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Why narcissists keep track of all the good things they do for you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists keep
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  score, how they keep track of all the good things that they do
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  for you. And why do they do that?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Taboom. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, narcissists keeping score the scoreboard like there are.
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  If you if you ever dealt with a narcissistic person, you know
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  exactly what I am talking about. You know exactly what I mean
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  when I say that narcissistic toxic people keep score, keep
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  track of everything that they have ever done done for you or
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  everything that you everything that they feel like they've done
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  for you. They want to keep track of that
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  type of stuff. Like if you ever hear they like
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  if a narcissist has ever or tax person has ever taken you to a
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  fancy restaurant or taken you or bought you a gift or did
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  something for you that they didn't have to do.
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  You might, you might hear them open their mouth and say, hey,
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  you can't ever say I haven't done anything for you.
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  You can't say I've never done anything for you.
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  You can't say I've never been there for you when you needed
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  me, blah, blah, blah, Boo, Boo, Boo BBB.
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  You can't say that, can you? So that happens all the time
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  when you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people.
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  They keep track of it's like a, a damn near a black book or a
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  Rolodex of all the good stuff that they have done for you or
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  perceived good things that they have done for you or time, like
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  not even good things that they've done for you.
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  Times where they were there for you when they had like, we all
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  know that a lot of narcissists lack empathy, right?
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  Times where they need like times where they didn't have the the
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  empathy center to do anything like they they didn't have the,
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  they didn't have to be there for you.
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  Like they were completely disconnected emotionally in the
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  situation, right? That times like that when they
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  was just gone, like and you needed them to be there for you
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  and they were there for you. That's a that's a that goes on
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  the scoreboard. One point for me and they keep a
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  yeah they keep a running tally of this stuff because it it at
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  the end of the day, it directly benefits them to do that.
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  Y'all know this it it directly benefits them to keep tally to
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  keep score of every single thing that they do because it empowers
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  them right it empowers them. It empowers them to keep like to
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  to keep you where you are, to make sure that you know it like
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  to like I said, and also in the future to to get away with stuff
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  to get you to forgive them or overlook something that they
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  have done to you. Like get you to overlook
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  something that they have actually done to you.
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  Overlook something that they've actually put you through.
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  Like literally, they will absolutely do that type of stuff
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  right there. Put you through some stuff, do
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  some horrible stuff to you for like cheat on you, put their
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  hands on you, lie to you, steal from you.
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  Like you catch them in the act of something.
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  And they'll be able to go through that little toxic
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  rolodex of good deeds or things that they've done for you and
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  say, wow, you remember I did this for you and you just going
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  to hold me accountable? Wow, you remember your Pat
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  ferret? Your Pat Ferret got out and
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  escaped through the neighborhood, and you thought he
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  was gone, and I went and found him.
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  And you, you never thought you were going to see Pet Ferret
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  again, right? Oh, Ferry.
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  Ferris the Ferret. Ferret Ferry Ferris the ferret
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  had a day off like Ferris Bueller.
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  You named him at. The Ferris Bueller, right?
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  You remember he escaped and I found him and he going to leave
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  me for cheating on you? You going to leave me for
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  putting my hands on you? What about your damn ferret?
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  If you kick me out, I'm taking the ferret whip because he
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  wouldn't be here if I wouldn't have sacrificed my time, effort
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  and energy to go buy them. You see how you forget stuff?
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  You see how people forget things when you do stuff for them.
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  That's why I don't do nothing for nobody, because it always
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  comes back to. Bite me blah blah blah Boo Boo
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  Boo BBB. That happens, that absolutely
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  does happen. They it's part of it, like it
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  really is like they will never forget the things that they have
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  done for you. Now the the they they just
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  won't. They will always bottle up.
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  They like you things that you just think are normal in the
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  relationship. Y'all things that normal people
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  healthy, not normal things that healthy people do in
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  relationships. They consider that going above
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  and beyond. So because they consider that
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  above and beyond, they expect you to tolerate a certain, a
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  certain, it's a certain type of behaviour.
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  You need to get over what I'm doing to you because I was there
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  for you when you needed me, right?
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  You need to get past the things that I've said to you, the
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  things that I've done to you because I was there for you,
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  right? I've done this for you, right?
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  They hold on to you because it's useful.
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  It's useful. They love holding on to that
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  type of stuff because it is absolutely useful.
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  It really is. And they, they won't, they won't
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  ever let you live down the stuff that they have done for you.
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  But the the opposite end, they, they will never forget the
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  things that they do for you, but they will absolutely get forget
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  the things that they have done to you.
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  So like a lot of narcissists have damn near selective
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  amnesia, like they just their mind goes blank on the bad
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  things that they do, the horrible things that they do.
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  They remember the good deeds, right?
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  They remember the good things that they have done for you, but
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  the the bad stuff they seem to forget, right?
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  You remember, you remember that time I bought you those flowers?
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  You remember that nobody's ever got you flowers before.
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  But said for me. But if you think back about it,
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  they got you flowers because they got you caught them.
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  They, they put their hands on you or they threaten your life
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  and then they got you some apology flowers.
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  That's the reason they got those flowers.
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  They considered that a good deed, but they forgot why they
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  got those flowers. It wasn't from the kindness of
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  their own heart. They did it because they figured
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  flowers. I don't y'all, y'all got to tell
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  me what it is about flowers. Y'all got to tell me what it is
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  about flowers that that like my, my folks out there, they like
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  flowers. You got to let me know what it
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  is about flowers that it equate that equate to for equate to
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  forgiveness. You got to let me know what it
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  is about flowers and things like that that equate to people
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  forgiving you and things like that.
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  I, I, I really have to know, like is it, is it something in
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  the flowers, like the smell of them that makes you forget
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  stuff? Like it's the smells like the
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  scent of forgiveness. Like do roses give off a
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  pheromone to forgiveness or something like that?
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  Like I, I don't get it, but I've given flowers before because I
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  know it works. But on your side of things, why
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  do flowers work? You know, but that's the mindset
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  of a lot of narcissistic people right there.
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  They expect you to get over the stuff that they do for you, but
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  they will never, ever forget what you have done to them or
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  things that you, things that they perceive you do to them or
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  things that they have done to you.
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  I'm just saying like, yeah, this is the type of stuff that
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  relationships fall apart because of.
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  And like I say, if you ever dealt a narcissistic person, you
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  know, like, you know, they keep bringing up old stuff like you,
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  like if you were to bring up something that you've done for
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  them, let's just say the opposite of the opposite
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  happens. You bring up something that
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  you've done for them in the past, right?
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  But they just like, wow you. So you didn't do that from the
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  kindness of your own heart. You only did that because you
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  wanted something from me. That's projection, because
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  that's why they do something for you.
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  They're projecting it onto you. They they automatically, because
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  they assume a lot of narcissists assume that you think the same
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  way that they think, right? They think that you have the
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  same type of mindset or you the same inner workers that they do.
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  So they're going to be like, OK, you must be doing this good deed
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  because you want something from me.
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  And that's, that could be one of the reasons why when you do
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  something for them, when you give them a gift, they're not
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  super receptive of it. Like there's some narcissist
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  that love when you give them things.
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  But there are a lot of narcissistic people that when
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  you give them a gift, they're not super receptive of because
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  they in their minds, like, Oh, you're going to use this against
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  me later on because that's what they do.
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  That's what they do. They think that you're going to
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  use it against them later on because they would use it
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  against you. That's the mindset right there.
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  Like I think you're going to use this against me because I would
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  use it against you. I think you're going to bring
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  this up later on because I would bring it up on.
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  I would bring it up later on against you.
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  That's the Super simplistic way of me putting it right there.
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  So they love keeping score. They love keeping track of all
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  the good stuff that they have done for you because it works.
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  It absolutely works. It does, y'all.
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  And that's why I just tell people, like, if you're dealing
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  with a narcissistic person. Yeah, I'm not.
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  I'm not telling you to. Just like if they do something
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  good for you to to reject it because that can also become an
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  argument as well. Like if you reject the good
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  deed, if you reject a gift or something like that, you reject
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  those flowers. I don't want your flowers.
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  Oh, wow. You too good for the flowers.
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  Wow. I'll try to do something.
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  I'll try to do something nice. Wow.
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  I won't do this again. Wow.
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  Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble. Yeah.
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  They'll go off on that type of tangent right there where they
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  expect you to keep doing, do they?
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  They expect you to do things for them in that space right there.
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  And, and they, they will absolutely hold it against you.
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  They will keep holding against you.
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  They won't stop holding against you until they probably won't
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  y'all, they probably will never get over the stuff that they've
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  done for you because it's useful.
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  Even stuff even if they haven't done anything good for you in
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  the last 5-10 years, something they've done 11 years ago, 15
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  years ago, to them it's still relevant.
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  But y'all know the opposite is not true.
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  Stuff that you've done in the past, it's not going to be as
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  relevant as stuff that they've done.
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  It doesn't matter because they, the stuff that they do is more
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  important. They always have a, they always
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  have a reason to explain it away, to justify it, right.
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  They have a reason to explain and justify the stuff that
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  they've done, the stuff that they say and the stuff that they
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  continue to do. So that's why I just tell people
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  in these situations, you have to protect yourself.
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  You absolutely do. Like I said, I'm not telling you
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  to refuse the good deeds. I'm just saying like if they
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  keep bringing up old stuff, you have to try to revert the you
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  either have to not argue with them.
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  You have to try to bring the conversation back to the present
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  time. OK, I remember that.
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  Thank you for that. But right now we're here with
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  we're addressing this issue right here.
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  Thank you for that gift you got me 25 years ago.
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  But now we're here. Thank you for what you did for
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  me 30 years ago. But now we're here.
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  Thank you for what you did for me five years ago.
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  But right now is in the present. I'm not.
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  I haven't forgotten about that. But we can talk about that later
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  on. But we right here if they.
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  And sometimes you, yeah, even sometimes that doesn't work.
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  Something like, yo, you have a better, better, you have a
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  better chance or get better. You.
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  You might get better results from going outside, finding the
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  biggest, thickest oak tree in your yard, and talking to the
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  oak tree that you will try to communicate with a narcissistic
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  person. That's just how it goes
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  sometimes with y'all. But anyways, let me hop off this
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  thing y'all. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. I have a zoom call for zoom
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  calls, my coaching, my courses, and my groups.
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  Check out mental illness.net. I will see y'all in the next
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  video. Thanks.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
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  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
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  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.