Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Leave Not Approved - The Wild School Rule
Transcript
- 0:05Speaker 1: Gooday, this is The Happy Family's podcast. Imagine this. The
- 0:09Speaker 1: email comes through mid flight your son can't go on
- 0:12Speaker 1: holidays during school term. That is the email that Sarah Stevenson,
- 0:16Speaker 1: cookbook author and influencer with one point two million followers
- 0:21Speaker 1: on Instagram at Sarah's Underscore Day, received a couple of
- 0:25Speaker 1: months back, but it was a little bit too late.
- 0:27Speaker 1: Sarah was already on board that plane with her six
- 0:30Speaker 1: year old son Fox, ready to fly to Fiji and
- 0:33Speaker 1: have fun. The excitement, the pat bags. You can imagine Fox,
- 0:37Speaker 1: I know, probably holding onto his tablet for the flight.
- 0:40Speaker 1: The email from Fox's New South Wales primary school arrives.
- 0:44Speaker 1: Sarah's response, she takes to Instagram as anyone with one
- 0:48Speaker 1: point two million followers probably would, and vents to all
- 0:51Speaker 1: those people about having to show flight receipts to the
- 0:53Speaker 1: principle like she's filing an insurance claim. She said, and
- 0:57Speaker 1: I quote, he's only missing five days of school. Yes,
- 0:59Speaker 1: I want him to learn how to read and write
- 1:01Speaker 1: and be in a classroom, but I haven't pulled him
- 1:03Speaker 1: out of school for a month. So here's the kicker.
- 1:06Speaker 1: Her followers overwhelmingly supported her comments like restricting when kids
- 1:10Speaker 1: can and can't go on a holiday's ridiculous and real
- 1:13Speaker 1: life experiences are way better than missing a week of
- 1:16Speaker 1: ABC's story was on news dot Com Dot a You
- 1:18Speaker 1: a few weeks back, as well as on our socials,
- 1:20Speaker 1: and it got us thinking, do we or don't we
- 1:23Speaker 1: take our kids out of school for a family holiday?
- 1:26Speaker 1: Is the bureaucracy right? Does every day at school count
- 1:31Speaker 1: or a parents within their rights to take a holiday
- 1:34Speaker 1: when it works for them. Life is pretty crazy after all.
- 1:39Speaker 1: So that's our conversation on today's podcast Stay with Us. Hello,
- 1:45Speaker 1: welcome to the Happy Families podcast. So glad you're here.
- 1:47Speaker 1: Thanks for choosing to listen with us. We are Justin
- 1:50Speaker 1: and Kylie Coulson with real parenting solutions apparently every day
- 1:54Speaker 1: on Australia's most downloaded Arny podcast. Kylie, you're ready for
- 1:57Speaker 1: this debate. You're ready to step into the hot seat play.
- 2:00Speaker 2: I have some really big opinions about this, but I
- 2:02Speaker 2: think it's worth looking at what the rules around this
- 2:05Speaker 2: are because they actually differ from state to state. In
- 2:08Speaker 2: New South Wales, travel is not underlined not a justified absence.
- 2:15Speaker 2: Schools must record it as unjustified period. Okay, Queensland and
- 2:22Speaker 2: Catholic systems consider holiday travel to be reasonable.
- 2:27Speaker 1: Huh.
- 2:28Speaker 2: In Victoria you need principal approval and a student learning
- 2:34Speaker 2: absence plan.
- 2:36Speaker 1: Okay, because apparently this is a week I've read two
- 2:38Speaker 1: require strategic planning. Very good. Okay, so I.
- 2:41Speaker 2: Think this is really tricky. There's lots of paperwork. Parents
- 2:45Speaker 2: feel like they're back at school themselves, having to justify
- 2:50Speaker 2: their actions. Yeah, and get special permission. But my guess
- 2:55Speaker 2: is that school leaders and teachers alike don't really like
- 2:59Speaker 2: it either. They're in four seen policies sometimes that they
- 3:01Speaker 2: didn't create and may not even agree with.
- 3:04Speaker 1: Yes, some might, but yes, yep, yep, fair enough.
- 3:07Speaker 2: And this is a system and that varies by post code.
- 3:10Speaker 2: It's inconsistent, right.
- 3:12Speaker 1: Yeah, So one state's one thing another and we've obviously
- 3:14Speaker 1: we've only done the Eastern states. Other states are part
- 3:17Speaker 1: of Australia. We recognize that. But we'll be here all day.
- 3:19Speaker 1: We go through all the rules everywhere. You know what
- 3:21Speaker 1: I think when I hear this, though, this is what
- 3:23Speaker 1: I don't think anyone talks about. You ask for permission,
- 3:26Speaker 1: you get to know from the school. My guess is
- 3:29Speaker 1: that most parents are probably going to go anyway, Like
- 3:30Speaker 1: you've paid for the airfares. Oh, you've got everything booked
- 3:34Speaker 1: and planned, you're still going to go on the holiday.
- 3:36Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think that it stops lots
- 3:38Speaker 2: of families from spending time together.
- 3:40Speaker 1: Okay, all right, we differ. Although I've never done a study,
- 3:44Speaker 1: and maybe you're right. Maybe a lot of people just say, no,
- 3:46Speaker 1: I don't want to have my child marketers having unauthorized absences. Okay.
- 3:52Speaker 1: I mean I'm the kind of person who'd say, I
- 3:55Speaker 1: know you don't want me to go, but I'm going anyway.
- 3:57Speaker 1: But we'll talk about that surely, because I think there's
- 3:59Speaker 1: a level of privilege and probably a level of arrogance
- 4:02Speaker 1: there as well, but we can cover that off shortly.
- 4:04Speaker 2: So I think it's important to make the case that
- 4:08Speaker 2: the Education Department would make why shouldn't kids miss school?
- 4:13Speaker 1: So, like I'm on the fence, there are some really
- 4:16Speaker 1: strong reasons that kids should be at school, and we
- 4:19Speaker 1: have to be.
- 4:20Speaker 2: But again, we're not talking about taking them out for
- 4:23Speaker 2: a month or.
- 4:24Speaker 1: Six months week.
- 4:25Speaker 2: We're talking about taking them out for a week so
- 4:27Speaker 2: they can spend time with families.
- 4:28Speaker 1: So I have a lot of sympathy. I have a
- 4:30Speaker 1: lot of sympathy for this position. I don't always agree
- 4:34Speaker 1: with it. Like I said, I'm getting splinters in my
- 4:36Speaker 1: bum from sitting on the fence, But I think that
- 4:38Speaker 1: I can have that desire to take the kids out
- 4:40Speaker 1: whenever I want because our kids have usually done pretty
- 4:42Speaker 1: well at school. I want to emphasize this isn't just
- 4:45Speaker 1: about Fox or whoever. It is missing some finger painting.
- 4:49Speaker 1: In terms of stats, we've gone from seventy five percent
- 4:52Speaker 1: of students attending ninety percent of school days in twenty
- 4:55Speaker 1: nineteen to just sixty percent attending ninety percent of school
- 4:59Speaker 1: days twenty twenty four. That is a massive drop.
- 5:02Speaker 2: And I'm going to suggest that that has nothing to
- 5:05Speaker 2: do with family holidays and a lot more to do
- 5:07Speaker 2: with anxiety and depression.
- 5:08Speaker 1: I reckon that's a COVID one hundred percent potentially. Nevertheless,
- 5:13Speaker 1: we've got more school in attendance than ever before, dropping
- 5:17Speaker 1: from seventy five percent to sixty percent across that five
- 5:20Speaker 1: year period. With that many kids attending nine percent of school,
- 5:23Speaker 1: it's a big drop. Research also backs it up. So
- 5:25Speaker 1: a couple of years ago there was a big study
- 5:27Speaker 1: that was done and I've seen this in various other
- 5:30Speaker 1: smaller studies as well. Missing even one day of school,
- 5:33Speaker 1: whether it's per week or per fortnite or per term,
- 5:36Speaker 1: the research evidence shows that it does measurably affect academic outcomes.
- 5:40Speaker 1: Now we're talking about on average. I just need to
- 5:42Speaker 1: emphasize that is on average. But the bodies that promote this,
- 5:47Speaker 1: they're not just making it up. The data is there.
- 5:49Speaker 2: And if academic performance is our number one gauge for
- 5:54Speaker 2: success in life, then.
- 5:55Speaker 1: Great, But is it okay difficult?
- 5:58Speaker 2: Is that literally all we're striving for?
- 6:02Speaker 1: The other thing that I was going to say, and
- 6:03Speaker 1: this is something where I'm going to really take the
- 6:06Speaker 1: side of the teachers for just a moment. I've spoken
- 6:10Speaker 1: to principles about this and teachers about it as well,
- 6:13Speaker 1: and what they'll often say is, it's not just that
- 6:15Speaker 1: the kid's going to have a holiday, or they're going
- 6:17Speaker 1: to have a sick day, or that they're going to
- 6:18Speaker 1: have that family event, or they're going to have the
- 6:19Speaker 1: mental health day or the birthday treat or whatever it is.
- 6:21Speaker 1: So they have a day of school. It's kind of
- 6:23Speaker 1: death by a thousand cuts for a classroom community, for
- 6:27Speaker 1: the continuity that's happening in the classroom because if you're
- 6:31Speaker 1: a teacher, you try to teach material, but you've got
- 6:34Speaker 1: these You've got kids away every day, and so you're
- 6:35Speaker 1: constantly having to teach kids who miss something, and it's
- 6:38Speaker 1: a new child every week, and so there's all this
- 6:41Speaker 1: back and forth. It's really hard to get your system
- 6:44Speaker 1: running well in the classroom when you have to keep
- 6:47Speaker 1: on going back and going over material and that sort
- 6:49Speaker 1: of thing. And the last point that I would make
- 6:50Speaker 1: is that, well.
- 6:51Speaker 2: That just sounds a bit like family life.
- 6:53Speaker 1: If you ask me, you're sounding very unsympathetic.
- 6:56Speaker 2: I am not very sympathetic.
- 6:57Speaker 1: Schools have to draw the line somewhere as well. And
- 7:00Speaker 1: I just wonder when does school become optional? If everybody's
- 7:03Speaker 1: taking holiday whenever they want. It just makes things difficult
- 7:07Speaker 1: when you've got a systemized system, right, and that's what
- 7:11Speaker 1: we've got. We've got a standardized system that requires it. Now,
- 7:14Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I completely agree with it, but
- 7:16Speaker 1: these are the arguments that can be made from the
- 7:18Speaker 1: school's perspective, and I think that we should at least
- 7:21Speaker 1: have some compassionate sympathy for the teachers that are trying
- 7:24Speaker 1: to juggle it and recognize that this is a it's
- 7:26Speaker 1: a bit of a tricky quandary.
- 7:28Speaker 2: Okay, so you've got enough sympathy for both of us, right,
- 7:31Speaker 2: so we've given the Education department, we've played devil's advocate
- 7:37Speaker 2: for them. Be really great. If you could tell me
- 7:40Speaker 2: then why parents have an argument for taking their kids
- 7:42Speaker 2: away when it suits them. Yeah, okay, for me, it's
- 7:46Speaker 2: actually about costs and family priorities.
- 7:48Speaker 1: Right, So, well for us, because we've been through this.
- 7:50Speaker 2: Yes, so we've got six children. We've actually had to
- 7:53Speaker 2: create a family tradition where we take one child away
- 7:58Speaker 2: at a time.
- 7:59Speaker 1: Once they're sixteen, because we actually.
- 8:01Speaker 2: Could never have afforded to take all six of them away.
- 8:05Speaker 1: I know some people say, well that's your fault, but
- 8:08Speaker 1: like when you have six kids, you do want to
- 8:09Speaker 1: be able to have a family holiday from time to time,
- 8:10Speaker 1: and it's expensive.
- 8:12Speaker 2: And I know lots of families that never go on
- 8:13Speaker 2: a holiday because they can't afford to do it in
- 8:15Speaker 2: the school holidays because everything is like double the price.
- 8:18Speaker 1: Well, school holiday accommodation can triple depending on where you're
- 8:21Speaker 1: going and whether it's peak season or off peak season.
- 8:23Speaker 1: Our flight price is definitely double working families should be
- 8:28Speaker 1: able to afford to have a family holiday. But the
- 8:30Speaker 1: reality is, I think that's a real challenge. And you
- 8:33Speaker 1: and I with our kids, we've spent years visiting family
- 8:36Speaker 1: in a stay both to see family but also to
- 8:38Speaker 1: say on.
- 8:39Speaker 2: A couch, sleeping on the floor. Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm
- 8:41Speaker 2: sueezing into one bedroom.
- 8:42Speaker 1: We still do. In fact, we've got a family holiday
- 8:44Speaker 1: coming up in a couple of weeks because we want
- 8:46Speaker 1: to get away. But it's like, oh my goodness, can
- 8:48Speaker 1: we really afford another family holiday where we can if
- 8:51Speaker 1: we sleep at at grandma's house. Grandma's house. Yeah, there
- 8:56Speaker 1: are family priorities, so aging grandparents sometimes it's not a luxury,
- 9:01Speaker 1: that's a necessity. Maybe there's deaths and marriages and those
- 9:05Speaker 1: kinds of things. I think it's also worth highlighting the
- 9:09Speaker 1: early year's reality. I don't think that a five year
- 9:12Speaker 1: old is missing anything that's particularly crucial. Kids are usually
- 9:17Speaker 1: going to learn more from travel than just sitting through
- 9:20Speaker 1: another a phonic session or another basic math session. And
- 9:24Speaker 1: when I look at what Sarah did, she pulled her
- 9:27Speaker 1: young child out so they could go and have a
- 9:28Speaker 1: family holiday in Fiji, for a bit. I think it's
- 9:31Speaker 1: okay whether it's family or relaxation, recreation. I also think
- 9:37Speaker 1: that there's a bit of hypocrisy from the education department
- 9:40Speaker 1: because they say that we can't waste a single day,
- 9:43Speaker 1: but last few days of term every term.
- 9:45Speaker 2: Not only the last few days, often it's the last
- 9:48Speaker 2: few weeks.
- 9:48Speaker 1: Well, as you move up to Christmas, it definitely is
- 9:51Speaker 1: the last couple of weeks at least pizza parties, movie marathons.
- 9:55Speaker 1: I'm not sure that every day matters, so it depends
- 9:58Speaker 1: on the day, and a lot of schools are scheduling
- 10:02Speaker 1: pupil free days, which they have the right to do,
- 10:04Speaker 1: but then they won't approve the student and family travel.
- 10:07Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean hardline attendants argument assumes that all
- 10:11Speaker 1: kids are struggling, that all families are a little bit flaky,
- 10:13Speaker 1: and school's always the highest value activity. You kind of
- 10:16Speaker 1: touched on that before. Some kids are thriving, some families
- 10:19Speaker 1: are intentional, and I again privileged position, but I put
- 10:23Speaker 1: us in that basket, and sometimes a week exploring a
- 10:25Speaker 1: new culture beats another week of a standardized curriculum. So
- 10:29Speaker 1: what do we do? We talked too long about this
- 10:30Speaker 1: already but we will talk it through after the break
- 10:33Speaker 1: in terms of making the decision that's right for your child,
- 10:35Speaker 1: the family, and taking into consideration all of those other factors.
- 10:40Speaker 1: That's coming up next. Okay, Kylie, Family holidays during school
- 10:52Speaker 1: term not a black and white issue, although the way
- 10:54Speaker 1: you're talking, maybe it's a bit more black and white
- 10:57Speaker 1: than I was suggesting.
- 10:59Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting it as black and white. I think
- 11:02Speaker 2: that most people have a level of intelligence isn't the
- 11:06Speaker 2: right word, but a level of awareness to recognize that
- 11:12Speaker 2: you're not going to pull your year twelve student out
- 11:14Speaker 2: right in the middle of exam prep or learning brand
- 11:18Speaker 2: new content that is going to impact their grades.
- 11:22Speaker 1: Yeah, this is about making intelligent judgment calls. And for
- 11:24Speaker 1: the most part, I mean, every parent wants their kids
- 11:26Speaker 1: to do well. They want their children that most parents
- 11:29Speaker 1: value education. Not all, but most parents value education and
- 11:32Speaker 1: are willing to encourage their children to do a great
- 11:34Speaker 1: job at school.
- 11:35Speaker 2: So when we've made some really big holiday decisions, we
- 11:38Speaker 2: have spoken with the school and we've said we're looking
- 11:41Speaker 2: at doing this and this is actually quite a big
- 11:43Speaker 2: deal for our family, and we're wondering if this is
- 11:48Speaker 2: going to have an impact on their learning, and teachers
- 11:51Speaker 2: have sometimes come back to us and said that that's
- 11:53Speaker 2: a really bad week. You can't do it then, But
- 11:56Speaker 2: they've also suggested that you've got a window. If you
- 11:59Speaker 2: kind of went from this date to this date, we
- 12:01Speaker 2: could probably we can work with it.
- 12:03Speaker 1: So that's something that I didn't have down in my
- 12:04Speaker 1: notes as I was thinking about this, and that is
- 12:06Speaker 1: just when you work with schools. Most of them, most educators,
- 12:09Speaker 1: most principles, are pretty reasonable about it, and most see
- 12:11Speaker 1: the value in, oh, this will be a culturally relevant
- 12:14Speaker 1: or valuable activity. There's worth in you doing this as
- 12:17Speaker 1: a family, and we get that sometimes it can be tricky.
- 12:20Speaker 1: We've never had a problem with this. That's why I
- 12:22Speaker 1: wanted to talk about it as well, because Sarah's experience
- 12:25Speaker 1: seems to be so strong.
- 12:27Speaker 2: Especially for a six year old.
- 12:29Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been rejected. Your request for leave has been
- 12:31Speaker 1: rejected for a six year old to do that. So
- 12:34Speaker 1: let's tap into a couple of things that I did
- 12:36Speaker 1: jot down Other than working with the school and being
- 12:38Speaker 1: productive and trying to make it work together. You've already
- 12:43Speaker 1: touched on this, but I want to be a little
- 12:44Speaker 1: bit clearer. I think timing matters. I don't think that
- 12:48Speaker 1: as a general rule it's useful to mess with the
- 12:50Speaker 1: first few weeks when kids are settling in.
- 12:51Speaker 2: Agreed.
- 12:52Speaker 1: I know several people who think that's the best time
- 12:54Speaker 1: to go because that's the cheapest. I would disagree. I
- 12:57Speaker 1: think the kids need stability, they need consistency, They need
- 12:59Speaker 1: to in the teacher needs to get to know them.
- 13:02Speaker 1: Missing those first couple of weeks of school, especially at
- 13:04Speaker 1: the start of the year.
- 13:05Speaker 2: Is a bit and cementing your place in the social circle.
- 13:08Speaker 2: It's a really big deal.
- 13:09Speaker 1: You've already touched on avoiding assessment periods and major projects.
- 13:12Speaker 1: I think that's important. Fair game though, is end of term. Yeah,
- 13:16Speaker 1: not a lot of learning going on there, Like fair enough.
- 13:20Speaker 2: Get out of there, I think so age.
- 13:23Speaker 1: I think age matters a lot here, So if you've
- 13:24Speaker 1: got young kids, you can probably get away with a
- 13:26Speaker 1: lot more play based learning to probably find it.
- 13:28Speaker 2: I know you're saying that, but I actually don't think
- 13:30Speaker 2: that's as black and white either. Really, I think for
- 13:33Speaker 2: our younger kids, when they're in you know, consistent schooling,
- 13:39Speaker 2: they actually need the consistency of schooling. It's really like
- 13:45Speaker 2: those formative years they actually need routine structure and consistency
- 13:51Speaker 2: around everything. So I think it really depends on the kids.
- 13:55Speaker 1: I reckon they're going to adapt pretty well. Yeah, fair call.
- 13:57Speaker 1: It depends on the child. So you've got to know
- 13:59Speaker 1: your child. If they're a high achiever, if they're going
- 14:01Speaker 1: to read books on the plane.
- 14:02Speaker 2: And I don't even think it's about that either though. Well,
- 14:06Speaker 2: I think it's more about, you know, are they a
- 14:08Speaker 2: kid that's really excited to be at school or are
- 14:10Speaker 2: they the kid that's constantly, you know, struggling to kind
- 14:13Speaker 2: of say goodbye each day. You're going to go back
- 14:16Speaker 2: to square one when you come back.
- 14:19Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess if you've got a really anxious kid
- 14:20Speaker 1: who's going to use any excuse to avoid school, it
- 14:23Speaker 1: might be a bit trickier. Although then again, I'm kind
- 14:26Speaker 1: of inclined to say, if've got a child who's struggling
- 14:27Speaker 1: that much, maybe having the break is going to give
- 14:29Speaker 1: them the rejuvenation and the refreshment that they need. I mean,
- 14:32Speaker 1: we're all over the place on this, seriously, I am. Anyway,
- 14:35Speaker 1: let's move to a big picture take home message. Submit
- 14:38Speaker 1: the paperwork. Depending on the school, it's probably going to
- 14:40Speaker 1: be denied communicate your reasoning respectfully. I think that's really important.
- 14:44Speaker 1: Work with the school in a collaborative way wherever you can.
- 14:48Speaker 2: What's the worst thing that's going to happen.
- 14:49Speaker 1: It's going to get marked unauthorized, and you're going going
- 14:51Speaker 1: to go on holidays anyway, and then you're going to
- 14:54Speaker 1: come back with a whole lot of photos and stories,
- 14:55Speaker 1: and the kids are going to be able to talk
- 14:56Speaker 1: about it, and you're going to be able to say, Yeah,
- 14:59Speaker 1: we got that time together. Will remember that for the
- 15:01Speaker 1: rest of our lives.
- 15:02Speaker 2: Did you have any employer look at your attendance record?
- 15:06Speaker 1: No?
- 15:07Speaker 2: No, Sometimes I think we get our niggas tied up
- 15:11Speaker 2: in twists for no reason at all.
- 15:13Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think the bigger picture is this, We're
- 15:14Speaker 1: not talking about chronic absenteism. We're not talking about families
- 15:17Speaker 1: who don't value education. We're saying, let's get families who
- 15:21Speaker 1: are making thoughtful, occasional decisions to prioritize a different kind
- 15:24Speaker 1: of learning, a different kind of connection. Like, the real
- 15:27Speaker 1: question isn't whether or not term time holidays should be allowed.
- 15:31Speaker 1: I think the real question is whether or not we
- 15:32Speaker 1: trust parents to make nuanced decisions about their own children's education,
- 15:38Speaker 1: or whether we've decided that schools no better than families
- 15:41Speaker 1: what the family needs. I think I've just made up
- 15:43Speaker 1: my mind, Like that's that's my take. That's my take.
- 15:49Speaker 1: What's your take? Are we raising a generation that thinks
- 15:51Speaker 1: rules of suggestions? Or are we finally recognizing that education
- 15:54Speaker 1: happens everywhere? Let us know at Facebook and Instagram. We've
- 15:58Speaker 1: got some social posts going up today to prompt the
- 16:01Speaker 1: question and get some feedback. Or you can email us
- 16:04Speaker 1: or send us a voice note to podcasts at happy
- 16:06Speaker 1: families dot com dot au. Just remembered, Kylie, I have
- 16:10Speaker 1: a confession. And November, last couple of weeks of the
- 16:13Speaker 1: school year, we're taking the kids away from my fiftieth
- 16:19Speaker 1: Should I write that letter?
- 16:20Speaker 2: Do you know how many hoops we had to jump
- 16:23Speaker 2: through to just get everybody on that plane?
- 16:26Speaker 1: Or we're going. We're going. I don't care what they say,
- 16:28Speaker 1: We're going. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
- 16:32Speaker 1: Rowland from Bridge Media. Mimhammonds provides additional support in terms
- 16:36Speaker 1: of research, admin and more. If you would like more
- 16:39Speaker 1: information about making your family happier, or just to join
- 16:42Speaker 1: in the conversation, check us out on our socials at
- 16:44Speaker 1: Facebook and Instagram, or visit happyfamilies dot com dot au