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Every Relationship With A Narcissist has an expiration date · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So let's talk about the one thing that all relationships
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  with narcissistic people have in common, an expiration date.
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  You got it. Every single relationship with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person has an expiration date attached to
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  it. I can't tell you what it is.
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  I'm going to go, I'm going to go into detail about that later on,
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  but that's what we're talking about today.
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  Y'all, If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back. Yes, y'all.
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  The one thing that every single relationship with a narcissist
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  or a toxic person has in common is going to be an expiration
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  date. That's just the truth of the
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  matter. That really, really is y'all.
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  Every relationship with a narcissist has an expiration
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  that it's going to end in one way or another.
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  And you know the crazy. But when I, when I say that
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  right there, when I say it's going to end, it doesn't mean
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  that the narcissist is going to leave you alone.
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  It doesn't mean that they're going to break up with you or
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  discard you, right? It just means that sooner or
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  later you're going to enter the devaluation phase and you're
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  going to enter the emotional discard phase.
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  Everybody in the relationship with a narcissist gets
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  emotionally discarded. Every single person, right?
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  Every single person. Not everybody gets physically
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  discarded, but every single person gets emotionally
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  discarded where they emotionally disconnect from you.
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  Like so if y'all don't know, I have a video series or small
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  course called Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic
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  Relationship, which can be found at my website mentalillness.net.
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  In the description of every video and podcast I do right in
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  that course, I talk about the stages of narcissistic obese.
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  It goes from being picked selection picking.
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  It goes into the love bombing phase.
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  Then it goes into fracturing. Between the love bombing and
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  devaluation stage is a stage that I refer to as fracturing
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  where the narcissist stop. They they look at you in a
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  different light right after they pick you, after they love bomb
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  you. The love bombing does stop.
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  Love bombing is not sustainable, y'all.
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  It just isn't. You know, love bombing is not a
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  sustainable thing. It's a bomb.
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  It it explodes, it blows the hell up.
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  It's a literally boom, boom love bomb.
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  It does blow the hell up. It does it, it goes away, Right?
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  But as you, as long as you're moving forward with it, like I
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  said, the relationship is going to end.
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  Like I said, after the love, the reason the love bomb ends is
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  because they see your flaws. That's when you enter the
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  fracturing phase. Flaws.
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  Flaws mean you could. Yeah.
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  A flaw to a narcissist could simply mean you said the word
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  no. I know that sounds crazy, but it
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  could literally simply mean that you said the word no to them and
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  now they're looking at you like you're a horrible, evil ass
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  person that are looking at you like you have nothing left to
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  offer the world other than just whatever, right?
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  They look at you differently. So when their relationship
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  fractures, when their view of you fractures, then you enter
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  the next stage, which is called the devaluation stage, where
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  they start to devalue you. They take the love away.
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  Everything starts to go downhill.
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  They're less affectionate, they're not talking to you as
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  much, right? They're doing things less,
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  they're giving you less, they're meeting, they're they're doing
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  less for you, right? And then after that, you go into
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  enter. After the devaluation phase
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  comes the discard phase. And this is where the expiration
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  date comes into play, right? Because in the discard phase,
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  you'll notice that there's two parts of the discard.
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  There's the emotional discard, there's two-part of the the
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  discard phase, emotional discard and physical discard.
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  Emotional discard means they're emotionally disconnected from
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  you. And you know exactly what I mean
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  when I say that when I say that they're, you're, you're
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  emotionally discarded from them. You know exactly what I mean
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  when I say that. Like they just, you don't
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  recognize the person anymore. The person that you met, the
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  person that you fell in love with, the person that might have
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  been loved by me, you is no longer recognizable to you.
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  And you're like, what the hell happened?
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  What happened to you? What happened to me?
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  What's going on with this relationship dynamic?
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  What? How do we get to this point?
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  When they emotionally discard you, When they emotionally
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  disconnect from you, it does not mean that they're going to
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  physically discard you. This is why I think so many
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  people get get it twisted with the discard phase.
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  They think that everybody gets broken up with or everybody gets
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  left. That's just not true.
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  Sometimes you stay in a relationship with them and they
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  emotionally disconnect from it and you can tell you it starts
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  to feel like you're roommates, right?
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  It really starts to feel like you were roommates in this
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  relationship. You're you're no longer
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  together. So once you're starting to feel
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  like you're roommates, they're typically, once they emotionally
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  disconnect from you, they're typically trying to connect to
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  someone else. They're typically trying to
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  connect to someone else. They're trying to, to do this,
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  they're trying to do that. They're trying to connect,
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  reconnect to whoever they can in these situations right here
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  because it helps them. Like it helps them like
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  narcissistic people need narcissistic supply, right?
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  They need narcissistic supply. They need to get something from
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  you. They need that type of stuff.
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  They need it. So in order to get it, they have
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  to connect to somebody else. They need external supply.
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  They need external supply. They absolutely do.
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  That's been another video. I just said like when I'm
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  talking. Yeah, sometimes when I'm
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  talking, I inspire next videos. So I'm the next one of my next
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  videos is going to be entitled what every narcissist needs and
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  it's going to be talking about supply.
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  Y'all see y'all part of this journey, right?
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  Y'all y'all part of this journey And that's how it goes.
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  So once the relationship gets to that point where you feel like
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  you've been emotionally discarded, they're not like it.
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  The relationship is pretty much in and of itself done right.
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  You no longer feel loved and cared for.
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  You feel like you're you're just in this relationship by
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  yourself. You feel like you're dating
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  yourself. You feel like you're dating a
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  stranger. You feel like you have a
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  roommate that you're married sometimes, right?
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  You have a roommate that you have kids with.
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  You have a roommate that you pay bills with.
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  You have a roommate that you have to discuss certain things
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  with, right? It's not it's not necessarily
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  your partner anymore. No longer feels like a
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  partnership. It feels like a roommate.
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  I know that. Yeah.
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  I'm just telling you. I know that feeling.
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  I know how people deal. I know how people how, how this
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  type of stuff starts to happen to people.
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  I really, really do. So as long as you keep moving
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  forward, you have to, this is part of what you have to
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  understand is that narcissistic people are going to keep doing
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  the same thing over and over and over again.
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  This is the mentality, this is the mindset.
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  Like every relationship has an expiration date.
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  And I say that y'all to say this, no matter what you do,
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  it's going to get to this point. So many people ask me the
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  question like Lee, what can I? Is there anything I could have
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  done to make them treat me better?
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  Is there anything I could have done to get them to love me
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  more? Is there anything I could have
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  done to make the relationship last long?
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  And I tell people you can make it last longer, but it doesn't
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  mean that you're going to be happy.
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  It just means that this person is going to be with you.
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  It just means that you're in a relationship with this person,
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  right? It just means that this is what
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  you're going to be doing. You're going through the motions
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  of having somebody. It's just like you have a warm,
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  it's just pretty much you have a warm body in the bed as opposed
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  to having a partner in the bedroom with you.
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  I think that's the biggest difference.
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  You go from having a partner to just having a warm body that you
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  parent with that you Co parent with that, whatever the
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  situation arises, right? This is a this is a commonality
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  in these relationship dynamics and in the in, in in these
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  spaces. This is what you have to learn
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  how to deal with how you learn how to how you have to learn how
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  to, you know, deal with this person and this mentality and
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  this mindset. It really is y'all.
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  So that's why I just tell people all the time in these
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  situations, you have to protect yourself at all costs.
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  You really, really do. Because if you don't, this is
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  when this type, this type of stuff starts to happen when the
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  relationship expires, when it reaches that expiration date,
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  when it when it's pretty much over said over and done with.
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  What do they physically get rid of you or not?
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  Like you have to make the decision what you want to do
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  next. Like what do you want to do next
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  in this situation? What do you want to do next in
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  this scenario? What do you want to do next in
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  these spaces and whatnot, right? What do you want to do next?
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  What do you see yourself going next?
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  Because you have to start making decisions for yourself and for
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  your children as well. I'm not telling you to leave.
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  I'm just saying what does your life look like being with this
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  person who is emotionally disconnected from you?
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  What does your life look like when you're around this person
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  consistently? When they're not, they act like
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  they don't care from you're not getting any type of empathy from
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  this person. When your kids or your children
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  are not getting any type of empathy from this person, what
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  does your life look like in the future for that situation?
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  Because that's that's going to be extremely important to think
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  about and do come to terms with as you're moving forward, right?
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  It really is. It's one of one of those things
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  that you have to come to terms with.
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  Like just because the relationship expires doesn't
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  mean that it ends in all, for all intents and purposes, it's
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  over with, right? But your heart's still in it.
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  Your heart is still in it. Their heart might be out of it.
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  Well, lead, their heart was never in it.
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  Because narcissists don't have hearts.
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  OK, y'all, We're not talking about who?
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  Who didn't have a heart. Was it the Tin Man?
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  And was it the Tin Man and the Wizard of Oz who didn't have a
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  heart? If I only had a heart.
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  Yeah, you see what I'm saying? It did a space right there.
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  It's like if you only had a heart.
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  Whatever the case may be like, we're not.
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  You're not the Tin Man. Then we we're not on the yellow
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  brick road. Right.
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  Narcissistic people do have heart, they're just super
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  guarded and dark as hell sometimes, right?
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  It's just like, what are you going to do with your heart?
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  Your heart is still in it. And sometimes it's very
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  difficult to detach from this person, from this personality,
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  somebody with this personality type.
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  It's very, it becomes very difficult to detach and to do
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  things like that. It really, really does.
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  That's the point of, of what goes on here.
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  This is what happens when it goes like this is what happens
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  as things continue to move forward, right?
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  Narcissistic people, toxic ass people are going to continue to
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  do this type of stuff because this it works for them.
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  Like once the relationship expires, is there's no, it
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  really is no going back into it to, to be happy, right?
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  Because just think about it like this right here, right?
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  Think about this right here, Narson, like would you drink
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  some expired milk? Like you go into the kitchen,
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  you open the refrigerator, right?
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  And it's it's impact milk. I don't know what are you, I
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  don't know where you get impact milk from.
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  I don't know if you got a, a highly empathetic cow with some,
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  with some caring, caressing, so affectionate utters.
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  I don't know where you get it from, but let's just imagine you
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  got a, you got a some impact milk in the fridge, right?
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  You go in there and it says, it says expires.
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  What's today? Today is the 7th.
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  I think the day is the 7th, so expires May 7th, right?
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  Would you drink this stuff on May?
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  Excuse me, would you drink this on May 17th?
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  Right? No.
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  Siri, would you drink this milk? It says May 17th on it.
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  Now would you drink this milk on May 17th?
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  No, because it's bad for you. It's bad for you.
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  You can still drink it, but it but you know it's bad for you
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  Now. You know it doesn't serve you
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  anymore, right? You know that.
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  So just like in these spaces right here, you don't want to
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  drink the milk, but you don't want to throw it out because it
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  it's still full. You don't want to you don't want
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  to feel like it's wasted, right? You haven't even opened the
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  milk, right? It's you don't want to wait.
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  You want to feel like it's wasted.
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  So you want to you going to Google and search?
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  Can I drink spoiled milk? You see what I'm saying?
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  You don't want to do that with your relationship.
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  Can I drink a spoiled relationship?
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  No, you you can still keep it, right?
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  But it's just it doesn't mean it's going to the expiration
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  date is going to change on it. That's what I'm trying to say.
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  Yeah, anyways, y'all thank y'all for riding with me this morning.
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  I appreciate every single one of you.
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  Again, check out my my courses, my support group, everything is
• 12:13
  on mentalillness.net. Check it out.
• 12:16
  Hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 12:18
  And as always, y'all, as always, this is out.
• 12:21
  Peace what up y'all what up? Before you leave make sure to
• 12:25
  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 12:26
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 12:28
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net,
• 12:32
  my coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 12:34
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 12:37
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 12:40
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 12:42
  later. Peace.