Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 35 - Burnout Be Happenin

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Episode 35 - Burnout Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:00
  unknown: I'm gonna like it.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I live like it.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I believe it like it.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's good, uh?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all should already know by now, but if you are not doing so for whatever reason, make sure y'all following us on social media at Alive IGas Podcast.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And for all I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing burnout.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you are anyone like myself, you are working hard, you got a lot going on, you got extracurriculars, hobbies, your full-time job, family, you trying to juggle a lot.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And even though there is opportunity for balancing and maintaining, eventually you're gonna hit a point where you are feeling burnt out.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's nothing to be ashamed of.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people get burnt out.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a sign of you being lazy or anything, it's just is what it is when you got a lot going on.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're gonna dive in.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are listening today, say something out loud that you are grateful for.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I am grateful for that feeling after a good workout.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, granted, it's hot as hell outside, so the sweat is just in excess.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, that feeling of a good burn, like the pump, like when you know you put that work in.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that feeling.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I'm getting back into the swing of things at the gym, so it's a little more sore, but it's an indicator that I earned that pain and I put into my progress.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I truly love the feeling of that good workout after workout burn.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of burn, let's get into it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Cause burnout be happening.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Going back to my point earlier, burnout isn't just laziness or unmotivation, it's like the collapse of your energy after you've given so much for so long and you're so depleted.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: On the inside, it kind of feels like numbness or resentment for things that, like at one point, you used to love, or really just like not having the energy to even focus on doing things from like a conscious point of view, like you're really running on autopilot.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not necessarily like a loss of energy that is like a mood of tirement, tiredness, it's really like a debt of capacity.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So like rest ain't gonna cut it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you need a lot more than rest to get you out of a burnout.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Currently, all right, let me break it down for y'all.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I work five days a week, I do this podcast damn near five days a week.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I still got life, I still got marriage, I still got extracurriculars, I still got all these other things going on.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very busy period of my life.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to burn myself out, and so I have to implement different markers and checkpoints and put things in place to ensure that I don't burn myself out.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: But even with all that considered, like I'm still operating at a very high capacity, and burnout could potentially happen.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it doesn't.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I hope I put things in place enough to where that doesn't happen, but like it's really like your operational standpoint.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let's let's get into it.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important to touch on the difference between being tired, being unmotivated, being lazy, and being burnt out.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Being tired, that's a body problem, you know?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's something your body's like, hey, I'm tired, you need sleep.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Go to sleep, no longer tired.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Unmotivated.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's more like a course correction.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're in the wrong path, you don't know which path to go, you don't know which path will bring you back your spark.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: You find the path, get your spark back.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's a course correction.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Laziness, that's really just bucking up and doing something and not letting your mood determine how you feel about doing things, or like not letting your feelings determine the fact that you gotta do shit.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that's just getting your mind right, of like making the switch between not letting your emotions dictate your actions.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Easy fixes.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: All three of those are easy fixes.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, easier fixes, not to downplay none of them.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Burnout is a capacity problem, and not necessarily like I'm at capacity, so now I need to deplete it.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you filled the tank and your tank is broken because you've been running at such high capacity, and it's not like, oh, I just gotta refill the tank now.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta fix the crack in this tank.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like your tank, you can fill as much as you want, it's gonna spill out.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's a little bit harder.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not like let me just take stuff off my plate and boom, it's fixed.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, you have to really do the work to rebuild your ability to hold a high capacity, and you gotta baby step your way back into a high capacity, hopefully not as high as you were that got you burnt out.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: But taking one thing off your plate or taking everything off your plate automatically does not fix the burnout immediately.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there are warning signs that let you know, hey, you're getting close to a burnout, but unfortunately, those warning signs often get looked at as laziness or unmotivation or get chucked into the wrong bucket when it's actually you becoming very depleted and headed towards the burnout.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: To this date, the worst burnout I have ever experienced came from my wife.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this was maybe like three years ago at this point.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: We were both on leave from work at the same time.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Mine was for a severe depression, hers was for a severe burnout.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: She was operating at a very high level at work, had a lot of projects going on outside of work.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: She had a lot going on with our photography business, where she was entering in the first run of the project that introduced us to So Lauren.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And on top of that, we are experiencing heavy grief, heavy stress, not financial burden, but like at this point, everything else was so heavy, you might as well tack that on.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like the capacity became so much that she just kind of cracked and couldn't hold any of it and couldn't focus, she couldn't do anything, she couldn't find any joy, she couldn't find any motivation.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: She was just like a shell, like, couldn't really get back to herself.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so she met with her therapist.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Therapist is like, hey, you're burnt out, you need time off.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so she took the next 12 weeks off to refill her capacity.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what that looked like was doing nothing for a while, and then slowly baby stepping into finding things that bring you joy, that bring you calm, that looks like resting, it looks like doing things to cater to your mental health, journaling, visiting friends when you have the capacity.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: But like even these smaller items took a lot of work, took a lot of effort, took a lot of mental energy.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, if you think about burnout like a cracked tank, you can fill it.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine how much you have to keep filling it in order to keep it full.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have to fill it consistently and constantly.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, it as soon as you stop, back empty.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really where she was.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so crazy to see someone who is usually such a high achiever and a high operator not be able to do anything at all.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Even like the simplest of tasks were just too much.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: We share a common thread of being like the overachiever or the strong individual or the person who has it all together for people that kind of know us, you know, not to say the people that we know don't, but when people look at us, they're like, y'all have this together on the surface, you know?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: So being that I'm also that person, I understand what that comes with.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I understand the frustration of wanting to operate at a high level and really not being able to operate at a high level.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because of this role that we have cast ourselves in, it's frustrating when we can't operate at that level, when we when we can't be the strong individual, the high achiever.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that just kind of tacks into the burnout even more because the desire is there, but you really can't.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you're spinning your wheels, you're trying to go, but you just can't.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So now you're burnt out, forced to slow down, can't do anything to fix it, and you're feeling guilty about it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Then you have the external factors of people looking at you and seeing that you're not doing anything and having like a taboo around it just in general.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you aren't hustling, it's like something's wrong with you.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have people in your circle who really know you and understand this ain't how you really operate, so something must be wrong, that's beneficial, that's very helpful.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: But in general, like work don't care if you stressed out, burnt out, like you still gotta produce.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: These bills don't care if you burnt out, you still gotta produce.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the world really don't care on a macro level about you being burnt out.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: They just need your productivity.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so you couple you being a high achiever with a world that wants to milk you for every ounce of productivity that you can give, the more qualified that you are to do that, the more that slowly just gets loaded onto your plate and loaded and loaded.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know that, before you know it, all of a sudden you are carrying a ton of shit when you only signed up to carry just a couple bags and you don't even know how you got here.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when you are that person, there's a cost of being the one everyone can lean on, but you not having anyone to lean on yourself.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So now you burnt out, can't do anything to bring yourself back.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: People are looking at you crazy because you aren't operating in the ways in which you usually do and producing at a high level, which also feeds into you feeling better about yourself, and no one is there to help support you.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, unless again you have amazing, incredible partners, families, friends around you who can, but in general, you just kind of end it by yourself, and it really sucks.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you wind up just having to really ride it out and slowly build back, like rebuild your capacity.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're in it, you know, the burnout steals things from you.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not just your energy, it's your joy, your peace, your sense of identity and sense of self because you aren't operating in the ways in which you're used to.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like it really does take a lot from you to be burnt out.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: You start to question who am I if I'm not producing?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: What do I mean to the world, to those around me, if I can't provide or I can't give to them or to the space, to the home, whatever.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I can't do these things that I used to do with ease, what can I do?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: What can I find joy in?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: How can I find capacity again?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Will I find capacity again?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: How do I get myself out of this hole?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really like a clusterfuck of confusion because you don't really know where to turn.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So then, if you're like me, you isolate because you don't want to put that on nobody.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's the one thing I can't control.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna dump, I'm not gonna cause more issues, I'm not gonna get in the way, I'm just gonna stay over here with my burnt out self and not cause no more problems or do anything to make this a negative since I can't add any positives.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna be out the way.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: So then you isolate and then you're negative, and then that makes you feel even worse.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Then you have the guilt spiral.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're burnt out and you feel guilty for feeling burnt out, which makes you feel more guilty for feeling burnt out, and you're just on this cycle.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like burnt out.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we need to change the word to burnt up because it's burning your ass up through and through, you know, like it's really just taking you through there.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like every sort of level of mental health, it's hitting all of it, it's making you feel guilty, ashamed.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: You thought this was gonna help you feel better.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You won't have any motivation to do that.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: You thought you want to hang around people?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And gonna have no motivation or no desire to be around nobody, like it really is a thief.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And let me just say, there are many ways one can burn themselves out.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be solely working a job to be burnt out.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: You could be burnt out by operating at a high level for such a long time, whether that's caring for a family in a relationship, as a parent, doing a project, dealing with trauma for an extended period of time.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's many different ways you could be burnt out.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just associated with work.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought it was important to call this out because, again, in this world, you are only as valuable as what you can offer to the external world, to the capitalist world.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So they feel everything else is not as important, cannot weigh on you as much as work, right?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because work is supposed to be the main thing, supposed to be who you are, supposed to be the only thing you focus on.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: But life can be just as heavy, can be just as significant.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so don't think work is the only thing that can burn you out.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are other things that hold weight as well.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are more than just your work, even in your mental health crises.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: So just had to say that.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: But RJ, how do we prevent ourselves from being burnt out?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Great question.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd like to say there are many ways you can prevent yourself from being burnt out.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I really feel like in this world today, with so much going on, burnout is low-key inevitable.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I only say that because in order to survive, you have to be earning some sort of income.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Unless you were already born or put up in a higher class to where you can earn more income even easier, you are in a situation where your bills do not cost as much, or like you are able to hold on to more money in terms of your survival so that you don't have to stress over money, you're always going to be working to earn more, and everything, the price of everything is going up.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you're going to be producing more, you're going to be working more, you're going to be exerting more energy.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can do as many preventative measures as you want.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's eventually going to catch up.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I could be wrong, but I just feel like you either paying with time or you paying with money.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't got more time or money.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to find both.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: So where's that coming from?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You just gotta expand your capacity.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So this is just like tips to hopefully prevent or at least prolong the burnout, or when you are unfortunately burnt out, walk you back from a place of being burnt out.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I'm a realist.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not gonna sit here and be like, oh, this is gonna help you not be burnt out.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's unrealistic.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much shit going on, and shit is too expensive.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, people gotta work, man.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I understand.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully, this can help you if you get to a place of being burnt out, or if you are not burnt out, it can help push it much further as far as it can go.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Being in a burnout means that you are in a crisis mode, like your body is in a crisis mode.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: You have broken your capacity tank.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is a crisis.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to find something that takes you from crisis mode to recovery mode, and a lot of times that looks like downtime.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like making life so minimal that you exert the tiniest amount of energy to do everything, and that can be literally taking time off to do nothing.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Eat, chill, sleep, like really reduce your output to start to rebuild your capacity.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: It also looks like putting some proactive things in place before you get burnt out.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: That looks like boundaries, that looks like saying no to things that you really don't have the capacity for, especially earlier in the process before it gets too far into trying to convince you, you know, like no out the gate if you really know you can't do it, and really truly protecting your non-negotiables.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do not have non-negotiables, getting some, identifying some.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: What are some things that you will not cave with or cave on?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like really holding those things true to you, putting those things in place before you even hit the burnout phase.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, some things for me, the gym again, a lot going on, and for a little bit, I lost capacity to go to the gym, but I realized losing capacity to go to the gym made my capacity worse than if I were to implement the gym in this schedule because I need the gym to help me feel regulated, to help with my mental health, to help move things through my body and to pour into me.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are my non-negotiables, that is my boundary, and that is something that brings me joy.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I have re-implemented the gym into this busy schedule.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's a give and a take.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm paying with my time, but I'm helping with my capacity.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Could this possibly have negative effects in the future?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm literally adding on to my plate, but again, we're trying to be proactive, you know, and we can only do what we can in this process.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about it, it was some months ago, but the importance of rest and redefining rest as part of the output, part of that process, instead of as a reward for it.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like instead of being like, I need to do this so I can be successful so I can rest.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, you need to get some things done and you need to rest to be successful.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like packaging that in with the things that you need to help with your capacity, to help with your cat your output, instead of the thing that you get at the end after all that's done.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, rest is so important.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm talking to myself because sometimes that is the thing that I sacrifice.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: But being that I gotta wake up so early now, like I have to implement rest.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to make sure that's prioritized.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, I'm burning out quickly.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Ain't enough.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee in the world ain't enough.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Makar root to wake me up.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, you gotta rest.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta rest.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure you're implementing that and holding strong to that boundary.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me, I know it's hard.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not natural.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's not easy.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of awkward.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of uncomfortable.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like nobody wants to stick to a bedtime.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like you rather just do what you want and feel better when you wake up.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But would you rather be uncomfortable now for a small amount of time or be forced to do it and be really uncomfortable in the future because you're burnt to a crisp?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Which do you prefer?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take the first option of being like, you know what?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let me put these things in place now and hopefully never get to that point of being burnt out before I get my ass sat down for another three months and forced to get myself together because I can't think for myself because I'm burnt out.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Even with all these implemented changes, even with protecting your time and your peace and getting rest, the threat or potential outcome of burnout isn't one time.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm constantly trying to fight against heading down a path that will burn me out.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because things change.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Demands change, responsibilities change.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: There are busy seasons, there are slow seasons.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just went from being unemployed for so long and now I'm very busy.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, shit changes all the time.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: So these are things that you are constantly going to have to fine-tune and tweak and change with your new scheduling, your new capacity.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's always going to be a thing that you are working to avoid.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it is something that you must practice before you hit your limit and you break.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because whether you sit down and focus on it now by choice, or later on by force, you're gonna focus on it on building that capacity.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully you can do it now when you have a choice and you can do other things that can help you along the way instead of being in a deficit, being in a negative mental health space, and not really enjoying the process as it's happening.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait till you burnt out, till you at your max, till you down in the dirt to focus on yourself and to care for yourself and do for yourself.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't have to get to that point.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: You you can start now.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait until you're in the red to start to take care of yourself, which is the beauty of this whole thing.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you can start at any point, and hopefully, we never even get to the phase of being burnt out.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: This season I've already touched on a lot of different factors: rest, losing motivation, being the strong friend, grief, and showing up.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've touched on a lot of stuff.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Go back and watch some of it.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Get some tips and tricks to help you along this path.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because what we don't want is to get here to the burnout.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we don't want to be.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure y'all are taking care of yourselves, man.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much going on, and you are not bigger than the program.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: It will catch up to you.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: So do what you need to do.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if you were talking to the younger you, that little child, that five-year-old, six-year-old, 10-year-old child that lives in you.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: What would you tell them if you saw them operating as highly as you are?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Won't you tell them, hey, whoa, hold on, you you're doing a lot.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're gonna burn yourself out.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if for nothing else, do it for them.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do it for the people around you who love you and just want you to be healthy and want you to be operating at your best self, even if that looks like taking a back seat sometimes, so that you can restore your capacity before you get to the negative.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, really focus on you and doing what you need to do because you deserve it.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if I hear y'all still continuing to do your thing and you get burnt out, I'ma be upset.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma understand, but I'ma be upset because we could have prevented this.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: So get to work on you.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, moving right along into I Say This With Love.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, if you would like to have your submission read during this segment, you would hit up that tiny URL link, drop your information there, and you know, I might read it.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, I most likely will read it, but lately I have been considering doing like a call-in line because I feel like I don't know, like it just be juicier on a live like voicemail.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: What do y'all think?
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Lately, I've had this heavy urge to apologize to my ex for something I did six years ago.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: I battle with the idea that I'm doing it for them, but I really feel like reaching out is more for me to absolve me of my guilt.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've already written out the message, and I just can't tell if I want closure for them or for me.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Should I send it?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: I really messed up, and it took me a while to fully sit with the situation and own my part.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to re-afflict them either.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not sure any help helps.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: I understand um sitting with something and wanting to own it.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: When I got sober, the day I turned one year or became one year sober, I reached out to an ex who I had not been with in three years at this point.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, hey, um, you know, like I'm sober because drinking was also a very big part of our dynamic.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm like, you know, we were kids.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I own my part, even though she had some part in it.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, look, I know there was a lot going on.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want to own my part and apologize to you and just say, I'm sorry for anything that I did to you at the time.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm in this space of reflection and healing, and I hope that this will help bring you any closure to anything that you are battling.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, wished her well.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that was only after like a couple of years, six years, and I don't necessarily know what you did.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think you should take into consideration one, what the incident was, two, if this person might be like married or something now.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Just like if you really feel like you want to do it for them or for you, I think you really should just be mindful of how you go about it, because you could do more damage and it could be seen as something else.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just really be clear and to the point and respectful with whatever it is you're gonna tell them, and then leave it there.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like say your piece, maybe hear them out, but that's it, you know.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then you move on with your life.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm all for closure.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: I can't stand when things are left unresolved.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: I got a couple situations where things are left unresolved, and it's like it just doesn't feel good.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like if I was that person, I'd want to hear it.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I think you should reach out, just be very intentional, mindful, and respectful.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what I would do.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, y'all.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's it for today's episode.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, make sure y'all are following us on social media, hitting us on the email if you got any feedback or inquiries, and hitting the tiny URL link to submit for I Say This With Love.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And y'all already know I appreciate y'all.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.