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5 things you lose when you are with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on, beautiful people?
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Today we're going to be talking about the top five things that
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you lose when you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
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The five things that you lose or miss out on.
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If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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Yep, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back, welcome
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back. Yes y'all.
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So I've said this before, I say this in a lot of my videos.
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Y'all know I, I try to help as many people as I can that are in
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toxic relationships or outside of toxic relationships.
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I have a support group called the mental healers.
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You can find that at courses.mentalhealers.net.
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We just do group coaching and things of that nature to help as
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many people as possible to help them deal with and get out of
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toxic narcissistic relationships, right?
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But I tell people that there is a cost associated with being in
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a toxic relationship, right? There is absolutely a cost.
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That is absolutely that it's going to cost you to be in this
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relationship. I know a lot of people don't
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like when I say that, but it's absolutely the truth.
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Like it's going to cost you and not just like said, when people
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when people hear the word cost you automatically associated
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with money. Yeah, it could cost you that.
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We won't, we won't tackle that later.
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But it's it can be, it can be deeper than that.
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It can be bigger than that. It can be always be more than
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just money. It can be a lot of different
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things. So the cost associated with a go
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into the top five things. There are more things, of
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course, there are more things that you can lose that you, that
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you stand to lose when you're in a toxic relationship, right?
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Or you like when you're dealing with a toxic narcissistic
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person. There's more than five things.
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So if I miss something, drop it in the comment section.
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If you feel like you lost something outside of this list,
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drop it in the comment section. That's what we're here for.
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Like seriously, y'all? Yeah.
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The first thing that I put down is, is it no, no particular
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order. No particular order, no
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magnitude or, you know, there's no magnitude to this.
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No, there's not weighted. It's not a waited list, but the
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first thing I put down was your career, your career.
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You could miss out on a career or the job of your dreams, your
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your dream job, your career and whatnot for it for to be in this
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toxic with narcissistic relationship.
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Like so many people are willing to sacrifice their own dream,
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their own dream job, their own career, their own like their own
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dream job, their own career and what not to be in it with this
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toxic narcissistic person, right?
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They will sacrifice so much and I hate I hear it.
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Y'all. It's just like I said I could
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have had I could have been a doctor or what or what not You
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mean within this career field? I'm all.
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You can also include education as well.
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This is kind of like the the sub field of it but so many people
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just like I had a dream. I had my dream job set up but my
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partner didn't like my boss. My partner didn't like the fact
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that I worked around all men or all women and I just gave that
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job up for them. And now I like now I've been
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doing this job that I hate for so long or I don't have a job at
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all and I'm being financially controlled and abused by this
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person. Like that dream job I'd have
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been so happy with, but I gave up on it and now I'm with this
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toxic narcissist and that like, and now only thing I have out of
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it is this narcissist or some kids.
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And then that narcissist has been cheating or lying to them
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or physically beating them up or they've been and they or they've
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left, they left them with not a penny to their names.
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And that sucks so much when talking to people.
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And I you can feel the pain within them when they're telling
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their stories, when they're sharing their stories with me,
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you can feel the pain within them.
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He's like, damn, that sucks right there, right.
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I can tell that it hurts. I can tell that it sucks when
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people like when, when people are are within this space,
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dealing with a toxic narcissistic person.
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I can tell that it sucks. And I just, I try to share that
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with as many people as possible. Like, hey, look, this toxic
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narcissistic person is going to cost you, cost you your career,
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they're going to cost you your job.
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And of course, I'll, I'm one of the believers that it's never
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too late to go back to school and get, get your education or
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try to get that job that you wanted, unless it's in a
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particular type of field, right? But it's never too late.
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But you don't want to waste too much time with this toxic
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narcissistic person, right? So it could cost you your
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career, could cost you your education.
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You might have dropped out of school to make this person feel
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bad about themselves, like you don't need a bachelor's degree.
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Why you need, you got to get your associates, why you need,
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why you need, why you think you smarter than me, think you
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better than me. You, you, you going to be home
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raising the kids. You gave up your career.
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You gave up your, your pursuit of education, which you know,
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could drop your pursuit of a goal or a, a dream job or, you
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know, starting your own business or whatever it is doesn't have
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to be a career. It could be just starting your
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own business. They didn't believe in you,
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didn't help finance it. They chastised you.
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They talked you out of it. You know what I mean?
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They made you quit it. So it could absolutely cost you
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your career and your education. That's one of the big things
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that's associated with y'all. I'm just telling you, the next
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thing it could cost you is your life, your life.
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It absolutely can cost you your life.
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And I know it sounds so bleak. I'm not just saying life
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overall. I'm not just saying like, it's
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just your life. You're wasting time.
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Yeah, you're going to waste time.
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But these toxic, narcissistic relationships, it could cost you
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your life. There.
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There are a lot of people out here who have that mindset of
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that if I can't have you, no one will.
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And like, the longer you stay, the more they feel that way.
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Now they can. They can they feel that way
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early on? Yeah, they can feel that way
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early on. You hear stories all the time
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where you get these toxic, narcissistic, stalkery bastards
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out there that be that you've been knowing for two months and
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you went on one date where they stalked you for two years and
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tries to take your life. That happens, of course, but a
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lot of times it's tied to the amount of time you have in this
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relationship. It's kind of like a damn,
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there's damn near a correlation between time invested in
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ownership that like as as time increases in this relationship,
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so does the feeling that they you belong to them.
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So they will take try to take you out of here.
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If I can have you, no one will even even if they have someone
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else let me. And that's one of the things
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that blows my mind sometimes that even if they have someone
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else, they still feel like they still feel entitled to you,
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right? They still feel entitled to your
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mindset. They still feel entitled to
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whatever you have going on. They feel they feel super
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entitled to you. They absolutely do, you know
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what I mean? So it's just like they will take
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you. It could cost you your life, you
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know, And I know people just like, well, Lee, I tried to
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leave. What if you do leave and they
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tell you they try to take you out of here?
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That happens, That happens. But sometimes you leave, you
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escape, and then you go back into it and that's when they
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take you out of here because you try to leave again.
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Because now, like if you leave and go back, now the narcissist
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is right. They have it in their head, they
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have it in their hearts and minds that you have the ability
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to leave them, right? They think that you're going to
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leave them. They're like, OK, this person
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going to leave me, like they're going to leave me, so I'm not
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going to let them leave again. So yeah, you might have left
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once and you might have survived, but if you try to
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leave again, that's when they come get you, right?
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If you try, we try to leave again, that's when they take
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your body. So it could absolutely cost you
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your life. And again, I'm not trying to be
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bleak, I'm just being real. So before you're out, if you're
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out of it and you've been they and they, if you out of it, if
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you've escaped the times of relations, you're right.
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And you think about going back into it and they put their hands
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around here or they threatened to harm you or they threatened
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to harm themselves, it could cost you your life, you know?
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So I know, I know the trauma bond is strong, but the trauma
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bond could mean you, you, you not being able to break the
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trauma bond could mean that your your kids grow without their
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parents. So think about that before you
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go back into it. There's something to think about
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it like, damn, this could leave it, right?
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It could cost me my life if I go back into it, it could cost me
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my existence. My kids might not have a mom or
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a dad anymore. Because if dad takes mom out of
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here and then dad goes to jail and takes himself out of here,
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or sometimes the dad will take the kids out of here too, the
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family annihilators or exists, you know, the women do that to
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y'all family. Family and knowledge can be
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women as well. What else have on this list?
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This is going to be kind of super specific, but it happens
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right here. The third thing it could cost
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you is your dream of having a family, you know, and this gears
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more like this can cost men the ability to the dream of having a
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family as well. Because sometimes men feel like
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they might be too old to have kids.
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But if this gears more towards women, I know technology is
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advancing and whatnot. Technology is, it has advanced
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to the point where, you know, women are having kids later on
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in life in their 30s forties, maybe not 30s in their 40s and
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50s and whatnot. I've seen it happening.
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But it could cost you the ability to have kids or have
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that family that you dreamed of because so many narcissistic
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people will waste your damn time.
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They'll waste the prime of your life, right?
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They'll waste your youth. They'll waste your time.
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They'll waste your effort, energy, and your ability.
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They'll keep promising to have that family.
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If you leave me, we're not going to have that family you dreamed
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of. And you'll be 41 years old. 42.
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You'd have been with this person for 14 years.
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You ain't had a kid yet. You ain't got married yet,
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right? There's no marriage, no kids.
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No, no. There might be an engagement job
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in. You've been engaged for two
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decades now. You've been engaged for for 10
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years. What are you telling yourself?
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What are you telling yourself that like, OK, maybe I've been
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in here for 10 years, but you know, this is going to be it
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right here. This is going to be the year
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right here, you know, what are you telling yourself?
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Like they could absolutely waste the prime of your life, right?
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And I tell this to people and it sucks when I tell this to
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people, y'all, because I've heard stories like this before.
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Like one of the women I talked to very recently, she's doing a
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lot better now, but she was sad as hell because she gave this,
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she, she met this person when she was 35 years old.
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She felt like her biological clock was ticking.
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And they will prey on that. Some narcissistic people will
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tell you that your biological clock is ticking.
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And if you don't, I'm the best chance you're going to get.
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And he, you know, I think he had a vasectomy too.
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He says I'm going to get the vasectomy reversed 7-8 years
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later. He didn't do it, you know, left
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her. She she was just broken.
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She was like, no, I and he was like, I don't want to give you a
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baby. You got to, you got to earn it.
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He got her cheating, doing all kinds of craziness.
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And she was sad as hell. And I yeah.
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And that's, and those are some of the saddest people I talked
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to. When they feel like they've
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gotten to an age where they wanted a family.
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They had a dream of a family, they had a dream of having kids
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or getting married or whatever. You know, you get married at any
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age, but you can always adopt as well.
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You know, there's always adoption, but some people want
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to have the natural birth. They won't have kids.
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They won't actually have the kids.
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You know, for those who who are able to and they steal it from
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you and they guess what happens when you get too old, when they
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feel like you're too old, they discard you for somebody younger
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and they go start a family with somebody else.
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And that's going to make that's going to break you.
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That's going to make you feel like you don't work, you're not
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worth anything. And they can take you to a very
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dark place. So if you feel like you've been
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in this relationship dynamic with this person and you've
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invested a lot of time in here and it doesn't feel like it's
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moving forward to where you want to be, you might need to pack it
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up and dip out. It's be, of course, be safe.
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It's possible when you do this. But ask yourself, it's been 5-6,
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seven years and we still haven't got to that point.
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When I ask them, they get angry. When I ask them, they said I
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haven't earned it. When I ask them, they say when
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the time is right. It's been 10 years.
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Yeah. When is the time going to be
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right? It's been 10 years.
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They didn't do everything that they wanted to do, but I can't
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give you what you look. I'm just telling you that that
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it's going to cost you. It's going to cost you.
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Even men feel this way. There's like, man, I've been
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with this girl for for 15 years, you know, or I've been with
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this, I've been with this guy for 15 years.
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You know, it's like gender, like gender can be irrelevant here,
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y'all, and sexual orientation can be irrelevant as well.
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We've been together. We said we're going to adopt.
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It's been 10 years. We haven't adopted.
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We haven't got married. There's nothing going on.
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You know, I want to start a family.
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I want to be able to you. You, like a lot of men have this
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mindset where I want to be, I don't want to be young enough to
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play baseball with my kids or basketball with my kids, you
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know, throw the batting, throw the glove, throw the ball with
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the kids. And now you're 455065 years old
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and they ain't, you ain't had a kid yet or whatnot.
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Because this person has strung you alone for so long because
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they never actually wanted a family.
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They just strung you alone and then they leave you.
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I'm telling you, y'all, Well, sometimes they don't leave you.
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They just stay there and torture you.
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Yeah, it happens. It really does happen, y'all.
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The next thing it can cost you is your friends and family.
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It absolutely can cost you your friends and family.
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It can cost you your closest relationships.
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These are just some of the cost. It can absolutely cost you some
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of your relationships. The happiest like like your best
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friend for 10 years that you no longer talk to.
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You had to cut off because this person didn't like them or your
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best friend of 10 years cut you off because they didn't like
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your partner and they didn't like the fact that you're being
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abused. Both things could happen.
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You know, this is one of the things where both things could
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happen and whatnot. So it's just in this space right
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here that you have to decide like, and it makes you like, you
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haven't talked to your mom and dad in a long time because they
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don't like your mom and dad. Your mom and dad don't like
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them. You know they've isolated you.
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The only friend you have now you had a you had a bunch of friends
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and family, right? You had a bubbly personality,
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you were well liked. But now the only friend you have
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is this toxic narcissistic bastard that don't want to hear
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you. That that gets angry when you
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when they hear the sound of your voice.
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The sound of you breathing pisses them off and they caught
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and they hear it now you with this person and then it cost you
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all your best friends, all your family members don't don't want
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to be around you no more or you don't want to be or you've cut
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them off because the narcissistic person has isolated
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you and move you across the country and move you to a
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different country. This happened so much.
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So many people are lonely. Like I say in my support group
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that I have the mental healers. There are so many people in
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there who are in there just to make new friends and some of
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them are meeting up with each other.
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They live close to each other. They they live close by, which
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is super cool. When I live, they live close by
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each other. I'm like them now you have a
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friend, you know, now you have a friend that's cool.
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And it's like they are rebuilding friendships within
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the group. The mental healers
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courses.mentalillness.net check it out.
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Link is in the description of every video and podcast that I
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do. But that happens.
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So many people give up their friends and families to be in
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his relationships and so many people are get cut off.
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Like your friends and family members cut you off because they
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don't want to hear about you getting abused anymore.
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They want to see you getting abused and used and cheated on
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and beat on. They want to see the kids
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getting hurt anymore. They worry about you, so they
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cut you off. They're like, I can't deal with
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it. So it could absolutely cost you
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your friends and it can cost you your friends and family members
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and whatnot like that. It can.
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That's one of the things it can absolutely caution.
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I think people just, they don't, you know, people don't see it
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like that, you know what I mean? They don't, they don't see it,
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you know, in, in this space right there with their friends
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and family members because like 2-3 years go by, you know, and
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it's just like, and it is and, and you don't realize it.
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And now within this same bubble of friends and family, this is
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going to be deeper. It could cost you your
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relationship with your kids. You know, it could absolutely
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cost you your relationship with your kids.
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Like you grow, like your kids grow up and your kids might cut
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you off because you stayed in a toxic relationship.
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I've heard this story more times than I care to remember, y'all.
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Like, yeah, I knew they were. I was in abusive how their dad
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was abusive or their mom was abusive and I didn't leave.
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And now the kids cut both of us off.
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Like the kids, the first thing that they did when they came of
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age is to cut both of us off. They don't talk to either of us
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anymore. And I'm hurt now.
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I'm in pain now. This sucks.
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It happens so much y'all, you know, it does happen so much and
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I just tell people it's just one of those things that becomes
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like kind of 2nd place kind of second nature and it's actually
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narcissistic relationship job. And the last thing I was talking
16:00
about y'all think it could cost you.
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Of course, I, I mentioned it earlier, but it could absolutely
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cost you. It could cost you a lot of
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money. These relationships.
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It can absolutely cost the cost the, the real cost, the cost of
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cost the the physical cost the money.
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You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it can cost you your
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weight, it can cost you your physical health, your mental
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health, but it can also cost you your financial health.
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You know, all this is going to be like, say, when I say
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finances, I mean like I'm a ball this up together with your
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physical health, your financial health as well, because it could
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cost you your physical health. They don't like you going to the
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gym, they don't like you working out, They don't like you.
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They they, they don't like you eating a certain type of thing
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and they mentally, mentally manipulate you into not doing
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the things that you like. You might, you might have been a
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gym rat when you met them, but now you didn't gain 75 lbs.
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You don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore.
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It could cost you that cost your physical health and your
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financial health, like it could make you quit it, make you like
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I say, make you quit a job or not start a business or what.
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I know I mentioned this earlier, but even getting divorced from
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this person, they might try to take you for everything.
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They might try to have you hemmed up in court for a long
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extended period of time. Like it's going like there's a
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financial cost associated with it as well.
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Like there's a lot of people are like I spent 1020, thirty,
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forty, $100,000 on this divorce and we're still going through
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it. They refused to divorce me.
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They refused to let me go. They refused this, they refused
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that. It's going to cost you mental,
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physical, financial health. I should have said, I said, I
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don't say money at the beginning.
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I meant to say health, but it's going to cost you all this, this
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health, this your mental health. Of course, that's why you're
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watching me. It cost you.
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It's already cost you your mental health.
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That's why we that's why we're here right now.
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But the physical and financial health as well is going to cost
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you. There's so many costs that are
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associated with these any types of relationships, giving your
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energy, giving your all to this type of person.
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You know, I do want y'all to win.
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Y'all know this. My goal at the end of the day is
17:52
to help as many people win as possible, and that's where I'm
17:55
here for you. I know this video went on longer
17:57
than I normally have them. You know, this is damn near 19
17:59
minutes, but if you made it this far, I'm super thankful for you
18:02
that we we rocked together this far.
18:04
You mean I'm brafer for you. Of course, subscribe to the
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channel if you haven't and also followed my new channel.
18:09
It's called it's Lee dot actions L EE dot a like actions.
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I'm going to talk. I'm I'm moving my my text
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message breakdown. I'm gonna do reaction videos and
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I'm also doing doing my voicemail reactions over on my
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new channel, Lee dot actions. It'll be in the description as
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well. Y'all, I'll see y'all there like
18:28
a scrap my peace. Thank you so much for making it
18:30
to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
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browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
18:42
screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
18:45
you heal and understand what you've been through.
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Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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video. Peace.