Latest / Unpause Your Life / EP87: Unpause Your Life

Transcript

EP87: Unpause Your Life · Unpause Your Life

• 0:03
  You are listening to Unpause your Life with doctor Kelly es Says and Master Coach
• 0:10
  Jenny Fontana, founders of the Life Coach method. Each one of our uplifting
• 0:17
  and deep dive episodes is geared to help you tackle the things that hold you
• 0:22
  back from having the most magnificent life you deserved. Sit back, relax,
• 0:28
  and prepare to be coached. Hey guys, doctor Kellysis, the Addictions Coach,
• 0:34
  the Adiction's Academy, Sober Undemanned, and of course, the wildly popular
• 0:38
  Unpause your Life brand. Today we are going to talk about the illusion of
• 0:43
  success. I always find it interesting when people tell me, oh, so
• 0:48
  and so is so successful. They're so amazing, they have this great business,
• 0:53
  they're an amazing mom, their kids are perfect, their house is clean,
• 0:57
  they make nutritious meals every night every but he's happy and there's no issues.
• 1:03
  As a therapist, as a mental health and addictions therapist, that isn't
• 1:07
  true. It's an illusion of success. I find it interesting when people are
• 1:14
  selling a lot on social media and they say, oh, you have to
• 1:17
  buy this thing, buy this brand, buy this item, and you see
• 1:21
  them sort of flip and flop back and forth between different things. They start
• 1:25
  off and say, buy my Juice Plus. I'm CEO, I'm a founder,
• 1:29
  I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a business person. Well, you're an affiliate
• 1:32
  marketer. You're not exactly a business person. You're peddling someone else's product,
• 1:37
  right, So you buy the Juice Plus, and then six months later they
• 1:41
  say, no, no, no, buy this product. Now I'm selling
• 1:44
  Melaluca, or I'm selling Amway, or now I've created a coaching course.
• 1:48
  Buy this thing. And they pivot into something else. Now they're selling this
• 1:53
  other thing and they're successful, and it is the best thing on the market.
• 1:57
  You need to buy this thing, whatever it is. They're selling coaching,
• 2:00
  juice plus, shoes, widgets, doesn't matter, and you buy that.
• 2:05
  And all of their posts are how happy they are and how amazing life
• 2:08
  is and how perfect it is. Their kids are always immaculately dressed. Their
• 2:14
  family photos, everyone's smiling. They're in Cabo, they're in Rio, they're
• 2:17
  in Vegas, wherever they are. They're having a great time. Life's amazing.
• 2:23
  And they start attributing their amazing life to the success they have in business.
• 2:29
  And you'll see them say I have this life and I can be free
• 2:31
  and I can travel. And this is how amazing it is. If you
• 2:35
  buy this thing, buy by business coaching course, buy my marketing course,
• 2:39
  buy my juice Plus, buy whatever my sneakers are going to make you this
• 2:44
  amazing person. And people believe it. They actually believe this thing is going
• 2:50
  to make me successful, and they buy it or they buy into it,
• 2:53
  and they consume the product, consume the service, whatever it is. And
• 2:58
  then they say it didn't work, and they say, well, wait a
• 3:00
  minute, it didn't work. I'm gonna come back and buy something else,
• 3:04
  and they buy another something, and this goes on and on and on and
• 3:07
  so the person selling it taps out of their list of people to sell this
• 3:13
  particular product and then create something else and sells to the same pipeline of people,
• 3:19
  yeah, the same group of friends buying something else. So we see
• 3:21
  this a lot with affiliate marketers that switch what product they're selling you from mary
• 3:25
  Kay to am Way to Melo Luca to Juice Plus to whatever thing is going
• 3:30
  to get them a commission, and they sell it and they pitch it,
• 3:32
  you buy it. They also can't make a decision on what they're selling or
• 3:38
  who they are, so they reinvent, reinvent, reinvent. I'm selling this
• 3:43
  by it, I'm selling that by it, And they create this big illusion
• 3:46
  that life is so successful because of this thing. They never opposed to trials
• 3:51
  and tribulations. You never hear somebody say, wow, you know this,
• 3:55
  this month absolutely sucked. I did everything I could, couldn't get enough cla,
• 4:00
  couldn't get people to do what I wanted, how to charge back all
• 4:03
  what awful month I had. You never see that. They just don't post
• 4:08
  it. They post how good things are. And I find that interesting because
• 4:12
  it's such an illusion. In the business world, the people I deal with,
• 4:16
  the one to five percenters, when I'm working with them with addiction or
• 4:19
  mental health. Behind the scenes, the one thing we talk about is the
• 4:25
  success of their business, the success of them, the health of their business,
• 4:30
  how things are really because there's what they want you to see, and
• 4:33
  then then there's what's real. And with AI and all these filters, nobody
• 4:41
  looks like their profile picture. Nobody looks like they're banner. I mean,
• 4:46
  it's crazy. So when I'm dealing with somebody in the one to five percent
• 4:49
  market, the celebrities, and I see them in person, they look absolutely
• 4:54
  nothing like what you see on Facebook TV photos. They're there photoshopped, they
• 5:00
  are filtered, you know, and then of course plastic surgery and makeup and
• 5:04
  whatnot. So it's an illusion that they're successful. When I actually talk to
• 5:11
  them, they talk about how they don't feel real, they feel that they
• 5:15
  are imposters, or that their success isn't real, that people don't believe it.
• 5:19
  And that's accurate because what they're pushing to the market and bringing to the
• 5:24
  marketplace is this success. To be successful, you have to be pretty,
• 5:28
  you have to be thin, you have to have perfect kids, perfect house,
• 5:30
  everything has to be clean, nobody fights. This is what success looks
• 5:34
  like in twenty twenty four, and they want you to buy into it,
• 5:39
  so they create something for you to purchase, buy my lifestyle. And the
• 5:46
  bottom line is it's not accurate. That's not what's real. Having worked behind
• 5:49
  the scenes for so long with these people, it really is a shit show.
• 5:55
  What you see online and what you see on TV and what you see
• 5:58
  walking down the red carpet is what's really happening behind the scenes with the drug
• 6:02
  addiction and the mental health, a loss of money, hemorrhaging of money,
• 6:06
  you know, even having a bad day, just having a bad day,
• 6:12
  you don't see that. So what I want to say to you is,
• 6:15
  if you're struggling being successful in your business or your personal life, don't go
• 6:19
  on Facebook and go look how successful everyone else is and I'm not, because
• 6:24
  they're not. They're only selling you what you want to see, which is
• 6:29
  the success they want you to see to buy their product or their service.
• 6:32
  When it comes to true success, successful people do not post look how successful
• 6:39
  I am selling this or that, coaching sneakers, jews plus, whatever it
• 6:45
  is you're selling. Successful people don't post, oh my god, look how
• 6:47
  successful we are at this, and then they also don't flip flop what they're
• 6:53
  selling. You're not going to see a successful person selling sneakers all of a
• 6:57
  sudden selling vitamins unless they're an ambassador or an affiliate marketer for those products.
• 7:02
  It's not how things work in the business world. So be very aware of
• 7:08
  who you will hire to teach you something. For example, if you're going
• 7:12
  to hire a business coach, hire somebody in business or somebody in the business
• 7:17
  you want to be in, for example, in the addiction space that I'm
• 7:20
  in, business coaching doesn't mesh with addiction. For example, a traditional business
• 7:27
  coach would say, okay, well you have to have organic SEO, you
• 7:30
  have to do pay per click, And I would stop them right there and
• 7:32
  say, wait a minute. In the addiction space, you can't do pay
• 7:34
  per click unless you have legit scripts. And they'll say, what is that?
• 7:39
  Well, if you don't know what that is, giving me business advice
• 7:41
  is already going to be a problem. So in the addiction space, when
• 7:45
  I offer business advice of someone that's going to pay per click, you have
• 7:47
  to be LegitScript certified and you have to go through the process to get there.
• 7:51
  It's very important. So hiring a business coach that doesn't know your niche
• 7:57
  is going to be a problem. Right. It's like hiring somebody to give
• 8:01
  you vitamins that has no clue on the back end of how they're made because
• 8:07
  they're just promoting a product for a fee. Again, that's not an expert.
• 8:11
  So when you hire someone for something service product, you want to make
• 8:16
  sure they're an expert in what they're selling you and they're just not riding the
• 8:20
  wave of whatever new is coming through to make money on. And you see
• 8:24
  that a lot. You see a lot of people that come up to the
• 8:26
  market and they say, well, I mean a million dollars selling makeup.
• 8:31
  Let's say, but now I'm going to teach you how to make a million
• 8:35
  dollars. Okay, Well, they made a million dollars in one product.
• 8:39
  Does that mean they know how to make a million dollars in your line of
• 8:43
  work? No, it means they knew their product well enough to make it,
• 8:48
  and they probably had people behind the scenes selling their product and teaching them
• 8:50
  how to market. That's a whole separate issue. But the success that they
• 8:56
  they bring to you where you think they're successful, is the piece that you
• 9:01
  have to be careful of. We see this in real estate with the real
• 9:07
  estate market. When COVID hit, the real estate market went bonkers, right,
• 9:11
  And there are people that invest in and flip houses. There are people
• 9:16
  that invest in in airbnb houses that have absolutely no knowledge of real estate.
• 9:20
  They just went, it's a money grap I'm gonna do this thing. It's
• 9:22
  gonna be amazing, and some of them lost their ass. I got into
• 9:28
  it because I had a house with a mother in law suiteton But we'll try
• 9:31
  the airbnb game, see how it goes. Extremely lucrative, very lucrative,
• 9:35
  but I learned a lot. I learned I don't want to deal with real
• 9:37
  estate. I don't want to buy and sell. I don't want to flip
• 9:41
  houses, and I certainly don't want to be in the airbnb game where you
• 9:43
  customer service has to be the forefront of what you do, because not having
• 9:48
  one washcloth can set somebody into a mental health breakdown and they can leave you
• 9:52
  a bad review. Now that didn't happen to me. It actually happened to
• 9:56
  client of mine. But that is something that people are buying into from people
• 10:03
  that don't know what they're selling. That's my point. So you can jump
• 10:07
  on a bandwagon, you can jump on selling something or try to get into
• 10:09
  a business, but if you don't know the industry and you try to create
• 10:16
  this illusion of being successful, it's all going to come out in the end
• 10:18
  of the wash anyway. You're not going to be successful because the people will
• 10:22
  buy your product or your service, they will consume it, and then you
• 10:26
  will burn through your pipeline. You will burn through who the people you keep
• 10:31
  around you. And what happens then is you got to sell something else or
• 10:37
  you're going to make new clients. You've got to create a new market.
• 10:41
  One of the hardest markets to be in is addiction to mental health. It
• 10:43
  really is as a business because we don't want repeat customers. The whole purpose
• 10:50
  of addiction to mental health counseling and coaching is to get you well right Well,
• 10:54
  if you're well, you don't need me. So people that have been
• 10:58
  in the mental health and addiction space for a long period of time. I've
• 11:03
  been in the game twenty seven years. I voted my private practice for fourteen
• 11:05
  that's a long time, fourteen years. That means I'm doing something right in
• 11:11
  this space. Most people come in and pop out within two years because they
• 11:15
  burn out their pipeline. They don't know how to get new clients, to
• 11:18
  build a business and put the hard work in because you're not gonna have a
• 11:22
  repeat client. You're not gonna have a monthly paying client. You're not gonna
• 11:26
  have a subscription model for coaching and counseling for addiction because at one point you
• 11:33
  won't need it. Right. So it's interesting when I see people try to
• 11:37
  get into space and not work, and they bounce from space to space to
• 11:39
  space to space, selling all different products and all different services because they don't
• 11:45
  understand business. It's not about what you sell. It's about creating the buzz
• 11:52
  around what you sell and sticking with one thing. And the reason I'm talking
• 11:56
  about this today is I have a couple people that have come to me,
• 12:01
  you know, through different social media channels, asking for my help weeding through
• 12:03
  what the noises of what they want to do and figuring out where they want
• 12:07
  to go and how they want to make it happen. And they're bringing five
• 12:09
  or six ideas to the table, and I say, pick one. Pick
• 12:13
  what you want to sell. What do you want to be known for.
• 12:16
  If you're known for selling sneakers and all of a sudden you're teaching little kids
• 12:22
  inner city basketball, that makes sense. You sell sneakers, you teach basketball,
• 12:26
  right, that makes sense. If you are selling sneakers and all of
• 12:30
  a sudden you're selling widgets, that makes no sense. Why would I want
• 12:35
  to buy your widget? And then from selling widgets, you're selling me coaching
• 12:39
  on how to mow my lawn. I don't even know if that exists.
• 12:43
  It probably does. Those types of things. What happens is that you cannot
• 12:48
  stick with something long enough to make it profitable. So you keep having to
• 12:52
  reinvent yourself and adding something else to your platform, are changing who you are,
• 12:56
  and you're utilizing the same pipeline. Your pipeline will expire. That is
• 13:01
  why you see a ton of people in the addiction and mental health space that
• 13:05
  are business developers or marketers that last six months, maybe a year, and
• 13:09
  you see them on Facebook. Hi, I work for Bob's Treatment Center,
• 13:13
  best treatment center in the planet. If you need help, call me.
• 13:16
  They give a number. Six months later, Hey guys, I am now
• 13:18
  working for I don't know, Betty's Treatment Center, best treatment center in the
• 13:24
  planet. If you need help call me. Six months later, Hey guys,
• 13:26
  I am now working for a Mario's treatment center. And after a while
• 13:31
  you're like, okay, So it's not the treatment center. It's the fact
• 13:35
  that you don't know how to run the business on the front end to get
• 13:37
  the people in the front door to be successful. So you keep switching what
• 13:41
  you're selling or switching jobs, giving the illusion of success when you're not successful.
• 13:46
  So how do we get out of that? The first thing you need
• 13:48
  to do to get out of that to be successful is pick something you want
• 13:54
  to do. Stop looking for a money grab stop looking for something that's going
• 13:58
  to give you, know, likes and such on Facebook and Instagram. Likes
• 14:03
  don't equate to money in your bank account. It's that simple. Likes don't
• 14:07
  equate unless you know how to take a like and make it a client with
• 14:11
  Very few people can do that because the product isn't strong enough, the service
• 14:15
  isn't strong enough, or they don't need what you're selling. They're just gonna
• 14:16
  like it anyway. And you know, taking semi nude photos and putting it
• 14:22
  up there and trying to sell your product, they're not gonna buy your product.
• 14:26
  They're gonna like your photo and move on. Those are not going to
• 14:28
  sell your product. So the first thing is you have to figure out who
• 14:31
  you are, what you're selling, what drives you. It cannot be a
• 14:37
  money grap If you're only following the newest thing to sell, you are never
• 14:41
  gonna be successful because all you're gonna do is flip flop what you're doing,
• 14:45
  which creates the illusion of success. You're not successful. Your bank account will
• 14:50
  show you if you're successful. I know a lot of people say, well
• 14:54
  money doesn't equate to success. It does in business, period. It really
• 14:58
  does in business If your bank account doesn't correlate to what you're doing, you
• 15:05
  are not successful period. So you can have the best book, the best
• 15:09
  funnel, the best headshots. If your bank account isn't growing with that,
• 15:16
  you don't know what you're doing in business and you have the illusion of success.
• 15:20
  So again, first thing, figure out who you are. Second thing
• 15:22
  is what do you sell it? And stick with it. If you keep
• 15:26
  bouncing from thing to think and reinventing and reinventing and reinventing, people are going
• 15:31
  to lose faith that you are good in anything you're providing. Your illusion of
• 15:35
  success now really is just social media where the new people coming through think you're
• 15:41
  successful, but the old people go, here we go again. Now they're
• 15:45
  selling cars. Last week they were selling crabs by the seashore. So it's
• 15:52
  switching constantly is not going to benefit you. That's my point. Figure out
• 15:56
  what you want to do, figure out who you are, stick with it,
• 15:58
  and then scale it. And if you love what you do, if
• 16:02
  you are organically really good at what you do, people will buy what you
• 16:07
  do because you're good at it. I may not be the best podcaster,
• 16:11
  I may not be the best social media you know, taking selfies person.
• 16:15
  But I am really good at what I do and I work with the one
• 16:18
  to five percent on addiction and mental health behind the scenes because I'm really good
• 16:22
  at what I do and people know me as a no nonsense you know,
• 16:26
  foot forward, hitting you with it right away. This is what's going on,
• 16:30
  this is how we need to fix it. Are you willing to make
• 16:33
  those changes? And I'm very successful at it. There are gonna be down
• 16:38
  months and they're gonna be great months. Business one on one is to stick
• 16:41
  it out. So the illusion of success on Facebook is pretty simple. If
• 16:47
  you see somebody who always looks like they're having a good time, they always
• 16:49
  look amazing, everything looks great. Chances are to shit show behind the scenes.
• 16:55
  Very simple. So keep your head up above water, try to stick
• 16:59
  with it. If you want more advice on how to be successful and scale
• 17:03
  your company, give me a call. You can help on addiction and mental
• 17:06
  health, give me a call. And of course, if you want more
• 17:08
  knowledge nuggets, you can check out on pauseourlife dot com and look at the
• 17:11
  knowledge nuggets with the angel numbers on there. It'll help you to create and
• 17:17
  manifest exactly what you up Until next time, I'll talk to you guys soon.
• 17:25
  Thank you for listening to Unpause your Life with Doctor Cali Estez and Master
• 17:30
  Coach Jenny Fontana. Head over to www dot The Life Coach method dot com
• 17:36
  to learn more about coaching yourself and how to become a Master Coach.