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THE REAL REASON YOU CAN’T SAY WHAT YOU WANT DURING SEX · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: What about if we bring in a little play and fun?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: What about if you drop into a desire ceremony or desire night where you drop into like a primal animalistic way of being, where you drop into all fours, uh, you drop onto your legs and knees, and you drop into this animalistic way of being where you are expressing your desire, but it doesn't have to be so fucking serious.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I find that we are just being playful, it's easier to say things.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: So you could be crawling around on all fours and share a desire.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: I say share a sexual desire, I say share a business desire, I say share a partnership desire, share it all.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: And the other person, the only thing that they have to do is say thank you.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast, where sexuality, spirituality, and embodiment meet.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Jenna, and today I'm talking about why you don't always know what you want during sex or in the bedroom.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And just picture this.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Someone asks you, What do you want?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you freeze.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: You just go blank.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know maybe what you do want, but in that moment, someone asks you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can't seem to think one thing.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: If this sounds familiar to you, today I'm talking about some of the reasons I feel that comes on, and some tips, some practice you can do to help you start to change your relationship with desire.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: So just diving in, I want to share first thing that comes to mind is sometimes you don't actually know what you want, and that's okay.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to touch on that first because I believe this actually invites in an opportunity to experiment.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: So the I don't know can be very truthful.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is where you can explore and figure out what feels good, um, faster, slower, um, and inviting in toys, there's so much room to understand and explore.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so that I don't know response is can be very common because I actually live through a lot of that.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: And once you start to actually drop into what you you do know what you want, and then somehow you just can't, you just can't get it out.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's a different thing that I would love to look at.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: My feelings in this is that speaking our desires can be very vulnerable, it can show something about ourselves that someone never knew.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it is quite literally something that you have never shared.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so you may think, what is it that they're gonna think about me?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: Are they gonna think I'm weird?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is a weird thing.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: This is not something that is common out there, or maybe it's just not common for you.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe everything has felt or seemed very what what they call out there the term vanilla.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's just, you know, it's just regular sex.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: But sex is a creative act.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: Sexual energy is creative life force.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: That is something that you get to be in adventure and allow whatever arises to arise.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to express yourself, express that creative energy is really important as you drop into the body.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you may notice as you drop more and more into the body, and as you tune more and more to this creative energy, that you actually find out things that you have desires for that you never knew that you would ever want.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: And it's that that creative energy that's just flowing through.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where this soup gets to form.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, one thing I love to talk about is that when we share a desire with someone, that does not mean that this is the end all be all, and that partner needs to do it if they are not in resonance, if it's not something for them.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's a little bit of fear on how that kind of gets put across.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's information.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Any desire we have in life, whether it is in our sex life or if it is in our, you know, business life, is in our career, if there's aspirations, dreams, any desire is something that is information out there.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: And we get to create a life based on that.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: But when you involve someone else in that desire, that's something that is a mutual consensual space.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: So that's something that can kind of feel very edgy.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times people get afraid of the reaction or if there's judgment, and we can step into kind of a people-pleasing place, a space where we just kind of like, oh, whatever you want to do, I'm good with.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I find that this is an experience that doesn't just happen during sex or in the bedroom.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: That if you're someone who may actually say a lot of those things, that might be something that you say often.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you may have a partner that asks you, what do you want to do for dinner?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever you want.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: And that's okay if you're like, I don't even want to think, right?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: But if you find yourself consistently in that space, this is an invitation to slow down and pause and actually be like, okay, what do I want?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: What do I want in life?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: What do I desire in the bedroom?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: What do I desire to be expressed in life and let my being just flourish?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: So that's such an imitation.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I find that when we pause and take moments for clarity, we actually get to see what it is that wants to be expressed in that moment because the desire that we had 10 minutes ago, an hour ago, last night might not be the same desire I have in this moment.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it's really being in tune with the body or being in tune with the present moment.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Diving into the body, though, is another one.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I love to share how our body is this instrument.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Our body is a playground, it's something that gets to tune into what is happening right now.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I get to say, oh, you know what?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: I actually don't like that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you know, I do like that.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Or I liked it yesterday, but today my body really just wants slow touches.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so being able to just really like tune into that space and listen to your body.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: I feel from my experience that a lot of that has come in from I didn't know how to listen to my body.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: I thought that listening to someone else was better.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Again, that the people-pleasing space, and that my body was not a space for that information.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't feel safe enough to be in my body.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: So a practice that I love to do on my own is just figure out what feels good on my own.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like what touches feel good when I, you know, touch my legs, when I touch my arms, what which parts do I love to be touched?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: What pace?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Take in all of that information, and then it's gonna feel different with a partner too.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: And it's gonna feel different in the moment.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe, you know, it's more of like I would love to have a massage right now.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to just do all those things and be in a space of full receiving.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so being in touch with your body can really help support that.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Huge thing diving into receiving.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of receiving, sometimes we don't speak our desires out because if it's taken as a yes, then we actually have to fucking receive it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes people, I could say myself, sometimes people just receiving feels very it feels not only very vulnerable, but like there's a worthiness.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, am I worthy of receiving all that I want?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I attached my worth to all these things outside of me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: So I would recognize that for me there was a big part in wall if everything I ever wanted showed up, am I actually worthy of consuming that in and being with it?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then a little bit of guilt, a little bit of guilt of like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy with all these things.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa, um, I don't think I should be happy.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I think that's too much.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't think you should be happy all the time with all these things and receive all of this pleasure, or just receive this presence or whatever that is.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so a little bit of guilt.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: I actually know that I went through this recently with a few things happening in my life where it was like, oh my gosh, I feel guilty that all these things are moving in.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I did a lot of work to shift my reality.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: I did a lot of work to shift my beliefs and created a reality and opportunities start to come in.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, they're showing up.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm like, everything is what do you mean?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is perfect.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like all these other people outside of me, they're experiencing different things.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: But that's where it goes from my internal experience to like, is everyone outside of me good?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because if they're not good, I shouldn't be good.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: And that was just an experience that I learned when growing up.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: So this guilt would kind of come in.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that is definitely something that's relatable in the bedroom too.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, whoa, uh, all of this pleasure, all this bliss, like, I don't think other people feel this way.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, should I feel this way?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: Do I deserve to feel this way?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: And just being able to look at those internal belief systems can really start to shift the way that we perceive the world, not only in our sex life, but also outside of our sex life.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: Because everything that is related to us in our sex life, I have found that I'm doing the same thing outside.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's like not receiving in my business.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: Am I worthy of these opportunities that were kind of coming in?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just something to kind of start to look at and receiving when actually something shows up.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: You you make the ask.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: Are you feeling like you can sit in that space where you receive?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: And when I talk about receiving, I'm also talking about it, doesn't mean that I have to turn around and give.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a big thing with receiving, especially in the bedroom.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: There's there's like a point where if we're receiving something, if we're in pleasure, that it's like, oh, it's your turn.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that doesn't um that's not fully receiving.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: Fully receiving uh is being really present with it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: And you go in the flow with that sexual energy and what moves afterwards, but just fully being there, not thinking about, well, what am I gonna do next for them?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Just fully taking that in.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: And when we give from that space where we have fully received, we are flowing in, fully giving from a space of not this for that, from a space of abundance.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: I am fully abundant because I have fully received all of these gifts right here.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm fully here, present in these juices.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm feeling all of it.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not thinking about the next act that I have to do.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just here.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that creation energy flows through.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then a lot of times, if there is a flow back, or if there's another experience of receiving, beautiful.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: But if there's a flow outwardly, it's moving from that true creative life force.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes we're just receiving, sometimes we're just receiving a back massage.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we're just receiving in life, and that is okay.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to look in the bigness and the worthiness of our desires and really standing in that.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: And when you feel uncomfortable in those spaces, that's okay too.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: That is a big part of embodiment, is that I have this desire, and oh, I have these things coming up and I shouldn't feel that way.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's more of I have these desires, I feel uncomfortable.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: Let me sit with this in this moment.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: I shared it and now I'm receiving, and now I feel guilty.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: Let me just sit with that.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Let me feel what that feels like in my body, let me breathe, but then create a new experience.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Allow yourself to fully receive.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: And when you do that, you're gonna start to rewrite the script.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna start to rewrite the past, you're gonna start to tell your body that it's okay to fully receive and just be there.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: And that's something that is important when we look at embodying our true selves.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: It is truly allowing all the things to show up, all of our being to be accessed.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that tunes in, that either releases something and it tunes in to something that we haven't tapped into before.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: I believe.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: I believe that if we always suppress something and we always suppress a desire, we always suppress the emotion attached to the desire, we suppress all those things.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: That once we finally start to tap in, it's something that hasn't been accessed and it can feel really vulnerable.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, to to have a new emotion arise.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's something that floods in, that finally you're receiving something, and it it brings up, you know, an old trauma.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so being able to just kind of sit with it and be with it and allow all of that to mesh in the pot, allows it to move through, and finally you can start to be present in that new experience.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: So these are really key reasons that I found personally myself.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sharing from my experience or from others that have I've had conversations with on, you know, the why.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Why is it that desire can feel scary?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And what are things that we can now start to do about it?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I have this fun tip.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: I have something that I I experienced at a tantra event before.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's it's that combined with uh now bringing it into the into the bedroom.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: But if you have a desire and you're like, ah, I don't know, I'm a little nervous, and I don't know how they'll be, but you're just you're like, ah, you know, it's it's it's moving through me.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we can we can find a space where we get to embody that desire and just receive presence from someone else outside of us and be witnessed in that vulnerability without expectation that something needs to happen.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: But just being heard, just the universe hearing us, just someone outside of my head hearing me about my desire makes everything feel real.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Even if it's not something in resonance to act with, it's just being witnessed.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: And as humans, as beings on this planet, being witnessed feels good.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay to be witnessed and want to be witnessed.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: There's no shame in that.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's allowing that to move through.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: So the exercise that I would suggest is I would suggest before you get into the bedroom, before having sex, something, and you can do this with someone that isn't a partner too as well.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: But it would be fun to do with a partner.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: You could have your uh what I call desire night.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't have to make everything so serious.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to have everything be expressed and communicated in a way where it's just this is the way that we do things.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: You can you can communicate your desires and have a desire and share all of it and witness each other.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: But what about if we bring in a little play and fun?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: What about if you drop into a desire ceremony or desire night where you drop into like a primal animalistic way of being, where you drop into all fours, uh you drop onto your legs and knees, and you drop into this animalistic way of being where you are expressing your desire, but it doesn't have to be so fucking serious.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I find that we are just being playful, it's easier to say things.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: So you could be crawling around on all fours and share a desire.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: I say share a sexual desire, I say share a business desire, I say share a partnership desire, share it all.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: And the other person, the only thing that they have to do is say thank you.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: There's no acting on it.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: There's no, okay, no, that's a no for me.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: It is purely just witnessing someone being vulnerable.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: And what is actually happening for the person that is speaking it out, that they are starting to rewire their nervous system.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're giving their body evidence that it's okay to express.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: And this is information and energy that is flowing through me, and it's okay to be witnessed.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: It is okay to be seen, it is safe.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: How many experiences in life have we experienced such a complete shutdown from someone where we share something that's really vulnerable?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it's chaos, emotional attack, projection.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I put up if I had 30 million hands, I would put it up.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: So being in a space where you could be uh fully received, no expectations, just witnessing and hearing that allows truth to move through you.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: The more that you allow truth to move through you, you are going to see how easy it is.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: And you're gonna start to see that you don't care what people think.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: Really, what's happening is you're judging yourself.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: You think that someone else is judging you, and they could be, that could be truth, but you're judging yourself for not actually speaking it out.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're saying, oh, they're gonna think I'm crazy.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if you're not saying it, you probably maybe you think you're crazy.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: And it's okay to be a little crazy, I think.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so I really invite you to be playful with it.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: I also find that expression and communication comes in many different forms.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: When you're actually speaking a desire out, you're using your voice.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I really invite you to move those vocal cords.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're if we're going back to this playful experience where you're, you know, moving into your primal energy, you're you're pretending maybe you're pretending to be an animal.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: And you're being Silly about it, and you choose an animal and you start to make sound, you let that sound move through.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's a little bit hard for you to even share a desire.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: So let sound move through you.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let it just move through your body.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: And don't even think about what the other person's thinking.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you may think about it, but let it just be.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Let it just be.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: And if you are uncomfortable, breathe into that.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: Allow yourself to really be present with all the things and share just all parts of you.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: We deserve to live in a world where we are accepting ourselves.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: And by sharing our truth, that's part of it.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: And when I when I say desires, right, this is something where you're it's something where you can create a consensual experience.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, this is something that is intimate and something that doesn't that can be private at the same time.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: And but it's being able to really be witnessing yourself and allowing yourself to experience a side of yourself that is deep.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: And and I say this on a podcast talking about sexuality and sexual expression, and it goes so much further beyond that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: It goes so much further beyond the bedroom that we get to just show up as ourselves.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: And this space of desire and being able to express it is something what I call sexual freedom.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's connected to the essence of who we are and being able to rewrite the past and allow ourselves to be really present with what we want in life.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: And to me, that's sexual freedom.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it doesn't mean there's an act.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: To me, sexual freedom is really being truly free within myself, to know myself, to accept myself in all ways, and embody that, live that way.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: And this is just a time for us to be alive.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: This is a time for us to truly start to understand what it is that we do want in life and create from that space.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: When we share a desire out there, we also give other people permission to drop into their true self.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: We give we give others a platform to see that we're witnessing ourselves, we're holding ourselves, we're receiving ourselves, and they can do that too.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a ripple effect of this as well.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: And if we all just tuned in to our body a bit more and to really what moves us and what what makes us feel alive in the bedroom, then we'd, I believe we'd be living in a space of uh more bliss and pleasure and love.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: And that gets to flow outwardly.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: That gets to flow outwardly, and that gets to flow in all areas of our life.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: So if you like what you heard today, hit that subscribe button.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for tuning in to the Rotic Spirit Podcast.
• 25:37
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• 25:39
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• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, and bye for now.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 25:46
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