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A Tale Of Two Halves · Everyone Has An Ex

0:10
Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
0:14
Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and
0:17
Speaker 2: waters this podcast is recorded on. Starting over can be
0:27
Speaker 2: a pretty big deal, especially when you've been out of
0:29
Speaker 2: the dating game for years. For most of us, the
0:32
Speaker 2: thought of putting ourselves back out there is daunting. The
0:35
Speaker 2: awkward first dates, the endless small talk, the fear of rejection.
0:39
Speaker 2: And don't even get me started on dating apps. It's
0:42
Speaker 2: enough to make anyone think twice about giving love another shot. Unless,
0:45
Speaker 2: of course, you're Anna.
0:47
Speaker 1: It was actually quite exciting jumping online and on the apps.
0:51
Speaker 1: It's quite exhilarating. It gave me feelings that I haven't
0:54
Speaker 1: felt before. Patrick was essentially the first person I spoke to.
1:00
Speaker 1: He's the first person I went on a date with.
1:04
Speaker 1: And I was like, God, I'm lucky. I talked to
1:07
Speaker 1: one person and I've met this amazing guy. Like, how
1:10
Speaker 1: lucky am I? That was easy.
1:13
Speaker 2: But as the old saying goes, if something seems too
1:15
Speaker 2: good to be true, it probably is. That so-called luck
1:19
Speaker 2: begins to wear off, and suddenly the person standing in
1:22
Speaker 2: front of you barely resembles the one you fell in
1:24
Speaker 2: love with, and you start asking another age-old question. Where
1:28
Speaker 2: on earth did that person go?
1:29
Speaker 1: I don't understand how when you're with someone at the beginning,
1:33
Speaker 1: they're absolutely amazing, and then after a while they're just completely...
1:36
Speaker 1: completely change and it's like what happened like what happened
1:41
Speaker 1: to the old you I want the old you back.
1:52
Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is Everyone Has an Ex
1:55
Speaker 2: come with me as we dive into a collection of
1:57
Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
2:02
Speaker 2: hearts of the very people.
2:03
Speaker 1: Who lived them.
2:05
Speaker 2: Remember your first proper full-time job? That exciting taste of independence.
2:10
Speaker 2: You were earning an actual salary, surrounded by grown-ups, and
2:13
Speaker 2: suddenly feeling like one yourself. There's a whole new world
2:16
Speaker 2: of responsibility, freedom, and if you're lucky, maybe a cute
2:20
Speaker 2: boy in the office who made getting out of bed
2:21
Speaker 2: on a Monday morning just that little bit easier. For
2:24
Speaker 2: an 18-year-old Anna, starting her first job at an accounting
2:28
Speaker 2: firm came with all of the above.
2:30
Speaker 1: About six months into working there, I spied this tall,
2:35
Speaker 1: Italian looking man who I instantly thought was, wow, he's
2:41
Speaker 1: really hot. And then eventually we kind of kept on
2:45
Speaker 1: bumping into each other in the club rooms. Every time
2:48
Speaker 1: I used to go in there to make tea or
2:49
Speaker 1: coffee and I'd see him always reading the paper. And
2:53
Speaker 1: I went in there one day and I was like,
2:54
Speaker 1: do you do any work? I never see you at
2:56
Speaker 1: your desk. And then eventually evolved into us, you know,
3:00
Speaker 1: looking at each other's horoscopes for that day. And then
3:04
Speaker 1: there was like a bit of flirting. And one day
3:08
Speaker 1: we were talking about like all our favorite lollies and
3:11
Speaker 1: things like that. And I got into work one day
3:14
Speaker 1: and I found a little Sherby because Sherby's were my
3:17
Speaker 1: favorite lollies back then. And I found little Sherby's hidden
3:21
Speaker 1: on my desk behind my keyboard or behind my mouse.
3:24
Speaker 1: And I kind of knew it was him. And it
3:29
Speaker 1: was just like a bit of back and forth flirting
3:31
Speaker 1: for about six months, I think.
3:33
Speaker 2: His name was Jason, he was a Leo, and Anna, well,
3:36
Speaker 2: she's a Pisces. Now, according to the stars, that's a
3:39
Speaker 2: combination known for its magnetic attraction and some pretty serious chemistry. So,
3:44
Speaker 2: chuck in a few drinks, a little festive cheer at
3:46
Speaker 2: the annual work Christmas party, and I think you can
3:49
Speaker 2: see where this is going.
3:50
Speaker 1: I was dancing with another guy who I couldn't escape.
3:55
Speaker 1: I didn't want to dance with him. And so I
3:58
Speaker 1: was mouthing, help me, to the crowd, and his mates
4:01
Speaker 1: just pushed Jason... towards me to come in and swoop
4:05
Speaker 1: me off my feet, so to speak. And it kind
4:09
Speaker 1: of went from there. We danced together and then we
4:12
Speaker 1: went back to a bar and we talked about what
4:18
Speaker 1: we want in the future and our likes and dislikes
4:22
Speaker 1: and he was very charming.
4:25
Speaker 2: From there, there was no turning back.
4:28
Speaker 1: He used to take me on little dates around the
4:30
Speaker 1: city to Japanese and pubs and and whatnot he was
4:36
Speaker 1: so charming and thoughtful and loyal and nice and he'd
4:41
Speaker 1: buy me gifts like perfume and just little things to
4:46
Speaker 1: make me feel special and I loved I think we
4:50
Speaker 1: just started we fell in love pretty much after.
4:54
Speaker 2: Then Jason was a little older than Anna Six years,
4:57
Speaker 2: in fact, and at 24, working in the world of
5:00
Speaker 2: investment banking, there was one opportunity that was practically a
5:03
Speaker 2: rite of passage for anyone looking to make their mark
5:06
Speaker 2: on the industry.
5:07
Speaker 1: One day he told me that he wanted to move
5:10
Speaker 1: to London because back then it was peak time for
5:15
Speaker 1: all the financial people to travel over to London to
5:19
Speaker 1: enhance their careers. And he wanted me to come with him.
5:23
Speaker 1: And I'd only been with him for about six months
5:26
Speaker 1: at this point. So I was a bit nervous and
5:30
Speaker 1: I didn't know if I wanted, I've never left home.
5:32
Speaker 1: I was like, do I travel across to the other
5:35
Speaker 1: side of the world for this guy? What do I do?
5:38
Speaker 1: Like it's such a huge risk. As the day grew
5:42
Speaker 1: closer of Jason leaving to go to London, I had
5:46
Speaker 1: booked my flights to follow him a month later. And
5:51
Speaker 1: I was starting to get cold feet. So the day
5:54
Speaker 1: that he came for him leaving and I was at
5:58
Speaker 1: the airport with his mum and I was just sobbing
6:02
Speaker 1: and I didn't want him to go and I wrote
6:04
Speaker 1: him a letter for him to read on the plane
6:06
Speaker 1: just telling him basically how much I love him and
6:10
Speaker 1: it kind of felt like that we were meant to
6:11
Speaker 1: be together. And then I chickened out and he got
6:15
Speaker 1: a bit upset. I was upset and then a couple
6:18
Speaker 1: of weeks we still kept in touch. We emailed every day.
6:22
Speaker 1: And then one day I was like, fuck it, I'm
6:24
Speaker 1: going to do it. So I booked a trip. I
6:27
Speaker 1: booked the plane tickets again, packed up my life at 19,
6:32
Speaker 1: said goodbye to my friends and family and jumped on
6:34
Speaker 1: a plane by myself and went to the other side
6:36
Speaker 1: of the world to see him. And I have this
6:40
Speaker 1: vivid memory in my head of landing in London and
6:46
Speaker 1: getting through customs and everything. First time I've been on
6:49
Speaker 1: a plane by myself. And I was coming down the
6:52
Speaker 1: escalator at Heathrow. And at the bottom of the escalator
6:56
Speaker 1: was him standing there in blue jeans, a grey jumper,
7:01
Speaker 1: and holding sunflowers. And sunflowers were my favourite flower. And
7:06
Speaker 1: he was just standing there at the bottom. It was
7:07
Speaker 1: like in the movies. And it was like in slow motion.
7:09
Speaker 1: I was just coming down. And then I was crying.
7:12
Speaker 1: And he gave me a massive hug. And he just
7:16
Speaker 1: wrapped me up in his arms. And I just felt
7:17
Speaker 1: so safe and happy. And I made the right choice
7:23
Speaker 1: to fly over there. We had so much fun. We
7:26
Speaker 1: lived in Kensington, hung out with friends and created a
7:30
Speaker 1: life together. And I basically just followed him around the world.
7:35
Speaker 1: He ended up transferring to Dubai and I followed him
7:39
Speaker 1: over there and we lived there for a bit. There
7:44
Speaker 1: was the GFC. So we basically went to Singapore. And
7:51
Speaker 1: Jason worked there for about a year. And then I
7:56
Speaker 1: couldn't find a job in Singapore. So I basically moved
7:59
Speaker 1: back home. And then he eventually followed me a year later.
8:04
Speaker 1: So we did a bit of long distance relationship on
8:07
Speaker 1: and off, which was really hard for both of us,
8:09
Speaker 1: but we made it work. And then eventually he made
8:12
Speaker 1: the decision to come back to Perth. And he ended
8:15
Speaker 1: up finding a.
8:17
Speaker 2: Job So by this stage, Anna and Jason had been
8:20
Speaker 2: together for six years. They'd travelled the world, made incredible memories,
8:24
Speaker 2: built their careers and grown together as a couple. With
8:27
Speaker 2: Jason approaching the big three zero, it felt like the
8:29
Speaker 2: perfect time to slow things down a little, put down
8:32
Speaker 2: some roots and start planning the next chapter of their
8:35
Speaker 2: lives together.
8:36
Speaker 1: So Jason was getting to the age where all his
8:39
Speaker 1: friends were starting to get married. So that was another
8:42
Speaker 1: reason to come back. He just had so many different
8:44
Speaker 1: groups of friends. He was always known as The connection
8:48
Speaker 1: brought everyone together. He was the life of the party.
8:51
Speaker 1: Everyone just flocked to him. We bought a house, a
8:54
Speaker 1: little unit, and started living our life. And Jason thought,
9:01
Speaker 1: how about we start trying for a baby? I was like, sure.
9:07
Speaker 1: So I went off birth control and thought it won't
9:09
Speaker 1: happen that quick. But it happened straight away.
9:12
Speaker 2: I think you can guess what the natural next step
9:15
Speaker 2: in this love story is.
9:16
Speaker 1: I'm an executive assistant and I was looking after him.
9:20
Speaker 1: And one day, no one knew I was pregnant yet.
9:24
Speaker 1: So it was just a normal working day. And then
9:27
Speaker 1: Jason came and picked me up for lunch. I jumped
9:31
Speaker 1: in the car. I looked in the back seat and
9:33
Speaker 1: there was an Esky and there was a packed bag.
9:36
Speaker 1: I was like, what's that for? He's like, oh, it
9:38
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. So I jumped in the car and then
9:41
Speaker 1: we started driving down the freeway. I was like, where
9:43
Speaker 1: are we going? He's like, oh, we're going down south.
9:46
Speaker 1: I was like, we can't go down south. I need
9:48
Speaker 1: to go back to work after lunch. I hope my
9:50
Speaker 1: bosses are waiting for me. And he said, oh, I've
9:53
Speaker 1: actually called them and arranged for you to have the
9:55
Speaker 1: rest of the day off. And he's like, well, actually
9:58
Speaker 1: for the rest of the week off. So we went
10:00
Speaker 1: all the way down south to this place called Bunker
10:03
Speaker 1: Bay in Margaret River. And he took me to this
10:08
Speaker 1: secluded area, Ross. area at the point. And he had
10:13
Speaker 1: this packed picnic and there was whales. I remember whales
10:17
Speaker 1: in the ocean. And I turned around and he was
10:21
Speaker 1: down on one knee and he was proposing. I was like, oh,
10:23
Speaker 1: that's so nice. And then I was crying and said yes.
10:28
Speaker 1: And then I turned back around and I didn't realise
10:30
Speaker 1: that a busload of tourists got off the bus. We're
10:33
Speaker 1: taking photos of the whales behind us. And they were
10:36
Speaker 1: taking photos of Jason down on one knee proposing, which
10:39
Speaker 1: was hilarious. Everyone was just so happy and excited. And
10:43
Speaker 1: they were all like, oh, it's about time. We've been
10:46
Speaker 1: together for so long by that point. Like, yeah, that
10:49
Speaker 1: was so happy. So we were engaged for about two years.
10:53
Speaker 1: So we had my son... I met my son, my
10:55
Speaker 1: oldest son first. It was a happy, healthy pregnancy. So
11:01
Speaker 1: Jack was born and Jason was such a hands-on dad.
11:05
Speaker 1: I absolutely loved him. Couldn't wait to start kicking a
11:07
Speaker 1: ball with him. And then the next stage was to
11:11
Speaker 1: start planning a wedding. We had our wedding in Ravello
11:15
Speaker 1: at this beautiful villa. We had about, I was hoping
11:20
Speaker 1: no one would come, but we had about 60 to
11:21
Speaker 1: 70 people come. which is really nice. We had the
11:25
Speaker 1: best time. We had a mariachi band. It was amazing.
11:28
Speaker 1: And Jack was about 18 months old, so he was
11:31
Speaker 1: running around, and it was just amazing.
11:40
Speaker 2: Life was pretty close to perfect. Anna and Jason had
11:42
Speaker 2: settled into married life, were finding their feet as a
11:45
Speaker 2: family of three, and everything just seemed to be falling
11:48
Speaker 2: into place. But just as they were getting comfortable with this.
11:51
Speaker 1: Chapter, another one came knocking. Jason got offered a job
11:55
Speaker 1: in New York. So everything happened so quickly from the
11:59
Speaker 1: wedding back home, packing up the house and then telling everyone, oh,
12:04
Speaker 1: we're moving to New York now. I was actually quite
12:07
Speaker 1: excited to move overseas because I've done it so many
12:11
Speaker 1: times with Jason before. So I knew we could do it.
12:14
Speaker 1: The thought of doing it with a toddler in tow,
12:18
Speaker 1: I was comfortable and confident enough that Jason and I
12:21
Speaker 1: could do it together. no doubt in my mind. And
12:24
Speaker 1: I wanted that experience. I wanted our son to have
12:26
Speaker 1: the experience of living overseas as well. And we wanted
12:29
Speaker 1: to do it while he was young. He wasn't going
12:30
Speaker 1: to school yet. So we thought this is a great opportunity.
12:33
Speaker 1: It was an adventure. It was a shock to the system,
12:38
Speaker 1: but exciting when we arrived there because everything's so different
12:41
Speaker 1: in New York compared to Australia. Didn't have a car.
12:44
Speaker 1: So we had to walk everywhere or catch the subway,
12:47
Speaker 1: they call it, catch the subway. And it's just a
12:50
Speaker 1: whole different way of living. But we absolutely loved it.
12:53
Speaker 1: We thought every day was an adventure. We found an
12:57
Speaker 1: apartment in Brooklyn. Jason started working in Manhattan, so he
13:02
Speaker 1: was gone throughout the day. So it was just me
13:03
Speaker 1: and Jack doing our thing each day, going to the park, exploring,
13:08
Speaker 1: going to the museums and things like that. And then
13:11
Speaker 1: Jason would come home and we'd go out for dinners
13:13
Speaker 1: and shows. It was just such a great life. So...
13:20
Speaker 1: About two years of living in New York, Jason and
13:24
Speaker 1: I thought it's a good time to start thinking about
13:28
Speaker 1: having another kid, you know, a little friend, a brother
13:31
Speaker 1: or sister for Jack. So again, I thought it won't
13:36
Speaker 1: happen so quickly. It will take time. Happened again so quickly,
13:39
Speaker 1: first time. So I felt pregnant again.
13:43
Speaker 2: Nine months later, baby Landon entered the world.
13:46
Speaker 1: So we were living in New York. with a four
13:49
Speaker 1: year old and a baby and it was an absolute whirlwind.
13:53
Speaker 1: And then it was coming up to Christmas of 2017
13:57
Speaker 1: and my parents came over to New York to spend
14:02
Speaker 1: Christmas with us. And my little one was quite sick
14:08
Speaker 1: and he ended up in hospital and me and the
14:13
Speaker 1: family were due to fly back with my parents back
14:16
Speaker 1: to Perth after Christmas. And unfortunately, my son ended up
14:20
Speaker 1: in hospital over New Year's. So we had to push
14:23
Speaker 1: back our flights. And then Jason, he ended up being
14:26
Speaker 1: called to a work thing in Miami. So he now
14:31
Speaker 1: couldn't change his flight to come back to Perth with us.
14:35
Speaker 1: So it ended up being me flying back to Perth
14:39
Speaker 1: with two kids and my mum. And I was here
14:42
Speaker 1: in Perth without him. He was over in Miami for
14:44
Speaker 1: a conference. And had the best time here in Perth
14:50
Speaker 1: and then it was time for me and the boys
14:52
Speaker 1: to fly back to New York and I roped in
14:55
Speaker 1: Jason's mum to fly back with me because I was
14:57
Speaker 1: too scared to fly with two kids by myself. So
15:01
Speaker 1: I flew back to New York and Jason was flying
15:07
Speaker 1: in the next day from Miami and he flew in
15:13
Speaker 1: Came home from the airport and his mum had cooked
15:17
Speaker 1: his favourite dinner, which was apricot chicken. He put the
15:22
Speaker 1: boys to bed. He read them a story. And we
15:26
Speaker 1: caught up and went to bed. And I had really
15:32
Speaker 1: bad jet lag from flying back from Perth. So I
15:36
Speaker 1: woke up at about three o'clock in the morning and
15:38
Speaker 1: went upstairs to have like a Milo and read my book.
15:42
Speaker 1: And I heard Jason get up to get a drink
15:44
Speaker 1: of water at about 5 o'clock in the morning. And
15:46
Speaker 1: then I heard this almighty crash. I was like, what's that?
15:51
Speaker 1: And then I kind of left it for a bit
15:52
Speaker 1: and then I could hear this weird noise. I went
15:54
Speaker 1: downstairs and I could see Jason was on the floor,
15:59
Speaker 1: half in the bathroom, half out in the bathroom. And
16:03
Speaker 1: he looked like he just slipped and he was just
16:05
Speaker 1: like he'd hurt himself and he was just trying to
16:07
Speaker 1: catch his breath like he was winded. So I went
16:09
Speaker 1: up to him and I was like, are you okay?
16:11
Speaker 1: And it was like he couldn't catch his breath and
16:13
Speaker 1: he's looking at me like he couldn't breathe. And I
16:20
Speaker 1: raced back upstairs to get my phone and I called
16:22
Speaker 1: out to his mum and she's like, I'm coming. And
16:25
Speaker 1: she raced downstairs and I was on the phone to
16:30
Speaker 1: 911 saying, you know, my husband's collapsed. It looks like
16:33
Speaker 1: he can't breathe properly. And... race back downstairs and by
16:39
Speaker 1: this time Jason had closed his eyes and his mum
16:42
Speaker 1: was doing mouth to mouth and then I realised that
16:47
Speaker 1: he wasn't breathing so I jumped on the floor and
16:49
Speaker 1: I'm doing chest compressions doing CPR and 911 operator was
16:53
Speaker 1: on speaker telling me what to do and you know
16:56
Speaker 1: banging on him I'm like just breathe just breathe keep
16:59
Speaker 1: breathing and eventually I could hear knocking on the upstairs
17:04
Speaker 1: door so I raced back upstairs And it was firemen.
17:08
Speaker 1: And I looked out the window and the whole street
17:11
Speaker 1: was blocked off with about three fire trucks. And there
17:15
Speaker 1: was two police cars, two ambulances. And they all came
17:18
Speaker 1: rushing in. And they raced down to the basement. And
17:22
Speaker 1: I could see they were trying to work on him
17:24
Speaker 1: and give him CPR and things like that. And I
17:27
Speaker 1: was talking to the police people, explaining what had happened.
17:31
Speaker 1: And they had to cart him out through the basement
17:35
Speaker 1: because we had the basements flat and a first basement
17:39
Speaker 1: and first floor apartment so they had to get him
17:43
Speaker 1: through the basement because he's a six foot four two
17:46
Speaker 1: it was quite hard to get him out at this
17:48
Speaker 1: point I thought everything he was going to be okay
17:50
Speaker 1: it's like he's going to go to hospital he's going
17:52
Speaker 1: to be fine he's going to he'll come back he'll
17:56
Speaker 1: wake up he'll come back and then they put him
17:59
Speaker 1: into the back of the ambulance and I made his
18:03
Speaker 1: mum go in the back of the ambulance with him
18:05
Speaker 1: because I had to sort out babysitting for the boys.
18:09
Speaker 1: So I called up one of Jack's friend's mums because
18:13
Speaker 1: he was in nursery school and she was an Aussie
18:17
Speaker 1: and she was a friend, a dear friend that I
18:19
Speaker 1: made over there. She came running down and she sat
18:21
Speaker 1: with the boys and then I jumped in an Uber.
18:24
Speaker 1: And when I was sitting in the Uber, I was
18:26
Speaker 1: looking out the window and it was the most beautiful
18:29
Speaker 1: sunrise I've ever seen in my life. It was just
18:31
Speaker 1: like orange and purple. And I get to the hospital
18:36
Speaker 1: and I went into the emergency area. I said, I'm
18:39
Speaker 1: here to see Jason. And at first they couldn't find
18:42
Speaker 1: him on the system. And then eventually they found him
18:45
Speaker 1: and the girl covered her mouth. She's like, oh, just
18:47
Speaker 1: take a seat. And then someone came down and got
18:51
Speaker 1: me and took me upstairs. And there was like a
18:53
Speaker 1: little chaplain lady and she took me into a room.
18:57
Speaker 1: And she said, I'm so sorry to tell you this,
18:59
Speaker 1: but your husband didn't make it. And I was like,
19:02
Speaker 1: what do you mean? He just didn't make it. And
19:05
Speaker 1: I just started crying. And then his mom came in
19:08
Speaker 1: and she's like, I'm so sorry. And we just sat
19:11
Speaker 1: there crying for ages. And I think I just didn't
19:13
Speaker 1: deny that he was actually gone. So I asked if
19:21
Speaker 1: I could see him. And I went to his room.
19:26
Speaker 1: And he was just lying there. It looked like he
19:28
Speaker 1: was just asleep. And I went up to the bed
19:31
Speaker 1: and I just touched him. It was just so cold.
19:38
Speaker 1: And I was just, I think I was just like
19:41
Speaker 1: in denial. And I just sat there and I just
19:42
Speaker 1: held his hand. And I just told him that I
19:45
Speaker 1: loved him and that I would take good care of
19:47
Speaker 1: the boys and that I would try and live this
19:52
Speaker 1: life the best way that I can without him in it.
19:56
Speaker 1: And then I had to call his friends and that
19:59
Speaker 1: was probably one of the hardest phone calls I've ever
20:01
Speaker 1: had to do. I had to call his best friend
20:03
Speaker 1: and say that Jason's collapsed and he didn't make it.
20:09
Speaker 1: And he didn't believe me either. And so he jumped
20:13
Speaker 1: on a plane straight away and came over and my
20:16
Speaker 1: mum jumped on a plane and came over and They
20:19
Speaker 1: landed probably about three days later. Everything after he died
20:24
Speaker 1: was just such a whirlwind and I don't remember much
20:28
Speaker 1: of it. And I remember eventually going back to the
20:31
Speaker 1: house and everyone was just coming and going, all of
20:34
Speaker 1: Jason's work friends, all of his other friends just kept
20:37
Speaker 1: on coming to the house and dropping off flowers. But
20:41
Speaker 1: the hardest part was when I came back to the
20:42
Speaker 1: house and Jack was sitting on the couch and he's like,
20:46
Speaker 1: where's Dad? And I said... He's not coming home. It's like, oh,
20:51
Speaker 1: where is he? I was like, oh, he's gone to heaven.
20:55
Speaker 1: I was like, I had no idea what I meant
20:56
Speaker 1: to tell a kid about, you know, heaven and things
20:58
Speaker 1: like that. And then he's like, oh, can we get
21:00
Speaker 1: a new dad? And I was like, oh, gosh. That's
21:04
Speaker 1: not how it works. I later got his autopsy results
21:10
Speaker 1: and found out that his aorta actually ruptured. One of
21:14
Speaker 1: the things... that I went to therapy was about could
21:19
Speaker 1: I have done more, like could I have saved him,
21:21
Speaker 1: you know, did I do CPR wrong? And they said
21:26
Speaker 1: it happened so quickly he would have to be next
21:28
Speaker 1: to an operating theatre for him to be, you know, saved.
21:32
Speaker 1: So it took me a while to learn or to
21:37
Speaker 1: heal from that. And then after he passed and his
21:43
Speaker 1: best mate came over to help me sort out logistics
21:46
Speaker 1: of packing up the house because I had 90 days
21:48
Speaker 1: to get out of the country because I was on
21:50
Speaker 1: a visa dependent visa so packed up the house and
21:58
Speaker 1: his work graciously put me my mum and the boys
22:02
Speaker 1: in business class to fly home everyone rallied around us
22:07
Speaker 1: all our friends and family were absolutely fantastic once we
22:10
Speaker 1: landed and Landon was only nine months old at this point,
22:16
Speaker 1: and Jack was four, so they were still quite young.
22:20
Speaker 1: We were in New York for about three years and
22:23
Speaker 1: then came back and just got back into it, moved
22:28
Speaker 1: back into our old house, waited for our furniture to arrive,
22:31
Speaker 1: and then I just had to pick up our life
22:34
Speaker 1: and keep going. And this is the part where everything
22:37
Speaker 1: is just like, I don't remember much at all. Within
22:41
Speaker 1: the five years after Jason died, I was just deep
22:43
Speaker 1: in grief and I was just in survival mode, just
22:47
Speaker 1: surviving with the boys and trying to get living day
22:51
Speaker 1: to day. It was a tough time. I can't remember much.
22:56
Speaker 1: They say that's like post-traumatic. You get like a bit
23:00
Speaker 1: of a blackout period. I did therapy for it, which
23:03
Speaker 1: is quite sad because it coincides with my youngest growing
23:07
Speaker 1: up as well, like first steps, first words. I've just
23:10
Speaker 1: got like a complete mental blank. I was just in
23:14
Speaker 1: the thick of it, yeah.
23:16
Speaker 2: In the five years following Jason's sudden and tragic death,
23:19
Speaker 2: Anna poured her heart and soul into raising her boys
23:23
Speaker 2: and building a great life for them. She even returned
23:25
Speaker 2: to work at the very same accounting firm where she
23:27
Speaker 2: and Jason had first met all those years ago. The
23:30
Speaker 2: grief never went away, but over time it began to change.
23:34
Speaker 2: The periods of darkness slowly lifted, the days became a
23:37
Speaker 2: little easier and Anna gradually started to find her feet again.
23:41
Speaker 2: And then one day she made a decision that would
23:43
Speaker 2: open the door to an entirely new chapter because, dear listeners,
23:47
Speaker 2: while this might sound like the end of Anna's love story,
23:50
Speaker 2: it's actually just the beginning of another.
23:53
Speaker 1: I got to a point where I was like, we
23:56
Speaker 1: all need a fresh start. So I bought a new house,
24:00
Speaker 1: no memories linked to Jason. And once that was settled,
24:06
Speaker 1: I thought, okay, it's been five years. I think I'm
24:11
Speaker 1: ready to start dating or meet someone else. And I
24:15
Speaker 1: was getting asked by so many people, like, when are
24:19
Speaker 1: you going to start dating? And I was like, I
24:20
Speaker 1: don't know. I felt like I was betraying Jason in
24:24
Speaker 1: a way by meeting someone. But when I knew I
24:29
Speaker 1: was ready, it's hard to explain. It's like a feeling.
24:32
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, I feel it now. I feel confident.
24:35
Speaker 1: I feel refreshed. Lots of time's gone by. I can
24:38
Speaker 1: do this. And so my friends were like, Why don't
24:41
Speaker 1: you try these dating apps and give that a go?
24:44
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know if I can
24:47
Speaker 1: do that. Like I'm so traditional. I'd rather meet someone traditionally. Like, no, no,
24:52
Speaker 1: do it. So I did it. I created a profile
24:56
Speaker 1: on Hinge, found some photos where I looked half decent,
25:01
Speaker 1: and then poured myself a glass of wine, sat down
25:06
Speaker 1: on the couch, and started flicking through people. It was
25:09
Speaker 1: actually quite exciting. jumping online and on the apps, like
25:13
Speaker 1: it's quite exhilarating. It's like, well, this is, it gave
25:16
Speaker 1: me feelings that I haven't felt before. So I started
25:20
Speaker 1: flicking through people and I think I matched with a couple,
25:24
Speaker 1: but only one person I chatted to properly. And that
25:28
Speaker 1: was a guy called Pat, Patrick. So we swapped numbers
25:32
Speaker 1: and he called me and we spoke for about five
25:38
Speaker 1: hours and I was pacing the kitchen bench as I
25:42
Speaker 1: was telling him my life. And then he eventually asked me,
25:46
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, what's your background? Like what's the deal
25:50
Speaker 1: with your ex? And I was like, oh, God, this
25:52
Speaker 1: is the part where I tell them, you know, my
25:56
Speaker 1: husband died and that's where he gets freaked out and
25:58
Speaker 1: he disappears. So I told him and he was so lovely.
26:03
Speaker 1: He's like, that's so awful, awful thing that happened to you.
26:07
Speaker 1: And I was just so surprised by his reaction because
26:10
Speaker 1: in the back of my mind, I was like, no
26:11
Speaker 1: one's going to date me. I'm two kids. I've got baggage.
26:15
Speaker 1: Everyone's going to be like, too hard. So it was
26:18
Speaker 1: really comforting. He was just, it was so nice and
26:23
Speaker 1: he was so supportive and caring. And I was just thought,
26:30
Speaker 1: I just thought he was so genuine and lovely. Patrick.
26:34
Speaker 1: was essentially the first person I spoke to since Jason.
26:39
Speaker 1: So he's the first person I went on a date
26:42
Speaker 1: with post-Jason. Chatted to only one person, went on a
26:46
Speaker 1: date with one person, and that was Patrick. And I
26:50
Speaker 1: was like, God, I'm lucky. I talked to one person
26:53
Speaker 1: and I've met this amazing guy. Like, how lucky am I?
26:56
Speaker 1: That was easy. So we chatted for hours, chatted again
27:02
Speaker 1: the next night for another few hours. And then eventually
27:06
Speaker 1: we went on our first date to this pub and
27:11
Speaker 1: I was really nervous. I got there really early with
27:13
Speaker 1: my work laptop and I had a wine just to
27:16
Speaker 1: calm my nerves. I didn't tell anyone that I was
27:18
Speaker 1: going on a date. I didn't tell my family because
27:20
Speaker 1: I didn't want everyone being like asking so many questions.
27:25
Speaker 1: And I also didn't want anyone to judge me, I guess,
27:29
Speaker 1: because I felt like everyone was going to judge me
27:32
Speaker 1: dating post-Jason. in a way. So I kind of kept
27:37
Speaker 1: it a secret. So I was sitting at the pub
27:41
Speaker 1: on my work laptop, having a wine to calm my nerves,
27:44
Speaker 1: and then in walks Patrick, and his eyes were sparkling.
27:49
Speaker 1: It was so nice. He had these beautiful blue, greeny eyes.
27:53
Speaker 1: And we got a drink, we sat down, started talking,
27:56
Speaker 1: and the conversation just flowed so easily. We had so
28:00
Speaker 1: many things in common, from like, we both go for
28:03
Speaker 1: the West Coast Eagles, and you know, similar work and,
28:07
Speaker 1: you know, we're mutual friends, which we didn't even realise.
28:11
Speaker 1: And it was a bit of, like, flirting and back
28:15
Speaker 1: and forth. And we ended up at the pub until
28:19
Speaker 1: about 11 o'clock and I was like, I have to
28:20
Speaker 1: walk back to my car now. And he walked me
28:22
Speaker 1: back to my car and then we had, like, a
28:24
Speaker 1: little cheeky kiss. I was like, oh, gosh, he's a
28:27
Speaker 1: good kisser. That's another tick. And then I jumped back
28:30
Speaker 1: in the car and went home and couldn't stop thinking
28:33
Speaker 1: about him. He had a daughter and a son. His
28:37
Speaker 1: daughter was roughly around the same age as Landon and
28:40
Speaker 1: his son was roughly around the same age as Jack.
28:44
Speaker 1: So we had kids in common. In the early months
28:48
Speaker 1: of dating him, it was so exciting. I was so
28:53
Speaker 1: giddy and filled with butterflies and excitement and we caught
29:00
Speaker 1: up every week. I can't explain the feeling that we
29:04
Speaker 1: had at the beginning. It was just like, it was
29:06
Speaker 1: just so much fun and we just got along so well.
29:13
Speaker 1: He told me that he loved me two weeks later
29:15
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh gosh, that's a bit fast.
29:17
Speaker 1: So when we first started dating, I told him, let's
29:20
Speaker 1: take it slow. I'd been through quite a bit and
29:23
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that he's right for me
29:25
Speaker 1: and the boys. But within two weeks, he told me
29:28
Speaker 1: he loved me and I was like, slow down, cowboy.
29:31
Speaker 1: you know, you're going a bit too fast now. And
29:33
Speaker 1: he was quite receptive. He did slow down after that,
29:36
Speaker 1: which was really good because I'd needed a slower pace. Initially,
29:40
Speaker 1: when he told me that he loved me, I didn't
29:43
Speaker 1: say it back. And, you know, it became a joke,
29:46
Speaker 1: a running joke in the end. I was just like, thanks.
29:49
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, tell you when I'm ready. And
29:51
Speaker 1: I'm just not there yet. Like it's, I hardly know you.
29:53
Speaker 1: Like let's, like a relationship is sacred to me and
29:57
Speaker 1: I'm quite loyal and I want to do this properly.
29:59
Speaker 1: I don't want to rush into it. But it just,
30:02
Speaker 1: we're just infatuated with each other. We went on holidays together.
30:05
Speaker 1: We were just like enveloped. with each other and just
30:12
Speaker 1: getting to know each other really well and talking about
30:16
Speaker 1: the future and our hopes and our dreams. And we
30:19
Speaker 1: both wanted the same thing of blending our family together
30:24
Speaker 1: and maybe one day getting married again. So after five
30:28
Speaker 1: years of being alone and meeting Patrick, I finally felt
30:35
Speaker 1: safe and secure and happy again. I was really excited.
30:40
Speaker 1: I can't describe the happiness that I felt.
30:44
Speaker 2: This was the feeling Anna had been longing for, and
30:47
Speaker 2: for a while they were perfectly happy in their own
30:49
Speaker 2: little love bubble, enjoying every moment of this new romance.
30:53
Speaker 2: But they both knew that bubble couldn't last forever, because
30:56
Speaker 2: sooner or later there were some very important little people
30:58
Speaker 2: who would need to become part of the picture.
31:01
Speaker 1: He met the boys when there was a storm one
31:04
Speaker 1: night in Perth and my fence blew down. So I
31:07
Speaker 1: called Patrick. He only lived 10 minutes up the road,
31:11
Speaker 1: which was quite handy. And he came down and fixed
31:14
Speaker 1: my fence. And I tried to pull the curtains across
31:19
Speaker 1: so the boys wouldn't see what was happening to the
31:21
Speaker 1: fence because I thought, oh, I don't want to do
31:22
Speaker 1: this yet because I don't want them to become attached
31:24
Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out. Or I wanted to make
31:27
Speaker 1: sure it was the right time and this wasn't the
31:29
Speaker 1: right time. But anyway, my youngest, Landon, came outside in
31:35
Speaker 1: his Batman outfit and he's He's like, there's this strange
31:39
Speaker 1: man who's fixing the fence. I was like, oh, yeah,
31:41
Speaker 1: that's a friend. And he went up to Patrick and
31:45
Speaker 1: he's showing off his Batman outfit. Patrick was just like, oh,
31:50
Speaker 1: you look like such a cool dude, mate. And just
31:53
Speaker 1: seeing them interact, it just made my heart swell because,
32:00
Speaker 1: you know, my boys lost their dad and here was
32:03
Speaker 1: like a man that I was potentially going to be with.
32:06
Speaker 1: talking to my son I was just like oh this
32:08
Speaker 1: is such a nice moment and I was so happy
32:12
Speaker 1: they got along really well and then so Patrick had
32:18
Speaker 1: his kids half the time and it came to a
32:21
Speaker 1: point where I was like well maybe we should introduce
32:24
Speaker 1: them so we decided to go to the beach to
32:29
Speaker 1: introduce our kids I took my boys down he brought
32:33
Speaker 1: his kids down and it was just such a lovely
32:36
Speaker 1: day We played beach cricket, went swimming. He took the
32:39
Speaker 1: boys into the ocean because I didn't want to go in.
32:43
Speaker 1: And I was lying there looking at him take my
32:46
Speaker 1: kids into the ocean. I just felt so lucky and
32:49
Speaker 1: so happy that I'd found a man that was going
32:53
Speaker 1: to look after us essentially. And he was just such
32:57
Speaker 1: a nice, strong guy. We had the same morals, same
33:00
Speaker 1: parenting values. And I think I just had so much
33:05
Speaker 1: hope for us and for the boys to have a stepfather.
33:13
Speaker 2: Now, I so wish with every fibre of my being
33:16
Speaker 2: that I could roll the credits right here, wrap this
33:18
Speaker 2: story up with a big, beautiful bow and tell you
33:21
Speaker 2: they all lived.
33:21
Speaker 1: Happily ever after.
33:23
Speaker 2: But, my dear listeners, you've been with us long enough
33:25
Speaker 2: to know that's really how these stories go. Sure enough,
33:28
Speaker 2: around the six-month mark, cracks started to appear. Things that
33:32
Speaker 2: had once felt so right were suddenly starting to feel
33:34
Speaker 2: a little off.
33:37
Speaker 1: He started saying like little things about my friendships and
33:44
Speaker 1: my connections with Jason's friends and family. And it kind
33:50
Speaker 1: of came off as a bit of jealousy, I guess,
33:53
Speaker 1: in a way. He's like, I've never known someone to
33:56
Speaker 1: have so many guy friends. And I said, well, they're all,
34:01
Speaker 1: you know, my ex's friends and, you know, they want
34:04
Speaker 1: to be part of my kids' lives. So yes, I'm
34:07
Speaker 1: going to have a few male friends. I was actually
34:11
Speaker 1: really scared about telling Jason's best friend and all his
34:16
Speaker 1: friends that I'd met someone. I was really nervous. I
34:20
Speaker 1: felt like I didn't want them to think that I
34:22
Speaker 1: was betraying Jason in a way. So I get done
34:28
Speaker 1: telling Patrick, I'll tell them when I'm ready. I guess
34:32
Speaker 1: now that things are serious between us now. So I
34:37
Speaker 1: feel comfortable to tell friends and family about you. I
34:42
Speaker 1: had actually arranged to catch up with Jason's best mate
34:45
Speaker 1: to tell him in person. And Patrick wanted to come.
34:50
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, it's fine. Let me
34:52
Speaker 1: just do it by myself. And then you can meet
34:56
Speaker 1: all his friends later on. Like, just let me do this.
34:58
Speaker 1: Let me handle this my own way. Patrick knew where
35:01
Speaker 1: I was catching up with his friends. And I... I
35:07
Speaker 1: went there after work and I met his friend and I,
35:10
Speaker 1: you know, explained the situation and, you know, I was
35:12
Speaker 1: crying a bit, like, you know, my heart, you know,
35:15
Speaker 1: Jason will always be in my heart, but I feel
35:18
Speaker 1: like I'm ready to move forward, blah, blah, blah. And
35:20
Speaker 1: in the corner of my eye, I see like this
35:23
Speaker 1: person walk past our table. And then I saw them
35:28
Speaker 1: turn around and walk back again. And I was like,
35:30
Speaker 1: who the hell is that? And then I realised... It
35:35
Speaker 1: was Patrick. He was doing like a recce. He was
35:37
Speaker 1: just like walking past to see what I was doing
35:40
Speaker 1: and who I was talking to. And I was like,
35:42
Speaker 1: why on earth would you do that? When I told
35:44
Speaker 1: you from the beginning that I wanted to do this
35:46
Speaker 1: my way, Patrick came up to the table and I
35:49
Speaker 1: was like, oh, Patrick's here. And so I had to
35:53
Speaker 1: introduce them. And then I actually had to leave. So
35:56
Speaker 1: I left them together. And my heart just sunk as
36:00
Speaker 1: I was walking out. And I was sending angry messages
36:04
Speaker 1: to him like, how could you do that? And like,
36:06
Speaker 1: he's just sitting there with him and I don't know
36:07
Speaker 1: what they're talking about. I'm just like, that's just so
36:09
Speaker 1: disrespectful to his friend. Like, this is Jason's best mate.
36:14
Speaker 1: And I was just livid. I was absolutely livid. We
36:17
Speaker 1: had our first fight after that because I was like,
36:20
Speaker 1: who does that? Who just randomly turns up? So pretty
36:24
Speaker 1: much from that day, I saw him in a different light.
36:27
Speaker 1: And then bits and pieces just kept on happening after that.
36:31
Speaker 1: We were just constantly fighting about various things. And then
36:39
Speaker 1: it got to a couple of months later and it
36:41
Speaker 1: was my birthday. And I don't know why, but he
36:47
Speaker 1: decided to pick a fight on my birthday. He was
36:50
Speaker 1: just texting me nasty things. And we had arranged to
36:53
Speaker 1: catch up for dinner with our kids. And he was
36:56
Speaker 1: just hostile and angry. And I was like, can you
37:00
Speaker 1: not do this? This is my birthday, this is our
37:02
Speaker 1: first birthday together and you're making it shit. This isn't
37:09
Speaker 1: what you're meant to do. After everything I've been through,
37:12
Speaker 1: like I deserve happiness or like pampered or something because
37:17
Speaker 1: it's been six years of just me and the boys.
37:22
Speaker 1: It just felt so wrong. And then the wheels kind
37:26
Speaker 1: of fell off the relationship after that where we'll just
37:29
Speaker 1: constantly be He was just constantly picking fights with me
37:32
Speaker 1: over the most stupidest things. And another big one was
37:39
Speaker 1: about parenting. He thought that I wasn't parenting the boys properly.
37:44
Speaker 1: And he used to send me links on how to
37:45
Speaker 1: parent the boys. And I'm like, you have no role
37:48
Speaker 1: in any of this. We've only been together for about
37:53
Speaker 1: eight months. You don't really have a say on how
37:56
Speaker 1: I parent the boys? Yes. And he also got very
37:59
Speaker 1: jealous about my relationship with Jason's family. I had to
38:04
Speaker 1: tell Jason's mom that I'd met someone and that was
38:06
Speaker 1: also a hard conversation. I sat down with her and
38:10
Speaker 1: I explained it. I said, I've met someone who's really lovely.
38:13
Speaker 1: He's really nice. And she just looked at me and
38:17
Speaker 1: she just cried. She's like, I just want you to
38:18
Speaker 1: be happy. Just want you and the boys to be happy.
38:21
Speaker 1: So when you're ready, like introduce us. And I was like, sure.
38:26
Speaker 1: But over time I knew that she wasn't really comfortable
38:28
Speaker 1: with me meeting someone. So when it came to family
38:32
Speaker 1: events on that side of the family, I didn't invite
38:38
Speaker 1: Patrick to any of them because it was just too
38:40
Speaker 1: awkward and I wanted to respect his mum because she
38:44
Speaker 1: never spoke about, she never once asked about Patrick after
38:49
Speaker 1: I told her about him. And I thought, oh, she's
38:53
Speaker 1: just not comfortable. She's not there yet. And that's fine.
38:56
Speaker 1: He very much wanted to be part of the family
39:00
Speaker 1: and he kept on pushing it on me and pushing
39:02
Speaker 1: it on me. He's like, well, you shouldn't go if
39:05
Speaker 1: I can't go. And I was like, no, that's not
39:06
Speaker 1: how it works. I felt like the middleman. I was
39:09
Speaker 1: trying to please Patrick and I was trying to do
39:13
Speaker 1: the right thing by having a relationship with Jason's family and,
39:18
Speaker 1: you know, keeping the connection with the boys and his
39:21
Speaker 1: dad's side of the family. And I just felt stuck
39:23
Speaker 1: and I kept on explaining it to Patrick She's not
39:27
Speaker 1: ready yet. She's not ready yet. You've got to calm down.
39:29
Speaker 1: You can't keep forcing this on me. And he broke
39:32
Speaker 1: up with me over it because he felt like he
39:36
Speaker 1: wasn't involved with Jason. family, which I thought was quite,
39:43
Speaker 1: I was quite shocked by it really. And to break
39:46
Speaker 1: up over something like that, I was dumbfounded. I was
39:49
Speaker 1: like completely shocked. But I think he went away and
39:52
Speaker 1: he thought about it and he came back the next day.
39:55
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, you're right. I'm sorry. You know,
39:58
Speaker 1: I should respect. her boundaries and I shouldn't put you
40:01
Speaker 1: in the middle and I was like, oh, okay, thanks,
40:03
Speaker 1: he's realised. So we got back together. And then that
40:06
Speaker 1: became the beginning of a pattern for the next two
40:10
Speaker 1: years where we would just break up every two or
40:13
Speaker 1: three weeks over minor things or big things.
40:17
Speaker 2: It was really starting to take its toll on Anna.
40:20
Speaker 2: This wasn't the relationship she'd signed up for and she
40:23
Speaker 2: was reaching her breaking point, ready to call it quits,
40:26
Speaker 2: walk away and put the whole thing behind her. But then.
40:30
Speaker 1: two years into our relationship, maybe two and a half
40:32
Speaker 1: years into our relationship, I noticed that my breast started
40:37
Speaker 1: to change. And I was like, oh, I better go
40:40
Speaker 1: get that checked out. Well, he's actually the one that
40:42
Speaker 1: made me go get it checked out. I was just like, no,
40:45
Speaker 1: it's probably nothing. I'm 37, whatever. It's probably nothing. But anyway,
40:49
Speaker 1: I'll get it checked out anyway. And in the back
40:52
Speaker 1: of my mind, I was actually thinking of ending it
40:55
Speaker 1: with Patrick, but I was clinging onto this hope that
40:58
Speaker 1: he would change. But anyway, I went to the doctors,
41:02
Speaker 1: got my breast checked and the results came back that
41:06
Speaker 1: you've got breast cancer. So it turned out to be
41:17
Speaker 1: stage three invasive lobular carcinoma and I had two tumours
41:23
Speaker 1: in my breast. I went straight into survival mode and.
41:31
Speaker 1: If you ever want to get to know someone, you
41:35
Speaker 1: should have a terminal illness. The day that I got
41:39
Speaker 1: told that it was malignant cancer, I took Patrick with
41:44
Speaker 1: me to the doctor's office. And, you know, the doctor
41:48
Speaker 1: told me the results and I just started crying my
41:51
Speaker 1: eyes out. And then the nurse takes him to like
41:54
Speaker 1: a little room after. And Patrick's on his like work computer.
41:57
Speaker 1: And I was like, what is he doing? The nurse
42:00
Speaker 1: is looking at him and looking at me. And I
42:02
Speaker 1: looked over and he's actually typing what was happening on
42:05
Speaker 1: his Teams to all his mates at his work while
42:09
Speaker 1: I'm crying my eyes out. And the nurse is looking
42:12
Speaker 1: at me like, shouldn't you be focusing on your partner
42:16
Speaker 1: right now? And he's like, oh yeah, sorry. He closed
42:18
Speaker 1: his laptop and then he started consoling me. I should
42:24
Speaker 1: have just walked away then. And then after that, it
42:28
Speaker 1: was almost like our relationship was a like a, like
42:34
Speaker 1: a show to him. Like he was really big into
42:36
Speaker 1: social media and I'm not. And so he started posting
42:40
Speaker 1: all these updates about me and like my cancer journey.
42:43
Speaker 1: And I was like, can you please stop? Cause you know,
42:45
Speaker 1: this is my private journey and I don't really want
42:47
Speaker 1: people to know just yet. Like I'll let them know
42:50
Speaker 1: when I'm ready. And I kind of felt like he
42:52
Speaker 1: was using my journey as a way to get sympathy
42:55
Speaker 1: from others for him, not for me. When I had
42:59
Speaker 1: to shave my hair, I got Patrick and Landon and
43:03
Speaker 1: my mum to shave my hair when it started falling
43:06
Speaker 1: out and I recorded it and we went to a
43:12
Speaker 1: picnic because at this point Patrick had been introduced to
43:16
Speaker 1: the rest of Jason's friends and we have this annual
43:19
Speaker 1: Christmas picnic. And I posted this video of me shaving
43:23
Speaker 1: my hair and I went to the picnic and Patrick
43:28
Speaker 1: was there And then all my friends brought it up. Like,
43:31
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, Anna, that video was just like, it
43:35
Speaker 1: was so sad. And then Patrick pipes up. He's like, yeah,
43:39
Speaker 1: she posted it and I look so fat. And everyone
43:42
Speaker 1: just went dead quiet. Like, it's not about you. It's
43:46
Speaker 1: about Anna. No one's looking at you or like how
43:50
Speaker 1: you look. Everyone's looking at me shaving my head. So
43:54
Speaker 1: I had surgery in September and then From December, I
43:58
Speaker 1: started having chemo and chemo was four months of chemo
44:02
Speaker 1: every two weeks. And during that time, Patrick would sometimes
44:07
Speaker 1: drop me off and pick me up because you can't
44:09
Speaker 1: have someone in the chemo chair with you. And I
44:13
Speaker 1: remember one time I was having chemo and I normally
44:17
Speaker 1: feel quite sick after chemo. I just want to come
44:19
Speaker 1: straight home and curl up in bed. And he had
44:23
Speaker 1: actually taken the day off work and He went to
44:27
Speaker 1: the beach and I'm sitting there in the chemo chair
44:29
Speaker 1: and he sent me all these photos of him at
44:30
Speaker 1: the beach. And I was just like, in my head,
44:33
Speaker 1: I was like, can you not like, you're kind of
44:36
Speaker 1: rubbing salt in the wound. Like you get to go
44:37
Speaker 1: out and have so much fun and I can't. And
44:41
Speaker 1: so like normally I text him about 30 minutes before
44:46
Speaker 1: I'm due to finish and walk out the door. So
44:48
Speaker 1: I texted him and I was like, oh, 30 minutes
44:51
Speaker 1: if you want to leave the beach now. And he's like,
44:53
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'll leave shortly. I was like, oh, okay.
44:58
Speaker 1: And he knows how sick I get. So at the
45:01
Speaker 1: end of 30 minutes, I finish up and I text him.
45:03
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, where are you? I'm just leaving now.
45:05
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, I'm still at the beach. I was like, oh, okay,
45:08
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. I'll just jump in an Uber
45:10
Speaker 1: and go home. And he's like, no, no, no, I'll
45:12
Speaker 1: leave now. No, no, no, it's fine. I was like, no,
45:15
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. So I jumped in an Uber
45:17
Speaker 1: and went home and I just climbed into bed. And
45:20
Speaker 1: then about 45 minutes later, he comes storming through the
45:23
Speaker 1: front door and he's like, why are Fuck, did you
45:26
Speaker 1: get an Uber? I told you I was coming to
45:27
Speaker 1: pick you up. And I said, I felt sick. I
45:31
Speaker 1: just wanted to come home. It's not a big deal.
45:33
Speaker 1: And he's like, I could have stayed at the beach longer.
45:35
Speaker 1: And I was just like, are you out of your
45:39
Speaker 1: mind right now? Like, I just had chemo. I just
45:42
Speaker 1: wanted to come home. You know how I feel. And
45:46
Speaker 1: he's like, you need to apologize for me. Like, he
45:49
Speaker 1: made it all about him and like how he went
45:52
Speaker 1: out of his way and he could have stayed at
45:54
Speaker 1: the beach. And I was just like, why are you
45:57
Speaker 1: getting angry at me? I just had chemo. I just
46:00
Speaker 1: want to come home. You are such an asshole right now.
46:06
Speaker 1: And that was when I knew that I didn't want
46:09
Speaker 1: to be with him anymore. I was hoping to lean
46:12
Speaker 1: on him as much as I could, but he wasn't
46:15
Speaker 1: the support that I could get, if that makes sense.
46:20
Speaker 1: We still weren't living together. My mum ended up moving
46:24
Speaker 1: in and helping me with the boys during chemo and
46:26
Speaker 1: radiation and things like that and I just felt like
46:28
Speaker 1: I couldn't depend on him. Even like emotionally, you know,
46:33
Speaker 1: I lost all my hair, I lost my eyebrows, I
46:35
Speaker 1: lost everything and I was quite vulnerable. It was the
46:38
Speaker 1: worst time of my life.
46:41
Speaker 2: What made matters even worse was that Anna had already
46:44
Speaker 2: made some pretty significant compromises for Patrick. She'd given him
46:47
Speaker 2: the freedom to live life on his own terms accepting
46:50
Speaker 2: and supporting a part of who he was from the
46:52
Speaker 2: very beginning of their relationship. And that understanding continued right
46:57
Speaker 2: up until Anna was literally on her deathbed.
47:00
Speaker 1: Now, there's a lot to unpack here. I'll let Anna explain.
47:04
Speaker 1: So at the beginning of our relationship, Patrick was quite sexual,
47:09
Speaker 1: I guess. We were very sexually compatible. And I think
47:14
Speaker 1: because I hadn't been with anyone for so long, there's
47:17
Speaker 1: this thing called widow's fire. where you just get filled
47:20
Speaker 1: with so much, like, what's the word? Desire, I guess,
47:25
Speaker 1: for intimacy. So we were all quite well connected, like, sexually.
47:31
Speaker 1: And we used to talk about it quite a lot.
47:33
Speaker 1: And one of the topics of discussion was, like, would
47:37
Speaker 1: you ever go to a swingers? And I was like,
47:39
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I won't say no. I've never been,
47:41
Speaker 1: but I won't say no. And then one night after
47:44
Speaker 1: a night out at some event, he's like, oh, should
47:47
Speaker 1: we go check it out? I was like, okay, fine,
47:50
Speaker 1: we'll go. And we went and didn't do anything because
47:56
Speaker 1: I just wanted to watch. I didn't want to partake
47:58
Speaker 1: in anything. And then it kind of went from there.
48:02
Speaker 1: We went back a few more times and he participated
48:06
Speaker 1: in a few group events and I was always on
48:11
Speaker 1: the fence about it, but he was really into it.
48:14
Speaker 1: And during like some of these moments, you talk about
48:17
Speaker 1: like fantasies of being like with men as well I
48:20
Speaker 1: think he had I used to say oh like oh
48:23
Speaker 1: you buy he's like I'm bi curious I was like
48:25
Speaker 1: okay that's interesting that's fine I'm open to whatever you're
48:28
Speaker 1: into that's totally fine like you are who you are
48:32
Speaker 1: and so like going to the swingers became I think
48:35
Speaker 1: more for him I think to experiment I think with
48:39
Speaker 1: guys and we had a lot of fun like eventually
48:44
Speaker 1: I warmed up to it and we did like eventually
48:46
Speaker 1: hook up with some other couples and things like that.
48:50
Speaker 1: Or we'll just have sex, just us in like one
48:52
Speaker 1: of the private rooms or whatever. But during chemo, he
48:57
Speaker 1: used to go to a place that was just for
48:59
Speaker 1: like gay or bi men. And he's like, oh, he
49:03
Speaker 1: always wanted to check it out. So he went to
49:05
Speaker 1: this place and I think he hooked up with a guy.
49:08
Speaker 1: And I was like, hooking up with other people wasn't
49:10
Speaker 1: really a deal breaker for our relationship if we knew
49:14
Speaker 1: about it, if I knew about it. Like I'd never,
49:16
Speaker 1: it wasn't a deal breaker for me, but it was
49:19
Speaker 1: for him. So I had no interest in hooking up
49:23
Speaker 1: with anyone else outside of being with Patrick, but he
49:27
Speaker 1: was okay to hook up with other people. as long
49:30
Speaker 1: as I knew about it so he went to like
49:34
Speaker 1: the all guys clubs whatever and he's like I just
49:38
Speaker 1: want to see what it's like I was like that's
49:39
Speaker 1: fine go experiment do your thing but I said under
49:42
Speaker 1: one condition like make sure you come back and reconnect
49:45
Speaker 1: with me because like I've done some research on how
49:48
Speaker 1: couples have maintain relationships like open relationships like this and
49:54
Speaker 1: one of the big things is you know you've got
49:56
Speaker 1: to reconnect at the end after it all so he'd
50:00
Speaker 1: go to like the men's clubs and like fool around
50:04
Speaker 1: and come back and tell me all about it I
50:05
Speaker 1: was like oh that's really cool he's like yeah and
50:08
Speaker 1: he always used to thank me he's like thanks for
50:10
Speaker 1: like always letting me explore my sexuality I was like
50:15
Speaker 1: that's fine like you only get one life to live
50:18
Speaker 1: if you want to explore go explore He's like, oh,
50:21
Speaker 1: you always make me feel so safe and, you know,
50:23
Speaker 1: I can always trust you. But during chemo, because I
50:28
Speaker 1: couldn't really have sex that much, I was pretty sick
50:32
Speaker 1: and I looked horrendous with no hair and things like that.
50:35
Speaker 1: And my self-confidence went through the floor. I kind of
50:39
Speaker 1: allowed him to, like, go to the swingers' place by
50:42
Speaker 1: himself without me. Again, under this condition that you come
50:47
Speaker 1: back and reconnect with me. And... He would go and
50:53
Speaker 1: then come back but then he wouldn't reconnect with me
50:56
Speaker 1: and I started feeling really hurt because I wasn't getting
51:05
Speaker 1: this intimacy or this connection after what was happening and
51:09
Speaker 1: then I felt rejected and like ugly and because I
51:14
Speaker 1: had no hair and like I was just screaming for
51:17
Speaker 1: attention from him. And I'd explain this to him all
51:19
Speaker 1: the time, like, I just want you to hold me.
51:22
Speaker 1: And I'd cry. I'm like, I just want you to
51:24
Speaker 1: hold me and just tell me that everything's going to
51:26
Speaker 1: be all right or tell me that I'm beautiful. And
51:28
Speaker 1: he never did. Every time I tried to bring up
51:31
Speaker 1: how I was feeling, he'd always brush it away or
51:34
Speaker 1: twist it back onto him and how he's feeling and
51:37
Speaker 1: how much he has to deal with all this cancer stuff.
51:40
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is ridiculous. And so I
51:43
Speaker 1: ended up just holding in my feelings and just to
51:47
Speaker 1: saved the peace in a way. And it made me
51:49
Speaker 1: really resentful. You know, how can I allow him to
51:53
Speaker 1: go out and do all these hookups and then I
51:55
Speaker 1: don't get anything out of it.
51:58
Speaker 2: All things combined, Anna was done. So she broke up
52:01
Speaker 2: with him.
52:02
Speaker 1: Well, sort of. I tried to break up with him
52:05
Speaker 1: so many times, but he would always turn up at
52:08
Speaker 1: my house in the middle of the night and like
52:12
Speaker 1: He knows where, like, my key's hidden, so he'd come
52:15
Speaker 1: inside and, like, wake me up in the middle of
52:16
Speaker 1: the night. And he was just like, he just would
52:20
Speaker 1: not let go. And then I just slowly started emotionally
52:28
Speaker 1: pushing him away, in a sense. Like, he wanted to
52:31
Speaker 1: move in. I was like, no, not ready yet, not
52:34
Speaker 1: ready yet.
52:35
Speaker 2: Here's the thing about relationships like this one. There's often
52:38
Speaker 2: one final moment that pushes someone over the edge. The
52:41
Speaker 2: moment when everything they've tolerated, forgiven and brushed aside suddenly
52:45
Speaker 2: becomes just too much and there's simply no coming back.
52:48
Speaker 2: So without further ado, let me introduce the straw to
52:51
Speaker 2: the camel's back.
52:53
Speaker 1: I went away with my mum and the boys to
52:54
Speaker 1: Singapore and it was my son's birthday. And for some reason,
53:02
Speaker 1: Patrick and my youngest, Landon, didn't, he didn't really like
53:07
Speaker 1: my youngest son and I don't know why. He always
53:12
Speaker 1: thought that he was an unruly child, and he's not.
53:16
Speaker 1: My youngest is like, he's a character, that's for sure.
53:21
Speaker 1: But in this message that I received on my son's birthday,
53:24
Speaker 1: he's like, I was like, oh, I'm having so much
53:27
Speaker 1: fun over here. I'm making memories with the boys. He's like, oh,
53:31
Speaker 1: at least I don't have Landon as a son. He
53:35
Speaker 1: always thought that Landon's got ADHD. And He probably does
53:41
Speaker 1: have elements of ADHD, but it doesn't make him a
53:43
Speaker 1: bad kid. And then he's like, oh, it's a joke,
53:48
Speaker 1: just joking. And then I just put my foot down
53:51
Speaker 1: and said, that's it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore.
53:54
Speaker 1: I wanted to break up with him when I was
53:56
Speaker 1: going through cancer treatment, but I couldn't do it. I
53:59
Speaker 1: just wasn't in the right headspace. So I decided to
54:02
Speaker 1: wait and wait till I was through all the cancer
54:05
Speaker 1: treatment and then I was going to do it. And
54:08
Speaker 1: there was numerous breakups. And then that was just the
54:11
Speaker 1: straw that broke the camel's back. And I thought, I
54:13
Speaker 1: can't do it, but I feel strong enough now. We
54:16
Speaker 1: stopped talking, but in the back of my mind, I
54:19
Speaker 1: was like, he's going to come and hook me back in.
54:22
Speaker 1: And so I just sat waiting for him to message
54:25
Speaker 1: me or turn up at my house. I didn't sleep
54:28
Speaker 1: for months, a month after, just expecting him to turn
54:32
Speaker 1: up at my house in the middle of the night.
54:34
Speaker 1: And then We were expected to go to Bali together
54:38
Speaker 1: because we booked this trip to Bali. And I was like,
54:43
Speaker 1: I don't know where to go. Like, what do I do?
54:47
Speaker 1: So this is four weeks after Singapore. And so it
54:50
Speaker 1: got to the day of Bali. I was waiting for
54:52
Speaker 1: him to reach out to me to be like, what
54:53
Speaker 1: should we do about Bali? Never reached out to me.
54:57
Speaker 1: And it got to like a couple of days before Bali.
55:00
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't go. I'm not going to go.
55:03
Speaker 1: So I decided not to turn up to the airport.
55:06
Speaker 1: And he ended up going to Bali by himself. I
55:10
Speaker 1: felt so bad that he went by himself, but I
55:13
Speaker 1: now know that he met someone over there. So he
55:17
Speaker 1: moves on quite quickly from relationship to relationship. And I
55:21
Speaker 1: think that was a red flag that I ignored from
55:23
Speaker 1: the beginning when I found out about his dating history.
55:27
Speaker 1: He's just, he's been with so many girls, one relationship
55:30
Speaker 1: after another, that he's just never really settled. and I
55:34
Speaker 1: kind of feel safer now. You know, I can sleep
55:37
Speaker 1: through the night knowing that he's not going to turn
55:38
Speaker 1: up and I've got him blocked on everything. And it
55:42
Speaker 1: was just a nightmare, a nightmare of a relationship. And
55:45
Speaker 1: now it's put me off dating again. Post breaking up
55:49
Speaker 1: with Patrick, I decided to, I wasn't coping very well.
55:54
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't sleeping because I was, you know, I
55:56
Speaker 1: was hypervigilant and I was like riddled with anxiety that
55:59
Speaker 1: he's going to turn up or hook me back in.
56:01
Speaker 1: I wanted to be strong enough to, not get sucked
56:04
Speaker 1: back into the relationship. So I started therapy again. I
56:07
Speaker 1: did it after Jason passed away. I did a bit
56:10
Speaker 1: of therapy to overcome the grief because I looked back
56:16
Speaker 1: in the last three years that I was with Patrick
56:18
Speaker 1: and also fighting cancer and I was just like, what
56:21
Speaker 1: the fuck have I just been through for the last
56:24
Speaker 1: three years? Like I was fighting cancer and I was
56:28
Speaker 1: trying to like end this relationship and it's like I
56:30
Speaker 1: was trying to grieve both of them So I've been
56:35
Speaker 1: doing lots of therapy, lots of healing to work out
56:40
Speaker 1: why I wasn't strong enough to walk away from the
56:42
Speaker 1: relationship at the beginning, why he was the way he was.
56:46
Speaker 1: There was elements of narcissist personalities in amongst it all.
56:54
Speaker 1: Just try and process everything that happened in my life
56:58
Speaker 1: and where I'm at now and slowly build my confidence
57:02
Speaker 1: that was knocked down because of the cancer and, you know,
57:05
Speaker 1: the relationship ending and why wasn't I good enough for
57:10
Speaker 1: Patrick and, you know, why are all these awful things
57:14
Speaker 1: happening to me in my life, like, you know, losing
57:17
Speaker 1: Jason and just a bit of, yeah, reflection and, you know,
57:22
Speaker 1: filling up my toolkit with tools and, like, to kind of, like,
57:27
Speaker 1: live a normal, happy life, I guess. at the moment
57:35
Speaker 1: cancer hasn't returned touch wood but I'm high risk of
57:38
Speaker 1: recurrence so it's bound to come back I'm just not
57:41
Speaker 1: sure when and so when I look to the future
57:45
Speaker 1: it's like do I want to is there any point
57:47
Speaker 1: in finding another a man you know if I'm just
57:51
Speaker 1: not going to be here or what happens if I
57:53
Speaker 1: find like another Patrick and like all these thoughts like
57:56
Speaker 1: run through my head of What happens if I don't
57:59
Speaker 1: meet the right person again? And, you know, I get
58:01
Speaker 1: a recurrence and I have to go through it all again.
58:03
Speaker 1: And I think I've just got a bit of PTSD
58:06
Speaker 1: and I just need to work.
58:08
Speaker 2: Out what I want.
58:08
Speaker 1: But I'm just taking it day by day. What's driving
58:12
Speaker 1: me at the moment is getting back into my routine,
58:15
Speaker 1: you know, being back at work four days a week and,
58:17
Speaker 1: you know, doing things that I couldn't do before when
58:20
Speaker 1: I was so unwell, like hanging out with my friends and,
58:23
Speaker 1: you know, getting on back on track with the boys and,
58:25
Speaker 1: you know, one started high school and he's at his
58:30
Speaker 1: dad's old school so it's like creating memories with him
58:34
Speaker 1: and just i'm on this healing journey i guess operation
58:39
Speaker 1: glow up i lost all my hair so trying i've
58:42
Speaker 1: got extensions now that i got the other week so
58:45
Speaker 1: i'm just trying to slowly build my way back up
58:48
Speaker 1: to where i was.
58:48
Speaker 2: Before Everyone Has an X is a Minty Media production
59:08
Speaker 2: and proudly part of the Mamma Mia Network. This episode
59:11
Speaker 2: was narrated by me, Georgia Love. Interview conducted, written and
59:14
Speaker 2: produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd
59:17
Speaker 2: like to share, email everyonehasanx at mintymedia. You can support
59:22
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59:24
Speaker 2: sharing it with a friend and leaving a five-star review.
59:27
Speaker 2: We'll see you for the next one.