Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Limbo: The Prison Sentence That Eventually Sets You Free

Transcript

Limbo: The Prison Sentence That Eventually Sets You Free · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 79.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of a refresher series on the three stages of any life transition.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Last week I discussed the shock during a significant life transition.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It can be very debilitating if we let it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: But what happens when the shock begins to wear off and we start to see with clear eyes?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: So today we're diving deep into the mess in the middle, what I call limbo.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: This isn't the fun party game where you bend backward and laugh.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: No, this is the wilderness of every transition.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It's gritty, raw and it doesn't come with a map.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Raw and it doesn't come with a map.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Well, let me start with this.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: There's no timer on limbo, no deadline, no calendar that says all right, you're done suffering now.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And I know you don't want to hear that.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Believe me, I didn't either, but I'd be doing you a disservice if I sugarcoated it.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Limbo takes as long as it takes.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: That's the cold truth.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: For me, it started once the initial shock wore off.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: You know the phase where you're still spinning from the event the divorce, a death, job loss, a major shift, and then suddenly things try and settle, kind of.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: You're left staring at the ceiling, thinking what now?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I like to think of limbo as my personal prison sentence, and here's why You're not where you were, but you sure as heck aren't where you're going.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: You're stuck, emotionally handcuffed.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: There's no moving forward.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Yet You're in this suspended middle ground where nothing feels certain and everything is static.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: It's frustrating, it's lonely, it's incredibly humbling, but hear me on this.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: It's incredibly humbling, but hear me on this, it's necessary.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You see, we don't grow on the mountaintop.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Growth happens in the trenches, in the dirt, in the silence, in the uncertainty.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Limbo is where we face ourselves and it's not always pretty.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: For me, it turned into a full-blown beatdown, self-condemnation on repeat.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I picked myself apart.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: For every decision I'd ever made, I told myself I had failed.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: God, I carried this crushing weight of shame.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I believed I was unusable, unlovable and unworthy of anything good.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I convinced myself no one had ever failed this spectacularly.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I was the first place champion of screw-ups, standing on the podium with a gold medal around my neck that read Unqualified.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Limbo will do that to you.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: It gets in your head and echoes all the lies you've ever believed about yourself.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't stop there.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Even after my divorce was finalized, I was still stuck.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I was going through the motions.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I'd go to work, come home, stare at the wall, hardly eat anything, and do it all again.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I lived in survival mode Every day.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I prayed nothing unexpected would happen no car trouble, no medical issues, no surprise bill because I simply wasn't prepared Financially.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I was drowning, my life was on pause while the world kept spinning.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: If you've been through divorce or you're in the middle of an empty nest or grieving someone you loved, you know this kind of stillness.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: You know the static.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Limbo is motionless misery.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Limbo is motionless misery but and this is key it's also where we find our footing.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You see, limbo's not just about loss, it's about discovery.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: You learn what you're made of.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: You build the foundation.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: You stop looking outside for answers and start digging deep.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: It's also where you scream.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: And that digging deep it's also where you scream, and that's okay.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: There were days I cried out so hard I thought my insides would explode.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Sometimes those words were just between me and God, sometimes they were ugly, raw and straight from a place of pain.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: But those were the moments where clarity started to take shape.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: The first tiny steps of a game plan emerged.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: But don't do it alone.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Let me repeat that Don't do it alone.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You need a coach, a therapist, and a trusted crew of truth tellers, people who will challenge your thinking, people who will poke holes in your theories, people who won't just nod and say bless your heart, but instead say let's get to work.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Statistically, it takes about five years to recover financially from divorce.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: It took seven, seven years of rebuilding, scraping by, just trying to do the next right thing.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Now, 11 years later, I have some margin.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I can breathe.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: But back then breathing felt like a luxury.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Look, limbo sucks.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Let's not pretend it doesn't.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Look, limbo sucks, let's not pretend it doesn't.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: But the cool thing about limbo, it's only temporary.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Eventually you'll find your rhythm.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: You'll have enough emotional stamina to start making decisions again.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: You'll get glimpses of peace, a new routine, a new dream and a new plan.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Routine, a new dream and a new plan.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And when you get healthy, when you've processed the pain, grieved the loss and stopped shaming yourself, you'll be ready for what's next.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: You'll re-enter a new world, not the one you expected, but one you've got the strength to handle now.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: So join me next time as we talk about re-entry.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: What happens when you're no longer gasping for air?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: What happens when you start to live again?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: There's light on the other side of limbo.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I promise you that.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I have a favor to ask If this episode hit home, do me a favor, share it with someone who needs to hear it hit home.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Do me a favor.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Maybe leave a five-star review and let's keep walking this road together.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: You're not alone and this isn't the end of your story.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.