matter whatever you're into, cool. You know, sometimes you guys hate it off and then everybody's had an opinion about that. Oh, well. You guys, you should have met on TikTok. What does it matter if you're happy? Once again, we're back to what the hell does it matter? So when you released Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: this book, what were people saying? Because I guarantee some people are dying, laughing, some of these notes. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Pete: Hahaha. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: you know, a lot of the women were saying, I dated him. I didn't realize he dated you too. Pete: no, no, this had to be interesting now. you felt the same way I too? Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. mean, you know, exactly. Hey, he was just like that with me. These are universal stories. It's an evergreen topic. know, dating is our human being ritual for finding a mate. Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: No other species does that. But yeah, I guess that was the main thing is people were saying such similarity in our backgrounds because I've been there too. But it's really hard. I will say this. I am grateful for the dating sites. Now this was 20 years ago, so there weren't quite as many as there are now. But all the people in my church were like 30 years older than I was, and everybody I worked Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: with was 30 years younger. So had it not been for dating sites, I don't know that I would have found. Even though they're all frogs, most of them were frogs, it's okay. because I wouldn't have found any, you know, wouldn't have anybody to date. So one Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: thing I've also noticed is that there seems to be some times when people get real frustrated and they give up. And I'm just here to tell you that your soulmate, your person is out there. Just keep looking, just keep looking in the right places. Keep yourself active. Keep trying. I just had a friend who's 79 years old. He remarried for the second time. His bride is 75. So tell me that it's not possible because it is. I think that's awesome. Yeah. Pete: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think it's awesome, too. I think it's great. I I did use the dating sites. How I met my now future ex-wife. The only reason we split up was just because we had differences. really really came down to like we had a real honest conversation. She said what she said. I didn't agree with her. That's it. We mutually just basically split up because I was just like, you know, it just didn't work out for us. Let's just go our own ways. Other than that, wasn't really a bad person. per se, she just had a different thought process than I did. You know, and that's the way you should go about it. Instead of, well, they were douche. Unless they were actually this person, I feel like a lot of people act out of emotion alone. They get mad and start talking nasty about people. just like, if they're not your person, it's just like, like going to find a therapist, you got to go through many different ones to figure out what works best for you. But you know, and it's and you know, then you hear the thing of, well, you have you have two high standards. No, it's what they want. OK, well, let them have those high standards, because that's what they want. All right, you know, if they may compromise this, eventually that's up to them. You know what saying? Like everybody always has an opinion about everything you're doing. But yeah, some of those stories, God, one girl told me, what is it? She said she wanted to go through my phone and look for something, which I have no problem with that, because I have nothing to hide. I'll tell you everything that's in there. It's like, you're not going to see much. Bunch of random apps I'm on, different people I interact with. You know, I talk to a lot of people, you know, like you're going to see a lot of different random conversations happen. mean... if that's what makes you feel good. you know, I get it though, people always have histories of things that happened, you know, we don't know a lot about people at first. But when you start to know, get to know them, you start to find out things, you know, and then from there, it's the decision of whether or not you want to stay or you want to go, you know, and then you get demonized for certain those situations, too. well, you know, no, it just wasn't something I can handle. That's the reason I decided to separate ways, you know, because when you come to like mental health things like BPD is a real hard one for people dating wise, you know, because a lot of those people wear their emotions on their sleeves. have a time. They're over a thousand, you know, when they're when you're at 100, when their emotions and things like that, too. So it's harder for people, you know, and then some of them constantly self sabotage. And, know, a lot of different factors play into those kind of things. So but I'm glad people receiving the book well. And they were telling you that, you know, we had some of things because it makes you laugh because you're like, and they go, well, I dated him to like one in a million. The person in this book you dated is in this book. Get the hell out of here. That had to be some interesting conversations. really? Tell me about them. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, well they weren't saying they actually dated him, they were saying I dated somebody exactly like him. Pete: okay. I was gonna say, what in a million are dating the same guy I am? crap, man, hold on now. Hold up, this is interesting. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: No, no, no. I want to kind of unpack what you just said because you said Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: it kind of fell apart because of your differences. Whenever you were in the dating mode, did you discuss values and future plans and things like that? Pete: We did in fact, we talked about it and then it seemed like her values changed a little bit to something totally different she wanted me to be that I wasn't. I, you know, we've had that discussion several times because we were very open communication wise. See, that was the thing. Like we communicated about everything more than I had. So for any other relationship I had, we communicated a lot. So now that's what I seek now is like, if we're going to be together, we got to be able to talk because like we're adults these days, we're not little kids. I mean, yell and scream, do all these other Let's have real conversation about these things, you know, because if we can't come to an agreement, then obviously we're not supposed to be together. You know, and we did discuss a lot of that stuff at first, you know, what her thoughts were and my thoughts were, you know, and everything was working just fine. And then all of a sudden it was she, she shifted her thoughts on a lot of things and just found out that I just, I wasn't, I didn't feel the same way she did about like things, you know, like I had differences. I decided I started growing and I started doing this podcast and learning more about myself. Like my thoughts changed a slight bit to where I was originally and I just kind of felt a different way and I discussed that with her. And when we talked about it, that's like I said, that's when we came to that disagreement to the point where we're just like, you know what, it's just not working out for both of us. Why cause a lot of stress to each other? Why not just, you know, go our own separate ways? Because she brought it up first and I've said, well, I've been considering it for a little while. I was going to talk to you about it, too, because I just see that we're just constantly frictioning. What's the point of attack having these constant arguments about things and stressing each other out? making this place a complete nightmare to come home to because this should be your safe space. When you come home, it should be your safe space. be where you build wine Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Absolutely. Pete: and things like that. But we just we just had a real conversation about some thoughts I was having. And her response was told me to make her the 13th reason why was the reason this whole thing ended. And that was the nail in the coffin to me was just like, you know, when it it comes to like suicide, aviation, things like that, when people come to them and talk to them, I always tell people the same thing. I said, be prepared, because if someone brings this conversation up to you. It may not be the most opportune moment, know, but you have to understand that someone telling you about these things is a very powerful statement because they're telling you something that they're thinking and they're right at that edge of things. It could go worse. It could go bad. You know, they could be as close as you think, because once you hit a certain stage, and I confirm this to a psychotherapist I was discussing this with, he said that once you hit a certain stage, they stop listening. like them coming to talk to you is the step Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Whoop! I hadn't heard of that. Pete: right before we get to that final step. And then you're just kind of like, you know, there. So but yeah, we had an honest conversation. That's what she told me. Then she told me like, basically to reschedule my thoughts. I'm like, yeah, I can't reschedule thoughts I'm having, you know, I mean, it's kind of hard to do when these are the thoughts I have, I'm coming to you to tell you as my partner that I'm having some issues that I need you to be aware of. And that's how you respond to things. And that was ultimately what caused us to just kind of separate our own ways, you know, didn't have didn't go messy, things like that. I ended up leaving sooner than I was anticipating to just because it was just Too much tension going on and it's just like, you know, it's not worth this for either one of us. Because what are we getting at the end? Nothing here. We're torturing each other. This is just madness. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Let me ask you something, if the situation Pete: Yeah, good. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: had been reversed, it sounds like you were growing and she was not, and maybe she didn't want to go on that adventure with you, but let me ask you something, if the situation had been reversed and she were the one that was discovering herself and discovering all these things about herself, what do you think your reaction would have been to that? Pete: I would have been really supportive Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Would you have Pete: like I've always been. I would have stayed. Honestly, I would have stayed, but that's just me. can't, you I know she'd been through a lot and she saw a lot of things she had to deal with her past. She had a very horrible past. I've heard a little bit about it. You know, some stuff she's never discussed, which I could believe it though. She's went through a lot of trauma as a kid. Like I know some of the stuff she went through and you know, I get it though. She, I just don't think she, she had a lot of other factors that were going on too that, know. She just didn't want to get help for you know, and then you can't help somebody that doesn't want help at the end of the day. Let's all be honest here, if they don't want help, you can't help them. You know, and I wish the best to her honestly, all the time I'm like, you know, I hope she gets herself in a better place, you know, where she's happier because you know, she has a four year old daughter, she has three daughters older, but I've seen her change though, from the day we met to the day I left, her three kids, three of her older kids would never speak to her, now they speak to her. She has a little girl that was involved that she had with someone else before us, which is fine. I treat her just like my own, still love the kid to death, great. I love her, awesome. I wanted her to do better for them at the end of the day. But if it was me in her situation, I would have been more supportive versus her. But it was just the upbringing she had, I think, is that she just couldn't get past. Which I get, the past she had was rough. And I know she can change. It was just her choice not to because I seen her evolve. seen her do way better than what she did before. I seen the kids change their relationship with her as she's gotten better with things that she was dealing with, which was great. If anything, I at least help her get to a new level that now she has interaction with her kids. She's got grandkids now, things like that too. And she has a better relationship Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. That's awesome. Pete: with them, which is awesome. You know what I mean? Like I said, at the end of the day, As much as that conversation went the sideways, it just meant that she wasn't one for this conversation. I accept that. I get that too. And things like that as well. Every time I mention it, it's not to demonize her. It's just what happened in the conversation. People ask that all the time, well, what happened? OK, well, this is what happened. But you can't fault her for not being ready for a conversation like that, because a lot of people aren't ready for that. It's just the reality of things. But at end of the day, we're at least trying to go about it civilly instead of sitting here trying to bury each other. Because then he's already been asked, like I say, she's not an evil person. She's been through a hell of a lot. God, man, that girl's been through a lot, but I know she can do it. And I only accept, I always wish her the best, honestly, you know, because at the end of the Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: awesome. Pete: day, you know, there's still love for her there because, you know, we had a connection. We got along. We went through a lot together and watched her do great things. I seen her get better. You know, I'm so happy that she has a relationship with the kids. Now they got grandkids and everything like that, too. She gets to see them all the time. She got to see them, which is more than her kids would do before we first met. They were having a rocky road. Even better. That's awesome. You know what saying? And I think that's why I think it's what a lot of people felt though. So, you know, I'm sorry. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, well, I mean, you did help her grow herself. So that's awesome, Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: too. It's unfortunate that it didn't work out, but things always work out for the best. Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: you know, but you're right about there's certain, I think whenever we go into these things, we need to state what our expectations are. I want to get that out front because then people can decide, do I want to move forward or is this not for me? Pete: Yeah. No, I agree. think think setting out the clear expectations of what you both feel value wise as well as a really good conversation. think that's where lot of people fail is conversation, though. A lot of a lot of relationship coaches and people I talk to, that's the big thing you see is that they don't communicate for some reason. At some point, communication ends. I don't get it. Like it's like, guys, just have a conversation. Is it going to be fun? No, it's never going to be fun when you want to talk about how you don't feel the other person is doing their part. You know, but Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: then it turns into a shade throwing session. Who could throw more? It's not what it's about. They're coming to talk to you because they feel like, listen, we're not connecting on something. Let's try and get to a better understanding, you know, versus, you know, just going to this thing, just screaming, yelling, which I used to do in the past. Let me be honest. Yeah, I could tell you right now I'm speaking from experience. I used to be that person that got hot under the collar. Now it's gotten better with the things I've learned and all the different things I've been doing, you know, and stuff like guys I've been evolving from the beginning of the show to where I'm now. I've learned a lot of new things about myself as I go, you know. And I think that's what she didn't like. She also didn't like the fact that I was talking to people every week. And I'm like, I'm doing an interview for a show. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: you're talking to all these girls and everything else is like this. I'm like, you're looking at from the wrong aspect, you know, but she did give me some very strong values about things like she's like, if you're going to do a show, be very authentic. So like I like I said, I woke up one day and just decided, you know, ripcord it. We're just going to go and say everything out loud. We're to tell everybody everything, you know. So like my whole life's on the Internet, honestly, like I've told everybody about what I deal with. You know, and some people just can't handle that. I know I've had to block people recently where we've disagreed about how I've handled things. You know, and I get that. That's cool. Listen, more power to you all. You all do your own thing. Like I'm to keep it going with exactly what draws people to the show. It's the real authenticity of what I'm talking about. Like I said, I talk about all my feelings of everything, how I feel about stuff, know, breakups I have and things like that, too. My last relationship I had, I ended it because I felt like, you know, she just couldn't talk to me. And that's my big thing is like, if you can't communicate, I told her in beginning, if you can't communicate to me. It's just not going to work out for us. Like I laid that expectation straight out front. was like, you know, if you can't talk to me, sweet girl. I mean, she was going through a lot battled beat addiction. She's been sober for a long time. Fantastic to hear that for her. She's been through hell. She had BPD. So I can tell you from experience dating somebody BPD. Isn't it is that they make it at the scene. You know, a lot of them are like, oh, it's not because a lot of people fail in relationships as if where you're getting into a relationship with somebody with something like BPD. Do your research, you know, take the time to understand what these individuals are going through, because if you're not looking at it at the other side of the coin, you're already failing them already because you're not understanding where they're coming from perspective wise, because the things that they deal with. Me on the other hand, I was lucky because I have an expert in that is an expert in BVD that actually had been on the show and she's a good friend of mine, Dr. Jen Bellinger. I reached out to her and she had a community where I could go and learn some more things about how to be more supportive to her because I was like, you know, if I'm to get into this thing, I might as well prepare if this thing goes long term, you know. Hey, listen, there's other options out there. You can join these communities and learn more. Not only can I learn more for myself, I can learn more for, you know, just people I run into at BPD or people run into people I meet have BPD. And I've had people on the show that have had BPD before. And it's always interesting when you get them on because you want to know what their perspective is. And every one of them had a different perspective of how it how it worked for them, you know, and things like that, too. So it's been really cool. You know, I actually had my first person on my side show who had threats. And for the first time in the 300 plus interviews I've done on the show. I finally had some with Tourette's on the show and it's really interesting to get his perspective on like what you see versus what it actually is like having this, you know, and things like that too. So it's been great though. So like I said, we last we talked, I've done a lot of interviews. I've done, God, was like 200 plus, I think I'm over 400 interviews now. I've lost track after a while because I do so many of these like Mondays and Tuesdays, I'm doing like four to five interviews between the two days, maybe Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Wow. Pete: more. You know, but I'm bulk recording because I also do a side project called Voice of the Voiceless. So I do that with a co-host and she's getting in. She she was a support group and she does a lot of work in social work herself, got a lot of awards and things like that. So it's been pretty cool that she's she's been enjoying the ride with me because she I invite these interesting people to come visit her. So I invited one of my my two time returning guests the other day to meet her and she had a great time like, get ready. We got some more interesting ones coming. I got for you. She has no idea what I've got planned for her. But you know, it's fun though. It's been great though. Like I said, since last we saw each other, I've done another panel. I've done about 14 different interviews. I found out one of my friend's shows that I had the most highly downloaded episode on Humanity 2.0. I just revisited her for the second time. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Awesome. Pete: God, I've done a lot. I've done a lot since then, but it's been great though. So what have you been up to since, you know, last time we saw each other besides the book? Obviously the book's taken off really great. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, well, I've been on a lot of these podcasts too, and my comfort level has been increasing as the more of these that you do. But I want Pete: That's awesome though. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: to rewind. You were talking about BPD. That's bipolar disorder, right? Pete: Mm-hmm. No, we're talking about borderline personality disorder, but bipolar does fall under the same category too a little bit, but it's more of an extensive. It's way larger than bipolar by a more though, but it kind of lines up the same. If you line them up, they're very similar. She had bipolar one as well too, so let's throw that one in there too. You know, still sweet girl, but it was just really complex. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Right. I wonder how you find that out about somebody before, you know, if you're interested in starting. Okay. Pete: She told me, she told me. We were discussing, like you said, we were upfront about everything, because she was the same way. We were very upfront about it. She told me, she was like, hey, I have BPD, and I already knew what it was, from my own experience, because I met a girl in the beginning of the show, when she knew I was doing the show, when I started it. She told me, I kind of looked into it a little bit. Dr. Jen was actually the first video I watched. So I later on that year, the second year of show, during the second season of the show, I actually got her to come on the show, after the first year of the show. And I was so excited when she came on because it was really cool because I've been watching her on YouTube, watching her videos. And then here she is right in front of me talking to me. I was like, this is so surreal. This is really weird because me and my accent talked about it said, hey, what if she came on the show? But yeah, a lot of people misconcept that too. They say that BPD, they think it's bipolar, but it's really borderline personality disorder. It's just it's a really it kind of runs similar. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Okay. Pete: Run similar, but it's just it's way more than she had bipolar one as well. So a lot of people you find. would be they do have bipolar one as well associated with that things like that. just it was it was interesting when she said that to me as like and then she she before she even said I said hello to her she wouldn't looked into who I was. It was funny she told me a story she's like yeah I looked into who you were and I saw what you do and I saw your podcast I was watching it you know and then I find out you're like you're almost you're pretty much the same person I'm like yeah that's that's the way I do it. I'm like it's I'm just authentic like I don't lie to you about anything I'll tell you about everything that's going on. So we knew ahead of time when I was getting into it, everybody was like, hey, be careful with her, da da da, this and that. I'm like, and I had to be very careful. I had to go through a strenuous process of the screening of the friends and things like that, you know, because I get their protective of her because of her BPD, you know, like she has really bad abandonment issues as well. So she constantly thinks you're going to leave her, you know, things like that. You had to constantly reassure and things like, and you know, it's just things you have to be prepared for when you get into these relationships with people like that. know, I think too many people demonize everything because they just had a bad experience. And like I said, I feel like a lot of them don't do that research on their, don't do their due diligence on their end and say, listen, let me look into what I'm about to get a part of because it gets really extremely hard. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: absolutely. Yeah. Well, good for you. I'm happy for you. So you asked me what I've been up to. I've been making I've been doing a lot Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: of talks about this book to independent Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: living, senior living homes. I've been on a lot of podcasts. That's what I've been doing, filling my time with that. So I'm trying to get a bigger soul. I'm sorry. Pete: There you go. That's good though. Any exciting podcasts you've been on? Any fun podcasts? Any fun podcasts you've been on recently? Anyone give me a shout out to anybody you really enjoyed having a good time with? It's always fun, man. I'm telling you. That's good though. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: You know what, they've all told me. I'm really impressed with all the podcasters because just like you, you know, very professional setup and you really know what you're doing. You're wearing the headphones. I have headphones here, but they drive me nuts. So, Pete: You Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: and usually with the microphone, you know, I talk with my hands, so I'm constantly hitting Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: there. But I've grown a lot too, and I've learned a lot about myself, just like you said. The more of these you do, the more you think, oh, wow, I didn't realize that. Even whenever I was going through all this, I thought, and I kind of thought I knew myself pretty well then, but I'm really learning more. So it's been a great experience. Yeah, I've been on a couple of talk shows too. Yeah, Pete: Okay, okay, that's so cool Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: those are fun too. So people Pete: you Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: starting to refer to me as the next Dr. You know, Dr. Ruth. Pete: there you go. Yep. I remember Dr. Ruth. Yep. We were talking Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Where's this? Pete: about it actually the other day. Some of and I were actually, that's funny you say it, we were discussing her the other day. We were all trying to think of what her name was. We all were looking it up. like, what's her name again now? Dr. What? I'm like, I knew it's something with an R, dude. Let me go look at it see. And it was Dr. Ruth is exactly what we were talking about. So that's pretty cool though. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, I mean, I'm not a sex therapist, but I am a dating expert because you know what, Pete, you may not know anything about anything, but you write a book about it and all of sudden you're an expert about it. And I'm okay with that. Pete: Right. Yeah. You know, people told me I should write a book. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Write a book, though. I've had some interesting people come on, though. I some cartoonists come on. The way she wrote her book was more like she she illustrated the whole thing like her own adventures through her own anxiety and all these other things. The way she depict it was really cool. Her book comes out on the 28th, actually, of April. when I met her, me and her were discussing, Gemma Correll was the artist's name, but she came on and we were talking to her for a little bit about it. But it was interesting how she does it now, because I think the way people are doing books these days are interesting because now they're making them more like graphic novel type styles, which I think works great because I'm a huge nerd. So I like all that kind of stuff. It applies to me even more. You know, and all that kind of stuff like that. So it's great. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Maybe you should write a book from the perspective of the mental illness like you just spoke about. I think that would Pete: Mm-hmm. You know, someone told me that the other day too. They told me I should write a book. I'm like, you know what? I'm thinking about it now. I've been thinking about it last 24 hours because somebody said it to me too. like, you know what? You should write a book. It'll be interesting from all the things you know. like, you know, I probably am. I've been talking about it lately. I want to kind of decide how I want to do it. So I may end up starting playing around with it and start working on it to add it to the more than the many things I do. But yeah, you know, I think it'll be interesting when it comes out because it'd kind of cool to add it to my list, publish author and things like that as well. The show is being heard in like 17 different countries now. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: soon. Pete: I've got, like I said, I just got the partnership with PsychPAL recently. Jules is based out of Canada. He's really cool. It's like an AI app. Basically what it does is it like it learns who you are. So it's not like every other thing you like. And I know people hate AI when they hear it, but I think this is done right. Jules' intentions originally was for his daughter when he built it. He built it for her. So he built her something that would learn who she is and then help Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Wow. Pete: Jules understand her as well. So he was like, know I'm going to try this out, see how it works. And he liked what happened and how it works so well. And he uses it himself all the time because I actually had a phone call with him when we first met and we were talking about it for a bit. And he was telling me a little bit of the story. He's like a lot of the things I add in there and stuff she adds and tells me. So Jules and I partnered and I told him like, yeah, man, I'm going to get out there, hit the trail, told him exactly what my plan was. And he's like, well, we picked the right person. Apparently I'm like, hey, man, I got a plan. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: How did you find him? How did he find you? Pete: He emailed me. Actually, it's funny to say that he emailed me. I've got an email one day from somebody emailing me. I tens of thousand emails here. You know, so I got like 14 emails a day, you know, of different people messaging me. So I went through my emails and I came across this one and he was telling me a little about it. Oh, so we had a partnership and I was like, OK, cool. And then we were going back and forth for a few weeks about it. And then we finally came to an agreement, you know, and stuff like that. So Jules's initial email to me was he was telling me about his app. He's like, I reached out to a couple of other shows, talked to him. So I don't know what his outcome with the other ones were, but I know with mining, me and him signed a contract like a few weeks after that, we finally got all the details hammered out and things like that, but it's been great. I love it. So there is a description in this episode for everybody listening that wants to check out Psych Pal, it's really cool. It's a 70 free child, don't have to sign up for anything you want to, but there is the 20 % off the subscription is what he gave me for a code for an affiliate link. And I was like, all right, cool, you know. So I had other people try this thing and I can send you the link too, if you'd like, and you can try it out yourself and see what you think. But it's Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: really cool because I'm trying to get a lot of organic perspective on what it's like. You know, lot of my friends have been trying it. One of my friends in fact loves it. She's like, yeah, I use it all the time. I talked to it all the time. And the cool thing is it doesn't replace your therapy. It supports your therapy. So like it'll take notes for your therapist and like how you're feeling and gauge how you're feeling. But I like the fact it's not the cookie cutter thing. It's not like one for everybody. No, no, this thing learns who you are. So it'll go Pete, it'll go. Vicki, it'll go whoever you are and talk to you in ways you can understand and you can send it text messages and pictures and talk to it and it'll respond to you in a way that you understand. you know, it helps you better understand some things if you're having trouble, you know, but it'll keep notes for your therapist at the same time. So like if you're talking to something, you don't remember what you're having a problem the other day, it'll keep notes for you so you can send them to your therapist and it'll, it'll email them all the stuff they want to know and things like that. So it's really cool though for that kind of. from that aspect. I'm trying to find other people with different mental health disorders to use it because I want to see how they respond to it. That way I can give him as much feedback as possible because Jules and I talk through email all the time about things and he sends me new videos and stuff to use for the ads for it. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Awesome. Pete: So it's really good. It's been really great. There's another app I'm talking to as well. I haven't heard from yet. I reached out to them. They reached out to me. You know, it's been a fun process of things, you know, as we go through the whole thing, but it's been great though. Like I said, I get new emails every day from people that want to be on the show. Some people like re email me, Hey, listen, in case you forgot me, I'm like, I'm one person. I didn't forget about you. I promise, man. I'm still doing this all on my own. I do a lot. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: wow. I know, yeah, you're really busy. Yeah, awesome. And I love that you're Pete: Yeah, yeah, sure. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: in 17 countries. That's awesome too. Pete: Yeah, it's very impressive to me too. I thought it was interesting because I have where I hosted through the same place I recorded through. So I have a idea of the statistics. We're about to hit 22,000 downloads, which I'm just like, fact I'm even over like 10,000 in a year and a half, I'm shocked to be honest with you. People are listening to this thing, but people gravitate. It's so great. I meet people from all the world, UK. I interviewed somebody from the UK the other day. I actually met them TikTok and she's been a big fan ever since. doesn't really accept a lot of podcast advice. And when she said yes to mine, I was like, okay, well, that's okay. I find honored. I feel very honored that you're saying yes to me, but saying no to everybody else, you know, and we've Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, of course. Pete: had some, we've had some wild stories in this season to Vicky, let me tell you what the season, what opener this thing, man, who blew the doors off this whole season, man. She had a wild story to tell. What led up to the point of where she dropped a major note in the middle of it for anybody hasn't listened to this point, I might as well just tell you what happened. She said, basically she came home, because she was bullied so bad, went to the basement. The following sequence of things happened. She drank bleach, cut her wrists, and just laid there. Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, exactly what I said when she said that. Exactly what she said that. She's still alive. To tell this story, said her brother came home and found her. I was like, what? As soon as that sequence of events went off, I was like, you will find me rendered speechless almost for the first time ever in the three years Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Thanks. Pete: of this show. The three seasons of this show. Like, I was like, What? Wait a minute. Hold on. But you know, she's doing well now. I had to cut her camera Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Thank you. Pete: feed for her own protection because it was one of those situations that I'm okay with. I have no problem doing these things. Like I said, I'm very commenting with a lot of these people, but she had been through a hell of a lot before that. A lot of drug use and things like that. So there's another girl who came out over the last week from the time I was recording this on a Wednesday. She came out this. I met this one Holly. Okay. Now this one gets really crazy. Holly said that when she was three years old, she was sexually assaulted. OK, so how did she find out? She was going to a hypnotherapist. So a lot of things I've learned over the year from doing this show over the year and a half is that your brain sometimes will cut off the memory so you don't remember the trauma, but your body will remember it. So she said that what Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Absolutely. Pete: was happening was that the body was remembering, but she had no idea this had happened. And so she went to the psychotherapist and the psychotherapist kept saying, hey, listen. there's something I got to tell you. I can't tell you yet. Just kept referring to it, okay? So then Holly comes back to tell us this, you know, and mind you, the conversation started with, were talking about what she's doing now, but this went to her whole background. So like, when I tell people I hit record, you never know what the conversation is going to be like. It went off completely. was like, so we got up to the point where Holly had said somebody had started making fun of her for being sexually assaulted. So at one point in this interview, I stopped Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: for five minutes and I get so upset. go, you know what? If you're picking on this woman for being a sexual assault, being sexually assaulted, you and I literally said it to the camera. I was so mad and Holly was just sitting there like, okay, I Pete's upset over there. Like, cause it's like, why, why would you do that to somebody? It's not like she wakes up and goes, Hey, yeah, I want to be sexually assaulted today. So please, you know, let me be, let me have a lot of trauma the rest of my life. This is what I chose. I'm like, Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, exactly. Come on. That's awful. Pete: You know what mean? It's like, Come on. You know, that's the scary part of the internet, too. It's like when people, she started telling people what happened, for someone to react in that way, I was just like, what? Like, what do mean? Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, who does that? Pete: Somebody's making fun of you. You know what saying? Like, I was like, what Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: It's that. Pete: the fuck? I was so mad, girl. You should have heard me. I went off. I was so mad. I look at the camera and I said, y'all want to come attack somebody? You know, come find me. Here's where you find me. I was so mad. Because I'm like, how dare you? I told Holly that too when we got out there. I was like, I have to stop it for 56 minutes. I couldn't do this for any longer. It was that bad. It's like, you got it. We got to take a break. You're done. I'm I'm feeling this a little too much, man. I need a break from this thing. And she was like, I told you she's like, well, we didn't even talk about what I'm doing right now. Holly, we covered a lot in this episode. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: But she's doing well now. She's doing well now. You know, I personally Pete: yeah, yeah, she was doing awesome though. She was doing great now. Yeah, you know... Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: have hypnotherapy myself. So I think it's way to get Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: down to the deeper levels that we do suppress and try to forget because of. Pete: Yeah, yeah, because you get into your subconscious a lot of times and that's where lot of the really real answers are things like that, too. I have some neuroscientists that are coming on later on this month. Couple of months down the road, we have a few neuroscientists coming on. So it'll be interesting conversations that we dig deep into those kind of things as we touched on it a little bit. The first season of the show, we met a woman that we were talking about negative self-talk and how where it lives in your brain and how at the time when we were discussing, she's an actual neuroscientist was telling me that that they discovered another part of your brain where that part lives. So we got this whole long conversation, like hour long conversation. That was really great though. But you know, the way that Betsy broke it down was like, she didn't make you feel lost in the conversation. Broke it down completely understandable for me. Yeah, because I don't know anything about neuroscience, but we were going at it for an hour long, just having a great conversation about the whole thing, you know, but the way she broke it down made it so it was digestible for people that didn't understand what the bigger terms were. So she was really great. You know, so we do have a few neuroscientists coming down the road, so I'm sure we'll get to the topic. There was a hypnotherapist named Craig Mayweather we talked to. and I were talking about what happens if you go past the point of birth. And then there was another woman I met that was we had talked about that space that's past where you were born before, like where your your soul is at, you know, and what it's like to be in that area kind of thing. So we've gotten to a lot of interesting conversations since, you know, last time we seen each other. So I've had a lot of interesting adventures. So. It's been fun, needless to say. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: I feel so humbled to be on your program. Thank you for having me, because my stuff Pete: No, definitely. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: is very light and fluffy. Pete: You know, and I like, like I said, I loved, I loved when I met you. It was great. I loved your energy. I loved the idea of the book. I thought it was really great. I was like, you know, I liked exploring different topics with different authors. I get a lot of authors that come on the show and things like that too. You know, so it's, been fun. Like I said, when I got that, that invite from Gemma Correll's team to come have her come on the show, they were reaching out to me as well. They just eat, said, listen, I heard your episode. I think I got something great for you. And I went to look up this woman to find out she has a million followers on Instagram. I was like, Okay, are you got the right show here? Like you got the right place to look at? Because Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, exactly. Pete: I'm like, damn, you're talking to me. like, I don't even have a million followers. I almost have a thousand followers on my Instagram, but you know, like my TikTok, I've been building up things like that. But it was interesting, but she was so cool though. She came on and things like that too. So it was interesting the opportunities I've had since, you know, we met last, you know, and all the things that there's plenty more coming. I've got a woman that's been featured on HBO Showtime. ESPN, a few other things too. met an Emmy-WARN-winning life coach that has some book jam, but we're working a day, a two-time Emmy-winning producer who deals with his own mental health, has his own podcast as well as reach out to me on the show. So a lot of movie parts in the back scene have been going on since the last time we had had it. I got a chance to meet you when you pitched the show, to be on the show with me. So was great though. And I did another summit since then too. And it's been fun too. We have a lot of interesting people coming in for that one as well. Vicki, we're at the part of that interview. where I told you in beginning that we have two questions, okay? So these two questions I have started asking during season two when I met another podcaster who asked me this question. So the first one to you is that if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? This is always a fun answer for what people give me. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Wow, okay, so you're just bringing that on me now, huh? Pete: That's how I do it, just drop it on. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: I always love the song by Spandale Ballet called True. Everything Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: I Know Is True. I don't know. I guess I've always tried to be true to myself and forthcoming with other people as well. So that's the song I would pick. Pete: Definitely. See, I told you it's always interesting what people respond like we've had Michael Jackson, Taylor Swift came up recently for one of our episodes. We've had the doors. One guy told me raindrops dropping on my head. I can't remember the name of that song, but that one too. Like you get Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, yeah. Pete: an interesting collection of different songs. So it's an interesting question because she asked me about it. And, you know, I broke my down in a few different songs when I did mine, you know, like mine, like my anxiety was a fast tone. for my depression, it's like one of those like real soft ones, know, things like that as well. You know, things like that too. So the last question I have for you and the reason I started this podcast is that if you could break the stigma about mental health. Now, when I ask you this question, I'm asking from the aspect of something that you hear that you just want people to stop believing that you like, you're like, Hey, I really wish you guys would stop believing this one thing. What would you say that one thing would be? Okay. She's over laughing. She loves it. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: boy. Pete: That's how I saved these to the end, because these are so interesting questions, you know? Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. wow. Pete: Vicky's like, don't know what to say to this one, man. There's too many to start. Where should I go? You got 20 minutes and a shot of whiskey? I got you on this one, Here we go. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, there I go. Well, you know, about that sexual abuse thing, guess. Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: I guess I would... boy. I mean, anything I say is going to be political, I don't think I want to say that right now. So, you know, I wish people would. Stop being so judgmental towards other people. Pete: I think that's great. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think you have a really good point there, though, because people are really judgmental when we don't know things, we label things or we demonize things and we start Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Right. Pete: giving it names for other things. It's just it's just terrible. It really is. Well, Vicki, thank you so much for coming to hang out on the show with me today. It was great seeing you again. I'm so happy that the book is doing well. I know I enjoyed it because I picked up a copy after I met you to read it because I was interested. And I laughed hysterically at some of these comments you had on these things. I thought it was great. Guys, go check out her book. Biggie, do want to let everybody know where they can find you? What's the best place to find you? You have website, you want to pitch some socials, whatever you want to do, you let them know where they can find you. There you go. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Alright, so here's this is all the frogs dot com. That's my website. Pete: I love the title. I love the title. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: So you can find me there, you can click on it, you can buy the book through that website. You can see some of my past podcasts in that website. Pete: There you go. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Social media, I tried to do the Instagram thing. My granddaughter wanted me to get on Instagram, and we did about two weeks worth of my reading my book. And I started to get quite a few followers, and then she... She got too busy so she couldn't follow through with it. So I'm thinking, how Pete: Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: in the world can I revive that? So I do need a bigger social media presence. I know that. Pete: Mm-hmm. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Because everything is done through social media. So Pete: Yeah, definitely. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: even though I told you to write a book, I think you should. But I'm you do an audio version too, because people really Pete: I'll say I'm... Yeah. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: don't like to read anymore. Pete: Yeah, true, very true, very true. Are you working on an audio version for your book too? I mean, it's always a question you ask a lot of authors. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, yeah, we have one. Yep, yep, it's in the can. It's already. Pete: Okay, there you go. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a Kindle version. have an Pete: There you go. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: yeah, I mean, we have all kinds of ways you can get the book. So. Pete: That's awesome. Well, Vicki, thank you so much for being here again today. It was great. I'm so happy. Everything's going real well for you. you decide to write another book or you want to come back and just hang out, I'll find you some interesting guests to come hang out with me. We could write a couple of stories together and you'd be like, yeah, Pete, I see what you go through every day. Well, thank you so much for being here. Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah, you know what, I'll help you write it. How's that? I'll be the instructor. Pete: There you go, right? There you go. Well, Pete, lay on the stories for me. Like, oh, wow. Oh, oh, OK. All right, man. Cool. So with that being Dr. Victoria (Vicki) Vaughn: Yeah. Pete: said, guys, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete for his anxiety. Guys, you know what? Finally, I'm Peter's anxiety on X all the way down to tick tock. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Pandora radio. And as always, say it costs nothing absolutely not to be kind to somebody. One kind act you do could save someone's life for hell. can't make their day. I'm Peter's anxiety son. I'm saying don't ask how your day is today. Say, hey, how's your mental health?