Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 43 - Marriage Be Happenin

Transcript

Episode 43 - Marriage Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:00
  unknown: I like that.
• 0:01
  unknown: I'm a live back.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live back.
• 0:06
  unknown: I'm a live back.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a live I guess so we might as well talk about it.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_05: What's good, y'all?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_05: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guest podcast.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_05: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_05: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_05: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_05: I appreciate you as always.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_05: Today we have a very, very special guest.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_05: If you've watched any episode, any of them, the first 40, 3, 2, whatever.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_05: I've talked about this person in I think every single episode.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_05: Amazing woman, amazing photographer, amazing human, and the best wife in the world.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_05: So it is my pleasure to finally introduce all of you to my wife, Jaune.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_05: Hi y'all.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_05: Hi, baby.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Can we do the like like crowd?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Can you edit that?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_05: We could do that.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna leave that part in now.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hi baby.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_05: It's uh glad to finally have this conversation with you.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever conversation we've finna have.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, it's gonna be a good one.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_05: So by the time this airs, it's gonna be our official anniversary.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, also, this is Butter.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_05: This is one of our two children.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_05: Butter, you wanna say something?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, she a little needy.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_05: Act like you don't see her.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_05: She just gonna be down for the ride.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but yeah, by the time this comes out, it's going to be our 10-year anniversary.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_05: So I was like, it only makes sense that we have this conversation on this day.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_05: Cause uh who else is gonna be, you know?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_05: Right now, again, I've brought you up and all the ways you've impacted my life in such an incredible way.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but why don't you tell them who you are?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_05: Not as my wife, like who you, Jaune, the person is.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_05: The floor is yours.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I love the way you say my name.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my name is Jaune.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a photographer, visual brand partner.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I am a very political person.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: I care about liberation.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I am a very spiritual person.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm tapped in.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, I don't really know how to do the whole spiel thing.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: I do a lot.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: I do photography, videography, book me.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I'm RJ's wife.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_05: I'm the one and only.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_05: Now, um, what do you think you love being more?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_05: RJ's wife or like all those other things?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_05: I'm playing.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_05: Don't answer that.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but yeah, so 10 years.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_05: 10 years back.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_05: That's kind of crazy.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_05: We were like kids when we met.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, who would have thought?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Who would have Do you want to tell the room how we met?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, this would come uh what the what version do you want to give the people?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_05: Uh tier two, not tier one.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_05: Tier two.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_05: Still the truth, don't need all the details.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Got it.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: So, um, your girl was exploring in college as the girls do.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_05: As they do.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, if I want another girl, I want this one.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_05: I want the thick one.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I was I had access, you know.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I said, I want that one.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: I want that one, set that up.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so friends set it up.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and here we are.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_05: Here we are.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_05: Basically, basically.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_05: No, in short, well, I mean, you DM'd me.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-uh.
• 4:30
  unknown: Oh.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_05: You know, okay, I didn't hear you.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, hold on.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_05: You DM'd me.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_05: Was very blunt about hanging out.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, you know.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_05: And then, as I do, I fell asleep.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_05: Fell asleep.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_05: As you do.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_05: And if it wasn't for O girl, now I don't say your name, but shout out to you.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_05: I guess.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_05: Um, calling me, waking me up.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna shout her out.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like, shout out to her.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, shout out.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, if she didn't, I wasn't.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: Damn.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what she's going through.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's a light.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_05: She just needs a little.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_05: That's okay.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but yeah, called me, woke me up because I was out of there.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_05: And resumed the conversation.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_05: Picked you up.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_05: You never left.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't want me to leave.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: Did you want to leave?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, okay.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm excited for this conversation.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: Anybody that knew me before, did you know I was gay?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know I was gay.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Your daddy knew he was gay.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_05: My dad swears he knew I was gay.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_05: I said.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_05: Also, y'all like my shirt?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_05: It's her.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_05: It's me.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_05: I don't have one yet, but I guess an AIGP shirt counts.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_05: Whatever.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_05: And also the tattoo on ya.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_05: Neck, ear, face area.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's on this one?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, you look great for that.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_05: But um, yeah, I'm excited for this conversation.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_05: I want to have some sort of guardrail in place so we aren't just free-flowing.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I feel the friends who know us are gonna be like, finally, we have this conversation.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_05: Because you know how many times we've been asked to start a YouTube?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, for 10 years.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_05: Ain't gonna happen.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_05: No, this is what you get, baby.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_05: It's that as good as it gets.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: I be behind the camera, you know?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this is your calling.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_05: And I be behind you, behind the camera.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: But this is your calling, okay?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Can you believe I'm doing this?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like knowing me personally, like yes, because I know you personally, but also like service level, like this is not something you would just choose.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's why it's your calling, you know, and knowing you, you gonna do you gonna do it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_05: So do it up.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: You're a punk ass.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_05: And with that, let's get started.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_05: So let's see.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_05: You are a photographer with your own business.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, tell them about that.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_05: What do you do?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_05: Who do you shoot?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_05: What drives you?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so my photography, my fine art photography is vibrance BW.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Though we are switching things around, we're just gonna go by Jawna Gabird and the Vibrance BW project is Black Women Mental Health and Healing and Non-binary Folks because we're gender-expansive, trans women, um, and exploring the ways we choose to heal.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I've been reading about healing justice because I want to contribute to that framework.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And the last chapter I read was about harm reduction and how you really don't you don't get to dictate how people heal and how they choose to survive and thrive in this world.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I've been really sitting with that in my practice, so I am here to capture that and to facilitate a sort of healing in that process.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, through my first series, I have folks come back to me and tell me how it's healed generational like trauma.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: They've had conversations they didn't think they'd ever have with mothers, daughters, uh, with themselves.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: So through the experience of my work and capturing stories of how we choose to heal, um, I'm facilitating healing as well.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's hella dope.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, aside from that, I'm a corporate and commercial photographer.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's that business.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: Book me, okay?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_04: Booker.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Book me.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: Book us.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_05: Because I'll be back there working too.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like a mix of passion project um or passion work my calling.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, I'm really good at it all.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_05: So like you're the best.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_05: So good.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_05: Didn't you get a little grant from Nikon?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_05: Do I sorry?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_05: I'll, you know, I'll brag on you all day.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I've been featured in a few publications and I received uh Nikon and Black Women Photographers grants and more grants to be received because you need money.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_05: Asha, thank you.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, and if you have not taken a look at her incredible work, go take a look.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_05: We're gonna make sure all you info and book and plugs, all that is in the bio.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but thank you.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_05: So, what are you working on right now that you're most excited for?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_05: I feel kind of crazy asking this because I know, but we gotta share with you.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_05: People gotta know.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: The people need to know, so put them on.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Working on too much, uh frankly.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I in May launched series two of my project, and so I'm working with four incredible folks and five, including myself, because I'm including myself in the project this time, because I can't just be behind the camera.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: I need to put myself out there, and I got a lot of healing and mental health and stories to share myself.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: So getting creative with thy.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I'm really excited.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the first like participant already was oh mm mm-mm.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_05: It was fire.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_05: I scene, of course.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I'm really excited for the other four, including yourself, yeah.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and just like what it turns into because I was there for the first one, and that was just an experience that people still talk about.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_05: That was what three and a half years ago?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and it's still so very impactful.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, and um I want to take my time with this one.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: The first series I had 10 participants, that was too much, too much.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I scared.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: Quite the lift, quite the lift, quite burnt me out, quite goddamn, yeah.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: So, um, yeah, I want to take my time this this time around.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and really like, you know, the first time I was really testing my artistic skills, like every session I had, I would it was something that I was testing myself.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if folks know that, but like I was testing myself with motion, with lighting, with you know, post-production, all the things.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: And this time around, I feel more affirmed, affirmed in my style, and so uh it's really just like I feel like I'm truly creating, um, and in a more comfortable space this time.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_05: So yeah, yeah, you've evolved.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_05: I just see it in how you approach the work, how you show the work, like it's just getting better with time.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_05: Not just to toot your own horn, because you know I tell you if it was not good, because I don't want you out there looking crazy, but it's really amazing.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, baby.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_04: Of course.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_05: Um, what do you want people to know about you that they wouldn't know just from seeing like you on my page or just interacting with you on social media?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_05: She's hella funny, she's a little like crazy, you know, kind of like unhinged.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_05: And we are foodies, yeah.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_05: And that started over there.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: Uh well, let's talk.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's talk about the first moment we uh I I found out we were foodies.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: I've always been a foodie.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um don't let me true to it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Don't let me get into it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: True to it.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Buffet hometown, okay?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, corral, golden.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I would put it back, okay?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: 600-pound life went to see me.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, no.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying, no man metabolism did something, softball did something.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to them.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: But when we first got together, you were starving me.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay, no, no, you were, you were, because I was just like, okay, athletes don't eat, I guess.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so but I liked you a lot, so I would be with you all the time, starved.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't until that one day you came and picked me up after that incident.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_05: Was it the clip?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and oh, that was tender.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: You held me and you were like, What do you want to eat?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you made nachos.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_05: I see them.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_05: You made nachos in the way that play.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't never I said, Oh, you a fat bitch too.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was a little too much for me, but it made me feel really good.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_05: I knew it would, you know what I mean?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_05: I knew it would.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, my nachos well layered, layered, baby.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_05: Layered, got what you need.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and from that point on, we went too far.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_05: You know in vows how it says through thick and thin.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_05: We thick.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_05: We was thick.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_05: You gonna put a picture?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_05: I will not.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_05: If you were there, you know.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_05: If you weren't, trust me.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, we we tipped that scale and then we tipped it again, and then we tipped it back, you know?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_05: Um, triumphant story, thank God for that.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_05: Never going back, but yeah, we are foodies.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and do you think you're funny?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I really want because I'm just like, what would I tell the people?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: I am, but it's not funny.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you're well, you as a person, you're hella funny, like you're hella funny, but me and my personhood, like the I'm I'm kind of funny by accident, like because I'm quirky and like just out of pocket.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: You could like tell a joke and it'll be funny.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: I can't.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just I have a unique humor, yeah.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_05: But I'm not like knock knock who's there, like that would be.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: I know, but you could really like the wit that you have, you could really jump and like really fry.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to my mother and my brother.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_05: Survival of the fittest.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's not I better laugh.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: I may have some slick shit to say, but like my funny comes from just me being me, and people don't know that because I come off really serious.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_05: I think I'd say I reflecting on like seeing you in school, so we went to school together.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_05: That's a key part.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_05: We did not know each other, she knew of each other.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_05: The other side, well, y'all know my ex is Greek, and she is also Greek, but they two different Greeks, you know what I mean?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_05: So, um, because of the tension on campus, it's a long story.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_05: I never was looking over there, never ever.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but before I was Greek, you knew me.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: You knew of me.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_05: So I knew of you.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_05: She was in my class, and she sat in the back because I sat in the front, because obviously I was on the back.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't sit in the back, you was just in the front front.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: It was a lecture hall.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: RJ was in the front front.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like three rows back, so I'm still in the front.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_05: You could have been outside.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: I wouldn't have known because I was in the front.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: I just saw that nice little ponytail.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, slick.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_05: And all I kept hearing was Ms.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_05: Gay, Miss Gay, Miss Gay had answers.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_05: And what possible question?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_05: A fam?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_05: Something like that.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_05: African American studies.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: Because um and then how else did you know of me?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, you were on every board, every black and non-black resource at school.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_05: And actually, I was first introduced to who you were because the ex asked me to vote for you for something.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_05: It was student government.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_05: It was student government.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_05: And you won, if I believe.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_05: Landslide, whooped that ass.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_05: Whooped that ass.
• 16:57
  unknown: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: Built ass.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: I should have ran for president.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what I was thinking.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: The way I was campaigning and the way I whooped.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: But the thing was, is like I knew I was going against someone that was in the um Panalinic.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: The I'm trying to be PC here, but in the white sororities, they got numbers.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's what they call it.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Pan a what?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Panalenic.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_05: Others.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_05: I don't want to go wrong.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: But they have numbers.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew I was up against hella numbers.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: You got a hundred and something sorority sisters, and that that's probably like you're the y'all together is like the whole black community.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I had to really go hard.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_05: So are you what's up?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_05: Focus.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_05: Squirrel.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, so crazy how that all works out.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you voted for me.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, who would have known?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_05: Who would have known?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_05: For shedding light on a little bit of who you are.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_05: But let's let's get into us.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I can listen to you talk smart shit all day.
• 18:09
  unknown: Oh.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I really enjoy it.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_05: I you remember that day when you met Granny for the first time, or second time, the like intimate sit-down.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: And you was going on about something with voting and something for a minute.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_05: And when you finish, that's what it was.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_05: You finished, he looked at me and said, She's a smart one.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_05: I said, Ain't she?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_05: Ain't she smart?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_05: And then my uncle, when he met you, he looked you up and down.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_05: Said, You got you a good one.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_05: He I said, I know, huh?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_05: And usually he likes the paler women, so yeah, yeah.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_05: You look good all the time.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: All the time you look good.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_05: So 10 years.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_05: That's kind of crazy to like think about like 10 years?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_05: What?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_05: So we've been married six.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_05: But we've been together for 10.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: We got married on the day.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_05: Same day.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_05: Same day.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_05: Y'all don't need well.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_05: I guess it's gonna air on the day.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_05: So October 1st.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: I thought you meant like more information on that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_05: They don't even know.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_05: No, they don't need all that.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_05: Um oh, we already did that.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_05: We already ahead of the game, baby.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_05: I know that's right.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_05: So what did you think this relationship was going to be in the beginning versus what it actually became?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Relationship?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: Not at all.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: Not at all.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: What did I used to call you in the beginning?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Teammate.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: I thought we was really gonna just be I mean, I would have showed you a teammate.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Lifelong teammate.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I really so the way I was operating at that time was really hit and run, you know?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: Respectfully.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like it wasn't like I was ghosting people, but it was really just uh I wanted my experiences, and I was collecting them like pokeballs, you know what I'm saying?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I really wasn't worried about nobody.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then so with you, um, you know, you followed me.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: The the word got put out, the bad signal got put out.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: You followed me.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_05: You I found out you liked me.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, but then I was like, tell her to follow me.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: And no.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_05: And then you didn't, so I was like, oh, she's scared.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't scared, I just wasn't gonna chase.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't, I don't chase.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, I was you was okay.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: I needed to know.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: I look, I'm just like, I don't know about these athletes.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I just you know I didn't stop, you did it.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: Shut up.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: So you followed me, and then the folks who arranged it.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_05: The gals.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: The gals was like, Jaune, you need to reach out, like da-da-da-da.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Okay, fine, right?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I reached out and I said, You got plans for tonight?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: To which you was talking about, I don't know if you ever did this before.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: That ain't what I said.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_05: Um I was like, like, yeah, like no, like, has such and such, like oh yeah, giving you a heads up.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: I was talking about what I'm a grown ass woman.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_05: I said, baby, this ain't my first rodeo, it's yours.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so just be mindful.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_05: And what did what did you respond?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_05: LMAO with what eight O's?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of O's because I Really thought, I really, really thought it was hilarious.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh, this is cute.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_05: And then you said, Well, I'm up for adventure.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_05: I said, Okay.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: It was so no, I didn't think we were gonna be what we are today because I really just thought I was gonna get an experience, collect my pokeball, and be on my way.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_05: And got the right one.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Then, you know, after it happened.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_05: The hangout.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_05: The hangout.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: The hangout.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: After we hung out, I said, uh.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then uh But no, even after, after, like, because you know you you're in denial, and so like the first couple hangouts, that's you still teammate.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was still gonna make your teammate.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he was in denial, and I wasn't even sure like what you was on, and I was enjoying the the experience.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I thought it was gonna be one and done, but I said, Hey, I'm gonna have to keep you.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: So that's when you became a teammate, because we're gonna have to work together, okay?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_05: That's crazy.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_05: Cause yeah, I don't know.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_05: People low key was like, hey, what's RJ up to?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_05: And I said, I got me something going on right now.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_05: That's not gonna work.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: Is your is your girlfriend around?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_05: Is your girlfriend sleeping?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_05: Was what she asked.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_05: And you said nope.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_05: Anyway, yeah, no one, no one would have thought that would turn into this relationship.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: But when did you know?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: When did you when like not even in the like okay?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_05: Well, my side was a little different because you know I was recovering still.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I don't want to be corny, uh, but honestly, literally, the first night when we were talking, but when I like knew that night you called, and I was sleep, and I just went home, and you were dealing with that situation, and I woke up and saw all those calls, and it immediately got my ass back to school.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_05: What was that, like a week, like five days in?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, I was like two weeks in.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like 12 days.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, yeah.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_05: No, I knew way before.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: But the fact that I was even calling you like that, like I was in distress.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: Whoever was there that night, you saw something, you saw something or heard something because I locked the door.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: But I was um, yeah, I I just think even thinking back, it's wild that you were.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't call my mama, I didn't call my brother, I didn't call no besties, I called you, and I needed you right then and there.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_05: And I would have answered, but it was on a soft surface, and that vibration was just silent.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_05: But if I would have heard, I would have drove back in the night.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's not even like I thought that you were like ignoring me.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: I just knew you need to wake up because I knew it was late, and I know at that point I knew you'd be sleeping, so I was like calling to wait.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: One thing I'm gonna do, but you know, like the pride didn't be like, oh, you ain't picking up, then you ignore like I didn't even think that at all.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was just like, you come get me.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_05: And did the next morning when I woke up, but yeah, I I really knew like from jump.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of crazy because I was like, no, like that ain't how this goes.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_05: Like, she's straight, like, you know, all the all the different things I was telling myself.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_05: So I know back then I was a completely different person.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_05: I was a little more shallow, um, didn't know much about the world, and I was kind of like a not a meathead athlete, but I was very like ball as life.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but what was something about me that surprised you when we first met?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_05: Or like as I you started like to get to know me more, like that first month.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: Just how sweet you were.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: Literally, I don't know if you remember, but like I started calling you precious, like I remember that.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, you're so precious.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because I saw like how like so like the teddy bear, like you're so sweet, Pandusa.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, but no, yeah.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you had a lot of rough edges, um, and of course I could tell, like, you know, how you present to other people, but I feel like very early on I got to see like the core of you, and I was like, oh, you're just you're really precious, and um, yeah, that's part of what got me.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think for you, I had this idea of who y'all were, and when I say y'all, I mean delta's, at least the one uh ones on campus, like y'all seem so like stoic and like don't really take no shit, no room for fun, you know, like really about y'all business, you know?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like well, some of those things are true.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know, but it's like it seemed remember outside looking in with my own like perception, yeah.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_05: Um it seemed like that's who y'all were through and through.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_05: Like, no room for shit else, no partying, no playing, no nothing.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, and so when I met you, and then also like knowing who you are, and like you are so prestigious and doing all these things, like I didn't know you were so like like like goofy and soft, yeah.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I was like, oh, she's crazy.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like you're like not crazy in the bad sense, like but like nonsensical at times.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's like my that's like an aloof, like aloof, yeah, yeah.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean now you know where I get it from.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Shout out to it's in me, Tracy, but yeah, yeah, very not like serious, and just I but I don't think a lot of people got to see that though, because I was like like what I was presenting to other folks was very serious, you know.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: But when you feel safe, you get to be yourself.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_05: So I think you uh created uh a space for me to and like because you know this exterior, not to get too far into it, but college like was a lot of protecting myself from my environment, just because what I'd face, like just going out in these insecure ass, bitch ass men, always trying to.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know, they felt threatened by me just being there, so like I always had this hard exterior.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you find shit and you're tall and you were like, I mean, if I was a little nigga or if I was a nigga, period, I'd I wouldn't, and if I wasn't myself, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_05: I get it, but if you were a nigga child.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and so like, and then that, and then I had all those experiences with people that it's like by the time I got to you, I was so jaded and hardened that a very transactional thing came out into like turned into something very surprising, and I'm like, oh, okay.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm just kind of like tiptoeing in, but you also made me feel like I could be myself, which is why I let up so easily.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, there were some parts where I like fought it, but there was no trying to fight it.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_05: Christmas in the park, I was pissed.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_05: What happened with that?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_05: I don't remember.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_05: I remember almost buzzing my ass on them skates, and I was just flowing.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: What what happened?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: I had got fed up with like it seemed like you were like trying to hide me.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: And by that by the time Christmas came in that park, you was my bitch.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was your bitch.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and so I was like, what is this?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_05: But you have to remember context.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: My ex used to make me like pop out with her and post her, and then it's like, oh, y'all not together, and oh, you back together.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_05: I said, Bitch, I'm done playing this game.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_05: I got it.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_05: I'm done.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_05: So I said the next one, when it's official, you scared my bad, girl.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_05: My bad.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_05: When it's official, uh-huh, then we'll know.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but you also remember when I asked you to be my girlfriend, we were on such the same page.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_05: We was gonna ask each other on the same day.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_05: So I think it balanced out.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: It did.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you still have that?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_05: I just saw it.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_05: Girl, it's in storage.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_05: I just seen it.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_04: Shout out to Yada.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_05: I just was like, hmm, yeah.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um, that New Year's was great.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_05: That New Year's felt so magical.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_05: It was magical.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_05: The first one we spent together, the last day we were unofficial.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was it was magical.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_05: I was like, oh yeah.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_05: And I, you know me, I'm such a planner and I'm such an extravagant, like, show when I do things that you would have thought I'd have something lined up better than that.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_05: But we was right in the car.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_05: And I said, now's the time.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I didn't want to wait anymore.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_05: So I was like, um, what do you want to be my girlfriend?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_05: I said, let me go in the trunk, and then you was gonna ask me.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_05: That's yeah, insane.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was tired of waiting at that point.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, I was wondering what the hell you grabbed.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I was like, what's in the trunk?
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_05: Look at that alignment divinely planned.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like I really feel like yes, millions, billions of people on the world.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_05: You're mine, you know what I mean?
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_05: Like you were made for pain.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_05: Soulmate every lifetime, okay.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_05: Infinity and beyond.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_05: Um, okay.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_05: Now, let's get into marriage.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, because that's a jump.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_05: We have a great marriage, we do like it did not come easy.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_05: I think a lot of the things we had to work through came before we even got married.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_05: And we had to learn and grow as individuals so that we could be a stronger union.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_05: But I just feel there's a misconception about what marriage is.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_05: And of course, there's like gender roles and generational gaps that people have idea where people are marrying for security, versus you know, so like there's a lot that ain't true.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but uh there are some things that I feel are applicable, there are some things that are just mutually exclusive, yeah.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_05: Two hours, so um, people look at us and they think our relationship has always been good.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_05: What do you want to say to that?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm for the most part, right?
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like we've had challenging times for sure, but it it like it wouldn't be a lie for them, or like it has been really good, you know.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: Any cheating?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: No cheating, any hitting, no hitting, yeah.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: There's like lines we just did not cross, no, no, and you could no, I I don't think you can come back from it.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't either, but I do feel like we we 10 years, we we really grew up together, and so through growing up together, um, I'm so blessed that we grew together, not apart.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and there was a lot of lessons we had to learn for ourselves that you know we like you caught the crossfire of me learning lessons and vice versa for ourselves.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that's where um things aren't always like perfect, they're not perfect at all, but that they're they're not always sweet, you know what I'm saying?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: But I think through all of that, through all of the tough times, that core was always there, that core love, care.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and even when it was rocky, like safety, like I never questioned if you know your love for me or your care for me, like never, like through any of the times.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's you know, foundational, obviously.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so because it's not expected, hopefully.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like that might not be true for everybody, but it shouldn't be expected for people to come in completely healed, completely perfect, knowing how to operate with the other person.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_05: Because you are two people with two different ways you were brought up, yeah, two different sets of triggers, yeah, and you don't know what might set you off.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_05: And if you're like us, lucky, you are the complete opposite.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_05: So a lot of what you do triggers the other, and not that they're bad, but it just goes against what we knew.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_05: And unfortunately, you know, childhood really does a number on you, most of it came from childhood, yeah.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_05: And I don't think people really take that into consideration, they just see this adult as they are and their idea of who they want them to be, but that's not who you're marrying, you're marrying this person, yeah.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: I have folks get really caught up on the idea of marriage, of relationships, of whatever.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I think one thing that benefited us is in the very beginning, where like we make our own rules, not having to follow what expectations, societal expectations, or whatever expectations, and we like literally just going with the flow and making it up as we go, and then really checking in like this feels good, this doesn't feel good, has benefited us a lot.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because when you get caught up on expectations and whoever doesn't fit into this box, then ciao, ciao, you get rocky, yeah, and it's just while the different things people get caught up on bullshit.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_05: Like, now don't get me wrong, there it there's respect, and then there's shit that's like you need to work on your own insecurities, you know, like or like finding people attractive, yeah, or like liking something on Instagram.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_05: Now, if you double tap and hella niggas pages now, okay.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_05: But like, if somebody find that fine, what I'm gonna say, bro, I just I that's that that's what gets me.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_02: When folks be like head over, what is it?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: Head over arms, head over heels, not heels.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_05: It ain't head over heels, yeah.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: Up up in arms.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_05: That's another thing I like about you.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_05: You go home, jawnice, speaks her own language.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so they be up in arms about arms, yeah.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: Chow, chow, about the smallest shit, like about stuff like if someone is attractive, they're attractive.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't take away from how attractive I am, that don't take away from how attractive you are, or how much they think of you and what is what is.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think people just operate in a very limited, like like scope, right?
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: And they're just like afraid to like anything outside of it is terrifying.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I just think that being an expansive person and will really benefit a relationship, you know what I'm saying?
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: There's just so much to learn and explore, and if you do it together, like and y'all ride together, you have your foundational respect, love, and care, child, you ain't got nothing to worry about.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_05: Right, like you have nothing to be untrusting of the other person.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_05: It made me think of do you remember that day we had people over at the house?
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, and we I had your phone for something, and I needed to go to the store.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_05: And you were like, just leave your phone here.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_05: And so I gave you my phone, and the room let out a loud ass gas.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_05: We were like, what?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_05: Bro, what?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_05: Like, yeah, you know, like one, there's no room to do anything crazy, but two, like, yeah, we've had passcodes.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: I also like remember when we were in Carbo and that couple came over to the table and we're talking about the phone down.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if you have the phone down, that means you're hiding something, and we that was the first time I've heard that.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, what are y'all be on?
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I forgot about that.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like, or I just don't want to be distracted.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: I that we do that when we don't want to, like, it's phone time is done.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, nobody's hiding nothing.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: We've had passcodes from the very beginning, yeah, but there's like folks don't trust, and I've realized the folks who have the most trust issues are the ones doing the dirtiest, like a hit dog on holla.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_05: Er, I can give you my phone right now.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_05: Like, it's just the only time I hide my phone is when I'm like surprised hiding something.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, but other than that, like, yeah, take it.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: But like, okay, back on the attraction thing.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: What like do you have to believe in your head and in in a in a delusion to believe that your partner is not attracted to someone else?
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_02: That they they they literally like it just cut off.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's just very dishonest to begin with.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because if you ask your partner, hey, do you find this person attractive?
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_05: They're like, Oh no, nope, nope, nope, nope that's like them, I don't see color ass people.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's like very dishonest, and that's already impeding on trust, and you want that for what?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like you shouldn't feel threatened by that because every day this person's choosing you unless the person gives you a reason not to trust them.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but that's something to explore.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_05: But we we talk about us, okay?
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_05: We're good.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_05: We we're we're not gonna therapize today.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, okay.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_05: But I mean, we'll we'll try not to, okay.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_05: You know how we do, especially on this couch.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I do.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_05: We get into it, yeah, yeah.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_05: Uh girl, I didn't lost my where are we?
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, so what's a season of our relationship that was genuinely hard that you're willing to talk about?
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_05: I said, bitch.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_05: You know, uh and like you can just name it or like talk about what you want to.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_05: Don't feel like you gotta talk about something.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'm gonna talk about it.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: The hardest season, hands down, was 2020.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh after you got your DUI.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: Hardest season.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: Not only was it COVID, not only did I just lose my student, not only did we have this traumatic experience with you getting your DUI, because there's a whole other side of that, but it also was hard because it that was the first time I felt a fracture in our relationship.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like truly a fracture.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it was the for me, it was a moment where I really came to terms with my codependency.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it for me, it was a moment where I was at the time beating up on myself a lot because I was like, you really like I feel like I did, I did it to myself, like you let that happen.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: You you did it like not I I I have a problem with like giving myself credit.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's my first time on earth, and like being able to learn and stuff, and so that uh for many, many like levels and reasons, like me as a person, us in our relationship, the world was just tough as fuck.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, that was hard just because like when well you know when you're in alcoholism, like you don't really understand what you're doing, like the ways in which you're moving through life with the like just sneakiness and ways you're operating, the manipulation, the lying about things for no reason, like, and so I didn't recognize how much harm I did.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_05: Did and then because of the way in which it happened, like having the DUI, and then going through all that came with it afterwards and feeling like I almost lost you because of that, I'm like, damn, like I'm really gonna have to like work to show that she can trust me.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm not to say like I got sober because of you, but like me wanting to make sure you could trust me and going like the extra distance to show you could trust me was definitely influential in the beginning of my recovery.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_05: Because I knew like he was done.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_05: You was done.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_05: I was um on a tear, wasn't I?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_05: I was really drinking, and that was almost seven years ago.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_05: That's crazy.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_05: That happened the year we got married, which that's how you know I bounce back.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, knew I bounced back because like I remember the day, or maybe like the week it happened.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_05: I was like, Do you still want to get married?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_05: And you're like, I don't know.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_05: And then we were married seven months later, six months later.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, took a lot of work, a lot of grinding.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think I mean COVID being quarantined together helped.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_02: Helped and could have hurt though.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: I know, could have, but I think it and ultimately ended up expediting.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I mean also it's like because we were no, all COVID didn't stop shit for you the first time, huh?
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna say it didn't work.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there's a will, there's a way with alcoholism, right?
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't put you in tempting positions, but I mean it ended up working out, it just exacerbates what you're already in.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so if you're already drinking all day, you're gonna be drinking even more.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_05: But if you're not drinking and everything's shut down, yes, I could have got alcohol, but it's like I have no distractions, I don't have the club, I don't have my friends over here.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like I could really just work and get on these DY classes and go to therapy and be done.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so that was um really helpful, but that was like the time I was like, damn.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_05: Like if anything could have broke us, it was that.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_05: That was a moment, and that has since been removed.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_05: So, okay.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_05: Did you think I'd be sober for the long run?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_05: In that moment, um, I don't think in that moment, but let's say like the first month, I wasn't sure.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: Cause you had already been through a few, a few sessions, yeah.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I I'm no, I'm gonna be real.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't it's not that I didn't believe in you, I just I was I can't say like oh 100% like yes, like like you're done.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: I just wasn't sure.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it um you being sober all this time and where you were before, uh I don't mean like it just showed me that like anything is possible, like it was to a point where I wasn't sure if you could let it go because it was such a coping mechanism, and the only tool, the 180 that you know who you were then and who you are today, like I'm like, oh, like it was the first time I really truly witnessed like an experience like people can change in my life, so yeah.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_05: I think mine came later because I didn't understand the gravity of it, but it also kind of reinforced this belief of like we can really get through anything, yeah, anything, and who would have known that was just the start of all the different hard situations that were to come in the 2020s, yeah.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_05: 2020, bitch, 2020s.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_05: I'm ready to get out of this decade, yeah, like or at least let the second half be lighter.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_05: This second half, it's it's yes, because damn, damn, yeah, but I feel like through it all, like I couldn't imagine doing none of those by myself, let alone with anyone else.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: Likewise, likewise, girl, I was too fine being single.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I had goals.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_05: I just put a little hope to them.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, a little.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_05: Do you feel like you could get back to some of those things now, or are you just completely changed?
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: Baby, I'm talking about sexcapades.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah, there is done.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_02: But um I was like, do you have yeah, no, no, like life?
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing life, like life goals is being done, but um I you were just a stop, baby.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_02: I had I had more stops.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_05: You had a route, yeah.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and one hell of a detour, but it's uh it's worth it, it's absolutely worth it.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_05: Took you through there anyway.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, I really thought you meant goals.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I say my baby.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: You ain't I was like, You ain't picking up what I'm putting down.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, thought you made ghosts, my be.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um, anyway, a lot of what we had to work through came from childhood, as I touched on.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_05: What's something you brought into this marriage that you didn't even know you were carrying?
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh marriage.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_01: So 2020 on.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Or relationship.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_05: We can do the whole yeah, we've been married basically since day one.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, one thing that I brought into it, um lack of boundaries and codependency.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, we brought big C together.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_02: I know we both brought Big C.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: My lack of boundaries was a problem.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um and just like uh fear of disappointment or like fear of reactions um and rejection.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I guess that all sums that up.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: But like, you know, like being a people pleaser, um I think that was magnified because I love you so much.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, in the past, it was like love you at all costs, even if it's at the cost of myself, and I have myself fucked that.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what I was working through uh in in 2020, and I I didn't stop after 2020.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's something that I continuously worked on and we worked on together.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, I brought that.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think I brought a couple couple things, but I think the biggest thing that I brought that is still that has taken the longest to unlearn because I understood I was a lot like my dad and the ways in which that showed up, and it was very my way or the highway, yeah, but I think loving through action instead of through like affection was the biggest.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_05: You know, like I was giving you everything, I was doing everything, but I wasn't the best at like connecting intimately, yeah, you know, in between, yeah, like um, like yeah, like it was either this end of the spectrum or this end of the spectrum, and like this gray area was I couldn't grasp it, yeah, you know, yeah, it's like we spend as much time together as anyone, like more now.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_05: I do enjoy dating.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_05: Like I did enjoy going on dates, but I think that still went into that bucket, you know?
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, it's the um that the mundane moments when you're like in the when we're in the routine of things that you slow up, be intentional, give some hugs, kisses the mundane moments and the in-betweens where you give like some hugs, kisses, and like just like don't we're not just functioning as roommates because what happens when we get into those moments?
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: We be like, oh, okay, roommate, like you know, so really like those in-between moments are really important.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because it can't just be like over here, or way over here, yeah.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_05: It can't be roommates or teammates, your words, not mine.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, yeah, so I feel I feel I've gotten a lot better with that.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_05: Like I actually understand the importance of it.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm not in my twenties anymore, I'm in my 30s, so it's a little more mature.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think it's identifying, um, because we do have opposite needs, identifying what I need.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, I could be just like you, you know, and it could be fine, but it's like, oh, I I really need that.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: I really need the in-between.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_05: That's part of me, you know.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_05: That's what helps you go.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, and we came to that realization on that random day.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like we've had like three main conversations where it like shifted everything.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, random conversations.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's not like we sat down, like we were gonna talk about this, it just kind of went there.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_05: But boy, we broke ground.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, damn.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_05: And I know that was like one of it.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we did a quantum week, yeah.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: A couple, we yeah, but one that we did, we was like, Oh, yeah, let's let's get high and do yoga.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we planned it.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_02: It was a Saturday, right?
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: It was a Saturday.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: We're like, we're gonna do get high and do yoga.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: We had our mats out, we had it, like we was ready.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_02: Must have got too hot because that yoga was not happening.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: There was no yoga, there was no yoga.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: We tried, and then we end up like sitting on the couch, and we were like, I was like, we we ain't living life no more.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_02: What happened to the phone?
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and we in in that moment, and mind you, this is post-COVID, so like we're still getting used to like uh being outside for real, and we were like, we really just got used to being inside, like, we really don't be like outside no more and experiencing life, so we were like, fuck it, let's do it.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you gotta, I got my septum repierce.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_05: They just put the piercing.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_02: Bro, I thought it was closed, and I thought I had my septum pierced since 2012, and I I stopped wearing it before I met you in 2016, so I had it for years, and then um that's when you got your septum pierce.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: Nope, my ear, your ear, that one, yeah.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know, we was just we just and ever since then, we was living in the up and up, but like everything changed for that.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_05: We got back into fitness, we start going outside, we start seeing our friends, we start living, yeah.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of crazy, and it felt good that day.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_02: We ended up going to Berkeley and it was like a farmer's market.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, it was like a thrift market outside.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_02: The sun was shining a little different, felt like a long day.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_02: It was a long, good day.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_05: You can't remember what we eat.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_05: I know we did, girl.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know we did tie basil.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, koja.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_04: Well, we had koja.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_04: I love koja.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_02: Swear is that swear.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: The one in Berkeley specifically.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_05: No, like, yeah, we we have these random conversations that really just shift things, you know?
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_05: And we're it transitions us into like these new spaces and chapters, like, yeah, girl, and not to say it was all glitz and glam, like first half of this year, little Rocky.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_05: Lil Rocky situationally.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, not first half though, first quarter.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_05: To you, to you.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_05: I was I was rocking, you was rocking you too, you know?
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_05: Um but again, it I can't imagine doing this with anyone else because shit get rocky.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_05: And I heard the dating pool has piss in it.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry for y'all, yeah, and a little Fenty.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, but I'm grateful.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: Babes.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_02: Cause the way I would just be single.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm not doing it.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not doing it.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_05: Going to work, taking care of bills, trying not to lose my shit.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_02: And you gotta meet people over and over and over again and really get to know them and see if it's a match.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then sometimes I've been in situations before, RJ, where I kind of forced the click because I was like, okay, this, I mean, it sounds cute, like you know, like the idea, like it's not bad, but I didn't really feel what I was supposed to be feeling.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, and then other times you are feeling what you're supposed to be feeling, but it's not reciprocated because niggas like playing games.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, too much.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um, okay, we derailed, as we do.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_05: I knew we would, but yeah, let's let's keep it cute.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you need you a second to get you a little sip.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, okay.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_05: Um now, something that is also very unique to us is we were both the golden child of our families.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_05: Two people are the exact same way, right?
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_05: Um but I feel that it had some sort of effect.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_05: But what do you think it actually like created between us?
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_05: Like, how do you see it playing out?
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_02: Babe, that's where that codependency came in both ways.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, the codependency it was unhealthy, but it wasn't like we were out of our mind codependent, but just I based my actions off your feelings.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_05: And likewise, and I based my reactions off your feelings.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_05: I would shut down so I wouldn't hurt your feelings, and I would limit what I would say.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_05: Like it okay, maybe it was a little unhealthy.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was unhealthy.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_02: A little it was it was unhealthy, but we we started uh couples counseling early.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to my girl, yeah.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was like in year one, two, two, of marriage?
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no, no.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, of course.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, together.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it was one session we had, and she was like, Do you feel like when this happens, do you feel like that means do you have a fear that like it's gonna end?
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like this is it.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Yeah, it is, isn't it?
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like what it means.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: What if this is it?
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, You gotta release that fear.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_02: If y'all are gonna be together, you're gonna be together.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because you can't go into every disagreement feeling like it's gonna be the last or it's gonna be the the the one that breaks y'all up.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: And ever I still have moments.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we locked in now, but when we have moments, like I'm like, Well shit, this is it, I this is just part of the journey.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm not thinking like it's over, yeah.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I I think back to that conversation and how it shifted that thought, and it allowed, I mean, still after that session is still codependent because we still have more to uncover, but like after that, um yeah, I knew that like I didn't go into it like holding too much in.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, we're gonna work through it, not like break up.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, there was only like maybe one time after the fact where I felt like that.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_05: What the hell is going on over there?
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_05: Anyway, but like that had so many different elements attached to it, and it was so unfamiliar.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_05: But even within that, I was like, no, like we we bounce back from everything, honestly.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and so like even like that quick moment of fear like didn't really like set in.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I really believe I don't even think death can really separate us, you know?
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I baby, you're stuck when I say every lifetime, I mean that, okay, even as cats, whatever.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_02: We could be trash bags, baby.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_02: We flowing together in the wind, okay.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_05: Two feathers on a pigeon, same pigeon.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, shit.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_05: I I'd find you every lifetime, yeah.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_05: He's okay, bro.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, okay.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I wanted to go into this next part because as I touched on, I feel like we are two individuals in a partnership, and we had to sever that codependency and really get back to understanding we are individuals, but like, who are we as these individuals?
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_05: We've changed so much in these past 10 years.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_05: But the point still stands, like, we are two individual people in a partnership, in a relationship.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_05: And I wanted to just emphasize that because I think people think like y'all are like a union, like through and through.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_05: Like, no, you can still have your own interests, you can still have your own friends, you can still have your own hobbies, you can still be your own person.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_05: Just within the parameters of a marriage.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_05: So you ain't operating like you're single.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, yeah, but teach their own.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_05: Um, that's just what I feel works best for us, yeah.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_05: And how people should operate in their marriage.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but we also are really, we're really locked in.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like you be finishing my sentences and stuff.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_02: But it's kind of scary.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's kind of kind of wild.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, point still stands.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_02: But we had to learn how to be our own people.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_05: So, I mean, I was there, but like, what did that look like for you?
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_02: Becoming my own person.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_05: Like detaching from me, detaching from us, and realizing you had to be you.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_05: Like, what was that deconstruction like for you?
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely deconstruction.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good word.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think first it had to be that like we just talked about that moment of really realizing like we're in this for the long haul, like it's not ending, right?
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_02: That security is important.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because that security brings safety to then explore yourself.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_02: Second part is not giving a fuck about your reaction because you're your own person, truly, like knowing that your emotions is not my responsibility.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that helped.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_02: That helped a lot.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's like, okay, me, right?
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I had to know we're locked in, and I had to distance myself from your emotions and reactions and things like that.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, okay, what do I want?
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_02: And that took years.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_02: That took years.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um really exploring like what I want, how I want to operate, like in through day-to-day life, and um without taking me into consideration, yeah.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I'm upset, what do I what do I do to soothe myself?
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_02: When I'm uh excited, what do I do to to to like feed that excitement?
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_02: And all of those things, how does it look like without you?
• 1:05:39
  SPEAKER_02: How does it look like for myself?
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I would say uh maybe 2024 is when I really started to like truly explore myself and what.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: That looked like um as far as day-to-day.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about nervous system regulation, day-to-day.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, like I've all I have my passion projects, I have things like that, but like really, like, what does Jaune need and want?
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I even before you came, I wasn't something I was working on because codependent with you, who was I codependent with before?
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_02: That was just my way of like operating.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_02: I was always operating in service to others.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was always outside of me.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: If I was doing something for somebody else, then I was good.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_02: It was never for me.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I really had to go and spend like a year or in some change really like figuring out like what it is that I want.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_05: So, yeah, I think that what it looked like for me was more so learning to have my own feelings and learning to express when I feel something and being okay with how you responded.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_05: Now, not just saying stuff like a straight up asshole, you still need to be mindful of how you say it, but like me not saying what I feel because I don't want you to get upset, like understanding that that isn't my responsibility.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_05: Or being okay with going back and being like, you know what, actually, what you did really bothered me.
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_05: And then, because that was the first part, then bringing it back up to you with not feeling guilty for it.
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_05: And just giving myself the okay to like have these moments where things aren't perfect, or like maybe there is something that is coming up between us.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_05: And it doesn't mean like I have to just hold it or not say anything for the sake of us being okay, because as we've learned, it comes up eventually, it plays out in other triggers, but somehow reveals itself.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_05: And I feel we were up against these same things that were just triggering the same triggers over and over, even if they were different scenarios, yeah.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_05: And like once I recognize that, I'm like, that doesn't change unless we change with it.
• 1:08:30
  SPEAKER_05: And I think at the same time of me learning to speak up for myself and think for myself and like be okay with being like separated from you from doing everything in terms of a thought process together.
• 1:08:48
  SPEAKER_05: At the same time, you were doing it more in a like physical way.
• 1:08:53
  SPEAKER_05: You start exploring things like outside of me and going to events and of things that you like, or just tapping into different things, understanding, you start gaining knowledge on different things that I had no no say so when, no nothing.
• 1:09:10
  SPEAKER_05: Like you kept me in the loop, but like it was really on your own path.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm really glad because we should we tell them about the shower thing?
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, they're gonna know how bad it was.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_05: It was a little crazy.
• 1:09:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, it was bad.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_02: We were oh my gosh, locked in.
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_05: We we were so codependent, and we didn't really think it was bad until we looked back and we're like, wait.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_05: We used to shower together, like as the shower, like we couldn't shower without the other person.
• 1:09:52
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds fucking crazy.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_02: It was like we would get home from work, like we gotta take a shower.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you ready to take a shower?
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_02: Let's get in the shower.
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Babe, I'm I'm ready to shower.
• 1:10:03
  SPEAKER_05: Like, instead of just going and get in the shower.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_05: It we didn't we didn't think about it.
• 1:10:08
  SPEAKER_05: When did that stop?
• 1:10:09
  SPEAKER_02: Why did that stop?
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_02: I I feel like by the time we got out of Hayward, it stopped.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Don't know why.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_05: Thank God though.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_02: That was not okay.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_05: It wasn't.
• 1:10:21
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know what they're doing over there, but it's okay.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, that was bad.
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_02: That was, baby, you ready?
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, babe, I'm ready to shower.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_02: Let's get in the shower.
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_02: We got a shower.
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_05: We live and we learn, and it's everybody's first time here, and there's no real rule book.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_05: But that was that was a little crazy.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_05: That's how locked in we were.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, now I'm like, no, I'm my shower.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna get in first, you know?
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_05: Uh anyway.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_05: Um what did you have to protect as your own inside this relationship?
• 1:11:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's an idea.
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good question.
• 1:11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_02: What did I have to protect as my inside this relationship?
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think uh the core of me and like my beliefs, not protect, it's not like I was like protecting them for from you, but I feel like they're sacred, whatever.
• 1:11:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I feel like that was something uh that is deeply uh who I am, and if I were to like change that for because you had a different opinion or whatever, what have you, that would be like totally going against myself.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like I would be betraying my heart, and you know, um so I think that is something not that I again had to intentionally protect in this relationship, but I think that that's something that never wavered, you know, through all of the learning and transition and da da da da.
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've always been really passionate about what I believe in.
• 1:12:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I was like me too, but I think my beliefs, like I've expanded on them so much or just changed them and actually got some like deep beliefs, like my my values and my morals were intact, but like my beliefs were a bit surface level, so I can't say that.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_05: The only thing I can really think of, like if y'all fell out, or if y'all didn't like each other, like my relationship with my mom and my brothers, like that wasn't going nowhere.
• 1:12:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like I can't see that being lost, and thank God you you like all of them and they like you back, but like yeah, that um that wasn't happening, yeah.
• 1:13:06
  SPEAKER_05: And nor should it, yeah, um, yeah, but I'm glad like neither one of us had to compromise either one of those things.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_05: Because I will say, yeah, your beliefs are like unshakable in my relationships unshakable.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:29
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and I'm glad we never tried to like test that.
• 1:13:34
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's not a part of us.
• 1:13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we've never tried to like change Yeah, that comes with insecurity, yeah.
• 1:13:42
  SPEAKER_05: Which we aren't.
• 1:13:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:13:44
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to be your full your fullest self.
• 1:13:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:13:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so and vice versa.
• 1:13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:13:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um so I'm glad we could just show up authentically with you, weird ass.
• 1:13:57
  SPEAKER_05: You love it.
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_05: Um what does it look like when one of us starts to slip back into old patterns?
• 1:14:05
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I think we've gotten so good at pattern recognition in one another and we call it out.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_05: So, like, to me, like, what's one thing like you notice when I'm off and you can say whatever off is to you?
• 1:14:25
  SPEAKER_02: You become like frazzled, like just very high anxiety, and then I have to do the the check.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Did you eat?
• 1:14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Did you drink water?
• 1:14:37
  SPEAKER_02: How much screen time have you had?
• 1:14:40
  SPEAKER_02: How was your sleep?
• 1:14:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I gotta just get you to baseline, and those things usually be off.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's how like I know, or I have to like like not put you down, but no, like I have to I have to like put you down, like, okay, baby, let me get you some water, I'm gonna get you a snack, and you're gonna go to sleep, like, and then you be going to sleep, and then you'll be better.
• 1:15:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, you brought me chila keys yesterday, yeah.
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_02: It was yeah, yesterday, right?
• 1:15:08
  SPEAKER_02: I said, get in that tub, let me get you some water, I'm gonna order you some chila keelis.
• 1:15:13
  SPEAKER_02: And it was good, and you came back, bounce back, yeah.
• 1:15:17
  SPEAKER_05: Because it was questionable.
• 1:15:18
  SPEAKER_05: Ready to make it off.
• 1:15:19
  SPEAKER_02: You said I'm good.
• 1:15:20
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do it.
• 1:15:21
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, no, oh, when um when yeah, when I see you kind of uh off, I'm like, okay, let me let's you just gotta make sure your basics are covered.
• 1:15:33
  SPEAKER_02: They never are, and then if they are covered for some reason, because but they never are.
• 1:15:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um when you're in those moods, they something's off, right?
• 1:15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, then we there's extra things we we work on.
• 1:15:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:15:49
  SPEAKER_02: How about me?
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_05: Big Johnny.
• 1:15:55
  SPEAKER_05: Big Johnny is Jaune's fappy self that likes to keep.
• 1:16:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm even fappy because I'm not happy.
• 1:16:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just fat.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_05: Hungry self.
• 1:16:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that likes to indulge in food and sweet treats and cheesy bready things.
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 1:16:14
  SPEAKER_05: And a girl, again, my girl is true to that to her core, but we've done a lot of work to identify like why and when triggers come up, and so that's not who she is on a daily basis.
• 1:16:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:16:26
  SPEAKER_05: So when it comes to much better when it comes in long and strong, I know something's off.
• 1:16:31
  SPEAKER_02: You got I had a dream the other day.
• 1:16:33
  SPEAKER_02: You called me out on it.
• 1:16:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was fucking something up in my dream.
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_02: And it was good.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you was like, baby, what's wrong?
• 1:16:42
  SPEAKER_05: Look at that, turning into her internal voice.
• 1:16:46
  SPEAKER_05: That's why I do it.
• 1:16:47
  SPEAKER_05: That's why I do it.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta clock it, but yeah, no, the fappiness is it's levels because I'd be like, you know what sound good?
• 1:16:55
  SPEAKER_02: Remember?
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was something I said like every day, every day.
• 1:17:00
  SPEAKER_02: The food noise was loud.
• 1:17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, it was terrible.
• 1:17:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know what sound good, and I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna get it.
• 1:17:09
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna order it, I'm gonna order it.
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's gonna be accomplished, and it better come out how I it sounds, okay.
• 1:17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, easy, okay?
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Take a breath.
• 1:17:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 1:17:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I'm just saying, but yeah, when it's a tough one.
• 1:17:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when it goes on for like multiple days, yeah.
• 1:17:28
  SPEAKER_02: I give you two days.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_05: The third, hey, reel it in, yeah, yeah, reel it in.
• 1:17:36
  SPEAKER_05: Big Johnny, yeah, is here, you know what I mean?
• 1:17:40
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-uh, gone.
• 1:17:41
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, truly.
• 1:17:43
  SPEAKER_05: Um, now let's talk about intimacy in all forms.
• 1:17:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_05: Question mark.
• 1:17:53
  SPEAKER_05: Um, now we discovered, what was this like a year or two ago, that we were so focused on our love languages that the other did the love language so hard that our love languages changed?
• 1:18:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:18:07
  SPEAKER_05: Because we were girl bossing a little too hard with that.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_05: But right now, I think I know.
• 1:18:13
  SPEAKER_05: You tell me, I'll tell you what I think.
• 1:18:15
  SPEAKER_05: What's your love language?
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_05: And how long, if I have, did it actually take for me to get it right?
• 1:18:24
  SPEAKER_05: True question.
• 1:18:25
  SPEAKER_02: Assuming that it hasn't changed.
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, what's your what's your current?
• 1:18:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_05: Um, hold on, let me think.
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:18:45
  SPEAKER_02: Ready?
• 1:18:46
  SPEAKER_02: Are we saying on three?
• 1:18:47
  SPEAKER_05: I hope this is a love language.
• 1:18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, how many are there?
• 1:18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Because I only thought of three.
• 1:18:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 1:18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on.
• 1:18:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, acts of service, let's run down.
• 1:19:02
  SPEAKER_05: Access Yep, it happens.
• 1:19:04
  SPEAKER_02: Acts of service, um quality time, physical touch, gifts or something.
• 1:19:11
  SPEAKER_05: Gifts.
• 1:19:18
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know it.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_05: Words of affirmation.
• 1:19:20
  SPEAKER_05: We're out of affirmation.
• 1:19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 1:19:23
  SPEAKER_02: You got it always.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's a song of a words of affirmation.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, okay.
• 1:19:32
  SPEAKER_05: Ready?
• 1:19:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_05: You're just doing one?
• 1:19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have one that I feel like is important right now.
• 1:19:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 1:19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:19:40
  SPEAKER_05: Right now?
• 1:19:41
  SPEAKER_05: Hold on, that's a trick.
• 1:19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Right now?
• 1:19:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like in the season, yeah.
• 1:19:46
  SPEAKER_05: Let me think of the season.
• 1:19:51
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:19:52
  SPEAKER_05: Ready?
• 1:19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Drum roll.
• 1:19:54
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Cut us down from three.
• 1:19:56
  SPEAKER_02: Three, two, one, physical touch.
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I was gonna say that one, but this season.
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_05: Cause like you're in a see, yeah, because the physical touch is forever.
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if you can hear it.
• 1:20:13
  SPEAKER_05: It's a nigga clicking something next door.
• 1:20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, it is forever.
• 1:20:17
  SPEAKER_02: But I think it's more important now than it has been before.
• 1:20:19
  SPEAKER_05: But I feel like the words of affirmation is more important now than it is before.
• 1:20:23
  SPEAKER_02: Huh.
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if you say so, um okay.
• 1:20:27
  SPEAKER_02: What's yours?
• 1:20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on.
• 1:20:32
  SPEAKER_05: I know what it is, especially right now.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_05: Ready?
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 1:20:39
  SPEAKER_05: Three, two, one.
• 1:20:43
  SPEAKER_02: Why you say it like that?
• 1:20:45
  SPEAKER_02: Damn.
• 1:20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, shit's shit's a lot, so.
• 1:20:48
  SPEAKER_02: And have I been fulfilling?
• 1:20:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you've been doing a great job.
• 1:20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:20:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like great.
• 1:20:55
  SPEAKER_05: You have been too.
• 1:20:56
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 1:20:56
  SPEAKER_05: Wait, which one?
• 1:20:57
  SPEAKER_05: Both.
• 1:20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, thank you.
• 1:20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:21:00
  SPEAKER_05: I've been trying, you know.
• 1:21:01
  SPEAKER_05: Took notes and take note, you know?
• 1:21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:21:05
  SPEAKER_05: Um you're good at all of them.
• 1:21:09
  SPEAKER_05: What's my strongest one?
• 1:21:12
  SPEAKER_02: Your gifts are really good.
• 1:21:18
  SPEAKER_05: I give some good gifts.
• 1:21:19
  SPEAKER_02: They're really always, always, always nice and thoughtful and like right on time.
• 1:21:26
  SPEAKER_02: They break me down.
• 1:21:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like you the others, you do the others very, very well, but the I I'm not someone who is like into like gifts, you know.
• 1:21:39
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you really aren't.
• 1:21:41
  SPEAKER_05: I really am not.
• 1:21:42
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, your taste done elevated in these last two years.
• 1:21:44
  SPEAKER_05: It has elevated.
• 1:21:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 1:21:46
  SPEAKER_05: You know what woke me up?
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_05: That room for your birthday two years ago?
• 1:21:53
  SPEAKER_05: He said, I can get used to this.
• 1:21:54
  SPEAKER_05: I said, don't.
• 1:21:56
  SPEAKER_02: Shit.
• 1:21:57
  SPEAKER_02: No, yeah.
• 1:21:58
  SPEAKER_02: No, my taste my taste has elevated.
• 1:22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I'm never ever looking for a gift.
• 1:22:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm never, I'm not someone that's like, oh, you know, I don't know.
• 1:22:08
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't trying to put nobody out there, but I just never be like looking for gifts.
• 1:22:12
  SPEAKER_02: When you give me gifts, um they're always on time and they're always really good.
• 1:22:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm never expecting them because I'm never looking for them.
• 1:22:20
  SPEAKER_05: Is your favorite one in the book?
• 1:22:22
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:22:23
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think we can say it on camera, but I got her a special book.
• 1:22:27
  SPEAKER_02: A very, very, very special book.
• 1:22:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like RJ be like fulfilling my my dreams, like things that I don't even look to be like fulfilled by anybody, anything like RJ be coming with it.
• 1:22:42
  SPEAKER_02: I don't ever expect it.
• 1:22:44
  SPEAKER_02: You'd think at this point I would expect it, but I really did not expect that book.
• 1:22:47
  SPEAKER_02: I was reading a series, a book series, and there was one of the last books of that series, and I fell in love with the series that was a limited edition, and essentially RJ ended up giving me the book and surprised me with it.
• 1:23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I didn't even know, like, I know you listen, but like I didn't know you like I didn't know.
• 1:23:09
  SPEAKER_02: I hear you.
• 1:23:09
  SPEAKER_02: I've been paying attention.
• 1:23:11
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't, I didn't look it.
• 1:23:12
  SPEAKER_02: I just left field.
• 1:23:13
  SPEAKER_02: I thought when I when I opened the thing and it was covered, I was like, oh, a planner, or not a planner, a journal, because you know I like journaling.
• 1:23:20
  SPEAKER_05: Does that sound like my caliber gift?
• 1:23:23
  SPEAKER_02: Not to say it would have been a bad gift, it would have been a good gift, and I was like, oh, because it was so random, too.
• 1:23:28
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's a gift of the year.
• 1:23:29
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you could talk that if you get me anything else.
• 1:23:33
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 1:23:35
  SPEAKER_05: Now it is anniversary time, but as we discussed, there's a lot going on right now.
• 1:23:39
  SPEAKER_05: But 10 years is getting celebrated.
• 1:23:42
  SPEAKER_05: So we'll see.
• 1:23:44
  SPEAKER_02: And like all of my nice things, my expensive things comes from you.
• 1:23:50
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to my girl, my mom.
• 1:23:54
  SPEAKER_05: Raised me to be very expensive with the taste.
• 1:23:57
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, I had to put you on.
• 1:23:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and did okay.
• 1:24:03
  SPEAKER_05: You are a changed woman from 10 years ago.
• 1:24:05
  SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
• 1:24:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how I feel about it.
• 1:24:07
  SPEAKER_05: 10 years ago, I remember you was blown away at the first place, and I was like, girl, this was a plan B.
• 1:24:15
  SPEAKER_05: I was blown away.
• 1:24:16
  SPEAKER_05: I still I was trying to take my girl to a nice rooftop, romantic high class.
• 1:24:22
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:24:23
  SPEAKER_05: For whatever reason, they was doing construction on the building.
• 1:24:26
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 1:24:27
  SPEAKER_05: Couldn't get in.
• 1:24:28
  SPEAKER_05: I said, damn, I guess we're gonna have to go to Benny Hanna's.
• 1:24:32
  SPEAKER_05: I guess it was open, it had reservations.
• 1:24:36
  SPEAKER_05: I was like, all right, so I took her blown away.
• 1:24:41
  SPEAKER_05: Okay I could have taken her to a Michelin star.
• 1:24:46
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, hometown buffet, bro.
• 1:24:49
  SPEAKER_02: I just wasn't, I said Benny Hanna's and they cook it in front of you, and I could order what I want.
• 1:24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh my god.
• 1:24:56
  SPEAKER_02: I just I've come from humble beginnings, okay?
• 1:24:59
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, yeah.
• 1:25:01
  SPEAKER_05: But if I take you to Benny Hanna's today, would you think like we just getting some food?
• 1:25:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:25:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's regular.
• 1:25:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, Benny Hannes.
• 1:25:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:25:10
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of, I'm hungry.
• 1:25:12
  SPEAKER_05: We we're gonna wrap this up soon-ish, maybe.
• 1:25:16
  SPEAKER_05: Who knows?
• 1:25:16
  SPEAKER_05: I still got some cues for you.
• 1:25:18
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, unless you want, you could we could pause, you can go eat.
• 1:25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, no.
• 1:25:21
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, okay.
• 1:25:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 1:25:23
  SPEAKER_02: Big Johnny, fine.
• 1:25:24
  SPEAKER_05: You got him on a roll, that's what it was.
• 1:25:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, you say I used to have Benny Hannes.
• 1:25:27
  SPEAKER_02: I said, That sounds good.
• 1:25:30
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-oh.
• 1:25:32
  SPEAKER_05: Ooh, ooh, watch it.
• 1:25:34
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:25:35
  SPEAKER_05: Um, how has emotional intimacy between us evolved?
• 1:25:41
  SPEAKER_05: What does it look like now versus what it looked like early on?
• 1:25:48
  SPEAKER_02: Emotional intimacy.
• 1:25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know.
• 1:25:55
  SPEAKER_02: Emotional intimacy, I think we're we've been locked in with that through and through.
• 1:26:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like, uh, okay.
• 1:26:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I feel like there's been moments where, again, personal journeys kind of happen simultaneously.
• 1:26:12
  SPEAKER_02: So there's been times where I'm going through my therapeutic mental health journey, and I have been someone or am someone who dissociates.
• 1:26:23
  SPEAKER_02: So emotionally I haven't been present at times.
• 1:26:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I couldn't like lock in to give you that emotional intimacy.
• 1:26:34
  SPEAKER_02: So acknowledging that.
• 1:26:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but outside of those times, I feel like we've been cool, like we've been really good.
• 1:26:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think the emotional one's been steady.
• 1:26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:26:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, again, hiccups, right?
• 1:26:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:26:52
  SPEAKER_02: Through through trauma and stuff, but like it's always it's always held, it's always held that depth.
• 1:26:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:26:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's never gone away.
• 1:27:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's not that's something that is like an anchor for us.
• 1:27:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so yeah.
• 1:27:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, if anything, it's just gotten stronger, yeah, deeper, yeah, um, more rooted.
• 1:27:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, the emotional wasn't hard.
• 1:27:15
  SPEAKER_05: It was really just like the physical like intimacy.
• 1:27:19
  SPEAKER_05: Not necessarily, yeah.
• 1:27:21
  SPEAKER_05: Like intimacy.
• 1:27:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:27:26
  SPEAKER_05: We that's that's a separate conversation.
• 1:27:30
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, I if I were to think of how it like changed, I think emotionally we have been able to learn how to hold space for the other without trying to fix or coddle or um, I don't want to say comfort, but you know what I mean?
• 1:27:57
  SPEAKER_05: Like not take it on.
• 1:27:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:27:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:28:00
  SPEAKER_05: Like we can really just like hold space.
• 1:28:03
  SPEAKER_05: And I remember the most recent time where you were having a really rough moment.
• 1:28:08
  SPEAKER_05: And you just had you a moment.
• 1:28:11
  SPEAKER_05: And normally, because of how impacted you were, like, I would be trying to solve everything.
• 1:28:18
  SPEAKER_05: But I really just like held space for you and let you have your moment and let you process your emotions.
• 1:28:26
  SPEAKER_05: And when you're like just remind you of like it's going to be okay and not letting you go further.
• 1:28:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:28:36
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:28:37
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I think that took some emotional maturity on both of our parts, because you do that for me as well.
• 1:28:44
  SPEAKER_05: And also releasing that shackle of codependency.
• 1:28:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:28:50
  SPEAKER_05: So yeah, that that's probably the biggest thing.
• 1:28:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be lying though, if I said that like in the beginning of our relationship, if I didn't want you to take it away in those moments.
• 1:29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like if I didn't I didn't want you to fix it.
• 1:29:07
  SPEAKER_02: I very much so did.
• 1:29:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like part of the reason why I was attracted to you was because you were the first person I felt could like, you know, that woman that we don't support anymore.
• 1:29:21
  SPEAKER_02: Her n her song Save Me.
• 1:29:23
  SPEAKER_05: I almost started singing it.
• 1:29:25
  SPEAKER_02: You almost said that part of start singing it.
• 1:29:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yo, yo thing.
• 1:29:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:29:30
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, not that one.
• 1:29:31
  SPEAKER_05: Oh I'm gonna sing the actual song.
• 1:29:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but yeah.
• 1:29:35
  SPEAKER_02: I want you save me.
• 1:29:37
  SPEAKER_02: I thought you was an average chick.
• 1:29:39
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, no.
• 1:29:40
  SPEAKER_05: I know, huh?
• 1:29:40
  SPEAKER_05: You don't like that.
• 1:29:42
  SPEAKER_02: Anywho, I'd be lying to say, like, if I if I said like, you know, I didn't want you to in those before, you know?
• 1:29:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but we've grown up.
• 1:29:52
  SPEAKER_02: I saved myself.
• 1:29:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:29:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you just you floating right next to me, like you did a girl.
• 1:29:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I feel like I'm more of like a lifeguard versus like a life raft.
• 1:30:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:30:03
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:30:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:30:04
  SPEAKER_05: Like, yeah.
• 1:30:06
  SPEAKER_02: She she's fine, she's swimming.
• 1:30:07
  SPEAKER_02: She's dragging a little bit, but she can swim.
• 1:30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like you have the little thing just in case.
• 1:30:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm ready.
• 1:30:12
  SPEAKER_02: You had good jobs.
• 1:30:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm ready.
• 1:30:13
  SPEAKER_02: You did it.
• 1:30:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:30:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:30:15
  SPEAKER_05: Like it's not like I'm afraid to let you experience emotions.
• 1:30:20
  SPEAKER_05: That's like cheating you of your healing process.
• 1:30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:30:24
  SPEAKER_02: But I was afraid of experiencing emotions, but I did my own therapy.
• 1:30:29
  SPEAKER_05: We've been blessed with great therapists.
• 1:30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:30:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:30:33
  SPEAKER_05: That now, them two ladies, yeah, they are a big part of our independent healing journey so that we could come together and be better collectively.
• 1:30:43
  SPEAKER_05: Wholeheartedly.
• 1:30:44
  SPEAKER_05: This is didn't happen.
• 1:30:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like, we did do work ourselves, but like, you gotta give it up for them.
• 1:30:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but that's like that individual therapy and that individual journey is so important, it's so important.
• 1:30:58
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like people don't get it, but hey, that's it, busy.
• 1:31:06
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, okay.
• 1:31:07
  SPEAKER_05: Now, for this next part, um, watchers, listeners.
• 1:31:13
  SPEAKER_05: If you are someone who don't want to hear this, I'm gonna put something on the screen.
• 1:31:17
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna put like a little heart or something.
• 1:31:19
  SPEAKER_05: Just fast forward till the heart is gone, and then you can come back.
• 1:31:25
  SPEAKER_05: Or stay.
• 1:31:26
  SPEAKER_05: Up to you.
• 1:31:27
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:31:28
  SPEAKER_05: Um, let's talk about physical intimacy, shall we?
• 1:31:33
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:31:34
  SPEAKER_05: Now, 10 years.
• 1:31:37
  SPEAKER_05: Things change.
• 1:31:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:31:38
  SPEAKER_05: Things up, things flow.
• 1:31:40
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:31:42
  SPEAKER_05: How do we keep that alive?
• 1:31:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we keep it alive through uh I think being open to experimentation.
• 1:32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:32:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, exploring different things that we like ourselves and being like, okay, let's explore that together.
• 1:32:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, conversations, again, I didn't know we were gonna get into this, but to me, the in-betweens is really important.
• 1:32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can't go zero to a hundred.
• 1:32:23
  SPEAKER_02: You can go zero to a hundred.
• 1:32:24
  SPEAKER_02: I love that for you.
• 1:32:26
  SPEAKER_02: I need the in-betweens, okay.
• 1:32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so conversations is really important because that conversation we had was like like we really but we it was like a car analogy.
• 1:32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um we was getting somewhere, we was we was painting pictures, you know, okay, but but no, it really helped because I think that uh the way we are function physically to get there is completely different.
• 1:32:55
  SPEAKER_02: And before we held so much like guilt, like on each side, like, oh, it's my fault, it's your fault.
• 1:33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or you felt like it was your fault, I never thought it was your fault, but um, yeah, and then we really were like, oh no, we just function differently, and this is how we meet in the middle, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:33:15
  SPEAKER_05: That was like a big in the sense of like it just kept coming up and it kept hitting those triggers over and over of like feeling like I'm the problem, you know.
• 1:33:27
  SPEAKER_05: But it's again, you're two different people, yeah.
• 1:33:30
  SPEAKER_05: And I always emphasized with you when the difference started to show that like I never want you to do anything for the sake of me.
• 1:33:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like I'm very big on that.
• 1:33:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I don't want to do anything just to do it, yeah.
• 1:33:52
  SPEAKER_05: And like when you aren't in it, I it's over.
• 1:33:56
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no, like that's not how this goes.
• 1:34:00
  SPEAKER_05: So, like, yeah, I think having those conversations and continuing to have those conversations has definitely helped.
• 1:34:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because there are times when it's up, there are times when it's not yeah, and that's just the reality of it.
• 1:34:16
  SPEAKER_05: 10 years, but we're only 10 years in, like in shit, 40 years, 50 years, 60 years, I can't imagine.
• 1:34:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but I think I wanted to touch on that because in marriage, like that's a big thing, and people think they have to do it for the sake of their partner, and maybe in certain cases you kind of have to.
• 1:34:43
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like a lot of times that shows up in like hetero relationships, um, but like that's not enjoyable, yeah.
• 1:34:53
  SPEAKER_05: It's not, at least not for me.
• 1:34:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like, why would I want to engage in anything that involves anyone else if they are so blatantly not enjoying it?
• 1:35:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it has to be like an energy exchange.
• 1:35:06
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't got energy to exchange, it's weird.
• 1:35:12
  SPEAKER_02: How are you doing?
• 1:35:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so um, yeah.
• 1:35:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um that you made that detour?
• 1:35:22
  unknown: Hmm?
• 1:35:23
  SPEAKER_05: On your uh pit stop.
• 1:35:26
  SPEAKER_02: I know you you you was part of it.
• 1:35:29
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know.
• 1:35:30
  SPEAKER_05: Are you glad you you made oh it wasn't a detour, excuse me?
• 1:35:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 1:35:33
  SPEAKER_05: Uh when you came to my stop.
• 1:35:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:35:37
  SPEAKER_02: I I admittedly wish I had one more stop before yours, but it's okay.
• 1:35:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay.
• 1:35:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's fine, it's okay, you know?
• 1:35:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:35:48
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like who needs it?
• 1:35:55
  SPEAKER_05: So we are in a busy season.
• 1:35:58
  SPEAKER_05: This is not the first of the busy seasons, yeah.
• 1:36:01
  SPEAKER_05: We stay busy.
• 1:36:02
  SPEAKER_05: We god damn, we stay busy.
• 1:36:05
  SPEAKER_05: Um, where are you going, mama?
• 1:36:07
  SPEAKER_05: You got some questions to answer, buddy?
• 1:36:10
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:36:10
  SPEAKER_05: What happens to our intimacy when life gets hard?
• 1:36:14
  SPEAKER_05: When one of us is depleted, or we're both going through it.
• 1:36:19
  SPEAKER_02: I think it depends on what kind of going through it.
• 1:36:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, because there's been times where it's like we're strained and stressed, and so we are just like we're roommates, right?
• 1:36:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like through and through.
• 1:36:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, there's no in-betweens, there's no all the ways, okay?
• 1:36:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's been times where trauma has hit, and uh it gets real disgusting in the best way, adventurous.
• 1:36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be like, who the fuck was that?
• 1:37:02
  SPEAKER_02: Who I really be like, I know her.
• 1:37:07
  SPEAKER_05: I know her.
• 1:37:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I think you know, stress, trauma, all those do different things at different times.
• 1:37:14
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but yeah, yeah, trauma surprisingly brings about something extravagant.
• 1:37:22
  SPEAKER_05: Stress, uh, not too much.
• 1:37:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, you just bring about bazookie three nights in a row.
• 1:37:30
  SPEAKER_02: Not that we're trying to shut it down, you know.
• 1:37:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like, good night.
• 1:37:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I mean, I feel like this busy season we're operating differently.
• 1:37:40
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like we've been through so many busy seasons, and this one's just comically busy.
• 1:37:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like, how the fuck is all this happening at once?
• 1:37:48
  SPEAKER_05: That we're like, we gotta keep making time for a bunch of different things.
• 1:37:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like it's busy, but we're still like living.
• 1:37:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:37:56
  SPEAKER_05: So I feel like this is different.
• 1:37:58
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe that like we've turned a new leaf, or maybe it's just different, like because I mean we had a Pazookie in Pazookie, yeah, crazy.
• 1:38:09
  SPEAKER_05: Unless it's Shark Week.
• 1:38:13
  SPEAKER_05: No Pazookie on Shark Week.
• 1:38:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:38:18
  SPEAKER_05: What okay?
• 1:38:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're gonna oh it's not shark week, it's shark bait.
• 1:38:30
  SPEAKER_05: Bake, bait, who uh okay now.
• 1:38:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um are we done?
• 1:38:39
  SPEAKER_05: Let me make that's it for the physical.
• 1:38:41
  SPEAKER_05: You got anything you want to say?
• 1:38:43
  SPEAKER_05: We can we can I don't hey, this is your platform.
• 1:38:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, I feel like you have something you want to bring up.
• 1:38:48
  SPEAKER_02: You sure no?
• 1:38:49
  SPEAKER_02: I was just wondering.
• 1:38:50
  SPEAKER_02: Now's the time.
• 1:38:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was just wondering.
• 1:38:51
  SPEAKER_02: Is your audience?
• 1:38:53
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't wanna.
• 1:38:54
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean, you wanna it.
• 1:38:58
  SPEAKER_02: I just didn't want to.
• 1:39:00
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, no.
• 1:39:01
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I just didn't know.
• 1:39:02
  SPEAKER_03: I just didn't know.
• 1:39:03
  SPEAKER_05: It's just we just gonna touch on topics.
• 1:39:06
  SPEAKER_05: It is safe to come back if you left.
• 1:39:08
  SPEAKER_05: Um, very brief.
• 1:39:14
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, what we've learned the honeymoon phase is just that a phase.
• 1:39:21
  SPEAKER_05: Now, I feel you can have pockets of it or just like elevate the experience, but the honeymoon phase fucking ends.
• 1:39:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:39:30
  SPEAKER_05: Umed.
• 1:39:35
  SPEAKER_05: It took a minute for ours to end, but it it ended eventually.
• 1:39:41
  SPEAKER_05: No, come on.
• 1:39:42
  SPEAKER_05: You know when it ended?
• 1:39:43
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't, yeah, it like it took a wrench.
• 1:39:51
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't say it completely ended, but it it hit a it took a what?
• 1:39:56
  SPEAKER_02: A wrench.
• 1:39:58
  SPEAKER_05: I don't even know what you're trying to say.
• 1:40:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like a like if it was gone.
• 1:40:02
  SPEAKER_02: I got hit by a wrench?
• 1:40:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like the wrench stopped it.
• 1:40:05
  SPEAKER_02: Is that not a thing?
• 1:40:07
  SPEAKER_02: It could be for you.
• 1:40:08
  SPEAKER_02: If it's a a machine, right?
• 1:40:12
  SPEAKER_02: And the wrench gets stuck in it, it stops the machine.
• 1:40:15
  SPEAKER_05: Why would the wrench be in there?
• 1:40:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's a saying.
• 1:40:18
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, it's a wrench in that machine.
• 1:40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 1:40:22
  SPEAKER_02: I swear it's a saying, bro.
• 1:40:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, anywho.
• 1:40:27
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny's.
• 1:40:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 1:40:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it took a hit, was uh when I got depressed the first time?
• 1:40:34
  SPEAKER_02: When was that?
• 1:40:37
  SPEAKER_05: The one where you said it was real bad and I don't recall?
• 1:40:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, it was before that.
• 1:40:41
  SPEAKER_02: It was before we moved to Hayward.
• 1:40:44
  SPEAKER_02: Right before we moved to Hayward.
• 1:40:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, ooh.
• 1:40:48
  SPEAKER_02: The first very stressful transition we had.
• 1:40:52
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, when I moved.
• 1:40:55
  SPEAKER_05: God damn you, bro.
• 1:40:57
  SPEAKER_05: You know who you are.
• 1:40:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that put a that put a wrench in our honeymoon face.
• 1:41:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's a fucking thing, bro.
• 1:41:04
  SPEAKER_05: You had a it threw a wrench in our oh well, I think it's throw the wrench.
• 1:41:10
  SPEAKER_02: What did I say?
• 1:41:11
  SPEAKER_05: It sounded like you said put a wrench first, and then I was stuck on the wrench.
• 1:41:16
  SPEAKER_05: Anyway, yeah, no, it did.
• 1:41:18
  SPEAKER_05: Cause I went from having my own place to moving into your room with your roommate, yeah.
• 1:41:24
  SPEAKER_05: Roommates.
• 1:41:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:41:25
  SPEAKER_05: And at the time, shout out my girl Bree.
• 1:41:27
  SPEAKER_05: I love you, but we was not cool at the time, and you know it, we were not, yeah, and I quote, I'm not.
• 1:41:37
  SPEAKER_05: I am your favorite line.
• 1:41:39
  SPEAKER_05: Anybody in this room could be a bitch.
• 1:41:41
  SPEAKER_05: And I was confused at who you were talking to.
• 1:41:44
  SPEAKER_05: Iconic.
• 1:41:45
  SPEAKER_05: Love you, girl.
• 1:41:45
  SPEAKER_05: Iconic.
• 1:41:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was just a lot going on.
• 1:41:47
  SPEAKER_05: I just lost my house, I think.
• 1:41:49
  SPEAKER_05: That was shortly after I quit my job.
• 1:41:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, what the hell is I going through?
• 1:41:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:41:53
  SPEAKER_05: We didn't know we were talking about it through our wrench.
• 1:41:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:41:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was a lot.
• 1:41:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, no, I feel like that was the the wrench in the honeymoon phase, and then yeah, she just kind of got real from there.
• 1:42:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:42:06
  SPEAKER_05: Um how do we navigate it?
• 1:42:11
  SPEAKER_05: Um, in your opinion.
• 1:42:15
  SPEAKER_02: At that time?
• 1:42:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:42:19
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like we had a lot of sex.
• 1:42:25
  SPEAKER_05: That's all we could afford.
• 1:42:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because we was broke.
• 1:42:29
  SPEAKER_04: We were.
• 1:42:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:42:30
  SPEAKER_02: We were um next.
• 1:42:34
  SPEAKER_02: No, we was eating still.
• 1:42:36
  SPEAKER_02: That never stopped.
• 1:42:37
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe that was a problem.
• 1:42:40
  SPEAKER_05: Never stopped.
• 1:42:41
  SPEAKER_02: You remember that cake?
• 1:42:43
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:42:44
  SPEAKER_02: Cause we were getting high and eating is just not it.
• 1:42:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's Big Johnny's.
• 1:42:49
  SPEAKER_02: When I when Big Johnny gets high and eat, something is that's crazy.
• 1:42:53
  SPEAKER_05: It sounds like we be smoking hella, but we don't.
• 1:42:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's just these pockets of time where cycles.
• 1:43:00
  SPEAKER_02: But Big Johnny had her good Oreo cake from Food Max.
• 1:43:07
  SPEAKER_02: I remember.
• 1:43:09
  SPEAKER_05: I got the Snapchat.
• 1:43:12
  SPEAKER_05: Hopefully, you know, they delete and shit.
• 1:43:14
  SPEAKER_05: I need to back my stuff up anyway, sidebar.
• 1:43:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, I I agree.
• 1:43:19
  SPEAKER_05: Like, that's when things got rocky, but I feel like when we were more developed and in the relationship more, because like that was just like we were so early on, but I feel like when it was like Hayward, Hayward really shook us out.
• 1:43:38
  SPEAKER_05: Girl, took us on a ride.
• 1:43:41
  SPEAKER_02: Hayward felt like forever.
• 1:43:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:43:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:43:46
  SPEAKER_05: And I think we just had to like the thing that kind of stopped it was a mental health thing.
• 1:43:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I feel like anytime we have a hard hiccup, it's because of a trauma outside of us, or one of us is depressed.
• 1:44:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:44:04
  SPEAKER_05: Cause when I won't speak for you, but when I get depressed, how low can you go?
• 1:44:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:44:12
  SPEAKER_05: Because I'm lower.
• 1:44:13
  SPEAKER_02: Same.
• 1:44:14
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:44:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:44:15
  SPEAKER_05: So I think it's really about like bouncing back personally and then like reconciling what you can.
• 1:44:23
  SPEAKER_05: Like, oh, what's happened for the past month?
• 1:44:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because like when I'm depressed, I'm not present emotionally, mentally.
• 1:44:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's that that connection is gone.
• 1:44:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want to do nothing physical.
• 1:44:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just like shut down.
• 1:44:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so that that uh definitely throws a wrench.
• 1:44:47
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds right.
• 1:44:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's what you said at first, but I'm like, I feel like I think it was probably put a wrench, but the wrench is in there.
• 1:44:58
  SPEAKER_05: Put a throne, huh?
• 1:44:59
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, okay, well, it's your world.
• 1:45:02
  SPEAKER_05: I'm just in it.
• 1:45:03
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 1:45:03
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so 10 years, there's been a lot of changes.
• 1:45:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:45:08
  SPEAKER_05: I've changed my name, yeah.
• 1:45:10
  SPEAKER_05: I've changed my pronouns, I've changed my hair, I've changed my body.
• 1:45:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:45:14
  SPEAKER_05: Cut things off, put weight on, took weight off.
• 1:45:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:45:18
  SPEAKER_05: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:45:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:45:19
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but I feel like there are some more like non-superficial ways in which I have changed.
• 1:45:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 1:45:28
  SPEAKER_05: Aside from sobriety, uh-huh, because that's the biggest.
• 1:45:32
  SPEAKER_05: What's the most significant way you've seen me change over these past ten years?
• 1:45:37
  SPEAKER_02: Your um emotional regulation.
• 1:45:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:45:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:45:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I heard it was worse before me.
• 1:45:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't, I didn't see the worst of it.
• 1:45:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, anger-wise, I've seen a lot.
• 1:45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh, yeah.
• 1:45:57
  SPEAKER_02: Emotional regulation.
• 1:45:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're very regulated.
• 1:46:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:46:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:46:01
  SPEAKER_05: Sometimes I'd be like, damn, I'm too rational.
• 1:46:04
  SPEAKER_05: Not like, not like out of turn like when I should be, but I process so quick, like I'm quick to get to a solution because I'm like, wait, this has happened before, it's gonna be okay.
• 1:46:18
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:46:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:46:19
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not trying to like rationalize my way out of it.
• 1:46:22
  SPEAKER_05: I've let it feel, like let myself feel it, and then I'm like, okay, it's gonna be alright.
• 1:46:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's just not the end of the world, yeah.
• 1:46:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I don't know if that's growth, spirit, maturity, yeah.
• 1:46:35
  SPEAKER_02: You no longer wanna like let me not.
• 1:46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 1:46:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you just before everything could go, you know what I'm saying?
• 1:46:45
  SPEAKER_02: You'd be upset, like, let me not.
• 1:46:50
  SPEAKER_02: What about me?
• 1:46:51
  SPEAKER_05: I do, I do.
• 1:46:52
  SPEAKER_05: Um, tapping into your emotions, you were so afraid to tap into them for so long.
• 1:47:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like you barely cry.
• 1:47:02
  SPEAKER_05: I used to cry all the time, yeah.
• 1:47:03
  SPEAKER_05: You never cried.
• 1:47:04
  SPEAKER_05: Now y'all ass cry all the time, and I never cry.
• 1:47:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like we've completely flipped.
• 1:47:09
  SPEAKER_05: And I think that that is what the other needed because you needed to feel your emotions, and I needed to not be so emotional, yeah.
• 1:47:18
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, seeing you tap into it, I know you're afraid to tap into it, but it's really like served you in your capacity in the ways you can show up in your boundaries, in your codependency with other people in your life, and with your boundaries with yourself, not just other people.
• 1:47:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:47:42
  SPEAKER_05: Because you were quick to get in there and try and fix it and take it over, and I got it, and like, yeah.
• 1:47:49
  SPEAKER_05: Now that you feel it, you don't feel like you have to overcompensate by doing.
• 1:47:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:47:57
  SPEAKER_05: Because you can feel it, you can process it, you can think clear and be like, it's gonna work out, or whatever solution you come to.
• 1:48:03
  SPEAKER_05: That just clock your shit, or what?
• 1:48:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm used to it though, so yeah, yeah.
• 1:48:10
  SPEAKER_05: But it's all very beautiful, it's been a crazy thing, and it's like this is only the first 10.
• 1:48:15
  SPEAKER_05: God willing.
• 1:48:16
  SPEAKER_05: We have many, many, many more after this.
• 1:48:20
  SPEAKER_05: But I mean, it's every lifetime, so but like I don't even want to put it into the atmosphere, but what if I go early, you know?
• 1:48:32
  SPEAKER_05: Or do you gonna hang around?
• 1:48:33
  SPEAKER_05: Kool-Aid picture.
• 1:48:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, kidding, no, but like you gonna be there, I'm gonna be there in the spiritual world sense.
• 1:48:44
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 1:48:45
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I ain't going nowhere, but going back to just the last 10 years and everything that has come from it.
• 1:48:55
  SPEAKER_05: What do you know about marriage now that you wish someone would have told you at the beginning?
• 1:49:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:49:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, I I feel like it's I know I didn't grow up seeing marriages in in relationships like that.
• 1:49:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like my parents weren't married, so there isn't really anything that's like someone could have told me.
• 1:49:25
  SPEAKER_02: I think the philosophy we had in the beginning of just make your own rules has been the best thing that someone could have told me, I guess, but we already had it.
• 1:49:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that maybe if someone was like, hey, just focus on that, make your own rules, because I think every season looks differently.
• 1:49:42
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're just going on, you know, some expectations or what have you in any season of how things are supposed to look, rather than adapting and making your own rules to what will work for your marriage, um then.
• 1:50:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:50:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah.
• 1:50:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:50:04
  SPEAKER_05: I knew of people who were married.
• 1:50:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like I have one set of grandparents who have been married since my mom was little, and then the other set who they were married before my dad was like grown.
• 1:50:20
  SPEAKER_05: Um and so like I understood marriage, but everybody's marriage looks so different.
• 1:50:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:50:29
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:50:30
  SPEAKER_05: And I feel I've heard a lot of sayings that aren't necessarily like true.
• 1:50:38
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of like people put periods where there should be commas.
• 1:50:42
  SPEAKER_05: Like love each other unconditionally.
• 1:50:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like, okay, yes, and don't let people disrespect you.
• 1:50:51
  SPEAKER_05: Don't get lost in the marriage.
• 1:50:53
  SPEAKER_05: You can still be your own person, you know?
• 1:50:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like you need to stay together, like no matter what.
• 1:51:02
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, well, I grew up with parents who were separated, and you grew up with parents who weren't, but should have been, respectfully.
• 1:51:10
  SPEAKER_05: Respectfully.
• 1:51:10
  SPEAKER_05: And it's like staying for the sake of like kids or familiarity or security, like that's just not what either of us believe in.
• 1:51:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:51:20
  SPEAKER_05: And I've told you, like, when we bring children into this, I don't want to stay together for the sake of them.
• 1:51:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:51:29
  SPEAKER_05: Because they will pick up on it.
• 1:51:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:51:31
  SPEAKER_05: And I just think the friendship that we have means so much more than staying like a family unit for the sake of the family unit.
• 1:51:40
  SPEAKER_05: Because you can still be a family unit in your own way.
• 1:51:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:51:44
  SPEAKER_02: And that's making your own rules.
• 1:51:46
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 1:51:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, if I had advice to, is that one of your questions?
• 1:51:52
  SPEAKER_02: If I had advice to give someone out outside, in addition to making your own rules, is like just like wanting the best for your partner.
• 1:52:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, as a human, I think some folks go into marriages already having this perception of how their partner is supposed to be and how they're supposed to grow and mold into this idea that they have.
• 1:52:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the best thing that you can do is love your partner like and want them to live life as extensively and expansively and as humanly possible, and want that for them.
• 1:52:39
  SPEAKER_02: I think that unconditional and like true love, you know, that love that Bell Hooks is really talking about, um, you know, outside of community and all those things.
• 1:52:50
  SPEAKER_02: But like for your partners, just wanting them to be whole, um, and however that looks like, and not putting expectations of what you think that should look like.
• 1:52:59
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, and wanting that for yourself too.
• 1:53:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but like loving the person so much, you want that for them with or without you.
• 1:53:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:53:09
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I want you to be whole, yeah, even if that means it doesn't involve me.
• 1:53:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I know it does, but if that were to change, that's love.
• 1:53:19
  SPEAKER_05: That is.
• 1:53:20
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome back, girl.
• 1:53:22
  SPEAKER_05: All right, going on here, okay.
• 1:53:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm so glad we decided to make our own rules from jump.
• 1:53:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:53:34
  SPEAKER_05: Cause why are we stressing out trying to keep up with other people who aren't here on a daily basis?
• 1:53:39
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 1:53:40
  SPEAKER_05: Like, my favorite is Valentine's Day.
• 1:53:43
  SPEAKER_05: Because who needs the pressure for y'all contact?
• 1:53:46
  SPEAKER_05: Or tell them how we do Valentine's Day.
• 1:53:49
  SPEAKER_02: We don't celebrate Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day, we haven't done that since like the first day.
• 1:53:55
  SPEAKER_02: The first one.
• 1:53:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:53:57
  SPEAKER_02: We randomly pick a date and we do our own Valentine's Day.
• 1:54:01
  SPEAKER_05: Because I'm not finna fight with y'all over no flowers, no chocolates, no reservations.
• 1:54:05
  SPEAKER_05: I'll see y'all on the 15th if I need.
• 1:54:08
  SPEAKER_02: And our Valentine's Day looks, it's not all consumerism, it's not all the what you're supposed to prescribe for Valentine's Day.
• 1:54:18
  SPEAKER_02: It looks different every year.
• 1:54:19
  SPEAKER_02: And it's literally we sit and talk about like what do we need in our like relationship?
• 1:54:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and like one Valentine's Day is like, okay, we then we have like self-care days for ourselves, yeah.
• 1:54:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like we like poured into ourselves.
• 1:54:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's love.
• 1:54:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that is.
• 1:54:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you remember that one day or that one overnight time where you're like, I just need time to separate, and then you change your mind, and then we just went on a second, yeah.
• 1:54:50
  SPEAKER_02: That was great, it was fun.
• 1:54:52
  SPEAKER_02: That was great.
• 1:54:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was so sure.
• 1:54:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Yeah, and you're like, okay, baby, like you had like a hotel, like you got the hotel for me.
• 1:54:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, actually, shout out to the night.
• 1:55:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I want you to complete, and it was fun, and did, and did it was a great time, it was great.
• 1:55:12
  SPEAKER_05: Next, um, what are we still working on?
• 1:55:17
  SPEAKER_05: What's the thing we fully haven't figured out yet?
• 1:55:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if we we have the the chores figured out for real.
• 1:55:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, in this moment with the transition, it's up in the air.
• 1:55:34
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck no, but I feel like we've we have like systems, we just need to fine-tune them.
• 1:55:42
  SPEAKER_05: But I feel like because of where we've come from, where I was so like the house has to be clean all day, every day.
• 1:55:49
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to that childhood trauma.
• 1:55:53
  SPEAKER_05: And you were like, fuck it, you know, like we've come a long way.
• 1:55:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, we have, but as soon as we fine-tuned it, we got busy as shit.
• 1:56:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so I I don't know.
• 1:56:06
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like right now we are just doing the best we can, and then we just gotta revisit it.
• 1:56:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:56:12
  SPEAKER_05: But I'm always down to fine-tune everything, yeah.
• 1:56:15
  SPEAKER_02: I know, you know, like I feel like but I if I'm thinking of something, I mean, I can't think of nothing else.
• 1:56:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's the one thing.
• 1:56:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I feel like our emotional attachments towards it is good because before that was a thing, and I'm like, what is going on?
• 1:56:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't get it.
• 1:56:35
  SPEAKER_05: Those deep-rooted triggers, yeah.
• 1:56:37
  SPEAKER_02: So those are no longer a thing.
• 1:56:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, now we're just like baseline, like, how do we keep this motherfucker clean?
• 1:56:43
  SPEAKER_05: You tell me better, because you are a big contributor.
• 1:56:47
  SPEAKER_05: Oh god, okay.
• 1:56:52
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I have a fun little thing I want to do.
• 1:56:56
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like, because I'm so goddamn random, I've probably asked you these, but we're gonna play more likely to.
• 1:57:03
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:57:04
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm gonna say a statement or a question, and we're gonna say who's more likely to do what it is I just said.
• 1:57:12
  SPEAKER_05: Does that make sense?
• 1:57:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 1:57:14
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:57:15
  SPEAKER_05: So more likely to start a project and never finish it.
• 1:57:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, you're not gonna start it.
• 1:57:30
  SPEAKER_02: Respectfully.
• 1:57:31
  SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, was it um so um the whole reason we are here is because I wanted to start this podcast and she forced me to do it for fun, try it out, and I think this bitch up and running, don't you?
• 1:57:47
  SPEAKER_05: But that's what I'm saying.
• 1:57:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, look, look.
• 1:57:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean.
• 1:57:55
  SPEAKER_02: No, oh, but it took you a minute and you weren't doing it for fun.
• 1:58:00
  SPEAKER_02: You had to have the things in order and you ramped up and you didn't do the damn thing.
• 1:58:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it just takes you uh that's when I yeah, you got me stuttering there, okay.
• 1:58:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I mean.
• 1:58:11
  SPEAKER_02: Takes you a minute to start it, okay?
• 1:58:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but okay, yeah, if we have to choose between both of us, yeah.
• 1:58:17
  SPEAKER_02: Are we finishing?
• 1:58:19
  SPEAKER_05: You ain't gotta convince me, baby.
• 1:58:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just ask who more likely Okay, I guess it's like what kind of project because there's a lot of paintings I haven't finished.
• 1:58:28
  SPEAKER_05: Girl, girl, thank you.
• 1:58:31
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, let's talk about like projects, not like our passion projects.
• 1:58:35
  SPEAKER_05: Like, we see those through.
• 1:58:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but like projects, no, yeah, we get inspired and then losing it.
• 1:58:41
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to that big A.
• 1:58:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um, ADHD, not autism.
• 1:58:47
  SPEAKER_05: That's more of a little A.
• 1:58:49
  SPEAKER_05: Just a little bit.
• 1:58:50
  SPEAKER_05: Big A.
• 1:58:51
  SPEAKER_05: I just realized we didn't do gratitude.
• 1:58:54
  SPEAKER_05: Ooh, we we have to pause for a second and do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:59:00
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, you know, I know we are late into here, but if you are listening, say something out loud that you're grateful for, and if you watch it, put something in the comments.
• 1:59:09
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I because I wanted to go back to this because I was saving this for this episode.
• 1:59:15
  SPEAKER_05: I am really truly grateful for you.
• 1:59:20
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I've told you so many times off camera, so it's gonna be repetitive, but like you have really like changed me and my life as like a person.
• 1:59:31
  SPEAKER_05: There's no way I'm here without you.
• 1:59:34
  SPEAKER_05: Just even if you remove me from my life, like the things that you've contributed to me, you've taught me and helped me grown into, like, I couldn't do that without you.
• 1:59:44
  SPEAKER_05: So I am grateful for you, baby.
• 1:59:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm grateful for the sense of safety that you give me.
• 1:59:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, safety is a really big thing for me, as you know, as y'all now know.
• 2:00:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I truly felt safe and feel safe with you.
• 2:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so feeling that, that's why I never left.
• 2:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was like, oh, it's cozy here, you know, like, oh, I'm loved here, you know.
• 2:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like I truly felt seen and safe, and I still do, and so I thank you, and I'm grateful for that.
• 2:00:29
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, baby.
• 2:00:31
  SPEAKER_05: Now to get back to it.
• 2:00:32
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry, had to had to do that.
• 2:00:34
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, I was like, oh shit.
• 2:00:36
  SPEAKER_05: So, back to the game.
• 2:00:37
  SPEAKER_05: You ready?
• 2:00:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, more likely to cry at a movie.
• 2:00:42
  SPEAKER_02: Now, yeah.
• 2:00:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, is this all just gonna be me?
• 2:00:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's not.
• 2:00:46
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, be late, hold a grudge.
• 2:00:53
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 2:00:53
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 2:00:54
  SPEAKER_05: I'm working on it.
• 2:00:55
  SPEAKER_05: I ain't perfect.
• 2:00:55
  SPEAKER_05: God ain't done with me yet.
• 2:00:57
  SPEAKER_05: Plan a surprise.
• 2:01:02
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 2:01:06
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 2:01:06
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 2:01:07
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you say you?
• 2:01:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because I have good surprises and I plan them.
• 2:01:13
  SPEAKER_05: But who's more likely to plan one?
• 2:01:15
  SPEAKER_05: No, it's me.
• 2:01:16
  SPEAKER_05: No, don't listen to her.
• 2:01:17
  SPEAKER_05: Speak their mind without thinking first.
• 2:01:20
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 2:01:22
  SPEAKER_05: Stay up too late.
• 2:01:24
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 2:01:26
  SPEAKER_05: Spend way too much on a meal.
• 2:01:30
  SPEAKER_05: Both us.
• 2:01:31
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe.
• 2:01:32
  SPEAKER_05: Will you spend too much on you will now.
• 2:01:34
  SPEAKER_05: Before you wouldn't.
• 2:01:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:01:38
  SPEAKER_05: You remember I spent$100 on crab cakes?
• 2:01:40
  SPEAKER_02: On what?
• 2:01:41
  SPEAKER_05: Crab cakes.
• 2:01:43
  SPEAKER_02: For my birthday.
• 2:01:44
  SPEAKER_02: Crab delicious.
• 2:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was four crab cakes.
• 2:01:47
  SPEAKER_02: Mastros and SF.
• 2:01:49
  SPEAKER_02: Get them crab cakes, baby.
• 2:01:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's good.
• 2:01:53
  SPEAKER_05: Avoid a hard conversation.
• 2:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: You.
• 2:01:57
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 2:01:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:01:59
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 2:01:59
  SPEAKER_02: More likely, yes.
• 2:02:00
  SPEAKER_02: Avoid?
• 2:02:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: Today?
• 2:02:03
  SPEAKER_02: Compared to me?
• 2:02:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:02:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:02:08
  SPEAKER_05: What do you say?
• 2:02:10
  SPEAKER_05: No, you can't just be.
• 2:02:12
  SPEAKER_05: We need some.
• 2:02:13
  SPEAKER_05: Show me the Carfax.
• 2:02:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're busy.
• 2:02:18
  SPEAKER_05: But you know, I'm with it.
• 2:02:20
  SPEAKER_05: We could talk about it.
• 2:02:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:02:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: But you don't want to have time for it.
• 2:02:24
  SPEAKER_05: Like it'll be back burner.
• 2:02:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:02:26
  SPEAKER_05: Not like I'm a punk.
• 2:02:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, you're not a punk.
• 2:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:02:29
  SPEAKER_05: Laugh at the wrong moment.
• 2:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 2:02:34
  SPEAKER_05: Now, in her defense, she's not good at holding it.
• 2:02:38
  SPEAKER_05: I will laugh too.
• 2:02:39
  SPEAKER_05: But I'll be over there tearing up and she will be laughing out loud.
• 2:02:43
  SPEAKER_02: It comes through my nose and then I snort.
• 2:02:46
  SPEAKER_05: And then you just break down.
• 2:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: Stop.
• 2:02:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:02:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 2:02:56
  SPEAKER_05: Um, get lost, literally or metaphorically.
• 2:02:59
  SPEAKER_05: You.
• 2:02:59
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 2:03:02
  SPEAKER_05: Sleep all day.
• 2:03:04
  SPEAKER_01: Me.
• 2:03:04
  SPEAKER_01: I like sleep.
• 2:03:07
  SPEAKER_05: Drop everything for someone they love.
• 2:03:11
  SPEAKER_02: Both us.
• 2:03:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:03:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:03:16
  SPEAKER_05: Wake up ready to fight about a dream.
• 2:03:19
  SPEAKER_05: Me.
• 2:03:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's all right.
• 2:03:22
  SPEAKER_05: Except for that one.
• 2:03:23
  SPEAKER_05: That one.
• 2:03:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I hesitated.
• 2:03:25
  SPEAKER_05: Girl.
• 2:03:26
  SPEAKER_05: Nah, I'll be ready to.
• 2:03:28
  SPEAKER_05: Spend 45 minutes picking something to watch and then falling asleep 10 minutes in.
• 2:03:34
  SPEAKER_05: It's me.
• 2:03:35
  SPEAKER_05: It's you.
• 2:03:36
  SPEAKER_05: Hello.
• 2:03:36
  SPEAKER_05: Say I'm not hungry and then eat all of their food.
• 2:03:39
  SPEAKER_05: You.
• 2:03:41
  SPEAKER_05: More so you.
• 2:03:43
  SPEAKER_05: More likely to you.
• 2:03:45
  SPEAKER_05: But I know I'm hungry.
• 2:03:47
  SPEAKER_05: I but you'll say you aren't.
• 2:03:49
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, next.
• 2:03:50
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 2:03:51
  SPEAKER_05: Give unsolicited advice.
• 2:03:54
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 2:03:54
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like you chose these knowing it was gonna be me.
• 2:03:57
  SPEAKER_05: I scrambled at random.
• 2:03:59
  SPEAKER_05: I scrambled at random.
• 2:04:03
  SPEAKER_05: Be the last one ready.
• 2:04:04
  SPEAKER_05: Damn you.
• 2:04:07
  SPEAKER_05: Turn a 10-minute errand into a two-hour adventure.
• 2:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: Next.
• 2:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 2:04:19
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, good.
• 2:04:22
  SPEAKER_05: That's that's it, that's all.
• 2:04:24
  SPEAKER_05: Well, since you felt so sane, like, what are some things I be doing?
• 2:04:28
  SPEAKER_05: You could even the playing field a bit.
• 2:04:31
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 2:04:32
  SPEAKER_05: You be like, I do all these things, but what do you do?
• 2:04:34
  SPEAKER_05: What do I do?
• 2:04:36
  SPEAKER_02: Get some more questions.
• 2:04:37
  SPEAKER_05: Let me just put girl, where I'm gonna pull these questions up from.
• 2:04:40
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, I don't know.
• 2:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: You be doing stuff, but those was all me.
• 2:04:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you had to have a portfolio pamphlet of genre, you then picked all of them and said, Let's play this game.
• 2:04:57
  SPEAKER_05: Well, no play.
• 2:05:00
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 2:05:01
  SPEAKER_05: You see what 10 years get you?
• 2:05:02
  SPEAKER_05: Because before, I'd have been offended.
• 2:05:04
  SPEAKER_05: You'd have been offended.
• 2:05:05
  SPEAKER_05: But now I'd be like, girl, shut up.
• 2:05:10
  SPEAKER_05: Stop.
• 2:05:12
  SPEAKER_05: Oh man.
• 2:05:13
  SPEAKER_05: What you got for me?
• 2:05:14
  SPEAKER_05: We're wrapping up.
• 2:05:15
  SPEAKER_05: Are we?
• 2:05:16
  SPEAKER_05: We are 10 years and counting.
• 2:05:19
  SPEAKER_05: What do you want people in relationships to hear from this conversation?
• 2:05:24
  SPEAKER_05: A relationship that is like a decade in, very healthy, been through a lot.
• 2:05:33
  SPEAKER_05: A lot, most.
• 2:05:35
  SPEAKER_05: I would say all, but no cheating, and that'd be a main thing in relationships.
• 2:05:39
  SPEAKER_05: But you know?
• 2:05:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:05:41
  SPEAKER_05: Like what do you want someone to take from this?
• 2:05:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I would want someone to enjoy our company.
• 2:05:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's the mainly.
• 2:05:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, like, just hopefully you hear, you still hear and you vibing, and you just enjoying us better in real life, too.
• 2:06:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like this was like our funnies was a lot toned down because we had to get to the questions and answers and stuff, but like hopefully you just enjoyed the vibe.
• 2:06:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that's really yeah.
• 2:06:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just like a slight view into us.
• 2:06:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:06:25
  SPEAKER_05: We're a bit more unhinged than this, but a bit, you know, this is a good, a good start.
• 2:06:32
  SPEAKER_05: Um, what do you want to say to the version of us from 10 years ago?
• 2:06:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, man.
• 2:06:44
  SPEAKER_05: Hang in there, little guys.
• 2:06:47
  SPEAKER_05: The road is rough.
• 2:06:49
  SPEAKER_02: The road is rough.
• 2:06:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, hang in there.
• 2:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: But uh, I think if I could like, if we could transport to us 10 years ago, um if I could just give myself a feeling, like just or words or whatever, just be grateful, gratitude.
• 2:07:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because the road has been rough as hell, but like very, very grateful to do it with you, extremely grateful.
• 2:07:21
  SPEAKER_02: I there's not even that's what I'm saying, like put the feeling of gratitude into myself, like, because that's that's what it is at the end of the day.
• 2:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so if I could, you know, give that to myself 10 years ago, and when things do get rough, just keep it top of mind, you know, because you're doing this with your person, and so that's I I am grateful for it.
• 2:07:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:07:48
  SPEAKER_05: I think I would just tell us that, like, there's gonna be hard moments, but it's all for the better.
• 2:07:58
  SPEAKER_05: You know, like it all works out, like you have nothing to fear in those moments where it gets hard.
• 2:08:05
  SPEAKER_05: Like you get stronger, you get more connected, and you eventually wind up understanding why these things are coming up, yeah, and you move through it, it all gets better, yeah.
• 2:08:15
  SPEAKER_02: Cause it all served a purpose.
• 2:08:18
  SPEAKER_02: Child, why did it have to be that hard?
• 2:08:21
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, but it all served a purpose, and it's a lot of people.
• 2:08:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it all worked out.
• 2:08:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, damn, we was babies.
• 2:08:31
  SPEAKER_05: Not that I was so grown.
• 2:08:33
  SPEAKER_05: I had my own car.
• 2:08:35
  SPEAKER_02: I did too.
• 2:08:39
  SPEAKER_02: You ain't gonna play my bitch.
• 2:08:44
  SPEAKER_05: You had the vehicle.
• 2:08:47
  SPEAKER_02: My baby was coming from SoCal to North Calvin.
• 2:08:50
  SPEAKER_02: On hands and knees.
• 2:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: For five years, rolling in there for five years, made that trip.
• 2:08:56
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, a hoopty.
• 2:08:57
  SPEAKER_02: And said, Okay, I'm done.
• 2:09:00
  SPEAKER_05: I give up.
• 2:09:01
  SPEAKER_05: I'm out of here.
• 2:09:02
  SPEAKER_05: We're done.
• 2:09:03
  SPEAKER_05: As soon as you met me, took a couple trips on the freeway.
• 2:09:07
  SPEAKER_05: Then I'm back.
• 2:09:08
  SPEAKER_02: I drop you off here.
• 2:09:10
  SPEAKER_05: You got it.
• 2:09:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thank you, Gary.
• 2:09:13
  SPEAKER_05: Shout out to him, RIP Kodak and Gary.
• 2:09:18
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 2:09:19
  SPEAKER_05: Ten years from now, we'll be 20 years in the game.
• 2:09:23
  SPEAKER_05: 16 years married.
• 2:09:25
  SPEAKER_05: Damn.
• 2:09:27
  SPEAKER_05: What do you hope we're saying about this chapter?
• 2:09:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is where it all began.
• 2:09:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I don't want this to be the best.
• 2:09:36
  SPEAKER_05: You know, this will not be the best, but it's the start.
• 2:09:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this is where it all truly began.
• 2:09:42
  SPEAKER_02: We thought that was something.
• 2:09:43
  SPEAKER_02: This is where it began the greatness, the abundance.
• 2:09:48
  SPEAKER_05: Season.
• 2:09:48
  SPEAKER_05: We're gonna be them old gay aunties in the sweatsuits at brunch.
• 2:09:52
  SPEAKER_05: Just living our life, okay?
• 2:09:55
  SPEAKER_02: With the dance fools.
• 2:09:56
  SPEAKER_02: That will never be a time to care that.
• 2:09:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, we ain't that guy.
• 2:10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's not gonna be seasonal.
• 2:10:02
  SPEAKER_02: We don't roll.
• 2:10:03
  SPEAKER_02: We I don't got the coordination.
• 2:10:05
  SPEAKER_02: You don't got the will to be doing them dances.
• 2:10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Not us, okay.
• 2:10:09
  SPEAKER_05: We already the gays with the cats, which came out of left field.
• 2:10:14
  SPEAKER_05: Came out of a field, huh?
• 2:10:16
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, I know it's not the day, but what do you want to say to me right now on our anniversary?
• 2:10:26
  SPEAKER_05: It's close to my hands cold, I'm sorry.
• 2:10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Will you marry me?
• 2:10:36
  SPEAKER_05: Of course.
• 2:10:37
  SPEAKER_05: In every timeline, lifetime.
• 2:10:41
  SPEAKER_02: I know that's right.
• 2:10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love you.
• 2:10:45
  SPEAKER_02: I love you too.
• 2:10:48
  SPEAKER_05: You don't have no secrets from like 10 years ago you want to share?
• 2:10:53
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 2:10:54
  SPEAKER_05: Dang.
• 2:10:56
  SPEAKER_03: What do you?
• 2:10:57
  SPEAKER_05: No, I was hoping you did.
• 2:10:59
  SPEAKER_03: I hope you do.
• 2:11:00
  SPEAKER_05: Not because do I nope, I've shared everything with you.
• 2:11:09
  SPEAKER_05: Um well, tell the people where they can find you.
• 2:11:15
  SPEAKER_05: Your hugs.
• 2:11:17
  SPEAKER_02: No, okay.
• 2:11:18
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no.
• 2:11:19
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 2:11:19
  SPEAKER_02: No, because I thought we was gonna do like who is our hall pass, but it's an anger.
• 2:11:23
  SPEAKER_05: No, let's do it then.
• 2:11:25
  SPEAKER_02: You want to?
• 2:11:26
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 2:11:27
  SPEAKER_05: Girl, who is your hall pass?
• 2:11:30
  SPEAKER_05: No, Kofi.
• 2:11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Kaylani.
• 2:11:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, done.
• 2:11:39
  SPEAKER_05: I can't say too much in case she's on here one day.
• 2:11:44
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, all pass.
• 2:11:49
  SPEAKER_02: Kofi.
• 2:11:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um uh you can find me at Jaune G B.
• 2:12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Jaune spelled Z-H-A-N-E G B on TikTok, Instagram.
• 2:12:09
  SPEAKER_02: You can from there the links will be linked, and you could see my other stuff.
• 2:12:15
  SPEAKER_02: For my corporate and commercial photography, find me at Context Visual Co.
• 2:12:21
  SPEAKER_02: And the website is www.contextvisualco.com.
• 2:12:27
  SPEAKER_02: Hit me up.
• 2:12:28
  SPEAKER_05: There's three W's.
• 2:12:30
  SPEAKER_05: It's all good.
• 2:12:32
  SPEAKER_02: W dot.
• 2:12:33
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't you missed UW.
• 2:12:38
  SPEAKER_05: You ain't at that third W.
• 2:12:40
  SPEAKER_05: I got you.
• 2:12:41
  SPEAKER_05: It's down below.
• 2:12:42
  SPEAKER_05: You'll find all that.
• 2:12:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:12:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but thank you, baby.
• 2:12:47
  SPEAKER_05: This is fun.
• 2:12:47
  SPEAKER_05: You did so good.
• 2:12:51
  SPEAKER_05: And uh, you know where to find us?
• 2:12:53
  SPEAKER_05: All social media platforms at Alive I Guest Podcast.
• 2:12:57
  SPEAKER_05: Email us for all inquiries at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 2:13:02
  SPEAKER_05: And I know we didn't do it today, but for all I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
• 2:13:15
  SPEAKER_05: Now you gotta do the sign out.
• 2:13:17
  SPEAKER_05: What's my sign out?
• 2:13:19
  SPEAKER_05: And as always, I'm RJ.
• 2:13:22
  SPEAKER_02: I get nervous.
• 2:13:24
  SPEAKER_05: This has been the Alive I Guess podcast.
• 2:13:33
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna live I guess I guess.
• 2:13:35
  SPEAKER_04: I'm alive I guess in the I'm a live I guess.