Latest / Rachel Oates / The Worst Pregnancy Guide for Dads

Transcript

The Worst Pregnancy Guide for Dads · Rachel Oates

• 0:01
  Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel.
• 0:02
  My name is Rachel and today I am doing something that I never
• 0:04
  thought I'd do and that is reviewing a pregnancy guide for
• 0:08
  dads. Now as a lot of you may know but
• 0:11
  if you don't I'll tell you anyway.
• 0:12
  I am a child free woman who has never had kids and never will
• 0:14
  have kids. I have thankfully never been
• 0:16
  pregnant and I never plan on being pregnant, hence why I have
• 0:19
  never really read a pregnancy guide before.
• 0:22
  However, I, as a cisgender woman, do have to deal with a
• 0:25
  lot of uterus issues, a lot of hormone issues.
• 0:27
  So a few of the things that I mentioned in this book are
• 0:30
  things that I'm not necessarily like, they've not happened to
• 0:34
  me, but like I've had to deal with similar things, if that
• 0:37
  makes sense. Like hormonal fluctuations are
• 0:39
  something that I'm very familiar with.
• 0:41
  Changes to my uterus or saturnal discharge is something I'm
• 0:44
  familiar with. Dealing with periods and
• 0:46
  ovulation is something I'm familiar with, so maybe that
• 0:49
  gives me a little more insight than some cisgender men, but I'm
• 0:53
  very aware that I'm not a pregnant person and I never will
• 0:56
  be, hopefully. So there are things that I can't
• 0:59
  necessarily like comment on about this book that I'm hoping
• 1:01
  you guys in the comments can comment on.
• 1:04
  But what I will say is, quite funnily, I ended up having a
• 1:06
  chat with my nurse yesterday when I went in for my smear test
• 1:08
  and Oh my God, that was a whole drama in itself.
• 1:10
  I have to go back next week because my cervix was not in the
• 1:13
  right position. I have.
• 1:14
  I have cervix issues. I've told you about this before.
• 1:17
  Sorry if this is your first time here.
• 1:19
  Hi, let's get to know each other.
• 1:21
  I'm going to talk about my cervix.
• 1:23
  But no, she, she couldn't reach my cervix properly.
• 1:25
  It was like a whole drama. So I'm going back next week to
• 1:27
  try and have a different nurse have a look at it.
• 1:30
  But the one who did it was absolutely lovely.
• 1:31
  And I've had this issue before so I'm used to it.
• 1:34
  But while I was there in the office, me and the nurse were
• 1:36
  having a good little chat and she was asking me about work.
• 1:38
  And she was like, oh, what are you working on right now?
• 1:39
  And so I told her about this video and I told her about this
• 1:41
  book and she I have never seen a woman more horrified.
• 1:45
  She was like, what the hell? No, no, that's not publishing.
• 1:49
  Who published this? Who wrote this?
• 1:50
  Why is it allowed to be out there?
• 1:52
  And I was like, right. And she was commenting on how
• 1:55
  much misinformation there was in the things I was telling her
• 1:57
  that were in this book. And she was like, thank God
• 1:59
  you're calling it out. And I was like, OK, so I'm doing
• 2:02
  the right thing. And she's like, yes, so I do
• 2:04
  have a nurse's backing to some extent, but that was in like a
• 2:08
  20 minute conversation. So obviously I couldn't tell
• 2:10
  everything in the that was in the book.
• 2:11
  I just gave her the highlights. So all that said, today we are
• 2:14
  reading Mission Pregnancy, Dad's Survival guide to Nine months by
• 2:19
  the author is complicated. They just go by Dad is online
• 2:23
  and I can't find out who's actually written these books.
• 2:26
  I went into my review and I wrote all this stuff, this stuff
• 2:28
  thinking it was written by a man, 4 men.
• 2:30
  But the owner of like the parent company seems to be a woman from
• 2:33
  Tel Aviv. Very confusing.
• 2:36
  We'll touch on her and who she is at the end, but for now this
• 2:39
  is written as though it's from the perspective of a man.
• 2:42
  So I assume the author was a man and a dad.
• 2:45
  I don't know, I don't, it's just an assumption I'm making because
• 2:48
  they do remain anonymous. They just go by Dad is.
• 2:52
  So this book describes itself as a must read for every man whose
• 2:55
  partner is pregnant or will be, and for every woman who wants to
• 2:59
  survive pregnancy without having her partner lose his crap
• 3:01
  entirely. Doesn't sound bad.
• 3:04
  Doesn't. I think pregnancy guards for
• 3:05
  dads are a really important thing.
• 3:07
  They're a really good thing to have.
• 3:08
  There's going to be a big market for them.
• 3:10
  More men should be reading them. So how did I find this book in
• 3:13
  the 1st place? Well, I have to give a shout out
• 3:15
  to a woman on Instagram called Kristen CA.
• 3:17
  That's SEAY. I'm not quite sure how to
• 3:19
  pronounce her surname, but because CAC.
• 3:23
  Yeah. CACC Anyway, this woman, she's
• 3:27
  great shout out to her. She was reviewing a series of
• 3:30
  pregnancy books, like a bunch of the worst pregnancy books.
• 3:33
  And she came up on my Instagram feed a couple of times and this
• 3:36
  book is the one that stood out to me because I only heard like
• 3:38
  I think I saw it in two videos. I'm sure she's done more though.
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  But the extracts I heard I was like what the hell, I need to
• 3:44
  find this book and review it. And so I found it on Amazon for
• 3:48
  £3.33 bargain. I'm kidding, even that is too
• 3:52
  much. It's not worth that.
• 3:54
  And I found these reviews on Amazon one star vile.
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  This is from a man called James. So it's not just women who are
• 4:02
  angry about this. Disgustingly outdated and
• 4:04
  misogynistic. Every copy should be burnt.
• 4:07
  That was just what, four days ago?
• 4:09
  That's from vile and ignorant. This is unbelievably gross and
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  should have never been published, let alone put on
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  sale. It describes women as the
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  property of men and characterises gynaecologists and
• 4:18
  healthcare professionals as perverts and abusers.
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  That's one of the bits I told my nurse about and she was really
• 4:23
  appalled by. We'll get to it, don't worry.
• 4:26
  We're going in depth with this, as always.
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  If that's not enough, it's full of inaccurate information about
• 4:30
  medical and personal care issues during pregnancy.
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  Any man or woman who finds this readable or values its content
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  is not going to make a good parent.
• 4:38
  Oh, every quote I hear from this book makes me want to vomit.
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  It's full of sexist jokes at the mother's expense about how
• 4:44
  pregnant women were just taking advantage of men as much as they
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  can and reinsurances the men that they will have sex again
• 4:51
  soon. There are also weird comments
• 4:53
  about how every expecting father wants to have a son instead of a
• 4:55
  daughter so that they can look at chicks in bikinis together at
• 4:58
  the beach or drink beer together.
• 5:01
  Yep, don't worry, we're going to be covering that bit too.
• 5:03
  It is gross. Who wrote this?
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  Does the author of this book actually have kids?
• 5:07
  Does he hate his wife? I would judge fathers who
• 5:10
  actually like this book. WTF Laura said It spreads
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  misinformation and misogyny full of incorrect information in an
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  extremely sexist tone that makes 1 of pregnant mothers this book
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  trivialised. This is the ordeal that women go
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  through sexualizing the painful body changes as well as
• 5:25
  sexualizing invasive pelvic exams.
• 5:28
  Yeah, and again, that's something I told my nurse about.
• 5:31
  Again. We'll get there, don't worry.
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  Even going so far as to warn the men to rein in their inherent
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  possessiveness of their women by holding back their desire to hit
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  the OBGYN for daring to perform such examinations.
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  Why covering it? According to this book, women
• 5:45
  exaggerate and lie about their struggles for attention and
• 5:47
  being sympathetic, threatens to shatter their masculinity.
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  Wish I could rate zero stars. Steph says do not buy.
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  Absolutely not misogynistic and gross.
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  Are we not better than this in 2025?
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  And now it's 2026 and apparently we're still not better than it.
• 6:01
  Don't get it. Sex is dismissing and
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  disgusting. Unbelievable.
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  It got printed and published. However, there are some good
• 6:08
  reviews. Some Amazon users really liked
• 6:10
  it because they said it focused on the most important person
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  during a pregnancy, The dads, an anonymous Amazon customer said
• 6:19
  from the United States, by the way.
• 6:20
  The rest, funnily enough, the one star reviews wrote from the
• 6:22
  UK, the five star from the US. Interesting.
• 6:26
  I'm not commenting. The perfect pregnancy handbook
• 6:28
  for dads. Exclamation mark.
• 6:31
  As a first time dad, I found this book to be incredibly
• 6:33
  useful in understanding pregnancy and incredibly
• 6:35
  sympathetic for me. Capital letters.
• 6:38
  As a slightly anxious almost dad with humoristic tone and
• 6:42
  marvellous illustrations, this is the best pregnancy handbook
• 6:45
  one could find. I also bought the second book in
• 6:47
  this series, Mission Baby, and found it to be a perfect
• 6:50
  continuation of this book. Buy them both.
• 6:53
  So like I say, I obviously went out bought this on Amazon for
• 6:56
  God knows what reason, so that today we can review this
• 6:58
  ourselves and talk about it. I'm also going to be comparing
• 7:01
  it to some other pregnancy guides that I read as part of
• 7:04
  part of research for this video. One to make it a fair comparison
• 7:07
  because this is meant to be like a humorous book for dads to you
• 7:09
  know, they find it funny. So you know, you, you get the
• 7:12
  information and you learn through humour, apparently.
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  So I read a humorous pregnancy guide for women as well, which
• 7:19
  we'll get to. And then I wrote two other
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  pregnancy guides written for dads, which are funny in places,
• 7:24
  but they do take themselves a bit more seriously.
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  And they are actually clearly written by like good dads who
• 7:29
  care about their children and wives and they actually want to
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  be helpful and teach people stuff rather than just mocking
• 7:35
  women like this book does. So I've not just like read this
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  in in its what's the word? I'm looking for a cocoon maybe
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  so I've not just read this like in a cocoon.
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  I've tried to do expanded reading about it to expand my
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  knowledge on a topic that I don't have first hand experience
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  with. So there we go.
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  And also before we start, please excuse my background in the mess
• 7:56
  behind me and everything, but I'm moving out in just a couple
• 8:00
  of months. So I've started packing up all
• 8:02
  my stuff and that's what I've been doing today.
• 8:03
  It's currently 10:00 at night and Kubi's sleeping in the
• 8:08
  living room. She's just started on a new
• 8:09
  medication and there's a few who don't know that's my dog.
• 8:12
  She's nearly thirteen years old and she's a little bit I'll
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  blessed she's been having seizures.
• 8:16
  So she started on a new medication yesterday, which is
• 8:19
  making her quite sleepy and drowsy, but it's also making her
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  pee constantly. So we were up at like 5:00 AM
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  this morning or something with her didn't got to pee and then
• 8:28
  again at 8:00 and then again like every couple of hours it's
• 8:30
  pee, pee, pee and she's not normally like that.
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  She's not normally from the night.
• 8:34
  So that combined with the medications made her quite
• 8:37
  sleepy. So she's sleeping in the living
• 8:38
  room now on the seti and hopefully I'm going to be able
• 8:41
  to get through this video undisturbed, but we'll see.
• 8:45
  It's quite nice knowing she's just asleep, she's relaxing, I
• 8:47
  don't need to worry about her. But if this takes more than an
• 8:50
  hour to film, I am going to have to leave and get her medication.
• 8:52
  So let's jump into this. Also, I'm not in my usual
• 8:56
  filming location and I'm kind of smushed in here because I don't
• 8:58
  want to disturb the little ones. So again, sorry about that.
• 9:01
  Half my stuff is in boxes, half of it's still around.
• 9:04
  I have boxes on the floor. Life.
• 9:07
  So I'll be honest, we are not off to a great start when the
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  first page I see upon opening the book warns me that this is
• 9:14
  APC free zone. Yeah, as in no political
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  correctness here. Don't you worry.
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  That just says to me, I plan to be cruel and will blame you if
• 9:24
  you get offended. Not great, is it?
• 9:27
  Right, First page. Your partner is pregnant and you
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  are thrilled. Of course you're thrilled, but
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  you're gonads. Yes, the balls responsible for
• 9:36
  this pregnancy are shaking. Now you know that there's going
• 9:39
  to be a significant change in your life, but you're not sure
• 9:42
  exactly what's coming. OK, fair enough start I guess.
• 9:45
  Who doesn't love a little testicle talk, right?
• 9:48
  Let's give this a chance. Let's see where this goes.
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  Oh, I will also add at this point as well, this book is
• 9:52
  incredibly heteronormative. It assumes that all pregnancies
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  happen the old fashioned way with penis in vagina.
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  Once this gender straight man, once this gender straight woman,
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  that's all it assumes there is to pregnancies and fatherhood
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  and whatever. So it doesn't take into account
• 10:07
  like we know different kinds of people and families exist.
• 10:10
  We know people can get pregnant via IVF and things like that.
• 10:12
  We know people might have surrogates, we know people might
• 10:15
  have sperm donors or egg donors and all sorts of different
• 10:18
  things going on and we know there's different types of
• 10:20
  couples. This book doesn't acknowledge
• 10:22
  that. So I just want to kind of
• 10:23
  preface with that to say if you feel there's not enough
• 10:26
  inclusion here, it's the fault of the book and not me.
• 10:30
  I'm not purposely want to leave anyone out, but I can only react
• 10:33
  to what's in here. We know the truth, so let's read
• 10:36
  on. You're also starting to feel,
• 10:38
  well, a little bit alone. Alone in your battle with the
• 10:41
  neighbour's kids. Not too long ago you both used
• 10:44
  to hate those kids, but now she's suddenly BFF with their
• 10:47
  mum, alone, dealing with the rounding figure, both hers and
• 10:51
  yours. Say goodbye to joint dieting.
• 10:54
  She's eating for two now. Keep stuffing her face.
• 10:57
  And of course you have to help her out alone when facing your
• 11:01
  parents. Suddenly everyone loves your
• 11:02
  wife, even and especially your mother and sometimes you feel
• 11:07
  like the third wheel. So what I'm hearing here is your
• 11:10
  wife is being immature and you still want to be a child and
• 11:14
  argue with other children and we're supposed to pity you for
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  it? Your wife is growing an entire
• 11:18
  human being and needs extra nutrients and you're like Oh no,
• 11:22
  this makes my diet harder and we're supposed to pity you for
• 11:26
  it. You're mad because you're no
• 11:27
  longer mummy's favourite and she's instead helping out
• 11:30
  another woman who's going through a major health and body
• 11:32
  change and birthing and growing her grandchild and you want us
• 11:36
  to pity you for it? Get a grip man.
• 11:40
  I'm sorry but this just screams selfish little man child to me
• 11:42
  and I feel like this is my second video I'm making this
• 11:45
  year and all of it already. The word man child has come up
• 11:47
  so much last time with Nick Fuentes.
• 11:49
  Now with whoever wrote this and whoever enjoys this book, man
• 11:52
  child could be the word of 2026, isn't it?
• 11:55
  Yeah, I'm sorry. If these are your main concerns
• 11:56
  though during pregnancy, then you are not ready to be a dad.
• 12:00
  Grow up. Going to be saying that a lot
• 12:01
  throughout this video drinking game for you.
• 12:03
  Take a shot every time I say grow up.
• 12:05
  Actually don't make it alcohol because you will die.
• 12:07
  But I was like, if I imagine the worries that a dad would have
• 12:10
  while like his partner's pregnant, I'd think like you
• 12:14
  want to feel connected to your baby despite not being the one
• 12:16
  that's growing inside. You want to understand what's
• 12:18
  going on in your wife or partner's body and with your
• 12:20
  baby's development so you can best care for them and support
• 12:23
  them. You worry you won't have the
• 12:24
  skills needed to be a good parent.
• 12:26
  Not this selfish nonsense. So I wanted to compare this
• 12:29
  straight off the bat to a humorous guide written for women
• 12:32
  and came across this one called the Rough Guide to Pregnancy,
• 12:34
  which was originally written in the 90s, but there have been
• 12:36
  updated versions since. And this such things like, so
• 12:40
  this is covering the worries that pregnant women have
• 12:43
  regarding their pregnancy and babies and so on.
• 12:45
  And again, remember, it's meant to be kind of humorous but also
• 12:47
  real. My first thoughts every morning
• 12:49
  and my last thoughts at night were about being pregnant.
• 12:51
  And there was a fair amount in between this as well as the
• 12:53
  other stuff you usually have to be on top of in your normal
• 12:56
  life. Would I be a good mother?
• 12:57
  What if something went wrong? Was it too late to have second
• 12:59
  thoughts? Should I feel guilty about
• 13:01
  having second thoughts? Where do we stand on 3rd and
• 13:03
  subsequent thoughts? Where the hell are my keys?
• 13:06
  Why is there peanut butter in the freezer?
• 13:08
  Did I do that? What the hell has happened to my
• 13:09
  hair? What's that weird bump forming
• 13:11
  on my gums? Do stretch marks stay that
• 13:13
  lovely shade of royal purple forever?
• 13:14
  Will I ever want to have sex again?
• 13:16
  What do people mean when they say pregnancy hormones?
• 13:18
  Is it true some aromatherapy can make me have a miscarriage?
• 13:21
  Is it any wonder they keep making horror movies about
• 13:23
  motherhood and the creatures insiders?
• 13:25
  Isn't this miraculous? Isn't this uncomfortable?
• 13:27
  Isn't this terrifying and wonderful and fascinating and
• 13:30
  boring as bat poop all at the same time?
• 13:32
  Am I supposed to feel serene or just seasick?
• 13:34
  And if I don't do my pelvic floor exercises, will my vagina
• 13:36
  fall out? Why can't I feel the baby move
• 13:38
  yet? Could the baby stop moving for a
• 13:39
  while and give me a rest? What about those cigarettes I
• 13:41
  had before I realised I was pregnant?
• 13:42
  Will I ever be able to be alone again?
• 13:44
  How can I tell people I want I don't want my career back?
• 13:46
  How can I get my career back? When does a foetus become a
• 13:49
  baby? Does that mean if it's born then
• 13:50
  it will survive? Could I get any fatter?
• 13:52
  What's preeclampsia and how do I get it?
• 13:54
  What can you see on an ultrasound screen?
• 13:56
  What if labour goes on forever and nothing comes out?
• 13:58
  Could somebody get me a cup of tea?
• 13:59
  And then when I had a baby, the real question started.
• 14:02
  I think that's a much fairer assessment of what a soon to be
• 14:06
  parent likely goes through rather oh boohoo, my mummy is
• 14:10
  not paying enough attention to me anymore.
• 14:12
  Or at least that's what this is, what a good parent should be
• 14:15
  thinking. Not the mummy thing.
• 14:17
  Very different priorities there, clearly.
• 14:19
  And it's not just that women are more thoughtful either.
• 14:21
  I think it's just good parents and good people are more
• 14:24
  thoughtful during this time. So I found a couple of better
• 14:27
  books written for men by men about being a good dad and
• 14:30
  preparing for that during pregnancy.
• 14:32
  This one is called Future Daddy, the ultimate guide for First
• 14:35
  Time Dads by Andre Mooring. He, being the responsible adult
• 14:38
  that he is, writes. I really wish that someone had
• 14:41
  written me a book when I was preparing for the birth of my
• 14:43
  daughter. It was a time filled with
• 14:44
  uncertainties and doubts, and yet the material I found online
• 14:47
  was grossly insufficient to boost my confidence in the
• 14:50
  ability to take care of a family.
• 14:51
  I mean, how are you supposed to to step up to the plate if you
• 14:53
  don't even know what's going on? You need dependable information
• 14:56
  to kill that voice of doubt that's been nagging at the back
• 14:58
  of your brain. You need to know that you can
• 15:00
  handle any everything coming your way for your excitement to
• 15:03
  take root. Only when you have the proper
• 15:05
  information will you be in a position to show up and crush
• 15:07
  this pregnancy like the dependable man that you are.
• 15:09
  Parenting actually starts at pregnancy.
• 15:12
  So you can see that shows much more maturity and emotional
• 15:16
  intelligence and just like all around being a better person.
• 15:19
  But to go back to this terrible mission pregnancy book, we have
• 15:22
  more questions you might ask. So where is she?
• 15:24
  Your best friend? Where did she go?
• 15:26
  You remember that once before you decided that what was
• 15:29
  missing from your life as a child, you had your own language
• 15:31
  together. You'd understand each other with
• 15:33
  just a glance. Other people used to look at the
• 15:35
  two of you and could not understand what you were
• 15:36
  laughing about. But now you are those other
• 15:38
  people. Your partner talks to
• 15:40
  girlfriends and you don't understand a word.
• 15:42
  What is apgar? She starts counting in weeks and
• 15:44
  even days. What's wrong with months?
• 15:46
  The entire world goes by months. Vague terms such as ovulation
• 15:49
  and chromosomes buzz in your ear.
• 15:51
  It seems like you know a few of them.
• 15:52
  Some of them even remind you of your high school bio classes and
• 15:55
  of your sexy biology teacher. Oh.
• 15:58
  Cara. While some of them confuse you,
• 16:00
  she tries to clue you in, but somehow she's absorbed a
• 16:02
  ridiculous amount of details and you just can't keep up.
• 16:05
  You know she knows this stuff because she cares.
• 16:07
  She did the work, she did the research, she's read the books,
• 16:10
  she's bothered to learn about what's happening inside her
• 16:13
  body. And you know what?
• 16:14
  You have nothing to complain about because you could do it if
• 16:16
  you wanted. You don't need to be the
• 16:18
  pregnant one to do research about what it's like to be
• 16:20
  pregnant. Just because she decided to
• 16:23
  actually be informed before starting this process and making
• 16:26
  a decision about having a kid and you didn't, that's not her
• 16:29
  fault and that's not something I'm gonna pity you for because
• 16:32
  you're like being left behind. Okay, catch up, do the work.
• 16:35
  I made a video sometime last year about all the extra
• 16:38
  emotional labour that women do. And I'd just like to mention a
• 16:41
  book, an anecdote that I spoke about back then too.
• 16:43
  So in her book Fed Up by Gemma Hartley she talks about how her
• 16:47
  experience at pregnancy differ to her husbands experience and
• 16:50
  I'm going to read you a few extracts to demonstrate.
• 16:53
  This is a little bit long but bear with me.
• 16:54
  So Gemma writes, the moment I looked at that positive
• 16:56
  pregnancy test my world was forever changed.
• 16:59
  Not only because of the depth of love I experienced through
• 17:01
  motherhood, but because of the depth of emotional labour I dove
• 17:04
  into the moment I knew I was pregnant.
• 17:05
  I shrieked and cried tears of joy and stared at the test in
• 17:08
  wonder. Then within an hour I'd set up a
• 17:10
  pregnancy appointment, ordered what to expect when you're
• 17:13
  expecting, found a gestational calculator to give me all the
• 17:16
  facts I needed to know at the stage and begun scouring the
• 17:18
  Internet for nursery inspiration.
• 17:20
  As the birth of my first child approached, I over prepared and
• 17:23
  over researched in every possible way.
• 17:25
  I wanted to be fully armed for whatever was ahead because I
• 17:28
  knew the stakes were high. Every decision I made affected
• 17:30
  another person. The pressure to get it right was
• 17:33
  unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.
• 17:35
  And it was especially intense because even though it took two
• 17:37
  of us to make this baby, it was my responsibility to know what
• 17:40
  to do. I felt the weight of this new
• 17:42
  mental load acutely as Rob and I made our way through Target,
• 17:45
  scanning items for our baby registry, I stared at the
• 17:47
  extensive list of suggested items in my hand.
• 17:49
  I also had in my mind all the suggestions friends and family
• 17:52
  had given me on things I did need and did not need.
• 17:54
  Then we came to a specialised bottle drying rack.
• 17:57
  It looked like a patch of rubber wheat grass for some reason, and
• 17:59
  this item stumped me. I didn't know what to do.
• 18:02
  I'd reached the edge of my mental capacity.
• 18:04
  I asked Rob to make the decision, and he flat out
• 18:07
  wouldn't. I don't know.
• 18:08
  You're the one who knows these things.
• 18:10
  You know what we need more than I do.
• 18:11
  Except that I didn't. And what I did know had much
• 18:14
  more to do with my personal research than some magical mom
• 18:17
  knowledge I was endowed with upon conception.
• 18:20
  Moms don't innately know what the next steps look like, from
• 18:23
  what to put on a baby's registry to how to diagnose common infant
• 18:26
  illnesses to what questions we should ask our doctors.
• 18:29
  But we we learn, we put in the hard work, the time, the
• 18:32
  research, even when we don't find these things necessarily
• 18:34
  compelling or interesting. Because if we don't do it, who
• 18:38
  will? She makes a fantastic point, and
• 18:40
  it's a little bit more. She went on to write.
• 18:42
  Pregnancy was physically exhausting, but perhaps even
• 18:45
  more mentally and emotionally draining.
• 18:47
  Rob was there for support when I asked him to be, but the
• 18:49
  details, anticipating the needs of a child not yet born, were
• 18:52
  mine to worry about. I was the one tasked with
• 18:55
  carrying around this encyclopaedia of new information
• 18:57
  in my head, hoping that pregnancy brain wouldn't make me
• 19:00
  forget any of it. Rob could have read the baby
• 19:02
  books. He could have looked up the
• 19:04
  articles on what to get for the baby, or how to prep and freeze
• 19:07
  homemade purees or how to make the IY pad circles for my
• 19:10
  recovery period, but it never. But it never even crossed his
• 19:14
  mind. He didn't need to educate
• 19:15
  himself on these things. I had educated myself for the
• 19:18
  both of us and although I was stressed and bone tired, I
• 19:21
  wasn't upset with Rob. It was a division of labour that
• 19:24
  was already so embedded in our psyches.
• 19:26
  Neither of us ever considered another way.
• 19:29
  And that's the problem isn't it? That's it.
• 19:31
  It's so ingrained in people's minds that, well, women do all
• 19:33
  this stuff so men don't need to, that we don't even realise what
• 19:36
  a massive problem it is and what an unfair division of labour it
• 19:39
  is. You might argue that a man
• 19:41
  picking up this misogynistic book, this mission pregnancy
• 19:44
  misogynistic book about pregnancy for dads is already is
• 19:47
  already doing more than most. And yes, he is, but it's still
• 19:51
  less than the bare minimum of what he should be doing, isn't
• 19:53
  it? No women's pregnancy guide is
• 19:55
  going to open with jokes about sexy biology teachers and
• 19:59
  ignoring your more knowledgeable husband.
• 20:01
  Like, and listen again to that last line she tries to clear you
• 20:04
  in, but somehow she has absorbed a ridiculous amount of details
• 20:07
  and you just can't keep. That's just weaponized
• 20:10
  incompetence, isn't it? And if.
• 20:11
  That line doesn't feel like it. Then this next line does.
• 20:13
  It's true. There are scores of pregnancy
• 20:15
  guides piled up next to your bed.
• 20:16
  They're sitting on top of your sports and business pages, and
• 20:19
  sometimes you accidentally stub your toe on them.
• 20:20
  But let's face it, there's no way you're going to read them.
• 20:24
  They're hundreds of pages long, written for women, and even the
• 20:28
  nude pictures aren't that hot. Your only source of information
• 20:31
  is your wife, and she may share certain tidbits she deems of
• 20:34
  importance. Those are few and far between.
• 20:36
  However, without your own information source, that
• 20:39
  disconnect may grow even worse. That's precisely why you need to
• 20:42
  keep reading this book, apparently.
• 20:44
  Shut up. You can't make jokes about nude
• 20:47
  women in scientific books about the birth of your child.
• 20:50
  Like, it's gross and you're like, oh, it's too long.
• 20:53
  This team. You would.
• 20:54
  Well, the woman's doing it. Why can't you?
• 20:55
  Men always go on about that? Oh, they're smarter than us.
• 20:58
  They're better than us. They can do more than you do.
• 21:00
  So do it. Don't leave it down to the
• 21:01
  woman. You think you're better than us.
• 21:03
  Do the same things that we, well, not me personally, do the
• 21:06
  same things that the woman in your life are doing.
• 21:07
  You know, I'm still not getting pregnant.
• 21:09
  OK? I'm just going to stand up for
• 21:11
  the women and people who are well, dear father, to be.
• 21:13
  This book is for you. You, the man living with the
• 21:17
  woman who is the emotional, cranky and tired version of the
• 21:20
  woman who used to be your wife. You, the man who wasn't
• 21:23
  completely sure if he's more ecstatic or more anxious for the
• 21:26
  future and in the meantime would rather believe that nothing big
• 21:30
  has really changed. You, the man no one is
• 21:33
  interested in anymore since mum to be, has become the centre of
• 21:36
  the universe. You, the man beginning to
• 21:39
  understand that nothing, apparently, will ever be the
• 21:41
  same again. Oh no, man isn't at the centre
• 21:44
  of the world anymore. Oh Boo Hoo, I don't care, I do
• 21:48
  not care. Get over yourself.
• 21:50
  This is what happens when you choose to bring another human
• 21:53
  life into the world. You chose to be a parent.
• 21:55
  You chose to get a pregnant. Like the whole first section of
• 21:58
  this book is about how you choose to get pregnant and why
• 22:01
  and how you get pregnant. Like it frames it all as a very
• 22:05
  purposeful choice. Like so clearly to the dad who
• 22:08
  wrote this to the dads who have reading this, like this is your,
• 22:11
  this is not just something you stumbled into.
• 22:13
  This is a choice you made. And now you're like, oh,
• 22:15
  pitching me. It's your consequences in my
• 22:17
  unions. I don't care.
• 22:19
  You chose to bring a human into the world.
• 22:21
  You put them first. You're never going to be the
• 22:23
  centre of attention again because they're now the most
• 22:25
  important things in your life, as they should be, you know, And
• 22:28
  while that your partner, the woman, whoever is carrying that
• 22:32
  child, yes, they are more important than you.
• 22:35
  If you can't cope with that, don't have kids.
• 22:37
  I couldn't cope, so I'm not having kids.
• 22:39
  It's that simple. But you've made this choice.
• 22:43
  Deal with it. Oh.
• 22:46
  Gosh, get me quite fired up. It's nothing worse than an
• 22:49
  entitled man is there? So now we move on to the pre
• 22:52
  pregnancy slash trying to get pregnant part of this book that
• 22:54
  I just mentioned and it's just about sexualizing women.
• 22:58
  Seriously, it feels like it's written by a teenage boy who
• 23:00
  doesn't understand that women do enjoy sex and do pursue sex for
• 23:04
  their own wants and needs and that they do have sex for more
• 23:06
  reasons than just having a baby. But he's like, oh, she wants a
• 23:09
  baby. This is a time to get all the
• 23:10
  sex. I want Do you mean?
• 23:12
  It's childish. The before phase is probably the
• 23:14
  best phase in this entire journey.
• 23:16
  It's telling, isn't it, when you think the best part of pregnancy
• 23:19
  is the bit before the pregnancy. You both decided that it's time
• 23:23
  to have a family, and while you're toying with the idea of
• 23:25
  becoming a dad, your wife has already stopped using birth
• 23:27
  control and she's incredibly horny.
• 23:29
  She looks calculatingly at lingerie stores and surprises
• 23:32
  you with something new every week, enriching your half bummed
• 23:35
  knowledge on the subject. So that's what garters look
• 23:38
  like. Again, if you want to know, you
• 23:40
  could just. Google it mate as.
• 23:42
  Like in in this day and age there is no excuse for ignorance
• 23:48
  about basic things that are happening in your life
• 23:50
  day-to-day. You know she even goes to a sex
• 23:52
  store with her sister, something you haven't managed to convince
• 23:55
  her to do all these years, and comes back with a bunch of cute
• 23:58
  things. Not really hardcore, but you're
• 24:00
  not complaining. Where the hell has this one been
• 24:03
  all these years? Here's a wild idea for straight
• 24:06
  men. If you'd like the women in your
• 24:08
  life to have sex with you more, maybe just treat them better so
• 24:11
  they actually like you. Crazy thought I know, but no
• 24:15
  don't worry, it couldn't possibly be that this woman
• 24:17
  actually likes him and is attracted to him and just wants
• 24:19
  to have sex with him. Apparently, she is just a minx
• 24:22
  who is trying to manipulate him into having sex just when she's
• 24:25
  ovulating. Yes, he really does write that.
• 24:28
  But the real reason for this celebration is of course, that
• 24:30
  she wants to get pregnant. If you pay attention, you'll
• 24:33
  notice that the little minx as seduction efforts are focused
• 24:36
  around three to four days a month.
• 24:38
  That's when she's supposed to be ovulating.
• 24:40
  Remember, women don't want sex, we only want babies.
• 24:44
  Again, I would like to impolitely request that this
• 24:46
  author shut up. Ovulation is the process whereby
• 24:49
  an egg is released from a woman's ovary and drifts down
• 24:52
  through the fallopian tube towards the uterus, hoping to
• 24:54
  meet a hunky sperm on its journey.
• 24:56
  Never call sperm hunky again, please.
• 24:58
  The egg is a bit spoiled and gets tired easily.
• 25:01
  Just like Jack Bauer, it has 24 hours to get the job done.
• 25:04
  After that, it just dies. On the other hand, the sperm is
• 25:08
  quick and tenacious and able to live in a woman's body for a few
• 25:11
  days. You can only impregnate a woman
• 25:13
  during the day she's ovulating. The rest of the days of the
• 25:15
  month are the days that we thought we could have safe sex
• 25:18
  when we were in high school. So really you're even trying to
• 25:21
  pull a misogynistic seeing menages better than women where
• 25:24
  faster and stronger and means and via longer when you're
• 25:27
  talking about eggs and sperm. Grow up and I spare this bed in
• 25:31
  your icky old eggs. Child absolute child Ovulation
• 25:35
  occurs 14 days before the first day of the next menstrual cycle.
• 25:39
  But trying to predict ovulation would make a Nobel Prize winner.
• 25:42
  But trying to predict ovulation would make a Nobel Prize winner.
• 25:45
  Nuclear physicist despair and give up.
• 25:47
  In theory, you just have to take the date of your next period and
• 25:50
  subtract 14 days. Even you can do this, but in
• 25:53
  reality, no one knows when the hell the next period will be.
• 25:57
  This is when the issue shifts from more than a simple case of
• 25:59
  subtraction to a complicated equation.
• 26:02
  Your wife, who generally isn't excited by any kind of math.
• 26:06
  She passes all the bank statements directly to you.
• 26:10
  It instantaneously transforms into an atomic engineer
• 26:13
  overnight and shows amazing creativity and an admirable
• 26:16
  ability to calculate anything that has to do with ovulation.
• 26:19
  One, don't pretend that women can't do maths mate.
• 26:21
  I don't Matthew any day. I don't math most men any day to
• 26:24
  be honest. 2 You know we have ovulation tests these days that
• 26:28
  are super accessible and affordable and you can use them.
• 26:31
  You can also do things like taking your temperature.
• 26:33
  Not it's not just the counting days thing, he kind of
• 26:38
  acknowledges this. But then no.
• 26:40
  There are a variety of ways to pinpoint the elusive date,
• 26:42
  taking your temperature in the morning, urine and saliva tests
• 26:46
  and a few of the steps that have to do with different excretions,
• 26:48
  which with your permission will skip.
• 26:51
  If you really want to know, you can ask your wife, ask your
• 26:54
  wife. See Making Women Do All the
• 26:55
  Labour again if you want to learn how to test for ovulation.
• 27:00
  Go do the research and learn. It just like the women in your
• 27:02
  life had to, all right, Don't just ask them.
• 27:05
  Don't make them do all the work for you.
• 27:06
  And again, if you're grossed out by excretions, as he puts it,
• 27:11
  then you're not going to be a very good father, are you?
• 27:13
  Do you know how much pee and poop and vomit and spit and milk
• 27:18
  you have to deal with as a parent?
• 27:20
  And if you have a daughter, then you at least better know the
• 27:22
  basics of how things like periods and vaginal discharge
• 27:26
  works so that you can buy her pads or tampons or panty liners
• 27:29
  as she needs the as she gets older.
• 27:31
  Because you're her father and it's your responsibility to look
• 27:34
  after her, you make sure you understand her basic health
• 27:38
  needs. Yeah, well, apparently not,
• 27:39
  because this author doesn't even consider the fact you might have
• 27:42
  or want a daughter. How to make a baby boy.
• 27:45
  Be honest. What would you prefer, a boy or
• 27:48
  a girl? And don't give the usual PC
• 27:50
  answer. It doesn't matter if it's a boy
• 27:52
  or a girl, as long as they're healthy.
• 27:54
  We know that in your heart of hearts you have a preference, so
• 27:57
  pay careful attention to the next words, because we're here
• 27:59
  to help you realise your dreams. Can someone please buy me a
• 28:02
  physical copy of this book so I can literally burn it?
• 28:05
  And that's all that was about ovulation, by the way.
• 28:07
  Literally that's it. Like no actual information about
• 28:11
  what's going on in the body at that point.
• 28:13
  The hormones are being released. What effects this has on a
• 28:15
  woman? Like did you know that a lot of
• 28:17
  women, myself included, have ovulation cramps?
• 28:20
  Can be very painful, not as bad as a period, but still like
• 28:23
  uncomfortable. Like I pretty much always know
• 28:25
  when I'm ovulating now because I can't.
• 28:27
  Like how about also mentioning things like that so that, you
• 28:30
  know, if your wife is having ovulation cramps, you know how
• 28:33
  to support her and help her through and make sure she's
• 28:35
  comfortable during that time. But no, apparently that's not
• 28:37
  important, is it? You just care she's going to be
• 28:39
  buying some fancy underwear or not.
• 28:40
  There's absolutely no discussion of things that should be
• 28:43
  important, like if she should be taking any supplements or if you
• 28:46
  can make her food rich in certain things that she might
• 28:48
  need, like I know, calcium or folic acid or whatever.
• 28:50
  None of that, absolutely none of that.
• 28:54
  Anyway, back to hopefully having your little boy and not a filthy
• 28:56
  girl like many men. You might fantasise about having
• 29:00
  a little boy. Might want to reword that mate.
• 29:02
  You'll take him to the beach to build forts in the sand.
• 29:04
  You can do that with a girl and check out chicks in bathing
• 29:08
  suits. Teach him to play basketball and
• 29:10
  defend himself in a fight. Not that you advocate violence,
• 29:13
  but your son won't be a wimp. Take him to every single
• 29:15
  animated movie. Again, you could do that with a
• 29:17
  girl and later the R rated horror flicks that his mother
• 29:20
  will never watch. Suddenly there's someone else up
• 29:22
  in you that leaves the toilet seat up and who wants to eat
• 29:24
  chips all day while watching ESPN?
• 29:26
  You and your 3 year old are United kings of the world.
• 29:29
  Any minute now you'll have a few pints and tear up the town.
• 29:32
  Please don't let this author have children.
• 29:34
  This is where you asked $1,000,000 question.
• 29:36
  Is it possible to influence the sex of your child before it's
• 29:39
  born? Fact.
• 29:40
  The chances of producing a boy or girl are 5050 or inherently
• 29:44
  equal. It's all about the chromosomes.
• 29:46
  Your sperm, the one that gets there first, inserts genetic
• 29:49
  material into the egg. 22 sets of chromosomes, including the
• 29:52
  gender chromosome chromosome X which forms a girl, or
• 29:56
  chromosome Y which forms a boy. Actually, it's you and not your
• 29:59
  wife who determines the sex of your future child.
• 30:02
  But still there are methods that are supposed to be able to to
• 30:05
  affect the sex of your foetus. Most of them are in the urban
• 30:08
  legend category, though some may consider their success rates
• 30:11
  legendary. For example, because the male
• 30:15
  sperm Y chromosome is considered to be quicker but less durable,
• 30:19
  having sex exactly on the day of ovulation is supposed to
• 30:22
  increase your chances of having a boy.
• 30:24
  On the other hand, having sex a day or two before ovulation will
• 30:27
  increase the chances for having a girl.
• 30:30
  The position itself is also important.
• 30:32
  Cowgirl position with the woman on top gives an edge to having a
• 30:36
  boy lighter and quicker sperm, while missionary position man on
• 30:41
  top gives an edge to having girls slower and heavier sperm.
• 30:46
  Nonsense, absolute nonsense. And also note the whole like,
• 30:50
  oh, you need me a sperm. It's just so much fair.
• 30:52
  Siri, the girl's sperm is a heavy and slow and you just shut
• 30:56
  up. Shut up.
• 30:58
  I believe he's wasted precious pages on this nonsense.
• 31:01
  Can't be a waste of my time reading it.
• 31:03
  He does finally talk about something seriously though,
• 31:05
  genetic testing before you get pregnant, which is fair.
• 31:09
  Genetic testing is the first expenditure you'll be faced with
• 31:11
  for your baby before the baby even exists.
• 31:14
  You may seriously consider saving receipts and making your
• 31:16
  child do chills to pay them back for the rest of their adult
• 31:18
  life. However, before you make up a
• 31:20
  list of what you'd like done around the house, use this
• 31:22
  opportunity to learn. Use the opportunity at this
• 31:25
  early stage to learn an important lesson about the UK
• 31:27
  healthcare system. Not all insurance plans offer
• 31:29
  the same terms and benefits when you're expecting a child.
• 31:32
  Make sure to look through your plans and even talk to a
• 31:34
  representative so you can make the best decision for your
• 31:37
  family. So one, every day and especially
• 31:40
  when reading stuff like this I am constantly reminded that I'm
• 31:44
  eternally grateful for the NHS and pray to the gods I don't
• 31:48
  exist that the Tories and Reform don't get in power and screwed
• 31:51
  over. And two, if this this is your
• 31:54
  biggest worry and not the actual health of your child, then I beg
• 31:57
  you don't have kids. Please.
• 31:59
  And I'm sorry, but you made this choice to bring them into the
• 32:01
  world. You made the choice, not them.
• 32:04
  You don't make them pay for that decision.
• 32:05
  Jokes about getting them to pay you back.
• 32:07
  And just like, no, they don't owe you anything.
• 32:09
  You owe them a good life. You made this choice.
• 32:12
  They didn't ask to be born. Man up or parent up.
• 32:16
  Yeah, I prefer that one. Parent up.
• 32:17
  The next section focuses on what happens when you've got that
• 32:20
  positive pregnancy test, which I'm also grateful I've never
• 32:23
  had. But anyway, if you're one of
• 32:25
  those sensitive types of men, you don't waste a minute.
• 32:28
  You shed a tear, hold your wife, frame the little stick, and
• 32:31
  start working on your memoir for the newborn.
• 32:33
  But if you belong to the other 98% of the male population, you
• 32:37
  find yourself in a bind. You know you're supposed to be
• 32:39
  happy, and you really are. But at the same time, you're
• 32:44
  also in shock. Just because you, the author,
• 32:46
  have the emotional depth of a puddle of dog pee, that doesn't
• 32:50
  mean every man does. Can we please?
• 32:52
  Can we please stop pretending it's normal to be emotionally
• 32:55
  stunted? Your entire life as an
• 32:57
  independent man flashes before your eyes.
• 32:59
  And even though you knew this day would come, what can you
• 33:01
  expect when you do with no protection?
• 33:03
  Like your sex Ed teacher said, you still managed to arrive at
• 33:06
  this moment a bit unprepared and not entirely sure that this is
• 33:10
  what you want right now, at this moment, smack dab in the middle
• 33:13
  of your life when things are going so well or so poorly at
• 33:16
  work. When you've started your
• 33:17
  master's degree or still haven't finished your bachelor's, or
• 33:20
  just when you started planning the next ski vacation or haven't
• 33:23
  managed to travel at all since you finished college.
• 33:26
  I'm sorry, but the whole first part of this book was about
• 33:28
  planning a pregnancy. It goes in with this idea that
• 33:31
  you have planned for this. You tried for this baby.
• 33:34
  You said now is the time in my life when I want a baby.
• 33:38
  And yet you're like, Oh no, it's such an inconvenient time.
• 33:40
  I haven't indeed What? You should have thought about
• 33:43
  that before you made the decision.
• 33:44
  This book assumes it is not an unplanned pregnancy so you can't
• 33:48
  complain about this. Oh my God.
• 33:52
  And also what do you mean your life as an independent man is
• 33:55
  over? You are not an independent man.
• 33:56
  You have a partner, apparently a wife.
• 33:59
  You should have already been a team, not an independent man for
• 34:02
  the sake. And you know, I understand the
• 34:06
  bit about like being in shock and being scared and worried
• 34:08
  because a pregnancy even a planned pregnancy obviously can
• 34:11
  make you feel scared and emotional.
• 34:12
  And also if and I normally wouldn't mock that or complain
• 34:15
  about it, but this also is such an immature man child that just
• 34:18
  I find fault in everything he does.
• 34:21
  And again, his worries are just not comparable with those of
• 34:24
  good men. So instead of Oh no, I can't
• 34:27
  take my ski holiday, now let's look at worries that decent men
• 34:31
  have instead. This is from Adrian Culp's book
• 34:34
  where Pregnant the first time Dad's pregnancy handbook.
• 34:37
  In it, he writes, learning that you'll be a dad for the first
• 34:40
  time may be accompanied by overwhelming feelings of anxiety
• 34:42
  and fear, but that's normal. I went through it as much I went
• 34:47
  through it as do most dads. These fears kick every new dad
• 34:50
  right in the gut with a pair of soccer cleats.
• 34:52
  Will I suck at this? What if I screw up?
• 34:54
  What if I drop the baby? What if I forget the car seat?
• 34:57
  What if I forget the car seat on top of the car and start
• 34:59
  driving? This is such an interesting
• 35:01
  comparison to make because Adrian writes saying that he
• 35:04
  messed up during his wife's first pregnancy.
• 35:07
  And he's like crap. This was the wrong way to be
• 35:09
  thinking, and I've learnt from this and grown.
• 35:11
  So listen to this. I openly admit that I wasn't
• 35:14
  quite ready to take on the responsibility of being a dad.
• 35:17
  Even though my wife and I were actively trying to get pregnant
• 35:20
  during the first year of our marriage, I was still enjoying
• 35:22
  the freedoms of the life I created for nearly a decade
• 35:24
  before we met. Even into the first few months
• 35:26
  of my marriage, I maintained my previously curated schedule,
• 35:30
  coming and going as I pleased, with little consideration for my
• 35:33
  wife and her needs. For better or for worse, I was
• 35:35
  selfish for so many years, truly caring only about myself and my
• 35:39
  needs. So it's not an exaggeration to
• 35:41
  say that fatherhood caught me by surprise.
• 35:43
  Literally the first time that those double lines on the
• 35:46
  pregnancy test made an appearance in my life was in
• 35:49
  2008, as I was waking up after a night of debauchery while out on
• 35:53
  the town with my friends. As I lay there reeking A booze,
• 35:55
  snoring and trying not to choke on my own saliva, my wife had
• 35:58
  played that positive pregnancy test on my night stand.
• 36:02
  She'd taken the test by herself the night before after I
• 36:04
  promised to come home early but then didn't.
• 36:06
  The curiosity had overwhelmed her and she took the leap
• 36:08
  without me. And I don't blame her.
• 36:11
  To this day, one of my biggest regrets was not being there to
• 36:14
  support her and share the emotional reaction.
• 36:17
  The idea of becoming a father for the first time was
• 36:19
  frightening, and the notion of what it meant to be a dad just
• 36:22
  did not register because I didn't know where to begin.
• 36:25
  But he absolutely stepped up and learned from this and now
• 36:29
  encourages others not to make his mistakes.
• 36:31
  He writes, instead of sitting back, taking the path of least
• 36:34
  resistance and allowing our partner to bear the burden of
• 36:37
  what's coming our way over the next nine months and beyond, we
• 36:40
  guys need to lose the dude attitude and learn to be the man
• 36:44
  that our partners seeing us so we can be the kind of dad our
• 36:47
  children will look up to. Wonderful.
• 36:49
  Love that. That's what a real man and a
• 36:51
  good parent says. This is worlds apart from the
• 36:54
  author of Mission Pregnancy, and it's no wonder that author wants
• 36:57
  to remain anonymous because he's just a mess, isn't he?
• 37:00
  But in Mission Pregnancy, he goes on to wine that more.
• 37:03
  He goes on to wine more that people no longer put you first
• 37:06
  again. He's like, Oh no, you're not
• 37:08
  going to send you the word you believe again.
• 37:10
  I don't care, I do not care. Be aware that from the moment
• 37:13
  you announce you're having a baby, there's no way your own
• 37:15
  life will interest anyone anymore because any and all
• 37:18
  attention will be instantly focused on your significant
• 37:20
  other in her belly. Got a compliment from your boss?
• 37:23
  Ace the final exam for your degree.
• 37:24
  Promoted to partner in your firm?
• 37:26
  Receives the Nobel P Receives the Nobel Prize in both physics
• 37:29
  and Literature after inventing a real transporter like the one in
• 37:32
  Star Trek and writing a tell all book about how you did it.
• 37:35
  That's all well and good, but if you don't mind, help your wife
• 37:37
  out by taking out the garbage. Can't you see she's struggling
• 37:40
  to carry everything? Sure, she used to run marathons,
• 37:43
  but your mother doesn't care about that.
• 37:44
  Do your share. Yeah, exactly.
• 37:46
  She is the most important one because she's growing your
• 37:48
  literal child inside her. She's growing a human being.
• 37:51
  I don't care how fit she was before or what she did before
• 37:54
  the pregnancy. Pregnancy changes the body.
• 37:56
  So step up and help her take out the bins.
• 37:58
  It's not a lot to ask. She's growing a literal human.
• 38:02
  Again, to compare this to a real man writing about this, Andre
• 38:07
  Mooring writes in his book Be her Sidekick.
• 38:11
  You're starting or continuing to build a family, so you're in
• 38:13
  this together. Support her and assist her in
• 38:16
  whatever she needs help with. Ask.
• 38:18
  Don't wait for her to tell you what needs to happen.
• 38:21
  If you can anticipate her needs before she has them, you'll make
• 38:24
  her time a lot easier. Think of this season as a
• 38:27
  journey or an adventure that you're taking together.
• 38:29
  She is the lead, obviously, and you are the sidekick.
• 38:33
  Play that role well, and you're guaranteed to win a Supporting
• 38:36
  Role award for being the best partner slash father ever.
• 38:39
  One of the best ways to support your partner during this time is
• 38:42
  to give her the opportunity to talk about her pregnancy with
• 38:44
  someone who is as emotionally invested in it as she is.
• 38:47
  You must also learn how to support your partner.
• 38:50
  As her belly grows, she'll become increasingly dependent on
• 38:52
  you for everyday things. Some of them might be very
• 38:54
  mundane, but you will still have to do them.
• 38:56
  The more supportive you are of her, the better a time she will
• 38:59
  have with the pregnancy, and the healthier your son or daughter
• 39:02
  will be when born. Pregnancy is a time when even
• 39:05
  the handiest woman becomes very inept at performing even mildly
• 39:08
  strenuous physical activities. And yet there's a lot of stuff
• 39:11
  the baby needs that your house will probably be lacking.
• 39:14
  It falls 100% upon you to do all these things.
• 39:16
  Just know that however strenuous these activities may get, they
• 39:19
  do not come close to the kind of physical strain your partner
• 39:22
  feels for carrying the baby throughout the whole pregnancy.
• 39:26
  Thank you. This is what a good partner
• 39:29
  says. This is what a good dad says.
• 39:32
  He clearly has very, very different priorities to the dad
• 39:34
  of Mission Pregnancy and different concerns because Andre
• 39:38
  clearly actually cares about his partner and future child.
• 39:42
  But the one more review in Mission Pregnancy goes on to say
• 39:44
  telling your immediate family, especially your parents, is a
• 39:47
  touching but sometimes embarrassing conversation.
• 39:49
  The embarrassment reaches new heights when you tell her
• 39:52
  father, who until now comfortably ignored the fact
• 39:54
  that his daughter is no longer a virgin.
• 39:56
  Despite the fact you've been living together for five years,
• 39:59
  you're now making him face that fact, and you know that behind
• 40:02
  his big smile. What he really wants to do is
• 40:04
  hit you where it hurts so that you can never repeat the deed.
• 40:07
  The feeling will grow as his daughter's belly grows and will
• 40:10
  be an ongoing reminder of your actions.
• 40:12
  Why are dads thinking so much about their children's sex
• 40:15
  lives? Stop it.
• 40:17
  Counting by weeks? Who invented that?
• 40:19
  Once Upon a time, when pay phones were still a thing and
• 40:22
  everything was right with the world, your mother managed to
• 40:24
  have three somewhat successful children without one ultrasound.
• 40:28
  Pregnancy lasted for nine months, and counting was simple
• 40:30
  and easy enough for men to understand.
• 40:32
  If she's six months along, you have three more months to sleep
• 40:34
  in on the weekends. I don't know why you'd be, like,
• 40:38
  grumpy about the fact that ultrasounds now exist and you
• 40:41
  can see your baby before it's born, you can get health
• 40:45
  checkups on them, you know they're safe and healthy.
• 40:46
  How is that not a good thing? It's thanks to that technology
• 40:50
  that we have saved so many lives of babies and mothers.
• 40:53
  You know, our mothers and grandmothers who didn't have
• 40:56
  access to ultrasounds and other healthcare during pregnancy had
• 40:59
  a lot of miscarriages and often died in childbirth.
• 41:02
  That's not everything was right with the world.
• 41:05
  That's women dying unnecessarily.
• 41:07
  He also goes on to say there have been many new developments
• 41:10
  in this field since the days when your mother was pregnant.
• 41:12
  Some of them were very successful.
• 41:13
  Hooray for the inventor of the disposal diaper, and some less
• 41:16
  so. But the world record for silly
• 41:18
  invention goes to tracking pregnancy by weeks.
• 41:22
  The explanation for how this method works lies in the
• 41:24
  invention of the ultrasound. Doctors claim that this method
• 41:27
  of counting is more exact. Now we can definitely know how
• 41:30
  old the foetus is and how far along the pregnancy is.
• 41:33
  Bottom line, the doctors must be more comfortable with it.
• 41:36
  Women manage fairly well and nobody bothered to ask men
• 41:39
  anyway. Ask men what?
• 41:41
  It's not your body and and and why do you care anyway that we
• 41:44
  now count in weeks rather than just months?
• 41:46
  Why do you care that it's more accurate?
• 41:49
  Why does this bother you? I'm like Oh no, now you can keep
• 41:52
  track of the health and needs of your unborn child better, but
• 41:55
  what someone think of the fathers in me?
• 41:58
  Do you not care how your baby is developing?
• 42:00
  Do you not want to see it grow? Do you not want to track its
• 42:03
  growth and be excited by that? Do you not want to know if it
• 42:05
  has any health problems so you can treat them?
• 42:07
  Do you not want to track its development so you can make sure
• 42:09
  your partner's getting all the correct nutrients that she needs
• 42:12
  at each particular stage of the pregnancy?
• 42:14
  Why do you not care? Why do you not give a damn about
• 42:17
  your unborn child anyway? He begrudgingly talks about the
• 42:21
  first trimester of pregnancy. Please fasten your seat belt and
• 42:24
  make sure you have a few essential items, ironclad
• 42:27
  patience, a strong constitution, and a cache of snacks hidden
• 42:30
  away for desperate times. By the time the first trimester
• 42:33
  comes to an end, you'll most likely be bruised and battered
• 42:35
  like a crash test dummy. This is because the engineers
• 42:38
  who planned the first trimester probably meant to prepare you by
• 42:41
  enrolling you in an intense crash course for your upcoming
• 42:44
  life as a parent, a life that is vastly different from the one
• 42:46
  you've known so far. Oh, poor men.
• 42:49
  They have it so hard compared to these women who just have to
• 42:51
  host A8 lien parasite in their bodies for months.
• 42:55
  So what's really going on in there?
• 42:56
  First trimester in every pregnancy guide.
• 42:59
  And from the moment you discover you're pregnant, you have at
• 43:01
  least three of those by the bed. Yeah, but you've not read them,
• 43:04
  have you? There are detail, there are
• 43:07
  detailed explanations of foetal development that includes a full
• 43:10
  technical workup, size, weight, useful functions, tactical aids,
• 43:13
  and pictures in full colour showing aliens in different
• 43:15
  developmental stages. If you have two or three years
• 43:18
  to dedicate, you're welcome to try and read these books. 780
• 43:21
  pages and not including illustrations for men with less
• 43:24
  free time on their hands. Here's a synopsis of events.
• 43:27
  And then he goes on to give it, which is fine, like, but I'll
• 43:29
  say it again, if a woman can do this and read these books, so
• 43:32
  can you. You've got no excuse, stop
• 43:35
  pretending to be so useless so you can get away with doing less
• 43:38
  weaponized incompetence. Yeah, like there's a basic but
• 43:42
  not thoroughly horrible summary on foetal development, so I'll
• 43:45
  give him that. It'll do.
• 43:46
  The mysterious female sisterhood during the first trimester.
• 43:49
  Your wife let's her inner researcher loose on the world,
• 43:52
  gathering as many details as she possibly can about pregnancy and
• 43:55
  labour. With the amount of information
• 43:56
  that pregnant women gather, someone should have thought of
• 43:59
  offering a pregnancy one O 1 course in college.
• 44:01
  You know, I'm pretty sure schools do literally teach that
• 44:04
  they teach you about field development.
• 44:06
  Anyway, again I'll say again, if she can do the research so can
• 44:09
  you. You can't be one of these men
• 44:11
  who's like like he made jokes about like women can't do maths
• 44:14
  but you're here boasting about how you can't count above 9.
• 44:17
  If she can do the research, so can you.
• 44:19
  Grow up. The main focus in this section
• 44:23
  is about how your pregnant partner is a hormonal monster
• 44:26
  because she won't let you go to the pub with your friends
• 44:28
  without her anymore. You might prefer to hang out
• 44:31
  with the guys and drink a few pints at your local bar because
• 44:33
  you're pretty sure this won't happen much after the baby
• 44:35
  arrives, but the hormonal 1 scrunches her nose at you.
• 44:39
  I just feel like I just feel like seeing Rachel and Sam.
• 44:42
  Hell no. If you see their annoying baby
• 44:44
  one more time, you may completely reject the idea of
• 44:47
  becoming a father. It's actually astounding. 2
• 44:49
  pregnant women, complete strangers who just met, can have
• 44:52
  an instant connection and talk for hours about morning sickness
• 44:55
  and their latest blood test results, while you wouldn't even
• 44:57
  dream of having a 2 hour long conversation with any other man,
• 45:00
  even if he's your best friend and it doesn't matter how much
• 45:03
  you might have to discuss. And people claim the male
• 45:06
  loneliness epidemic isn't self-inflicted.
• 45:09
  I have a whole video on this topic that you can go and check
• 45:11
  out for yourself. I'll link it below.
• 45:13
  In any event, your wife is collecting critical information
• 45:16
  right and left, and you get left behind somewhere armed with only
• 45:19
  basic information. Fear not, pregnancy demonstrates
• 45:22
  an important life lesson that every soldier learns.
• 45:25
  The less you know, the better. How about know?
• 45:28
  The less you know, the more of an idiot you are, as proven by
• 45:31
  this book, your wife will soon become, if she hasn't already,
• 45:34
  worried from excess information and you'll be able to say
• 45:37
  everything's OK with conviction because what do you really know
• 45:41
  and fulfil your existence as a supportive, reassuring man.
• 45:44
  Of course, it's not easy to be consistently convincing and calm
• 45:48
  without the assistance of certain illicit chemicals,
• 45:51
  especially when you're new at this yourself and you really
• 45:53
  don't know what's going on. But there's no choice now.
• 45:56
  You are the supportive side of this partnership.
• 45:58
  Or you could educate yourself and actually be useful.
• 46:01
  Crazy thought, I know. Once again, I'd like to contrast
• 46:04
  what's written here with men who actually care about their
• 46:06
  families and what they've written.
• 46:08
  So in future Daddy, we have. Speaking of the first few
• 46:11
  trimesters, first month. In the first month, you're
• 46:14
  excited about finding out that you're pregnant.
• 46:16
  There's probably no visible change, save for the onset of
• 46:18
  morning sickness. This is a time when you can
• 46:20
  still go out if she is up to it and have some fun.
• 46:24
  Make the first step in becoming an involved dad by taking on one
• 46:26
  job around the house to relieve your partner.
• 46:29
  It could be as small as folding laundry or cooking, but it will
• 46:31
  lessen her loan and earn you some baby daddy points.
• 46:35
  Second Month As the second month rolls around, pick up more jobs
• 46:38
  around the house that you can that you can consistently do.
• 46:40
  Your partner's body is spending increasingly more of her energy
• 46:43
  growing the baby inside her, which means she's likely to be
• 46:46
  exhausted all the time. Whatever you're doing right now,
• 46:49
  you can do even more to help out.
• 46:51
  Third month. This is a month where you can
• 46:53
  hear your baby's heart beating, so be sure to attend the
• 46:55
  doctor's checkups at any cost. After the doctor's appointment,
• 46:58
  take her out to dinner and gush together about your tiny bundle
• 47:01
  of joy. This is a man who actually wants
• 47:03
  to be a parent. You can tell it's a world apart
• 47:06
  from the Mission Pregnancy book. Another example in We're
• 47:09
  Pregnant, we see one of the most important things to consider
• 47:12
  about the first trimester is your current lifestyle.
• 47:14
  Things like booze and tobacco aren't conductive to fostering a
• 47:16
  healthy pregnancy. Mom should be adjusting her
• 47:19
  lifestyle with the idea that everything she puts in her body
• 47:21
  can and will have a direct effect on the baby.
• 47:23
  Eating healthy and getting enough rest of paramount
• 47:27
  importance and you can gently encourage this with your
• 47:29
  partner. Keep in mind over the next 12
• 47:31
  weeks, mum's body is preparing to carry a baby for the long
• 47:34
  haul and that comes with intense hormone changes.
• 47:37
  This is all normal and mum can use your support, whether it's
• 47:40
  physically or emotionally. As her partner, you're sort of
• 47:43
  silently tasked with making sure that she's doing OK with these
• 47:46
  changes and not overly affected with a prenatal mood disorder.
• 47:50
  Be there for her to help her relax or deal with any difficult
• 47:53
  issues. Show an interest from the
• 47:55
  beginning. Since you're both committed to
• 47:56
  the idea of getting pregnant and starting a family, don't
• 47:59
  hesitate to talk openly about your expectations and fears.
• 48:02
  Conversely, ask your partner how she's feeling.
• 48:05
  There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting in on the ground
• 48:07
  floor and showing excitement for the possibility of bringing a
• 48:09
  beautiful baby into the world. Think like a dietitian.
• 48:12
  Your partner is likely taking prenatal vitamins loaded with
• 48:15
  folic acid, a pregnancy super vitamin that helps reduce the
• 48:17
  risk of neural tube defects. Folic acid is also found in
• 48:21
  foods like dried beans, peas, nuts, avocado, broccoli, collard
• 48:24
  greens, turnip greens, and okra, blah blah blah.
• 48:27
  Be a chef for your wife. Basically, just because you
• 48:30
  can't tell she's growing a baby doesn't mean she isn't feeling
• 48:32
  it. Mom is growing more fatigued by
• 48:34
  the day, her nausea is increasing, and she may be
• 48:36
  starting to experience morning sickness.
• 48:38
  There are massive hormonal changes happening in happening
• 48:40
  within her body and her breasts are preparing themselves to
• 48:43
  produce milk. Her nipples are incredibly sore,
• 48:45
  so watch the funding business. Your partner's going to need
• 48:47
  every bit of your support at this point.
• 48:49
  Gentle encouragement about eating healthy, getting moderate
• 48:52
  exercise, and treating her body like a temple.
• 48:54
  You want to help her create a perfect environment inside her
• 48:57
  body, but also do your part in making her home life serene.
• 49:00
  It's just an absolute world apart.
• 49:02
  And I know I keep saying it, but they could not be more different
• 49:04
  and this comparison is just scratching the surface.
• 49:07
  Compare this to the insensitive way that it's written about
• 49:09
  again in mission pregnancy. Common side effects of the first
• 49:12
  week of pregnancy are too many to enumerate.
• 49:14
  For example, nausea, vomiting, Constipation, haemorrhoids,
• 49:17
  exclamation mark and more ellipses.
• 49:20
  Morning sickness. In certain cases, this can turn
• 49:23
  into a real nightmare. Imagine going to an amusement
• 49:25
  park with the worst hangover you've ever had, getting on a
• 49:28
  roller coaster, feeling sick, throwing up, getting off the
• 49:30
  roller coaster, getting on again, and throwing up ad
• 49:32
  nauseam, pun intended. Sounds great, right?
• 49:35
  The only consolation you can offer your wife who feels like
• 49:37
  she wants to die is that it's supposed to stop around the
• 49:40
  third month, sometimes even before that, but sometimes not
• 49:42
  until after, if ever. In the meantime, if you notice,
• 49:45
  you'll find your wife is surviving by eating a
• 49:47
  surprisingly weird and limited array of foods, which are likely
• 49:50
  the only thing she's willing to touch, blah blah blah.
• 49:53
  Rumour has it that ginger eases nausea.
• 49:56
  This is true, of course, only for women who don't vomit
• 49:58
  immediately after smelling it. If your wife can stomach it, go
• 50:01
  for it. Buy all the fresh ginger root
• 50:03
  you can find, grate into a mug of boiling water and make her a
• 50:06
  real ginger tea. For the lazy, the health food
• 50:09
  store has candied ginger for the lazier ginger capsules available
• 50:12
  at every farm. For the lazier ginger capsules
• 50:15
  available at the pharmacy or your local health food store.
• 50:18
  And the only time it ever says to be supportive is when it says
• 50:21
  be supportive and understanding. This piece of advice is true
• 50:24
  that anything having to do with pregnancy, wait and see.
• 50:27
  It feels more like that be supportive and understanding is
• 50:30
  an afterthought and not, you know, the most important thing.
• 50:33
  And As for everything else, yes he's got some good advice in
• 50:36
  there but it's just basically him saying well pregnancy is
• 50:39
  really gross so find the laziest way to deal with the problems
• 50:42
  that you can. And he says if your pregnant
• 50:45
  partner is tired all the time, how do you deal one?
• 50:49
  Don't count on late outings. Latest from 8:30 onwards 2 yes.
• 50:53
  Weekends 2-3 yes. Even if she took an afternoon
• 50:56
  nap, that has nothing to do with it.
• 50:58
  And of course, be supportive and understanding.
• 51:01
  Or, you know, again, like the other suggested, how about you
• 51:03
  pick up some of the work around the house?
• 51:05
  How about you do things for her? You cook a meal for her.
• 51:07
  You do something to take the stress off so she can actually
• 51:09
  focus on the important thing, which is growing the baby.
• 51:12
  But no, none of that. Just, oh, don't count on any
• 51:15
  outings go on. In regards to the odd cravings,
• 51:18
  we get this, which I can only assume is him projecting in some
• 51:21
  way. Doctors may be satisfied with
• 51:23
  just brief mention of the fact that there is a particular
• 51:25
  change in the sense of taste and smell during pregnancy, but you
• 51:28
  can't help but think she's making you jump through hoops
• 51:31
  just because. Pay attention now she can.
• 51:35
  Meaning, doubtless when you were young and newly dating, she
• 51:37
  sometimes wanted chocolate milk at 2:00 in the morning, but
• 51:39
  there was no way you'd leave your warm, cosy bed to get her
• 51:42
  some. Now times have changed.
• 51:44
  Even though she'll probably deny it, believe us when we tell you
• 51:47
  that she's taking as much advantage of the situation as
• 51:49
  she can. And another reason that isn't
• 51:51
  written in any medical book. After years of dieting to watch
• 51:54
  her figure, suddenly there's a window of opportunity to eat as
• 51:56
  many calories as she wants for two.
• 51:59
  She says she's going to look like a potato soon enough, So
• 52:01
  what does it matter? This man is repulsive.
• 52:04
  Not everyone is as manipulative and selfish as you are.
• 52:07
  Right? Time for Kobe's medication so
• 52:10
  I'll be back to film the rest soon all right let's try another
• 52:13
  day of filming and another side effect that he talks about gets
• 52:16
  two whole pages and apparently this is far more important than
• 52:19
  anything like morning sickness or you know anything that
• 52:21
  actually affects the woman this one is actually worth talking
• 52:24
  about because he gets to benefit it is huge breasts.
• 52:28
  We don't need to explain, do we? How do you deal?
• 52:31
  We don't need to explain, do we? And then there's just a cartoon
• 52:36
  of a man with hot eyes, like, yes, actually, you do need to
• 52:39
  explain because this isn't really a good thing for the
• 52:42
  woman. Just because you're like, I can
• 52:44
  look at a woman's shoes. You're like, like, that's not a
• 52:46
  good thing for her. They're probably sore.
• 52:48
  They're probably sensitive. If they've got so much bigger,
• 52:51
  they might be causing her back problems and backache.
• 52:53
  Think about that. So stop being a creep and keep
• 52:57
  your hands away unless she specifically asks you not to.
• 53:00
  All right. He then goes on to moan that
• 53:02
  some women get acne during pregnancy and you just need to
• 53:05
  remind yourself that it's not their fault.
• 53:07
  He says at this stage, your wife doesn't look pregnant yet, but
• 53:11
  you can already notice a few changes.
• 53:13
  The first has to do with her face.
• 53:15
  Some women's complexions just aren't at their best during
• 53:17
  pregnancy, but for some, it's a painful regression to puberty.
• 53:21
  There's really nothing to be done about it.
• 53:23
  Try to remember yourself as a junior in high school.
• 53:25
  Was there anything you didn't try while heroically during
• 53:28
  while heroically dealing with acne?
• 53:31
  Even then, it only went away when you got to college.
• 53:33
  Your glowing wife might also develop a green tinge after a
• 53:35
  few weeks of fatigue and non-stop nausea.
• 53:38
  On the other hand, her figure may be changed for the better,
• 53:40
  probably due to her enlarged boobs.
• 53:43
  Hooray. By the way, urban legend says
• 53:46
  that there are women whose libido gets stronger during the
• 53:48
  first trimester, but we haven't met any.
• 53:51
  Don't worry though, things dramatically improve later on,
• 53:54
  so there's something to look forward to.
• 53:56
  He really only has one thing on his mind and honestly, it's
• 53:59
  quite insulting, isn't it? And what's with all the urban
• 54:02
  legends in this book? And I mean, he'll believe the
• 54:04
  ones about how to be a good boy, but not this one, apparently.
• 54:07
  Anyway, dealing with a woman at the beginning of her pregnancy
• 54:10
  can be a bit scary. Pregnancy brings on a burst of
• 54:12
  hormones that can cause weird moods and strange behaviour.
• 54:16
  Or maybe it's just scary and she's having weird moods because
• 54:18
  you're not being sensitive to her.
• 54:20
  No, I know, like pregnancy hormones and emotional
• 54:22
  fluctuations can be a thing, but still.
• 54:25
  He then says that one of the ways you can support your
• 54:27
  pregnant partner is just remember that women be crazy.
• 54:30
  Many women also experience bouts of hysteria during their
• 54:32
  pregnancy. Yes, he really wrote this,
• 54:35
  especially during the first trimester.
• 54:37
  Probably because you can't see the baby yet and there's no
• 54:39
  proof it exists. Yes, because women are so crazy
• 54:42
  that if they can't see something, they don't believe it
• 54:43
  exists. Indeed, you're probably at the
• 54:45
  doctor's office just yesterday and saw the foetus dancing the
• 54:48
  samba happily, but today your wife is stressed all over again
• 54:50
  because maybe something has changed.
• 54:52
  Furthermore, so well, I think furthermore, some of the side
• 54:56
  effects, for example nausea tend to disappear every now and then.
• 54:59
  But instead of rejoicing, your woman is worried.
• 55:01
  Why isn't she nauseous anymore? Maybe she's no longer pregnant.
• 55:04
  And another thing you should know, pregnancy makes some women
• 55:07
  develop crazy little rituals. For example, she won't walk
• 55:09
  around the house in anything but her fuzzy slippers.
• 55:12
  Or when you go to the movies, she has to sit in the aisle.
• 55:15
  What if you do? Don't argue with her.
• 55:16
  Some pregnant women tend to be super impatient during the first
• 55:19
  months and are not built towards and are not built to withstand
• 55:23
  anything that isn't instantly gratifying to her.
• 55:26
  Your. Gratification can wait forever.
• 55:30
  Yeah, damn crazy women at it again with their crazies, right?
• 55:35
  We all know that concern of your unborn child, at a time when
• 55:38
  miscarriage is incredibly common, is a sign that a woman
• 55:40
  is being irrational and insane and should only be like, lightly
• 55:44
  humoured and never taken seriously, right?
• 55:46
  This is followed by more Pity Men, Poor Men pages.
• 55:51
  In her defence, your wife claims that she feels like poop, she's
• 55:54
  hurting, she's nauseous. You owe her for all the years
• 55:57
  she has invested in you, and you'll be paying her back with
• 56:00
  interest until this baby is of legal drinking age.
• 56:02
  Furthermore, she's entitled because she's the one who's
• 56:05
  carrying this baby. So why can't you come home from
• 56:07
  work on time? Go to the grocery store, do the
• 56:09
  dishes, go have dinner at your parents house without her but
• 56:12
  bring something back for her. Is that too much to ask?
• 56:15
  Like I don't? I don't think that is too much
• 56:17
  to ask. She is the one carrying the
• 56:19
  baby. That's basic stuff you can do
• 56:21
  well before you escape to the country with.
• 56:22
  No seriously, before you escape to the country with no
• 56:26
  extradition agreements with the US.
• 56:28
  Calm down. This too short.
• 56:29
  Pass sorry. But if you feel like you have to
• 56:31
  leave the country because your wife asked you to come home on
• 56:34
  time and do the grocery shopping, you need to grow up.
• 56:37
  Besides, there's a positive to all this.
• 56:39
  After things have calmed down, your wife might feel a bit
• 56:41
  guilty about her earlier outbursts.
• 56:43
  Take advantage of these grace periods to ask for and get perks
• 56:47
  that are normal reserved for special occasions, such as a
• 56:50
  really good shoulder rub or meatloaf, just like your mum
• 56:53
  makes. I don't know how many more times
• 56:55
  I can say EW while reading this book, but EW, actually,
• 56:59
  apparently I can say it many more because listen to this.
• 57:02
  This is the grossest part. Yeah.
• 57:03
  Tests in the first trimester and oh, this is, this is a lot.
• 57:10
  You better prepare yourself. All of the exams in the first
• 57:13
  trimester include a transvaginal ultrasound, meaning inserting a
• 57:17
  thick plastic rod between your wife's legs.
• 57:19
  Well, it's not inserting it between the legs, it's inserting
• 57:21
  it inside the vagina. Let's be very clear about this.
• 57:24
  When we're talking medicine, there's no place for euphemisms.
• 57:27
  Let's just be very clear about what it is we're talking about.
• 57:30
  A place that no one but you is allowed to see or touch.
• 57:33
  But somehow suddenly the doctor sees her bits and put his hand
• 57:37
  and puts his hands in there too. If you're in the room during the
• 57:40
  exam, try to overcome the urge to hit the OB.
• 57:43
  Remember, they've really seen everything there is to see
• 57:46
  already. Your wife's private parts aren't
• 57:48
  even on their radar. Tell me you know nothing about
• 57:51
  Women's Health without telling me you know nothing about
• 57:53
  Women's Health 1. You do not own her vagina.
• 57:57
  She is not your belonging. Grow up two.
• 58:01
  There is nothing remotely sexy about a transvaginal ultrasound.
• 58:05
  Grow up. 3 women have transvaginal ultrasounds for
• 58:09
  many more reasons other than just pregnancy.
• 58:11
  I mean, I've had like 3 in the last three years to deal with
• 58:13
  all my uterus issues and like coil issues and all this other
• 58:16
  stuff. So they can be a very normal
• 58:20
  part of life for a lot of women. Well, not normal, but you know
• 58:22
  what I mean. They're a normal part of health
• 58:23
  care for a lot of women without you being pregnant.
• 58:26
  So chances are maybe your wife or partners already have one
• 58:29
  before. I don't know.
• 58:31
  So the point is they're not uncommon.
• 58:33
  Grow up four. Doctors see vaginas and vulvas
• 58:36
  all the time and again for more recent than just pregnancy.
• 58:40
  Smear tests, coil fittings, STI tests, ovarian cysts, tonnes of
• 58:46
  things that it could be. It's not a big deal to them
• 58:49
  because it's their job and they are there as a caregiver and
• 58:51
  nothing else. Grow up.
• 58:54
  Five, you're getting to see your baby during this point and
• 58:57
  checking on its health. Why isn't that your priority
• 58:59
  instead of Oh no, someone's touching my wife's vagina and
• 59:03
  grow up and six, why are you assuming that the doctor on who
• 59:06
  is performing this transvaginal ultrasound or doing the pelvic
• 59:09
  exam or anything like that is a man?
• 59:11
  Chances are it's going to be a woman.
• 59:13
  I've had so many people see my vagina, put their hands in
• 59:17
  there, you know, do all the exams in my life because of all
• 59:21
  my, all my issues. And I think only one of them has
• 59:24
  ever been a man. I've only had one male doctor,
• 59:27
  and that was when I was in the hospital as part of an emergency
• 59:30
  when I had those ovarian cysts rupture and it twisted my ovary.
• 59:34
  Other than that, I think every other person has been a woman.
• 59:37
  Every other doctor and nurse has been a woman.
• 59:40
  So let's not assume it's a man. Yeah, With that said, the gender
• 59:43
  of the person doing it doesn't matter because they're there to
• 59:46
  do a job. I mean, it might matter the
• 59:47
  person having it done. That's if you want someone of a
• 59:50
  certain gender, that's your choice.
• 59:51
  But in in the grand scheme of things like you as her partner,
• 59:56
  you don't get a say in it. It shouldn't matter to you
• 59:59
  whether it's a man or woman doing it because at the end of
• 1:00:00
  the day, it's someone doing their job.
• 1:00:03
  And if you have a problem with a man doing it but not a woman,
• 1:00:06
  even though they're both equally qualified, that's a you problem.
• 1:00:10
  Grow up. And again, I say that to
• 1:00:12
  partners whose body isn't. If you want a certain thing in
• 1:00:15
  your body, you go for it. I'm not going to judge you for
• 1:00:17
  that. For some reason, this book also
• 1:00:19
  has random sideways pages, including these ten men you
• 1:00:23
  don't want to be pages which are in like every trimesters
• 1:00:27
  chapter. And I'm not going to read you
• 1:00:29
  all of them because there's a lot.
• 1:00:30
  But for this first trimester, some of the men you don't want
• 1:00:33
  to be are men who say we're pregnant.
• 1:00:36
  Mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, she's kind of
• 1:00:39
  doing all the hard work here. Please don't take credit for
• 1:00:42
  that. But on the other hand, I feel
• 1:00:44
  like this author is just trying to distance himself from
• 1:00:47
  responsibility because he's a child.
• 1:00:50
  Grow up. Two is men who stop drinking
• 1:00:53
  alcohol along with their partner.
• 1:00:55
  Yeah because why try and be supportive and improve your
• 1:00:57
  health before the birth of your child, am I right lads?
• 1:01:00
  4 is men who know what ovulation is, because why bother being
• 1:01:04
  educated or informed about a basic part of human health,
• 1:01:06
  right? 5 is men who participate in
• 1:01:08
  pregnancy and labour forums on the Internet.
• 1:01:11
  This also just sounds jealous that there are men out there who
• 1:01:13
  are better parents and partners than he is.
• 1:01:16
  I'll just say it now, of course, again, there's a little bit of
• 1:01:18
  nuance to this because men, please don't go into women's
• 1:01:21
  only spaces and just be like me. I'm here, this is mine now.
• 1:01:25
  And you know, a certain dominance over it.
• 1:01:27
  That's not cool. But there are definitely spaces
• 1:01:30
  online designed for dads and inclusive of dads.
• 1:01:33
  And if you want to take part in that, that's commendable.
• 1:01:36
  That's good. That's that's what you should be
• 1:01:38
  doing as a parent who's interested in their kids life,
• 1:01:41
  you know, go for it. It's not shame them for it.
• 1:01:44
  And another one is men who go to a therapist to process
• 1:01:48
  unresolved conflicts from their childhood.
• 1:01:50
  He's right. You know, a real man just lets
• 1:01:53
  the cycle of abuse continue and goes on to hurt their children
• 1:01:55
  for the rest of their lives. On to the second trimester.
• 1:01:59
  And we get after the initial shock of the first trimester,
• 1:02:03
  your wife is finally back in control of her life.
• 1:02:05
  Yours too, of course. And that's great, seeing as you
• 1:02:07
  still have no clue what's going on.
• 1:02:09
  So don't worry, boys. You don't have to do emotional
• 1:02:12
  labour anymore. She's back on top of it.
• 1:02:14
  Not that you ever did any emotional labour, but just in
• 1:02:16
  case you were considering it, you don't have to anymore.
• 1:02:18
  She's got it. Put all the pressure back on
• 1:02:20
  her. Yeah, also, weird as it may
• 1:02:23
  sound, some women start growing hair in unexpected places like
• 1:02:26
  their stomach exclamation mark, back 3 exclamation Marks and
• 1:02:31
  even on their face 4 exclamation marks due to hormonal changes in
• 1:02:35
  their body. If this happens to your wife,
• 1:02:37
  don't mention it. Trust us, she won't find it
• 1:02:39
  funny anyway. You don't have to worry, the
• 1:02:42
  hair will fall out on its own after the birth.
• 1:02:44
  You do realise that some women just have hair on their bodies
• 1:02:47
  and well, every human has hair on their bodies.
• 1:02:49
  But yes, some women have facial hair or back hairs or whatever,
• 1:02:53
  like it's a part of life. Every woman has different
• 1:02:56
  hormone levels and every woman has different levels of body
• 1:02:59
  hair and other things going on. It's quite normal.
• 1:03:02
  Chances are with this husband, yeah, maybe his partner or wife
• 1:03:06
  got a little hairier during pregnancy, but chances are she'd
• 1:03:09
  probably already had a lot of that for the rest of her life.
• 1:03:11
  But she'd maybe been like, removing it or bleaching it or
• 1:03:15
  doing whatever so he didn't notice before.
• 1:03:17
  And now suddenly she's pregnant and growing a baby and doesn't
• 1:03:19
  have the time to remove it all constantly.
• 1:03:21
  And he's like, oh God, this is the pregnancy's fault.
• 1:03:23
  When really it's like, no, you've just seen your wife as
• 1:03:25
  she is. Can we like, stop shaming body
• 1:03:28
  hair, please? Because it's a completely normal
• 1:03:30
  and natural part of life. So the rest of this chapter is
• 1:03:33
  mostly about how she's getting a baby bump now.
• 1:03:36
  So let's body shame her. Just not to her face, only
• 1:03:38
  behind her back. This page is called the Trauma
• 1:03:40
  of Maternity Clothes or How do I look in this?
• 1:03:43
  Let's start with a few ground rules.
• 1:03:45
  Don't go clothes shopping with her.
• 1:03:47
  That's what her friends are for. You better hide all of the
• 1:03:50
  mirrors in your house and take two hours of trying on clothes
• 1:03:54
  into consideration before every outing.
• 1:03:56
  Or, call me crazy, you could try supporting your partner when
• 1:04:00
  she's feeling vulnerable and her body is changing in ways it
• 1:04:03
  never has before. Just a thought.
• 1:04:06
  Wild, I know, he says of his partners already looking like
• 1:04:10
  someone who's been super sized but not yet sporting a nice
• 1:04:14
  round pregnant belly. Mum to be walks the earth as a
• 1:04:17
  bit of a strange, bloated version of herself.
• 1:04:21
  Now excuse me, but what the hell?
• 1:04:25
  Don't. Don't talk about women like
• 1:04:26
  this. Also, somewhere in the next few
• 1:04:28
  months, she might experience a very bizarre phenomenon.
• 1:04:31
  Her breasts may start leaking milk.
• 1:04:33
  OK, it's not milk yet. It's this murky, clear liquid.
• 1:04:37
  But the effect is just as shocking for you as this is the
• 1:04:39
  first time you understand that your wife in general, and her
• 1:04:42
  breasts specifically, are no longer yours, but intended for
• 1:04:46
  something or someone else. Men, boys, repeat after me.
• 1:04:52
  Your partner's body is not your belonging.
• 1:04:55
  She is not your property. Another side effect that could
• 1:04:59
  occur at this time the appearance of odd light brown
• 1:05:02
  pigmentation on her face and a brown line down the length of
• 1:05:05
  her stomach. These peculiar marks are
• 1:05:07
  supposed to fade after delivery, but notice that after delivery
• 1:05:10
  is a vague term that could mean two weeks or a year, meaning you
• 1:05:14
  could be stuck with a speckled, freckled wife for another few
• 1:05:18
  months. Excuse me?
• 1:05:20
  Stuck with You're stuck with your wife who's growing your
• 1:05:24
  child. Can we not?
• 1:05:26
  This is a human being who is sacrificing her whole body for
• 1:05:29
  your offspring. Let's not shame her for having a
• 1:05:32
  few freckles and say oh I'm stuck with her.
• 1:05:35
  You better see her and appreciate her for the goddess
• 1:05:37
  that she is. There's nothing wrong with a few
• 1:05:39
  freckles. It sounds to me like she's the
• 1:05:41
  one who's stuck with you until she comes to her senses and
• 1:05:43
  leaves you. Now we get another 10 men you
• 1:05:46
  don't want to be list men who answer the question, how many
• 1:05:49
  weeks along are you with week 16 and three days?
• 1:05:52
  Yeah. Guys, remember, it's not cool to
• 1:05:53
  take an active interest in the growth of your child or men who
• 1:05:57
  start speaking plurals. We had an ultrasound.
• 1:06:01
  We're at the end of the fourth month.
• 1:06:03
  Yeah. Because, again, you wouldn't
• 1:06:04
  want anyone to think that you 2 are a team or that you're
• 1:06:06
  actually pulling your weight, would you?
• 1:06:08
  And I know we've, like, kind of skipped through that quite
• 1:06:10
  quickly, but let's move on now to the third trimester.
• 1:06:13
  This opens with the tip they say that sex in the ninth month
• 1:06:16
  helps to induce labour. Highlight this tidbit and leave
• 1:06:19
  this book open on your bed because again, his only
• 1:06:22
  priorities as penis and not the well-being of his family that
• 1:06:25
  he's supposed to care about. The third trimester is without a
• 1:06:28
  doubt man's happy hour. Because that's all that matters,
• 1:06:32
  isn't it? Never mind your wife's going to
• 1:06:34
  be the size of a house and bloated and in pain and
• 1:06:37
  uncomfortable and constantly worried and exhausted.
• 1:06:40
  It's your happy hour and that's all that matters.
• 1:06:43
  During these three months you'll be asked to do what men are
• 1:06:45
  always best at. Errands.
• 1:06:48
  Up until now, you've primarily been a passive partner in this
• 1:06:50
  complicated business called pregnancy.
• 1:06:52
  Even if you went along to all the doctor's visits and exams
• 1:06:55
  with her and dutifully sung lullabies to the foetus, it's a
• 1:06:57
  drop in the bucket compared to what she's been through.
• 1:06:59
  But now you're becoming an active and energetic partner,
• 1:07:03
  specifically in two areas. First, organising the kids room,
• 1:07:06
  including accessories. A more complicated task than it
• 1:07:09
  sounds, but we'll get to that in a moment.
• 1:07:10
  And the second assisting during labour.
• 1:07:13
  So according to the good dads that I know and the other
• 1:07:16
  parenting books that I've written, written by dads who are
• 1:07:18
  good dads, the 1st 2 trimesters have not been passive or should
• 1:07:23
  not have been passive. They're only passive if you're
• 1:07:26
  an uninterested partner who doesn't give a damn about his
• 1:07:28
  family. At this stage, your wife is also
• 1:07:31
  starting to feel more and more cramps in her belly and legs,
• 1:07:34
  back pain and other aches. It doesn't matter how much she
• 1:07:36
  complaints if you care about your health, never exclamation
• 1:07:39
  mark. Use the known male saying
• 1:07:41
  pregnancy is not a disease and also don't share stories of your
• 1:07:45
  friends wives who kept on working, playing tennis and
• 1:07:48
  gourmet cooking right up to the birth.
• 1:07:50
  I know he's trying to be humorous but I just don't find
• 1:07:52
  it funny to be this self centred, you know?
• 1:07:55
  Again, I keep coming back to the anecdote from Gemma Hartley's
• 1:07:58
  book that we read in the first part of this video.
• 1:08:02
  Remember when Gemma was stressed because she had to research
• 1:08:04
  everything the baby needed and make all the decisions and her
• 1:08:07
  husband had no idea and that made her even more stressed as
• 1:08:10
  hell and she wrote about it? It's just warning that you
• 1:08:13
  should not allow this to happen. Well, our author of Dad is
• 1:08:18
  thinks this is just funny and just part of life and not
• 1:08:21
  something that needs changing and addressing.
• 1:08:24
  It's frustrating to read. This is how to shop for baby and
• 1:08:26
  stay alive. If you alone had to compose the
• 1:08:29
  shopping list for your unborn child, you'd probably scratch
• 1:08:31
  your head for a few minutes and then write crib.
• 1:08:34
  A few minutes and some extraordinary thinking effort
• 1:08:36
  later, you might add pacifier. What else does a little baby
• 1:08:40
  need anyway? Apparently a lot.
• 1:08:42
  At least that's what your wife and her friends think.
• 1:08:44
  That so frustrating even just reading out loud to you.
• 1:08:48
  Now they've made-up a long shopping list or looked online
• 1:08:51
  for what's best to buy, including many items, some of
• 1:08:54
  which you've never even heard of.
• 1:08:56
  Sheets, baby slings, wardrobe, crib, stroller, baby wipes,
• 1:08:59
  formula, bottles, a rack for bottle drying, A steriliser,
• 1:09:02
  breast pump, humidifier, A thermometer, a tiny tub for the
• 1:09:05
  baby so he won't get washed away with the bathwater or to
• 1:09:08
  minimise drowning. OK, in total, 5 handwritten
• 1:09:11
  pages full of chicken scratch with footnotes, cross references
• 1:09:15
  and preliminary cost analysis. Sorry, but this isn't just what
• 1:09:18
  your wife and her friends think the baby needs.
• 1:09:20
  This is what the baby needs. They aren't just listing off
• 1:09:23
  these things for the fun of it. There's a reason for each of
• 1:09:26
  these items. I don't ever want a kid and even
• 1:09:29
  I know babies need more than crib and a dummy.
• 1:09:31
  You're shocked where did she get all this information?
• 1:09:34
  And you're even more shocked when you see how much it will
• 1:09:36
  cost. Your wife has a plan.
• 1:09:37
  Go to multiple stores to compare costs.
• 1:09:40
  You organise a day off and go to a few stores.
• 1:09:42
  You're still optimistic when you hit the first one, but by the
• 1:09:44
  third store you feel sick, old and tired.
• 1:09:47
  Couldn't you just order everything online?
• 1:09:49
  If you're wondering where she got this information, it's
• 1:09:51
  because she bothered to do the work, unlike you.
• 1:09:53
  Don't try and turn your incompetence into a joke because
• 1:09:56
  it's not funny. And if that's not bad enough, it
• 1:09:58
  seems like every item on the never ending list, for example
• 1:10:00
  stroller leads to many discussions and uncertainties.
• 1:10:03
  With the folding stroller with convertible top be better?
• 1:10:06
  Or maybe the one with the bigger wheels and adjustable handle.
• 1:10:09
  To you they all look the same and because you don't have an
• 1:10:12
  and because you don't have an intelligent thought to add to
• 1:10:14
  the conversation, you leave your partner with the sales lady and
• 1:10:17
  go sit in the corner of the store with the other dads who
• 1:10:19
  are just as hopeless as you. I'll say again, this is
• 1:10:22
  weaponized incompetence, pure and simple.
• 1:10:24
  He then spends 5 pages listing what you totally don't need for
• 1:10:27
  the baby and I'm like but how would you know?
• 1:10:30
  I 100% doubt that the man who wrote this book, if it is a man,
• 1:10:33
  has ever done any actual parenting in his life.
• 1:10:36
  So I would never listen to any opinion he has about what you do
• 1:10:39
  or do not need for the baby. I wouldn't advise anyone else to
• 1:10:42
  either. OK, I was hoping to get this
• 1:10:44
  finished. Today, but I've got a grackly
• 1:10:45
  little girl outside so I'm going to go check on her and see how
• 1:10:47
  she is. OK everyone, I hope you don't
• 1:10:49
  mind. I've got a little sleeping Kubi
• 1:10:52
  next to me but I'm going to try and sip through these last 15
• 1:10:54
  minutes or so. Just doing a voice over, if
• 1:10:56
  that's OK. So then this author, he spends
• 1:11:00
  even longer talking about, yeah, you guessed it, his own
• 1:11:02
  insecurities because his feelings are apparently the only
• 1:11:05
  ones that matter. He writes somewhere around the
• 1:11:07
  8th month, it happens. The great big anxiety attacked.
• 1:11:11
  Suddenly you understand what you're about to be and very soon
• 1:11:14
  a father. Or in other words, it's really
• 1:11:16
  happening. Your life is over.
• 1:11:18
  Like, sorry, what? But like, you decided you wanted
• 1:11:21
  a kid. I'll keep saying it.
• 1:11:22
  That's the whole point of the first part of this book.
• 1:11:25
  It's about parents who like decide they want kids.
• 1:11:28
  This isn't like about unexpected pregnancy.
• 1:11:30
  This you go into this book with the expectation that you have
• 1:11:33
  decided and planned and tried to have a kid.
• 1:11:37
  You chose this. You said yes, this is what I
• 1:11:40
  want for my life. You can't then decide that this
• 1:11:42
  suddenly means your life is over.
• 1:11:44
  That, oh, I will say it again to this man.
• 1:11:47
  Grow up. You get some track that
• 1:11:49
  immediately you engage your primal male instincts and panic
• 1:11:52
  because of the weight of the impending responsibility because
• 1:11:55
  you won't be able to do the things you've always wanted to
• 1:11:56
  do. Travel to India for a year, get
• 1:11:58
  that new job, go shark diving because you're no longer a
• 1:12:01
  child, but you're about to have one.
• 1:12:03
  Well, again, shouldn't you have done all that stuff before you
• 1:12:06
  made the conscious decision and put in the effort to have a
• 1:12:08
  child? I Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:12:11
  Bizarre. This man is acting like he has
• 1:12:13
  no agency over his own life. Ridiculous.
• 1:12:16
  Ensure it's the end of the world as you know it and before you
• 1:12:19
  notice you'll transition from being a cool couple into an
• 1:12:22
  average family, 1.8 kids, a dog and a used car.
• 1:12:26
  Mum sleeping in the front passenger seat.
• 1:12:28
  Mum sleeping in the front passenger seat, the kids
• 1:12:30
  screaming in the back and you'll be driving home tired and
• 1:12:33
  balding again. I'm sorry, but like you chose
• 1:12:36
  this I oh, I've known as a sympathy.
• 1:12:39
  It goes under right? And here are a few more concerns
• 1:12:41
  that induced chest pangs commitment.
• 1:12:45
  It's true you and your wife are joined by love and affection.
• 1:12:48
  And when you married her, you swore to be loyal to her forever
• 1:12:51
  and she is actually a great girl and normally you would never
• 1:12:54
  consider replacing her. But now that the baby's on the
• 1:12:57
  way, you finally really get what forever means and how intense
• 1:13:00
  your commitment is for eternity until the end of time.
• 1:13:03
  OK, red flag one is calling your wife a girl.
• 1:13:06
  Red flag 2 is admitting that you never really meant to commit to
• 1:13:09
  her. You just thought, you know,
• 1:13:10
  marriage was this thing that you could maybe get out of one day.
• 1:13:13
  And really. Oh.
• 1:13:14
  But now you realise it was real. Red flag.
• 1:13:17
  Red flag. 3 is panicking about a commitment that you already
• 1:13:19
  decided you want to make and have had nearly a year to get
• 1:13:21
  used to. At this point they just keep
• 1:13:23
  going. Oh tell me like in the comments,
• 1:13:26
  what are the red flags you see there?
• 1:13:27
  Because there's a lot he goes on try as the Judea drills near
• 1:13:30
  her, there's new concern something could go wrong during
• 1:13:33
  labour. And at this point I was like, oh
• 1:13:34
  thank God, he's a normal human being who does have these
• 1:13:37
  worries and he does care about his family.
• 1:13:39
  But no, he proved me wrong immediately.
• 1:13:42
  Let's be honest, your fear isn't what if something happens to
• 1:13:45
  your wife? Rather, what will happen to you
• 1:13:48
  if something happens to your wife, She'll leave you alone
• 1:13:51
  with the baby. And what will you do alone with
• 1:13:54
  a baby you don't know? That's why you're even more
• 1:13:57
  concerned with her health and well-being.
• 1:13:59
  You don't think she should drive anymore and all the junk food
• 1:14:01
  she's eating is out of line. And really, it's best for you.
• 1:14:05
  And really it's best if she stays home from now on and
• 1:14:07
  doesn't go anywhere. You also start calling her every
• 1:14:09
  hour. Just make sure she's still
• 1:14:11
  there. I have never read anything more
• 1:14:13
  selfish and disgusting in my life.
• 1:14:16
  I have a lot of struggles as a child free woman but at least I
• 1:14:19
  will never ever ever be stuck with a man like this.
• 1:14:22
  And for that I am so damn grateful.
• 1:14:25
  Imagine not being concerned about the fact your wife could
• 1:14:28
  die, and just being concerned about the fact that now you
• 1:14:31
  actually have to be a parent. What the hell?
• 1:14:34
  But don't worry if you're worried there wasn't enough body
• 1:14:36
  shaming in this book, here's a little bit more for you.
• 1:14:38
  One day you return home and find an advanced version of The
• 1:14:41
  Hobbit lying on the sofa in the living room, a small and chubby
• 1:14:44
  woman with huge swollen feet, like a cashier after a double
• 1:14:46
  shift. The scientific name is Edoema,
• 1:14:49
  and the. And other than the aesthetic
• 1:14:51
  issues, you're talking about financial damage.
• 1:14:53
  Her feet can no longer fit in 24 old shoes, and she needs to buy
• 1:14:56
  new ones. Even your wife's hair goes
• 1:14:58
  through a change during pregnancy, becoming stronger and
• 1:15:00
  fuller and less likely to shed an end to the stray curls
• 1:15:03
  floating around the house like tumbleweeds.
• 1:15:05
  You're enjoying this thought, but here's the floor.
• 1:15:07
  The hair grows wild, and not only on her head, if you catch
• 1:15:11
  our drift. Unfortunately, at a certain
• 1:15:13
  stage, the belly's so big she can't see exactly what's going
• 1:15:16
  on down there. The responsibility therefore
• 1:15:18
  lies on you, her loving partner, to help with areas she cannot
• 1:15:22
  see. The head on.
• 1:15:23
  There might become a bit unruly and an unexpected professional
• 1:15:26
  spa day might be just the right way to help freshen up again.
• 1:15:30
  Sorry but what the hell. Also not true for every woman.
• 1:15:34
  I know plenty of women, my sister-in-law included, who lost
• 1:15:37
  whole chunks of hair during pregnancy and even years after a
• 1:15:40
  second kid was born. She had little like very fine
• 1:15:43
  hair or like slight bold spots and stuff.
• 1:15:45
  It's crazy and I'm sorry, but if all you care about.
• 1:15:48
  During this time period is. Oh Boo Hoo, she can't shave her
• 1:15:51
  downstairs bits. How will I cope with that then?
• 1:15:55
  I really don't care about anything else you have to say.
• 1:15:57
  Grow up. And oh oh, when I said it
• 1:16:00
  couldn't get more disgusting before, I was wrong.
• 1:16:02
  It gets more disgusting. As for sex, well, this isn't how
• 1:16:06
  you imagined A threesome. Stop it.
• 1:16:09
  Stop sexualizing your unborn child.
• 1:16:11
  I I can't believe I even have to say that.
• 1:16:14
  I think it says a lot about the world when like a child free
• 1:16:16
  woman who doesn't even like being around kids has more care
• 1:16:20
  for these unborn kids than like a guy who's actually preparing
• 1:16:23
  to be a parent, you know, or probably is already a parent.
• 1:16:26
  It's terrifying. Disgusts me, this book.
• 1:16:30
  OK, birth preparation class classes or push push.
• 1:16:34
  There are those who say these classes are unnecessary.
• 1:16:37
  She's going to give birth anyway, so why not spend the
• 1:16:39
  money on more essential items such as a new speaker for your
• 1:16:41
  home theatre? There are thousands of women who
• 1:16:44
  give birth every day without going to a preparation class.
• 1:16:47
  And even her diva mother just showed up at a hospital and left
• 1:16:50
  a couple of days later with that wrinkly thing who grew up to be
• 1:16:53
  your wife. Your wife, however, isn't
• 1:16:55
  impressed by your excellent arguments for the cause.
• 1:16:58
  She wants to go to the classes because she wants to be prepared
• 1:17:01
  for labour. She wants to know what's going
• 1:17:03
  to happen. And besides all that, all the
• 1:17:05
  women go. So she signs up for five
• 1:17:07
  meetings Monday nights, partners included.
• 1:17:10
  Again, to this author, I ask why the hell do you not care about
• 1:17:12
  your family? Why?
• 1:17:14
  And what about you? Well, it's a known fact that in
• 1:17:17
  the moment of truth, men get hysterical.
• 1:17:19
  And so some women can be found standing in the kitchen having
• 1:17:22
  contractions, making their partner BLT to go while their
• 1:17:25
  partners are running around like a chicken without a head, trying
• 1:17:27
  to pack a few basic items without much success.
• 1:17:30
  This is not something to joke about.
• 1:17:32
  This is something to be called out because it's pathetic.
• 1:17:34
  Don't be one of those men. Thank God he says that, but it's
• 1:17:37
  not because he actually thinks you should be helpful.
• 1:17:39
  It's because if you don't, your partner will remind you of this
• 1:17:42
  fiasco at every opportunity for the next 30 years.
• 1:17:44
  So his motivations are once again just selfish.
• 1:17:47
  Instead, be discreet and prepare a small bag for yourself which
• 1:17:50
  contains A thermos for coffee, a bottle opener for beer, a blow
• 1:17:53
  up pillow, the neck kind, a sweatshirt if it gets called in
• 1:17:55
  the birthing room, a sweatshirt. It gets cold in those birthing
• 1:17:59
  rooms, damn it. Don't say we didn't warn you.
• 1:18:01
  And a few bags of chips or snacks or any other food group.
• 1:18:04
  When the time comes, all you'll have to do is grab your bags,
• 1:18:06
  throw your wallet, phone and a few beers from the fridge in
• 1:18:08
  there and you're ready to conquer the birthing room.
• 1:18:12
  Yeah, lads, don't forget to bring beers to the birth of your
• 1:18:15
  child. You might as well start as you
• 1:18:17
  mean to go on drunken and irresponsible.
• 1:18:20
  I, I can't believe I ever gave him any credit.
• 1:18:22
  I genuinely thought when he was like, pack a bag, it was going
• 1:18:24
  to be like, this is the stuff your wife needs, you know,
• 1:18:27
  clothes when she leaves the hospital and she's probably
• 1:18:30
  going to need pads and stuff like that.
• 1:18:31
  So put them in there, something to wear if she has like a
• 1:18:34
  comforting playlist she wants playing during the birth, like,
• 1:18:36
  oh, no beers and a jumper in case you get cold.
• 1:18:41
  How selfish is this, Matt? I can't believe it.
• 1:18:45
  As you can imagine, staying by yourself with a woman going
• 1:18:47
  through labour can be a scary experience.
• 1:18:50
  I don't care if you think it's scary for you, imagine how the
• 1:18:54
  hell she must be feeling with the whole human being coming out
• 1:18:56
  of her tiny, tiny vagina. Where the hell are the days when
• 1:19:00
  the men waited in the hallway outside the delivery room back
• 1:19:03
  in the day? By the time Dad came into the
• 1:19:04
  room a little after you can hear the baby cry, the wife was
• 1:19:07
  waiting for him, already clean and covered in a sheet, and the
• 1:19:10
  baby, nice and pink, smiled at him and said Dada happily.
• 1:19:13
  Well, you can certainly forget about that.
• 1:19:15
  Whoever came up with the new metrosexual modern man concept,
• 1:19:18
  the one who helps with the laundry, can distinguish between
• 1:19:20
  perfumes and has a bigger wardrobe than his wife, also
• 1:19:23
  expected childbirth beyond the realm of women.
• 1:19:25
  Only today you are expected to withstand the actual labour and
• 1:19:28
  delivery while your wife's mother sits idly by in the
• 1:19:31
  waiting room, schmoozing with her friends on her cell.
• 1:19:35
  Oh no, how dare you have to look after your partner.
• 1:19:39
  This book is getting old at this point.
• 1:19:40
  Like this, men hates women. We know you didn't have to go
• 1:19:43
  and write a whole book about it. Actually, almost like a car
• 1:19:46
  crash on the highway, you can't help but look at what's going on
• 1:19:48
  down there because some of the other regions look like the
• 1:19:51
  neighbourhood butcher shop. On a bad day, many men decide to
• 1:19:55
  stay in the safe place above their wife's waist and look them
• 1:19:58
  deep in the eyes throughout the whole process.
• 1:20:00
  The official excuse has to do with them wanting to use these
• 1:20:02
  body parts in the future, but most men are probably just
• 1:20:05
  afraid of fainting, and rightly so.
• 1:20:08
  So you refuse to look at your baby being born because you may
• 1:20:11
  want to use those body parts in the future.
• 1:20:14
  That's disgusting. Once again, your wife is not an
• 1:20:17
  object. She is not your property.
• 1:20:19
  She's not a sex toy. Stop it.
• 1:20:22
  And then after the baby is born, the beginning is going to be
• 1:20:25
  difficult, much harder than you thought.
• 1:20:27
  Your life as you knew it is actually over.
• 1:20:28
  So say hello and welcome to your new reality.
• 1:20:31
  Sleepless nights, a guilty conscience, and no sex.
• 1:20:34
  He's constantly thinking about sex, isn't he?
• 1:20:36
  She's just shoved a baby a. Whole.
• 1:20:39
  Giant baby out of a tiny orifice or had her entire stomach sliced
• 1:20:44
  open. Of course she can't have sex.
• 1:20:46
  It shouldn't even need saying this doesn't make you hard done
• 1:20:49
  by mate. This is where we suggest you
• 1:20:51
  convince your wife to breastfeed.
• 1:20:53
  Where pro we're pro breastfeeding.
• 1:20:55
  Breastfeeding is good not only because it's the most
• 1:20:59
  recommended food, not only because it's the most
• 1:21:01
  recommended food for your baby, but also because she's the only
• 1:21:04
  one who can do it. Therefore, she will be the one
• 1:21:06
  to get up during the night for feedings and not you.
• 1:21:09
  In all seriousness, no. In all seriousness though, some
• 1:21:12
  women have trouble breastfeeding.
• 1:21:13
  If that's the case with her, just be supportive.
• 1:21:16
  That last line does not make up for everything else you just
• 1:21:18
  said. How about you let the person
• 1:21:20
  whose body is decide if they want to breastfeed or not and
• 1:21:24
  regardless if she is breastfeeding or not, do you
• 1:21:27
  share and get up in the night and do your own fair share of
• 1:21:30
  childcare for your own child? You know, disgusting.
• 1:21:36
  And that's where we're going to end.
• 1:21:37
  Talking about the book in particular, after reading the
• 1:21:40
  book, I decided to look into it a little further.
• 1:21:42
  And I'm absolutely shocked because as I think I alluded to
• 1:21:44
  in the beginning, while I couldn't find who specifically
• 1:21:47
  wrote this book, the founder of like the parent company is
• 1:21:51
  listed as a woman. She either goes by Tamar Shahar
• 1:21:55
  or Tamar S Pines, and she is from Tel Aviv, or at least she
• 1:22:00
  went to university in Tel Aviv, I think.
• 1:22:01
  And she describes herself on LinkedIn as a content creator, a
• 1:22:04
  storyteller, A dreamer. And and dua, I think it's maybe
• 1:22:08
  a dua, but maybe English isn't her first language.
• 1:22:10
  That's Speaking of all, I create unique and trendy content with a
• 1:22:14
  fresh perspective that matches the market needs.
• 1:22:16
  Innovation, thought provoking and creativity are all the areas
• 1:22:20
  in which I specialise professionally.
• 1:22:23
  Meanwhile, the Facebook page of the company tells us that the
• 1:22:25
  content of the books is based on the real life experiences of
• 1:22:28
  dozens of dads in the Dad Is group, a community of fathers
• 1:22:32
  who have been there and lived to tell the tale.
• 1:22:34
  The series was written with the goal of talking about the real
• 1:22:37
  issues of modern day fatherhood, establishing APC free zone for
• 1:22:41
  dads and dads to be around the world.
• 1:22:44
  So what I'm hearing is you asked a bunch of grumpy old men on
• 1:22:46
  Facebook about being a dad, collated their answers and wrote
• 1:22:49
  a misogynistic piece of crap from it to sell to other grumpy
• 1:22:52
  men. I am just shocked and confused
• 1:22:55
  by the entire existence of this book and I can't recommend it to
• 1:22:57
  anyone. I mean, I know I'm not a parent
• 1:22:59
  myself, but I will always advocate for women and pregnant
• 1:23:02
  people to be treated with dignity and respect and that is
• 1:23:05
  not what this book does at all. I also today I went to log the
• 1:23:10
  book on my Goodreads account and it turns out that there's been
• 1:23:12
  so many negative reviews of this book recently that they've
• 1:23:16
  banned anyone from reviewing it. Literally they're like not
• 1:23:20
  accepting any new reviews. It's absolutely wild.
• 1:23:23
  So I found that interesting. But yeah, I'd love to hear your
• 1:23:28
  thoughts on this. Please let me know down in the
• 1:23:29
  comments what you thought of it. Let me know if you're still
• 1:23:32
  alive. If you played along with the
• 1:23:33
  Grow up drinking game, please don't actually have had a drink
• 1:23:37
  for every time I said it because I worry for your liver.
• 1:23:41
  And the liver. Is very important.
• 1:23:42
  Surprisingly, you can and need it.
• 1:23:45
  If you like this video, please don't forget to leave a like and
• 1:23:47
  subscribe if you're new here and every new subscription or like
• 1:23:50
  or comment or even a dislike helps.
• 1:23:53
  And if you did like this video, you can also share it around
• 1:23:55
  online. That really helps me as well.
• 1:23:58
  If you'd like to support my work, I do have a Patreon.
• 1:24:00
  I have channel memberships and I also have much that you can buy
• 1:24:04
  at the minute. All the little extra money I'm
• 1:24:06
  getting is going towards Cara's healthcare.
• 1:24:09
  So things like her regular blood tests that she's needing and
• 1:24:13
  vets visits, her monthly Medicare vacation, she's on two
• 1:24:16
  different ones now and it's getting quite, quite expensive.
• 1:24:19
  But of course she's worth it because she's my baby.
• 1:24:22
  I'm just trying to do everything I can for her.
• 1:24:24
  And if she needs any more treatments in the future, it'll
• 1:24:26
  go towards that as well. And yeah, she's a gorgeous
• 1:24:28
  little girl. And I thank you all so much for
• 1:24:30
  everyone who's reached out in support or helped like donate
• 1:24:34
  some money towards her vet's bills or who has bought some of
• 1:24:37
  the merch that I released at Christmas.
• 1:24:39
  And that's all going towards her and her her costs.
• 1:24:42
  So thank you so much to everyone.
• 1:24:43
  And it Yeah, you'll support your kindness means so, so much when
• 1:24:48
  this is such a difficult time. We're both just really, really
• 1:24:51
  stressed at the minute and we're trying to make it work and get
• 1:24:54
  by. And we're doing OK.
• 1:24:56
  The other night when I filmed the first part of this video,
• 1:24:59
  that's the first time I've actually enjoyed filming in a
• 1:25:01
  long, long, long, long, long time.
• 1:25:04
  Because it was nice to just know that Cara was safe and asleep
• 1:25:07
  and relaxed and she wasn't stressing while I was filming,
• 1:25:11
  and I wasn't stressing and worried about her while I was
• 1:25:13
  filming. And it meant I could just kind
• 1:25:15
  of sit back and enjoy the process.
• 1:25:17
  And like I say, it's the first time in a long time I've enjoyed
• 1:25:19
  filming a video. And yeah, it was just really,
• 1:25:22
  really good. And I think I needed that.
• 1:25:23
  So yeah, sorry I'm rambling too much, but I thought you should
• 1:25:27
  all have a nice little update on Kyra.
• 1:25:29
  The really good news is she is now 11 days free without a
• 1:25:32
  seizure, which is the longest stretch she's gone since she
• 1:25:35
  started having them, which is fantastic news.
• 1:25:38
  Before this, she was having them.
• 1:25:41
  I think the closest ones were about 3 days apart, but there
• 1:25:44
  were some days when she was clustering, so she had like 3 or
• 1:25:46
  4 a day. But the closest ones were about
• 1:25:50
  3 days apart. And then the others were about 7
• 1:25:52
  days apart and some were 10 days apart.
• 1:25:54
  But now she's thankfully gone 11 days.
• 1:25:57
  So it's looking like this new medication might be working
• 1:25:59
  really well for her. We just got to wait and see.
• 1:26:01
  And yeah, look after the baby in the meantime.
• 1:26:04
  Anyway, I'm going to stop talking and let you go because
• 1:26:06
  you've already been listening for long enough.
• 1:26:08
  But thank you all so much for your support.
• 1:26:10
  Thank you for watching today. Thank you for your time.
• 1:26:12
  It really does mean so much that you chose to spend it with me
• 1:26:15
  and the little snorry one next to me.
• 1:26:17
  Also, quite a few have been asking me to make the video that
• 1:26:20
  I'm already working on. Next, I've got my script half
• 1:26:23
  written. It is a review of a certain new
• 1:26:26
  poetry book from a certain author who blew up on TikTok and
• 1:26:29
  has had a little bit of drama around them.
• 1:26:32
  And the book is interesting, so keep an eye out for that soon.
• 1:26:38
  OK? I am done now.
• 1:26:39
  Thank you. I hope you all have a wonderful,
• 1:26:40
  wonderful rest of your day and I'll see you again soon.
• 1:26:43
  Bye.