Latest / Chavadi: The Meeting Place / Episode #32 - Sandhya Patel

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Episode #32 - Sandhya Patel · Chavadi: The Meeting Place

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, or as we say in Tulu, Namaskara.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Chowdi.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Chowdi means the meeting place.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Architecturally, it is a veranda, sometimes outside a home, sometimes within, always to welcome guests, to swap stories, debate the news, and pass the time together.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Each episode, we will bring you voices that reflect the rich tapestry of life, memories from childhood, lessons learned along the way, and the moments that stay with us forever.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Some humorous, some poignant, but always special.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Lalita Shetty.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Sidan Chetty.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Today we invite you to our chavdi.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Today we have Sanya Patel.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: She's the youngest of four siblings.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: She has one sister and two brothers.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: She's been married to Nitin Patel for 46 years, and they have one daughter, Sonel, who just got married to Brian, and they all live in California.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Sanyanti.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: How are you doing today?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Good thanks.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Sidan.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Lalu.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, welcome, Sandiaka.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to add that in actual relationship, family tree-wise, you are my aunt, but somewhere along the way we changed it to Akka, which means older sister.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, you look younger than I do, but anyway, I'm glad you're here and we are talking with you because I feel I will learn a lot more about you today.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: All right, thank you for having me, guys.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thanks.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's get started with your childhood.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You said you grew up in Udpi.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you grew up with a lot of people in your house.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, your father was a doctor, you had always some relatives visiting.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe just paint us a picture of what your childhood looked like, any fond memories you have growing up.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, you can go from there.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I was born in Udpi, as you said mentioned, uh, youngest of four.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was my siblings, my three siblings were born in Kerala because my grandfather was a doctor in Kerala, but he fell ill.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: He had a stroke.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was born, they had moved back to Woodpee.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I was born in uh Woodpi.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: As far as I can remember, our house was always buzzing with people, you know, whether, of course, my grandparents, but also cousins and aunts, um, my mother's side, my father's side.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: So it was it was a busy house, but not chaotic as such.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: But it was nice growing up with like older cousins, slightly older cousins who'd, you know, comb our the younger ones' hair.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was a good thing with play and you know, uh good, good childhood, I would say.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: My my grandfather passed away when I was quite young, and then my grandmother was still there for a long time.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: So she was a constant also in our lives, and uh, she was amazing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: She actually uh you know read a lot in Canada, of course, but uh she read the paper newspaper, but but she also read like uh you know the Mahabharata and Puranas and all that, and she would tell us stories.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I have very fond memories of her telling of her telling us lovely stories, interesting, and uh you know it's uh it was a good way of spending time with grandmother, otherwise I guess it wouldn't have been so much fun.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then she was also an amazing cook.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um and uh apparently she also sang when she was younger, she went, you know, studied music.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: And when we were growing up and we were kids, uh music was a big part of our lives.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: My uh mother, my sister, and I uh had to learn from this guru who actually stayed in our house.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: He was from Kerala, and every morning we had to come down and we had to do our music practice.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: And if we had cousins, which we did, my mom's cousins were there and just visiting, but they also had to learn some some kind of music, any kind of skills that you know they could.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: It it was wonderful, and so that's how it was.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so my father was a doctor and uh very well well respected, and uh he had the skill to just put everyone at ease.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, patients.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: And um his his clinic was called Lalita Clinic.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you know that, but I do.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was yeah, after my grandmother, who was his big sister.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, so Lalita Clinic.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: He had so many interests actually.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: He was very much interested in like promoting and encouraging traditional forms of art, performing arts, like nyakshagana and just drama and just different things.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: So he was very involved.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: He's the founding member of a um like Yakshagana Khala Kendra, I think it was called.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Inurpi.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Inudpi.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: Just to encourage the art.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: He loved to go to Yakshaganas, you know, which was an all-night thing.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't want it to become a uh forgotten art, really.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: And uh he was also into sports and cultural stuff, so he started another foundation for uh different kinds of sports, including Kambala.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: So he was very involved with this with Sandaka.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry to interrupt, but can you describe for our listeners what a Kambala is?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm sure most people may not know that.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: So a Kambala is uh oh gosh, okay.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: So it's usually played on the fields.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's um, you know, there are two bullocks, bulls, with uh with a plow, and there'll be a person riding the plow, literally, um standing on the edge, and then I think they used to beat the the bulls though, which maybe it's kind of like a horse race but with bulls.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: But in the fields, in the wet fields.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: So it wasn't easy, and um and we I remember going to one when they had organized this thing.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's quite exciting, actually.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like watching a horse race, you know.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: So it's so he he basically wanted to promote all these different kinds of art and also for a lot of like underprivileged and people who didn't have such opportunities to learn new things, whether it was drama, sports.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: So he did a lot for that.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: And uh and my mother was always, I think to me, she was the most beautiful lady, and uh you know, very fashionable and all that.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um and she loved her her footwear, you know.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I think every one of us, all her children and grandchildren have inherited that footwear loving gene, I think, because we all love our shoes.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, she used to drive when we were kids, but then she stopped.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: I think something happened and she just stopped driving.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that was a woman driving back in the late 50s.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: So we had a green Austin, Austin of England.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: It was a little bit bigger than a bug, maybe Volkswagen.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I knew that she's to drive that, and she was always uh, you know, they always welcomed anyone to, you know, come in our home.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: It was like open house, um really nice uh way to the colour.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Open open atmosphere, definitely.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm I'm curious because like growing up, even my parents always had a lot of people over.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny when having people over because so they were like a very sort of like a cool set of parents when they're half people, but also you also have to be disciplined with your kids because you can't be too cool.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm curious uh how your parents sort of they were the ones that were open and accepting to all all the other relatives and the family members, but of course they have to also be parents to the four kids at home.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm curious how they like balance both roles and what you saw and observed.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: So actually, yeah, they were kind of like you said, they were cool parents, but um, I I um I think I mentioned before that we went to boarding school, so uh when we were quite young, okay.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: So we didn't see the strict side of it so much.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: They were strict when it comes.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: My father was strict.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Uh my mother, you know, just wanted us to look nice, I think.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Lashes and shoes, oh yeah, she she always and uh so um because there were no good English medium schools in Udpi, I think there was one in in Manipal, but you know, those days we had one car in each house, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: So it would be difficult for us to go to Manipal and come back.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so my parents put uh my my brothers went when they were four and five to Bangalore for a year just to get them adjusted to not being home.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: So they were really young, and then after a year in Bangalore, they went to Bangalore to Bishop Gardens, and then my sister went next, and then I went for fifth grade.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: So uh, so we all were there, and we'd come home for the holidays, of course.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they were strict parents, we had to learn music, that was very, very important.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: And um sorry when we were talking earlier, you did mention that y'all were kind of modern forward once in that you were not afraid of talking to your parents.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: You were respectful, but you were not afraid, and you did have other relatives who, as soon as a dad walked into the room, they would stand up and not sit back down again.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Kids today probably don't understand that concept at all because not only, I mean they're still respectful, but they have no problems telling us their viewpoints.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, would you feel that y'all were a little bit like that growing up?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: So we didn't see nowadays I think they can be a little bit even rude, but those days, no, we were not rude, but we were allowed to argue, you know.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: We can make a point and then you can continue to argue on that without being disrespectful.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's the thing.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah, if you were disrespectful, that's it, you get a beating.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: So we knew not you knew where that line was, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, but yeah, we did have a lot of freedom that way, they were quite open-minded in so many ways.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but um, like I said, we went to Bangalore um during the holidays.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, going to Bangalore was a big ordeal in the sense we'd get up at five in the morning, and then we'd, you know, because those days I think it was cold those days, so and scars for the girls, and the radio in the car, I remember, didn't work so well ever.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: In I'm talking about like early 60s.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: So we would sing all the way from Udbi to pretty much to Bangalore.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: We would sing uh Hindi, English, Malayalam, Tamil, all the languages.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: Tamil influence was because my mama, my mama's brother, he went to school in Madras.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: So he would come back with all these Tamil records.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: So we'd learn those songs too.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: So we'd sing a lot.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds like you all had a lot of fun, which you had mentioned earlier reminds you of being bunt.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And like we tell our listeners, the buns are a community in South Canada, coastal Karnataka in India.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: What are some of the other things that for you equate to being bunt?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, for me, I like I said, I have like four F's: food, fun, family, and fashion.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think for the most part, you go to a bunt wedding, I think everyone's so well dressed, so fashionable.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and food and you know, I think even those days, the weddings were so much fun.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Even just being together, you know, was I think fun fun was part of being a bunt, and also the hospitality.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: You go somewhere, people are genuinely happy when you come to visit.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you had to eat the bunt bomb and you know, all that.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh again, for our listeners, the bunt bombs were the boiled eggs in masala or in a chili powder.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Different houses had different ways of making their bunt bombs.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, yes, you know, food was always a big thing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: And when we were growing up, my parents were part of a rotary club.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: So all the functions, uh my parents were in charge of the cultural stuff and also the food.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: And and I remember all the rehearsals took place at home for the dramas or the music, whatever.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, there was more food, you know.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: But uh yeah, it was a really good childhood, I think.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: And one time they did uh not one time, but there was a period of maybe a year where they did a lot of shadow plays, they call them.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: Different kind of art form where they'd have this white screen in front, and the actors were behind the white screen with the light in the back.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: So you had to be very careful how you stood because all the shadows gave the story.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: It was very, very interesting.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: And this I'm talking about 61, 62.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you know, I was quite little took part as well.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um unpaid labor, right?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: So one more thing you talked about was uh, and of course I can hear it in just the way you talk about your mom, but that you feel the Bund community has very strong women in the aunts, your cousins.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: I just think they're strong women, you know.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes you have bad things happen or unfortunate things happen, and they still are standing, they're taking care of stuff.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't think of what you know, one janti, she was single, um, but she's such a strong lady, was she was the one who took care of the what what was happening in the fields, and you know, uh, she was a landlady, but um, and I always think of her when I think of strong women, and I think my mother, my grandmother also in their own rights, uh quite strong.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and moving on, let's see what we can move on to teen years.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know you mentioned a little bit earlier going to boarding school in Bangalore because Utopi didn't have an English medium school.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I believe your two brothers had gone to boarding school in Bangalore, and then because of their experience, you guys switched to school in Bangalore.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us more about going to school, coming to visit home during holidays.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because a lot of people, especially in America, probably haven't had the experience of going to boarding school.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, how was that?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: How did you feel about that?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, for me, uh personally, it was it wasn't so difficult because my sister went the year before.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: So she was there, you know, and that time five years was like a big difference.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: So if my big sister was there, but but actually it was quite nice because you have all your friends living in the same place.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like you have to meet them at school, they're already there.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, I know there were kids who complained about food or complained about something or the other, but I think for us, for me personally, it was fine.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's the food was actually pretty good.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: And uh you learn a lot of things when you go to boarding school, you become very independent.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember my mother saying that I started packing my suitcases those days.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: We had trunks, you know, the metal uh we packed my uh trunks very early.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have to have X number of sets of dresses, and you couldn't wear pants like trousers, or you couldn't wear long dresses or Indian clothes, you had to wear dresses or skirts.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: This was a convent school that you went to?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: We went to St.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Francis Avias.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: And no flip-flops or handles, you have to wear shoes where you toes cover, like flats, basically.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: So they were strict about those things because you know in India we have uniforms.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I I think now when I look back and I'm like, that was so great because nobody is competing with anyone saying, Oh, I want those sneakers that somebody else has, or that you know, I I really like there's a sense of like equality across absolutely the classes because everyone is wearing the same thing, right?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's fair.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: And and in school, we had all kinds of people, people from uh from quite a lot from Kerala, from uh different parts of the country, and also a lot of kids from like um Kuwait and Bahrain, you know.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, international kids, international kids, but Indians who were you know parents who work there and kind of thing.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so it was a really nice mix of kids, all girls, you know, it's a convent.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: So they're all girls.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Any um any good memories of maybe like coming home during the holidays when the whole family regroups and everything?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was amazing because there was it was never just the six of us because of course, yeah.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's other people in the house too.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, then my my uh we'd so we'd come home and we usually got like 40 days in the summer and about 40 days in the winter.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: So end of November to early January for Christmas and mid to end of April through June.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: So we'd come home, and then my parents had these very, very good friends.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: So um in the summer they would have this picnic every year to a place called Jombelly.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you've heard it, you may not have, but it is just an amazing place where um those days there was no road.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: So my father would call someone who called someone, you know.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um they would open up some of the jungle areas, cut the brush and clear the brush, make a makeshift road to this place.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: So we'd park and then we have to walk over a little um part of the stream where they would put um tree trunks and make a little makeshift bridge and a second one, and you go down there, and the there's a waterfall that would it was amazing.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's still there, of course.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I think now it's more popular, so maybe they have roads, but once or twice in the summer we would do that, but it was a whole big production because um it was like maybe we had seven or eight cars, like all the kids, you know, those days it wasn't just four people to a car.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, kids piling, and and then my parents' friends and their children.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: So um look at a class field trip almost.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, it was like a class field trip almost.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was so fun because the adults and and we got in the water, the water was beautiful, and uh and my mother was in charge of the food, of course.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so the cook would be making this thing, even the cook would come, you know.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: So it was a big production, but fun.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: And one one time my father, he was a bit of a prankster, so he um he was working that Sunday morning, so he said, I'm gonna come late, or maybe he wasn't working, but he just said that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: And then um, so he went.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh there's this makeup artist in uh Udpi who did all actors' makeup for the dramas and stuff.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: So went to him, had his makeup done, my father, and to look like a scary old, creepy person.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: I should wore tattered clothes and stuff, and he scared the living daylights out of us, the kids.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, just for a minute, you know, and then we knew it was but you know, just things like that that were fun.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: We used to go to Joke Falls for a couple days.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I've been there.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Jogue Falls is awesome.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: Just you know, the uh things we did with the whole group of friends.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like music, and and then I remember my sister and my brother, my older brother, were good dancers.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: They'd put on some music and then get ready.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: My Bharatana uh um Baratana was a good dancer.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: And Sh Shabakatu had a nice dress and then they would dance.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: The rest of the group to see.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: Homemade entertainment in the days before TV and uh exactly cell phones.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I remember those days.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: We, you know, just fun trips to the beach.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we went to the beach a lot.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um great memories.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: Wonderful memories at the beach.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: I remember when Anita and uh Rupa and all had come.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: This these are um Lalu's cousins, Siddhats.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh one time I think they were uh with us for a few days, maybe four or five days.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Every morning we'd go to the beach and go in the water.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we didn't know how to swim, I'm telling you.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: No swimsuit, we went whatever, but it was so much fun.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I have all those memories, I think are just yeah, fun.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, fun, fun memories.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's fun to have those sort of classic vacation memories, especially after everyone comes home from school and everything, right?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, and then moving on a little bit.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: So from a career perspective and going through college and everything, I believe that you originally wanted to become a doctor and go into medicine.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then you talk you sort of took a left field pivot into eventually becoming and going into law school.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us about that process and maybe the different factors that informed your decision, and maybe what changed your mind about going into medicine versus uh law school.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I didn't change my mind.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: I was told that I was going to um, you know, do arts basically.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: So my so my sister got married when she was just about barely 18.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: Which was very young-even those days.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um when I was in 10th grade in Bangalore, I figured, you know, I'll go to college in Bangalore, just like my my friends were going to Jyutinavas and Mount Carmel's.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: But then my my mother said, you know, Shoba got married.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: So you'll all they thought I assumed that I would get married when I was really young.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: So um, so they said, no, that way at least you get to spend some time all these years in boarding schools.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: You you know, you go to college here.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I wasn't too happy about it.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I wanted to be with my friends in Bangalore in the city.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: And when we're in in a convent, you really, really don't do a lot of school and back because you're in in the uh uh, you know, within the convent boundaries, really.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: But anyways, uh I'm like, okay, I had to come back, right?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I went uh came back to Udpi and I went to a college there, uh Purna Pradna.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: So the Purna Pradna College is like a part of a bigger uh group of colleges run by the Admar Mutt, which is one of the temple uh heads, you know.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: There are eight mutts in Udpi.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: And my father was vice president of that Admar Council, and it was close by, so I wasn't much of an option.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: The other college was MGM, which was a little bit further.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I started uh my UC there.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I was not too university, uh so uh and everyone there spoke uh Tulu or Kannada.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and uh um and I was like, okay, so I mean I spoke Tulu.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: My Kannada is not that good.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean it's funny, but it's not that good, but everyone spoke Kannada Tulu, which was fine, but everyone knew who I was.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was Doctor and Ansya B.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: Shetty's daughter, but the professors knew me, you know, which was like well, I remember, and they there were a lot of them were my my father's patients, right?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: So and so everyone knew who I was.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't do anything wrong.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, if I missed one day of college because I was sick, maybe I didn't get sick a lot, but one time I don't know, maybe there was a wedding or something that I had to go to.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: That evening, the professor casually visited my father and said, Oh, Sandia hasn't come to college.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh is she all right?
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of thing, you know, actually saying, Was she up to something else?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: So it was kind of tough because everyone knows you.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then the subtle checks.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: And then the cook uh the driver would drop me right at my classroom, okay?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then pick me up from there.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: So it was kind of embarrassing because uh because if one day the car was late, the boys would come and tease me and say, Oh, shall I get you an auto or something?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then I would be like so embarrassed, and I'm like, I'm just you know, just I'll just and the college wasn't far.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't that it was far.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so that so advantages and disadvantages are there when you, you know, your parents are the advantages were we had a lot of lovely concerts, Indian artists like uh Bisolla Khan and all you know the top uh musicians would come and perform, and we got to sit in the first or second row.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you come here and go to these huge venues, and you're sitting way in the boonies, you know, big difference, anyway.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: So uh, but it was lovely.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um uh nice music, you know.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we did other things as well, and then my mother and I would go to the beach, and uh the most, I mean, the wonderful memories are you know, go to the beach, we just sit on the beach on the sand, watch the sunset, and then go home without saying a word because the beach was so close by, and then I got my bachelor's, wasn't married.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, I'll do my master's.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I did my master's uh in English uh literature, and uh had to go to Mysore quite often for that, um, which was kind of nice because I stayed with Sarsanti, which is uh my dad's uh sister, one of her sisters.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: We stayed there for a few days each time when we go.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: Got my master's and still wasn't married.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so what's next?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh someone said, Okay, you can work here or in in college, you can teach.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: But then I was quite uh uh shy, I would say, and I didn't want to be in college because the boys would make fun and tease you and all that stuff, and I was already so so worried about that.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, no, I don't want to do that.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: So so law school was it, not because I loved the law, no.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's process of elimination, it felt like.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so and it was close by.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, same thing over there, you know, the driver would drop me right by the steps and and go into the building kind of thing.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then I was done with law school, and I uh that time I'd started learning the sitar as well.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so like you said, music through the years from from day one, I guess, was an important part.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then we moved uh no, so finished my uh law, and then I was like, okay, now what?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Still wasn't married, okay.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: So now the romance part of the time about marriage.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Let me start about about uh you you mentioned romance, but not that much, there's no romance, but my parents were very much against Taori in the sense that they wouldn't take it, but it did not mean that they wouldn't give it if they had to.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: But I was very, very, I told my parents I was very specific that I would never marry someone who would take money to get married to me.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, sometimes the boys' side says they'd say, Oh, we've spent so much money on his education and blah blah whatever.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I said, You have spent money on my education as well.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: So, what you know, I think why should I give a dowry?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: Why should you give a dowry?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, nobody's going to pay for the my education or my upbringing, kind of thing.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: And we had this constant argument.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: My mother, my grandmother, and I.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_02: My grandmother would say, never should have sent her to law school.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: She's arguing even more.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but um, so anyway, and I had actually had a list of what I wanted in a husband.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: One was no dowry, for sure.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: One was he had to be tall, he had to be smart, intelligent.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: We used to say intelligent before, yes, and and live in America.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you always you had that on your list.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: I did, because we used to see catalogs of stuff, you know.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: That time we had no TVs, remember?
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I that was my list, anyway.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I never thought I would marry a non-bund.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: My my mother would say no, no, no.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: And they were ta they put out proposals, they were being discussed, and nothing really worked out.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and much later when I was in LA, someone actually said, I believed you were so much against Dowry, and so that's why you didn't get married.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I don't know why I didn't get married, but it was against Dowry.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I um so after my uh law school, uh I said, Okay, maybe I want to do bar at law.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: So and my father never said no to education of any kind.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_02: So okay, so I sent for the papers.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: That time there's no internet or anything, right?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_02: So write to them and have them send the applications, and then um this was in 17 or something.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so my sister they lived in Jamshadpur.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, my my um uh brother-in-law worked for Telco, which is a Tata company.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: Tata is a big company in India.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so uh she they lived there, but his father, who lived in Bangalore, was ill and they and then he passed away.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so Shobaka, Bava, both of them came down to uh Bangalore, but the kids were still in school, so Bava went back to you know the school year, and Shobaka stayed.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, so my two brothers and I went to visit her, and then we didn't have too much to do.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: We'd go out a little bit, but not too much, but we'd play Scrabble all day and night.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you, we were obsessed, and um that's all we did pretty much, and then my sister had to go to a wedding, her best friend in Jamchatpur, her brother was getting married, and Shobha was invited to the reception in Bombay.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: So she asked my mother, she said, Amma, can I take Sandist so we'll make a little holiday out of it?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, Okay, I didn't care for for the reception.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like a little holiday, I'm ready.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'd never been to Bombay.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: So we went to Bombay and we went to the reception, and it was a very nice family.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: Then Survaka got some allergic reaction, so she said she has to go to the doctor, and she left me.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_02: But she and her friend were discussing her other brother who was visiting from America and me, you know, and apparently she said, Shoba, uh my brother and your sister should get married and we'll be related, you know, kind of.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: I did not know, I was quite clueless.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't dumb, just clueless, okay?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because especially since your mind was set, uh in your mind you would marry a bunch.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: So this was not even so that's that's the thing.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I never um you know thought of it.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then she comes to me and she says, uh, what do you think of him?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, What do you mean?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: Who?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, he's like, Meetu.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Why it seems fine, you know, kind of thing.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then and she said, Oh, because the parents have said maybe it's a good match, and and then we talk to Amma and Apa.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, What?
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: She said, No, uh, you know, um Sudha's dad made a call and they talked and and they're okay with it.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, put me on the next flight back, I'm going back home because I don't know this guy, right?
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, if it was intercaste, it would be a love marriage, right?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yes, but there was not an arranged intercaste, exactly.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I'm like, okay, and so she said, Don't be silly, Sandi.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's a nice family, he's very nice, blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: She he just wants to matches your things.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: He lives in the US, he doesn't want a dowry, and he's tall.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and he's small too.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: So that is, but I wasn't thinking of that.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I want to go back home and to go back to my comfort zone, right?
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, so she said, No, wants to talk to you.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, uh, you've been to hanging gardens in Bangalore, right?
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, in Bombay, yeah.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: So remember I mentioned shoes before.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: I always wore really nice high-heeled shoes all the time.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: So here I am in a white sari and with high heels, and he says, He the car takes us to hanging gardens, and we're walking in the sun in an hour and a half, and I was like, Oh my god, you know.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, before that, I used to have really long hair.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: My dadda, my grandmother would say, you know, in case you get married quickly, then you have to do your hair and all that.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I didn't cut it for a few years.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: Going to Bombay and Shavaka, and I'm like, you know what, let's just go get a haircut.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: So here I was long hair, I have the short hair, right?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: So, and I I say that for a reason.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: So then we walk and walk and walk and walk in the sun.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: I did not like being in the sun.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but but anyway, he told me about his life here, and he asked if I had a baby, and you know, just talked.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: He talked and told me about everything.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: And and then we went back to the house, and everyone's like, So, so what's happening?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's happening?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: And uh my my sister, my other sister-in-law, who lives in Denver, lives in Colorado, she was leaving that night.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, Come on, I need to know today.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: Excuse me.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: So then they asked him, How is she?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: She's fine, how is he?
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: And Shabaka asked me, How is he?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, he's fine.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: We're engaged, that's it.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: And we were married 15 days later.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh nobody would people will not understand that today at all.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, 15 days, so 1st of January, we got married.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I was turning 26 on the second, okay, a day before.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I was considered an old maid.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I did not care, you know.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, uh, you know, so I agreed because I'm like, okay, fine, whatever.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_02: We got married.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: We got married in Bangalore, um, and um had a couple receptions here and there, and he came back to America and I waited about eight or nine months.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's when I learned some other Amma wrote down this whole book of recipes, all the Kori Gasi and Biryani and Chops and this and that, and then I came out here.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yes.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: So so when you came here, that's when you kind of learned cooking.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: You did talk about how TV was not a thing, but here there were TVs and you sat and watched TV all the time, and you did some jobs here, but since you'd already been away from home and boarding school, I feel coming to the US and being away from home was not as big of a deal.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm sure you missed being home, missed events back home because it would be expensive to go back home whenever.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: Did your in-laws live with you?
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I came out here, Sonal was born for three, four years later, and then for her first birthday they came to visit, but then they decided they might just uh because they I think they had green cards, so they uh lived with us for about five years, and it was a good thing because you know Sonal got to know her grandparents a little bit, but I also went to India quite often.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: I went with Sonal.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_02: What I do is I was working my first job, and every summer I would quit my job.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: So it was nice to go home so she gets to know her family in India, and so we did that, and then when I'd come back, they would leave a message saying my work, you know, would say, Why don't you come back?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: So it was a thing that I would go to India for the summer because then I got to visit a lot of my relatives, a lot of cousins.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: I have a lot of cousins, Lalu knows that.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: We are a big family, and you have a big family on your mother's side.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of visits and um so yes, uh and then and then talking about the move to America, sort of post-marriage, um, curious about like how the transition was for you, whether it's I know you sort of you became a voracious TV watcher to sort of maybe understand the culture a little bit more, things like that.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but curious from like a move perspective, because obviously you were in India, kind of in school, boarding school, um, very close with your parents throughout, and then obviously moving to a new country with sort of like a stranger-ish guy.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um like how did that transition feel?
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: What did you feel about that?
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: How do you navigate that chapter of your life?
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_02: That was very hard because I didn't miss my parents, especially my mother.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and uh I tried to call, but calling India was not cheap, it was quite expensive those days.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: And half the time we're saying, How are you?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: How are you?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's pretty much it.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we're fine, we are fine.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: And my father would say, Ask other questions, don't you say how are you?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: kind of so um, but yeah, I did go fairly often with Sonor, basically.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I started working and put her in daycare.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: The first few years I didn't work because I thought I should be there for her, and we did a lot of things together.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: But I did want to mention something.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: I told you I was very much against dowry.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_02: Let me go back to that for one second.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not super religious, but I do believe in God and all that, you know.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh but I made a I took a vow, okay, and I said, if I get married without dowry, I would go a thousand uh perambulations, or you know, suttu, we call it suttu around the temple.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_02: There was one temple in Udpi that I said I would go a thousand times around it if I got married.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: So remember I said Nitin came back, I was there for about seven or eight months.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I did when I was in Udpi.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: I would a thousand rounds, yeah.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Not at one uh go, obviously.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: But I did that, but I was like, I just remember it three days back, and I'm like, oh, I have to mention this because I was that serious.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't just saying it.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I really meant that I could not marry someone for dowry.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so job-wise, my first two jobs are okay.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: I got to meet people, and I'm actually very good with computer stuff.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: So I I my jobs were good because I did a lot of that.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: But um, were you using your law degree or was it something adjacent to that?
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um for the last 15 years of my working career, I mean working, yeah, life, I guess.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: I uh I worked for Amgen, it's a big biotech company.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: All my previous jobs were with 10, 12 people, and then they said 9,000 or 10,000 and grew, and now it's 30,000 people.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: So um it was really overwhelming going to this huge place, being interviewed by 10 people at a time.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: But I did get hired, so I was very fortunate.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's a wonderful company to work for, and I worked as a uh contract paralegal, so doing working on contracts with universities and hospitals all over the world, negotiating contracts.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I loved it because I got to talk to different people, you know, interact with I really, really liked it a lot.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I like that and liked, you know, just very diverse um culture, you know, they had all kinds of people there and uh Indians too, a lot of Indians too, so it was kind of nice, but just different activities.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um They had something called fermentation seminar every Friday in the summer, which was beer and wine and food.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a fun Friday.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: It was a lovely, lovely place uh to work.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then and now and then post post Amgen.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know we more recently you you worked out as a docent at the Getty Center um as a volunteer, but anything post-amgen that I guess really sticks out in your mind that you want to talk about?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_02: About being the docent, the first time I went was when they opened in 97.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then I found out the museum, it's a free museum.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_02: And uh the minute I found out it was free, I said, I want to volunteer at this place because I think everyone should have access to beautiful art without having to pay for it.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: So um about 15 years ago, I think Sono my daughter sent me a link and she said, Mom, why do you want to wait till you're retired?
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't you just volunteer now?
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I signed up and I got and I just loved being a docent.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you meet all kinds of lovely people, the other docents, wonderful, wonderful.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_02: I've made friends there.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: And um so for 15 years, yeah, I gave tours of the architecture and uh the gardens, and uh a great experience, yeah.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it sounds like you carried on, like you said, Balankul, your father was very into the arts and stuff.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_01: You've carried this on, and it sounds like when we talked earlier, that your daughter Sonal also has this love for museums and art.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us about uh Sonal's growing up in the US and things you've done with her, things you do with her.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, she is now a married woman, but y'all are still you still find time to do things together.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just tell us a brief thing about this important part of your life, Sonal.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_02: So things we do together are usually uh we like going to concerts.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um sometimes Brian joins us, sometimes he doesn't.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_02: It depends on the artist.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: But the concerts are not Indian classical.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's no uh I do go to some Indian shows as well with uh with Sonal and Brian.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then we do Disneyland.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: We used to go once a month, um, Sonal and I.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: We used to have passes for for the past 15, 20 years, maybe.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, but then last year she she said, Mom, we're not going enough, so maybe it's not a good idea.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: We'll go when we want to instead of getting the annual class.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: So that's something we we do.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: And every year for my birthday and for Mother's Day, we do a museum and a meal.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: So museums are like a big part of uh what I like to do.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um we don't have a very big social life as such.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um our Bun friends don't live very close to us, okay.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: And um but going back just a little, uh Sandyaka, you did say that Sona was in a private school and then a public school, you had no problems raising her here, even though you were so far away from India.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_01: Anything sticks out about uh, you know, were you a strict parent?
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: Were you uh, oh, I'm going the other direction, or were you kind of similar to what your parents were to you?
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: We were not strict, no.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: And uh in the sense that as long as she got good grades and shared good manners, behaved well, that was good enough.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: And she got rewarded.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_02: She loved we loved to shop for shoes.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: So the shoe shoe trend continues.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but we were strict in the sense that she couldn't be out too late, and it's nothing worked out a lot when she was in high school, and then uh in fact, she hardly went out.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_02: They would all come here and then they would just hang out.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: So your house was the chavodi, as we say.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: They'd just hang out and do silly things, and there's no drinking or cussing.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't tell them, but that was you know, uh unwritten rule, so to speak.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and they just had fun, it was good, clean fun.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes the friends would come, they had a little bit of a band, they'd play and they'll be in the backyard.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: So she was free to do all that.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, actually, she but another question.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, because like you said, Nitin is Gujarati, and you are bunt, uh, and y'all came to America.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, what was her upbringing like?
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: Was it a mix, a blend of all this, or uh was there one over the other?
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think she's more bunt than Gujarati, I think.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um because well, Nitin has a lot of relatives here, okay.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh cousins, uh, uncles, aunts who live in California basically.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_02: So she did grow up knowing a lot of them.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_02: The kids used to hang out, they'd come over and we do amusement parks and stuff like that.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: But Nithin comes from a very liberal family, they don't have any any kind of traditions and things that they did, like his parents were that way that were mandatory or anything.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing, yes.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_02: Even I don't do a lot of traditional things.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, I I I've had a couple byes which were bunt in our house, which is uh the big chaklis and yeah, for the pregnant woman.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I've had a couple of those in my house, and you know, um, but otherwise it's not so bunt because you know, we speak English at home because my husband doesn't speak Tulu and I don't speak Gujarati.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_02: I can kind of understand.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: When I got married, it was a bit of a culture shock, you know.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_02: How things are done, they have have more rules, as in they're more quiet and subdued, and our family's not quite so that's that was different, I think.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_02: But otherwise, yeah, and Sonal loves going to India, so she and she also has that hospitality gene in her, I think.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: She'll have a company, and she went to India for a while back for about stayed for six months in India.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_02: Uh actually, we went for uh Rahul's wedding, Gayu's son's wedding.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: Gayu Gayatri has been a guest on our show before.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: So we went for Rahul's wedding, and then Tripti was gonna get married a month later.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: So we just finished college.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_02: So like, okay, maybe I should stay.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I came back, I was working, and she wasn't working yet.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_02: So she she said, Tripti is her cousin, your sister's daughter.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_02: And Tripti is my sister's daughter.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_02: So she stayed there, but then she said, maybe I'll do an internship there in India.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, I don't know how you're gonna manage, right?
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_02: But um she stayed with my sister and Tripti spoke to Anilanai, uh a cousin of mine, and said, Um, can you get her a job at um at BioCon?
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_02: Biochon is a biotech company in India as a scientist.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually did an internship there too, in uh at Biocon.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you did?
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_02: So she was an intern.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh she so um Anilana knows uh the person, you know, uh Kiran, I guess.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's Kiran Mazunda, right?
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: The CEO.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, so it was funny.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I'm just gonna talk about it briefly, uh quickly if I can.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_02: But um anyway, so what happened was she called um uh uh Anilana and said, uh Anil Mama Sonal wants to uh work at Balcon.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: So he said, Oh, just tell her to wear something green and be ready this evening, and uh I'll we'll pick her up.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and it was St.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_02: Patrick's Day, okay?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: Sonal wore something green and they picked her up, they went to this party, and Anilana introduces her uh Sonal to uh Kiran and she says she wants to work here, and and Kiran says, Oh, hold on, let me uh call someone.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_02: She calls someone and he's like, I know you, and Sonal's like, I know you because this person used to work at Amden and and we are we are friends from there, you know, head of RD over there for a short time.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, so she worked there um and she loved it.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't easy because she was taking the company bus from Shabakas.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: She had to take a motto to get to the bus and uh from and take a long ride on the bus or the bumpy roads, no air conditioning.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: So she did an internship, but she said the lab was great, it wasn't different for the labs here because she had interned at Amgen a few summers and winter breaks, and also she worked at um a couple uh labs at Caltech.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, yeah.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_02: So because she was working there and then she uh went to school there as well at Caltech.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_00: Got it, got it.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um cool.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: So moving on to your hobbies, a little bit just wrapping up the episode.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we we talked about you being a mom, you being a wife, you having your own work career, you moving to a new country.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just sort of want to leave some space for what are other things, uh, activities, extracurriculars that you're disengaging with now.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_00: We have a whole laundry list that you sort of gave us before, but a few like off the bat.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_00: So going to music, concerts, um, singing concerts, uh, museums, obviously Disneyland, because you're in the California area playing mahjong.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us more about how you maybe balance all these varied interests and dedicate time towards each one, and then maybe what else you're exploring nowadays.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so mahjong is just we just play once a week, every Friday.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: We actually go to the senior center, so it's just for a few hours.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_02: We're not very good because we just learnt it earlier this year.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: But we love it, we meet new people.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, when I say we, my friends, after I I retired, I met these amazing ladies, and we just clicked, they're Indian and they're all uh same age as me.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_02: We really have a lot of fun.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_02: We one of my friends and I, my best friend and I, we go like to the gym.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_02: We work out some, but it's more social, uh, I think you know, uh, because my husband he uh likes to stay home and he reads a lot much all day, and then so I'm I like going out during the week.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: We go in the pool at the gym and you know, just stuff.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_02: My husband and I like to travel.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we travel with my siblings.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: We just came back from a trip.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_01: Is uh Nitin retired too, Sansa?
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, he retired uh 20 something years ago, yeah.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, lots of time for you guys to explore.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, we like to um travel so next week we're going with Sonal and her husband for the first time on a long trip, uh, going to Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji and stuff.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking all through in this interview, it's come across that you have strong family ties, strong that those bonds are really strong.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_01: Would you say that that is because you are bunt, or that's just your family?
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like what kind of influence do you feel being a bunt has had on you?
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, I would say both because see my parents have can we we grew up in a bunt household.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_02: The whole um so even though it's bunt, I would think it's a common trait, basically people with families that are close, and uh you know, just I I don't I'm not sure it's bunt, but I'm very proud to be bunt.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean uh and uh but I think the strong women I think is because I'm a bunt.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I'm you know uh feel like I'm pretty strong now, but when I came out here, I was not.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: I was like everything was done for me when I was in India, you know, to go go to the store.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: My husband apparently asked me that time, what do you mean?
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: You've never been to the store by yourself?
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, you know, I couldn't go.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it was different.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_02: So because here I've changed over the years a lot because kind of it was sink or swim basically.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, just do everything, you know.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't drive.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_02: He said he said, no, just call Sears and get, you know, and I have to call, you know, kind of thing.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_02: But I did, and then you know, so uh I I owe it to him really because I um now I can do I can go anywhere by myself without.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I didn't have the confidence to do a lot before, other than going to school or college or whatever.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, or to sing maybe, but that was that's as far as my confidence went.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um always was very, you know, kind of.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_02: And my siblings are not like me, they're very outgoing.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_02: And now I am, I think.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sandyaka, actually, I feel there, you and I are both the youngest.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that has something to do with how a little quieter we are, and it's only now when you've come away that we've grown into what they are, where we can talk, talk out loud.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, so summarizing this at like sort of at the end, um curious that looking, we did a full inventory of your lives and the auntie.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we went all the way from um you learning carnatic music, you having all the people at your home, to now you having your own life in California with uh Sonal and Brian and um Nick and Uncle, right?
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um so tell us maybe throughout all these journeys, what are some traits that you think have helped you weather the different waves of life and have helped adjust to these new environments and new situations?
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: What are some things that you think that you've developed within your own life that would be very helpful for the new generation to learn as as we keep growing up?
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm thinking maybe my my daughter, she's married to a white guy, right?
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: Very nice young man.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_02: She never uh tried to tell her she has to marry an Indian and stuff.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I do want future generations to know what our culture is.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think frequent visits, you know, because now travel is so much easier.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think going to India, learning a little bit about the culture, you may not follow a lot of it, but at the same time, you could know of it.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think uh it's always it makes your life a little bit fuller to have uh uh just to know things about what your roots are a little bit.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying a lot because even I don't know a lot, but uh and but it's good to at least know a little bit.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe when you go to India, maybe of course we always go to weddings, but also go to the village and maybe go to a kola or go to a temple.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, my husband and my daughter, and none of them believe in God and stuff.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I just but it's nice to know of it what how it is, so it's not like we don't visit them, you know, just like you'd visit even a church or a mosque when you travel.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: So when they go to India, I think it's nice to visit different places, know what the culture is, how people are, and I think it it enriches your life that way.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's my thinking.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, totally, I would agree with you.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think uh who you are is sort of a reflection of where you came from and learning more about your roots and your history is um gives you a better sense of yourself, right?
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, I think that's a that's a good message, definitely to pass on.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, thank you so much, Anyanti.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_00: Really appreciate your time, the level of detail in your stories.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_00: I really, really enjoyed it.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks a lot, and sorry for talking so much, but that that's whoever but it's beautiful, Sandyaka.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_01: Most so because a lot of kids these days don't understand, you know, like you said, met him, got married in 15 days, yeah, came to the US, started learning music, and your first guru was someone who taught Ansianti, your mother, even before you were born.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and just recently, your Triptya, your niece in India, had this celebration to celebrate your mother's 100th year, if she would have been alive, with this beautiful presentation.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: When I looked at it, I was thinking, we truly do come from a strong line of women and big shoes to fill, but I think you are amazing too, filling some of those shoes and shoes that you love buying.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, too, more shoe buying and more shoe filling.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_01: Good luck, thanks, Andyka.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, and bye.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks a lot.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.