Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS 4-13-25

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS 4-13-25 · DA CREW Podcast

• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, I have your attention. Please. The show
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: starts in ten line eight seven ship.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: No listen and we believe in me that far your
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: host for me to parents.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: I want to thank you for going on us tonight,
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: my besty in the house. And you know you never
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: know where the conversation is, but when we do anything,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: anyone of God where they're having a father, thank you
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: for bringing us together and each time we don't know
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: where this conversation is going to go to night, and
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: let it be competent to the ears that are doing in.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Let the words of our mouth tun the ears that
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: easy year.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Let you I.
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: Need honor you and everything each to direct to the
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: neighbors that you make each and every time we are
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: in front of you reach someone. We're in front of you,
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: So allow us to continue to be the connection to you.
• 3:50
  Speaker 5: We know that we are only vessels and we are
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: only here for a short amount of time, but what
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: we do in this time connects us to you each
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: and every day. So we think, thank you, and we
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: honor you, and let the words of our mouths comfort
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: the ears that need to hear tonight, and your precious
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: and holy name Jesus, I pray amen.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: All right, As I told you, guys, my guest tonight
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: is my bestie, and we're just going to continue the
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: conversation that we have been having earlier. So she's actually
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: at the house today, so this is a little different.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: She's actually here, so you know, let's just continue the
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: conversation that we were having earlier. Sure, and I don't
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: know where we stopped. However, that don't really matter because
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: we'll pick up anyway because we subject. Yes, that is
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: one thing that we definitely do. But this is a
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: question that I wanted to ask you, continuing from the
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: conversation we were having the other night, and I want
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: to know what your season of isolation looks like for
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: you right now? Girl, let me tell you, this season
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: of isolation for me looks like it looks like.
• 5:09
  Speaker 6: God has moved everybody. It's a stage left.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Put me in the middle, spotlight on me with nothing.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Just why do you feel like it's nothing?
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Though?
• 5:24
  Speaker 6: Because he wants me to figure it out, and I agree.
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: So I'm standing there trying to figure out if I'm
• 5:31
  Speaker 6: supposed to juggle, sing, dance or.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Recite poetry. I don't What do you feel like He's
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: trying to get you to do love me, okay, and what.
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: Seems to be difficult for you to do that. I
• 5:50
  Speaker 7: want to say, the way that I was raised, Okay,
• 5:54
  Speaker 7: I don't feel as if I was raised in love.
• 5:58
  Speaker 6: Now my daddy that was a boom boom.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I really do feel like he loved me.
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: But my parents didn't have children biologically, so I don't
• 6:10
  Speaker 6: feel like they got that extra.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: You know, parental feeling that makes sense in a way
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: that okay, my mom like whenever I told people this,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: like when I talk to my kids, and you know,
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: we definitely aren't affectionate to one another, and I love it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: But I didn't grow up in a household where there
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: was a right, so I made it a point to
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: be loving and affectionate towards my kids. Now. I tell
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: people all the time when I told me and my
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: kids are talking that I will tell them in the
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Harvey love has nothing to do with our relationship. And
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: people get mad at me when I say that, and
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I have to explain. And the reason I
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: say that is because my mother gave birth to me. However,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: she did not show love in the way that.
• 6:59
  Speaker 8: I I wanted to experience it, but she showed me
• 7:03
  Speaker 8: loving the way that she knew and it has taken
• 7:06
  Speaker 8: me to her passing to really understand it completely.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: However, I can. I can see where that would be
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: hard to to figure out how to receive it, you know,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: when you didn't get it from the ones that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 6: Raised you and just knowing you know that I had
• 7:27
  Speaker 6: my son at sixteen trying not to bleed on him.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: And I haven't always been the perfect parent. Is only
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: job with no pay? Yeah, yeah, he love. So that's
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: that's the general idea of that. But the isolation for.
• 7:58
  Speaker 9: Me just looks like this is my time to see
• 8:03
  Speaker 9: who I am and be who God created me to be,
• 8:08
  Speaker 9: away from what other people think of me, because I
• 8:12
  Speaker 9: did walk in the spirit of what other people.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Thought of me.
• 8:15
  Speaker 6: Mad Look girl, they don't amount the two biscuits at
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: this point because I love me and something you said
• 8:26
  Speaker 6: while we were talking they really resonated with me.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: Hang up, tell me what that was. You said, I
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: was born.
• 8:34
  Speaker 6: With me, I'm gonna die with me. It's almost like
• 8:39
  Speaker 6: I had to hear that in another way to receive it,
• 8:45
  Speaker 6: because everybody that I care about, everybody that I love, they're.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Not going with me now. I mean, my time is my.
• 8:52
  Speaker 6: Time and their time is their time. But just being
• 8:57
  Speaker 6: in a place of vulnerability, being able to call myself
• 9:06
  Speaker 6: out on my bis because.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: That's for me that I can definite least say, being
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: able to call yourself out. It's hard because.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I have.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Call myself out and you know better. But I also
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: have children who will call me out in a heartbeat
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: and be like, you know what you need to do? Mom,
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: That ain't that ain't even right right. But you know
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: I've had to learn that. Huh huh, antel it's okay,
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: oh oh, honey, dog always put each other, but having
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: to I'm grateful for my kids in the sense that
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: they keep me accountable too, and when they know I'm
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: off my game or whatever, they are quick to tell me.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Especially Nathan, you know, he gonna hold me to whatever
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: it is because he feels like especially now because he's
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: the main child that's at home, right, you know. The
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: older two they they gone and they do their own
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: little thing. But he has back up now of course
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: with them. So it's always, yeah, I'm gonna call your daughter,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna call your oldest son and tell them how
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: you sir, we don't need to do aut it, you know.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: But when you grow up in a sense of not
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: feeling love, not feeling wanted, it makes it hard, you know.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: And when you're in this season of isolation, when you
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: are away from the distractions, the people who cater to
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: your foolishness, so to speak, because it's like everybody signed
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: up forward, but you yeah, I'm not.
• 11:27
  Speaker 6: I know, I'm not.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: You know, just like the other night when you know,
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I know she's gonna get mad at me,
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: and you know, I you know, what's funny for the
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: first time ever.
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: Is out like that conversation did not hurt Okay, it
• 11:44
  Speaker 6: didn't knock the wind out of me, okay.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, I'm like, I'm gonna find
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: your husband. She's gonna be happy one dad gonna day.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: But it's just and you know what, when you say that,
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I was like, she will be over there thinking I'm
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: not looking at it for her to have companionship, and
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: that is not the case, you know, And so I'm like,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: I want the companion that is for her and not
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: the one that, yeah, that she goes out and the
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: first sign of you know this, this is gonna be
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: your brother in law. No, it ain't because you know,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I'm quick to say, I know you like him right now,
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: get in two weeks he won't be there because he's
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: gonna do something because they're overlooking. What Yeah, because then
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: they're not They're not who you need. They are only
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: there for temporary moments, and you sometimes you confuse those
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: temporary moments with lifetime expectations.
• 12:54
  Speaker 6: And that's you know, that comes from a place of
• 13:03
  Speaker 6: me feeling like everybody that has ever loved me has
• 13:07
  Speaker 6: left me. I used to when my mom, when I
• 13:11
  Speaker 6: fot my biological family, When my mom would introduce me
• 13:14
  Speaker 6: to people, her face would go from.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: So much pride and I got my baby until somebody
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: say something.
• 13:24
  Speaker 6: To me and they're like, you know, when you've been
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: at all this time and whatever, And the first thing
• 13:30
  Speaker 6: that flew out of my mouth is always, well, when
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: she gave me away, I was adopted and she was like,
• 13:37
  Speaker 6: in her whole demeanor, just like.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: Because you're taking away the fact that you guys have
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: found each other, Right, the past meant nothing at that point, right,
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: you only had to focus on what you had then
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: and now you know, And I think sometimes we get
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: lost in yesterday, and we tend to stay there longer
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: than we need to, and we hold on because it's
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: comfortable and it feels safe. But in order to grow,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: we gotta be uncomfortable. And good things grow in dark spaces.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: But sometimes we don't want to get down dirty and
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: be in those dark spaces. But we have to grow
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: because the seed has to be buried in order to grow.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: And so in order for you to actually get through,
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: you gotta grow through the pain, and it's gonna be uncomfortable.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: And that's what this season of isolation. So you know, isolation,
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: It is not for the week. I will see it
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: is not. Most people don't make it through that. And
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: speaking of isolation took about Yeah, I keep trying to
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: tell y'all, I I can't say. I'm not claiming that
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: I don't really know what that is. I'm not running
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: from it, however, I just don't see it right now. Yeah,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I'm just gonna let God do what God does and
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: eventually it If that's what he's calling me, I will
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: accept that title. But right now I'm just speaking from experience,
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: because that season of isolation for me, oh my god,
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: it was. And it also was during COVID for me,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: and I knew I was in the season of isolation
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: because I just ended a relationship. Him and I had
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: just broke up, and I had just quit my job
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: because the manager at that time was not understanding and
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: my job was protected through the Disabilities Act because of
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: my KIAR. However, I'm not going to argue with someone
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: who doesn't have control at their own home. So they
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: take it out because they have the position in office
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: to make someone else's life miserable because that's the only
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: place they have control, right But you're not going to
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: control me, you know, And so I will remove myself
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: from the situation. So me removing myself, I was like, Okay, God,
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: I pray for this job. I got this job. Now
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: I got to leave this job. What is this about?
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: So I was asking all of these questions, and then
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: I had already been sick. I didn't know it was COVID.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: But this was before they even knew that it was COVID.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: This is what they had said. It was an open
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: respiratory infection. So I was dealing with that. Face had
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: swelled up because KIAR was doing whatever it wanted to do,
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: and so all of this was happening, and I'm like, God, okay,
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: what are you doing. You're taking this person away, You're
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: taking my job away, Like what am I supposed to
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: be doing? But not taking away these bills? Right? And
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I still have to make ends me. There
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: is there's not much income, but there still is income,
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: Like how am I gonna do this? And I mean,
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: we made it through, but it was just like, Okay,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: people that I thought were gonna be there were not there.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Only was starting to turn and tell lies and all
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: kinds of craziness. And I'm like, okay, all right, I'm
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: in this house. I'm by myself. My kids are here,
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: but they doing their own little thing. They not paying
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: me no attention. They just like, mom, gonna figure it
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: out because I always do. But I'm like, they don't
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: know that. They ain't me figuring it out, this God
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: figuring it out. I'm just being obedient to what he's said.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: But then I had the Mary Kay facial with the
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: lady and then she asked me to join her team.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: But we were having a conversation and her director came
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: in and I was talking about life and talking about
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: my experience, and she was like we need you on
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: our team. And I'm like, I don't have no money
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: for this, Like this isn't you know for me? And
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: even still I didn't want to be a part of that,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: but she paid the money, did all of that got
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: my first, you know, products and everything, and I knew
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: that I was in my season of isolation. I knew that,
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: and it was like they were trying to force something,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: and it was like, I'm in this season. I know
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: what this season is for me. I'm not supposed to
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: be out mingling and putting myself in spaces, but I'll,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: you know, I'll, I'll do what it is that you're
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: asking me. And every time they were like, well, you're
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: not applying yourself, I said, listen, let me tell you something.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: I said. I am doing everything to the t for
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: your instructions. I said, but the results are not the
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: same because this is not for me. I said. So
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: you're not hearing me. You feel like as if I'm
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: not applying, I said, but I can't serve you and
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: man at the same time, I said, I can't. I
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: gotta serve God, but I can't serve man, I said,
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: And you're getting upset with me because you want me
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: to do what you're telling me, I said, but God
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: has instructed me to do something else, and so I stopped.
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: You know, it's funny that you say trying to force it.
• 19:09
  Speaker 6: It's funny that you say that, because I remember when
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: you was trying.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: To bring me on bord and I was like, all
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: I wanted to do was be a guinea pig. I
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: didn't want to do nothing else. I didn't want to
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: and I didn't want nobody's house to say no. Yeah,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: because I told him and so and I was.
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: And that that was the thing.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, I could do all of this.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: It's it's not a problem. So I stopped being active
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: in their chats and stopped doing all of that. It
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: wasn't until I completely removed myself, right, and when I
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: completely removed myself from one of the group chats, because
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: they got several and I found myself still being in
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: some of them because they're still like it was so
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: many of them, and every once in a while I'll
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: see one. But what was funny I happened to be
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: work and I had removed myself out of the group,
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: and then I get a message and she's like, I
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: noticed that you're no longer in the group. I said, yeah,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: I said, I haven't been active in a while, so
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: I felt that was necessary to just remove my presence altogether,
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: because my presence wasn't felt, but my absence is. You
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: noticed that I'm no longer there, but while I was there,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: you didn't notice me. I said, So it's okay. And
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: so she was like, well, mary Kay is more than
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: just lipstick and makeup. Boom boom. Now if you know me,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: I didn't take it there, but I was still polite,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: and I said, you know, I do understand that mary
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: Kay is more than just lipstick and makeup. It is
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: a vehicle that opens other doors for us, the opportunities. However,
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: it is no longer the opportunity that serves me or
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: I said, however, that doesn't take anything away from who
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: you are and what you've gained and what you have
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: given to me, because you are good at what you do,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: but it is not for me, so you know, go
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: on and do what you do. Yeah. So, however, she
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: came back with more of an attitude with me, and
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: I'm like, listen, I'm not about to argue with you.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I said, I told you this is taking nothing away
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: from the crown that you have. You are absolutely good
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: at what you do, and maybe this space is necessary
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: for someone else, it is not necessary for me. But
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: I am not taking anything away from you. My absence
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: is not gonna be felt, but obviously it is felt.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: I said, so just take what you're giving to me
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: and give it to someone who else who can utilize
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: it better than me, because there's nothing that is doing
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: for me. I'm in the way. This is someone else. Yeah,
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: she's just I said, listen, you want me to be
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: angry with you, You want me to say something nasty
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: to you, but I don't have anything like that for you,
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: because there's nothing that you've done that is a reflection
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: of you not being good at what you do. It's
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: just not for me, and I wish you all the
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: best to continue doing what you do. This is my stop,
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: and I'm getting off. And I left it at that,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: and she was like, she said, well, you never let
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: us know anything that you had going on, and this
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: was the time that I was doing the virtual monologue
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: and all this other kind of stuff. I said, all
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: of these things are on my Facebook, everything that I've done.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I said, so, if you were really concerned, and you
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: really wanted to be supportive. You have showed up for
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: those things, I said, Why would I have to announce
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: these things and tell you when you say, post everything
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: that we're doing so that you can support I said,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: these things have been posted quite a few times, and
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: neither one of y'all showed up for anything. I said.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: But I was not going to beg you to support me,
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: I said, And so you're still upset at the fact
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: that I'm giving you your props and that's still not enough,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: I said, lest some people listed because I don't have
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: nothing else for you. But this is the end of
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: the conversation. We're not talking anymore.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: And I.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Didn't respond anymore. But people will try to make you
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: follow them in the direction that they're going, and they
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: don't understand why it's not happening. But then at the
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: same time they'll tell you your results may vary. Yeah,
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: the results are going to vary because it's not for me.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: You know, if it's not for me to do, my
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: results aren't going to look like yours because my season
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: is isolation. God ain't taking me in this direction, and
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: the direction that he has been taking me is the
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: direction that I'm in right now. And so with me
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: being where I am, this is what I'm supposed to
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: be doing. Do I feel comfortable with it all the time. No,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: because let me tell you the event Saturday when we
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: were in Atlanta, me getting up there to speak. I
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: still haven't watched the whole video I have, and see
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: I have not, And you know, I came home and
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I you know, I told Nate that I had to
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: have to speak, and he said, well, how'd you do?
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I said, Nate, I hope I didn't ramble? You didn't,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: I said, because you know I can get to rambling sometimes,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: and he said, yeah, you can. He said, well, how
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: long did you speak? I said, from my understanding, about
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: ten minutes. He said, well, now, you didn't ramble in
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: ten minutes, he said, because if it had you talked
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: a little longer, you probably would have got to ram
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: he said, But if it was ten minutes, now you didn't.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: You didn't my friend? You know? He not?
• 25:06
  Speaker 10: He not at all.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: And so I was like, Okay, I think I did good,
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: I said, but I haven't gone back and watched it yet.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: And he was like, well, Mom, I'm gonna tell you
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: if you only talk for ten minutes. Ain't no rambling enough,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: it was because if you talk longer than fifteen minutes, yeah,
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: you gonna ramble. And I mean, he said, you always
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: get to your point of what you're saying. You circle back,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: he said, but you do get to rambling. I said. Okay. Well,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: nobody complained, I said, And nobody had any harshness to say,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: I said, but nobody looked bored. No, no, And you
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: know that's a subject that I can actually talk about. Look,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: she said, nephew, for honey, listen, if you meet this
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: child in person, you can't listen. Let me tell you
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: that the baby. Yes, because my grand baby the other
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: day I just showed telling you in the video. She
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: told me to hush my mouth, y'all. I wasn't even talking.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: I was not even talking. We was just laying in
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: the bed and she said, t hush her mouth. Hush
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: had over her mouth and everything, and she just laughing
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: like it was just hilarious. It's the most funniest thing
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: in the world to her, you know, But seasons of isolation,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: it is one of those things. Oh lord, you you're
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: not built for it. But the weak ones don't make
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: it out. You know you definitely have to go through it.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: I will say that in my moment of isolation, all
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: I hear is acun locked up. Oh lord, okay, I
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: can see that. Oh, I mean, even down to the lyrics.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: But this is the thing. Also in your season of isolation,
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: you have to learn to be in the company right,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: set me free, give us free break. But you are free,
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: that's the thing. And you said something the other night
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: in the text was that you don't feel like God
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: is with you during this time. God, let me explain,
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: let me, let me explain why. Girl. So everything that
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: could have gone wrong. On Saturday, March.
• 27:31
  Speaker 6: Sixteen, two thousand and two, three pm, everything that could
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: have went wrong went wrong, starting with my hair appointment.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: God was talking to me then.
• 27:43
  Speaker 8: But I was like, you know, I.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Know you you could stop this if.
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: You really actually wanted to. But this free will said
• 27:56
  Speaker 6: meet me at the off jagged age. And again it
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: started with.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: My hair appointment being an hour and a half late.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: And then when she walked in, she was like, I'm
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: gonna have my breakfast. No, ma'am, you are not. You
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: should have ate that in the car. Let's see, this
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: is the thing. We see those signs, but.
• 28:21
  Speaker 6: I ignore stuff and that that that is something that
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: I am still continuing to work on.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: I live in a world of they don't want you.
• 28:37
  Speaker 8: M h.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: You know, if your mom and daddy didn't want you,
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: nobody's gonna want you.
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: And so it gets to a place where I feel
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: like I put up with any amount of disrespect or
• 28:49
  Speaker 6: or anything just to say that I have somebody trust me.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: That's that's what I'll be talking about when I becoming
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: and I'm gonna give it. I mean, didn't late and
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: uncut and I know you be like this, helpher right here,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: just not trying to hear what I'm saying. But it's
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: not that I know what it is. It comes from
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: a place of love and I know that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 6: And I can say because we've been enjoined at the
• 29:17
  Speaker 6: hip since twelve years old.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: Other than d D and Slon, you know me better
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: than anybody. And I'm gonna ask them hard questions. They
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: ain't gonna be sensitive about it. And oh but wait
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: a minute, wait, what how about d D doesn't start
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: trying to come with.
• 29:35
  Speaker 6: Me with the hard.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Because I ain't nobody gonna be sugar coat in this nothing.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: But there's no reason. Like I posted the other day,
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: I would rather tell you the harsh truth than to
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: give you a calm you with a sweet live And I.
• 29:52
  Speaker 6: Wasn't even being funny when I come in and I
• 29:54
  Speaker 6: was like, but you do. I mean, I wasn't even
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: trying to be funny because we had our text message.
• 30:03
  Speaker 6: The last thing you said to me, I just put
• 30:06
  Speaker 6: a heart on it because I was like, that was
• 30:08
  Speaker 6: my period at the end of the sentence, because.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: I get it, Like I get what you're fan. But
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: for me, it's just like I grew up in a
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: space of feeling like.
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: I'm the most unloved person ever, and I didn't feel
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: what genuine love felt like until I had my son,
• 30:31
  Speaker 6: Like even.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Now, that is where it comes from, when you like
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: when you have your kids young, because I had Kyl
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: when I was seventeen, I had sixteen. You know, the
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: promise that I made Ki was you know, I may
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: not be the most perfect mom, but I'll always be
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: there anytime you need me, you know, And I'll do
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: the best that I can with what I've been given. Right,
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna make mistakes, but you know, it's just one
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: of those things that you get to experience to what
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: unconditional love looks like, feels like when you have your children,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: and that is something that your heart beat sounds like
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: from the inside. Yeah, and that is beautiful in it's
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: undescribable until you've experienced it. I will say that. But
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: the one thing that I want you to understand is
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: that when you start to appreciate you for who you are,
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: for everything that you've gone through, you'll understand the creation
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: that when God made you, he didn't make anything imperfect.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: He's been perfect from the beginning. It's just up to
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: you to realize that and stop seeking the outside sources
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: to give you what He's already given you. You know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: when He's given it to you, it's up to you
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: to realize the greatest version of yourself is seeing yourself
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: through His eyes. You know we're not doing this. I'm
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: just telling you that that's what it is. You know,
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: you have to see yourself through God's eyes. And when
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: you take that strong heart, look in the mirror and say,
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: I was perfectly made in your images the day that
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: I was conceived in my mother's room, let you know
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: that there was nothing about you that was a mistake.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: Everything about you was perfectly made. I think for me,
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: it just goes without saying. Like my mom had my
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: brother and then she had me I was born with
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: the disability. Then I felt like, you know, she might
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: have been like, hell, I ain't doing all none of
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: this take her. And then four years later she had
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: my sister and she kept her. So I just felt
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: like I looked at my sister for a minute, like
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: my replacement, like you know, and maybe her life was
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: ordained to be here.
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: She she's meant to be here. Yeah, she's a beautiful person.
• 33:12
  Speaker 6: She has her husband and her baby, and but that
• 33:18
  Speaker 6: that is the one and only time that I've ever
• 33:20
  Speaker 6: felt jealous. I've never looked at anybody's life and said.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Oh I want to do that. Yeah, I mean even
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: with you, like when you was wanting me to go
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: to school with you, I was like, it wasn't even
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: about me. And I'm gonna tell you why. It's because
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: I wanted you to see what I saw. And that's
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: the one thing that has always been I see you,
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: and I see the things that you want to do,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: but you hinder yourself. Remember when we did go when
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: we did go to class that day, we went to
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: dairy queen afterwards. Why are you making them sound like
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: you had to treat me the ice cream? And no,
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: it wasn't even that we went down for lunch. We
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: didn't just have ice cream. No, it was basically we
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: went there because it was the closest you went to,
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Queen afterwards. What do you want me to say that's
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: where we went. I'm not saying it, you know, for
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: any other reason. I didn't just treat you the ice
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: cream because I mean, I probably should have treated you
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: the ice cream because you made me mad that morning
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: trying to act like you didn't want to go, I know,
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: and I was putting on my shoes when you because
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: you're doing because you want to give me that excuse,
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: but you tried it, and I knew you were gonna try,
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: but it wasn't. I wasn't having it. Okay, listen, let
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: me give y'all the backstory and then I'll go back
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: to Now, ain't the old Lord here we go? Okay?
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: I I was at school and we had a little
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: thing where we could bring a family member or friend
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: to class with us. So with us, you know, doing that.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I asked her two weeks in advance for this day
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: and I told her that I would bring her on
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: my long day so she could get the experience of
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: what college think.
• 35:22
  Speaker 6: That's what did it for me, The word loan like
• 35:25
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna be here longer than.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: The loss of the live. And it wasn't even that.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: It was. It was just I had what.
• 35:32
  Speaker 6: Three classes that day and shout out to Missostopher actually
• 35:36
  Speaker 6: giving me some work to actually do.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm like child observing. Any Way, what happened
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: was the morning of I get a text message while
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: I'm getting dressed to get ready for class. It says, oh,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: my stomach bothered me. I ain't gonna be able to
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: go y'all. I picked my phone up, I read the message.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: I looked at it and I put my back. Now,
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: I go in the bathroom, I brush my teeth, I
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: wash my face. I come back to the phone, I said.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: I said, no, I said, what you're not finna do
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: is give me this excuse. I said. I am in
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: pain every day I have left the school in an ambulance.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: I get up every day, I said, and you coming,
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: I said, that little excuse you got, I don't want
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: to hear, I said, I'll be there in a few minutes.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: So go and get your clothes. I get yourself together
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: because you gone, and she looked out a part. Well
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: what you looked out every time I ask you to
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: do something, you all uh huh. Because then now anyway,
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: now when I get there to pick her up, he
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: she come on out the house and everything, and you
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: know what I said, as soon as she opened it.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: I don't know what you're thinking that you was talking to,
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: but there's show enough for me. Come on, we got
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: somewhere to go. Get in here.
• 36:52
  Speaker 10: We got to go because I don't know what you
• 36:54
  Speaker 10: like to see us anyway, So we get to the school.
• 36:57
  Speaker 10: She she she experienced that and enjoyed it and it
• 37:01
  Speaker 10: was very good. So we go to the the dairy
• 37:04
  Speaker 10: queen afterwards. Now, not that I don't treat her to
• 37:08
  Speaker 10: the eyes pybody else was probably something that was missing.
• 37:11
  Speaker 10: But as we were sitting there talking, I told her
• 37:15
  Speaker 10: that she keeps herself isolated in a box, and it's
• 37:19
  Speaker 10: time for her to break out of the box. Whether
• 37:21
  Speaker 10: she puts one toe out, one finger out or something.
• 37:25
  Speaker 10: You can't keep yourself confined to a box if you
• 37:27
  Speaker 10: want to see what's on the outside. You can't keep
• 37:31
  Speaker 10: peeping your head over wanting to see what's out there,
• 37:34
  Speaker 10: and then as soon as you get out there, you
• 37:36
  Speaker 10: want to retreat back to the box.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: That is not how this goes. You're either gonna burst
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: out of this box to see what else is out there,
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: or you gonna stay confined to the box. Now, I
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: don't bet the box.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: I had my big girl moment and come in. But yeah,
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: I moved to a whole nother state, I know, drove
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: my else to that state. And that was because I
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: heard you say, even if you're scared, just do it.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: You got to do it, because if you don't do it,
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: you'll never do it and you'll always wish you had
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: a done it.
• 38:19
  Speaker 6: And the whole my whole way from from Spa Maria
• 38:23
  Speaker 6: to Georgia, I kept hearing you.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: Say you got this, you gonna make it. God, I
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: got you.
• 38:30
  Speaker 6: And so you know, I'm sitting there driving beside eighteen
• 38:36
  Speaker 6: where was like, you stay over there, and you stay
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: over there and just let me do me and don't
• 38:48
  Speaker 6: sandwich me in. But in all honesty, all of that
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: comes from a place of being told no, being told
• 38:57
  Speaker 6: I can't so much so that I started to believe
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: that I can't and I know that I can do
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: anything that I put my little ADHD two.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: And that's the one thing I keep trying to get
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: you to understand. You put limits on you, and you
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: set the limit to saying I can't do that. And
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: my thing is like when we were talking at the
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: event and I was telling you, and then even earlier,
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: like I was told consistently as a kid, I was
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: only going to be a drunk and druggie, just like
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: my mama. So I've been able to do a whole
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: bunch of things. I've accomplished a lot. I don't celebrate
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: those things because of that, because it's always Okay, well
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: you can't do this, you can't do that, And then
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: now that I've done it, I need to learn how
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: to celebrate it. I just do it and be like, Okay,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: I did it. Move on to the next thing that
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: somebody and nobody's saying that I can't do these things anymore.
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: That's the thing. Nobody is saying that it's just your
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: mentality that I've had. And so now it's like, Okay,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: I am healing that little girl, And so she's slowly
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: starting to disappear because she's growing that haar and so
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: it's like, Okay, she's healing, so she's starting to disappear.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: And this is the thing about that, is that that
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: little girl, until that little girl or that little boy
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: inside is healed, you're going to always trigger yourself and
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: trigger those and other people are going to do things
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: and say things that trigger you also. Until that version
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: of you has been healed, that little boy, that little
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: girl needs a hug and needs that from you, and
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: so you have to be able to give that to
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: yourself in order to know that part of you is
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: no longer broken.
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: And I just want to say that I appreciate my
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: whole tried because I in my isolation, I have a
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: burn book that I write my thoughts in. I have
• 41:10
  Speaker 6: another like I got like three or four different books
• 41:14
  Speaker 6: that I write in daily about whatever's on my mind,
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: whether it be good, bad, or and different, and it
• 41:21
  Speaker 6: helps me to if it's something bad, I can look
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: back at it and say, Okay, this is what we
• 41:28
  Speaker 6: can't do.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: And you know it's it's like the whole observation thing,
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: just I can't do it the way you did it
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: because I looky there, like girl. Now I will say like,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: I haven't done that one in a long time. But
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: I still do my monthly inventory with myself, you know,
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: I check in to see what my weaknesses are, my
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: strengths are, if I've gotten better at this. You know.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: The one thing that I've been working on here lately
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: is my tone. Hmmm. And that's a hard one for me.
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: It ain't really your tone. I mean just being on
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: the end of always feeling like like like the oldest child.
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: I will say, it's not your tone. It's more so
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: your face.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: Like even with your.
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: Text messages except for except for that last one. Except
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: for that last one, I can always see your face.
• 42:33
  Speaker 6: And I was like, this girl rolled her eyes to
• 42:35
  Speaker 6: me one more time. I'm driving over there, because what's
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: the best one, Like let me be great.
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: I'll let you be great. Let me be great. But
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, but I get it. I get it, and
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: I know where it comes from, like your heart on me,
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: d you saw it ded soft on me.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: But she's getting hard and I'm like, wait a minute,
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: what you got going on that you feel like you
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: can talk to me in cala how because that ain't
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: what we do over here.
• 43:05
  Speaker 6: I was like, listen and she'll tell you. I repeat
• 43:08
  Speaker 6: the number two, get it together well, and I know
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: your ears be burning because I just be.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: Especially that's the right one, because I'm giving you the business.
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: I've been like, she don't agree or adhere to anything
• 43:24
  Speaker 6: I got going on, and I just don't understand it.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: It's just that if it doesn't resonate and it's not
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: for the betterment of you. I'm gonna say that, you know,
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I'm gonna give
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: it to you how you need to hear it, you know,
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: And that's one of the things that you know I'm learning,
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: you know. I'm gonna tell you this. This is a story.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: Like my coworkers at my current job, it was all always,
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: don't talk to Tavida. She's mean, you know. And I
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: laugh at them now because they've all gotten to know me, right,
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: And I laugh and I'm like, I'm pretty sure y'all
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: all have had the same thing to say about me,
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: is that I'm mean, I said, And that's only because
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: you didn't know me, I said. We all have a
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: job to do, and our patients are first. That's our
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: number one priority, I said. And once my job up
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: here is done, and you guys are in the back
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: lag ladigag and playing and goofing around. I'm gonna have
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: a problem with that because I'm doing my job and
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: I expect you to do yours, I said, So if
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: I have to call you out on you not doing
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: your job, yeah, you're not gonna like me too much.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: Am I gonna care about that? No?
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: And I'm gonna tell you I don't care, I said,
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: simply because your job, you can talk and if you
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: don't know how to talk, and you gone and multitask
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: at the same time, that's something that you got, so
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: you know. But at the end of the day, they
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: have all gotten to understand that we are not here
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: to be friends. Our priorities is to take care of
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: these patients. And we can be friends, and we can
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: be well, I can't in a sense say we be friends,
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: but we can, you know, Yeah, we can be cordial
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: enough to get along with each other to the capacity
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: of getting the job done. But if you want to
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: get mad at me because I'm telling you you're not
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: doing your job, but I've already done mine and I'm
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: still helping you to complete yours, then I'm not the
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: problem you are, and I'm going to tell you that
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: you need to be on your game to do your job.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: And so now they come home and they be like,
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: I didn't like you at first. I know, I absolutely
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: know you didn't like me. Well, ma'am sir, that sounds
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: like a personal and I'm like, I didn't stop doing
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: my job, though, did I Because you told me you
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: you didn't like me, I said, But other people told
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: you not to like me, and you felt that that's
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: what you needed to do, not like me until you
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: got to know bandwagon, I said, So did that Nothing
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: came in here, Nothing stopped me from doing my job,
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: I said, But slowly you all came around, I said,
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: because one thing about me is I know the presence
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: that I hold when I bring into a space. I said,
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: So you will be uncomfortable going through this day without
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: me being silly and being who I am. It makes
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: it hard when I'm not here, I said. So when
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: I'm not here, y'all.
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: Don't know what to do, and it probably shows like
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: when you go back to work, you probably got extra
• 46:49
  Speaker 6: stuff to do because they ain't done what they're supposed
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: to do.
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: It's not even that I'm not even there and they call,
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: so it's like I'm off, but my phone and it's
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: still ringing. So that's how I know I'm good at
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: what I do.
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: Ma'am, You're gonna have to treat them like red from
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: five heart beats your business owls.
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: Listen and listen. When I leave, I'm putting my child
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: in my place, so I know she's capable of doing it,
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: and she's capable of handling all of those things and
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: putting them in their place because they call her maman
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: and me, you know, but you know, when you know
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: the presence of who you are, you walk in that
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: you know. But one thing, like I said, I am
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: working on for me is my tone, because it's not
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: I know sometimes to the ears who are used to
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: being caddled their feelings, they're used to that. I don't
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: have that, you know. I don't know how to caudle
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: your feelings like my kids. Now, of course they gonna
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: say I'm soft because of the grandkids. It's a different
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: that's different, and they won't understand that until they get
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: grand kids. But I tell them, I'm like, it's not
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: even soft. It's the fact that these are kids, and
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: y'all are learning what parenting looks like. I said, So
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: I'm still parenting, y'all. Just the adult version now, I said,
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: And these are the baby versions. Like Kai is consistent
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: in move, just be doing too much, no mood, just
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: be doing what I said. She's doing what she's supposed
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: to be doing. She's playing, she's doing this. She's an
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: outdoorsy person. Ky is definitely not that Micah was talking
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: the other night.
• 48:48
  Speaker 6: I tell them I don't call me, don't reach out
• 48:50
  Speaker 6: to me before twelve noon, because we.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: See I'm not like that because if you call me
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: and you need me, if it's an emergency, I got you.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: But if it's on the see some regular fee, it's
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: the patients that need yes, So I bypass personal to
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: be helpful because ultimately, it ain't about them that call me,
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: and it ain't about me either. It's about the patient
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: because the patient is there, they need a service that
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: we have to provide, and so if I'm unavailable to answer,
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: the patient is still stuck. So that's why I think
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: my mind.
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: Comes from a place of my isolation, because I'm like,
• 49:33
  Speaker 6: I'm locked up.
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: Why do it's not visiting? I was, what do you
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: want to see? You gotta also know when to answer
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: those calls and when and how. It's this the power
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: of discernment, and not everybody has and I do. And
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: that's the crazy thing because often times that not.
• 49:55
  Speaker 6: I see the blaze before the flicker, and I know
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: what it's about to turn into. And there's that small
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: piece of me that sometimes like to play with it
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: until I get burned. And then when I get burned,
• 50:12
  Speaker 6: it's like.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: Can you nurse my wound?
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: Absolutely?
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Not?
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not. I mean, you have been pretty good the
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: last couple of times where you're like, you know what,
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna let you have your moment. Yeah, moment, y'all
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: give you a little thirty minutes. I get you, I
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: do you know. I give you that. But outside of that, no,
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: because some of these things you just be doing and
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: I just be like, why why you just won't be
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: hard headed? You just want to be hard headed. You
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: don't want to be in your season of isolation. And
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: sometimes a season of isolation camp it's lonely and it
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: can last lonely a long time. But this is a
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: time that you get to know you. You get to
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: know you on a more level. That's just like when
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: haleen happened. We ain't have no power over here. Child.
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: I was in this house having a field day, the
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: best time of my life. My kids left me. It
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: was peace and it was quiet. Me and God in
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: here having conversations. You know, I'm like God. You know,
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: they done went on about their business. They thinking this
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: is just torture over here. I'm fine. I I'm a
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: little fan over the bed. I'm fine. I don't got
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: my food. I'm in here eating. I could go to
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: the car and watch a movie till I get ready
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: to go in the house. You know, I'm good. My
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: sister was mad at me. Listen, your season of isolation
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: is however long God decides, that's your season of isolation.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: Y'all need to quit trying to rush God in his business, okay,
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: because y'all keep trying to tell God what time he needs.
• 51:43
  Speaker 8: To be on.
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: You ain't on his time here, y'all on his y'all,
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: just mind your business. Okay, my your business.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: Stop just just my your business, and stop trying to
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: tell God what to do. You know, God, by himself,
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: he don't need no help from us. You just need
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: us to be obedient to what he called us to do. Now.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: I tell y'all that all the time, stay out of
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: God's business. Now, I ain't gonna tell you no more.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I ain't gonna tell you no more, stay out of
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: God's business. Okay, listen, y'all. That just sounds like, yeah,
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: don't do that, don't do that, don't do it. Mind
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: your business. But look, this conversation could go on forever.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: I gotta go get my child from work because I
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: just gotta leave, you know, because it's dark. She don't
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: do you will in the night time. I don't have
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: eyes like a bad I can't see.
• 52:39
  Speaker 6: Well.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: I ain't gonna comment on that. But anyway, y'all, listen this,
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: this has been great. And you know, I don't know
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: how to tell you untruth. I can only give you
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: what I know, and I speak from experience, and if
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: I've been through it, I'm gonna share it with you.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: I'm just as transparent as they can be. And God
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: has brought me through some situations. He has taken me
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: through some things. And one thing I can say, and
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: as I look back over just the last four months,
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: things that did not look like what I had anticipated
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: or what I had expected, God was like I was
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: already showing you all of this stuff. You just being
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: hard headed because I have been stuck in survival mode
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: and y'all, I will I will run when it don't
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: feel good to me. You know, I will definitely do that.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: In this situation, with this new relationship. I will tell
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: you it has been a struggle in the sense of
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: my fight or flight and the girl if you don't
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: get somewhere and sit down and let that man love
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: you and love. And I told you I was a
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: good man, Surbunda, and he definitely is. And I'm grateful
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: for him. And you know, I am learning, you know
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: what my triggers are when it comes to conversations. And
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: we were just having a conversation about this the other
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: night because we were having a disagreement about something and
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: I don't even remember what it was, but I put
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: my phone on do not disturb. He brought Yeah, he
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: brought that to my attention, and yeah, yeah, I mean,
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: and I do. And so we were having that conversation
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: and he was like, yeah, you don't argue with me,
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: you just put your phone on do not disturb, And yeah,
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: you're right, because I'm not about to go back and
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: forth with you. But wait a minute, you don't do
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: that to mean you become out guns are blazing, because
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: and see how I was like that with him too.
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: I've just gotten to this space like this is a
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: new territory for me, okay, and so for me to
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: keep from actually exploding before, like because that's what I
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: would do before, I don't do that now. I take
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: time to get myself together before because I'm gonna say
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: some things and I all won't do that, and he
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: don't pay me no attention noway, But it's just better
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: for me because I told him because he thinks if
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: we're gonna have an argument, we need to sell it
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: right then and now. No, no, no, I need you
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: to hear me, sir, I need you to hear what
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: I'm saying. But I can see also what he's saying
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: because the word says not to go to bed an Yeah,
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: and see how can be going to bed? I go
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: talk to God about it. And see when I go
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: talk to God about it, he gives me what I
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: need and he tell me what I'm wrong to absolutely
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: tell me, now you need to do better. Now, that's
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: one thing I can say that my mama not here
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: because my Mama will tell me, no, how you need
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: a bogobe then mine. I don't want to because she
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: told me she don't see how how you told me
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: she couldn't be my friend. Yeah, she told me that.
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: She said, ain't no way I'll be her friend. Yeah,
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: she told me that, she said I couldn't be your friend.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: She ain't gonna be talking to me like that, but
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: she will tell me, like when Brad and I were
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: together and I would you, I you need going apologize.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: I don't want to go apologize, Tata Mama. I'm not
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: you wrong. Okay, Well I'm gonna be wrong till tomorrow
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: because I'm not doing it today. And so now it's
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: like I'm getting better. It's it's a test, you know.
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: But I go and I go talk to guy, and
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: you know, he get me together. He definitely gets me together.
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: So it's a learning experience. But you guys, I thank
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: you for tuning in. I gotta go get my child.
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: Check me out tomorrow night the same time, same great station.
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: Delayed but not denied. Don't know what we're talking about,
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: but it's gonna be good. It always is, you know.
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: But thank you for having me. Thank you for opening
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: up your home to let me come in and just
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: be at home.
• 56:55
  Speaker 9: You know just what we do.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: I ain't cooked this Sunday, so you can girl, I
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: know he was waiting for something. But now when I
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: tell you I burned the roll up that, how do
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: you think I missed your house? Listen?
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: See I didn't cook to day and you know I
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: actually raced it this weekend. I actually did and that's
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: not normal for me at all. But anyway, y'all, thank
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: y'all for tuning in. And you know what I'm always
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: gonna tell you, and that is stay out of God's business.
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: The only thing that he needs you to do is
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: be obedient to what He's called you to do. And
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: until next time, I'll see it in good night