Latest / Nick and Kristen in the Podcast / Awful Neighbors

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Awful Neighbors · Nick and Kristen in the Podcast

0:11
Hello and welcome to Nick and Kristen in the podcast.
0:14
I'm Nick. That's Kristen.
0:15
We're married and we have a 7 year old daughter and we used to
0:18
be on the radio. And now we're just on your
0:20
podcast. Yeah, and I made a vow that I
0:23
wasn't going to cut my hair until I got a job.
0:26
And guess what, everybody? I'm cutting my hair but I but I
0:30
don't have a job. No, it's just getting to the
0:32
point where it's like it's not sustainable anymore and we have
0:35
no prospects insight. So unless Nick is going to start
0:39
looking like a beetle here pretty soon and he just cut his
0:41
hair. It's just been I had to wear a
0:42
hat to bowling and it's like it's just more of an
0:44
inconvenience. So that was a fun hill that we
0:47
decided to die on. But now I am getting off the
0:50
hill and going home. I did reach out to my Barber and
0:55
she had, she's moved, she's now in her own shop.
1:00
So I was like, oh thank God I waited.
1:01
So now I can go and be like one of your first customers in.
1:05
Your new shop, was she going to tell you or was this her way of
1:08
trying to like, got to get him out of my life?
1:11
I'm not going to tell him. Where I'm going, I mean, it's
1:13
possible. I did discover it and then I
1:15
made it a thing. So she posted it literally
1:17
opened today and so I was going through Instagram and I saw that
1:22
she posted something and she's like got the keys, OPA start
1:26
booking Monday or whatever. And I was like, what's this all
1:29
about? And she's like got my own place
1:31
kind of thing. And I was just about to text
1:33
everybody and she sent like a master.
1:34
No, she was not, but. She did send a message.
1:37
Trying to get rid of you. Maybe she was you.
1:39
Were never going to hear from her again.
1:42
You know what? Why not?
1:44
Everyone else has rejected me. Maybe you were.
1:46
Going to call your old place going.
1:47
Hey, can I make an appointment with Zoe?
1:49
And they were going to be like Zoe.
1:51
And then you're like, yeah. She never existed.
1:52
They're like talking about it. She's.
1:54
Been a ghost for 20 years No. And she she left, but she
1:58
forwarded no like if forwarding information.
2:02
Who's this Nick? Oh, definitely.
2:03
Definitely. No, she's she died was like, oh,
2:07
no, no, she did send out a mass text because it was very
2:11
unpersonal. It was like, hey everybody, I've
2:13
moved. Here's the link.
2:14
Yeah, here's the link to my new place.
2:16
And I messaged her on Instagram and we like right before she
2:20
said this. So it does nothing important on
2:22
it does seem hella suspicious. Yeah, she's like, Oh yeah.
2:24
By the way, By the way, I moved. I was.
2:28
I was just about to send a text to.
2:30
Everybody, thanks for everyone for sticking with me.
2:31
Well, it's interesting because I also have a hairdresser story.
2:34
OK, so I also cut my hair. It's a.
2:36
Good like 2. Inches off, whatever.
2:38
But I was, I sat down and I was, I go to my regular gal and she's
2:42
like, hey, do you live at this one place?
2:45
And I said, yeah, I do. And she's like, I thought I saw
2:47
you out not walking around. And I was like, oh man, like
2:52
visiting anybody. She's like, no, I live 2 houses
2:56
down from you. And I was like, I'm sorry, what?
2:59
And she goes, yeah, I saw you walk into your house.
3:03
And I was like, huh, I haven't noticed that you live 2 houses
3:09
down from me. And I said, well, you must have
3:12
just moved. Like, when did you move here?
3:14
2021 when we moved into this house.
3:19
Yes, a year after us, in fact, yes.
3:22
I thought when you brought this home that you were going to say
3:24
she was in the neighborhood because we walk around the
3:25
neighborhood with our kid all the time.
3:27
And that's. What I was?
3:28
Thinking too, it's not unfamiliar that like we've had a
3:30
couple of people say, oh, I live in your neighborhood.
3:32
Sure. Oh, that's cool.
3:32
Like it's a big neighborhood. It's like we're all condensed as
3:35
you know, the fact that she's 2 houses down and we had no idea.
3:38
Two houses down from me. Like there is one house in
3:41
between US. And you can, I mean, and you can
3:44
see her yard from our. Yard like yes like I was like Oh
3:47
my gosh and she's like isn't this crazy that this thing is
3:50
happening I'm like I know like 2 houses down for me and we've and
3:54
I even said to her I'm like isn't this a shame that like we
3:57
just don't know our neighbors anymore it's.
4:00
True. We have some people that have
4:01
moved in across the street. No idea.
4:04
It's our fault. We should have.
4:06
We should have gone over and welcomed into the neighborhood.
4:08
I think everybody else did. But they're never out and doing
4:10
anything. Or at least that's why everyone
4:12
gets invited to stuff and we don't.
4:14
But I but I I think I'm pretty neighborly because like.
4:16
When I see a neighbor, I say. Hi, People that moved in down
4:19
the down the road a little bit, they have kids that are lilies
4:23
around her age and I was walking by their house and their car has
4:28
bumper stickers on it and they're bumper stickers I can
4:31
agree with. OK.
4:32
Lots of cat. Stuff, yes.
4:33
I was like, I like these bumper stickers.
4:35
This is the kind of person I want to be friends with.
4:37
And so they were waiting at the bus stop.
4:38
And so I was like, let's make it a point to go down there and
4:41
introduce ourselves because I want to hopefully be friends
4:43
with these people, people. And it sounded like she was kind
4:45
of like, hey, like, you know, I'm so and so like, I mean, she
4:48
was, she's just. Friendly.
4:50
Yeah, right. So I was like, okay.
4:52
And then like, I was talking to my gal that cuts my hair and I
4:54
was like, oh, she was like, oh, you know, the across the street
4:57
there was a couple that had twins.
5:00
And I was like, yeah, I know. We had them over to our house
5:02
all the time. And so she was like, so wait a
5:04
second, Are you just like friends with everybody but me?
5:06
And I was like, well, you're friends with everybody but me
5:08
too. Yeah, we've been avoiding you
5:09
this whole time. Who knew?
5:11
Two houses down is my threshold. If you don't live next door to
5:14
me or directly across the street, you're out of my wheel.
5:17
House, I know the neighbors I share a fence with only because
5:20
I've awkwardly encountered them in the backyard and I have to
5:22
get to know them a little bit better.
5:23
I know. So yes, Cheryl.
5:24
John, I think. And I think John pretty much
5:27
hate, well, she doesn't hate us, but we had a very, very awkward
5:30
encounter a couple years back and we've never recovered.
5:33
Oh really? Yes.
5:34
You don't remember this? No.
5:35
What is the? What's the what'd you do?
5:37
Was it me? No, it was Lily.
5:41
We were potty training Lily and we were having difficulty and so
5:44
we were doing the whole like, let her just run around naked
5:46
because that way she'll feel it kind of thing.
5:48
And we were outside and he has a deck so he could look right to
5:51
the backyard. And he was like, hey, neighbor.
5:54
He always used to pop his head over, hey guys, how you doing?
5:57
He was like the guy from home Improvement, like always, like,
6:00
hey, what's going on, having chats and stuff like that.
6:02
And this one time he looked over and Lily's like, butt naked.
6:06
And he was like, oh, and like, shielded his eyes because he was
6:09
not expecting to see that. Yeah.
6:11
I was like, I'm sorry. Like we're trying to potty
6:13
train. He's like, OK, And we've like
6:14
never spoken since. I've chatted with him a couple
6:17
of. Times I've never done it we.
6:18
Talk about ladders All the time. I've had to borrow his very huge
6:21
ladder. That's true.
6:22
But then I got a huge ladder. And so I was like, yeah, I was
6:25
like, yeah, because of this, because of your ladder, I got
6:27
this letter. And he also dresses up as Santa,
6:29
so we've encountered Santa a couple times, so.
6:32
Yes, Lily thinks Santa lives next.
6:34
I don't. Know it's so sweet yeah or that
6:36
he's friends with. He's friends with yeah, So yeah,
6:39
but very nice neighbors. I think he's building a new
6:41
fence and I don't know if we're getting that fence.
6:43
I don't know. He has all the wood ready.
6:45
He thought he got a new door. And I'm just kind of like and I,
6:48
I have are. We getting a new fence?
6:50
Yeah. I know because apparently it's
6:51
our our fence to fix. Yeah.
6:53
And I'm like, oh God, is he fixing it?
6:55
Because. We're.
6:56
Moving out because we're taking too long.
6:59
To fix it. Well, we've, I've talked to him
7:01
about that a couple times, like, hey man, this fence is we're
7:03
going to have to at some point. He's like, yeah, yeah.
7:04
And I was like, yeah, So like it was wasn't like me pushing.
7:06
It was just, we both were like, someday we're going to have.
7:09
To talk about, I know, but at this point.
7:10
And now I think he's moving because he's been doing some
7:13
renovations and stuff like that. So it's like.
7:15
You. Want to fix the fence?
7:16
We're going to fix the fence. Like should I?
7:18
I mean, I'll offer if I see him and I see the new fence, I go,
7:22
do you want us to pay half? Like we were recently
7:24
unemployed, Like we both got fired from our jobs, so we
7:28
definitely would have. But like rain check.
7:31
No, what we have to do is you have to grab every person that's
7:34
about to tour the house and say you love everything.
7:37
If it wasn't just for this part of the fence, the one that
7:41
shares it with us, they would totally buy it.
7:43
And so then go and be like, oh, have the pass the message along
7:46
to the realtor. If it wasn't for this tiny
7:48
stretch of very affordable fencing that you could easily
7:52
provide to sell your house, it would be a done deal.
7:55
And then all of a sudden it'll just get done.
7:57
So you got to do the same thing with Cheryl.
7:58
Yeah, I think he's preparing. I think he's preparing to fix
8:01
the fence cuz I was like this is going to be a new fence but he
8:04
hasn't even talked to us so like what if I say no?
8:06
What if I? Don't want I am grateful to
8:07
watch your damn fence he wants to put up I.
8:09
Don't want your budget fence? I don't.
8:11
Want your pity fence? Are you using like oak?
8:14
Are you using the right wood to get this done?
8:16
Because if I'm not going to redo he.
8:18
Can stack tombstones on top of each other for all I care.
8:20
Just get it done. Yeah, I'm moving out soon, I'm
8:22
sure. So.
8:23
At some point. Might as well just replace it.
8:26
Something else I want to talk about Mother's Day is coming up.
8:29
So we're, you know, several days away.
8:30
But do you want on Mother's Day? Is it something that you look
8:35
forward to as like, oh, it's all family hangout and support mommy
8:39
throw mommy a party and just be on mommy's mom's all day?
8:43
Or do you want me to take Lily away and mommy spends the day
8:46
alone? I mean, why not both at this
8:47
point? I mean, can you do both of them?
8:48
Last year you took Lily for the whole day and it was really nice
8:52
and like, I got to relax and everything like that.
8:53
And that's nice, I suppose, but I feel like because I'm always
8:57
drowning in paperwork now that I'm like a full time therapist,
9:00
I feel like if you leave on Mother's Day, I'm just going to
9:03
do paperwork. And so therefore it's, I know.
9:06
But then it's like I'm sitting here with nothing to do.
9:09
There's no family around me. The house is quiet.
9:11
I can think and like, you know, might as well get all this
9:16
paperwork done because tomorrow I've got 30 reports I have to
9:19
write. Like I might as well do 15
9:21
tonight. Do you have clients on Mother's
9:22
Day? Because you have has everybody.
9:24
Cancelled. Everybody's cancelled.
9:25
OK, well, that's good. Nobody wants to come to therapy
9:27
on Mother's Day. And I was like, to be fair, I
9:29
don't really want to be here either.
9:30
Yeah. So no, I don't have any clients.
9:32
Like I would love if if we did an activity or something
9:35
together and then like maybe for an hour or two, you guys go to
9:38
the movies or something like that.
9:40
Why can't we do well? I was thinking, so Saturday we
9:43
can hang out with you and and celebrate and do some stuff and
9:45
then Sunday I can take her with me to bowling and then.
9:48
We can go bowling. Yeah, and it's like the all the
9:51
money that I've spent buying tickets for the first half of
9:54
the year, not so much this half. They're going to draw for like
9:58
thousands of dollars. So I'm like, if I miss this, I
10:00
miss out on free money, I mean. So if you want to take her.
10:03
With you I can bring the kid because my my bowling teammate
10:06
has a 7 year old yeah that he is also bringing to get his mom
10:09
away from for Mother's Day interesting I was like I didn't
10:12
know that she's a 7 year old girl lilies A7 year old girl
10:15
okay yeah so I was like this would work out cuz then they can
10:18
just kind of entertain each other and then we can bowl okay
10:21
well. That sounds like a plan, Okay.
10:23
And then we'll do whatever you want to do because it's going to
10:24
be a light Mother's Day. I apologize.
10:26
I'm going to make you a card. That's why I.
10:29
Didn't expect any kind of gifts or anything this year so.
10:32
We take some time away. What Bill's not getting paid so
10:34
I can have a whatever it is? I'll make you whatever you want,
10:37
so pick a dinner and I'll make it.
10:39
I appreciate it. Not a steak though, because it
10:41
can for them. Not a good steak.
10:43
We can't go to. I can't go Costco steak.
10:45
I can do Walmart steak. Oh, no, thank you, I'll pass.
10:47
Like the thin steak? Delicious.
10:51
I when we first started dating and we're getting serious, I
10:58
applied to move to Mars. Yeah, I know.
11:01
And it's been a thing that's kind of sat in the back of our
11:03
our relationship for 20 years or how long we've been together.
11:06
And now they're training people to go to Mars.
11:09
And I just wanted to run through some of the stuff.
11:11
You can apply now to see. Thanks.
11:15
Just so you know, just so you know, I'm fully on board, I
11:17
don't. Want to?
11:18
Go now. 20 years ago I was like, Oh my gosh, how dare you?
11:21
Now I'm kind of like, where can I film you so that you can film
11:24
your application to go to Mars? Yeah.
11:26
Let me help me fill it. Out if I die they probably you
11:29
could probably get a nice check. I know I'll get like, you'll get
11:31
like a hero's funeral, probably paid for, and then maybe I'll
11:34
get some sort of severance. So they're training people like
11:37
the European Space Agency, it's training people to go to Mars.
11:40
And so this is some of the things that these people that
11:42
are training have to go through and this will eventually do a
11:45
question. I just wanted to set out the
11:47
guidelines. Well, imagine that we're going
11:49
to train to go on Mars. So you have to be willing to do
11:52
these 10 things. Sure.
11:54
Submit to regular blood tests. You can't communicate or make
11:57
eye contact with medics or any other officials.
11:59
You'll get instructions and routines through short audio
12:01
briefings. You must exercise for an hour
12:04
every day. I'm out, yeah.
12:06
You can only shower for 5 minutes twice a week.
12:09
You have limited clothing and laundry facilities.
12:11
That doesn't matter. Not a problem.
12:12
Yeah, you can only eat ration prepackaged space style foods.
12:16
There are no fresh fruits or vegetables.
12:18
Well, to be fair, I don't know when the last time I did either.
12:20
Yeah. And eating around here is pretty
12:22
much like eating pre packaged space style foods anyway.
12:25
There's no alcohol or energy drinks, and tea and coffee are
12:27
very limited. OK, that's fine.
12:29
I could do that. You're allowed one hour a 1/2
12:32
hour video call with family once a week so you only have to say.
12:34
Hi. Oh no.
12:36
Oh, darn it. Oh really?
12:37
Oh, that's a shame. It's a mandatory thing.
12:39
Too bad. Only one small shoebox of
12:41
personal items is allowed, and that'll be the question here in
12:44
a second. Yeah, you only get privacy in
12:46
your tiny sleeping pod and in the bathroom.
12:48
You can only sleep at regulated times between 11:00 and 7:00.
12:51
Every mom is like, what's that like?
12:53
That sounds amazing. It's like my life.
12:54
Already I get free. I get a free pod, Yeah.
12:56
My own pod? Nobody.
12:58
'S touching. It's a tiny pod, yeah.
13:00
Forming relationships with other travelers.
13:02
Frowned upon because it could impact team dynamics.
13:04
And performance? This is a dream.
13:06
It's true. No sex rule.
13:08
Fabulous. I don't have to talk, talk to
13:10
anybody. I feel like I'm.
13:10
Training for. Mars a box of belongings all to
13:12
myself. I get my own.
13:13
Pod, I feel like I'm training for Mars now.
13:14
I don't. Have to make eye contact with
13:16
people taking my blood. This is amazing.
13:18
Yeah. No small talk.
13:20
No, you got to talk to people. There's other people there.
13:22
There's six people. Astronauts will be trapped
13:24
together in confined quarters with limited resources as they
13:27
journey. 8 for six months is how long?
13:29
Yeah, that's where I'm out. I'm claustrophobic.
13:30
So yeah, and like, I want to be. It would be cool to be one of
13:35
the first time Mars. I'm way too old now.
13:36
I was young, I was old then. I think when I played I was
13:39
like, I was old and didn't have the education.
13:41
I still don't and I'm older now. And so I don't know why they
13:43
would choose me to go to Mars. But now I don't want to go.
13:46
Yeah, but I brought up like when I saw that the one small shoebox
13:49
personal items. So you're you now have to go to
13:52
Mars. OK, this is something that's
13:54
happening. You can only bring 1 shoebox.
13:55
What's going in the shoebox? That's a good question.
13:57
It takes me, it would take me a long time to answer this.
14:00
So if you have an answer, go ahead.
14:01
I mean, obviously photos, right? Yes, maybe if if just a hard
14:06
drive count, I don't know, it would have to.
14:07
Be I don't know if I'd have the equipment.
14:09
Because I could bring a hard drive with photos and videos.
14:12
Because I'd like to see movement, you know, I'd like to
14:15
see you. Because animate.
14:17
Right, right. That.
14:17
I mean, that's nice. I think I would definitely bring
14:19
a journal and some pens because I'd want to document whatever's
14:23
going on and kind of talk about my life and that's kind of a way
14:25
to. That's a good point, yeah.
14:28
You know, well, I mean, it'd have to be a couple of journals.
14:31
My headphones I was. Going to say I need a music,
14:34
some sort of music. So like an iPod if I don't get
14:37
to bring. Yeah, if you can't bring my cell
14:39
phone, right. I mean, I don't think there's no
14:40
signal in space. So if I can.
14:42
Bring a hard drive where? All the signals are.
14:43
What am I talking about if I can?
14:44
Bring a hard drive. It's like this big.
14:45
I'll take it. It's true.
14:46
Yeah, you can get all those. Everything.
14:48
I've got everything. You can talk to the the
14:50
satellite they sent off. I know like wave to starlink as
14:53
I drive by. So yeah, I don't know.
14:56
It would have to be pictures. Like jewelry.
14:58
Yeah. Like sentimental things.
15:00
Like things obviously that mean a lot to you.
15:02
Like, you know, the, the it's all the mementos, all the slip.
15:06
Of my hair. Them to.
15:09
Smell me every once in a. While but like like maybe some
15:11
Cologne of yours or something like like spray out my new man.
15:15
Shall though no sex, sex is. Roundabout.
15:17
Well, it's OK, we're not going to be making.
15:19
Eye contact. Or whatever.
15:20
So it's fine. No small talk.
15:24
Yeah. So I don't know, it'd be, it'd
15:25
be tough, but I'm willing to go if you're willing to send.
15:29
It you know what, if you want to go, go be a hero, honey, I don't
15:31
want to go. I'll be fine.
15:32
That sounds terrible. But thank you for listening to
15:35
the podcast. And if we get to 1000 listens
15:39
for this episode, I will fly to Mars.
15:41
I will be, I will volunteer to go to Mars.
15:44
So if you want to get rid of me, just listen again, Loop it back.
15:47
Loop.