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68 | I'm Gonna Be a Problem · You Didn't Ask For This

0:08
Matt: Practicing for what?
0:08
Matt: Are you gonna be a bird?
0:10
Matt: Breaking news, folks.
0:14
Eric: Oh Uncle Eric.
0:15
Eric: Oh coach poach.
0:17
Eric: Yeah, okay.
0:18
Eric: I have I have decided I've made it my mission this past week uh to befriend the crows.
0:25
Matt: Oh the crows just globally?
0:29
Matt: Or you know Or is this a gang of some kind, the crows?
0:33
Eric: Journey The Thousand Miles begins with a single step.
0:36
Eric: Uh I live across the street from a little park and we have crows that just chill.
0:43
Matt: Yeah, as opposed to everywhere else in the world.
0:45
Matt: Sure.
0:46
Eric: Maybe it was my attention hyperactivity deficit disorder.
0:50
Eric: Uh maybe it was my sense of adventure and wonder and curiosity.
0:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
0:55
Eric: I was eating some peanuts in my living room, and I heard the the crows going cac-ow from like out in the park.
1:03
Eric: And I just on a whim grabbed a fistful of peanuts.
1:09
Matt: Fistful of nuts, huh?
1:10
Eric: And went out to the park, and I stood like they were all they were all like up in the trees.
1:14
Eric: And bro, as soon as I approached, it got quiet.
1:17
Eric: Like they're all like, Yeah.
1:18
Eric: Like just like kind of like looking down at me.
1:20
Eric: Who is this stranger that approaches?
1:22
Eric: And I just looked up at all the crows and I went, here you go.
1:26
Eric: And I threw some peanuts on the ground and walked away, and then they ate them.
1:29
Eric: And I've been doing this now daily, at least once a day.
1:33
Eric: I'll just walk out with a fistful of shelled peanuts, toss them to the unsalted, toss them to the crows, uh, bib them a good day, and then walk away.
1:43
Eric: Alyssa, on the other hand, has been trying to befriend the squirrel.
1:47
Eric: She saw me on my crow game, and then she was like, I want to befriend the squirrels, and she started giving the squirrels hang out in front of our house peanuts, and they will now just come up to her.
1:56
Eric: Like, she comes out peanut, they'll they'll come up to her.
1:58
Eric: Like she's doing great.
1:59
Eric: She has a little squirrel army.
2:01
Eric: I'm working on the crow allegiance.
2:03
Eric: All right, so let me let me just let me get this straight.
2:06
Matt: Yes.
2:06
Matt: Let me just paint this picture correctly for myself.
2:10
Matt: You and Alyssa are just going out in the front of your home and inviting two fairly well-known invasive animals into your lives willingly.
2:28
Eric: Well, let me tell you that first let me let me tell you that.
2:30
Eric: One, I go to the park.
2:32
Eric: I go to the crows.
2:34
Eric: Yeah.
2:34
Eric: I go to them.
2:35
Matt: Yeah.
2:36
Matt: Well, they're not I don't think they're gonna come to you.
2:39
Eric: Precisely.
2:39
Eric: Nor would I want I don't want them hanging out in my front yard.
2:42
Eric: I just want them to maybe if I'm walking through the park and like a murder.
2:45
Matt: And you don't think the if you successfully befriend them and they're like, oh, here comes the nut man, yeah, you don't think this straight line that they're made you're making from your front door to the to the park, you don't think they're gonna be able to connect those dots, these winged beasts?
3:01
Eric: Oh, they will, they will.
3:02
Eric: But I'm trying to like, I'm trying to condition them to know, like, oh, if he comes to us, we get peanuts.
3:08
SPEAKER_06: Uh-huh.
3:08
Eric: The squirrels, on the other hand, let me tell you about Dundalk squirrels, my man.
3:12
SPEAKER_06: Oh boy.
3:13
SPEAKER_06: They do not give a fuck.
3:16
Eric: They are all like you're you're speaking as if they're already not like they love our yard to begin with.
3:22
Eric: There's so many cool space.
3:23
Eric: Like, they're already just always hanging out in our yard.
3:27
Eric: We were like, all right, well, this might as well make this a good relationship.
3:30
Eric: I, Matt, when I first moved in here like six years ago, seven almost, yeah.
3:36
Eric: I witnessed the fattest squirrel I've ever seen in my life.
3:41
Eric: Like he was it was the most corpulent little little squirrel.
3:46
Eric: Like just and I come home one day, dude is sitting on my front porch eating an uh an apple, a whole ass apple.
3:56
Eric: Yes.
3:57
Eric: Okay.
3:57
Eric: So dude is just like this little job of the hut of squirrels is is eating like Matt, he's such a chonky boy.
4:06
Eric: Sure.
4:07
Eric: So is so brave.
4:08
Eric: But you're feeding him uh well, I haven't seen him in many, many in many moons.
4:15
Eric: Um but he's eating a whole apple, just holding the whole apple in his little grippers and just like a comical human-sized bite has been taken out of this.
4:27
Eric: Spinning it around like a corn on the cob.
4:29
Eric: Yeah, and I think he was like, hey, like, look, you're gonna live here, we're just gonna get some things straight.
4:35
Eric: This is our turf.
4:36
Eric: We allow you to be here.
4:38
Eric: So I just think like I think it's important we pay our dues to the squirrels and the crows because one day I'm gonna be walking home and someone is gonna leap out from behind a bush and try to murder me.
4:48
Eric: And that is when my crow allies will just start pecking them and cacawing at them to death.
4:54
Eric: Or I create a You're playing the long game.
4:57
Eric: I'm playing the long game.
4:59
Eric: Or for you know, when I plan to retire and I build my little trench coat suit made of little little strings and rings that like pull out of it, a la pigeon man from Hey Arnold.
5:09
Eric: I was just gonna say I will pigeon man out of out of out of Dundalk and out of out of you know this mortal realm carried by my crows.
5:18
Eric: And we can both agree, right, that the whole pigeon man arc in Hey Arnold, like that was definitely like he was Jesus.
5:23
Eric: Like that was the that was the allegy.
5:26
Matt: He was Jesus.
5:26
Matt: Yeah, we all I think we all picked up on that as he ascended.
5:30
Matt: Yes, I think so.
5:31
Eric: Okay.
5:32
Eric: So that's like my that's where I'm at right now, like in my life.
5:35
Eric: I I just want to start planting the seeds of my of my my crow my crow man, but I will please do not under any circumstance refer to me as the crow.
5:45
Eric: Uh sure.
5:46
Eric: Why why would we dare refer to you as the crow?
5:50
Eric: No, that's that's that's just for Eric Lee.
5:52
Matt: Bless you.
5:53
Matt: I feel like you might be crow bait.
5:57
Matt: Crow bait.
5:58
Matt: Crow fodder.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: Crow fodder, uh the victim of the crows.
6:04
Eric: Crow ally.
6:05
Eric: Joke of the crows.
6:06
Eric: Fri friend of crows.
6:09
Matt: The the crows uh uh uh minion.
6:14
Matt: Minion of the crows.
6:15
Eric: I will I will happily be if I had to be a minion of any crows.
6:20
Eric: Servant of the crows, I'd hang, I'd hang with the crows.
6:23
Eric: The crows are smart.
6:25
Matt: I was trying to think of another one that we could play out on.
6:28
Eric: But uh Oh, I guess the crowbar has been set low.
6:33
Matt: Yeah.
6:34
Matt: Yeah.
6:36
Eric: That was funny.
6:38
Matt: The crowbar has been set.
6:40
Matt: Oh, the crowd.
6:41
Matt: Yeah, I'm fucking hilarious, Matthew.
6:46
Matt: Right.
6:46
Matt: You made a joke.
6:48
Matt: Yeah, you made a Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
7:14
Matt: My name's Matthew Shea.
7:16
Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
7:17
Matt: Oh, and joining us today, oh, we have a very, very special guest for everyone today.
7:25
Matt: He's an old buddy of ours from college.
7:27
Matt: Yes, that's true, but he's also an actor and an I'm just looking at his LinkedIn here for a second.
7:32
Matt: Emmy Award-winning producer and talent booker, Anthony Conway.
7:38
Matt: A con, welcome to the show.
7:41
Matt: Thank you for having me, guys.
7:42
Eric: Matt, I'm gonna need you to pause.
7:44
Eric: Sorry, one second.
7:45
Eric: I'm gonna need you to put some respect on that name.
7:46
Eric: That's two Emmys.
7:49
Eric: Two Emmys.
7:51
Eric: Stan's sleep on both Emmys.
7:53
Eric: I stand corrected.
7:55
Matt: Anthony Conway.
7:56
Matt: Anthony Conway, how are you?
7:58
SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm so happy to be sitting down with you guys.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: It's been a really, really, really long time.
8:04
Eric: True.
8:04
Eric: It is legitimately been at least a decade since I've seen you.
8:08
Eric: It's crazy.
8:09
Matt: And like only a little bit less.
8:11
Matt: I feel like it was 2015 when we went to uh visit you all in Chicago, me and Dr.
8:16
Matt: Barr, that is.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you came up to Chicago, stayed for the weekend, uh St.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: Patrick's Day weekend, which is a fun time to be in Chicago to see the river get dyed and then to you know drink copious amounts of green beer.
8:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, y'all caught a good weekend.
8:29
Matt: We attempted to do a lot of dig drinking poach for your edification.
8:36
Matt: And I think Conway and I, we got two car bombs at like 10 a.m.
8:42
Matt: And for the audience's uh for the audience's edification, back in the old days, me and Conway, oh, we could put them away.
8:49
Matt: Oh, we could put them away.
8:51
Matt: And we did two of them, and we both looked at each other like, I don't think we can do this anymore.
8:58
SPEAKER_02: And it's like specifically starting at like 10 a.m.
9:01
SPEAKER_02: It's just like you have so much gumption, so much drive, and just so much belief in yourself.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then it all comes crashing down so quickly.
9:11
Eric: All this false confidence.
9:13
Eric: I will never in my life forget the year there's was Tiger Fest at Towson when you had the fucking camelback that was filled with orange juice and vodka.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was yeah, it's wild because I still really love the camelback for a lot of better reasons.
9:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's like, oh, like you can just like stay hydrated 24-7 if you just keep one around your back.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: You can clean up your house and you can drink water the whole time like a little hamster, and like you know, it's like a great way to stay hydrated.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: And yet back then it's like that's how it started and how it's now evolved.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I've never felt more 30 plus.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm fine with it, but at the same point, I'm just like, you used to be a savage, you used to use these for so many, so many rages, and now you're doing it just so that you don't have a headache in the morning.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: Look at you now.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: Look what's going on.
10:03
Eric: I remember asking you, I remember the time I was like, Well, how do you clean that out afterwards?
10:08
Eric: And you were just like, Oh, I don't, I just toss the bladder.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was going through, and that's the other thing too.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: It's like I didn't realize the bladders uh they have like uh lifelong warranty on them, so you can use them.
10:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, I've had the same one for like almost like six, seven years now.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: And every time like it stops like working or whatever, there's like, oh yeah, send it on in, like, we'll take care of it.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: All you have to do is pay for the shipping, like they're super cool.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Great.
10:29
SPEAKER_02: I was dropping 25 bucks every time I wanted to pull that crazy stunt with them, and there's at least four of them just like gone, yeah, that I could have easily just gotten them professionally cleaned, replaced, taken care of.
10:40
SPEAKER_02: And but yeah, there's a tidbit for you.
10:42
SPEAKER_02: If you own any camelback products, they will take care of you for forever.
10:46
Eric: They um I'm about to go kayaking, and uh I have a camelback that'll be arriving soon.
10:52
Matt: Yeah, I used to I used to use them all the time for their proper use back in my Eagle Scout days, but um uh also found out they are um not the easiest to clean by yourself if you're not committed to it.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and they have like a kit that you can get where it has a kit cleaner and everything, but it's just like I don't feel like doing this.
11:13
Eric: Like I ain't about that life.
11:16
Eric: No, I'm I'm not I'm not about that life.
11:18
Eric: Not at all, not even a little.
11:20
Matt: So, Anthony, my friend, we answer least life's least pressing questions on this here show.
11:27
Matt: And uh, did you bring us some questions for us to ponder?
11:31
SPEAKER_02: I did bring a few questions for us to think about.
11:34
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for first telling me that I could bring the questions to the table because I was anticipating that you guys are just gonna throw stuff at me and it would be like, all right, whatever it is, it is.
11:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm so happy.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: We have some of that too, which is also great.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: If you want, we but I would actually enjoy that.
11:52
SPEAKER_02: I would love to just be put on the spot and like we can just like you know rattle through a couple of them too.
11:56
SPEAKER_02: But I do have a few that I'm very interested in chopping up with you, fine folks.
12:01
Matt: All right.
12:01
Matt: Uh well Poach, do you want to give him a warm-up, maybe before we get going?
12:05
Eric: Oh, a little, a little, a little, a little warm-up.
12:08
Eric: Um, so the question is Okay, what would happen?
12:12
Eric: I'm laughing because I'm in the Google document.
12:16
Eric: I looked at the right question.
12:18
Eric: I started saying words that were not in the question, and then Matt just clicked on the Excel sheet.
12:24
Eric: He was like, here, poach, poach, it's here, it's right here.
12:27
Matt: Here, I thought I was giving you a silent helping hand, Eric.
12:30
Eric: It was it was beautiful.
12:32
Eric: Uh, what would happen if a key to the city was literal?
12:38
Eric: You've saved the day, you've done something, the mayor presents you with the key to the city.
12:43
Eric: It is a literal key to the city.
12:46
Matt: And in your case, that is now Los Angeles, isn't that right?
12:49
Matt: Los Angeles is my current city, yes.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: So I would have a key to the city that actually functions as a key to the city.
12:56
SPEAKER_02: Gets you in wherever the fuck you want.
12:58
SPEAKER_02: It's like the actual skeleton keys they used to talk about on Scooby-Doo, like it actually works.
13:02
SPEAKER_02: Yes, but to the whole city, not just in an abandoned amusement park.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: Man, and the mayor's like presenting it to me in front of all these people, and they're like, Oh, you get this.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: So everyone knows you have it.
13:17
Eric: Walking down the street, they're like, Oh, hey, Conway, uh, what's up?
13:21
SPEAKER_02: So everybody's aware that I have the key.
13:23
SPEAKER_02: What happens next?
13:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, one of two things happens, I feel like.
13:26
SPEAKER_02: Um have y'all ever seen War of the Worlds, the the Steven Spielberg, the one that completed.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: Tom Cruise?
13:32
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that one.
13:33
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
13:33
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember the scene when like they're like driving because they figured out how to get one car to work?
13:38
SPEAKER_02: Like after like the aliens shut down all of them, and there's this one, like this real trash Winnebago that they're just like pushing because they got it fixed right before the attack happens.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: You become that family that's just driving around in the car, and everybody's looking at you like, I don't have that thing.
13:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm taking it.
13:54
Eric: I want it.
13:55
Eric: Oh, yeah, you're fighting for your fucking life out there every day that you have it.
14:00
SPEAKER_02: You can no longer be like a functioning like person in society.
14:03
SPEAKER_02: It's like what you see like with the lotto when people, it's like, oh, like you know, like this person won the lottery, and like his family, like you know, started coming out of the woodwork, like, oh, you know, I got this operation and I could really appreciate having a couple bucks.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: If people know that you have the key to the city, it's like, yeah, you're that's a death sentence.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, you're not gonna be a person for too much longer, you're not gonna exist.
14:21
SPEAKER_02: Somebody's taking that from you.
14:23
Eric: So, so go ahead, Poach.
14:25
Eric: I see you could.
14:25
Eric: So here's what you do.
14:26
Eric: Here's what you do.
14:27
Eric: You fake your own death, right?
14:30
Eric: Don't worry, you'll be able to recoup all these costs of faking your own death momentarily.
14:35
Eric: Uh fake your own death.
14:36
Eric: You restart, but here's the challenge.
14:38
Eric: Here's kind of the hurdle.
14:39
Eric: You gotta fake your own death and start a whole new life right back in Los Angeles.
14:44
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
14:45
Eric: And you start a new life as a locksmith.
14:50
Eric: You wear a disguise and you just get the reputation for being the most baller locksmith in the entire LA fucking fucking area.
14:59
Eric: They're like, yo, this dude, he just shows up and yeah, he can just get in.
15:02
Eric: He doesn't even like break you just you can just roll up on a fucking lime scooter or something.
15:06
Eric: You don't need anything like fucking gate in the city.
15:10
SPEAKER_02: I love that you went to like, no, there's a way to turn this one around, and I see it.
15:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh yeah, you're fucked, you're gonna die.
15:15
SPEAKER_02: Like, there's no way that you're gonna be able to survive it.
15:17
Matt: I I also was leaning towards your your mindset, Conway, because the uh what I imagined happening is if you got it from this hero status, and then you start using it and abusing it of just walking into businesses and people's residential homes, you're you'll now become no forget stopping the monster or whatever it is that you did.
15:41
Matt: You you you now will be known as just, oh yeah, this guy just walks in.
15:46
Matt: But you have to be so public about it that it's acceptable.
15:50
Matt: Like the literally every LA citizen knows who you are if you show up.
15:56
Eric: You become the beloved character on the sitcom that like you walk into a room and everyone start audience audience applause.
16:03
SPEAKER_02: That was where my mind went, and it's kind of funny.
16:05
SPEAKER_02: Like the idea that like Kramer could pull like a Seinfeld, but in anybody's home at any given moment in New York State.
16:15
Eric: Depending on like what level of hero you are, they might not even be able to do anything about it.
16:20
Eric: Like, if you saved like a hospital of children, who the fuck is gonna tell you no when you're yeah, nobody's stopping that guy.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: It's like he's like he's the best.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh come on.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: You remember when like he did he saved all the kids?
16:32
SPEAKER_02: Like he did us such a solid to come into the gelato place every now and then and just grab a scoop.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: He deserves it, he paid it backwards.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: This guy's corrupt.
16:42
Matt: This guy's trying to cut in line.
16:44
Matt: Uh he yeah, actually, why don't you can just come around the back?
16:48
Matt: You come around the back, come around the counter, just take away.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: We always gotta look out for him, you know.
16:52
SPEAKER_02: It's like it's like when Barack Obama was like in office like the first few years, and like it felt like altruism really existed again.
16:59
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Yeah, he shows up places like, yeah, you can cut the line.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: Like, you brought us all together for a little bit, man.
17:04
SPEAKER_02: Pop up in there.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: Sweet, sweet optimism.
17:07
SPEAKER_02: It's kind of wild that's like if you bring enough joy to the world, you can get away with like anything.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: Like corn kid, like straight up, like I wanted that kid to get all the money in the world.
17:17
SPEAKER_02: I wanted him to have all the opportunities, everything.
17:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, he made me real happy for like two weeks.
17:22
SPEAKER_02: Like corn's really, really great.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: Corn kid should get the key to the city, one thousand percent.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: And that's the type of person that can receive the key to the city, and like everybody would be fine with it, everybody's gonna be chill.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: It's like, yeah, he broke into Toys R Us, grabbed a couple toys, had a great time.
17:38
SPEAKER_02: He's kicking it, but like he the the the knobs, like they have the grease, like he gave us so many hits with that one.
17:45
Matt: We we yeah, everyone would react, everyone re would react to corn kid raids toys r us with good for corn kid, Marion.
17:54
Matt: He's still getting it.
17:57
Matt: What is his name?
17:58
Matt: No one knows.
17:59
Matt: No one knows not necessary, doesn't matter.
18:02
Matt: It would take away from the legend.
18:05
Eric: To agree, it it's painting a massive target on your back.
18:09
Eric: It's like winning the lottery.
18:10
Eric: If you win the lottery, fucking good luck.
18:13
Eric: Because statistically, your life is about to become very shitty.
18:17
Matt: They're gonna find you.
18:18
Matt: Like, there's no way to hide it.
18:20
Matt: Poach, our guest literally brought that up first, almost word for word.
18:24
Matt: Probably, man.
18:25
Matt: You don't usually forget about what we talk about in the episode.
18:29
Matt: In the episode, I know.
18:30
Matt: I'm just you usually have a four-hour waiting period.
18:34
Eric: I am so overjoyed to see my good friend Anthony Khan gonna show you the way.
18:40
Eric: I am just my brain can't hold all these thoughts.
18:44
Eric: There's too much joy in here.
18:45
Eric: I know.
18:46
SPEAKER_02: I took it as a cosign, if that's any you know, help.
18:49
SPEAKER_02: I took it as, oh, like I'm bringing it back.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
18:52
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
18:52
SPEAKER_02: And that was it, it felt like a little callback moment.
18:55
SPEAKER_02: That's exactly how it took that one.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: Good, good, good, good.
18:58
Matt: Bless you.
18:58
Matt: So so now that now that you've bailed both of us out, the question I would have is do we go with Poach's theory of you start a new life in the same place as the world's best locksmith, which is a very solid um uh uh, you know, what's it called?
19:15
Matt: The witness protection.
19:18
SPEAKER_02: It's not bad.
19:19
SPEAKER_02: I feel like, and the thing is like if you layer like the the really good thing on top of it, it's like yeah, then you're allowed to kind of be too good at your job and do like some real like you know, trash bag stuff on the back end of it.
19:29
SPEAKER_02: It's like uh did y'all play uh the Elder Scrolls Oblivion, not yeah, Oblivion.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: Oblivion, the fourth one.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I played it.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: You remember when you got to become like the the gray fox after like you went through the Thieves Goat?
19:41
SPEAKER_02: It's like that.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: It's like if you use it for good, nobody's really gonna like mess with you.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: You can kind of like you know, skate.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: But then you could also even flip it.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: It's like, yeah, and at night kind of go around jingling locks, just like you know, see what I can get into, and hopefully nobody realizes it's me.
19:57
SPEAKER_02: It's not my like you know, main claim to fame, it's not my like priority or my profession.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can kind of like swing both of them.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: You have like a like a secret identity then.
20:06
Eric: Oh, yeah.
20:07
Eric: Also, my favorite part about that uh uh quest line in Oblivion was if you just put on the gray fox mask and walk up to any city guard and talk to them, they just kind of lose their like you just gray fox.
20:21
Eric: Yeah, and then every guard in Cyro deal just wants to murder the shit out of you.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: That was such a fun game.
20:26
Eric: And then I just run into a bathroom and take it off.
20:29
Eric: It's such a good game.
20:30
Eric: God, it's such a good game.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: It was like Granthafotos Pan Spray, but like you have to do it like as like the person, whenever you wanted to, with like the snap of your fingers.
20:39
SPEAKER_02: That's cool.
20:40
Matt: I didn't play Oblivion, but I respect this conversation.
20:43
unknown: Oh man, you gotta do it.
20:45
Matt: Well, actually, no, it's gonna be real crusty if you go back and play it.
20:49
Matt: I have a PS4 edition of Skyrim that I have yet to unwrap that I keep for like it's been like four summers in a row that I've been like, this is gonna be my summer game, and then I never started.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: It's a really hard one to like jump into, too, just because like there's so much to do in the game.
21:08
SPEAKER_02: It's almost like it's daunting.
21:10
Matt: It's like I like getting lost in a in a in an open world.
21:14
Matt: Oh, you'll get lost.
21:16
Matt: Okay, you in the game or just in my life?
21:19
Eric: Yes.
21:20
Eric: Great.
21:22
Eric: So the game will teach you how to live a better life.
21:25
Matt: Very well.
21:26
Matt: Skyrim Skyrim will do that.
21:28
Matt: I didn't know that it was its reputation.
21:30
Eric: Uh you can just it Skyrim taught me that I can just shout at my problems until they go away.
21:34
Matt: Well, The Witcher 3 already told taught me that um I don't respect what's really important in life.
21:40
Matt: Uh so that's that's great.
21:42
Matt: I'm looking forward to another bad ending in my version.
21:46
Matt: Um anyway, key to the city.
21:48
Matt: I think we unlocked this one.
21:54
Matt: Thank you.
21:54
Matt: Um So, Anthony, are you feeling warm now?
21:58
Matt: You feeling uh good to go?
22:00
Matt: What what questions can we help you with?
22:03
SPEAKER_02: This is one that I have been struggling with for the past two weeks or so since I started compiling some of these.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Um and I've been thinking about the movie Cars a lot.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: You know, uh it's a Pixar Favorite.
22:17
SPEAKER_02: Here's my question Would Lightning McQueen buy life insurance or car insurance?
22:24
unknown: Ooh.
22:28
Matt: That's a good okay.
22:30
Matt: So we have is both not on the table?
22:34
Matt: No, you cannot choose both.
22:35
Matt: It's just one or the other.
22:36
Matt: That makes sense.
22:37
Matt: That makes sense because I mean, initial impression poach, I've got one ready to go.
22:43
Eric: Okay.
22:44
Matt: Do you?
22:45
Matt: Do we want to say him on three?
22:46
Matt: That's what I was thinking.
22:47
Eric: All right.
22:48
Matt: Three.
22:48
Matt: Say it on three.
22:49
Matt: Three.
22:50
Matt: Okay.
22:50
Matt: Two.
22:51
Matt: One.
22:52
Matt: Life.
22:52
Matt: Life insurance.
22:53
Matt: Yes, I think.
22:54
Matt: Okay, okay, okay.
22:55
Matt: I mean, he is a sentient being.
22:58
Matt: The as are all these all these cars.
23:02
Matt: So when he's broken down, when he needs repairs, etc.
23:06
Matt: etc., he's really going to a doctor.
23:08
Matt: Not not necessarily, even if they call him a mechanic.
23:11
Matt: I don't know.
23:11
Matt: It's been a minute since I've dabbled in the car's universe.
23:14
Matt: The carnivore.
23:15
Matt: The carnivore.
23:19
Eric: If they don't call it the carnivore, if they don't call it the carnivore, what the fuck are we even doing?
23:23
Eric: You got it in one.
23:25
Matt: It's either the carnivore or the carnival.
23:28
SPEAKER_06: The carnival.
23:29
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
23:30
SPEAKER_06: They're both so sexy.
23:31
SPEAKER_06: I like that.
23:32
Eric: That's what they call it in Brazil.
23:36
Eric: Yes.
23:37
Eric: Yes, I'm sure they do.
23:40
Eric: But and and here's my question because uh full disclosure, I've never seen cars, but I am familiar with the carnivore.
23:47
Eric: Uh do they have so let's say a car gets fucked up.
23:53
Eric: Okay.
23:54
Eric: How do they get to a place?
23:56
Eric: What carries them?
23:58
Eric: Like, are there tow trucks in this universe?
24:01
Eric: Well, one of them's a main character, isn't there?
24:03
Eric: Oh, yeah, Larry the the tow truck.
24:06
Eric: Mater.
24:07
Eric: Mater.
24:07
Eric: Mater, that's his name.
24:09
Eric: So, but like, are there are there so that's a tow truck.
24:12
Eric: That's like a person like just kind of dragging you along.
24:15
Eric: Is there like a vehicle for the vehicles?
24:18
Eric: Like in their universe, Mater is basically a Larry the if Larry the cable guy showed up.
24:24
Eric: If I fell and hurt my leg, Larry the cable guy shows up, grabs me by the back of my scruff, and drags me to a hospital.
24:32
Matt: That is okay is what's happening.
24:34
Matt: I'm just I'm throwing I'm throwing out a lifeline to Google here, and Dr.
24:39
Matt: Damage is an ambulance that exists in the car universe.
24:44
Matt: So what the fuck's that about?
24:46
Eric: Inside him?
24:47
Matt: Yeah.
24:48
Eric: Also, it's the ambulance for.
24:50
SPEAKER_02: He's all fucked up, too.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: He's a it's funny.
24:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, I just gotta like jump in real quick.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: You're saying, like, you know, it's funny that, you know, how would you take this damage per it happens in all the movies, every single one of them?
25:02
SPEAKER_02: Light New Wing gets so jacked up that he has to like take a minute, take a beat, get dragged off of the course, and then have his life like, you know, basically be resuscitated and figure out the thing.
25:13
SPEAKER_02: So it's just really funny that it's like it's kinda the launching pad of every single one of these flicks in one way or another.
25:19
Matt: Well, yeah, I mean, I guess when you think about it, what else could be their anthropomorphic cars?
25:25
Eric: The existence of the ambulance character has kind of fucked up my whole Dr.
25:30
Matt: Damage, please.
25:31
Matt: Some respect on his name.
25:32
Eric: Doctor damage.
25:33
Eric: He has a PhD.
25:35
Eric: PhD, which is also which begs so many questions.
25:38
Eric: So he was born an ambulance, I assume.
25:41
Eric: So it's just like he you this is your job.
25:45
Eric: This is what you do.
25:46
Eric: You go to medical school, and they're like, all right, I have literally no other option.
25:50
Eric: But who is is the ambulance for the cars?
25:53
Eric: Does the car go inside of the other car?
25:57
Matt: I don't think the ambulance interacts with the cars.
26:00
Matt: I think that's just Mater, who drags people aside.
26:02
Eric: Disney didn't want to open that fucking cam of worms.
26:05
Eric: Because this is like, because that means there's a because uh I'm assuming right there's no humans in these movies.
26:12
Eric: It's just cars.
26:13
Matt: Just cars.
26:13
Eric: I think it's just cars.
26:14
Eric: Just fucking cars.
26:15
Eric: So who's the ambulance for?
26:17
Eric: It's gotta be for the cars, but then the tow truck is also for the cars.
26:21
Eric: So even the cars are establishing a life insurance v car insurance policy.
26:29
Matt: Yeah, I think it but he's okay.
26:33
Matt: So hold on.
26:33
Matt: I've got the fucking cars wiki open, which is to say something I never thought I would say.
26:40
Matt: Um hold on, fandom wants to know if I'm an adult or a child.
26:45
Matt: Um I've never seen that before.
26:47
Matt: Okay, Dr.
26:48
Matt: Damage, he appears in Cars 3, which I've never seen.
26:51
Matt: He um is one of many demolition derby racers of whom Lightning McQueen and Cruz Ramirez compete against after mistakenly entering the event.
27:01
Matt: He's eliminated from competition after fair game, flies into his back, making him lose control and hit a wall.
27:10
Matt: Okay, so he's not an active first of all, he's all spray painted and shit.
27:14
Matt: So he's definitely not an active Okay.
27:17
Matt: He's not an active ambulance, right?
27:19
Matt: Right, Conway?
27:21
Eric: Doesn't look not active, no.
27:23
Eric: Okay, so yeah, oh man.
27:26
Eric: God, this is fucking me up.
27:28
Matt: So I think what I'm seeing is a world where post-humans where it's just cars, they've eliminated the humans.
27:37
Matt: And so he is of no he has to be in the demolition derby because he's of no longer of any use to the population he was born for?
27:47
Matt: How does birth work?
27:49
Matt: I I saw cars like a bazillion years ago.
27:53
Matt: I can't tell you what happened in that film.
27:55
Matt: Uh so Anthony, if you are more verse, by all means jump in.
28:00
Matt: Correct us.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: Uh give me the question one more time that you're needed.
28:05
Matt: Any of it.
28:06
Matt: How do cars enter the series?
28:08
Eric: How do car make babies?
28:10
Eric: How do car make it?
28:11
SPEAKER_02: They never really explain that part.
28:13
SPEAKER_02: I think to your point, Poach, it's you don't want to go too far into like the rabbit hole of lore that it then like you know cracks his whole like you know, subconscious fourth brain for like children, where they then start questioning everything.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: We just never really get into the details of it.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
28:30
Eric: They don't want us digging too deep.
28:32
Matt: Yeah, God.
28:33
Matt: Disney in general, I think, is anti-digging too deep into their business.
28:38
Eric: I can totally buy though that the okay, so an ambulance is born, humans no longer exist, but the ambulance DNA is still in the genetic pool, which is kind of like because now he's down and out, he's in a demolition derby.
28:52
Matt: You know, he's you know, he's desperate for something.
28:55
SPEAKER_02: He's on the other end of like like he's on the last like end of like his career, like the end of life of just like, oh, this is not like we go out.
29:03
Eric: Oh my god.
29:04
Eric: Yeah, and and yeah, he just enters the demolition derby, which is basically the gladiator arena of cars.
29:11
Eric: Yeah, like this is this is blood sport.
29:14
Eric: It is a mad max true.
29:15
Eric: This is a mad max shit.
29:16
Eric: It's like Lightning McQueen just rolled up to like fucking fight club, but everyone's got swords and shit.
29:22
Matt: Have either of you ever been to a demolition derby?
29:25
Matt: Nah.
29:25
Matt: I have not I've not.
29:26
Matt: I've done monster truck rallies, but I've never done a demolition derby.
29:30
Matt: I have been to a demolition derby.
29:32
Matt: It was when I was a young tyke.
29:34
Eric: Uh uh quick question.
29:36
Eric: Did you did you pay for your whole seat?
29:38
Matt: My whole seat?
29:40
Eric: Yeah, when you when when you when you went with your did your parents pay for your whole seat?
29:43
Matt: It was a friend's parents.
29:44
Matt: I didn't pay for anything, I was like 10.
29:47
Eric: So they probably paid for your seat?
29:48
Matt: Yeah.
29:49
Eric: Do you think they paid for the whole seat?
29:51
Eric: Yes.
29:53
Eric: That's so weird to me.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: Cause you'll only need the edge.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: God damn it.
30:00
Matt: I knew I knew something was coming, but for the life of me, I did not think it'd be that.
30:05
Matt: Um so and the the you know the s the saddest part?
30:08
Matt: I didn't go on a Sunday.
30:10
Matt: Damn.
30:11
Matt: Damn.
30:11
Matt: Oh wow.
30:12
Matt: I even remember making that joke when it happened.
30:16
Matt: I was 10, but I still had this razor sharp wit of mine.
30:21
Matt: So anyway, um, what were we talking about?
30:25
SPEAKER_07: Oh, uh demolition derby.
30:27
Matt: There was a man next to me, I remember, he was very skinny, in uh like a tank top, not unlike what Eric's wearing right now.
30:35
Matt: And he was smoking, and I was leaning away from him because I was a child and he was smoking, and he was like, Oh, so you'll breathe in all that out there, but this you can't breathe.
30:44
Matt: And I was like, Well, yeah, that's cancer, and that's like 200 yards away from me.
30:51
Matt: So, you know, no, I'm not as worried.
30:54
Matt: It was a lot of rednecks at this point.
30:56
Eric: I'm imagining you having this conversation while just this screaming roar of engines and destruction is Yeah.
31:04
Eric: Excuse me, Seth.
31:06
Matt: This is a grayed beard, middle-aged man, and I'm like a 10-year-old kid, and I'm like, Yeah, fucker.
31:14
Matt: That's exactly what I'm saying.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: That's the part I can't get over.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: Just like this old man who's just like, you know, I'm gonna start a fight with today, 10-year-old of all people.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Um because he won't inhale my secondhand smoke, and you know what?
31:26
SPEAKER_02: That just irked me a little bit too much.
31:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to have a great day with my family watching cars get trashed.
31:33
SPEAKER_02: I know.
31:34
Eric: It was smoking a carton of Marlborough.
31:37
Eric: Yeah.
31:38
Matt: I guess what I'm saying is, yeah, it wasn't that fun.
31:41
Matt: And anyway, so I can't imagine our friend Dr.
31:44
Matt: Damage is having a great time.
31:45
Eric: No, like yeah, where the fuck do they all go?
31:47
Eric: So, like, does Liney McQueen ever go to the car equivalent of a hospital?
31:51
Eric: Or like he goes to like a repair shop, I guess.
31:53
Eric: That's where Maiden takes him in the pits.
31:56
SPEAKER_02: In the first one and in the uh third one.
31:57
SPEAKER_02: The first one, it's because he's like losing like his sense of speed, he's not as fast as he used to be.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: So he has to go to like the boonies to go, you know, relearn.
32:06
SPEAKER_02: Like it's based like the Rocky moment of like, oh, I gotta go punch some frozen meat so that I can remember how to like chickens around in the fucking yard.
32:14
SPEAKER_02: He needs a montage, yeah.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like I gotta go run up the steps and filly and chuck so that way I can like you know get back to my roots.
32:20
SPEAKER_02: It's like that type of a thing.
32:22
SPEAKER_02: The third one, it's like he actually gets like really, really jacked up.
32:26
SPEAKER_02: And at the end of it, it's like, well, not the end, but like right after it's like, we actually gotta repair this man because like he got destroyed on the track.
32:33
unknown: Gotcha.
32:33
Matt: And is there a montage for that one as well?
32:35
SPEAKER_02: I can't remember.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: I haven't seen Cars 3 in a long time.
32:38
SPEAKER_02: So I also am looking this up in the Google to see how they do the repairs.
32:44
SPEAKER_02: But I believe like it's like a whole like thing.
32:47
Matt: Like he's like in like, I wanna say it's the equivalent of a hospital.
32:51
Matt: But either way, uh we've gone down a rabbit hole from the question, which is life insurance or car insurance.
32:57
Matt: Car insurance is for something you own, part of your property.
33:02
Matt: Life insurance is for your your human body.
33:06
Matt: So in the cars universe, it's gotta be life insurance.
33:08
Matt: It's gotta be life insurance.
33:10
Eric: Because also kind of horrifying to think about with car insurance, there's a point at which insurance tells you, no, this is not worth saving.
33:19
Eric: And if they tell you that while you're on the fucking operating table, not great words to hear.
33:24
Eric: Yeah, you're totaled.
33:26
Eric: You're totaled, lightning.
33:27
Eric: You're total.
33:30
Matt: It'd be better for your family to just get a new son.
33:34
Eric: Jesus Christ.
33:34
Eric: I'm imagining like the mechanics just shit talking.
33:37
Eric: You're a disaster, my guy.
33:40
Eric: You're done.
33:40
SPEAKER_02: They should just make a new you because there's no point in bringing this one back.
33:45
Eric: Bro, we're gonna turn you into license plates.
33:47
Matt: Yeah, I'm afraid it's all over for you.
33:51
Matt: Uh Ignition off.
33:53
Matt: So, yeah, I think at the core of your question there, Conway, I think it's life insurance.
33:58
Eric: Life insurance.
33:59
Matt: I think that makes the most sense too.
34:00
Eric: If we're having if we need some semblance of of ethics in this universe, some semblance of of of of fucking just normal.
34:09
Matt: Because if you want an uh a presentation of good ethics, get into insurance uh in the United States.
34:17
Matt: That's that's oh yeah, correct.
34:20
Eric: Well, I'm speaking purely from those like, well, it's either yeah, I get my family gets a bunch of money if I die, or versus car insurance, the docs might just decide halfway through that to euthanize me.
34:32
Matt: Anything's possible.
34:33
Matt: Only in America.
34:34
Matt: Uh so uh Conway, uh thank you for the question.
34:38
Matt: Uh do you have any other questions you want to hit us with?
34:41
SPEAKER_02: I do have another one.
34:42
Matt: Let's hear it.
34:43
Matt: Yeah.
34:44
Matt: Can you daydream at night?
34:46
Matt: Ah, yes.
34:48
Matt: I like this.
34:49
Matt: As someone who is frequently awake during the sleeping hours with anxiety, I I would say, yes, you can have night terrors while awake.
35:03
Eric: Yes.
35:04
Eric: Um, and and on the subject of night terrors, just enjoy, gentlemen.
35:07
Eric: You might hear uh uh a lovely like kind of chainsawing sound.
35:13
Eric: Uh I've got some neighbors doing some uh yard work.
35:16
Eric: So just just for listeners for you, really just enjoy the background melody of chainsaws if they're there.
35:22
Matt: Great, looking forward to editing that.
35:25
Matt: So the so Poach, what are your thoughts on this?
35:29
Eric: Um, I'm a firm believer, you know, a very great man who touched many people all over this planet uh and brought light into their lives, once said it's five o'clock somewhere.
35:44
Eric: And I think it it's day somewhere.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
35:48
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
35:50
Eric: Old Jim, old old JB.
35:53
Eric: I uh it's because I think, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:55
Eric: No matter what time it is, it'd be four in the morning.
35:58
Eric: I think we have to talk about what qualifies as a daydream.
36:00
Eric: Because if I'm laying in bed awake with my existential dread, that's not daydreaming.
36:05
Matt: Um I'm gonna give you some pushback.
36:08
Matt: If you are so far down your own cascading thought pattern that you have created uh this and are sort of living what a fantasy would living out some fantasy, like something I do in the shower all the time is argue with people that will never happen.
36:27
Matt: Like yeah, when I really stick it to them, this is what I'm gonna say.
36:30
Matt: That's never gonna happen.
36:32
Matt: But I'd say I am sort of enacting a dream in my own the phantasm of my dream.
36:38
Eric: That's a good thing to have.
36:39
Eric: So what uh Conway, what do you daydream about the most?
36:41
Eric: If you had to if you had to pick a you had to pick a topic.
36:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what are your dreams?
36:46
SPEAKER_02: I had to pick something that I daydream about.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: Um man, what do I daydream about the most?
36:51
SPEAKER_02: I'm like trying to like really like pinpoint it.
36:53
SPEAKER_02: And it's like a lot of times, like, you know, at work, like I'll like you know get stuck on one thing and then like just like you know, float off and start thinking about things kind of sort of related to whatever it is that I'm doing.
37:04
SPEAKER_02: But I've also like just thought like As all great thinkers do, you know, and I've also like you know, first thing in the morning, daydream about what I want to eat.
37:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna get that thing that I want to eat, whether or not I want to make it or if I want to get it ordered, especially if it's like I don't know, like this.
37:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm in about like a fresh like Friday morning of like the world's about to be my oyster in 10 hours.
37:27
SPEAKER_02: I can do whatever I want for the next I'm gonna be the craziest being on this planet for about 48 hours as soon as five o'clock hits.
37:36
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna be a problem.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like you know, that's when like I feel like the daydreams really kick in because it's just like I just gotta get through eight hours.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: And if I can just disassociate long enough, we can do that.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: And you naturally start daydreaming and just thinking about the food and thinking about the weekend and what you're gonna do with your time.
37:52
SPEAKER_02: I think that's what it is.
37:54
SPEAKER_02: If it boiled down to anything, I'm daydreaming about like how I can just spend my life doing exactly what I want to be doing, and just kind of world building that when I'm not right here where I am now, it's gonna be so sick.
38:08
Eric: It's gonna be dope, right?
38:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which again, the most 30 plus thing ever.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: It's like when I get my time back, man.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: Y'all watch hope.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's gonna get crazy.
38:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, 65 coming to this.
38:21
SPEAKER_02: I can do the 30 more years, man.
38:24
SPEAKER_04: Y'all can't touch me.
38:25
SPEAKER_04: Oh man, I'm gonna get and I'm gonna get bagels every Friday.
38:30
SPEAKER_02: You watch me.
38:39
Matt: Oh man.
38:40
Matt: The uh I haven't had a Denny's grand slam or any other version of Denny's in quite some time.
38:45
SPEAKER_02: You haven't had an eggs over my handy in a minute?
38:48
SPEAKER_02: Like it's been a while.
38:49
Matt: Not in a minute.
38:50
Eric: No, no, no.
38:51
Eric: You ain't had that grand slam witch?
38:53
Eric: No, is that a thing?
38:55
Eric: That's a thing.
38:56
Eric: Do you frequent Denny's poach?
38:58
Eric: Bruh, I stay at Denny's.
39:01
Eric: I stay at Denny's.
39:03
Eric: You're gonna be a problem.
39:05
Eric: What the fuck is up, Denny's?
39:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
39:10
SPEAKER_02: Denny's is solid.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: That's low, like low-key.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: That might be like the best title for a memoir.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: It's like, man, one day I'm gonna be a problem.
39:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, just you if I had all the tools, all the money, and the resource, man, wouldn't nobody know what to do with me.
39:26
SPEAKER_02: Like, they're not gonna stop me.
39:29
Matt: Well, what what are your plans?
39:32
Matt: Don't worry about it.
39:33
Matt: Um, I got them.
39:34
Matt: Um there for me always gonna happen.
39:36
Eric: Like, trust.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: Like, I just once the things start clicking.
39:41
Eric: Oh, it's like, oh friend, no, you start thinking about your plans.
39:46
SPEAKER_02: You worry about you, because this is gonna be good as soon as like all a lot, man.
39:51
Eric: Trust, yeah, your fucking hatches.
39:54
Matt: I I think I think it's pretty clear that it's possible to daydream at nighttime because as you're right, Pooch, as the Buffett once said, it's daytime somewhere.
40:04
Matt: I paraphrase.
40:05
SPEAKER_02: And does it can does it constitute as a daydream if it's at night, though?
40:08
SPEAKER_02: Like, should it be like I guess like it's on a night dream because like you are like awake and cognizant for it, but it's like, should there be a different name for it?
40:14
SPEAKER_02: Or like, should there be like you know, an asterisk besides of like I was daydreaming.
40:18
SPEAKER_02: However, it was one o'clock in the morning, I was laying in bed, and I was slowly approaching sleep.
40:23
Eric: So that's the question now is if we were going to come up with a name for daydreams that happen at night, what would it be?
40:29
Eric: And let's just get night dreams is not an option.
40:32
Eric: No, that's out.
40:33
Eric: That is out definitely out.
40:36
Eric: Waking dreams?
40:38
Eric: Uh yesterday dreams?
40:41
Matt: Uh hopes of tomorrow.
40:44
SPEAKER_02: Not evening dreams.
40:45
Matt: Because it has to encompass both evening and night.
40:47
Matt: It can't be evening dreams.
40:49
Matt: Yeah, it's gotta be dark.
40:50
Matt: Dark dream.
40:51
Matt: No.
40:52
Matt: Night visions.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: Night visions, visions of tomorrow.
40:57
Matt: Night vision.
40:58
Matt: Because we already have night terrors, that's already a thing.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: I like night visions because it almost sounds like it might happen.
41:05
SPEAKER_02: Like a daydream sounds like, yeah, like I was just I was building sandcasts, but yeah, it's like I I'm putting that out there.
41:11
SPEAKER_02: Like I had a night vision last night.
41:13
SPEAKER_02: If somebody came to you to like today at brunch and was like, guys, had a night vision last night, you're locked in.
41:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm sitting up straighter.
41:21
Matt: Oh, yeah.
41:22
Matt: Leaning in.
41:24
Matt: I'm leaning all the way in.
41:25
Matt: Tell me more.
41:27
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, I'm here.
41:28
SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: Conversation has begun.
41:30
SPEAKER_02: Oh a head, a head prophecy.
41:33
SPEAKER_06: A head prophecy, bro.
41:36
Eric: And then if it like comes true, like like if whatever you were envisioning, like if it comes past, you the vision just like look exactly.
41:43
Eric: You look like the night vision spoke true.
41:48
Matt: I like night visions quite a bit.
41:50
SPEAKER_02: Working on them night visions.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: At Lunch with Poach yesterday, and he was telling me about a night vision he had, and he refused to make eye contact while he was doing it.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: Y'all, it was real.
42:01
Eric: He gave me that thousand-yard stare.
42:03
Eric: He also wouldn't come closer than like three feet to me.
42:06
Eric: It was weird.
42:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:08
SPEAKER_02: It wasn't like he was looking at me, it was like he was looking past me.
42:11
SPEAKER_02: Like I was in the way of the vision.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: That's when I knew it was time to leave the Denny's.
42:18
Matt: Oh man.
42:19
Matt: All right.
42:20
Matt: Well, hey, we got it.
42:21
Matt: Night visions.
42:22
unknown: We did it.
42:23
SPEAKER_02: I'm taking it.
42:24
SPEAKER_02: We done.
42:24
SPEAKER_02: I think we put a trademark on it, copyrighted, like put it on t-shirts.
42:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
42:27
SPEAKER_02: TM, TM, TM, TM.
42:29
Matt: Now, I hate to uh I hate to bring us away from some of some of such fun questions that we have, but I do have a question or two for you, Conway, personally, if that's all right.
42:39
Matt: Okay.
42:39
Matt: Here's a question.
42:40
Matt: So you are an Emmy winning talent booker.
42:45
Matt: Two time.
42:47
Matt: I I'd go so far as to say twice over.
42:50
Matt: First of all, what are those what are those for?
42:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, I got them for producing uh two shows when I still worked for the news in Chicago.
42:59
SPEAKER_02: Um and the shows were specifically like the the the countdown shows that they would do every year, talking about talking about the New Year's countdown show.
43:07
SPEAKER_02: So I got both of them back-to-back years.
43:09
SPEAKER_02: The first one, funny enough, was right before COVID, and the other one was right afterwards.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, I got two of them from being uh on the producing team for both of those shows.
43:18
Matt: And you also produced shows based on uh what I know has been a lifelong passion of yours, sneakers.
43:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I got to produce a sneaker show for a little bit.
43:28
SPEAKER_02: I actually just uh uh ended that tenure because I received another gig.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I got to produce a show on sneakers and I got to produce one.
43:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh it was a pizza competition show.
43:40
SPEAKER_02: And it's like it was the best because it was like for a year and a half.
43:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, that was what I got to do for work.
43:47
SPEAKER_02: It's like I didn't have to research anything.
43:49
SPEAKER_02: I just kind of like I kind of know these both pretty well.
43:53
Matt: And what is the so yeah, what is the production?
43:56
Matt: What does the production of those shows like look like?
43:58
Matt: Like what talent are you seeing?
44:00
Matt: Seeking out.
44:01
SPEAKER_02: The one for the sneaker show was cool because uh the audience for that show um was specifically looking for uh basketball players, like you know, general athletes, skateboarders, um, but also like you know, sneaker influencers, sneaker designers, all of it.
44:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, but it was like a roundtable discussion.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: I told people it was like the view, but like with sneakers.
44:19
SPEAKER_02: And like that was like the whole thing that like people got to do.
44:22
SPEAKER_02: And the audience just they they were about like my age, like you know, late 20s, early 30s.
44:28
SPEAKER_02: Um, but like they wanted to see like the rappers that they watched in like you know high school, and they wanted to see like the athletes that like you know they remembered like watching like when they were in middle school.
44:35
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh, I would love to watch the exact same thing.
44:38
SPEAKER_02: So it very much just kind of felt like you know, you're you get to book the people that that you want to see on TV, which is pretty, pretty cool.
44:46
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
44:47
Eric: And you I you have a biblical sneaker collection.
44:52
Eric: Yeah, I have a lot.
44:54
SPEAKER_02: I've actually gotten a lot, I've gotten rid of a lot.
44:56
Matt: But the problem is like, I feel like on your Instagram a few years ago, you had a like a famous reduction story happening.
45:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I kept like getting rid of them slowly.
45:05
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'd like you know, sell like two pairs here, I'd get rid of like five, and then I get rid of like four, and then like when we would move from like place to place, it's like, all right, like new apartment, I'm not gonna have all the room for these, and like you know, this new closet.
45:16
SPEAKER_02: Let me like you know, pair down.
45:17
SPEAKER_02: And then slowly you start to like it's it's really an addiction because then it's like you start then figuring out ways to then make it work other places of like, oh well, like we'll just get rid of all of the boxes then and we can put them inside of like the sliding drawer things, and you can like stack those up and put them in like you know, little crevices and little corners, and it's like, yeah, that totally makes sense.
45:34
SPEAKER_02: And then you come back into the closet one day and you're like, it looks like Iron Man in here.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: Like, I have like Mark one through 40 in sneakers just like all piled around the room.
45:43
SPEAKER_02: It's like, how did we get here?
45:45
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, it there's a lot of them I'm trying really hard to pair down, but the problem is like you start paring down and then you have the money back in your hand, and you're like, Let's spin this all over again to keep the economy going.
45:55
SPEAKER_02: It's really good for everybody involved.
45:57
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
45:57
Eric: Oh, yeah, because like you you you would camp out for shoes.
46:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I did that a couple of times.
46:02
SPEAKER_02: Uh, it's funny because a lot of that stuff, like I camped out for like at Towson, worth so much money now.
46:09
SPEAKER_02: Like, I my junior year, was it junior year?
46:12
SPEAKER_02: Sophomore year, I camped out for Kanye's first ever Nikes.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, and at the time they were like 250 bucks.
46:20
SPEAKER_02: Now that shoe goes for like 4,000.
46:22
SPEAKER_02: And like I got two of them.
46:24
SPEAKER_02: So it's like wild because it's just like I you couldn't have told me back then that's what this would have turned into.
46:28
SPEAKER_02: I just wanted them because they were cool, and I was like, Yeah, like I might wear them at some point, whatever.
46:32
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, like all of that OG stuff that I have from way back then, uh, yeah, it's gone way, way up in value.
46:40
SPEAKER_02: Some of it like because it never came out again, or because it was super rare, or whatever.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that's also like been like the thing.
46:47
Eric: It's like stocks, it's exactly like that.
46:50
SPEAKER_02: And then, like, when you see the price go up, you're like, Well, I should get rid of this thing, and like you get like a bunch of money, and then you're like, Oh, well, I just made like you know, a couple hundred, I can spend them on these, and I can spend them on these, and on this pair, and on this pair, like great.
47:01
SPEAKER_02: You just turned one pair into 12, and now we gotta figure out how we can get rid of more of these things because you have no room for them.
47:07
SPEAKER_02: It's like it really is a sickness and an illness, but like, you know, it could be worse.
47:13
SPEAKER_02: There are more devices.
47:15
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
47:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:17
Eric: And and and I'm trying to remember, did you ever manage to snag a pair of space jams?
47:21
SPEAKER_02: I have two pairs of space jams.
47:22
Eric: You two fucking two-time Emmy winning, two-time space jamming.
47:28
Eric: Meanwhile, my ass out here with the new balance drip.
47:32
Eric: I got two pairs.
47:34
SPEAKER_02: Here's the thing though, like low-key, I the thing that like I really like about it too, and it happens so often because people will see, like, oh, like you posted this pair on like Instagram, like, oh, like I saw you wearing these.
47:44
SPEAKER_02: It kind of like, you know, becomes like the the common thread for people where like people will like, you know, ask, like, oh, like, you know, I'm thinking about getting a pair of shoes, like, what do you think about these?
47:53
SPEAKER_02: Or like, oh, like, you know, check out these shoes that I just got, whatever, like kind of unsolicited, which like it's fine, like it does not bother me at all.
48:00
SPEAKER_02: But it is a really fun thing of like just like people just kind of wanting like your your kind of like thumbs up for like the thing that like they just got or the thing that they're interested in.
48:09
SPEAKER_02: Because for me, I'm like, I don't buy all these because like they're cool or they're limited or they're hype.
48:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I just like them, and I like that other people will then also be like, oh, like you know, I got these because I like these.
48:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yes, go in that direction.
48:21
SPEAKER_02: Don't feel like you know, you need the approval or anything.
48:23
SPEAKER_02: The whole point is just put on what makes you feel like the best version of yourself.
48:26
SPEAKER_02: So you do that makes you feel smooth as hell when you go outside.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, I wear a lot of the stuff that I have.
48:30
SPEAKER_02: There's uh about 20 or so that I haven't touched yet.
48:33
Matt: Because I know I know of sneaker heads that don't like don't wear them, they just hold out to them.
48:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have a couple that took me a while to get into, but for the most part, I'd say like out of everything that I have, there's maybe like 10, 15 pairs that I haven't worn yet.
48:49
SPEAKER_02: And I'm still waiting for the occasion to wear them.
48:51
SPEAKER_02: Like Easter Sunday.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: If like you wear them for like, you know, the good occasion, and we'll we'll put them away and not do that again for a couple months.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: Right.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: I keep cutting you off.
48:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, poach.
48:58
Eric: Oh no, baby, you're good.
48:59
Eric: That's just the ADD.
49:00
Eric: Like, that's just um uh well, because I like if I recall, I remember one day, and this is one of my ADD superpowers.
49:09
Eric: I couldn't tell you what we said at the beginning of the episode, but I can tell you conversations we had, you know, 15 years ago.
49:15
Eric: I remember one time you described me, you have a system, like like, or at the time you did, which is like, I was like, Well, how like when you go to buy these shoes, what do you do?
49:22
Eric: And you're like, I get three pairs, I get one pair to never open, one pair to wear, one pair to flip, make all my money back.
49:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I did that a lot.
49:31
SPEAKER_02: And like it's it's I I don't do it now.
49:34
SPEAKER_02: Like, I can't do it now because like it's actually a lot harder to get stuff because now you become more popular and like you know, all of that.
49:40
SPEAKER_02: But um, yeah, that was very much the system was like always try to get at least two, and then like you can sell the first one to like justify the second one.
49:46
SPEAKER_02: And I've done that a lot.
49:47
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I still kind of do it.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'll get stuff, but like again, the 30 plus is kicking in.
49:51
SPEAKER_02: So it's like if I sell these three pair, like I could put that towards a vacation, like you know, I I could put these towards like, you know, uh a new suit or like something that like you know will like give me a little bit more than like you know, I would from a pair of Nikes.
50:04
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, uh, I still very much try to keep that mentality.
50:07
SPEAKER_02: And I think at the time, especially there was funny enough, it was a shoot at um, I did have three pairs of uh the Air Jordan threes.
50:14
SPEAKER_02: Um at one point I had three pairs of them.
50:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I didn't I had one that I was getting ready to wear, and then two that I just had like stocked up.
50:21
SPEAKER_02: Um, I got the guy that designed them to sign them for me.
50:25
SPEAKER_02: Sick! Yeah, and it's funny because it was for an event.
50:28
SPEAKER_02: Like, we booked him to come like give like a whole speech.
50:30
SPEAKER_02: His name's Tinker Hatfield, and he designed the back to the future shoes.
50:34
SPEAKER_02: Nice so like the auto-lacing like airs.
50:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, he came because they basically recreated that shoe and also another one that was more wearable and more basic that uh was coming out the same year.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: So he came and like he talked about them and like he answered questions and like you know, he did like a whole like speaking sit-down interview event, and I got to sit down with him backstage for like 10 minutes.
50:54
SPEAKER_02: And one of the shoes that I planned on flipping years ago, he then signed and like he wrote like two Anthony from Tinker and like my favorite thing in the world.
51:01
Matt: And you know, as you know, as we're talking here and hearing about these various experiences and the fact that you're a two-time Emmy winner, Eric just checking.
51:10
Matt: Have we had any other Emmy winners on the show?
51:12
Eric: Hold on.
51:15
Matt: No, and one of our so at the beginning of the year, we started a new tradition of of creating a literal bingo card for 2023.
51:24
Matt: And one of our things, Eric, was to have a celebrity guest on the show.
51:29
Matt: Would you not that a two time Emmy winner counts as a celebrity?
51:34
Eric: It doesn't count what the fuck does.
51:39
SPEAKER_02: Y'all are too kind.
51:40
SPEAKER_02: You're way, way, way too kind.
51:41
Eric: You're too fucking cool.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: You're too you're too not true, not true.
51:44
SPEAKER_02: Please I don't have a podcast.
51:46
SPEAKER_02: Y'all have a cool podcast on a really, really fun concept with great banter in between.
51:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, this is great.
51:54
Matt: This is the coolest thing I'll do all day.
51:56
Matt: I'm I'm glad that you feel that way because our next question is really about um, so talent booking.
52:03
Matt: Um, what what do you have uh anything in your portfolio right now for like a like a fun kind of bullshitty comedy podcast?
52:11
Matt: Like, is there anything we should think you could do for us, maybe?
52:18
SPEAKER_02: Here's the thing that I think would that would really be fun though, like if if you guys are into it, I would totally love to sit down and be like, who do y'all want on the show?
52:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it wouldn't make sense for this.
52:29
SPEAKER_04: Are we into it?
52:31
SPEAKER_04: What the fuck?
52:31
Eric: Yeah, we're gonna I just happen to have this shelf over here that is perfect size space for an Emmy.
52:40
Eric: Well, let's just get this dust and and and forlorn dreams off of the shelf here.
52:46
SPEAKER_02: But like that's the fun part of talent booking is like when you do get to like sit down and it really is just like this fun equation of like, okay, what do you want?
52:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like who do you want on the show?
52:56
SPEAKER_02: Who can you actually like get on the show?
52:58
SPEAKER_02: Either because like you know, the size of the platform or like whatever your budget is, um, who does the audience want to see on the show?
53:04
SPEAKER_02: And also who just makes sense for like you know the thing that you're creating, and it's like how could you kind of like you know pull all of that together into people and have them on there over and over again?
53:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's the fun part of it.
53:14
SPEAKER_02: So I would love to sit down with y'all and like yeah, talent book the show and figure out who could be fun audit and stuff.
53:20
Eric: That could be great for fucking real.
53:21
Eric: It's true.
53:22
Eric: I imagine it's a blast too for you, just being able to like, yo, I know exactly what like I know this person, and like fucking they'd you y'all would like do magic together.
53:32
SPEAKER_02: Like Yeah, it's like you know, I feel like you know, we we we all talked about like you know being theater majors and like you know how it like you know kind of transitions from one thing into the next and how it doesn't necessarily mean like you know, just because I was trained to be an actor doesn't mean like I have to do that for like every single day for the rest of my life.
53:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, for sure, but it makes other things kind of more interesting because you have the background.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: And then specifically it's like it feels like casting, but with people and with chemistry, and it's like how do you put those people together so that you know you can get really fun stories and really interesting conversation, and maybe for like you know, a gym to get dropped of like a thing that somebody's never talked about before.
54:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, that's the fun part of it.
54:10
SPEAKER_02: It's like, yeah, you're you're effectively casting for a show, but there's no script, so it's like we have to just go off of the vibe the vibes that we already have in the universe.
54:20
SPEAKER_02: I love how we can hopefully make this into a thing.
54:23
Matt: Yeah, well sick.
54:24
Matt: Let's talk about it, man.
54:26
Matt: I think it's great.
54:27
Matt: Yeah, we'll have this conversation.
54:28
Matt: We're gonna totally do it.
54:29
Matt: And uh so, but I know because you're a celebrity and a busy, busy man, you have a hard out right about now.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: I do, but like let's do one more.
54:38
SPEAKER_02: Let's do one more.
54:41
SPEAKER_02: Let's do one more.
54:42
Eric: Oh, just what you got?
54:44
Eric: I got one.
54:44
Eric: Uh Conway.
54:46
Eric: In in your time, in your time as a producer and your your storied two-time Emmy winning career.
54:54
Eric: Um for the people in the back.
54:57
Eric: Have there ever have because I imagine you get approached by people.
55:00
Eric: Like I imagine, like, like people find out you're a producer or something, they're like, yo, put me up, put me on, you know, please.
55:06
Eric: Yeah.
55:07
Eric: What's the weirdest motherfucker who has ever approached you with an idea or a pitch?
55:12
Eric: You don't need to say names.
55:14
Eric: You don't need to name anything, but like, what is like the weirdest shit you've encountered in your line of work?
55:19
SPEAKER_02: Trying to think a good one.
55:21
SPEAKER_02: Cause like for the most part, people are pretty like cognizant and they're like, oh, this is like they do the work for you of like, here's how this thing could make sense, or like, you know, here's the thing that we have in mind.
55:30
SPEAKER_02: Like, they kind of have the the the flesh of it kind of baked out a little bit.
55:34
SPEAKER_02: There have definitely been, and I won't even say so much, because like to me, the fun thing is always like, how can you always make it work?
55:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like that's like the goal.
55:42
SPEAKER_02: It's like this is the strangest, most out of, like, you know, left field thing, but like I'ma figure out how I can like turn this one into something.
55:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, somebody's gonna show up for this thing.
55:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, there have definitely been books that have come through where I'm just like, I don't know how I can make this thing work at all.
56:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and like comics, especially, like where it's like such like a niche audience.
56:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to think of like a really like random thing that's come through.
56:10
SPEAKER_02: And just been like, actually, I take that back very, very early.
56:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, uh, had somebody that approached because they did uh Civil War reenactments and they were trying to figure out a way that they could like talk about it on stage and like make it a thing.
56:23
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I don't know how to twist this or who's gonna show up or who's like, you know, like how I can like produce that into something.
56:33
SPEAKER_02: But the good thing is like you can always be honest with people too, and just be like, hey, it's not that I don't want to make this happen because this would delight me to no end to figure out how to make this a fun thing and like you know, get people to even pay for it and make it profitable so that like you know it really becomes something, but like having the conversation too of just like I can't figure that out now, but like I'll put a bookmark on it and we can come back to it in a little bit and figure it out.
56:57
SPEAKER_02: And occasionally it does, like, there's occasionally been like somebody like you keep in the back of your head, yeah.
57:01
SPEAKER_02: And then like years from now, it's like I need somebody that can come on a show and do like a bubble show where they put people inside of bubbles.
57:07
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, that was that guy with that memoir four years ago.
57:10
SPEAKER_02: He talked about how his whole life he just wanted to like, you know, create the perfect bubble one, and now I have a space for this man, and then you get to like create it and like do it on a show, and that one actually did happen where like I got to be there for TV things, but it's like that's the crazy thing of just like you're you're constantly being pitched stuff and you don't always know how it's gonna fit, but like hopefully you can do right by that person at some point and be like, yo, I know I didn't have anything for you four years ago, but are you still doing the bubble tricks?
57:36
SPEAKER_02: Because I got a thing and like I got a slot, and can we make it happen?
57:39
Matt: This is your bubble right here, right now.
57:40
Matt: It's gonna pop real soon.
57:43
Matt: You must have spreadsheets on spreadsheets on spreadsheets.
57:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh spreadsheets, uh, a lot of like notes and like Google and on app uh on my iPhone.
57:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, just like constantly just like trying to like figure out how you can put stuff together and emails that I've forwarded to myself of like save this thing because maybe it'll make sense, like weird stuff written in like the margins of my journals.
58:03
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, there's definitely like a a crazy like a list of just like rolled it's across all these different mediums of people and the things they do and how we can like potentially collaborate.
58:13
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
58:14
Eric: I I do something similar.
58:15
Eric: I my thing is I text my email address just random notes and the the thread of emails my uh that I get from my phone unhinged.
58:26
Eric: That could be just nutty stuff.
58:27
Matt: Like we could have a whole segment on that, Poach.
58:29
Matt: You've never shared that before.
58:31
Eric: Oh, we can make that a segment uh where I just read off everything that's in my fucking inbox.
58:36
Eric: Your unread emails from you.
58:41
Matt: Oh man.
58:41
Matt: So Conway, we're past your time.
58:44
Matt: So uh you tell me.
58:45
Matt: You you want to stick around, you wanna you gotta bounce.
58:48
SPEAKER_02: No, let's do one more question.
58:49
SPEAKER_02: Let's do one more hypothetical philosophical question in the universe that needs our answering that we can do before I'm this this one's I like this one.
58:58
Eric: Conway, what do you think old folks' homes will be like for millennials?
59:04
Eric: And that's from at do babe on Instagram.
59:07
Eric: At doe underscore babe on Instagram.
59:10
Eric: That's my girlfriend.
59:12
Eric: A little bit of insider training.
59:16
Eric: Shut up, shut up.
59:16
Eric: NBD, NBD.
59:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh man, what is the millennial old folks' home gonna look like?
59:23
Eric: Man, I think it's gonna be fucking lit.
59:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's gonna be a lot going on because by that point, like our attention spans are gonna be trash, so it's just gonna be like, how much stimulation can you give these people?
59:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like it's already kind of in the pits, and it's not gonna get any better.
59:39
Eric: We'll be in the recliner with like the fucking VR headset and a fidget spinner in each hand.
59:44
SPEAKER_02: Just we're gonna be what what uh Wally told us that like universe is gonna become like people just like with an iPad like right in front of them, sitting inside of a floating chair and just eating whatever they want because it's just like that's only we only have the capacity to make sure that we have nourishment, entertainment, and that we can sleep as soon as we possibly can.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_04: He's he's living his stories, leave him alone.
1:00:08
Eric: Well, listen, like when they have like the little ice cream socials for all the old folks, they'll be blasting like fucking Fallout Boy and Wheezy.
1:00:15
SPEAKER_02: Like, just yeah, it's gonna be like 12 different categories of music.
1:00:19
SPEAKER_02: There's gonna be USB chargers all over the place because you need to have all of your devices charged at any given moment.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_02: Hopefully, we'll start.
1:00:31
Matt: Oh gosh, that's so sad.
1:00:32
SPEAKER_02: It'll all be wireless, and we're still like, I need the core.
1:00:35
Eric: That'll all just be like by that point, by that point, we'll have brain chips and shit anyway, but we will have refused.
1:00:41
Eric: We're like, no, I need my phone.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_02: That's when like we become like the ultra conservatives.
1:00:46
SPEAKER_02: Like, nope, I've decided the USB 3.0 is the only thing that I will ever use for the rest of my life.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_02: Everything will charge using this, every data thing.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_02: I'm not using the cloud anymore.
1:00:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't trust it.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_02: I don't have to do that.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_02: I want all of my digital to feel a little bit analog because it feels like I'm tethered to the world still.
1:01:05
Eric: You tell God Emperor Bezos he can pull this USB from my cold dead hand.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_04: Forget about the cloud.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_04: When I, you know, when I was in school, we could only store 1,000 songs in our pocket, and that's all we needed.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_02: That's 1000% gonna be it.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_02: It's like we're gonna be sitting there just like not using like iPods, but like using like this generation of iPhone because we're like Instagram was the best, it had the perfect algorithm, and I refused to update it.
1:01:36
SPEAKER_06: I have to tell you the story of Vine before your time.
1:01:42
Eric: It was and then and they're like, no, no one's ever heard of this dumb thing.
1:01:47
Eric: It was brief, just like it's content.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, even back in my day, we could only film for six seconds.
1:01:54
Eric: Like I'm staring out the window wistfully, going, It's finally happened.
1:02:00
SPEAKER_06: I'm 2000 and late.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_02: The sad thing too, like, we're also going to be creating content still by the point.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_02: Like it's not gonna stop.
1:02:12
SPEAKER_02: So it's like, yeah, every old folks home will feel like there's a uh there's actually um a bunch of retired folks who have a hype house where they like create their own content.
1:02:22
SPEAKER_02: I'm not joking, like 100% serious.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, I want to say it's called retirement house, actually.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, and like they make like their own, like yeah, they have their own TikTok.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_02: Um like they have like their own stuff that they're putting out, they do like the dances and everything.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_02: They're just like you know, older people.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I feel like that low-key might just be the future.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's gonna be all of us because you know, housing ain't gonna get no cheaper, so we're all gonna be like just shacked up together, creating content, trying to like, you know, make ends meet and trying to like you know keep ourselves relevant.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_02: Because I think we're also gonna deal with that like difficult thing of like we were the first ones who like we had a platform, yeah.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_02: Like our Facebook was like a place where like we could like you know get on our soapbox and like tell people how we felt about stuff and get a couple of likes once they showed up.
1:03:07
SPEAKER_02: And like, you know, we just keep getting like more platforms like that.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_02: I feel like it's gonna be very hard for millennials to let go of not just having an outlet to the world, big or small.
1:03:19
Matt: I already think that's the case with because you know that when each of these new socials come out, there I at least feel a little twang of like, well, I guess I could I better get that, right?
1:03:30
SPEAKER_02: Because like Yeah, you're like, I gotta learn how to make the videos, I gotta learn how to cut, edit, I gotta learn how to put the stuff together because I gotta be out here, I gotta stay relevant, I gotta stay warm, play.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_02: We started social media, okay?
1:03:42
SPEAKER_02: It's us.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_02: Have you ever gotten on Twitter and like seen people like getting upset because people older than 28 are on there?
1:03:49
Eric: You're just like, I built this, like I do not do not quote the deep T to me witch.
1:03:56
Eric: I was there when it was written.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_04: We become that like I'm one of the founding fathers of this thing.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_04: Like, I've been here since 2007, baby.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_04: Like, come on.
1:04:04
Matt: We become Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man One.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_04: I founded this company.
1:04:09
SPEAKER_02: I saw a clip from that yesterday, just like randomly.
1:04:12
SPEAKER_02: Like, it was a viral clip of just like him, like uh, all like the roles that Willem Dafoe has played and like his range, and then it showed that one.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_02: The jerk at the end of the table who's just like, it's over, you lose, and then takes a sip of the coffee.
1:04:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, even if I wasn't Green Goblin, like that dude's getting punched.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_02: Like, as soon as he gets off work, I'm waiting for that dude because that was so you're telling me that you're getting rid of my company, that I don't have a job no more, and then you're gonna be smug about it.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_02: Like, come on, man.
1:04:41
Eric: You're gonna be sipping your fucking macchiato about it, you piece of shit.
1:04:45
Eric: Like, you definitely getting slapped after work, man.
1:04:47
Matt: Like, something has to happen.
1:04:48
Matt: That's it doesn't take a superhero to know that that guy is gonna die.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_02: Oh immediately, like you saw in his mind he was like, write this guy's name now, make sure that you get his address from out of the database before we go home.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_02: If nothing else, I'm getting this dude who is embarrassed.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_03: Did he have any enemies?
1:05:09
Eric: Uh well, yesterday it worked.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_02: Every single police report has the exact same authority in it.
1:05:18
SPEAKER_02: It's open and check.
1:05:19
Eric: Hey, all the cops on like like witness testimony.
1:05:22
Eric: They said, Yeah, you fucking told the guy he was taking his company, and then he sipped his coffee and just all these little cop notes, like, that's kind of fucked up.
1:05:32
Eric: Witness noted that they kind they can quote kind of see where he's coming from.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_02: It's like nobody really wants the press chart.
1:05:40
SPEAKER_02: It's like, hey, like for Ofra, like you ain't gotta put a book at him.
1:05:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, it was kind of jacked up.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not saying he should have gone that far, but like Green Goblin disintegrated the guy, but like, but like, y'all, he was not cool at all.
1:05:58
SPEAKER_03: Like It's a norm, uh, just between you and me.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_03: You know, you broke the law, you killed the guy, but that doesn't make me wrong, you know.
1:06:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, as he's locking us up, he's like, Hey, norm, just letting you know, bro, with you on this one.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_02: Like, I totally understand where you're coming from.
1:06:13
Eric: Norm, the shit we're all doing on the DL, like, we're kind of dicks if we go after you on this one.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_02: The guy in the prison, like, hey, I put an extra snap pack in your cubby holiday day nor with you, man.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, we got you, we got you.
1:06:31
Matt: And this is the kind of hard-hitting discussion that millennials will be having on our podcast in the old folks' home.
1:06:39
SPEAKER_04: Because we'll still be running me and poach in the corner.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_04: 100%.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_00: This isn't going anywhere.
1:06:44
SPEAKER_04: Calling people over.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_00: We'll be in the corner, like, what up, chat?
1:06:48
SPEAKER_00: It's Jabois.
1:06:51
Matt: It's Jabois.
1:06:53
Matt: The orderlies are like, Yeah, they they haven't been plugged into anything in 2010.
1:06:59
Matt: They've been we took their Wi-Fi away on episode three.
1:07:02
SPEAKER_04: They're talking into solo cups.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_04: Uh just Dixie Cups of String World.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
1:07:11
Eric: Oh man.
1:07:12
Eric: It, you know, it makes them happy.
1:07:13
Eric: Uh we only got them to show up for their regular check it checkups when we started calling them the cold opens.
1:07:22
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
1:07:23
SPEAKER_02: They just start treating you like Kree Bratton.
1:07:25
SPEAKER_02: It's like, uh, he can't be trusted with his thoughts in the outside world.
1:07:28
SPEAKER_02: Uh it's really entertaining for us, and he's not hurting anybody.
1:07:31
SPEAKER_02: So we just put him in a corner with two cans with a little string between them, and they just yell at each other all day long.
1:07:36
SPEAKER_02: They don't even have topics.
1:07:37
SPEAKER_02: They just come in here as soon as they have breakfast and they do this to like seven.
1:07:41
SPEAKER_02: They don't need to tucker themselves out.
1:07:44
Eric: They just go, they doom scroll themselves to sleep.
1:07:47
Eric: Scroll themselves to sleep.
1:07:51
Matt: Oh man, it's gonna be sad in that old folks' home, but we're gonna have a great time.
1:07:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's gonna be it's gonna be hard.
1:07:56
Matt: We'll be 80 and still calling ourselves 90s kids.
1:07:59
Matt: Yep.
1:08:03
Matt: It's so depressing, but it's gonna happen.
1:08:05
Matt: Well, I'm fine with it though.
1:08:07
Matt: I I hate to end on such a sad but joyful note, but uh Anthony Conway, we've kept you over your allotted time.
1:08:15
Matt: Uh, what will our agent think?
1:08:18
Matt: Am I right, but am I right?
1:08:20
Matt: Uh so we better end here, but thank you for joining us.
1:08:25
Matt: Uh before uh before we let you go and before we wrap up, is there anything you'd like to plug here on our humble platform?
1:08:34
Eric: Any wildly hot takes?
1:08:37
SPEAKER_02: Wildly hot takes.
1:08:38
SPEAKER_02: I didn't ask for that, but the Miami Heat are going to win the NBA finals, and I'm going to live to regret that because this is going to air right after the NBA finals, where they probably not even put that in the universe.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_02: Things could happen that don't go the way that I want it to.
1:08:52
SPEAKER_02: But that's my number one.
1:08:53
SPEAKER_02: But if it does, the prophecy will be real.
1:08:56
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
1:08:57
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then uh for things that I want to plug, I have no personal projects to plug, but uh do want to say that I stand with the uh the WGA and with the writers.
1:09:06
SPEAKER_02: Of course.
1:09:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh hope that they get the things that they want, um, and that you know, things get resolved in a way that they are happy with.
1:09:13
SPEAKER_02: Uh and that we all folks continue to get paid and get the opportunities back and that we get our entertainment back soon because man, it's really bad when like you have a world without artists making work and doing it on their own terms.
1:09:26
SPEAKER_02: And I don't want to be in 2007, 2008 again, y'all.
1:09:30
Matt: Couldn't couldn't agree more.
1:09:31
Matt: And we're recording this about two and a half weeks before the uh the episode will drop.
1:09:36
Matt: So hopefully, I doubt it, but hopefully that strike is already over and the writers have some justice.
1:09:43
unknown: Yeah.
1:09:44
Matt: We hope so.
1:09:45
Matt: Anyway, that'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask For This.
1:09:50
Matt: Uh, if you we, of course, need your questions, drop them to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out, or you didn't ask pod.
1:09:58
Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, all the fucking things.
1:10:03
Matt: It's all the same name.
1:10:04
Matt: And of course, you can hear your lovely voice on the show by calling the thought line at 410-929-5329.
1:10:14
Matt: Anthony Conway, it has been a pleasure, but it's time to say adieu.
1:10:19
Matt: So for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
1:10:21
Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
1:10:22
Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
1:10:23
Matt: And I'm Anthony Conway.
1:10:25
Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
1:10:27
Eric: But two motherfucking Emmys.
1:10:29
Eric: Two teams.
1:10:31
Eric: Motherfucking Emmys.
1:10:32
Eric: I mean, what the first Emmy thought, surely not.
1:10:35
Eric: Surely we can't do it again.
1:10:37
Eric: Second Emmy.
1:10:40
SPEAKER_03: Oh man.