Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Happy Hour with Tina: Love, Loss and Laughing Through Midlife

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Happy Hour with Tina: Love, Loss and Laughing Through Midlife · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm back here in this studio with my bestie of
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: over forty years, and that means that it is happy
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: hour with Tina.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Happy.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: We got our La Marca because it's our favorite and
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: our favorite we are I'm with the Rose today, You
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: got the Rose. I'm sticking with the traditional because I
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: love it so much. And we are now diving into
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: this week's episode with Lisa Vidale, my beautiful sister from
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: another mister. You've met her, you loved her, You've seen
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: her by my side changing the climate out here for
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: latinas with our organization. Latina's acting up and this episode
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: really dives into how refreshing she is with her life
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, midlife
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: grief and loss. I mean, was it not really a
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: full panel?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: It really was, and she well, I got the same
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: reception from Lisa the first time I met her at
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: your birthday party, and she is just so warm and
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: welcoming and happy to see you. You feel like you've known
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: her for you know, I known her for a thousand
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: years where I met her and she's so wonderful. And
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: then I got the pleasure to see her again in
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: New York with you and she's been through a lot.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: She has been through a lot, and she's just a joy.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Like that's the first thing that I want to like.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: She is so funny, and that girl, you know, she's hysterical.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: The more the more she talks and the more she
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: gets embedded in something, in a topic or or a
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: commitment to a feeling or emotion, the more that New
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: York just comes right out of her mouth, comes right out.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Like I would have loved to have grown up with
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: her because she would have been a source of so
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: much entertainment. I mean, with our lives in Cincinnati. It
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: was just such a vast difference to hear kind of
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: like how she grew up and just because that, you
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: can hear her childhood come out of her when she
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: speaks right yes, yes, yes, And you know what, I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: love her little her New York, her New York self
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: coming out, which is great because I know that when
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I come back to Cincinnati, my accent is pleasant. I'm
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: there for like four days and suddenly I'm like.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Van bag Van Bang. I know, Bagel Bagel. Yeah, It's
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: it's just it's just different.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I think. One of the funniest things she talked about
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: is how love and intimacy when when you've been married
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: for as long as she has, can be as simple
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: as that little pinterest will get me going. Hey, I
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: can relate, I can relate.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I can't remember how many years she said she's been married.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: But thirty five, which is you've been married for thirty
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: five thirty five? What do you think the secret is
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: to to your longevity and keeping it fresh? Oh?
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Dating?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, because.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: It's mundane.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Life, life hers. And then, like we've said on these
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: other podcasts, these kids grow up and they leave.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: And he's in the background right now making making gestures.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: You gotta go, okay, bye.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: But you know what I love about Mike. This is
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: the one thing is I've known you guys since you
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: got married. I've known you forever. I've known Mike since
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: you were dating. And I remember how you traveled up
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: to Ohio state to go surprise him one night and
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: and uh, you know, in his dorm room or his
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: apartment room or something like that. And there were times
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: even where the marriage hit a hard time, and this
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: was before you had two children. Lily wasn't born yet.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: You guys hit rocks and you found your way back
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: together again. But it did. It wasn't without work and
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: really reinvesting in yourselves as individuals and together as a couple.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Which is what I said dating because it was it
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: was after the second child. And then you get into
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: the patterns of everything about your life is about your children.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: It's not a bad thing. And as mothers were always
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: about our children. However, the basic reason that you're together,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: you know, and eventually, if you could have a little
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: looking glass or a little crystal ball and look ahead
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: and go, well, when they all leave, you better really
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: know that you want to still be in the same
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: house with this person.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: You guys, now, what do you do?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: And so we did reinvent that. After that that terrible
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: time was the two of us matter and there needs
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: to be a priority there, and that because we put
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: each other in the highest priority category, it made us
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: better parents, It made us better friends. Then we I mean,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: you can't even believe how many people then we started
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: to help because we had been through it.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: And you know, one of my favorite things about watching
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: you and Mike to this day, thirty five years later,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: when I see him, he is so attracted to you, like, oh,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: it's so fun it's you. Guys don't even know.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: He called me haughty today when I was getting my podcast. O.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, sah, you see that changing to that after thirty
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: five years, he should be calling you haughty. And by
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the way he means it, like I know, Mike, Like
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: if the cameras weren't on, he'd be like, let's go.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I'm it is true. That's what I love about him though.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I see how much he loves you because I've seen
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: you talk about I want to do this maybe with
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: my body. I want to do this, and he like begs,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: you don't please. I love it the way it is.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: He could motor boat you all day. Let's just go.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: That's right, And you know what, he would absolutely enjoy that.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I know that I would enjoy it so much, but I.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Know he would.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: It's a give and take, Tina.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: First of all, he'd have to go lower because, let's
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: face it, gravity you know.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Grown, Oh go lower because of gravity.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Lower, get on your knees, and my kind of there.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know where you're gonna find him, but no way.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. And that's this is the kind of
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: refreshing humor that Lisa had to and even so as
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: much as she shared all these joyful perspectives about midlife,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: she was willing to open up about losing her son,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: her firstborn. And I, you know, thereby the grace of
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: God go we you and I that we have not
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: experienced that, and yet we have had these dear friends
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: of ours go through something so traumatic. And I remember
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: that the when I found out, Eva called me and said,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I'm heading over to Lisa's and I at the time
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I knew Lisa and I she was, she was a peer,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: she was a friend. I didn't know her as well
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: as I do now, and I thought, is it okay
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: for me to go over to her house? I was,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: I wasn't that close to her yet in life, and
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it could be a little bit of an
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: imposition for me to show up if she doesn't feel
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: like she's that close to me in this incredibly vulnerable time.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: So I remember just texting her because I had her number,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: and I said, I've heard what's happened, and I was
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: going to come over and if that's okay, and she
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: said yes, she says, please come, and I said, well,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I know you have a lot of friends and family there.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: She goes, yes, and you'll fit right in. And I
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: just choked up so hard because I thought, here she
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: is thinking of me, trying to make me feel comfortable
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: in knowing that although her world is shattered, her heart
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: was still open to me. And it was the most selfless, gracious,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: most beautiful and heartbreaking thing, and you know, to experience,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: but that's who she is, even in her biggest grief,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: her heart was still open to everyone else.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's funny that you say this that I
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: didn't know it was her, but I remember you calling
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: me and telling.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Me, uh huh.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: So you called me and you said, I have to
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: go to a friend of mine's home and this is
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: what happened. And I was like ooh, and my heart
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: was sinking because like I'm thinking to myself, you know,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I have three children, and then this happens similar, similar scenario,
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: not exactly like Lisa's, but last year, then it happens
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: to me with my friend and you. I called you
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: and I said, now I have to do it. And
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: I think, when these mothers go through this, because it
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: was very similar. I went to that person's house that
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: also was like please just.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Come yeah, come up.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole in their heart is so large, and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: that's what they need. Is they need is you know,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: the friends, yeah, support, the love, the people just to
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: come to fill that hole. Nothing will fill it, nothing's
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: going to replace their child, but the idea that people
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: out there cared that much.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, you know, I also remember that one of
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: the most beautiful moments, and when you were telling me
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: about this situation with your friend, is when you said,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to be there for her because
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I can't do anything that'll make her feel better. But
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: she's asked me to go help her find a dress
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: for the funeral. And that's what you did, and that's
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: what she needed, and that meant the world to her,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: even something as simple as I'll drive you to Macy's
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: and we'll find the dread. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You know what's beautiful about that too, is that I
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: then turned around months later and helped her find a
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: mother of the bride us for her daughter's wedding.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: My God, full circle.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that to me, I even tell her to this day,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: like I feel special being a person that was able
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: to do that with you. You know, it was so special
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: that I was with her for both of those events,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: which is pretty amazing.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but well here's too. How precious life and girlfriends
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: are yep, cheers way How hard can it be? With
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the animade Ariva is a hyphen Media group production in
• 10:32
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• 10:36
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• 10:40
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