Latest / Legacy Living with Dr. Gloria Burgess / Contentment NOW! | Episode #380

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Contentment NOW! | Episode #380 · Legacy Living with Dr. Gloria Burgess

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Hello, and welcome to today's show, Legacy Living, Make Your Life Count.
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I'm your host, Doctor Gloria Gloria Burgess, international leadership expert and trusted
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advisor. Welcome to Legacy Living, Make your Life Count. I'm so delighted
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that you joined me today. Today's episode is all about being on purpose.
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We are going to talk about what it is, what it means, and
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why it's so important for people of all ages, why it's important in your
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family, at work, and with your friends. So what does it mean
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to be on purpose? To live on purpose? That's a great question,
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isn't it. Being on purpose is about being focused, deliberate, committed and
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aligned. Focused, deliberate, committed and aligned with whatever has heart and meaning
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for you. In other words, being on purpose is about being intentional.
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Like anything else that you want to nurture, that you want to cultivate as
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a habit, you have to practice, practice, and then practice some more.
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That's right. If you want to be more intentional about being on purpose,
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let me just tell you that now is the time. Don't wait.
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Today is the day. Now is the time to lighten your load, to
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drop tomorrow's worries, to say so long, to yesterday's baggage. Why,
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because today is enough. You are enough. Now is the time to make
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the most of every day. There are no guarantees how many days we will
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get. Now is the time to seek authenticity, to be genuine. Guess
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what Being authentic, being genuine will set you apart. Now is the time
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to be you. Take time to discover yourself, find your unique you.
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Now is the time to cherish your memories, relive them, learn from them,
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hand them down to your children. Then go and add to those memories.
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Now is the time to cherish your family, treasure your time with them.
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Now is the time to look beyond yourself, to think of other people.
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Look where you can help, and do it with selfless passion. Now
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is the time to try kindness, to step outside of your world. Chances
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are there are many many people who are caught up in struggles. Now is
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the time to spread love. Why because it gives us meaning, It brings
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compassion, and gives us new eyes. Now is the time to embrace your
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challenges. Look upon them as opportunities. Use them to strengthen your resolve to
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gain wisdom and compassion. Now is the time to fight for justice, to
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stand up when you know something is wrong to support others who promote righteousness.
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Now is the time to keep trying. When things are not going your way,
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believe in yourself, keep going. Now is the time to watch the
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sunrise, since the stillness, enjoy the warmth, marvel at renewal. Now
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is the time to care for our planet. We hold its future in our
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hands. Make your commitment. Now is the time to find and your inner
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leader. We all have an inner leader. We all have an inner leader
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within us. Now is the time. Now is the time to live in
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the present. Your time is precious, spend it wisely. In other words,
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now is the time to be intentional. Now is the time to be
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on purpose. Now is the time to celebrate the amazing, magnificent music of
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your life. Because, as I always say in the Grand Song of the
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Universe, life is short and very very precious. So make the days in
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your life life count. One of the ways that I keep myself on purpose
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is to take time to reflect. In fact, I love nothing more than
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having a few hours each day, or an entire day, an entire weekend
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to simply kick back and take the time to reflect. Now, reflection,
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true reflection, is a time to look again. Traditionally, especially in Western
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culture, we take time to reflect at the start of the new year,
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right now. Why do we do this because the new year is considered to
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be a time of new beginnings, a time of transition, doorways, gates,
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passages, and endings. In fact, our month of January is named
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after Janus. In Roman myth and religion, Janus is usually depicted as having
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two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. So
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in Western culture, and I probably should say Northern hemisphere Western culture, we
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often think of January as an opening the doorway to new beginnings, to transitions,
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and to endings. So January opens the door to reflection. Well that's
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great, that's all well and good. Right. However, you know what,
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we can open that door to reflection at any time of the year.
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We can step back and take time to reflect on our life whenever we want
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to be intentional about taking stock of where we are, where we've been,
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and where we want to go. Let me ask you a question, do
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you know how to be reflective? I often incorporate reflection into the courses I
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teach, and I always include reflection when I lead retreats. Why because Reflection
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is one of the many ways we can slow down so that we can remember
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who we are, whose we are, and what's important to us. When
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we take time to pause and slow down from our typical hectic pace and to
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breathe, we actually usher in the spaciousness of time. We actually have the
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time to become conscious and aware and to digest and metabolize what we've achieved.
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Or when we consciously and intentionally digest and metabolize who we are, whose we
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are, and what we do, we can actually then begin to integrate all
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of that into our lives. Now, reflection doesn't have to be hard work,
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but make no mistake about it, it is work. Here are some
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questions you can ask yourself to help you track, digest, metabolize, and
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integrate the various arenas of your life. Now, I'm going to invite you
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to write these questions down. Okay, so grab a bad pen, pencil,
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your notepad, your iPad, whatever you happen to have. Here are
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the questions. What goals or milestones have I at you? What goals or
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milestones have I achieved? What can I improve on? Where am I stuck?
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What is keeping me stuck or holding me in place holding me back?
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Now? Again, these are questions to help you track, digest, metabolize,
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and integrate the various arenas of your life. Now, I'm going to
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repeat those questions in case you were, you know, running around trying to
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get your notepad. What goals or milestones have I achieved? What can I
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improve on? Where am I stuck? What's keeping me stuck or holding me
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in place? What's holding me back right now? We all lead such busy,
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busy lives that are accomplishments. Our achievements often get buried in the daily
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minutia. We forget or we don't even notice sometimes our own efforts. That's
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why I'd like to take a moment to remember all the people I've met,
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the meetings I've had, the conferences I've attended, the articles or posts or
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books I've written, the projects I've tackled, the things I've read. Doing
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so helps me become conscious of how I've moved forward as well as what threw
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me off track right, the things that were not aligned with who I am
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and whose I am. Reflection can actually help you get clarity about how to
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stop living on autopilot and start living the life you want, which is the
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kind of life we all want, right, and that's a life of satisfaction
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and contentment. Now that sounds pretty wonderful to me. How about you?
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And did you know you can start today? You can begin nurturing and cultivating
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your own contentment today. That's right. Here's how you do it. Here
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are a few tips for cultivating contentment in your life. Now, despite what
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you see in the movies or read in romance novels or fairy tales, true
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contentment doesn't just magically happen to you. Poof No, that kind of life
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doesn't just magically appear, but it is something you can make happen. In
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fact, that's something you can actually cultivate. So let's take a look at
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what this is all about. Science tells us what spiritual leaders have known and
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told us for thousands of years. What's that We can all be happy,
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we can actually take charge, we can actually control our own contentment. Science
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tells us that circumstances make very little difference in how contented people are. In
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fact, research reveals that happiness, which is a key aspect of contentment,
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is due to personality. More importantly, we can change our thoughts and behaviors,
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which means we can actually learn how to shift our pattern. So,
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yes, you can learn how to be happy or at least happier. Right
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now, many of us believe that happiness is the result of having oodles and
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oodles of money, you know, being rich wealthy, or being beautiful,
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or being blissfully thin, or being free from the very real dangers of being
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stressed out. But here's the reality. Most of the folks who are financially
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well off or so called beautiful by the world standards, and even those who
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are less stressed, guess what, they are not happier on average than those
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who don't enjoy financial wealth or beauty or lower stress in their lives. People
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who are happy seem to know that their happiness is the result that their happiness
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is the sum total of their choices in life. Okay, so it's a
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sum total of the choices that we make. Those who are happy, those
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who routinely experience contentment in their lives, have built their lives and their life
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style on a similar foundation. And guess what you can too. Let's take
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a look at what I call the five intentional pillars of contentment. The five
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intentional pillars of contentment. The first pillar is all about devoting time and energy
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to your relationships. The second is appreciating who you are and what you have.
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The third pillar is about cultivating an optimistic attitude, the fourth having a
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steadfast sense of purpose, and the fifth one, the fifth pillar is living
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in the present moment. So let's take a closer look at each one of
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these pillars now. The first one is devoting yourself to your relationships, devoting
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time and energy. One of the best gifts we can give to someone else
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is the gift of attention. For many people, that's what love is.
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Attention. We can give our attention to those we love in many many ways.
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These days, listening, simply listening can be a huge gift. In
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a lovely little book called A Father's Book of Listening, doctor Mark Brady teaches
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us how to be a great listener. In this book, Brady focuses on
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a father and son relationship. But one of the reasons I love this gem
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of a book is that you can apply his lessons to any kind of relationationship.
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His pearls of experience and wisdom apply to our friendships, our relationships with
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our teammates at work, our relationships with our spouses, even with people we
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don't know yet but would like to know better. He says, when we
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listen. When we listen to people, often what we listen for are the
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things we understand or the things we agree with. We actually find great comfort
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in discovering the ways that they are like us. Now, when our kids
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or other people say things or act differently than us, it, you know,
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can make us uncomfortable, and when they turn out to be very different
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from us, it can make us extremely uncomfortable. We don't necessarily like to
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see or hear about differences. Brady goes on to say, a listening father
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deliberately seeks out and pays attention to the ways our kids are different from us.
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And that's the same thing we do in our other relationships. Right,
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we begin to appreciate the ways they've been shaped, molded, and often distorted
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by culture, schooling, family of origin, genetic makeup, and any number
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of unknown factors like snowflakes. No two people, no two children out of
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the billions and billions are ever exactly alike. Now, after we've learned to
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listen to differences and to develop an appreciation for them in our kids, our
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friends, our spouses, our coworkers, we can actually cherish and celebrate their
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special uniqueness. This perspective allows us to deeply appreciate the power and beauty in
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complexity and in diversity. Now here's another thing about contentment. And this might
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sound simple, but sometimes it's pretty hard to do. So what am I
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talking about. I'm talking about surrounding yourself with positive people. That's right,
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surround yourself with folks who are satisfied and content. Did you know that being
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in the presence of a positive, contented person actually lifts your own energy,
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your own vibration, so to speak, which alters or changes your mood.
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It changes your energy. And by being positive yourself, you can actually charge
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up, so to speak. You can charge up the folks around you.
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You can change the atmosphere. And in this sense, you are actually giving
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something back. You're giving something back and that's a positive change to the people
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around you. Now, that makes a wonderful gift that you can offer to
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your family, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors. How cool is
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that your family and friends and other loved ones help you celebrate the music of
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your life, your joys, your triumphs, your challenges, and your successes.
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Your family and friends and other loved ones also lend you their support when
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times are hard. Maybe you just received a difficult diagnosis from your doctor,
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or maybe you just learned that your job will be cut or you'll be furloughed,
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or perhaps one of your children is going through very difficult times in a
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significant relationship. Whatever the challenge is, your family and friends can be a
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lifeline. And although it's easy to take your lifeline for granted, your support
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network. Your relationships with your family and friends need nurturing. Just like any
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other living, breathing person or thing in our lives. You can nurture and
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cultivate relationships and build up your emotional bank account. So to speak through kindness.
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Kindness in your words and in your actions. So be gentle and gracious
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with the words you use in conversations, in your emails, in your text
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messages, and if you must correct or offer a critique, take good care
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with the words you choose and be gracious in how you offer your critique.
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Now, most of us probably remember this saying from childhood. Sticks and stones
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may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Can I just
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tell you something that is a lie? In reality? Sticks and stones sometimes
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hurt far less than the words we use. Words can hurt so badly that
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even though someone hurled harmful, unhealthy words at you when you were very young,
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six, seven, ten, fifteen years old, now as an adult,
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when you recall those hurtful words, the pain of memory that goes along
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with those words, the hurt, the shame, the humiliation, the emotion,
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and the physical pain of those words come flooding back, don't they.
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Doctor may Angelo reminds us that although we will forget what people say, we
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will never forget how they make us feel. That's so true, so true.
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Okay, so let's talk about pillar number two, and pillar number two
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is appreciating who you are and what you have. This is all about letting
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the folks in your life know, letting them know how much you appreciate them.
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Not just what they do for you. That's not what this is about.
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It's also about letting them know how much you appreciate their presence in your
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life. Let them know how delighted you are that they are part of your
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life. Now. Gratitude is so much more than saying thank you. As
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most of you know if you missed my episode on gratitude be sure to download
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it and listen to it now. Gratitude is all about recognizing and acknowledging the
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power of blessings. That means blessings received, blessings that are present right here
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and now, as well as all of the blessings that you will receive in
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the future. Gratitude is also about your sense of wonder and awe and deep
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appreciation and thankfulness for life. It's so easy to go through life without recognizing
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and acknowledging our blessings. I mean, let's face it, for some of
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us, we have to have something serious happen in our life, like a
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bad accident or serious illness, or some other traumatic event to wake us up,
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to wake us up enough to appreciate the great people, things, and
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moments in our lives. Let me tell you something, do not do not
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wait for something tragic to happen to you. Wake up. Make gratitude a
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practice in your life. Make it a habit, just like brushing your teeth,
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eating your meals, exercising, meditating. And I'm going to say,
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begin today, make your commitment. Each day notice at least one thing,
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one thing, or person or moment that has blessed your life. Now if
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you find yourself being ungrateful or thinking about something negative, or just you know,
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thinking about something in a negative way, or if you find yourself wanting
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something that your friend has or your neighbor has something that you don't have.
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Instead of wanting and craving and desiring and yearning for what someone else has that
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you don't, do this, Be grateful for who you are, for your
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unique strengths and gifts and faws, all of it. Be grateful for the
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friends and family you have. Be grateful for the apartment you live in,
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the house you live in, the street you live on. Be grateful for
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the family members who support you, the perfect strangers who support you. Be
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grateful for who you are and what you already have. And I'm not just
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talking about physical possessions. I'm talking about those qualities, those character qualities that
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are also a part of who you are. Sometimes we find ourselves thinking bad
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or negative thoughts about someone else, sometimes even ourselves. Right now, if
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that's you, instead of allowing that negative voice to rule to take over in
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your head, I want you to substitute a grateful voice, a grateful thought,
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for your negative one. For example, if your sister forgot your birthday.
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Instead of throwing yourself a pity party and moping around and saying to yourself,
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my sister forgot to call me on my birthday. Hey, substitute this
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thought instead. You know what, my sister has always been there for me
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through thick and thin, through good times and bad times, ups and downs.
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My sister has always been there for me. Well, maybe not all
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the time, but a lot of the time. Thank you, thank you,
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Thank you, sister. Before you go to bed, before you go
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to sleep each night, let gratitude be your last thought, and when you
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wake up each morning, let gratitude be your very first thought. Give it
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a go. You will be surprised and happy about how gratitude can actually change
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your life. So when you cultivate and practice gratitude, you actually add to
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your contentment. Now, let's take a look at that third pillar, which
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is all about cultivating optimism. Now, we know that some people are actually
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wired to see the glass as half empty and other people are wired to see
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the exact same glass as half full. Now, if you're one of those
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people who habitually sees the glass as half empty, then I encourage you to
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develop a new habit, a new way of seeing and a new way of
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being. Develop the habit of seeing the positive side of things. Do not
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let what's negative in the world filter your whole outlook on the rest of your
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life or on what's going on in the world around you. DeWitt Jones is
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a friend and an amazing photographer, and he reminds us to celebrate, to
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celebrate what's right with the world. Now. I just love that because what's
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good, what's right with the world, far outweighs the negative. If you're
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not a naturally optimistic person, it could take some time for you to change
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your pessimistic thinking into optimistic thinking. So be gracious with yourself, be gentle
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with yourself. You can begin by simply becoming aware and by noticing your negative
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thoughts as they filter in, and as they filter in, as they come
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in, don't judge, just notice. The first step is just noticing,
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and as your awareness increases, you can then begin to ask yourself a few
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key questions. Is what is happening right now? Really as bad as I
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think it is? That's a great question, right, So when those negative
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thoughts begin to, you know, come in flirt, by ask it's what's
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happening right now really as bad as I think it is. Another question is
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how might I? How might I look at my situation differently? Love that
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one. Another question is how might I see one, just one positive in
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what's happening right now? Now? I love those how might I? Questions?
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Because how might I? Is actually what designs ask themselves all the time.
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So in this way you're designing, you're designing a positive stream and interrupting,
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disrupting that negative stream. So how might I see one positive in what's
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happening right now? Another question is how will I express my gratitude? Again,
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gratitude changes everything. How will I express my gratitude? And another question
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you can ask yourself is what can I learn from my experience? What can
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I learn from my experience? The fourth pillar is about finding your purpose.
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Now, people who have a mission or a sense of purpose show up differently
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than folks who don't have a mission or purpose. Their purpose could be caring
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for their family, being an exceptional team member, starting and growing a business,
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or writing books. Whatever their purpose is, they just seem to be
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more focused, more focused, and more contented than those who do not have
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a purpose. It's been said that the two most important days of your life
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are the day you were born and the day you figure out why. Having
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a sense of purpose gives us our why in the daily events of your life.
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Your day just goes better when you say yes, when you say yes
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to the circumstances and opportunities that align with your why. If you're not sure
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about your purpose, about your why, or if you're kinda sure but not
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quite clear yet, here are a few questions to ask yourself. The first
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question is who or what do I love? Not like, but love?
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Who or what am I passionate about right now? This question is a really
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important one because your core relationships provide a sense of meaning and purpose in your
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life, So be sure to cultivate meaningful, life giving, and life affirming
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relationships and let go of those that are not okay now. It's also important
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because your answer to this question will give you a sense of what brings you
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satisfaction and contentment in your life. So who or what do I love?
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Another question to ask yourself is am I engaged in work that I love?
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Or if you're a student, am I engaged in studies that I love?
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Right now? If you're like most people and you're working, you spend at
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least forty hours a week at work, sometimes much much more than that.
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Right when you think about it, you actually spend most of your waking hours
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working, So that makes it even more important to be engaged in work that
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provides you with a deep sense of meaning and purpose. Another question to ask
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yourself is what excites and energizes me? Now, If that's a hard question
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for you to answer, this next question will help you understand what excites and
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energizes you. Okay. It'll also help you determine who and what you love.
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This question can help you get more concrete. Okay. So the question
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is what are my proudest achievements? What are my proudest achievements? Now,
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if you can make a list of your proudest moments, your proudest achievements,
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those special people, moments, circumstances, events, this list will actually point
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you in the direction of who and what you love and who and what excites
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and energizes you. For example, if I were to share my list of
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my proudest achievements, one of them would be having my daughter, Another would
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be receiving my doctoral degree, another would be receiving recognition and awards for my
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writing the books I've written or contributed to. I mean, the list goes
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on and on and on, and then if I review that list, I
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would actually find some very meaningful clues about what gives me satisfaction and contentment,
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what gives me my deep sense of meaning and purpose, my why. A
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final question to ask yourself is this, how do I want others to remember
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me? Now? This question should reveal to you what kinds of qualities you
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have. Remember, people will forget what you say or do, but they
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will remember what and how you make them feel. So ask yourself, how
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do I make people feel? Do I make them feel welcome? Do I
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make them feel good about themselves? Do I lift them a little bit higher?
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Do I express love, kindness, generous city, and gratitude to those
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I know? To those I meet? How do I want others to remember
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me? Pillar number five is all about living in the moment. Now,
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A lot of people simply don't understand that today is a gift. I mean,
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they might get it mentally intellectually, but they don't really live it.
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Today is a gift. And you know what, Tomorrow is not promised.
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That's right, That's what I said. Tomorrow is not promised. In other
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words, do not put off or postpone your joy. Do not wait for
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that day when your life is less busy or less stressful. Why because that
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day may never come. Instead, look for opportunities to enjoy your roses today.
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Look for chances to savor the small moments, the small surprises, the
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small joys and pleasures of life every single day three sixty five twenty four to
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seven. We can learn a lot about how to do this by looking at
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and by listening to By paying attention to children, Most of the children I
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know understand how to live in the present. In fact, they are experts
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at it. Children focus on the many delights, joys, and positive experiences
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that are happening right now in this present moment. We could all take a
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page out of that book. If we did, we would truly enjoy today
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instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. We can also
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learn a lot by cultivating what doctor Mark Brady calls beginner's ear. He describes
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this way of paying attention to the present moment as being open and curious.
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To gain a sense of what beginner's ear might be like. Think about how
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the sounds of the world affected you as a small child. Can you recall
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what it was like on a warm summer night when you heard your very first
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cricket chirp and then you heard the smaller details, the rhythm, the silence
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between chirps, and the answering call of the other crickets. Paying attention to
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and living in the present moment is paying attention to discriminating details. In fact,
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this is exactly what we must do to keep things from going in one
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ear and out the other. When we pay attention to and live in the
41:34
present, we actually find the cure, the antidote, the remedy to our
41:40
modern obsession with speed, speed at any cost, it seems, and the
41:50
resulting sense of loneliness and alienation that can result from speeding from one adventure to
41:59
the next, from one relationship to the next, from one experience to the
42:02
next, without slowing down, to pause, to inhale and exhale, to
42:10
fully experience and metabolize and appreciate the amazing weeks and months, the awesome moments,
42:23
the many sumptuous and marvelous details in the days of our lives. Wow,
42:39
We've covered a lot of ground today, So I just want to pause
42:47
for a moment to breathe, to breathe in, to breathe out, to
42:58
reflect on and summarize these key notes about contentment, about being on purpose and
43:10
living on purpose. Remember, the folks who routinely experience contentment in their lives
43:21
have built their lives and their lifestyles on the five pillars, the intentional pillars
43:29
of contentment. They devote time and energy to their family and friends. They
43:35
appreciate who and what they have. They have an optimistic outlook on life.
43:44
They have a steadfast, solid sense of purpose, and they live in the
43:50
present moment. So that's how you do it. That's how you live on
43:58
purpose. That's how you make your life count so that you can be the
44:05
change you seek. Now, remember, how you live is how you lead.
44:13
It's how you do everything. You have the power to make your world,
44:19
to make our world a better place. As you delve into your day,
44:27
I sure hope that it is filled with love and joy and gratitude and
44:32
grace. All right, I want you to be sure to listen to this
44:39
episode again and again, and hey be sure to tell somebody, Tell your
44:46
family and friends. You can find me right here on iTunes Audible. Alexa
44:53
SoundCloud, iHeart, tune in, spreaker, dot com, Talk Network Radio,
45:00
and so many other places. Now, if you happen to miss any
45:06
part of this week's show, or if you missed last week's episode, you
45:10
can simply download the recording and listen to it at your convenience. You can
45:15
even listen to it on the go. Check us out at www dot talknetwork
45:22
Radio dot com. Forward Slash Hosts, Forward Slash Legacy Living. That's Talknetwork
45:32
Radio dot com. Forward Slash Hosts Forward Slash Legacy Living. You can learn
45:39
more about my work and Legacy Living. Make your life count by visiting the
45:46
Gloria Burgess website, and you can subscribe to my inspiring words right on my
45:52
website. Just scroll down a bit look on the right sidebar until you see
45:59
the place to add your email to subscribe to my weekly inspirations. It's that
46:05
simple. So again, to learn more about me and my work, just
46:08
browse a bit on my website or visit me on LinkedIn or on Facebook,
46:15
and you can find me on Facebook at Facebook dot com. Forward slash Dr
46:21
for doctor Dr Gloria Burgess, pH d. You can also check out one
46:29
of my ted talks at Ted dot com now. Before I close today,
46:35
I want to thank each of you for tuning in to today's episode, for
46:39
allowing me to share a bit about my journey with what legacy living is all
46:45
about, not just living and learning, but living and learning and serving so
46:52
that you make a difference in your own life and in the lives of others.
46:58
It's about being on purpose every single day. Three sixty five twenty four
47:05
to seven. Legacy living is a powerful way to make your life count.
47:14
Once again, I want to thank you for joining me for today's show.
47:17
I'm your host, doctor Gloria Gloria Burgess, and this is Legacy Living,
47:25
Make your Life Count. Please join me again next time right here on Talk
47:32
Network Radio for another show of Legacy living. Make your life count. Don't
47:42
just count the days in your life. Make the days in your life count.
47:49
That's what legacy living is all about. Have a fantastic day, and
47:55
remember, make the days in your life count. God bless you. That's
48:15
our show today. I'm your host, doctor Gloria Gloria Burgess. I hope
48:22
you'll join me again next time. Until then, don't just count the days
48:29
in your life, Make the days in your life count. That's what legacy
48:35
living is all about. Here's to you have a fantastic day and be sure
48:40
to make it a Yes kind of day. Remember to celebrate the music of
48:47
your life. Make the days in your life count