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Dear Banya: Who Ya Gonna Call? · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Podcast Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: It's that scrubbing in life with my scrubbing in a wife.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: I was thinking it'd be fun if we did a
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: little jingle for dear Bonya like such as, well, you know,
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: I just come with ideas, not exact execution.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where we always fall flat, and that we
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: have ideas, we don't follow through on anything. We should
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: change that. Honestly, that's a really bad quality to have.
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: Yes, it really is.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: And I'm not putting that on you. I'm putting that
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: on the both of us.
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: It's literally a store of mine, look at any area
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: of my life.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Really, But I just thought it be cute if it
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: was like who you're gonna call when you have a question,
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: or it was just gonna be like two lines like
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: who you gonna call? But something that ends with Anya.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: It's kind of tough. It's very tough.
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna call when there's a question, Anya, pick up
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: the phone.
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: Are you gonna call when there's a question? On Y
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: I have an idea, Let's call Banya.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's write Bonya.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: It's really good forget.
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because we will.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now you're gonna call the question on ya?
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: I have an idea, dear Bonya. And if we can.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Add a little jingle behind it, how cute is that
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: we get in the studio and get that locked in?
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, let's maybe get let's give a clear one.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Let's give a clear one.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, we're doing this now.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Who you're gonna call with the question on ya? I
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: have an idea?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, No, I feel like I should say I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: have an idea. Okay, you should say so.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: That cuts it together, dear bond your bond.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, But then I should say I have an idea.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Okay, who you're gonna call with the question on you?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I have an idea?
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: What the hell?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Dear? I think it was nice to cut like a
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: little like to hear this every day.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: So just okay, who you're gonna call with the question
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  Speaker 4: on you?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I have idea, Dear Bonya.
• 2:44
  Speaker 6: Wow, that's so good. I will do some stuff with that.
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: But if anyone out there is listening and wants to
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: give it, isolate that and put it on the face.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Excellent, idea excellent and execution around. Yeah. Yeah, top tier.
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: Anyways, this is.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: The newest grubbing in twenty twenty sixth version. We get
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: it done on the.
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: Spot and you have to listen to us workshopping.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're pulling you behind the curtain to show you
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: how the sauce is made.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: Who else is doing that?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And by the way, did you know that there was
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: like a lot of backlash on Amy Poehler winning the
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: podcast Work because her podcast is like eight and eight
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: months old or something like that.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: I hate that. Why Why is that a problem?
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know, because they're just like so good that
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: there's made a more more impact than podcasts that have
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: been there.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: For you just tell you what I read. No, I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: would just on like online critics, schmidtics. Yeah, they're all
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: out there. They are all out there.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: It's best you just don't read the comments. That's what
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: I've learned. The other day, I was like upset because
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I can't even remember what it was about. But someone
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: sent me a DM that I was like like fixated on,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: and Haley goes, I can believe you just open your
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: dms and I'm like, well, normally everyone's so nice, Like
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: I never have to worry about hate, Like I'm very lucky,
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: but sometimes one will sneak in there. Yeah, not even hate,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: just just something that makes me uncozy, you know.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate that for you. I'm sorry.
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: It is life, you know. You know what I did realize, hooper,
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  Speaker 4: you're gonna get haters. Haters.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hoopers bring haters.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, what were you gonna say?
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  Speaker 1: I feel I've felt the opposite in my DMS. I
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: feel like people have been like actually really respectful and
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: like saying like I don't know what happened, and like
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: you don't need to share when until you're ready, but
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: like I'm praying for you and thinking about you, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm like that is so kind, you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 1: Like nobody's like prying, oh yeah, or like I don't know,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: but just sending their well wishes and like that's so nice.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: That's literally like the nicest thing you can do, right.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: That is really nice.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you're having those types of messages.
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and no haters.
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  Speaker 1: No, I'm not a hooper. I beat them up and
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not a hooper, so I don't I don't bring
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the haters.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Y. Yeah, no, when you when you become a hooper,
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  Speaker 3: you'll know that. You'll know what I'm talking about.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think I ever will become a hooper. I
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  Speaker 1: don't think that's that's not in the cards for me.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to find a co ed league that me
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: and Robbie can be a part of.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: I would love that his friends actually started doing like
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: they were supposed to, start doing pick up basketball every like.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's one day of the weekend. I
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: can't remember Saturday or Sunday mornings.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: And I was just like, ugh, no, I don't do
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  Speaker 4: that's the thing I'm not doing.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: It was just his guy friends. Yeah, yeah, And I
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: was just like, this is this is the beginning of the.
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  Speaker 3: End doing that, and then I'm not doing weekend mornings.
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  Speaker 4: I draw the line weekend mornings weekday nights only.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: Okay, let's get to deer Bonia.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: Because who you're gonna call the goals, the gals, and
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: the the scrubbers have some questions, question all ask This
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: first one has me stress, so Euston.
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a rough one, okay, Hi, Becca Easton,
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  Speaker 5: Mark Absent, and Tanya. I have to start by first
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: thanking you for the amazing content you put out. How
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  Speaker 5: nice when life feels difficult. It's nice knowing there's happiness
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: and a supportive community through this pod. I've heard you
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: give advice to so many people, and now I'm needing
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: help For context. I went through a breakup during the
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: summer of last year. We were together for four years,
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  Speaker 5: and I was the one that kept the relationship together
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  Speaker 5: and was definitely more in love the entire time. After
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: breaking up, she started seeing a new girl in my
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: apartment building, which upset me, but I was able to
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  Speaker 5: get through. Then I found out she's in the apartment
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: next to me. I am in six oh six, she
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: is in six oh five. It's been making my life
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  Speaker 5: so uncomfortable and difficult, and I would love to get
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: y'all's thoughts on what I should do for context. I
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  Speaker 5: have no family in the city, but I do have
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  Speaker 5: a few friends. I'm a total Tanya and I always
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  Speaker 5: have my heart on my sleeve. Even though this sucks,
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  Speaker 5: I know all find my Robbie Haley one day, Love
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  Speaker 5: you all.
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  Speaker 6: And thank you from Marcie oh Man. That is rough.
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  Speaker 1: She kind of move that's as clear as day to me.
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  Speaker 4: That would literally be like when we lived in the
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  Speaker 4: same building.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, and you shared a wall.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, but and you were dating someone and then y'all
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  Speaker 3: broke up and your heart broken and then he started
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  Speaker 3: dating me.
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  Speaker 1: I would move.
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  Speaker 4: I'd be like, see yea later, see you next Tuesday.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I would definitely move, which but that not
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  Speaker 3: everyone has the like freedom to do that.
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  Speaker 4: Like we don't know like the lease.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, let's just say, let's play this out. She's in
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  Speaker 1: like a year lease.
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  Speaker 4: To just signed a year lease? What if she bought it?
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  Speaker 3: Maybe she's in a condo if you don't own, if
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  Speaker 3: you're just renting, when is your lise up?
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: We might need some follow up here.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we do need a little because my advice would
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  Speaker 1: be to move. But you're right if she just signed
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  Speaker 1: a year lease and she even if she's like six
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  Speaker 1: months in, she saw six months still next to this chica.
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  Speaker 3: Also, what if you start living your life and then
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  Speaker 3: you bring someone new over.
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  Speaker 1: No, we're not playing tip for tat here.
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  Speaker 4: Oh we're not well because.
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  Speaker 1: That's for petty girls and we're not petty.
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  Speaker 4: There's room for petty.
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  Speaker 1: You know that.
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  Speaker 4: She forgot about her gameplay and oh yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I did forget about that. Okay.
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  Speaker 3: If your lease is gonna be up soon, I say
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  Speaker 3: it's time for a fresh start. Move far away and
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: start your life. I think it'll feel good to start fresh.
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  Speaker 4: Anyway.
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  Speaker 3: If you love your apartment and you're like, my lease
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  Speaker 3: is almost up, but I don't want to go anywhere.
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  Speaker 3: I love this place, then you're just gonna have to
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: put your biggest girl panties on and you're gonna it's
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: it's gonna be a process where you're eventually gonna one
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  Speaker 3: day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna feel nothing
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  Speaker 3: about this girl.
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  Speaker 1: For sure, you're.
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  Speaker 3: Gonna be like, Wow, I can't believe I spent so
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  Speaker 3: much time missing her and thinking about this so much.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: But in the time that you're in right now, you
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: are thinking about her. So I think when you see her,
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  Speaker 3: you know, you just have to put on a brave
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: face and say hello or whatever you need to do.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: And what I just I can't even imagine that would
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  Speaker 1: just be so brilleft.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Well, if you're hearing things due to sharing a wall, sublet.
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  Speaker 4: You gotta get out of you, got it. There's no
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  Speaker 4: peace from that.
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  Speaker 3: And unfortunately, dear Banya is not able to help with
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  Speaker 3: that level of Yeah, I'm a firm.
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: Believer in.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: What's the what's the saying like, uh, forget, forget, like
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: you can't see it, like unfollow, mute, out of side,
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: out of my sight, out of mind, And if you're
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: seeing this person every day, it's like, how are you
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: gonna get over it?
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: I really do believe in the power of out of sight,
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: out of minds, because once you're not reminded of something
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: every day, your brain naturally tends to forget, to move
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  Speaker 3: on and so and the thing is, we don't know
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: if this new girl is. They're just like hanging out
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: and hooking. Flash the pan, yeah, flashing the pan.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: So oh I see, just watch the next level stuff.
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  Speaker 3: So I feel like when depending on when your leases
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: and how long this thing lasts, because it could be
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  Speaker 3: a fling, it could be a thing, but you deserve
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: to have peace and the space to move on and
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: you you obviously can't make anyone else move out or
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: stop showing up. So I think the power is in
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: your hands of how you how you go about this.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: If you're able to find a new place, amazing, even
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: if it's in the same building. What if you found
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: a place, a couple floors up.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Still bad, but you know what, there's there are things
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: in life that you cannot control. You can only control
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: your emotions and how you react to them. And this
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  Speaker 1: is your time, Marcie, to step up.
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  Speaker 3: Marcy, you're about to be the baddest be I'm just
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: gonna say it, the baddest bitch in this apartment complaxt
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: and you need to stand your ground. You are so
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: worthy of a relationship and you're just because it wasn't
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: her doesn't mean it's not going to be someone amazing
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: that shows up and that fills your home with love.
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  Speaker 3: And I hope that whether or not you stay or
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: go or whatever you choose, that you take your power
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: in this situation and allow yourself to be the bigger
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: person when you need to be, and also like own yourself,
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: own your power.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, and I'm.
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: Also sorry you're going through this because it's.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Something hell actual health h double hockey stix.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: We love you, should we do? Excited bride? Yes, Okay,
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: let's take a break and we'll be right back.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: We are.
• 12:10
  Speaker 6: I didn't know I should wait for permission to read
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: the email.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: You don't have to wait, Okay, Well, thank.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: You for that, as promised an excited bride. Hi Begatania
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: Mark in Easton. Thank you for literally always making me
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: laugh on my commute to work. Your energy is magnetic
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: and I love starting my day with some laughter. I
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: love that these emails begin with a compliment. That's a
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: great format. Get us off on the right foot. I
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: need advice on a wedding guest list dilemma. I'm getting
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: married in September and I sent save the dates in November.
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: We're inviting one hundred and fifty six people, and while
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: our parents were great about not pushing extra guests, many
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: of their friends that ended up on the list because
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: we genuinely like them. That said, adding anyone else at
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: this point is very expensive, although there are about ten
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: more people I want to invite. My mom asked me
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: to invite my godmother, who's a longtime family friend through
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: my grandparents. I see her maybe once a year. I
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: barely know her now and i've never met her. Husban
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: that I sent them a save the date because it
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: seemed reasonable. Recently, my mom mentioned that I don't actually
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: need to invite her anymore, and now I'm stuck. I
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: feel awkward with sending the invite, But I much rather
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: use those two spots for people I'm closer to. I
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: don't even have her phone number, I'm not sending an
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: Not sending an invitation feels wrong, but so just keeping
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: her on the list and hoping she declines, what would
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: you do? Thank you xoxo and excited bride trying to
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: invite her favorite people without hurting feelings. And I am
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: an endpath, I'm.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I'm a clearers day.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: I know what you're going to say, Well, you just
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: pay for the extra two people.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: No, I mean, if you send the save the date,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: you can't not invite them to the wedding, right and statistically,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: even let's say all one hundred and fifty six people
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: were r RCP that they're coming, there's usually a couple
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: of people. I don't know if this is destination or
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: if this is like local that do drop off like
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: right before the wedding. So you're going to be down
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: a couple than you think you're going to be down
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: a couple of heads.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: That's good advice.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't send to save the day not giving them.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: I don't think there's a world where you can rescind
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: that recent.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Rescind with this c But let this be a less
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: blessed lesson for anybody out there, A good lesson. Be
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: very mindful. You can always add people to your list,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: but you cannot subtract. Looking at you, Becca, Oh that's right, Yeah.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: You got to be very intentional with the guest list. Yeah, yeah,
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: I think you have to have to have them.
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: I also say, just go ahead and invite.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: The other two people that you like and want, yeah,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: like if you want.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Like the whole.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: What I loved about Tonya's wedding was that as if
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: she's not here. What I loved about Tonya and Robbie's
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: wedding was that it felt like they all the people
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: that were there were people they wanted to be there.
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: Like it didn't feel like there was this.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: Like cloud of like, oh I wish I hadn't invited
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: someone else or not invited these people. It just felt
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: like everyone there was like a vibe for sure.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: So that's exactly how we did it.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: We didn't invite.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: There was no like, well, she doesn't want to invite
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Jus doesn't want to invite the godmother, which is what
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: she's saying. There was no that we invited to our
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: wedding that we didn't want to invite.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: I know, but I'm saying she already did so yeah,
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: I'm just you got to see it through. You got
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: to see it through. You got to cross your fingers.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: That she hasn't come a week of busy plans that
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: weekend you can't cancel. And then I say, just invite
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: the people that you want to be there and it'll
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: work out. At the very least, you have to pay
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: for them, which at the end of the day, you're
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: already blurting on a wedding.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why not one hundred and fifty six people. So
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: this is not going to be a cheap wedding.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: No, you're gonna have a You're gonna get to have
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: a couple. Having a couple people there is more important
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: than extra money that you're going to pay. At the
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: end of the day, you're not going to look back
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: and be like, oh, I spent extra money on these people.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: You're gonna be like, I'm so happy they were there.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: But I don't think you're going to have to do that. Yeah,
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: I think it's all going to fall into place. Yeah,
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: and congratulations, exciting.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: September is still kind of Far Away actually.
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: This year, though it is this year and before you
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: know it, it will. We're so happy for you, love you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: Did you want to do? Anxiously attached?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Anxiously attached?
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay.
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: Hey beca Tanya Mark and Easton d one scrubbery here.
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: I could really use some advice about my boyfriend of
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: three years and knowing when to walk away. No compliment there, interesting,
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: I'm just kidding. Aniously attached to Gubber.
• 16:38
  Speaker 6: I'm sorry about that.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: I'm similar to Tanya and that I value personal growth, discipline,
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: and energy. And I've wanted a life partner for a
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: long time after years of bad dates in my twenties.
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: I met my current partner at thirty I'm now thirty three,
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: he's thirty five, and we both say we want marriage
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: and kids.
• 16:52
  Speaker 6: The problem is timing.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: He's been slow at every relationship step because he's very
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: thoughtful and wants to be completely sure before making decisions.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: I'm the opposite. I know early on that I wanted
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: to marry him, that wo'd be good partners. This waiting
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: season is really hard for me. It's increasing my anxiety,
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: especially because I worry he's taking too long He's told
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: me that asking about engagement makes him feel pressured.
• 17:14
  Speaker 6: He's avoidant.
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: I'm anxiously attached, and I know that pressure makes him
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: pull back. I don't want to push him, but I
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: also want to honor my own timeline. Starting over at
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: thirty three feels overwhelming. I have to grieve this relationship,
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: meet someone new, and still think about having kids. That
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: thought sends me into a spiral and makes it hard
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: to show up as my best self. Our lives are
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: so intertwined at this point that walking away would feel
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: like a divorce. How long would you wait for someone
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: to commit? What would you do?
• 17:38
  Speaker 6: From an anxiously attached scrubber.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: This could have been Tanya rad riding into Dear Vonya
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: a few years ago at.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Thirty thirty, literally at thirty Yeah, spoiler alert, SI a
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: couple of years to get there all you go for? Sorry,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: anxiously attached scrubber. The thought that to think that you're
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: even thinking about walking it feels so silly to me
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: because I think that it's very rare to find two
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: people that are exactly on the exact same page want
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: to do things at the exact same time. You're two
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: different people approaching it in from two different paths. Who
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: knows why he's making why he's slow, but I'm sure
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: there's reason for it. Obviously you probably can give us
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: all the context in this email. But I think you
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: just have to trust that when he says he wants
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: marriage and kids with you, that he wouldn't just say that.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: You have to trust your partner and know that he's
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: going to do it when it feels right for him.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: And if you want to take his phone and start
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: saying when he's like in the bathroom, engagement rings or
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: engagement in my pop up in his algorithm, and then
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: you might take it as a sign. I don't know.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I'm just throwing it out there.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: Not that it's not something you did personally.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I wasn't like with ring, engagement rings, emerald cuts, engagement engagement,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: beautiful engagements.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: I also think, like, if this is the person you
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: want to spend the rest of your life with, don't
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: you have to trust what he says? Like isn't that
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: such a huge part of choosing your person as trusting
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: that they're gonna follow through with what they say? Yeah,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: And like if he's trying to plan this and you're
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: just bombarding him with questions about it. It's kind of
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: taking probably the fun and joy out of him getting
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: to do that and surprise you. So I would just say,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: let yourself rest in the comfort of knowing that you
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: have someone if you trust his word, if that's something
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: that is important to you in this relationship, and you
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: trust his words, then trust that it's gonna happen and
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: he's going to do it and make it special for you.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: But don't ruin it for yourself, like, let it be
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: a surprise and let it be.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would be worried if he wasn't saying he
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: wants marriage and kids with you, But he's literally saying that.
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: So that's what I'm saying.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: If if this is someone you trust and he follows
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: through with his words, then you can trust that he's
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: gonna do it for you. And I also think I
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: think about how well Tanya waited and she let Robbie
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: know that she was ready for years, and he was
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: very thoughtful with every step in y'all's relationship, you know everything.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: You were like ready, chomping at the bit, and he
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: took his time. He didn't let you pressure him, And
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: that sounds.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: Like we shirt, and that sounds like what this guy.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Has a similar personality and how he's moving in this relationship.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: But I think it's important to note that if he
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: is this way like Robbie, I'm just equating him to
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Robbi because this is kind of how he was. If
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: he were to do something just because you're forcing him
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: to or he feels pressure to, that leads to resentment. Yes,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: so at the end of the day, you do have
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: to trust your partner and that they're doing things in
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: their own time, because if they feel pressure to do
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: something because of you, that's where resentment builds. And that's
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: the type of thing that you can't put back into
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: a jar, like once the resentment starts to build, like,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: that's not good.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: I also feel like, because you mentioned y'all are avoidant
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: versus anxious, I really think like couple's therapy are counseling.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: It could be really helpful because that Haley and I are. Haley,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: especially at the beginning of our relationship, was more anxious
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: and I'm more avoidant, and that was something that just
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: learning how to communicate and navigate each other really helps
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: so much just with that in general, outside of the
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: proposal stuff. But it's gonna happen, and don't leave him
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: just because it's not happening at your time.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: No, gosh, that would be the worst thing to do.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he loves you, and let him.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Let him do this, and let it be a fun
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: time and let it be a surprise and trust him
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: because you're going to marry this man.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can honor your own timeline by allowing it
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: to be flexible. Did that make sense? Yeah, because she
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: says she wants to honor her own timeline, like I
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: want to have kids and I want to get married
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: by let me tell you something.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: You did that too. How did you like go of that?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: How did I like go that? I mean, my timeline
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: was like twenty six that I wanted to be married by.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: So like timeline, you were still trying to honor your
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: timeline with Robbie.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I did give him some I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: did give him an ultimatum. I was like, if you
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: don't propose by jan one. I can't remember what it was,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I think, but he didn't, And I say.
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: There, yeah, it was a false alarm.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: But he knew that. No, we have like a certain
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: we have like a family medical situation going on that
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: kind of held up art proposal, which I totally stood
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: by him and I agreed with. But yeah, you just
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: kind of have to roll with the punches. Timelines, who
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: needs them?
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: Eh, It's just a construct, you know.
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: Does an ultimatum need to happen at a certain point
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: though I can't hurt.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: No, here's the thing you can't hurt. Here's the thing.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know that it helps in terms of like,
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that it helps anything. It might
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: make her feel less anxious of being Okay, I got
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: this off my chest, like, but Tanya was all talk.
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: She'd be like I need to.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: Honor myself and what I want, and I'm like, you're
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: not going anywhere.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, actually Christmas, I think I gave him the jan
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: one date of like proposal and then and he got
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: me the promise ring on Christmas and I was like, oh,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: this is so bad. So yeah, it's like salt in
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: the wound.
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: I mean, I had to kind of do like I
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: wanted to.
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: I knew I wanted to propose to Alison, but in
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: my head, I was like, well, I want I need
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: to be like making this much money for all those things,
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: and I wanted to move in with her, and she
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: was like, I'm not going to move in with anyone
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: unless I'm engaged.
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: I was like, looks like a ring is in the.
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: Shop a cart, And then I did it and it
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: was the best decision I've ever made.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, are they living together? Did she tell us in
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: the email? I don't think she told us. I don't
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: think I held out too. I didn't fully move in
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: until we were engaged.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: I think that if you have a time, I mean,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: obviously we are women, and if you're wanting to have
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: kids like that, you do have to think about time.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: So I think if you want to communicate, and maybe
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: this is something you'll do like with a therapist or
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: counselor where you can say, like, my fear is that
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get to a certain age and I'm
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: going to be frantically trying to figure out what my
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: next step in life is because I'm still waiting on
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: an engagement and that makes me anxious.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: And then let him be able to tell you, like,
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: I know your timeline.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: He probably knows the obviously he knows that you're waiting,
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: so like maybe it needs to be just communication of
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: like I'm not anxious I'm not just anxious because I
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: want to rush this and get married. I'm anxious because
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I do have to think of my biological clock like unfortunately,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: that's a reality. And so I think it's just more
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: so letting him in on why you have a timeline
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: and then letting him calm those anxieties and fears. Yeah,
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: because he should be able to at least go. I understand,
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: and I'm not going to make you.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Put you believe you're not going to be anxiously attached
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: at some point. I believe that. I feel like I'm
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: securely attached now.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I would hope.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: So I do hope that once you have a wedding
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: and lock it in, that you.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Find security.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen for everybody, no, but I'm.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Happy it happened for you, and I feel like it's
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: going to happen for our anxiousnes.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I do too.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: Okay, we have one more so we're going to take
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: a break and we'll be right back. We're back, Okay.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: So I asked this question on Instagram and then someone
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: brought it. Someone brought it to dear Bonia, So Easton,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: you want to read.
• 26:03
  Speaker 6: It I do. Uh, Becky.
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: You posted on Instagram asking Haley, if you could play
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: a role in any movie, what would it be, and
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: you said Kate Winslet and Titanic.
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: Why was that?
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: I just feel like I was so obsessed with young
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: like Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie. And I also it's
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: one of my favorite movies of all time, and I
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: just feel like it's so iconic, it stands the test
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: of time. I love the costumes. I just thought it
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: it's just amazing. It's it's such an epicic though. Yeah,
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: but it's a movie. Yeah, I mean it really did happen.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: But like the love, you know, the love story of
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: it is a movie. I just think it would be
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: so iconic to get to play that role. What would
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: you choose, either of you? Marty Supreme, I'd probably.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Choose Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. The answer
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: not the movie, the series.
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: This is a movie. Oh my gosh, my series was friends?
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, Rachel, Yeah, I guess movie, and you know I'm
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: gonna do the I was thinking about Kate Winslet for
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: some reason because you said her, and I was thinking
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: the holiday. Oh that's being Cameron Diaz that's a good one,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: you know, like she's like, oh, then yeah, and then
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: she's like swept away by a handsome Jude Law.
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: That's a really good one.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Another really good one I heard was Kate beckhenceell in
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: Pearl Harbor.
• 27:24
  Speaker 6: Oh, that's a good one.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I never saw Pearl Harbor.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Wow, Tania, please take this a moment and watch it.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: How long is it?
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Split it up into two nights if it's too long,
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: but it is amazing yours Easton.
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: I mean, I think I have to go with Marty
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: mcflyan back to the future.
• 27:45
  Speaker 6: I want to sit in that car.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: I want to walk around in the town I want
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: to wear the costumes.
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: That's that's what I would choose.
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: Is there a set you can visit for that?
• 27:53
  Speaker 6: There is?
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: Oh really, yeah, the Universal Studios. There's the town Square
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: is still there.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: You know, there's a house else that they filmed. It
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: is like somewhere close by here in like Studio City.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: And Robbie loves that movie. And I remember like one
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: of our like it was like early days, and I
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to take you on a surprise.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I like blindfolded him or something, and like took him
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: to this house and he was like, where are we Like,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: what are we do? He's like, oh is the fact
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: to the future house.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: Having to explain the surprise. It's tough. Appreciated the thought.
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I did.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Actually, I think was when we went to Palm Springs
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: for the Airbnb thing. Yeah, I took I said Alison,
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: I have a surprise for you, and I took her
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: to the neighborhood from Don't Worry Darling and she was
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: so blown away, she was so excited.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, immediately.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: Not everyone has that experience surprise.
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: I admired the effort.
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the effort was there, Tonya. The thoughtfulness was there.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: It matters.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: That's all for today, folks, Another podcast down the hatch.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: We hope you enjoyed it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: We hope it only gets better.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: We hope it only goes up from here.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: If you ever have questions, comments, concerns, less comments, I
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: mean less concerns, but if you have them, you can
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: d m us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: Holy Tonia just going so.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Bad waiting for the copy to hit.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: We love y'all so much. We'll be back Monday, have
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: a wonderful weekend.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Love you, bye bye