Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / One Long Muscle with Mary Elizabeth Ellis
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Okay for the high and mighty tour people. We are
- 0:02Speaker 1: rocket and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
- 0:06Speaker 1: April sixteenth is Albuquerque. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona. April
- 0:10Speaker 1: twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth is
- 0:13Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis. April thirtieth Nashville.
- 0:19Speaker 1: May first, Charlotte, North Carolina. May second is Durham, North Carolina.
- 0:24Speaker 1: May sixth in Los Angeles at the Sabae Theater for
- 0:27Speaker 1: Netflix as a joke. April fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga.
- 0:31Speaker 1: April sixteenth Monterey, April seventeenth Modesto. I will be in
- 0:35Speaker 1: port Chester on June fourth. June fifth, I will be
- 0:38Speaker 1: in Boston, Massachusetts. June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon.
- 0:42Speaker 1: And June thirteenth, I will be in Seattle, Washington. June
- 0:46Speaker 1: twenty seventh is going to be Hyanna's, Massachusetts. August sixth
- 0:50Speaker 1: is red Bank, New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home
- 0:53Speaker 1: to Montclair, New Jersey. August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
- 0:58Speaker 1: September eighteenth Santa Barbra September nineteenth, San Diego September twenty fifth.
- 1:03Speaker 1: I will be at the Beacon in New York City
- 1:05Speaker 1: September twenty sixth. I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh,
- 1:10Speaker 1: New Haven, Connecticut. October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland,
- 1:16Speaker 1: October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan, October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada,
- 1:23Speaker 1: October sixteenth. I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington,
- 1:28Speaker 1: November seventh. I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth,
- 1:34Speaker 1: Salt Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
- 1:40Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas.
- 1:42Speaker 2: December fifth.
- 1:43Speaker 1: I am adding a second show in Denver for those
- 1:46Speaker 1: of you who can't get tickets to the first one.
- 1:48Speaker 1: And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
- 1:53Speaker 1: those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.
- 1:55Speaker 1: Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets. Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea.
- 2:00Speaker 3: Hi.
- 2:00Speaker 1: I was just reading on my phone that there is
- 2:01Speaker 1: a new island in Finland that is designated for women only,
- 2:04Speaker 1: women only because they don't want to be looked at
- 2:06Speaker 1: or glocked up by men, and that men are I
- 2:09Speaker 1: just was in Finland and I have to say that
- 2:11Speaker 1: it was very you could feel the equality.
- 2:13Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, but more like everyone
- 2:15Speaker 2: looked exactly the same.
- 2:17Speaker 1: But on the other side of that, there's always this
- 2:19Speaker 1: backlash that men think, oh, you're discriminating against us. It's like, hello,
- 2:25Speaker 1: there have been men's clubs and golf club sure since
- 2:29Speaker 1: the beginning of time that do not allow women like
- 2:31Speaker 1: women are allowed to do that. Men are allowed to
- 2:34Speaker 1: do it too. By the way, you're not. It's not
- 2:36Speaker 1: a problem. Yeah, So go ahead and make your own islands. Anyway,
- 2:40Speaker 1: what happened last time? That happens a man having his
- 2:44Speaker 1: own island?
- 2:44Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no islands for today.
- 2:47Speaker 1: Okay, our guests today, you know from Netflix's Man on
- 2:50Speaker 1: the Inside and as the waitress from It's Always Sunny
- 2:53Speaker 1: in Philadelphia, please welcome Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Okay, we're here
- 2:57Speaker 1: with Mary Elizabeth Ellis. And I know that I can
- 3:00Speaker 1: only call you Mary Elizabeth. You go by Mary Elizabeth.
- 3:03Speaker 3: I go by no Mary, go by Emmy, Emmy. Yeah,
- 3:08Speaker 3: because people get concerned about how long the day is
- 3:10Speaker 3: going to be if they have to say my name
- 3:12Speaker 3: a bunch of times?
- 3:13Speaker 2: Did you grow up going by Mary Elizabeth?
- 3:15Speaker 3: I got called Mary E. I grew up in Mississippi,
- 3:18Speaker 3: so I got called mary E a lot.
- 3:20Speaker 2: What was Mississippi? What was going on in Mississippi when you.
- 3:22Speaker 3: Were growing I was well, I wasn't aware of it
- 3:24Speaker 3: because I was just in it, you know what I mean?
- 3:27Speaker 2: Now, what's going on in Mississippi?
- 3:28Speaker 3: I don't want to know.
- 3:29Speaker 2: Do you have family there still?
- 3:31Speaker 3: Yeah? My family still? So there's a we were just
- 3:33Speaker 3: talking about property brothers and there's a HGTV show hometown
- 3:41Speaker 3: up there at my house that I grew up in
- 3:44Speaker 3: all that sight. Oh really, yeah, Laurel Mississippi.
- 3:47Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, you're Mary Elizabeth and this is Catherine.
- 3:50Speaker 3: I am Catherine Elizabeth. Hey, Catherine Elizabeth. But you don't
- 3:53Speaker 3: have a middle name, do you? I mean technically my
- 3:56Speaker 3: middle name, Like I just go by both of them.
- 3:59Speaker 2: What does your husband called emmy and all your friends
- 4:01Speaker 2: call you emmy emmy?
- 4:03Speaker 3: Yeah?
- 4:03Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because you've been on set this whole time
- 4:05Speaker 2: with each other.
- 4:05Speaker 3: I only I'm only ever on set.
- 4:08Speaker 1: I like the fact that everyone and it's Always Sonny
- 4:11Speaker 1: in Philadelphia is married.
- 4:13Speaker 3: I know. I saw Caitlin on here.
- 4:15Speaker 2: Yeah, she was on here recently too. Yeah, I love her.
- 4:18Speaker 2: She was great.
- 4:19Speaker 1: But you guys are all married but playing roles where
- 4:22Speaker 1: well I mean maybe that, but you were married before
- 4:24Speaker 1: the show, right.
- 4:25Speaker 3: Well, Charlie and I were together before the show. We
- 4:27Speaker 3: got married between season one and season two, like we
- 4:31Speaker 3: put our honeymoon off so we could go shoot season
- 4:33Speaker 3: two of Always Sonny.
- 4:35Speaker 2: That's romantic.
- 4:36Speaker 3: Yeah, and was like just a crazy time because we
- 4:39Speaker 3: shot season one and then FX was like, we really,
- 4:42Speaker 3: this isn't our demographic because at the time it was
- 4:44Speaker 3: like the Shield. It was like old white dudes that
- 4:46Speaker 3: were watching FX. So they were like, you guys need
- 4:48Speaker 3: like an old white dude basically to be on your show.
- 4:52Speaker 3: And John Langraff had been running Jersey Films with Danny DeVito,
- 4:55Speaker 3: so he was like, how about Danny DeVito? And we
- 4:57Speaker 3: were like, oh, okay, does Danny DeVito want to be
- 4:59Speaker 3: on our show? Like we were one season Basic Cable.
- 5:03Speaker 1: It's so funny that they needed to get an old
- 5:05Speaker 1: white guy in there, Like that's we can't do a
- 5:09Speaker 1: show unless we have an old white guy.
- 5:10Speaker 2: There's I know, there's such a hot.
- 5:12Speaker 3: Dimand yeah, well we just weren't there demographic. So yeah,
- 5:16Speaker 3: they were like, how about Danny DeVito And we were like,
- 5:18Speaker 3: I'm sure Danny DeVito wants to do our show, and
- 5:21Speaker 3: then he was like, yeah, I'll do it, and we
- 5:22Speaker 3: were like, great, get naked and crawl out of this couch.
- 5:26Speaker 2: Think he's probably fine with that. I've seen him out
- 5:28Speaker 2: out in the wild.
- 5:29Speaker 4: Yeah, and he seems like a fun guy to hang
- 5:31Speaker 4: out with.
- 5:31Speaker 3: He's a party.
- 5:32Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 5:32Speaker 1: What's it like to be on the show for that
- 5:34Speaker 1: many years? Is it just so crazyzy and comfy?
- 5:38Speaker 3: Yes, I mean it's like going home and seeing family,
- 5:40Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Yeah, And I only do
- 5:43Speaker 3: like two or three episodes a season, and we shoot
- 5:46Speaker 3: so fast that usually. I mean I already shot two
- 5:49Speaker 3: season two episodes for this season and I'm done.
- 5:53Speaker 2: Great.
- 5:53Speaker 3: Yeah, And Carol Caine is on this. Have you gotten
- 5:58Speaker 3: to work with her?
- 5:58Speaker 2: No?
- 5:59Speaker 3: I just like she's like another one that I just
- 6:02Speaker 3: I'm also getting to work with Mary Steinbergin on my
- 6:04Speaker 3: other shows.
- 6:04Speaker 1: So like, yeah, yeah, because you're in the new show
- 6:06Speaker 1: with Ted Danson, not new show, it's not new, new new,
- 6:09Speaker 1: but man on the inside, man on the inside of
- 6:12Speaker 1: But Mary and.
- 6:13Speaker 2: Ted together I think are one of the cutest couples.
- 6:16Speaker 3: Cutest things, cute things of all time. It's also cute
- 6:18Speaker 3: how he's kind of like and she's like, stop, Yeah.
- 6:22Speaker 2: I did his podcast.
- 6:23Speaker 1: I did his podcast a few months ago, and wood
- 6:25Speaker 1: he wasn't there. Woody Harrelson wasn't there. I think they
- 6:28Speaker 1: co hosted. But what he shows up with whatever there. Yeah,
- 6:31Speaker 1: he like shows up when he can, which is not often,
- 6:33Speaker 1: and I Ted was.
- 6:34Speaker 2: I could just see Ted's trepidation about being like alone
- 6:38Speaker 2: and having a conversation with her alone with it. It
- 6:40Speaker 2: was just like this, and I was like, it's okay, Ted,
- 6:42Speaker 2: I'm okay, Like I'm not, It's gonna be okay. Like
- 6:46Speaker 2: I'm not going to attack you or emasculate you in
- 6:49Speaker 2: any way. He's like, I know, I know, but you're
- 6:51Speaker 2: just a lot. I'm like, I.
- 6:52Speaker 1: Understand, I understand this for everyone. But Mary is Mary
- 6:56Speaker 1: puts him in his place.
- 6:57Speaker 2: Yes, and she's not She's not a lot like I'm
- 6:59Speaker 2: a lot, but she's all woman.
- 7:01Speaker 3: She also is like every time she tells a story,
- 7:03Speaker 3: she's like, well, I woke up in the Lincoln bedroom
- 7:07Speaker 3: and you're like, I'm sorry, what, Like, you know, every
- 7:10Speaker 3: story is just like incredible. She's been like for a scump,
- 7:13Speaker 3: like in the most amazing places her entire life.
- 7:16Speaker 2: Yeah. And so you guys have a kid together, you
- 7:18Speaker 2: and Charlie.
- 7:19Speaker 3: Charlie I have a kid together and married. I would
- 7:22Speaker 3: love to have a kid with Mary. Yeah.
- 7:24Speaker 1: Yeah, to all women want to have children together. It
- 7:28Speaker 1: just makes sense.
- 7:29Speaker 3: There aren't many men that I'm like, oh, I'd love
- 7:31Speaker 3: to have a kid.
- 7:33Speaker 2: Yeah, And how old is your son?
- 7:35Speaker 3: Our son is fourteen and he I'm sure he'll be
- 7:39Speaker 3: back by the time this airs, but he's in d
- 7:41Speaker 3: C this week on the like you know, requisite eighth grade.
- 7:44Speaker 3: Oh really field trip to d C.
- 7:47Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's a weird time to go to d C.
- 7:50Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know.
- 7:51Speaker 3: It's like is it safe? And they were like, it's
- 7:54Speaker 3: going to school staying.
- 7:57Speaker 1: Nothing's really safe. It is funny because DC is a
- 7:59Speaker 1: really cool city. Like generally speaking, do you mean like
- 8:02Speaker 1: historically or like to hang out at both when there's
- 8:05Speaker 1: and I don't just mean when there's a democratic office,
- 8:08Speaker 1: when there's a resident in office, you know, a respectable one.
- 8:11Speaker 2: It's just a it's a cool city.
- 8:12Speaker 1: It has this history, it has a nightlife, it has
- 8:15Speaker 1: a vibe.
- 8:16Speaker 2: There's politics. I love politics. I love being around like
- 8:19Speaker 2: that kind of energy and hearing and talking to people
- 8:22Speaker 2: that are like in the political world.
- 8:23Speaker 1: So it is a really cool city to go to.
- 8:26Speaker 1: But right now I started I'm on tour. I started
- 8:28Speaker 1: my tour in DC. That was my first show, and
- 8:30Speaker 1: they were like we you know, like things are dyeting
- 8:34Speaker 1: and there was definitely like this odiousness in the air.
- 8:37Speaker 1: You know, you go there because it's like you look
- 8:38Speaker 1: at the White House and it just represents something completely different.
- 8:41Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's being down halfway yeah exactly.
- 8:45Speaker 2: So anyway, I.
- 8:46Speaker 3: Know it is. It's a strange time. But it's been
- 8:49Speaker 3: interesting because they send like pictures and just seeing like
- 8:52Speaker 3: your kid in front of the Capitol Building or like
- 8:55Speaker 3: the Washington Monument. You're like, Okay, good, I'm glad he's
- 8:58Speaker 3: at least like learning. I don't know about how our
- 9:02Speaker 3: country was founded.
- 9:03Speaker 2: I know I wonder how children will be.
- 9:06Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't even gotten that far in my thinking,
- 9:08Speaker 1: you know, like to be circumspect about it, like to
- 9:11Speaker 1: think about how this will affect the children that are
- 9:13Speaker 1: growing up in this time.
- 9:15Speaker 2: I'm just thinking about how it affects the world in
- 9:17Speaker 2: an immediate way.
- 9:18Speaker 1: But yeah, that's kind of like a whole other reason
- 9:20Speaker 1: never to have children.
- 9:22Speaker 3: I mean, no, I know, I think it would be
- 9:24Speaker 3: really hard right now to make that decision. But also
- 9:27Speaker 3: there's always the argument of like, well, if people who
- 9:31Speaker 3: are forward thinking aren't having children, then like we're going
- 9:35Speaker 3: to be screwed in the future. So I think it
- 9:37Speaker 3: is important also to you know, be having kids and
- 9:40Speaker 3: teaching them like the right thing, the right things for us.
- 9:44Speaker 3: You know. My goddaughter is almost sixteen, and we were
- 9:49Speaker 3: having a conversation and I was like, yeah, it was
- 9:51Speaker 3: during that protest, you know, and she was like, which
- 9:54Speaker 3: one the Women's March or Stop Asian Hate or the
- 9:57Speaker 3: No Kings one or the And I was like, oh
- 9:59Speaker 3: my god, this kid has been protesting her entire life. Wow.
- 10:03Speaker 2: You know, yeah, that is interesting to think about.
- 10:07Speaker 1: Yeah, I read that when I was reading your packet,
- 10:09Speaker 1: our research packet, that you are able to cry on cue.
- 10:12Speaker 2: Because of your sister's abuse. Yes, we're talking to you.
- 10:21Speaker 2: Tell us a little bit about.
- 10:22Speaker 3: That, like, please don't make me do it right, now though,
- 10:24Speaker 3: I feel like.
- 10:24Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, we don't want anyone crying.
- 10:27Speaker 3: Did you see a caper Lance show that she did.
- 10:30Speaker 3: She made herself cry every night. No, you have to
- 10:33Speaker 3: like cry like with a camera on her in the
- 10:36Speaker 3: giant auditorium. It was like pretty and a pretty amazing
- 10:40Speaker 3: thing to make yourself have to do.
- 10:42Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean are you able to do that
- 10:45Speaker 2: in a second?
- 10:46Speaker 3: I don't know. I think probably probably. Still there's enough
- 10:50Speaker 3: to cry about there that I feel connected to.
- 10:54Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I guess you don't need a lot
- 10:57Speaker 2: to do.
- 10:59Speaker 3: Yeah, but I have to like get there. I mean,
- 11:02Speaker 3: I think even if I'm like I don't know, like
- 11:05Speaker 3: even Golden, that song Golden from like K Pop Demon
- 11:10Speaker 3: Hunters make me cry.
- 11:13Speaker 2: Yes, people love that song.
- 11:15Speaker 3: I love it. It's so I think also because I
- 11:18Speaker 3: don't have a kid, that makes me listen to it
- 11:20Speaker 3: all the time when it comes on that and like
- 11:23Speaker 3: the Mowana song of like oh I love Mawana.
- 11:27Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah you sound like Kara Swisher.
- 11:30Speaker 1: Do you ever listen to Kara Swisher?
- 11:31Speaker 5: No?
- 11:31Speaker 1: She talks about K Pop, Demon Hunters and Milana all
- 11:34Speaker 1: the time, but she's really kids Okay, yeah, yeah, so
- 11:36Speaker 1: is I don't know anything about everyone loves it adulchildren
- 11:41Speaker 1: are adults though.
- 11:42Speaker 3: I mean, maybe you can answer that.
- 11:44Speaker 6: But Sony and my adult friends have been like, no, no, no,
- 11:46Speaker 6: but you would love it.
- 11:47Speaker 3: You have to watch it. I'm like, okay, I haven't
- 11:49Speaker 3: watched it yet. I'm like, was raised on Disney, so
- 11:52Speaker 3: you know, like in my therapy sessions, my therapist will
- 11:55Speaker 3: be like, what does that make you think of? And
- 11:56Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm the witch. I'm like the evil witch
- 11:58Speaker 3: with the apple, but I'm also snow white, and I'm
- 12:01Speaker 3: like we're you know, yeah, because that's the point of them, right,
- 12:04Speaker 3: is to be like super big and dramatic and also
- 12:06Speaker 3: like hold these themes that are so big.
- 12:10Speaker 1: I remember, I'm not that into like animated, because I
- 12:13Speaker 1: mistakenly associate animated films with children's films. I think that's
- 12:17Speaker 1: how they kind of came on the scene, right, Yeah,
- 12:19Speaker 1: animation came on the scene, and so and then when
- 12:21Speaker 1: I once I watched Finding Nemo, I think was my
- 12:25Speaker 1: first animated film that I watched like several years after
- 12:27Speaker 1: it was out with my friend's kids, and I was.
- 12:29Speaker 2: Like, these are pretty serious themes.
- 12:32Speaker 1: Yeah, like these are themes for adults, like this is
- 12:35Speaker 1: an adult movie, but it's just in cartoon.
- 12:37Speaker 2: Yes, so I found that quite interesting.
- 12:39Speaker 6: Yeah, especially these days you have like insight out that's
- 12:42Speaker 6: all about like having big emotions, Like there's not a villain,
- 12:45Speaker 6: it's like your villain is anxiety or you know, these
- 12:48Speaker 6: dead thoughts and feelings right learning how to process them.
- 12:52Speaker 2: So, okay, back to you and your husband.
- 12:54Speaker 1: You've been married for twenty years and I heard I've
- 12:56Speaker 1: heard you say that it's like, you know, it's a
- 12:59Speaker 1: full on going one night stand, that's how.
- 13:01Speaker 2: You refer to it.
- 13:03Speaker 3: Yeah, they just asked me. He is doing a press
- 13:04Speaker 3: tour right now because he plays the voice of Luigi
- 13:07Speaker 3: in the Super Mario movie. Oh really, and that's about
- 13:10Speaker 3: to come out in the second game.
- 13:12Speaker 1: Yeah, Super Mario, I spent hours and hours of my childhood.
- 13:15Speaker 3: Oh so good. Did you play Jaws too? Do you
- 13:18Speaker 3: remember that Jaws?
- 13:19Speaker 2: Jaws?
- 13:19Speaker 1: I grew up on Martha's vineyard in the summertime, and
- 13:21Speaker 1: they filmed the very first Jaws in front of our house.
- 13:24Speaker 1: So the town I grew up in, Amityville is Edgar Town,
- 13:27Speaker 1: Martha's Vineyard.
- 13:28Speaker 2: Oh wow, it's the backdrop of Jaws.
- 13:30Speaker 1: Yeah, so I wasn't alive when they filmed the first one.
- 13:32Speaker 1: I was the year I was born, nineteen seventy five.
- 13:35Speaker 1: But they filmed it in front of our house in
- 13:37Speaker 1: the bay. It's called Katama Bay. And so Bruce, the
- 13:40Speaker 1: shark that Steven Spielberg used and named, would go back.
- 13:43Speaker 1: My brothers and sisters would watch the movie being shot,
- 13:46Speaker 1: and they would watch the cranes and they didn't go
- 13:47Speaker 1: in the water for fucking decades after that, because like
- 13:51Speaker 1: parts of Bruce are still there.
- 13:52Speaker 2: But I didn't know Jaws was a game.
- 13:54Speaker 3: It was like a Nintendo game, yeah, where you like
- 13:56Speaker 3: have to collect those sills and then at the end
- 13:59Speaker 3: you get to like try to stab Jaws, and it
- 14:01Speaker 3: never like does what you're trying to fucking good at
- 14:03Speaker 3: to do. It never does what you want.
- 14:05Speaker 2: It would be hard to maneuver as a shark, though,
- 14:07Speaker 2: like to pretend you're playing No.
- 14:09Speaker 3: No, you're killing the sharks. Oh you're killing You're the
- 14:12Speaker 3: good guy who's killing the shah.
- 14:13Speaker 2: Yeah. What do you think about sharks? Are you scared
- 14:15Speaker 2: of sharks?
- 14:16Speaker 3: I'm scared of sharks in a healthy way, But I'm
- 14:19Speaker 3: with you yeah, I'm not crazy about it. No, Like
- 14:22Speaker 3: I'm not going to dive with them. But if everyone
- 14:25Speaker 3: was going to dive with them and they were like,
- 14:27Speaker 3: we're all going, I might do it. I don't want
- 14:31Speaker 3: to be the one who's like, come on, we're all
- 14:33Speaker 3: going to do this and then someone dies. But Ena
- 14:35Speaker 3: was my faunt right.
- 14:35Speaker 2: Well, But most of the time when people dive from sharks,
- 14:38Speaker 2: it's not because they're going shark diving in those cages.
- 14:40Speaker 2: It's because they are just like surfing or they're out
- 14:43Speaker 2: in the water and then they get bitten. Yes, and
- 14:45Speaker 2: then and I love the.
- 14:46Speaker 1: Excuse that people say, like they don't really like humans,
- 14:49Speaker 1: but they just bite you, and then they just said
- 14:51Speaker 1: they don't like you.
- 14:51Speaker 2: I'm like, that doesn't have any impact on what the
- 14:54Speaker 2: impact is.
- 14:55Speaker 1: Yes, we're still dying because they're attacking us, Like they
- 14:59Speaker 1: really don't want to be attacking humans, but they are.
- 15:02Speaker 2: So I'm sorry that doesn't go well together.
- 15:05Speaker 1: I feel like people are either really definitely afraid of
- 15:07Speaker 1: spiders or snakes, and then sharks come in somewhere in
- 15:10Speaker 1: the middle.
- 15:11Speaker 2: I have a phobia. Mine is more than a fear
- 15:13Speaker 2: of snakes.
- 15:14Speaker 3: Oh of snakes.
- 15:15Speaker 1: I get into like I could shake or like shock
- 15:18Speaker 1: and I can't move if there's a snake around me,
- 15:21Speaker 1: I have a huge reaction.
- 15:23Speaker 3: I'm a huge snake fan. I love like like if
- 15:28Speaker 3: someone's like your brother had snakes, Yeah, I'll hould a snake.
- 15:31Speaker 3: Not afraid. Yeah you're not afraid. I'm afraid of spiders though,
- 15:34Speaker 3: so you're not afraid I can kill.
- 15:38Speaker 2: What do you like about snakes?
- 15:41Speaker 3: Well, my mom is crazy afraid of snakes, so maybe
- 15:44Speaker 3: mine's a reaction to be like the soul things I
- 15:48Speaker 3: don't care, you.
- 15:49Speaker 2: Know, and you can handle them and pick them up.
- 15:51Speaker 3: Yeah. Love. They feel so amazing, Like you think they're
- 15:54Speaker 3: going to be slimy, but they're not. And they're all
- 15:56Speaker 3: just like one long muscle. It's just really cool.
- 16:00Speaker 4: Unlong muscle is not the motion.
- 16:03Speaker 1: The motion within which they move and slither is like
- 16:07Speaker 1: especially those sidewinder snakes, Yeah you know the ones that Yeah,
- 16:11Speaker 1: they had.
- 16:11Speaker 2: A picture once and this is probably AI, but who knows.
- 16:14Speaker 2: I believe it's real. It was like a golf course
- 16:16Speaker 2: in Florida with just tons of those like whatever those
- 16:20Speaker 2: snakes are that are down there the Florida have rattlesnakes
- 16:23Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, oh, I know, I know.
- 16:26Speaker 1: I can't wait for Florida to dislodge into the ocean.
- 16:29Speaker 1: I'm dating a guy who lives.
- 16:31Speaker 2: In Florida, and I was like, I don't know when
- 16:33Speaker 2: you're expecting me to come there, because he's like, when
- 16:35Speaker 2: do you think. I'm like, it's not gonna do.
- 16:38Speaker 3: Would you go there on tour?
- 16:39Speaker 2: I don't, wow. I don't really like the politics of
- 16:42Speaker 2: the state.
- 16:42Speaker 1: I like Floridians, yeah, you know, and I'm sad that
- 16:45Speaker 1: they live there, but I can't support that kind of economy.
- 16:48Speaker 2: I just can't. For some reason Texas.
- 16:50Speaker 1: There are other states that are much worse, but like Texas,
- 16:53Speaker 1: to me feels like there's hope in Texas. Like at
- 16:56Speaker 1: some point Texas could flip. There's always people trying to
- 16:59Speaker 1: flip Texas. There are pockets of Texas that are very democratic,
- 17:02Speaker 1: just like there are in Florida. There are pockets. And
- 17:04Speaker 1: every time I go to Florida, I have a great
- 17:06Speaker 1: time and I go I should come back here, But
- 17:08Speaker 1: I just really hate what that state represents. It's another
- 17:11Speaker 1: open carry state, burning books. I just find that all
- 17:14Speaker 1: to be so ick.
- 17:15Speaker 3: Yeah, it is hard. I grew up going to Florida.
- 17:18Speaker 3: That's like where we vacationed because Mississippi, Alabama, Florida. Yeah,
- 17:22Speaker 3: and so we still go there to dustin every summer
- 17:26Speaker 3: and it's the red neck riviera. It's so beautiful. Get
- 17:28Speaker 3: our airbrush t shirts.
- 17:30Speaker 1: And I feel like I've been to dustin Florida. But
- 17:33Speaker 1: I can't imagine for what because that's a specific area.
- 17:36Speaker 2: Is that on the east coast of Florida.
- 17:38Speaker 3: It's on the Gulf of America.
- 17:42Speaker 6: It's on the maps now, we were flying I hear
- 17:45Speaker 6: the other day and it's on Google.
- 17:46Speaker 4: I just wanted to cry. It's on the map.
- 17:49Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's on the golf we'll call it side.
- 17:54Speaker 2: Well, you can enjoy that and you can enjoy your
- 17:55Speaker 2: snakes down there too.
- 17:57Speaker 3: Well you said no, thank you, no, thank you Florida.
- 18:04Speaker 1: I mean, while watch, I'll add like four cities in
- 18:06Speaker 1: Florida next week. No, I won't, though, I mean I'll
- 18:08Speaker 1: try not to. I'll try to stick to my word
- 18:10Speaker 1: sometimes whenever I publicly. But do you ever find this
- 18:13Speaker 1: happening when you make it like a declaration or a proclamation,
- 18:16Speaker 1: you end up doing the exact opposite, Like anytime you
- 18:18Speaker 1: publicly declare something. That's why I'm so scared that one
- 18:21Speaker 1: day I'll get married, because I've spoken so much about
- 18:23Speaker 1: refusing to get married.
- 18:25Speaker 3: Yeah, it might be coming for you.
- 18:26Speaker 2: Do you ever do that? Do you ever make like
- 18:28Speaker 2: declarations and then it happens or you do the opposite.
- 18:32Speaker 3: I feel like you make a declaration and then yeah,
- 18:34Speaker 3: the universe is like, but are you sure? Yeah?
- 18:37Speaker 2: Right right, But it's testing you.
- 18:39Speaker 3: I don't know. I know people like hate flip flopping
- 18:42Speaker 3: and stuff, but sometimes we like grow and get a
- 18:44Speaker 3: different perspective. Or you're like, well, actually, let me maybe
- 18:47Speaker 3: try this and then yay, or that wasn't for me.
- 18:50Speaker 3: I tried it.
- 18:51Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, tell me what you are surprised about in
- 18:59Speaker 1: your role as mother?
- 19:00Speaker 2: What surprises you about you as a mother.
- 19:03Speaker 3: Oh, that's a really good question. I think it has
- 19:06Speaker 3: to do more maybe with my relationship, like with Charlie
- 19:09Speaker 3: as a parent as well. And he sort of is
- 19:13Speaker 3: like the one where like our son recently got everyone
- 19:17Speaker 3: has big, like crazy curly hair right now, but our
- 19:19Speaker 3: son is really into jiu jitsu. So our son got
- 19:21Speaker 3: his head shaved and it can like it was getting
- 19:23Speaker 3: pinned when he was trying to spar whatever they do,
- 19:27Speaker 3: and he got it buzzed, and he got it buzzed
- 19:31Speaker 3: way too short, and he was like, I'm like bald,
- 19:34Speaker 3: Like this isn't a buzz this is like I'm bald.
- 19:36Speaker 3: And he was like, please don't make me, Please don't
- 19:39Speaker 3: make me go to school tomorrow. And my take is like, and.
- 19:42Speaker 2: Boys haircuts are so important right now. Like they have
- 19:49Speaker 2: that thing where they all were like when was it
- 19:52Speaker 2: they're getting like perms? Yeah, yeah, and then.
- 19:53Speaker 1: They all have this thing where they throw their hair
- 19:56Speaker 1: up like like shake it. No, it just looks crazy,
- 20:00Speaker 1: but they all have to have that haircut. And then yeah,
- 20:02Speaker 1: all my friends who have teenage boys, it's a serious situation.
- 20:05Speaker 2: Yeah, but really the first time I've heard a story
- 20:07Speaker 2: like this.
- 20:07Speaker 3: Yeah. So Russell was like, I'm going to do something
- 20:10Speaker 3: different because I want it for like myself, which is great.
- 20:13Speaker 3: I'm like I love that autonomy doing what works for you.
- 20:17Speaker 3: And then it got just like like skin head shaved,
- 20:20Speaker 3: you know, and he was like, I cannot go to
- 20:22Speaker 3: school today like this, and I was like, I don't know,
- 20:25Speaker 3: like suck it up. Like if it's fucking hard to
- 20:27Speaker 3: be a person, sometimes you know, and Charlie was like,
- 20:30Speaker 3: please don't make him go to school, and then I
- 20:33Speaker 3: was like, oh, I need to soften, Like I am
- 20:36Speaker 3: a little bit more of the like no buck up, like,
- 20:40Speaker 3: but that's how I am with myself, you know, and
- 20:42Speaker 3: Charlie's better. I think it sometimes just being like it's okay,
- 20:47Speaker 3: okay to miss a day of school.
- 20:48Speaker 2: And so did you end up letting him stay home? Yeah, yeah,
- 20:51Speaker 2: which is fine.
- 20:53Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 20:53Speaker 1: I think it's interesting the way that every like people parent.
- 20:56Speaker 1: And now I don't mean just people who have kids,
- 20:57Speaker 1: because obviously there's plenty of people out there who are
- 21:00Speaker 1: a parenting role in other people's lives. But like, the
- 21:02Speaker 1: things you would do for yourself are different than the
- 21:04Speaker 1: things that the Sanders you set for others, you know,
- 21:07Speaker 1: just like you would tolerate certain behaviors and say relationships
- 21:10Speaker 1: romantic relationships that you would never tolerate for like your
- 21:13Speaker 1: sister or your cousin or your best friend.
- 21:16Speaker 2: You know, Like sometimes we treat ourselves so harshly. It's
- 21:18Speaker 2: not equal to the way that we want other people
- 21:21Speaker 2: to go through the world.
- 21:22Speaker 3: Yes, I mean I do let him speak to me
- 21:24Speaker 3: in ways that like if anyone else spoke to me
- 21:27Speaker 3: in that way. And sometimes he will say something to
- 21:29Speaker 3: me and I will look at Charlie like and he's like,
- 21:33Speaker 3: let it go, let it go.
- 21:35Speaker 6: And I'm like, especially growing up in the South, it's like,
- 21:37Speaker 6: you respect your elders, you don't talk to adults in
- 21:40Speaker 6: a certain way.
- 21:41Speaker 3: Smacked, you know. And I'm like, I don't smack him,
- 21:44Speaker 3: So like, I don't know how to parent this right now.
- 21:46Speaker 3: And Charlie's just really good at being like it's just
- 21:49Speaker 3: like fucking raging hormones. Just let it go. He'll move
- 21:52Speaker 3: through it. And I'm like, but well, I because guess
- 21:55Speaker 3: who else has raging hormones right now?
- 21:59Speaker 2: So being a woman right now, it's in of itself
- 22:03Speaker 2: a raging hormone.
- 22:04Speaker 3: It is.
- 22:05Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what age you are.
- 22:06Speaker 1: It is a raging hormone to be a woman in
- 22:08Speaker 1: this world watching everything go by. It just like it
- 22:11Speaker 1: feels like we should be doing something, but nobody receives
- 22:13Speaker 1: to know exactly what we should be doing.
- 22:15Speaker 3: I know, but I do like how I feel like
- 22:17Speaker 3: I came up in a time, Like I moved out
- 22:20Speaker 3: to la in two thousand and.
- 22:21Speaker 2: One from New York, so.
- 22:24Speaker 3: I went to Mississippi to school in Texas because my
- 22:27Speaker 3: parents told me I how to stay below the Mason
- 22:29Speaker 3: Dixon loon and I'll let you stat of Texas if
- 22:31Speaker 3: I wanted help with college. So I wanted to study acting.
- 22:34Speaker 3: So I went to Southern Methodist University, which had like
- 22:36Speaker 3: a good acting program, and then I got cast in
- 22:39Speaker 3: a play right out of college. So I moved to
- 22:41Speaker 3: Santa Maria, California and did plays there and insolving.
- 22:45Speaker 2: Oh you know the Swedish town Yeah.
- 22:50Speaker 3: So I was doing yeah, or Danish because they had
- 22:53Speaker 3: Danishes or whatever clogs.
- 22:55Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Oh okay, I thought it was Swedish.
- 22:57Speaker 3: Good to know. I mean, I don't know who knows.
- 22:59Speaker 2: They could have huge rivalry, the Suite's and the.
- 23:01Speaker 3: Danes of their like teeny tiny towns in California and
- 23:05Speaker 3: like central California. Yeah, And I was talking about coming
- 23:08Speaker 3: up as a woman though, like in that time and
- 23:10Speaker 3: the way that like we loved watching like Paris Hilton
- 23:15Speaker 3: and Nicole Richie like burn their lives to the ground
- 23:18Speaker 3: on reality television and Anna Nicole Smith and like this
- 23:22Speaker 3: is what we were watching, and we just like loved
- 23:25Speaker 3: watching these women like destroy themselves for us. You know,
- 23:28Speaker 3: and it was very not like we're pulling each other
- 23:31Speaker 3: up and we're supporting each other, like there's only one
- 23:34Speaker 3: place at the table, bitch, so get the fuck out
- 23:36Speaker 3: of my way. Yes, and I do feel that there's
- 23:38Speaker 3: been a shift in that. And I don't think it's
- 23:40Speaker 3: just because we're getting older and we realize that there's
- 23:43Speaker 3: more space. I think women now, young women too, and
- 23:47Speaker 3: girls are like, there's as much space for us as
- 23:50Speaker 3: anyone else, and if there's not, we'll build our own table.
- 23:53Speaker 1: As they say, it's been like this for so long,
- 23:56Speaker 1: But why are we all finding out about it at
- 23:59Speaker 1: the It feels like it's there's like a cascade of
- 24:02Speaker 1: not like you know what I mean that we're all
- 24:04Speaker 1: finding out about it at the same time. But this
- 24:06Speaker 1: has been happening for eons and hundreds of years, yet
- 24:10Speaker 1: this feels like a turning point. It's like a dump
- 24:13Speaker 1: of information where women can't look away, and women have
- 24:16Speaker 1: finally looked at each other and been like, we're safe together.
- 24:20Speaker 2: We're safer together than we are apart.
- 24:22Speaker 1: And this whole divisiveness what you're talking about, there's only
- 24:25Speaker 1: room for one person at the table.
- 24:26Speaker 2: I could totally relate to that as a.
- 24:28Speaker 1: Stand up comedian coming up like twenty five years ago
- 24:30Speaker 1: in comedy, it was like, there was never two girls.
- 24:33Speaker 1: There's always one girl, you know, And I was just
- 24:34Speaker 1: like what you know, and women were out to get
- 24:36Speaker 1: other women. And there's definitely has been a shift because
- 24:39Speaker 1: there's been an understanding now that like men are not trustworthy.
- 24:43Speaker 1: Obviously not all men. I have to say this all
- 24:45Speaker 1: the time because they're so sensitive, but you know, women
- 24:49Speaker 1: are now understanding that the tide rises together, like it's
- 24:53Speaker 1: better for us to stick together. So I wonder what
- 24:56Speaker 1: that timing is, you know, like, what was the event
- 24:59Speaker 1: that kind of like broke the damn of this knowledge?
- 25:02Speaker 1: Or is this every generation? And is it you get
- 25:05Speaker 1: to a certain age and you realize, oh god, we've
- 25:08Speaker 1: been fed all this garbage.
- 25:09Speaker 2: You know. Is it an age thing or is it
- 25:11Speaker 2: something that's actually happening right now?
- 25:13Speaker 3: Right? Yeah? I mean the Me Too movement was such
- 25:15Speaker 3: a big like cultural.
- 25:18Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the repercussion of that was overturning Roe v.
- 25:21Speaker 1: Wade, Right, that was their answer to that, Like you
- 25:24Speaker 1: want to bitch and moan about being sexually assaulted, then
- 25:26Speaker 1: we're going to take away your rights yep, so I
- 25:28Speaker 1: guess we're seeing it in real time.
- 25:30Speaker 2: I feel like our generator, how old are you.
- 25:32Speaker 3: I'm forty six, if you don't mind my ask, Now.
- 25:34Speaker 2: I'm fifty one. So I just feel like in our generation,
- 25:37Speaker 2: we've been through so much and it's not like, you know,
- 25:40Speaker 2: I don't have a wonderful life and you have a
- 25:42Speaker 2: wonderful life, and you have a wonderful life. But it's
- 25:44Speaker 2: just been so much of like, oh, it was very
- 25:49Speaker 2: idyllic being young and unknowledgeable. It was kind of nice
- 25:52Speaker 2: to not know about all of this.
- 25:54Speaker 1: And then with the technology age, you know, we went
- 25:57Speaker 1: from like you know, we were there when there was
- 25:59Speaker 1: no compute and they're a no cell phone, right, I
- 26:02Speaker 1: have my cell phone number from when I was nineteen
- 26:04Speaker 1: years old.
- 26:04Speaker 2: I have the same number. That's why I'm cell phone. Yeah, happened.
- 26:08Speaker 2: And then now we're dealing with we're at the outset
- 26:11Speaker 2: of AI and you're like, we have to deal with
- 26:13Speaker 2: another whole major shift. So it's a lot for us.
- 26:16Speaker 1: And I wonder if every generation feels this way, because
- 26:18Speaker 1: certainly women in the fifties and sixties, if they were
- 26:21Speaker 1: as frustrated, well, the fifties, more forties and fifties. If
- 26:24Speaker 1: they were as frustrated as we are, they surely didn't
- 26:26Speaker 1: tell anybody about it or get organized yeah about it?
- 26:31Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean yeah, I guess there's a question of
- 26:34Speaker 3: like safety and also like how it like the patriarchal
- 26:38Speaker 3: ideas like infuse themselves into your own brains, so you
- 26:41Speaker 3: can't even see what's going on when you're so inside
- 26:43Speaker 3: of the system, you know. But my grandmother is ninety
- 26:46Speaker 3: nine years old. She lives in Louisianah. And when I
- 26:51Speaker 3: do get overwhelmed with like no one's ever had it
- 26:54Speaker 3: as bad as me, I'm like, oh, right, the depression
- 26:57Speaker 3: that was bad. That was bad, you know, going to
- 27:00Speaker 3: war and when people were like actually having to go
- 27:03Speaker 3: to war. And it's ue to like pull back and
- 27:06Speaker 3: get a little bit of perspective and be like, there
- 27:08Speaker 3: have always been issues, but maybe we just know about
- 27:12Speaker 3: them more now because everyone has their own little news
- 27:16Speaker 3: broadcasting system in their pocket telling you the worst things
- 27:19Speaker 3: that are happening at every moment all the time.
- 27:22Speaker 2: Although so there's also so much more history and knowledge
- 27:25Speaker 2: available to right because of the technology, and we have
- 27:28Speaker 2: the context, and it's not like.
- 27:29Speaker 1: No, I don't want to imply that there weren't women
- 27:31Speaker 1: doing things. Of course there were. I mean there was
- 27:33Speaker 1: Glorious cynom and before her, obviously the list can go
- 27:36Speaker 1: on and on. So I'm there was obviously activists. But
- 27:39Speaker 1: I guess now we're just we have so much information
- 27:42Speaker 1: about all the things that weren't told being told, and
- 27:45Speaker 1: people are communicating, and I think that's actually going to
- 27:49Speaker 1: end up, in the long run being such a great thing,
- 27:51Speaker 1: being able to have that kind of level of communication,
- 27:54Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because it's even though there's
- 27:56Speaker 1: so much false information, it's it's hard to be lied
- 27:59Speaker 1: to when you have access to the truth.
- 28:01Speaker 2: I know how to get to the truth.
- 28:03Speaker 6: And media literacy to like not to check for the
- 28:05Speaker 6: truth when you see.
- 28:06Speaker 1: Something, to know that when a whale is jumping onto
- 28:08Speaker 1: a sailboat that that's not real.
- 28:13Speaker 3: Like is it not real? Whales are eating people and
- 28:16Speaker 3: then spitting them out, Like I don't know what whales
- 28:18Speaker 3: are doing. They're like sam whales.
- 28:21Speaker 2: Did you ever read Moby Dick.
- 28:23Speaker 3: I don't think I actually ever read.
- 28:25Speaker 2: Okay, when I read Moby Dick, I was very young.
- 28:27Speaker 2: When I read it. My dad forced me to read it,
- 28:29Speaker 2: and I the whole time, I was like, if whales
- 28:31Speaker 2: are so smart, why aren't they fucking getting pissed off?
- 28:34Speaker 2: And all these people a harpooning them. These guys are
- 28:36Speaker 2: in this little bar.
- 28:38Speaker 1: Yes, well I was going to get to them in
- 28:40Speaker 1: these little narrow boats, okay, And like the turn of
- 28:43Speaker 1: the century or the late eighteen hundreds, they're in these
- 28:45Speaker 1: little narrow boats and they're going out with harpoons literally
- 28:48Speaker 1: to get the oil from the whales, harpooning them.
- 28:51Speaker 2: And I'm like, all.
- 28:52Speaker 1: The whales have to do is pop up, you know
- 28:54Speaker 1: what I mean and tip them all over, and then
- 28:56Speaker 1: they're fucked and they don't do that.
- 28:57Speaker 2: They don't do that.
- 28:58Speaker 1: They do, but now one hundred years later, now they're
- 29:01Speaker 1: getting pissed off and now they're like acting, So what's
- 29:04Speaker 1: that do you think?
- 29:05Speaker 6: I mean, there is a lot of evidence that animals
- 29:09Speaker 6: can communicate with their young and even like tell them.
- 29:11Speaker 3: Stories, Like crows will do this.
- 29:13Speaker 6: I believe that, yeah, someone will, like there's this documentary work.
- 29:17Speaker 6: I puts on like a weird mask and he's like
- 29:19Speaker 6: mean to the crows and then goes back several generations
- 29:22Speaker 6: later and like the baby crows that were you know,
- 29:25Speaker 6: born after this knew that this person in this mask
- 29:28Speaker 6: was a bad person, like they communicate, like they described
- 29:32Speaker 6: this person to their young and like they knew that
- 29:34Speaker 6: this was a bad person.
- 29:35Speaker 3: They'll hold a grudge. Yeah, myles are even smarter. My
- 29:37Speaker 3: dog barks that crows in our backyard and I'm like,
- 29:40Speaker 3: you don't want to do that, buddy. You don't want
- 29:42Speaker 3: to piss off a crow.
- 29:43Speaker 6: You could be training them to bring you money or
- 29:45Speaker 6: so I'm screaming at them.
- 29:51Speaker 1: I'm glad you're in therapy because we're therapists. Yeah, people
- 29:55Speaker 1: call in and there's real people.
- 29:57Speaker 6: Okay, you're ready for advice, advice We need our headphones yet,
- 30:00Speaker 6: not quite yet, because we're going to do a quick
- 30:02Speaker 6: a first. So Marcia says, my best friend is.
- 30:06Speaker 4: Overly cautious with her new baby.
- 30:08Speaker 6: The baby's eight months old, and they held her constantly
- 30:11Speaker 6: for the first seven months of her life, afraid if
- 30:13Speaker 6: they didn't, she'd need a helmet. Like other than naps,
- 30:16Speaker 6: they hold her. Once she called me, this is the friend.
- 30:19Speaker 6: She once called me to hold the baby for fifteen
- 30:21Speaker 6: minutes while she took a work call, so she didn't
- 30:23Speaker 6: put the baby down. They're also not taking her out
- 30:26Speaker 6: of the house and have made plans with us multiple
- 30:28Speaker 6: times and canceled at the last minute because they're afraid
- 30:30Speaker 6: of her getting a cold.
- 30:31Speaker 3: Can I tell them they're being too extra? Marcia Marcia,
- 30:35Speaker 3: mar Marcia, you just have to every time, right, I mean,
- 30:38Speaker 3: I'm happy to Yeah.
- 30:40Speaker 2: I think as a parent, you should go first.
- 30:41Speaker 3: I so I had like pretty gnarly postpartum depression, and
- 30:45Speaker 3: I didn't realize that that's what it was while it
- 30:47Speaker 3: was happening. Actually, I guess as far as postpartum goes,
- 30:50Speaker 3: mine wasn't that narly. But I I didn't want to
- 30:53Speaker 3: leave the I didn't want anyone to look at my baby.
- 30:55Speaker 3: I didn't want anyone to touch my baby. I didn't
- 30:57Speaker 3: want to leave the house. I felt like every time
- 31:00Speaker 3: I stood up, I was going to like slip in
- 31:03Speaker 3: breast milk and drop them and his head was going
- 31:05Speaker 3: to explode like a watermelon. Like these were the things.
- 31:07Speaker 3: So I understand how the friend is feeling, and also
- 31:12Speaker 3: having a fourteen year old. Now there comes a certain
- 31:15Speaker 3: point where like you have to realize that you've got
- 31:18Speaker 3: to just let go a little and let this person
- 31:20Speaker 3: become their own person, right, that, like, you can't be
- 31:25Speaker 3: in control of whether they're going to get a cold
- 31:27Speaker 3: or not for the rest of their lives, and and
- 31:31Speaker 3: you won't be able to make their decisions for them forever.
- 31:34Speaker 3: So I mean, I think I think it's maybe a
- 31:38Speaker 3: little extra.
- 31:39Speaker 1: But do you what's your Like, Yes, it's definitely extra,
- 31:42Speaker 1: but what's your opinion on telling another parent about that?
- 31:46Speaker 6: I feel like, especially now, it's like so taboo to
- 31:48Speaker 6: say anything to anyone about.
- 31:50Speaker 2: Well is it taboo?
- 31:51Speaker 3: Though?
- 31:52Speaker 4: I mean, it's just frowned upon I should say, is it?
- 31:55Speaker 5: Yeah?
- 31:55Speaker 1: I mean, because it's kind of individual, like if you're
- 31:57Speaker 1: willing to give somebody advice or if you think you're
- 32:00Speaker 1: just gonna give out unsolicited advice, it's kind of like
- 32:03Speaker 1: what's your vibe in the friendship? Like, yeah, it's definitely extra,
- 32:06Speaker 1: it sounds ridiculous, but is it your place?
- 32:10Speaker 3: Right?
- 32:11Speaker 1: And also with all the post part of stuff, Like
- 32:14Speaker 1: I was gonna say postpartum shit, I'm like, don't say that.
- 32:16Speaker 1: With all the postpartum me like everyone, I mean, it's
- 32:19Speaker 1: so much more common than anybody ever knew about, because
- 32:21Speaker 1: once again, it's a woman's issue that nobody was discussing
- 32:23Speaker 1: freely because there was shame around it and people felt
- 32:26Speaker 1: like they were failing at doing something, which is being
- 32:28Speaker 1: a mother, and nobody wants to talk about that because
- 32:31Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with failing. It has to
- 32:33Speaker 1: do with a hormonal imbalance and all the other things
- 32:35Speaker 1: that come with that. So like, what's the point. You
- 32:38Speaker 1: know they're gonna figure it out at some point that
- 32:40Speaker 1: that that's too much, yeah, or not necessary, or they
- 32:43Speaker 1: won't figure it out, and you're just gonna have to tolerate it.
- 32:46Speaker 1: But I think also, I think being a really good
- 32:49Speaker 1: friend is kind of tolerating people when they're at their lowest.
- 32:54Speaker 3: But maybe also just being like, hey, I couldn't help,
- 32:56Speaker 3: but notice that, like you seem it seems scary to
- 32:59Speaker 3: you to leave the house with the baby if I
- 33:02Speaker 3: went with you somewhere, Like can I go with you
- 33:06Speaker 3: to like a place? Because that's what I had a
- 33:08Speaker 3: doula who came after to help and a post part
- 33:12Speaker 3: of doula, and she was like, we're going to a
- 33:14Speaker 3: restaurant today and I was like, but what if somebody
- 33:16Speaker 3: wants to look at my baby? She's like, they can
- 33:18Speaker 3: look at your baby. I'm like, but then what if
- 33:20Speaker 3: they want to touch him. She's like, you're allowed to
- 33:22Speaker 3: say no, you can't. You can't touch my baby. It's
- 33:25Speaker 3: your he's your baby, you know. So maybe the friend
- 33:28Speaker 3: could offer, like if I just am noticing that it's
- 33:31Speaker 3: hard for you to get out, if I went with you,
- 33:33Speaker 3: is that something that you would be interested in. I
- 33:36Speaker 3: like that. I'm noticing language like that.
- 33:37Speaker 2: Feels like very like that. I think it feels very gentle.
- 33:40Speaker 2: By the way, look how nice your legs look in
- 33:42Speaker 2: the camera saying this is a little off topic, but
- 33:45Speaker 2: you went from postpart I'm fourteen years later. Look at
- 33:47Speaker 2: you now?
- 33:48Speaker 3: She can't stop.
- 33:49Speaker 6: Well, because you're kickboxing right at doing that all the time?
- 33:52Speaker 2: Yeah, are you really? Are you into kickboxing? It really?
- 33:55Speaker 3: Yeah, with a lot of coordination. Who were like, actually
- 33:58Speaker 3: gonna hit me in the face?
- 33:59Speaker 2: Yeah?
- 34:00Speaker 3: No, thank you?
- 34:00Speaker 2: Do you get a lot? I know, I don't want
- 34:02Speaker 2: to get in in the face.
- 34:03Speaker 1: I didn't even want I was just in Istanbul and
- 34:05Speaker 1: they were there, was they want The guy I was
- 34:07Speaker 1: with wanted to go to her mom, and I was like,
- 34:09Speaker 1: once I found out they splashed water on you. He
- 34:12Speaker 1: came back from the first one. He goes I don't
- 34:13Speaker 1: think you're gonna like it. And I was like why,
- 34:15Speaker 1: and he said, because they splash water on your face.
- 34:17Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I don't like. No, No, I want
- 34:19Speaker 2: to splash my water on my face.
- 34:20Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 34:20Speaker 4: And I even want to splash my own water touch
- 34:23Speaker 4: my face.
- 34:23Speaker 2: I don't want to be splashed at all.
- 34:26Speaker 1: So I've been noticing that's a good that's a good advice.
- 34:29Speaker 1: That's a good segue into advice all the time.
- 34:31Speaker 3: Yeah, and to be like, here's the suggestion, and if
- 34:34Speaker 3: you don't want to take it, be like okay, yeah
- 34:37Speaker 3: I tried. Yeah, especially now it's getting warmer.
- 34:39Speaker 6: Maybe guys the hangout outdoors together and like you know,
- 34:42Speaker 6: in the backyard so it's open air, all that good stuff. Well,
- 34:45Speaker 6: we have some women who are just making some big
- 34:47Speaker 6: life decisions.
- 34:48Speaker 2: Oh great, I love life decisions.
- 34:49Speaker 6: This is this is really good. So our first caller
- 34:52Speaker 6: is Kevin, and Kevin is she her? She says, Dear Chelsea,
- 34:58Speaker 6: I'm a thirty two year old single woman from the
- 35:00Speaker 6: Pacific Northwest. I've been boy crazy since I was five,
- 35:03Speaker 6: and I was always in.
- 35:04Speaker 4: A relationship five I hear you.
- 35:06Speaker 6: I was always in a relationship throughout high school, college,
- 35:09Speaker 6: and my twenties. I ended my last serious relationship, a
- 35:12Speaker 6: five year partnership.
- 35:13Speaker 3: In twenty twenty two. I moved back into my.
- 35:14Speaker 6: Hometown and spent a long, messy period grieving, with a
- 35:18Speaker 6: few half hearted flings along the way. Almost a year later,
- 35:21Speaker 6: I'm finally feeling more like myself. I'm motivated to date
- 35:24Speaker 6: with intention, but I also know I get infatuated easily,
- 35:26Speaker 6: so I'm easing back in by getting on hinge and
- 35:28Speaker 6: going out more. I'm in a very unfulfilling phase of
- 35:31Speaker 6: my life right now.
- 35:32Speaker 3: I'm living at home.
- 35:33Speaker 6: With my parents, working part time as a barista, and
- 35:36Speaker 6: trying to figure out where I belong career wise as
- 35:38Speaker 6: an ADHD millennial. I know I'm still young, but I'm
- 35:41Speaker 6: scared of ending up in a job I hate, and
- 35:43Speaker 6: I'm equally scared of getting stuck in my hometown where
- 35:45Speaker 6: I have zero desire to settle. So right now, I
- 35:48Speaker 6: just feel stuck. I want to get back into dating
- 35:50Speaker 6: and being social, but it feels hard to do that
- 35:52Speaker 6: authentically from where I'm currently at. So my question for
- 35:55Speaker 6: Chelsea is, how do you tell the difference between fear
- 35:58Speaker 6: and intuition when you're crazy being a big life change,
- 36:01Speaker 6: and more specifically, am I avoiding dating in my hometown
- 36:04Speaker 6: because I'm afraid it will root me here? Or is
- 36:06Speaker 6: my intuition telling me that this isn't the right environment
- 36:09Speaker 6: or the right version of myself to build a relationship
- 36:12Speaker 6: from Kevin?
- 36:13Speaker 7: Hi?
- 36:14Speaker 2: Hi, Kevin, Hi?
- 36:15Speaker 7: How's it going good?
- 36:16Speaker 2: How are you? This is our special guest, Mary Elizabeth
- 36:18Speaker 2: Ellis is here today.
- 36:19Speaker 3: Hi Kevin.
- 36:20Speaker 7: Hi, Nice to meet any Nice.
- 36:21Speaker 3: To meet you.
- 36:23Speaker 1: Fear, that's an interesting fear and intuition. Like I those
- 36:26Speaker 1: two words don't correlate for me. But I get what
- 36:28Speaker 1: you're saying, but it's.
- 36:30Speaker 7: Hard for me to figure out the word.
- 36:32Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, So well, I mean it sounds like
- 36:35Speaker 1: you're in a transitional phase in your life.
- 36:37Speaker 7: Yes. Absolutely.
- 36:38Speaker 8: I feel like I'm always in a transitional phase of
- 36:40Speaker 8: my life, and so I'm just trying to figure out,
- 36:42Speaker 8: like how do I get out of this cycle? And
- 36:45Speaker 8: I've just I've already done so many different things before.
- 36:48Speaker 8: So I's just like, do I want to go back
- 36:49Speaker 8: to do what I know, go with what I know,
- 36:51Speaker 8: or do I need to really like put myself out
- 36:53Speaker 8: there and do something drastically different.
- 36:56Speaker 7: I don't know.
- 36:57Speaker 1: Okay, Well, first things first, Ay, I'm glad you're how
- 37:00Speaker 1: be in safe and you live with your parents because
- 37:01Speaker 1: everything's fine. Like now you have that's a great sound,
- 37:04Speaker 1: like jumping off board. You know, like that's good, that's
- 37:07Speaker 1: a good thing exactly. Yeah, from what you said about
- 37:10Speaker 1: being infatuated with boys since you were five years old,
- 37:13Speaker 1: I understand what you mean by infatuation, and I think
- 37:16Speaker 1: if you recognize that about yourself, this is a perfect
- 37:18Speaker 1: moment for you to take a break from boys when
- 37:20Speaker 1: you are in a transitional phase. It's like kind of
- 37:23Speaker 1: like putting like a gasoline on a fire, even though
- 37:25Speaker 1: you're not in a fire. It's like you're adding something
- 37:28Speaker 1: to the mix that doesn't need to be in the
- 37:29Speaker 1: mix right now.
- 37:30Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
- 37:31Speaker 1: You should take this time, reclaim this time, use it
- 37:34Speaker 1: to focus on yourself. Use this time where you're not
- 37:36Speaker 1: paying rent and you're figuring out what you're gonna do
- 37:39Speaker 1: career wise and professionally, and just take that all in
- 37:43Speaker 1: and like you're so lucky you get to live with
- 37:45Speaker 1: your parents during this time. That can help you financially.
- 37:47Speaker 1: You don't have to pay rent. You can say, you know,
- 37:49Speaker 1: you're in, You're safe again. Like these are all good
- 37:51Speaker 1: things to like form a foundation for the next step
- 37:55Speaker 1: that you do take. So I think you should figure
- 37:58Speaker 1: out what makes you feel excited about the future, Like
- 38:01Speaker 1: what are the job options for you?
- 38:03Speaker 2: What have you done that you've loved, not just like
- 38:06Speaker 2: to get by, what actually like inspires you.
- 38:10Speaker 7: Yeah, it's so hard.
- 38:12Speaker 8: I feel like there's so many different things that inspire me,
- 38:14Speaker 8: and I love to do I like to do different things.
- 38:17Speaker 7: I like to keep it interesting. I get very sick.
- 38:20Speaker 8: And tired of doing the same thing all over and
- 38:22Speaker 8: over again. So like right now, I'm a part time barista,
- 38:24Speaker 8: and I love doing that.
- 38:26Speaker 7: But only part time.
- 38:27Speaker 8: If after like yesterday was my Friday and I was
- 38:30Speaker 8: already like at my wits ends with everyone, My social battery.
- 38:33Speaker 7: Is so low, and so I'm like, this is great.
- 38:35Speaker 8: I love that it's a job that I can enjoy,
- 38:37Speaker 8: but I like being able to do something else to
- 38:40Speaker 8: kind of refuel my I guess my desires and inspirations,
- 38:45Speaker 8: and so that's what that was. Always event planning, and
- 38:47Speaker 8: so I've jumped around different event planning jobs with like catering,
- 38:51Speaker 8: but that's also kind of an industry I kind of
- 38:54Speaker 8: want to get away from, but there's still so many
- 38:57Speaker 8: aspects from it that I want to still do, creating
- 39:00Speaker 8: and planning. I'm up for a position at the dealership
- 39:04Speaker 8: that I work at. Work inside a dealership where there's
- 39:06Speaker 8: a cafe. It's a weird set up, like a car dealership.
- 39:09Speaker 8: What kind of dealership, Yeah, like a toy dealership. Yeah, okay, yeah.
- 39:13Speaker 7: So it's like it's right off the freeway.
- 39:15Speaker 8: We have like tons of people coming in, and there's
- 39:17Speaker 8: no breakfast places in our town either, so a lot
- 39:19Speaker 8: of regulars.
- 39:20Speaker 7: Come in and so that's always really fun.
- 39:23Speaker 8: And then there's a position available where I could be
- 39:26Speaker 8: kind of like an executive admin and be also like
- 39:28Speaker 8: their like employee relations manager and plan like their holiday parties,
- 39:32Speaker 8: or plan like other like social and like employee engagements,
- 39:35Speaker 8: and also get involved with like marketing and other like
- 39:37Speaker 8: community events. So I've always been interested in like event
- 39:42Speaker 8: planning in some sort of or like production managing in
- 39:46Speaker 8: some way or form to like bring people together. So
- 39:49Speaker 8: that's always what's inspired me is I've always kind of
- 39:51Speaker 8: considered myself like I want to be like the soccer
- 39:54Speaker 8: mom of a company, but I feel like that's a
- 39:56Speaker 8: very very specific, very hard position to find. It's kind
- 40:00Speaker 8: of like I feel like those type of positions are
- 40:02Speaker 8: created for someone that is already like in you know,
- 40:05Speaker 8: the place that they work at, or they like have
- 40:07Speaker 8: someone that they know they can fill that role, so
- 40:10Speaker 8: that one is kind of up in the air. But
- 40:11Speaker 8: also I'm also scared of if I take that position,
- 40:14Speaker 8: am I going to get stuck at my hometown?
- 40:16Speaker 3: Now?
- 40:16Speaker 6: Is there a position that is available to you that
- 40:18Speaker 6: already has those things or that doesn't exist yet in
- 40:21Speaker 6: your hometown.
- 40:22Speaker 8: Not really, That's like this is like the only position
- 40:24Speaker 8: that's closest to what I'm kind of what I'm interested
- 40:28Speaker 8: in doing.
- 40:29Speaker 6: I mean to me, that sounds like a position that's
- 40:31Speaker 6: something that you create for yourself, like starting the word
- 40:34Speaker 6: I'm starting an event planning company sort of thing, and
- 40:36Speaker 6: then also focus on the parts of it you like
- 40:39Speaker 6: that are creative, that are moving the project forward, that
- 40:42Speaker 6: are organizational. And then when you run into things that
- 40:45Speaker 6: are not in your wheelhouse or you find very draining,
- 40:48Speaker 6: that's when you bring in somebody else, even on a
- 40:50Speaker 6: really part time basis, to help.
- 40:52Speaker 3: You with those projects. And it can be like a
- 40:54Speaker 3: project to project basis as well.
- 40:56Speaker 6: And this is a good place for you to like
- 40:58Speaker 6: feel out if you really love it, because you are
- 41:00Speaker 6: living at home and you do have some flexibility.
- 41:02Speaker 3: And then if you do want.
- 41:03Speaker 6: To continue doing that, you can, you know, take that
- 41:06Speaker 6: to the town that you actually want to be living in.
- 41:07Speaker 6: And you've already established a company, a rapport, that sort
- 41:11Speaker 6: of thing, your systems all that.
- 41:12Speaker 8: Yeah, I have a couple of friends I have said
- 41:14Speaker 8: I should start my own business, and so that's kind
- 41:17Speaker 8: of like I've always thought I'm doing that. I always
- 41:20Speaker 8: thought i'd do that way later in life after I
- 41:22Speaker 8: have family and kids. But I don't have a boyfriend,
- 41:24Speaker 8: I don't have kids yet, so it's like, wellhy not
- 41:27Speaker 8: just do it right now? I do have this opportunity
- 41:28Speaker 8: of living at home for free, But I guess that's
- 41:32Speaker 8: kind of like, am I holding myself back? Am I
- 41:34Speaker 8: kind of scared to do it because I want to
- 41:35Speaker 8: fall out of love with it? Or is it something
- 41:38Speaker 8: that I should just go for and what's the worst.
- 41:40Speaker 7: That could happen?
- 41:40Speaker 3: Yeah?
- 41:41Speaker 1: I think if you have the ability to take a
- 41:43Speaker 1: big leap in like what you're passionate about, and you
- 41:46Speaker 1: don't have any financial constraints in the moment.
- 41:49Speaker 2: Because you have the situation, you should take it.
- 41:51Speaker 1: Like I can see your ADHD at work, Like you
- 41:54Speaker 1: need a lot of things to keep you occupied, and
- 41:57Speaker 1: that's a good thing. That's not a negative. That means
- 41:59Speaker 1: you can pay it to a lot of different things
- 42:01Speaker 1: at the same time. That's why you have a lot
- 42:03Speaker 1: of different interests, and that's why you can go work
- 42:05Speaker 1: as a barista like that and also want to event coordinate,
- 42:08Speaker 1: but you could also there's also options like if you
- 42:10Speaker 1: like event coordinating or like you say, you want to
- 42:13Speaker 1: be like you know, the soccer mom of a company,
- 42:15Speaker 1: Like if you're a wedding planner, you're dealing with different
- 42:18Speaker 1: clients all the time, so like that's kind of even
- 42:21Speaker 1: more fun for somebody with a brain like yours, you
- 42:23Speaker 1: know what I mean, because you're not dealing with the
- 42:25Speaker 1: same people over and over again. Or if you're planning
- 42:27Speaker 1: events like I don't know whatever about Mitzvah, Sweet sixteens whatever,
- 42:31Speaker 1: kind of like you know, event planning company that you
- 42:34Speaker 1: get in bed with, you can then you kind of
- 42:37Speaker 1: keep the ball rolling, you know what I mean. Being
- 42:39Speaker 1: at one company and planning events for one company, I
- 42:41Speaker 1: feel like might get boring for you.
- 42:43Speaker 8: And that's what I thought I wanted, But now that
- 42:45Speaker 8: you're the way you're describing as like, maybe I will
- 42:47Speaker 8: get bored of it.
- 42:48Speaker 7: So I don't know.
- 42:49Speaker 8: And like I have done weddings, have helped with weddings
- 42:52Speaker 8: for years, and I have a very love hate relationship
- 42:54Speaker 8: with weddings. But something like of that nature, like maybe
- 42:57Speaker 8: working for like multiple different companies and doing like different
- 43:00Speaker 8: projects for them.
- 43:01Speaker 7: I guess yeah, So I mean, yeah, I want.
- 43:03Speaker 6: To circle back to to the dating question, like does
- 43:07Speaker 6: it feel like dating something that you should put.
- 43:09Speaker 2: I think you should focus on your career.
- 43:12Speaker 1: I really think the most important thing for young women
- 43:15Speaker 1: to do is to stop worrying about who you're gonna
- 43:16Speaker 1: end up with.
- 43:17Speaker 2: You're going to find that person.
- 43:19Speaker 1: There's a million people in this world you're I mean,
- 43:21Speaker 1: there's there's nine billion people actually in this world. You're
- 43:24Speaker 1: going to find somebody, and there's plenty of them to
- 43:26Speaker 1: go around. You're gonna have several different loves in your
- 43:28Speaker 1: life that will happen.
- 43:30Speaker 3: You'll probably have several different careers in your life. Yeah,
- 43:33Speaker 3: I just want to name the since you're talking about
- 43:35Speaker 3: naming things that the idea of being stuck. Life is
- 43:39Speaker 3: nothing but change, So you probably won't get stuck somewhere.
- 43:43Speaker 3: If you're the type of person who doesn't want to
- 43:45Speaker 3: get stuck somewhere, you'll you'll be able to get yourself
- 43:49Speaker 3: into a new thing that makes you excited no matter
- 43:51Speaker 3: where you land. And most people change jobs and a
- 43:55Speaker 3: lot of people change relationships throughout their life.
- 43:58Speaker 7: Yeah, that's good advice.
- 43:59Speaker 3: So you don't have to land there now and like
- 44:01Speaker 3: feel like you're in cement, you know.
- 44:03Speaker 2: But you know, like take steps in like one direction.
- 44:07Speaker 1: Use like the energy and like the motivation that you
- 44:10Speaker 1: have right now, harness that and move in the direction
- 44:13Speaker 1: of either starting your own company or you know, reaching
- 44:17Speaker 1: doing some outreach to the people that you do know,
- 44:19Speaker 1: saying hey, I'm starting this thing where I'm going to
- 44:21Speaker 1: put events together. It could be for company, it could
- 44:24Speaker 1: be for a bridle shower, it could be for whatever.
- 44:26Speaker 1: You know, like create, start taking steps to create that
- 44:29Speaker 1: for yourself and see if that's something that fulfills you
- 44:33Speaker 1: and that you can get off on its feet while
- 44:35Speaker 1: you live with your parents, and in the meantime, keep
- 44:37Speaker 1: your barrista job so you have some sort of income.
- 44:40Speaker 1: You know and then like you're going to learn so
- 44:42Speaker 1: much so quickly with whatever choice you make about what
- 44:44Speaker 1: you like and what you don't like. So just have
- 44:46Speaker 1: faith in yourself, you know, like that that you're capable
- 44:50Speaker 1: and that you can do this, and what your interests are.
- 44:53Speaker 1: The most important thing is to know what you're interested in.
- 44:55Speaker 1: And you have a lot of interests. You just said
- 44:57Speaker 1: them all.
- 44:58Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, de yeah. I think that's that's a great
- 45:01Speaker 8: way to put it.
- 45:02Speaker 7: Thank you so much.
- 45:02Speaker 1: So don't look at everything as like a negative, like
- 45:05Speaker 1: just flip the switch on it and literally like flip
- 45:08Speaker 1: the script. Like you're like, oh, I could do anything
- 45:10Speaker 1: I want. Yeah, the world is my oyster. I'm living
- 45:12Speaker 1: with my parents. I don't this is my opportunity of
- 45:15Speaker 1: a lifetime to go after what you want.
- 45:17Speaker 7: Thank you so much, Chelsea, appreciate.
- 45:19Speaker 2: It all right, Okay, it definitely makes.
- 45:21Speaker 7: Me feel a lot better about my position. Thank you guys.
- 45:23Speaker 7: Nice to meet too, Nice to meet you too. Bye bye.
- 45:27Speaker 1: I remember growing up and like when I moved to
- 45:29Speaker 1: la and thinking, I was like, oh, I just wanted
- 45:32Speaker 1: to live with my parents again, and I didn't want
- 45:34Speaker 1: to live with them the entire eighteen years that I did.
- 45:36Speaker 1: I didn't want anything to do with my parents, and
- 45:38Speaker 1: as soon as I got to LA, I'm like.
- 45:40Speaker 2: It would really be nice to live with my parents.
- 45:42Speaker 2: It's so funny how that happens, you know.
- 45:44Speaker 3: It's greener.
- 45:45Speaker 6: I also think that like twenty seven to thirty five,
- 45:49Speaker 6: even like early thirties, it's such a you can put
- 45:53Speaker 6: so much pressure on yourself to like get to the thing,
- 45:56Speaker 6: and it's like okay to.
- 45:57Speaker 3: Just be like it is a transitional.
- 46:00Speaker 6: You always say this, like things never stay the same,
- 46:03Speaker 6: they never say the way they don't.
- 46:04Speaker 1: And so yeah, even the good things and the bad things,
- 46:07Speaker 1: they don't stay the same. And once you realize that,
- 46:10Speaker 1: you're like you just said that has to be like
- 46:12Speaker 1: a mantra. I think that people tell themselves because people
- 46:15Speaker 1: get so worried about being stuck or like what if
- 46:17Speaker 1: I'm I remember when I was waiting tables, before like
- 46:19Speaker 1: I became successful, I would just think, what if I'm
- 46:21Speaker 1: a waitress forever? What if I'm a waitress forever? What
- 46:24Speaker 1: if I'm a waitress when I'm forty? What if I'm
- 46:25Speaker 1: a waitress when I'm you know, like I was like,
- 46:27Speaker 1: what do I do then? What's going to happen then,
- 46:28Speaker 1: and it's like that narrative it becomes kind of like
- 46:32Speaker 1: like pathological, and then you're telling yourself this like negative
- 46:36Speaker 1: story for no reason. There's no proof that you're going
- 46:38Speaker 1: to be doing this forever, just like there's no proof
- 46:40Speaker 1: that you're not going to be doing this forever.
- 46:42Speaker 2: It could go anyway.
- 46:43Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like, yeah, well, our next color is dominique.
- 46:46Speaker 6: And she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty nine and I'm
- 46:49Speaker 6: writing from a big moment of transition, and this next
- 46:52Speaker 6: line is just like sort of weird coincidence. But she says,
- 46:55Speaker 6: I've spent the last nine years building a career in events.
- 46:59Speaker 6: I'm good at it, I've worked hard, and on paper
- 47:01Speaker 6: it all makes sense. But lately I feel stalled, like
- 47:04Speaker 6: I've reached the edge of what this version of my
- 47:06Speaker 6: life can offer unless I either expand it radically or
- 47:09Speaker 6: walk away. At the same time, I'm newly married and
- 47:12Speaker 6: staring down a parallel question that feels just as existential.
- 47:15Speaker 6: Do I double down on an ambition or do I step
- 47:18Speaker 6: into motherhood knowing that either choice reshapes everything. How do
- 47:22Speaker 6: you know when it's time to outgrow a life you
- 47:24Speaker 6: built with care instead of clinging to it because it's familiar.
- 47:27Speaker 6: And how do you make big life decisions when there's
- 47:29Speaker 6: no obvious right order to do things?
- 47:31Speaker 1: Dominique, OOHI complex, Hi Dominique. Can you expand a little
- 47:39Speaker 1: bit on your career? Like what do you do and
- 47:41Speaker 1: what we where are you were that?
- 47:44Speaker 3: So?
- 47:44Speaker 5: I work in event marketing and I started, you know,
- 47:47Speaker 5: doing tours for like bands in like the Christian music world,
- 47:50Speaker 5: and then do like philanthropic stuff and now I'm in
- 47:54Speaker 5: like the corporate kind of event marketing space where I
- 47:56Speaker 5: do you know, events for people who use certain products
- 47:59Speaker 5: or digital products. I get to travel a lot and
- 48:03Speaker 5: built something really cool from like I don't have a
- 48:05Speaker 5: college degree, which is awesome, and so that's where I matter.
- 48:08Speaker 5: I'm just trying to figure out whether like I'm like, okay,
- 48:10Speaker 5: I'm in the constitute of like grow or die like
- 48:12Speaker 5: if I'm not, you know, keep if I'm not like
- 48:15Speaker 5: you know, growing constantly and like okay, something next, something
- 48:19Speaker 5: new is up.
- 48:19Speaker 7: So that's kind of where I'm at.
- 48:21Speaker 2: And do you feel maybe we should put her in
- 48:23Speaker 2: contact with our last collar because she could just take
- 48:25Speaker 2: over your business if you're not interested in our last.
- 48:27Speaker 6: Color was like trying to start an event's planning business,
- 48:30Speaker 6: and we were like, yeah, go for it.
- 48:31Speaker 4: So it might be to chat with her.
- 48:34Speaker 1: It's all, yeah, we might want to Mcatherine may want
- 48:36Speaker 1: to connect you afterwards, just in case you need some help.
- 48:38Speaker 1: But I mean, first of all, like that, I like
- 48:42Speaker 1: your growth mindset, but like, not every period is a
- 48:45Speaker 1: period of growth. Sometimes you are just kind of like
- 48:48Speaker 1: hunkering down with what you have, Like there's a planting
- 48:52Speaker 1: and there's a harvest, and sometimes you're planting and then
- 48:55Speaker 1: sometimes you're harvesting. And that's like you don't always have
- 48:58Speaker 1: to feel like we live in the society that makes
- 49:00Speaker 1: us feel like we have to run around in circles
- 49:02Speaker 1: to get shit done or to be productive. But there
- 49:04Speaker 1: is a lot of strength in just enjoying what you've built.
- 49:08Speaker 1: It sounds like you've built a pretty great business for yourself.
- 49:11Speaker 1: So and I guess my next question is why would
- 49:15Speaker 1: becoming a mother? Why is there a choice between the two?
- 49:18Speaker 1: Do you think that you can't do both?
- 49:20Speaker 5: I think it's definitely harder, and I definitely you know,
- 49:23Speaker 5: when I choose to become a mother, it's like I
- 49:25Speaker 5: want to be all into that. So I feel like
- 49:27Speaker 5: what I'm building in my career will definitely take the
- 49:30Speaker 5: back seat to like, you know, you know, growing a
- 49:33Speaker 5: person and being involved in their lives and every aspect
- 49:36Speaker 5: of that. So maybe not it's one of the other,
- 49:38Speaker 5: but one will definitely take a back seat, you know
- 49:39Speaker 5: what I'm saying.
- 49:40Speaker 2: So, well, then we should definitely introduce her to the
- 49:42Speaker 2: woman we were just talking to, because she can run
- 49:44Speaker 2: your she can help run your business. I don't want you,
- 49:47Speaker 2: as a woman, and as a black woman, to build
- 49:50Speaker 2: a business and then just give up on it.
- 49:52Speaker 1: I just don't want that for you. I want you
- 49:54Speaker 1: to be able to do all of this, and you can.
- 49:56Speaker 1: You can do all of this, and you can start
- 49:58Speaker 1: a family and do that too.
- 50:00Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're right, like one thing takes a back
- 50:02Speaker 3: seat for a little while. Like when you're pregnant, you
- 50:05Speaker 3: can do both things pretty easily, but then when the
- 50:08Speaker 3: baby comes out, you normally want like some time to
- 50:11Speaker 3: like nest and be home. But then also when I
- 50:13Speaker 3: had a newborn, I was like, oh my god, is
- 50:15Speaker 3: this who I am? A mother? I don't only want
- 50:17Speaker 3: to be a mother. I still want to be an actor.
- 50:19Speaker 3: I still want to be a professional, you know, and
- 50:22Speaker 3: then I got a chance to do that again. So yeah,
- 50:25Speaker 3: I think it's true. There's seasons to things, but there's
- 50:28Speaker 3: space for everything.
- 50:30Speaker 2: Yeah, there is space for everything.
- 50:31Speaker 1: And I think I would hate for you to have
- 50:33Speaker 1: a child go one hundred percent into that and then go,
- 50:36Speaker 1: I can't believe I don't have.
- 50:37Speaker 2: My business anymore, you know.
- 50:39Speaker 1: But when you do need some time to yourself, when
- 50:42Speaker 1: you do need some different identity other than just mom
- 50:45Speaker 1: or wife, you're going to look back and be like, what,
- 50:48Speaker 1: my god, you had a robust business, Like, please don't
- 50:51Speaker 1: give up on that aspect, Like I think that is
- 50:53Speaker 1: really like the paramount issue here. You build something that
- 50:56Speaker 1: you're proud of, and we are going to put you
- 50:59Speaker 1: in touch with this other woman we just spoke to.
- 51:00Speaker 1: Whether it's a match or not, you're going to find
- 51:02Speaker 1: somebody to help you run your business so that you
- 51:05Speaker 1: can get ready for the next phase of your life,
- 51:07Speaker 1: which is motherhood whenever you feel that's ready.
- 51:09Speaker 2: But you have to find like kind of a business partner,
- 51:12Speaker 2: and they.
- 51:12Speaker 1: Don't have to be like fifty to fifty partner, because
- 51:14Speaker 1: you did build this business so it's yours. But somebody
- 51:16Speaker 1: that you can hire that can help manage things is
- 51:19Speaker 1: not an unreasonable thing to do, So I I, yeah,
- 51:22Speaker 1: I really just want to get you away from that
- 51:24Speaker 1: thinking it's not one or the other, it's how do
- 51:26Speaker 1: I do it all? Because we can do more than
- 51:28Speaker 1: one thing at the same time.
- 51:30Speaker 3: And remembering that you don't have to make the decision
- 51:33Speaker 3: for the endpoint, Like as you go down the path,
- 51:36Speaker 3: you'll get new information. And as new information comes in,
- 51:39Speaker 3: then you get to make a different decision based on
- 51:41Speaker 3: Oh I didn't even see that part. Now here's this
- 51:44Speaker 3: new part, you know.
- 51:45Speaker 6: Yeah, And how long have you been married, Dominique.
- 51:48Speaker 5: I've been married a year in May is May.
- 51:50Speaker 6: So okay, So you've got the time. You've got time
- 51:54Speaker 6: to just enjoy being married.
- 51:57Speaker 1: But enjoy your success, like that's really important, like independent
- 52:01Speaker 1: women and business like creators, like people who are business owners,
- 52:05Speaker 1: like that is very viable and valuable. So I just like,
- 52:09Speaker 1: don't just be ready to toss that aside, you know
- 52:11Speaker 1: what I mean, It's important what you've done, and so
- 52:14Speaker 1: take your time, enjoy it, and then just like look
- 52:16Speaker 1: for options. I get you want to grow your business.
- 52:18Speaker 1: That doesn't have to happen every six months. It has
- 52:21Speaker 1: happens over a long period of time, so it sounds
- 52:24Speaker 1: like you already know what you're doing and that your
- 52:26Speaker 1: life is pretty good. So just figure out ways to
- 52:29Speaker 1: make it even better and do all the things that
- 52:32Speaker 1: you want do.
- 52:33Speaker 5: All the things.
- 52:34Speaker 7: I got it.
- 52:34Speaker 5: That's all. That's great advice, actually, and it's good to
- 52:37Speaker 5: just maybe sit back or to hang hang tiy be like, Okay,
- 52:41Speaker 5: I've done this, just maybe chill for a minute, just
- 52:43Speaker 5: you know, rubble in for a second. So thank you.
- 52:45Speaker 7: I appreciate that.
- 52:46Speaker 1: The best periods of my professional and personal life are
- 52:52Speaker 1: when I've come back from breaks, when I've come back
- 52:55Speaker 1: from running on a hamster wheel, when I've said this
- 52:59Speaker 1: is enough, I'm going out of here, I have to
- 53:01Speaker 1: stop it, I have to take a time out. When
- 53:03Speaker 1: I come back from that are the best, biggest growth
- 53:06Speaker 1: spurts and like successes. So keep that in mind. You know,
- 53:11Speaker 1: you don't always have to be running like this. Totally okay,
- 53:15Speaker 1: great advice, right, Great glad you called Dan Dominic.
- 53:18Speaker 5: Yes, thank you guys so much.
- 53:20Speaker 3: I was saying this even just yesterday to Charlie, like
- 53:23Speaker 3: or if we'd been this morning, like it's so nice
- 53:25Speaker 3: to get like a little bit older and not feel
- 53:28Speaker 3: like I have to have that hustle that I had
- 53:31Speaker 3: when I was in my twenties and my thirties, you know.
- 53:34Speaker 1: Yeah, And I like what you said about you're always
- 53:36Speaker 1: getting new information and not setting an endpoint, because I
- 53:39Speaker 1: think as a young person, we're so attached to the
- 53:42Speaker 1: outcome of things. That's why defeats or failures or what
- 53:46Speaker 1: we categorize as such feel so much bigger than they
- 53:50Speaker 1: actually are.
- 53:52Speaker 2: Is because we are we are so tied to the
- 53:55Speaker 2: outcome of success, Like that's the definition like this, if
- 53:58Speaker 2: I get this, this will then that will mean that,
- 54:01Speaker 2: or if I'm with this guy, you know, like or
- 54:03Speaker 2: even like a breakup can feel like such a big failure.
- 54:06Speaker 1: And it's like as you get older, you realize like
- 54:09Speaker 1: it's really all depends on how you handle those failures.
- 54:12Speaker 1: It really has nothing to do with the failure itself.
- 54:14Speaker 1: It's like what do you do after the failure?
- 54:16Speaker 3: And it's not like pullback too right of like you
- 54:19Speaker 3: think you're like in a low point, but actually you've
- 54:21Speaker 3: climbed this high on the mountain and you're just in
- 54:23Speaker 3: a little dip before you keep going up, right, Yeah,
- 54:26Speaker 3: you go back a little.
- 54:27Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, do we have a closing?
- 54:35Speaker 6: It is a little whipsie, it's it's a little bit
- 54:38Speaker 6: of a heavier one, a little bit of a heavier one.
- 54:41Speaker 6: But because you're on this show where which tackles so
- 54:45Speaker 6: much of the Sandwich generation stuff with like moms and
- 54:50Speaker 6: you know, dads, to parents who have their kids, their kids' lives,
- 54:53Speaker 6: their own lives, work, and then also taking care of
- 54:56Speaker 6: an aging parent, I thought this would be a good question,
- 55:00Speaker 6: So Jody says, Dear Chelsea, my husband is one of
- 55:03Speaker 6: three sons, all of whom are married and live somewhat
- 55:05Speaker 6: far from their parents. We're the closest, two hours away.
- 55:09Speaker 6: We see each other fairly frequently, but with kids and
- 55:11Speaker 6: activities and lives, it's tough. It became clear years ago
- 55:15Speaker 6: that my mother in law's health was declining. Specifically, we
- 55:18Speaker 6: were noticing signs of what we were concerned could be
- 55:20Speaker 6: a dementia forgetting things, using the wrong names, for people,
- 55:23Speaker 6: walking into the wrong house. She began having issues driving,
- 55:26Speaker 6: hitting mailboxes and curbs, and then about two years ago,
- 55:29Speaker 6: she totalled her car by hitting a guardrail. Luckily, no
- 55:32Speaker 6: one was hurt, while we all knew something was happening.
- 55:35Speaker 6: My father in law has been in denial. He constantly
- 55:38Speaker 6: downplays her symptoms and even refused to stop her from
- 55:40Speaker 6: driving for almost a year following the accident. Thankfully she's
- 55:43Speaker 6: now stopped. Things have gotten much worse this past year,
- 55:46Speaker 6: to the point where he can't deny something is wrong.
- 55:49Speaker 6: She falls regularly, she can't really walk on her own
- 55:51Speaker 6: without help. Every time we see her, she's got a
- 55:54Speaker 6: bruiser a scrape from a fall, and she can never
- 55:56Speaker 6: tell us how it happened, and he only sometimes can.
- 55:59Speaker 6: We've all come to terms the fact that she has
- 56:01Speaker 6: somewhat some advanced neurologic diagnosis, but we don't know what
- 56:04Speaker 6: because he hasn't taken her to the doctor. This has
- 56:07Speaker 6: been sad to acknowledged, but our biggest concern is both
- 56:09Speaker 6: their safety. Any advice on how to push for acceptance
- 56:12Speaker 6: and help with a boomer who's very unwilling to acknowledge
- 56:14Speaker 6: or accept help.
- 56:15Speaker 2: Jody, Yeah, you have to take her to the doctor yourself.
- 56:18Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to get in there and take her
- 56:19Speaker 1: to the doctor and intervene. He's not going to do it.
- 56:22Speaker 1: He's in denial, and man are useless. So you have
- 56:25Speaker 1: to go in and do that. You have to get
- 56:26Speaker 1: your brothers together in solidarity or do it yourself. But
- 56:29Speaker 1: take her to the doctor for a diagnosis.
- 56:31Speaker 2: That's it.
- 56:32Speaker 1: And like, sorry, Dad, you're not acting responsibly right now
- 56:35Speaker 1: and you're in denial and this is dangerous now where
- 56:37Speaker 1: I'm concerned about my mother's safety and I'm concerned about
- 56:40Speaker 1: your safety.
- 56:40Speaker 6: Yeah, And I would also potentially reach out to either
- 56:43Speaker 6: an elder law attorney or someone who works in like
- 56:45Speaker 6: health care for the aging, because they would be able
- 56:48Speaker 6: to give you some tools and stuff. In your state,
- 56:50Speaker 6: it may be time for like a guardianship or conservatorship
- 56:53Speaker 6: something like that.
- 56:54Speaker 3: Maybe time for them to move to like.
- 56:55Speaker 6: An assisted living where you know he can have some
- 56:58Speaker 6: help with activities of daily living, can have a lot
- 57:00Speaker 6: more help whatever they need. But definitely start reaching out
- 57:03Speaker 6: to someone in your community who is able to give
- 57:06Speaker 6: you some answers about laws and regulations and things in
- 57:09Speaker 6: your state.
- 57:09Speaker 1: Yeah, but get the ball rolling on getting a diagnosis also,
- 57:13Speaker 1: Like that's first and foremost.
- 57:14Speaker 2: Find out what the diagnosis is.
- 57:16Speaker 1: And then you have proof of a reason why they
- 57:18Speaker 1: need to move into an assisted living facility or a
- 57:20Speaker 1: retirement community. But yeah, that's very common that people are
- 57:24Speaker 1: in denial about their spouses.
- 57:25Speaker 3: Like decline, Yes, agreed, And if it's you, it's your
- 57:29Speaker 3: husband's mother and their three sons. I agree. Make the
- 57:32Speaker 3: sons get together and tell them it's it's what they're
- 57:36Speaker 3: meant to do. They have to do it. It's their job.
- 57:38Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, Well, on that upbeat note, we
- 57:42Speaker 2: are wrapping it up. Thank you so much for being here.
- 57:45Speaker 2: It was wonderful to meet you.
- 57:46Speaker 3: Yeah, so fun.
- 57:48Speaker 2: Thanks so what a pleasure, and thanks for showing off
- 57:50Speaker 2: your sporty spice legs.
- 57:51Speaker 3: Than that makes me what I hear short, I feel
- 57:54Speaker 3: like people are like, oh, you look good, and I'm like,
- 57:56Speaker 3: I'm strong, Yeah, I could kick you.
- 58:00Speaker 2: Well, you're a kickboxer, so you are strong.
- 58:02Speaker 1: You can catch Mary Elizabeth Ellis on her show Man
- 58:05Speaker 1: on the Inside. You can catch her in It's always
- 58:06Speaker 1: Sonny in Philadelphia. And of course New Girl if you're
- 58:10Speaker 1: watching that show has.
- 58:11Speaker 3: Been Yeah that's an old that's you could be watching.
- 58:16Speaker 2: Reruns of the Maybe she's watching reruns across the street.
- 58:19Speaker 2: Who knows. Okay, thank you, thank.
- 58:23Speaker 3: You, thank you, thank you.
- 58:25Speaker 6: If you want advice from Chelsea, right, into Dear Chelsea
- 58:28Speaker 6: podcast at gmail dot com.
- 58:30Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
- 58:33Speaker 6: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
- 58:36Speaker 6: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
- 58:39Speaker 6: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
- 58:44Speaker 6: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
- 58:47Speaker 6: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com