Latest / Girl in the Game / Make the Ask

Transcript

Make the Ask · Girl in the Game

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Are you building a career, growing a business, or searching for your next big opportunity?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then this podcast is for you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the Girl in the Game herself, your host, Gail Dickey.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, I'm Gail Dickey and welcome back to Girl in the Game.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about four words that can change a career, a business, sometimes a life.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Make the ask.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Ask for the introduction, ask for the meeting, ask for the opportunity, ask for the money, ask for the job, ask for the business.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ask the question everybody else in the room is afraid to ask.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's something I've learned after a lifetime of selling ideas, TV shows, businesses, partnerships, and myself.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people don't actually get told no.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: They just never ask.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: They reject themselves before anybody else gets the chance.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a very expensive habit.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: We tell ourselves stories.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: They're too busy.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not senior enough.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: They probably already have somebody.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: They'll think I'm pushy.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I need a little more experience.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'll wait until the timing is better.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you're doing their job for them.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: You're deciding what they're going to say before they ever hear the question.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Don't negotiate against yourself before the negotiation has even started.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now I want to make something very clear.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Making the ask is not barging into a room with your hand out.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: It is not entitlement.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: It is not, I deserve this because I want it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it definitely isn't pestering somebody until they surrender.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: The strongest ask comes from understanding two things.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And why might saying yes make sense for them?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: That question changes everything.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I spent years in TV syndication.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're selling a TV show to stations all over the country, you learn something very quickly.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody cares that you need the sale.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: They care whether the show makes sense for their station, their audience, their time period, their advertisers, their business.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: My need was irrelevant.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Their need was the game.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: That lesson has stayed with me through everything I've done since.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: So before you make an ask, get out of your head for a minute.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you want somebody to invest in your company, why is this interesting to them?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you want a promotion, what problem are you already solving at the next level?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you want an introduction, why should the other person want to meet you?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: If you want a partnership, what becomes possible together that isn't possible separately?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you want somebody's time, why is this conversation worth 20 minutes of their day?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: That isn't manipulation, that's relevance.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And relevance is one of the most powerful currencies in the game.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Here's another mistake I see all the time.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: People hint, they circle, they have a lovely conversation, they say things like, we should do something together.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, what?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to pick your brain sometime.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, when?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Keep me in mind if anything comes up.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: For what?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Those aren't asks, they're wishes.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: A real ask gives the other person something they can respond to.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Would you introduce me to Sarah?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Can we schedule 20 minutes next week?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like to be considered for that position.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like to discuss increasing my compensation to X based on the business I've generated.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think our companies could build this together.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Can I show you what I have in mind?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Clear, specific, answerable.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to make people guess what you want.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: And women especially can get caught in this.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: We're often very good at doing the work.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: We assume somebody will notice, somebody will recognize we're ready, somebody will see that we deserve more responsibility.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they will.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the guy sitting two offices away will simply ask first.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've been the first woman in rooms where there wasn't a roadmap for me.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: I learned very early that waiting quietly to be selected was not much of a strategy.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be able to say, I want the opportunity.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I can do this.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Here's why.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: That isn't arrogance, that's clarity.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: And this is not just a woman's issue.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Men do it too.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Young people do it, senior executives do it, entrepreneurs do it.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: We protect ourselves from the possibility of rejection by never putting the question on the table, which feels safer.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: But safe can be incredibly costly.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: You keep your pride and you lose the opportunity.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now, does making the ask guarantee you a yes?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Of course not.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God we already did the episode on no, because you're going to hear it.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: But now you know what to do with it.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Is it no forever?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Not now, wrong person, wrong price, wrong approach, not enough proof, or is it simply no?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, that no may contain the information you need to make a much better ask next time.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to understand timing.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's a difference between courage and bad timing.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Read the room.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: You don't ask for a raise while your boss is telling you the company just lost its biggest client.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: You don't ask somebody for introduction two minutes after meeting them if you haven't given them any reason to put their reputation behind you.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: You don't ask for a million-dollar investment when you can't explain what you're going to do with the money.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Make the ask, but earn the right to make it.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Preparation gives confidence somewhere to stand.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the most important ask isn't for yourself, it's for somebody else.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Can we give them a shot?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Why isn't she in the room?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Can I bring someone onto this project?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the most meaningful things you can do in business happen when you use your access to create access for somebody else.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's also part of the game.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: When you finally get into rooms that once felt impossible to enter, don't forget you can open the door behind you.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's another kind of ask that I think we underestimate.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Ask for the information.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Ask, what am I missing?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: What would have made this a yes?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think I need to get better at?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Who should I be talking to?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: What would you do if you're sitting where I'm sitting?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Those questions can be worth more than the thing you originally came in asking for, but you have to be willing to hear the answer.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Don't ask for feedback if what you really want is applause.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And please, when someone says yes, know what happens next.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: You finally get the meeting you've been chasing for six months and then show up saying, So tell me about yourself.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, you got the meeting.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now respect the opportunity.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Do your homework.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Know what you want to accomplish.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Be ready.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when the conversation reaches the moment where there is an opening, don't leave without asking for the next move.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: What happens from here?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Who else needs to get involved?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Can we put a date on that?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: A great meeting without a next step is just a great meeting.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: So here's my challenge for you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Think of one ask you've been avoiding, not 10, 1, the call you haven't made, the person you haven't approached, the number you haven't put on the table, the introduction you've been afraid to request, the idea you haven't shown anybody because you're still waiting for it to be perfect.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now ask yourself, what am I actually afraid of?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: If the answer is no, you already know you can survive that, but what if the answer is yes?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's the part we don't think about enough.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: One yes can change the board.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: One meeting can lead to another.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: One introduction can change a career.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: One person can see something in your idea that nobody else saw.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: One question can put you into a game you weren't even playing yesterday.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: But somebody has to put the ball in play.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: It might as well be you.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Gail Dickey.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is Girl in the Game.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Know what you want, know what you bring, understand what matters to the person on the other side, read the room, and then make the ask.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because the answer might be no.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: But if you never ask, you're already giving yourself the no.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: If somebody came to mind while you're listening, and somebody who needs maybe a little push to finally make their ask, send them this episode.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you see the game differently, you play the game differently.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: All right, see you next time.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today's episode of Girl in the Game.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will be entered in the grand prize drawing to win a chance for a private VIP day with Gail Dickey herself.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to head on over to girlinthegame.com to pick up a free copy of Gail's gift.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Submit your question for Ask Gail.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then join us on the next episode.