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How to Win in a World of Comparison (with Renee Vidor) · The Daily Writer

0:01
SPEAKER_02: Do you ever struggle with comparing yourself to others who seem to be more successful?
0:06
SPEAKER_02: If so, this episode is going to help you look at comparison in a new way and start measuring up in every area of your life.
0:13
SPEAKER_02: Hey, thanks so much for joining me on this episode of the Smart Business Writing Podcast.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: My name is Kent Sanders, and I'm a ghostwriter and professor of communications.
0:22
SPEAKER_02: This is the show that helps you write amazing content so you can save time, stand out from the competition, and get more leads that turn into customers or clients.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: My guest on this episode is Renee Vador.
0:34
SPEAKER_02: Renee is the author of the amazing book called Measuring Up, How to Win in a World of Comparison.
0:40
SPEAKER_02: She's also a speaker and community creator who helps individuals and organizations discover how to be who they're created to be so they can do what they're designed to do.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: That is an amazing tagline, by the way.
0:52
SPEAKER_02: I just I just love that.
0:53
SPEAKER_02: Renee lives in Ohio with her husband and her two children.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: Well, I am thrilled that Renee has drawn our attention to this important area of comparison.
1:03
SPEAKER_02: This has been a big struggle for me over the years as a creative person and as a writer and now as a business owner.
1:10
SPEAKER_02: Honestly, it's almost impossible not to compare our success to other people, not just people who are doing the same kinds of things as we are, who are like in the same field, or, you know, if you're an author comparing yourself to another author, or if you're a business owner comparing yourself to some other business owner's success.
1:25
SPEAKER_02: But we do it sometimes with people who aren't even in our same field.
1:30
SPEAKER_02: I mean, comparing ourselves to others is something that I think is just part of the human condition.
1:34
SPEAKER_02: Even right now, at this very moment, I have this internal dialogue thinking, well, am I really as good of a podcaster as, you know, this other guy?
1:42
SPEAKER_02: Or is my narrating voice as good as somebody else's?
1:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh, am I doing a good job with this podcast?
1:48
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: But the point is that we all have this internal dialogue that's constantly running, that's comparing ourselves to other people.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: And I want to recommend that you grab Renee's book.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: In fact, you might want to just push pause on this episode right now and go grab her book.
2:01
SPEAKER_02: There's a link in the show notes because it's really, really great.
2:04
SPEAKER_02: And by the way, this is not just an issue for women, this is an issue for this is an issue for men as well.
2:10
SPEAKER_02: So Renee's gonna help us to sort through this issue.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: And in this conversation, you're going to learn how comparison is hurting your success.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: And she also shares her win framework and how it can help you.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: That's W-I-N, and you'll discover what that means in the context of this conversation.
2:27
SPEAKER_02: Renee also talks about the process of writing her book called Measuring Up.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: And I hope that our I hope that that section of the conversation inspires you to write your own book if you haven't already.
2:39
SPEAKER_02: All right, without further ado, let's get to the conversation.
2:42
SPEAKER_02: Renee, welcome to the Smart Business Writing Podcast.
2:45
SPEAKER_02: I'm still thrilled that we were able to line up this interview and I appreciate you coming on the show as a guest.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to be here.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: I've enjoyed listening to your podcast already.
2:56
SPEAKER_02: Well, thanks so much.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: It's been really fun to see your book launch recently.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: And uh, of course, you know, we talk a lot about books on this show because it is a writing podcast, and it's really fun just to see the process of someone birthing a book into the world.
3:12
SPEAKER_02: And of course, as a man, I don't have firsthand experience with birth, with childbirth.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: My wife does.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I was there for that.
3:18
SPEAKER_02: But, you know, just I think that whole metaphor is appropriate because there's so much effort and so much that goes into bringing that book into the world.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm probably gonna regret using this metaphor.
3:28
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I say things on the show and I'm like, was that really an appropriate thing to say?
3:32
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
3:33
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I think that metaphor is appropriate.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: So it's been so thrilling to see your book launched recently and all the cool things that are gonna come as a result of that.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't think your metaphor is off at all because I had a friend who made a birth announcement for my book and she put a sign out in my yard.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: I believe that that is a girl that I'm gonna answer that.
3:54
SPEAKER_02: That was really cool.
3:55
SPEAKER_02: I've never seen that before.
3:56
SPEAKER_02: So maybe that's a burgeoning, uh really super duper niche down service somebody can offer is birth announcement signs for new authors.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: I think it might be in the works because I just saw another author friend of mine who just launched and birthed their book this coming week, who did the same thing.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: She saw mine and she passed it on.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: So here we go.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: Might as well someone collect that business.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: I like that.
4:20
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: Well, let's talk about uh your book and measuring up how to win in a world of comparison here for just a second.
4:27
SPEAKER_02: Tell us the basic idea of what the book is and why you came to write this book.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'd love to.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: The book idea, the premise would be that comparison is inevitable.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: No matter what, we are always going to have comparison trying to hijack our minds.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: So, what do we do with it?
4:46
SPEAKER_00: And in this book, I teach how to take control over comparison so that it no longer has to be to our detriment.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: It can actually be our benefit.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: So it came about for a couple of different reasons.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: One, this topic of comparison was really on my mind for probably around six months or so.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: And then I was offered an option to write a book, and I knew what the topic had to be about, but I didn't actually know what to write yet.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: I just knew that I had tackled this problem in my own life and that I had seen a lot of results with it.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: And yet, here I'm watching my daughter, who was at the time in fifth grade, coming home struggling from school, saying things like, Oh, that girl's her braids are so much better.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: She thinks she's better than everyone.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, this is a topic that needs to be, we just need to eradicate it.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: So that was where my mind started flowing with the book idea.
5:45
SPEAKER_02: But this is not something that just kids struggle with, of course.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh, in the book, you go into a lot of detail about how to deal with this in our adult lives as well.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: And I think one of the most surprising things about this whole idea of comparison is that as adults, we sometimes like to pretend it doesn't exist.
6:00
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, we don't struggle with that.
6:02
SPEAKER_02: We're our own independent person and and all that.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: But in reality, we really do.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's that's such a it should be such an obvious thing that we should all just admit, but sometimes we don't like to admit it.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: So I'm glad in this book that you've brought this out kind of into the light for us just to examine and take a look at and and also have some ways to deal with this in our own hearts.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: And you know, kind of it's interesting.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: I've had more men tell me that they don't deal with it.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: And that really helped me to understand better and to dig deeper and to learn more about how comparison can actually have different names and different words and semantics.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: And as a writer, which I don't pretend to be this amazing writer or anything like that.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: That's not my everyday gig.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, but just writing a book, I realized that those words that we use oftentimes we have to dig a little bit deeper to find out what does it mean to the other, to our audience, to other people.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: And I found that competition oftentimes was the alter ego of comparison when it came for men.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Just something interesting, a little tidbit.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: Well, I would I would challenge you a little bit on the idea that you know, if you think that you're not the world's most awesome writer.
7:16
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm working on a, I'm just about to finish a client book this week before I send it back to the client and then and then to editing.
7:24
SPEAKER_02: And I was just picking three or four books because I was struggling with how do I frame some stories in this book.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: And yours is actually one of the books that I've been looking at the past uh two or three weeks just to really dig into it and see, okay, how did they transition from one section to the next?
7:40
SPEAKER_02: How did they tell the story and everything?
7:41
SPEAKER_02: And your book is really, really well written.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: So I hope that if nobody else says this, which I'm sure you've you've heard this all the time since the launch of the book, it's a really well-written and well-crafted book.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of people who aren't in the book world and who don't write books, they don't really think of things in that term, in those terms, they just open up the book and look at it.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: But no, yours is, I can tell you've really poured your heart and soul into this.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: You've crafted every line, every sentence, every word.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: So it's really, really well done.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: That means a lot.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: I will say that even as a person that writes about imposter syndrome, the fact that we all do deal with it.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes, there are times I look and I'm like, wow, um, that book, yeah, it wasn't it wasn't that great, but that's okay because I know that it's still in it's authentic and it's going to impact people and it has.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: So hearing that it was actually well written, thank you.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, I can't necessarily look at it myself and think that.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: Well, there's a real art to storytelling, I think.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: And it's something that I think we're all growing in constantly.
8:44
SPEAKER_02: And you can read a book that's written well, whether it's narrative, nonfiction, or a novel or something, and you can read the stories, and it takes a lot of work to craft a story well and to tell it well to where it keeps the reader sucked into it and really engaged.
8:58
SPEAKER_02: But then when you try to do it yourself, it's like, oh, this is actually a lot harder than it looks.
9:02
SPEAKER_02: It is so no, I I think you really have a gift for it for sure.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you very much.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Appreciate that.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: You know, it is it is funny that as we talk about this issue of comparison and and maybe in its darker forms, jealousy and you know, all the ways that that takes root in our hearts.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: This is a big problem in the author world, in the book world.
9:20
SPEAKER_02: At least I I will confess on this show that it has been a problem in in my heart at times.
9:25
SPEAKER_02: How have you seen other authors successfully deal with this issue of comparison?
9:31
SPEAKER_02: Because we all compare books and um, you know, ratings on Amazon and book reviews and all those kinds of things.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: That's a really good question.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: And I would have to say I've thought of it more and how I've seen people unsuccessfully deal with it.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to think on that enough to switch it around.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And that in in and of itself is a comparison, you know, who's dealing with it successfully and not successful, unsuccessfully.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: But that being said, I do know people who have struggled with this immensely to the point that they have never written their book, they have never successfully published it.
10:09
SPEAKER_02: And that's so true.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: And that's a huge detriment.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: That's one of those things where we're allowing as authors, as creators, as people that have a message to share, or maybe a ghostwriter and you have someone else's message to share.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: But when we are so busy looking at ourselves and looking at whether we're good enough or whether we measure up, instead, we're not actually focusing on what we were created to do and put out there.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: So a couple of positives that I have seen.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: There is somebody who I know has struggled with wanting her book to really do well.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: And she has a huge mission behind it.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: And in trying to get her book out there, the way that she's done that well is she has interviewed other people, she's highlighted other people, she's served other people.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm seeing her do that, all of her marketing, all of her, even when she was authoring it and writing it, she was always there to serve and help others.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: And that is one major impact that we'll have on others, but even ourselves, the more that we serve, the more that we allow what our gifts are to resonate out, the more that we're gonna have, and I hate to say this word, but confidence, but we're gonna believe in ourselves more because we're seeing the benefits that other people are having from what we're able to offer with our gifts.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: So it comes full circle.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: So there's it is a there's a sense in which when we focus on how we look to everyone, we focus on how we come across and our own success.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: That actually makes it worse.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: But if we focus on serving other people with our books and with our writing or with whatever content we're producing, we focus on creating value for others and don't worry about how we come across, that really brings up the level of joy in the whole thing and increases our confidence at the same time.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: I think that that's how we're we're supposed to be.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: We are supposed to be.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're not writing just for our benefit.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, hopefully people make a couple bucks, not much in the writing world, oftentimes.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, they're able to use that for maybe a stress relief, or perhaps it's for a real income because you're doing it in a business sense.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: But regardless, if there's not that, it's just like any other job, if there's not that that real fulfillment from it, and we're so busy on trying to make sure that we're the best or we're better than others, then yeah, I don't think that that our messages are going to be able to come through in the way that they were meant to be.
12:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's so true.
12:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, one of the things that makes your speaking of messages, I think one of the things that makes your message in your book so powerful is that you're very transparent in the book about your own journey and about your life experiences.
12:59
SPEAKER_02: And and I think that's really valuable because it's so easy to just be guarded and only want to share kind of a small sliver of your own story and your experience.
13:08
SPEAKER_02: Do you have any advice or thoughts for authors who are listening who are wondering how transparent they should be in their book?
13:16
SPEAKER_02: Like how how did you decide what to share and what not to share as you're writing this book that's on a very personal topic?
13:22
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: And that's a really good question.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: And I would have to tell you that there are, even though I'm a very transparent person, and people who know me, people who follow me and who have seen me over the last several years going through my life journey and my um just transitions, because all of us are transitioning and learning and growing.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: So true.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: They all would say that, okay, she's very open, she's very authentic, and that's something that is part of my innovated identity.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: However, there are certain things that I did not share in that book.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: There are things that have to do with other people.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: And I believe that my gauge for how I share, whether it's on video, in person, or through writing, it's going to be is this going to be beneficial to the audience?
14:11
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to filter that through.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: Is this going to be detrimental or hurtful for anybody else?
14:18
SPEAKER_00: So I'm okay with it being, it's not really hurtful for me.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm okay.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually at a point where I know that some of my stories, and I'm happy to talk about it on here, but I don't think this is where it belongs.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: So go grab the book and you can read a little bit more about that if you're interested.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: But some of the things that I've gone through personally have have the opportunity to help a lot of other people and already have.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: I know some women who've been impacted even in the last week due to me sharing openly about my story.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: And it's probably saved their life just like it did mine.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: So that being said, I'm okay with looking a little silly or having some embarrassing things out there.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm okay with that.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to make sure that I write about it in a sense that does not incriminate anybody else, that does not make anyone else look bad.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: It's all about how I am, how am I able to help my audience without having any backlash for anybody else?
15:19
SPEAKER_02: Man, that that is so true.
15:20
SPEAKER_02: And and I know um the things you're referring to, and I would encourage people to go to go grab the book because they're going to find out a lot of detail about that.
15:28
SPEAKER_02: And also just follow you online and and we can talk more about uh about your winner circle here in a few minutes.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: But I remember you sharing your story, you know, very openly um online the last year or two, and just having an immense amount of respect and just thinking, wow, that's really impressive.
15:45
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I would have the guts to to just kind of pour my life out there, but it really impacted me, and it and I've been thinking about it, you know, on a regular basis since then about you know, maybe today we live in a different time, uh, we live in a different time period than even just 10 years ago where there's kind of a more of an openness to sharing our stories and being more vulnerable and transparent.
16:10
SPEAKER_02: And maybe we don't have to worry about how we come across to people because people do appreciate authenticity and transparency.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: I mean, to a degree, you know, we don't want to be the drama queen who's putting every element of their dramatic life out there on Facebook all the time.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: But I don't know, do you sense that in in our world today that people have more of an appreciation for that authenticity that we're sharing?
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Personally, I think that we've had such a run of people intentionally trying to put on masks and be fake.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And we're sick of it.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: We want to be people that can relate with others.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: It's becoming more difficult, especially.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we look at the last several months, we're relating with people more over a screen than we are in person.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: And that's been a slow, I think that's slowly been happening for a long time.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, Ken, you and I met, and we've never met in person, but I feel like, hey, you know what?
17:06
SPEAKER_00: We've talked on the phone, we've had, you know, video.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I know you and I've listened to your podcast.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: And that is where we are now as a people.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Our technology has gotten us to where we're able to know people.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: So it's harder to be fake.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you can keep a fake persona up for a little while, but more of your behind the scenes are going to come out easily with the technology age within the last 10 years.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: So I think part of it is people, they're ousting those that are just being continually fake.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: And we need to be able to be who we're created to be so that we can end up doing what we're designed to do.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: As you look look at the issue of leadership, uh, and I don't mean just like necessarily politically or or in any other kind of specific role, but how have you thought about this issue of where do you draw the line when you're leading something or when you're an and I don't even look that like the word influencer, you know, I'm an Instagram influencer, that kind of thing, and I'm not an Instagram influencer on any level.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: But for those of us who do have some type of a platform, what is the line between knowing what to share that's authentic and transparent and and so forth, but then knowing how much of that is too much to where people start to think of us as weak or incapable or not a person worth following?
18:26
SPEAKER_02: How have you thought about those those kinds of issues?
18:28
SPEAKER_02: Because I I seem to have a hard time figuring out what is the appropriate line for a person.
18:35
SPEAKER_02: Not that I'm sharing anything inappropriate, but I'm just wondering how you have processed through all that.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a really good question.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: And I haven't thought about that previously, but now that you mention it, when I think about leadership, I like you do not, I don't enjoy that word influencer.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: We all are influencers and we all have this following of source, and it we don't even necessarily know it.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: So I like to look at myself as a person that I don't even think of myself as higher or as uh having a following or whatnot.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: Literally, I don't.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's a good place to be.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: And I know that as following does grow and we have metrics that show that sort of thing, that can be that slippery slope of trying to figure out okay, do I need to change what I already have been doing and saying based off of what now all of a sudden I realize that I'm a leader, or do I need to just stay exactly who I am?
19:43
SPEAKER_00: And as little tiny increments have happened for me, and there by no means do I see myself as this huge leader or anything like that, but I do know that there are people following, there are people watching.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: And so I know that I want to be who I am regardless.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: And I think that what's helped me to be able to test those waters are knowing that what my core values, what I stand for.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: Many times behind the scenes, we don't we don't show all of our core values.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: So I try to be very upfront about what I believe, and I also do share where I make mistakes.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: And so that way I'm staying very even with the fact that, hey, I'm not trying to show you perfection, I'm trying to show you what I personally believe.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: That may or may not be what you believe, and that's fine.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: But I'm also showing you that, you know what, I don't always measure up to that.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't, that's I don't level up to that.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: So here's what I learned.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: So I think that as I show my weak weaknesses, because we're all imperfect, by what I'm learning and what I've gained from it, that to me personally, that's what makes a leader.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: A leader is someone who is constantly showing based off of what they're being taught.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: Man, I like that.
21:02
SPEAKER_02: I like that a lot.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: That's gonna be in the show notes.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: This is this is my secret agenda for why I actually do podcast interviews, it's so I can just talk to people who are really smart and who can give me these little bits of wisdom.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: This this is really just my personal therapy when it comes down to it.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: That's why I listen to podcasts.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: So that's perfect.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: And then I'm only partially kidding.
21:23
SPEAKER_02: That I think that's a great reason to start a podcast, is you get to talk to talk to awesome people and it helps your life, and other people get to eavesdrop on the conversation.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: That's really cool.
21:32
SPEAKER_02: Basically, that's what podcasting is.
21:35
SPEAKER_02: Now, one thing I want to make sure and ask about, and this goes back to the framework that you share in your book, Measuring Up How to Win in a World of Comparison.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: So that word win in the subtitle is not just kind of a it's not a marketing word.
21:48
SPEAKER_02: This is a really core part of your message.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: Can you talk about your win W I N framework and how it can help us whenever we're struggling with comparison?
21:58
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: So win.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: WIN stands for as an acronym, weigh your cost, innovate your identity, and navigate your journey.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: Whenever we have any issue and we want to win that issue, and even though it's a play on words as an acronym, it really does to me mean like, hey, I want to win.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: That weighing your cost of what it really means to win is going to be important.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: In other words, if you want to win over comparison, you need to weigh your cost.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: Is it important enough to you?
22:30
SPEAKER_00: What are the, you know, do your pros and cons list.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: Figure out what is it that makes you want to win.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't have a purpose behind your why, you're not going to win.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: So that's weigh your cost at a very elementary level.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Innovate your identity.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Well, now that you know your cost and you know it's worth it, you've counted it and you know that, hey, I want to move forward.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: You need to know who you are.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Your identity, you're always yourself.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: You're definitely someone who is, you know, like for you, Kent, you're Kent Sanders, obviously.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: But you're always changing and we're always growing.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: So there are things along our journeys that we have attached to ourselves, like labels and such that have kept us from being who we are.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: And there are things also that that we need to add to ourselves that we're supposed to be.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: It's part of our identity, but we haven't yet been open to discovering it.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Like before you discovered podcasting, that may be something, hey, that's part of my identity, is talking to people, but yet I didn't know that at a certain point.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: So at some point you're able to innovate and you realize what your identity is.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: And that's gonna be the benchmark that we actually measure up to.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: So innovating your identity is that important part, like the sandwich.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: So next, once you know who you are, you know who you're created to be, you have that innovative identity.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: Now you're gonna navigate your journey.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: And this is where most people think in terms of comparison, they're like, oh, okay, I need to just stop comparing.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't work.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't, or else none of us would be doing it anymore.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: But what we can do is once we know who we are and we know that this is important to us, then we can start to do some of those behavioral modifications, such as simple things.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: Like maybe on Instagram, if you've struggled with comparing yourself to other fitness trainers, then you're going to have issues when you go and look at all these perfect fitness trainers.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: So you may have to actually change a little bit of your course and navigate your journey to get around those potholes and those roadblocks that trip you up.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: So that is the win acronym.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: And it can be used for more than just comparison, but I definitely saw it helping me throughout my writing process.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: That was huge because I had to several times go back and remind myself, all right, Renee, you are not finishing this fast enough.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Other people are finishing so much faster.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: What is going on?
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Are you just not a great writer?
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Are you what is the deal?
24:58
SPEAKER_00: And I was able to go back and remind myself, okay, you know what?
25:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't want comparing others to be what's controlling my life.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: So next that's the W.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: So next I go into who am I?
25:10
SPEAKER_00: What is my identity?
25:12
SPEAKER_00: What's the truth about me?
25:14
SPEAKER_00: The truth is I was undergoing surgery.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: I was undergoing my son's open heart surgery.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: I also have another business that I run.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: The truth is that no, I am a decent writer.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: I am able to complete this.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: But now, what do I need to do to navigate my journey so that I can go with that truth?
25:33
SPEAKER_00: I needed to change some of my habits.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: I needed to not focus on other people's deadlines and writing.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: I need to just hone in on my own.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: So there are ways to use this acronym throughout all of your life, not just when you're dealing with a certain comparison.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: That's great.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have to go back and listen to this section again, in addition to rereading your book, because what you shared, it's like, I mean, there's so many great things here, but one of the things that stuck out to me is the third part, navigate your journey.
26:07
SPEAKER_02: You didn't say navigate the journey or navigate a journey or navigate somebody else's journey, it's navigate your journey.
26:15
SPEAKER_02: And that is such a critical part that I I never really noticed that before until you just mentioned that.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: Because we all have our own unique journey.
26:23
SPEAKER_02: We can't take somebody else's journey, especially if they've you know, just speaking of books, like if we're releasing our first book and we're looking at somebody else who has 23 books out there, that's not gonna be our journey.
26:36
SPEAKER_02: We've got to start at our book one, not their book 23 or 24.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: But we do that so many times, especially in the book world.
26:43
SPEAKER_02: You know, we compare ourselves to everybody else.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: I've definitely seen that in my own life, and it's something that we're going to do.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: It's not like we're gonna be able to just like, oh, okay, I don't do that anymore.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, now when that happens, I know what to do with that in order to go through and win.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: So that is a good point.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: It is your journey, it's my journey.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: We're not looking in the other lane to be able to find out what our journey is.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: We're looking straight ahead at our destination.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: And what is it going to take to get to our destination and win our prize, not somebody else's?
27:18
SPEAKER_02: That is so that's such a key thing.
27:21
SPEAKER_02: And there is really something about writing a book in particular, as opposed to a lot of other things that we could do.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: Writing a book and putting it out there, it really tests you in a lot of ways because it's kind of like you're it's that old that old joke of you know, when you're when you're giving a talk in front of a group of people, you're supposed to imagine them sitting in their underwear or something like that.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: You know, we all heard that as kids, probably in speech class.
27:45
SPEAKER_02: Um, I still teach freshman speech class at the college here where I teach at.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: I'd never actually use that analogy, but but we've all heard that.
27:53
SPEAKER_02: But writing a book is kind of like the opposite.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: It's sort of like you're standing in front of a crowd with no clothes on because you're just opening yourself up to everybody's Amazon reviews and their criticism, and what if they don't like this and all those kinds of things?
28:07
SPEAKER_02: So there's some, you know, it's almost like you're taking this wind journey.
28:11
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure you were experiencing all this as you were writing the books, which is kind of a very meta, meta journey, I guess.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: You're writing about it, but experiencing at the same time.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: I had a an early morning walk this morning with a friend, and she was asking me, Well, how's it going post-launch and all of this?
28:28
SPEAKER_00: And I was just giving her a little bit of an update and like, yeah, I'm moving on to the next thing.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm just glad this part's done, right?
28:34
SPEAKER_00: But she asked me, she goes, Now, uh, what about reviews?
28:38
SPEAKER_00: Do you actually go and do you read those?
28:40
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I've heard that maybe it's not good to read reviews.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: And it got me thinking, I was like, you know what?
28:45
SPEAKER_00: Actually, yeah, I do go and I read them because I can learn from them.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: I can see the things that I can either improve on or that maybe I didn't even realize were impactful, that I can then take that message and further it out more.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: So I agree, like there's every step of the way, whether you're in the middle of writing or you're just turning in a proposal or perhaps your post-launch, regardless, we're going to have to battle these things and decide that's my journey.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: Other people may choose that they're gonna navigate their journey and navigate around.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they don't read their reviews because that's a trip up for them.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: And that's fine.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: So for me personally, I go read them.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: So if you write one, I'm gonna read it.
29:26
SPEAKER_02: I think that's awesome.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: Well, I read all my reviews, not that I have like hundreds of them out there or anything, but yeah, reviews are cool, and even the ones that are sometimes so so positive, you can always learn something from those, I guess.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: Or at least that's what we like to say, you know, as we're running and ducking under the bed because our feelings are hurt, because somebody left us a negative podcast review.
29:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm learning from that.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: It's a growth experience, and you know, we're learning humility, right?
29:51
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's what that's what it is.
29:53
SPEAKER_02: We're learning humility.
29:54
SPEAKER_02: That's that's very true.
29:55
SPEAKER_02: One thing I want to ask about, because I love talking about the mechanics of publishing in the book world and all those kinds of things, is that your book is through Author Academy Elite.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: And I'd love for you to share a little bit about that and what that is, and and why you went that direction as opposed to uh like a traditional publishing house or straight up self-publishing and that whole thing.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: What I like about the publishing industry is that now they're so diversified, so where there are many different options.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: And again, it's about your journey.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: What is your journey?
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And I was not at the point of wanting to write a book anytime soon.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: However, I I knew that in my future that was probably going to be somewhere in there.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: So I had been watching, I was a part of a company for quite a while.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: When I say a part of, I mean I'm certified in their courses and other elements that they were that they are doing and doing a great job at.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was watching their publishing side, and I had many friends that I had even referred in there and such.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: And it was going really well.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: But I watched for a long time because my mentor that I had been following and learning from for so long, she's traditionally traditionally published.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: And she's kind of a larger name when it comes to Christian Bible studies and such.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: And I've been able to go down to Nashville and be in the recordings and on her videos and really see the inside, meet her editor and all of that.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: So I've seen kind of different sides as well as I've seen the self-publishing side where I've had friends that have self-published.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: So learning about all these different ways of publishing became a little bit of a just side hobby, I guess, just learning along the way.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: So when it came down to having the opportunity to write through Author Academy Elite, I knew that that it was going to be a good fit for me because what I the the again, there's pros and cons with every way you do anything, which is why we even look at it.
31:54
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: And it for my friend who's traditionally published, it is her way.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it is it is perfect for her.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: And yet for me, I struggled when she came to me one time.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: She's like, What do you think of the front cover?
32:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Um, I'm sorry, it's gotta go.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: It is not good.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I'm very open and honest.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: And she, you know, loving relationship.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: But she's like, Yeah, that's what I thought.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: She goes, but I'm not allowed to change anything.
32:19
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean you can't change it?
32:21
SPEAKER_00: It's your book.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: She's like, No, it's not my book.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: It's actually theirs.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm, you know, I and so when she explained all this, I thought, oh, I want the rights.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: I want to be able to do what I want with it.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't want someone else to own it.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: So for me, I'm not necessarily a control freak, but I did want control over that.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: So that was where I knew that self-publishing was the opposite extreme, that I still wanted more of a community.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: I wanted more collaboration.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: I wanted something backing.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: So with Author Academy Lee, it's more of a hybrid model, and there are different hybrid models out there.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, I loved how they do have a huge backing, how they have coaching along with it.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: So when I'm struggling on something, I'm able to call in and get coaching, whether it's writing coaching or whether it's the actual process.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm hands-on with a lot of it.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: So I am the one going and doing a lot of the work.
33:10
SPEAKER_00: And yet that way I know how it works.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: I know more about the publishing industry, whereas I'm not just handing it off, but yet I'm not having to completely do it on my own.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: I've got a very great method, um, like 52 missions or whatever it is, in order to get through it.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: So that was what I really enjoyed about the framework of of Author Academy Elite.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: And this is Carrie Oberbrunner's company, correct?
33:35
SPEAKER_00: Correct, yes.
33:36
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: Igniting souls.
33:38
SPEAKER_02: Cool.
33:38
SPEAKER_02: Very cool.
33:39
SPEAKER_02: So Author Academy Elite, is that kind of a branch of Igniting Souls?
33:43
SPEAKER_02: Is that how that works?
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: I believe it's their platform.
33:46
SPEAKER_02: Or division or something.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, division.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: I don't actually I'm I'm blessed to be able to be local.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: So I learn a lot and I see a lot.
33:54
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes because I'm not, of course, hired or anything by them, I'm like I said, a certified coach in some of their products.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm able to see some of the behind the scenes and see the integrity and such, but I don't always remember the right terminology.
34:06
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that that's all good.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: It's all good.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: And man, you're so right, Renee.
34:11
SPEAKER_02: It is really a huge blessing that we have so many options for getting our books out there today.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: Whether you want to be a like a total control freak and control every aspect of it, which is which there's nothing wrong with that.
34:21
SPEAKER_02: That can actually be a good thing, but it's a lot of work.
34:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like the upside is hey, I'm I'm in control, but the downside is, oh yeah, I'm in control.
34:30
SPEAKER_02: I have responsibility for the whole shooting match versus traditional publishing, which is a whole different ballgame.
34:35
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, there's so many options, which is amazing today.
34:38
SPEAKER_02: It really is.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm very grateful for that.
34:42
SPEAKER_02: Well, as you as you think about your your writing and your content and your journey, what would you say is one of the most important things that you're learning right now?
34:53
SPEAKER_00: That's a really good question.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm learning that it really does take a team and that we need to be able to ask for help.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: I am not one that typically I'm very independent.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: I do things on my own.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to inconvenience people.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm a recovering comparaholic, a recovering people pleaser as well.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: So I don't want to inconvenience.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: So I'm learning that actually I have to.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there are times where it's not an inconvenience.
35:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm able to ask people, I'm giving constantly.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to worry about just being a consumer.
35:26
SPEAKER_00: I am also a creator and a giver.
35:29
SPEAKER_00: So it's learning that balance of, hey, I really need help with this.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Can you help me?
35:35
SPEAKER_00: And knowing also when, okay, that that's somebody else's um territory that maybe I shouldn't be stepping on.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: So it's, I think that's really what I'm learning with this whole process recently.
35:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's been really good.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: It's a great lesson.
35:51
SPEAKER_02: Wow, I love that.
35:52
SPEAKER_02: I need to hear that as well for sure.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: And probably many of our listeners do, of course.
35:57
SPEAKER_02: Well, before we uh begin to wind this interview down, I understand that you have a download for our listeners.
36:04
SPEAKER_02: Is download the right word or I wouldn't say download.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: What I do have is a an assessment that you can go take.
36:11
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that that's that was the word I'm looking for.
36:14
SPEAKER_02: If I would have looked at my notes more carefully, I probably would have seen that.
36:17
SPEAKER_02: So lesson learned there.
36:18
SPEAKER_02: I need help, Renee.
36:20
SPEAKER_02: I really I need help with this.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm here for.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: So tell us a little bit about that and where we can go grab that.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: The comparaholic score is a score that is put together to help you see where you are in your relationship with comparison.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: And it's not something, of course, that's going to be so scientific that you're going to have to take an hour to do it.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: It's very short and sweet, but at the same time, you'll be able to walk away with a better understanding of where you how you deal with comparison and where you it might be tripping you up.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: So you get a score at the end.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: You go to reneevador.com forward slash comparaholic.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: And yes, I made the word up, so you'll just have to figure out how to spell it.
37:04
SPEAKER_00: But go to reneevador.com forward slash comparaholic and you'll be able to take the assessment and learn what your comparaholic score is.
37:13
SPEAKER_00: So that then you can start.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: I hope that this whole talk, whether you're an author, you know, wherever you are in life, that you're able to start thinking, okay, wow, I really am.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: Just like Kent said at the beginning, sometimes we don't even realize that we're dealing with comparison and letting it take over control of our minds.
37:31
SPEAKER_00: So it hopefully this helps open up the mind so that then when you go take the score again later, you can take the assessment maybe a month down the road and see if you've improved that score.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
37:43
SPEAKER_02: That is such a cool, cool resource.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: And I'm excited that we can mention that here.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: I want to come back to that in just a second.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: But before I do that and before I forget this, can you tell us a little bit about your winner's circle as well?
37:52
SPEAKER_02: Because I think people will be really interested in that.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: I love when people are looking to win at life.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: And that's been a theme.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: I just I'm attracted to people who are wanting to be growth, they have a growth mindset, they want to be in community, they want to serve and help others, they want to discover who they are and they know it's a continual journey.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: And it's not something like, oh, this is who I am, and then they stay stagnant.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: So these kind of people I've always attracted to me, and I've also just been attracted to and learning from them.
38:26
SPEAKER_00: So I just I decided to go ahead and put together something called the winner circle subscription.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: And that is it has an element of the community where it's an online Facebook group, also has access to the win comparison course, which is based off of measuring up how to win in a world of comparison.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: So if you like the book, it's a going deeper dive into that.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: And we have other fun elements such as, I mean, to win it life, you really need to look at body, mind, and soul.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's a whole three-element thing.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: So we have fitness coaching, we have faith-based coaching, and all of that into one subscription.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: Hang on one second.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna put my Mountain Dew away in my mini fridge right here in my office so that I need to make sure that's not on camera.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: Just talking about health, of course.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm just kidding.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you want to win, right?
39:13
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: I do want to win, and um and you know, that that does bring up like a, and I'm I'm actually serious about the Mountain Dew, but but that does bring up um an issue that you know, so many of us who do this kind of work, which is you know, creating content, podcasting, speaking, writing, we just live in our heads, and especially now we're living online, and we don't pay a lot of attention to our health sometimes.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I really appreciate the fact that you are blending that into the whole it's a very holistic approach to winning at life and not just you know one slice of it.
39:48
SPEAKER_02: So I think that that's a really awesome thing.
39:49
SPEAKER_02: And I know you're very passionate about health, and um, you know, I've seen things you put out there before where you're you're outside kind of doing your runs and have your headphones in and all that kind of stuff, and that's such a great example.
40:01
SPEAKER_02: So I appreciate you being a positive role model for us.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and let me also mention, Kent, that we are not, I love how you said our slice of life.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: We are not to be everything.
40:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm not a fitness coach.
40:13
SPEAKER_00: So I actually have a fitness coach in the winner circle.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: And what I love is that we can all, we can all have our empowerment, we can all have what we're good at, that slice, and we can share it and serve and help others win at that.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: So just to just a note, I don't actually do the fitness coaching.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna judge you on your Mountain Dew, but I will say 46 grams of sugar per, yeah, maybe, maybe that's not the best thing.
40:39
SPEAKER_02: It's it's probably not.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: It's I do drink a lot of water though.
40:42
SPEAKER_02: So I try to I try try to balance it out there.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: Well, before I wrap this up, I wanted to come back just for a second to your comparaholic score.
40:49
SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm just curious about this.
40:51
SPEAKER_02: I didn't plan this question ahead of time, but I'm curious do you see any specific personality types that are drawn to specific types of comparison?
41:01
SPEAKER_02: Or I guess another way of saying that is are there's you know, talking about like um the Myers Briggs or the Enneagram or the disc assessment, any of those kinds of things, have you seen any specific personality types that tend to compare more or have specific issues with comparison more than other personality types?
41:19
SPEAKER_00: That is a really good question.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'm gonna make a note to even go dive dig in deeper to that because I haven't looked specifically at the personality types myself.
41:30
SPEAKER_00: But what I can say is that I have looked at personality disorders.
41:37
SPEAKER_00: And when it comes to narcissistic personality and such, what I have found is that people who have had past issues, uh, perhaps it's trauma.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: It could be that they had they were abused as a child or they were told, you know, it could be verbal abuse, it could be there's a lot of different things out there, and some I just wouldn't even want to have to say.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: But I have noticed that and studies have shown that when people have had been been raised in some kind of environment that is abusive in some way, or by a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or such like that, they don't value themselves and they compare to every other person because that's what they've been taught.
42:18
SPEAKER_00: So some of it is nature versus nurture, you know, you're like, oh, well, is that just how the person is, or is that how they how they were taught?
42:25
SPEAKER_00: And you know, there that's always going to be a question, but I will have to go back through and actually see the personality types because that really intrigues me.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: I love all that kind of stuff.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't actually go into that.
42:36
SPEAKER_02: I really do.
42:37
SPEAKER_02: And I wonder, you know, in your experience, do men and women have different ways of manifesting their frustration at comparing themselves?
42:46
SPEAKER_02: For example, and I'm just giving the example here of myself and my wife.
42:51
SPEAKER_02: It seems like men tend to again I'm making a mass generalization here, but I can only speak from a man's perspective that whenever men feel like they're they're comparing themselves, they tend to fight more and tend to like go, go, go, you know, like I'm not as good as this guy, I'm gonna push, push, push, push until I just overtake this guy.
43:11
SPEAKER_02: But maybe women deal with that differently as a whole.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: I do see that with women as well, but I think that does go back to what you mentioned about personality types, which that's why it really intrigues me.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: I do see women who push, push, push, and it for them, it may be okay, I'm going to look better.
43:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to make sure that I gain control and I'm going to take on and take over.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: So there I see that with the women collectives as well.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: Not as a whole, though.
43:41
SPEAKER_00: I see that as more like you're saying a personality type.
43:44
SPEAKER_00: Whereas with men, I would say typically I agree with what you're saying.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: I see where many men just push forward and and that is the way they deal with it.
43:53
SPEAKER_00: And then I do also see a segment of men that shy back.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: And I wonder if that again.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: has to do with because of their past, or is it because of their actual, you know, innate personality?
44:06
SPEAKER_02: And there's also the whole element that I think again, I'm speaking for myself here, that I think a lot of men just don't understand the depth of comparison that goes on in our culture with with women and appearance and you know women comparing themselves to each other.
44:24
SPEAKER_02: And um my wife and I have had so many conversations about this over the years and I've only come to understand I mean we've been married for 24 years.
44:31
SPEAKER_02: You think I would understand this at this point that I would get through my thick skull but I'm only beginning to really understand the depth of what sometimes happens in the female brain in terms of just not feeling like you measure up to how this other person looks or those kinds of things.
44:48
SPEAKER_02: And maybe I'm completely off base, but it seems to me like I don't really understand the the extra emotional baggage that comes simply with being a female in Western culture.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: You know I don't know the stats off the top of my head but we do know that men have many fewer words than women do within a day.
45:10
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes no words.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: Right?
45:12
SPEAKER_00: So when we think about that, think about the thoughts that are going on in the head I I'm not saying that men don't think that's not at all what I'm insinuating.
45:21
SPEAKER_00: But I am saying that when we have especially as women when our minds are going going going on so many different topics and so many different aspects of life that if our mouths are moving that fast think of what our minds are doing.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:36
SPEAKER_00: And that may be something to look at you know that there could be some kind of like some correlation there that if we're having that many thoughts then we're also we're trying to make we're thinking of more things at once we're thinking of okay is that person is that person is there enough of this am I doing good enough at that there are so many things going on where I'll talk to my husband and we've only been married 16 years but I still feel like gosh shouldn't you understand what I'm thinking right now?
46:06
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's possible.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm a little crazy.
46:08
SPEAKER_00: But when it comes down to it he is not thinking anything about I'm like I've drawn so many different conclusions about a topic and he's like I don't know where you got any of that.
46:19
SPEAKER_00: Like all I was thinking was this that sounds really familiar.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: So I do think that has something to do with the men versus women and not in a good or bad way.
46:29
SPEAKER_00: Just we're created differently but I like what you had to say about that because it makes me realize that yeah I'm not quite as crazy as I thought your wife's pretty cool.
46:39
SPEAKER_02: It is interesting because I don't know if you have had this conversation in your household but you know somebody will think the other person is a is up is upset about something like man what's wrong today and why are you so moody and we assume that we know what the issue is but more often than not it's like I am just completely clueless and wow how did I miss that by such a wide margin and yeah I don't know I guess it's just the journey of marriage.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely there's so many and there's so many different comparison things related in there as well like comparing to what I think that he would think and comparing to whether like well last time you were upset about this so I thought you would be this time and you know we're we're constantly comparing we're constantly trying to figure things out and a lot of times that's actually used for a good advantage I mean we need to be able to assess things that way but sometimes we overdo it and overanalyze.
47:34
SPEAKER_02: You know in my day job here at my college my title is Professor of communication arts.
47:39
SPEAKER_02: You would think that I would do a better job of that in other areas of my life but I guess I have a lot to learn.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: Ah we all do we all do.
47:47
SPEAKER_02: Well Renee this has been a blast uh this has been a really fun conversation I feel like I could talk to you all day because um you just have so many insights to share and lots of inspiration too for authors so I appreciate you sharing your journey and being so vulnerable.
48:01
SPEAKER_02: That's a hard word to say and transparent.
48:04
SPEAKER_02: So uh one more time can you let us know where listeners can get in touch with you and find out about all the cool stuff that you're doing.
48:10
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely you can find me on my website at renevidore.com you can also find me on Facebook same name and um forward slash Rene Vidore.
48:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm also on LinkedIn and I would love to hear from any of you because I feel like the more that we learn from each other the better our lives will be.
48:30
SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
48:30
SPEAKER_02: Well Renee thanks again so much we appreciate you making time to be on the show today.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
48:34
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you having me I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Renee.
48:39
SPEAKER_02: I really loved this whole topic of dealing with comparison it's a real problem particularly for anybody who's doing creative work or producing content or really doing anything, doing any kind of work.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: We all compare ourselves but particularly those of us involved in any kind of content creation or creative work, this can be a real problem.
48:59
SPEAKER_02: So I boiled this down to my three biggest takeaways from this conversation.
49:03
SPEAKER_02: There's so many great nuggets and observations and insights from Renee, but here are the three things that stood out to me the most number one, your book and all of the content that you create is about serving and helping people.
49:16
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's such a great insight that Renee shared with us because when we put the focus on serving and helping other people as we create our content, that takes away the need to feel nervous about focusing on ourselves.
49:29
SPEAKER_02: It takes away this need to feel like we have to measure up to some image or that we have to be some kind of perfect person because we're not focusing on ourselves anymore.
49:37
SPEAKER_02: We're focusing on helping other people it also increases our confidence because we're not worried about how we come off to other people I mean I'm not saying that we should never be concerned about our appearance or or you know our image or our branding or that kind of stuff.
49:51
SPEAKER_02: But when we focus totally on us and how we look and how we come across to others it really is putting the focus on the wrong place.
49:59
SPEAKER_02: Remember that when you're writing content whether it's blog posts, social media posts, books, articles, podcast, you know, as I'm doing right now, you're not doing this just for yourself if you're putting your content out there for other people to consume or to enjoy.
50:14
SPEAKER_02: It's not just for you it's really for other people.
50:17
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's really really important to remember.
50:20
SPEAKER_02: And also a little tidbit here that I learned from my friend Nick Pavlitas who is an amazing ghostwriter and really my mentor when it comes to ghostwriting something that he does oftentimes in his client books and in which I thought was a great idea is that one way to serve other people is to highlight other people in your book.
50:39
SPEAKER_02: So if you're writing a book about a certain topic highlight other people in your book who are doing well in that area people who are examples or who have had success in the area of your book.
50:50
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's a great way to serve your audience because it gives them connections to the people that you're highlighting it helps the people that you're highlighting in the book to to really feel connected to your audience and I mean who doesn't like to be recognized for their accomplishments.
51:03
SPEAKER_02: So that's a little tip that Nick gave me and I really really like that and I'm going to start to use that in my own stuff and also in my client books as well.
51:11
SPEAKER_02: So that's takeaway number one remember that your book and your content is all about serving and helping people takeaway number two is remember Renee's win formula W-I-N it is weigh your costs innovate your identity and navigate your journey that is a great framework and I want to especially draw out that last part which is all about navigating your journey remember that your journey is not somebody else's journey your journey and your path will not look like somebody else's path so in a way it's pointless to compare ourselves to other people because we're traveling two different paths.
51:48
SPEAKER_02: We're on two different journeys we may have similar stopping points or way stations along our journey or signposts whatever metaphor you want to throw in there from literature or movies.
52:00
SPEAKER_02: We may have similar things going on in our journey but it's not the exact same journey.
52:04
SPEAKER_02: So don't compare yourself to other people this is really easy to do whenever you're starting out in a particular niche or a business or if you're just getting ready to write your first book and you see other people who are a few years further along in that journey than you are it's so easy to think oh my journey is not as cool as their journey but it's two separate journeys so don't compare yourself.
52:27
SPEAKER_02: The biggest competitor you will ever have is yourself.
52:31
SPEAKER_02: We're racing against our own potential that's our only competitor is can I can I do the best that I can with my journey with my gifts with my opportunities that's really our measurement.
52:42
SPEAKER_02: And then finally takeaway number three is simply that it takes a team to have any measure of success.
52:48
SPEAKER_02: When it comes right down to it we all need help.
52:51
SPEAKER_02: We all need the input we all need the advice we all need the strength and the creativity of the people around us this is a really great lesson as you grow your influence and as you grow your business.
53:04
SPEAKER_02: You cannot do everything yourself.
53:06
SPEAKER_02: It is important to delegate and to outsource as you're able to do those things.
53:10
SPEAKER_02: And I've got to be honest with you this is a lesson that is literally right on time for me.
53:15
SPEAKER_02: I um just started to delegate some tasks related to my podcast uh to my assistant who happens to be my production assistant who happens to be my son Ben who is this amazing technical wizard and who's really really good with stuff and to be honest it's a it's a challenge to let go of things even things that you know that somebody else could do better or faster than you when you've done those things for so long it's really hard to let go.
53:39
SPEAKER_02: So but man it's so important to free up our time and to focus on the things that we do the best and to let other people help us who can do things better than we can who can bring more value to us and what we're trying to accomplish.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: It's hard to do but it's so, so important.
53:56
SPEAKER_02: Well I want to give a huge thank you to my guest Renee Vadour make sure and check out her website at reneevidore.com and the way you spell that is R-E-N-E-E-V-I-D-O-R dot com and while you're there make sure and check out her comparaholic assessment which is reneev.com slash comparaholic it's a great assessment I encourage you to check it out thank you so much for listening this show would not be anything without the listeners it would just be me talking into a mic and nobody listening so as always I so appreciate the fact that you're listening to this show and I hope and pray that you're getting value out of it.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: You can find lots more resources for writers and creatives at KentSanders.net and until next time remember that your writing has the power to change people's lives.
54:47
SPEAKER_02: I'll see you in the next episode